11th of Cheshvan

Tapered hydrocortisone to 5 mg in the morning and 2.5 mg in the afternoon on Saturday. My legs cramped up twice by the next morning. I think it was related to it. Plus, I’ve felt really stiff. If it continues this way, I’ll go back to what it was before. (7.5 mg in the morning, 2.5 mg in the afternoon.) I’m really hoping I won’t have to do that. I need to get off of it.

My birthday was nice. (It was on the 7th.) We went to Silver City for dinner. We shared the soft pretzels (there were 2, so we each got 1), I got a small Caesar salad, French onion pizza, and pumpkin spice bread pudding. The cheese sauce for the pretzel was weird, but the mustard was good. The salad was very cheesy, but the dressing lacked flavor. The pizza wasn’t as great as last year, but with a little added parmesan it was better. I told them that it was my birthday, and they lit a candle on the bread pudding. Underneath the whipped cream, there was like a salty walnut crust. It was surprisingly good. I was going to go to a trans meeting afterwards, but I felt like it was too late. It’s nice to be with other trans people now, so it was kind of disappointing.

We went to the Oak Table for brunch on Saturday. I got my fave: smoked salmon eggs Benedict with potato pancakes and some applesauce. It was good. I didn’t tell them it was my birthday this time. I did last year, and they came out singing Happy Birthday and giving me an ice cream crepe. I didn’t really need that.

Tried the Korean BBQ yakisoba instant noodle bowl for lunch yesterday. It wasn’t as good as I expected. I didn’t use all of the seasoning, since it looked like I had plenty of it. It still didn’t taste like much. The ‘garnish’ were pieces of beef, garlic, and onions. It smelled good as it cooked in the microwave. I’m glad I at least tried it.

Today, I didn’t miss anything on Duolingo. I did 3 lessons. This past week I started unit 37, and I finished it and started unit 38 today. My Spanish score is 52. I don’t know how high it goes. It’s based on progress, not on how well you’re doing. I think I’m pretty high. I hope I get to the end soon. I guess we’ll see. I’m 10th in the league. Not in the promotion zone. (I think the top 6 go on to the next league.) Oh, I also didn’t like the glitch where I suddenly lost all my streak freezes yesterday. It warned me and that I should pay gems for more. Luckily, that went back to normal when I closed and opened the app again. Usually when it glitches, it doesn’t let you continue to the next lesson. You can do the lesson as many times as you want, but it won’t let you through. That’s annoying.

Went to one of the markets yesterday. Something shot at me while I was going to the cashier. It was hard and square and hit the side of my head. I looked around. Nobody was around me. I looked down, but didn’t see anything. I did hear a faint bang on the floor. My parent suggested that something might have fallen from the ceiling. If it was from the ceiling, something’s not right. They’ve done a lot of renovating. It wouldn’t surprise me if something from that stuff hit me. I got a slight headache in the area. No bleeding, thank goodness.

Found an interesting instant noodle bowl. It’s chicken pho. The sodium looks pretty good. I also got Amazing Maple Mustard. It sounded good, and might be better for sandwiches. (Had some today, and it was great!) Got pumpkin and walnut cookies. They’re pretty good usually. Found the Chomps pack this time. Often they just had the singles. Got birthday cake chocolate. Perfect for this month. I got a smoked turkey and dill havarti sandwich for dinner from there. It was good. 

We went to Safeway today. I got their beef brisket and mac and cheese dinner for tonight. Not very healthy, but pretty good. I'll have a chocolate truffle cake for my last snack. I've been having desserts for my last snacks sometimes. It might be healthier that way depending on what I have, and how big the dinner might have been. 

I also got some meds. They were kind of expensive. I was going to try and skimp on it, but then I'd just need them sooner, and it'll end up costing more. It was just for Dulcolax and Tylenol, both being the store brand since it was cheaper. I take 6 pills of Tylenol a day, and 2 pills of Dulcolax. That's a lot. 

Organized my pills for the week yesterday. It always takes a while. After I organize them, I look to see how much I have left of each one. This time there are 3 things I needed from the local markets. I got 2 of them from Safeway today, like I mentioned. The other one might have to wait until next week. I have enough of that, at least, for this week. So, I should be ok.

Rosie keeps playing with her water. My parent bought a pet water fountain for her. Hopefully that will help.

Found something on my banana this morning. Looked like an egg sac. I looked online, and it apparently has to have silk around it to be a spider egg sac. This didn’t. I took it off the banana with my spoon, put it in my leftover milk, and crushed it with the spoon. Nothing came out. A little scary.

Went to Starbucks for a snack. Got their new dark toffee bundt cake and iced sugar cookie almond milk latte. Both were good.

Pinterest (I use my Fashion Fun board on there to help me find my style. I think I have many styles. It went back to suggesting a lot of outfits. I liked some of the vests, and it gave me men wearing them, too. Interesting. I do think I might like some things that might be considered for men. Again, I did not make these, or the videos after this. Just sharing): 

Youtube: 

27th of Cheshvan

It’s been a long time since my last post. I hardly ever go on my computer, and I could only blog through that before. It looks like Blogger now supports smartphones. I don’t think they have an app still, but I’m using Chrome for it. We’ll see how this goes. If it works out well, I can try to get into blogging again. Yay! I’ve been posting a lot about my health stuff on facebook. It’s kind of turned into a health blog that way. I also updated some of the lists on here. It was a little more difficult to do than on my computer, because of the order I put things in. For instance, I like to have the most recent show I finished at the top in my Netflix list. It likes to put the most recent entry at the bottom. Takes a little more time. Oh well. 

I’m not sure if I mentioned this, but I had tried out the Celebrate States monthly subscription for a while. That was kind of fun. Each month they send you stuff from a certain state. Each state’s a mystery until close to that month. They reveal it kind of early on facebook, but if you’re not following that, you don’t know. With each state they featured I tried to ‘virtually’ visit it. I’m a little behind on that, but it’s fun. I’m going through Texas right now. 

Anyways, they sometimes sent things like brochures/magazines, coloring pages with the state flag/flower/etc., and a map of what it produces and the counties. Interesting stuff. For my ‘visits’ I used those brochures/magazines and Atlas Obscura online. Now, it’s mainly Atlas Obscura. They have interesting places. 

Since I filled out a questionnaire saying I have cats, they would send a cat toy occasionally. That was nice. Some of the items were interesting. I got candles and soaps often. My parent thought the Syracuse black garlic salt was a good find, and might get more of that. I liked some of the tea it had. I don’t regret trying it out, however it started losing it’s value for me with the last few boxes. Seemed like we weren’t getting as much, items weren’t as good, and they stopped putting cat toys in it. The coloring pages were too kid-like, too. 

So, I decided to stop getting it yesterday. Apparently, they’re sending me one more box. It’ll be this month’s Thanksgiving themed one. I think it’ll be Pennsylvania. I don’t exactly know, but I thought I saw something on it. I don’t know why I’d be getting one more box. It’s not like I double ordered or something. I suppose it’s not bad. 

I decided to order another states thing called 50 States of Mine. There was only the premium box option. It’s only a little under $7 more than the Celebrate States one. Not that much of a difference. It’s more food based, no ‘kid’ things, usually has 8 or 9 items (which is more than CS had), has things that are related to what the state’s known for, and just seems better. This is based off of watching youtube vids on it and reviews. If I don’t like it, or the value isn’t really worth it, I can always try something else. There’s an Irish box I could try or others. Apparently, the box for this month is Kentucky. So fitting. It’s my birth month and that’s the state I was born in. Seems like it was destined for me to try. We’ll see. 

I’m still getting the Treats monthly subscription box. I like it a lot. It’s fun to see what they have for each country. Again, it features a different country’s snacks every month. October’s was Croatia and Serbia. First time they had 2 countries. It seemed like they were pretty evenly split with where each snack came from. The oddest one to me, seemed oddly one of my faves. It’s called Smoki, and it’s peanut flavored cornmeal pieces. They described them as shaped like peanuts. They looked more like cashews. They used real peanuts in it. It had a strong peanut and salty flavor. Interesting. If I didn’t like peanuts it would have been nasty. The worst tasting of the box sounded like it’d be good. It was sandwich cookies with chocolate in the middle. I don’t know how they messed that up, but I almost threw up trying it. The chestnut chocolate bar was strong, but pretty good. I haven’t had chestnuts that often. The only other time I think I’ve tried them was someone I know makes a stuffing with them. I hate it in that. Maybe it’s the way they make it? I don’t know. 

There was a time where my pain got much worse. I had to be readmitted into palliative care to get it back under control. It seems my body had grown more tolerant to the morphine. I was trying to sleep back in my old bed. I didn’t know if they were going to take the hospital bed because I was out of the program for a little while. My pain increased while I did that in my back, pelvis, and neck. The neck was new, so they were worried about that. So it was a combo of my meds and sleeping in a different bed. Turns out they weren’t going to take the hospital bed, so I went back to it. The pain was slightly better with that. We ended up increasing my dose of morphine by quite a lot. So much, apparently my pc doctor was worried I could overdose and ordered Narcan for me. My parent would have to use it to revive me. That doctor ordered it after they exited me from palliative care again. That was odd. Didn’t tell me about it, until I pressured them about it. It seems I’m stuck with sleeping in the hospital bed. It’s in the family room, which is an odd place to sleep. At least my pain is better. 

I recently had a CT scan, full bone scan, and neck MRI. The neck one was because of that new pain. Everything was stable. Been stable for a while. It’s not exactly the best, because there’s no improvement. It’s not getting better. Just the same. We’re trying to get it to NED or No Evidence of Disease. I might feel better if there was some sort of improvement. I wanted a second opinion from Seattle Cancer Care Alliance. I was told to wait for them to call me. They never did. There’s got to be something more to try. I just feel like I’m constantly waiting for the next tests, and just keep taking my oral chemo. There’s got to be a trial or something more I can do. 

I started xgeva several months ago. Last month was my 3rd dose of it. It’s supposed to strengthen my bones. Most people with bone mets need something like this. It’s a shot instead of infusion. It really hurts as it goes in. I get it in the back of my left upper arm. The nurse likes to go super slow with it, so it draws out the pain. She thinks it minimizes the pain. It doesn’t. It’s so much fluid, my arm gets sloshy. Hard to describe. I haven’t really had side effects, other then the pain at the injection site. It might have affected my dysphagia (difficulty swallowing), but we’re not sure. If it did, it’s a rare thing. 

About a month ago, Tasha, one of our cats, passed away. I know she was around 17 years old, but this was sudden. She literally just collapsed and was gone. She was asking to be put up on the banister to get to her food and water bowls, and seemed so happy. I looked away for a sec and was getting ready to pick her up, when she suddenly collapsed. She made a howling sound. We weren’t sure if she was gone and took her to the emergency vet clinic. They came back and told us she was already gone. It was hard and I miss her. We have her ashes in a nice looking box urn now. I think Rosie, our other cat, still looks for her sometimes. They did not like each other, but I think Rosie just wanted to play with her most of the time. Now it’s just Rosie. I think she likes being the only one now. 

My birthday’s coming up on November 7th. We got Rosie from the shelter around my birthday, so it’s kind of like hers, too. She got a birthday card from Chewy. That was nice. Chewy’s where we get her insulin from. Maybe she’d like a tuna cake or something. I’m not sure about what I want. We’re going to the Oak Table for brunch. That’s a nice place. I’d like to go somewhere for dinner, but I’m not sure where. I don’t know what I want to do for my birthday, but feel like I should do something. Maybe go to some sort of museum? I feel like each birthday’s even more important now, since I have stage 4 cancer. It gives a different perspective on birthdays. My parent keeps telling me to not postpone the fun. I’m trying to have as much fun as I can, but sometimes I don’t know what to do. 

I finished the Yiddish course through Duolingo. That was interesting. I tried their Hebrew one again, and it was awful. I’m doing their French one now. It’s much better and fleshed out, of course. They have stories and a podcast on top of the course. Much more developed. Lots of speaking exercises, which is what the other courses need. I took all the French classes that were available in high school. I still remember a lot. It’s kind of a weird language. I almost took a proficiency test back then that could have given me college credits and a trip to Paris if I passed. My teacher was encouraging me to take it, but I was too scared of it. I should have tried it. I always had good grades in it. I have a just over 200-day streak now on there. Longest I’ve ever had. Should be interesting to see how long I can keep it up. 

I’ve been getting buzzcuts for about a year now. Ever since my hairstylist heard about my cancer, she hasn’t charged me for it. She feels like it’s something she can do for me. It’s nice, but it still feels odd. Last time my hair grew much faster than usual. There was a lot. Having a buzzcut is so much easier to manage. I don’t even have to brush it. It’s nice. 

We got a freezer a few months ago. That’s been really handy. I’ve gotten things like blueberry pancakes, bean/rice/cheese burritos, carne asada burritos (from Trader Joe’s, and one of the best), teriyaki rice bowls, chicken melts with pita, and more. Good stuff for throughout the day. A variety of new things to try. It has made it easier to keep track of my calories and other nutrients. I don’t get as many dinners from the local markets as I did before, which is good. Those are like made for 2 people, but look like single servings, so it’s hard. 

16th of Cheshvan

My birthday was on the 7th. Went to a Thai place for dinner that night. Managed to get the last order of tofu spring rolls. They run out of those really quickly. Often there aren't any left by the time we get there for dinner. Got the most mild chicken pad Thai without the 'garnish'. A lot of the garnish is tough on my gut, especially when it's not cooked. I have issues with nuts, too. They throw quite a bit of peanuts on it usually. Understandable, but not good for me. It was pretty good. Felt like I got the 'meat' of it without the 'fluff' this way. Got their grilled banana rice cake for dessert. It normally comes with coconut ice cream, but they were out. They tried to give me mango sorbet instead. Definitely not the same. They had to take it back. I love the banana thing. They wrap a banana in a rice cake, grill it, and then drizzle coconut syrup on top. Looks nasty (bug-like), but is amazing! 

During the day, I had my own laid-back celebration. Played Fate, which is an old rpg. Made it to a level deeper in the dungeon. I think I'm the furthest I've ever been, at level 42 of it. My character level is probably the highest so far, too. My reputation is Famous at the moment. There are apparently more levels to that. I like that they have pets. You can choose either a cat or dog at the beginning. Then, at some point you can find fish that will turn your pet permanently into some sort of monster. Normally, if your pet eats a fish they turn into a monster for a certain amount of time. So, technically, there are more pet options. I still have a cat. Named her Rosie, so it's like the real Rosie is with me. She's really strong now, too. There's the option of male or female characters, however they both wear the same things and there's really no advantage to being either. With all the armor and such on mine, you can't tell what gender they are. I like that aspect.  

After that I watched some of my fave youtube vids on the big TV. That was fun. It was nice that AVEN (Asexual Visibility and Education Network) made a thread wishing me a happy birthday. Hung around the forums there for a while. 

Saturday, I went to the Oak Table for brunch. That's one of the places I really wanted to go to for my birthday. To me, it's a great place to celebrate things like birthdays. Really good food and they have some spectacular signature things. Some of it is really worthy of taking pics of, like their apple pancake. It's like a huge souffle with apples inside and caramel/cinnamon pieces or crust on the outside. There was a long wait. (One of the few things I hate about going there.) I got their smoked salmon eggs Benedict. I can't have regular eggs Benedict, since it usually has ham. This had an English muffin, smoked salmon, poached eggs, and hollandaise sauce. Came with 4 small pancakes. It was delicious. The eggs Benedict itself was probably the perfect size for a breakfast. Very filling, too. 

After that, we went to the Naval Undersea Museum. Hadn't been there since my teens. For planning my birthday, I wanted to visit things like museums that I hadn't been to in a while, and some things I never have. That list ended up much longer than I expected. That's ok. Gives me ideas to go to places in the future. There's a lot of stuff at the NUM. Some of it seemed too cramped with things. 

Saw Doctor Sleep at a local movie theater after that. It's a sequel to the Shining. Basically about what happened to Dan after the events that took place there. It was better than expected. Despite her being a villain, I liked Rose the Hat. The actress has an interesting background. I also liked Abra. She seemed stronger than Dan is as an adult (she's a teenager), and sometimes smarter. The actress who plays her was really good. I liked the nods to the Shining movie throughout. For example, the music played when they were heading to the hotel. Ghosts from the previous one. I read even the Overlook Hotel set had to be entirely redone to look like the original, since the original had burned down. 

Monday, my parent and I went to the Seattle Aquarium and Pacific Science Center. The aquarium was smaller than I remembered. I think it's been 7 years since I was last there. Didn't have my iphone at the time. (Didn't have a smart phone at all.) They had all gender restrooms. That was cool to see. Had a turkey sandwich with potato chips at their cafe. It had an everything bagel (had seeds, so not the best for me), artichoke aioli, roasted turkey, spinach, tomatoes, and olive tapenade. Really good. 

The PSC seemed to have dropped in quality. Hadn't been there in probably a longer time than the NUM. I remember the dinosaur exhibit was in a larger room and had more things. I especially remember that because when my Girl Scout troop (I think it was actually with troops from around the region, there were a lot of us) slept over there, they put us in the dino room. (This was in the 90s.) It was big enough to hold so many people. What I saw on Monday wouldn't have been big enough. That was an amazing trip back then. It was a little scary to sleep next to the animatronic dinos at the time. I'm glad some of them still move. We also went to a laser light show, the planetarium, and watched movies at the theater, as well as had free reign of the rest of it. It was an awesome experience back then. Anyways, the nutrition/health area wasn't the same either. I was disappointed with the naked mole rats' enclosure. I think we saw them the first year they had them. They were in a deep table filled with dirt, and you could look at the sides into their chambers. I think there were things poking out of the dirt on top to get a better look. It was cool and interesting to see. Now, they're in something that looked like it was for hamsters, gerbils, domestic rats, etc. It looked sad. They weren't kicking up and digging in dirt anymore either. It was like pieces of paper. Didn't seem right. The butterfly exhibit was nice. The butterflies kept resting on the path, which made it difficult to walk along. One of them landed on top of my head. My colorfully dyed hair probably made me look like a plant. I would have liked them to land on my hand or something instead. A place I can actually see them. I don't regret going, despite the quality decreasing. 

Another thing that was on my list was the MoPop (Museum of Pop Culture), which is right next to the PSC. I remember it as the EMP (Experience Music Project). It's apparently been renamed a few times. I've never been there. My parents did once. Sounds like it has more than just music related exhibits. I read that they have a horror exhibit, a new one on Minecraft, a fantasy/sci-fi one, etc. They still have music ones like one on Kurt Cobain's influence on music, Jimi Hendrix, punk, rock, and more. Sounds like it's really packed in there. Maybe sometime in the distant future I'll go there.

With being in such crowded areas, I seem to have come down with something. It's not like it's really horrible (although worse than yesterday), but I keep sneezing, coughing, have a stuffy nose, sore throat, and am dizzy. That's kind of a risk of doing stuff like that, since my meds work similarly as an immunosepressant would. Adds a bit more stuff to what I'm already dealing with. Feels like a punishment for having fun...

I decided yesterday to try a new 'schedule' with eating. Eat every 1 1/2 hours, splitting my meals in half. So, for instance, having cereal with milk for a 'first' breakfast, then a banana 1 1/2 hours later. Basically the main part, then my usual fruit later. For dinner, the main part, then dessert later. With the 'extra' times, I added having water. I'd end up getting more fluids this way. I've heard it's easier to digest things if they're a little at a time and frequent. Many people with colitis do a similar thing. This way I get the same amount of food, too. I don't really get hungry, either. Half the time, I don't feel hunger (even after not eating most of the day), but this helps even more with those other times. It really is like snacking all day. Getting up late and days where I eat out at restaurants or spend it mostly out somewhere will be different. I'm not sure why I didn't think about it this way when I was first told to eat smaller and more frequent meals. Might help with my dysphagia (trouble/painful swallowing), too. Less food to worry about at a time. This respiratory thing has been messing with my dysphagia. It's hard enough. Having a hard time even taking my pills.

I've decided to rewatch some of my fave anime and give another chance to ones I dropped. I still have some of my usual time 'slots' vacant. For instance, nothing on Mondays, and some days with just one episode of a current anime. I prefer 2 or 3 different anime, one episode each, daily. Most anime is a little under 20 minutes without the openings/endings. Really not much. I decided to go with oldest ones first. According to the date they were put out. Yesterday, I watched an episode of Cardcaptor Sakura. That came out in 1998. Really old school, and it apparently has some LGBTQ+ elements. One of the first ones that was open about it. I love CLAMP, even if their style is a little weird. It's an all-female manga creator group. I think this was one of their first projects. The characters in this one appear in other series like Tsubasa Chronicle. In fact, at least that, Cardcaptor Sakura, and xxxHolic are considered to be in the same universe. I only dropped CS before because it seemed too long. The original is 70 episodes long. The sequel was in 2018 and 22 episodes. Must have been an anniversary thing. There are a couple of movies, too. It's not as long as some of the others I've watched. 

Watched the first episode of Excel Saga. I absolutely loved it when I watched it back in college. I think that was in 2005. It came out in 1999. I think my ex-boyfriend introduced it to me. It has similar humor as Gintama, or I should say Gintama does. Since it's older. Probably got inspiration from it. It seems to have influenced a lot of other anime, too. Like, there's a common trope where a character dies by being hit by a truck. One of the first times Excel dies is by being hit by a truck. (It's in the first few minutes, so not spoiling it.) I like the Miss Universe character. She has the ability to bring characters back to life. She's constantly busy saving them. I remember the one that died the most often was Hayatt. She's an alien and apparently the atmosphere on Earth makes her sick. She's constantly coughing up blood. I remember the last episode was controversial, because there was a lot more violence, sexual jokes, and all around craziness than usual. It actually never aired on Japanese TV, and was sneaked into the DVD. I saw that and it was really outlandish, but fun in a weird way. The whole series is certainly not appropriate for kids. They parody a lot of things, like Gintama does, too. ES is short compared to CS, with only 26 episodes. Shorter than I remembered. 

In addition to CS and ES, I watched the most recent episode of Radiant 2. It's getting intense. I'm wondering about Seth's past or who he really is more now. 

I only have about 2 more units left of Duolingo's Dutch course. Not sure which language I'll do next. Cleaned up more of the drawing of Junko in Photoshop. Finished editing chapter 17 of Alliance. Only 3 more chapters. Managed to practice my clarinet yesterday. It's harder with being sick this way. Did advanced solo pieces, and some jazz. 

The most recent chapter of Kuroshitsuji (Black Butler) was way too short. In fact, it felt like an abrupt ending. There was a big cliffhanger. I like that Meirin's backstory is finally being revealed. The other servants had theirs shown a while ago. So far, it's showing her childhood and eventually will get to how she met Sebastian and Ciel. She's extremely farsighted. Her parents died not long after they immigrated to England (I think they came from Ireland, although they haven't said yet), and she was forced to live on the streets as a little kid. She survived with other homeless kids by shooting pebbles from a slingshot at a long distance, and hitting earrings/jewelry of the rich women just right for them to fall. Her friends would chat up the women and steal the jewelry when it fell, then they'd exchange them for money. They were able to eat because of this. She was treated like one of the boys. Looked pretty masculine, too. I think she was forced into being an assassin, and then Ciel was just one of her targets later. She did mention she was an assassin. She prefers to be a sniper, but she fights in other ways as well. She's a cool character. 

Election Day!

I voted through the mail last Wednesday. Some of it was difficult, because I didn't recognize some of the names and they weren't affiliated with certain parties. I tried to make an informed decision on those. 2 of the candidates running for school board, one of them I was familiar with beforehand, would be awful if they won. One that seemed a little too into 'loving kids', and the other is a big transphobe who probably hates anyone else in the greater queer community. I think I also recognized another name that was a member of one of the local synagogues. That'd be cool if she won. Some candidates seemed overqualified, if that were possible. Others essentially said vote for me since I'm running for another term. Nothing on their background or education. One initiative seemed like a no-brainer to be for. Unless you weren't for diversity...Another one was easy to vote against. It was put out by someone who tries to get ridiculous initiatives to pass every year. Usually harmful in some way. I didn't really like that there were so many advisory votes this time. Sure, it's great to get the people's opinion, but you've already voted on them. If there were like 2 or 3, that would have been fine. It seemed like there were around 8 of them. 

This is my wallpaper for November. It's one of Luffy's wanted posters from One Piece. He is a pirate after all. His current bounty is much higher than this. The higher the bounty a pirate has, the higher the notoriety and standing they have in their world. The Marines consider them more of a threat and dangerous the higher the bounty. Sometimes they don't get the right picture of the person, and others are mistaken for them. The currency that most of their world uses is called the Belly or Berry (the English version can't seem to decide, the romaji is berii). There are some islands that have their own currency. Like, Extol for Skypeia and Gor for Amazon Lily. Wano's currency is: Gold, Platinum, and Silver. Wano is where they are in the anime currently. It's inspired by Feudal Japan. The art, isolation of the country, dialects, fashion, culture, having a shogunate, etc. are all based on it. It's interesting how detailed it is. Seems to be like an homage to that time. Not glorifying it, but more like showcasing it. Some of the designs of the characters living in Wano look like they walked right out of some famous art pieces from back then. A different style than most of the series. I think it also shows the hardships of the poor of that time. The creator of the series doesn't shy away from tackling topics like slavery, bigotry, corruption, gender equality, genocide, grief, etc. in general. In Wano, most people are starving and can't afford things like good health care. The water around them is completely polluted and toxic. The animals drink the water and therefore are poisonous to humans. Meanwhile, the capital and major cities are living lavishly. Anyways, I thought this looked fun and cool. Not really birthday related (my birthday's on Thursday), but nice. Luffy is also aro ace, according to an interview of the creator. Pretty awesome that the main character of one of the most popular manga/anime is aro ace! So, somewhat related to me that way.

The month-long holidays for November are: National Peanut Butter Lovers Month, National Pomegranate Month, Banana Pudding Lovers Month, National Memoir Writing Month, National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo). Some are for important causes, some are to make you appreciate things you may take for granted, and some are just for fun. 

Last Wednesday, we had a local trans meeting. There were only a handful of us. We had moved to a much bigger room. Seemed funny almost with such a small group of us. Most of the people that were there were non-binary, which was great to me. Not the usual. They wanted to have the same type of top surgery I wanted. People get weirded out when I bring up that nipples cause dysphoria for me, too. It's not just my chest. So, I'll need all of it to go. No masculinizing or feminizing. Simply flat. A member tried to talk me out of it a few months ago. That it seemed too out there. Seeing the pics that people share in fb enby groups of their after nippleless top surgery looks amazing to me. Looks more like how I'd want to see myself. 

We all went to Shari's afterwards. I got their new simple pretzel cheeseburger. The burger seemed like a veggie one. I expected beef. It looked weird. Got their new graveyard shake for dessert. It's supposed to be a s'mores galore pie shake (they blend an entire slice with ice cream to make it) with added chocolate syrup, Oreo crumbs for the 'dirt' part, and gummy worms. They were out of the 'worms', didn't have much of the 'dirt', added a little piece of chocolate on top, and there didn't seem to be any extra chocolate syrup. There was a huge glob of what I think was a concentrated graham cracker ball. It was disappointing and bizarre. 

I felt a little uneasy when one of the new members said that all trans people are autistic. Many trans people are, but many aren't. I think it seems like it's an unusually high percentage because trans people are often tested for it more. Often they, or other people around them, feel like something must be wrong with them for being trans. It's also this way for the rest of the LGBTQ+ community. It's more common in the cis/non-queer population than people think. Many of them go undiagnosed. There's nothing wrong with people who are autistic, but there is something wrong with saying all trans people are. What about cis autistic people? Are they really trans and don't know it? What about trans people who aren't? It might feel invalidating to them to hear that all trans people are. Correlation does not equal causation. I'm not autistic. However, I'm not exactly neurotypical, either. I have a lot of mental health stuff (bipolar 2, anxiety, agoraphobia, PTSD, etc.) and physical chronic illnesses (colitis, possibly another autoimmune disease, Eustachian tube dysfunction, multiple skin issues, etc.). Both have an impact on the way I think that would be different than someone who was healthy mentally and physically. Since I have these things, does it mean all trans people do as well? No. Not at all. I have a different perspective as an aro ace agender person as well. (Compared to allo cis people.) Being trans simply means you have a gender that doesn't match the one you were assigned at birth. That says nothing about mental health, being autistic, or other aspects of who that person is or what they have. Are all cis people the same? No. Thank goodness we're all different. The world would be boring if we were all the same.

We also talked about possibly having a potluck for my birthday at the next meeting tomorrow. Since it's the day before it. We don't celebrate birthdays as a group often. I can only remember 2 times in the past. It might be a fun thing to do in the future for members, though. My parent suggested she'd bring a cake and others could bring snack-like stuff. That sounds good. Not sure if it's actually going to happen. I might forget about it tomorrow until right before the meeting starts. 

Someone on fb friended me that same day. I didn't recognize the name, but their profile mentioned they graduated a year ahead of me at the same high school. Although, they graduated from another high school at the same time...That seemed fishy. They had many mutual friends, so I thought maybe I didn't remember them. He seemed really nice on messenger that first night. Although, he insisted he'd find a way to make me feel better. That seemed questionable. On Halloween, he asked what I'll be doing. Seemed innocent enough. I said probably not much other than watch a horror movie and have dinner out. He asked about wearing a costume. I didn't wear one this year, but I did wear skeleton earrings. He said he'd like to see them in person. He said he doesn't get any trick-or-treaters, and his camper is so cold. He'd want someone with him. According to his profile he's either bi or pan, which I thought was cool. Not cool that he seemed like he was trying to flirt with me, get 'romantic', and creepy. Being aro ace, it takes me a while to realize someone is flirting with me, unless I'm hyper-aware. People tend to think I'm flirting when I'm just being nice, friendly, and polite. I don't want another romantic relationship. I had a boyfriend and that part was suffocating for me. He was all over me trying to be as romantic as possible, and often sexual which I wasn't that into either. I put up with it, because I felt I had to. (Silly society...) I was very attached to him emotionally, and strongly attracted platonically (I guess queerplatonically would be a better word). Because of this, it really hurt when we broke up. Anyways, I would love a queerplatonic relationship instead. It's hard to find that, though. This exchange creeped me out. I also wonder how people can flirt with others when they barely know the person. I understand after knowing the basics of who they are. Why not become friends first? I blocked this person, by the way.

Went to Red Lobster on Halloween for dinner. I was surprised to see any kids there. It was a way to get away from trick-or-treaters for a while. We live right in the middle of the neighborhood, right at a 3-way stop. It's a popular spot to go. It was like that even when I was kid. For the last few years we haven't been handing out candy. It's been nice that way. We just turn out the lights and usually go somewhere else for a while. I got steak with mashed potatoes and a caprese salad there. It comes with a choice of soup or salad. I didn't get either. All their soups now have shellfish or pork products, and the salads upset my gut, particularly the greens part. So, I got none of that. The caprese salad is perfect for me. I don't have issues with tomatoes. I don't eat the onions. The mozzarella is good for protein, and basil is healthy too. It's all in balsamic vinegar, which is oddly good for me. I don't normally get steak, but it was done right. It's a perfect form of more protein. All together, it was one of their lower-calorie meals, so I managed to eat most of it. Had their vanilla bean cheesecake for dessert. One of my faves. I'm never able to finish it, since it's so huge.

I don't really have plans for my birthday. Probably would celebrate it more this coming weekend. I do want brunch at the Oak Table. Went there last year, too. I'd like to go somewhere for a dinner, but not sure what really speaks to me for that. Might be at a Japanese steakhouse, but I also like a lot of other restaurants. Last year, we went to the Cheesecake Factory, I think. I went there not that long ago, so I wouldn't want that. Went to a zoo last year and got a mani/pedi. Not really feeling those this time. Maybe some museums? Not sure which ones, though. 

I've been in even more pain lately. Especially in the right side of my abdomen and more intense patches in my right arm. I also passed quite a bit of blood recently. No #2, just blood. (Not related to a 'monthly friend' I would have if my IUD wasn't working.) That was fun. Had a slight reaction to that. I think my colitis might be flaring, although I've never had blood come out of me like that. I did have occult blood in a test, but none that was visible. It's common for people with Ulcerative Colitis to bleed a lot. I've had symptoms resembling Crohn's Disease more. Crohn's also can affect the colon. I think the pain on my side might be from my colon. That blood might have been from that area. (It hasn't bled since.) It's a constant cramp-like pain. Lying down makes it feel like it's oozing out and it twitches a lot. Not sure about my arm. There's resistance to both arms when I move them. The right one feels like it's been beaten up, someone's pushing on it in certain areas, and it burns. I have to wait to see what goes on with my insurance before I can do much about this stuff. It's just a pain to deal with. Still haven't gotten those 3 other test results back. I don't know if they take a while to run. It'd be nice to know those results already, though.

Youtube: 

One Piece:



Kuroshitsuji (Black Butler):

Fairy Tail:


Ao no (Blue) Exorcist:

Boku no (My) Hero Academia:

One Punch Man:

Ansatsu Kyoushitsu (Assassination Classroom):

Black Clover:

Bungou (Literary) Stray Dogs:

12th of Kislev

Today's Transgender Day of Remembrance (TDoR). Went to a TDoR vigil on Sunday. I haven't gone for a few years, and I think the last time was my first. That one was at a park in the rain and cold. This year it was in an auditorium at the Bainbridge Island Museum of Art. Much more comfortable venue. I'm reluctant to go every time and have mixed feelings about it. (I even felt weird about 'TDoR' as a title for this post and decided not to.) This was the first one that I had been to after realizing I was agender. So, it seemed even more personal for me. It was hard enough to hear the names and know they were murdered, but most of them had more details as to how it happened. (Being shot, hung, etc.) There was a Buddhist priest that hit a bell (or gong?) after each name, which added to it. I thought it was a nice touch. I saw some people I hadn't seen in a long time, which was great. The theme at this one was about being welcomed. People don't just want to be 'tolerated' or 'loved', they want to feel welcomed to be themselves. 

Dad was one of the speakers. There was also someone who was apart of the first TDoR 20 years ago in Boston (I think). It wasn't really 'official'. It was a march for a trans woman named Rita Hester who was brutally murdered. The following year they turned it into an annual vigil commemorating trans people who were murdered within that year around the world. At one point, they asked people to go up and speak. I couldn't. I think my throat would have closed up. The last speaker was a reverend, originally from Scotland. He was pretty cool. 

Went to the Point Defiance Zoo and Aquarium in Tacoma the weekend after my birthday. I hadn't been to a zoo in a very long time. Haven't been to that particular one probably since 2003. It was just before I left for college. Dad had horrible migraines, and mom had a hard time getting around. I was the only one that was 'fine'. Kind of tainted it. Anyways, it was great this time. Half the animals seemed to be inside or relocated because of construction, so we couldn't see all of them. Saw quite a lot, though. It'd be cool to go to the Woodland Park Zoo in the future. I think I have more memories of that one, and it might be bigger. I just tend to forgot about the zoos and museums near us. 

After that we went to the Cheesecake Factory. I had chicken pot-stickers. They were appetizers on the 'light' menu, and seemed the perfect size for dinner. So many entrees are ginormous there. They listed the calories, and the pot-stickers were one of the lowest. It was eye-opening to see the others. Many were over 1000 calories. I got their Very Cherry Ghirardelli Chocolate Cheesecake. It had quite a lot of calories, but at that point I didn't care. It was spectacular looking. 

I tried adding more vegetables to all my meals besides dinner. It went ok for a couple of days, but then I felt it was just easier to go back to the way it was before. I also ended up feeling really sick. I'm not sure if adding the vegetables had anything to do with that part...Since I still have some mild malabsorption issues, I thought it would help me. Plus, peeling and cooking almost every vegetable made it more of a chore.

I wore my chest binder yesterday for a few hours. I'm thinking of getting back into it. I tend to forget to pull it down to almost passed my butt. If I don't it wrinkles up and gets really uncomfortable. With it pulled down like that, it feels much better. Hardly notice it, except it's not very flexible. So, I really notice it while picking up things, going to sit, going up stairs, and such. I look much better in the mirror with it. Shirts sit different, too. I've noticed that I burp a lot with it on, too. Not sure what that's about. 

I plan to look for a new primary soon. Partly because I want to start Kaiser Permanente's Gender Health Program. Just glanced at their site on it, and apparently if I call their gender specialists, they can connect me with a primary that's been trained in gender-related health care. Not sure if they'd have anybody like that near me. I can't stand my current one. She hasn't asked me to come in for a wellness visit, and it's been roughly 1 1/2 years since I last saw her. It's supposed to be once a year, considering all the health stuff I've had. The last time I saw her she gave me a lecture when I brought up trying another GI. I wanted one with an MD. I had only one with an MD. The next one was a nurse, and the last one a physician's assistant. They can't do much. The PA even told me her hands were tied and couldn't help. She also keeps telling me how smart I am. I don't go there to be praised, and when it's all the time, it ain't flattering. I have a feeling if I told her I was trans, she'd think I was influenced by Dad, seeking attention, or something. The new one would know I was trans from the start. I feel I need to come out in order to talk about this stuff with them. If I get someone trained in gender issues, that'd be best. 

Recently, I decided to try and friend more people on fb. I only friend or accept requests from people I know in some way. I haven't met all of them in person. Some are from forums I was active on years ago. Most of the new ones I knew for a while, but thought they wouldn't accept it. I should have just friended them in the past without caring about that. Considering not accepting it is the worst that will come of it. I think I got 10 new friends on there in the last week or so. One was someone from an ace group on there who friended me. That was cool. I don't usually think too much about friending people from groups on there. Maybe I should. There are some cool people in all the groups I'm in.

Finished watching The Method on Netflix. It was really raw. More so than many detective shows. I liked it but didn't at the same time. Went back to watching The Sniffer after that. It's another detective series. Interestingly, it's Ukrainian, set in an unknown Russian city, and filmed in Ukraine. It's a much better show. The main character doesn't want to kill anyone. The one from The Method kills without thinking, and calls it mercy afterwards. The one in The Sniffer is a bit of a germophobe for a good reason. He has a super sensitive nose, and it can get to be too much if there are too many smells around him. He keeps his apartment extremely clean so he's not overwhelmed. He tells people to wear special suits when they visit him. He also has his own elevator and parking garage. Same reason behind wearing gloves and not shaking hands. He's officially a partner as an 'expert' to the detective now. The detective reminds me of an actor from NCIS: LA. Both characters have great chemistry and their humor is on point. I just hate the 'sniffer's' ex-wife. She always seems to have a bee up her bonnet. She treats their son like crap, too. Turns out she might be addicted to prescription drugs, so that might be why.

Dropped Asobi Asobase. It was hilarious until there was a transphobic segment. I thought it'd turn out different. The girls were suspecting her to be a boy that hid 'himself' in order to get into an all-girls' school. This was after one of the characters saw her dumping a boy. The boy did say he didn't care if she were trans, and that he still loved her. That was a plus, at least. The girls really wanted to ask if she was a 'boy', but were terrified. She messed with them a little. (That part's kind of understandable.) She's considered one of the most popular girls. After being questioned, they made her appear normal. I thought that was great. They never revealed that she was trans, either. The true issue I had was about a second later the narrator cut in, and said that one of the girls (Hanako?) instinctively knew the truth and something was wrong. She made it seem like she was a wolf in sheep's clothing or something. It was very negative and perpetuated the idea that, in particular, trans girls/women are out to trick people. Not cool. I won't sit through more of that. I haven't come across many anime that were so blatant about it. 

Apparently, a remake of Fruits Basket's coming out in 2019. I usually get notified of anime that I'm interested in about to be aired, and news on anime I've seen from MyAnimeList. The news was all over the Japanese/Asian pages I follow on fb, too. Ones that aren't anime based. It was one of the first shows that got me hooked. Not long before that I thought anime was just for little kids. I was so wrong...My roommate and floormates at one of the dorms in college introduced me to it. Yes, that entire floor was into anime...It was scary at first. They were far more into it than I ever was. It's one of the best shoujo series out there. I don't normally like shoujo. The anime was great, but the manga was 100 times better. It was one of the first manga I read. The manga ran from 1998 until 2006. (Longer than I thought...) The anime aired in 2001. So, they were only working off of 3 of the 8 years for the adaptation. Many fans hated the ending. The mangaka (creator) had issues with how things were done. With this new version, they plan to adapt it in its entirety. They plan to have totally different voice actors, director, production, etc. I have to admit, I liked the English dubbed version more than the Japanese version. That's rare for me. It seems like they'll have better ones this time. The mangaka is overseeing everything, too. The art is getting an upgrade. The mangaka said that she was very sick when she made Fruits Basket, so according to her, her art was shaky and not up to par. I don't know about that...It was a bit different compared to the anime, though. Should be interesting to see the new art. So far there are only 2 promo posters, and I can't really get a 'feel' from them. I didn't think they'd remake it, and certainly not 18 years later. 

Sent a DNA sample to AncestryDNA. It was spit-based, and I was surprised at how much they wanted. It was gross 'collecting' it. I'll get to see where all of my family came from. Dad did it a few months ago. Should be interesting. It'll take 6-8 weeks. 

National Doughnut Day!

This holiday was yesterday. Interesting that there are 2 donut days. I prefer to spell it 'donut', but the more traditional way is 'doughnut'. Even spellcheck is saying donut is wrong...but, both are used by Americans. So, both are correct here. Donuts are great, and perfect for when it starts getting colder. We have chocolate donut holes, so I had some last night, celebrating it that way. Didn't plan it like that, though. Donut holes are nice because they're easier to portion out just right. You can have a little bit at a time or a lot. Interesting that, with these, a full portion is 5 of them. Quite a bit more than I expected. It was also Firewood Day. A fire in the fireplace is nice and cozy this time of year. Today's Election Day. I'm nervous about what the results will be. I voted in mid-October. The ads are even more annoying if you've already voted...People urging me to vote when I already have, is really irritating too. I was public about when I voted. At least that part will be over with soon.

This is my wallpaper for November. It's Rin and Kuro (the cat demon) from Ao no Exorcist or Blue Exorcist. I've used it before, but thought it was cute. A nice one for my birth month. Although, I want to find more colored wallpapers. (I'm kind of tired of what I have.) Not ones that I made from black and white manga chapters. I might change it again after that. Also, I've switched the colors to my taskbar, start menu, etc. to match it. It picks colors from the wallpaper. That's fun. With my old desktop, I had it set to silver and I miss that. For my current desktop, it started with black for the main color. This time the main color ended up being a light coffee-like color, with orange accents. I think I like it.

The month-long holidays for November are: Banana Pudding Lovers Month, National Memoir Month, National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo). Not many. Banana pudding is heavenly! I've already written a memoir. I can't imagine writing one in a month. Same with NaNoWriMo. I've heard some people try for it. It's quite an undertaking. None of my novels were done within a month. The fastest for me was roughly 4 months while working on 2 at the same time. (So, about 2 months each?) I would have had to write for several hours every day, without blocks. I sometimes get writer's blocks, and I can't imagine doing it for that long every day without getting them. So, I admire people who can finish any type of novel in just a month. Novel-length is rather long, too. I think I remember that the minimum is usually around 60,000 words. 

My birthday's tomorrow, and I celebrated a little this past weekend. Went to a nice Thai place for dinner on Friday. Red Lobster Thursday night. Although, that might not have been directly to celebrate my b-day. With what I can order, there's good food there, too. Went to Starbucks on Sunday and got their new chocolate swirl brioche and a vanilla creme frappuccino. The brioche seemed similar to a rugelach or babka. I hadn't had the drink in a very long time. The creme versions are nice, since they don't have coffee. (I'm not fond of coffee.) Plus, creamy vanilla is a great flavor. I consider frappuccinos as decadent. Like, having ice cream or a milkshake. I don't have them all the time. Probably with that and the brioche, that snack was packed with sugar. As long as I don't do that all the time, it's all good.

On Saturday, I got a mani/pedi. It had been 5 years, and I had only about 2 before that. So, they're rare for me. Some people might consider it a 'girly' thing. I don't. To me, I get to be pampered, have pretty nails, and cool nail colors. I think people of any gender could enjoy that. My feet and hands still feel so soft...For my fingernails, I got a gold/bronze (depending on what angle you look at them) polish with lots of glitter. The polish for my toenails is an electric blue. It reminds me of a color I used to have. Nobody else's going to really see my toes, but it's still a nice thing for myself.

I would like to go to the Cheesecake Factory for my birthday, too. It'll most likely be during this weekend. They have such a variety of food. I also haven't actually had their cheesecake in a very long time. The few times we've gone, I usually don't get any dessert. I remember their cheesecake is amazing! I think trying their cheesecake for the first time was what made me fall in love with cheesecake in general. I used to hate and avoid it. Weird for a cheese lover, but there was something about the ones I tried previously that turned me off of it. Another possible restaurant would be the Oak Table for brunch. Their apple pancakes are really over the top. The only problem with both places is the wait times. 

Other places I want to go to: a local marine science center (haven't been there since the remodel and the giant octopus statue that was put up), a little shopping at the mall, a local naval undersea museum, maybe a movie at a theater, and a play based on Agatha Christie's Appointment with Death. I don't need to go to all of them (they're mainly just ideas), but they sound like they'd be a nice way to celebrate it.

I managed to get my walks in for today and yesterday. I've been trying to go for one of my 2-mile walks a day for a while. I thought after dinner would be the perfect time. It only worked out a couple of times. I've moved it to just before my afternoon snack this week. So far, it seems be a much better time. Plus, after dinner, during this time of year, would have meant walking in the dark. While I have 2 different flashlights, it doesn't seem as safe and I don't get to see as many things. This new time is nice, since I most likely won't bump into kids on their way home from school. Sometimes the high schoolers mistake me for one of them. I apparently look much younger than I am. There aren't that many people out in general at that time, as well. Hopefully, I can keep this up and eventually add another daily walk in. If I do, it'll probably be a morning one.

Studied Italian both today and yesterday. I took a mini break from it this past weekend. (Might do that again this coming weekend.) I also managed to get to drawing more of Shadow both days. I'm still figuring out a better design for his head, but I should be moving on to the rest of his body soon. Although, the hair might take me a while to get it just right...We'll see. I think he's already looking better than the last time I drew his head. 

Played my clarinet for both days. I seemed to not be as flexible with my fingers as I should be. It slowed me down. Kind of frustrating when your hands won't go fast enough or they freeze for a 1/2 second. I know it'll get better if I keep it up. I probably shouldn't have gone for a walk right afterwards today...It made me feel really winded. Walks help with controlled breathing, so it's beneficial for woodwind players that way.

I've been editing Alliance, too. I decided to not rush through an entire chapter each time. I noticed in the amount of time I give myself, I get through roughly 1/2 a chapter each time anyways. That's not bad. I'm finding a ton more errors. I think I know why it's so 'off'. I had the dialog written out similar to how a screenplay would be. I remember taking a film class where we learned how to write them. I liked it. I used that at the beginning of Alliance at first, because the story is very character/dialog centered. It made it easier. Not only for writing it, but it had a flow and probably easier on readers. I switched the dialog to a regular novel format at some point. It made it choppier, and I don't think I was really paying attention to it. I might switch it back to the screenplay format. It's also artistic license, where I can tweak it however I want. It might shorten it even more.  

Youtube:

One Piece:

This is most of the story up until they meet again after being separated for 2 years:

Boku no (My) Hero Academia:

Servamp:


Satsuriku no Tenshi (Angel of Slaughter):


Bungou (Literary) Stray Dogs:

National Cake Day!

Wow! It has been a while since my last post. (Longer than expected.) Yay for cake! My fave is Black Forest cake. It was National Parfait Day yesterday. I hate what most people think a parfait is in this region. That's layers of yogurt, fruit, and granola. I like the ones that are layers of pudding, whipped cream, maybe some fruit filling, and cake. That sounds a lot better to me. 

I haven't changed either my desktop's or iPhone's wallpaper, so I'm not showing a new one this month. The Pusheen calendar for November is titled: 6 Reasons to be Thankful for Your Cat. The first one has a heart around Pusheen, with the caption: warms your heart. Next to it, she's in an office chair, with the caption: warms your seat. The first one in the 2nd row has her on a bed and her speech bubble has a heart in it. The caption: cuddle buddy. The one next to that has her looking somewhat angry on a bed with food in the bubble. The caption: alarm clock buddy. The first one on the last row has her laying down, hearts coming off of her, and hand petting her. The caption: beautiful friend. The one next to that has her laying down on some papers, coffee nearby, and a hand gripping a pencil. The caption: beautiful paperweight. It's cute. 

The month-long holidays for November are: National Peanut Butter Lovers Month, Raisin Bread Month, National Memoir Writing Month, National Native-American Heritage Month, National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo). Some are for important causes, some are to make you appreciate things you may take for granted, and some are just for fun. Interesting that it's both Memoir Writing Month and NaNoWriMo. Especially, because I finished writing both novels this month.

There's at least one reason why I haven't posted much on here lately. I was trying to finish writing both the memoir and sequel to Alliance. I managed to finish writing the sequel a couple of weeks ago, and finished the memoir 5 days later. 

By the way, the sequel finally has a name. It's Alliance: Dawn. Dawn makes so much sense, on many levels, for the name...People who read it will understand. I have ideas for the memoir's title, but haven't decided yet. One of the biggest candidates is Hineini. Hineini means Here I Am in Hebrew. However, there are already memoirs with the same title out there. So, I don't know if I'll use it. I'm not feeling as into the other ideas for the title. 

Taking out the month of being too sick and it being too hot and smoky to write, plus writing half as much at the beginning, it took me roughly 4 months to write both of them. That's really fast! My first book took a few years to write. 2nd one took close to a year. This is like lightning speed for me. First time doing 2 at once, too. So, technically, it was about 2 months each. Even though I wrote them at the same time, if I just did them one at a time with the same amount of writing each day, it would have been like that. I was writing 4 pages a day, 6 days a week. (Not writing on Shabbat.) 

Now, I'm editing both of them. Trying to edit a chapter from both each day. I'm a little further into Dawn than the Memoir. It's shorter, too. The memoir seems to be the longest of the 4 books I've written. Dawn is slightly less than its prequel. Sometimes it feels like I'm editing so much, my brain hurts afterwards. 

After editing, I'll format them both for their ebook and paperback versions. Then, I'll create their cover arts. I have a clear idea of how Dawn's art will be. I'm a little fuzzy with the memoir. After that, I'll figure out pricing. Then, I can go through the submission process through Amazon. 

I'll have it so Dawn could be bought bundled with Alliance, and by itself. That way people can have the series so far, or get the sequel on its own. This also ups the likelihood that people will actually see it. Some people only look for series bundles. I'll have both of them as preorders first. Thinking they might go live in February or March. I can still be paid with however much I make from preorders during that time. Also, Amazon promotes books more during the preorder. (It'll be my first time using the preorder through them.)  With making ebook and paperback versions of these new books, I'll be more visible in 4 more ways. Besides the 4 ways I have now with my other books. Add in the bundle part with Dawn, and it gives me even more visibility. It's not just being visible through 2 more 'entries' in this sense. I could also rotate Amazon's promos on all 4 books, so there could be a sale at any given time. This adds more to it. Although, as it is right now, I can only run promos with the ebook versions. Still, it's something. I'll also post links to them on the sides here, like I did with the other 2. Easy for people to access them this way. 

I did get to the point of practicing my clarinet for an hour each day during the week. I only stopped when I started editing those books. It felt really nice, and I was noticing more of my mistakes. That meant I was getting good enough to tell again, I could fix them. I might get back to it after the editing. 

Went to Thanksgiving dinner at a friends' place. The couple that hosts it is like family. This year it was just Dad, me, and that couple. Usually, there are a lot more guests. One of their dogs is having incontinence issues now, so we couldn't sit on the couch beforehand, like usual. The wife injured her knee, I think. So, almost everything was being done by the husband. He looked so exhausted. He smokes their turkey, and I've always found that kind of cool and interesting. It adds a unique flavor to it. Anyways, I could see why they wanted less people. They said they wanted at least a couple of friends over for Thanksgiving, and they asked us. I think we're the closest to them. 

I also found out the person that was so rude to me last year when I came out as aro ace, isn't a friend of theirs anymore. They were appalled by her behavior. Plus, there were other questionable things. She was oddly into talking about Jesus sometimes. Not something Jews usually do, and why I at least have an inkling she's a 'Jew for Jesus'. In other words, Christian in disguise. Really scary. She's also a Trump supporter, that couple and my family are really against Trump. For obvious reasons...The hostess has strong political opinions, so that can be a conflict if you aren't on the same wavelength that way. That person was also very ageist, at least towards me. Also, most of the food she brought was awful or just really weird. She would tell us that she messed up horribly just as we're about to try it. Or, how about bringing little pork sausages to a Passover seder? Oh, wrapped in crescent rolls. It's a Jewish holiday, pork isn't kosher, and we don't eat anything leavened during the holiday. Way to mess up in multiple ways. She told me it wouldn't hurt me to try them, too...So weird. I'm glad I most likely won't see her again.

I was going to go to Leavenworth to celebrate my birthday. My birthday was on the 7th. Turns out that has been postponed until around March. At least, it seems like it's still on. Dad brought the idea up, and I thought it'd be great. I've only been there once, and it was a long time ago. It was fun, though. I did go to the Olive Garden for my birthday dinner. That was nice. So, we did do something for it. I hadn't been there in a long time, and it used to my fave restaurant. 

National Pasta Day!

This holiday was on Tuesday. I love pasta! 😍 Could probably eat it all day every day. That wouldn't be very healthy, though.😅I like pretty much all the shapes I know of. The thick pasta seem fancy to me. Having it for special times, like Shabbat. It's probably because I'm not as used to that type of pasta.

I've felt pretty crummy gut-wise this week. 😞 So much so, I've wondered if I'm flaring again. The only way to really know for sure is through tests...As long as I don't have a prolonged fever, throwing up every day, and losing weight faster than usual; I can't do much about it.😒If any of those things were happening, I've been told to go to the hospital immediately. The pain has increased on both sides of my abdomen, which scares me a bit. I think I'm reacting to food more often again, as well. 

I was able to make a phone appointment with my gastro for the end of next month. She wanted me to make it for the end of this one. There was only one other one that was sooner, but it was around 8am.😳Even if I was up at that time, it still seems too early for a phone call to me. Not only that, but they have it as possibly calling 30 minutes before or after the appointment time...I might ask her about having tests done again. I think by then it'd be a few months since the last round of them. It'd be the first one since I started Lialda, and we could see how that's going with those tests. 

Last week, I tried on an old embroidered keyhole knit sweater. It fit surprisingly well.😳It's supposed to be clingy, which I'm not used to. I don't think I've been able to fit into it since I was 19. That was just before the infamous 'freshman 15' people usually gain in college. I'm almost 33. That's a long time.😮 I don't particularly like how much it accentuates my chest. Every time I bend over a little, it shows a lot of cleavage through the keyhole, which I don't really like either. 😑The rest of it feels nice. 

I decided to look at other old clothes a few days later. Most of these old clothes I hadn't worn since high school. Pretty much everything I tried fit. This was really surprising, good, and slightly weird to me. I found 2 flannel shirts (wore these quite often in high school), a red long-sleeved shirt with white embroidery, and 2 cardigans. I think the traditional Chinese shirt (don't remember the name of it) fit, too. It's fancy and cool looking. However it takes some maneuvering to get it on yourself. It has lots of buttons and a zipper on the side. I was trying it on over something else, too. This was the most surprising one to fit into, to me. It's rather small. Even when I got it from a women's day conference thing years ago, it was small and tight on me. 

So, with all these things fitting, I'm basically the same size as I was in high school. 😌I didn't think I'd make it back to this size. I also thought I was gaining weight again. I'm apparently still losing it. It's kind of scary that way. I want to be back to the normal weight range for someone like me, though. This means I'm getting there faster than I expected. I'm only going to truly worry if I somehow become underweight. 

I joined some more LGBTQ+ groups on facebook. 2 generalized ones, and another non-binary one. Also, found another IBD group. The generalized LGBTQ+ group I was apart of beforehand was really weird. Especially after the fights about allies in the acronym. The creator had some bizarre ideas. After that drama, hardly anyone posted. 🙄So, I dropped that one. I like having a generalized group for it. Feels more like a community. There aren't very many of them, and some of them can be ace/arophobic as well as enby-phobic. The 2 I just joined seem very inclusive. One of those groups has it as 16+ for the minimum age. They just recently made a 30+ group. I might join that as well. Not sure if I'll drop the 16+ if I do that. We'll see. 

The new enby group seems more active and interesting. There are actually questions and topics we can discuss. The other one was mainly just selfies and intros. 😑The new one apparently has another subgroup. I dropped a couple of ace groups, because they weren't active. There aren't that many ace groups on fb as it is. The new IBD group has a huge amount of members, and it's a lot more active than the other one because of that. I can connect more with that community this way, too. 

I've made at least one fb friend through the new enby group. Another one added me as well through one of the ace groups. Very interesting. Their requests were like a day apart. Another person that I knew beforehand through the local trans group friended me too. That was a day after those other 2. Cool. I'm all for people friending me, as long as they don't harass me, and I know them through some sort of group. 😊

In the new enby group, someone asked if all afab enby people identify as trans masc. Many people think of the stereotype that enbies tend to be masculine or look that way. Afab is assigned female at birth, by the way. I'm afab, and agender. I tend to like some things that are considered 'feminine', but it's like a pretty and fun mask. 🎭I don't particularly feel femme or masc. In my mind it's kind of hard to feel either if you don't have a gender. Unless it's referring to clothes or expression, I guess? Still, clothes don't actually have a gender. Many of the 'men's' clothes honestly look bland and boring from what I've seen. Although, some of their vests look interesting. I'm actually thinking of looking more into that stuff, too. Anyways, some people were also saying since they're enby, they're not trans. That's not...how it works. 🤦‍♀️Trans means that your gender is different than the one that was assigned to you at birth. So, technically being enby makes you trans. Sure, it's up to the individual to decide if they want that label, but that's personal. I put that I'm trans, enby, and genderqueer. I like all of those. Honestly, I don't know which of those last 2 I like more. They mean the same thing, but some people are uncomfortable with the word queer. (Totally understandable.) That's how enby came about. It's newer than genderqueer. Someone felt exactly the way I did about all this, which was cool. 😎Someone else loved it. 

Another person said they didn't feel enby enough because they still use she/her pronouns.😨 She's agender. She wasn't sure about they/them for herself. Many people, like me, said you should use whatever you feel comfortable with. You're still valid as an enby. ☺️I've been thinking about my pronouns, too. I still use she/her, because I'm used to it. They/them seems interesting and logical for someone like me, but I don't really know if it's right...🤔I don't have to decide immediately, though. 

We finally had a meeting for the trans group. Couldn't find a place for it during the summer. There was a pretty decent amount of people. We had one new person, which was good. I talked more about agender stuff during my check-in. Found out one member is agender, but leaning on the masculine side. I suppose that's kind of like the idea behind the ace/aro spectrums? It was interesting. A couple of members, who weren't there, are bigender. I can't imagine having one let alone 2 genders at once, but that's still cool. 😳There are pangender people out there, as well. That's incomprehensible to me to be all genders at once. Even more fascinating, though. A couple of the older trans women seemed to be confused by some of it. They're willing to learn, though.

I brought up how I've been thinking about top surgery (double mastectomy). I've always felt weird about my chest. Especially when they 'exploded' a couple of years into college. It felt more 'right' when I was small. They've felt foreign since they grew, too. 😨I still want 'feminine' clothes to fit me. Someone suggested a reduction instead. That might be ok, however there's still a health risk side. My mom had breast cancer, her mom had it, and one of my mom's sister's had it. I saw what it did to my mom. I don't want that to happen to me. 😣So, getting top surgery will both be a gender and health thing. Doctors will most likely get behind it if I only bring up the health risk part. They still might fight with me. Saying I'm too young for such a drastic change. I'm tempted to bring it up with my primary, but I don't like her anymore. We'll see.

Icons or avatars were brought up that people looked up to. Many people thought about others that they felt they could relate to gender-wise. Mine have always been people like Marie Curie, Audrey Hepburn, and Coco Chanel. I think in the past, I went with what body-type I had. I feel weird with saying female-bodied, but some trans people use it. These were fierce, smart, beautiful, and cool women. I also went by personality rather than gender. The thing is, I don't know any out agender celebrity, scientist, or other icons. So, I can't truly see my gender represented through anyone. 😒

When I brought up Audrey Hepburn, one of the older women said: "oh, you mean Katherine Hepburn." It took me a moment, because I wasn't sure why she 'corrected' me on it. 🤔After a moment, she added: "since she was a tomboy." No. Agender doesn't equal tomboy. 🤦‍♀️Tomboys still are women. I meant who I said, too. 

We might have a Halloween party at the next meeting. 🎃That meeting will be on the 1st, so it makes sense. It'd be a nice, fun, and social thing. I just have no idea what I'd wear for a costume. 

My birthday is November 7th. 🎉Coming up really quickly. I don't have anything planned yet, nor a list of what I want for it. I'm horrible at making birthday lists. 😒I might want a new computer. Mine is having issues going online, and isn't supported by Microsoft anymore. Can't decide between Mac or Windows. I think it'd be cool to have an all-in-one. Computers have come a long way since my current one. Another thing might be a black ring. I might go out to eat for it, go shopping, maybe see a movie at the theater, etc. I don't really know yet.🤷‍♀️

I've made it to practicing my clarinet for 55 minutes. Yay! ☺️Next week I might start doing it for an hour. I don't want to practice for longer than that. I'm sounding much better now. Trying to play things I usually skip, too. 

Finished the agender chapter in the memoir. Ended up being longer than I expected. I'll get back to the travel one next time. At the moment, I'm covering stuff from Kentucky. The state I was born in. The sequel to Alliance has been interesting so far. I'm still not sure where it's headed.🤔

I noticed that Dad had created a playlist based on her memoir. It gave me the idea that maybe I should make one for mine as well as for my other books. That sounds like it'll be fun, and I might feel closer to them. The Sweet Endless Terror one would be probably the easiest to make. A lot of Halloween and other scary/ominous music. 👻🎵

I've kind of given up on the local ace group.😔 No one showed up for months when I went regularly to the cafe. No one has asked where we are since I stopped going. No one's posted in the online group for a long time. I was pretty much the one to post stuff. There were one or two allies that did too, but no one else. It just...seems sad.😣 It seems they want a group, but once they're a member they don't do anything. I get that some people want a more private place, but this was voted on. Also, we don't have many options available to us. 

At some point, I still want to go back to my ace media list. I want to search a bit longer for stuff to add, and then share it. I think I'll share it here somehow, in the inactive local ace group, other ace groups on fb, on ace forums, etc. I want it out there, and people can suggest adding more to it. That way there's an even broader list over time. It just takes time with this stuff. It might be a while before I share it.😞