27th of Cheshvan

It’s been a long time since my last post. I hardly ever go on my computer, and I could only blog through that before. It looks like Blogger now supports smartphones. I don’t think they have an app still, but I’m using Chrome for it. We’ll see how this goes. If it works out well, I can try to get into blogging again. Yay! I’ve been posting a lot about my health stuff on facebook. It’s kind of turned into a health blog that way. I also updated some of the lists on here. It was a little more difficult to do than on my computer, because of the order I put things in. For instance, I like to have the most recent show I finished at the top in my Netflix list. It likes to put the most recent entry at the bottom. Takes a little more time. Oh well. 

I’m not sure if I mentioned this, but I had tried out the Celebrate States monthly subscription for a while. That was kind of fun. Each month they send you stuff from a certain state. Each state’s a mystery until close to that month. They reveal it kind of early on facebook, but if you’re not following that, you don’t know. With each state they featured I tried to ‘virtually’ visit it. I’m a little behind on that, but it’s fun. I’m going through Texas right now. 

Anyways, they sometimes sent things like brochures/magazines, coloring pages with the state flag/flower/etc., and a map of what it produces and the counties. Interesting stuff. For my ‘visits’ I used those brochures/magazines and Atlas Obscura online. Now, it’s mainly Atlas Obscura. They have interesting places. 

Since I filled out a questionnaire saying I have cats, they would send a cat toy occasionally. That was nice. Some of the items were interesting. I got candles and soaps often. My parent thought the Syracuse black garlic salt was a good find, and might get more of that. I liked some of the tea it had. I don’t regret trying it out, however it started losing it’s value for me with the last few boxes. Seemed like we weren’t getting as much, items weren’t as good, and they stopped putting cat toys in it. The coloring pages were too kid-like, too. 

So, I decided to stop getting it yesterday. Apparently, they’re sending me one more box. It’ll be this month’s Thanksgiving themed one. I think it’ll be Pennsylvania. I don’t exactly know, but I thought I saw something on it. I don’t know why I’d be getting one more box. It’s not like I double ordered or something. I suppose it’s not bad. 

I decided to order another states thing called 50 States of Mine. There was only the premium box option. It’s only a little under $7 more than the Celebrate States one. Not that much of a difference. It’s more food based, no ‘kid’ things, usually has 8 or 9 items (which is more than CS had), has things that are related to what the state’s known for, and just seems better. This is based off of watching youtube vids on it and reviews. If I don’t like it, or the value isn’t really worth it, I can always try something else. There’s an Irish box I could try or others. Apparently, the box for this month is Kentucky. So fitting. It’s my birth month and that’s the state I was born in. Seems like it was destined for me to try. We’ll see. 

I’m still getting the Treats monthly subscription box. I like it a lot. It’s fun to see what they have for each country. Again, it features a different country’s snacks every month. October’s was Croatia and Serbia. First time they had 2 countries. It seemed like they were pretty evenly split with where each snack came from. The oddest one to me, seemed oddly one of my faves. It’s called Smoki, and it’s peanut flavored cornmeal pieces. They described them as shaped like peanuts. They looked more like cashews. They used real peanuts in it. It had a strong peanut and salty flavor. Interesting. If I didn’t like peanuts it would have been nasty. The worst tasting of the box sounded like it’d be good. It was sandwich cookies with chocolate in the middle. I don’t know how they messed that up, but I almost threw up trying it. The chestnut chocolate bar was strong, but pretty good. I haven’t had chestnuts that often. The only other time I think I’ve tried them was someone I know makes a stuffing with them. I hate it in that. Maybe it’s the way they make it? I don’t know. 

There was a time where my pain got much worse. I had to be readmitted into palliative care to get it back under control. It seems my body had grown more tolerant to the morphine. I was trying to sleep back in my old bed. I didn’t know if they were going to take the hospital bed because I was out of the program for a little while. My pain increased while I did that in my back, pelvis, and neck. The neck was new, so they were worried about that. So it was a combo of my meds and sleeping in a different bed. Turns out they weren’t going to take the hospital bed, so I went back to it. The pain was slightly better with that. We ended up increasing my dose of morphine by quite a lot. So much, apparently my pc doctor was worried I could overdose and ordered Narcan for me. My parent would have to use it to revive me. That doctor ordered it after they exited me from palliative care again. That was odd. Didn’t tell me about it, until I pressured them about it. It seems I’m stuck with sleeping in the hospital bed. It’s in the family room, which is an odd place to sleep. At least my pain is better. 

I recently had a CT scan, full bone scan, and neck MRI. The neck one was because of that new pain. Everything was stable. Been stable for a while. It’s not exactly the best, because there’s no improvement. It’s not getting better. Just the same. We’re trying to get it to NED or No Evidence of Disease. I might feel better if there was some sort of improvement. I wanted a second opinion from Seattle Cancer Care Alliance. I was told to wait for them to call me. They never did. There’s got to be something more to try. I just feel like I’m constantly waiting for the next tests, and just keep taking my oral chemo. There’s got to be a trial or something more I can do. 

I started xgeva several months ago. Last month was my 3rd dose of it. It’s supposed to strengthen my bones. Most people with bone mets need something like this. It’s a shot instead of infusion. It really hurts as it goes in. I get it in the back of my left upper arm. The nurse likes to go super slow with it, so it draws out the pain. She thinks it minimizes the pain. It doesn’t. It’s so much fluid, my arm gets sloshy. Hard to describe. I haven’t really had side effects, other then the pain at the injection site. It might have affected my dysphagia (difficulty swallowing), but we’re not sure. If it did, it’s a rare thing. 

About a month ago, Tasha, one of our cats, passed away. I know she was around 17 years old, but this was sudden. She literally just collapsed and was gone. She was asking to be put up on the banister to get to her food and water bowls, and seemed so happy. I looked away for a sec and was getting ready to pick her up, when she suddenly collapsed. She made a howling sound. We weren’t sure if she was gone and took her to the emergency vet clinic. They came back and told us she was already gone. It was hard and I miss her. We have her ashes in a nice looking box urn now. I think Rosie, our other cat, still looks for her sometimes. They did not like each other, but I think Rosie just wanted to play with her most of the time. Now it’s just Rosie. I think she likes being the only one now. 

My birthday’s coming up on November 7th. We got Rosie from the shelter around my birthday, so it’s kind of like hers, too. She got a birthday card from Chewy. That was nice. Chewy’s where we get her insulin from. Maybe she’d like a tuna cake or something. I’m not sure about what I want. We’re going to the Oak Table for brunch. That’s a nice place. I’d like to go somewhere for dinner, but I’m not sure where. I don’t know what I want to do for my birthday, but feel like I should do something. Maybe go to some sort of museum? I feel like each birthday’s even more important now, since I have stage 4 cancer. It gives a different perspective on birthdays. My parent keeps telling me to not postpone the fun. I’m trying to have as much fun as I can, but sometimes I don’t know what to do. 

I finished the Yiddish course through Duolingo. That was interesting. I tried their Hebrew one again, and it was awful. I’m doing their French one now. It’s much better and fleshed out, of course. They have stories and a podcast on top of the course. Much more developed. Lots of speaking exercises, which is what the other courses need. I took all the French classes that were available in high school. I still remember a lot. It’s kind of a weird language. I almost took a proficiency test back then that could have given me college credits and a trip to Paris if I passed. My teacher was encouraging me to take it, but I was too scared of it. I should have tried it. I always had good grades in it. I have a just over 200-day streak now on there. Longest I’ve ever had. Should be interesting to see how long I can keep it up. 

I’ve been getting buzzcuts for about a year now. Ever since my hairstylist heard about my cancer, she hasn’t charged me for it. She feels like it’s something she can do for me. It’s nice, but it still feels odd. Last time my hair grew much faster than usual. There was a lot. Having a buzzcut is so much easier to manage. I don’t even have to brush it. It’s nice. 

We got a freezer a few months ago. That’s been really handy. I’ve gotten things like blueberry pancakes, bean/rice/cheese burritos, carne asada burritos (from Trader Joe’s, and one of the best), teriyaki rice bowls, chicken melts with pita, and more. Good stuff for throughout the day. A variety of new things to try. It has made it easier to keep track of my calories and other nutrients. I don’t get as many dinners from the local markets as I did before, which is good. Those are like made for 2 people, but look like single servings, so it’s hard. 

3rd Day of Sukkot

I can't believe it's already Sukkot. Sukkot (singular: sukkah) lit. means booths, and are temporary walled structures that we build and 'dwell' in during the holiday. It's a harvest festival that lasts for 8 days. It's supposed to be one of the most joyful holidays. People eat and sometimes sleep in their sukkah. We used to put up our own. It just ended up being too much of a hassle to put up. Really needed more than 2 people to put it together, and we stopped asking people to help us at some point. The wood, I think, ended up rotting and couldn't be used anymore. It was nice when we had it up, though. Like what's custom to do, we had guests or ushpizin over for dinner in it for the first few nights. They were usually our neighbors and were not Jewish. That was fun, and they seemed to enjoy it, too. Now, with covid, it probably wouldn't be wise to do that. We usually ate almost every meal in the sukkah. It was interesting eating outside like that. 

This is my wallpaper for October. It's Overhaul or Kai Chisaki from Boku no (My) Hero Academia. He was the main villain of the anime's 4th season. He was also the boss of a yakuza group, not related to the League of Villains. I think he was one of the best villains of the series so far. He wanted the world to go back to the way it was before Quirks or powers. He was cruel to the yakuza's boss' granddaughter, Eri. Using her blood in special bullets that takes away the victim's Quirk. It doesn't necessarily kill the person, but if they're a pro hero, they'll feel like their livelihood was snatched away. I think there were bullets that also enhanced Quirks, and he used them on his own underlings. The problem with that was sometimes it enhanced them too much, and the power was too great for them to handle. So, they'd go crazy. Thought this seemed somewhat Halloween-like. There's another season coming up, but it won't be until Spring of 2021. Kind of a while. It'd be great to see what happens next. 

The month-long holidays for October are: National Apple Month, National Caramel Month, National Cheese Month, National Chili Month, National Cookie Month, National Pasta Month, National Pretzel Month, National Seafood Month, American Pharmacists Month, Bat Appreciation Month, Breast Cancer Awareness Month, Corn Month, LGBTQ+ History Month, German-American Heritage Month, National Cookbook Month, Pizza Month, Polish-American Heritage Month, Sausage Month, Spinach Lovers Month, Talk About Medicines Month. Some are for important causes, some are to make you appreciate things you may take for granted, and some are just for fun. There are a lot this month. I don't think pharmacists get enough credit. Without them and the meds they make, I wouldn't be able to function. They should be celebrated for the hard work they do. I'm part German, and not that long ago found out I'm part Polish, too. It's good to recognize the history of the LGBTQ+ community. 

Like I mentioned, it is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Metastatic or stage 4 breast cancer, which is what I have, doesn't get much in the way of awareness or funding for research. Most of the focus is on the early stages. The ones you can 'beat'. There's no cure for stage 4. The scary thing about that is people are more likely to have it come back as stage 4 after they're 'cured'. They have that forever looming over them. I added an awareness ribbon to my facebook frame for the month. The ribbon is green for spring and the triumph of life over death, pink for the cancer originating in the breast(s), and teal for healing and spirituality. People aren't expected to live very long after being diagnosed with stage 4. About 27% are alive 5 years after diagnosis. 11% after 10 years. I hope I can live much longer than that. (And, that the quality of my life is good.) The stats are old, things have advanced since then, it all depends on what type of breast cancer, etc. Many factors. I'm lucky mine's not triple negative. That one has the worst life expectancy. Mine's er+, pr+, and her2-. Another way of saying it is positive for both hormones and negative for her2. Mine tends to be mixed with how long people tend to live with it. I also don't know much about other people who have it as infiltrating ductal carcinoma or IDC. It's one of the most common types, though. There's a lot to it. 

It's been a while. I think it's the first time I actually didn't post during a month. I might try to get back to doing this on a regular basis. In order to help with getting back into things, I decided to make a schedule. Not with my Google calendar, but in my Notes on my iPhone. That way the times can be easily flexible, and I can put something else in the time 'slot' if I wanted to. It worked pretty well yesterday and, so far, today. It's kind of fun to check off things again on there, too. 

Had a shower today. A couple of weeks ago, there was an issue with it. I was supposed to get one on that Monday. Sometimes, if my home aide forgets or something, I have one on Tuesday. That would have been fine. However, no one showed up for either days. Wednesday afternoon, my palliative care nurse, Brian, called. I told him about the showers, and he seemed upset about it and called Home Health. He was able to get me an appointment for that Friday with someone I didn't really know. Luckily, my usual home aide, Savannah, came that day instead. (Normally the 2nd day is on a Thursday.) Apparently, she was sick most of that week, and assumed they would find someone to see me while she was out. She said that's the usual procedure. Nobody followed up on it, though. This is one of the only things that I've had issues with, which is that unpredictability. I wish it was more set. Even the times during our usual days change. She tries to keep it around 11am most of the time, but sometimes it's much earlier or later. I'm glad I at least get them most weeks. I kind of wish that I could have one more day than the 2 I get, but it's not bad. 

I'm taking 2 chemo meds now, Ibrance and Arimidex. I've been getting more side effects lately. I thought I wouldn't get this one, but I'm loosing my hair. It seemed to take a while. Maybe for me to notice it. It's coming out in clumps. I've decided to have most of it shaved off. It'll be a drastic change, but that way I can be more in control of it. The earliest appointment my hairstylist had was for the 28th. I wanted it sooner. Not sure what my hair will be like by then. I'll tell her about the cancer stuff, too. It might shock her, but hopefully she'll understand why I'd want it shaved. I don't want to be completely bald, just have a little there. I plan to wear knit hats instead of wigs or scarves like so many other cancer patients do. They'll keep my head warm this way. I ordered 7 of them on Amazon. I have 4 of them so far. They all fit pretty well, even with my long hair. I might wear them on a regular basis, if it gets to be too much with the hair loss. The other major side effect I've had has been fatigue. I just feel so wiped out most of the time. 

We had a plumber look at both toilets, since mine and the one downstairs were acting up. There's only one other toilet in the house. That being my parent's. It felt weird having to use it. I don't know what I would have done if I needed to use it in the middle of the night. I wouldn't want to wake her. Supposedly, they are both fixed. However, the plumber said the one downstairs is old and will need to be replaced with a new one soon. It's always had issues, so makes sense it needs to be replaced. He said he could install the new one for us. I'm glad I can use mine again, but I don't trust that downstairs one. This means I'm still going up the stairs to go to the bathroom. That's dangerous for me. They (the palliative care team) want me to stay downstairs most of the time. There's less of a risk of me falling and easily breaking bones that way. I still need to go up them for things like showers and getting dressed. My computer's up there, too. 

Managed to get an hour of reading in today. I'm trying to go through those 6 books I got from My Thrill List. I'm reading a different one every day, so I don't feel stuck on one. Today I read A Noise Downstairs by Linwood Barclay. Got through a good chunk of it. I think it's one of the better of the 6. It'll be interesting to see how it plays out. 

Haven't studied Welsh through Duolingo in a long time. Finally got back to it. Surprised I managed to remember as much as I have. It was enough to open another unit or checkpoint. Hopefully, I can keep it up this time. 

Got back into looking for quotes from Alliance. I haven't done anything related to writing/my books in a very long time. In fact, the last time I searched for quotes from it was back in February. I hope I can keep this up. I was almost done with looking through it. I just need to finish looking through what little is left, then move on to Alliance: Dawn. Hopefully, I can go through all the books I'll look for quotes in quickly, and then move on to other things. For instance, making an author card, drawing things relating to some of the books, making trailers, deciding on which recipes to show in the trailers, etc. Fun stuff. 

29th of Av

Finished the Comparison unit in Duolingo's Dutch course today, and made it halfway through the Kitchen one. Made it into the Promotion Zone for the Gold League. (I'm 8th right now, and the top 10 get to be in the 'zone'.) If I keep it up during the weekend, I might advance to the next league again. Only messed up a couple of times. I was surprised I got all the speaking lessons correct, since a lot of the new words were long and some I've had trouble with pronouncing for a while. Those are getting easier. The Kitchen unit has been fun and interesting. Some of their words for the kitchen stuff sound more fun than their English equivalents.

Finished a rough sketch of Junko's arms and torso. I think I like how she's coming along so far. Might be better than Shadow. I just have to figure out how exactly I want her legs positioned. 

Edited more of Alliance. I'm really breezing through it. I've gone through 15 pages of the ebook, and 21 pages of the print this week. I didn't do it on Monday. That's pretty good for 4 days, I think. I'm still finding a lot of mistakes, but some of it's also been just rewording things better. 

I played a little of the Sims 2: Seasons yesterday. That was fun. Created a new character and house. This is in a new version of a neighborhood I'm basing off of Alliance. The one I created yesterday was Shadow, the main character. The only other character in that neighborhood is based off of one of the 'villains' in the story. That one doesn't show up until the 3rd book, I think. The book that's only halfway finished. It feels like I get to mess around with my characters this way. I've also been using a cheat where you can increase their simoleons (their currency) to any amount you want. Making it easier to design their house, get what they want, etc. With Seasons, the sim can create their own garden and enter competitions with their produce. It's fun to see the weather change, too. There are penguins that show up when it snows, and especially if a sim is making a snowman. Sims can die if they get too cold, too hot, get struck by lightning, or stay out in the rain too long. There's more of a variety of clothes and house stuff with the expansion, as well. Adds more dimension to it. It'd be cool to try out the Sims 4 in the future, but this is still fun.

When I washed my hair the 2nd time since it was dyed, there was less color that came out. It still was surprising to watch it flow off me like that. The only time it stained my hands this time was when I was styling it. It wasn't nearly as bad as last time, and my fingernails are starting to look more normal. The staining on my skin has been coming off much faster. 

Made a tuna salad sandwich on an onion roll last night. I'm used to Rosie falling over herself to get some. However, Tasha was brave enough to run to me at the same time. She actually begged along with Rosie when I opened the can of tuna. That's rare. Rosie didn't fight her, either. I gave both of them chunks at the same time. Rosie finished hers first and ran over to Tasha. She didn't fight her for it. In fact, it almost seemed like she wanted to make sure she ate it. Tasha didn't shy away. They seem to be getting along even better now. At least, Tasha has become braver and mellower. It would be cool if, at some point, they end up sleeping and playing together. I won't hold my breath, though. 

Youtube:

One Piece:

Naruto:

Kuroshitsuji (Black Butler): Book of Murder:

Bungou (Literary) Stray Dogs:

Ghost Hunt (It's been a very long time since I've watched this anime. Also interesting to find a Ghost Hunt amv, since it's a relatively old one):

Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei (Goodbye, Mr. Despair):

National Banana Lovers Day!

I love bananas! They're one of my 'safe' and calming foods. Not just an ok food for me. I could probably eat them all day, but that wouldn't be wise. I try to have one every morning. Good source of potassium. They're also good in pies and other desserts. There was a great Indonesian (I think) recipe from online that I made several years ago that was bananas cooked in coconut milk. It sounded gross, but was amazing! Only gross because of the idea of hot bananas. A local Thai restaurant has a dessert that's a grilled banana engulfed with rice cake, peanuts sprinkled on top, and coconut ice cream on the sides of it. I love it! Haven't had it in a while, though. Maybe if I get it in the future, they can leave off the peanuts. 

Yesterday was National Dog Day. I miss Buster, our beagle. He got into a lot of mischief, but was very sweet. He was very intelligent. Could figure out any puzzle he was given in, at most, a minute. He passed away during my 1st year of college, I think. In fact, I was on the other side of the state at school at the time. Shadow, our cat at the time, loved him. She would clean him after every walk. He was scared of that at first. All the dogs that saw him during our walks loved him, too. 

Got my hair dyed on Friday. They had to bleach and tone it first, otherwise it wouldn't have shown. It took 6 hours instead of the 4 hours they estimated. It was interesting to see my hair as blond briefly. My stylist used a violet red color for my roots, then used the colors I wanted for the rest of it: purple, green, and blue. I've already explained most of the meanings for them on here. Realized one more for purple. The IBD (as well as Crohn's and UC) awareness ribbon is purple. So, I could also raise awareness for that if people ask. The colors were for me to personally represent parts of myself. Since my hair's still falling out and I was starting to get a lot of white sprouting up, I thought it'd be a perfect time to dye it. My stylist even noticed the main growing bald spot and was surprised by not just that but the shape of it, too. It's like a large ring on the middle of my head. I feel hollowed out there. I can see it even more now, and it's becoming more visible. I can't hide all of it anymore. I like how the coloring came out, though. The first wash after shocked me at first. As soon as I put my head under the water, it was like a cascade of color. (That was just the water. No shampoo yet.) She didn't tell me much about what would happen during the first wash after. It stopped bleeding into my hands after that, which was a positive. The color stayed in my hair, but washed away from my scalp. It still has a weird residue-like texture. It's better than it was with that, at least. Interesting to see it styled my way. I still have towels wrapped around my pillows in case the color rubs off on them, like she suggested. I might do that until after one or two more washings.

On Sunday, I went with my parent to the Woodland Park Zoo. Went to the Point Defiance Zoo back around my birthday in November, so why not go to another one? I hadn't been to the Woodland Park Zoo in a very long time. It's much bigger than the other one. In fact, according to the iPhone Health app, I walked close to 10,000 steps or a little over 4 miles by dinnertime. Most of that at the zoo. I still didn't get to everything. Of what I did get to, about 1/4 of the animals weren't visible. I was a little disappointed by that, but maybe the temp was too high for them, they were tired, had checkups, or something. I heard quite a few people complaining about that. I was surprised most of my pics turned out so well. Some even better than what I could see when I was there. The lighting was awful for pics outside, the bats had the worst lighting inside, some animals hid really well, and some were really far away. I could barely see the elk, but took pics of what I thought were them anyways. Turned out clear and like I was right next to them after editing them. The lion was hard to get, too. He faced away from people and glanced briefly for about a half second back at us. Managed to capture that. Then, he got up and walked around quickly. Despite being further back than so many people at the time (they rushed to the glass as soon as they saw him moving), I managed to capture 2 more pics. After editing, the last pic of him came out the best. You could see his muscle tone. 

We had a late lunch at their restaurant. I wanted a chicken Caesar wrap, but they were out. So, I got chicken strips with fries and a root beer. The strips were much better than I expected. They were crunchy, didn't have too much breading, flavorful, and the chicken was cooked just right. Fries were ok. There were too many for me to eat in one sitting, so my parent ate what I couldn't. We had a snack a little later at their cafe. Shared a big soft pretzel, and I had apple juice. I was very thirsty by then. The juice was in a tiny can. Not even a cup of liquid. Didn't quench my thirst much. Went to IHOP on our way back home. I was absolutely thirsty and hungry. Ended up downing about 3 or 4 big glasses of iced tea. Helped a lot. Got their regular buttermilk pancakes combo. The top pancake was slightly undercooked, but the bottom one was just right. I added butter pecan syrup. One of my faves there, and haven't had it in a very long time. They gave me a huge glob of butter on top of the pancakes, despite telling them to leave it off. I scraped it off and put it to the side. My sides were: scrambled eggs with cheese, turkey bacon, and hash browns. Those were all very good. Might have been the hunger, though...

On Saturday, we watched Cloverfield on the big TV. I didn't remember the party scene at the beginning being so long. I like the rest of it, though. This was probably my 4th time seeing it. It was one of the few monster movies that I thought would be great on there through Netflix. We were thinking about Jurassic Park or the sequels, but I didn't see it on there. Anyways, it was also great for testing out the new sound system. I thought the movie was even better this way. I could actually see the monster more and it felt more immersive. 

Got back to my Dutch today. It's been a few days. Yet, I stayed in the same league as last week. Finished the Buildings unit, and am almost done with the Future one. Next will be Recreation. 

Managed to figure out and draw Junko's hairstyle. I don't think it's exactly as I have it in my head, but it's not bad. I think it's close. Looks better than previous designs of it. I'll get to drawing the rest of her body next time. At least, the top half. Should be interesting. 

Edited more of Alliance. Went through 4 pages of the ebook and 6 pages of the print version. Pretty good. It's flowing more as I read it again. Still finding mistakes, so it should only get better. 

15th of Av

Tried that new cinnamon roll mug cake that I mentioned last night. I think it was the best mug cake I've had. The instructions were really simple. Pour cake mix into a mug, add water or milk (I used milk), mix well, heat up in the microwave for about a minute, add icing on top, and let it sit for a couple of minutes before eating. There was a lot of icing, it wasn't too sweet, tons of cinnamon, and very fluffy. I read reviews on it saying things like the icing is too thick and comes out in a lump. Mine didn't do that. It was thick, but I could squeeze it out evenly over the cake. There are many other flavors that sound really good, too. They all have a topping of some sort. Makes it a little more fun. Might be nice to try the others in the future. 

Someone posted a problematic meme in an enby fb group. Over a character with a chest binder it read: some boys were born girls. Another character had a wig in their hand and over them it read: some girls were born boys. This is actually transphobic and as some people worded it, bioessentialist. The op said it was supposed to be positive and it was just other people's opinions when we called them out on it. No, it's not. We've always been what our genders are. We weren't born a different gender. Some doctor interpreted our genitals to be a certain way, which is harmful in many ways. Male and female are still gendered terms. What people really mean when they ask for the sex of someone is what genitals they have. I have an agender body, since it's mine. It's not female. I was assigned that. It also comes across as trans people are just pretending. Many people don't like to use terms like mtf (male to female) or ftm (female to male) any more, either. Afab (assigned female at birth) or amab (assigned male at birth) are much more accurate and validating. You already are female or male, in these examples. The doctor just assigned you the wrong gender. Some enby people were starting to use mtx or ftx for a little while, but also realized how problematic that was. X being used for the non-binary umbrella in general. X is also being used as a new gender marker, like f or m, for IDs. Wish it was nationwide. I personally would use afab agender person. In relation to the meme, the text probably should be: some boys were assigned female at birth (or shorten to afab), some girls were assigned male at birth (or amab). It's also a little weird in an enby group. None of us, unless they're allies (there aren't many in that one for many reasons), are strictly and entirely men or women all the time. That's the umbrella definition. That's inclusive of people who have genders that are fluid and might sometimes be men or women, as well as demigenders where they might be partially a binary gender. Some people are bigender and might be both a man and woman at the same time. There are others. Why have such a binary meme in a group like that? 

In one of the IBD groups on there, someone posted graphic pics in their main post. In the rules it clearly states that you should describe what it's about, to warn people, then post them in the comments. (Obviously has to be related to Crohn's, UC, lesser known ones in some way.) That way people don't have to be confronted with that right away. Some people are genuinely triggered by it, some might be eating, some might not be in a good place (in public) to see it, etc. Many reasons behind it. So, a lot of people reported it. Then, he made a really angry post about how if you can't handle those pics, maybe you shouldn't be in the group. I saw the post with the pics in it briefly, but didn't have the stomach to really focus on what it was. Then, I saw his other post, and it was pretty toxic. People tried to reason with him, but he thought they were being immature. I didn't really see an admin or mod step in, but both posts were deleted. I'm wondering if he was talked to in a pm, and then booted out of the group? That's probably for the best. Although, people do need support with this sort of thing, and it can really get to them. Might be why he lashed out. I hope he still gets some sort of support, but also realizes why it was such an issue. That's tough.

I've noticed that the lump in my neck has been growing in size. The other side of my neck doesn't have a lump, which is good and gives me a way to compare. Lumps near knuckles are getting slightly bigger, too. I feel like something is growing in the left side of my abdomen. I mentioned in the past where that area felt kind of like a balloon moving around and was painful. Worried me enough to email my primary about it. It now feels more solid/fuller and bigger. It only hurts when I twist that area, but it does feel uncomfortable the rest of the time. At least I get to see my primary in a little less than 2 weeks.

I'm hoping I can get to more of my usual things next week. It was a little difficult with the heat and getting to other things that needed to be done. On Monday, some people are going to help put up the new TV. The replacement finally came. It's a much bigger and more advanced TV than our current one. That will be cool. Next Friday, I get to have my hair dyed. Can't wait! 

Youtube:

Kuroshitsuji (Black Butler): Book of the Atlantic:




Ansatsu Kyoushitsu (Assassination Classroom):

International Tiger Day!

This holiday was yesterday. Tigers are one of my fave animals. More specifically, the white Siberian tiger. It's a day to raise awareness for tiger conservation. It was created in 2010 at the Saint Petersburg Tiger Summit. 

I forgot to mention last time that I got new jeans. I was wearing my oldest pair for a while beforehand. The ones I mainly wore on laundry days. The 'newer' pair had a huge hole, so they had to be thrown out. They were also a couple of years old, the oldest pair was a few years older. I'm still in the 'Misses' department instead of 'Women's'. Women's is for the bigger sizes. Yay! I've gone back up a size, though. The pair last time was the same size I was in high school. Maybe keeping up with adding more exercise will help.

I've decided to switch up my strategy for my walks. I thought just before dinner would make it easier. However, that's often around the time when it starts to cool off during a hot day. It's often still too hot for me. So, I decided that right after breakfast or brunch would be best. It's usually not too bad then, and it'd probably fit for any season. I remember in the past I'd get up early enough to do one of my walks around sunrise. Easier to do that during winter. I'd also take a walk at sunset. This way I'd have incentive to go out. Might change to that sort of thing during fall and winter. If I do it after breakfast, I might be able to motivate myself to go again later in the day, too. I started this new way today. Was going to yesterday, but I was doing laundry for most of the day. Went out for a while for shopping and dinner. Probably got enough walking in with just that stuff anyway. 

I thought about planning my meals for the week on Sundays. This way, at least for dinner, I wouldn't waste time thinking about what to have. I can plan out those Pinterest recipes then, too. 

There have been 'new' visible symptoms of whatever's going on lately. I've had a weird blister-like or 'waxy' patch on one of my fingertips for a few months. It started small and barely noticeable. Mainly it was through touch, not much to see. It's grown and thickened over time. Much more visible and almost looks plastic-like. Takes up roughly 3/4 of that fingertip now. I've started to get more on other fingertips. They seem to be growing and thickening faster. They don't necessarily hurt until I grip something with them. Then, it's a searing pain. They're not callouses. I definitely know what those feel like on my hands. They're quite different. 

My knuckles and skin have gotten shinier and tougher. I've also found lumps near some of my knuckles. They're growing. Most of the time they don't hurt. They just feel weird. There's another lump on the back of my neck that isn't growing, but is bigger than the others. Wonder if that's an enlarged lymph node?

I've also been getting weird flakes coming from the edges of my right eyelid. It seemed like it was around my tear ducts, but the flakes are slowly coming out of the upper middle edge area, too. I don't think I have ducts there. They're getting bigger and harder to pluck out. 

Looking most of this stuff up, it seems I might have scleroderma. (Sclero is lit. 'hard', and derma is 'skin'.) It seems to fit even more than when I thought it was dermatomyositis (a skin and muscle disease). Especially, with these newer symptoms. It tends to start with joint pain, joint swelling, redness on the face and scalp and other areas, and muscle pain/weakness. That's how mine first started, that I know of. It often progresses slowly at first, and is misdiagnosed at the beginning. I haven't been tested for it yet. One of the few that I haven't had. 

I almost wonder if I've been experiencing symptoms for longer. It can also cause collagenous colitis, which is a type of microscopic colitis. It's a more rare form of IBD than UC and Crohn's. A collagen band wraps around the colon while it's being attacked like colitis in general, with the ulcers/sores eating away at it inside. It creates scarring in the colon, too. The GI that told me there was a lot of scarring in mine was slightly puzzled at first by it. It would explain that. It also can cause LPR or larynpharyngeal reflux, which is what they said I probably have. It can cause dysphagia, too. It can affect the lungs, which makes me wonder about the lung issues I had a long time ago. It stiffens and hardens skin, blood vessels, the lungs, heart, the digestive tract, etc. It would explain a lot if that's what it is. 

I plan to make an appointment to talk about this stuff with my primary doc soon. At least someone on my 'team' will know about it. My next rheumatologist appointment is at the end of September. That's a long time, but it's the soonest they had. I plan to make an appointment to see a dermatologist, too. Hopefully, it'll be for sooner and they might be able to help before that other appointment. 

I plan to get back to playing my clarinet in September. My hands are still in a lot of pain, and I think my circular breathing is a bit more difficult now. Hopefully, it'll either calm down more by then, or I'll be on some sort of treatment to help. Even if it's the same, I'll try to push through it, but not push myself too hard. Hard to find that balance. I'd like to work up to practicing for an hour each time, too. Haven't played since February, because of this stuff. Long time for me. When I was playing more regularly, I thought it'd be great after a certain amount of time (playing more up to par) that I'd listen to recordings if there are any of the pieces I play. After a while of doing that and playing those pieces again, I was thinking of recording myself. Then, I'd play it back and try to correct things more. Eventually, I'd post the more 'perfected' recordings as vids to youtube. I don't want to share an actual vid of me playing. I'd probably mess up. It'll be interesting to read the feedback from it. I'll have to filter out the trolls. 

I'm also thinking of doing my own vlog on youtube in September. I tried once, but my phone wasn't the best for it. I now have a webcam built into my 'new' computer. (It'll be a year old this October. I think that's still new.) I've never used it, so it'll be something to test out. It should be better. I've always had a weird thing about seeing/hearing myself in media. Even after losing so much weight and having my hair styled the way I want. This might help with that. I'll do an intro vid, then some vids about what some things mean (like aro, ace, etc.), details, and my story with things. Then, either go over topics people ask about or updates on my life. Some ideas for it, at least. I'm thinking of doing it once a week like many youtubers. 

I want to be more observant, so I'll try going in steps. Little things at first like, at the very least, lighting the candles/blessings at the start of Shabbos (Friday night). Doing that either before dinner at home, or if I eat out, when I come home. I can have my own services with the siddur or prayer book I have, or follow online streaming ones. The online one I tend to use the most is Central Synagogue in NYC. Might try others in the future, but it's a beautiful building and I like most of their services. They stream them live every Friday night and Saturday morning. So, you know they're consistent. They're archived, too. So, if you miss when they streamed it, you can still catch it. That's handy considering they're 3 hours earlier. Start with doing the Friday night ones every time. Then, add Saturday morning ones. Read the weekly parsha, eventually do Havdallah (the ending ceremony), and more. The siddur I have also has weekday prayers. More observant Jews pray 3 times a day. (Morning, afternoon, and evening.) I might add that, too. They're shorter than the ones for Shabbos. We'll see. I might add in the blessings before and after meals in the distant future, as well. I've just been off and on with Shabbos stuff. Sometimes I'll go for a few months without even lighting the candles. I feel I need to change that. I'll also try to cut my social media time more that day. Eventually, it'll be great if I stayed away completely from it then.

Since I've been immunosuppressed, and my current med works similarly, I've stayed away from going to shul. (Shul is Yiddish for synagogue.) I felt weird about our local ones as it was at the time, anyways. The last High Holiday services I went to, which was just after starting my 1st med for colitis (azathioprine, which is a strong immunosuppressant), I was very sick afterwards. I think that was the last time I went to services. I'm not taking that risk in the future. Even if I did things like put a high-grade hospital mask on and sat as far as I could from people (and told them not to hug me), it wouldn't seem right. There's also still that risk. I feel even more nervous then before when I'm in a very crowded room in general because of it. Before being on immunosuppressants, I only had to handle having agoraphobia, which is bad enough. 

I'm going to try and cut down on social media during the rest of the week, too. It's just felt like too much. I still want to stay on top of it, so I'll go through it occasionally. I'll time it in small chunks. I'll always check notifications if I have them, and will post personal stuff like statuses, my blog posts, art, check-ins, etc. the rest of the time. I might go through more of my feeds when I'm waiting for food or something. This will help a lot. It already has a bit this week. 

I got my haircut recently. I was hoping to get it dyed at the same appointment, but they didn't have the time. They cut it a little shorter than I expected. I told her shoulder length, and she did it a little shorter. Took off 6" or 7". About 4" or 5" of that was from the 7 months in between. It's been growing faster than it used to. It's falling out a lot more than it used to, as well...Makes it feel a little weird. The bald spots still aren't that visible unless you lift up certain patches of hair. A shorter style is good for the summer, but next time I might say a touch passed the top of my shoulders. They had a 'color consult' at the end. I want to have purple, green, and blue in it. I imagine those colors being a mixture throughout. Hard to describe, I guess. I was able to show them something similar from a Google search in pics. Some call it a mermaid style or oil slick. They'll bleach my hair first, then tone it and add color. Everyone there sounded so excited about it. Even about the concept. Those 3 colors are in the LGBTQ+ flags I'm under. They told me they get a lot of enby clients that get theirs dyed. For many people it's a thing because that's what they can have control over, and may be able to afford more than the medical stuff for transitioning. It'll be my first time, and I wanted something different. Also, the hair loss makes me feel like doing something fun with it for the time being. Getting more of those white hairs, too. Lots of reasons for me, actually. They told me it'll take 4 hours. That'll be interesting. I'm having it done next month.

13th of Tammuz

Sunday was International Non-Binary People's Day. Since I'm agender, I fall under the umbrella as well as the genderqueer and trans ones. Enby is a popular shortened form. Apparently, using nb is controversial. Yet, they sound the same. Some find enby too cutesy. I like it, though. 

Agender means I don't have a gender. Despite not having one, I think it's amazing to learn about all the different genders out there. It really gives a broader look of what makes us human. Men and women are only a small sliver of them. I think a lot more people would realize they're enby if they were introduced to it. It's still not talked about seriously that often. 

Bigender's another one. They experience 2 genders at the same time. That can be any combo. Man and woman, or man and an enby gender, woman and an enby gender, 2 enby genders, etc. Similar with trigender, but with 3. Pangender (meaning all genders) is controversial, considering there are genders that only come from certain cultures that people can experience. Like, 2-Spirit for Native Americans. Polygender (many genders) has been more accepted recently. Genderfluid's when people are fluid through genders. So, for a time they might be a woman, later a man, then agender, etc. They could flow through many genders, not just related to the binary. There are genders that only intersex people can have, too. 

Apparently, in the past, Judaism had 6 genders. Although, it was more related to sex. Looking at it gender-wise, I think according to that I'd be considered a tumtum. They were told they should try to fulfill all of the mitzvot. Mitzvot are commandments, but they're more like good deeds. There are 613 of them. Traditionally, there are some that man are permitted to do, some women, and the majority of them everyone's encouraged to do. Of course, it's ok for either gender to do the other's mitzvot, but that's considered doing more than they need to. Tumtums apparently also could step in for many different traditional roles. I'm sure people of many different genders would have been similar. It'd be cool if we went back to a multiple gender system.

There are also some genders within or related to agender. Demigenders are considered apart of it. They could be demiboy or demiman, or partially a boy/man. Same with demigirl or demiwoman, and many other enby identities. There are also some that are slightly masculine or feminine leaning. Personally, I'm not partially any gender. I don't have a masculine or feminine side. I just am. 

We got a new TV. It arrived today. A TV stand will arrive soon. We got a new receiver, too. So many new things! It might be a pain taking down the old TV stand/furniture, put the new one up, take out the old TV, and put the new one up. Somebody's coming by to help with putting the TV up. That'll be great. My wrists and arms are still not doing great, and I have a hard time picking up things sometimes. This is 70 lbs, so I don't think I could help. We needed an upgrade. The current TV is around 10 years old. It's time. The receiver and stand are older. Both the receiver and TV sound much more advanced, and will probably give an even better experience. 

Made a 2nd recipe I found on Pinterest yesterday: Crockpot Sausage and Potatoes. Seem to be following that at least 1 or 2 recipes from Pinterest each week so far. Although, it's only the 2nd week...It called for pork polska kielbasa. Instead, I used the beef version. They wanted me to use 28 oz, but I used 24 oz. They were 2 huge links. It was plenty of meat. It used frozen shredded hash browns. They had me let it defrost for 2 hours. It was still somewhat frozen by then. I was able to chip at it, though. I thought it wouldn't fit in the large mixing bowl. It seemed to shrink a little after a few minutes, and I was able to fit everything in. The other ingredients were cheddar cheese soup, evaporated milk, and garlic. I wasn't used to using evaporated milk, so that was interesting. It called for 4 minced garlic cloves. I added roughly twice as much. It really came through, which made it even better. That combined with the seasonings in the sausage made it burst with flavor. The cheddar I think made it richer tasting. Maybe enhanced it. It didn't really taste like it had cheese, which is all good to me. Kind of suspected as much, because it didn't seem like a central ingredient. Most of the hash browns turned into mashed potatoes. That was an interesting reaction, and a plus to me. After mixing everything together, which was a bit difficult because of the quantity of things, you add it to the crockpot and cook it on high for 3 hours. That's the only thing I don't like about crockpots. The wait and smelling it throughout the house in the meantime. It's a good thing at the same time, though. You don't have to think much about it unless you need to stir it halfway through or something. They suggested sliced green onions as a garnish, and adding salt and pepper. I didn't do either. It didn't need anything more. Pretty salty anyways. 

I've decided the last couple of nights to not use the wrist splints. I think I've been sleeping better and a little less painfully since. This makes me wonder... Roughly a year or 2 ago, I noticed a lump in the crook of my left elbow. It's been there since. Checked it out a few days ago and it's gotten much bigger. The crook of my right elbow has a smaller one, but it wasn't there in the past. They're both hard when I press down on them. I'm curious as to if they've grown so much they're interfering with things like tendons. Pinching them off, for instance. That would make sense with my wrist thing. I had a sebaceous cyst in between my spine and left shoulder blade a while back. It's tendrils grew long enough to wrap around things, making me think there was something wrong with my left shoulder/arm. It was affecting my nerves, veins, etc. Eventually, it got so bad I went to Urgent Care. The nurse looked at my back and noticed the huge lump. She took it out, but had to really dig to get most of it. I think she told me it was the worst one she's taken care of. I wonder if this is similar. I would hope they're not dangerous lumps. I'm nervous to bring it up with my primary.

Keeping up with walking most days. Often when I don't do my 2-mile walks, I've already walked plenty while shopping or something. This week I'm doing 15 sit-ups 2x a day. I'm starting to feel those more. 

I've decided that when I get my next haircut I'll dye it, too. The white hairs are coming in more often. Plus, it might be fun. Those white hairs have been popping up since I was in junior high. (I wonder if it's a hormonal thing...) I used to pluck them out. Now it's just too many to do that. I would like to have it in colors related to the flags I'm under. I'm thinking purple, green, and blue mixed throughout. Purple is in the ace, genderqueer, and enby flags. Green is in the aro, genderqueer, and agender flags. Blue is in the trans flag. It would look somewhat sea-like. I don't want white or grey in it, which is what most of the flags have. Another idea would be red with yellow highlights. It'll look somewhat like flames. I'm obviously going to have it done professionally. I've never dyed my hair before. I remember the smell of when my mom would do her own. She dyed it red for decades. It was difficult and that was in an enclosed space. I haven't been following the haircut every few months thing that I promised myself. Last one was around my birthday, so 8 months ago. It's too long at the moment. I've been unsure of it since it started coming out, but a trim shouldn't hurt. It'd be nice to dye it before our local Pride, but that's on Saturday. Not sure if they'll have an opening before then. I don't think anyone would get it, though. I can always explain it. It's cool if it's after Pride, since it's really for myself anyways.

30th of Sivan

This is my wallpaper for July. It's the Heart Pirate's Jolly Roger from One Piece. It's very similar to the Donquixote Pirates', but there isn't a slash through the smiley. The other one doesn't have the 6 things coming out of it in different directions. The captain of the Heart Pirates (and their doctor) is Trafalgar D. Water Law. He was once a member of the Donquixote Pirates, so that's probably why it's similar. It's also a smiley because Corazon, who was like a mentor to him and brother to Doflamingo, wanted to always be remembered as smiling. Doflamingo hated him, so it'd make sense that he'd put a slash through his. Law is one of my fave characters. He's considered as one of the 12 pirates of the 'Worst Generation' along with Luffy. He's known as the Surgeon of Death. He ate the Op-Op Devil Fruit which gives him the ability to 'operate' on people/things.

The month-long holidays for July are: National Grilling Month, National Hot Dog Month, National Ice Cream Month, National Honey Month. Some are for important causes, some are to make you appreciate things you may take for granted, and some are just for fun.

For the Jewish calendar, there are a couple of pairs of Torah finials. Ones from around the 1920s, and the other's from the late 19th century. The older one still looks somewhat new. Must have been well taken care of. The elements calendar features iodine this month. The main pic's of it being gently heated to slightly melt. It gives off a purplish liquid as it's melted. They mentioned a few of it's uses. 

Recently started taking a non-gendered gummy vitamin. My previous one was Women's One-A-Day Vitacraves. I got tired of misgendering myself everyday. I like the gummy version of vitamins. They're kind of fun and I don't have to swallow another pill. The gummy versions of their multivitamins are for men, women, and adults. Like many brands. I find it funny that it seems to imply that men and women aren't adults...Or, that adult is a gender. Anyways, their 'adult' version is much more expensive than the others. So, I looked at another brand's. Plus, I was tired of their flavors. Got VitaFusion's adult version. All 3 (men, women, and adult) are the same price. Seemed more balanced with the vitamins than my previous one, too. I'm glad I now have vitamins that aren't gendered. I know it's a small thing, but it does feel a little better.

I've been using Selsun Blue, and I'm surprised at how well it's working. I don't have as many flakes and they're drier/much smaller now. The scalp oil stuff arrived in the mail on the 1st. It's aka Derma-Smoothe Scalp/FS or Fluocinolone Acetonide. Scalp oil just sounds funnier and darker to me. It's an oil-based steroid that helps with seborrheic dermatitis and other skin conditions. It's supposed to help with the 'scale', redness, itchiness, possibly with hair loss, etc. 

Tried it that night. It comes with 2 clear plastic shower caps. (Pretty flimsy looking ones.) There are 2 options of caps for the bottle, too. You're supposed to wet your hair, apply a 'thin film' on the scalp, massage it in well, put a shower cap over it/your hair, sleep with it on, and wash it out with shampoo in the morning. It says it should be every night until it clears up or a certain amount of time. I was going to take a shower anyway, so instead of covering it up with my regular shower cap I went in without it and let the water soak in. I normally wash my hair once every 3 days in the morning, and shower every other night. My hair gets in the way while taking showers, and I normally can't do my hair that often. I coudn't really do a thin film of it. I poured some into my hand, took some in the other, and rubbed it in. Tried to cover as much of it as I could. Hard when I still have such long hair. It did feel a little greasy, but not bad. The shower cap seemed way too loose. Luckily, I managed to get most of my hair to stay in. It stung a little in some patches for a short time. Wasn't too bad with that. I can't tell if it did anything more yet. I've decided to not do it every night. Only the night before I wash my hair. That way I'll already be washing it the next day, and I won't dry my hair out too much. I think she mentioned that it'd be best to not do it every night, yet her instructions for it are different...

I've managed to keep up with doing one of my 2-mile walks a day, and 5 sit-ups twice a day this week. Yay! Hopefully, I can keep it up. With the sit-ups, my plan is like it was when I did them regularly: adding 5 to both times each week. So, next week it'll be 10 twice a day, in 2 weeks: 15 twice a day, and so on. If I don't do it for a day, I'll either start at the beginning with the 5s or go back to however many I was doing the previous week. Just like before, I'm also doing them when I wake up and when I go to bed. It's a good way to remember. 5 of them both times feels more like a little warm up for the 'real' ones. If I keep up that walk every day for a month, I'll add another one in. I think that'll be a wise way to do it. Have to get used to it again first before that. If I skip a day, I'll start that month over. It seems strict, but it might be a way to motivate me, too. 

I've also been walking with my iPhone, which I didn't do last time I did this on a regular basis. Interesting to see how many steps it takes me. Also, I've been trying to have it on me during the rest of the day just to see how many steps I've taken in general. I think I've actually been doing that more this past month. I normally just leave it charging most of the day or sometimes forget. Anyways, it was interesting how many steps and flights of stairs I got in yesterday according to it. That was just over 9,000 steps and 6 floors. On Monday, I did 13 floors, but 6,318 steps. I'm not trying to shoot for a number of steps, like some try for 10,000 a day. Some medical professionals say for some people that might be too much. A better one is 5,000 a day at the very least to start with. Everyone's different. 9,000 steps was one of the highest it's recorded for me. I didn't have it track me well during trips and such where I most likely walked more. (Like Montana.) I go up a lot of flights on Mondays and almost as much on Fridays. It's mainly because those are my laundry days. I'm going down and up a flight of stairs constantly those days. (I use them a lot regularly, too.) I think the most it had for flights on there was actually 16. 

I've been trying protein bars. Just recently finished a box of Special K chocolate chip protein bars. Felt like I was eating a candy bar every time. I noticed it had a little too much sugar for me, so I wanted to try something else once I finished it. Started eating Power Crunch French vanilla protein bars last night. One bar is humongous! It's coated with what looks like white icing and that easily melts. There are wafers with a vanilla cream in between the layers. It feels like a giant iced cookie. It only has 5g of sugar, which was really surprising. There isn't any nut products in it, either. The protein mostly comes from whey. The other bars had nut powders. That's ok, but I do have to stay away from whole or pieces of nuts. That can make it difficult when looking at protein bars in general. Most of them rely on nut protein. I'm glad this new one doesn't have any. The only downsides I see are the messiness with it melting easily and how big they are. It has 14g of protein, while the other had 12g. Another plus. 

Yesterday, I got breakfast chicken sausages from Costco. The same ones I used to get a long time ago. They're handy and add another boost of protein. I don't normally get much protein with my breakfast. They're not bad in calories, too. They're a savory maple flavor. I think the only reason I stopped getting them was because I was tired of them. With this and the protein bars, I should be pretty set with getting enough protein. At least, closer to what the average healthy person's supposed to have. Having 2 conditions that make me need more than that makes it difficult. I don't think I can stomach more, and this is a very big step in the right direction. I still get it from my normal stuff like lunch meat, meat and/or pasta meals, a little from cheese, a little from certain breads, some from beans, etc. Another one I might need to focus on more is potassium. I'm usually very low on that.

Went to World Market yesterday, too. Found more cool things to try. My parent and I will share a pack of Indonesian stir-fry noodles called Mi Goreng. I think there are 4 or 5 single serving packages inside it. It sounds good. They have another one that's labeled hot and spicy. I'm glad they give an option. Despite eating quite a bit of sodium normally, I'm usually low in it with blood test results. (Still within normal range, but very close to the minimum every time.) I've heard many people have a hard time with eating too much of it, but I never have. So, things full of sodium aren't that bad for me. A lot of instant Asian food is like that. The noodles don't seem too high in sodium, though. I also got a type of instant udon that has bonito and sardines. It sounded great. The sodium is a little higher, but not too bad. I have to remember that it doesn't really matter for me personally. Although, I should still not go too overboard with it. It looks like the container has a huge amount. I expected a serving to be half of it. It's actually the whole thing and it's pretty good with the amount calories, too. 

I plan to try one of Central Market's quiches for a small dinner before the local trans meeting. It's a single serving mini goat cheese and onion quiche. Sounds amazing! I think there's one other flavor I can try there: spinach and cheese. The others have pork products and/or mushrooms. I don't usually think about things like quiches. They're another way to have some protein, since it's egg and some of them cheese based. 

Finished the Imperative, Demonstr., and Geo units in Duolingo's Dutch course yesterday. I'm breezing through it. The Geo unit was the most interesting to me. A lot of the terms were similar to what they are in English. Rivier is river, kanaal is canal, zee (actually pronounced as zay) is sea, etc. I made it to the top 15 of the Ruby League. 

Edited more of Alliance yesterday. With the ebook, there are only 8 pages left. With the print version, 10 pages. Not much. I might still go over the beginning stuff again after that. Then, I'll start editing Alliance: Dawn. I want to put out both revised versions at the same time. Smashwords has a 'new' thing with highlighting a series of books that I want to try. Amazon will also have the revised versions. I can't decide if I want to edit what I have of the 3rd book (I don't think it has a title yet) in the series then continue writing it, or edit/go through Sweet Endless Terror after that. 

I'm going to draw a full body of Junko next. Decided to plan and get ideas first. She's the 2nd character introduced in the series. I could go in order of appearances for the others, too. She's a cat demon, so there will be cat elements. With Shadow being human, there wasn't much 'extra' to figure. Plus, I'd like to draw what her previous (non-humanoid) cat form was next to her. The demon-type characters sound like they might be more fun/detailed to do. 

Finished watching High Seas on Netflix. The cinematography was stunning and definitely gave off that 40's feel. It seemed that they really tried to be true to the time period with lots of things right down to hairstyles. I didn't expect the World War 2 angle, although it makes sense. It was overacted at times, but that seemed more like a Spanish cultural thing. I liked it for the most part. The ending left it on a huge cliffhanger. It didn't seem like there would be a possibility of a 2nd season until the last few minutes. I suppose they could continue it until the boat makes it to Brazil. I'll start the 2nd season of Dark next. It's a pretty complex German show. 

23rd of Sivan

Had my primary doc's appointment on Monday. I thought she really wouldn't take me seriously, considering she hasn't responded to my messages and skipped my phone appointment (of which she scheduled for me). Plus, she's overwhelmed with all the stuff I'm going through. She did take me seriously, though.

I apparently have tendinitis in both wrists, and seborrheic dermatitis. I have a feeling after leaving, that I have tendinitis in other areas, too. She said I should rest my wrists, and wear splints on them at night and when it really hurts. Easier said than done to rest them if it's both. I got 2 wrist compression braces. I'm hoping that's the same thing. It has felt slightly better at night and the little while I had them on yesterday. I thought they'd be too small, because my wrists are rather wide. My hands are small for things like gloves. Makes it a little hard to figure out which size. I got the small/medium ones. They might be slightly too big on me. They're the smallest size, and I don't think it's by enough to go smaller if there were a smaller size. I feel like I'm wearing thin fingerless boxing gloves that are thick around the wrists. She also was more specific about how much Tylenol I can really have for my pain in general. It's as much as Tylenol Extra Strength says on the bottle.  

I was worried about my hair falling out, so she took a look. She noticed redness, flakes, and a couple of other things in addition to the bald spots. That's when she said I have SD. It's a skin infection that causes an itchy reddish rash with greasy, flaky, yellow skin patches. From what I've read, it can affect other areas besides the scalp. I'm wondering if my eyelids, forehead, and tips of ears have it? She said it can cause hair loss. Beforehand, she also seemed to say hair loss is normal with age or common in general. I don't buy that, especially for myself and it's not like I'm that old. She said it could be hormones or numerous other things, if not the SD. 

She suggested using a tar-based or other medicated shampoo to help with itchiness and to get rid of flakes. I got Selsun Blue. It's more selenium sulfide-based, but it actually says on the bottle that it can be used for SD. It's been a very long time since I've used that or tar-based shampoo. Had a horrible time with dandruff back then. It wasn't SD, though. (As far as I know.) I got the moisturizing kind, because there were no shampoo and conditioner combos for it. Conditioner helps with how dry my hair gets, so I tend to look for ones that have both. Don't have to get another bottle that way. I figured the moisturizing one would be similar. I used it yesterday. I had forgotten the smell. It's not necessarily bad, just weird. Seems to be the only downside to it. It got most of my flakes. I feel a little less itchy, but it still seems irritated. 

She wants me to start using an oil-based steroid called Derma-Smoothe Scalp/FS or Fluocinolone Acetonide. I'll rub it in, put a shower cap over it, and sleep with it like that. I think she said it won't be every night. They didn't have it at the pharmacy there, so she's mailing it to me. It's supposed to help with 'scale' (sounds nasty...), tightness, and other aspects of SD. It may stop the hair loss, and it could regrow after that. It sounds kind of messy and potent. Hopefully, it works.

I'll try to get an appointment with a dermatologist soon. The last time I tried, they had me call the local Silverdale one. They didn't have anything until October. They suggested looking into out-of-network places. The other side of that is they only were looking at openings at the Silverdale one. Not at the other clinics within-network. I told my primary about this. She said the one I would have seen in Silverdale would not have been best for me anyways. She suggested asking about the other clinics, too. One that she highly recommended was in Seattle. I think a dermatologist would definitely help me with a lot of this stuff. 

Finished shading Shadow in Photoshop, and posted him on Instagram and dA. I was surprised to get any faves on dA. Didn't get as many likes as I usually get for a drawing on Instagram. Maybe not many saw it on there. I think my next character will be Junko. Hopefully, I'll practice different perspectives this time, too. 

I'm well into editing chapter 19 in Alliance now. There are 20 of them. So close to the end! 

With Dutch, I finished the Te + inf. and Emergency units in Duolingo's course. Sometimes it feels like it doesn't pick me up well in the speaking exercises. I have to come close to yelling into it sometimes. Still, I'm surprised with how much my pronunciation has improved. At least, according to what it does pick up. It's good to know some of the emergency terms. Next, it's the Feelings 1 unit.

Finished watching Mayonaka no Occult Koumuin or Midnight Occult Civil Servants. It was pretty good. The design seemed similar to some josei anime. Josei is aimed at adult women. Interestingly, the series isn't under any gendered category. I like that. It was interesting to see an, at least, gender nonconforming character. Might have been nonbinary. He's a g-d, though. A trickster and chaos-based one at that. Not the best representation. However, now that I think about it, one of the officers might be gender nonconforming. Everyone thinks he's a woman at first. He's adamant about being a man. Might be a trans man with how they framed it. That's cool, too. They didn't show a background history on him. Besides their boss, I think he was the only main character that didn't have his shown. Essentially, they didn't make a big deal out of it after he corrected people. He's human and a scientist, so that's good. The Anothers were interesting. Angels, demons, g-ds, Pandora with her box, tengu, fairies, etc. were what they considered Anothers. A lot of different types of mythology from around the world, not just Japanese ones. The officers help those Anothers and make sure humans don't interact or are harmed by them. Arata is the only one that could really communicate with them. His nickname is Ears of Sand. He can see, hear, understand, and talk to them. Before he joined the team, the officers went off of body language and behavior in general. Only people who can see Anothers can join, so at least they had that. Still, they often pissed off the Anothers instead of helping them. The last episode was about an old Ukrainian bear g-d. He had amnesia after his vessel broke. Arata spent most of the episode looking for a home for him and clues to his memories. He only knew that he liked honey, often eating an entire huge jar of it for a meal. He tried a specific honey that he realized came from his homeland, which was Ukraine. His memories came back soon after that. There just so happened to be an ancient artifact from Ukraine on exhibit at a museum that was about to be shipped back to that country. He chose that as his vessel, and it was a way for him to go back home. It was a touching episode. Especially, after the angstiness of the previous couple of episodes. 

25th of Iyar

Went to the local trans group meeting last night. There wasn't much of a turnout. I think there were 4 of us. One of them was there as a speaker to talk about their group called TARP or Trans Advocacy in Rural Places. They're based in Seattle, but travel around the state. I think he is the founder of it. It basically educates trans people living in rural communities in Washington state on their legal/civil rights, support, advocacy, professional training, support for documents (like letters for certain surgeries), etc. They sound like a good resource. The handout was pretty detailed on a lot of things. 

They mention changing the gender marker to x with certain documents. X being used by some states (including Washington state) as a generalized marker for non-binary people. I'm glad some have something now. They don't in the state I was born in, Kentucky. So, I can't add it to my birth certificate, which is sad. There are some enby people that don't like it, because that's technically not their gender. It's an umbrella term. Someone has suggested a fill-in 'other' blank space. If it was specific, I'd probably have an A as my marker. It does seem odd that people who are binary can be specific about who they are, but enby people can't. It's considered too 'complex'. Still, I find having the x is better than having to choose between 2 things I'm definitely not. To simplify it, I can see why they'd want one letter for the 'others'. Maybe there should be a fill-in option if there has to be anything. Normally, the 5th Wednesday is a potluck and/or movie night. We didn't know how many people would be there, though. 

Went to Shari's afterwards. It was just my parent and I this time. Normally, it's an after group social thing. That's ok. Not many people went this time. My dysphagia has gotten bad enough lately that I'm weary towards eating. So, I tried to have something soft and easy to eat. I think in the future I'm going to try to be better about eating a certain way, so it'd be easier to handle. I got their pancake combo with scrambled eggs and hash browns as sides. Had the pancakes without butter (I hate having a huge mound of unmelted butter on my pancakes) and with syrup on the side. It was pretty good. The hash browns gave me a little trouble, but weren't bad. I have to remember to cut things into smaller pieces, especially with things like pancakes. Got a slice of their special pie of the month: butterscotch. It's amazing! It has a chocolate crust, maple flavor layer over that, butterscotch pudding on top of that, whipped cream, and a sprinkling of shaved chocolate. Since it was a cream pie, I thought it'd be easier than the other pies. I think it was. The filling seems like the consistency that they suggest meals should be for people with severe dysphagia. It should be like a thick milkshake or pudding. I hope it doesn't get to the point where I'd have to eat like that for every meal. (Mine's definitely not severe.) They use the blender a lot, and there's a special thickening powder specifically for people with dysphagia that also is high in calories and nutrients. Many people lose weight and have a low appetite, so it's easier for them to get what they need nutritionally with what little they can manage if they mix that in their meals. 

I got an im this morning that had a voicemail (not from the actual person, just something they shared) that was basically meant to be uplifting and empowering. The sentiment was great. The way it was worded was not. It was aimed at Christian women. Referring to people as sis, mentioning that Jesus is with you, and that G-d is within you (I think...). It was bizarre to me. I'm not a woman and I'm not Christian. There is no Jesus in Judaism, and our views of G-d are different. So much going on there. I know the person who sent it didn't do it in a malicious way, but it sure didn't change the way I felt about it. We later talked about it and she apologized and didn't mean to be offensive. For some reason 'offensive' is not really the word I'd use for it. Offensive would be using derogatory words, maliciousness, and essentially going out of your way about it. That wasn't it. I don't particularly like being misgendered. That's worse than the religious part. I think I've been desensitized to that sort of thing. However, the closest example (for the misgendering) I have is how would a man like that sort of message if it was sent to him? Would he feel ok with it referring to him as a woman? Using language like: "Hey sis!" It was just ignorance. It's cool if you understand and correct yourself in the future. How are people that mean well going to understand if no one tells them in the first place? I like to take that stance with a lot of things. 

So much of my hair's coming out, I dread washing and styling it now. If I don't, it just collects and sheds more. I know that if it's going to come out, it will whether I wash it or not...It's still scary, though. Found some bald spots today. They're bigger than I expected. Luckily, I have longer hair covering them up right now. They're still not visible unless you lift that hair up. Not sure how long it'll be until it fully comes out at this rate. 

Started Duolingo's Dutch course. It seems much easier than I expected so far. It seems like they use the gutteral 'ch' sound more than in German. I think it's similar to how often it's used in Hebrew. They write it as a 'g' instead. It's been a little difficult remembering that. Like good in Dutch is goed. It's pronounced like choot. (Again, ch being like the ending of Bach for those that don't know.) Quite a bit different. Apparently, oe is like oo in English, but oo in Dutch is like oh in English. That's another thing to keep straight. I was having trouble pronouncing hij, which is he in English, until I looked more into it. Ij is pronounced like ei or ay. So, hij sounds like hay. Ever since then I've gotten the pronunciation right for words with ij in them. I have to think a little differently with it. I like that they have speaking exercises. That's helped a lot.

Started watching the 2nd season of The Rain on Netflix. It's a Danish show. Basically, the rain has a virus in it that's lethal almost on contact. It's a bit more complicated, but it's the gist. There's a group of survivors trying to make it to Sweden, thinking it's better over there. The 'rain' has impacted most of Scandinavia. We don't know about Sweden yet. Some of it's pretty outlandish, but it's good. 

Youtube:

Fairy Tail:


Boku no (My) Hero Academia:

Mix:

One Piece:

28th of Nisan

This is my wallpaper for May. It's Luffy from One Piece. Seemed to somehow fit the 'mood' of this month to me. It's a tough one, since the 7th anniversary of my mom passing away was on the 1st, there's Mother's Day, what would have been her birthday, and my parents' anniversary. All in one month...I didn't want something depressing, but also not something too upbeat, I guess. I found that the way they portray grief in One Piece is probably the most accurate I've seen. Especially with Luffy when he lost Ace (an adopted older brother). His initial shock (and what he felt/his behavior right after) seemed to hit close to home for me. It seems every character that has gone through it in the series copes with it differently too, which is more true to reality as well. I've realized there's no right or wrong way to grieve and everyone's different.

The month-long holidays for May are: National BBQ Month, National Egg Month, National Hamburger Month, National Salad Month, Jewish-American Heritage Month, National Pet Month. Some are for important causes, some are to make you appreciate things you may take for granted, and some are just for fun.

For my elements calendar, it's on xenon. Apparently, it's used for IMAX movie projectors. It's sometimes used in incandescent light bulbs, which burns hotter and brighter than others. It gives off a pale purple color. The main pic's of lights spelling out Xe. (Obviously filled with xenon and lit up.) The other pics are of various different types of xenon light bulbs and lamps.

Hopefully I'll post a lot more often this month. Been a bit more difficult with the health stuff, Pesach, and trying to get other stuff done at the same time. 

Ended Pesach (or Passover) early on the night of the 25th. The holiday ended last Saturday. My gut was acting up with that diet, I was already stressed out with my health stuff, and it felt like it was long enough. I had one of my fave dishes at JJ's: smoked salmon linguine. I think that was perfect to end it with. They give you bread at the beginning, and then there's the pasta...Lots of chametz right there. Chametz is anything leavened, which we can't have during the holiday. We try to have 'chametz fests' when we end it. Being Ashkenazic (Jews of German and eastern European descent), I couldn't eat kitinyot either. That's legumes, rice, mustard, corn, etc. Takes a lot out of my diet. I think next year I'll eat the Sephardic (Jews of Spain and Mediterranean descent) way. They don't omit kitinyot. It seems like it'll be healthier for me. 

I'll see a rheumatologist for the first time on the 21st. Not sure if I can stand to wait that long, but that was the soonest they had. The receptionist was really nice and understanding. She put me on the wait-list, just in case. It'll be on what would have been my mom's birthday. That'll be interesting. She'd definitely want me to take care of my health stuff, and possibly have something good for dinner afterwards...It's all the way in Tacoma and in the late afternoon.

Saw my primary on the 25th. She was actually pretty good this time. Not flaky or blase about things. Maybe my massive amount of symptoms made her take me more seriously. Went well over the allotted 30 minutes for the appointment. (They don't give you much time unless it's for a physical.) Probably was there for twice as long. It was just so much to go over, and I didn't get through all of my symptoms. 

I told her my theory of what it is, dermatomyositis, and she agreed that it sounded a lot like it. I seem to be having most of the common symptoms. Since it can affect the muscles in the esophagus, it can cause dysphagia. So, even my dysphagia is common with people with dm. (As well as a lot of other muscle-related autoimmune diseases.) She told me that many people end up with more than one autoimmune disease, so it makes sense that I'd have something like that. 

She referred me to rheumatology (they were really fast in contacting me), ordered blood tests, and prescribed something for sleep. She can't prescribe much for the pain. Extra Strength Tylenol takes the edge off, but sometimes that's not enough. It's getting harder to live with. Especially, after about an hour of being in bed at night, my upper arms suddenly have extremely sharp pain. I don't know if it's my position or what. It's like the worst pain I've felt, but I can't do anything about it. No matter what position I turn to, it doesn't help. Even propping myself up or massaging it doesn't do a thing. The thing she prescribed for sleep doesn't help with something like that. It used to only be in one arm, but it's in both now. Usually, that pain goes away in the morning when I get out of bed. 

I've gotten all the blood tests' results. The general blood panel (things like blood cell counts) were all within normal range. However, some were the lowest recorded for me. They were really close to going below the minimum. I'm a bit worried about that. My TSH was the lowest it's been, but still within normal range. 

My CRP or C-reactive Protein was flagged as high. It measures inflammation. I'm more used to the sed rate test for that. The range is 1-7 mg/L. When I knew I was flaring and at my worst with the colitis it was 7.1. So close to the norm it probably could be considered that. My sed rate at that time told a different story. I was a little more than twice over the high end of normal with that. About a month and a half before my most recent result for the CRP, it was 2.7. The current one is at 12. That's a pretty big jump in such a short amount of time. It's concerning that it's almost twice as much as the high end of normal, too. I'm more inflamed, according to this, than I was with that first colitis flare...That's saying something. Makes me really curious about what my sed rate is. 

The ANA screen test was also flagged. It tests for autoimmune diseases. I think specifically for rheumatic (connective tissue; like muscles, joints, etc.) ones. The titers were 1:320, making it a positive result. It's positive when the 2nd number's above 80. This means I do have another autoimmune disease (or disorder). The pattern was homogeneous. This may help narrow down what kind, but many of them overlap. This is apparently just the first step in figuring out what it is. Knowing it's positive, I've read they run a bunch of other blood tests. For dm, I also read that they'd need muscle and skin biopsies, MRI, and possibly an electromyogram. I'd be ok with the MRI. Not so much with the other things. I guess I'll just see what happens. If it's not dm, that seems scarier. I have less of a clue as to what's happening if that were the case.

Close to a week ago, I noticed my hair was falling out while I washed/styled it. It's normal to lose some, since I try to do it every 3 days. (If it's a longer time, more hair comes out.) Loose hair builds up during those 3 days (a small portion falls out on its own), and most of it comes out during washing it. It had been slightly longer than 3 days since the last wash before that. However, it came out in chunks. There's usually a point where it stops coming out as I comb it. It didn't. It didn't even stop after the last step of styling it. My bathtub was full of it, since I stand over it while styling. It was worse when I washed/styled it on Wednesday. So much it scared me. It's coming off of me throughout the day more often, too. I'm ok with having it thinned a bit. I often feel it has too much 'volume'. However, I don't want it all falling out. I was so happy to be able to grow my hair out to as long as I wanted it (and style it) this past 6 or 7 years. To lose it would be very difficult for me. I hated it when it was short. At least it's not noticeable right now. 

I also can't seem to bend my left pinky finger much. It hurts if I try to push it. I can't grasp things with it. Of what little amount I can bend, it bends towards the right, not straight. It's also cold. My other pinky finger's slowly losing it's flexibility, too. The left one's not only painful, but annoying. Feels almost like it's just an extra limb that gets in the way. I joked that maybe I need to chop it off, but that sounds tempting in reality now. I know I'd be in more pain. Maybe with treatment it'll go back to normal. 

Wednesday, we (my parent and I) visited my mom's grave. Oddly, I was in the least amount of pain for the week that day. Maybe that was because mentally it put me in a different place? I don't know. It was a nice sunny day. After going to the cemetery, we went to a cafe that my parents would go to while I was at Sunday school. I hadn't been there in a long time. The brownie I got there was great. The iced chai was a little weird. Tasted more like apple cider, but was still good. There was a guy who tried to hit on me. He was very subtle and super awkward. Came off more creepy than anything. He sat next to me on the couch, talked to himself a lot, got up to talk to the staff and pointed towards me, stared at me occasionally while I drank, etc. I just tried to ignore that weirdness. Also, went to a market near it that Mom liked going to. It's owned by the same people behind our local market, only there's a lot more of a selection. We went to SuBI (short for Sushi Bainbridge Island) after that. It's been a while since I've been there as well. Mom liked that place, too. It was decent. They did the teriyaki a little oddly. The sauce was under the nicely cooked sliced steak, along with vegetables. It would have been better with the sauce over it. The staff seemed happy, which was nice to see. 

Went to the local trans group's meeting that night. I think she would have loved it. Would have tried to help as many people as she could. I'm not sure how she would have taken me being agender. It's one thing saying you're another binary gender. She'd probably 'get' genderfluid more than agender. Not having a gender can be too out there for some people. At the very least, I think she would have taken a while to mull it over. After that, I think she'd probably be very supportive and accepting of it. She knew I had 'gender issues'. That was her phrasing when I started to feel so weird in the lingerie department, and about certain fashion stuff. Maybe it'd be more of a: I knew something was up! Or: That makes so much sense! Wish I could come out to her, not just as being agender, but as being aro ace too. Went to Shari's after group. Everyone from that group managed to go there this time, too. I like when there are more people. I think she would have loved the slice of pie I got: s'mores galore. It's one of my faves. It's like a party on a plate. Teddy grahams, mini Hershey's chocolate bar, mini marshmallows (outside and inside), chocolate marshmallow fluff layer, whipped cream, and a graham cracker crust. 

Finished watching Mind Game, which was a Malaysian/Singaporean detective show. I think it was a joint project between the 2 countries. There were things I really liked about it, and some really not so great things. They seemed to be constantly drinking, in and out of hospitals, everyone ended up hypnotized at some point, Anni was the only one who didn't keep secrets (I think), the fight scenes were awkward looking, Anni's mole on her lower lip was really distracting, there ended up being way too much drama towards the end, and the cut scene music came in at the worst times (not during a transition to another scene, it would just happen). I did like that they made the characters feel like you were with family or really close friends, there seemed to be a lot of cool feminist overtones, Anni being the lead detective of a mainly male team was nice to see (she was tough and intelligent), it wasn't as predictable as it seemed at first, the cinematography was great, and more. So, I can't say I loved or hated it. It was decent. I certainly don't regret watching it.

Finished the 3rd season of Santa Clarita Diet. It was probably the best season. They left it off on a huge cliffhanger. The awful part of that is the show's been cancelled by Netflix, so there won't be another season. At least, not for a long time if at all. 

I started the new spring anime season last month. There's Kimetsu no Yaiba (Demon-Slaying Blade). It's been great so far. The animation is outstanding. Looked 3D in a few of the scenes. It's essentially about zombies (they call them demons in the show). The main character's sister was turned into one, and he's trying to find a cure for her. To keep her from biting/eating him or others, he put a stick-like gag in her mouth. So, if she gets hungry, she just ends up drooling all over the place. She is more 'aware' than most, too. She's saved him numerous times already. Sometimes in really brutal ways. (She kicked a zombie's head clean off with one kick at one point...) I got to the point where he finished his rigorous training to become a demon hunter. His sister slept the entire time. That's 2 years. He was worried that she wouldn't wake up.

Gunjou no Magmel (Magmel of the Sea Blue) has been good, too. Reminds me of a couple of other anime I've seen. Magmel is a totally new continent that just appeared one day. It still hasn't been fully explored. People go there for many reasons, and a lot of them don't make it back home. Inyou mainly helps rescue people on request or carry out missions with them. The series is really dark and violent, and often there isn't a good ending for the customers. Zero helps Inyou by piloting a flying robot remotely. She's basically his eyes on the ground. Her robot can fight as well, but often doesn't need to. 

Mayonaka no Occult Koumuin (Midnight Occult Civil Servants) has been interesting. It's basically about detectives protecting 'Anothers' and humans living in their jurisdiction. Anothers are like demons, fairies, angels, etc. All mythological creatures from around the world. The main character, Arata, is the only one that can hear and communicate with the Anothers. It's changed the way the detectives used to work already. Arata is recognized by many of the Anothers as Seimei, who was an ancestor of his. He apparently could communicate with them, too. One of the ones that knew Seimei (who now helps them with cases) is an Aztec coyote G-d named Huehuecoyotl. (Seems to be based off of the actual mythology of it. Interesting.) He's a huge trickster. He also seems not to care about if his clothes will be seen as masculine or feminine, which is an interesting side thing. There's a demon cat that's an old friend of his who also helps them.

Kenja no Mago (Wise Man's Child) is another. It's better than I expected. The main character, Shin, was reincarnated into a world with magic after he was killed in a car accident. He started life from birth in that other world, so he has vague memories of it. He was found and raised by Merlin, and once he got old enough he went with him to a magic academy. He's never gone to school before and lacks common sense. He's light-years ahead of his peers, though. Super strong. He just has to imagine things in order to create it. Even Merlin was surprised. He killed demons when he was little. In their world any animal (including humans) can be turned into a demon. They're supposed to be incredibly strong when they turn. He just killed a demonized human that was a fellow classmate. What was different was that that student was conscious. He could talk and feel. It'll be interesting to see where they take this.

2nd season of One Punch Man has been great. The animation's a little different, but it's still got all the other great elements. One 'villain', Garou, is trying to beat all of the heroes. He says 'kill', but none of the heroes have actually died when they lost. He had a chance encounter with Saitama, who he knows nothing about. Saitama thought he was trying to mug him and hit him so hard the ground gave way, he fell, blacked out, and barely can remember what happened. Saitama entered himself into a martial arts tournament in place of someone else. I think he mostly was curious about it and wanted to see if he could find someone stronger than him. That's essentially his whole thing. It's finding someone he could have a decent fight with. He's bored of fights that end so quickly. He hasn't done martial arts before, so he did mention he's curious about how they fight. He might end up fighting Garou in it. I don't know if he signed up, but he does use martial arts. That will be funny to see. 

Started watching the remake of Fruits Basket. It's going to follow much more closely to the manga than the 1st anime did. I loved Fruits Basket, especially the manga. That was much better, still had a lot of humor, but was more mature. The 1st anime ended when the manga wasn't even halfway through its run. It diverged from the manga early. I watched the anime first, but read all of the manga a few years later. The ending of the anime was odd. The Japanese voice actors weren't as great as the English dubbed ones. That's saying a lot. The design was slightly different compared to the manga. The creator of the series was really upset about how that 1st anime went. Nothing went the way she wanted. She was on staff as an adviser. She managed to get voice actors she liked, music she envisioned for it, have the design follow closer to the manga (including hair colors, and the eyes look more 'human' sized), and plans to have all of the manga adapted to the anime. They even list '1st season' on the title. It'll be great to see it all animated. I barely remember things from the manga. There were some cool characters I still remember that weren't in the first series. They also didn't accurately portray Akito and their story. I liked that they actually played around with gender and gender roles. Several characters are at least gender non-conforming, if not trans. Might have been another reason why I liked it so much at first. I rarely like shoujo anime. They're supposed to be aimed at girls, but many anime can merge into other categories like shounen (aimed at boys). I like shounen a lot more. This is different than many other shojo in the aspect that romance isn't a big element in the story, and Tohru seems more human and real than many of the other shojo protagonists. The story is unique in many ways. So far, I think it's doing better. Seeing the 'new' design animated took a little while to get used to, but I think it is better. I can already pick out some of the differences as far as the story is concerned. I think we're up to the point it diverged quite a bit from the manga. It was pretty early from what I remember.

3rd season of Bungou (Literary) Stray Dogs has been about Dazai and Chuuya's past. How Chuuya became a member of the Port Mafia, who he really is, how they got to know each other, etc. Also, gave info on what the previous boss was like. I think the next episode will finally be back to the current time. They did a similar thing with the 2nd season, which was on Dazai's past and how he became the person he is now. I don't know what the current story line will be, but it was nice to get a bit more background on Chuuya. He's a lot stronger than he seems. His main power's based on gravity, some sort of power related to Cthulhu, and another mystery power somehow related to the previous boss. He's not really human, either.