26th of Shevat

Having the new hospital bed in my room has been interesting. The remote actually has a clip to hook over the rails. I don’t have to have it at my side all the time. The old one didn’t have a clip and would easily fall. Had to sleep with it. It feels weird to not have to do that now.

I got 2 new calendars. One that’s Jewish, and the secular one features places from around the world. We think the one that features places has Amsterdam for this month. The houses are similar to the one’s there.

I kept getting hot flashes and had to open the windows in my room. It got pretty chilly in there. It was weird to feel so hot when it was so cold outside.

I had my first bed bath with it on 2/13. I didn’t really trust the water coming from the bathtub, so I got some downstairs, and slowly went back up the stairs. I poured it out in the tub afterwards to make it easier to go down the stairs with. The dust bunnies went everywhere, but it did go down the drain. I did the bed bath after lunch instead of right after brushing my teeth in the morning. I think it was the perfect time. I did that for the other times since then. Most of the time since then it’s ended up being 40 min-45 min to do everything. (A little bit less time last time I did it.) That’s not too bad considering I was by myself. The last couple of times, there wasn’t any wet spots. Yay! I ran out of lotion last Monday. I quickly ordered more that day. With my most recent bed bath, I had to go without the lotion. At least I got clean. It’s just my skin got a bit drier afterwards. I got it tonight. 

I waited a while, but my next Universal Yums box was stuck on the pre-shipping phase. I sent an email to them about it. They replied back only a few minutes later. (It was much faster than expected!) They were sorry that it looked like they lost it. How do you lose something like that? They quickly sent a replacement box free of charge (I paid for the one they lost, so it should be like that) after that email. They said it’ll be on Türkiye or Turkey. That’s interesting. They sent another email on a Turkish recipe for karnıyarık. It’s for a savory stuffed eggplant. I hate eggplant. Maybe if it was hidden I’d try it. They even had tips for what to look for when picking a fresh eggplant, and on Turkish olive oil. They prefer Turkish olive oil. Should be interesting to see what snacks they have. Probably would be different than Treats was. I think they mainly look for things with multiple servings, which is great to me. Apparently, I got 2 boxes from them tonight. (I just got them, so I don’t know what’s in them yet.) They must have found the ‘lost’ one.

My parent was gone last Monday through Friday. She went to a NASP convention. They go to a different place every year. This time it was in Seattle. I heard she met a lot of people she hadn’t seen in a while. She also broke her glasses. She went with an Uber there, and came back in one. 

Rosie has been super clingy since she was gone. She already was before, but even more so now. She’s been resting under my new bed as I’m on it throughout the day. There’s a pretty big area back there. She’s been peeing a lot on the puppy pads. She’s been going through them like water. We got more on Saturday. It takes a lot out of me to do them. I was giving her the insulin shots. Sometimes it was earlier than usual. I didn’t know if she was going to run away later, so I did it when I saw her just before making breakfast and before my dinner. Her usual is after those meals. There was one night where I didn’t see her downstairs until my last snack. A little late, but I did it. I think I was doing it right. I didn’t feel any wetness or smell it in those spots. She seemed wobbly at one point where she tripped over her legs. She was ok after a minute, though. I didn’t think she needed sugar or anything with that. She’s been lying on the hard linoleum floor in the kitchen sometimes. I don’t know why she does that. She has food, water, and the pads have been taken care of. Sometimes I’m making something, so it sort of makes sense. Other times I’m not. Weird. She’s been sitting/lying down really close to me as I eat, too. Sometimes so close, she’s under my chair. Hopefully, she’ll go back to normal, since my parent’s home now.

I decided to order groceries online Friday night, since my parent’s glasses broke. I thought it would not be good for her to drive. Found everything except for the usual desserts, my toothpaste, and a med. Still had to go out for those things Saturday. That’s also when we got more puppy pads for Rosie. My parent decided to wear her bent glasses while driving, since she could still see that way.

Last week I had a chocolate chip cookie sandwich with cream in the middle. It was from the new bakery area at a local market. It seemed over-the-top, and a great way to celebrate things. I could only get through half of it. They also had a red velvet and champagne cake. It was combined, and interesting.

A couple of days ago (in the morning), after brushing my teeth, there was a lot of red stuff that I spat out along with the toothpaste. I didn’t eat anything with a red color. I didn’t feel pain in my mouth, and didn’t see any blood from my gums. The only thing out of place was last night I noticed a hard/spiky spot on the roof of my mouth. It disappeared pretty quickly. I don’t think it had anything to do with it. So, what was it? I’ll see if it does it again.

I enrolled all 5 of my ebooks on Smashwords to their annual Read an Ebook Week promo. I set them to free. I seem to get more ‘bites’ when they’re free. It’ll be from March 2nd-March 8th. I put up a notice about it on my socials. I doubt anyone will care on those. I’ll still post about it on March 2nd.

Last week was Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week. I didn’t see anything new and interesting on facebook for it. Seems like everyone’s quiet about it this year. Maybe they’re scared.

I posted a selfie on my socials. I haven’t taken a selfie in a long time. I also wanted to compare previous selfies to see how much my ‘moon face’ has gone down. (A steroid made that happen.) I think it’s pretty much gone. I had a couple weird responses. One person, on Tumblr, said they looked at my profile and my selfie and they want to make a mural based on it. Saying I’m their muse. They said they’ll pay me $500 for it. I quickly blocked them. That was just bizarre. On Twitter, someone mentioned me. Apparently they said they were ‘inspired’ by my selfie and drew/painted me. It looked awful. The other people he did that to and was inspired looked awful, too. The original selfies were much better. Good it’s not just me. I don’t like that they did that without my permission, but it doesn’t violate Twitter’s rules. Although, he also had drawings of naked men. Some with rabbit heads. It was creepy. Another little surprising thing was a comment on facebook. Saying my skin is perfection, with hearts for eyes emoji. I think I should take it as a compliment, but I’m not used to that. At least it wasn’t like that person on Twitter.

It’s been raining heavily lately and windy. It’s supposed to get even windier tonight and Tuesday. The temperature has been warmer than usual, too. Warm, but stormy. Weird combo.

I finally cooked again Sunday night. It was One Pot Chili Mac and Cheese. From another pin on Pinterest. I don’t know if I rinsed the beans correctly. It turned out great, though. I thought there wouldn’t be enough liquid, but the pasta was perfectly done. There were a lot of leftovers, but that just means more lunches/dinners during the week.

Had a phone appointment today with my primary care doctor. I wasn’t expecting it. I had a notice telling me to do a pre-check in. I looked at my appointments, and there was also one to see someone in oncology (one I don’t know) in April. No one told me about it. I don’t like when they ‘decide’ for me.

Anyways, my doctor said she created the phone appointment today. She wanted to talk to me right away. She had just talked to Dr. Slack about my pain. He might think I’m still in palliative care (pc), which I’m not.

She went over 3 options for pain. The first one was to go to a certain specialist (I don’t remember what she called them), choosing between 2 different places in Seattle. They’ll insert a pain pump. Seattle’s a long haul. I don’t want to go all the way out there. It also sounds a little scary. The second option is to switch to methadone. I’d have to get off of morphine. The third option was to try gabapentin. That would work together with the morphine. She said the morphine deals more with bone pain, and gabapentin deals with nerve pain. I chose the third option. I think I’ve tried gabapentin before. (I could be wrong. We might have just talked about it.) It was back when they thought I had fibromyalgia. In reality, I probably was experiencing symptoms of my cancer. If I took it, I don’t remember how it affected me. She said there’s either 100 mg or 300 mg capsules. She’s going to try a stronger dose for me to start with. It’ll be the 300 mg. There’s more wiggle room to work with as well. Like, the max is higher than some others. She said I should probably start with it at night, since it might make me sleepy. It might also make me dizzy, unsteady on my feet, or trouble thinking/brain fog. She’ll order this along with okaying my next morphine refill. She wants me to talk to her again in 3 weeks over the phone. Just to see how it’s going. Hopefully, this will work. The other options sound intense, and again, scary. 

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28th of Tevet

I managed to cook again on January 18th! (I do want to try to cook every Saturday.) Yay! I wanted something with sausage that time. The recipe was also from a pin on Pinterest called Cheesy Kielbasa Pasta. I had to tweak it quite a bit. They were out of beef kielbasa, so I used beef smoked sausage. It was 12 oz instead of a pound, too. I think it was plenty. I used more of the prepared diced onion from the week before. That cooked to basically nothing just like the dinner the week before. I added a lot more garlic. Added twice the amount of Italian seasoning, because I used regular canned diced tomatoes instead of Italian style diced tomatoes. I think it just needed more seasonings and garlic to match it. I used regular chicken broth instead of reduced-sodium. There was also milk, penne pasta, a little black pepper, and shredded cheese. They had the exact combo mentioned for the cheese, and it was also exactly 2 cups which was what it called for. At the end, they have you add salt and more pepper to taste. I didn’t need more salt because of the regular chicken broth. Added just a little more pepper, though. It ended up really good. Nice and flavorful. According to the recipe it made 6 servings. Like the last thing I made, I did my own 6 servings. I just was giving myself whatever amount I wanted. The last serving was just a little less than the rest, but that’s ok. I like that I was close with it. It was pretty much the same that week.

I was sick starting on last week’s Monday and Sunday night. I couldn’t sleep very well the night before Monday. Just before I went to bed, Sunday night, I checked my temperature. It was at 100.3°F. I had a sore throat, too. I checked my temperature in the morning the next day and it was 100.9°F. So, it was still going up. At some point, I was really sweating and couldn’t get comfortable. I checked it again just before lunch, and it was down to 98.8°F. My norm is around 96.6°F. I was getting there. I don’t know how I got sick. I try to be aware of when I go out somewhere. It’s kind of rare for me to get sick like this. I still feel a little sick. My throat still gets sore occasionally. Cough drops kind of helped. I’ve stopped having them on a regular basis. Got more just in case. Managed to feel good enough to really get to my bed bath today. I also didn’t do my walks most of the time I was really sick. Didn’t make anything on Saturday night. Still felt sick enough I couldn’t do it. I looked at and decided on 3 more interesting possible recipes for the next few Saturdays. So, I did something about it.

I finally got something from Social Security. I think they approved me to continue with it. However, they’ll take about $98 from what they pay me, because they say they overpaid me. It was every month’s amount they were giving me. I think they did it because I didn’t know something was a ‘resource’. I was never asked about it either, until they saw it. They said I can try to get a waiver. If I do, there are 2 things to it: it has to feel unfair, and a hardship. It does feel unfair, but it’s not really a hardship. I got ssi in order to get healthcare. (I can appeal it, but it’s kind of a long process.) It’s weird that they’ll also be increasing the pay most people get this year. I think they’ll pay me next at the end of the month. At least I still have it.

Today, I did 4 or 5 lessons on Duolingo’s Spanish course. Finished all 3 quests for the day. Finished this month’s challenge/quest a while ago. I’m in the Diamond League now. It’s like their highest league. I was in it last week as well. I wasn’t able to be promoted. I was 13th in it at the end. (If you’re promoted you go into a Diamond League tournament.)  I ended up at 1st place today. Maybe I’ll be promoted this time? I’m impressed, because it’s such a competitive league. 

Started watching (a week from last Sunday) Connected. The 1st episode was on surveillance. How we watch everything, and what it teaches us. It wasn’t a bad thing. Very interesting. I started watching the new season of The UnXplained with William Shatner this Sunday. When I’m done with that, I’ll go back to Connected. I decided a while back that Sundays I’ll watch documentary/non-fiction/other shows. That’s been interesting.

We went to Central on Sunday. Yesterday we went to Petco and Safeway. Bananas have looked really awful the last few weeks we’ve looked. Found some ok looking ones on Saturday at Central. I got Colby Jack cheese from the deli a week ago. I’m tired of their meats, so I'm making more cheese sandwiches. Apparently, people had won both Powerball and Mega Millions, so both were pretty low. I still got tickets anyways. Even though they’re really low, I’ll still get more than enough to live off of it if I won. Sunday night I tried Central’s broccoli cheddar quiche for dinner. It seemed to be the right size for one person. It was saltier than I expected. Other than that, it was pretty good. I also found a very small red velvet cupcake. Usually I see such big ones, it was almost refreshing to see such a small one. It was very rich and decadent tasting. I was running really low on cereal (had like an 1/8 of a serving left), so I’m glad we went to Safeway to get more yesterday. I was also out of my turkey bacon. Had my last fruit cup yesterday. Got more of the mixed fruit in black cherry gel and mandarin oranges in orange gel. Those are good. Not sure why the mixed fruit one seems soupier. We ran out of big black bags. We especially need them for the puppy pads and trash each week. I also wanted them to start going through the stuff on my old bed. I’m going to throw most of it away. Except for the sherpa blanket. I haven’t really needed it yet this year, but it’s nice to have and soft. Since I was going through cough drops really quickly, I decided to get more. Last time I had the cherry store brand version. This time I got Halls’ black cherry. Hopefully they’re good. They have the same amount of menthol. We got more puppy pads. She really goes through them. We went to Petco this time. Got a toothbrush. It’s been longer than it should be with one brush, so it was time. I never know what to get so I got a medium. It apparently helps whiten teeth. My old one said it flosses as well. I doubt that. I had Safeway’s broccoli and chicken penne Alfredo for dinner yesterday. I think it’s better than Central’s chicken fettuccine Alfredo. The sauce is better and there’s no green onions. It also has broccoli. Good to have a vegetable. I also got their tiramisu cake for dessert, which I had half of as my last snack yesterday. It’s one of their best cakes. Although, I really love their Biscoff cookie butter cake. That’s amazing!

I got weird letters in the mail on Friday. They made me worry that I was kicked off of Medicaid or Apple Health. Most of the letters were from Washington Health Plan Finder. So, I called them today. They said I probably have it through Washington’s Healthcare Authority instead. Since I already was on it, they declined me getting on it through them. They said, to be sure, call Healthcare Authority and gave me the number. It was to their customer service. They had an automated thing that checked my status. (It was a little hard to hear.) It said I’m still on it. Thank goodness! I was really worried.

Last Thursday I had an xgeva and doctor’s appointment. I took the Access bus to and from it. Apparently, when my parent came home earlier than me, she said Rosie was crying for me. That was nice. I didn’t think she’d do that. I know she’s close to me, but she had my parent there. Anyways, the xgeva injection was slow and painful. Everyone was running late at the clinic.

I managed to get my primary care doctor to make a referral to get a new hospital bed. I got a call the next day saying they can deliver one that day. Super fast! I wasn’t ready. I moved it to February 3rd. I also made another appointment to take my old hospital bed the same day. I have to find a way to get rid of my old regular bed first. (They don’t move other beds.) That bed is also not good. My parent suggested the Got Junk people. That might be good and easy. I’m a little nervous I might not have a bed if the new one doesn’t work out somehow. It’ll probably be fine. If I don’t have a way to get rid of my old bed by Friday, I’ll call them and reschedule. It’ll be nice to sleep and be in my room again. I need to get a surge protector/power strip for the outlet near my bed. I’ll need it for the bed, iPhone charger, watch charger, and lamp on the nightstand. I need to dust at least near my bed, too. At some point, I might take down my ace flag and get a small TV mounted in that area. That might be nice. 

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15 of Tevet

It’s been so long since I’ve actually cooked something. I think the cancer has made it hard to motivate myself to do it. Before my fall back in March 2020 (a month before I was diagnosed with cancer), I was getting back into it. It was fun. I thought I’d try to cook again this year. I might cook on Saturdays. I made Enchilada Pasta from a pin I found on Pinterest this last Saturday. I bought pre-diced white onions, so I didn’t have to do it myself. It really helped. I hate onions, but will eat them if cooked a certain way. The recipe called for yellow onion, but it probably doesn’t matter much. The onions basically disappeared, which was a plus. Good to just have the taste. It has ground beef. It really reminds me of Hamburger Helper that way. I’m not used to using taco seasoning and enchilada sauce. Both were interesting. There’s also low sodium beef broth, pasta, and cheese. The cheese is a blend of monterey jack and cheddar. The cheese was like magic. It thickened up a lot when I added it. The pasta was perfectly cooked. I thought it would be too long. You cook it in the enchilada sauce and beef broth (and the rest of the stuff except cheese) for 15-20 minutes. No extra pot that way. It was really good. Very zesty. It’s made quite a few more dinners during the week. They say it’s 6 servings, but I don’t measure them out. I just go by what I want. I gave myself a little too much Monday night. Felt really full, but I still have a lot left.

Didn’t go to the markets on Sunday, but went to Central on Monday. I’m running really low on what SSI was paying me, so my parent was nice enough to help me with it. I still haven’t heard from Social Security. Anyways, I got a smoked turkey and dill havarti sandwich for dinner. To have a little break from the pasta thing. I also got a slice of cherry pie. I had that as my last snack. I got more instant beef pho. Used one of the instant pho’s on Monday, so I replaced it with this. The bananas looked horrible. It must be bad weather or something, since they’ve looked bad the last few times. I forgot to get milk, so I’ve had cereal without it again. Got one of my fave Amy’s frozen meals: broccoli cheddar bake. Also, got their Country Cheddar one. It’s been a while since I’ve had it, but it sounds good.

I got my first box of Universal Yums. It’s on the UK. I think they do a lot more interactive things than Treats did. One of their emails beforehand had a list of British comedy shows. Each one has a youtube link (I think to playlists), so you can watch some of it. Another email had recipes. It comes with a map of the country with some highlights. On the back you can write how you felt about each snack. There’s a booklet. Much more in depth than Treats on this. They have more recipes, sayings, a music playlist, descriptions of each snack, tips on what to do and not do at a tea party or afternoon tea, and even nutrition info on each snack. There are also stickers. The snacks have been interesting, and I don’t think Treats had any of them before. There’s also a little Yum Bag, which is apparently full of 2 types of little things they found. They’re fudge and a caramel filled with liquid chocolate. (They actually highlight them in the booklet as well.) This one seems more interesting to me. I've tried everything except the rhubarb candy and toffee. The pickled onion potato chips (or crisps) were better than the cheddar potato chips. The candies were softer than I expected. The Millions Iron Brew flavor were awful. Worst thing so far. Reminded me of Nerds, but stickier. Not really chewy. Stuck to my teeth too much and I only had a few pieces. (Gave it 1 or 0 hearts, if I could.) Tried it today, and had the chocolate chip and coconut soft cookies instead. They were good, but had just a little too much coconut. I also got an email from them a couple of nights ago. They featured books from or about the UK. A couple of them sounded interesting and I might add them to my wishlist on Amazon (if they’re on there). They really seem to get into it. Oh, and they asked if I wanted to opt out of Valentine’s Day related stuff next month. I happily did that. I don’t really like the holiday. They said I’ll still get the country related emails.

Monday I did 5 or 6 lessons in Duolingo’s Spanish course. I wanted to finish all the quests and use the xp multipliers I got from finishing them. I did 3 lessons each yesterday and today. Finished 2 quests pretty quickly. Only had 1 mistake today. I’m 4th in the league. That’s pretty good considering how competitive they are in this one.

Watched Flow and finished Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire. Flow was really trippy. They got the cat movement/mannerisms correct. It seems like it was a metaphor for death. It was a world where humans had certainly been there, but they disappeared. Interesting how the animals interacted with each other. At times they almost seemed human.

The New Empire was kind of cool. Lots of big ‘monsters’. I like how Kong knows the humans are trying to help him. They fixed his tooth for one thing. (There was another thing the humans gave him, but that might be giving too much away.) Godzilla just seemed angry with everyone but Mothra. I like where he decided to sleep a couple of times. I think he didn’t even know why he was trying to supercharge himself with radiation until Mothra came out.

Went to Silver City last night for dinner. We (my parent and I) shared their pretzel appetizer. It comes with 2 pretzels, so we could each have 1. I ate half of mine. I got their Top Notch burger with coleslaw. It was pretty good. Had half of both of them. Those and the pretzel made a nice lunch today. I had their brownie for dessert. It had ice cream on top, hot fudge, caramel sauce, and a ton of whipped cream. Some chocolate puffs/chunks were on top of the whipped cream. It looked like a huge ice cream sundae. I didn’t have the whole thing.

Had a horrible leg cramp early yesterday morning. I was still in bed. It was so bad that it was spasming for a long time afterwards. I’ve been getting little ones lately, but this was the biggest one in a long time. Maybe I need my cyclobenzaprine dose increased. It’s a muscle relaxer, which has helped a lot. I’ll bring it up with my primary care doctor. Another thing is I’ve been occasionally bleeding from my nose. I don’t know if it’s just dryness or something more.

Figured out another way to organize my pills. It might make it easier. After each day, organize yesterday’s pills. So, I end up refilling it over time. Sunday I’ll end up doing 2 days worth. Once during the day, and once after I have my last batch of pills that day. That’s better than doing all of them at once. It takes time with each one. It won’t take nearly as long. (It also means I won’t need to refill one on Mondays.) I’ll just still go over my pills on Sunday to see what I need to order or get at CVS/Safeway. That doesn’t take much time. 

I got a billing statement today online from Kaiser Permanente. It was more than I expected. They're still using the insurance I get as a dependent, not the Medicaid version. If it were the Medicaid version, I don't think it would even cost me anything. The biggest thing was the CT scan. I kind of think they used my Medicaid for the meds I got earlier this month. They were still at no cost. Normally, if I haven't met the deductible yet, most are $10. Except for Ibrance and Symproic, being $50 each a month. I'd be happy if they are using it for my meds. Wish it was for the rest of it, though. I'm a little nervous about my Xgeva again. I don't know if it'll be covered by Medicaid, or they'll charge me. It's not a cheap med, even when covered normally. If I don't get it, I can easily break more bones. I don't know if I can put a pause on it anyways. I might just go through with it, see how much it is and use their monthly bill pay thing for it and the CT scan stuff. The benefits card will help for now. Hopefully they can switch me to the Medicaid one soon.

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7th of Tevet

I’m still waiting for Social Security’s decision on my SSI. I think they’re giving me until January 11th, but I think they might have finally made their decision before that. I sent papers to them like they asked me to. They suggested I hand the envelope to them at the office or mail it. Mailing it was easier for me. I’m not sure why it’s taking so long, since I sent it a while ago. I hope it gets to them, and they decide to approve me. If not, we’ll have to appeal it. I did recently get another notification that they still consider me categorically needy for health care stuff. That’s something. I think that’s the state, not on the federal level? I called them a couple of times. Each time I would be put on hold for over 2 hours. Too long for me. I don’t think they’d be able to help me either. If they didn’t get the papers, that’s not my fault. Where did it go, if they didn’t get it? It got me so worried at one point, I couldn’t sleep well. Now, realizing I can’t do anything more and they should have gotten it, oddly makes me feel a little better.

I called Access Bus for another ride. This time to my oncology appointment coming up on Thursday. That went smoothly. Except I forgot who I’m seeing. It’s someone who I haven’t met before. I don’t know what happened to Dr. Nik.

Had my CT scan last Thursday morning. I usually get both that and a full bone scan done in Tacoma. This was just the CT scan part and it was at KP’s Silverdale clinic. Much closer. I had to get up a little earlier than usual. (It’s bad enough I usually have to get up early to take a pill.) They told me not to eat 4 hours beforehand. They were going to do some bloodwork, but looked over my info again and apparently they didn’t have to. They wanted me there an hour early so I could drink the contrast before it. They didn’t tell me to take my clothes off this time. I just had to push my jeans down a little. I was really worried they wouldn’t be able to get an IV in. It was a big ordeal last time I had it done there. This time he got it in right away. He said I had rock hard veins, but it looked like a few good ones. I had a hard time breathing during it. We thought my arms would be up enough so they wouldn’t hit the machine, they did anyway. It wasn’t too bad this time.

The results were pretty good. Only thing that showed up were gallstones. No mention of lung nodules,  atelectasis (partial lung collapse), or fatty liver disease. Maybe my walks have helped?   

I was really hungry afterwards. I thought about going to the Oak Table. The parking lot was way too crowded, and it looked like we would have to wait a long time. So, we decided to go to Green Light Diner instead. I got their smoked salmon eggs Benedict without scallions and with hash browns. I was thinking of getting the Oak Table version, so why not try theirs? The eggs seemed almost hard-boiled instead of poached. They have herbed cream cheese along with their hollandaise sauce. There were capers, too. The salmon seemed thicker and there was more of it. It was pretty good all together. The hash browns needed just a little more salt. I ate the whole thing. I was that hungry.

Oncology called me yesterday and left a voicemail. They wanted me to get some lab work done before my appointment this Thursday. So, I had a blood draw yesterday for it. I knew I needed it soon, because it’s been a while. It went well. In fact, they said I had a beautiful vein. I got 2 results back yesterday. My alk phos was high, and my platelet count was high. That’s not normal for me. Makes me wonder what that actually means. Google is a bit scary when I searched for it on there. My cancer marker (which I got today) is the lowest it’s ever been. (Since they have kept track of it.) I think that’s a good thing.

It’s a new month today with my walking plan. My new outside walk is walking out of the neighborhood, to the Mormon church, through the greenbelt, next to the tennis courts and back. I plan to do inside walks occasionally too. Like when it’s too rainy out there. I decided to do 40 minutes inside today. When I know how long the new outside route will be, I can change it. If I had gone out today, the sun would have been in my eyes. I did 137 rounds inside. That’s a lot. Apparently, just over a mile.

I plan to start cooking again. I haven’t done it in a long time. A lot of the recipes I see on Pinterest look great. It’d be nice to try them. A lot of them have either cheese in it, or you can add it as like a garnish at the end. Some are truly without cheese. However, I think it’ll be fun to cook with it. Some of the recipes might last me most of the week. So, that’s also a positive. Maybe I'll do it for Saturday dinners? That sounds like a good time.

I did 6 Spanish lessons on Duolingo today. I usually do 3. I only missed one sentence. I flagged it because I think mine was just another way to do it. They have interacted with me in the past when I flag them. They say things like they added another option putting mine into it, too. I finished all 3 quests. One of the quests wanted me to finish 5 lessons, so that’s partially why I did that. After the 5th one, I got another xp multiplier, so had to use it. I might try to do more than the 3 I usually do. I also got to 2 stories. One they’ve done before and the other seemed new. I don’t like when they repeat. When I was done today, I was 4th in the league. Not sure if I’m still at that spot now.

Rosie’s been using the box often. Sometimes she misses and it ends up on the puppy pads, but she was doing really well for a few days. (Those days doing nothing on the puppy pads.) The happy pills might be helping her. Today, she’s made it in the box most of the time, and a little on the pads.

Had a nice New Year’s Eve at home. We got some snacks for it. Got pickled herring, a cheese ball (thought it would be interesting to try), plain Ruffles chips with French onion dip, dolmas, olives, smoked salmon spread, chocolate covered malt balls, chocolate covered cherries, little slices of rye bread (for things like fish, cheese, etc.), the Hanukkah truffles, and I think that’s it. It was nice. We saw the celebrations from around the world. I fell asleep at some point. We watched the local fireworks too. Had sparkling apple cider to ring in the new year. Kind of like our champagne. Since I don’t drink alcohol. Still trying to eat everything we got, and have the 2nd bottle of sparkling apple cider. Nice to keep it going. 

Pinterest (I did not make these. Just sharing):

Youtube:

9th of Adar

This is my wallpaper for March. It's Zoro from One Piece. One of the coolest characters in the series. Also, one of the strongest, despite not having eaten a Devil Fruit. Devil Fruits give people powers. For instance, Luffy, the captain of the Straw Hats and main character, ate a fruit that turned his body into rubber. Brook ate one before he died that brought him back to life many years later as a skeleton. He's essentially immortal. He can also leave his 'body' as a ghost to explore things. The downside to eating a Devil Fruit is that the user will never be able to swim again. If they land in the water, their power gets drained, and they start drowning. Being pirates, that's a pretty big downside. Luffy has had to be rescued at least a few times because of this. Zoro does have a possessed sword, but he'd still be powerful without it. He fights with 3 swords when he's serious. It seems one of the few weaknesses he has is easily getting lost. He's horrible with directions (even his own), and ends up walking the wrong way. In fact, in the current arc of the anime, he went the wrong way and is getting to know more of the people of Wano on his own. He was supposed to meet up with the others. He found a boat (I guess he thought going by boat would be a shortcut?), people on the boat gave him free food (big deal, considering so many people are starving to death outside of the capital), he gambled for a while, saved someone, and that someone showed him the way to his village. Pretty big detour. 

The month-long holidays for March are: National Frozen Food Month, National Noodle Month, Irish-American Heritage Month. Some are for important causes, some are to make you appreciate things you may take for granted, and some are just for fun. 

Purim starts Monday night. Depending on how people follow it, it ends either Tuesday night or Wednesday night. We retell the story of Esther, usually in a fun way. Sometimes with skits. Each name has a certain thing the audience can shout out. Like, Haman, the villain, gets boo'd at and we use groggers (noisemakers) every time he's mentioned. Some cheer when Mordechai and/or Esther's names are read. Some make fun of how clueless the king is. It can get pretty rowdy. Especially, when you throw in that the adults are supposed to drink until they can't tell the difference between the villain and the hero. Plus, there's candy and hamantaschen (triangle-shaped jam-filled cookies), and usually a carnival. Dressing up in costumes is a big thing, too. Some have likened that part and the candy to a Jewish Halloween. There's another tradition where people hand out goodie bags/baskets (mishloach manot) to family, friends, and neighbors. Usually filled with food and/or drinks. People also give to charity. It's a fun holiday. Haven't attended a service or carnival for it in a very long time. I think they actually have hamantaschen now at our local market. I might try those, but they're vegan and use soy-based things...I'd rather it be the normal ones. 

With Purim coming up, that means there's roughly a month until Passover. Not much time. It's an even bigger holiday, especially because of the dietary restrictions. It has to be planned. I think this year I might try to get things online again. As long as I do it early enough, that should be fine. I ordered a little too close to the holiday last year. It looks like I'll be alone for both of the first nights. (It lasts for 8 days.) So, I'll have both seders (ritual dinners) all to myself at home. That's not too bad. Less food to think about, and don't have to bring something to another person's seder. Plus, I can eat what I like at both. 

Since Sunday, I've been having severe back, shoulder, neck, and hip pain. Stiffness, too. Really awful along my spine. It's actually gotten so bad, I'm having trouble moving around. Really having a hard time getting up from lying and sitting positions. It's like my body just doesn't want to do it, not only because of the pain. I've come close to not being able to get out of bed the last couple of mornings. Looking at my back yesterday, I noticed 2 huge lumps. One over my spine, and one over my left shoulder. I don't know if I simply imagined them, though. If I didn't...that doesn't sound good. Sometimes it hurts just to breathe. I thought it might be related to being constipated, but after 'fixing' that, it seems to have gotten worse. I'm really nervous about it now. However, I can't do anything until I've gotten approval to be put back on my health insurance. As soon as I do, I'm going to Urgent Care for this. I'm not sure how long I can wait after that, if it doesn't go away on its own. I do plan to get a new primary care doc, too. If this gets much worse while I'm waiting for that approval, I may need to go to the hospital, even though I really don't want to unless I'm covered. 

There might be hints that I'll be approved soon, because of getting 3 (I think) checks of a sizable amount recently. They did say they'd back pay it, however I haven't really done much since I've been off it. I only saw my primary, which they billed as a phone visit. That's not much even when you're not insured. Certainly not as much as what's on one or two of those checks. I'm not sure why they paid me so much. Oh, and my current med is the same price it would be if I were covered, so it doesn't seem related to that. It's nice, but weird.  

Despite the pain, I managed to make a dinner and dessert on Monday. It had been a while since I felt like I actually cooked. Made Philly Cheesesteak stuffed pasta shells for the dinner. Found the recipe on Pinterest. I had been wanting to make it for a while. Sounded so good. I cooked the 'filling' the way I normally would for something like a ground beef, onion, and green bell pepper mixture. They wanted me to do it in a weird way that would create even more dishes. I did add a little margarine (I used that instead of the butter that was listed) into the mixture. That filling is seasoned with Worcestershire sauce, ketchup, salt, and pepper. It was my first time dealing with jumbo pasta shells and stuffing them. That was interesting, and kind of a fun part. After they're stuffed, cheddar is sprinkled over them. The cheese sauce was made in the same pan that the beef mixture was in, so it picked up those flavors. On top of that the sauce has more cheddar, beef broth, milk, and some corn starch to thicken it. They have you pour half of that between the shells before putting it in the oven. Then, you add the rest to individual portions. It was more of a to-do than I thought it would be, but it was really worth it. It turned out amazing! Made a lot, too. Since I'm the only one eating it, I've been having it for meals throughout the week. 

I also made a cherry cheesecake. Recipe came from my cookbook, My Mother's Treasure Trove of Recipes. I haven't done many things from it, so I thought I'd explore a bit. Plus, it let's me, and others, see what things look like. There are no pics in the book. This was one of the first dessert recipes in it. Seemed really simple. I think it was from the 80's. They have you mix cream cheese and powdered sugar together, then fold in Cool Whip, pour that into a graham cracker (or shortbread) pie crust, top with a whole can of cherry pie filling, and chill it in the refrigerator. It ended up making a little too much filling/cheesecake for the crust to handle, so I had to throw out the excess. I got more of the cherries on there than I thought I could, but still had 1/4 of a can left. Oh well. The finished product was awesome! Tastes even better than Safeway's cheesecakes. It ended up really thick with the filling, too. Feels like I get a substantial amount with each slice. 

I plan to go back to doing a Pinterest recipe every week, along with one from my cookbook. I'll switch the types around, as well. For instance, next time I'll make a dessert from Pinterest, and a dinner from the cookbook. I do have drink and snack recipes for both, too. I suppose I could just do a different combo each time. Doesn't have to be a dinner and dessert. So, I'll see how that goes.

Since I'm in so much pain, I feel like not eating much today. Last night, things filled me up more than they should have, and I had a weird feeling of my stomach creating bubbles. Had hiccups when I tried to sleep after that. So, all I plan to have today is a little of the pasta thing, and maybe cheesecake for 'dinner'. Enough to take my med and have it regulated. Plus, at least I won't waste what I made. This isn't a good thing to do when you have colitis, though. I try to have 5 small meals a day (I splurge a bit during the weekend and some Wednesdays), so things are balanced. Keeps me from being too nauseated, oddly enough. Also, I already have issues with absorbing certain things like protein. Eating the way I am today for a longer period of time, will cause a lot of issues. Could even spark a flare. I suppose it's ok every once in a while to eat like this. 

Youtube:

Kimetsu no Yaiba (Demon Slayer):

One Piece:

16th of Tishri

Those sweaters/sweatshirts I got last week have been really nice and comfy. I'm still waiting for one more sweater. That's expected to arrive by the end of the month. Supposedly, it's coming from China. The company's highly rated. I still think they're making it from scratch, and that's why it's going to take so long. It's a winter-like sweater, so I guess it's ok if it comes when it's even chillier. Looks really comfy. 

I also ordered a bra online. I get dysphoric going through the lingerie section in brick-and-mortar stores. I thought it'd be best to try online. I still need it, at least for support...Despite being so dysphoric about my chest. It's weird. It's like getting support for something that shouldn't be there. Anyways, online they have pics of models in them, which was weird, too. Not as bad as being at the store. I just quickly found the same size/style I have normally and ordered it. It was from Macy's. Got it in the mail Friday or Saturday. Not bad. It also was much cheaper than buying it there. Ended up being about $20 with shipping and tax. At the store, the bra itself is $40. This isn't counting tax and gas to get there. Didn't know it would be so much cheaper. Might be the best way to go.

Today's the 2nd day of Sukkot. Sukkot lasts for a week. It lit. means Booths. It's a harvest holiday where we build temporary hut-like structures, decorate them, eat all meals in them, some sleep in them, etc. We also shake a lulav and etrog in it. Both the lulav and etrog represent the 4 species. The lulav has a willow branch, date palm, and myrtle branch. The etrog is a type of citron similar to a lemon. There are many meanings behind the 'species'. One's for the 4 Hebrew letters in G-d's name. Another is masculine and feminine symbolism. Another is as parts of the body: etrog as the heart (place of understanding and wisdom), palm as the backbone (uprightness), myrtle as the eyes (enlightenment), and willow as the lips (prayer). Some interpret as different types of Jews being brought together. We shake them together in specific directions. That represents divine rule over nature, Jews around the world, bringing sukkot within, etc. It's supposed to be one of the most joyous holidays, where we're actually encouraged to be happy. It's interesting how we go from such a somber holiday like Yom Kippur to a holiday like this. 

The sukkah (singular for the 'booth' or hut) is decorated with all sorts of fall/harvest-related things usually. The decorations we'd use for ours in the past were pine cone strings, fake fruit, fake gourds, lavender, other flowers, and more. We also put out a lantern (like you would for camping) and tables and chairs. It has to have at least 3 sides, and can be made of pretty much any material. The roof must be open enough to be able to see the stars. Many people cover the roof with things like branches and leaves. Ours had 3 wooden lattice walls, a wooden frame, wooden slats for the 'roof', and tree boughs on top of that roof. My mom put it together from a kit. Another custom is to invite guests to dinners in it. It's a big hospitality thing, and those Sukkot guests are called ushpizin. (There's even an Israeli film of the same name, which is pretty good.) We often had people who weren't Jewish, friends and neighbors, eat with us. That was fun. I never slept in it, but some people do sleep in theirs during the holiday. I suppose if you brought sleeping bags and something to keep the bugs away, it'd be doable. It gets pretty cold at night this time of year, though. It's not really a secure structure, either. 

Got a bluetooth speaker this past weekend. I don't think I like it, and will most likely return it. One of the major issues is it can connect to my computer, but I can't control the sound from the speaker itself. That's a problem. It talks, too. I don't want something like that. Every time I turn it on it has to establish a connection to my computer, which takes time. Meanwhile, it tells me it's ready to connect every few seconds. It's frustrating, and I want something that just works. My old ones would cut out and make weird chugging noises every so often. Sometimes my computer couldn't read them. I realized later that that was a Windows update problem not my computer specifically. It worked itself out after one of the recent updates. The sound wasn't best either. (Even when it wasn't cutting out.) I might need to go back to those. At least, I can control the sound from them and they don't speak. I might just get a regular non-bluetooth based speaker(s). The only reason I wanted the bluetooth one was because I know it'll at least recognize it. I don't want to go back to possibly one of the future updates creating that error again. Oh, well.

Last Friday was National Coming Out Day. I don't think anyone comes out just once. If you meet new friends, date, or simply want to share who you are with others; you're constantly coming out. I first came out as ace in June 2015. Aro in October or November that year. Agender in May or June 2017. The worst reactions have been to the aro ace part and talking about wanting a qpr (queerplatonic relationship). I think telling some people that I have no gender is too scary, out there, or difficult to wrap their brains around. They think they understand what being aro ace is, and therefore have a say in it. There have been alloromantic (not aro, aka allo) ace activists that are arophobic or extremely ignorant about aros. All being aro ace means is I don't experience romantic and sexual attractions. No one makes me want to have sex or date them when I see them. This isn't a statement on how I or other aro and/or aces feel about having sex, our libido, dating, romantic gestures, etc. Everyone varies. It doesn't mean we can't or don't want to have sex (does not equal celibacy, which so many people think it does), it doesn't mean we don't want relationships (romantic or otherwise), doesn't mean we can't date, and more. I've been told, when I brought up wanting a qpr, that I should just get a dog instead. I'm sorry, but I want to be close to a human being this way. They clearly didn't understand it. It's not based on romance and sex like the standard (romantic) relationship is. The core focus of a qpr is on platonic attraction and emotional connection. Essentially, take out the romance and sex of those romantic relationships, and you have a qpr. If those 2 things are the only things in that relationship, I think it wouldn't be a healthy one. In a qpr, you can still have romantic and sexually coded things. It can be rivaling on the same level of closeness and commitment as romantic ones. Some people marry their partners (some call them squash, pumpkin, zucchini, and other vegetables), have kids together, live together, etc. for many reasons. By the way, next week is Asexual Awareness Week. Not sure if I'll do anything for it this year.

Made 2 things from recipes I found on Pinterest last night. Olive Garden Chicken Gnocchi Soup for dinner. I've never had the original Olive Garden version, so I can't compare them. I think it turned out great, though. It's got quite a lot of vegetables and protein. It's creamy, garlicky, and buttery. Wholesome comfort food that's perfect for this time of year. I found out ways to make it easier on myself, too. Real cooking (not just from a box) is exhausting for me, and my hands are painful and weird most of the time. The 'normal' level of fatigue I have because of my colitis makes it difficult, as well. They say that type of fatigue is common even when you're in remission. It's that way with most autoimmune diseases. The only things I had to chop/cut were the spinach and celery. Those are some of the easiest for me. Also, found frozen shredded chicken. I have made shredded chicken in the past, but it can be a hassle and takes time. I didn't notice until later, but they noted that you could cook the gnocchi in the soup instead of separately. I don't know why they didn't note that in the actual directions. It would have been less things to clean up. Cleaning up is a bit more difficult for me, but I managed to do it. Yay! 

I also made butterscotch fudge. It only had 2 ingredients: butterscotch chips and buttercream frosting. They have you melt the chips, mix that with the frosting, pour that mixture into a parchment-lined (I used wax paper) pan, and let it sit in the refrigerator for an hour to set. I accidentally burnt some of the chips. I forgot to stir them and do it in short intervals. I probably should have done it on the stove and not the microwave. I freaked out a little, but mixed it into the frosting anyways. It was really tough to cut into. The burnt bits might have actually made it better. They were like toffee pieces. The rest of it really did taste like fudge. Although, it didn't look pretty. That's ok. I might use this template for other flavors like chocolate, mint, vanilla, etc. I could add a small amount of nuts, too. I couldn't find a can of buttercream frosting like the recipe called for. So, I asked someone at the Safeway bakery about it. They said they sell their own by the pound there. I got a pound of it. I didn't use it all, but I think she gave me more than a pound. I might have barely gotten through half of it with what I used for the fudge, which was 14 oz. She didn't charge extra for it. Maybe she wanted to be generous? I don't know what I'll do with the rest of it. Looking it up, it doesn't last long. (2 weeks at most.) Might throw it away, but seems like a waste. She was the one that gave me so much, though...I noticed I might not be able to have a full serving of the fudge. Had 1/2 of one last night, and it was a lot. It was like a blast of sugar. Hopefully, it'll last a while. However, knowing the frosting doesn't last long, I don't know. 

Studied more Dutch from Duolingo today and yesterday. Finished the Looks unit, and am almost through the Science 1 one. Still have quite a few units left of this course. Good, because I'm unsure which language I'll start next. Still in the Ruby League.

Messed around with drawing folds in Junko's clothes. I'll pick the ones I liked the most next time, and go over everything with a pen. Edited more of Alliance today and yesterday. Got through chapter 12 and close to halfway through chapter 13 today. Went through 8 pages of the ebook version, and 12 pages of the print. 

A few days ago, I had a lot of ideas pop up about designing an author card (I recently thought about making one, but need to finish editing stuff at least first) and trailers for my books on Youtube. They came to me in the middle of the night. Kind of annoying, but I still wrote them down. I hadn't thought much about the trailers. I think I tried to make one in the past for Sweet Endless Terror, but I didn't know what to do with it. I now have ideas on that and others. For that one, first, I can draw one thing related to every story (there are 12 short stories). I already have 2 drawings I can mess with to fit 2 of those stories. That being a skull and knife. Other drawings would be things like a ribbon, heart (anatomically correct one), a galaxy or other space related thing, etc. I might pick one quote from each story to share in its part, and use the music provided by Youtube. Some sort of haunting/horror theme. With the first Alliance book, I can pick various quotes, might use some of my pics of nature and/or stock fantasy based pics, and again use music from Youtube. The sequel could be interesting to do, too. It might be similar. With my memoir, I could have pics related to each section, meanings and quotes from them, and music provided by Youtube. With the cookbook, I could use some of the pics I've taken of things I've made from it, a few recipes, maybe the intro, and some sort of theme music from Youtube. Seems like I could do a lot with them. I have a much better computer now, too. 

National Noodle Day!

This holiday was yesterday. I love noodles! The only type I don't care for are cellophane noodles. Haven't had it in a while, so that may have changed. There are so many different kinds out there. It was also National German-American Heritage Day and Mad Hatter Day yesterday. 

Did quite a bit of shopping over the weekend. I only have 2 good shirts for fall, and one semi-good one that's really old and thinning out. That last one used to be good for winter, because it was thick and fuzzy. (I think it's fleece? Not sure.) Anyways, on Saturday, I looked at Amazon for more fall/winter shirts. I never seem to find very many styles I like at local malls and such. Plus, shirts are usually short here. I like tunic-length. My torso is really long, and tunic-length usually covers me well. I also have broad shoulders, and looking mainly in the 'women's' section makes it a bit more challenging. 

I found 7 good looking sweaters/sweatshirts. All are tunic-length and long-sleeved. More than I expected. They'll really help. Only one seems to be winter-like. I'll have to look for more winter ones in the future, but this is a big step. I can probably use some of the fall stuff in the winter, if I put a heavy coat on and/or hoodie. I still need to look for a coat. My current one is really old, falling apart, doesn't have a lining anymore, etc. 

They all look really comfy. In fact, some of the reviewers said they felt so nice and soft, they didn't want to take them off. Some of them are made to be oversized. As long as I'm not swimming in them, it seems like that would be nice. I like that they all had the measurements for the sizes. Might even be more accurate this way than guessing at a brick-and-mortar store. For some things I was a medium, if I wanted them somewhat snug. (This surprised me...I used to be much bigger.) So, I ordered those as a large to have it a little looser. The others are extra-large. I tried to order the next bigger size with those, too. Just to make sure. If they don't fit, I can return them. Just have to keep that in mind. 

4 of them are coming today. Really fast! I got 2 already. Both are from Amazon Essentials. I thought it was cool that they have their own line that's pretty cheap. One's a burgundy crew-neck T-shirt. The other's a v-neck camel heather sweater. They're simple, but simple is good and basic. Something I needed. The other 2 things that are coming are both sweatshirts. Both have pockets, which wasn't what I was looking for, but I'll take it. One of them is purple, and the other is khaki with gold trim. I thought it'd be good to get a variety of colors. I'll try on those 4 shirts when I get them all.

2 more are coming tomorrow. One's a red wine with silver stripes (thick one across the chest, and 2 at the elbows) sweater. Kind of reminds me of my college's, WSU, colors: grey and crimson. That'll be cool. The 2nd's a cable crew-neck sweater in charcoal heather. 

The last one is a loose and chunky turtleneck sweater in beige. It looks the most comfy and winter-like. It apparently won't arrive until the end of the month. This makes me think that it might be handmade and they only start making it when you order, which would be interesting. 

Sunday, we mostly did grocery shopping. I want to get more into making recipes from Pinterest, and planning the week's dinners in advance. I forgot to look at recipes before we went out, but I'll look soon. Have to see what we have of whatever recipe I decide on next, then make a list of the stuff I'd need. It's actually cheaper than getting premade meals, boxed stuff, etc. A lot of them are packed with more nutrients, too. Also, have more control over what goes into it. If I make a full recipe of something with many servings, I might need to freeze some of them to keep them 'fresh'. I'm hoping to convert most recipes into 1 or 2 servings, though. Might be more difficult with crockpot-based ones. Those might keep better. We'll see. 

Finished the Suffix unit and am halfway through the University unit for Duolingo's Dutch course. I think I only did it once last week. Hopefully, It'll be better this week. Still in the Ruby League. 

Finally went back to drawing Junko. I was frustrated with how she was turning out. Looking back at it today, it didn't seem as bad as I thought. I drew her clothes and erased some extra lines this time. Next, I'll add folds in the fabric and maybe fine-tune her clothes more. 

Edited more of Alliance. Finished going through chapter 11, and well into chapter 12. Went through 7 pages of the ebook, and 11 pages of the print. A lot in such a short time. 

Practiced my clarinet. I haven't done it for probably 2 weeks. Nice to get back to it. I played Mozart this time. Almost finished the book. There's just one more piece. 

17th of Elul

Sunday, I looked for 2 pillboxes similar to my current one on Amazon. For some reason, I didn't see any at Safeway. I've had my current one for roughly 10 years. Probably longer. I think I got it at Rite Aid. I remember my mom got the same kind at the same time. It's a daily circular one with 3 segments on the inside. The design on the outside is a metallic red with a silver starburst at the center and silver spikes coming off of it. The bottom and sides are golden. (Not actual gold.) It has a button like clasp on the edge to open and securely close it. Cool looking and I've loved it. However, I just realized recently that it's probably not sanitary anymore. You can't really clean them, unlike the weekly plastic ones. So, it's probably built up stuff from all the meds I've had since. Even the wax paper glued above the sections has turned yellow and the multivitamin gummies made wet looking imprints. I looked for 2 so that I can switch them after a little while. Probably better for me that way. I actually found some. Ordered one that has a few pink and white flowers, branches, and an open black background, the rest being silver. It looked kind of like a vintage thing. The 2nd one's a giant squid attacking an old boat, the rest of it's also silver. The tentacles are the only things shown of the squid. It looks like something you'd see in an antique shop. It looks like a black and white sketch. Both look cool. I was also thinking about an old compass, old map, a moon, another piece of abstract art, or octopus one. I didn't know there were so many designs. Some looked really expensive, but weren't bad in reality. The 2 I ordered seemed to be cheap, too. It was interesting that shipping for one of them was the same cost as the product itself. 

Someone on AVEN posted a thread about trying to understand what it means to be non-binary or enby for short. They were very ignorant on a number of things. They brought up trans as binary, used mtf (male to female) and ftm (female to male), that to be trans you have to transition, odd ideas about intersex people, and obviously quite a lot of stuff on enby genders and such. It was a lot to unpack. 

All that trans means is someone who's gender doesn't match the one they were assigned at birth. Since enby people don't identify with the one assigned to them, they are under the umbrella. Mtf or ftm are problematic because people have always had their gender, they were just assigned the wrong one. If you've always felt like a woman, you are one. You weren't a man before and suddenly turned into a woman. It doesn't work that way. Same with trans men. Better terms are afab (assigned female at birth) and amab (assigned male at birth). Not all trans people transition for many reasons. Health, can't afford it, don't see the need, etc. 

They thought that intersex people have both sets of sex types. Not necessarily. It can vary a lot, and they could seem 'normal' with one set, but other aspects will be different. Most people don't know their intersex until they're tested and that isn't cheap. They also thought that intersex people are trans. Not necessarily. They could be either cis or trans like everyone else. There are some genders that only intersex people can be, which is pretty cool. 

They thought enby and agender were the same thing. Nope. Enby is when someone isn't entirely a man or a woman all of the time. Genderfluid people that are sometimes a man or a woman are still considered enby, because they aren't always those genders. They also most likely fluctuate between many other genders. There are bigender people that are both a man and woman. Still considered enby, since they aren't just one or the other. They may have many other combos, too. Demigender people are partially a gender. They could be partially others at the same time (many being mostly agender). If part of their gender is in the binary, they're still enby, because they aren't completely a man or a woman. Being agender is under the enby umbrella, since I'm neither a man or a woman. I'm not related to the binary. There are many genders out there that aren't. It means I don't have a gender. 

They also asked how it felt to be enby. For me, there's nothing there. I see it in other people, but internally...nothing. Feminine and masculine seem more like 'styles' to me. I'm neither of those either. I might like aspects of both, but they're like pretty and cool masks or costumes. I don't identify or feel like they're truly me. I just am. Apparently, this confuses people, though. 

I'm glad their response to all this was a like. Despite being so ignorant and rude at times in their main post, they seemed to genuinely want to understand. I was bracing myself for retaliation still. Some people are unpredictable, don't think it's good enough, or want me to defend it somehow. There was one member of that same forum in the past that demanded I tell her what gender is and feels like. Again...you're asking someone who doesn't experience it. It was weird. 

On Sunday, we went to the dump. Got rid of 140 lbs of stuff. Mainly my parent's books. Went to Starbucks afterwards. I tried their pumpkin scone. Liked the scone part a lot. The very thick stiff icing, not as much. It's good, but seemed too thick and added way too much sweetness to it. Also, got an iced pumpkin spice latte. It didn't taste as strong as I remembered. It was ok, but not the best. Maybe the frappuccino version's better? I think they have a couple of other seasonal drinks that are back. Maybe I'll try one of those next time. 

It's gotten cold enough that I had to put the heavy electric blanket on my bed this weekend. It's super cozy when turned on. When off, it's pretty nice too, since it kind of feels like a hug. Rosie absolutely loves it. Even when it's off. She looks so happy when I have my heater going and she's on that blanket. It's cute. She gets so relaxed when the blanket is on and heated up. (Takes time to heat up to the setting you want.)

Went to my primary doc appointment yesterday. I was disappointed with how it turned out. So much so that I'm thinking about switching to a different one again. I might look at the trans-friendly list of primary docs again. She dismissed a lot of things, was 40 minutes late (they only give you 20 minutes. I don't care if it was at the end of the day. It was offered then), she always seems scattered and rushed when late, asked me what she should do, was contradictory, refused to do any imaging or blood tests, etc. There was one thing she did that was good, which was prescribe me a muscle relaxant. I was going to ask her about that. Most of the pain in both arms seems to be muscle related, so that might help for sleep at least. I might get that tomorrow. 

I also had a 101 degree fever. Didn't even realize that during the day. I had felt hot flashes, but didn't think much of it. Her nurse was concerned, but she didn't talk about it herself. I didn't take my temp yet today. I probably should at some point. At least my primary actually said that my rheumatologist will know what to do and get to the bottom of what it is. I'll see him on Friday.

Made another thing from a Pinterest recipe called Cacio e Pepe Ramen for dinner last night. The directions weren't clear. I used half of most of the ingredients, except a 1/4 of the cheese. They used 2 different types of cheese, and I only used parmesan. They didn't really explain what to do with the 'broth' of water, butter (I used margarine), olive oil, pepper, and extra cheese after the noodles were cooked and tossed in it. It seemed like it'd be a waste to toss it out, so I poured it into the bowl along with the noodles. They have you add a little more pepper as a garnish. It was a bit strange. Tasted ok, but was kind of a mess. So, this one wasn't a good recipe, which is the first one so far, of the ones from Pinterest, that's been like that. 

I did my Dutch on Duolingo both yesterday and today. Went through the Shape unit and am halfway through the Media one. I'm 9th in the Ruby League as of right now. I think I ended up being 3rd yesterday. Maybe I can get back up there by the end of the week.

Edited Alliance both days, too. I think today was the most I've edited in a sitting. I finished chapter 6 and went through all of chapter 7. That was 11 pages of the ebook version, and 17 pages of the print version. I didn't spend as much time as my usual, either. I'm happy I got through that much.

I half thought about making author business cards when I published my last book. I didn't know what I'd put on it, especially because I had multiple books out, and put it in the back of my mind. I thought about it today. People are asking more about my books in person now, too. Read an article about what authors tend to put on it, and I think I could do it. I might even be able to make them with my new printer. However, I feel I need to do quite a few things beforehand. First, I need to finish editing what I feel needs it, and republish those books both to Smashwords and Amazon. Some were never on Smashwords before, and I think getting all of them on there would be a good idea. I might need to reformat things, too. Then, I'm thinking of making a new author's page on facebook, edit the Amazon and Smashwords (haven't gone there in a long time) author pages, figure out a separate 'business' email address and phone number (they say it's a bad idea to list both your personal email and number), create an author's page on Instagram and another on Twitter. I have to decide if I want to use the cover art of the books for the design (and how), and what shape it'll be. Some authors make theirs into bookmarks, which makes a lot of sense and fits the 'theme'. It could be fun for promoting it. This way whenever someone asks me face to face, I can just whip out a card. Easier to remember for people if they have something written out, too.