Wanted to update this more than once a month...I'm getting better overall health-wise, so this might change. The last couple of weeks have been pretty busy. I had an orthopedist appointment. He said my arm is really healing well. I can try using it for as many as things as I can, carefully. I've been doing that without thinking at times. He said, since I haven't started physical therapy yet, it's stiffer than it normally would be. He recommended I do a stretch that will help with more flexibility and moving it up higher. It's already gotten better with that. I'm getting more feeling around the incision area, which is both good and weird. He wants me to focus more on my cancer treatment than on my arm. I told him that I plan to have a physical therapist work with me after I have the hysterectomy. Thought it'd be a good way to recover from that, too. He agreed.
I had a 'procedure' where I was put under anesthesia to get my IUD out, pap smear, check my uterus, and get a lupron shot. I wasn't told not to eat, so I had a tiny breakfast at around 8:30am. Check-in was 12:30pm. They told me I couldn't do it until 3pm, because of the food. If they had to do this, I would have thought 1pm at the latest. 3pm rolls around, and they try to get the IV in. Took until 4pm. (Only way they got it in was with an ultrasound.) They decided to put 2 people in my slot, and it ended up being around 6pm when they finally took me back to it. It was absurd! A whole day just sitting there. I couldn't even access my phone. They saw a suspicious area and took a biopsy along with everything else. I was really sore and angry by the time we got home, which was 9pm. At least, I had a nice gyro with fries at It's Greek to Me right before heading home. (Besides that small breakfast, I didn't have much else that day.) Still...didn't make up for it.
Had an esophagram the next day. I was expecting the day to go haywire like the one before, but everything went pretty smoothly. It was about a 30 minute exam. The only issue I had was being called a lady so often when I was first taken to their locker room area. I didn't tell them I was agender, since I didn't want to go through a big thing of it. Simply wanted to get it over with. They gave me something that had a similar reaction as pop rocks in order to expand my digestive tract with gas to observe it better. They told me to be careful with not burping it all out. That was difficult. This was a more detailed type of exam than the swallow one I had a year ago. This time there wasn't a food aspect. There was a very thick version of barium they had me drink standing up. Then, a thin one laying down on my belly on the table. They watched the reactions through a fluoroscope, which is like something that takes x-rays so quickly, it turns it into a movie. They can watch in real-time this way. Similar to the other exam, but this is more detailed in its view. They tried moving me around to get 'evidence' of the LPR or silent GERD. It was interesting. They didn't tell me what they saw afterwards this time.
The next day or 2, I started to feel sick. Thinking I was still sore from what my gynecologist did to me, I ignored it for a little while. By the night of June 15th, I was starting to get a really scary symptom. I would suddenly get cold, then my body would shiver violently for like 20 minutes at a time. So violently, my back and neck kept tensing up badly, causing a lot of pain. The following night was the last straw, with having longer waves at a time of that symptom. I went to Urgent Care that Wednesday morning. My nurse navigator had told me that it sounded like an infection and that I was going through shock with the shivering. They ran some tests, hooked me up to an IV (took a while to get) with antibiotics and fluids, and monitored me. I even had that shivering happen while I was being given the antibiotics. They couldn't do much for that. At one point, the doctor prescribed a little dilauded. She said sometimes that can calm patients down, even if it's not pain related. Sure enough, it did help with the shivering. It eventually stopped. Never came back after that. Thank goodness. It was an awful feeling that I couldn't control. They prescribed a huge amount of cefdinir, and sent me on my way. Oh, they also found out that I had a fractured vertebrae, a fracture in one of my left ribs, and another old fracture (I was told about it a few months ago) in one of my right ribs. A vertebrae fracture can be a bit difficult to heal from. The doctor prescribed a special back brace for it. At least, it will have support whenever I move around.
The next day, I was told to go back to Urgent Care for another antibiotic infusion. They were worried because one of the tests indicated that the bacteria was in my blood. I never got this test result myself. I did get one for my lactic acid. That was normal. If it were high, I'd be septic or in shock. We didn't know what type of culture the bacteria was at the time. So, I'd be blasted with more antibiotics that may or may not be what I needed. I know what it's like to have too much of that in my system. It can actually kill people. I was already still taking the antibiotics I was given, and improving quickly. So, I refused to go back. I also didn't want to sit there for hours on end again. My nurse navigator tried to convince me for an hour to go. She didn't seem to be listening to a word I was saying. Normally, she's very understanding. She kept saying things like: "You're breaking my heart!" "You are so young!" "You could die!" It was really over-the-top. Put me in a not so great mindset. I almost thought of trying to get a new nurse navigator after that, but I wouldn't know where to begin, or how many are even available. I'm just putting it to her caring a little too much, she's been great with everything else, and she acted totally different the next time I talked to her.
The culture turned out to be E. Coli, which is common. Turns out the antibiotics I was prescribed are like 8 times more potent against that than something like keflex. I was already on the right type of antibiotic. No wonder I've been getting better so quickly. I stopped having any symptoms of the uti after a few days of being on it. Pretty good. I still have to finish all of the antibiotic. They gave me 10 days worth. (It'll end on Saturday, I think.) The only problem with this is I can't take my chemo, Ibrance, until I finish it. Without the chemo, some of my bone pain has come back on top of the newer pain of the fractured vertebrae. Wahoo! It turns out I can't do the urine test until it's been a week after I finish the antibiotic, and once I get the culture back from that I can get back to my chemo. So, a week later than expected. I've increased my morphine to 3 pills a day starting today, instead of 2. They already prescribed it as 2 or 3 pills, but I wanted to be conservative with it. This way it can be flexible, too. Once I'm back on the chemo and feeling better, I might go back down to 2. I was feeling so much better until this uti happened. I highly suspect that what they did to me during the 'procedure' caused that uti. Another thing to be angry about that day. Not much I can do about it.
Found out through that biopsy that the breast cancer has spread to that area, too. So, it's not only in my bones, but possibly skin and/or areas of my reproductive tract. I'm a little more worried about that. Depending on how deep the cancer is in that area, my hysterectomy is going to be more drastic, or I think they call it radical, than what it would have been if there weren't any signs of it. It means a more invasive, tougher, and longer surgery. Longer hospital stay, too. The 'look' will be even more brutal right after. We still don't know when surgery will be. It'll be done by someone else, thank goodness. This will be an oncology gynecologist. Sounds like they'll know even more of what they're doing. My current gynecologist doesn't specialize in oncology and is new to working cases. She at least knows this is out of her league, and is trying to help me. That other oncologist hasn't responded to her yet about surgery, even though she's been trying to for a couple of weeks now. We'll see how that goes. It's even more up in the air with timing now that I had to stop Ibrance for a while. I have to have that timed with the surgery a certain way.
Apparently, in one of the x-rays they ran at Urgent Care, they also found out that I had a little of the barium from the esophagram exam still in my colon. This was 5 days after the exam. It's not normal for it to still be in someone's system that long. It normally leaves pretty quickly. It's not like I was stopped up or anything either. The initial interpretation did come back, too. The only thing they could see was esophageal dysmotility. Basically, my esophagus wasn't moving the way it should. That explains the dysphagia. There were no signs of the acid indicating LPR or the silent GERD. To me, that adds another mystery to it. If it's not that, then what's happening? There must be a reason behind it not moving right, too.
I did have a phone appointment with the ENT doc about this today. It was one of the shortest phone appointments I've had. He said just because there was no sign of acid or the LPR, it doesn't mean I don't have it. The x-ray isn't sensitive enough, according to him. He said I should give omeprazole a shot again. The only problem I have with it is I have to take it at least 30 minutes before I eat. He wants me to have it twice a day, too. In the past, I just had it once a day, and tried to take it before my bathroom stuff in the morning. Even then, I sometimes had to wait a little bit before even making my breakfast. Maybe I shouldn't care much, and just take it before making 2 of my meals. At least there would be some time between taking it and eating. He wants me to follow-up occasionally with my primary doc about the dysphagia. He also said it'd be best if I was working with a gastroenterologist for this, especially because of the colitis. I can have a speech therapist help me with the dysphagia through the palliative home care program. My nurse in it suggested that, too. That way they can monitor, give me tips, suggest exercises, etc. for the dysphagia and it will be from the comfort of home.
I did finally see the palliative home care physical therapist a couple of days ago. It was an in-person home appointment, which I haven't had many of. That was a longer appointment than expected. My palliative care nurse thought she'd order the brace for my fractured vertebrae and do a fitting while she was there. She didn't. She didn't even have the prescription. Seemed a bit suspicious that way. She did show me pics of it, how I'd probably need to put it on, and general info on it. It seems like it's going to limit quite a bit of my movement. I most likely will need help getting in and out of it every time. Although, she did suggest asking the place I get it from if there might be something easier. Something I could get into on my own. I really don't want another thing to have to rely on someone else to do. She said I should put the brace on every time I think I'll be active. I think I'll want to be most of the time...She told me to try not to do too much of the BLTs: bending, lifting, and twisting. Especially when it comes to my spine. I can easily break more vertebrae this way. It's hard to remember that. Last night I dropped a few pills on the floor, and proceeded to immediately bend over low to get them. I heard massive cracking sounds down my spine. Not good. She also wants me to be careful with getting in and out of bed. It's hard to not move your spine much with that. I try to normally, but I still end up needing to sit up and twist over to get out of the hospital bed. She agreed that I'd start physical therapy after the hysterectomy, and thought it was a smart way to go about it. She checked to see my leg strength, and was surprised that that's still pretty good. She looked at how I walked without the cane. I'm a little wonky/slightly unstable. She said the cane was another great idea for me, and liked that it was mainly to stabilize me. Make sure I don't experience another fall.
I had another in-person home appointment yesterday with my palliative care nurse. As my nurse, he has to recertify me every 6 weeks. He can only do that with actually seeing me face-to-face. Interesting to have a similar appointment so close to the other. He agreed with the idea of me taking 3 pills of the morphine instead of 2, and that it makes it easy. Shouldn't be a problem. My cane is splitting down the foam handle. Makes it a bit more difficult to use comfortably, so I asked him about them replacing it. He said the best thing for that would be to order it on Amazon. There's a wider variety of models, and I can get something I'd actually like. I suppose it would be better. I just thought they could give me another one. We ended up talking a lot about music in general and music theory. He said he never got the chance to talk to someone like a musician that has some knowledge on it. That was interesting and somewhat fun to geek out with him.
After that, my parent and I went to Elmer's for dinner. It had reopened a couple of days beforehand. It was the first time since March that we've been to a sit-down restaurant like that. Like many people. However, I might not have been able to go until now anyways even without the pandemic. It was interesting. There weren't very many customers at the time, which is understandable. I got one of my faves: their roasted turkey dinner. (I got the lighter serving.) It comes with soup or salad. I love their salad, but raw vegetables still cause issues for my gut. So, I got their new pot roast tomato soup. It was great, except for the corn. Luckily, not much of it, but it's also a trigger food. Huge pieces of potatoes and beef, which made it better. That came with garlic bread. The turkey dinner also has turkey gravy, mashed potatoes, stuffing, seasonal vegetables, and cranberry sauce. The seasonal vegetables for a while (before March) were a medley with squash, and I had to choose something else to replace it. Now it's carrots and broccoli. Perfect, and nicely cooked with a little bit of butter. Next time, I'll try their brunch stuff again. They're more known for that. It was nice to eat someplace different for once.
I got a pill organizer yesterday. Ordered it from Amazon, and it came much faster than expected. It has 5 compartments to every day of the week. I take them 5 times a day, so that's super handy. They come in a nice looking carrying case. When closed up it's like a fancy thick looking planner. Might be nice if I travel with it. The compartments are huge, and plenty big enough for everything. Figured out I take roughly 15 different meds. Some repeat during the day. It was starting to get harder to keep track of. I did use the Notes app on my phone, but seemed like a hassle each time. This way I only have to figure it out once each week. Might be easier to figure out how long I have until I run out of them, too. I've already figured it out for the next week. It's been interesting and less time-consuming to not have to figure it out each time today. Definitely will make life easier.
I got the Try Treats monthly subscription box finally about midway through the month. This first one was on Turkey. It had about 10 snacks. I got the premium version, which is supposed to have more than 8. Wish more of them were big enough to share. Basically the only ones that were was the assorted cookie one and milk chocolate squares. The cookies were like those Danish butter cookies we sometimes get, only more intense and smaller. The chocolate was ok. I think I liked the Halley biscuit, Albeni, and Dido wafer the most. The pizza sticks were probably my least fave, but were ok. They were interesting with the added mint flavor. It also came with a postcard of a big city, info card, and a recipe for baklava. It was kind of fun. Should be interesting to see what the next country will be. Hopefully, I can still have most of them.
I'm still waiting for the Thrill Club one. They'll send me 2 hardcover books and an ebook that are in the mystery, horror, or thriller genres each month. I decided to get the 'surprise me' option, hence not a specific one. I don't know if there's a certain theme to them each month. It sounds fun, and a nice challenge for me to read all of them within the month. It's kind of like my own little book club. Maybe my parent will be interested in it, too. Not sure how the ebook part will go. Maybe they send a link or something. They also have been featured through Oprah's magazine, so that might be a good sign. I might finally get it by tomorrow.
I managed to play my clarinet recently. Thought I wouldn't get much out other than a couple of notes. Mainly because I can't circular breathe, and breathing in general has been different. It wasn't the best, but I could recognize the tunes. I played klezmer. Klezmer seems to come the easiest to me. Plus, there's some improv/solo stuff I can take advantage of with it. I hadn't played in roughly a year. Felt nice and soulful. Hopefully, I can get back to it on a regular basis soon.
Got half of one of my walks in recently, too. Probably was too long of one, considering I was starting to get the uti at the time. Despite that, it was really nice to get out there, hear the birds, greet neighbors, see the cats, see the mountains, look at the flowers, and more. I didn't particularly like that a neighbor cheered me on from her car as I crossed the street. Yelling you go, girl over and over. I'm not a girl, and all I was doing was walking. Not something like a marathon. If I was struggling, it still seemed like she was either rushing me, or really weird. I still felt good after getting out there.
Youtube (It's been a while, and I haven't really been watching much lately, but why not share what I haven't yet on here):
Dr. Stone:
Kimetsu no Yaiba (Demon Slayer):
Zombieland Saga:
Jibaku Shounen Hanako-kun (Toilet-Bound Hanako-kun):
One Piece:
Boku no (My) Hero Academia:
Showing posts with label clarinet. Show all posts
Showing posts with label clarinet. Show all posts
Thursday, June 25, 2020
Thursday, November 14, 2019
16th of Cheshvan
My birthday was on the 7th. Went to a Thai place for dinner that night. Managed to get the last order of tofu spring rolls. They run out of those really quickly. Often there aren't any left by the time we get there for dinner. Got the most mild chicken pad Thai without the 'garnish'. A lot of the garnish is tough on my gut, especially when it's not cooked. I have issues with nuts, too. They throw quite a bit of peanuts on it usually. Understandable, but not good for me. It was pretty good. Felt like I got the 'meat' of it without the 'fluff' this way. Got their grilled banana rice cake for dessert. It normally comes with coconut ice cream, but they were out. They tried to give me mango sorbet instead. Definitely not the same. They had to take it back. I love the banana thing. They wrap a banana in a rice cake, grill it, and then drizzle coconut syrup on top. Looks nasty (bug-like), but is amazing!
During the day, I had my own laid-back celebration. Played Fate, which is an old rpg. Made it to a level deeper in the dungeon. I think I'm the furthest I've ever been, at level 42 of it. My character level is probably the highest so far, too. My reputation is Famous at the moment. There are apparently more levels to that. I like that they have pets. You can choose either a cat or dog at the beginning. Then, at some point you can find fish that will turn your pet permanently into some sort of monster. Normally, if your pet eats a fish they turn into a monster for a certain amount of time. So, technically, there are more pet options. I still have a cat. Named her Rosie, so it's like the real Rosie is with me. She's really strong now, too. There's the option of male or female characters, however they both wear the same things and there's really no advantage to being either. With all the armor and such on mine, you can't tell what gender they are. I like that aspect.
After that I watched some of my fave youtube vids on the big TV. That was fun. It was nice that AVEN (Asexual Visibility and Education Network) made a thread wishing me a happy birthday. Hung around the forums there for a while.
Saturday, I went to the Oak Table for brunch. That's one of the places I really wanted to go to for my birthday. To me, it's a great place to celebrate things like birthdays. Really good food and they have some spectacular signature things. Some of it is really worthy of taking pics of, like their apple pancake. It's like a huge souffle with apples inside and caramel/cinnamon pieces or crust on the outside. There was a long wait. (One of the few things I hate about going there.) I got their smoked salmon eggs Benedict. I can't have regular eggs Benedict, since it usually has ham. This had an English muffin, smoked salmon, poached eggs, and hollandaise sauce. Came with 4 small pancakes. It was delicious. The eggs Benedict itself was probably the perfect size for a breakfast. Very filling, too.
After that, we went to the Naval Undersea Museum. Hadn't been there since my teens. For planning my birthday, I wanted to visit things like museums that I hadn't been to in a while, and some things I never have. That list ended up much longer than I expected. That's ok. Gives me ideas to go to places in the future. There's a lot of stuff at the NUM. Some of it seemed too cramped with things.
Saw Doctor Sleep at a local movie theater after that. It's a sequel to the Shining. Basically about what happened to Dan after the events that took place there. It was better than expected. Despite her being a villain, I liked Rose the Hat. The actress has an interesting background. I also liked Abra. She seemed stronger than Dan is as an adult (she's a teenager), and sometimes smarter. The actress who plays her was really good. I liked the nods to the Shining movie throughout. For example, the music played when they were heading to the hotel. Ghosts from the previous one. I read even the Overlook Hotel set had to be entirely redone to look like the original, since the original had burned down.
Monday, my parent and I went to the Seattle Aquarium and Pacific Science Center. The aquarium was smaller than I remembered. I think it's been 7 years since I was last there. Didn't have my iphone at the time. (Didn't have a smart phone at all.) They had all gender restrooms. That was cool to see. Had a turkey sandwich with potato chips at their cafe. It had an everything bagel (had seeds, so not the best for me), artichoke aioli, roasted turkey, spinach, tomatoes, and olive tapenade. Really good.
The PSC seemed to have dropped in quality. Hadn't been there in probably a longer time than the NUM. I remember the dinosaur exhibit was in a larger room and had more things. I especially remember that because when my Girl Scout troop (I think it was actually with troops from around the region, there were a lot of us) slept over there, they put us in the dino room. (This was in the 90s.) It was big enough to hold so many people. What I saw on Monday wouldn't have been big enough. That was an amazing trip back then. It was a little scary to sleep next to the animatronic dinos at the time. I'm glad some of them still move. We also went to a laser light show, the planetarium, and watched movies at the theater, as well as had free reign of the rest of it. It was an awesome experience back then. Anyways, the nutrition/health area wasn't the same either. I was disappointed with the naked mole rats' enclosure. I think we saw them the first year they had them. They were in a deep table filled with dirt, and you could look at the sides into their chambers. I think there were things poking out of the dirt on top to get a better look. It was cool and interesting to see. Now, they're in something that looked like it was for hamsters, gerbils, domestic rats, etc. It looked sad. They weren't kicking up and digging in dirt anymore either. It was like pieces of paper. Didn't seem right. The butterfly exhibit was nice. The butterflies kept resting on the path, which made it difficult to walk along. One of them landed on top of my head. My colorfully dyed hair probably made me look like a plant. I would have liked them to land on my hand or something instead. A place I can actually see them. I don't regret going, despite the quality decreasing.
Another thing that was on my list was the MoPop (Museum of Pop Culture), which is right next to the PSC. I remember it as the EMP (Experience Music Project). It's apparently been renamed a few times. I've never been there. My parents did once. Sounds like it has more than just music related exhibits. I read that they have a horror exhibit, a new one on Minecraft, a fantasy/sci-fi one, etc. They still have music ones like one on Kurt Cobain's influence on music, Jimi Hendrix, punk, rock, and more. Sounds like it's really packed in there. Maybe sometime in the distant future I'll go there.
With being in such crowded areas, I seem to have come down with something. It's not like it's really horrible (although worse than yesterday), but I keep sneezing, coughing, have a stuffy nose, sore throat, and am dizzy. That's kind of a risk of doing stuff like that, since my meds work similarly as an immunosepressant would. Adds a bit more stuff to what I'm already dealing with. Feels like a punishment for having fun...
I decided yesterday to try a new 'schedule' with eating. Eat every 1 1/2 hours, splitting my meals in half. So, for instance, having cereal with milk for a 'first' breakfast, then a banana 1 1/2 hours later. Basically the main part, then my usual fruit later. For dinner, the main part, then dessert later. With the 'extra' times, I added having water. I'd end up getting more fluids this way. I've heard it's easier to digest things if they're a little at a time and frequent. Many people with colitis do a similar thing. This way I get the same amount of food, too. I don't really get hungry, either. Half the time, I don't feel hunger (even after not eating most of the day), but this helps even more with those other times. It really is like snacking all day. Getting up late and days where I eat out at restaurants or spend it mostly out somewhere will be different. I'm not sure why I didn't think about it this way when I was first told to eat smaller and more frequent meals. Might help with my dysphagia (trouble/painful swallowing), too. Less food to worry about at a time. This respiratory thing has been messing with my dysphagia. It's hard enough. Having a hard time even taking my pills.
I've decided to rewatch some of my fave anime and give another chance to ones I dropped. I still have some of my usual time 'slots' vacant. For instance, nothing on Mondays, and some days with just one episode of a current anime. I prefer 2 or 3 different anime, one episode each, daily. Most anime is a little under 20 minutes without the openings/endings. Really not much. I decided to go with oldest ones first. According to the date they were put out. Yesterday, I watched an episode of Cardcaptor Sakura. That came out in 1998. Really old school, and it apparently has some LGBTQ+ elements. One of the first ones that was open about it. I love CLAMP, even if their style is a little weird. It's an all-female manga creator group. I think this was one of their first projects. The characters in this one appear in other series like Tsubasa Chronicle. In fact, at least that, Cardcaptor Sakura, and xxxHolic are considered to be in the same universe. I only dropped CS before because it seemed too long. The original is 70 episodes long. The sequel was in 2018 and 22 episodes. Must have been an anniversary thing. There are a couple of movies, too. It's not as long as some of the others I've watched.
Watched the first episode of Excel Saga. I absolutely loved it when I watched it back in college. I think that was in 2005. It came out in 1999. I think my ex-boyfriend introduced it to me. It has similar humor as Gintama, or I should say Gintama does. Since it's older. Probably got inspiration from it. It seems to have influenced a lot of other anime, too. Like, there's a common trope where a character dies by being hit by a truck. One of the first times Excel dies is by being hit by a truck. (It's in the first few minutes, so not spoiling it.) I like the Miss Universe character. She has the ability to bring characters back to life. She's constantly busy saving them. I remember the one that died the most often was Hayatt. She's an alien and apparently the atmosphere on Earth makes her sick. She's constantly coughing up blood. I remember the last episode was controversial, because there was a lot more violence, sexual jokes, and all around craziness than usual. It actually never aired on Japanese TV, and was sneaked into the DVD. I saw that and it was really outlandish, but fun in a weird way. The whole series is certainly not appropriate for kids. They parody a lot of things, like Gintama does, too. ES is short compared to CS, with only 26 episodes. Shorter than I remembered.
In addition to CS and ES, I watched the most recent episode of Radiant 2. It's getting intense. I'm wondering about Seth's past or who he really is more now.
I only have about 2 more units left of Duolingo's Dutch course. Not sure which language I'll do next. Cleaned up more of the drawing of Junko in Photoshop. Finished editing chapter 17 of Alliance. Only 3 more chapters. Managed to practice my clarinet yesterday. It's harder with being sick this way. Did advanced solo pieces, and some jazz.
The most recent chapter of Kuroshitsuji (Black Butler) was way too short. In fact, it felt like an abrupt ending. There was a big cliffhanger. I like that Meirin's backstory is finally being revealed. The other servants had theirs shown a while ago. So far, it's showing her childhood and eventually will get to how she met Sebastian and Ciel. She's extremely farsighted. Her parents died not long after they immigrated to England (I think they came from Ireland, although they haven't said yet), and she was forced to live on the streets as a little kid. She survived with other homeless kids by shooting pebbles from a slingshot at a long distance, and hitting earrings/jewelry of the rich women just right for them to fall. Her friends would chat up the women and steal the jewelry when it fell, then they'd exchange them for money. They were able to eat because of this. She was treated like one of the boys. Looked pretty masculine, too. I think she was forced into being an assassin, and then Ciel was just one of her targets later. She did mention she was an assassin. She prefers to be a sniper, but she fights in other ways as well. She's a cool character.
During the day, I had my own laid-back celebration. Played Fate, which is an old rpg. Made it to a level deeper in the dungeon. I think I'm the furthest I've ever been, at level 42 of it. My character level is probably the highest so far, too. My reputation is Famous at the moment. There are apparently more levels to that. I like that they have pets. You can choose either a cat or dog at the beginning. Then, at some point you can find fish that will turn your pet permanently into some sort of monster. Normally, if your pet eats a fish they turn into a monster for a certain amount of time. So, technically, there are more pet options. I still have a cat. Named her Rosie, so it's like the real Rosie is with me. She's really strong now, too. There's the option of male or female characters, however they both wear the same things and there's really no advantage to being either. With all the armor and such on mine, you can't tell what gender they are. I like that aspect.
After that I watched some of my fave youtube vids on the big TV. That was fun. It was nice that AVEN (Asexual Visibility and Education Network) made a thread wishing me a happy birthday. Hung around the forums there for a while.
Saturday, I went to the Oak Table for brunch. That's one of the places I really wanted to go to for my birthday. To me, it's a great place to celebrate things like birthdays. Really good food and they have some spectacular signature things. Some of it is really worthy of taking pics of, like their apple pancake. It's like a huge souffle with apples inside and caramel/cinnamon pieces or crust on the outside. There was a long wait. (One of the few things I hate about going there.) I got their smoked salmon eggs Benedict. I can't have regular eggs Benedict, since it usually has ham. This had an English muffin, smoked salmon, poached eggs, and hollandaise sauce. Came with 4 small pancakes. It was delicious. The eggs Benedict itself was probably the perfect size for a breakfast. Very filling, too.
After that, we went to the Naval Undersea Museum. Hadn't been there since my teens. For planning my birthday, I wanted to visit things like museums that I hadn't been to in a while, and some things I never have. That list ended up much longer than I expected. That's ok. Gives me ideas to go to places in the future. There's a lot of stuff at the NUM. Some of it seemed too cramped with things.
Saw Doctor Sleep at a local movie theater after that. It's a sequel to the Shining. Basically about what happened to Dan after the events that took place there. It was better than expected. Despite her being a villain, I liked Rose the Hat. The actress has an interesting background. I also liked Abra. She seemed stronger than Dan is as an adult (she's a teenager), and sometimes smarter. The actress who plays her was really good. I liked the nods to the Shining movie throughout. For example, the music played when they were heading to the hotel. Ghosts from the previous one. I read even the Overlook Hotel set had to be entirely redone to look like the original, since the original had burned down.
Monday, my parent and I went to the Seattle Aquarium and Pacific Science Center. The aquarium was smaller than I remembered. I think it's been 7 years since I was last there. Didn't have my iphone at the time. (Didn't have a smart phone at all.) They had all gender restrooms. That was cool to see. Had a turkey sandwich with potato chips at their cafe. It had an everything bagel (had seeds, so not the best for me), artichoke aioli, roasted turkey, spinach, tomatoes, and olive tapenade. Really good.
The PSC seemed to have dropped in quality. Hadn't been there in probably a longer time than the NUM. I remember the dinosaur exhibit was in a larger room and had more things. I especially remember that because when my Girl Scout troop (I think it was actually with troops from around the region, there were a lot of us) slept over there, they put us in the dino room. (This was in the 90s.) It was big enough to hold so many people. What I saw on Monday wouldn't have been big enough. That was an amazing trip back then. It was a little scary to sleep next to the animatronic dinos at the time. I'm glad some of them still move. We also went to a laser light show, the planetarium, and watched movies at the theater, as well as had free reign of the rest of it. It was an awesome experience back then. Anyways, the nutrition/health area wasn't the same either. I was disappointed with the naked mole rats' enclosure. I think we saw them the first year they had them. They were in a deep table filled with dirt, and you could look at the sides into their chambers. I think there were things poking out of the dirt on top to get a better look. It was cool and interesting to see. Now, they're in something that looked like it was for hamsters, gerbils, domestic rats, etc. It looked sad. They weren't kicking up and digging in dirt anymore either. It was like pieces of paper. Didn't seem right. The butterfly exhibit was nice. The butterflies kept resting on the path, which made it difficult to walk along. One of them landed on top of my head. My colorfully dyed hair probably made me look like a plant. I would have liked them to land on my hand or something instead. A place I can actually see them. I don't regret going, despite the quality decreasing.
Another thing that was on my list was the MoPop (Museum of Pop Culture), which is right next to the PSC. I remember it as the EMP (Experience Music Project). It's apparently been renamed a few times. I've never been there. My parents did once. Sounds like it has more than just music related exhibits. I read that they have a horror exhibit, a new one on Minecraft, a fantasy/sci-fi one, etc. They still have music ones like one on Kurt Cobain's influence on music, Jimi Hendrix, punk, rock, and more. Sounds like it's really packed in there. Maybe sometime in the distant future I'll go there.
With being in such crowded areas, I seem to have come down with something. It's not like it's really horrible (although worse than yesterday), but I keep sneezing, coughing, have a stuffy nose, sore throat, and am dizzy. That's kind of a risk of doing stuff like that, since my meds work similarly as an immunosepressant would. Adds a bit more stuff to what I'm already dealing with. Feels like a punishment for having fun...
I decided yesterday to try a new 'schedule' with eating. Eat every 1 1/2 hours, splitting my meals in half. So, for instance, having cereal with milk for a 'first' breakfast, then a banana 1 1/2 hours later. Basically the main part, then my usual fruit later. For dinner, the main part, then dessert later. With the 'extra' times, I added having water. I'd end up getting more fluids this way. I've heard it's easier to digest things if they're a little at a time and frequent. Many people with colitis do a similar thing. This way I get the same amount of food, too. I don't really get hungry, either. Half the time, I don't feel hunger (even after not eating most of the day), but this helps even more with those other times. It really is like snacking all day. Getting up late and days where I eat out at restaurants or spend it mostly out somewhere will be different. I'm not sure why I didn't think about it this way when I was first told to eat smaller and more frequent meals. Might help with my dysphagia (trouble/painful swallowing), too. Less food to worry about at a time. This respiratory thing has been messing with my dysphagia. It's hard enough. Having a hard time even taking my pills.
I've decided to rewatch some of my fave anime and give another chance to ones I dropped. I still have some of my usual time 'slots' vacant. For instance, nothing on Mondays, and some days with just one episode of a current anime. I prefer 2 or 3 different anime, one episode each, daily. Most anime is a little under 20 minutes without the openings/endings. Really not much. I decided to go with oldest ones first. According to the date they were put out. Yesterday, I watched an episode of Cardcaptor Sakura. That came out in 1998. Really old school, and it apparently has some LGBTQ+ elements. One of the first ones that was open about it. I love CLAMP, even if their style is a little weird. It's an all-female manga creator group. I think this was one of their first projects. The characters in this one appear in other series like Tsubasa Chronicle. In fact, at least that, Cardcaptor Sakura, and xxxHolic are considered to be in the same universe. I only dropped CS before because it seemed too long. The original is 70 episodes long. The sequel was in 2018 and 22 episodes. Must have been an anniversary thing. There are a couple of movies, too. It's not as long as some of the others I've watched.
Watched the first episode of Excel Saga. I absolutely loved it when I watched it back in college. I think that was in 2005. It came out in 1999. I think my ex-boyfriend introduced it to me. It has similar humor as Gintama, or I should say Gintama does. Since it's older. Probably got inspiration from it. It seems to have influenced a lot of other anime, too. Like, there's a common trope where a character dies by being hit by a truck. One of the first times Excel dies is by being hit by a truck. (It's in the first few minutes, so not spoiling it.) I like the Miss Universe character. She has the ability to bring characters back to life. She's constantly busy saving them. I remember the one that died the most often was Hayatt. She's an alien and apparently the atmosphere on Earth makes her sick. She's constantly coughing up blood. I remember the last episode was controversial, because there was a lot more violence, sexual jokes, and all around craziness than usual. It actually never aired on Japanese TV, and was sneaked into the DVD. I saw that and it was really outlandish, but fun in a weird way. The whole series is certainly not appropriate for kids. They parody a lot of things, like Gintama does, too. ES is short compared to CS, with only 26 episodes. Shorter than I remembered.
In addition to CS and ES, I watched the most recent episode of Radiant 2. It's getting intense. I'm wondering about Seth's past or who he really is more now.
I only have about 2 more units left of Duolingo's Dutch course. Not sure which language I'll do next. Cleaned up more of the drawing of Junko in Photoshop. Finished editing chapter 17 of Alliance. Only 3 more chapters. Managed to practice my clarinet yesterday. It's harder with being sick this way. Did advanced solo pieces, and some jazz.
The most recent chapter of Kuroshitsuji (Black Butler) was way too short. In fact, it felt like an abrupt ending. There was a big cliffhanger. I like that Meirin's backstory is finally being revealed. The other servants had theirs shown a while ago. So far, it's showing her childhood and eventually will get to how she met Sebastian and Ciel. She's extremely farsighted. Her parents died not long after they immigrated to England (I think they came from Ireland, although they haven't said yet), and she was forced to live on the streets as a little kid. She survived with other homeless kids by shooting pebbles from a slingshot at a long distance, and hitting earrings/jewelry of the rich women just right for them to fall. Her friends would chat up the women and steal the jewelry when it fell, then they'd exchange them for money. They were able to eat because of this. She was treated like one of the boys. Looked pretty masculine, too. I think she was forced into being an assassin, and then Ciel was just one of her targets later. She did mention she was an assassin. She prefers to be a sniper, but she fights in other ways as well. She's a cool character.
Wednesday, October 23, 2019
24th of Tishri
Managed to get another walk in yesterday. Yay! Went a little later than the day before, so most of it was in the dark. No rain this time. A bit chillier. A nice and friendly cat ran up to me. Not sure if it's one I've seen before, since it was so dark. Had my little flashlight with me, but by the time I got used to it, there was another streetlight. So, it took a while for my eyes to adjust again. The spaces between the streetlights are too wide. There's actually been complaints about that in the past. There's always really dark patches at night. Especially on the little path that runs through a greenbelt that's part of my walk. No lights there. I could also use my phone's flashlight. That's more powerful. We'll see.
I've also been listening to Pandora on my phone during my walks this week. I normally would listen to my walkman mp3 player. When I last did my walks regularly, I thought that Pandora would cut out because there are some 'dead zones' (I think, at least) on my route. It hasn't yet. I like my mp3 player and it has a lot of songs on it, despite it only being like 8% full. I have a paid subscription version of Pandora now without ads, unlimited skips, and more. It has some of my faves, and introduces me to new stuff. So, I'm not sure which one to use now, knowing that both work fine. Maybe I can switch off on them every so often. I like that I have a choice with that now.
In Duolingo's Dutch course, I finished Past Part. and went through all of Feelings 2. Only made a couple of mistakes. Made it to #3 of the Ruby League when I finished today.
I decided to erase the pencil marks of my drawing of Junko. Took longer than I thought it would, so I'll scan and start fixing it in Photoshop next time.
Finished editing chapter 15, and a little into chapter 16. There are 20 chapters all together, so I'm getting close to the end again. Went through 8 pages of the ebook version, and 11 pages of the print.
Managed to practice my clarinet again. Finished the Gershwin book, and went through some advanced solo pieces. I had a tendency to play a little too loud at the beginning. Luckily, some of the solo pieces gave me more practice with dynamics. Was better roughly halfway through. Other than that, it sounded pretty good. A couple of mistakes, but not bad.
It turns out that we probably don't have to do anything to keep my health insurance coverage as a dependent. My parent found out that I'll be on it at least until January of 2021. I have a feeling they told us about the earlier deadline because of the change in insurance itself. I have a feeling that went out to everyone who had a dependent on theirs. Member services got back with me and said they found the approval letter, but can't give the dependent a copy of that letter. Bizarre. Only my parent and her employer (I think) can get a copy of it. At least we know they have it. If they have the letter, they could use it in the future after January 2021. Probably for every year I'd need to. Still kind of scary. Even if I'm still on it, I may have to get new doctors, since it'll be a totally different plan. I don't know. Again, probably another good reason to wait and see what happens before I make that appointment to see a dermatologist. I hope it'll still cover the gender program, too. I was going to ask the social worker assigned to me through it how to go about getting electrolysis. They cover it through the program, since it's transition-related. I don't know if I need approval from a therapist or someone else first? Or, if I can just get it done without approval, where can I go that's covered? I don't know much about it. I might wait to see what happens with my insurance before I attempt to start electrolysis, to make sure. It'd be interesting if we're both on better plans.
I've also been listening to Pandora on my phone during my walks this week. I normally would listen to my walkman mp3 player. When I last did my walks regularly, I thought that Pandora would cut out because there are some 'dead zones' (I think, at least) on my route. It hasn't yet. I like my mp3 player and it has a lot of songs on it, despite it only being like 8% full. I have a paid subscription version of Pandora now without ads, unlimited skips, and more. It has some of my faves, and introduces me to new stuff. So, I'm not sure which one to use now, knowing that both work fine. Maybe I can switch off on them every so often. I like that I have a choice with that now.
In Duolingo's Dutch course, I finished Past Part. and went through all of Feelings 2. Only made a couple of mistakes. Made it to #3 of the Ruby League when I finished today.
I decided to erase the pencil marks of my drawing of Junko. Took longer than I thought it would, so I'll scan and start fixing it in Photoshop next time.
Finished editing chapter 15, and a little into chapter 16. There are 20 chapters all together, so I'm getting close to the end again. Went through 8 pages of the ebook version, and 11 pages of the print.
Managed to practice my clarinet again. Finished the Gershwin book, and went through some advanced solo pieces. I had a tendency to play a little too loud at the beginning. Luckily, some of the solo pieces gave me more practice with dynamics. Was better roughly halfway through. Other than that, it sounded pretty good. A couple of mistakes, but not bad.
It turns out that we probably don't have to do anything to keep my health insurance coverage as a dependent. My parent found out that I'll be on it at least until January of 2021. I have a feeling they told us about the earlier deadline because of the change in insurance itself. I have a feeling that went out to everyone who had a dependent on theirs. Member services got back with me and said they found the approval letter, but can't give the dependent a copy of that letter. Bizarre. Only my parent and her employer (I think) can get a copy of it. At least we know they have it. If they have the letter, they could use it in the future after January 2021. Probably for every year I'd need to. Still kind of scary. Even if I'm still on it, I may have to get new doctors, since it'll be a totally different plan. I don't know. Again, probably another good reason to wait and see what happens before I make that appointment to see a dermatologist. I hope it'll still cover the gender program, too. I was going to ask the social worker assigned to me through it how to go about getting electrolysis. They cover it through the program, since it's transition-related. I don't know if I need approval from a therapist or someone else first? Or, if I can just get it done without approval, where can I go that's covered? I don't know much about it. I might wait to see what happens with my insurance before I attempt to start electrolysis, to make sure. It'd be interesting if we're both on better plans.
Tuesday, October 22, 2019
Asexual Awareness Week
This started on Sunday. It's always a week before Halloween. I don't think I'm going to do much for it. I already talk about and share ace related stuff on a regular basis. There definitely needs to be more visibility, though.
I fully realized I was ace right before Pride in 2016. Someone had talked about it while prepping for our local Pride. I had an inkling of it when I was 16 and a fellow classmate came out to me as ace. I didn't know him very well, and it makes me wonder why he chose me as one of the first people to come out to. I nervously laughed then looked it up. There wasn't much of a community online and not much info at the library, either. Of what I did find, it terrified me how much I related to it. At that age, I just wanted to be like everyone else around me. I didn't hate others who were LGBTQ+, but I didn't want to be 'different' personally. I think I had a lot of internalized acephobia. I hoped someday I'd suddenly feel like everybody else, or if someone liked me in that way, I'd suddenly feel it, too. Nope, never happened. It was alienating. I've heard other aces felt broken. I never felt that way. I was whole, only alien or inhuman compared to others. Being aro and agender probably were also contributing factors to this 'othering' feeling. Everyone was experiencing these 3 things (having romantic/sexual attractions and a gender), except me. I denied being ace until I was 31. I had to accept it myself before coming out to others. After that I fully embraced it. It probably would have been harder for me if I embraced it and was out as a teen. Again, there wasn't much of a community and kids can be awful to each other if you're considered out of the norm. It was bad enough with being the only Jew in school...I'm a bit jealous and very happy for ace teens now. At the very least, they have communities online where they can feel they belong and/or are accepted.
Figuring out I was ace also made me wonder about my romantic attraction. I, again, wanted to at least have that so I could feel more 'normal'. Nope. About as aro as it gets. (Realized that in October that year.) I was hesitant about it until I asked myself why. I think it was a mix of internalized arophobia, amatonormativity, and heteronormativity. Now I embrace that, too. It also made me think about what I do experience. My strongest attraction is platonic. This isn't just wanting to be friends with someone. Best way to describe it is you want to be really close best friends with certain people. It's almost on a spiritual level. I'm pan this way. (No, not everyone is.) There's apparently a newer term going around called oriented aro aces. This is for aro aces that do experience some sort of strong attraction. They tend to add the prefix of that attraction (like people do for their sexual or romantic orientations) first. So, I'd be a pan aro ace. It's useful for if we want some form of a relationship like a qpr. A qpr is a queerplatonic relationship, which is what I would love. A squish is a platonic crush, and I've realized I've had a lot more than I thought. They're kind of confusing at first, especially when you don't realize you're aro ace, because it's not like you want to date or have sex with that person. It can be a strong feeling, too. Another one is aesthetic attraction. Certain people look gorgeous or grab your attention, basically. It's not in a sexual or romantic way. I'm attracted to men this way. Yet another is sensual (tactile way, not sexual) attraction. I don't know if I'm attracted to people this way. Some people get really into figuring this stuff out.
In January, my parent's insurance will change. I'm on my current one as a dependent due to a disability. They deemed I had at least one back in 2012 or 2013. I think that was because of the bipolar 2. Type 2's have lower lows than type 1's. In fact, they're much more at risk for suicide. I was suicidal for years. The mania side isn't the happy type, either. It's racing thoughts, getting irritated easily, taking on too many things, etc. Pretty serious, especially when not treated. I have other mental health issues and now chronic physical health stuff, too. Anyways, the new plan does allow dependents due to a disability, but they have to have some sort of documentation in order to approve it. So, I tried searching for a letter about it in my actual health documents (not online) last week. Saw the letter about them telling me that they'll give me a year extension because my mom passed away, in 2012. I was aging out. After some going back and forth, they eventually approved of me later. But, that approval was not there. I looked at my messages online with them. Nothing. Then, I vaguely remembered that my parent was the one that told me I was approved. I never got a letter from them about it. She found out through her employer somehow. So, I messaged member services yesterday. Hopefully, they'll find something. My parent's looking into things about it, too. It's like a weird puzzle. She told me at first that we only had until November 15th to submit that documentation. Found out yesterday that we actually have until January. Better, but still coming up quickly. She said there's a possibility I could get dental if they approve me as a dependent. I haven't seen a dentist in years. That would be great. Also, knowing that colitis can affect dental stuff, it would be even more important now. Whatever this 2nd autoimmune disease is, it has already messed with my mouth a bit, so it's an added thing.
I'm getting really tired of this mystery pain. It's so intense, at times, that it feels bone-deep. It's not just the pain I'm tired of, but the weak feeling in my arms/parts of my legs, mouth bumps/sores, worsening fatigue (also a symptom of colitis, but this is more than before), bumps/sores on my hands, shaky hands, resistance every time I move my arms, and more. It's really getting annoying. Especially when I'm asked how I am at stores, or feel I need to look healthy and friendly while out. It's like I put up a facade to make other people feel more comfortable. That's draining in itself. If I stop smiling or be honest and tell someone I'm not feeling well, I feel like others will think I'm angry or make them feel bad for caring. Or, they'll want me to explain why I don't feel well, which if I'm at a store to get something, I'm most likely not going to want to go into detail. I've heard from other people in IBD groups on fb feeling similarly. It's a weird dilemma. I felt odd last time someone at the bakery at a local market asked me how I was. I was feeling really awful at the time, but smiled and lied saying things were good. She always asks me.
I messaged my rheumatologist asking about getting blood tests that were suggested. They were suggested in the notes of the scl-70 blood test. Saying that about 20% of patients with scleroderma test positive for it, so there are other tests to get a better picture. If I truly don't have it, they'll all be negative. At least we could check. I really feel like that's what it is, but it could be something similar. I don't know. I forgot to tell him where I saw these suggestions, and asked me. I've apparently already been tested for one of them, so that's good. Another one there was a lab error and they weren't able to do it. I wasn't told this before. He said he could order that test again and the others. Hopefully, he still will after telling him that the suggestions come from the notes. I still have to make a dermatologist appointment, but I'm hesitant to do it until after I know what's going to happen with my insurance. I might wait until then.
Apparently, the dishwasher started working again last night. It was getting harder to hand-wash my dishes after every meal, so that was a relief. Seems to have done it on its own. My parent's still going to have someone look at it.
I managed to get a walk in yesterday! Yay! My routine walks are roughly 2 miles. Haven't gotten to it in a long time. I've decided a way to get myself to do it is to go right after dinner. Harder to 'forget' if there's a set time, and I won't be as distracted with other things. Also, taking a shower right after every other is a pretty good incentive, I think. I can't take showers every day, because of lots of skin issues (that I know of), so I try to take one every other day. Half the time, I won't have to feel sweaty afterwards. I apparently ate late enough that it was dark halfway through it. That's ok. I have a small flashlight. For the entire time I was out there, it was raining heavily and windy. I have a new umbrella, which helped. However, the rain came in on the sides under the umbrella a bit. My socks and part of my jeans were soaked by the time I got home. Despite all that, it was nice to finally get out there again. If I can keep this up every day for a few weeks, I might be able to add another walk. There was a time when I did 3 of them a day. Not sure if I'll get to that point.
Today, I finished the Romance unit and am halfway through the Past Part. one in Duolingo's Dutch course. The Romance one was more interesting than I expected. There was some LGBTQ+ representation. Also, some sentences were about consent. Some on not wanting anything romantic or sexual, but to cuddle instead. I know as a company they're very affirming and accepting of LGBTQ+ people, but it was cool to see. By the end, I made it to #4 in the Ruby League. That's pretty good. Hopefully, I can keep it up.
Yesterday, I figured out how I wanted the folds in Junko's clothes to look, then inked it all. I might keep the pencil marks on it to help edit it in Photoshop. Although, it'll be messier. Still on the fence about it. Next time I'll decide on that and start editing in Photoshop.
Got to editing more of Alliance. Finished chapter 14, and am well into chapter 15. Went through 7 pages of the ebook, and 11 pages of the print.
Practiced my clarinet. Finished the Clarinet Solos book, Duke Ellington book, and started the Gershwin one. Played better than expected. Hopefully, I can keep this up for the rest of the week.
I fully realized I was ace right before Pride in 2016. Someone had talked about it while prepping for our local Pride. I had an inkling of it when I was 16 and a fellow classmate came out to me as ace. I didn't know him very well, and it makes me wonder why he chose me as one of the first people to come out to. I nervously laughed then looked it up. There wasn't much of a community online and not much info at the library, either. Of what I did find, it terrified me how much I related to it. At that age, I just wanted to be like everyone else around me. I didn't hate others who were LGBTQ+, but I didn't want to be 'different' personally. I think I had a lot of internalized acephobia. I hoped someday I'd suddenly feel like everybody else, or if someone liked me in that way, I'd suddenly feel it, too. Nope, never happened. It was alienating. I've heard other aces felt broken. I never felt that way. I was whole, only alien or inhuman compared to others. Being aro and agender probably were also contributing factors to this 'othering' feeling. Everyone was experiencing these 3 things (having romantic/sexual attractions and a gender), except me. I denied being ace until I was 31. I had to accept it myself before coming out to others. After that I fully embraced it. It probably would have been harder for me if I embraced it and was out as a teen. Again, there wasn't much of a community and kids can be awful to each other if you're considered out of the norm. It was bad enough with being the only Jew in school...I'm a bit jealous and very happy for ace teens now. At the very least, they have communities online where they can feel they belong and/or are accepted.
Figuring out I was ace also made me wonder about my romantic attraction. I, again, wanted to at least have that so I could feel more 'normal'. Nope. About as aro as it gets. (Realized that in October that year.) I was hesitant about it until I asked myself why. I think it was a mix of internalized arophobia, amatonormativity, and heteronormativity. Now I embrace that, too. It also made me think about what I do experience. My strongest attraction is platonic. This isn't just wanting to be friends with someone. Best way to describe it is you want to be really close best friends with certain people. It's almost on a spiritual level. I'm pan this way. (No, not everyone is.) There's apparently a newer term going around called oriented aro aces. This is for aro aces that do experience some sort of strong attraction. They tend to add the prefix of that attraction (like people do for their sexual or romantic orientations) first. So, I'd be a pan aro ace. It's useful for if we want some form of a relationship like a qpr. A qpr is a queerplatonic relationship, which is what I would love. A squish is a platonic crush, and I've realized I've had a lot more than I thought. They're kind of confusing at first, especially when you don't realize you're aro ace, because it's not like you want to date or have sex with that person. It can be a strong feeling, too. Another one is aesthetic attraction. Certain people look gorgeous or grab your attention, basically. It's not in a sexual or romantic way. I'm attracted to men this way. Yet another is sensual (tactile way, not sexual) attraction. I don't know if I'm attracted to people this way. Some people get really into figuring this stuff out.
In January, my parent's insurance will change. I'm on my current one as a dependent due to a disability. They deemed I had at least one back in 2012 or 2013. I think that was because of the bipolar 2. Type 2's have lower lows than type 1's. In fact, they're much more at risk for suicide. I was suicidal for years. The mania side isn't the happy type, either. It's racing thoughts, getting irritated easily, taking on too many things, etc. Pretty serious, especially when not treated. I have other mental health issues and now chronic physical health stuff, too. Anyways, the new plan does allow dependents due to a disability, but they have to have some sort of documentation in order to approve it. So, I tried searching for a letter about it in my actual health documents (not online) last week. Saw the letter about them telling me that they'll give me a year extension because my mom passed away, in 2012. I was aging out. After some going back and forth, they eventually approved of me later. But, that approval was not there. I looked at my messages online with them. Nothing. Then, I vaguely remembered that my parent was the one that told me I was approved. I never got a letter from them about it. She found out through her employer somehow. So, I messaged member services yesterday. Hopefully, they'll find something. My parent's looking into things about it, too. It's like a weird puzzle. She told me at first that we only had until November 15th to submit that documentation. Found out yesterday that we actually have until January. Better, but still coming up quickly. She said there's a possibility I could get dental if they approve me as a dependent. I haven't seen a dentist in years. That would be great. Also, knowing that colitis can affect dental stuff, it would be even more important now. Whatever this 2nd autoimmune disease is, it has already messed with my mouth a bit, so it's an added thing.
I'm getting really tired of this mystery pain. It's so intense, at times, that it feels bone-deep. It's not just the pain I'm tired of, but the weak feeling in my arms/parts of my legs, mouth bumps/sores, worsening fatigue (also a symptom of colitis, but this is more than before), bumps/sores on my hands, shaky hands, resistance every time I move my arms, and more. It's really getting annoying. Especially when I'm asked how I am at stores, or feel I need to look healthy and friendly while out. It's like I put up a facade to make other people feel more comfortable. That's draining in itself. If I stop smiling or be honest and tell someone I'm not feeling well, I feel like others will think I'm angry or make them feel bad for caring. Or, they'll want me to explain why I don't feel well, which if I'm at a store to get something, I'm most likely not going to want to go into detail. I've heard from other people in IBD groups on fb feeling similarly. It's a weird dilemma. I felt odd last time someone at the bakery at a local market asked me how I was. I was feeling really awful at the time, but smiled and lied saying things were good. She always asks me.
I messaged my rheumatologist asking about getting blood tests that were suggested. They were suggested in the notes of the scl-70 blood test. Saying that about 20% of patients with scleroderma test positive for it, so there are other tests to get a better picture. If I truly don't have it, they'll all be negative. At least we could check. I really feel like that's what it is, but it could be something similar. I don't know. I forgot to tell him where I saw these suggestions, and asked me. I've apparently already been tested for one of them, so that's good. Another one there was a lab error and they weren't able to do it. I wasn't told this before. He said he could order that test again and the others. Hopefully, he still will after telling him that the suggestions come from the notes. I still have to make a dermatologist appointment, but I'm hesitant to do it until after I know what's going to happen with my insurance. I might wait until then.
Apparently, the dishwasher started working again last night. It was getting harder to hand-wash my dishes after every meal, so that was a relief. Seems to have done it on its own. My parent's still going to have someone look at it.
I managed to get a walk in yesterday! Yay! My routine walks are roughly 2 miles. Haven't gotten to it in a long time. I've decided a way to get myself to do it is to go right after dinner. Harder to 'forget' if there's a set time, and I won't be as distracted with other things. Also, taking a shower right after every other is a pretty good incentive, I think. I can't take showers every day, because of lots of skin issues (that I know of), so I try to take one every other day. Half the time, I won't have to feel sweaty afterwards. I apparently ate late enough that it was dark halfway through it. That's ok. I have a small flashlight. For the entire time I was out there, it was raining heavily and windy. I have a new umbrella, which helped. However, the rain came in on the sides under the umbrella a bit. My socks and part of my jeans were soaked by the time I got home. Despite all that, it was nice to finally get out there again. If I can keep this up every day for a few weeks, I might be able to add another walk. There was a time when I did 3 of them a day. Not sure if I'll get to that point.
Today, I finished the Romance unit and am halfway through the Past Part. one in Duolingo's Dutch course. The Romance one was more interesting than I expected. There was some LGBTQ+ representation. Also, some sentences were about consent. Some on not wanting anything romantic or sexual, but to cuddle instead. I know as a company they're very affirming and accepting of LGBTQ+ people, but it was cool to see. By the end, I made it to #4 in the Ruby League. That's pretty good. Hopefully, I can keep it up.
Yesterday, I figured out how I wanted the folds in Junko's clothes to look, then inked it all. I might keep the pencil marks on it to help edit it in Photoshop. Although, it'll be messier. Still on the fence about it. Next time I'll decide on that and start editing in Photoshop.
Got to editing more of Alliance. Finished chapter 14, and am well into chapter 15. Went through 7 pages of the ebook, and 11 pages of the print.
Practiced my clarinet. Finished the Clarinet Solos book, Duke Ellington book, and started the Gershwin one. Played better than expected. Hopefully, I can keep this up for the rest of the week.
Monday, October 7, 2019
National Noodle Day!
This holiday was yesterday. I love noodles! The only type I don't care for are cellophane noodles. Haven't had it in a while, so that may have changed. There are so many different kinds out there. It was also National German-American Heritage Day and Mad Hatter Day yesterday.
Did quite a bit of shopping over the weekend. I only have 2 good shirts for fall, and one semi-good one that's really old and thinning out. That last one used to be good for winter, because it was thick and fuzzy. (I think it's fleece? Not sure.) Anyways, on Saturday, I looked at Amazon for more fall/winter shirts. I never seem to find very many styles I like at local malls and such. Plus, shirts are usually short here. I like tunic-length. My torso is really long, and tunic-length usually covers me well. I also have broad shoulders, and looking mainly in the 'women's' section makes it a bit more challenging.
I found 7 good looking sweaters/sweatshirts. All are tunic-length and long-sleeved. More than I expected. They'll really help. Only one seems to be winter-like. I'll have to look for more winter ones in the future, but this is a big step. I can probably use some of the fall stuff in the winter, if I put a heavy coat on and/or hoodie. I still need to look for a coat. My current one is really old, falling apart, doesn't have a lining anymore, etc.
They all look really comfy. In fact, some of the reviewers said they felt so nice and soft, they didn't want to take them off. Some of them are made to be oversized. As long as I'm not swimming in them, it seems like that would be nice. I like that they all had the measurements for the sizes. Might even be more accurate this way than guessing at a brick-and-mortar store. For some things I was a medium, if I wanted them somewhat snug. (This surprised me...I used to be much bigger.) So, I ordered those as a large to have it a little looser. The others are extra-large. I tried to order the next bigger size with those, too. Just to make sure. If they don't fit, I can return them. Just have to keep that in mind.
4 of them are coming today. Really fast! I got 2 already. Both are from Amazon Essentials. I thought it was cool that they have their own line that's pretty cheap. One's a burgundy crew-neck T-shirt. The other's a v-neck camel heather sweater. They're simple, but simple is good and basic. Something I needed. The other 2 things that are coming are both sweatshirts. Both have pockets, which wasn't what I was looking for, but I'll take it. One of them is purple, and the other is khaki with gold trim. I thought it'd be good to get a variety of colors. I'll try on those 4 shirts when I get them all.
2 more are coming tomorrow. One's a red wine with silver stripes (thick one across the chest, and 2 at the elbows) sweater. Kind of reminds me of my college's, WSU, colors: grey and crimson. That'll be cool. The 2nd's a cable crew-neck sweater in charcoal heather.
The last one is a loose and chunky turtleneck sweater in beige. It looks the most comfy and winter-like. It apparently won't arrive until the end of the month. This makes me think that it might be handmade and they only start making it when you order, which would be interesting.
Sunday, we mostly did grocery shopping. I want to get more into making recipes from Pinterest, and planning the week's dinners in advance. I forgot to look at recipes before we went out, but I'll look soon. Have to see what we have of whatever recipe I decide on next, then make a list of the stuff I'd need. It's actually cheaper than getting premade meals, boxed stuff, etc. A lot of them are packed with more nutrients, too. Also, have more control over what goes into it. If I make a full recipe of something with many servings, I might need to freeze some of them to keep them 'fresh'. I'm hoping to convert most recipes into 1 or 2 servings, though. Might be more difficult with crockpot-based ones. Those might keep better. We'll see.
Finished the Suffix unit and am halfway through the University unit for Duolingo's Dutch course. I think I only did it once last week. Hopefully, It'll be better this week. Still in the Ruby League.
Finally went back to drawing Junko. I was frustrated with how she was turning out. Looking back at it today, it didn't seem as bad as I thought. I drew her clothes and erased some extra lines this time. Next, I'll add folds in the fabric and maybe fine-tune her clothes more.
Edited more of Alliance. Finished going through chapter 11, and well into chapter 12. Went through 7 pages of the ebook, and 11 pages of the print. A lot in such a short time.
Practiced my clarinet. I haven't done it for probably 2 weeks. Nice to get back to it. I played Mozart this time. Almost finished the book. There's just one more piece.
Did quite a bit of shopping over the weekend. I only have 2 good shirts for fall, and one semi-good one that's really old and thinning out. That last one used to be good for winter, because it was thick and fuzzy. (I think it's fleece? Not sure.) Anyways, on Saturday, I looked at Amazon for more fall/winter shirts. I never seem to find very many styles I like at local malls and such. Plus, shirts are usually short here. I like tunic-length. My torso is really long, and tunic-length usually covers me well. I also have broad shoulders, and looking mainly in the 'women's' section makes it a bit more challenging.
I found 7 good looking sweaters/sweatshirts. All are tunic-length and long-sleeved. More than I expected. They'll really help. Only one seems to be winter-like. I'll have to look for more winter ones in the future, but this is a big step. I can probably use some of the fall stuff in the winter, if I put a heavy coat on and/or hoodie. I still need to look for a coat. My current one is really old, falling apart, doesn't have a lining anymore, etc.
They all look really comfy. In fact, some of the reviewers said they felt so nice and soft, they didn't want to take them off. Some of them are made to be oversized. As long as I'm not swimming in them, it seems like that would be nice. I like that they all had the measurements for the sizes. Might even be more accurate this way than guessing at a brick-and-mortar store. For some things I was a medium, if I wanted them somewhat snug. (This surprised me...I used to be much bigger.) So, I ordered those as a large to have it a little looser. The others are extra-large. I tried to order the next bigger size with those, too. Just to make sure. If they don't fit, I can return them. Just have to keep that in mind.
4 of them are coming today. Really fast! I got 2 already. Both are from Amazon Essentials. I thought it was cool that they have their own line that's pretty cheap. One's a burgundy crew-neck T-shirt. The other's a v-neck camel heather sweater. They're simple, but simple is good and basic. Something I needed. The other 2 things that are coming are both sweatshirts. Both have pockets, which wasn't what I was looking for, but I'll take it. One of them is purple, and the other is khaki with gold trim. I thought it'd be good to get a variety of colors. I'll try on those 4 shirts when I get them all.
2 more are coming tomorrow. One's a red wine with silver stripes (thick one across the chest, and 2 at the elbows) sweater. Kind of reminds me of my college's, WSU, colors: grey and crimson. That'll be cool. The 2nd's a cable crew-neck sweater in charcoal heather.
The last one is a loose and chunky turtleneck sweater in beige. It looks the most comfy and winter-like. It apparently won't arrive until the end of the month. This makes me think that it might be handmade and they only start making it when you order, which would be interesting.
Sunday, we mostly did grocery shopping. I want to get more into making recipes from Pinterest, and planning the week's dinners in advance. I forgot to look at recipes before we went out, but I'll look soon. Have to see what we have of whatever recipe I decide on next, then make a list of the stuff I'd need. It's actually cheaper than getting premade meals, boxed stuff, etc. A lot of them are packed with more nutrients, too. Also, have more control over what goes into it. If I make a full recipe of something with many servings, I might need to freeze some of them to keep them 'fresh'. I'm hoping to convert most recipes into 1 or 2 servings, though. Might be more difficult with crockpot-based ones. Those might keep better. We'll see.
Finished the Suffix unit and am halfway through the University unit for Duolingo's Dutch course. I think I only did it once last week. Hopefully, It'll be better this week. Still in the Ruby League.
Finally went back to drawing Junko. I was frustrated with how she was turning out. Looking back at it today, it didn't seem as bad as I thought. I drew her clothes and erased some extra lines this time. Next, I'll add folds in the fabric and maybe fine-tune her clothes more.
Edited more of Alliance. Finished going through chapter 11, and well into chapter 12. Went through 7 pages of the ebook, and 11 pages of the print. A lot in such a short time.
Practiced my clarinet. I haven't done it for probably 2 weeks. Nice to get back to it. I played Mozart this time. Almost finished the book. There's just one more piece.
Tuesday, September 24, 2019
24th of Elul
Had a busy day Friday. Spent most of the day in Tacoma. Went to 2 different recycling places. Then, to the Tacoma Mall so my parent could recycle her old ipad and iphone. The line for the new iphone was long. Glad we weren't there for that.
My parent found out that she had pink eye Thursday afternoon, and was told not to go back to work the next day. Since it's highly contagious. I hope I don't get it. Although, I think I would have had signs by now. This made it easier to make a full day of it.
We went to Half Price Books after that. She gave them a huge collection of books. (Filled up 3 boxes.) They didn't see the value in it, sadly. They'll recycle them for her. I did find a cookbook there. It's called Traditional Swedish Cooking. It was only $7. Really good for a cookbook. It's interesting. There's a lot of fish recipes. More than I expected. Fish side dishes, salads, stews, etc. Even fish that I haven't heard of before. They have other salads that seem 'safe' for me, too. Lots of cooked vegetables. Other types of stews. Tons of desserts. There's a section for bread, and another for preserves. Sounds fun. It also has alcoholic drinks. I don't drink alcohol, but it was interesting. There are tips for certain ingredients. A lot of the recipes sound doable to me, even with the pain.
After that, we went to my rheumatologist's appointment. He seemed to actually listen to me, was thorough, and tried to come up with things to help. He thought the muscle relaxant was a good idea. I think it might be helping, but I definitely feel it when it wears off. I might ask for a higher dose.
He was worried about my hands. Brought up seeing a hand surgeon to figure out how to get rid of the lumps. There are so many. They're still somewhat small, but are growing and hardening. They're not painful, unless I mess with them for a while. They're annoying and sometimes move around. He was concerned about the weird sores on my hands, too.
I brought up my mouth sores. Although, I think I only have one right now (like a thin line on the edge of the left corner of my lips). He still took a look at it. I forgot to tell him that one of the sores that disappeared was black with a little white on top and big. It scared me. Now that it's not there anymore, maybe it doesn't matter if I told him.
I wasn't sure, but I thought the big lump on my neck might be a swollen lymph node. I thought it was too big for one. He said they can get much bigger, and it would make sense if it were. He wants me to see a dermatologist, since he's not an expert in what's going on with my skin.
I brought up the possibility that I have scleroderma. He agreed it could be, but also brought up lupus. He ordered 2 blood tests, one for scleroderma, and the other is the ANCA Screen. I think the ANCA Screen is to help narrow down what autoimmune disease it is. If it's positive, it's a certain group. If negative, those are eliminated. I don't know much about that test. I had a strong urge to get imaging done on my hands and wrists, and he agreed and ordered x-rays. Those lumps could be calcium deposits, which would show up on x-rays. Plus, the structure of my hands seems to have changed. They're more twisted and bony looking. The positions the put my hands in were awkward to stay in, too. Apparently the results are all back, but I'm nervous to look at them. What if both blood tests are negative and the x-rays come back with nothing? I'm back to square one. However, what if all of them indicate what I think is going on? He said he'd make a phone appointment depending on the results. If he doesn't, I'll see him in 6 months. That's a long time, but maybe the dermatologist will come up with things.
Went to the Cheesecake Factory after that. We don't go there very often, so it was a treat. So many things on their menu are calorie-laden. It's often hard to pick if I've eaten anything beforehand. I only had breakfast before that, so I could handle quite a bit. It was also the start of my treat days, but I didn't want to go overboard. I got their cheddar-stuffed burger. Most of the cheddar fell out and pooled on the plate as soon as I started eating it. Much more liquidy than I expected and kind of gross looking. The burger and sweet grilled onions were great. I ate all of the burger and onions, a little of the cheddar, roughly 1/4 of the bun, none of the fixings, and roughly half of the fries. I think I did pretty well with that. For dessert, I got their Cinnabon Cinnamon Swirl Cheesecake. It had layers of Cinnabon cinnamon cheesecake, vanilla crunch cake, cream cheese frosting, and caramel on top. There was cinnamon and sugar sprinkles on the back of the slice, too. It tasted and smelled like a cinnamon roll. Like 2 desserts in one. Got home pretty late.
For the last couple of days, Rosie has had an upset stomach. I woke up to her scratching on my closet door Sunday morning. She scratches near things she doesn't like. She does this almost every time she goes to the bathroom in the litter boxes. Seems that she's trying to flush it away or something. She never covers. Anyways, I ignored her until the 3rd time she came by to scratch. I lightly tapped her on the butt, and told her to stop. She walked a little towards the middle of my bedroom and proceeded to throw up. What a way to start the day! Turned out she had thrown up a lot near my closet. I took care of it all before I got ready for the day. Then, she seemed fine throughout the day. Monday morning, she threw up again in my room. Near my sneakers this time. Cleaned it up. Throughout the day she would throw up clear stuff. She seemed depressed and was very affectionate. I was angry Sunday morning, but that quickly turned into feeling bad for her. She must have eaten something she shouldn't have. She doesn't get sick that often. She hasn't thrown up today. At least, not that I know of.
I've decided to try to stick more closely with the daily calorie range limit I set for myself (1200-1600, 1400 being the 'sweet spot'), and to be close to what's recommended of other things like sugar, carbs, protein, etc. It's a balancing act. The calorie range is the easy part. I vary wildly day to day when it comes to many of the other things. Half the time I go a little over what's recommended for sugar, the other half I get maybe half of it. I'm usually well over for carbs. That's something I'm going to have to 'manipulate' a bit. Since I have a problem with absorbing protein, I need more than what's recommended for a healthy person. However, I have a hard time going over the halfway mark for that healthy person's recommended amount. I never make it to the full amount for that. So, it's an even more difficult thing for me. Interestingly, I usually am under the recommended amount for fat. I plan to still have Friday night to Sunday as my treat days, but I might try to be a bit more careful. Maybe my limit should be around 1800 calories a day for those. Not sure about the rest of the nutrients. I think I figured out today's stuff pretty well. Except for the protein. Seems like I'll just barely make it over the halfway mark for that. I'll end up being slightly under 1400 calories, which isn't bad. Only 4g over for carbs. (The recommended amount for carbs is 225g.) Right on for sugar. Yay! Better with potassium than usual, too. That's close to it's halfway mark. Only 4% under the recommended amount for calcium. 17% under for iron. Potassium, iron, and calcium can be tricky for me, too.
Studied Dutch on Duolingo both yesterday and today. I skipped it on Friday. Despite that, I'm still in the Ruby League. I'm 1/4 way through the Arts 2 unit now, and made it passed the 5th checkpoint. I think that's the last checkpoint. They did it a little differently with this one. It must be a new thing. In order to pass it, they quiz you on content you were taught after the 4th checkpoint. They don't let you see the translations of the words in sentences you may have forgotten, can't repeat what was said, a couple of different formats for the questions than the usual, etc. Supposedly it wasn't graded either. Maybe it's more of a review? Made it through quickly.
Edited Alliance yesterday and today, as well. I'm well into chapter 10 now. Today I went through 7 pages of the ebook version, and 9 pages of the print. I only did it for 4 days last week, but I managed to go through 36 pages of the ebook, and 51 pages of the print all together. That's a lot! I'm still surprised at how quickly I'm moving through it this time.
Practiced my clarinet yesterday. Finished playing through my klezmer book, and started the Mozart one. I wasn't feeling up to it today. Hopefully, I'll get to it tomorrow.
Finished watching the new anime adaptation of Fruits Basket. There is going to be a 2nd season. It really did stick to the manga. The 1st anime didn't, and the mangaka (creator) was really upset by it. She hated the design, the music, the voice actors' portrayals, etc. That one also had a lighter more immature tone. The actual manga gets dark quick. There's still a lot of humor, though. The design with this new anime followed the one in the manga to a T, which was interesting to see. They made the art prettier and animation better. The voice actors were much better. I remember how much I hated the Japanese voice actors in the older anime. It's really rare, but the English dub was much better in that. This time the Japanese voice actors sounded pretty much how I'd imagine the characters to sound. The music was better with the new one, too. It wasn't so wishy-washy. With the old one, they veered off into a different direction than the manga halfway through because they caught up to it. The manga wasn't even halfway through. So, people only got a glimpse at the plot. I'm glad I read all of the manga. It gets complex. There were characters that I liked that weren't in the old anime, since they were introduced later. Got to see one of those in the last couple of minutes of the 2019 version's finale. That was Rin, the horse in the zodiac. I've also realized that there are quite a few queer themes in it, which might be why I liked it so much in the past. I didn't realize it at the time. It's hinted that a few characters may be trans and some are gender non-conforming. One character is clearly bi, but jokes about it sometimes. Their friendships are portrayed in a much deeper way than many series (manga/anime, and even in Western media). Some of them could easily be called queerplatonic. There's a big twist to the story in the manga. They have you thinking one of them is a certain gender throughout most of it, but isn't. They were forced to be a certain gender. I think they might actually be non-binary. (I'm trying to not spoil who that is.) The main protagonist, Tohru, is tougher than she seems also. Probably was a way to portray a strong female character girls and women could look up to or be inspired by. Rare in shoujo anime/manga, to me. She seems more...real. I think she sometimes slips out of gender roles, too. The series also touches on mental illness and some other deep topics. Hopefully, the 2nd season will be out soon. They just said sometime in 2020. I'm not sure how many seasons they'll make. I think if they want to do the whole thing it might be 3 or 4 seasons long? Not sure. That would be cool. I'll get to see more of the manga-only characters next season. Yay!
Also, finished Naka no Hito Genome or the Ones Within. I liked it a lot. It had a dark side to it, which is my sort of thing. The characters were unique and most were lovable. I think Anya is actually ace, possibly aro as well. He's never had a crush, and he's said he doesn't like anyone when he was asked about dating. Some of the others don't seem straight, either. They leave it ambiguous, which was a fascinating side to it. They hint at some of them possibly being gay, lesbian, or bi/pan. Again, it's put in such a way, except for Anya, that you can't really tell. Makino, who doesn't talk much and loves to sleep, seems to attract everyone. He also seems, at least, to be gender non-conforming. I think I share a lot of Akatsuki's traits, which was interesting. The only one I felt iffy about was Akatsuki's stalker, Yuzu. I think she was meant to make people feel that way. The games were interesting. They managed to get over half the amount of viewers they needed. It leaves it wide open for a 2nd season. I really hope it does have one. It seems highly underrated.
My parent found out that she had pink eye Thursday afternoon, and was told not to go back to work the next day. Since it's highly contagious. I hope I don't get it. Although, I think I would have had signs by now. This made it easier to make a full day of it.
We went to Half Price Books after that. She gave them a huge collection of books. (Filled up 3 boxes.) They didn't see the value in it, sadly. They'll recycle them for her. I did find a cookbook there. It's called Traditional Swedish Cooking. It was only $7. Really good for a cookbook. It's interesting. There's a lot of fish recipes. More than I expected. Fish side dishes, salads, stews, etc. Even fish that I haven't heard of before. They have other salads that seem 'safe' for me, too. Lots of cooked vegetables. Other types of stews. Tons of desserts. There's a section for bread, and another for preserves. Sounds fun. It also has alcoholic drinks. I don't drink alcohol, but it was interesting. There are tips for certain ingredients. A lot of the recipes sound doable to me, even with the pain.
After that, we went to my rheumatologist's appointment. He seemed to actually listen to me, was thorough, and tried to come up with things to help. He thought the muscle relaxant was a good idea. I think it might be helping, but I definitely feel it when it wears off. I might ask for a higher dose.
He was worried about my hands. Brought up seeing a hand surgeon to figure out how to get rid of the lumps. There are so many. They're still somewhat small, but are growing and hardening. They're not painful, unless I mess with them for a while. They're annoying and sometimes move around. He was concerned about the weird sores on my hands, too.
I brought up my mouth sores. Although, I think I only have one right now (like a thin line on the edge of the left corner of my lips). He still took a look at it. I forgot to tell him that one of the sores that disappeared was black with a little white on top and big. It scared me. Now that it's not there anymore, maybe it doesn't matter if I told him.
I wasn't sure, but I thought the big lump on my neck might be a swollen lymph node. I thought it was too big for one. He said they can get much bigger, and it would make sense if it were. He wants me to see a dermatologist, since he's not an expert in what's going on with my skin.
I brought up the possibility that I have scleroderma. He agreed it could be, but also brought up lupus. He ordered 2 blood tests, one for scleroderma, and the other is the ANCA Screen. I think the ANCA Screen is to help narrow down what autoimmune disease it is. If it's positive, it's a certain group. If negative, those are eliminated. I don't know much about that test. I had a strong urge to get imaging done on my hands and wrists, and he agreed and ordered x-rays. Those lumps could be calcium deposits, which would show up on x-rays. Plus, the structure of my hands seems to have changed. They're more twisted and bony looking. The positions the put my hands in were awkward to stay in, too. Apparently the results are all back, but I'm nervous to look at them. What if both blood tests are negative and the x-rays come back with nothing? I'm back to square one. However, what if all of them indicate what I think is going on? He said he'd make a phone appointment depending on the results. If he doesn't, I'll see him in 6 months. That's a long time, but maybe the dermatologist will come up with things.
Went to the Cheesecake Factory after that. We don't go there very often, so it was a treat. So many things on their menu are calorie-laden. It's often hard to pick if I've eaten anything beforehand. I only had breakfast before that, so I could handle quite a bit. It was also the start of my treat days, but I didn't want to go overboard. I got their cheddar-stuffed burger. Most of the cheddar fell out and pooled on the plate as soon as I started eating it. Much more liquidy than I expected and kind of gross looking. The burger and sweet grilled onions were great. I ate all of the burger and onions, a little of the cheddar, roughly 1/4 of the bun, none of the fixings, and roughly half of the fries. I think I did pretty well with that. For dessert, I got their Cinnabon Cinnamon Swirl Cheesecake. It had layers of Cinnabon cinnamon cheesecake, vanilla crunch cake, cream cheese frosting, and caramel on top. There was cinnamon and sugar sprinkles on the back of the slice, too. It tasted and smelled like a cinnamon roll. Like 2 desserts in one. Got home pretty late.
For the last couple of days, Rosie has had an upset stomach. I woke up to her scratching on my closet door Sunday morning. She scratches near things she doesn't like. She does this almost every time she goes to the bathroom in the litter boxes. Seems that she's trying to flush it away or something. She never covers. Anyways, I ignored her until the 3rd time she came by to scratch. I lightly tapped her on the butt, and told her to stop. She walked a little towards the middle of my bedroom and proceeded to throw up. What a way to start the day! Turned out she had thrown up a lot near my closet. I took care of it all before I got ready for the day. Then, she seemed fine throughout the day. Monday morning, she threw up again in my room. Near my sneakers this time. Cleaned it up. Throughout the day she would throw up clear stuff. She seemed depressed and was very affectionate. I was angry Sunday morning, but that quickly turned into feeling bad for her. She must have eaten something she shouldn't have. She doesn't get sick that often. She hasn't thrown up today. At least, not that I know of.
I've decided to try to stick more closely with the daily calorie range limit I set for myself (1200-1600, 1400 being the 'sweet spot'), and to be close to what's recommended of other things like sugar, carbs, protein, etc. It's a balancing act. The calorie range is the easy part. I vary wildly day to day when it comes to many of the other things. Half the time I go a little over what's recommended for sugar, the other half I get maybe half of it. I'm usually well over for carbs. That's something I'm going to have to 'manipulate' a bit. Since I have a problem with absorbing protein, I need more than what's recommended for a healthy person. However, I have a hard time going over the halfway mark for that healthy person's recommended amount. I never make it to the full amount for that. So, it's an even more difficult thing for me. Interestingly, I usually am under the recommended amount for fat. I plan to still have Friday night to Sunday as my treat days, but I might try to be a bit more careful. Maybe my limit should be around 1800 calories a day for those. Not sure about the rest of the nutrients. I think I figured out today's stuff pretty well. Except for the protein. Seems like I'll just barely make it over the halfway mark for that. I'll end up being slightly under 1400 calories, which isn't bad. Only 4g over for carbs. (The recommended amount for carbs is 225g.) Right on for sugar. Yay! Better with potassium than usual, too. That's close to it's halfway mark. Only 4% under the recommended amount for calcium. 17% under for iron. Potassium, iron, and calcium can be tricky for me, too.
Studied Dutch on Duolingo both yesterday and today. I skipped it on Friday. Despite that, I'm still in the Ruby League. I'm 1/4 way through the Arts 2 unit now, and made it passed the 5th checkpoint. I think that's the last checkpoint. They did it a little differently with this one. It must be a new thing. In order to pass it, they quiz you on content you were taught after the 4th checkpoint. They don't let you see the translations of the words in sentences you may have forgotten, can't repeat what was said, a couple of different formats for the questions than the usual, etc. Supposedly it wasn't graded either. Maybe it's more of a review? Made it through quickly.
Edited Alliance yesterday and today, as well. I'm well into chapter 10 now. Today I went through 7 pages of the ebook version, and 9 pages of the print. I only did it for 4 days last week, but I managed to go through 36 pages of the ebook, and 51 pages of the print all together. That's a lot! I'm still surprised at how quickly I'm moving through it this time.
Practiced my clarinet yesterday. Finished playing through my klezmer book, and started the Mozart one. I wasn't feeling up to it today. Hopefully, I'll get to it tomorrow.
Finished watching the new anime adaptation of Fruits Basket. There is going to be a 2nd season. It really did stick to the manga. The 1st anime didn't, and the mangaka (creator) was really upset by it. She hated the design, the music, the voice actors' portrayals, etc. That one also had a lighter more immature tone. The actual manga gets dark quick. There's still a lot of humor, though. The design with this new anime followed the one in the manga to a T, which was interesting to see. They made the art prettier and animation better. The voice actors were much better. I remember how much I hated the Japanese voice actors in the older anime. It's really rare, but the English dub was much better in that. This time the Japanese voice actors sounded pretty much how I'd imagine the characters to sound. The music was better with the new one, too. It wasn't so wishy-washy. With the old one, they veered off into a different direction than the manga halfway through because they caught up to it. The manga wasn't even halfway through. So, people only got a glimpse at the plot. I'm glad I read all of the manga. It gets complex. There were characters that I liked that weren't in the old anime, since they were introduced later. Got to see one of those in the last couple of minutes of the 2019 version's finale. That was Rin, the horse in the zodiac. I've also realized that there are quite a few queer themes in it, which might be why I liked it so much in the past. I didn't realize it at the time. It's hinted that a few characters may be trans and some are gender non-conforming. One character is clearly bi, but jokes about it sometimes. Their friendships are portrayed in a much deeper way than many series (manga/anime, and even in Western media). Some of them could easily be called queerplatonic. There's a big twist to the story in the manga. They have you thinking one of them is a certain gender throughout most of it, but isn't. They were forced to be a certain gender. I think they might actually be non-binary. (I'm trying to not spoil who that is.) The main protagonist, Tohru, is tougher than she seems also. Probably was a way to portray a strong female character girls and women could look up to or be inspired by. Rare in shoujo anime/manga, to me. She seems more...real. I think she sometimes slips out of gender roles, too. The series also touches on mental illness and some other deep topics. Hopefully, the 2nd season will be out soon. They just said sometime in 2020. I'm not sure how many seasons they'll make. I think if they want to do the whole thing it might be 3 or 4 seasons long? Not sure. That would be cool. I'll get to see more of the manga-only characters next season. Yay!
Also, finished Naka no Hito Genome or the Ones Within. I liked it a lot. It had a dark side to it, which is my sort of thing. The characters were unique and most were lovable. I think Anya is actually ace, possibly aro as well. He's never had a crush, and he's said he doesn't like anyone when he was asked about dating. Some of the others don't seem straight, either. They leave it ambiguous, which was a fascinating side to it. They hint at some of them possibly being gay, lesbian, or bi/pan. Again, it's put in such a way, except for Anya, that you can't really tell. Makino, who doesn't talk much and loves to sleep, seems to attract everyone. He also seems, at least, to be gender non-conforming. I think I share a lot of Akatsuki's traits, which was interesting. The only one I felt iffy about was Akatsuki's stalker, Yuzu. I think she was meant to make people feel that way. The games were interesting. They managed to get over half the amount of viewers they needed. It leaves it wide open for a 2nd season. I really hope it does have one. It seems highly underrated.
Wednesday, September 11, 2019
11th of Elul
Had a Taco Tuesday night thing yesterday with my parent. We don't usually do that, but it was fun and nice. Since I can't really have the hard corn taco shells, I found little soft flour tortilla taco bowls for myself. Corn is a trigger food (although sometimes I can handle it mashed up), and hard things can scrape up against the scars of my colon. My parent's corn shells came with a taco kit, which had seasoning for the ground beef and taco sauce. We shared that as well as vegetarian refried beans, chopped tomatoes, and shredded lettuce. I added a little smoked cheddar to mine. It was delicious! We were thinking of having leftover homemade sausage Mexican rice on the side, but we were too full. Ended up with enough fixings for another night. That might be tonight. I was surprised those taco bowls had 2 to a serving. They were fun.
It was cold enough today that I put away my fan, and put out/turned on my heater. It's a nice one. However, it uses up so much power that I can't leave it on overnight. It can rotate, which helps heat up the whole room. You can set the temp, an alarm where it warns people and pets if they get too close, and more. I just didn't think I'd need it now.
Played Fate yesterday. Again, it's an rpg. Your character, along with their cat or dog, goes on quests in the dungeon. You can pick either a girl or boy, but honestly they look similar. Plus, they use the same armor, weapons, and equipment, which is rare for an rpg. The further the level in the dungeon, the more difficult it gets. I think I read somewhere that it's 100 levels deep, but I don't know. Their pets help with fights and carrying extra things they find that might not fit in their inventory. They level up, too. There are some shops to get potions, jewelry, weapons, armor, and other equipment in town. There's a penguin that can enchant things, but it's unpredictable. I think I'm at level 40 of the dungeon. That's the deepest I've gone. My character is a level 35. There's also fame titles. I'm currently famous. Don't know what comes after that. I also have a cat named after Rosie. So, it's like she's there with me. My character is pretty well equipped, has tough armor, and a powerful sword. Yet, they died at level 40. It was the first time with that character that they've died. That's how crazy that level was. When they die, you get 3 choices: 'Death' or the Grim Reaper takes a lot of your xp (experience points) and gold, Death sends you to a random level (could be much further down), or makes you leave all of your gold where you died and sends you a few levels up. For the last one, you have a time limit to get back to your gold, otherwise it disappears. I chose that. I actually managed to get to my gold in time and defeated all the monsters on that level. Yay! I'm a little scared to go deeper. I've also noticed the bigger the monster, the easier they are to kill. Don't know why. They're scarier looking, though. There are huge ogres, dragons, griffins, yetis, ones that look like huge brains, and more. The little poisonous spiders are super annoying, there are also tiny imps that stab you rapidly. The unicorns are cool looking, but somehow they made them scary, too. I might play some Sims 2: Seasons next.
Went through all of the Language unit and started the S. Past 2 one of Duolingo's Dutch course. Stumbled a few times on pronunciations of some of the new words. Made it to placing 8th in the Sapphire League. Not bad. Pretty much where I ended up yesterday, but had to work my way back up since other people got to it today, too.
I think I fixed Junko's legs enough. They look better, at least. Added a faint outline of her clothes. That'll cover a lot of the strangeness anyways.
Edited more of Alliance. Made it to chapter 6. 3 pages of the ebook, and 5 of the print. There was quite a messy section that I didn't see before. I'm happy I picked up on it.
Practiced my clarinet. Finished the Irish tunes book, and got to playing some klezmer. The Irish tunes book isn't really a 'book'. It's actually a print out of an email someone sent with the pages stapled. It's really battered looking, too. My klezmer book is breaking down, as well. I love playing klezmer. I'm playing better than I expected this week. My fingers seem to be getting more flexible again the more I play.
It was cold enough today that I put away my fan, and put out/turned on my heater. It's a nice one. However, it uses up so much power that I can't leave it on overnight. It can rotate, which helps heat up the whole room. You can set the temp, an alarm where it warns people and pets if they get too close, and more. I just didn't think I'd need it now.
Played Fate yesterday. Again, it's an rpg. Your character, along with their cat or dog, goes on quests in the dungeon. You can pick either a girl or boy, but honestly they look similar. Plus, they use the same armor, weapons, and equipment, which is rare for an rpg. The further the level in the dungeon, the more difficult it gets. I think I read somewhere that it's 100 levels deep, but I don't know. Their pets help with fights and carrying extra things they find that might not fit in their inventory. They level up, too. There are some shops to get potions, jewelry, weapons, armor, and other equipment in town. There's a penguin that can enchant things, but it's unpredictable. I think I'm at level 40 of the dungeon. That's the deepest I've gone. My character is a level 35. There's also fame titles. I'm currently famous. Don't know what comes after that. I also have a cat named after Rosie. So, it's like she's there with me. My character is pretty well equipped, has tough armor, and a powerful sword. Yet, they died at level 40. It was the first time with that character that they've died. That's how crazy that level was. When they die, you get 3 choices: 'Death' or the Grim Reaper takes a lot of your xp (experience points) and gold, Death sends you to a random level (could be much further down), or makes you leave all of your gold where you died and sends you a few levels up. For the last one, you have a time limit to get back to your gold, otherwise it disappears. I chose that. I actually managed to get to my gold in time and defeated all the monsters on that level. Yay! I'm a little scared to go deeper. I've also noticed the bigger the monster, the easier they are to kill. Don't know why. They're scarier looking, though. There are huge ogres, dragons, griffins, yetis, ones that look like huge brains, and more. The little poisonous spiders are super annoying, there are also tiny imps that stab you rapidly. The unicorns are cool looking, but somehow they made them scary, too. I might play some Sims 2: Seasons next.
Went through all of the Language unit and started the S. Past 2 one of Duolingo's Dutch course. Stumbled a few times on pronunciations of some of the new words. Made it to placing 8th in the Sapphire League. Not bad. Pretty much where I ended up yesterday, but had to work my way back up since other people got to it today, too.
I think I fixed Junko's legs enough. They look better, at least. Added a faint outline of her clothes. That'll cover a lot of the strangeness anyways.
Edited more of Alliance. Made it to chapter 6. 3 pages of the ebook, and 5 of the print. There was quite a messy section that I didn't see before. I'm happy I picked up on it.
Practiced my clarinet. Finished the Irish tunes book, and got to playing some klezmer. The Irish tunes book isn't really a 'book'. It's actually a print out of an email someone sent with the pages stapled. It's really battered looking, too. My klezmer book is breaking down, as well. I love playing klezmer. I'm playing better than I expected this week. My fingers seem to be getting more flexible again the more I play.
Tuesday, September 10, 2019
10th of Elul
Started watching Darr Sabko Lagta Hai (I'll shorten it to Darr in the future) or Everybody Feels Fear on Netflix. Again, it's an Indian horror show. Seems like each episode will be a different story. There's a model, Bipasha Basu (basically plays herself), that hosts it. In the first episode, a blind woman who could sense ghosts told a story to her. The only way the woman knew about the story was because the ghosts told her. Some of it was hokey, but it was interesting. Not particularly scary to me so far. Although, I'm used to horror shows and movies. It does have a vaguely similar vibe to Goodnight DJ. Except in that one they weren't all horror-based.
Went through all of the Weather unit in Duolingo's Dutch course. Only got one question wrong. Yay! I'm in the top ten of the Sapphire League now. If you're in the top 3 by the end of the week, you get a chest. Chests are full of gems, and gems can be used to restore health or for things in the store. Not sure how much you get for those. I haven't been in the top 3 of any of the leagues yet. You just have to make it to the top 10 in order to be promoted to the next league. It'd be interesting to try to get to that point.
I realized that Junko's torso was still too long. Ended up shortening it again. Legs look a little weird. I'll have to tweak it again next time. Maybe I should just go off my gut, and not so much with the guidelines I'm using.
Edited more of Alliance. Went through 5 pages of the ebook and 6 pages of the print. Much faster speed than usual, considering I did that in just a half hour. It reads much better than my last edit of the whole thing.
Practiced my clarinet. Did 40 minutes again. I think I'll stick to that time this week. Maybe try 50 minutes next week. My pinkies seemed more flexible. Only played Irish tunes this time. Messed up a couple of times, but wasn't bad.
Went through all of the Weather unit in Duolingo's Dutch course. Only got one question wrong. Yay! I'm in the top ten of the Sapphire League now. If you're in the top 3 by the end of the week, you get a chest. Chests are full of gems, and gems can be used to restore health or for things in the store. Not sure how much you get for those. I haven't been in the top 3 of any of the leagues yet. You just have to make it to the top 10 in order to be promoted to the next league. It'd be interesting to try to get to that point.
I realized that Junko's torso was still too long. Ended up shortening it again. Legs look a little weird. I'll have to tweak it again next time. Maybe I should just go off my gut, and not so much with the guidelines I'm using.
Edited more of Alliance. Went through 5 pages of the ebook and 6 pages of the print. Much faster speed than usual, considering I did that in just a half hour. It reads much better than my last edit of the whole thing.
Practiced my clarinet. Did 40 minutes again. I think I'll stick to that time this week. Maybe try 50 minutes next week. My pinkies seemed more flexible. Only played Irish tunes this time. Messed up a couple of times, but wasn't bad.
Monday, September 9, 2019
9th of Elul
For Duolingo's Dutch course, I finished the School and Relative Pronouns units today. Next will be Weather. I'm surprised to still be in the Sapphire League, despite only being active for 1 or 2 days last week. Hopefully, I can get to doing it every day again.
Managed to get back to drawing Junko. I realized her torso was too elongated, even though I was following a guideline. I had to shorten everything below her waist a little. She's looking a lot better now. I'll make her legs look more anatomically correct next, or at least more proportional. I'll refine the rest of her a bit more, too. Then, I'll add her clothes.
Edited more of Alliance. Made it well into chapter 5. Went through 8 pages of the ebook, and 11 of the print. I think that's the most I've done in a day. Wahoo!
I practiced my clarinet today. Haven't played it in roughly 7 months. Mainly because of my health. It felt so good just to get back to it. Played much better than expected. I'm not breathing as well as I used to, both my arms are still in a lot of constant pain, and my pinkies are very stiff (making it difficult to play the alternative keys...). All of this makes it more difficult. I was happy to do 40 minutes of it. My target normally is an hour. I went through a little of the advanced classical solo pieces, a jazz book, and Irish tunes. I was nervous about starting with an advanced book, but it wasn't too bad. Hopefully I can get to practicing every day during the week again.
Another aspect that made it a bit more difficult was the new sores in my mouth. I've had this thread-like one inside the left corner of my lip for a while. Had a weird clear blister inside my right cheek. It was scary looking, but disappeared the next day. Last night I found a much scarier looking one on my lower inner lip near that thread-like one. It's wide, black, occasionally has a little white on top, and the edges look weird. I've never had something like that. I only noticed it last night because I accidentally bit down on it. Just wanted to make sure it wasn't hard enough to draw blood. It feels weird. Most of the time it's not painful, just feels like there's a sticky glob of some sort. After having snack today, I noticed there's another sore on the other side of my mouth. This one seems more normal, but thick. So, it feels like there's a piece of food stuck there. Really annoying. I didn't have mouth sores in the past as extraintestinal symptoms of my colitis. I think it's related to that 'new' unknown thing I've been having symptoms of since February. We know it's another autoimmune disease (specifically rheumatic related). I still think it's scleroderma, but I don't know if it's common for patients who have that to have mouth sores.
I decided to drop Possession. It's a Korean supernatural detective show. I was halfway through, but it was getting too painful story-wise to watch. Plus, it's a pretty lengthy show (16 episodes, each about 1 hr and 15 min), and I didn't want to push through that. I'm thinking of watching Darr Sabko Lagta Hai or Everybody Feels Fear on Netflix next. It's an Indian (in Hindi) anthology horror show. It sounds very interesting. Kind of sounds similar to Goodnight DJ.
Tried out another flavor of Betty Crocker's Mug Treats: chocolate chip cookie with chocolate frosting. It really was like a huge cookie in a mug. This one cooked for about 10 seconds less than the cinnamon roll one. Used milk again instead of water. It was great. I don't think it really needed the frosting, though. It's packed with sugar and calories, and I think omitting the frosting would take a lot of that away. I could use the frosting for something else in the future. I've decided to only have it Friday nights (the start of Shabbos), since it's a treat night where calories don't matter as much. There are 4 to a pack, so it'll last a while. Also, have a big thing of rainbow chip cookies from Safeway. I think there are 12 to a pack of that. This way I have roughly 2 weeks worth of desserts for myself. That's not counting occasionally getting desserts at restaurants, or even if I want to try the tea cookies my parent got. Or, if I need a break from the mug cookies on a Friday night. I like that I'm covered on that for a while.
I made pumpkin spice pancakes yesterday for lunch. The mix was from World Market. It was new, and since I like their banana caramel one, I thought I'd give it a shot. Plus, all their pancake mixes are cheap. It was ok. It smelled great, but had a very mild spice taste. They used real pumpkin, but I couldn't really taste it. It probably would have been better with powdered sugar and/or syrup. Didn't have syrup at the time, though. I still have quite a bit of the banana one. Maybe I could combine them for a serving next time. Sounds like they would taste great together. I'm glad I tried it. Hope to try their other flavors in the future. Some of them seem really creative. I have to at least get through the banana one first. Also, tried the pumpkin spice yogurt pretzels from World Market. They were amazing! I'm saving them for snacks during the weekend, which are my treat days. They have a lot of sugar. Not bad on calories, at least.
I searched for some new apps this weekend, as well. Found some Jewish ones, more color by number ones, and a game. Still using a small fraction of my iPhone storage space. The game is called Cat Cafe. You get to own your own cat cafe with cats you adopt, orders to fill from customers, cleaning it, getting thank you notes from customers, toys, decorating it, and more. Both the cats and customers are so cute! They say the cats are based on real shelter cats in New Zealand. Interesting side to it.
With the Jewish ones, I found a daily Torah study app from Chabbad. It's really fascinating. I can try to study a little of it everyday. They have a calendar where you can tap on that day and get the lessons for it. You can look into other days this way, too. The lessons are on Rashi's commentary, psalms, Tanya, thoughts on holidays/time of year or parsha (Torah portion), a daily mitzvah, and one other thing. Quite a lot packed into it.
Redownloaded Jewish.tv. It's also through Chabbad. Full of videos for studying, documentaries, cooking, music, and more. I only got rid of it before because my old phone had ran out of space.
The last Jewish app is one that I also had on my old phone. It's called Sefaria. It's a really vast and valuable resource. They have the Tanach, Mishnah, Talmud, Midrash, Halachah, Kabbalah, Tanaitic, texts on philosophy, liturgy, Musar, and so much more. It's like having a huge library of Jewish texts on my phone. You could even download whatever you want to go through offline. I'm still surprised it's free. They've managed to keep it up through donations alone.
Oh, I also got Yelp. I was using Foursquare for a while, so I decided to try this, too. Swarm, which I still use, is part of Foursquare. I can try it out. Might be better.
Managed to get back to drawing Junko. I realized her torso was too elongated, even though I was following a guideline. I had to shorten everything below her waist a little. She's looking a lot better now. I'll make her legs look more anatomically correct next, or at least more proportional. I'll refine the rest of her a bit more, too. Then, I'll add her clothes.
Edited more of Alliance. Made it well into chapter 5. Went through 8 pages of the ebook, and 11 of the print. I think that's the most I've done in a day. Wahoo!
I practiced my clarinet today. Haven't played it in roughly 7 months. Mainly because of my health. It felt so good just to get back to it. Played much better than expected. I'm not breathing as well as I used to, both my arms are still in a lot of constant pain, and my pinkies are very stiff (making it difficult to play the alternative keys...). All of this makes it more difficult. I was happy to do 40 minutes of it. My target normally is an hour. I went through a little of the advanced classical solo pieces, a jazz book, and Irish tunes. I was nervous about starting with an advanced book, but it wasn't too bad. Hopefully I can get to practicing every day during the week again.
Another aspect that made it a bit more difficult was the new sores in my mouth. I've had this thread-like one inside the left corner of my lip for a while. Had a weird clear blister inside my right cheek. It was scary looking, but disappeared the next day. Last night I found a much scarier looking one on my lower inner lip near that thread-like one. It's wide, black, occasionally has a little white on top, and the edges look weird. I've never had something like that. I only noticed it last night because I accidentally bit down on it. Just wanted to make sure it wasn't hard enough to draw blood. It feels weird. Most of the time it's not painful, just feels like there's a sticky glob of some sort. After having snack today, I noticed there's another sore on the other side of my mouth. This one seems more normal, but thick. So, it feels like there's a piece of food stuck there. Really annoying. I didn't have mouth sores in the past as extraintestinal symptoms of my colitis. I think it's related to that 'new' unknown thing I've been having symptoms of since February. We know it's another autoimmune disease (specifically rheumatic related). I still think it's scleroderma, but I don't know if it's common for patients who have that to have mouth sores.
I decided to drop Possession. It's a Korean supernatural detective show. I was halfway through, but it was getting too painful story-wise to watch. Plus, it's a pretty lengthy show (16 episodes, each about 1 hr and 15 min), and I didn't want to push through that. I'm thinking of watching Darr Sabko Lagta Hai or Everybody Feels Fear on Netflix next. It's an Indian (in Hindi) anthology horror show. It sounds very interesting. Kind of sounds similar to Goodnight DJ.
Tried out another flavor of Betty Crocker's Mug Treats: chocolate chip cookie with chocolate frosting. It really was like a huge cookie in a mug. This one cooked for about 10 seconds less than the cinnamon roll one. Used milk again instead of water. It was great. I don't think it really needed the frosting, though. It's packed with sugar and calories, and I think omitting the frosting would take a lot of that away. I could use the frosting for something else in the future. I've decided to only have it Friday nights (the start of Shabbos), since it's a treat night where calories don't matter as much. There are 4 to a pack, so it'll last a while. Also, have a big thing of rainbow chip cookies from Safeway. I think there are 12 to a pack of that. This way I have roughly 2 weeks worth of desserts for myself. That's not counting occasionally getting desserts at restaurants, or even if I want to try the tea cookies my parent got. Or, if I need a break from the mug cookies on a Friday night. I like that I'm covered on that for a while.
I made pumpkin spice pancakes yesterday for lunch. The mix was from World Market. It was new, and since I like their banana caramel one, I thought I'd give it a shot. Plus, all their pancake mixes are cheap. It was ok. It smelled great, but had a very mild spice taste. They used real pumpkin, but I couldn't really taste it. It probably would have been better with powdered sugar and/or syrup. Didn't have syrup at the time, though. I still have quite a bit of the banana one. Maybe I could combine them for a serving next time. Sounds like they would taste great together. I'm glad I tried it. Hope to try their other flavors in the future. Some of them seem really creative. I have to at least get through the banana one first. Also, tried the pumpkin spice yogurt pretzels from World Market. They were amazing! I'm saving them for snacks during the weekend, which are my treat days. They have a lot of sugar. Not bad on calories, at least.
I searched for some new apps this weekend, as well. Found some Jewish ones, more color by number ones, and a game. Still using a small fraction of my iPhone storage space. The game is called Cat Cafe. You get to own your own cat cafe with cats you adopt, orders to fill from customers, cleaning it, getting thank you notes from customers, toys, decorating it, and more. Both the cats and customers are so cute! They say the cats are based on real shelter cats in New Zealand. Interesting side to it.
With the Jewish ones, I found a daily Torah study app from Chabbad. It's really fascinating. I can try to study a little of it everyday. They have a calendar where you can tap on that day and get the lessons for it. You can look into other days this way, too. The lessons are on Rashi's commentary, psalms, Tanya, thoughts on holidays/time of year or parsha (Torah portion), a daily mitzvah, and one other thing. Quite a lot packed into it.
Redownloaded Jewish.tv. It's also through Chabbad. Full of videos for studying, documentaries, cooking, music, and more. I only got rid of it before because my old phone had ran out of space.
The last Jewish app is one that I also had on my old phone. It's called Sefaria. It's a really vast and valuable resource. They have the Tanach, Mishnah, Talmud, Midrash, Halachah, Kabbalah, Tanaitic, texts on philosophy, liturgy, Musar, and so much more. It's like having a huge library of Jewish texts on my phone. You could even download whatever you want to go through offline. I'm still surprised it's free. They've managed to keep it up through donations alone.
Oh, I also got Yelp. I was using Foursquare for a while, so I decided to try this, too. Swarm, which I still use, is part of Foursquare. I can try it out. Might be better.
Tuesday, July 30, 2019
International Tiger Day!
This holiday was yesterday. Tigers are one of my fave animals. More specifically, the white Siberian tiger. It's a day to raise awareness for tiger conservation. It was created in 2010 at the Saint Petersburg Tiger Summit.
I forgot to mention last time that I got new jeans. I was wearing my oldest pair for a while beforehand. The ones I mainly wore on laundry days. The 'newer' pair had a huge hole, so they had to be thrown out. They were also a couple of years old, the oldest pair was a few years older. I'm still in the 'Misses' department instead of 'Women's'. Women's is for the bigger sizes. Yay! I've gone back up a size, though. The pair last time was the same size I was in high school. Maybe keeping up with adding more exercise will help.
I've decided to switch up my strategy for my walks. I thought just before dinner would make it easier. However, that's often around the time when it starts to cool off during a hot day. It's often still too hot for me. So, I decided that right after breakfast or brunch would be best. It's usually not too bad then, and it'd probably fit for any season. I remember in the past I'd get up early enough to do one of my walks around sunrise. Easier to do that during winter. I'd also take a walk at sunset. This way I'd have incentive to go out. Might change to that sort of thing during fall and winter. If I do it after breakfast, I might be able to motivate myself to go again later in the day, too. I started this new way today. Was going to yesterday, but I was doing laundry for most of the day. Went out for a while for shopping and dinner. Probably got enough walking in with just that stuff anyway.
I thought about planning my meals for the week on Sundays. This way, at least for dinner, I wouldn't waste time thinking about what to have. I can plan out those Pinterest recipes then, too.
There have been 'new' visible symptoms of whatever's going on lately. I've had a weird blister-like or 'waxy' patch on one of my fingertips for a few months. It started small and barely noticeable. Mainly it was through touch, not much to see. It's grown and thickened over time. Much more visible and almost looks plastic-like. Takes up roughly 3/4 of that fingertip now. I've started to get more on other fingertips. They seem to be growing and thickening faster. They don't necessarily hurt until I grip something with them. Then, it's a searing pain. They're not callouses. I definitely know what those feel like on my hands. They're quite different.
My knuckles and skin have gotten shinier and tougher. I've also found lumps near some of my knuckles. They're growing. Most of the time they don't hurt. They just feel weird. There's another lump on the back of my neck that isn't growing, but is bigger than the others. Wonder if that's an enlarged lymph node?
I've also been getting weird flakes coming from the edges of my right eyelid. It seemed like it was around my tear ducts, but the flakes are slowly coming out of the upper middle edge area, too. I don't think I have ducts there. They're getting bigger and harder to pluck out.
Looking most of this stuff up, it seems I might have scleroderma. (Sclero is lit. 'hard', and derma is 'skin'.) It seems to fit even more than when I thought it was dermatomyositis (a skin and muscle disease). Especially, with these newer symptoms. It tends to start with joint pain, joint swelling, redness on the face and scalp and other areas, and muscle pain/weakness. That's how mine first started, that I know of. It often progresses slowly at first, and is misdiagnosed at the beginning. I haven't been tested for it yet. One of the few that I haven't had.
I almost wonder if I've been experiencing symptoms for longer. It can also cause collagenous colitis, which is a type of microscopic colitis. It's a more rare form of IBD than UC and Crohn's. A collagen band wraps around the colon while it's being attacked like colitis in general, with the ulcers/sores eating away at it inside. It creates scarring in the colon, too. The GI that told me there was a lot of scarring in mine was slightly puzzled at first by it. It would explain that. It also can cause LPR or larynpharyngeal reflux, which is what they said I probably have. It can cause dysphagia, too. It can affect the lungs, which makes me wonder about the lung issues I had a long time ago. It stiffens and hardens skin, blood vessels, the lungs, heart, the digestive tract, etc. It would explain a lot if that's what it is.
I plan to make an appointment to talk about this stuff with my primary doc soon. At least someone on my 'team' will know about it. My next rheumatologist appointment is at the end of September. That's a long time, but it's the soonest they had. I plan to make an appointment to see a dermatologist, too. Hopefully, it'll be for sooner and they might be able to help before that other appointment.
I plan to get back to playing my clarinet in September. My hands are still in a lot of pain, and I think my circular breathing is a bit more difficult now. Hopefully, it'll either calm down more by then, or I'll be on some sort of treatment to help. Even if it's the same, I'll try to push through it, but not push myself too hard. Hard to find that balance. I'd like to work up to practicing for an hour each time, too. Haven't played since February, because of this stuff. Long time for me. When I was playing more regularly, I thought it'd be great after a certain amount of time (playing more up to par) that I'd listen to recordings if there are any of the pieces I play. After a while of doing that and playing those pieces again, I was thinking of recording myself. Then, I'd play it back and try to correct things more. Eventually, I'd post the more 'perfected' recordings as vids to youtube. I don't want to share an actual vid of me playing. I'd probably mess up. It'll be interesting to read the feedback from it. I'll have to filter out the trolls.
I'm also thinking of doing my own vlog on youtube in September. I tried once, but my phone wasn't the best for it. I now have a webcam built into my 'new' computer. (It'll be a year old this October. I think that's still new.) I've never used it, so it'll be something to test out. It should be better. I've always had a weird thing about seeing/hearing myself in media. Even after losing so much weight and having my hair styled the way I want. This might help with that. I'll do an intro vid, then some vids about what some things mean (like aro, ace, etc.), details, and my story with things. Then, either go over topics people ask about or updates on my life. Some ideas for it, at least. I'm thinking of doing it once a week like many youtubers.
I want to be more observant, so I'll try going in steps. Little things at first like, at the very least, lighting the candles/blessings at the start of Shabbos (Friday night). Doing that either before dinner at home, or if I eat out, when I come home. I can have my own services with the siddur or prayer book I have, or follow online streaming ones. The online one I tend to use the most is Central Synagogue in NYC. Might try others in the future, but it's a beautiful building and I like most of their services. They stream them live every Friday night and Saturday morning. So, you know they're consistent. They're archived, too. So, if you miss when they streamed it, you can still catch it. That's handy considering they're 3 hours earlier. Start with doing the Friday night ones every time. Then, add Saturday morning ones. Read the weekly parsha, eventually do Havdallah (the ending ceremony), and more. The siddur I have also has weekday prayers. More observant Jews pray 3 times a day. (Morning, afternoon, and evening.) I might add that, too. They're shorter than the ones for Shabbos. We'll see. I might add in the blessings before and after meals in the distant future, as well. I've just been off and on with Shabbos stuff. Sometimes I'll go for a few months without even lighting the candles. I feel I need to change that. I'll also try to cut my social media time more that day. Eventually, it'll be great if I stayed away completely from it then.
Since I've been immunosuppressed, and my current med works similarly, I've stayed away from going to shul. (Shul is Yiddish for synagogue.) I felt weird about our local ones as it was at the time, anyways. The last High Holiday services I went to, which was just after starting my 1st med for colitis (azathioprine, which is a strong immunosuppressant), I was very sick afterwards. I think that was the last time I went to services. I'm not taking that risk in the future. Even if I did things like put a high-grade hospital mask on and sat as far as I could from people (and told them not to hug me), it wouldn't seem right. There's also still that risk. I feel even more nervous then before when I'm in a very crowded room in general because of it. Before being on immunosuppressants, I only had to handle having agoraphobia, which is bad enough.
I'm going to try and cut down on social media during the rest of the week, too. It's just felt like too much. I still want to stay on top of it, so I'll go through it occasionally. I'll time it in small chunks. I'll always check notifications if I have them, and will post personal stuff like statuses, my blog posts, art, check-ins, etc. the rest of the time. I might go through more of my feeds when I'm waiting for food or something. This will help a lot. It already has a bit this week.
I got my haircut recently. I was hoping to get it dyed at the same appointment, but they didn't have the time. They cut it a little shorter than I expected. I told her shoulder length, and she did it a little shorter. Took off 6" or 7". About 4" or 5" of that was from the 7 months in between. It's been growing faster than it used to. It's falling out a lot more than it used to, as well...Makes it feel a little weird. The bald spots still aren't that visible unless you lift up certain patches of hair. A shorter style is good for the summer, but next time I might say a touch passed the top of my shoulders. They had a 'color consult' at the end. I want to have purple, green, and blue in it. I imagine those colors being a mixture throughout. Hard to describe, I guess. I was able to show them something similar from a Google search in pics. Some call it a mermaid style or oil slick. They'll bleach my hair first, then tone it and add color. Everyone there sounded so excited about it. Even about the concept. Those 3 colors are in the LGBTQ+ flags I'm under. They told me they get a lot of enby clients that get theirs dyed. For many people it's a thing because that's what they can have control over, and may be able to afford more than the medical stuff for transitioning. It'll be my first time, and I wanted something different. Also, the hair loss makes me feel like doing something fun with it for the time being. Getting more of those white hairs, too. Lots of reasons for me, actually. They told me it'll take 4 hours. That'll be interesting. I'm having it done next month.
I forgot to mention last time that I got new jeans. I was wearing my oldest pair for a while beforehand. The ones I mainly wore on laundry days. The 'newer' pair had a huge hole, so they had to be thrown out. They were also a couple of years old, the oldest pair was a few years older. I'm still in the 'Misses' department instead of 'Women's'. Women's is for the bigger sizes. Yay! I've gone back up a size, though. The pair last time was the same size I was in high school. Maybe keeping up with adding more exercise will help.
I've decided to switch up my strategy for my walks. I thought just before dinner would make it easier. However, that's often around the time when it starts to cool off during a hot day. It's often still too hot for me. So, I decided that right after breakfast or brunch would be best. It's usually not too bad then, and it'd probably fit for any season. I remember in the past I'd get up early enough to do one of my walks around sunrise. Easier to do that during winter. I'd also take a walk at sunset. This way I'd have incentive to go out. Might change to that sort of thing during fall and winter. If I do it after breakfast, I might be able to motivate myself to go again later in the day, too. I started this new way today. Was going to yesterday, but I was doing laundry for most of the day. Went out for a while for shopping and dinner. Probably got enough walking in with just that stuff anyway.
I thought about planning my meals for the week on Sundays. This way, at least for dinner, I wouldn't waste time thinking about what to have. I can plan out those Pinterest recipes then, too.
There have been 'new' visible symptoms of whatever's going on lately. I've had a weird blister-like or 'waxy' patch on one of my fingertips for a few months. It started small and barely noticeable. Mainly it was through touch, not much to see. It's grown and thickened over time. Much more visible and almost looks plastic-like. Takes up roughly 3/4 of that fingertip now. I've started to get more on other fingertips. They seem to be growing and thickening faster. They don't necessarily hurt until I grip something with them. Then, it's a searing pain. They're not callouses. I definitely know what those feel like on my hands. They're quite different.
My knuckles and skin have gotten shinier and tougher. I've also found lumps near some of my knuckles. They're growing. Most of the time they don't hurt. They just feel weird. There's another lump on the back of my neck that isn't growing, but is bigger than the others. Wonder if that's an enlarged lymph node?
I've also been getting weird flakes coming from the edges of my right eyelid. It seemed like it was around my tear ducts, but the flakes are slowly coming out of the upper middle edge area, too. I don't think I have ducts there. They're getting bigger and harder to pluck out.
Looking most of this stuff up, it seems I might have scleroderma. (Sclero is lit. 'hard', and derma is 'skin'.) It seems to fit even more than when I thought it was dermatomyositis (a skin and muscle disease). Especially, with these newer symptoms. It tends to start with joint pain, joint swelling, redness on the face and scalp and other areas, and muscle pain/weakness. That's how mine first started, that I know of. It often progresses slowly at first, and is misdiagnosed at the beginning. I haven't been tested for it yet. One of the few that I haven't had.
I almost wonder if I've been experiencing symptoms for longer. It can also cause collagenous colitis, which is a type of microscopic colitis. It's a more rare form of IBD than UC and Crohn's. A collagen band wraps around the colon while it's being attacked like colitis in general, with the ulcers/sores eating away at it inside. It creates scarring in the colon, too. The GI that told me there was a lot of scarring in mine was slightly puzzled at first by it. It would explain that. It also can cause LPR or larynpharyngeal reflux, which is what they said I probably have. It can cause dysphagia, too. It can affect the lungs, which makes me wonder about the lung issues I had a long time ago. It stiffens and hardens skin, blood vessels, the lungs, heart, the digestive tract, etc. It would explain a lot if that's what it is.
I plan to make an appointment to talk about this stuff with my primary doc soon. At least someone on my 'team' will know about it. My next rheumatologist appointment is at the end of September. That's a long time, but it's the soonest they had. I plan to make an appointment to see a dermatologist, too. Hopefully, it'll be for sooner and they might be able to help before that other appointment.
I plan to get back to playing my clarinet in September. My hands are still in a lot of pain, and I think my circular breathing is a bit more difficult now. Hopefully, it'll either calm down more by then, or I'll be on some sort of treatment to help. Even if it's the same, I'll try to push through it, but not push myself too hard. Hard to find that balance. I'd like to work up to practicing for an hour each time, too. Haven't played since February, because of this stuff. Long time for me. When I was playing more regularly, I thought it'd be great after a certain amount of time (playing more up to par) that I'd listen to recordings if there are any of the pieces I play. After a while of doing that and playing those pieces again, I was thinking of recording myself. Then, I'd play it back and try to correct things more. Eventually, I'd post the more 'perfected' recordings as vids to youtube. I don't want to share an actual vid of me playing. I'd probably mess up. It'll be interesting to read the feedback from it. I'll have to filter out the trolls.
I'm also thinking of doing my own vlog on youtube in September. I tried once, but my phone wasn't the best for it. I now have a webcam built into my 'new' computer. (It'll be a year old this October. I think that's still new.) I've never used it, so it'll be something to test out. It should be better. I've always had a weird thing about seeing/hearing myself in media. Even after losing so much weight and having my hair styled the way I want. This might help with that. I'll do an intro vid, then some vids about what some things mean (like aro, ace, etc.), details, and my story with things. Then, either go over topics people ask about or updates on my life. Some ideas for it, at least. I'm thinking of doing it once a week like many youtubers.
I want to be more observant, so I'll try going in steps. Little things at first like, at the very least, lighting the candles/blessings at the start of Shabbos (Friday night). Doing that either before dinner at home, or if I eat out, when I come home. I can have my own services with the siddur or prayer book I have, or follow online streaming ones. The online one I tend to use the most is Central Synagogue in NYC. Might try others in the future, but it's a beautiful building and I like most of their services. They stream them live every Friday night and Saturday morning. So, you know they're consistent. They're archived, too. So, if you miss when they streamed it, you can still catch it. That's handy considering they're 3 hours earlier. Start with doing the Friday night ones every time. Then, add Saturday morning ones. Read the weekly parsha, eventually do Havdallah (the ending ceremony), and more. The siddur I have also has weekday prayers. More observant Jews pray 3 times a day. (Morning, afternoon, and evening.) I might add that, too. They're shorter than the ones for Shabbos. We'll see. I might add in the blessings before and after meals in the distant future, as well. I've just been off and on with Shabbos stuff. Sometimes I'll go for a few months without even lighting the candles. I feel I need to change that. I'll also try to cut my social media time more that day. Eventually, it'll be great if I stayed away completely from it then.
Since I've been immunosuppressed, and my current med works similarly, I've stayed away from going to shul. (Shul is Yiddish for synagogue.) I felt weird about our local ones as it was at the time, anyways. The last High Holiday services I went to, which was just after starting my 1st med for colitis (azathioprine, which is a strong immunosuppressant), I was very sick afterwards. I think that was the last time I went to services. I'm not taking that risk in the future. Even if I did things like put a high-grade hospital mask on and sat as far as I could from people (and told them not to hug me), it wouldn't seem right. There's also still that risk. I feel even more nervous then before when I'm in a very crowded room in general because of it. Before being on immunosuppressants, I only had to handle having agoraphobia, which is bad enough.
I'm going to try and cut down on social media during the rest of the week, too. It's just felt like too much. I still want to stay on top of it, so I'll go through it occasionally. I'll time it in small chunks. I'll always check notifications if I have them, and will post personal stuff like statuses, my blog posts, art, check-ins, etc. the rest of the time. I might go through more of my feeds when I'm waiting for food or something. This will help a lot. It already has a bit this week.
I got my haircut recently. I was hoping to get it dyed at the same appointment, but they didn't have the time. They cut it a little shorter than I expected. I told her shoulder length, and she did it a little shorter. Took off 6" or 7". About 4" or 5" of that was from the 7 months in between. It's been growing faster than it used to. It's falling out a lot more than it used to, as well...Makes it feel a little weird. The bald spots still aren't that visible unless you lift up certain patches of hair. A shorter style is good for the summer, but next time I might say a touch passed the top of my shoulders. They had a 'color consult' at the end. I want to have purple, green, and blue in it. I imagine those colors being a mixture throughout. Hard to describe, I guess. I was able to show them something similar from a Google search in pics. Some call it a mermaid style or oil slick. They'll bleach my hair first, then tone it and add color. Everyone there sounded so excited about it. Even about the concept. Those 3 colors are in the LGBTQ+ flags I'm under. They told me they get a lot of enby clients that get theirs dyed. For many people it's a thing because that's what they can have control over, and may be able to afford more than the medical stuff for transitioning. It'll be my first time, and I wanted something different. Also, the hair loss makes me feel like doing something fun with it for the time being. Getting more of those white hairs, too. Lots of reasons for me, actually. They told me it'll take 4 hours. That'll be interesting. I'm having it done next month.
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