12th of Shevat

This is my wallpaper for February. It's Allen, the main character, from D.Gray-man. Kind of fits my mood for Valentine's Day. A lot of the month is set up around it, especially at places like grocery stores or in commercials. It promotes amatonormativity, which can hurt everyone, not just aromantic people. It's the assumption that everyone's striving for a romantic partner, it's central (most important relationship), exclusive, monogamous, and part of what makes us human. It ignores little known relationship types, like queerplatonic ones. I would really like to be in one in the future. Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week starts a week after the holiday, so that's something to look forward to. It's perfect timing. 

Tu B'Shevat is coming up Sunday night. That's our new year for the trees. One of my fave holidays. You get to eat a lot of fruit and nuts (not so much for me, since it's a trigger food), appreciate trees, and more. 

The month-long holidays for February are: National Canned Food Month, National Cherry Month, National Potato Lovers Month, Barley Month. Some are for important causes, some are to make you appreciate things you may take for granted, and some are just for fun. Cherries and potatoes are a couple of my fave foods! 

I created an author Instagram account: R C MacDonald I've been basically testing the waters this week. Wasn't sure exactly how I wanted it. It's a mix of topics from my books (fantasy, horror, LGBTQ+, Judaism, cooking, etc.), a little on my personal life, and my book stuff. I might just change the 2nd sentence of my bio to: A writer's world. Not as clunky...My book stuff will be things like a stack of my books, quotes from them, book trailers, author business card, etc. 

The things I didn't create will be from Pinterest and facebook mainly. Of course, I'm crediting them. I'm finding a lot of interesting things on Pinterest for the 'fantasy' part. Beautiful art relating to 'demons' in Alliance. Of dragons, phoenixes, griffins, wraiths, cat demons, etc. Nice eye candy, but when I post them, I'll also give info on characters from the story. For instance, info on Gun with the dragon pics. Or, on Zero with the phoenix ones. That way people get to know the series more. I have plenty of stuff for my colitis, LGBTQ+ stuff, food, some for horror, lots of animals, music/clarinet, and some quotes from other people on boards on Pinterest. Quite a lot of material. 

I've decided it might be easiest to set a theme every day. This is what I think might be best: Monday for fantasy or writing in general. Tuesday for LGBTQ+ things. Wednesday for horror or chronic illness. (They seem to go together pretty well, oddly...) Thursday for cooking. Friday for Judaism. Saturday for animals or more Judaism. Sunday for music. This will change during holidays or awareness weeks. During those, I could post about them. Like, with Tu B'Shevat, I'll post on that during it. Aro stuff during the week of Aromantic Spectrum Awareness week. It might switch up when I have something to share of my books or personal life, too. People will expect certain content most of the time, which should be a draw for some. 

I was posting once a day this week, but I think I'll try posting twice a day next week. Probably one in the morning/early afternoon and one at night. Except, I'll only post once on Saturdays, after Shabbos ends. The 2nd post on Friday will be a little earlier than the rest of the week, too. I think I can have quite a lot of fun with this, and not have to do a lot for it. It'll be a view not only into my books, but my personality and identity. 

I'm posting the same stuff to my author fb page. That might have added things occasionally. Today, I liked many pages as my page. (Fave pages that I already liked on my personal one.) Wanted to see what that would be like. It might be a way for people to get more info on things, as well. Things like Judaism, LGBTQ+ people, IBD, etc. My page could become a resource with that. I couldn't like pages as a page on my phone, which was weird. 

I've been searching for quotes from Alliance, as well as settings/building descriptions. Found quite a lot for the descriptions, and more than I thought I would for quotes. Plan to fill out author interview questions on Smashwords at some point. Really want to start a vlog, too. That would help with more exposure. 

Ordered author copies of all 5 paperback versions of my books from Amazon. I thought it would be much more expensive. With shipping and handling, taxes, and printing/manufacturing costs together it's $26. For 5 books, that's nothing. Just with the printing part, they ranged around $3 to $4 each. I thought that part would be more. Very interesting. I should get it Tuesday at the earliest. They make them as soon as you buy them, so it takes a little time to put them together. I'm ok with that. I'm excited about actually being able to touch and hold them. They're like my babies. I do have a print out of the very 1st rough draft of Alliance. I don't think it was all of it. Having that is very different than an edited (without marks all over it) and finished actual book. 

My memoir, More Than Meets the Eye, is now on Smashwords. It won't be released until the 28th, but it is on preorder. It was approved for their Premium Catalog unusually quickly. I got the 1st approval in about the first few minutes. That's the auto vetter part, where they automatically check the formatting. The 2nd approval is manual and takes a few days for authors who've previously submitted works, and about 2 weeks for new ones. I submitted it yesterday afternoon, and was fully approved early this morning. Probably the fastest approval for one of my books. The only thing I didn't like was they only had a Gay & Lesbian category, not an LGBTQ+ one. Not even a trans one, if they were just split up. Since I'm neither gay nor lesbian, it feels really weird to put it under that. It ignores other people in the community, too. Yet, I did see some authors using it for books relating to other parts of the community. I at least tagged it as LGBTQ. Also, tagged it as agender, asexual, and aromantic. There were very few books under the agender tag, and they were fictional. Similar with aromantic. That might make it easier for people to find. I already have the most page views for its 1st day compared to my other books. There have been 4 sample downloads, too. 

Got tired of playing Oblivion. It really got boring. I don't use that word lightly. The scenery was great, though. So, I've been trying various games on PS4 Now to find something to stick to. The most interesting one so far has been G-d of War 3: Remastered. It's based on a lot of Greek mythology, which is fun to me. Your character is Kratos, and he is seeking revenge against Zeus. The cinematography is really great. Feel like it's a movie even when it's not a cut scene. There are a lot of puzzles in it, which surprised me (especially with the type of game it is), but that adds another interesting layer. First game I played where you get trophies. That's fun. Got one for killing Poseidon. That was pretty epic. Made the seas rise. Also one for incinerating Apollo. I thought they wanted me to save him, but there wasn't a way to do so. He was imprisoned in part of Hades, near the River Styx. The bramble around him made it look like a prison cell. I managed to ride Cerberus and have him spit fire balls. I thought he would only set fire to the brambles, so I could free Apollo. No...The fire immediately engulfed him, and didn't hit the brambles much. It was pretty horrific to watch him. At least, I got his bow and arrows. I can set things on fire with that. I'm trying to defeat Hades at the moment. I don't think I've actually seen him yet. Just a statue, and his wife Persephone in a casket hanging in front of it. There are also notes written by people that were sent there, people praying to seemingly nothing, and a giant in the forge area. Apparently that giant is a friend of Kratos, but is stuck there. I don't remember his name. Interesting details. At some point, I might play Red Dead Redemption 2. It's the prequel to that franchise. My parent really likes that game, and it sounds detailed and fun.

I've decided to stop the Duolingo Scottish Gaelic course. I'm really tired of it, and there's not much content. Half of the units have been leveled out completely, the other half all have the 1st level cleared. Not bad. I'm thinking of starting either Polish or Welsh on Monday. 

I've been having some bad pain days lately. The type of pain I know that's associated with colitis. It feels like part of my intestines blew up on my left side. It's somewhat hard there. Maybe it's from inflammation? My back and other areas of my abdomen feel really sore. Hopefully, it just needs to heal for now. Going to the bathroom a lot more often again, too. It's better than having a lot of that other stuff, on top of it, before I tapered off of Lialda. Still difficult, though.

National Hot Chocolate Day!

I love hot chocolate! It's a decadent treat when it's really cold and/or windy out. It's nice with mini marshmallows. Not long ago, I decided to add enough whipped cream on top of the marshmallows to fill it to the brim. It was amazing! The whipped cream and marshmallows cooled it down enough to drink it as soon as I wanted to. Not much of a wait. I tend to wait until things are at or close to room temperature. (Mainly because cold or hot food hurts my teeth.) Plus, it made it even more decadent. 

I decided for Duolingo's Scottish Gaelic course to not force myself to the next league. It's really competitive. I might add some time before going to bed next week, but I don't think I'll earn enough xp to get to the next league, even with that. Sad. I'm still breezing through the course. Made it to level 4 of Phrases 3. Getting less things wrong. I tend to get it wrong when I forget a letter, or a word that I had in my head but didn't type out. That's pretty good. 

Still doing something related to promoting my books every day. Had a free book one for my memoir on Amazon. It finished at #2 in the LGBTQ+ memoirs/biography top 100 best sellers free kindle section. Not sure how many LGBTQ+ related ones are on there, and free at that, but it was great to see. It was ranked #35 in the general memoir/biography free kindle section. That seems even better, considering I think there are a lot more ones in general. 'Sold' more than I thought I would, too. Yay! I'm just nervous about haters reviewing it, or even finding me. Also, created a facebook page for it. 

My cookbook's ebook is having a countdown deal, at the moment, on Amazon. Soon, there will be a UK one. That one hasn't been as great. Sold one copy, at least. 

Updated my facebook author page, and a bunch of the book pages on there. I'm going to create an author Instagram page soon. I looked up ideas/tips for it, and there's so much I can do. I think I'll link up that one to the fb one, so I don't have to post twice. I do have more ideas for the fb one itself now, too. 

For Instagram, it'll follow themes/genres of my books (like food, horror, whimsy/fantasy, animals, LGBTQ+, etc.), my own pics to give people a view of my world, and stuff about my books specifically. Sounds like it'll be fun. I have a ton of things I can share from Pinterest to it. I'll of course credit anything that I didn't create. They suggested I post something on there at least once a day. That can be easy to do. I'll post book trailers, cover art, quotes, etc. on there, too. Just won't be as often as the other stuff. Some authors really show off their personality on there. Added stuff with fb could be sharing things from there related to my books. Like, memes. Maybe specific ones for each book, and could share posts from pages that those books 'like'. I'll post trailers to Youtube, as well. Pinterest might be good for sharing pics of things I've made from the cookbook. I might create a twitter author profile, too. I can share things from various other posts on there. Not sure about Tumblr. 

Another suggestion was to take pics of stacks of books. For some, that's what they've finished for the year or other amount of time. For others, it's of their own books. Many of them are simple with just showing the books stacked, but others add things related to the themes in them. Like, a skull, fake coins, and fake jewelry on top and/or around it for a pirate series I saw. That's fun. I want to do something like that. Maybe only have the stack...I never ordered the author versions of my books. I want to for other reasons, too. For instance, having the paperback of the cookbook will be better than using the photo album full of recipes it was based on. You can see it better, it's not as clunky, and more. For authors, the price is how much it is to print/make and tax. Cheaper than regular price. I've read some people buy hundreds of (author) copies of their books for things like book signings and giveaways. That seems like a lot of money, however I now have an idea of how other authors might do that. Wouldn't be able to do something like that unless they really picked up. 

I'm going through Alliance again. I'm searching for quotes to share, and setting/building descriptions. With the descriptions, I might draw them out. Maybe I'll use those for the background of its book trailers. It's either using those, or old nature pics I've taken, or free fantasy stock pics online. I'd really prefer something I've made, rather than other people's pics. I'm finding more quotes than I thought I would. I'll do the same 2 things with the sequel. For Sweet Endless Terror's trailers, I think I'll have a description of each story, drawings relating to them (like a heart, knife, ribbon, planets, etc.), and/or maybe a few quotes from each. I can share those parts separately on Instagram, too. I could explain certain terms in the memoir trailer. I'll have pics of what I made for the cookbook one, and the name of the dish. Maybe describe it. I saw something about a site that has free music you can use for vids. (They're legal, and the artists made those tracks to be free to use.) So, there's lots to do for all of them. If I start a vlog on Youtube, that could help, too. 

The mysterious symptoms I've been experiencing since February are getting better. Yay! So, the tapering off of Lialda seems to be helping. However...My colitis symptoms are worsening. More trips to the bathroom, awful abdominal pain, horrible nausea, and more. It's better than having the other stuff as it was before on top of that. It's still difficult to go through. Hopefully, it won't get too severe with the colitis symptoms. 

Youtube:

Boku no (My) Hero Academia:

One Piece:

Jibaku Shounen Hanako-kun (Toilet-bound Hanako-kun):

25th of Tevet

Today, for Duolingo's Scottish Gaelic course, I finished the last level (there are 5) of the Food 2 unit, and am up to the 3rd level of the Colours one. Made it to 5th place in the Obsidian League. With making it to 3rd place yesterday, it was the highest I've gotten in that one. Maybe I'll stay in the top ten by the end of the week. I think Diamond League is next, and it's the highest one. For the last couple of weeks I've ended up at around 16th place, so I've stayed in the same league for a while. People seem to be using it more in this one. Much more competitive. 

3 of my books (Alliance, Alliance: Dawn, and Sweet Endless Terror) are now both on Smashwords and Amazon. All 3 made it into Smashwords' Premium Catalog which distributes to online retailers like Apple, Kobo, Barnes & Noble (not their brick-and-mortar stores), some libraries, Scribd, etc. They only deal with ebooks. They can be bought on Smashwords itself, too. 

All 5 books (other 2: More Than Meets the Eye, My Mother's Treasure Trove of Recipes), with both their revised ebook and paperback versions, are on Amazon. I might be able to get those other 2 on Smashwords by the end of February. Their Select terms will have ended by then. When books are in the kdp (Kindle Direct Publishing) Select Program, they're exclusive to Amazon. They're pretty strict about it. It automatically renews to a new term, unless you uncheck a box. They will still be in it until that term ends. Kind of like a contract. The interesting thing about all this is Amazon distributes to a lot of different places for paperbacks (as long as the author/publisher agrees to it), but doesn't for ebooks. Smashwords distributes to a lot of places. More than Amazon does for paperbacks. So, with both, I'll have much more exposure this way. 

I've made Alliance free on Smashwords, and its ebook on Amazon is $2.99. I wanted to have it as free on there too, but $2.99 is the lowest they'll allow for this one. It's a rather big book. Paperback version is $12.99. Again, one of the lowest prices I could set. Alliance: Dawn is on preorder, and will be out through Smashwords on January 29th. However, if people see it on Smashwords, they can buy it in a presale. I set that up yesterday. Only people who get it on Smashwords will be able to buy it and get it immediately. They won't have to wait until it's officially out on there and wherever they distribute to. It's set at $4.99. I'm following what was suggested of having the 1st book in a series for free. I'll do that until either Dawn is published on there, or a little after. I think the sequel's at a reasonable price. 

Sweet Endless Terror's ebook is $3.99 at both places. However, yesterday I also set up a coupon for it on Smashwords. It's public, so it'll go into their Special Deals Catalog. Only people who see it on Smashwords will be able to use it. They encourage people to share the coupon link, too. (That's: https://www.smashwords.com/books/presale/1000407) I've set that for 50% off for a month, which if people use it, is $2. The paperback on Amazon is $11.99. 

Another good side to Smashwords is I get more of a percentage for royalties than with Amazon. If not in Select, I think they only give authors 35%, with it, it can be up to 75%. With Smashwords, the lowest amount is usually 78%, and depending on how expensive it is, it could increase. Seems backwards, but I'll definitely take it. There seems to be more freedom with their promos and such, too. 

Decided, since they're still in Select, on using Amazon's promos for my other 2 books. More Than Meets the Eye's (my memoir) ebook will have a free book promo from the 23rd until the 27th. (It's $4.99 at the moment, and paperback is $13.99.) My Mother's Treasure Trove of Recipes (cookbook) ebook will have 2 countdown deals. One in the US marketplace from the 27th until the 3rd. 2nd one in the UK marketplace from the 3rd until the 10th. The price (in the US one) right now is $5.99. ($14.99 for the paperback.) It starts off with a big discount (80%), then slowly reaches full price by the end of each 'deal'. With all these promos, it feels like something will be going on with them almost every day. I'm still going to need to do more. 

I also checked out my author profile on Goodreads. I don't really use that site often. Turns out there were 2 author profiles for me, but I could only access one. I think it might have been because of paperback and ebook versions of things. They get them confused. Anyways, my main one is R. C. MacDonald, but the other one was R C MacDonald. There wasn't much difference, and you're not allowed to have 2 entries. I didn't create that 2nd one. Someone else must have. They have some people that create author profiles if they think the author isn't on there themselves. It's to cover more in their listings, not really acting like they are the author. Still, weird. So, I sent them a message about it yesterday. They emailed me this morning, telling me that they merged the 2. So, it's all under my main one, R. C. MacDonald, now. Yay! 

I also tried to changed the gender on my profile. I didn't realize at the time I created the account that I was agender, so checked off female when I created it. That's incorrect. They only have 2 options, and I'm neither. I clicked the 'Select' option. That seemed to make the gender part disappear after saving it. However, if I want to edit something else, I have to constantly put it as 'Select' before saving. Otherwise, it goes right back to female. I noticed later on my phone that it still says female, but on my desktop it's off. I might message them about this, too. I'd rather it not be there than to be forced to choose things I'm not. They could just have 3 options: male, female, other. Other can make it easier to include everyone else, although it also feels like the 'others' don't matter as much as the 1st two. Still problematic, but better. I think on MyAnimeList they recently (1 or 2 years ago) gave users a 3rd option of non-binary, which is what I picked on there. That might be the best way. Some haters really did not like the change, but more and more people are setting their gender to that on there. I wish more popular sites would switch to something like that. 

Found out there's a lot of confusion with the health insurance coverage itself. It's a really big mess, especially for dependents. It's not just affecting me. They're giving me some time to help sort it out, but in the meantime, I'm not covered. It's like being in a state of limbo. They want me to fill out a form, talk to my primary doc, have her fill out forms, and they'll also go through my records. Once approved, they'll reimburse us for anything that would have been extra while I wasn't covered. I don't think they (ones who switched everyone to the new plan) ever got the approval letter for me to be a dependent back in 2013. They deemed me disabled, thus eligible/accepted, because of the bipolar 2 and other mental health stuff at the time. It's supposed to be good for 10 years, then they reevaluate. It seems Kaiser Permanente has been hiding it for some reason. They told me, as a dependent, that I couldn't see it. My parent couldn't see it either, despite them telling me she was one of the few people who could. It's absurd. Hopefully, with all this extra paperwork and my records, they can find it. I have a lot of other health issues now than I did in 2013, too. I have a better case for it. 

I still needed to order my meds. I first used the Kaiser Permanente mail-order pharmacy, like usual. I wasn't informed of it, but they cancelled my order, since I wasn't covered. One good side is they managed to get my primary doc to order a few more refills of lamotrigine. There weren't any before that. I consider it the most important med. Keeps my bipolar 2 in check, balanced, and makes me seem 'normal'. It's the only med that's worked for me. I'd really not want to mess too much with my mental state by not taking it anymore. My doc apparently has to see me once a year for it, and to test how it's affecting my liver and other organs. She can't order more until I do. However, she didn't ask me to make an appointment this time, and I don't think it's been a year. I only found out about the cancellation when I called them. 

So, I decided to try their in-person pharmacy. Lamotrigine is the same price as when I was covered. $9. Pretty dang cheap. Cheaper than what other meds were set at while covered,  that being $10. It's surprising, because I'm taking the highest legal dose. I got that. Thank goodness I have the next batch now.

On the other hand, lialda, which is for the colitis, is super expensive. With KP, without coverage, it's $250 a month for the dose I'm at. The pharmacist suggested that I look at GoodRx online to compare prices and get a coupon. I decided to do what she suggested. At many places, it easily is over $1,000. The cheapest I found, with a coupon, is $91. Better than $250, but still seems expensive. I'm not even sure if the lialda is working. I've never been tested to see and how it's affecting the rest of my system, which I'm supposed to every few months for pretty much all meds related to colitis. It's actually highly recommended by the Crohn's and Colitis Foundation. I've been taking it for a year and a half. Don't know if it's making me worse. I'm going to experiment with having one pill a day instead of 2. (They're huge pills!) Started that yesterday. Hasn't been long, but so far, nothing different than the last few days. (I think I might be flaring anyways.) I could at some point get the next dose, too. If I keep up the one a day thing, I have about 11 more days until I run out with my current batch. 

A little nice side thing is one of the cats gave me a present this morning. I have a feeling it was Rosie. It was one of her fave toys, a big stuffed rat. It was left at where I normally sit in the family room. She knows things are going on with me health-wise. (Keep getting sick, feel like I'm flaring; that sort of thing.) She's extremely protective of me when I lay on my bed to watch something, play a game on my phone, etc. Really clinging to my legs with her claws dug in. Good thing there's a heavy electric blanket, and a couple of other layers that I'm under usually. Doesn't hurt that way, but she does get upset when I get up to do something, and tries really hard to make me stay. Certainly has a strong grip. She probably thought I needed that rat. 

This new anime season has some really interesting ones. There was positive and 'real' (more true to life of what many people experience) representation of an LGBTQ+ person in a recent episode of The Case Files of Jeweler Richard. Very well done. They treated her with respect and seriously. Other LGBTQ+ people were really impressed by that episode, too. One of the main themes has been to not discriminate based on religion, gender, sexual orientation (she was lesbian), what language they speak (Richard is fluent in many languages, so he sees clients that speak a variety of different ones), and more. All things Richard was trying to teach Seigi. Seigi is new to it all, and works for him at his office. Richard seems to be multiracial, although he appears white. The gems are animated really well. They look very close to reality and are beautiful. He essentially solves mysteries of the pieces of jewelry people ask him to appraise. He also gives real info on the gems, and the process in making some of the pieces. Might be boring to some, but I find it interesting. 

Darwin's Game has been really brutal so far. It's a survival game, so it makes sense. There's a game app that once you open it for the first time, it affects the real world. There's no way to quit the game. You're granted special powers at the beginning, but some players don't know what they are, like the main character, Sudou. We still don't truly know what his power is. There are hints that it has to do with replicating something he touches. Like, a gun or taser. It doesn't seem like that's all of it, though. If you die in the game, you die in the real world. You leave behind an imprint of your body. People not playing the game think that it's some sort of street art. Non-players, like bystanders or police, can get killed, too. There have been a lot of intense deaths. Sudou doesn't want to kill anyone. The only way to not kill anyone is for the opponent to give up. They lose points, and that's added to the other player's points. You can form teams. People in your team won't be forced to fight you. Also, you get the added bonus of more people to fight on your side. Some people have survived by being paid for giving info on other players. Info is valuable, and hard to get. There's some dark humor in it, too. I like that sort of thing. The only thing I didn't like was the very end of the 1st episode and beginning of the 2nd. It was obviously for fan service, but might have also conveyed how eccentric the other main character, Karino is. She's the strongest player in the game. Also, was the 1st player to give up against Sudou. She's never lost a fight until then. I kind of like her, except for what she did in that weird scene. I know she was messing with him, but we really didn't need that.

Kyokou Suiri aka In/Spectre has been interesting, too. The main character, Kotoko, was kidnapped when she was 11 by youkai (supernatural beings). They demanded that she become their G-d of Wisdom, in exchange for an eye and a leg. She agreed to it. She basically became a mediator between the supernatural and human worlds. At 17, she constantly has youkai asking for her advice. A college student, Kurou, was dumped by his girlfriend because he wouldn't run away after seeing a kappa. Kotoko teams up with him, falling for him after bumping into each other at the hospital so often. He has a sick cousin, and she has to get check-ups often because of her condition. There's more to him than it seems at first. As a kid, he ate 2 youkai. One being a mermaid, but we don't know the other one yet. The mermaid gave him the ability to heal quickly. He seems to not feel pain, either. Even had his arm ripped off and acted like it was nothing. If he just had eaten the mermaid he would live forever, and look like the age he did when he ate it. That other thing he ate makes him age like normal. Not sure if he still can live forever. He's been reluctant to help her, but seems to be coming around. 

Uchi Tama?! has been freaking adorable and calming. Looking it up, it's based on a character franchise that started in 1983. Looks similar to Sanrio's characters like Hello Kitty. This is a new take on those characters that also had their own OVA (original video animation) series in 1988, game not long after, anime in 1993, movie, a few more games, and another anime. This one has human-like versions of the animals, that occasionally shifts to their actual forms. Tama's the main character. He's a cat that often goes missing with his friend Pochi, who's a dog. He's friends with all the cats and dogs in the neighborhood. The characters are all pretty unique and interesting. I like the concept of anthropomorphized pets, and seeing their point-of-view like that. They really did capture the same tendencies/behaviors of cats and dogs in the real world well. I think they only show their animal forms when they interact with humans. There was one segment that was super trippy. One of the cats found a portal to another world, ran in and out of it a few times, with ancient cat and dog warriors fighting it out in gladiator attire following him. All this while the dogs were talking about how peaceful it was and about nipples. Being shocked that humans only have 2, and asking about other animals. They seemed totally unfazed by what was happening behind them. Somehow, it kind of goes with how pets are...Like, cats mysteriously disappearing for a while (sometimes reappearing in weird places), dogs being focused on certain things, etc. 

I'm really liking Jibaku Shounen Hanako-kun or Toilet-Bound Hanako-kun. The classic urban legend in Japan is about a ghost that haunts a toilet in a girls' bathroom at a school. There are apparently a lot of different versions of the story. Usually that ghost grants wishes for a price and if you call them a certain way, and is a girl. In some stories, if you mess up on calling her, she eats you or something. In this one, the ghost is a boy. The toilet is in the 3rd floor's girl's bathroom at an old school building. You have to knock 3 times on the 3rd bathroom stall, and say the ghost's name 3 times. He seems innocent and harmless at first, but he certainly has a dark side. He's much more powerful than he appears. His main weapon seems to be a butcher knife. There's a lot of dark humor. The art's quirky, which is fun. Nene tries to meet Hanako to ask for him to make a boy fall in love with her. He has no idea how to do that. It backfires with everything he suggests. Hanako carries a bag of mermaid scales. (Not sure why.) She eats one out of frustration before he could tell her what would happen, and turns into a fish. It also means she becomes a servant to mermaids, in their world. Wanting to turn back and terrified of the mermaid (which looks like an ugly giant fish), she begs him to turn her back. He eats a scale, so that he 'shares' the curse. She turns back to human form, but every time water splashes on her skin, she grows scales. She becomes friends with him, and it seems like she's going to end up helping him with the 'wishes'. A new character showed up, and he might turn into another friend that helps him. Although, he comes from a long line of exorcists, and vows to exorcise him. He's no match for Hanako. 

Somali and the Forest Spirit's about a little human girl, Somali, and a golem. They go on a journey to find her parents after the golem finds her all alone in the forest he watches over. He turns into a father figure. In their world, humans are rare and are treated poorly. It's full of demons and other supernatural creatures. She has to pretend she's part minotaur. The golem made fake horns that are attached to a hoodie. As long as it stays in place on Somali while they're out in public, no one suspects anything. The art is beautiful. 

I've also started watching the 2nd season of Ultraviolet recently. It's a Polish detective series on Netflix. Ultraviolet is a group of online amateur detectives. The police tend to hate them because they 'meddle' in their cases, and they solve them faster. I'm a little upset they killed off a major main character so early this season. Now it seems they have a new character trying to take on the same roles he did. I think I like him, but in a different way. It just has a very different feel this season, which can be good. I like the series a lot.

5th of Kislev

This is my wallpaper for December. It's Sebastian from Kuroshitsuji or Black Butler. Seemed good for this month since there's snow, and kind of fits my mood during it. I like Hanukkah a lot, but the Christmas stuff out there, no matter where you go 24/7, gets to be much. It's in your face and on blast. If you don't celebrate that holiday, it gets aggravating after a while. I'm happy when retail people or waiters say things like happy holidays instead of Merry Christmas. It's more inclusive and doesn't throw a holiday that you don't celebrate on you. There's a holiday for pretty much everyone this time of year. Including New Year's Eve. I have no problem with friends celebrating it. In fact, I hope it's a great one, and that they knock themselves out with decorating and such. It's the public things that get me the most. (At malls, cafes, other stores, public schools, 'Santa' riding a fire engine through the neighborhood, whole downtown area decorated with Christmas stuff, etc.) Also, Hanukkah is not the Jewish Christmas. We don't have a holiday like that. Hanukkah is a minor holiday, also referred to as the Festival of Lights. It just so happens to fall around Christmas this year. 

The month-long holidays for December are: National Pear Month. Some are for important causes, some are to make you appreciate things you may take for granted, and some are just for fun. Not much this time. I love pears, though. 

My Jewish calendar features 2 menorahs this time. I should say technically hanukiyah, which is the specific menorah used for the holiday. Menorah just means lamp. The one for Hanukkah has 8 branches and one holder for the shamash (helper or leader) candle. Usually the one for the shamash is raised up more than the others and/or is in the middle. A regular one has 6 branches and one holder. So, there is a difference. Each night for Hanukkah we light the shammash and another candle with it. They're really beautiful by the last night. Since my mom used to work for a Judaica shop, she collected a lot of them. Some were free, and some she bought discounted from the shop. Free if they had some minor flaw, like some branches were slightly bent. She and I would sometimes light a bunch of them on top of the piano. It was glorious seeing them all lit up, although it was pretty dangerous, too. When I do it myself now, I usually use one. Sometimes 2 on the last night. I have so many different ones that I inherited from her. I've been using a more traditional one the last few years, but it only uses Shabbos candles, not the slimmer Hanukkah ones. A couple of the branches are bent, too. It's quirky, yet impressive. People can see it more from the outside than the others. We're supposed to have it be seen, so it works. Anyways, one of the ones on the calendar is made out of copper from 1900. The other's iron from 1935. They don't say where they're from, unlike many of the other artifacts in previous months. However, the museum is in Amsterdam. They might have come from there. Interesting to see such old ones. 

The elements calendar features tin this time. They talk about how tin soldiers were almost never made of pure tin. Tin-lead alloys were usually used. Many things called tin don't actually have tin in them, and it's come to mean any sort of thin sheet metal. They show a tin soldier that is 99.99% pure tin. There's a gray tin allotrope growing on a piece of metallic tin. A piece of the mineral cassiterite (tin oxide) from Bolivia. Lead-free solder, which is mostly tin. And, finally ingots of pure tin. Interesting. 

Went to a family friends' place for Thanksgiving. We usually go there. This time it was my parent and I, the 2 hosts, and a work friend of the hostess. I was told there would be 6 of us, so that surprised me. They usually have a sizable crowd for their holiday dinners/parties. (They also host parties for New Year's Eve, sometimes Hanukkah, and a seder during Passover.) For the last couple of years, it's been noticeably smaller. Anyways, I've met their friend before at previous dinners. She's pretty nice and open-minded. They only have one dog left. The other passed away not that long ago. I miss that one, too. They were both big and really friendly. I couldn't eat the green salad we brought, since I'm trying to stay away from pain as much as possible. (Roughage like things scratch up against the scars in my colon. Fun fun.) We also brought a berry/grape salad. Didn't add anything to it, since I'm not familiar with fruit salads. My parent wanted to add whipped cream, which is apparently a thing. I just think fruit is usually good by itself. Like nature's candy. I technically wasn't supposed to eat the berries because of the seeds. I did anyways...The host smoked the turkey, like usual. There was gravy, homemade stuffing (a bowl of it without chestnuts for me), salmon for the person who doesn't eat turkey, cranberry relish (I don't like it, so they usually have the canned jelled stuff for me), cookies, and pumpkin pie. They forgot about a cooked green vegetable, which I probably could have eaten in place of the salad. We played a game of Trivial Pursuit, which is like a tradition there. It used to be very binary with the men against the women. Acknowledging me, and realizing it wasn't the best thing to do anyways, they stopped splitting us up like that. This time it was the 'away team' vs the 'home team'. 3 against 2 isn't bad. If it was with genders in general, I would be by myself and probably wouldn't have gotten very far. (The host would have been too, but he's relatively good at it.) We were in the lead for a while, but the 'home team' won. Sadness. The only thing that I didn't care for was when the hostess was talking shop with her friend for long periods of time. (They both work for OC or Olympic College.) They wanted to share and explain what they went through and such, too. At first it was interesting, then I started to get sleepy. After a while, I kept catching myself before falling asleep. If that was the only down part, that's pretty good. 

Sunday was the start of Crohn's & Colitis Awareness Week. The only things I've done for it are added a frame to my fb profile pic, filled out an infographic on my experience, and shared both to Instagram as well. I've talked about my experience often on here. One thing that's surprised me is that you can still suffer symptoms while in remission. It really depends on how much damage it caused before going into remission. People tend to think in order to be in remission, you must not have related symptoms. Also, there's a high possibility of getting another autoimmune disease eventually with it. I apparently have another one, but they (doctors) don't know what it is yet. So, that's a fun thing, too. There isn't a cure for colitis. This can be hard for many patients to come to terms with. They'll have to deal with it for the rest of their lives. While in remission, it doesn't actually stop. The disease has just gone down to an unnoticeable crawl. 

Finished watching The Truth Seekers. It's a Singaporean private detective drama. They solve cold cases. I liked it a lot. I didn't care for the added tension towards the end. Plus, the love triangle thing...The characters were likable and felt like family. They left it wide open for another season. I'd so watch it if there is one in the future. 

Started watching the 2nd season of High Seas recently. It's a Spanish mystery series set in the 40s on a luxury cruise ship. The cinematography's great, they have elegant costumes that would have been popular at the time, and a lot of aspects are accurate to the way things would have been. The acting is occasionally over-the-top. Very interesting story and kind of cool that most of it is from the perspective of 2 sisters. This season seems a little weird. Ghosts might be involved this time, although it might all be an act by someone they rescued recently. That someone is apparently lesbian or bi. Not sure if that's good representation, considering she could be stealing and a fraud posing as a medium. She kissed one of the sisters that believes her. As far as they've shown, the sister is straight, and recently got married to the owner of the ship. She could be bi...She seemed to like it. They were hinting that she'd do something like that with how touchy-feely she was with her. This season isn't long, and I'm already halfway through it. It'd be interesting to see how it goes. The 1st season was mainly about mysterious murders and the sisters' long-thought dead father. I wasn't sure there would be another season with how the last one ended, so it's been a pleasant surprise.

I finished Duolingo's Dutch course. I was thinking about going back to modern Hebrew next, but their course for it is awful. I can't seem to find any good apps for it, either. I thought about Yiddish, but that's hardly available anywhere. Although, I did read that Duolingo is creating a course for it and might be out in a few months. Started Duolingo's Scottish Gaelic course today. It's really new. Newer than I thought. Came out a week ago. There hasn't been any speaking lessons yet, but I'm at the very basic stuff. Some of the other languages didn't have those until a few more units in. They have a lot of different native speakers, which is good to get more of a feel to how it sounds. I knew the language was a little odd, but really looking at it brings that to light more. It's another language that my ancestors spoke, so I thought it would be good to learn that way. Not many people speak it anymore. There is an effort to change that, though. The course looks short, but maybe they're only showing me some of it, then once I get to the last checkpoint shown there will be more. If not, I still feel lucky to get a taste of it. 

Finished editing Alliance: Dawn. Started editing Sweet Endless Terror. It's 12 short stories based on my nightmares. Went through the 1st story: The Head. It's the shortest one. 5 pages of the ebook and 8 pages of the print. I also didn't remember how short the ebook was. It's only 94 pages. The print is 255 pages. I formatted the print to be for a small book, so it makes sense. The difference is weird, though. Especially seeing them side by side. 

Finished fixing the drawing of Junko's lines. In Photoshop, I added color to her skin, eye (she's winking, so only one is open), hair, shoes, and ears. They're not exactly the colors I had in mind, but they're not bad looking. I don't know much about color codes in Photoshop, but I'm looking them up as I go. I'll color in her skirt, socks, and shirt next. Then, I'll mess with shading. I have to remember to go a little darker with that than I did with Shadow. 

Election Day!

I voted through the mail last Wednesday. Some of it was difficult, because I didn't recognize some of the names and they weren't affiliated with certain parties. I tried to make an informed decision on those. 2 of the candidates running for school board, one of them I was familiar with beforehand, would be awful if they won. One that seemed a little too into 'loving kids', and the other is a big transphobe who probably hates anyone else in the greater queer community. I think I also recognized another name that was a member of one of the local synagogues. That'd be cool if she won. Some candidates seemed overqualified, if that were possible. Others essentially said vote for me since I'm running for another term. Nothing on their background or education. One initiative seemed like a no-brainer to be for. Unless you weren't for diversity...Another one was easy to vote against. It was put out by someone who tries to get ridiculous initiatives to pass every year. Usually harmful in some way. I didn't really like that there were so many advisory votes this time. Sure, it's great to get the people's opinion, but you've already voted on them. If there were like 2 or 3, that would have been fine. It seemed like there were around 8 of them. 

This is my wallpaper for November. It's one of Luffy's wanted posters from One Piece. He is a pirate after all. His current bounty is much higher than this. The higher the bounty a pirate has, the higher the notoriety and standing they have in their world. The Marines consider them more of a threat and dangerous the higher the bounty. Sometimes they don't get the right picture of the person, and others are mistaken for them. The currency that most of their world uses is called the Belly or Berry (the English version can't seem to decide, the romaji is berii). There are some islands that have their own currency. Like, Extol for Skypeia and Gor for Amazon Lily. Wano's currency is: Gold, Platinum, and Silver. Wano is where they are in the anime currently. It's inspired by Feudal Japan. The art, isolation of the country, dialects, fashion, culture, having a shogunate, etc. are all based on it. It's interesting how detailed it is. Seems to be like an homage to that time. Not glorifying it, but more like showcasing it. Some of the designs of the characters living in Wano look like they walked right out of some famous art pieces from back then. A different style than most of the series. I think it also shows the hardships of the poor of that time. The creator of the series doesn't shy away from tackling topics like slavery, bigotry, corruption, gender equality, genocide, grief, etc. in general. In Wano, most people are starving and can't afford things like good health care. The water around them is completely polluted and toxic. The animals drink the water and therefore are poisonous to humans. Meanwhile, the capital and major cities are living lavishly. Anyways, I thought this looked fun and cool. Not really birthday related (my birthday's on Thursday), but nice. Luffy is also aro ace, according to an interview of the creator. Pretty awesome that the main character of one of the most popular manga/anime is aro ace! So, somewhat related to me that way.

The month-long holidays for November are: National Peanut Butter Lovers Month, National Pomegranate Month, Banana Pudding Lovers Month, National Memoir Writing Month, National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo). Some are for important causes, some are to make you appreciate things you may take for granted, and some are just for fun. 

Last Wednesday, we had a local trans meeting. There were only a handful of us. We had moved to a much bigger room. Seemed funny almost with such a small group of us. Most of the people that were there were non-binary, which was great to me. Not the usual. They wanted to have the same type of top surgery I wanted. People get weirded out when I bring up that nipples cause dysphoria for me, too. It's not just my chest. So, I'll need all of it to go. No masculinizing or feminizing. Simply flat. A member tried to talk me out of it a few months ago. That it seemed too out there. Seeing the pics that people share in fb enby groups of their after nippleless top surgery looks amazing to me. Looks more like how I'd want to see myself. 

We all went to Shari's afterwards. I got their new simple pretzel cheeseburger. The burger seemed like a veggie one. I expected beef. It looked weird. Got their new graveyard shake for dessert. It's supposed to be a s'mores galore pie shake (they blend an entire slice with ice cream to make it) with added chocolate syrup, Oreo crumbs for the 'dirt' part, and gummy worms. They were out of the 'worms', didn't have much of the 'dirt', added a little piece of chocolate on top, and there didn't seem to be any extra chocolate syrup. There was a huge glob of what I think was a concentrated graham cracker ball. It was disappointing and bizarre. 

I felt a little uneasy when one of the new members said that all trans people are autistic. Many trans people are, but many aren't. I think it seems like it's an unusually high percentage because trans people are often tested for it more. Often they, or other people around them, feel like something must be wrong with them for being trans. It's also this way for the rest of the LGBTQ+ community. It's more common in the cis/non-queer population than people think. Many of them go undiagnosed. There's nothing wrong with people who are autistic, but there is something wrong with saying all trans people are. What about cis autistic people? Are they really trans and don't know it? What about trans people who aren't? It might feel invalidating to them to hear that all trans people are. Correlation does not equal causation. I'm not autistic. However, I'm not exactly neurotypical, either. I have a lot of mental health stuff (bipolar 2, anxiety, agoraphobia, PTSD, etc.) and physical chronic illnesses (colitis, possibly another autoimmune disease, Eustachian tube dysfunction, multiple skin issues, etc.). Both have an impact on the way I think that would be different than someone who was healthy mentally and physically. Since I have these things, does it mean all trans people do as well? No. Not at all. I have a different perspective as an aro ace agender person as well. (Compared to allo cis people.) Being trans simply means you have a gender that doesn't match the one you were assigned at birth. That says nothing about mental health, being autistic, or other aspects of who that person is or what they have. Are all cis people the same? No. Thank goodness we're all different. The world would be boring if we were all the same.

We also talked about possibly having a potluck for my birthday at the next meeting tomorrow. Since it's the day before it. We don't celebrate birthdays as a group often. I can only remember 2 times in the past. It might be a fun thing to do in the future for members, though. My parent suggested she'd bring a cake and others could bring snack-like stuff. That sounds good. Not sure if it's actually going to happen. I might forget about it tomorrow until right before the meeting starts. 

Someone on fb friended me that same day. I didn't recognize the name, but their profile mentioned they graduated a year ahead of me at the same high school. Although, they graduated from another high school at the same time...That seemed fishy. They had many mutual friends, so I thought maybe I didn't remember them. He seemed really nice on messenger that first night. Although, he insisted he'd find a way to make me feel better. That seemed questionable. On Halloween, he asked what I'll be doing. Seemed innocent enough. I said probably not much other than watch a horror movie and have dinner out. He asked about wearing a costume. I didn't wear one this year, but I did wear skeleton earrings. He said he'd like to see them in person. He said he doesn't get any trick-or-treaters, and his camper is so cold. He'd want someone with him. According to his profile he's either bi or pan, which I thought was cool. Not cool that he seemed like he was trying to flirt with me, get 'romantic', and creepy. Being aro ace, it takes me a while to realize someone is flirting with me, unless I'm hyper-aware. People tend to think I'm flirting when I'm just being nice, friendly, and polite. I don't want another romantic relationship. I had a boyfriend and that part was suffocating for me. He was all over me trying to be as romantic as possible, and often sexual which I wasn't that into either. I put up with it, because I felt I had to. (Silly society...) I was very attached to him emotionally, and strongly attracted platonically (I guess queerplatonically would be a better word). Because of this, it really hurt when we broke up. Anyways, I would love a queerplatonic relationship instead. It's hard to find that, though. This exchange creeped me out. I also wonder how people can flirt with others when they barely know the person. I understand after knowing the basics of who they are. Why not become friends first? I blocked this person, by the way.

Went to Red Lobster on Halloween for dinner. I was surprised to see any kids there. It was a way to get away from trick-or-treaters for a while. We live right in the middle of the neighborhood, right at a 3-way stop. It's a popular spot to go. It was like that even when I was kid. For the last few years we haven't been handing out candy. It's been nice that way. We just turn out the lights and usually go somewhere else for a while. I got steak with mashed potatoes and a caprese salad there. It comes with a choice of soup or salad. I didn't get either. All their soups now have shellfish or pork products, and the salads upset my gut, particularly the greens part. So, I got none of that. The caprese salad is perfect for me. I don't have issues with tomatoes. I don't eat the onions. The mozzarella is good for protein, and basil is healthy too. It's all in balsamic vinegar, which is oddly good for me. I don't normally get steak, but it was done right. It's a perfect form of more protein. All together, it was one of their lower-calorie meals, so I managed to eat most of it. Had their vanilla bean cheesecake for dessert. One of my faves. I'm never able to finish it, since it's so huge.

I don't really have plans for my birthday. Probably would celebrate it more this coming weekend. I do want brunch at the Oak Table. Went there last year, too. I'd like to go somewhere for a dinner, but not sure what really speaks to me for that. Might be at a Japanese steakhouse, but I also like a lot of other restaurants. Last year, we went to the Cheesecake Factory, I think. I went there not that long ago, so I wouldn't want that. Went to a zoo last year and got a mani/pedi. Not really feeling those this time. Maybe some museums? Not sure which ones, though. 

I've been in even more pain lately. Especially in the right side of my abdomen and more intense patches in my right arm. I also passed quite a bit of blood recently. No #2, just blood. (Not related to a 'monthly friend' I would have if my IUD wasn't working.) That was fun. Had a slight reaction to that. I think my colitis might be flaring, although I've never had blood come out of me like that. I did have occult blood in a test, but none that was visible. It's common for people with Ulcerative Colitis to bleed a lot. I've had symptoms resembling Crohn's Disease more. Crohn's also can affect the colon. I think the pain on my side might be from my colon. That blood might have been from that area. (It hasn't bled since.) It's a constant cramp-like pain. Lying down makes it feel like it's oozing out and it twitches a lot. Not sure about my arm. There's resistance to both arms when I move them. The right one feels like it's been beaten up, someone's pushing on it in certain areas, and it burns. I have to wait to see what goes on with my insurance before I can do much about this stuff. It's just a pain to deal with. Still haven't gotten those 3 other test results back. I don't know if they take a while to run. It'd be nice to know those results already, though.

Youtube: 

One Piece:



Kuroshitsuji (Black Butler):

Fairy Tail:


Ao no (Blue) Exorcist:

Boku no (My) Hero Academia:

One Punch Man:

Ansatsu Kyoushitsu (Assassination Classroom):

Black Clover:

Bungou (Literary) Stray Dogs:

Asexual Awareness Week

This started on Sunday. It's always a week before Halloween. I don't think I'm going to do much for it. I already talk about and share ace related stuff on a regular basis. There definitely needs to be more visibility, though. 

I fully realized I was ace right before Pride in 2016. Someone had talked about it while prepping for our local Pride. I had an inkling of it when I was 16 and a fellow classmate came out to me as ace. I didn't know him very well, and it makes me wonder why he chose me as one of the first people to come out to. I nervously laughed then looked it up. There wasn't much of a community online and not much info at the library, either. Of what I did find, it terrified me how much I related to it. At that age, I just wanted to be like everyone else around me. I didn't hate others who were LGBTQ+, but I didn't want to be 'different' personally. I think I had a lot of internalized acephobia. I hoped someday I'd suddenly feel like everybody else, or if someone liked me in that way, I'd suddenly feel it, too. Nope, never happened. It was alienating. I've heard other aces felt broken. I never felt that way. I was whole, only alien or inhuman compared to others. Being aro and agender probably were also contributing factors to this 'othering' feeling. Everyone was experiencing these 3 things (having romantic/sexual attractions and a gender), except me. I denied being ace until I was 31. I had to accept it myself before coming out to others. After that I fully embraced it. It probably would have been harder for me if I embraced it and was out as a teen. Again, there wasn't much of a community and kids can be awful to each other if you're considered out of the norm. It was bad enough with being the only Jew in school...I'm a bit jealous and very happy for ace teens now. At the very least, they have communities online where they can feel they belong and/or are accepted. 

Figuring out I was ace also made me wonder about my romantic attraction. I, again, wanted to at least have that so I could feel more 'normal'. Nope. About as aro as it gets. (Realized that in October that year.) I was hesitant about it until I asked myself why. I think it was a mix of internalized arophobia, amatonormativity, and heteronormativity. Now I embrace that, too. It also made me think about what I do experience. My strongest attraction is platonic. This isn't just wanting to be friends with someone. Best way to describe it is you want to be really close best friends with certain people. It's almost on a spiritual level. I'm pan this way. (No, not everyone is.) There's apparently a newer term going around called oriented aro aces. This is for aro aces that do experience some sort of strong attraction. They tend to add the prefix of that attraction (like people do for their sexual or romantic orientations) first. So, I'd be a pan aro ace. It's useful for if we want some form of a relationship like a qpr. A qpr is a queerplatonic relationship, which is what I would love. A squish is a platonic crush, and I've realized I've had a lot more than I thought. They're kind of confusing at first, especially when you don't realize you're aro ace, because it's not like you want to date or have sex with that person. It can be a strong feeling, too. Another one is aesthetic attraction. Certain people look gorgeous or grab your attention, basically. It's not in a sexual or romantic way. I'm attracted to men this way. Yet another is sensual (tactile way, not sexual) attraction. I don't know if I'm attracted to people this way. Some people get really into figuring this stuff out. 

In January, my parent's insurance will change. I'm on my current one as a dependent due to a disability. They deemed I had at least one back in 2012 or 2013. I think that was because of the bipolar 2. Type 2's have lower lows than type 1's. In fact, they're much more at risk for suicide. I was suicidal for years. The mania side isn't the happy type, either. It's racing thoughts, getting irritated easily, taking on too many things, etc. Pretty serious, especially when not treated. I have other mental health issues and now chronic physical health stuff, too. Anyways, the new plan does allow dependents due to a disability, but they have to have some sort of documentation in order to approve it. So, I tried searching for a letter about it in my actual health documents (not online) last week. Saw the letter about them telling me that they'll give me a year extension because my mom passed away, in 2012. I was aging out. After some going back and forth, they eventually approved of me later. But, that approval was not there. I looked at my messages online with them. Nothing. Then, I vaguely remembered that my parent was the one that told me I was approved. I never got a letter from them about it. She found out through her employer somehow. So, I messaged member services yesterday. Hopefully, they'll find something. My parent's looking into things about it, too. It's like a weird puzzle. She told me at first that we only had until November 15th to submit that documentation. Found out yesterday that we actually have until January. Better, but still coming up quickly. She said there's a possibility I could get dental if they approve me as a dependent. I haven't seen a dentist in years. That would be great. Also, knowing that colitis can affect dental stuff, it would be even more important now. Whatever this 2nd autoimmune disease is, it has already messed with my mouth a bit, so it's an added thing. 

I'm getting really tired of this mystery pain. It's so intense, at times, that it feels bone-deep. It's not just the pain I'm tired of, but the weak feeling in my arms/parts of my legs, mouth bumps/sores, worsening fatigue (also a symptom of colitis, but this is more than before), bumps/sores on my hands, shaky hands, resistance every time I move my arms, and more. It's really getting annoying. Especially when I'm asked how I am at stores, or feel I need to look healthy and friendly while out. It's like I put up a facade to make other people feel more comfortable. That's draining in itself. If I stop smiling or be honest and tell someone I'm not feeling well, I feel like others will think I'm angry or make them feel bad for caring. Or, they'll want me to explain why I don't feel well, which if I'm at a store to get something, I'm most likely not going to want to go into detail. I've heard from other people in IBD groups on fb feeling similarly. It's a weird dilemma. I felt odd last time someone at the bakery at a local market asked me how I was. I was feeling really awful at the time, but smiled and lied saying things were good. She always asks me. 

I messaged my rheumatologist asking about getting blood tests that were suggested. They were suggested in the notes of the scl-70 blood test. Saying that about 20% of patients with scleroderma test positive for it, so there are other tests to get a better picture. If I truly don't have it, they'll all be negative. At least we could check. I really feel like that's what it is, but it could be something similar. I don't know. I forgot to tell him where I saw these suggestions, and asked me. I've apparently already been tested for one of them, so that's good. Another one there was a lab error and they weren't able to do it. I wasn't told this before. He said he could order that test again and the others. Hopefully, he still will after telling him that the suggestions come from the notes. I still have to make a dermatologist appointment, but I'm hesitant to do it until after I know what's going to happen with my insurance. I might wait until then. 

Apparently, the dishwasher started working again last night. It was getting harder to hand-wash my dishes after every meal, so that was a relief. Seems to have done it on its own. My parent's still going to have someone look at it. 

I managed to get a walk in yesterday! Yay! My routine walks are roughly 2 miles. Haven't gotten to it in a long time. I've decided a way to get myself to do it is to go right after dinner. Harder to 'forget' if there's a set time, and I won't be as distracted with other things. Also, taking a shower right after every other is a pretty good incentive, I think. I can't take showers every day, because of lots of skin issues (that I know of), so I try to take one every other day. Half the time, I won't have to feel sweaty afterwards. I apparently ate late enough that it was dark halfway through it. That's ok. I have a small flashlight. For the entire time I was out there, it was raining heavily and windy. I have a new umbrella, which helped. However, the rain came in on the sides under the umbrella a bit. My socks and part of my jeans were soaked by the time I got home. Despite all that, it was nice to finally get out there again. If I can keep this up every day for a few weeks, I might be able to add another walk. There was a time when I did 3 of them a day. Not sure if I'll get to that point. 

Today, I finished the Romance unit and am halfway through the Past Part. one in Duolingo's Dutch course. The Romance one was more interesting than I expected. There was some LGBTQ+ representation. Also, some sentences were about consent. Some on not wanting anything romantic or sexual, but to cuddle instead. I know as a company they're very affirming and accepting of LGBTQ+ people, but it was cool to see. By the end, I made it to #4 in the Ruby League. That's pretty good. Hopefully, I can keep it up. 

Yesterday, I figured out how I wanted the folds in Junko's clothes to look, then inked it all. I might keep the pencil marks on it to help edit it in Photoshop. Although, it'll be messier. Still on the fence about it. Next time I'll decide on that and start editing in Photoshop. 

Got to editing more of Alliance. Finished chapter 14, and am well into chapter 15. Went through 7 pages of the ebook, and 11 pages of the print. 

Practiced my clarinet. Finished the Clarinet Solos book, Duke Ellington book, and started the Gershwin one. Played better than expected. Hopefully, I can keep this up for the rest of the week.  

3rd of Elul

This is my wallpaper for September. It's Tanjirou from Demon Slayer: Kimetsu no Yaiba (Demon-Slaying Blade). I've been really amazed by this anime. Wasn't expecting much. The animation has been top-notch (just looking at the water scenes, it looks so real, which is difficult to pull off), music is haunting at times, the characters are well developed, epic fight scenes, and the plot is interesting. I wasn't expecting much because it's essentially a zombie anime. There's so much more to it, though. It takes place in the Taisho period, which is 1912-1926. So, more 'modern' than some of the other anime I've watched that are historically based. I like the idea that Tanjirou only joined the Demon Slayers to cure his sister, Nezuko, of being a demon. The demons in the story more closely resemble zombies in that they eat people and were once human themselves. They still have a sense of self, intelligence, and magical abilities. Scarier this way. Nezuko seems to be one of the first demons that hasn't eaten a single human. Instead, she gathers energy by sleeping. She was kind of tricked into thinking all humans are family and to protect them at all costs. She's incredibly strong, even for a demon. She's also cute. Tanjirou is kindhearted and a huge empath. He feels for most of the demons he defeats.  

The month-long holidays for September are: National Biscuit Month, National Breakfast Month, National Honey Month, National Potato Month, National Rice Month, National Cheese Month, National Piano Month, Pain Awareness Month. Some are for important causes, some are to make you appreciate things you may take for granted, and some are just for fun. Quite a lot this month. 

The month of Elul ends with Rosh Hashanah or our New Year. It's also the start of the High Holy Days, which ends with Yom Kippur or the Day of Atonement. The HHDs last for 10 days. RH and YK are the most important holidays on the Jewish calendar. Many people 'prepare' the month before. One of the customs I follow (as did my mom) is blowing the shofar (ram's horn) every morning throughout most of the month. We refrain from it on Shabbos (which is every Friday night until Saturday night). I sometimes forget to do it until a few days into the month, like this year. Hopefully, I'll remember tomorrow and the rest of the month...It can be fun. It's supposed to wake us up spiritually. 

The elements calendar features arsenic this time. The main pic's of pure arsenic metal granules. The one next to it is of a type of arsenic treated wood. Another pic's of an old tin of arsenic. The last pic's of Paris Green, which is useful in pigments and rat poison. Scary one for this month.

Recently 2 groups on fb shared the same post. One in an ace group, and the other in a non-binary one. It was an 'adding' game where you state your age and post a selfie, then friend whoever interacts with it. I almost didn't respond to either posts, thinking it was just a popularity contest. However, it was a good way to let others know it was ok to friend them. Some people might not want to for many reasons. Also, a great way to connect with other LGBTQ+ people on there. So, I did eventually post in both of them. I gained 25 friends through that over the weekend. I think that's the most I've had in such a short time. Also, overall, I'm up to the most friends I've had on my list at once there. They all seem like cool and interesting people. 

We did our big monthly grocery shopping yesterday. We normally go to Costco, but it was closed for Labor Day. So, we went to Trader Joe's. I think I only found one thing there: olive hummus. Haven't had hummus in a very long time. I like making hummus and cheese sandwiches. They're refreshing, tasty, and full of protein. The olive one is one of the best. They also had chocolate hummus. That sounds nasty. I did read an article about it, and the author was surprised by how great it was. I don't know...

We also went to a local bakery. I love their Norwegian brown bread, and I usually get it sliced. Turns out that the ones that were available were frozen. They can't cut it until it thaws enough. Last time that happened it took like 3 hours. I didn't want to go through that again. On the other hand, it is getting harder to cut things, so it makes it even more difficult than before for me. I also got a maple doughboy. It's one of the things they're known for. It's huge! It's like a gingerbread man, only in donut form. This one had maple frosting. The other version is glazed. 

There's a smoked goods shop right next to it. They have smoked salmon, smoked nuts, smoked cheeses, jams, spices, and other snack-like things. I got smoked cheddar (one of my faves) and blueberry jam. I don't think I had their blueberry jam before. Too many seeds can be a trigger for my gut. So, I thought a jam with either very few/none or really small seeds would be best. I still like to have it. I think the blueberry one follows that. 

Went to World Market after that. Found quite a lot of things this time. Got my fave pickled red cabbage and apple salad, an artichoke pasta sauce, dill pickle mustard, pumpkin spice pancake mix (I still have a little of their banana and caramel pancake mix, and it's easy and delicious), pumpkin spice yogurt pretzels, and a few other things. 

Went to a local market for dinner yesterday. I just grabbed what I could eat at the salad bar. I'm trying to be better about avoiding trigger foods, and eating more protein. I need more protein than most healthy people, since I tend to have issues with absorbing it. It's hard for me to even get over half of what's considered the normal range for healthy people. Since I have to stay away from most raw vegetables, I steered clear of most of the greens like lettuce and spinach. Making it not really look like a 'healthy' salad. Shredded carrots seem to be ok, as well as a few cherry tomatoes. They had turkey, hard-boiled eggs, olives, and various other types of salads like potato salad and orzo salad. Didn't turn out as much as I expected, but it was ok. 

At Safeway, I found another mug cake mix thing. This time it's a chocolate chip cookie with chocolate frosting from the same company that did the cinnamon roll one. Should be interesting. Since it's so many calories and sugar, I'm saving it for my treat days. They also had a 12-pack of their rainbow chip (like M&Ms) cookies that were cheap. I got the small packs of 2 in the past. They're really good. It will last me a while. I pretty much have my desserts set for the next couple of weeks at least. Yay!

Went out to Costco today. Realized later that we got a lot of protein-packed things. I'm going to try 2 more different types of jerky. One's teriyaki beef and the other is beef steak. They actually have decent amounts to a bag there. 

I decided a couple of days ago to count the lumps I have at the moment. I've thought for a while that it was just around 5 of them and no big deal, but never counted them until then. There are over 30 of them! Most are in my hands. There's one big one in my neck, another in between my right eye and nose, another on a toe, and another in the crook of my left elbow. Some are soft, but a lot of them are hardening. Some seem to be growing so much they might burst through the surface. The hard ones in my hands feel weird when I grip things. Whatever I'm holding feels bumpy or uneven, even if it's smooth and straight. Some of the bumps are getting so big, I can see them just from looking at the sides of my fingers. I wonder if they're calcium deposits? I hope not. At least most of the time they're not painful. I see my primary in the middle of this month. Maybe she'll order imaging on at least my hands. I'll see my rheumatologist at the end of that week. He'll probably be able to help a lot more.

Both arms are still hurting a lot. I tried Tylenol PM last night, because the pain was also keeping me from sleeping, and I felt I needed to try something for it. The problem is so many sleep aids can mess with my mental health stuff, and so many can affect my colitis, possibly setting off a flare. That eliminates many right there. The only painkiller my primary will let me have is Tylenol, and I've been told by GIs that NSAIDs can cause flares or make it worse. I looked it up online, and Tylenol PM seems to be the safest for people with IBD in general. It basically has Benadryl and extra strength Tylenol. Benadryl's usually safe for the mental health part, too. I think I got a little more sleep. It was mostly calming. So, even when I was awake in bed, I was more relaxed. That's nicer than without. I guess I'll see how it goes after a few nights. 

I pinned a sausage and hash browns slow-cooker recipe a while back on Pinterest onto one of my boards. I think I mentioned it on here after I made it. I was the first to share a pic of it. I did not create the pin. However, a ton of people have been repinning it from me. Around 200! It's like every hour or so I get a notification on it. Kind of annoying. I've never had that happen before. Sure, a handful of people repin my pins normally, but this is very different. It doesn't even look that great. It tasted amazing, though!

Despite not going back to my Dutch this weekend (including Monday) on Duolingo, I was promoted to the Sapphire League today. That shocked me. How could I still be in the top 10 by the end of that week? I finished the Kitchen unit, and am close to finishing the Materials one. 

Managed to draw a rough outline of Junko's legs. Took a little while to figure how I wanted to position them. Edited more of Alliance. I'm into chapter 4 now. Went through 6 pages of the ebook, and 8 pages of the print. That's more than I was doing each day last week. Maybe I'll get to a lot more this time. It's flowing a lot better now. 

National Potato Day!

This holiday was yesterday. I love potatoes! They can be so versatile. Baked, roasted, mashed, as fries, as chips, in stews, in buns, and so much more. 

I ordered my meds recently. One of them, Lialda, was up to be approved for another year of refills. I'm currently using my last refill. All my meds are important, but this one might be keeping my colitis in remission. Pretty serious. I can't just be dropped off it. Got a message from the nurse of the person who first ordered it for me. I haven't seen her in over a year. They said that I needed to see another GI in person (of course in Seattle) in order to have another batch of refills. I wrote back, feeling a little freaked out that I won't be able to get another refill before I finish my current one. I'll run out just a little before the end of the month. I wondered why they couldn't have just asked the last GI I saw, which was only 4 months ago. I didn't like her much or the clinic there, but I'm sure she would have approved. I also brought up how Seattle can be difficult to get to. Tacoma's better, but also a bit of a schlep. I also asked why my primary can't just approve it. She oversees my health in general and she's local. If I told her it wasn't working or something was off, I could see why I'd need to specifically see a GI for that. It just seems odd otherwise. I also know this med was supposed to be temporary until I was able to stick with a GI (that was an MD), and we could try out others that might be better. However, being on a temporary med is better than nothing. I looked later at the status of the Lialda. Turns out they renewed it for another year. I don't know if they did it before or after my email. Gave me a scare, then turned around and just did it. Pissed me off, yet was a huge relief. 

The new TV was put up yesterday. I was distracted by it, but that was to be expected. It's huge! I'm still not used to the size. It's like a giant window. I can read a lot of the text now, and notice more details. It made both my parent and I nauseous at some point. Probably because we weren't used to it. It would be cool to watch some sort of monster movie on it. Maybe like Jurassic Park. Although, I didn't see that on Netflix. Cloverfield might be another good one. That's on there. I actually liked that movie. It'll feel more like a theater, too.

Managed to get some Dutch in today. I think Duolingo changed things slightly again. The illustrations for each unit are actually animated now. Surprised me at first. They've changed the checkpoints and shaded the units in after those. I'm almost done with the Buildings unit. Next will be Future.

Tried to figure out Junko's hairstyle for drawing. The vision I have of her seems to be a blend of a few of the examples I've found. Edited a lot more of Alliance today, as well. I think I'm seeing more of them, because there were so many that I fixed before. It's easier to see those that were harder to pick up on.