National Cherry Pie Day!

This holiday was yesterday. I love cherries, so putting them in a pie makes them even better! Haven't had it in a while, though. Finding a good cherry pie locally can be difficult. They tend to have what I call sugar or 'gel' packets. Basically large globs of sugar. Not the best. Sometimes those are good, but really shouldn't be there. They mess up pecan pie often, too. Either too few nuts, too dry, too much filling, etc. I sadly can't have that anymore, even if it's one of my faves, too. 

This week hasn't been great health-wise. Monday, I had one of the biggest migraines I've had in a very long time. The 'aura' for mine are often auditory. Usually thudding sounds. When it happens, it also feels like blood is spurting from my head. There's a lot of pressure, too. That part usually lasts a while, and gets really annoying. Not really painful. As soon as it finally stops, the massive painful headache starts. At this point, I'm also sensitive to light, certain sounds, cold (more so than usual), and certain foods. Usually this phase doesn't last long. Maybe a few hours. This time was different. The headache finally died down on Wednesday. However, the after effect was stronger than usual, too. I get sick to my stomach, feel like I'm in a fog, still sensitive to a few things, and fatigue sets in like I had been through a marathon. This phase usually lasts for an even shorter time than the headache. I was still in it when we went to the local trans support group that night. Another headache, that felt similar to the migraine one (but there was no aura beforehand), started after having the banana cream pie for dessert at Shari's after group. The bananas in it were still frozen. Might have triggered it? It was bizarre. 

It felt like I was finally starting to recover around noon yesterday. A few hours later, I decided to try a new game on the PlayStation 4 called The Vanishing of Ethan Carter. A detective/horror game. Sounded fun. However, the clues had text that would light up near them. If you clicked 'inspect', what he thinks/observes comes out as text quickly and swirls around. Occasionally repeating over and over. Sometimes, it wants you to find a certain clue by clicking '???', and then those question marks swirl around wildly. They combine when you've found something. There's some jerking around of the camera, too. It eventually made me so nauseated, I came very close to throwing up several times after I stopped playing. Stomach was really upset for a while, and felt like the acid was burning through it. So, I laid down, trying to calm it down. Felt like I couldn't look at a screen (like the computer or iPhone), couldn't color in my 'adult' coloring book (it's a book based on designs of a tattoo artist, which is usually fun), or really much else; for fear that I'd throw up or start another headache. So, I just closed my eyes and sat there. Eventually, I had fallen asleep for about 2 hours. Felt better afterwards. Today's been pretty good so far, but I'm trying not to trigger anything. Trying to be kinder to myself, too. 

I'm thinking of looking into chest binders again. I don't think the one I have worked too well. I also stopped wearing it when my health issues got worse, and it was hurting more. Things don't seem as bad as they were when I was on Lialda (that's not to say things are fine. I still have awful health stuff), now. So, I thought it'd be an ok time to look into it again. Plus, they're bothering me more than usual lately. I'll go with a different brand this time. I have an Underworks one. I've heard gc2b and Shapeshifters are good, so I'll look at those, along with any other brands I find. I want something long, so it stays put and doesn't roll up or anything. Similar to my current one. I don't want the weird string feeling rubbing up and down my back, and the weird puckering it does around the neck area. Maybe something that gets me even flatter? I don't know. 

Sunday was the start of Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week. I've been posting something aro related for every morning post on my author account on Instagram. A couple of people have stopped following me during it, but I've decided not to care about that. This is a part of me, and if people don't like it or don't want to be informed, so be it. All the better, actually. I've gotten a lot of likes from fellow aros on a lot of those posts, which has been nice to see. Some have added a couple of those posts to their stories on there, tagging me as well. My evening posts are still following the pattern I'm trying to set. For normal weeks, I've 'assigned' certain topics for the days of the week. Some having 2 topics for the day. That makes it more interesting, I think. 

I also recently found out that there's an aro ace flag. It was created at the end of 2018, so it's rather new. 2 shades of blue for being aro ace and the aro ace spectrum, and our experiences. Blue was chosen because it is between the aromantic green (in that flag) and asexual purple (in that flag). White for wholeness, as well as aro aces who are aplantonic (don't experience platonic attraction), nonamorous, or not seeking a partnership of some sort. Yellow is for love and relationships that exist outside of conventional romantic and sexual relationships. Orange is for community. It's in between green and purple in the other direction on the color wheel. Much more colorful than the current aro and ace flags, which is nice. I think it looks snazzy. 

There's also an oriented aro ace flag. I saw this a while before this 'new' aro ace flag. An oriented aro ace is someone who experiences other attractions strongly. Many go by this for queerplatonic relationships. Before I heard about this, I read that people were just saying what their 'queerplatonic' attraction was. This seems to encompass more, though. There are many other types of attractions. I'm an oriented aro ace. Specifically, a pan aro ace. My strongest is platonic, although I might rephrase that as queerplatonic, since it feels like something even more (hard to describe). I have potential to be attracted to people of all genders this way. I would love to be in a queerplatonic relationship or qpr in the future. The problem is trying to figure out how to get a partner for one. It's not like dating, and that makes me cringe. I'm slightly romance-repulsed, although not as strongly as my sex-repulsion. Probably more romance-averse...I have read about some people that are trying to create a site that's based on finding queerplatonic partners, and for aro aces specifically. I don't think there truly is anything like that out yet. It's hard, especially because not many know about this sort of relationship, and it might seem...weird at first to others. It's also hard to know who actually wants to be in one. Then, there's if you're compatible, like with most relationships. I've heard that going to aro and ace group meetings has helped many people find partners for it. The closest one to me is in Seattle, and they recently changed the name from Seattle Aces to Seattle Aces & Aros. Through their facebook group, they seem to be sincerely trying to include aros, too. They're not just changing the name. It's not really local for me, though. They only have one meeting a month, but do have events throughout the rest of the month. Some of them sound fun.

Anyways, that flag is also pretty new. Created a few months before the aro ace one. Dark blue is for the shared aro ace experience, grey for the aro ace spectrum, white for orientations within the community (bi aro ace, gay aro ace, pan aro ace, etc.), and teal for non-romantic and non-sexual attractions. It's nice looking, too. Still more colorful than the current aro and ace flags. 

Got the author copies of my paperback books last week. So nice to actually see them in print! They're like my babies. They had some scuff marks, which I wasn't happy about. The matte finish on the 4 that had it felt weird, but that might just be because they're new. The glossy finish for Sweet Endless Terror was nice, and really fit well with it. The only other issue I see with them is the font size. I went with what was suggested, but it's bigger than I expected. Might be good for the cookbook, but the others...I'm not so sure. The font's not incredibly large, but maybe it's just a slight size too big than what I'm used to. I think the memoir is the only one that ended up slightly smaller in font compared to the others. Maybe it's the size of the books. If I change the print's font to something smaller, I'll have to change the formatting, change the cover size, etc. It's not a simple change. I'll just stick with it for now. Seeing them all stacked up really shows how much writing I've put out there, too. It's impressive to me to see it all like that, even if they're not really huge books. Alliance is the thickest, like I expected. Alliance: Dawn comes close. Also, understandable. 

Youtube:

One Piece:


Jibaku Shounen Hanako-kun (Toilet-bound Hanako-kun):

Kimetsu no Yaiba (Demon Slayer):



Boku no (My) Hero Academia:

Ansatsu Kyoushitsu (Assassination Classroom):

25th of Tevet

Today, for Duolingo's Scottish Gaelic course, I finished the last level (there are 5) of the Food 2 unit, and am up to the 3rd level of the Colours one. Made it to 5th place in the Obsidian League. With making it to 3rd place yesterday, it was the highest I've gotten in that one. Maybe I'll stay in the top ten by the end of the week. I think Diamond League is next, and it's the highest one. For the last couple of weeks I've ended up at around 16th place, so I've stayed in the same league for a while. People seem to be using it more in this one. Much more competitive. 

3 of my books (Alliance, Alliance: Dawn, and Sweet Endless Terror) are now both on Smashwords and Amazon. All 3 made it into Smashwords' Premium Catalog which distributes to online retailers like Apple, Kobo, Barnes & Noble (not their brick-and-mortar stores), some libraries, Scribd, etc. They only deal with ebooks. They can be bought on Smashwords itself, too. 

All 5 books (other 2: More Than Meets the Eye, My Mother's Treasure Trove of Recipes), with both their revised ebook and paperback versions, are on Amazon. I might be able to get those other 2 on Smashwords by the end of February. Their Select terms will have ended by then. When books are in the kdp (Kindle Direct Publishing) Select Program, they're exclusive to Amazon. They're pretty strict about it. It automatically renews to a new term, unless you uncheck a box. They will still be in it until that term ends. Kind of like a contract. The interesting thing about all this is Amazon distributes to a lot of different places for paperbacks (as long as the author/publisher agrees to it), but doesn't for ebooks. Smashwords distributes to a lot of places. More than Amazon does for paperbacks. So, with both, I'll have much more exposure this way. 

I've made Alliance free on Smashwords, and its ebook on Amazon is $2.99. I wanted to have it as free on there too, but $2.99 is the lowest they'll allow for this one. It's a rather big book. Paperback version is $12.99. Again, one of the lowest prices I could set. Alliance: Dawn is on preorder, and will be out through Smashwords on January 29th. However, if people see it on Smashwords, they can buy it in a presale. I set that up yesterday. Only people who get it on Smashwords will be able to buy it and get it immediately. They won't have to wait until it's officially out on there and wherever they distribute to. It's set at $4.99. I'm following what was suggested of having the 1st book in a series for free. I'll do that until either Dawn is published on there, or a little after. I think the sequel's at a reasonable price. 

Sweet Endless Terror's ebook is $3.99 at both places. However, yesterday I also set up a coupon for it on Smashwords. It's public, so it'll go into their Special Deals Catalog. Only people who see it on Smashwords will be able to use it. They encourage people to share the coupon link, too. (That's: https://www.smashwords.com/books/presale/1000407) I've set that for 50% off for a month, which if people use it, is $2. The paperback on Amazon is $11.99. 

Another good side to Smashwords is I get more of a percentage for royalties than with Amazon. If not in Select, I think they only give authors 35%, with it, it can be up to 75%. With Smashwords, the lowest amount is usually 78%, and depending on how expensive it is, it could increase. Seems backwards, but I'll definitely take it. There seems to be more freedom with their promos and such, too. 

Decided, since they're still in Select, on using Amazon's promos for my other 2 books. More Than Meets the Eye's (my memoir) ebook will have a free book promo from the 23rd until the 27th. (It's $4.99 at the moment, and paperback is $13.99.) My Mother's Treasure Trove of Recipes (cookbook) ebook will have 2 countdown deals. One in the US marketplace from the 27th until the 3rd. 2nd one in the UK marketplace from the 3rd until the 10th. The price (in the US one) right now is $5.99. ($14.99 for the paperback.) It starts off with a big discount (80%), then slowly reaches full price by the end of each 'deal'. With all these promos, it feels like something will be going on with them almost every day. I'm still going to need to do more. 

I also checked out my author profile on Goodreads. I don't really use that site often. Turns out there were 2 author profiles for me, but I could only access one. I think it might have been because of paperback and ebook versions of things. They get them confused. Anyways, my main one is R. C. MacDonald, but the other one was R C MacDonald. There wasn't much difference, and you're not allowed to have 2 entries. I didn't create that 2nd one. Someone else must have. They have some people that create author profiles if they think the author isn't on there themselves. It's to cover more in their listings, not really acting like they are the author. Still, weird. So, I sent them a message about it yesterday. They emailed me this morning, telling me that they merged the 2. So, it's all under my main one, R. C. MacDonald, now. Yay! 

I also tried to changed the gender on my profile. I didn't realize at the time I created the account that I was agender, so checked off female when I created it. That's incorrect. They only have 2 options, and I'm neither. I clicked the 'Select' option. That seemed to make the gender part disappear after saving it. However, if I want to edit something else, I have to constantly put it as 'Select' before saving. Otherwise, it goes right back to female. I noticed later on my phone that it still says female, but on my desktop it's off. I might message them about this, too. I'd rather it not be there than to be forced to choose things I'm not. They could just have 3 options: male, female, other. Other can make it easier to include everyone else, although it also feels like the 'others' don't matter as much as the 1st two. Still problematic, but better. I think on MyAnimeList they recently (1 or 2 years ago) gave users a 3rd option of non-binary, which is what I picked on there. That might be the best way. Some haters really did not like the change, but more and more people are setting their gender to that on there. I wish more popular sites would switch to something like that. 

Found out there's a lot of confusion with the health insurance coverage itself. It's a really big mess, especially for dependents. It's not just affecting me. They're giving me some time to help sort it out, but in the meantime, I'm not covered. It's like being in a state of limbo. They want me to fill out a form, talk to my primary doc, have her fill out forms, and they'll also go through my records. Once approved, they'll reimburse us for anything that would have been extra while I wasn't covered. I don't think they (ones who switched everyone to the new plan) ever got the approval letter for me to be a dependent back in 2013. They deemed me disabled, thus eligible/accepted, because of the bipolar 2 and other mental health stuff at the time. It's supposed to be good for 10 years, then they reevaluate. It seems Kaiser Permanente has been hiding it for some reason. They told me, as a dependent, that I couldn't see it. My parent couldn't see it either, despite them telling me she was one of the few people who could. It's absurd. Hopefully, with all this extra paperwork and my records, they can find it. I have a lot of other health issues now than I did in 2013, too. I have a better case for it. 

I still needed to order my meds. I first used the Kaiser Permanente mail-order pharmacy, like usual. I wasn't informed of it, but they cancelled my order, since I wasn't covered. One good side is they managed to get my primary doc to order a few more refills of lamotrigine. There weren't any before that. I consider it the most important med. Keeps my bipolar 2 in check, balanced, and makes me seem 'normal'. It's the only med that's worked for me. I'd really not want to mess too much with my mental state by not taking it anymore. My doc apparently has to see me once a year for it, and to test how it's affecting my liver and other organs. She can't order more until I do. However, she didn't ask me to make an appointment this time, and I don't think it's been a year. I only found out about the cancellation when I called them. 

So, I decided to try their in-person pharmacy. Lamotrigine is the same price as when I was covered. $9. Pretty dang cheap. Cheaper than what other meds were set at while covered,  that being $10. It's surprising, because I'm taking the highest legal dose. I got that. Thank goodness I have the next batch now.

On the other hand, lialda, which is for the colitis, is super expensive. With KP, without coverage, it's $250 a month for the dose I'm at. The pharmacist suggested that I look at GoodRx online to compare prices and get a coupon. I decided to do what she suggested. At many places, it easily is over $1,000. The cheapest I found, with a coupon, is $91. Better than $250, but still seems expensive. I'm not even sure if the lialda is working. I've never been tested to see and how it's affecting the rest of my system, which I'm supposed to every few months for pretty much all meds related to colitis. It's actually highly recommended by the Crohn's and Colitis Foundation. I've been taking it for a year and a half. Don't know if it's making me worse. I'm going to experiment with having one pill a day instead of 2. (They're huge pills!) Started that yesterday. Hasn't been long, but so far, nothing different than the last few days. (I think I might be flaring anyways.) I could at some point get the next dose, too. If I keep up the one a day thing, I have about 11 more days until I run out with my current batch. 

A little nice side thing is one of the cats gave me a present this morning. I have a feeling it was Rosie. It was one of her fave toys, a big stuffed rat. It was left at where I normally sit in the family room. She knows things are going on with me health-wise. (Keep getting sick, feel like I'm flaring; that sort of thing.) She's extremely protective of me when I lay on my bed to watch something, play a game on my phone, etc. Really clinging to my legs with her claws dug in. Good thing there's a heavy electric blanket, and a couple of other layers that I'm under usually. Doesn't hurt that way, but she does get upset when I get up to do something, and tries really hard to make me stay. Certainly has a strong grip. She probably thought I needed that rat. 

This new anime season has some really interesting ones. There was positive and 'real' (more true to life of what many people experience) representation of an LGBTQ+ person in a recent episode of The Case Files of Jeweler Richard. Very well done. They treated her with respect and seriously. Other LGBTQ+ people were really impressed by that episode, too. One of the main themes has been to not discriminate based on religion, gender, sexual orientation (she was lesbian), what language they speak (Richard is fluent in many languages, so he sees clients that speak a variety of different ones), and more. All things Richard was trying to teach Seigi. Seigi is new to it all, and works for him at his office. Richard seems to be multiracial, although he appears white. The gems are animated really well. They look very close to reality and are beautiful. He essentially solves mysteries of the pieces of jewelry people ask him to appraise. He also gives real info on the gems, and the process in making some of the pieces. Might be boring to some, but I find it interesting. 

Darwin's Game has been really brutal so far. It's a survival game, so it makes sense. There's a game app that once you open it for the first time, it affects the real world. There's no way to quit the game. You're granted special powers at the beginning, but some players don't know what they are, like the main character, Sudou. We still don't truly know what his power is. There are hints that it has to do with replicating something he touches. Like, a gun or taser. It doesn't seem like that's all of it, though. If you die in the game, you die in the real world. You leave behind an imprint of your body. People not playing the game think that it's some sort of street art. Non-players, like bystanders or police, can get killed, too. There have been a lot of intense deaths. Sudou doesn't want to kill anyone. The only way to not kill anyone is for the opponent to give up. They lose points, and that's added to the other player's points. You can form teams. People in your team won't be forced to fight you. Also, you get the added bonus of more people to fight on your side. Some people have survived by being paid for giving info on other players. Info is valuable, and hard to get. There's some dark humor in it, too. I like that sort of thing. The only thing I didn't like was the very end of the 1st episode and beginning of the 2nd. It was obviously for fan service, but might have also conveyed how eccentric the other main character, Karino is. She's the strongest player in the game. Also, was the 1st player to give up against Sudou. She's never lost a fight until then. I kind of like her, except for what she did in that weird scene. I know she was messing with him, but we really didn't need that.

Kyokou Suiri aka In/Spectre has been interesting, too. The main character, Kotoko, was kidnapped when she was 11 by youkai (supernatural beings). They demanded that she become their G-d of Wisdom, in exchange for an eye and a leg. She agreed to it. She basically became a mediator between the supernatural and human worlds. At 17, she constantly has youkai asking for her advice. A college student, Kurou, was dumped by his girlfriend because he wouldn't run away after seeing a kappa. Kotoko teams up with him, falling for him after bumping into each other at the hospital so often. He has a sick cousin, and she has to get check-ups often because of her condition. There's more to him than it seems at first. As a kid, he ate 2 youkai. One being a mermaid, but we don't know the other one yet. The mermaid gave him the ability to heal quickly. He seems to not feel pain, either. Even had his arm ripped off and acted like it was nothing. If he just had eaten the mermaid he would live forever, and look like the age he did when he ate it. That other thing he ate makes him age like normal. Not sure if he still can live forever. He's been reluctant to help her, but seems to be coming around. 

Uchi Tama?! has been freaking adorable and calming. Looking it up, it's based on a character franchise that started in 1983. Looks similar to Sanrio's characters like Hello Kitty. This is a new take on those characters that also had their own OVA (original video animation) series in 1988, game not long after, anime in 1993, movie, a few more games, and another anime. This one has human-like versions of the animals, that occasionally shifts to their actual forms. Tama's the main character. He's a cat that often goes missing with his friend Pochi, who's a dog. He's friends with all the cats and dogs in the neighborhood. The characters are all pretty unique and interesting. I like the concept of anthropomorphized pets, and seeing their point-of-view like that. They really did capture the same tendencies/behaviors of cats and dogs in the real world well. I think they only show their animal forms when they interact with humans. There was one segment that was super trippy. One of the cats found a portal to another world, ran in and out of it a few times, with ancient cat and dog warriors fighting it out in gladiator attire following him. All this while the dogs were talking about how peaceful it was and about nipples. Being shocked that humans only have 2, and asking about other animals. They seemed totally unfazed by what was happening behind them. Somehow, it kind of goes with how pets are...Like, cats mysteriously disappearing for a while (sometimes reappearing in weird places), dogs being focused on certain things, etc. 

I'm really liking Jibaku Shounen Hanako-kun or Toilet-Bound Hanako-kun. The classic urban legend in Japan is about a ghost that haunts a toilet in a girls' bathroom at a school. There are apparently a lot of different versions of the story. Usually that ghost grants wishes for a price and if you call them a certain way, and is a girl. In some stories, if you mess up on calling her, she eats you or something. In this one, the ghost is a boy. The toilet is in the 3rd floor's girl's bathroom at an old school building. You have to knock 3 times on the 3rd bathroom stall, and say the ghost's name 3 times. He seems innocent and harmless at first, but he certainly has a dark side. He's much more powerful than he appears. His main weapon seems to be a butcher knife. There's a lot of dark humor. The art's quirky, which is fun. Nene tries to meet Hanako to ask for him to make a boy fall in love with her. He has no idea how to do that. It backfires with everything he suggests. Hanako carries a bag of mermaid scales. (Not sure why.) She eats one out of frustration before he could tell her what would happen, and turns into a fish. It also means she becomes a servant to mermaids, in their world. Wanting to turn back and terrified of the mermaid (which looks like an ugly giant fish), she begs him to turn her back. He eats a scale, so that he 'shares' the curse. She turns back to human form, but every time water splashes on her skin, she grows scales. She becomes friends with him, and it seems like she's going to end up helping him with the 'wishes'. A new character showed up, and he might turn into another friend that helps him. Although, he comes from a long line of exorcists, and vows to exorcise him. He's no match for Hanako. 

Somali and the Forest Spirit's about a little human girl, Somali, and a golem. They go on a journey to find her parents after the golem finds her all alone in the forest he watches over. He turns into a father figure. In their world, humans are rare and are treated poorly. It's full of demons and other supernatural creatures. She has to pretend she's part minotaur. The golem made fake horns that are attached to a hoodie. As long as it stays in place on Somali while they're out in public, no one suspects anything. The art is beautiful. 

I've also started watching the 2nd season of Ultraviolet recently. It's a Polish detective series on Netflix. Ultraviolet is a group of online amateur detectives. The police tend to hate them because they 'meddle' in their cases, and they solve them faster. I'm a little upset they killed off a major main character so early this season. Now it seems they have a new character trying to take on the same roles he did. I think I like him, but in a different way. It just has a very different feel this season, which can be good. I like the series a lot.

International Tea Day!

I love tea! There are so many different kinds out there. I mostly only drink water or tea. More tea than water, at that. Just got some more tea: Bengal Spice, Salted Caramel, and Gingerbread. The 1st one's technically herbal, with no actual tea leaves. It tastes a lot like chai, only more of certain spices. One of my faves. I also like different types of actual chai. The other 2 are seasonal blends. I'm surprised at what blends they can create, and be so close to tasting like those flavors. There's no added sugar or calories, which makes it nice to have a taste without that added in. I also like mint, orange spice, green tea, black tea, chamomile, Earl Grey, cinnamon, hibiscus, jasmine, and more. I usually add Splenda to it. If it's something like chai, I occasionally will add a little milk. 

I ended up at 5th place on Duolingo's Emerald League. So, I was promoted today to the Amethyst League. Yay! Didn't get a reward besides that this time. Only the top 3 get more. Made it to 2nd place today. Maybe I'll stay in the top 3 until the end of the week this time. In their Scottish Gaelic course, I finished the Hobbies and Travel units, and a little bit of Feelings 2. 

Found some facial expressions, ears, and eyes examples for drawing Vincent. When out in public, he looks like he has a bit of an attitude, so that should be fun to draw. With people he feels safe with he's softer, kinder, and feels he can be himself. It'd be interesting to draw him again with that difference. 

Finished editing Sweet Endless Terror. Started editing my memoir, More Than Meets the Eye, yesterday. Each chapter deals with a different topic. First one was on being aro and ace. The 2nd one, that I did today, was on being agender. My views and what I've done for transition-related stuff have changed a little. I was unsure about a lot of things when I first wrote it a couple of years ago. Now, I'm more positive on how I feel about it, my gender dysphoria, transitioning, etc. Interesting to read what I wrote back then. Tried to update some of it without changing it too much. Didn't need to change much for the aro ace one. That was a plus. 

Finished watching Dr. Stone. It was better than I expected. I like that they tried to add real science to it, although there was quite a bit of fantasy/sci-fi, too. They didn't make Senku, the 'scientist', heartless either. He did many things that only benefited the village rather than himself. The 'mentalist' (he was more into psychology, and fighting with it) turned out to be a better person than he appeared to be at the beginning. A 2nd season is confirmed. Looks like it'll be about the fight between Tsukasa's army and Senku's village finally. This season was mainly a setup for it. The last big project of his was creating smartphones. They weren't really like our modern ones. More like a glorified huge phone (with several pieces) you can haul around places. He said it would be the key to the war, since communication is vital. They'll only have 2 'phones'. I think they're going to need more than that. Tsukasa essentially has brute force and many more people. Senku hasn't revived anyone from stone since the beginning, and the village he found is small. They were probably the only humans on the planet for thousands of years that weren't encased in stone. Many generations of them without knowing other people. They thought the 'stone people' were statues, not actual people. Tsukasa isn't an idiot, either. Should be interesting if Senku and his village can do anything more beforehand and how this will play out. 

Ordered some things on Amazon yesterday. I really needed some of it. It's handy that way. Last time I got earplugs was 2 years ago. Didn't realize I was going through them that slowly. Probably not healthy that I used a pair for a couple weeks at a time. I wear them every night, because Rosie likes to scratch things loudly after going to the litter box. My bedroom is facing a 3-way stop, so there's traffic noises sometimes. There's also construction work going on really early in the morning. Birds can be really loud. Lots of reasons. I'll try to switch out pairs more often this time. This probably had compounded my ear issues, too. 

I have Eustachian tube issues. Basically the tubes in my ears are backwards. Creates all sorts of issues, and has gotten more severe over the years. It produces too much earwax, air pressure changes hurt (makes it fun on planes and being in a car going up through the mountains), sometimes my balance is off, and other things. Sometimes it gets so bad, I can't hear. I've been told to use an earwax cleaning kit at least once a month, if not more. I end up doing it maybe once every few months. Not good. Plus, with those earplugs packing it in more, it's a recipe for disaster. With the kit, you add several drops of a peroxide (and something else, can't remember) solution in an ear, wait for a while with your head tilted, then tilt your head the other way to let it 'drain' over the sink (it 'melts' some of it, which is what most of the fluid is), then flush it out with a warm water filled bulbous syringe. Repeat for the other ear. I decided to get another 'kit', and that I'd try to do it more often. I haven't actually gotten my ears clear in a very long time. I usually manage to get some of it out, at least. I plan to leave the solution in my ears longer in the future. I was doing it for 7 minutes each ear. Apparently, if your ear is really compacted, it's recommended online to leave it in for at least 18 minutes each ear. So, I'll try that. It's painful yet eventually a really nice feeling when they're completely clear. It makes a fizzy popping sound just before. I can hear so much more after, it's almost too much. 

I also ordered a purse. My current one is a couple of years old. I think I got it around the time I got the earplugs. It's the same kind/style/color. It's really a great purse, so why not get the same thing again? It's tough, the zippers have stayed intact, it can hold a lot yet flatten to almost nothing, good over-the-shoulder messenger-like one (I prefer those), color's nice, etc. The only problem is the material starts to pucker and fray after about a year and a half. It'd be good to have one without that again. 

I decided to try Nyquil Saturday night. I wanted some relief from that weird cold/cough. The coughing attacks often happen while I'm in bed. Although, I still get them occasionally during the day. Sneezing a lot still, too. Back hurts sometimes because of it. That first night, I slept well for the first time in a long time. Last night, I was good until around 4:45am. Started hacking again. At least, I still got more sleep than usual. Hopefully, it'll work like the 1st night tonight. It really burns...Has more alcohol than I remembered. I used to use Delsym instead. That doesn't have alcohol and tasted like orange soda. This covers more things, though. I don't have to take Tylenol with it, because it has it already. Apparently, it also has the main ingredient that's in Delsym. 

27th of Cheshvan

Went to a Trans Day of Remembrance event on Saturday. The actual anniversary of it is on the 20th. It's a day to remember trans people who were murdered in the last year. Usually people read their names, the countries they came from, and how they were killed. Some of the names are unknown, and some of the causes of death are unknown. The majority are usually trans women of color. I think I read that there were 22 that were reported in the US, and 311 altogether worldwide this year. Again, these are just the ones that are reported. Some countries don't report it. (Like, Russia or Iran.) Sometimes they're overlooked, too. It's difficult to sit and listen to each one, but it is important. They didn't go through the whole list of names. The people that wanted to say them could (usually taking 1 or 2 names each), but that didn't cover them all. 

I didn't like that it was so binary. No mention of enby people, and no inclusive language. Saying things like: "We remember our trans brothers and sisters." What about your siblings who were non-binary? Enby people are murdered, too. I totally understand the focus and spotlight being on trans women of color, since they're the most targeted. That's definitely a thing that needs to be said. However, it also felt like some of the time they forget other trans people are killed, too. Not only that, but many amab (assigned male at birth) enby feminine people are mistaken as trans women. That's a problem, as well. 

After the names, there's usually a time for people to comment or bring up stories. Some stories about living trans people, as well as family/friends who were killed or died some other way. I think hearing about trans people that are living also helps people. This time they skipped this section, because they didn't feel there was time. Instead, they had a panel on politics. I think there was only one trans person out of the 4 people on that panel. The whole event was basically ran by cis people, and the panel seemed geared to them more. Many trans people take issue with this for something like TDoR, myself included. I know one of the people that helped set it up is trans, but she only spoke for little bit at the beginning. It was different last year. She seemed to have more of a role then. The panel seemed...inappropriate to me. I can't seem to pinpoint exactly why, but it didn't seem right at such an event. The comments/stories section would have been best. Oh, it's not really much of a panel discussion if only 2 people from the audience got to ask questions. 

I had to leave for a little bit, since a huge coughing attack popped up. I didn't want to leave, but I didn't want to disrupt it, either. As I headed out of the auditorium towards the bathroom, people tried to talk to me. I couldn't respond much. Hope they didn't think I was rude. When I made it into the bathroom, I finally allowed myself to fully cough it out. It was so bad, I thought I would throw up. I didn't, luckily. That incident was embarrassing. After getting back there, the coughing was slowly coming back, but I was determined to stay and able to not make much noise. I'm still sick. It keeps lingering and it's annoying.  

I've managed to both continue fixing the drawing of Junko in Photoshop, and finished editing Alliance/started editing Alliance: Dawn every day for a little over a week and a half. I normally don't do them on Saturdays, because of Shabbat. However, Shabbat ends a little after sundown, and that's still rather early this time of year. So, why not after that? I usually forget on Sundays or want to do other things. I think since I did it on a Saturday, I remembered it more. Junko's looking much better. I'm still thinning/straightening lines and taking away messy areas. I feel like I'm powering through Alliance: Dawn. Decided to go through a chapter a day, instead of maybe 1/2 of one a day. Went through all of chapter 5 today. That was 10 pages of the ebook, and 14 pages of the print version. It's a lot, but it feels like I can be more focused on it. I forgot about the time travel-like aspect in this one. Not revealing much about that. I like how the story progresses in this one more than the first. The first book is more of an intro to their world for readers, I guess. This one's definitely darker, too.

Election Day!

I voted through the mail last Wednesday. Some of it was difficult, because I didn't recognize some of the names and they weren't affiliated with certain parties. I tried to make an informed decision on those. 2 of the candidates running for school board, one of them I was familiar with beforehand, would be awful if they won. One that seemed a little too into 'loving kids', and the other is a big transphobe who probably hates anyone else in the greater queer community. I think I also recognized another name that was a member of one of the local synagogues. That'd be cool if she won. Some candidates seemed overqualified, if that were possible. Others essentially said vote for me since I'm running for another term. Nothing on their background or education. One initiative seemed like a no-brainer to be for. Unless you weren't for diversity...Another one was easy to vote against. It was put out by someone who tries to get ridiculous initiatives to pass every year. Usually harmful in some way. I didn't really like that there were so many advisory votes this time. Sure, it's great to get the people's opinion, but you've already voted on them. If there were like 2 or 3, that would have been fine. It seemed like there were around 8 of them. 

This is my wallpaper for November. It's one of Luffy's wanted posters from One Piece. He is a pirate after all. His current bounty is much higher than this. The higher the bounty a pirate has, the higher the notoriety and standing they have in their world. The Marines consider them more of a threat and dangerous the higher the bounty. Sometimes they don't get the right picture of the person, and others are mistaken for them. The currency that most of their world uses is called the Belly or Berry (the English version can't seem to decide, the romaji is berii). There are some islands that have their own currency. Like, Extol for Skypeia and Gor for Amazon Lily. Wano's currency is: Gold, Platinum, and Silver. Wano is where they are in the anime currently. It's inspired by Feudal Japan. The art, isolation of the country, dialects, fashion, culture, having a shogunate, etc. are all based on it. It's interesting how detailed it is. Seems to be like an homage to that time. Not glorifying it, but more like showcasing it. Some of the designs of the characters living in Wano look like they walked right out of some famous art pieces from back then. A different style than most of the series. I think it also shows the hardships of the poor of that time. The creator of the series doesn't shy away from tackling topics like slavery, bigotry, corruption, gender equality, genocide, grief, etc. in general. In Wano, most people are starving and can't afford things like good health care. The water around them is completely polluted and toxic. The animals drink the water and therefore are poisonous to humans. Meanwhile, the capital and major cities are living lavishly. Anyways, I thought this looked fun and cool. Not really birthday related (my birthday's on Thursday), but nice. Luffy is also aro ace, according to an interview of the creator. Pretty awesome that the main character of one of the most popular manga/anime is aro ace! So, somewhat related to me that way.

The month-long holidays for November are: National Peanut Butter Lovers Month, National Pomegranate Month, Banana Pudding Lovers Month, National Memoir Writing Month, National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo). Some are for important causes, some are to make you appreciate things you may take for granted, and some are just for fun. 

Last Wednesday, we had a local trans meeting. There were only a handful of us. We had moved to a much bigger room. Seemed funny almost with such a small group of us. Most of the people that were there were non-binary, which was great to me. Not the usual. They wanted to have the same type of top surgery I wanted. People get weirded out when I bring up that nipples cause dysphoria for me, too. It's not just my chest. So, I'll need all of it to go. No masculinizing or feminizing. Simply flat. A member tried to talk me out of it a few months ago. That it seemed too out there. Seeing the pics that people share in fb enby groups of their after nippleless top surgery looks amazing to me. Looks more like how I'd want to see myself. 

We all went to Shari's afterwards. I got their new simple pretzel cheeseburger. The burger seemed like a veggie one. I expected beef. It looked weird. Got their new graveyard shake for dessert. It's supposed to be a s'mores galore pie shake (they blend an entire slice with ice cream to make it) with added chocolate syrup, Oreo crumbs for the 'dirt' part, and gummy worms. They were out of the 'worms', didn't have much of the 'dirt', added a little piece of chocolate on top, and there didn't seem to be any extra chocolate syrup. There was a huge glob of what I think was a concentrated graham cracker ball. It was disappointing and bizarre. 

I felt a little uneasy when one of the new members said that all trans people are autistic. Many trans people are, but many aren't. I think it seems like it's an unusually high percentage because trans people are often tested for it more. Often they, or other people around them, feel like something must be wrong with them for being trans. It's also this way for the rest of the LGBTQ+ community. It's more common in the cis/non-queer population than people think. Many of them go undiagnosed. There's nothing wrong with people who are autistic, but there is something wrong with saying all trans people are. What about cis autistic people? Are they really trans and don't know it? What about trans people who aren't? It might feel invalidating to them to hear that all trans people are. Correlation does not equal causation. I'm not autistic. However, I'm not exactly neurotypical, either. I have a lot of mental health stuff (bipolar 2, anxiety, agoraphobia, PTSD, etc.) and physical chronic illnesses (colitis, possibly another autoimmune disease, Eustachian tube dysfunction, multiple skin issues, etc.). Both have an impact on the way I think that would be different than someone who was healthy mentally and physically. Since I have these things, does it mean all trans people do as well? No. Not at all. I have a different perspective as an aro ace agender person as well. (Compared to allo cis people.) Being trans simply means you have a gender that doesn't match the one you were assigned at birth. That says nothing about mental health, being autistic, or other aspects of who that person is or what they have. Are all cis people the same? No. Thank goodness we're all different. The world would be boring if we were all the same.

We also talked about possibly having a potluck for my birthday at the next meeting tomorrow. Since it's the day before it. We don't celebrate birthdays as a group often. I can only remember 2 times in the past. It might be a fun thing to do in the future for members, though. My parent suggested she'd bring a cake and others could bring snack-like stuff. That sounds good. Not sure if it's actually going to happen. I might forget about it tomorrow until right before the meeting starts. 

Someone on fb friended me that same day. I didn't recognize the name, but their profile mentioned they graduated a year ahead of me at the same high school. Although, they graduated from another high school at the same time...That seemed fishy. They had many mutual friends, so I thought maybe I didn't remember them. He seemed really nice on messenger that first night. Although, he insisted he'd find a way to make me feel better. That seemed questionable. On Halloween, he asked what I'll be doing. Seemed innocent enough. I said probably not much other than watch a horror movie and have dinner out. He asked about wearing a costume. I didn't wear one this year, but I did wear skeleton earrings. He said he'd like to see them in person. He said he doesn't get any trick-or-treaters, and his camper is so cold. He'd want someone with him. According to his profile he's either bi or pan, which I thought was cool. Not cool that he seemed like he was trying to flirt with me, get 'romantic', and creepy. Being aro ace, it takes me a while to realize someone is flirting with me, unless I'm hyper-aware. People tend to think I'm flirting when I'm just being nice, friendly, and polite. I don't want another romantic relationship. I had a boyfriend and that part was suffocating for me. He was all over me trying to be as romantic as possible, and often sexual which I wasn't that into either. I put up with it, because I felt I had to. (Silly society...) I was very attached to him emotionally, and strongly attracted platonically (I guess queerplatonically would be a better word). Because of this, it really hurt when we broke up. Anyways, I would love a queerplatonic relationship instead. It's hard to find that, though. This exchange creeped me out. I also wonder how people can flirt with others when they barely know the person. I understand after knowing the basics of who they are. Why not become friends first? I blocked this person, by the way.

Went to Red Lobster on Halloween for dinner. I was surprised to see any kids there. It was a way to get away from trick-or-treaters for a while. We live right in the middle of the neighborhood, right at a 3-way stop. It's a popular spot to go. It was like that even when I was kid. For the last few years we haven't been handing out candy. It's been nice that way. We just turn out the lights and usually go somewhere else for a while. I got steak with mashed potatoes and a caprese salad there. It comes with a choice of soup or salad. I didn't get either. All their soups now have shellfish or pork products, and the salads upset my gut, particularly the greens part. So, I got none of that. The caprese salad is perfect for me. I don't have issues with tomatoes. I don't eat the onions. The mozzarella is good for protein, and basil is healthy too. It's all in balsamic vinegar, which is oddly good for me. I don't normally get steak, but it was done right. It's a perfect form of more protein. All together, it was one of their lower-calorie meals, so I managed to eat most of it. Had their vanilla bean cheesecake for dessert. One of my faves. I'm never able to finish it, since it's so huge.

I don't really have plans for my birthday. Probably would celebrate it more this coming weekend. I do want brunch at the Oak Table. Went there last year, too. I'd like to go somewhere for a dinner, but not sure what really speaks to me for that. Might be at a Japanese steakhouse, but I also like a lot of other restaurants. Last year, we went to the Cheesecake Factory, I think. I went there not that long ago, so I wouldn't want that. Went to a zoo last year and got a mani/pedi. Not really feeling those this time. Maybe some museums? Not sure which ones, though. 

I've been in even more pain lately. Especially in the right side of my abdomen and more intense patches in my right arm. I also passed quite a bit of blood recently. No #2, just blood. (Not related to a 'monthly friend' I would have if my IUD wasn't working.) That was fun. Had a slight reaction to that. I think my colitis might be flaring, although I've never had blood come out of me like that. I did have occult blood in a test, but none that was visible. It's common for people with Ulcerative Colitis to bleed a lot. I've had symptoms resembling Crohn's Disease more. Crohn's also can affect the colon. I think the pain on my side might be from my colon. That blood might have been from that area. (It hasn't bled since.) It's a constant cramp-like pain. Lying down makes it feel like it's oozing out and it twitches a lot. Not sure about my arm. There's resistance to both arms when I move them. The right one feels like it's been beaten up, someone's pushing on it in certain areas, and it burns. I have to wait to see what goes on with my insurance before I can do much about this stuff. It's just a pain to deal with. Still haven't gotten those 3 other test results back. I don't know if they take a while to run. It'd be nice to know those results already, though.

Youtube: 

One Piece:



Kuroshitsuji (Black Butler):

Fairy Tail:


Ao no (Blue) Exorcist:

Boku no (My) Hero Academia:

One Punch Man:

Ansatsu Kyoushitsu (Assassination Classroom):

Black Clover:

Bungou (Literary) Stray Dogs:

16th of Tishri

Those sweaters/sweatshirts I got last week have been really nice and comfy. I'm still waiting for one more sweater. That's expected to arrive by the end of the month. Supposedly, it's coming from China. The company's highly rated. I still think they're making it from scratch, and that's why it's going to take so long. It's a winter-like sweater, so I guess it's ok if it comes when it's even chillier. Looks really comfy. 

I also ordered a bra online. I get dysphoric going through the lingerie section in brick-and-mortar stores. I thought it'd be best to try online. I still need it, at least for support...Despite being so dysphoric about my chest. It's weird. It's like getting support for something that shouldn't be there. Anyways, online they have pics of models in them, which was weird, too. Not as bad as being at the store. I just quickly found the same size/style I have normally and ordered it. It was from Macy's. Got it in the mail Friday or Saturday. Not bad. It also was much cheaper than buying it there. Ended up being about $20 with shipping and tax. At the store, the bra itself is $40. This isn't counting tax and gas to get there. Didn't know it would be so much cheaper. Might be the best way to go.

Today's the 2nd day of Sukkot. Sukkot lasts for a week. It lit. means Booths. It's a harvest holiday where we build temporary hut-like structures, decorate them, eat all meals in them, some sleep in them, etc. We also shake a lulav and etrog in it. Both the lulav and etrog represent the 4 species. The lulav has a willow branch, date palm, and myrtle branch. The etrog is a type of citron similar to a lemon. There are many meanings behind the 'species'. One's for the 4 Hebrew letters in G-d's name. Another is masculine and feminine symbolism. Another is as parts of the body: etrog as the heart (place of understanding and wisdom), palm as the backbone (uprightness), myrtle as the eyes (enlightenment), and willow as the lips (prayer). Some interpret as different types of Jews being brought together. We shake them together in specific directions. That represents divine rule over nature, Jews around the world, bringing sukkot within, etc. It's supposed to be one of the most joyous holidays, where we're actually encouraged to be happy. It's interesting how we go from such a somber holiday like Yom Kippur to a holiday like this. 

The sukkah (singular for the 'booth' or hut) is decorated with all sorts of fall/harvest-related things usually. The decorations we'd use for ours in the past were pine cone strings, fake fruit, fake gourds, lavender, other flowers, and more. We also put out a lantern (like you would for camping) and tables and chairs. It has to have at least 3 sides, and can be made of pretty much any material. The roof must be open enough to be able to see the stars. Many people cover the roof with things like branches and leaves. Ours had 3 wooden lattice walls, a wooden frame, wooden slats for the 'roof', and tree boughs on top of that roof. My mom put it together from a kit. Another custom is to invite guests to dinners in it. It's a big hospitality thing, and those Sukkot guests are called ushpizin. (There's even an Israeli film of the same name, which is pretty good.) We often had people who weren't Jewish, friends and neighbors, eat with us. That was fun. I never slept in it, but some people do sleep in theirs during the holiday. I suppose if you brought sleeping bags and something to keep the bugs away, it'd be doable. It gets pretty cold at night this time of year, though. It's not really a secure structure, either. 

Got a bluetooth speaker this past weekend. I don't think I like it, and will most likely return it. One of the major issues is it can connect to my computer, but I can't control the sound from the speaker itself. That's a problem. It talks, too. I don't want something like that. Every time I turn it on it has to establish a connection to my computer, which takes time. Meanwhile, it tells me it's ready to connect every few seconds. It's frustrating, and I want something that just works. My old ones would cut out and make weird chugging noises every so often. Sometimes my computer couldn't read them. I realized later that that was a Windows update problem not my computer specifically. It worked itself out after one of the recent updates. The sound wasn't best either. (Even when it wasn't cutting out.) I might need to go back to those. At least, I can control the sound from them and they don't speak. I might just get a regular non-bluetooth based speaker(s). The only reason I wanted the bluetooth one was because I know it'll at least recognize it. I don't want to go back to possibly one of the future updates creating that error again. Oh, well.

Last Friday was National Coming Out Day. I don't think anyone comes out just once. If you meet new friends, date, or simply want to share who you are with others; you're constantly coming out. I first came out as ace in June 2015. Aro in October or November that year. Agender in May or June 2017. The worst reactions have been to the aro ace part and talking about wanting a qpr (queerplatonic relationship). I think telling some people that I have no gender is too scary, out there, or difficult to wrap their brains around. They think they understand what being aro ace is, and therefore have a say in it. There have been alloromantic (not aro, aka allo) ace activists that are arophobic or extremely ignorant about aros. All being aro ace means is I don't experience romantic and sexual attractions. No one makes me want to have sex or date them when I see them. This isn't a statement on how I or other aro and/or aces feel about having sex, our libido, dating, romantic gestures, etc. Everyone varies. It doesn't mean we can't or don't want to have sex (does not equal celibacy, which so many people think it does), it doesn't mean we don't want relationships (romantic or otherwise), doesn't mean we can't date, and more. I've been told, when I brought up wanting a qpr, that I should just get a dog instead. I'm sorry, but I want to be close to a human being this way. They clearly didn't understand it. It's not based on romance and sex like the standard (romantic) relationship is. The core focus of a qpr is on platonic attraction and emotional connection. Essentially, take out the romance and sex of those romantic relationships, and you have a qpr. If those 2 things are the only things in that relationship, I think it wouldn't be a healthy one. In a qpr, you can still have romantic and sexually coded things. It can be rivaling on the same level of closeness and commitment as romantic ones. Some people marry their partners (some call them squash, pumpkin, zucchini, and other vegetables), have kids together, live together, etc. for many reasons. By the way, next week is Asexual Awareness Week. Not sure if I'll do anything for it this year.

Made 2 things from recipes I found on Pinterest last night. Olive Garden Chicken Gnocchi Soup for dinner. I've never had the original Olive Garden version, so I can't compare them. I think it turned out great, though. It's got quite a lot of vegetables and protein. It's creamy, garlicky, and buttery. Wholesome comfort food that's perfect for this time of year. I found out ways to make it easier on myself, too. Real cooking (not just from a box) is exhausting for me, and my hands are painful and weird most of the time. The 'normal' level of fatigue I have because of my colitis makes it difficult, as well. They say that type of fatigue is common even when you're in remission. It's that way with most autoimmune diseases. The only things I had to chop/cut were the spinach and celery. Those are some of the easiest for me. Also, found frozen shredded chicken. I have made shredded chicken in the past, but it can be a hassle and takes time. I didn't notice until later, but they noted that you could cook the gnocchi in the soup instead of separately. I don't know why they didn't note that in the actual directions. It would have been less things to clean up. Cleaning up is a bit more difficult for me, but I managed to do it. Yay! 

I also made butterscotch fudge. It only had 2 ingredients: butterscotch chips and buttercream frosting. They have you melt the chips, mix that with the frosting, pour that mixture into a parchment-lined (I used wax paper) pan, and let it sit in the refrigerator for an hour to set. I accidentally burnt some of the chips. I forgot to stir them and do it in short intervals. I probably should have done it on the stove and not the microwave. I freaked out a little, but mixed it into the frosting anyways. It was really tough to cut into. The burnt bits might have actually made it better. They were like toffee pieces. The rest of it really did taste like fudge. Although, it didn't look pretty. That's ok. I might use this template for other flavors like chocolate, mint, vanilla, etc. I could add a small amount of nuts, too. I couldn't find a can of buttercream frosting like the recipe called for. So, I asked someone at the Safeway bakery about it. They said they sell their own by the pound there. I got a pound of it. I didn't use it all, but I think she gave me more than a pound. I might have barely gotten through half of it with what I used for the fudge, which was 14 oz. She didn't charge extra for it. Maybe she wanted to be generous? I don't know what I'll do with the rest of it. Looking it up, it doesn't last long. (2 weeks at most.) Might throw it away, but seems like a waste. She was the one that gave me so much, though...I noticed I might not be able to have a full serving of the fudge. Had 1/2 of one last night, and it was a lot. It was like a blast of sugar. Hopefully, it'll last a while. However, knowing the frosting doesn't last long, I don't know. 

Studied more Dutch from Duolingo today and yesterday. Finished the Looks unit, and am almost through the Science 1 one. Still have quite a few units left of this course. Good, because I'm unsure which language I'll start next. Still in the Ruby League.

Messed around with drawing folds in Junko's clothes. I'll pick the ones I liked the most next time, and go over everything with a pen. Edited more of Alliance today and yesterday. Got through chapter 12 and close to halfway through chapter 13 today. Went through 8 pages of the ebook version, and 12 pages of the print. 

A few days ago, I had a lot of ideas pop up about designing an author card (I recently thought about making one, but need to finish editing stuff at least first) and trailers for my books on Youtube. They came to me in the middle of the night. Kind of annoying, but I still wrote them down. I hadn't thought much about the trailers. I think I tried to make one in the past for Sweet Endless Terror, but I didn't know what to do with it. I now have ideas on that and others. For that one, first, I can draw one thing related to every story (there are 12 short stories). I already have 2 drawings I can mess with to fit 2 of those stories. That being a skull and knife. Other drawings would be things like a ribbon, heart (anatomically correct one), a galaxy or other space related thing, etc. I might pick one quote from each story to share in its part, and use the music provided by Youtube. Some sort of haunting/horror theme. With the first Alliance book, I can pick various quotes, might use some of my pics of nature and/or stock fantasy based pics, and again use music from Youtube. The sequel could be interesting to do, too. It might be similar. With my memoir, I could have pics related to each section, meanings and quotes from them, and music provided by Youtube. With the cookbook, I could use some of the pics I've taken of things I've made from it, a few recipes, maybe the intro, and some sort of theme music from Youtube. Seems like I could do a lot with them. I have a much better computer now, too. 

17th of Elul

Sunday, I looked for 2 pillboxes similar to my current one on Amazon. For some reason, I didn't see any at Safeway. I've had my current one for roughly 10 years. Probably longer. I think I got it at Rite Aid. I remember my mom got the same kind at the same time. It's a daily circular one with 3 segments on the inside. The design on the outside is a metallic red with a silver starburst at the center and silver spikes coming off of it. The bottom and sides are golden. (Not actual gold.) It has a button like clasp on the edge to open and securely close it. Cool looking and I've loved it. However, I just realized recently that it's probably not sanitary anymore. You can't really clean them, unlike the weekly plastic ones. So, it's probably built up stuff from all the meds I've had since. Even the wax paper glued above the sections has turned yellow and the multivitamin gummies made wet looking imprints. I looked for 2 so that I can switch them after a little while. Probably better for me that way. I actually found some. Ordered one that has a few pink and white flowers, branches, and an open black background, the rest being silver. It looked kind of like a vintage thing. The 2nd one's a giant squid attacking an old boat, the rest of it's also silver. The tentacles are the only things shown of the squid. It looks like something you'd see in an antique shop. It looks like a black and white sketch. Both look cool. I was also thinking about an old compass, old map, a moon, another piece of abstract art, or octopus one. I didn't know there were so many designs. Some looked really expensive, but weren't bad in reality. The 2 I ordered seemed to be cheap, too. It was interesting that shipping for one of them was the same cost as the product itself. 

Someone on AVEN posted a thread about trying to understand what it means to be non-binary or enby for short. They were very ignorant on a number of things. They brought up trans as binary, used mtf (male to female) and ftm (female to male), that to be trans you have to transition, odd ideas about intersex people, and obviously quite a lot of stuff on enby genders and such. It was a lot to unpack. 

All that trans means is someone who's gender doesn't match the one they were assigned at birth. Since enby people don't identify with the one assigned to them, they are under the umbrella. Mtf or ftm are problematic because people have always had their gender, they were just assigned the wrong one. If you've always felt like a woman, you are one. You weren't a man before and suddenly turned into a woman. It doesn't work that way. Same with trans men. Better terms are afab (assigned female at birth) and amab (assigned male at birth). Not all trans people transition for many reasons. Health, can't afford it, don't see the need, etc. 

They thought that intersex people have both sets of sex types. Not necessarily. It can vary a lot, and they could seem 'normal' with one set, but other aspects will be different. Most people don't know their intersex until they're tested and that isn't cheap. They also thought that intersex people are trans. Not necessarily. They could be either cis or trans like everyone else. There are some genders that only intersex people can be, which is pretty cool. 

They thought enby and agender were the same thing. Nope. Enby is when someone isn't entirely a man or a woman all of the time. Genderfluid people that are sometimes a man or a woman are still considered enby, because they aren't always those genders. They also most likely fluctuate between many other genders. There are bigender people that are both a man and woman. Still considered enby, since they aren't just one or the other. They may have many other combos, too. Demigender people are partially a gender. They could be partially others at the same time (many being mostly agender). If part of their gender is in the binary, they're still enby, because they aren't completely a man or a woman. Being agender is under the enby umbrella, since I'm neither a man or a woman. I'm not related to the binary. There are many genders out there that aren't. It means I don't have a gender. 

They also asked how it felt to be enby. For me, there's nothing there. I see it in other people, but internally...nothing. Feminine and masculine seem more like 'styles' to me. I'm neither of those either. I might like aspects of both, but they're like pretty and cool masks or costumes. I don't identify or feel like they're truly me. I just am. Apparently, this confuses people, though. 

I'm glad their response to all this was a like. Despite being so ignorant and rude at times in their main post, they seemed to genuinely want to understand. I was bracing myself for retaliation still. Some people are unpredictable, don't think it's good enough, or want me to defend it somehow. There was one member of that same forum in the past that demanded I tell her what gender is and feels like. Again...you're asking someone who doesn't experience it. It was weird. 

On Sunday, we went to the dump. Got rid of 140 lbs of stuff. Mainly my parent's books. Went to Starbucks afterwards. I tried their pumpkin scone. Liked the scone part a lot. The very thick stiff icing, not as much. It's good, but seemed too thick and added way too much sweetness to it. Also, got an iced pumpkin spice latte. It didn't taste as strong as I remembered. It was ok, but not the best. Maybe the frappuccino version's better? I think they have a couple of other seasonal drinks that are back. Maybe I'll try one of those next time. 

It's gotten cold enough that I had to put the heavy electric blanket on my bed this weekend. It's super cozy when turned on. When off, it's pretty nice too, since it kind of feels like a hug. Rosie absolutely loves it. Even when it's off. She looks so happy when I have my heater going and she's on that blanket. It's cute. She gets so relaxed when the blanket is on and heated up. (Takes time to heat up to the setting you want.)

Went to my primary doc appointment yesterday. I was disappointed with how it turned out. So much so that I'm thinking about switching to a different one again. I might look at the trans-friendly list of primary docs again. She dismissed a lot of things, was 40 minutes late (they only give you 20 minutes. I don't care if it was at the end of the day. It was offered then), she always seems scattered and rushed when late, asked me what she should do, was contradictory, refused to do any imaging or blood tests, etc. There was one thing she did that was good, which was prescribe me a muscle relaxant. I was going to ask her about that. Most of the pain in both arms seems to be muscle related, so that might help for sleep at least. I might get that tomorrow. 

I also had a 101 degree fever. Didn't even realize that during the day. I had felt hot flashes, but didn't think much of it. Her nurse was concerned, but she didn't talk about it herself. I didn't take my temp yet today. I probably should at some point. At least my primary actually said that my rheumatologist will know what to do and get to the bottom of what it is. I'll see him on Friday.

Made another thing from a Pinterest recipe called Cacio e Pepe Ramen for dinner last night. The directions weren't clear. I used half of most of the ingredients, except a 1/4 of the cheese. They used 2 different types of cheese, and I only used parmesan. They didn't really explain what to do with the 'broth' of water, butter (I used margarine), olive oil, pepper, and extra cheese after the noodles were cooked and tossed in it. It seemed like it'd be a waste to toss it out, so I poured it into the bowl along with the noodles. They have you add a little more pepper as a garnish. It was a bit strange. Tasted ok, but was kind of a mess. So, this one wasn't a good recipe, which is the first one so far, of the ones from Pinterest, that's been like that. 

I did my Dutch on Duolingo both yesterday and today. Went through the Shape unit and am halfway through the Media one. I'm 9th in the Ruby League as of right now. I think I ended up being 3rd yesterday. Maybe I can get back up there by the end of the week.

Edited Alliance both days, too. I think today was the most I've edited in a sitting. I finished chapter 6 and went through all of chapter 7. That was 11 pages of the ebook version, and 17 pages of the print version. I didn't spend as much time as my usual, either. I'm happy I got through that much.

I half thought about making author business cards when I published my last book. I didn't know what I'd put on it, especially because I had multiple books out, and put it in the back of my mind. I thought about it today. People are asking more about my books in person now, too. Read an article about what authors tend to put on it, and I think I could do it. I might even be able to make them with my new printer. However, I feel I need to do quite a few things beforehand. First, I need to finish editing what I feel needs it, and republish those books both to Smashwords and Amazon. Some were never on Smashwords before, and I think getting all of them on there would be a good idea. I might need to reformat things, too. Then, I'm thinking of making a new author's page on facebook, edit the Amazon and Smashwords (haven't gone there in a long time) author pages, figure out a separate 'business' email address and phone number (they say it's a bad idea to list both your personal email and number), create an author's page on Instagram and another on Twitter. I have to decide if I want to use the cover art of the books for the design (and how), and what shape it'll be. Some authors make theirs into bookmarks, which makes a lot of sense and fits the 'theme'. It could be fun for promoting it. This way whenever someone asks me face to face, I can just whip out a card. Easier to remember for people if they have something written out, too. 

3rd of Elul

This is my wallpaper for September. It's Tanjirou from Demon Slayer: Kimetsu no Yaiba (Demon-Slaying Blade). I've been really amazed by this anime. Wasn't expecting much. The animation has been top-notch (just looking at the water scenes, it looks so real, which is difficult to pull off), music is haunting at times, the characters are well developed, epic fight scenes, and the plot is interesting. I wasn't expecting much because it's essentially a zombie anime. There's so much more to it, though. It takes place in the Taisho period, which is 1912-1926. So, more 'modern' than some of the other anime I've watched that are historically based. I like the idea that Tanjirou only joined the Demon Slayers to cure his sister, Nezuko, of being a demon. The demons in the story more closely resemble zombies in that they eat people and were once human themselves. They still have a sense of self, intelligence, and magical abilities. Scarier this way. Nezuko seems to be one of the first demons that hasn't eaten a single human. Instead, she gathers energy by sleeping. She was kind of tricked into thinking all humans are family and to protect them at all costs. She's incredibly strong, even for a demon. She's also cute. Tanjirou is kindhearted and a huge empath. He feels for most of the demons he defeats.  

The month-long holidays for September are: National Biscuit Month, National Breakfast Month, National Honey Month, National Potato Month, National Rice Month, National Cheese Month, National Piano Month, Pain Awareness Month. Some are for important causes, some are to make you appreciate things you may take for granted, and some are just for fun. Quite a lot this month. 

The month of Elul ends with Rosh Hashanah or our New Year. It's also the start of the High Holy Days, which ends with Yom Kippur or the Day of Atonement. The HHDs last for 10 days. RH and YK are the most important holidays on the Jewish calendar. Many people 'prepare' the month before. One of the customs I follow (as did my mom) is blowing the shofar (ram's horn) every morning throughout most of the month. We refrain from it on Shabbos (which is every Friday night until Saturday night). I sometimes forget to do it until a few days into the month, like this year. Hopefully, I'll remember tomorrow and the rest of the month...It can be fun. It's supposed to wake us up spiritually. 

The elements calendar features arsenic this time. The main pic's of pure arsenic metal granules. The one next to it is of a type of arsenic treated wood. Another pic's of an old tin of arsenic. The last pic's of Paris Green, which is useful in pigments and rat poison. Scary one for this month.

Recently 2 groups on fb shared the same post. One in an ace group, and the other in a non-binary one. It was an 'adding' game where you state your age and post a selfie, then friend whoever interacts with it. I almost didn't respond to either posts, thinking it was just a popularity contest. However, it was a good way to let others know it was ok to friend them. Some people might not want to for many reasons. Also, a great way to connect with other LGBTQ+ people on there. So, I did eventually post in both of them. I gained 25 friends through that over the weekend. I think that's the most I've had in such a short time. Also, overall, I'm up to the most friends I've had on my list at once there. They all seem like cool and interesting people. 

We did our big monthly grocery shopping yesterday. We normally go to Costco, but it was closed for Labor Day. So, we went to Trader Joe's. I think I only found one thing there: olive hummus. Haven't had hummus in a very long time. I like making hummus and cheese sandwiches. They're refreshing, tasty, and full of protein. The olive one is one of the best. They also had chocolate hummus. That sounds nasty. I did read an article about it, and the author was surprised by how great it was. I don't know...

We also went to a local bakery. I love their Norwegian brown bread, and I usually get it sliced. Turns out that the ones that were available were frozen. They can't cut it until it thaws enough. Last time that happened it took like 3 hours. I didn't want to go through that again. On the other hand, it is getting harder to cut things, so it makes it even more difficult than before for me. I also got a maple doughboy. It's one of the things they're known for. It's huge! It's like a gingerbread man, only in donut form. This one had maple frosting. The other version is glazed. 

There's a smoked goods shop right next to it. They have smoked salmon, smoked nuts, smoked cheeses, jams, spices, and other snack-like things. I got smoked cheddar (one of my faves) and blueberry jam. I don't think I had their blueberry jam before. Too many seeds can be a trigger for my gut. So, I thought a jam with either very few/none or really small seeds would be best. I still like to have it. I think the blueberry one follows that. 

Went to World Market after that. Found quite a lot of things this time. Got my fave pickled red cabbage and apple salad, an artichoke pasta sauce, dill pickle mustard, pumpkin spice pancake mix (I still have a little of their banana and caramel pancake mix, and it's easy and delicious), pumpkin spice yogurt pretzels, and a few other things. 

Went to a local market for dinner yesterday. I just grabbed what I could eat at the salad bar. I'm trying to be better about avoiding trigger foods, and eating more protein. I need more protein than most healthy people, since I tend to have issues with absorbing it. It's hard for me to even get over half of what's considered the normal range for healthy people. Since I have to stay away from most raw vegetables, I steered clear of most of the greens like lettuce and spinach. Making it not really look like a 'healthy' salad. Shredded carrots seem to be ok, as well as a few cherry tomatoes. They had turkey, hard-boiled eggs, olives, and various other types of salads like potato salad and orzo salad. Didn't turn out as much as I expected, but it was ok. 

At Safeway, I found another mug cake mix thing. This time it's a chocolate chip cookie with chocolate frosting from the same company that did the cinnamon roll one. Should be interesting. Since it's so many calories and sugar, I'm saving it for my treat days. They also had a 12-pack of their rainbow chip (like M&Ms) cookies that were cheap. I got the small packs of 2 in the past. They're really good. It will last me a while. I pretty much have my desserts set for the next couple of weeks at least. Yay!

Went out to Costco today. Realized later that we got a lot of protein-packed things. I'm going to try 2 more different types of jerky. One's teriyaki beef and the other is beef steak. They actually have decent amounts to a bag there. 

I decided a couple of days ago to count the lumps I have at the moment. I've thought for a while that it was just around 5 of them and no big deal, but never counted them until then. There are over 30 of them! Most are in my hands. There's one big one in my neck, another in between my right eye and nose, another on a toe, and another in the crook of my left elbow. Some are soft, but a lot of them are hardening. Some seem to be growing so much they might burst through the surface. The hard ones in my hands feel weird when I grip things. Whatever I'm holding feels bumpy or uneven, even if it's smooth and straight. Some of the bumps are getting so big, I can see them just from looking at the sides of my fingers. I wonder if they're calcium deposits? I hope not. At least most of the time they're not painful. I see my primary in the middle of this month. Maybe she'll order imaging on at least my hands. I'll see my rheumatologist at the end of that week. He'll probably be able to help a lot more.

Both arms are still hurting a lot. I tried Tylenol PM last night, because the pain was also keeping me from sleeping, and I felt I needed to try something for it. The problem is so many sleep aids can mess with my mental health stuff, and so many can affect my colitis, possibly setting off a flare. That eliminates many right there. The only painkiller my primary will let me have is Tylenol, and I've been told by GIs that NSAIDs can cause flares or make it worse. I looked it up online, and Tylenol PM seems to be the safest for people with IBD in general. It basically has Benadryl and extra strength Tylenol. Benadryl's usually safe for the mental health part, too. I think I got a little more sleep. It was mostly calming. So, even when I was awake in bed, I was more relaxed. That's nicer than without. I guess I'll see how it goes after a few nights. 

I pinned a sausage and hash browns slow-cooker recipe a while back on Pinterest onto one of my boards. I think I mentioned it on here after I made it. I was the first to share a pic of it. I did not create the pin. However, a ton of people have been repinning it from me. Around 200! It's like every hour or so I get a notification on it. Kind of annoying. I've never had that happen before. Sure, a handful of people repin my pins normally, but this is very different. It doesn't even look that great. It tasted amazing, though!

Despite not going back to my Dutch this weekend (including Monday) on Duolingo, I was promoted to the Sapphire League today. That shocked me. How could I still be in the top 10 by the end of that week? I finished the Kitchen unit, and am close to finishing the Materials one. 

Managed to draw a rough outline of Junko's legs. Took a little while to figure how I wanted to position them. Edited more of Alliance. I'm into chapter 4 now. Went through 6 pages of the ebook, and 8 pages of the print. That's more than I was doing each day last week. Maybe I'll get to a lot more this time. It's flowing a lot better now.