3rd of Tammuz

Wanted to update this more than once a month...I'm getting better overall health-wise, so this might change. The last couple of weeks have been pretty busy. I had an orthopedist appointment. He said my arm is really healing well. I can try using it for as many as things as I can, carefully. I've been doing that without thinking at times. He said, since I haven't started physical therapy yet, it's stiffer than it normally would be. He recommended I do a stretch that will help with more flexibility and moving it up higher. It's already gotten better with that. I'm getting more feeling around the incision area, which is both good and weird. He wants me to focus more on my cancer treatment than on my arm. I told him that I plan to have a physical therapist work with me after I have the hysterectomy. Thought it'd be a good way to recover from that, too. He agreed. 

I had a 'procedure' where I was put under anesthesia to get my IUD out, pap smear, check my uterus, and get a lupron shot. I wasn't told not to eat, so I had a tiny breakfast at around 8:30am. Check-in was 12:30pm. They told me I couldn't do it until 3pm, because of the food. If they had to do this, I would have thought 1pm at the latest. 3pm rolls around, and they try to get the IV in. Took until 4pm. (Only way they got it in was with an ultrasound.) They decided to put 2 people in my slot, and it ended up being around 6pm when they finally took me back to it. It was absurd! A whole day just sitting there. I couldn't even access my phone. They saw a suspicious area and took a biopsy along with everything else. I was really sore and angry by the time we got home, which was 9pm. At least, I had a nice gyro with fries at It's Greek to Me right before heading home. (Besides that small breakfast, I didn't have much else that day.) Still...didn't make up for it.

Had an esophagram the next day. I was expecting the day to go haywire like the one before, but everything went pretty smoothly. It was about a 30 minute exam. The only issue I had was being called a lady so often when I was first taken to their locker room area. I didn't tell them I was agender, since I didn't want to go through a big thing of it. Simply wanted to get it over with. They gave me something that had a similar reaction as pop rocks in order to expand my digestive tract with gas to observe it better. They told me to be careful with not burping it all out. That was difficult. This was a more detailed type of exam than the swallow one I had a year ago. This time there wasn't a food aspect. There was a very thick version of barium they had me drink standing up. Then, a thin one laying down on my belly on the table. They watched the reactions through a fluoroscope, which is like something that takes x-rays so quickly, it turns it into a movie. They can watch in real-time this way. Similar to the other exam, but this is more detailed in its view. They tried moving me around to get 'evidence' of the LPR or silent GERD. It was interesting. They didn't tell me what they saw afterwards this time. 

The next day or 2, I started to feel sick. Thinking I was still sore from what my gynecologist did to me, I ignored it for a little while. By the night of June 15th, I was starting to get a really scary symptom. I would suddenly get cold, then my body would shiver violently for like 20 minutes at a time. So violently, my back and neck kept tensing up badly, causing a lot of pain. The following night was the last straw, with having longer waves at a time of that symptom. I went to Urgent Care that Wednesday morning. My nurse navigator had told me that it sounded like an infection and that I was going through shock with the shivering. They ran some tests, hooked me up to an IV (took a while to get) with antibiotics and fluids, and monitored me. I even had that shivering happen while I was being given the antibiotics. They couldn't do much for that. At one point, the doctor prescribed a little dilauded. She said sometimes that can calm patients down, even if it's not pain related. Sure enough, it did help with the shivering. It eventually stopped. Never came back after that. Thank goodness. It was an awful feeling that I couldn't control. They prescribed a huge amount of cefdinir, and sent me on my way. Oh, they also found out that I had a fractured vertebrae, a fracture in one of my left ribs, and another old fracture (I was told about it a few months ago) in one of my right ribs. A vertebrae fracture can be a bit difficult to heal from. The doctor prescribed a special back brace for it. At least, it will have support whenever I move around.

The next day, I was told to go back to Urgent Care for another antibiotic infusion. They were worried because one of the tests indicated that the bacteria was in my blood. I never got this test result myself. I did get one for my lactic acid. That was normal. If it were high, I'd be septic or in shock. We didn't know what type of culture the bacteria was at the time. So, I'd be blasted with more antibiotics that may or may not be what I needed. I know what it's like to have too much of that in my system. It can actually kill people. I was already still taking the antibiotics I was given, and improving quickly. So, I refused to go back. I also didn't want to sit there for hours on end again. My nurse navigator tried to convince me for an hour to go. She didn't seem to be listening to a word I was saying. Normally, she's very understanding. She kept saying things like: "You're breaking my heart!" "You are so young!" "You could die!" It was really over-the-top. Put me in a not so great mindset. I almost thought of trying to get a new nurse navigator after that, but I wouldn't know where to begin, or how many are even available. I'm just putting it to her caring a little too much, she's been great with everything else, and she acted totally different the next time I talked to her. 

The culture turned out to be E. Coli, which is common. Turns out the antibiotics I was prescribed are like 8 times more potent against that than something like keflex. I was already on the right type of antibiotic. No wonder I've been getting better so quickly. I stopped having any symptoms of the uti after a few days of being on it. Pretty good. I still have to finish all of the antibiotic. They gave me 10 days worth. (It'll end on Saturday, I think.) The only problem with this is I can't take my chemo, Ibrance, until I finish it. Without the chemo, some of my bone pain has come back on top of the newer pain of the fractured vertebrae. Wahoo! It turns out I can't do the urine test until it's been a week after I finish the antibiotic, and once I get the culture back from that I can get back to my chemo. So, a week later than expected. I've increased my morphine to 3 pills a day starting today, instead of 2. They already prescribed it as 2 or 3 pills, but I wanted to be conservative with it. This way it can be flexible, too. Once I'm back on the chemo and feeling better, I might go back down to 2. I was feeling so much better until this uti happened. I highly suspect that what they did to me during the 'procedure' caused that uti. Another thing to be angry about that day. Not much I can do about it. 

Found out through that biopsy that the breast cancer has spread to that area, too. So, it's not only in my bones, but possibly skin and/or areas of my reproductive tract. I'm a little more worried about that. Depending on how deep the cancer is in that area, my hysterectomy is going to be more drastic, or I think they call it radical, than what it would have been if there weren't any signs of it. It means a more invasive, tougher, and longer surgery. Longer hospital stay, too. The 'look' will be even more brutal right after. We still don't know when surgery will be. It'll be done by someone else, thank goodness. This will be an oncology gynecologist. Sounds like they'll know even more of what they're doing. My current gynecologist doesn't specialize in oncology and is new to working cases. She at least knows this is out of her league, and is trying to help me. That other oncologist hasn't responded to her yet about surgery, even though she's been trying to for a couple of weeks now. We'll see how that goes. It's even more up in the air with timing now that I had to stop Ibrance for a while. I have to have that timed with the surgery a certain way.  

Apparently, in one of the x-rays they ran at Urgent Care, they also found out that I had a little of the barium from the esophagram exam still in my colon. This was 5 days after the exam. It's not normal for it to still be in someone's system that long. It normally leaves pretty quickly. It's not like I was stopped up or anything either. The initial interpretation did come back, too. The only thing they could see was esophageal dysmotility. Basically, my esophagus wasn't moving the way it should. That explains the dysphagia. There were no signs of the acid indicating LPR or the silent GERD. To me, that adds another mystery to it. If it's not that, then what's happening? There must be a reason behind it not moving right, too. 

I did have a phone appointment with the ENT doc about this today. It was one of the shortest phone appointments I've had. He said just because there was no sign of acid or the LPR, it doesn't mean I don't have it. The x-ray isn't sensitive enough, according to him. He said I should give omeprazole a shot again. The only problem I have with it is I have to take it at least 30 minutes before I eat. He wants me to have it twice a day, too. In the past, I just had it once a day, and tried to take it before my bathroom stuff in the morning. Even then, I sometimes had to wait a little bit before even making my breakfast. Maybe I shouldn't care much, and just take it before making 2 of my meals. At least there would be some time between taking it and eating. He wants me to follow-up occasionally with my primary doc about the dysphagia. He also said it'd be best if I was working with a gastroenterologist for this, especially because of the colitis. I can have a speech therapist help me with the dysphagia through the palliative home care program. My nurse in it suggested that, too. That way they can monitor, give me tips, suggest exercises, etc. for the dysphagia and it will be from the comfort of home.

I did finally see the palliative home care physical therapist a couple of days ago. It was an in-person home appointment, which I haven't had many of. That was a longer appointment than expected. My palliative care nurse thought she'd order the brace for my fractured vertebrae and do a fitting while she was there. She didn't. She didn't even have the prescription. Seemed a bit suspicious that way. She did show me pics of it, how I'd probably need to put it on, and general info on it. It seems like it's going to limit quite a bit of my movement. I most likely will need help getting in and out of it every time. Although, she did suggest asking the place I get it from if there might be something easier. Something I could get into on my own. I really don't want another thing to have to rely on someone else to do. She said I should put the brace on every time I think I'll be active. I think I'll want to be most of the time...She told me to try not to do too much of the BLTs: bending, lifting, and twisting. Especially when it comes to my spine. I can easily break more vertebrae this way. It's hard to remember that. Last night I dropped a few pills on the floor, and proceeded to immediately bend over low to get them. I heard massive cracking sounds down my spine. Not good. She also wants me to be careful with getting in and out of bed. It's hard to not move your spine much with that. I try to normally, but I still end up needing to sit up and twist over to get out of the hospital bed. She agreed that I'd start physical therapy after the hysterectomy, and thought it was a smart way to go about it. She checked to see my leg strength, and was surprised that that's still pretty good. She looked at how I walked without the cane. I'm a little wonky/slightly unstable. She said the cane was another great idea for me, and liked that it was mainly to stabilize me. Make sure I don't experience another fall. 

I had another in-person home appointment yesterday with my palliative care nurse. As my nurse, he has to recertify me every 6 weeks. He can only do that with actually seeing me face-to-face. Interesting to have a similar appointment so close to the other. He agreed with the idea of me taking 3 pills of the morphine instead of 2, and that it makes it easy. Shouldn't be a problem. My cane is splitting down the foam handle. Makes it a bit more difficult to use comfortably, so I asked him about them replacing it. He said the best thing for that would be to order it on Amazon. There's a wider variety of models, and I can get something I'd actually like. I suppose it would be better. I just thought they could give me another one. We ended up talking a lot about music in general and music theory. He said he never got the chance to talk to someone like a musician that has some knowledge on it. That was interesting and somewhat fun to geek out with him. 

After that, my parent and I went to Elmer's for dinner. It had reopened a couple of days beforehand. It was the first time since March that we've been to a sit-down restaurant like that. Like many people. However, I might not have been able to go until now anyways even without the pandemic. It was interesting. There weren't very many customers at the time, which is understandable. I got one of my faves: their roasted turkey dinner. (I got the lighter serving.) It comes with soup or salad. I love their salad, but raw vegetables still cause issues for my gut. So, I got their new pot roast tomato soup. It was great, except for the corn. Luckily, not much of it, but it's also a trigger food. Huge pieces of potatoes and beef, which made it better. That came with garlic bread. The turkey dinner also has turkey gravy, mashed potatoes, stuffing, seasonal vegetables, and cranberry sauce. The seasonal vegetables for a while (before March) were a medley with squash, and I had to choose something else to replace it. Now it's carrots and broccoli. Perfect, and nicely cooked with a little bit of butter. Next time, I'll try their brunch stuff again. They're more known for that. It was nice to eat someplace different for once. 

I got a pill organizer yesterday. Ordered it from Amazon, and it came much faster than expected. It has 5 compartments to every day of the week. I take them 5 times a day, so that's super handy. They come in a nice looking carrying case. When closed up it's like a fancy thick looking planner. Might be nice if I travel with it. The compartments are huge, and plenty big enough for everything. Figured out I take roughly 15 different meds. Some repeat during the day. It was starting to get harder to keep track of. I did use the Notes app on my phone, but seemed like a hassle each time. This way I only have to figure it out once each week. Might be easier to figure out how long I have until I run out of them, too. I've already figured it out for the next week. It's been interesting and less time-consuming to not have to figure it out each time today. Definitely will make life easier. 

I got the Try Treats monthly subscription box finally about midway through the month. This first one was on Turkey. It had about 10 snacks. I got the premium version, which is supposed to have more than 8. Wish more of them were big enough to share. Basically the only ones that were was the assorted cookie one and milk chocolate squares. The cookies were like those Danish butter cookies we sometimes get, only more intense and smaller. The chocolate was ok. I think I liked the Halley biscuit, Albeni, and Dido wafer the most. The pizza sticks were probably my least fave, but were ok. They were interesting with the added mint flavor. It also came with a postcard of a big city, info card, and a recipe for baklava. It was kind of fun. Should be interesting to see what the next country will be. Hopefully, I can still have most of them. 

I'm still waiting for the Thrill Club one. They'll send me 2 hardcover books and an ebook that are in the mystery, horror, or thriller genres each month. I decided to get the 'surprise me' option, hence not a specific one. I don't know if there's a certain theme to them each month. It sounds fun, and a nice challenge for me to read all of them within the month. It's kind of like my own little book club. Maybe my parent will be interested in it, too. Not sure how the ebook part will go. Maybe they send a link or something. They also have been featured through Oprah's magazine, so that might be a good sign. I might finally get it by tomorrow. 

I managed to play my clarinet recently. Thought I wouldn't get much out other than a couple of notes. Mainly because I can't circular breathe, and breathing in general has been different. It wasn't the best, but I could recognize the tunes. I played klezmer. Klezmer seems to come the easiest to me. Plus, there's some improv/solo stuff I can take advantage of with it. I hadn't played in roughly a year. Felt nice and soulful. Hopefully, I can get back to it on a regular basis soon.

Got half of one of my walks in recently, too. Probably was too long of one, considering I was starting to get the uti at the time. Despite that, it was really nice to get out there, hear the birds, greet neighbors, see the cats, see the mountains, look at the flowers, and more. I didn't particularly like that a neighbor cheered me on from her car as I crossed the street. Yelling you go, girl over and over. I'm not a girl, and all I was doing was walking. Not something like a marathon. If I was struggling, it still seemed like she was either rushing me, or really weird. I still felt good after getting out there. 

Youtube (It's been a while, and I haven't really been watching much lately, but why not share what I haven't yet on here):

Dr. Stone:

Kimetsu no Yaiba (Demon Slayer):


Zombieland Saga:


Jibaku Shounen Hanako-kun (Toilet-Bound Hanako-kun):


One Piece:


Boku no (My) Hero Academia:

4th of Sivan

It's been a while. However, I have a feeling I'll be able to blog more often now. My arm is doing a lot better. Haven't really used my computer since the last time I posted here. I can type normally now. It feels a little weird, but nice. I was thinking of vlogging, and I may still do that. Put out my first vlog about 2 weeks ago. Looked a bit awful because I could only get into my pj's at the time, facial hair was really coming in, and couldn't fix my hair very well. I, at least, had a shower beforehand. It showed how the cancer and broken shoulder thing has affected me, too. 

Yesterday marked the 11th week since I fell in the shower. Tomorrow marks the 10th week since I had surgery to put pins and screws in my right shoulder. I'm surprised at what I'm able to do lately with it. They say the humerus bone, especially with almost a clean break at the head where it meets up with the shoulder, takes one of the longest times for a bone to heal. Since it's one the major bones. I'm not getting much pain from it lately, thank goodness. I've been able to get dressed in my regular clothes since last week, did most of my own laundry on Monday (a little difficult still), trying to eat more with my right hand, able to hold slightly heavier things with it, and more. My orthopedist told me to go slow with things, so I'm trying not to overdo it. It's hard at times, since I want to get back to how things were already. I'll see my orthopedist during the 2nd week of June.

I decided to go back to going to places like the markets lately. Haven't since I fell, and things have changed a lot. Understandably. Since I'm trying to go out to more things and walking more, I started using my cane recently. It does help quite a bit. I just need to practice it more often. I have almost a fear that someone will go up to me and say I'm faking it, but no one has. They just seem pushy, yet wait for me and give me some space. I feel like I have to have it as close to my side as possible, so I don't trip anyone. I end up tripping myself instead sometimes. I really shouldn't care much about this stuff, but it might take time to get over. I forgot to take my cane yesterday to both markets, and I'm feeling it today. For some reason, my right hip is painful when I don't use it. The cane is more for support than anything. My left shoulder pops and cracks a lot, which makes it weird when I use the cane, too. I have to use my left with it. I also have to remember to switch hands when I pick up something. I shouldn't be using my right a lot still. 

I might have my hysterectomy soon. Both the ovaries and uterus. The only reason they postponed it, was because they thought I wasn't healthy/strong enough. I haven't had those attacks in a while. I've also felt much stronger, in less pain, able to do more, etc. I think I'm in the best shape for it right now. The scheduler for their surgeries called yesterday. Told me to call her back even though it'll go straight to voicemail. I left a message. Haven't heard from her since. My oncologist agrees that now might be the best time. Although, we have to time it to me being off of the Ibrance for 2 weeks beforehand. So, that will either be in 3 weeks or a month later. That's not that long of a wait. I might be one of their few patients actually happy about having it done. I don't know what type they'll do, or how long I'll be in the hospital. Don't really care. As long as things go smoothly. Eventually, it'd be great to get top surgery. I'll be rid of the cancer in my breasts, too. I do want it a certain way, so it's probably good I'm not having that part done now. 

I'll see an ear, nose, and throat doc tomorrow. My neck has felt really weird. The left side, from my left ear down to my collarbone to the middle area of my neck, has felt like it's swelling. Sometimes it drains. It's affecting my dysphagia (problems swallowing) a bit, too. I'll wake up in the middle of the night feeling like I'm drowning and coughing. They don't think it's related to the cancer or a tumor, but they don't really know. The ENT doc may also be able to do something about the dysphagia I've been dealing with for over a year. Might be able to look into it more. Probably will order more imaging. I had to be tested again (just nasal, not the one that goes further up, thank goodness. That other one was hellish) for covid yesterday so I could still go to the appointment. Got the results today that it wasn't detected. I have to go all the way out to Tacoma (about an hour from home) for this appointment. I'll need to stop by the lab area to get a blood draw. They have to see how Ibrance is affecting all my blood cell counts. It is an immunosuppressant. At least, since I'll be out there, we might stop by It's Greek to Me afterwards. It's right next to the clinic. 

The dysphoria with my facial hair has been becoming more frequent and harder to ignore. Due to covid, I have no idea when I'll be able to start electrolysis. My 'women's' electric wand-like razor bit the dust. I tried trimming it with scissors, but it does basically nothing. So, I looked on Amazon. Found a 'men's' version that's roughly $30 cheaper than my current one was, has 3 modes, and is rechargeable. My current one was constantly eating batteries. Being rechargeable for the new one, is a huge plus. Hopefully, it'll help me. 

Just for fun, I also looked at monthly subscription boxes. I've felt more bored and drained since the health stuff in March started. It's hard to do much at the moment. So, why not find something to help remedy that and fun? I decided to start one that features a different country's snacks every month. I think I've seen things about it in the past and was curious. It'll be like visiting those places from the comfort of home. I love trying new foods, too. I also found one where they give you 2 hardcover books and 2 ebooks every month under these genres: mystery, horror, thriller, or surprise me. I chose surprise me. I love those genres, and they can pick from any of those for me. I've been meaning to get back into actually reading. I haven't in a while. This will give me a challenge to read every book each month, too. Something to keep me preoccupied. I did see a cat subscription box that looked interesting, but thought that might create too much clutter. It comes with a different theme of toys and treats for them. I suppose we could just toss the ones they destroy or don't care about. Something to keep in mind for the future. 

In order to keep me functioning day to day, I've had to start taking a lot of pills. I counted close to 30 a day. The fentanyl patches didn't work. I switched to morphine for my long-term painkiller instead. I'm still taking oxycodone regularly. It's supposed to be for my 'breakthrough' pain, but I'm nervous to ease up on it. I don't want to go back to being in so much pain. My med team is very understandable about that. I'm taking a stool softener a few times a day, and my bathroom stuff is still weird. At least, it happens. I'm also taking tylenol on top of the other painkillers. That's how bad the pain was. I have to be on 3 different ones. I'm on 2 different anti-nausea meds. They've worked really well together. Hardly ever feel nauseous anymore. I'm taking the Ibrance, tamoxifen, and had a lupron injection a couple of weeks ago. I think the tamoxifen has made my mouth numb. That and Ibrance might have affected how things taste, too. It's just a little off. Like, slightly washed out. Making me crave bolder flavors. Still taking lamotrigine. Keeps me mentally stable, so it's just as important. I'm on a steroid that pretty much stopped those attacks. I'm not sure I like that they increased the dosage. I think it's made me hungrier at times. Started going back to a gummy multivitamin. It's not as important, but I have noticed familiar signs of malabsorption issues, so I figured it wouldn't hurt. I have lost a little weight. Not much, but enough for my med team to take note and tell me I'm still stable, but we have to keep track of it. I wouldn't mind losing a little more. As long as I don't become underweight, that's perfectly fine with me. 

Rosie seems to know exactly when I'm supposed to take my meds, and waits every time near my chair until I'm done with them. I have to take them with food. She already has a thing with getting me to eat at certain times, but staying so close to me when I take my pills and then leaving only when I get up, is new. 

I feel an urge to explore new food or food I haven't had in a long time more lately. It might be the idea/living with metastatic cancer, the meds affecting how things taste, or just wanting to explore more food. Could be a combo. Trying to not overdo it, though. 

I want to start my own sort of cheese tasting plates in the future. I've seen some on pinterest. I wouldn't go over the top with it, especially considering it'd just be for me. I'll be using it more of as a concept. A fun healthy travel from home snack thing. I'll try 3 cheeses each time. I could pick new ones from my cheese guide book I got a couple of years ago. It'd be a handy way to use it. I can go by region or country, or just see what fancies me that time. I plan to choose 3 different forms like soft, semi-soft, and hard. I could use meat like many cheese plates do. Since it would just be me, maybe 1 or 2 types. I could use my rotisserie chicken deli meat, beef lil smokies, beef sticks, chicken sausages, etc. Lots to choose from. Most have nuts, but the only type of nuts I can really have are in the smooth butter forms. Doesn't seem right, so that won't be there. There's usually fresh and dried fruit. It'll be a couple from each. I could have things like fresh strawberries, melons, and grapes. Then, dried apricots, dried pineapple, and dried apples. There will be a couple of veggies like baby carrots, roasted red bell peppers, and shredded cabbage. A couple of salty/acidic things: olives, dolmas, pickles, pickled cabbage. One type of cracker and one type of bread. Finally, a spread of some sort like hummus, fruit spread, honey, etc. Some people add garnishes, but I don't really need that. I could try new things for the other stuff besides cheese every time, too. That would satisfy trying more stuff. A little bit of everything does sound like it'd be healthy. Especially with another way of getting more fruit and veggies. Seems balanced. I'll have multiple sit-down ones, considering it'll just be me and it can take a while to finish 3 cheeses. I might start this sort of thing when I'm finished with my current cheeses. I've got a provolone and garlic and herb Boursin cheese at the moment. First time I've tried Trader Joe's version of the provolone, and it's ok. Huge slices, and it smells like it should. I'm not too into smelly cheeses, though. Not sure how long I'll be able to stand it. Although, like I said, it is decent. Maybe having it in other things would be better. I'm thinking of my 'starter' cheese plate cheeses as ones I know and love. For instance, maybe mozzarella, Dubliner cheddar, and an aged parmesan. Although, I'm not used to hard non-shaved parmesan. So, that will still be a little different. 

I'm trying to get back into my writing stuff. I entered all 5 ebook versions of my books in the Authors Give Back promo on Smashwords. That was extended to the end of the month. It's a way for things to be more affordable and brighten someone's day during the pandemic. I set them to 60% off. There were 30%, 60%, and 100% off options. I don't think I'll have my old books set to free ever again. It's just been too often, and I feel I really need to actually make something from them. Discounts are totally understandable. People are looking more at them both on Smashwords and Amazon lately, which is great. I want them to be noticed even more. Thought about entering a book into Amazon's UK storyteller awards. Any book that's in English is eligible, however it had to have been put out in the last year. Mine are too old, sadly. Oh well. I started up my author instagram account again. Been reading the paperback version of Alliance for the 1st time. That's been an interesting way to see it. Still feel the print is a little too big, even with my eyes having issues lately. (I really need an eye exam and new contacts soon.) I plan to try to read through all my paperback versions. Although, that might be a little more difficult if I take on those monthly books I'll get in the mail. Hopefully, I can get back to finding and writing down quotes from my books. Haven't been able to focus that much lately.

I also am trying to get back to learning Polish through Duolingo. I've remembered a lot more than I thought I would. It still is hard to focus very long on it. It'd be great if I can get to the point of practicing my clarinet again. I might be able to do it for short periods of time now. I'd love to get back to drawing, too. I just should try to pace myself. If I do too much one day, it'll take a while to get back to things. I hate that. I even just want to get back to my walks. One day at a time. 

National Cherry Pie Day!

This holiday was yesterday. I love cherries, so putting them in a pie makes them even better! Haven't had it in a while, though. Finding a good cherry pie locally can be difficult. They tend to have what I call sugar or 'gel' packets. Basically large globs of sugar. Not the best. Sometimes those are good, but really shouldn't be there. They mess up pecan pie often, too. Either too few nuts, too dry, too much filling, etc. I sadly can't have that anymore, even if it's one of my faves, too. 

This week hasn't been great health-wise. Monday, I had one of the biggest migraines I've had in a very long time. The 'aura' for mine are often auditory. Usually thudding sounds. When it happens, it also feels like blood is spurting from my head. There's a lot of pressure, too. That part usually lasts a while, and gets really annoying. Not really painful. As soon as it finally stops, the massive painful headache starts. At this point, I'm also sensitive to light, certain sounds, cold (more so than usual), and certain foods. Usually this phase doesn't last long. Maybe a few hours. This time was different. The headache finally died down on Wednesday. However, the after effect was stronger than usual, too. I get sick to my stomach, feel like I'm in a fog, still sensitive to a few things, and fatigue sets in like I had been through a marathon. This phase usually lasts for an even shorter time than the headache. I was still in it when we went to the local trans support group that night. Another headache, that felt similar to the migraine one (but there was no aura beforehand), started after having the banana cream pie for dessert at Shari's after group. The bananas in it were still frozen. Might have triggered it? It was bizarre. 

It felt like I was finally starting to recover around noon yesterday. A few hours later, I decided to try a new game on the PlayStation 4 called The Vanishing of Ethan Carter. A detective/horror game. Sounded fun. However, the clues had text that would light up near them. If you clicked 'inspect', what he thinks/observes comes out as text quickly and swirls around. Occasionally repeating over and over. Sometimes, it wants you to find a certain clue by clicking '???', and then those question marks swirl around wildly. They combine when you've found something. There's some jerking around of the camera, too. It eventually made me so nauseated, I came very close to throwing up several times after I stopped playing. Stomach was really upset for a while, and felt like the acid was burning through it. So, I laid down, trying to calm it down. Felt like I couldn't look at a screen (like the computer or iPhone), couldn't color in my 'adult' coloring book (it's a book based on designs of a tattoo artist, which is usually fun), or really much else; for fear that I'd throw up or start another headache. So, I just closed my eyes and sat there. Eventually, I had fallen asleep for about 2 hours. Felt better afterwards. Today's been pretty good so far, but I'm trying not to trigger anything. Trying to be kinder to myself, too. 

I'm thinking of looking into chest binders again. I don't think the one I have worked too well. I also stopped wearing it when my health issues got worse, and it was hurting more. Things don't seem as bad as they were when I was on Lialda (that's not to say things are fine. I still have awful health stuff), now. So, I thought it'd be an ok time to look into it again. Plus, they're bothering me more than usual lately. I'll go with a different brand this time. I have an Underworks one. I've heard gc2b and Shapeshifters are good, so I'll look at those, along with any other brands I find. I want something long, so it stays put and doesn't roll up or anything. Similar to my current one. I don't want the weird string feeling rubbing up and down my back, and the weird puckering it does around the neck area. Maybe something that gets me even flatter? I don't know. 

Sunday was the start of Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week. I've been posting something aro related for every morning post on my author account on Instagram. A couple of people have stopped following me during it, but I've decided not to care about that. This is a part of me, and if people don't like it or don't want to be informed, so be it. All the better, actually. I've gotten a lot of likes from fellow aros on a lot of those posts, which has been nice to see. Some have added a couple of those posts to their stories on there, tagging me as well. My evening posts are still following the pattern I'm trying to set. For normal weeks, I've 'assigned' certain topics for the days of the week. Some having 2 topics for the day. That makes it more interesting, I think. 

I also recently found out that there's an aro ace flag. It was created at the end of 2018, so it's rather new. 2 shades of blue for being aro ace and the aro ace spectrum, and our experiences. Blue was chosen because it is between the aromantic green (in that flag) and asexual purple (in that flag). White for wholeness, as well as aro aces who are aplantonic (don't experience platonic attraction), nonamorous, or not seeking a partnership of some sort. Yellow is for love and relationships that exist outside of conventional romantic and sexual relationships. Orange is for community. It's in between green and purple in the other direction on the color wheel. Much more colorful than the current aro and ace flags, which is nice. I think it looks snazzy. 

There's also an oriented aro ace flag. I saw this a while before this 'new' aro ace flag. An oriented aro ace is someone who experiences other attractions strongly. Many go by this for queerplatonic relationships. Before I heard about this, I read that people were just saying what their 'queerplatonic' attraction was. This seems to encompass more, though. There are many other types of attractions. I'm an oriented aro ace. Specifically, a pan aro ace. My strongest is platonic, although I might rephrase that as queerplatonic, since it feels like something even more (hard to describe). I have potential to be attracted to people of all genders this way. I would love to be in a queerplatonic relationship or qpr in the future. The problem is trying to figure out how to get a partner for one. It's not like dating, and that makes me cringe. I'm slightly romance-repulsed, although not as strongly as my sex-repulsion. Probably more romance-averse...I have read about some people that are trying to create a site that's based on finding queerplatonic partners, and for aro aces specifically. I don't think there truly is anything like that out yet. It's hard, especially because not many know about this sort of relationship, and it might seem...weird at first to others. It's also hard to know who actually wants to be in one. Then, there's if you're compatible, like with most relationships. I've heard that going to aro and ace group meetings has helped many people find partners for it. The closest one to me is in Seattle, and they recently changed the name from Seattle Aces to Seattle Aces & Aros. Through their facebook group, they seem to be sincerely trying to include aros, too. They're not just changing the name. It's not really local for me, though. They only have one meeting a month, but do have events throughout the rest of the month. Some of them sound fun.

Anyways, that flag is also pretty new. Created a few months before the aro ace one. Dark blue is for the shared aro ace experience, grey for the aro ace spectrum, white for orientations within the community (bi aro ace, gay aro ace, pan aro ace, etc.), and teal for non-romantic and non-sexual attractions. It's nice looking, too. Still more colorful than the current aro and ace flags. 

Got the author copies of my paperback books last week. So nice to actually see them in print! They're like my babies. They had some scuff marks, which I wasn't happy about. The matte finish on the 4 that had it felt weird, but that might just be because they're new. The glossy finish for Sweet Endless Terror was nice, and really fit well with it. The only other issue I see with them is the font size. I went with what was suggested, but it's bigger than I expected. Might be good for the cookbook, but the others...I'm not so sure. The font's not incredibly large, but maybe it's just a slight size too big than what I'm used to. I think the memoir is the only one that ended up slightly smaller in font compared to the others. Maybe it's the size of the books. If I change the print's font to something smaller, I'll have to change the formatting, change the cover size, etc. It's not a simple change. I'll just stick with it for now. Seeing them all stacked up really shows how much writing I've put out there, too. It's impressive to me to see it all like that, even if they're not really huge books. Alliance is the thickest, like I expected. Alliance: Dawn comes close. Also, understandable. 

Youtube:

One Piece:


Jibaku Shounen Hanako-kun (Toilet-bound Hanako-kun):

Kimetsu no Yaiba (Demon Slayer):



Boku no (My) Hero Academia:

Ansatsu Kyoushitsu (Assassination Classroom):

25th of Tevet

Today, for Duolingo's Scottish Gaelic course, I finished the last level (there are 5) of the Food 2 unit, and am up to the 3rd level of the Colours one. Made it to 5th place in the Obsidian League. With making it to 3rd place yesterday, it was the highest I've gotten in that one. Maybe I'll stay in the top ten by the end of the week. I think Diamond League is next, and it's the highest one. For the last couple of weeks I've ended up at around 16th place, so I've stayed in the same league for a while. People seem to be using it more in this one. Much more competitive. 

3 of my books (Alliance, Alliance: Dawn, and Sweet Endless Terror) are now both on Smashwords and Amazon. All 3 made it into Smashwords' Premium Catalog which distributes to online retailers like Apple, Kobo, Barnes & Noble (not their brick-and-mortar stores), some libraries, Scribd, etc. They only deal with ebooks. They can be bought on Smashwords itself, too. 

All 5 books (other 2: More Than Meets the Eye, My Mother's Treasure Trove of Recipes), with both their revised ebook and paperback versions, are on Amazon. I might be able to get those other 2 on Smashwords by the end of February. Their Select terms will have ended by then. When books are in the kdp (Kindle Direct Publishing) Select Program, they're exclusive to Amazon. They're pretty strict about it. It automatically renews to a new term, unless you uncheck a box. They will still be in it until that term ends. Kind of like a contract. The interesting thing about all this is Amazon distributes to a lot of different places for paperbacks (as long as the author/publisher agrees to it), but doesn't for ebooks. Smashwords distributes to a lot of places. More than Amazon does for paperbacks. So, with both, I'll have much more exposure this way. 

I've made Alliance free on Smashwords, and its ebook on Amazon is $2.99. I wanted to have it as free on there too, but $2.99 is the lowest they'll allow for this one. It's a rather big book. Paperback version is $12.99. Again, one of the lowest prices I could set. Alliance: Dawn is on preorder, and will be out through Smashwords on January 29th. However, if people see it on Smashwords, they can buy it in a presale. I set that up yesterday. Only people who get it on Smashwords will be able to buy it and get it immediately. They won't have to wait until it's officially out on there and wherever they distribute to. It's set at $4.99. I'm following what was suggested of having the 1st book in a series for free. I'll do that until either Dawn is published on there, or a little after. I think the sequel's at a reasonable price. 

Sweet Endless Terror's ebook is $3.99 at both places. However, yesterday I also set up a coupon for it on Smashwords. It's public, so it'll go into their Special Deals Catalog. Only people who see it on Smashwords will be able to use it. They encourage people to share the coupon link, too. (That's: https://www.smashwords.com/books/presale/1000407) I've set that for 50% off for a month, which if people use it, is $2. The paperback on Amazon is $11.99. 

Another good side to Smashwords is I get more of a percentage for royalties than with Amazon. If not in Select, I think they only give authors 35%, with it, it can be up to 75%. With Smashwords, the lowest amount is usually 78%, and depending on how expensive it is, it could increase. Seems backwards, but I'll definitely take it. There seems to be more freedom with their promos and such, too. 

Decided, since they're still in Select, on using Amazon's promos for my other 2 books. More Than Meets the Eye's (my memoir) ebook will have a free book promo from the 23rd until the 27th. (It's $4.99 at the moment, and paperback is $13.99.) My Mother's Treasure Trove of Recipes (cookbook) ebook will have 2 countdown deals. One in the US marketplace from the 27th until the 3rd. 2nd one in the UK marketplace from the 3rd until the 10th. The price (in the US one) right now is $5.99. ($14.99 for the paperback.) It starts off with a big discount (80%), then slowly reaches full price by the end of each 'deal'. With all these promos, it feels like something will be going on with them almost every day. I'm still going to need to do more. 

I also checked out my author profile on Goodreads. I don't really use that site often. Turns out there were 2 author profiles for me, but I could only access one. I think it might have been because of paperback and ebook versions of things. They get them confused. Anyways, my main one is R. C. MacDonald, but the other one was R C MacDonald. There wasn't much difference, and you're not allowed to have 2 entries. I didn't create that 2nd one. Someone else must have. They have some people that create author profiles if they think the author isn't on there themselves. It's to cover more in their listings, not really acting like they are the author. Still, weird. So, I sent them a message about it yesterday. They emailed me this morning, telling me that they merged the 2. So, it's all under my main one, R. C. MacDonald, now. Yay! 

I also tried to changed the gender on my profile. I didn't realize at the time I created the account that I was agender, so checked off female when I created it. That's incorrect. They only have 2 options, and I'm neither. I clicked the 'Select' option. That seemed to make the gender part disappear after saving it. However, if I want to edit something else, I have to constantly put it as 'Select' before saving. Otherwise, it goes right back to female. I noticed later on my phone that it still says female, but on my desktop it's off. I might message them about this, too. I'd rather it not be there than to be forced to choose things I'm not. They could just have 3 options: male, female, other. Other can make it easier to include everyone else, although it also feels like the 'others' don't matter as much as the 1st two. Still problematic, but better. I think on MyAnimeList they recently (1 or 2 years ago) gave users a 3rd option of non-binary, which is what I picked on there. That might be the best way. Some haters really did not like the change, but more and more people are setting their gender to that on there. I wish more popular sites would switch to something like that. 

Found out there's a lot of confusion with the health insurance coverage itself. It's a really big mess, especially for dependents. It's not just affecting me. They're giving me some time to help sort it out, but in the meantime, I'm not covered. It's like being in a state of limbo. They want me to fill out a form, talk to my primary doc, have her fill out forms, and they'll also go through my records. Once approved, they'll reimburse us for anything that would have been extra while I wasn't covered. I don't think they (ones who switched everyone to the new plan) ever got the approval letter for me to be a dependent back in 2013. They deemed me disabled, thus eligible/accepted, because of the bipolar 2 and other mental health stuff at the time. It's supposed to be good for 10 years, then they reevaluate. It seems Kaiser Permanente has been hiding it for some reason. They told me, as a dependent, that I couldn't see it. My parent couldn't see it either, despite them telling me she was one of the few people who could. It's absurd. Hopefully, with all this extra paperwork and my records, they can find it. I have a lot of other health issues now than I did in 2013, too. I have a better case for it. 

I still needed to order my meds. I first used the Kaiser Permanente mail-order pharmacy, like usual. I wasn't informed of it, but they cancelled my order, since I wasn't covered. One good side is they managed to get my primary doc to order a few more refills of lamotrigine. There weren't any before that. I consider it the most important med. Keeps my bipolar 2 in check, balanced, and makes me seem 'normal'. It's the only med that's worked for me. I'd really not want to mess too much with my mental state by not taking it anymore. My doc apparently has to see me once a year for it, and to test how it's affecting my liver and other organs. She can't order more until I do. However, she didn't ask me to make an appointment this time, and I don't think it's been a year. I only found out about the cancellation when I called them. 

So, I decided to try their in-person pharmacy. Lamotrigine is the same price as when I was covered. $9. Pretty dang cheap. Cheaper than what other meds were set at while covered,  that being $10. It's surprising, because I'm taking the highest legal dose. I got that. Thank goodness I have the next batch now.

On the other hand, lialda, which is for the colitis, is super expensive. With KP, without coverage, it's $250 a month for the dose I'm at. The pharmacist suggested that I look at GoodRx online to compare prices and get a coupon. I decided to do what she suggested. At many places, it easily is over $1,000. The cheapest I found, with a coupon, is $91. Better than $250, but still seems expensive. I'm not even sure if the lialda is working. I've never been tested to see and how it's affecting the rest of my system, which I'm supposed to every few months for pretty much all meds related to colitis. It's actually highly recommended by the Crohn's and Colitis Foundation. I've been taking it for a year and a half. Don't know if it's making me worse. I'm going to experiment with having one pill a day instead of 2. (They're huge pills!) Started that yesterday. Hasn't been long, but so far, nothing different than the last few days. (I think I might be flaring anyways.) I could at some point get the next dose, too. If I keep up the one a day thing, I have about 11 more days until I run out with my current batch. 

A little nice side thing is one of the cats gave me a present this morning. I have a feeling it was Rosie. It was one of her fave toys, a big stuffed rat. It was left at where I normally sit in the family room. She knows things are going on with me health-wise. (Keep getting sick, feel like I'm flaring; that sort of thing.) She's extremely protective of me when I lay on my bed to watch something, play a game on my phone, etc. Really clinging to my legs with her claws dug in. Good thing there's a heavy electric blanket, and a couple of other layers that I'm under usually. Doesn't hurt that way, but she does get upset when I get up to do something, and tries really hard to make me stay. Certainly has a strong grip. She probably thought I needed that rat. 

This new anime season has some really interesting ones. There was positive and 'real' (more true to life of what many people experience) representation of an LGBTQ+ person in a recent episode of The Case Files of Jeweler Richard. Very well done. They treated her with respect and seriously. Other LGBTQ+ people were really impressed by that episode, too. One of the main themes has been to not discriminate based on religion, gender, sexual orientation (she was lesbian), what language they speak (Richard is fluent in many languages, so he sees clients that speak a variety of different ones), and more. All things Richard was trying to teach Seigi. Seigi is new to it all, and works for him at his office. Richard seems to be multiracial, although he appears white. The gems are animated really well. They look very close to reality and are beautiful. He essentially solves mysteries of the pieces of jewelry people ask him to appraise. He also gives real info on the gems, and the process in making some of the pieces. Might be boring to some, but I find it interesting. 

Darwin's Game has been really brutal so far. It's a survival game, so it makes sense. There's a game app that once you open it for the first time, it affects the real world. There's no way to quit the game. You're granted special powers at the beginning, but some players don't know what they are, like the main character, Sudou. We still don't truly know what his power is. There are hints that it has to do with replicating something he touches. Like, a gun or taser. It doesn't seem like that's all of it, though. If you die in the game, you die in the real world. You leave behind an imprint of your body. People not playing the game think that it's some sort of street art. Non-players, like bystanders or police, can get killed, too. There have been a lot of intense deaths. Sudou doesn't want to kill anyone. The only way to not kill anyone is for the opponent to give up. They lose points, and that's added to the other player's points. You can form teams. People in your team won't be forced to fight you. Also, you get the added bonus of more people to fight on your side. Some people have survived by being paid for giving info on other players. Info is valuable, and hard to get. There's some dark humor in it, too. I like that sort of thing. The only thing I didn't like was the very end of the 1st episode and beginning of the 2nd. It was obviously for fan service, but might have also conveyed how eccentric the other main character, Karino is. She's the strongest player in the game. Also, was the 1st player to give up against Sudou. She's never lost a fight until then. I kind of like her, except for what she did in that weird scene. I know she was messing with him, but we really didn't need that.

Kyokou Suiri aka In/Spectre has been interesting, too. The main character, Kotoko, was kidnapped when she was 11 by youkai (supernatural beings). They demanded that she become their G-d of Wisdom, in exchange for an eye and a leg. She agreed to it. She basically became a mediator between the supernatural and human worlds. At 17, she constantly has youkai asking for her advice. A college student, Kurou, was dumped by his girlfriend because he wouldn't run away after seeing a kappa. Kotoko teams up with him, falling for him after bumping into each other at the hospital so often. He has a sick cousin, and she has to get check-ups often because of her condition. There's more to him than it seems at first. As a kid, he ate 2 youkai. One being a mermaid, but we don't know the other one yet. The mermaid gave him the ability to heal quickly. He seems to not feel pain, either. Even had his arm ripped off and acted like it was nothing. If he just had eaten the mermaid he would live forever, and look like the age he did when he ate it. That other thing he ate makes him age like normal. Not sure if he still can live forever. He's been reluctant to help her, but seems to be coming around. 

Uchi Tama?! has been freaking adorable and calming. Looking it up, it's based on a character franchise that started in 1983. Looks similar to Sanrio's characters like Hello Kitty. This is a new take on those characters that also had their own OVA (original video animation) series in 1988, game not long after, anime in 1993, movie, a few more games, and another anime. This one has human-like versions of the animals, that occasionally shifts to their actual forms. Tama's the main character. He's a cat that often goes missing with his friend Pochi, who's a dog. He's friends with all the cats and dogs in the neighborhood. The characters are all pretty unique and interesting. I like the concept of anthropomorphized pets, and seeing their point-of-view like that. They really did capture the same tendencies/behaviors of cats and dogs in the real world well. I think they only show their animal forms when they interact with humans. There was one segment that was super trippy. One of the cats found a portal to another world, ran in and out of it a few times, with ancient cat and dog warriors fighting it out in gladiator attire following him. All this while the dogs were talking about how peaceful it was and about nipples. Being shocked that humans only have 2, and asking about other animals. They seemed totally unfazed by what was happening behind them. Somehow, it kind of goes with how pets are...Like, cats mysteriously disappearing for a while (sometimes reappearing in weird places), dogs being focused on certain things, etc. 

I'm really liking Jibaku Shounen Hanako-kun or Toilet-Bound Hanako-kun. The classic urban legend in Japan is about a ghost that haunts a toilet in a girls' bathroom at a school. There are apparently a lot of different versions of the story. Usually that ghost grants wishes for a price and if you call them a certain way, and is a girl. In some stories, if you mess up on calling her, she eats you or something. In this one, the ghost is a boy. The toilet is in the 3rd floor's girl's bathroom at an old school building. You have to knock 3 times on the 3rd bathroom stall, and say the ghost's name 3 times. He seems innocent and harmless at first, but he certainly has a dark side. He's much more powerful than he appears. His main weapon seems to be a butcher knife. There's a lot of dark humor. The art's quirky, which is fun. Nene tries to meet Hanako to ask for him to make a boy fall in love with her. He has no idea how to do that. It backfires with everything he suggests. Hanako carries a bag of mermaid scales. (Not sure why.) She eats one out of frustration before he could tell her what would happen, and turns into a fish. It also means she becomes a servant to mermaids, in their world. Wanting to turn back and terrified of the mermaid (which looks like an ugly giant fish), she begs him to turn her back. He eats a scale, so that he 'shares' the curse. She turns back to human form, but every time water splashes on her skin, she grows scales. She becomes friends with him, and it seems like she's going to end up helping him with the 'wishes'. A new character showed up, and he might turn into another friend that helps him. Although, he comes from a long line of exorcists, and vows to exorcise him. He's no match for Hanako. 

Somali and the Forest Spirit's about a little human girl, Somali, and a golem. They go on a journey to find her parents after the golem finds her all alone in the forest he watches over. He turns into a father figure. In their world, humans are rare and are treated poorly. It's full of demons and other supernatural creatures. She has to pretend she's part minotaur. The golem made fake horns that are attached to a hoodie. As long as it stays in place on Somali while they're out in public, no one suspects anything. The art is beautiful. 

I've also started watching the 2nd season of Ultraviolet recently. It's a Polish detective series on Netflix. Ultraviolet is a group of online amateur detectives. The police tend to hate them because they 'meddle' in their cases, and they solve them faster. I'm a little upset they killed off a major main character so early this season. Now it seems they have a new character trying to take on the same roles he did. I think I like him, but in a different way. It just has a very different feel this season, which can be good. I like the series a lot.

International Tea Day!

I love tea! There are so many different kinds out there. I mostly only drink water or tea. More tea than water, at that. Just got some more tea: Bengal Spice, Salted Caramel, and Gingerbread. The 1st one's technically herbal, with no actual tea leaves. It tastes a lot like chai, only more of certain spices. One of my faves. I also like different types of actual chai. The other 2 are seasonal blends. I'm surprised at what blends they can create, and be so close to tasting like those flavors. There's no added sugar or calories, which makes it nice to have a taste without that added in. I also like mint, orange spice, green tea, black tea, chamomile, Earl Grey, cinnamon, hibiscus, jasmine, and more. I usually add Splenda to it. If it's something like chai, I occasionally will add a little milk. 

I ended up at 5th place on Duolingo's Emerald League. So, I was promoted today to the Amethyst League. Yay! Didn't get a reward besides that this time. Only the top 3 get more. Made it to 2nd place today. Maybe I'll stay in the top 3 until the end of the week this time. In their Scottish Gaelic course, I finished the Hobbies and Travel units, and a little bit of Feelings 2. 

Found some facial expressions, ears, and eyes examples for drawing Vincent. When out in public, he looks like he has a bit of an attitude, so that should be fun to draw. With people he feels safe with he's softer, kinder, and feels he can be himself. It'd be interesting to draw him again with that difference. 

Finished editing Sweet Endless Terror. Started editing my memoir, More Than Meets the Eye, yesterday. Each chapter deals with a different topic. First one was on being aro and ace. The 2nd one, that I did today, was on being agender. My views and what I've done for transition-related stuff have changed a little. I was unsure about a lot of things when I first wrote it a couple of years ago. Now, I'm more positive on how I feel about it, my gender dysphoria, transitioning, etc. Interesting to read what I wrote back then. Tried to update some of it without changing it too much. Didn't need to change much for the aro ace one. That was a plus. 

Finished watching Dr. Stone. It was better than I expected. I like that they tried to add real science to it, although there was quite a bit of fantasy/sci-fi, too. They didn't make Senku, the 'scientist', heartless either. He did many things that only benefited the village rather than himself. The 'mentalist' (he was more into psychology, and fighting with it) turned out to be a better person than he appeared to be at the beginning. A 2nd season is confirmed. Looks like it'll be about the fight between Tsukasa's army and Senku's village finally. This season was mainly a setup for it. The last big project of his was creating smartphones. They weren't really like our modern ones. More like a glorified huge phone (with several pieces) you can haul around places. He said it would be the key to the war, since communication is vital. They'll only have 2 'phones'. I think they're going to need more than that. Tsukasa essentially has brute force and many more people. Senku hasn't revived anyone from stone since the beginning, and the village he found is small. They were probably the only humans on the planet for thousands of years that weren't encased in stone. Many generations of them without knowing other people. They thought the 'stone people' were statues, not actual people. Tsukasa isn't an idiot, either. Should be interesting if Senku and his village can do anything more beforehand and how this will play out. 

Ordered some things on Amazon yesterday. I really needed some of it. It's handy that way. Last time I got earplugs was 2 years ago. Didn't realize I was going through them that slowly. Probably not healthy that I used a pair for a couple weeks at a time. I wear them every night, because Rosie likes to scratch things loudly after going to the litter box. My bedroom is facing a 3-way stop, so there's traffic noises sometimes. There's also construction work going on really early in the morning. Birds can be really loud. Lots of reasons. I'll try to switch out pairs more often this time. This probably had compounded my ear issues, too. 

I have Eustachian tube issues. Basically the tubes in my ears are backwards. Creates all sorts of issues, and has gotten more severe over the years. It produces too much earwax, air pressure changes hurt (makes it fun on planes and being in a car going up through the mountains), sometimes my balance is off, and other things. Sometimes it gets so bad, I can't hear. I've been told to use an earwax cleaning kit at least once a month, if not more. I end up doing it maybe once every few months. Not good. Plus, with those earplugs packing it in more, it's a recipe for disaster. With the kit, you add several drops of a peroxide (and something else, can't remember) solution in an ear, wait for a while with your head tilted, then tilt your head the other way to let it 'drain' over the sink (it 'melts' some of it, which is what most of the fluid is), then flush it out with a warm water filled bulbous syringe. Repeat for the other ear. I decided to get another 'kit', and that I'd try to do it more often. I haven't actually gotten my ears clear in a very long time. I usually manage to get some of it out, at least. I plan to leave the solution in my ears longer in the future. I was doing it for 7 minutes each ear. Apparently, if your ear is really compacted, it's recommended online to leave it in for at least 18 minutes each ear. So, I'll try that. It's painful yet eventually a really nice feeling when they're completely clear. It makes a fizzy popping sound just before. I can hear so much more after, it's almost too much. 

I also ordered a purse. My current one is a couple of years old. I think I got it around the time I got the earplugs. It's the same kind/style/color. It's really a great purse, so why not get the same thing again? It's tough, the zippers have stayed intact, it can hold a lot yet flatten to almost nothing, good over-the-shoulder messenger-like one (I prefer those), color's nice, etc. The only problem is the material starts to pucker and fray after about a year and a half. It'd be good to have one without that again. 

I decided to try Nyquil Saturday night. I wanted some relief from that weird cold/cough. The coughing attacks often happen while I'm in bed. Although, I still get them occasionally during the day. Sneezing a lot still, too. Back hurts sometimes because of it. That first night, I slept well for the first time in a long time. Last night, I was good until around 4:45am. Started hacking again. At least, I still got more sleep than usual. Hopefully, it'll work like the 1st night tonight. It really burns...Has more alcohol than I remembered. I used to use Delsym instead. That doesn't have alcohol and tasted like orange soda. This covers more things, though. I don't have to take Tylenol with it, because it has it already. Apparently, it also has the main ingredient that's in Delsym. 

Election Day!

I voted through the mail last Wednesday. Some of it was difficult, because I didn't recognize some of the names and they weren't affiliated with certain parties. I tried to make an informed decision on those. 2 of the candidates running for school board, one of them I was familiar with beforehand, would be awful if they won. One that seemed a little too into 'loving kids', and the other is a big transphobe who probably hates anyone else in the greater queer community. I think I also recognized another name that was a member of one of the local synagogues. That'd be cool if she won. Some candidates seemed overqualified, if that were possible. Others essentially said vote for me since I'm running for another term. Nothing on their background or education. One initiative seemed like a no-brainer to be for. Unless you weren't for diversity...Another one was easy to vote against. It was put out by someone who tries to get ridiculous initiatives to pass every year. Usually harmful in some way. I didn't really like that there were so many advisory votes this time. Sure, it's great to get the people's opinion, but you've already voted on them. If there were like 2 or 3, that would have been fine. It seemed like there were around 8 of them. 

This is my wallpaper for November. It's one of Luffy's wanted posters from One Piece. He is a pirate after all. His current bounty is much higher than this. The higher the bounty a pirate has, the higher the notoriety and standing they have in their world. The Marines consider them more of a threat and dangerous the higher the bounty. Sometimes they don't get the right picture of the person, and others are mistaken for them. The currency that most of their world uses is called the Belly or Berry (the English version can't seem to decide, the romaji is berii). There are some islands that have their own currency. Like, Extol for Skypeia and Gor for Amazon Lily. Wano's currency is: Gold, Platinum, and Silver. Wano is where they are in the anime currently. It's inspired by Feudal Japan. The art, isolation of the country, dialects, fashion, culture, having a shogunate, etc. are all based on it. It's interesting how detailed it is. Seems to be like an homage to that time. Not glorifying it, but more like showcasing it. Some of the designs of the characters living in Wano look like they walked right out of some famous art pieces from back then. A different style than most of the series. I think it also shows the hardships of the poor of that time. The creator of the series doesn't shy away from tackling topics like slavery, bigotry, corruption, gender equality, genocide, grief, etc. in general. In Wano, most people are starving and can't afford things like good health care. The water around them is completely polluted and toxic. The animals drink the water and therefore are poisonous to humans. Meanwhile, the capital and major cities are living lavishly. Anyways, I thought this looked fun and cool. Not really birthday related (my birthday's on Thursday), but nice. Luffy is also aro ace, according to an interview of the creator. Pretty awesome that the main character of one of the most popular manga/anime is aro ace! So, somewhat related to me that way.

The month-long holidays for November are: National Peanut Butter Lovers Month, National Pomegranate Month, Banana Pudding Lovers Month, National Memoir Writing Month, National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo). Some are for important causes, some are to make you appreciate things you may take for granted, and some are just for fun. 

Last Wednesday, we had a local trans meeting. There were only a handful of us. We had moved to a much bigger room. Seemed funny almost with such a small group of us. Most of the people that were there were non-binary, which was great to me. Not the usual. They wanted to have the same type of top surgery I wanted. People get weirded out when I bring up that nipples cause dysphoria for me, too. It's not just my chest. So, I'll need all of it to go. No masculinizing or feminizing. Simply flat. A member tried to talk me out of it a few months ago. That it seemed too out there. Seeing the pics that people share in fb enby groups of their after nippleless top surgery looks amazing to me. Looks more like how I'd want to see myself. 

We all went to Shari's afterwards. I got their new simple pretzel cheeseburger. The burger seemed like a veggie one. I expected beef. It looked weird. Got their new graveyard shake for dessert. It's supposed to be a s'mores galore pie shake (they blend an entire slice with ice cream to make it) with added chocolate syrup, Oreo crumbs for the 'dirt' part, and gummy worms. They were out of the 'worms', didn't have much of the 'dirt', added a little piece of chocolate on top, and there didn't seem to be any extra chocolate syrup. There was a huge glob of what I think was a concentrated graham cracker ball. It was disappointing and bizarre. 

I felt a little uneasy when one of the new members said that all trans people are autistic. Many trans people are, but many aren't. I think it seems like it's an unusually high percentage because trans people are often tested for it more. Often they, or other people around them, feel like something must be wrong with them for being trans. It's also this way for the rest of the LGBTQ+ community. It's more common in the cis/non-queer population than people think. Many of them go undiagnosed. There's nothing wrong with people who are autistic, but there is something wrong with saying all trans people are. What about cis autistic people? Are they really trans and don't know it? What about trans people who aren't? It might feel invalidating to them to hear that all trans people are. Correlation does not equal causation. I'm not autistic. However, I'm not exactly neurotypical, either. I have a lot of mental health stuff (bipolar 2, anxiety, agoraphobia, PTSD, etc.) and physical chronic illnesses (colitis, possibly another autoimmune disease, Eustachian tube dysfunction, multiple skin issues, etc.). Both have an impact on the way I think that would be different than someone who was healthy mentally and physically. Since I have these things, does it mean all trans people do as well? No. Not at all. I have a different perspective as an aro ace agender person as well. (Compared to allo cis people.) Being trans simply means you have a gender that doesn't match the one you were assigned at birth. That says nothing about mental health, being autistic, or other aspects of who that person is or what they have. Are all cis people the same? No. Thank goodness we're all different. The world would be boring if we were all the same.

We also talked about possibly having a potluck for my birthday at the next meeting tomorrow. Since it's the day before it. We don't celebrate birthdays as a group often. I can only remember 2 times in the past. It might be a fun thing to do in the future for members, though. My parent suggested she'd bring a cake and others could bring snack-like stuff. That sounds good. Not sure if it's actually going to happen. I might forget about it tomorrow until right before the meeting starts. 

Someone on fb friended me that same day. I didn't recognize the name, but their profile mentioned they graduated a year ahead of me at the same high school. Although, they graduated from another high school at the same time...That seemed fishy. They had many mutual friends, so I thought maybe I didn't remember them. He seemed really nice on messenger that first night. Although, he insisted he'd find a way to make me feel better. That seemed questionable. On Halloween, he asked what I'll be doing. Seemed innocent enough. I said probably not much other than watch a horror movie and have dinner out. He asked about wearing a costume. I didn't wear one this year, but I did wear skeleton earrings. He said he'd like to see them in person. He said he doesn't get any trick-or-treaters, and his camper is so cold. He'd want someone with him. According to his profile he's either bi or pan, which I thought was cool. Not cool that he seemed like he was trying to flirt with me, get 'romantic', and creepy. Being aro ace, it takes me a while to realize someone is flirting with me, unless I'm hyper-aware. People tend to think I'm flirting when I'm just being nice, friendly, and polite. I don't want another romantic relationship. I had a boyfriend and that part was suffocating for me. He was all over me trying to be as romantic as possible, and often sexual which I wasn't that into either. I put up with it, because I felt I had to. (Silly society...) I was very attached to him emotionally, and strongly attracted platonically (I guess queerplatonically would be a better word). Because of this, it really hurt when we broke up. Anyways, I would love a queerplatonic relationship instead. It's hard to find that, though. This exchange creeped me out. I also wonder how people can flirt with others when they barely know the person. I understand after knowing the basics of who they are. Why not become friends first? I blocked this person, by the way.

Went to Red Lobster on Halloween for dinner. I was surprised to see any kids there. It was a way to get away from trick-or-treaters for a while. We live right in the middle of the neighborhood, right at a 3-way stop. It's a popular spot to go. It was like that even when I was kid. For the last few years we haven't been handing out candy. It's been nice that way. We just turn out the lights and usually go somewhere else for a while. I got steak with mashed potatoes and a caprese salad there. It comes with a choice of soup or salad. I didn't get either. All their soups now have shellfish or pork products, and the salads upset my gut, particularly the greens part. So, I got none of that. The caprese salad is perfect for me. I don't have issues with tomatoes. I don't eat the onions. The mozzarella is good for protein, and basil is healthy too. It's all in balsamic vinegar, which is oddly good for me. I don't normally get steak, but it was done right. It's a perfect form of more protein. All together, it was one of their lower-calorie meals, so I managed to eat most of it. Had their vanilla bean cheesecake for dessert. One of my faves. I'm never able to finish it, since it's so huge.

I don't really have plans for my birthday. Probably would celebrate it more this coming weekend. I do want brunch at the Oak Table. Went there last year, too. I'd like to go somewhere for a dinner, but not sure what really speaks to me for that. Might be at a Japanese steakhouse, but I also like a lot of other restaurants. Last year, we went to the Cheesecake Factory, I think. I went there not that long ago, so I wouldn't want that. Went to a zoo last year and got a mani/pedi. Not really feeling those this time. Maybe some museums? Not sure which ones, though. 

I've been in even more pain lately. Especially in the right side of my abdomen and more intense patches in my right arm. I also passed quite a bit of blood recently. No #2, just blood. (Not related to a 'monthly friend' I would have if my IUD wasn't working.) That was fun. Had a slight reaction to that. I think my colitis might be flaring, although I've never had blood come out of me like that. I did have occult blood in a test, but none that was visible. It's common for people with Ulcerative Colitis to bleed a lot. I've had symptoms resembling Crohn's Disease more. Crohn's also can affect the colon. I think the pain on my side might be from my colon. That blood might have been from that area. (It hasn't bled since.) It's a constant cramp-like pain. Lying down makes it feel like it's oozing out and it twitches a lot. Not sure about my arm. There's resistance to both arms when I move them. The right one feels like it's been beaten up, someone's pushing on it in certain areas, and it burns. I have to wait to see what goes on with my insurance before I can do much about this stuff. It's just a pain to deal with. Still haven't gotten those 3 other test results back. I don't know if they take a while to run. It'd be nice to know those results already, though.

Youtube: 

One Piece:



Kuroshitsuji (Black Butler):

Fairy Tail:


Ao no (Blue) Exorcist:

Boku no (My) Hero Academia:

One Punch Man:

Ansatsu Kyoushitsu (Assassination Classroom):

Black Clover:

Bungou (Literary) Stray Dogs: