9th of Av

 It’s been a while. I had hoped to blog more often. Maybe I can now. I guess I’ll go over my most recent things.

I started going back to my ‘diet’. It’s where I try to have a certain range of calories for each meal. That being 240-320 calories. It was a bit hard at first, but I’ve been getting the hang of it. For the whole day, the range is 1200 calories to 1600 calories. I have 5 ‘meals’. 5 small meals, I was told when I was diagnosed with IBD, is better on my gut than having 3 big meals a day. Plus, most of the time you don’t feel as hungry in between meals. I have already noticed small changes. I think it’ll work to help me feel healthier and lose weight. Last time I did it for a while, it really helped. I’ve also noticed how big things are again. I’ve noticed how little I can have for a meal. Having a full serving of my cereal and a little milk ends up being like 230 calories. I can’t really have a banana anymore with breakfast. (If I have the cereal. Might have it as part of a snack instead.) Can’t have the sausage patties or turkey bacon with it either. Having plain frozen pancakes and a little syrup is about in the middle of my range. It’s interesting. I also thought of it as like a game. Like you can only ‘pay’ with 1200-1600 calories. However, the weekend is usually my ‘splurge’ days. Especially for dinners. For those days, I might try to have 1800 calories or just a little more. I’m trying to look at other things like protein, carbs, sugar, and fat. I’m usually low on protein, sodium, fiber, and fat. Occasionally sugar, too. I use My Fitness Pal for it. It’s interesting that they now have a separate thing for water. I drink quite a lot according to that.

I’m still walking on top of the diet thing. I try to walk 3 times a day inside. Right now, each one is 10 minutes. I plan to increase each one. Last time I didn’t do it evenly, and my last walk was longer. That being 40 minutes. I’m thinking it might be better to add more to each one. I’ll have the last walk for 15 minutes. Then, eventually have the second walk as 15 minutes as well. Just keep going with each one like that. I might try doing outdoor ones when the weather gets better. Maybe once I get even healthier, I can try to do sit-ups again. They (my health team) were worried that I might break a bone again.

I splurged a bit and went out for dinner on Wednesday. I feel like I kind of broke it that way. We went to Burrata Bistro/Paella Bar. It’s like 2 restaurants in one. We shared some of their focaccia. It’s always so much. The rest are good for snacks. Had a little of the Marcona almonds. I got their penne alla puttanesca. It was much spicier than I expected. There wasn’t any spicy ingredient listed on the menu. The olives were weird. They had like little pieces of hard things inside. I mostly just had the pasta. I got their key lime tart. It was decent. I liked the crust. I wished they had their nutrition info somewhere, or even just the calories next to things, like some other restaurants do. I tried to add similar things to My Fitness Pal. Turns out, if it’s like what I found on there, that I actually ended up under the 1600 calories all together. I didn’t have my 5th meal. Well other than just having pills and water.

Getting my meds through CVS has been a headache. They say they sent things to my doctors, and yet they don’t get them. (I think they have the wrong address, at least for my primary care doctor.) My primary care doctor had to have one of her nurses call Molina about the ‘prior authorization’. They faxed the forms to them, my primary doctor filled them out and sent it. I had to call Molina in order for them to approve it. Might have to do that every time. I have a lot of meds. I tried to get something from my palliative care doctor as well. I called him about the whole thing. I’m still waiting on it to be approved. Hopefully all of them will go through with the way my primary care doctor had to do it.

I recently figured out a schedule for myself. This way I can try to get done what I want to do. Most days except the weekend, I figured out how to add playing my clarinet into it. I’ve been playing it for the first time in years. I think the last time I played was either in 2021 or 2020. It was close to when I was diagnosed with cancer. I also figured out when to blog, like what I’m now doing. Added my bed bath, and what I can do around it. Also, a little bit of doing my coloring books. It’s fun. Added Shabbat services to it, as well. I’ve figured out a pretty easy and accurate schedule with it all.

We (parent and I) recently went on vacation to Bellingham, Washington. I think it was the first time I was there. I haven’t traveled much since the cancer diagnosis. I got to a lot of things that were on my list. Some of those were restaurants. Those were some fun and good tasting food. We saw deer near one of the restaurants. That was cool.

We went to a 3-level bookstore. That was apparently famous. They had 2 cafes. One that was like a restaurant, and the other had a limited amount of things. It was a nice place. Wished there was more than one bathroom. We couldn’t stay very long, either.

The Marine Life Center was really small and cramped. Not much there. There were a lot of people, mainly kids.

We went to a Serbian/Russian market. We got hazelnut caramels, plum jam, cherry jam, pretzels, kvass, and cherry filled chocolate. I’ve had a caramel and some of the plum jam. They were very good. I was surprised there wasn’t much sugar in the plum jam.

We went to the Spark Museum. It started with electricity info, then things like telegrams or morse code or other earlier ways of communicating, telephones, TVs, radio, and more. It was quite packed with stuff.

One of the nights, there were police vehicles circling the hotel. We had to park near the hotel, because they were blocking the way to it. I’m almost afraid to find out what happened. We just hunkered down in the room once they cleared the way.

I’ve also gotten into reading. I made a top 100 list of classic books. I’m going through it. I got a Kindle that I’m reading books on. That’s been interesting. The first one was Pride and Prejudice. It was kind of boring except for the last 30 pages. It got intense. My 2nd book was going to be 1984. I didn’t want to read it, so I changed it. I tried to get into Crime and Punishment. It's a long book, too. I decided to drop that one. I started reading Hamlet, which was next. It's surprisingly short. It probably won't take me very long. 

It’s been hot lately. It’s affected my health, too. I seem to always be sweating. We don’t have ac, and the house stays warm for a while even when it’s cool outside. It’s been interesting watching the temperature in my room. My parent gave me a thing that shows the temperature and humidity. It’s humid in my room apparently. It also shows the lowest temperature and highest temperature in the last 24 hours, along with the humidity.

I was wearing one of my Jewish Pride shirts on yesterday. It has a big star of David in rainbow colors. It says B’tzelem Elohim. Meaning in the image of G-d. It also lists the congregation that was selling them at one of the local Prides. I went to Central, and someone saw it. They quickly said shalom. It was kind of cool. I don’t get a reaction to it very often.

Pinterest (I didn't make these. Just sharing):

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3rd of Cheshvan

I forgot to mention that I have a new passport. It was a busy summer with getting that done, too. It was different compared to the last time I got it. I wasn’t sure if it was going to happen. They even said that my pic might not be good enough, and I might have to take it again somewhere else. It all came together, and I’m happy I have it now. I can travel. Yay! I also got my state ID. That one was easier, but good to have.

Today Daylight Savings Time ended early in the morning. I was hoping to sleep that extra hour. Got up at 6:24am to go to the bathroom. Took a while to go back to sleep. I normally get up at 7:30am. That’s to take my steroid on time. According to my watch (yes, I have an Apple watch now), it said I had 1 hr 3 min of deep sleep. A lot more than my usual.

Started watching You Are What You Eat: A Twin Experiment today. It was weird. Some of it didn’t seem right. I’ll see how it goes. I’m skeptical about it.

Had a great chicken sandwich for lunch. It had a breaded chicken patty (hadn’t had this brand’s before), Colby Jack cheese, bread and butter pickles, a whole type of sweet red pepper (don’t remember the name of it), and some Subway garlic aioli on a sesame seed bun. Had a mandarin orange gel fruit cup with it.

Still doing Spanish with Duolingo. I hit an 1100 day learning streak today. I had a lot of streak freezes for a while, so those days don’t count in between. (So, it’s been much longer than that.) For the last 7 weeks I haven’t used a freeze yet. It’s been a while since I’ve done that. Did 3 lessons. Didn’t miss any. Did all 3 quests for the day. I’m 8th in the league.

Went grocery shopping. I was going to get a Chomps bag, but they only had the singles. So I got 4 of them. Tonight’s dinner was a smoked turkey and dill havarti sandwich. That was pretty good. I just don’t like how much butter they put on it sometimes. It was ok this time with that. Dessert is going to be caramel apple pie. One of my faves. I'll have that as my last snack. I've been doing that often. Having the dessert as my last snack, not right after dinner. I don't know if that helps or not. Sometimes if it's a smaller meal that's not on my splurge days, I will have dessert right after. Then, I'll have a smaller last snack.

I found Amy’s frozen Chili Mac! I hadn’t seen it in a long time. My parent is thinking of making chili for Election Day dinner. We’ll have tortilla chips with it. If I don’t like it, I might have the chili mac instead.

I got some more kimchee. It’s probably good for my gut. It says it’s mild, but it’s a bit spicy to me. Might get sauerkraut instead next time.

I’ve been getting turkey bacon lately, too. This time I got a thick store brand one. I’m trying to get more protein into my diet.

Got a Korean BBQ yakisoba instant noodles. Sounded really good. I try to only have 1 instant noodle thing a week. It’s like a treat that way.

I found a maple pecan Honey Bunches of Oats. That sounded really good. Yes, I’m trying cereals again. Not many taste like cardboard now, which is a plus.

I’ve also been getting Chef Boyardee stuff. Mainly mac and cheese and beefaroni or ravioli. It’s surprisingly good, and not that bad for me. I used to think it was just for kids, and I didn’t have it much as a kid anyways. So, why not?

Monday dinner will be grilled chicken, green beans, and mashed potatoes. The mashed potatoes have some butter on them. It sounds pretty healthy, besides the butter. I’ll add BBQ sauce to the chicken. To jazz it up a bit. Having tiramisu cake for dessert. I like Safeway’s Chantilly cake with berries, but they didn’t have it this time. I’ll try this, though. With walking around the stores and at home, I managed to get 75 exercise minutes. Shows how much I do on grocery days.

I also got lottery tickets. Got 5 tickets. Mega Millions is up to $303 million. Half of that is still a lot. If I did win, I’d split it with my parent, and then do the annuity. I would still get quite a lot every year for 30 years. I doubt I’ll live that long, so I’d have to give it to someone else at some point. I keep thinking about what it would be like to win. I have a pinterest board dedicated to my dream home ideas. The next drawing is this Tuesday.

Just got my new sweater today. It’s a caramel-colored tunic sweater. From the same brand that did one of my other new sweaters. That one was nice and soft. Hopefully this one will be the same. I’ll wash it tomorrow. It’ll be laundry day, so perfect timing. 

I don't know how often I'll be able to post. It might just be on the weekends. I originally created this blog as an everyday thing. I don't know if I can do that. We'll see. I might post what I watch from Youtube in the future. I've seen some interesting ones. I don't really watch amv's (anime music videos) anymore. A lot of them are on history facts, science, animals, travel, etc. A lot of things. I have a lot of interests as it is, and I'd love to learn/watch more about things, so it's fun to me. 

2nd of Cheshvan

It’s been an even longer time than last time. I want to get back into it though. A lot of things have happened. I’ll try to keep it shorter than last time.

Over the summer, I was approved for ssi. I get a very small income through it now. They also are going to discharge all my student loans. Meaning all of them will be forgiven or gone. I think this will happen in December. 

Being approved for ssi also got me approved for Medicaid. I chose Molina, since I was told that they worked with Kaiser Permanente (KP), my current insurance. The Molina insurance started on the 1st. Apparently they’re not letting new members use KP. There are exemptions, however. Like, if they have been with KP for more than a year. I’ve been with it for many years. I plan to call on Monday about it. Hopefully I can use KP through them this way.

I’m losing weight again. This time through more exercise, eating a bit better, and tapering hydrocortisone. I’m down to 7.5 mg of the hydrocortisone in the morning and 2.5 mg in the afternoon. So far no crazy symptoms of withdrawal yet. Hopefully I can get off of it soon. I’ll switch to 5 mg and 2.5 mg of it soon. Also, just got a letter saying my endocrinologist will be going out of network. So, I'll probably have to find a new one and tell that one about my progress. Hopefully before I get to the point of getting off of it. I don't know what will happen if I don't have it anymore, and I'll get an attack of some sort. They say if I get an attack right now, I need to take something like double what I take now. It's weird. I'm not even sure what an 'attack' would be like with this. 

I’ve gotten back into walking. I made a ‘plan’ to ease into it. I hope to get back up to my 2-mile walks 3 times a day again. Right now I’m doing 2 indoor walks and an outdoor 1 twice around, in a loop where the mailboxes are and a street in between where the tennis courts are and the house. The next outdoor one will be one loop around where the tennis courts are and the house. A bit longer of one. I’m not sure if it’ll just end up being the same distance as my current one. I think it’ll be a little longer. On weekly grocery days, it’s different. I turn the indoor workout on my watch, and pause it when I stop. It ends up being more. If I go out and don’t come home until it’s dark out, I walk inside for 10 minutes. It works out similar. Might have to increase it when I get to walking longer.

I’ve lost enough weight to go down (smaller) another jean size. I’m now 3 jean sizes smaller than at my heaviest. I got new jeans, since the old ones were really falling off me. I’ll get another pair soon, since it fits me like a glove. I got 3 more shirts (like lightweight sweaters) recently. I lost 3 inches from my waist, so that opened up more options with clothes. They seem a bit big on me. Although, it looks like they’re supposed to be. I bought another shirt recently. I should get it today.

I got a haircut today. They’ve been ‘free’ ever since my stylist has known about my cancer. I’m getting more bald spots/lines. It’s a little disturbing to me. I haven’t gone back to the hats yet, but I might.

It’s been pretty cold out lately. When it gets even cooler, it’ll be perfect for my ‘new’ shirts I got last year. They’re more like heavy sweaters. It actually looks like fall now. The trees have turned beautiful colors. 

15th of Tevet

It's been a long time since my last post. Probably the longest gap in posts. I hope to get back into it. Although, it won't be the same. Interesting using this computer again. 

My last scans were in October. Everything came back fine. No progression, and if I remember correctly, they didn't even see the lung nodule from before. My next ones (CT and full bone) will be next month. I had to call and make an appointment with the infusion center there in order to get the IV in through ultrasound. It seems to be the only way to get it in. They always have a hard time even with that. I'm nervous that they'll find something this time on my CT scan. Had a nightmare where they said the cancer had spread to my liver and lungs. Also, with the full bone scan, that it had progressed. It hasn't progressed in a while. In the dream I had to switch to a chemo that was through an IV. I had to sit there for about 6 hours until it was done. I had weird side effects, too. 

Had an appointment with my primary care doctor in October. Hadn't seen her in-person in about 2 years. The main focus was on recertifying me for insurances through my parent. I'm on her plan as a dependent. They have paperwork for a doctor to fill out. I was nervous, but around the end of December, I got a letter saying I was approved. So, I still get health, dental, and vision through it. The new plan for coverage started this month. The only downside is now there's a copay for all my meds and things. We had met the deductible or something, so we didn't have a copay for a while. I'll probably meet it up again quickly. It's nice they have a special card that covers medical expenses. Although, it's sometimes weird what it considers as medical. It's handy. 

We also talked about my urine incontinence. I know, gross, but it's something I have to live with at the moment. I'll get the urge, and then not have much time to get to a bathroom. It's embarrassing. She suggested that I get pads. I'm still trying them out. Not sure which absorbency is best. I think it feels more 'normal' to try the pads rather than the underwear. Those would feel more like diapers. Not good. She also said I should try going to the bathroom on a schedule. So, I've been trying to do it either before or after meals. It's a little better that way, but I have to remember. 

I also brought up my painful toes/feet. She said I had toenail fungus on every toe except one. It's bad in both my big toes. She tried to clip my toenails for me. She didn't even want to touch my big toes. The toenails are looking pretty gnarly now. My toes hurt a lot as well as the middle of my feet. So much so, it hurts to walk. Feels like I'm walking on hard pointy rocks. I'm walking even less now because of it. My primary sent a referral to see a podiatrist, and I've already made an appointment. That will be the end of this month. Hopefully, they can help me. 

I've been having issues with recurring uti's. The last one was just a couple of weeks ago. I also had one that was in between that and my primary appointment in October. They seem to be happening more often. I went to Urgent Care, like usual, for it. This time they were a lot more thorough. They were surprised about how dehydrated I was. They put an IV in me, after a few tries, and ran fluids and antibiotics through it. They did a lot of blood tests. One of them being for lactate. They had to get it without a tourniquet. It can indicate sepsis. I was high the first time, so they had to do it again. The second time they had to do it on my chest near my left shoulder. That was weird. No other spot was working, though. That ended up even higher. They wanted to do it again because of that. It was just too much, and it was starting to snow a lot. We had to leave. They let me go with a pill-form of antibiotics, and a promise that I'll talk to my primary about it. I don't think I actually had sepsis. I didn't have a fever for one thing.

I had a phone appointment with my primary after that. She suggested some things to help. I thought there were 2 things that I could easily do. That being cranberry and d-mannose supplements. One is supposed to make it harder for bacteria to stick, and one makes it more acidic. Both said helps with cleaning the area. So I got them both. They're huge pills. I had to split the doses up. They wanted me to take 2 capsules of the cranberry and 4 capsules of the d-mannose. I'm doing 1 cranberry and 2 d-mannose twice a day. The d-mannose pills smell really bad. I didn't know they'd also have calories. It's also interesting that they're both put out by Azo. I didn't know they did other meds. So far so good. I don't think I've had another uti. Maybe this is all I need. Although, I have a lot of pills now. I could make meals out of them.

My meds and pain of walking have made me gain quite a bit of weight. It's frustrating. Recently, I decided to go back to the way I used to eat, and doing sit-ups at least. I think I've lost a little bit in the last couple of weeks because of that. The way I used to eat meaning only having 1200-1600 calories during the week, and pretty much whatever I want during the weekend (and holidays). I try to eat 5 meals a day, and want them roughly even. So, 240-320 calories each. I tend to eat less with snacks, and more with meals like dinner. It's a little difficult. It was a bit eye-opening with some things. Plus, I have to be careful with things like bananas that tend to be calorie-packed. I'm up to 10 sit-ups twice a day. Might keep that up for a while, and then do 15 twice a day. I do them a little after I wake up (after going to the bathroom and having breakfast), and when I get into bed just before trying to sleep. I did around similar times the last time I was into it. It's been a while. I also want to get back into walking, but it hurts so much. Maybe with the podiatrist's help I can do it. I want to start off with small walks, and then work my way up to the 2-mile ones I was doing before. At least 2 of those a day would be great. I might get an Apple Watch soon, and that can help a lot with this health stuff. I want to feel better and healthier. 

We've also been into eating out at restaurants lately. I can still do that with the way I want to eat, and probably would be best to do it during the weekends. I'll most likely have more leftovers, but that's ok. We've tried a lot of new ones. Some have been great, others just ok. It's another thing for me to look forward to. (We've also been going to restaurants we haven't been to in a long time.) Oh, Elmer's isn't around anymore. A Denny's moved in. I'm still not used to it. I miss Elmer's. One of the server's from Elmer's is now with Maynard's, a restaurant we tried not too long ago. It was interesting catching up with him. I was surprised he was there. It was ok there. The last 'new' restaurant, or at least new to us, we went to was a Mongolian BBQ place. It wasn't outstanding or anything. I thought it was good. I had the chicken dumplings, which were apparently pot stickers. I got their honey walnut chicken. That was sweet, savory, and smooth. Had little candied walnuts. 

I'm still using Duolingo. I'm studying Spanish through it. It seems so much easier than I expected when I started. I don't particularly like Duolingo's new layout. I don't even think they're sure of it yet. Things keep changing. I liked the way it was before. I've been keeping up with my streak since I did Yiddish. It's like 640 days now. I only forgot about it on New Year's Eve, and they used one of my freeze streaks to keep it going. First time really using that. I think I have like 3 of them. I think that's the max number you can have at once. I try to do 4 lessons, and usually get 100% on it. It's only when it's questionable or unclear when I get them wrong. I've flagged quite a few sentences during this course, because of that. 

I've gotten back into reading as well. You can see how many I finished recently on the side of the blog. Everything from Shadow of the Lions by Christopher Swann up is what I've read since December of 2021. Close to a year ago. That's 16 books. I thought that was pretty good for someone who hasn't been into reading in a long time. 

I'm trying to get back into anime. I started that back up again only a couple of days ago. Before that, it's been since November 2021. Roughly the same time as my last post on here. I'm so far behind. There are so many interesting looking shows that came out in the meantime. I'm not sure how long I can keep up getting back into watching anime now. As it is I might not watch it today. I managed to watch the 1000th episode of One Piece yesterday, I think. I can't believe it's over 1000 episodes now. It'll probably go on forever. 

I've been a lot more into Netflix shows. I've watched a lot, and it's another thing for me to look forward to. I finished 1899 recently. That was interesting. It felt like they were trying to do more with it than they had. Some of it was predictable, but there were a lot of twists. I'm not sure what they'll do with it if there's a 2nd season. I'm currently watching Devil in Ohio. It's just been ok. It has an actress that I like, and am glad she's in something different. I don't remember her first name, but she played the main actress in Bones. She seems more flexible and 'normal' in this. I don't exactly know where this show is going, but it's interesting at least. I'm looking more forward to Wednesday. I liked the Addams Family. Wednesday, Morticia, and Gomez were my fave characters. One on Wednesday seems right up my alley, then.

We've recently been into getting lottery tickets. We've been getting them usually once a week. It's now up to $1.1 billion. I can't imagine even having half of that amount. I've worked out the annuity for some of them, just for fun. (First year would be just over $8 million.) I think if we did win, I'd get half and go for the annuity option. I'll probably not live very long, but I'd still get a huge chunk of money every year. I could pass it on to someone after I die. I don't know who that would be. There's a lot of things I'd be able to do with that amount of money. I could donate a lot, get rid of my student loan debt, get my own nice and cozy house in Seattle, have even better health insurance, and more. 

I wanted to go to a Hanukkah party this year. They were going to have public lighting at a local mall, and then have a party at their synagogue. I hadn't seen people from that congregation in a long time. Plus, their spiritual leader (not quite a rabbi yet) got in touch with me, and wanted me to meet another ace Jew. He was new to their congregation and was feeling really isolated. The 'rabbi' started an email with both of us and introduced us to each other. I responded, but he never did. Anyways, I had another reason to go. The weather was crazy that week. The day they were supposed to have it, there was a lot of snow and ice on top of the snow. Thick ice. Not something we see in this region often. So dangerous, they were telling people not to go outside on the roads unless it was an emergency. They cancelled the party at the synagogue, and thought the roads would still be ok enough for the public lighting. I don't how the lighting was. I wished they just pushed the party to like the last day of Hanukkah. The snow and ice were practically gone by then. They were going to have latkes, donuts, singing, and bags of goodies. I don't know what the bags of goodies would have had, but I'm sure it would have been fun. We didn't have latkes this year. Didn't even have donuts for that matter. I didn't feel very well, and only lit the candles for a few nights off and on. I know it's not a big holiday, but it didn't feel like the usual year for it. I did have some fried things at least. 

It was just my parent and I for our New Year Eve celebration. We used to go to a couple's (friends of the family) place for it. Along with other holiday dinners throughout the year. Ever since Covid hit, they stopped having those dinners. It's felt weird with just us. At least with NYE, we can have whatever snacks we want for it. I got Ruffles chips with French onion dip, pickled herring with Breton crackers, and chocolate covered cherries. I think those are pretty good for NYE. Oh, and of course we got sparkling apple cider. That's like my champagne. I can't have alcohol. At least it's something bubbly. We watched the fireworks at the Space Needle on TV. Before that, it was NYE shows from around the world/country. The fireworks didn't seem that impressive this time. The drones were interesting, but also distracting. 

27th of Cheshvan

It’s been a long time since my last post. I hardly ever go on my computer, and I could only blog through that before. It looks like Blogger now supports smartphones. I don’t think they have an app still, but I’m using Chrome for it. We’ll see how this goes. If it works out well, I can try to get into blogging again. Yay! I’ve been posting a lot about my health stuff on facebook. It’s kind of turned into a health blog that way. I also updated some of the lists on here. It was a little more difficult to do than on my computer, because of the order I put things in. For instance, I like to have the most recent show I finished at the top in my Netflix list. It likes to put the most recent entry at the bottom. Takes a little more time. Oh well. 

I’m not sure if I mentioned this, but I had tried out the Celebrate States monthly subscription for a while. That was kind of fun. Each month they send you stuff from a certain state. Each state’s a mystery until close to that month. They reveal it kind of early on facebook, but if you’re not following that, you don’t know. With each state they featured I tried to ‘virtually’ visit it. I’m a little behind on that, but it’s fun. I’m going through Texas right now. 

Anyways, they sometimes sent things like brochures/magazines, coloring pages with the state flag/flower/etc., and a map of what it produces and the counties. Interesting stuff. For my ‘visits’ I used those brochures/magazines and Atlas Obscura online. Now, it’s mainly Atlas Obscura. They have interesting places. 

Since I filled out a questionnaire saying I have cats, they would send a cat toy occasionally. That was nice. Some of the items were interesting. I got candles and soaps often. My parent thought the Syracuse black garlic salt was a good find, and might get more of that. I liked some of the tea it had. I don’t regret trying it out, however it started losing it’s value for me with the last few boxes. Seemed like we weren’t getting as much, items weren’t as good, and they stopped putting cat toys in it. The coloring pages were too kid-like, too. 

So, I decided to stop getting it yesterday. Apparently, they’re sending me one more box. It’ll be this month’s Thanksgiving themed one. I think it’ll be Pennsylvania. I don’t exactly know, but I thought I saw something on it. I don’t know why I’d be getting one more box. It’s not like I double ordered or something. I suppose it’s not bad. 

I decided to order another states thing called 50 States of Mine. There was only the premium box option. It’s only a little under $7 more than the Celebrate States one. Not that much of a difference. It’s more food based, no ‘kid’ things, usually has 8 or 9 items (which is more than CS had), has things that are related to what the state’s known for, and just seems better. This is based off of watching youtube vids on it and reviews. If I don’t like it, or the value isn’t really worth it, I can always try something else. There’s an Irish box I could try or others. Apparently, the box for this month is Kentucky. So fitting. It’s my birth month and that’s the state I was born in. Seems like it was destined for me to try. We’ll see. 

I’m still getting the Treats monthly subscription box. I like it a lot. It’s fun to see what they have for each country. Again, it features a different country’s snacks every month. October’s was Croatia and Serbia. First time they had 2 countries. It seemed like they were pretty evenly split with where each snack came from. The oddest one to me, seemed oddly one of my faves. It’s called Smoki, and it’s peanut flavored cornmeal pieces. They described them as shaped like peanuts. They looked more like cashews. They used real peanuts in it. It had a strong peanut and salty flavor. Interesting. If I didn’t like peanuts it would have been nasty. The worst tasting of the box sounded like it’d be good. It was sandwich cookies with chocolate in the middle. I don’t know how they messed that up, but I almost threw up trying it. The chestnut chocolate bar was strong, but pretty good. I haven’t had chestnuts that often. The only other time I think I’ve tried them was someone I know makes a stuffing with them. I hate it in that. Maybe it’s the way they make it? I don’t know. 

There was a time where my pain got much worse. I had to be readmitted into palliative care to get it back under control. It seems my body had grown more tolerant to the morphine. I was trying to sleep back in my old bed. I didn’t know if they were going to take the hospital bed because I was out of the program for a little while. My pain increased while I did that in my back, pelvis, and neck. The neck was new, so they were worried about that. So it was a combo of my meds and sleeping in a different bed. Turns out they weren’t going to take the hospital bed, so I went back to it. The pain was slightly better with that. We ended up increasing my dose of morphine by quite a lot. So much, apparently my pc doctor was worried I could overdose and ordered Narcan for me. My parent would have to use it to revive me. That doctor ordered it after they exited me from palliative care again. That was odd. Didn’t tell me about it, until I pressured them about it. It seems I’m stuck with sleeping in the hospital bed. It’s in the family room, which is an odd place to sleep. At least my pain is better. 

I recently had a CT scan, full bone scan, and neck MRI. The neck one was because of that new pain. Everything was stable. Been stable for a while. It’s not exactly the best, because there’s no improvement. It’s not getting better. Just the same. We’re trying to get it to NED or No Evidence of Disease. I might feel better if there was some sort of improvement. I wanted a second opinion from Seattle Cancer Care Alliance. I was told to wait for them to call me. They never did. There’s got to be something more to try. I just feel like I’m constantly waiting for the next tests, and just keep taking my oral chemo. There’s got to be a trial or something more I can do. 

I started xgeva several months ago. Last month was my 3rd dose of it. It’s supposed to strengthen my bones. Most people with bone mets need something like this. It’s a shot instead of infusion. It really hurts as it goes in. I get it in the back of my left upper arm. The nurse likes to go super slow with it, so it draws out the pain. She thinks it minimizes the pain. It doesn’t. It’s so much fluid, my arm gets sloshy. Hard to describe. I haven’t really had side effects, other then the pain at the injection site. It might have affected my dysphagia (difficulty swallowing), but we’re not sure. If it did, it’s a rare thing. 

About a month ago, Tasha, one of our cats, passed away. I know she was around 17 years old, but this was sudden. She literally just collapsed and was gone. She was asking to be put up on the banister to get to her food and water bowls, and seemed so happy. I looked away for a sec and was getting ready to pick her up, when she suddenly collapsed. She made a howling sound. We weren’t sure if she was gone and took her to the emergency vet clinic. They came back and told us she was already gone. It was hard and I miss her. We have her ashes in a nice looking box urn now. I think Rosie, our other cat, still looks for her sometimes. They did not like each other, but I think Rosie just wanted to play with her most of the time. Now it’s just Rosie. I think she likes being the only one now. 

My birthday’s coming up on November 7th. We got Rosie from the shelter around my birthday, so it’s kind of like hers, too. She got a birthday card from Chewy. That was nice. Chewy’s where we get her insulin from. Maybe she’d like a tuna cake or something. I’m not sure about what I want. We’re going to the Oak Table for brunch. That’s a nice place. I’d like to go somewhere for dinner, but I’m not sure where. I don’t know what I want to do for my birthday, but feel like I should do something. Maybe go to some sort of museum? I feel like each birthday’s even more important now, since I have stage 4 cancer. It gives a different perspective on birthdays. My parent keeps telling me to not postpone the fun. I’m trying to have as much fun as I can, but sometimes I don’t know what to do. 

I finished the Yiddish course through Duolingo. That was interesting. I tried their Hebrew one again, and it was awful. I’m doing their French one now. It’s much better and fleshed out, of course. They have stories and a podcast on top of the course. Much more developed. Lots of speaking exercises, which is what the other courses need. I took all the French classes that were available in high school. I still remember a lot. It’s kind of a weird language. I almost took a proficiency test back then that could have given me college credits and a trip to Paris if I passed. My teacher was encouraging me to take it, but I was too scared of it. I should have tried it. I always had good grades in it. I have a just over 200-day streak now on there. Longest I’ve ever had. Should be interesting to see how long I can keep it up. 

I’ve been getting buzzcuts for about a year now. Ever since my hairstylist heard about my cancer, she hasn’t charged me for it. She feels like it’s something she can do for me. It’s nice, but it still feels odd. Last time my hair grew much faster than usual. There was a lot. Having a buzzcut is so much easier to manage. I don’t even have to brush it. It’s nice. 

We got a freezer a few months ago. That’s been really handy. I’ve gotten things like blueberry pancakes, bean/rice/cheese burritos, carne asada burritos (from Trader Joe’s, and one of the best), teriyaki rice bowls, chicken melts with pita, and more. Good stuff for throughout the day. A variety of new things to try. It has made it easier to keep track of my calories and other nutrients. I don’t get as many dinners from the local markets as I did before, which is good. Those are like made for 2 people, but look like single servings, so it’s hard. 

29th of Nisan

It's been a long time since I lasted posted here. Didn't want it to be this long between posts. Hopefully, I'll get to posting more often. I've been posting a lot to places like Facebook, Tumblr, and PatientsLikeMe. They've kind of become more of a way for people to know what's going on with me. It's a bit more difficult to post on here, because I can only really do it through my desktop. There isn't an app for this. At least, not a reliable one. I haven't really used my computer in a while, either. Trying to stay downstairs as much as I can, and my computer's upstairs in my room. My room doesn't even feel like my room anymore. It's odd that I now sleep downstairs in the family room with a hospital bed in the middle of it. They want me to avoid upstairs as much as possible because of my bone mets, and it's easier to break a bone if I fall. I miss being up here, though. 

Yesterday marked the anniversary of when I was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer. It's crazy that it's been a year. Feels like longer. A lot has happened. At least, I can look at it like I survived a year. Many people don't make it past 5 years after diagnosis. I hope I can make it that long, and surpass it by a lot. I want to live for as long as I can. Hopefully, my quality of life will still be relatively good for a long time. 

I didn't do Passover this year. That's twice in a row of not doing it. Last year I was recovering from falling in the shower and breaking my right shoulder, and I had just learned about having cancer. I think it was later that year. That's another thing. It kind of crept up on me this year. Last month was rather expensive, and I didn't want to add on to it. I also was just not feeling it this year. Even a month beforehand, when I usually try to start getting the food for it, it just didn't feel right. I'm hoping next year I can feel up to it. If I do it early enough, I can find everything I need for the holiday and not worry about cooking much during it. I've felt so fatigued that it's hard for me to do things like cook. That holiday is very cooking-centric. However, like I mentioned, if it's early enough, I can get most of it already prepared online. No need to make my own things like cereal that way. It's one of my fave holidays. 

Kind of along the same line, I recently started Duolingo's Yiddish course. It just came out a few days ago. Feels like another way to connect with my ancestors who spoke it. It's interesting that I tried their Scottish Gaelic course when it came out, too. Some of my other ancestors spoke that. There aren't many speakers of either language today. There might be more who speak Yiddish than Scottish Gaelic today. People are trying to change that with both languages, though. I think that's awesome! It was interesting that on the day Yiddish went live, Duolingo had a thing where if you order a bagel in Yiddish at participating stores, you'd get it for free. I wish they had one that was local to me. I could have tried it. So far, I'm doing pretty well with it. Only missed a few questions/sentences out of 7 units, and leveling out 4 of those. (There are 5 levels with around 5 lessons for each unit.) With most of them, I've gotten perfect scores. I started out on the totally new to it trek. They start you off with the letters that way. They added in actual words and sentences earlier than I expected. It would have been even greater if they also had speaking exercises. I know it's still in beta, but hopefully they can add that in the future. I'm just happy I get to be exposed a bit more to it. My plan for Duolingo before is going to be put on hold until I finish their Yiddish course. I've wanted to do this for a while. The plan before was with every new Treats monthly subscription box, change to the language that that country speaks. So, if it's something like India, start learning Hindi. I thought that would be a great way to learn languages, and learn more about the country they feature. I did that last month when it was on India. Hindi was very interesting, but I don't think their course for it was even as good as their Yiddish course so far. The month before that I tried Bahasa Indonesia on there. Even though it was Malaysian snacks that time, I couldn't find any good Bahasa Malaysia apps and it wasn't on Duolingo. Bahasa Indonesia is supposed to be similar, so I went with that. Before that, I was trying to do Welsh. Got really tired of it quickly. Hopefully, I can stick with Yiddish all the way to the end of the course, and keep it up every day. 

I went to the dentist for the first time in roughly 15 years recently. I finally got dental insurance last year, and just hadn't gone yet. My oncologist really wanted me to go before I started xgeva. Xgeva's a bone strengthening med. It's like zometa, only not an infusion. This one's in shot form. She thinks it'll be better for me after I ended up feeling really sick with the first zometa infusion. Anyways, both these meds can cause dental problems. One of those being jaw necrosis. They don't want me to go through major dental procedures while on it. The dentist poked around and looked at x-rays of my teeth that first visit. He said the only problem he saw was that I had cavities. 7 of them. So, I'll need 7 fillings. Not major dental stuff, so he ok'd me taking xgeva, and sent a fax to my oncologist. The next time I saw him he did a deep cleaning. It was painful at times. He prescribed a toothpaste and mouth rinse afterwards. I read that they help with preventing more cavities, remineralizes, and helps to prevent worsening of gingivitis. That's kind of good. I'm only supposed to use the mouth rinse for 10 days. The toothpaste has an odd flavor. It says it's fruit-flavored, but tastes like bubble gum. I'd prefer to get back to my other toothpaste in the future. That one has a better flavor and is for sensitive teeth. My teeth have always been sensitive. Even when they were super healthy. The insurance didn't cover those prescriptions, but they weren't as expensive as I expected. So that was a plus. The next time I'll see him he'll do a 'tissue check'. Not sure what that entails. Then, he'll get to doing 2 of the fillings. The only problem I have with this dental place is they continue to call and text my parent about my appointments. They're not contacting me. I wrote my phone number on the intake form. They somehow got my number before I gave it to them, since they called while I was filling it out. I brought this up to them at the end of my appointment last time, and specifically said call or text me, not my parent. They started to say they didn't have it. I brought up that it's on the intake form, and said my number again for them. My parent got a text reminder of my next appointment that night. The next time they text her, I'll call them about it. It's kind of ridiculous. I don't know why they're contacting her and not me. It feels like maybe they're afraid or something? I didn't answer that time they called me because I had so much stuff on my lap and I was in the midst of finishing that form. So weird. 

We recently found out that Rosie, our cat, has diabetes. My parent was giving her insulin for a while. The insulin was human and pretty expensive. One little bottle is $300, but that's supposed to last 6 months. It still is a lot. We also changed her food to a higher protein one that needs a prescription. Tasha, our other cat, loves that stuff, too. We were told last Monday that she may have beaten her diabetes. It might have gone into remission. That way she might not need insulin anymore. The food might be enough for now. Her readings for the glucose monitor were much lower than before. They monitored her at the vet clinic for a day. That'll be great if she doesn't need the shots anymore. 

On Monday, I had a CT and full bone scan done. It was an exhausting day. They took forever to get the IV in. I came close to passing out at one point. They told me last time that I should make an appointment just beforehand with one of the people from the infusion center. That way they can use an ultrasound to find a vein quickly. I thought I'd be fine this time. Plus, I couldn't find the card of the person I was supposed to call. I shouldn't have to make another appointment for before it either. They gave me a card of another person from the infusion center for next time. Hopefully, I'll remember. I have to have them done every 3 months. The results came back really quickly. They seem great, except for 2 things in the findings section of the CT scan. That being a small fat-containing umbilical hernia, and focal fluid collections or masses. I'll bring that up with my oncologist the next time I see her. Like I said, the rest of it looked great. Even the bone scan is stable. There's no progression, but there's also no shrinkage or anything disappearing. My lungs are clear now, too. They saw a lung nodule last time that they were worried about. They suspected that it was a met, and now they're not sure. It's gone now at least. 

Home Health stopped having their aides come by to give me a shower. It was right after my home aide had quit, and my palliative care nurse had just gotten back from vacation. It shocked him, and he said it made him stammer. I think the way it was done wasn't right. I didn't like them in the first place, and wanted to be able to do it on my own for a while. They didn't give me any 'tools' to try it on my own beforehand. One home aide suggested I buy a long shower brush. I can't reach my back, neck, upper left arm, and anything from the knee down on my own without any tools. That's still quite a lot. I wasn't able to get the brush before they stopped coming to see if it would actually help me. It would have been best to have at least one more time of them coming by, seeing how I handle a brush, and maybe tell me some tips on how to better use it. That would have been much better. I like how the manager told me I can get back into the program whenever I need them. Well, I needed them right then. I have been able to do it on my own with the brush since then. It really wears me out, though. 

I decided to stop getting the Arts in Letters monthly subscription. They were very interesting, but I just couldn't keep up with them after a while. I love the idea of them, too. I hope the person behind it can keep it up. I looked up other monthly subscription boxes to replace it. I decided on Celebrate States. This is a very interesting one. I love learning about states. Each box comes with a ton of info on it, and quite a lot of items. Each one is personalized according to what you filled out on the quiz just before ordering it. Since I said I had cats, there was a cat toy in the first box. I don't know if every box will have something cat-related, but that's nice. You had a choice of either Florida or North Carolina for the first box. I chose Florida. There was a nice smelling candle, homemade soap, honey, teas, gum, a shell, goat's milk lotion, a rub for meat, and more. It had more things in it than I was expecting. I think the next state is California, since they mentioned it on their Facebook page. After the first month, it's a mystery as to what the next state will be. I also virtually visited places that sounded interesting, which I found in the guidebook and magazines that came with it. I might do the same thing with future states. Gives me something to do, at least. 

A friend sent me a box filled with things. It was essentially a care package to help keep me preoccupied. I didn't expect to get something like that. There's certainly a lot to it. There's a ton of chocolate, a drawing book, an art book, coloring books, fun socks, teas, colored pencils, markers, a candle (Peruvian lime scented), ramen, a cat treat, a huge jigsaw puzzle featuring birds, and more. It was very nice of them. The only problem was finding places for everything. I really appreciated it, though. Apparently, another friend is going to send me something, too. That being Girl Scout cookies and gift cards. They don't have to send me these things, but it's all so nice and sweet of both of them. 

I tried to get into my regular clothes recently. I normally wear my pajamas. Even when I go out. Found out I lost weight everywhere but the area they did my hysterectomy in. My shirt was baggier than the last time I wore it. My jeans were baggy except for the top, where I couldn't zip it up. I just hope I don't get something like my mom did. She had 2 abdominal tumors. She lost weight at the time, the first tumor was detected, everywhere but her belly. This is different, though. Maybe that hernia has something to do with it, too. I think it has to do with how the area has healed since the hysterectomy. It's made more of a pooch. If I want to try wearing jeans now I need to get a bigger sized pair. It's weird that the legs of those jeans will be super baggy that way. I've managed for the couple days lately, that I wanted to wear regular clothes, to wear a shirt, pajama bottoms, and regular socks. It's better than before, I guess. 

At some point, I want to get back to my walks. This week might be best for that. It's going to get up to and around 70 degrees at some point. That's going to be nice. It's been so cold still. The fleece/sherpa blend blanket I got not long ago has really helped at night. If I start doing my walks when it's nice out, I might be more likely to keep it up. We'll see. I hope to eat closer to what I used to, as well. It's a little difficult with having the to-go meals for dinners, and all that chocolate. However, I could halve some of those dinners. With the chocolate, I'm trying to just have one serving at a time. Even with that, it adds quite a few calories. I'm trying to also give myself a break sometimes. Keeping my 'splurge' days would be good. Those being Friday night through Sunday. My palliative care nurse said I really shouldn't care too much about eating healthier. Just do what I can, but with my situation, it's ok to indulge more with things. I want to feel healthier, though. 

I want to get back to watching things, too. It took me a while to get through the last 2 things I finished through Netflix. I'm almost done with The School Nurse Files. I think there's only one more episode left. Hopefully, I can finish that soon. The next show on my list is Betaal, which is a short Indian zombie show. The School Nurse Files is a supernatural Korean one. It's kind of eccentric. I think it was based on a manhwa or Korean comic. It's a bit surreal as a live-action show. I also want to get back into watching anime. I've been somewhat catching up again with One Piece, but I've pretty much stopped watching other things. I'm about a year behind on anime I'd like to watch. That's quite a lot. Plus, during this season, there are a ton of shows that I love that started their next season. It feels weird to be so far behind. Hopefully, I'll get into it again. 

3rd Day of Sukkot

I can't believe it's already Sukkot. Sukkot (singular: sukkah) lit. means booths, and are temporary walled structures that we build and 'dwell' in during the holiday. It's a harvest festival that lasts for 8 days. It's supposed to be one of the most joyful holidays. People eat and sometimes sleep in their sukkah. We used to put up our own. It just ended up being too much of a hassle to put up. Really needed more than 2 people to put it together, and we stopped asking people to help us at some point. The wood, I think, ended up rotting and couldn't be used anymore. It was nice when we had it up, though. Like what's custom to do, we had guests or ushpizin over for dinner in it for the first few nights. They were usually our neighbors and were not Jewish. That was fun, and they seemed to enjoy it, too. Now, with covid, it probably wouldn't be wise to do that. We usually ate almost every meal in the sukkah. It was interesting eating outside like that. 

This is my wallpaper for October. It's Overhaul or Kai Chisaki from Boku no (My) Hero Academia. He was the main villain of the anime's 4th season. He was also the boss of a yakuza group, not related to the League of Villains. I think he was one of the best villains of the series so far. He wanted the world to go back to the way it was before Quirks or powers. He was cruel to the yakuza's boss' granddaughter, Eri. Using her blood in special bullets that takes away the victim's Quirk. It doesn't necessarily kill the person, but if they're a pro hero, they'll feel like their livelihood was snatched away. I think there were bullets that also enhanced Quirks, and he used them on his own underlings. The problem with that was sometimes it enhanced them too much, and the power was too great for them to handle. So, they'd go crazy. Thought this seemed somewhat Halloween-like. There's another season coming up, but it won't be until Spring of 2021. Kind of a while. It'd be great to see what happens next. 

The month-long holidays for October are: National Apple Month, National Caramel Month, National Cheese Month, National Chili Month, National Cookie Month, National Pasta Month, National Pretzel Month, National Seafood Month, American Pharmacists Month, Bat Appreciation Month, Breast Cancer Awareness Month, Corn Month, LGBTQ+ History Month, German-American Heritage Month, National Cookbook Month, Pizza Month, Polish-American Heritage Month, Sausage Month, Spinach Lovers Month, Talk About Medicines Month. Some are for important causes, some are to make you appreciate things you may take for granted, and some are just for fun. There are a lot this month. I don't think pharmacists get enough credit. Without them and the meds they make, I wouldn't be able to function. They should be celebrated for the hard work they do. I'm part German, and not that long ago found out I'm part Polish, too. It's good to recognize the history of the LGBTQ+ community. 

Like I mentioned, it is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Metastatic or stage 4 breast cancer, which is what I have, doesn't get much in the way of awareness or funding for research. Most of the focus is on the early stages. The ones you can 'beat'. There's no cure for stage 4. The scary thing about that is people are more likely to have it come back as stage 4 after they're 'cured'. They have that forever looming over them. I added an awareness ribbon to my facebook frame for the month. The ribbon is green for spring and the triumph of life over death, pink for the cancer originating in the breast(s), and teal for healing and spirituality. People aren't expected to live very long after being diagnosed with stage 4. About 27% are alive 5 years after diagnosis. 11% after 10 years. I hope I can live much longer than that. (And, that the quality of my life is good.) The stats are old, things have advanced since then, it all depends on what type of breast cancer, etc. Many factors. I'm lucky mine's not triple negative. That one has the worst life expectancy. Mine's er+, pr+, and her2-. Another way of saying it is positive for both hormones and negative for her2. Mine tends to be mixed with how long people tend to live with it. I also don't know much about other people who have it as infiltrating ductal carcinoma or IDC. It's one of the most common types, though. There's a lot to it. 

It's been a while. I think it's the first time I actually didn't post during a month. I might try to get back to doing this on a regular basis. In order to help with getting back into things, I decided to make a schedule. Not with my Google calendar, but in my Notes on my iPhone. That way the times can be easily flexible, and I can put something else in the time 'slot' if I wanted to. It worked pretty well yesterday and, so far, today. It's kind of fun to check off things again on there, too. 

Had a shower today. A couple of weeks ago, there was an issue with it. I was supposed to get one on that Monday. Sometimes, if my home aide forgets or something, I have one on Tuesday. That would have been fine. However, no one showed up for either days. Wednesday afternoon, my palliative care nurse, Brian, called. I told him about the showers, and he seemed upset about it and called Home Health. He was able to get me an appointment for that Friday with someone I didn't really know. Luckily, my usual home aide, Savannah, came that day instead. (Normally the 2nd day is on a Thursday.) Apparently, she was sick most of that week, and assumed they would find someone to see me while she was out. She said that's the usual procedure. Nobody followed up on it, though. This is one of the only things that I've had issues with, which is that unpredictability. I wish it was more set. Even the times during our usual days change. She tries to keep it around 11am most of the time, but sometimes it's much earlier or later. I'm glad I at least get them most weeks. I kind of wish that I could have one more day than the 2 I get, but it's not bad. 

I'm taking 2 chemo meds now, Ibrance and Arimidex. I've been getting more side effects lately. I thought I wouldn't get this one, but I'm loosing my hair. It seemed to take a while. Maybe for me to notice it. It's coming out in clumps. I've decided to have most of it shaved off. It'll be a drastic change, but that way I can be more in control of it. The earliest appointment my hairstylist had was for the 28th. I wanted it sooner. Not sure what my hair will be like by then. I'll tell her about the cancer stuff, too. It might shock her, but hopefully she'll understand why I'd want it shaved. I don't want to be completely bald, just have a little there. I plan to wear knit hats instead of wigs or scarves like so many other cancer patients do. They'll keep my head warm this way. I ordered 7 of them on Amazon. I have 4 of them so far. They all fit pretty well, even with my long hair. I might wear them on a regular basis, if it gets to be too much with the hair loss. The other major side effect I've had has been fatigue. I just feel so wiped out most of the time. 

We had a plumber look at both toilets, since mine and the one downstairs were acting up. There's only one other toilet in the house. That being my parent's. It felt weird having to use it. I don't know what I would have done if I needed to use it in the middle of the night. I wouldn't want to wake her. Supposedly, they are both fixed. However, the plumber said the one downstairs is old and will need to be replaced with a new one soon. It's always had issues, so makes sense it needs to be replaced. He said he could install the new one for us. I'm glad I can use mine again, but I don't trust that downstairs one. This means I'm still going up the stairs to go to the bathroom. That's dangerous for me. They (the palliative care team) want me to stay downstairs most of the time. There's less of a risk of me falling and easily breaking bones that way. I still need to go up them for things like showers and getting dressed. My computer's up there, too. 

Managed to get an hour of reading in today. I'm trying to go through those 6 books I got from My Thrill List. I'm reading a different one every day, so I don't feel stuck on one. Today I read A Noise Downstairs by Linwood Barclay. Got through a good chunk of it. I think it's one of the better of the 6. It'll be interesting to see how it plays out. 

Haven't studied Welsh through Duolingo in a long time. Finally got back to it. Surprised I managed to remember as much as I have. It was enough to open another unit or checkpoint. Hopefully, I can keep it up this time. 

Got back into looking for quotes from Alliance. I haven't done anything related to writing/my books in a very long time. In fact, the last time I searched for quotes from it was back in February. I hope I can keep this up. I was almost done with looking through it. I just need to finish looking through what little is left, then move on to Alliance: Dawn. Hopefully, I can go through all the books I'll look for quotes in quickly, and then move on to other things. For instance, making an author card, drawing things relating to some of the books, making trailers, deciding on which recipes to show in the trailers, etc. Fun stuff. 

4th of Sivan

It's been a while. However, I have a feeling I'll be able to blog more often now. My arm is doing a lot better. Haven't really used my computer since the last time I posted here. I can type normally now. It feels a little weird, but nice. I was thinking of vlogging, and I may still do that. Put out my first vlog about 2 weeks ago. Looked a bit awful because I could only get into my pj's at the time, facial hair was really coming in, and couldn't fix my hair very well. I, at least, had a shower beforehand. It showed how the cancer and broken shoulder thing has affected me, too. 

Yesterday marked the 11th week since I fell in the shower. Tomorrow marks the 10th week since I had surgery to put pins and screws in my right shoulder. I'm surprised at what I'm able to do lately with it. They say the humerus bone, especially with almost a clean break at the head where it meets up with the shoulder, takes one of the longest times for a bone to heal. Since it's one the major bones. I'm not getting much pain from it lately, thank goodness. I've been able to get dressed in my regular clothes since last week, did most of my own laundry on Monday (a little difficult still), trying to eat more with my right hand, able to hold slightly heavier things with it, and more. My orthopedist told me to go slow with things, so I'm trying not to overdo it. It's hard at times, since I want to get back to how things were already. I'll see my orthopedist during the 2nd week of June.

I decided to go back to going to places like the markets lately. Haven't since I fell, and things have changed a lot. Understandably. Since I'm trying to go out to more things and walking more, I started using my cane recently. It does help quite a bit. I just need to practice it more often. I have almost a fear that someone will go up to me and say I'm faking it, but no one has. They just seem pushy, yet wait for me and give me some space. I feel like I have to have it as close to my side as possible, so I don't trip anyone. I end up tripping myself instead sometimes. I really shouldn't care much about this stuff, but it might take time to get over. I forgot to take my cane yesterday to both markets, and I'm feeling it today. For some reason, my right hip is painful when I don't use it. The cane is more for support than anything. My left shoulder pops and cracks a lot, which makes it weird when I use the cane, too. I have to use my left with it. I also have to remember to switch hands when I pick up something. I shouldn't be using my right a lot still. 

I might have my hysterectomy soon. Both the ovaries and uterus. The only reason they postponed it, was because they thought I wasn't healthy/strong enough. I haven't had those attacks in a while. I've also felt much stronger, in less pain, able to do more, etc. I think I'm in the best shape for it right now. The scheduler for their surgeries called yesterday. Told me to call her back even though it'll go straight to voicemail. I left a message. Haven't heard from her since. My oncologist agrees that now might be the best time. Although, we have to time it to me being off of the Ibrance for 2 weeks beforehand. So, that will either be in 3 weeks or a month later. That's not that long of a wait. I might be one of their few patients actually happy about having it done. I don't know what type they'll do, or how long I'll be in the hospital. Don't really care. As long as things go smoothly. Eventually, it'd be great to get top surgery. I'll be rid of the cancer in my breasts, too. I do want it a certain way, so it's probably good I'm not having that part done now. 

I'll see an ear, nose, and throat doc tomorrow. My neck has felt really weird. The left side, from my left ear down to my collarbone to the middle area of my neck, has felt like it's swelling. Sometimes it drains. It's affecting my dysphagia (problems swallowing) a bit, too. I'll wake up in the middle of the night feeling like I'm drowning and coughing. They don't think it's related to the cancer or a tumor, but they don't really know. The ENT doc may also be able to do something about the dysphagia I've been dealing with for over a year. Might be able to look into it more. Probably will order more imaging. I had to be tested again (just nasal, not the one that goes further up, thank goodness. That other one was hellish) for covid yesterday so I could still go to the appointment. Got the results today that it wasn't detected. I have to go all the way out to Tacoma (about an hour from home) for this appointment. I'll need to stop by the lab area to get a blood draw. They have to see how Ibrance is affecting all my blood cell counts. It is an immunosuppressant. At least, since I'll be out there, we might stop by It's Greek to Me afterwards. It's right next to the clinic. 

The dysphoria with my facial hair has been becoming more frequent and harder to ignore. Due to covid, I have no idea when I'll be able to start electrolysis. My 'women's' electric wand-like razor bit the dust. I tried trimming it with scissors, but it does basically nothing. So, I looked on Amazon. Found a 'men's' version that's roughly $30 cheaper than my current one was, has 3 modes, and is rechargeable. My current one was constantly eating batteries. Being rechargeable for the new one, is a huge plus. Hopefully, it'll help me. 

Just for fun, I also looked at monthly subscription boxes. I've felt more bored and drained since the health stuff in March started. It's hard to do much at the moment. So, why not find something to help remedy that and fun? I decided to start one that features a different country's snacks every month. I think I've seen things about it in the past and was curious. It'll be like visiting those places from the comfort of home. I love trying new foods, too. I also found one where they give you 2 hardcover books and 2 ebooks every month under these genres: mystery, horror, thriller, or surprise me. I chose surprise me. I love those genres, and they can pick from any of those for me. I've been meaning to get back into actually reading. I haven't in a while. This will give me a challenge to read every book each month, too. Something to keep me preoccupied. I did see a cat subscription box that looked interesting, but thought that might create too much clutter. It comes with a different theme of toys and treats for them. I suppose we could just toss the ones they destroy or don't care about. Something to keep in mind for the future. 

In order to keep me functioning day to day, I've had to start taking a lot of pills. I counted close to 30 a day. The fentanyl patches didn't work. I switched to morphine for my long-term painkiller instead. I'm still taking oxycodone regularly. It's supposed to be for my 'breakthrough' pain, but I'm nervous to ease up on it. I don't want to go back to being in so much pain. My med team is very understandable about that. I'm taking a stool softener a few times a day, and my bathroom stuff is still weird. At least, it happens. I'm also taking tylenol on top of the other painkillers. That's how bad the pain was. I have to be on 3 different ones. I'm on 2 different anti-nausea meds. They've worked really well together. Hardly ever feel nauseous anymore. I'm taking the Ibrance, tamoxifen, and had a lupron injection a couple of weeks ago. I think the tamoxifen has made my mouth numb. That and Ibrance might have affected how things taste, too. It's just a little off. Like, slightly washed out. Making me crave bolder flavors. Still taking lamotrigine. Keeps me mentally stable, so it's just as important. I'm on a steroid that pretty much stopped those attacks. I'm not sure I like that they increased the dosage. I think it's made me hungrier at times. Started going back to a gummy multivitamin. It's not as important, but I have noticed familiar signs of malabsorption issues, so I figured it wouldn't hurt. I have lost a little weight. Not much, but enough for my med team to take note and tell me I'm still stable, but we have to keep track of it. I wouldn't mind losing a little more. As long as I don't become underweight, that's perfectly fine with me. 

Rosie seems to know exactly when I'm supposed to take my meds, and waits every time near my chair until I'm done with them. I have to take them with food. She already has a thing with getting me to eat at certain times, but staying so close to me when I take my pills and then leaving only when I get up, is new. 

I feel an urge to explore new food or food I haven't had in a long time more lately. It might be the idea/living with metastatic cancer, the meds affecting how things taste, or just wanting to explore more food. Could be a combo. Trying to not overdo it, though. 

I want to start my own sort of cheese tasting plates in the future. I've seen some on pinterest. I wouldn't go over the top with it, especially considering it'd just be for me. I'll be using it more of as a concept. A fun healthy travel from home snack thing. I'll try 3 cheeses each time. I could pick new ones from my cheese guide book I got a couple of years ago. It'd be a handy way to use it. I can go by region or country, or just see what fancies me that time. I plan to choose 3 different forms like soft, semi-soft, and hard. I could use meat like many cheese plates do. Since it would just be me, maybe 1 or 2 types. I could use my rotisserie chicken deli meat, beef lil smokies, beef sticks, chicken sausages, etc. Lots to choose from. Most have nuts, but the only type of nuts I can really have are in the smooth butter forms. Doesn't seem right, so that won't be there. There's usually fresh and dried fruit. It'll be a couple from each. I could have things like fresh strawberries, melons, and grapes. Then, dried apricots, dried pineapple, and dried apples. There will be a couple of veggies like baby carrots, roasted red bell peppers, and shredded cabbage. A couple of salty/acidic things: olives, dolmas, pickles, pickled cabbage. One type of cracker and one type of bread. Finally, a spread of some sort like hummus, fruit spread, honey, etc. Some people add garnishes, but I don't really need that. I could try new things for the other stuff besides cheese every time, too. That would satisfy trying more stuff. A little bit of everything does sound like it'd be healthy. Especially with another way of getting more fruit and veggies. Seems balanced. I'll have multiple sit-down ones, considering it'll just be me and it can take a while to finish 3 cheeses. I might start this sort of thing when I'm finished with my current cheeses. I've got a provolone and garlic and herb Boursin cheese at the moment. First time I've tried Trader Joe's version of the provolone, and it's ok. Huge slices, and it smells like it should. I'm not too into smelly cheeses, though. Not sure how long I'll be able to stand it. Although, like I said, it is decent. Maybe having it in other things would be better. I'm thinking of my 'starter' cheese plate cheeses as ones I know and love. For instance, maybe mozzarella, Dubliner cheddar, and an aged parmesan. Although, I'm not used to hard non-shaved parmesan. So, that will still be a little different. 

I'm trying to get back into my writing stuff. I entered all 5 ebook versions of my books in the Authors Give Back promo on Smashwords. That was extended to the end of the month. It's a way for things to be more affordable and brighten someone's day during the pandemic. I set them to 60% off. There were 30%, 60%, and 100% off options. I don't think I'll have my old books set to free ever again. It's just been too often, and I feel I really need to actually make something from them. Discounts are totally understandable. People are looking more at them both on Smashwords and Amazon lately, which is great. I want them to be noticed even more. Thought about entering a book into Amazon's UK storyteller awards. Any book that's in English is eligible, however it had to have been put out in the last year. Mine are too old, sadly. Oh well. I started up my author instagram account again. Been reading the paperback version of Alliance for the 1st time. That's been an interesting way to see it. Still feel the print is a little too big, even with my eyes having issues lately. (I really need an eye exam and new contacts soon.) I plan to try to read through all my paperback versions. Although, that might be a little more difficult if I take on those monthly books I'll get in the mail. Hopefully, I can get back to finding and writing down quotes from my books. Haven't been able to focus that much lately.

I also am trying to get back to learning Polish through Duolingo. I've remembered a lot more than I thought I would. It still is hard to focus very long on it. It'd be great if I can get to the point of practicing my clarinet again. I might be able to do it for short periods of time now. I'd love to get back to drawing, too. I just should try to pace myself. If I do too much one day, it'll take a while to get back to things. I hate that. I even just want to get back to my walks. One day at a time. 

International Cat Day!

This holiday was yesterday. I love cats! I love other animals as well, but cats hold a special place in my heart. Been around them since I was born. Our current cats are a Turkish Van, Natasha (Tasha for short), and a tortoiseshell (aka tortie), Rosie. Tortoiseshell isn't technically a breed. It's based on the color of their coat. They're similar to calicos this way. She's a tabby (short hair), which has stripes along with the different colors. We went through a lot of names for her, but Rosie seems to fit so well. She's glomped onto me almost since we got her. Tries to take care of me, too. She has an issue with matted fur. The vet clinic had to shave most of the mats off recently, and I've been using a grooming glove twice a day since. The mats haven't come back. Her fur is so much softer and shinier now. She seems happy about it and begs to be groomed now. She'll 'groom' me at the same time by licking my free hand. So cute! 

Turkish Vans have long fur, but it's in a single layer instead of multiple. Makes it very soft. They often have color on the head and tail and sometimes parts of their legs/feet (she has some in those areas), and white for the rest of the body. Tasha is black and white. They're prone to polydactyly, which is lit. many fingers/toes. Tasha has that. Her paws are huge because of it. Yet, she has a small slender head. A collar doesn't fit her. She'll just wiggle out of it, if you manage to get it on her. She also barks like a dog when startled. Loves water. This might be because the breed comes from near Lake Van in Turkey. Pretty unique cat. Since we got Rosie, they've fought each other. However, they seem to be mellowing out. Tasha has become braver in the last couple of years. Wanting to stick around me, sleeping on my bed during the day, going downstairs and hanging out with us, watching things out the back door, etc. Things she wouldn't do before. She's standing her ground more, too. I think this has made Rosie feel even more jealous, but she's not attacking as often. 

Tuesday marked the 10-year anniversary of this blog! Wahoo! Never thought I'd keep it up for as long as I have on here. This will be the 1,049th post. It'll be cool if I keep it up in some form for another 10 years, at least. Hopefully, I can get back to posting more often. The year I posted the most was in 2010. Did better than most years last year. I've also created 3 other blogs on here. The 2nd one was on what I'd say to my mom after she passed away. Similar to writing letters to her, I guess. I had that completely private where no one but me could see it. I deleted that one, because it was painful to see after a while. The 3rd one was supposed to be on various different topics and my point of view on them. That became inactive after a few posts. Maybe I'll get back to it in the future. It was an interesting concept. The final one was on practicing my Japanese. I even switched to the Blogger Japanese base where the comments, headings, etc. are all in the language. They even email you in Japanese if there's an alert of some sort. It was cool. Might go back to it in the future, and/or make another language learning one. As an example, since I'm studying it right now, I could make a Dutch one. I did have a few comments on the Japanese one from actual Japanese people. That was nice. I've read you can create 100 blogs through Blogger. That's way too many to keep up with. I also like the lists feature. I can keep up with things and see what I've finished at a glance. The links list is probably not completely up to date, but that's good to have as reference, too. There's a lot you can customize. I stuck with one background/configuration until just a few years ago. It looks quite different now. I think I was forced to, because they weren't able to support the old version. I like it, even if it's taken me a little while to get used to. It's pretty great to be able to link to my books (with the cover art) with a widget on here, too. Even if I'm a little embarrassed by my 1st book after editing it. I need to go over the beginning yet again. Then I'll go through the sequel, and finally resubmit both of them for publishing. Anyways, this is like my little home online. 

I've been using Pandora since college. It's really gotten to know my 'tastes' in music over the years. (Of what's in their database.) I've loved that it picks new music based on things you've liked already. I recently got Pandora Premium. I had been using the free version. They give you the 1st month free, and then start the subscription. There are no ads and I think their recommendations have been much better. I haven't looked at My Thumbprint radio yet. I've just kept listening to my Shuffle one. It shuffles the ones I've thumbed up and suggests new tunes. I'm not sure how different Thumbprint would be. I guess I can see in the future. 

Recently started watching Naka no Hito Genome [Jikkyouchuu] (The Ones Within- Genome [Now Streaming]). It's been very interesting so far. A very different twist on a currently popular genre, isekai. Isekai (different world) is when people from our world are transported, reincarnated, or trapped in a parallel universe. Sometimes this works in reverse. It's usually fantasy or horror based, and a lot of them are influenced by or actually in their own video games (mostly rpg's). I think it's a fun one, but there have been a lot of them in the last few anime seasons. Some people are sick of them. This one has a group of gaming 'streamers' or video uploaders from our world transported to a place called 13th Avenue. Each player specializes in a certain type of game, like cultivation games, fighting games, puzzle games, horror games, etc. A man in an alpaca mask, called Paca, gathers them together and explains that they have to clear all the stages and collect tokens. They must reach 100 million viewers at the same time in the 'livestream'. The viewers are watching everything they do. Even when they're not participating in a stage. There are a certain number of people allowed to do each one. If you go against Paca the punishment could be deadly. They can die or be injured in the stages, too. It's really dark at times, which is my kind of thing. 

It got a bit personal for me in one of the last episodes I saw (I'm not up to date on the series yet). The main character, Akatsuki, has a similar dominant handedness as me. We're both essentially cross-dominant. We tend to prefer a certain hand for certain tasks, and this can switch at times. For instance, I mostly write with my right hand, carry an umbrella in my left, might kick a ball with either foot or catch it with either hand (depends on which is closest), eat with a fork and knife similar to a left-handed person but a little different (I've been told it's weird, but it makes the most sense to me) etc. They say he's ambidextrous, but was forced to do things like write with his right instead of left. They do suspect a lot of cross-dominants are actually ambidextrous, and it wouldn't surprise me if I was. Left-handed people weren't treated very well even when I was in elementary school. Scared me enough I tried to make sure I used my right hand for at least writing. I'm surprised they had a character like that.  

He has a stalker that's one of the gamers. She has a wall covered in pics of him, and has been 'studying' him since they met. She knew about the cross-dominant thing. I've had 3 or 4 stalkers in the past. 1 woman and 2 or 3 men. A couple of them had done a similar thing with pics of me. The 1st one I found out at a Jewish youth group camping trip. I think I was 14 or 15? He had made a shrine with pics of me, the shoe I lost that day, and candles all around in his cabin room. I accidentally found it along with a friend. Kept blowing kisses at me the rest of the trip, and followed me all the way home. Another one, a roommate at a dorm in college, had made a huge collage of pics of me sleeping and other times without my knowledge. She also wrote a 5-page letter that she gave me when I moved out. Funnily enough, I had to move because of another stalker. That one was much scarier/violent, but he never made collages of me. That I know of, anyway. The anime did bring back those memories. It was creepy enough with what she did/was doing in it. I like Akatsuki even more so now.  

Watched Kuroshitsuji (Black Butler): Book of the Atlantic. It's an anime movie based on the manga's Luxury Liner or Campania arc. Campania was the name of the ship. It was one of the best arcs in the manga. The zombies were introduced, a lot was revealed about Undertaker, and Lizzie has some major character development. A lot of people hated her before that arc. The zombies in it aren't exactly like how most are portrayed. They crave souls, not brains, and you can't be zombified if you're bitten/injured by them. There's a special way to make a zombie that only the fugitive shinigami (lit. death g-d, like the grim reaper) can do. He really was experimenting to try and bring back the dead, not necessarily make zombies. Recently, in the manga, he still hasn't truly perfected the process of making a person come back to life with their soul intact, awareness, memories, same personality, without needing blood transfusions, etc. He's come very close, though. I thought it'd be great to see. It wasn't available for roughly 2 1/2 years. I thought it was pretty well done. A lot of the animation was stunning. Lizzie's fight with the zombies really looked like a ballet, which is like how it was portrayed in the manga. It was oddly beautiful. Sebastian's 1st fight with them was portrayed as a crazy violent demonic dance. They came close. Interesting to see both animated. There's only so much the manga can do. They followed almost everything exactly the way it was in the manga, like the other 'Books'. There's a season on the Circus arc, and another on the Detective arc. I hope they adapt the other story arcs in the future. There have been several since. 

Finished Ultraviolet on Netflix. It's a Polish detective show. Ultraviolet or UV is an online amateur detective forum. They often solve cases much faster than the actual detectives, so there's usually tension between them. The main character, Ola, becomes a member after witnessing a crime. A retired cop and a detective friend help her and UV. The last case was more intense than the others. It'd be cool if another season came out. The characters were very likable. 

Started watching Deadwind, but decided to drop it. It's a Finnish detective show. There's not much humor (even dark humor), everyone looks so depressed, and the acting isn't great. 

Tried out Memories of the Alhambra last night. It's a fantasy Korean drama mostly set in Spain. It sounded really interesting and is highly rated. Dropped it after that first episode, because I couldn't get passed how much of a jerk the male lead was, and weak the female lead was. Seemed sexist. The scenery and game stuff was impressive, though. I brought up what I thought about it in my feed on MyDramaList, and people really seem mixed on it. Some said you should just ignore the female lead. It's supposed to be only about the man. Focus more on the game. Others also hated the sexism and couldn't get passed 1 or 2 episodes. Everyone agreed that there was sexism in it, yet the ones that loved it thought it wasn't a big deal. I wonder if there's a lot of sexism amongst Asian drama fans or they just ignore it? I don't watch that many romance dramas, but it seems like a theme in most of them of that genre around the world. Particularly of non-LGBTQ+ romance shows. I've watched some other types of Korean shows, usually detective ones, that didn't really have that element. In fact, the women were kickass and strong both physically and personality-wise. So, it doesn't seem like just a cultural thing to me. I'll try Possessed next. It's a Korean supernatural detective show. 

Wednesday, we went to the dump and recycled a lot of styrofoam. Got rid of the old computers (Mom's, my parent's, and mine), printers, monitors, and keyboards. There was also a cat bed that neither cat really was into, a rope I got from my horse management class, and some of my really old bedding. Felt a little sentimental about the rope, but it was ragged, pricked me every time I touched it, really old, and there really isn't anything I'd use it for. I think it was one of the ropes I used with the horse assigned to me. He was one of the most abused horses and took a while to break. After that he was glued to me. He wouldn't let anyone else touch him, and was super jealous if I took care of another horse. Was super gentle with me, and if he thought he stepped on me he was beside himself and visibly looked hurt. There were a couple of times like that, but he just would graze my shoe. I hope he found a nice home after the stables were torn down. The new electronics made a lot of styrofoam. It was nice we could find a place to recycle it. 

While we were out around Tacoma, we decided to go to Half Price Books. I found a cookbook called the Joy of Chinese Cooking for about $6. Thought that was really good. It's from the early 80's, so might not be the best. There's a lot of fried dishes. (Like deep-fried, not referring to stir-fried.) I'm not sure if that's really the way authentic Chinese food is. It does indicate things like what's classic, what's festival/party food, what utensils/methods to use, time, and more. That's handy. They don't always list amount of servings, which makes it a little difficult. There's also info on how the Chinese view food, philosophy of it, etiquette, cookware, history of some ingredients, etc. That stuff's always interesting to read about. We went to another HPB, but I didn't find anything else. Last time I went to HPB I found a cheese encyclopedia for around $2. It wasn't thin and was in good shape. That's been interesting. Haven't looked at it often, but it's a wealth of info just sitting there. It features cheeses from around the world, even from places most people don't think about. It'd be cool to try out more cheeses and look them up beforehand. 

Went to Krispy Kreme after all that. Needed something with my 'dinner' pills, since I knew I'd have a late dinner and I need to stick to having my pills at certain times. Have to have food with them. I've only been there once or twice, and it's been a very long time. Got their cake batter donut and chocolate milk. I didn't know they had different fillings besides custard or lemon. This was cake batter flavored frosting. It was surprisingly light and tasty. Hadn't had chocolate milk in an even longer time, so that was an experience, too.

I did manage to mostly stay away from social media last Shabbos. (Friday night until Saturday night. Shabbos is Yiddish for Shabbat, and Shabbat is our day of rest.) It felt nice. Haven't done that in a while, and it felt more like a 'rest' this way. I also got to lighting the candles, saying the blessings, and attended online services for both Friday night and Saturday morning. Did quite a lot more than what I have been doing lately. I used to try to at least do the candles/blessings. Hopefully, I can do the same things as last time this Shabbos. I was kind of disappointed by last Saturday morning online services, because they had technical difficulties and just reuploaded the service from the week before instead. Didn't realize it until about halfway through. Felt a bit off. The night one was nice, though. They seem like a much more diverse congregation than some out there. Probably because they're in NYC. It was still cool to see.