15th of Tevet

It's been a long time since my last post. Probably the longest gap in posts. I hope to get back into it. Although, it won't be the same. Interesting using this computer again. 

My last scans were in October. Everything came back fine. No progression, and if I remember correctly, they didn't even see the lung nodule from before. My next ones (CT and full bone) will be next month. I had to call and make an appointment with the infusion center there in order to get the IV in through ultrasound. It seems to be the only way to get it in. They always have a hard time even with that. I'm nervous that they'll find something this time on my CT scan. Had a nightmare where they said the cancer had spread to my liver and lungs. Also, with the full bone scan, that it had progressed. It hasn't progressed in a while. In the dream I had to switch to a chemo that was through an IV. I had to sit there for about 6 hours until it was done. I had weird side effects, too. 

Had an appointment with my primary care doctor in October. Hadn't seen her in-person in about 2 years. The main focus was on recertifying me for insurances through my parent. I'm on her plan as a dependent. They have paperwork for a doctor to fill out. I was nervous, but around the end of December, I got a letter saying I was approved. So, I still get health, dental, and vision through it. The new plan for coverage started this month. The only downside is now there's a copay for all my meds and things. We had met the deductible or something, so we didn't have a copay for a while. I'll probably meet it up again quickly. It's nice they have a special card that covers medical expenses. Although, it's sometimes weird what it considers as medical. It's handy. 

We also talked about my urine incontinence. I know, gross, but it's something I have to live with at the moment. I'll get the urge, and then not have much time to get to a bathroom. It's embarrassing. She suggested that I get pads. I'm still trying them out. Not sure which absorbency is best. I think it feels more 'normal' to try the pads rather than the underwear. Those would feel more like diapers. Not good. She also said I should try going to the bathroom on a schedule. So, I've been trying to do it either before or after meals. It's a little better that way, but I have to remember. 

I also brought up my painful toes/feet. She said I had toenail fungus on every toe except one. It's bad in both my big toes. She tried to clip my toenails for me. She didn't even want to touch my big toes. The toenails are looking pretty gnarly now. My toes hurt a lot as well as the middle of my feet. So much so, it hurts to walk. Feels like I'm walking on hard pointy rocks. I'm walking even less now because of it. My primary sent a referral to see a podiatrist, and I've already made an appointment. That will be the end of this month. Hopefully, they can help me. 

I've been having issues with recurring uti's. The last one was just a couple of weeks ago. I also had one that was in between that and my primary appointment in October. They seem to be happening more often. I went to Urgent Care, like usual, for it. This time they were a lot more thorough. They were surprised about how dehydrated I was. They put an IV in me, after a few tries, and ran fluids and antibiotics through it. They did a lot of blood tests. One of them being for lactate. They had to get it without a tourniquet. It can indicate sepsis. I was high the first time, so they had to do it again. The second time they had to do it on my chest near my left shoulder. That was weird. No other spot was working, though. That ended up even higher. They wanted to do it again because of that. It was just too much, and it was starting to snow a lot. We had to leave. They let me go with a pill-form of antibiotics, and a promise that I'll talk to my primary about it. I don't think I actually had sepsis. I didn't have a fever for one thing.

I had a phone appointment with my primary after that. She suggested some things to help. I thought there were 2 things that I could easily do. That being cranberry and d-mannose supplements. One is supposed to make it harder for bacteria to stick, and one makes it more acidic. Both said helps with cleaning the area. So I got them both. They're huge pills. I had to split the doses up. They wanted me to take 2 capsules of the cranberry and 4 capsules of the d-mannose. I'm doing 1 cranberry and 2 d-mannose twice a day. The d-mannose pills smell really bad. I didn't know they'd also have calories. It's also interesting that they're both put out by Azo. I didn't know they did other meds. So far so good. I don't think I've had another uti. Maybe this is all I need. Although, I have a lot of pills now. I could make meals out of them.

My meds and pain of walking have made me gain quite a bit of weight. It's frustrating. Recently, I decided to go back to the way I used to eat, and doing sit-ups at least. I think I've lost a little bit in the last couple of weeks because of that. The way I used to eat meaning only having 1200-1600 calories during the week, and pretty much whatever I want during the weekend (and holidays). I try to eat 5 meals a day, and want them roughly even. So, 240-320 calories each. I tend to eat less with snacks, and more with meals like dinner. It's a little difficult. It was a bit eye-opening with some things. Plus, I have to be careful with things like bananas that tend to be calorie-packed. I'm up to 10 sit-ups twice a day. Might keep that up for a while, and then do 15 twice a day. I do them a little after I wake up (after going to the bathroom and having breakfast), and when I get into bed just before trying to sleep. I did around similar times the last time I was into it. It's been a while. I also want to get back into walking, but it hurts so much. Maybe with the podiatrist's help I can do it. I want to start off with small walks, and then work my way up to the 2-mile ones I was doing before. At least 2 of those a day would be great. I might get an Apple Watch soon, and that can help a lot with this health stuff. I want to feel better and healthier. 

We've also been into eating out at restaurants lately. I can still do that with the way I want to eat, and probably would be best to do it during the weekends. I'll most likely have more leftovers, but that's ok. We've tried a lot of new ones. Some have been great, others just ok. It's another thing for me to look forward to. (We've also been going to restaurants we haven't been to in a long time.) Oh, Elmer's isn't around anymore. A Denny's moved in. I'm still not used to it. I miss Elmer's. One of the server's from Elmer's is now with Maynard's, a restaurant we tried not too long ago. It was interesting catching up with him. I was surprised he was there. It was ok there. The last 'new' restaurant, or at least new to us, we went to was a Mongolian BBQ place. It wasn't outstanding or anything. I thought it was good. I had the chicken dumplings, which were apparently pot stickers. I got their honey walnut chicken. That was sweet, savory, and smooth. Had little candied walnuts. 

I'm still using Duolingo. I'm studying Spanish through it. It seems so much easier than I expected when I started. I don't particularly like Duolingo's new layout. I don't even think they're sure of it yet. Things keep changing. I liked the way it was before. I've been keeping up with my streak since I did Yiddish. It's like 640 days now. I only forgot about it on New Year's Eve, and they used one of my freeze streaks to keep it going. First time really using that. I think I have like 3 of them. I think that's the max number you can have at once. I try to do 4 lessons, and usually get 100% on it. It's only when it's questionable or unclear when I get them wrong. I've flagged quite a few sentences during this course, because of that. 

I've gotten back into reading as well. You can see how many I finished recently on the side of the blog. Everything from Shadow of the Lions by Christopher Swann up is what I've read since December of 2021. Close to a year ago. That's 16 books. I thought that was pretty good for someone who hasn't been into reading in a long time. 

I'm trying to get back into anime. I started that back up again only a couple of days ago. Before that, it's been since November 2021. Roughly the same time as my last post on here. I'm so far behind. There are so many interesting looking shows that came out in the meantime. I'm not sure how long I can keep up getting back into watching anime now. As it is I might not watch it today. I managed to watch the 1000th episode of One Piece yesterday, I think. I can't believe it's over 1000 episodes now. It'll probably go on forever. 

I've been a lot more into Netflix shows. I've watched a lot, and it's another thing for me to look forward to. I finished 1899 recently. That was interesting. It felt like they were trying to do more with it than they had. Some of it was predictable, but there were a lot of twists. I'm not sure what they'll do with it if there's a 2nd season. I'm currently watching Devil in Ohio. It's just been ok. It has an actress that I like, and am glad she's in something different. I don't remember her first name, but she played the main actress in Bones. She seems more flexible and 'normal' in this. I don't exactly know where this show is going, but it's interesting at least. I'm looking more forward to Wednesday. I liked the Addams Family. Wednesday, Morticia, and Gomez were my fave characters. One on Wednesday seems right up my alley, then.

We've recently been into getting lottery tickets. We've been getting them usually once a week. It's now up to $1.1 billion. I can't imagine even having half of that amount. I've worked out the annuity for some of them, just for fun. (First year would be just over $8 million.) I think if we did win, I'd get half and go for the annuity option. I'll probably not live very long, but I'd still get a huge chunk of money every year. I could pass it on to someone after I die. I don't know who that would be. There's a lot of things I'd be able to do with that amount of money. I could donate a lot, get rid of my student loan debt, get my own nice and cozy house in Seattle, have even better health insurance, and more. 

I wanted to go to a Hanukkah party this year. They were going to have public lighting at a local mall, and then have a party at their synagogue. I hadn't seen people from that congregation in a long time. Plus, their spiritual leader (not quite a rabbi yet) got in touch with me, and wanted me to meet another ace Jew. He was new to their congregation and was feeling really isolated. The 'rabbi' started an email with both of us and introduced us to each other. I responded, but he never did. Anyways, I had another reason to go. The weather was crazy that week. The day they were supposed to have it, there was a lot of snow and ice on top of the snow. Thick ice. Not something we see in this region often. So dangerous, they were telling people not to go outside on the roads unless it was an emergency. They cancelled the party at the synagogue, and thought the roads would still be ok enough for the public lighting. I don't how the lighting was. I wished they just pushed the party to like the last day of Hanukkah. The snow and ice were practically gone by then. They were going to have latkes, donuts, singing, and bags of goodies. I don't know what the bags of goodies would have had, but I'm sure it would have been fun. We didn't have latkes this year. Didn't even have donuts for that matter. I didn't feel very well, and only lit the candles for a few nights off and on. I know it's not a big holiday, but it didn't feel like the usual year for it. I did have some fried things at least. 

It was just my parent and I for our New Year Eve celebration. We used to go to a couple's (friends of the family) place for it. Along with other holiday dinners throughout the year. Ever since Covid hit, they stopped having those dinners. It's felt weird with just us. At least with NYE, we can have whatever snacks we want for it. I got Ruffles chips with French onion dip, pickled herring with Breton crackers, and chocolate covered cherries. I think those are pretty good for NYE. Oh, and of course we got sparkling apple cider. That's like my champagne. I can't have alcohol. At least it's something bubbly. We watched the fireworks at the Space Needle on TV. Before that, it was NYE shows from around the world/country. The fireworks didn't seem that impressive this time. The drones were interesting, but also distracting. 

3rd Day of Sukkot

I can't believe it's already Sukkot. Sukkot (singular: sukkah) lit. means booths, and are temporary walled structures that we build and 'dwell' in during the holiday. It's a harvest festival that lasts for 8 days. It's supposed to be one of the most joyful holidays. People eat and sometimes sleep in their sukkah. We used to put up our own. It just ended up being too much of a hassle to put up. Really needed more than 2 people to put it together, and we stopped asking people to help us at some point. The wood, I think, ended up rotting and couldn't be used anymore. It was nice when we had it up, though. Like what's custom to do, we had guests or ushpizin over for dinner in it for the first few nights. They were usually our neighbors and were not Jewish. That was fun, and they seemed to enjoy it, too. Now, with covid, it probably wouldn't be wise to do that. We usually ate almost every meal in the sukkah. It was interesting eating outside like that. 

This is my wallpaper for October. It's Overhaul or Kai Chisaki from Boku no (My) Hero Academia. He was the main villain of the anime's 4th season. He was also the boss of a yakuza group, not related to the League of Villains. I think he was one of the best villains of the series so far. He wanted the world to go back to the way it was before Quirks or powers. He was cruel to the yakuza's boss' granddaughter, Eri. Using her blood in special bullets that takes away the victim's Quirk. It doesn't necessarily kill the person, but if they're a pro hero, they'll feel like their livelihood was snatched away. I think there were bullets that also enhanced Quirks, and he used them on his own underlings. The problem with that was sometimes it enhanced them too much, and the power was too great for them to handle. So, they'd go crazy. Thought this seemed somewhat Halloween-like. There's another season coming up, but it won't be until Spring of 2021. Kind of a while. It'd be great to see what happens next. 

The month-long holidays for October are: National Apple Month, National Caramel Month, National Cheese Month, National Chili Month, National Cookie Month, National Pasta Month, National Pretzel Month, National Seafood Month, American Pharmacists Month, Bat Appreciation Month, Breast Cancer Awareness Month, Corn Month, LGBTQ+ History Month, German-American Heritage Month, National Cookbook Month, Pizza Month, Polish-American Heritage Month, Sausage Month, Spinach Lovers Month, Talk About Medicines Month. Some are for important causes, some are to make you appreciate things you may take for granted, and some are just for fun. There are a lot this month. I don't think pharmacists get enough credit. Without them and the meds they make, I wouldn't be able to function. They should be celebrated for the hard work they do. I'm part German, and not that long ago found out I'm part Polish, too. It's good to recognize the history of the LGBTQ+ community. 

Like I mentioned, it is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Metastatic or stage 4 breast cancer, which is what I have, doesn't get much in the way of awareness or funding for research. Most of the focus is on the early stages. The ones you can 'beat'. There's no cure for stage 4. The scary thing about that is people are more likely to have it come back as stage 4 after they're 'cured'. They have that forever looming over them. I added an awareness ribbon to my facebook frame for the month. The ribbon is green for spring and the triumph of life over death, pink for the cancer originating in the breast(s), and teal for healing and spirituality. People aren't expected to live very long after being diagnosed with stage 4. About 27% are alive 5 years after diagnosis. 11% after 10 years. I hope I can live much longer than that. (And, that the quality of my life is good.) The stats are old, things have advanced since then, it all depends on what type of breast cancer, etc. Many factors. I'm lucky mine's not triple negative. That one has the worst life expectancy. Mine's er+, pr+, and her2-. Another way of saying it is positive for both hormones and negative for her2. Mine tends to be mixed with how long people tend to live with it. I also don't know much about other people who have it as infiltrating ductal carcinoma or IDC. It's one of the most common types, though. There's a lot to it. 

It's been a while. I think it's the first time I actually didn't post during a month. I might try to get back to doing this on a regular basis. In order to help with getting back into things, I decided to make a schedule. Not with my Google calendar, but in my Notes on my iPhone. That way the times can be easily flexible, and I can put something else in the time 'slot' if I wanted to. It worked pretty well yesterday and, so far, today. It's kind of fun to check off things again on there, too. 

Had a shower today. A couple of weeks ago, there was an issue with it. I was supposed to get one on that Monday. Sometimes, if my home aide forgets or something, I have one on Tuesday. That would have been fine. However, no one showed up for either days. Wednesday afternoon, my palliative care nurse, Brian, called. I told him about the showers, and he seemed upset about it and called Home Health. He was able to get me an appointment for that Friday with someone I didn't really know. Luckily, my usual home aide, Savannah, came that day instead. (Normally the 2nd day is on a Thursday.) Apparently, she was sick most of that week, and assumed they would find someone to see me while she was out. She said that's the usual procedure. Nobody followed up on it, though. This is one of the only things that I've had issues with, which is that unpredictability. I wish it was more set. Even the times during our usual days change. She tries to keep it around 11am most of the time, but sometimes it's much earlier or later. I'm glad I at least get them most weeks. I kind of wish that I could have one more day than the 2 I get, but it's not bad. 

I'm taking 2 chemo meds now, Ibrance and Arimidex. I've been getting more side effects lately. I thought I wouldn't get this one, but I'm loosing my hair. It seemed to take a while. Maybe for me to notice it. It's coming out in clumps. I've decided to have most of it shaved off. It'll be a drastic change, but that way I can be more in control of it. The earliest appointment my hairstylist had was for the 28th. I wanted it sooner. Not sure what my hair will be like by then. I'll tell her about the cancer stuff, too. It might shock her, but hopefully she'll understand why I'd want it shaved. I don't want to be completely bald, just have a little there. I plan to wear knit hats instead of wigs or scarves like so many other cancer patients do. They'll keep my head warm this way. I ordered 7 of them on Amazon. I have 4 of them so far. They all fit pretty well, even with my long hair. I might wear them on a regular basis, if it gets to be too much with the hair loss. The other major side effect I've had has been fatigue. I just feel so wiped out most of the time. 

We had a plumber look at both toilets, since mine and the one downstairs were acting up. There's only one other toilet in the house. That being my parent's. It felt weird having to use it. I don't know what I would have done if I needed to use it in the middle of the night. I wouldn't want to wake her. Supposedly, they are both fixed. However, the plumber said the one downstairs is old and will need to be replaced with a new one soon. It's always had issues, so makes sense it needs to be replaced. He said he could install the new one for us. I'm glad I can use mine again, but I don't trust that downstairs one. This means I'm still going up the stairs to go to the bathroom. That's dangerous for me. They (the palliative care team) want me to stay downstairs most of the time. There's less of a risk of me falling and easily breaking bones that way. I still need to go up them for things like showers and getting dressed. My computer's up there, too. 

Managed to get an hour of reading in today. I'm trying to go through those 6 books I got from My Thrill List. I'm reading a different one every day, so I don't feel stuck on one. Today I read A Noise Downstairs by Linwood Barclay. Got through a good chunk of it. I think it's one of the better of the 6. It'll be interesting to see how it plays out. 

Haven't studied Welsh through Duolingo in a long time. Finally got back to it. Surprised I managed to remember as much as I have. It was enough to open another unit or checkpoint. Hopefully, I can keep it up this time. 

Got back into looking for quotes from Alliance. I haven't done anything related to writing/my books in a very long time. In fact, the last time I searched for quotes from it was back in February. I hope I can keep this up. I was almost done with looking through it. I just need to finish looking through what little is left, then move on to Alliance: Dawn. Hopefully, I can go through all the books I'll look for quotes in quickly, and then move on to other things. For instance, making an author card, drawing things relating to some of the books, making trailers, deciding on which recipes to show in the trailers, etc. Fun stuff. 

6th of Elul

 I thought I'd be posting here more often than I have. Kind of sad. I have been posting what's been happening medically on Facebook. People seem to like that. Maybe I'll get back to posting here on a regular basis soon. 

I can't believe it's almost Rosh Hashanah (lit. Head of the Year) or our New Year. It's also the start of the High Holy Days. That lasts for 10 days and ends with Yom Kippur (or Day of Atonement). Rosh Hashanah is at the beginning of the next Jewish month of Tishri. During Elul, it's a time of introspection and asking for forgiveness. There are some traditions people do during it. For instance, we blow the shofar each morning during the month. It's like waking our souls up to be prepared for the High Holy Days. I finally did that yesterday morning. I had been meaning to when the month started. I'm surprised I managed to get a sound out. I also get nervous doing it when someone else is home, and especially if they have work meetings on zoom like my parent did at the same time. Hopefully, I didn't disrupt it too much. Although, she didn't say anything. 

Had the radical hysterectomy on July 24th. I wasn't expecting it to be so soon after seeing the surgeon. They took out pretty much everything in there. It was done by a robot. Only did 4 small incisions. Biggest one was in my belly button. I actually can't see that one. It was for both the light and camera. If I look in the mirror, I can see 3 of them. I think they have dissolvable stitches. Parts of them are dropping off, so I'm assuming that's normal. No one's said anything about taking them out. 

I did stay the night at the hospital. It wasn't really connected to the hospital, but apart of the surgical building. The room looked like a cramped storage closet, and I wasn't too happy about it. As they wheeled me into it, I had horrible leg cramps. In order to keep those to a minimum, I tried to have the bed turn into a chair as much as possible. I think that helped. The nurse was nice, but a little too talkative. The food wasn't great. I know some people have told me that anesthesia can affect the taste of things, but I could tell and I don't think it was reacting in that way. The TV was on almost the entire time, and it seemed like an ambiance channel. At night, it was going through space, and during the day it showed things like waterfalls, horses, rocks, mountains, etc. Nice to look at occasionally. 

I also had issues with it being a Catholic hospital. Almost all the hospitals near me are Catholic, which scares me. I don't really have a choice in it. I'd prefer one not affiliated with any religion, but especially not with that one. They can turn away LGBTQ+ people, for one thing. Prayers over the intercom every so often is isolating (not sure if that's the right word...) and unwelcoming. There are a lot of other reasons why it's scary to me. Even with me just being Jewish. 

They kept me up most of the night. They wanted me up and walking almost immediately. I didn't know they'd put a catheter in. It was my first time having one. The nurse said it wouldn't hurt when she was about to take it out. It did hurt. It also hurt to go to the bathroom for a little while after that. I didn't like that none of the people that did the surgery told me anything afterwards. One of them was going to early the next morning, but I finally was asleep and he didn't want to wake me. I would have been more than fine to be woken up for that. More so than the blood draws they kept doing. They told my parent at least, but I like hearing it from the actual people, too. I was discharged from the hospital earlier than expected. The morning after. I don't think it was the best time. 

I had a follow-up appointment with the surgeon's nurse a couple of weeks later. She told me more in-depth stuff. They didn't see any lesions or signs of the cancer in what they took out. I still don't know if the cancer they found in the vulvar biopsy is related to the skin, vulva specifically, or reproductive tract. I might ask my gynecologist that soon. Good to know it hadn't affected further up my reproductive tract. They were worried they'd find lesions that would make it difficult to basically scoop that stuff out. That they'd be fused to certain parts. Since it wasn't, it made it more simple. Still, it was a 3-hour surgery. 

I had really horrible constipation and swelling in my feet and ankles after. I thought I'd never clear the constipation, and what finally did help was a suppository. I'm not used to them, and was reluctant to try it. Still have issues with it, but it's much better. I'm now taking 3 stool softener pills 3 times a day (up from 2 pills 3 times a day), which again has helped. 

The swelling seemed even scarier. My feet were huge. Couldn't even fit into my slippers. Socks wouldn't fit either. So, I ended up feeling really cold, and that made the pain worse. It was like a sunburn type of pain. They were so swollen, they changed shape. Looked like I bound my feet, huge arches, toes sticking straight out, almost transparent on top, birthmarks moved and stretched, etc. It was bad. Could barely walk or stand up. Eventually, I tried a diuretic. It worked well, but slowly. Now my feet look pretty much back to normal, but my left ankle is still pretty swollen. Right ankle isn't as bad, but still has some. I can fit into my socks and shoes now. Yay! So much better. The nurse I talked to said it's normal to have constipation and swelling after surgery like that. They pump you full of fluids during the procedure, and that can get stuck in your system. Also, they worked near the lymphatic system. They didn't touch it, but it still can get irritated and cause swelling. That kind of swelling has to convert itself from lymphatic fluid to water and blood, which takes a while. Thus, probably why my ankles are taking so long to get back to normal. This makes me nervous for future surgeries. We'll be more prepared, though. I might have top surgery next. I would have thought they'd want to do that first, because the cancer started there. Maybe this was easier to do. 

I decided to join 3 metastatic breast cancer Facebook groups. I was reluctant to for a while. I wanted ones that were specifically for mbc, not just the bc. There's kind of a rift and different attitudes between them. One of the groups is a 45 years old and under group. Only saw one that was like that. So many groups have people that are much older. It can be harder to relate. I already get the 'you're too young to have that' thing. I can't help it. Not that I wanted this. It's a different perspective with my age group. I was surprised by the responses from all 3 groups with my intro post. I'm still getting reactions and comments from the biggest one. That has over 100 reactions. First time I've had that many on a post. Also, made 3 fb friends through those groups. All of them live near me. Yay! Maybe I can meet them someday. 

I was a bit reluctant to join these groups mainly because I thought it'd be too depressing or something. I've liked seeing how some people have lived with it for many years, though. Some have had it for 20 years, and that gives a little hope that maybe I can live for a while with this. The statistics aren't great for how long people can live with it. 27% are likely to live 5 years after diagnosis. 11% after 10 years. With that, it's a bit disconcerting. I want to live for as long as I can. Certainly longer than 10 years from now. Again, that's why it's been nice to see so many people mention in these groups that they've lived much longer than 10 years with it. They also say those stats are old. Medicine has really advanced since then, so the stats might be better now. The other side is you have to be continuously going through some occasionally tough treatment in order to survive. It's difficult. Everyone's case is different, too. Not all of us have the same type of breast cancer, same areas where it's spread, if it's hormone based, etc. Lots of factors come into play. I like that it's being treated more like a chronic illness. It's a little easier to deal with that way. 

Tomorrow, I have my eye exam. Haven't had one in around 2 years. My current prescription for contacts certainly isn't the right one. Things don't show up totally clear. Lines blur into each other sometimes. This will be the first time I went to Costco for the exam itself. We normally would go to Sears Optical, but they're not there anymore. Hopefully, they're good there. I'm actually covered as a dependent for vision this time. Haven't been covered for that for over a decade. That should be good. I can order the new prescription while I'm there, too. I've read that cancer can affect the eyes, so hopefully mine hasn't been messed with too much. Hopefully, they'll have samples of the new prescription I can use while I wait for the ones I order. 

I might also have a blood draw after that. My oncology pharmacist wants to run some labs after every 2nd week of a cycle of Ibrance. They have to make sure things are ok before agreeing to the next cycle of it. I'm supposed to take it for 3 weeks, then go off of it for a week. Then, start it over. I have to have a phone appointment either with her or the specialty pharmacy before every cycle of it. It'll be interesting to see how things are. 

My oncologist is still reluctant to start me on zometa. Zometa is a bone-strengthening infusion. I've read that you go to an infusion clinic every couple of months, and sit there with it going through an IV for 15 minutes. Pretty quick. My oncologist is worried I'll catch covid while I'm there. So, I'm being denied it because of the virus. I really need something like that. 

He also wants me to get a full bone scan. That way we can compare it to the one back in April. I hope it's improved since then. Not sure what will happen if it's worse. 

He wants me to switch to arimidex instead of tamoxifen soon. I decided to switch when I run out of the tamoxifen. I have the arimidex already, but I think it can wait. Both are kind of like supplements to Ibrance. They work with hormones, so they're good for people who are hormone positive. I'm positive for all 3 hormones. Arimidex is usually suggested after people have had hysterectomies or are going through menopause. It's supposed to be stronger, too. I'm nervous about that. I've got maybe another week or 2 before I finish the tamoxifen. 

I decided to cancel the My Thrill Club monthly subscription box. It's the one where they give you 2 hard cover books that are in the horror, mystery, and/or thriller genres each month. I got the surprise me one. They give you a mix with that one. I love those genres. Anyways, the books are super thick. I thought I could challenge myself with reading both books within each month, and starting again with the next batch. Since my contacts aren't great right now, it's hard to read for a certain amount of time. I couldn't keep up. I already have 4 books from them, and only have read about 1/4 of one of them. They've already shipped another 2, so I'll have 6 soon. Too much. Fallen too far behind to start up my challenge again. Even if I get a much better prescription soon. At least, I'll be able to read more. I think with 6 of them, I could rotate them each day. I was going to slog through one book at a time, but it might be more interesting to switch it up like that. Each day would be a different book. I want to read all 4 so far, because they sound really interesting. The Gold Rush fantasy type one looks almost as thick as a dictionary, though...That'll probably take a while. I didn't particularly care for the sex scene in the one I've been reading, but the rest of it is interesting. I want to know what actually happened to that missing friend of the main character. There's also a Sherlock Holmes book by Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. That should be fun. The last one seems like a horror one about a possessed typewriter, I think. Intriguing stuff. I don't know what the next 2 will be yet. I could start it up again after I read all 6 books. That'll take me a while, though. I want it to take me some time. Good way to preoccupy myself. 

I found another monthly subscription thing to replace it for now. It's called Arts in Letters. You get letters from famous artists, scientists, musicians, etc. in the past. They're real letters in their handwriting. They come with info on the person and what was going on at the time and around them. Very interesting and fun sounding. I can read letters and the info quickly, so I thought that would be best to replace it. You get a letter a week, which seems more fun than one thing once a month. There's another one that interested me that I could try in the future called Matter. With that one, it's an adult science-based thing. You get artifacts like animal bones and they go in depth with info on everything. I like that sort of thing. Maybe if I get tired of the letters or Try Treats. 

This month's Try Treats is on Ireland. I feel like they cheapened this one. I get the premium version, which is supposed to have 10 or more snacks. Ended up with around 7 of them. The standard is 5 or more. Plus, 2 of them are Japanese. They were actually stuffed on top of the tissue paper that held the Irish stuff inside. Weird. Maybe they don't think there are many good Irish snacks? Sad. The recipe this time was Irish coddle. Sounded good, and I can turn it 'kosher', so I can eat it if I wanted to. I can look for beef or turkey sausage, and same with the bacon. I tried the 2 potato chips. They were the same flavor (cheese and onion), just different brands. Tasted pretty much the same. I prefer kettle chips, but they were better than our regular chips. They seemed denser and slightly thicker. Mostly tasted the onion for both. There's a candy bar by Cadbury. I've had Cadbury chocolates before and liked them, so it's probably good, too. There's a huge thing of custard sandwich cookies. Those look interesting. There's a bag called twiglets. Don't know much about those. Both Japanese things are sweet and sour candies. One sounds like pop rocks, the other almost like long flat taffy. Both are cola flavored. I like sweet and sour things, so they might be really good. 

The downstairs' toilet is off limits again. After my parent did an enzyme thing with it, it was fine for a while. That toilet has always had issues. It overflows super easily. At some point, we really need to have a plumber look at it. In the meantime, I'm stuck with going up and down the stairs to use my bathroom toilet. That's a falling hazard. Not good when you feel like your bones are made of glass. I can easily break them. My toilet upstairs is great, and works well, but the stairs make it dangerous. I still do all my other bathroom stuff (brush my teeth, take out and put in contacts, etc.) downstairs. I almost feel like I'm camping down there. I still sleep on the hospital bed in the living room, instead of my room upstairs. I might not ever be able to sleep in my actual room again.  

3rd of Tammuz

Wanted to update this more than once a month...I'm getting better overall health-wise, so this might change. The last couple of weeks have been pretty busy. I had an orthopedist appointment. He said my arm is really healing well. I can try using it for as many as things as I can, carefully. I've been doing that without thinking at times. He said, since I haven't started physical therapy yet, it's stiffer than it normally would be. He recommended I do a stretch that will help with more flexibility and moving it up higher. It's already gotten better with that. I'm getting more feeling around the incision area, which is both good and weird. He wants me to focus more on my cancer treatment than on my arm. I told him that I plan to have a physical therapist work with me after I have the hysterectomy. Thought it'd be a good way to recover from that, too. He agreed. 

I had a 'procedure' where I was put under anesthesia to get my IUD out, pap smear, check my uterus, and get a lupron shot. I wasn't told not to eat, so I had a tiny breakfast at around 8:30am. Check-in was 12:30pm. They told me I couldn't do it until 3pm, because of the food. If they had to do this, I would have thought 1pm at the latest. 3pm rolls around, and they try to get the IV in. Took until 4pm. (Only way they got it in was with an ultrasound.) They decided to put 2 people in my slot, and it ended up being around 6pm when they finally took me back to it. It was absurd! A whole day just sitting there. I couldn't even access my phone. They saw a suspicious area and took a biopsy along with everything else. I was really sore and angry by the time we got home, which was 9pm. At least, I had a nice gyro with fries at It's Greek to Me right before heading home. (Besides that small breakfast, I didn't have much else that day.) Still...didn't make up for it.

Had an esophagram the next day. I was expecting the day to go haywire like the one before, but everything went pretty smoothly. It was about a 30 minute exam. The only issue I had was being called a lady so often when I was first taken to their locker room area. I didn't tell them I was agender, since I didn't want to go through a big thing of it. Simply wanted to get it over with. They gave me something that had a similar reaction as pop rocks in order to expand my digestive tract with gas to observe it better. They told me to be careful with not burping it all out. That was difficult. This was a more detailed type of exam than the swallow one I had a year ago. This time there wasn't a food aspect. There was a very thick version of barium they had me drink standing up. Then, a thin one laying down on my belly on the table. They watched the reactions through a fluoroscope, which is like something that takes x-rays so quickly, it turns it into a movie. They can watch in real-time this way. Similar to the other exam, but this is more detailed in its view. They tried moving me around to get 'evidence' of the LPR or silent GERD. It was interesting. They didn't tell me what they saw afterwards this time. 

The next day or 2, I started to feel sick. Thinking I was still sore from what my gynecologist did to me, I ignored it for a little while. By the night of June 15th, I was starting to get a really scary symptom. I would suddenly get cold, then my body would shiver violently for like 20 minutes at a time. So violently, my back and neck kept tensing up badly, causing a lot of pain. The following night was the last straw, with having longer waves at a time of that symptom. I went to Urgent Care that Wednesday morning. My nurse navigator had told me that it sounded like an infection and that I was going through shock with the shivering. They ran some tests, hooked me up to an IV (took a while to get) with antibiotics and fluids, and monitored me. I even had that shivering happen while I was being given the antibiotics. They couldn't do much for that. At one point, the doctor prescribed a little dilauded. She said sometimes that can calm patients down, even if it's not pain related. Sure enough, it did help with the shivering. It eventually stopped. Never came back after that. Thank goodness. It was an awful feeling that I couldn't control. They prescribed a huge amount of cefdinir, and sent me on my way. Oh, they also found out that I had a fractured vertebrae, a fracture in one of my left ribs, and another old fracture (I was told about it a few months ago) in one of my right ribs. A vertebrae fracture can be a bit difficult to heal from. The doctor prescribed a special back brace for it. At least, it will have support whenever I move around.

The next day, I was told to go back to Urgent Care for another antibiotic infusion. They were worried because one of the tests indicated that the bacteria was in my blood. I never got this test result myself. I did get one for my lactic acid. That was normal. If it were high, I'd be septic or in shock. We didn't know what type of culture the bacteria was at the time. So, I'd be blasted with more antibiotics that may or may not be what I needed. I know what it's like to have too much of that in my system. It can actually kill people. I was already still taking the antibiotics I was given, and improving quickly. So, I refused to go back. I also didn't want to sit there for hours on end again. My nurse navigator tried to convince me for an hour to go. She didn't seem to be listening to a word I was saying. Normally, she's very understanding. She kept saying things like: "You're breaking my heart!" "You are so young!" "You could die!" It was really over-the-top. Put me in a not so great mindset. I almost thought of trying to get a new nurse navigator after that, but I wouldn't know where to begin, or how many are even available. I'm just putting it to her caring a little too much, she's been great with everything else, and she acted totally different the next time I talked to her. 

The culture turned out to be E. Coli, which is common. Turns out the antibiotics I was prescribed are like 8 times more potent against that than something like keflex. I was already on the right type of antibiotic. No wonder I've been getting better so quickly. I stopped having any symptoms of the uti after a few days of being on it. Pretty good. I still have to finish all of the antibiotic. They gave me 10 days worth. (It'll end on Saturday, I think.) The only problem with this is I can't take my chemo, Ibrance, until I finish it. Without the chemo, some of my bone pain has come back on top of the newer pain of the fractured vertebrae. Wahoo! It turns out I can't do the urine test until it's been a week after I finish the antibiotic, and once I get the culture back from that I can get back to my chemo. So, a week later than expected. I've increased my morphine to 3 pills a day starting today, instead of 2. They already prescribed it as 2 or 3 pills, but I wanted to be conservative with it. This way it can be flexible, too. Once I'm back on the chemo and feeling better, I might go back down to 2. I was feeling so much better until this uti happened. I highly suspect that what they did to me during the 'procedure' caused that uti. Another thing to be angry about that day. Not much I can do about it. 

Found out through that biopsy that the breast cancer has spread to that area, too. So, it's not only in my bones, but possibly skin and/or areas of my reproductive tract. I'm a little more worried about that. Depending on how deep the cancer is in that area, my hysterectomy is going to be more drastic, or I think they call it radical, than what it would have been if there weren't any signs of it. It means a more invasive, tougher, and longer surgery. Longer hospital stay, too. The 'look' will be even more brutal right after. We still don't know when surgery will be. It'll be done by someone else, thank goodness. This will be an oncology gynecologist. Sounds like they'll know even more of what they're doing. My current gynecologist doesn't specialize in oncology and is new to working cases. She at least knows this is out of her league, and is trying to help me. That other oncologist hasn't responded to her yet about surgery, even though she's been trying to for a couple of weeks now. We'll see how that goes. It's even more up in the air with timing now that I had to stop Ibrance for a while. I have to have that timed with the surgery a certain way.  

Apparently, in one of the x-rays they ran at Urgent Care, they also found out that I had a little of the barium from the esophagram exam still in my colon. This was 5 days after the exam. It's not normal for it to still be in someone's system that long. It normally leaves pretty quickly. It's not like I was stopped up or anything either. The initial interpretation did come back, too. The only thing they could see was esophageal dysmotility. Basically, my esophagus wasn't moving the way it should. That explains the dysphagia. There were no signs of the acid indicating LPR or the silent GERD. To me, that adds another mystery to it. If it's not that, then what's happening? There must be a reason behind it not moving right, too. 

I did have a phone appointment with the ENT doc about this today. It was one of the shortest phone appointments I've had. He said just because there was no sign of acid or the LPR, it doesn't mean I don't have it. The x-ray isn't sensitive enough, according to him. He said I should give omeprazole a shot again. The only problem I have with it is I have to take it at least 30 minutes before I eat. He wants me to have it twice a day, too. In the past, I just had it once a day, and tried to take it before my bathroom stuff in the morning. Even then, I sometimes had to wait a little bit before even making my breakfast. Maybe I shouldn't care much, and just take it before making 2 of my meals. At least there would be some time between taking it and eating. He wants me to follow-up occasionally with my primary doc about the dysphagia. He also said it'd be best if I was working with a gastroenterologist for this, especially because of the colitis. I can have a speech therapist help me with the dysphagia through the palliative home care program. My nurse in it suggested that, too. That way they can monitor, give me tips, suggest exercises, etc. for the dysphagia and it will be from the comfort of home.

I did finally see the palliative home care physical therapist a couple of days ago. It was an in-person home appointment, which I haven't had many of. That was a longer appointment than expected. My palliative care nurse thought she'd order the brace for my fractured vertebrae and do a fitting while she was there. She didn't. She didn't even have the prescription. Seemed a bit suspicious that way. She did show me pics of it, how I'd probably need to put it on, and general info on it. It seems like it's going to limit quite a bit of my movement. I most likely will need help getting in and out of it every time. Although, she did suggest asking the place I get it from if there might be something easier. Something I could get into on my own. I really don't want another thing to have to rely on someone else to do. She said I should put the brace on every time I think I'll be active. I think I'll want to be most of the time...She told me to try not to do too much of the BLTs: bending, lifting, and twisting. Especially when it comes to my spine. I can easily break more vertebrae this way. It's hard to remember that. Last night I dropped a few pills on the floor, and proceeded to immediately bend over low to get them. I heard massive cracking sounds down my spine. Not good. She also wants me to be careful with getting in and out of bed. It's hard to not move your spine much with that. I try to normally, but I still end up needing to sit up and twist over to get out of the hospital bed. She agreed that I'd start physical therapy after the hysterectomy, and thought it was a smart way to go about it. She checked to see my leg strength, and was surprised that that's still pretty good. She looked at how I walked without the cane. I'm a little wonky/slightly unstable. She said the cane was another great idea for me, and liked that it was mainly to stabilize me. Make sure I don't experience another fall. 

I had another in-person home appointment yesterday with my palliative care nurse. As my nurse, he has to recertify me every 6 weeks. He can only do that with actually seeing me face-to-face. Interesting to have a similar appointment so close to the other. He agreed with the idea of me taking 3 pills of the morphine instead of 2, and that it makes it easy. Shouldn't be a problem. My cane is splitting down the foam handle. Makes it a bit more difficult to use comfortably, so I asked him about them replacing it. He said the best thing for that would be to order it on Amazon. There's a wider variety of models, and I can get something I'd actually like. I suppose it would be better. I just thought they could give me another one. We ended up talking a lot about music in general and music theory. He said he never got the chance to talk to someone like a musician that has some knowledge on it. That was interesting and somewhat fun to geek out with him. 

After that, my parent and I went to Elmer's for dinner. It had reopened a couple of days beforehand. It was the first time since March that we've been to a sit-down restaurant like that. Like many people. However, I might not have been able to go until now anyways even without the pandemic. It was interesting. There weren't very many customers at the time, which is understandable. I got one of my faves: their roasted turkey dinner. (I got the lighter serving.) It comes with soup or salad. I love their salad, but raw vegetables still cause issues for my gut. So, I got their new pot roast tomato soup. It was great, except for the corn. Luckily, not much of it, but it's also a trigger food. Huge pieces of potatoes and beef, which made it better. That came with garlic bread. The turkey dinner also has turkey gravy, mashed potatoes, stuffing, seasonal vegetables, and cranberry sauce. The seasonal vegetables for a while (before March) were a medley with squash, and I had to choose something else to replace it. Now it's carrots and broccoli. Perfect, and nicely cooked with a little bit of butter. Next time, I'll try their brunch stuff again. They're more known for that. It was nice to eat someplace different for once. 

I got a pill organizer yesterday. Ordered it from Amazon, and it came much faster than expected. It has 5 compartments to every day of the week. I take them 5 times a day, so that's super handy. They come in a nice looking carrying case. When closed up it's like a fancy thick looking planner. Might be nice if I travel with it. The compartments are huge, and plenty big enough for everything. Figured out I take roughly 15 different meds. Some repeat during the day. It was starting to get harder to keep track of. I did use the Notes app on my phone, but seemed like a hassle each time. This way I only have to figure it out once each week. Might be easier to figure out how long I have until I run out of them, too. I've already figured it out for the next week. It's been interesting and less time-consuming to not have to figure it out each time today. Definitely will make life easier. 

I got the Try Treats monthly subscription box finally about midway through the month. This first one was on Turkey. It had about 10 snacks. I got the premium version, which is supposed to have more than 8. Wish more of them were big enough to share. Basically the only ones that were was the assorted cookie one and milk chocolate squares. The cookies were like those Danish butter cookies we sometimes get, only more intense and smaller. The chocolate was ok. I think I liked the Halley biscuit, Albeni, and Dido wafer the most. The pizza sticks were probably my least fave, but were ok. They were interesting with the added mint flavor. It also came with a postcard of a big city, info card, and a recipe for baklava. It was kind of fun. Should be interesting to see what the next country will be. Hopefully, I can still have most of them. 

I'm still waiting for the Thrill Club one. They'll send me 2 hardcover books and an ebook that are in the mystery, horror, or thriller genres each month. I decided to get the 'surprise me' option, hence not a specific one. I don't know if there's a certain theme to them each month. It sounds fun, and a nice challenge for me to read all of them within the month. It's kind of like my own little book club. Maybe my parent will be interested in it, too. Not sure how the ebook part will go. Maybe they send a link or something. They also have been featured through Oprah's magazine, so that might be a good sign. I might finally get it by tomorrow. 

I managed to play my clarinet recently. Thought I wouldn't get much out other than a couple of notes. Mainly because I can't circular breathe, and breathing in general has been different. It wasn't the best, but I could recognize the tunes. I played klezmer. Klezmer seems to come the easiest to me. Plus, there's some improv/solo stuff I can take advantage of with it. I hadn't played in roughly a year. Felt nice and soulful. Hopefully, I can get back to it on a regular basis soon.

Got half of one of my walks in recently, too. Probably was too long of one, considering I was starting to get the uti at the time. Despite that, it was really nice to get out there, hear the birds, greet neighbors, see the cats, see the mountains, look at the flowers, and more. I didn't particularly like that a neighbor cheered me on from her car as I crossed the street. Yelling you go, girl over and over. I'm not a girl, and all I was doing was walking. Not something like a marathon. If I was struggling, it still seemed like she was either rushing me, or really weird. I still felt good after getting out there. 

Youtube (It's been a while, and I haven't really been watching much lately, but why not share what I haven't yet on here):

Dr. Stone:

Kimetsu no Yaiba (Demon Slayer):


Zombieland Saga:


Jibaku Shounen Hanako-kun (Toilet-Bound Hanako-kun):


One Piece:


Boku no (My) Hero Academia:

4th of Sivan

It's been a while. However, I have a feeling I'll be able to blog more often now. My arm is doing a lot better. Haven't really used my computer since the last time I posted here. I can type normally now. It feels a little weird, but nice. I was thinking of vlogging, and I may still do that. Put out my first vlog about 2 weeks ago. Looked a bit awful because I could only get into my pj's at the time, facial hair was really coming in, and couldn't fix my hair very well. I, at least, had a shower beforehand. It showed how the cancer and broken shoulder thing has affected me, too. 

Yesterday marked the 11th week since I fell in the shower. Tomorrow marks the 10th week since I had surgery to put pins and screws in my right shoulder. I'm surprised at what I'm able to do lately with it. They say the humerus bone, especially with almost a clean break at the head where it meets up with the shoulder, takes one of the longest times for a bone to heal. Since it's one the major bones. I'm not getting much pain from it lately, thank goodness. I've been able to get dressed in my regular clothes since last week, did most of my own laundry on Monday (a little difficult still), trying to eat more with my right hand, able to hold slightly heavier things with it, and more. My orthopedist told me to go slow with things, so I'm trying not to overdo it. It's hard at times, since I want to get back to how things were already. I'll see my orthopedist during the 2nd week of June.

I decided to go back to going to places like the markets lately. Haven't since I fell, and things have changed a lot. Understandably. Since I'm trying to go out to more things and walking more, I started using my cane recently. It does help quite a bit. I just need to practice it more often. I have almost a fear that someone will go up to me and say I'm faking it, but no one has. They just seem pushy, yet wait for me and give me some space. I feel like I have to have it as close to my side as possible, so I don't trip anyone. I end up tripping myself instead sometimes. I really shouldn't care much about this stuff, but it might take time to get over. I forgot to take my cane yesterday to both markets, and I'm feeling it today. For some reason, my right hip is painful when I don't use it. The cane is more for support than anything. My left shoulder pops and cracks a lot, which makes it weird when I use the cane, too. I have to use my left with it. I also have to remember to switch hands when I pick up something. I shouldn't be using my right a lot still. 

I might have my hysterectomy soon. Both the ovaries and uterus. The only reason they postponed it, was because they thought I wasn't healthy/strong enough. I haven't had those attacks in a while. I've also felt much stronger, in less pain, able to do more, etc. I think I'm in the best shape for it right now. The scheduler for their surgeries called yesterday. Told me to call her back even though it'll go straight to voicemail. I left a message. Haven't heard from her since. My oncologist agrees that now might be the best time. Although, we have to time it to me being off of the Ibrance for 2 weeks beforehand. So, that will either be in 3 weeks or a month later. That's not that long of a wait. I might be one of their few patients actually happy about having it done. I don't know what type they'll do, or how long I'll be in the hospital. Don't really care. As long as things go smoothly. Eventually, it'd be great to get top surgery. I'll be rid of the cancer in my breasts, too. I do want it a certain way, so it's probably good I'm not having that part done now. 

I'll see an ear, nose, and throat doc tomorrow. My neck has felt really weird. The left side, from my left ear down to my collarbone to the middle area of my neck, has felt like it's swelling. Sometimes it drains. It's affecting my dysphagia (problems swallowing) a bit, too. I'll wake up in the middle of the night feeling like I'm drowning and coughing. They don't think it's related to the cancer or a tumor, but they don't really know. The ENT doc may also be able to do something about the dysphagia I've been dealing with for over a year. Might be able to look into it more. Probably will order more imaging. I had to be tested again (just nasal, not the one that goes further up, thank goodness. That other one was hellish) for covid yesterday so I could still go to the appointment. Got the results today that it wasn't detected. I have to go all the way out to Tacoma (about an hour from home) for this appointment. I'll need to stop by the lab area to get a blood draw. They have to see how Ibrance is affecting all my blood cell counts. It is an immunosuppressant. At least, since I'll be out there, we might stop by It's Greek to Me afterwards. It's right next to the clinic. 

The dysphoria with my facial hair has been becoming more frequent and harder to ignore. Due to covid, I have no idea when I'll be able to start electrolysis. My 'women's' electric wand-like razor bit the dust. I tried trimming it with scissors, but it does basically nothing. So, I looked on Amazon. Found a 'men's' version that's roughly $30 cheaper than my current one was, has 3 modes, and is rechargeable. My current one was constantly eating batteries. Being rechargeable for the new one, is a huge plus. Hopefully, it'll help me. 

Just for fun, I also looked at monthly subscription boxes. I've felt more bored and drained since the health stuff in March started. It's hard to do much at the moment. So, why not find something to help remedy that and fun? I decided to start one that features a different country's snacks every month. I think I've seen things about it in the past and was curious. It'll be like visiting those places from the comfort of home. I love trying new foods, too. I also found one where they give you 2 hardcover books and 2 ebooks every month under these genres: mystery, horror, thriller, or surprise me. I chose surprise me. I love those genres, and they can pick from any of those for me. I've been meaning to get back into actually reading. I haven't in a while. This will give me a challenge to read every book each month, too. Something to keep me preoccupied. I did see a cat subscription box that looked interesting, but thought that might create too much clutter. It comes with a different theme of toys and treats for them. I suppose we could just toss the ones they destroy or don't care about. Something to keep in mind for the future. 

In order to keep me functioning day to day, I've had to start taking a lot of pills. I counted close to 30 a day. The fentanyl patches didn't work. I switched to morphine for my long-term painkiller instead. I'm still taking oxycodone regularly. It's supposed to be for my 'breakthrough' pain, but I'm nervous to ease up on it. I don't want to go back to being in so much pain. My med team is very understandable about that. I'm taking a stool softener a few times a day, and my bathroom stuff is still weird. At least, it happens. I'm also taking tylenol on top of the other painkillers. That's how bad the pain was. I have to be on 3 different ones. I'm on 2 different anti-nausea meds. They've worked really well together. Hardly ever feel nauseous anymore. I'm taking the Ibrance, tamoxifen, and had a lupron injection a couple of weeks ago. I think the tamoxifen has made my mouth numb. That and Ibrance might have affected how things taste, too. It's just a little off. Like, slightly washed out. Making me crave bolder flavors. Still taking lamotrigine. Keeps me mentally stable, so it's just as important. I'm on a steroid that pretty much stopped those attacks. I'm not sure I like that they increased the dosage. I think it's made me hungrier at times. Started going back to a gummy multivitamin. It's not as important, but I have noticed familiar signs of malabsorption issues, so I figured it wouldn't hurt. I have lost a little weight. Not much, but enough for my med team to take note and tell me I'm still stable, but we have to keep track of it. I wouldn't mind losing a little more. As long as I don't become underweight, that's perfectly fine with me. 

Rosie seems to know exactly when I'm supposed to take my meds, and waits every time near my chair until I'm done with them. I have to take them with food. She already has a thing with getting me to eat at certain times, but staying so close to me when I take my pills and then leaving only when I get up, is new. 

I feel an urge to explore new food or food I haven't had in a long time more lately. It might be the idea/living with metastatic cancer, the meds affecting how things taste, or just wanting to explore more food. Could be a combo. Trying to not overdo it, though. 

I want to start my own sort of cheese tasting plates in the future. I've seen some on pinterest. I wouldn't go over the top with it, especially considering it'd just be for me. I'll be using it more of as a concept. A fun healthy travel from home snack thing. I'll try 3 cheeses each time. I could pick new ones from my cheese guide book I got a couple of years ago. It'd be a handy way to use it. I can go by region or country, or just see what fancies me that time. I plan to choose 3 different forms like soft, semi-soft, and hard. I could use meat like many cheese plates do. Since it would just be me, maybe 1 or 2 types. I could use my rotisserie chicken deli meat, beef lil smokies, beef sticks, chicken sausages, etc. Lots to choose from. Most have nuts, but the only type of nuts I can really have are in the smooth butter forms. Doesn't seem right, so that won't be there. There's usually fresh and dried fruit. It'll be a couple from each. I could have things like fresh strawberries, melons, and grapes. Then, dried apricots, dried pineapple, and dried apples. There will be a couple of veggies like baby carrots, roasted red bell peppers, and shredded cabbage. A couple of salty/acidic things: olives, dolmas, pickles, pickled cabbage. One type of cracker and one type of bread. Finally, a spread of some sort like hummus, fruit spread, honey, etc. Some people add garnishes, but I don't really need that. I could try new things for the other stuff besides cheese every time, too. That would satisfy trying more stuff. A little bit of everything does sound like it'd be healthy. Especially with another way of getting more fruit and veggies. Seems balanced. I'll have multiple sit-down ones, considering it'll just be me and it can take a while to finish 3 cheeses. I might start this sort of thing when I'm finished with my current cheeses. I've got a provolone and garlic and herb Boursin cheese at the moment. First time I've tried Trader Joe's version of the provolone, and it's ok. Huge slices, and it smells like it should. I'm not too into smelly cheeses, though. Not sure how long I'll be able to stand it. Although, like I said, it is decent. Maybe having it in other things would be better. I'm thinking of my 'starter' cheese plate cheeses as ones I know and love. For instance, maybe mozzarella, Dubliner cheddar, and an aged parmesan. Although, I'm not used to hard non-shaved parmesan. So, that will still be a little different. 

I'm trying to get back into my writing stuff. I entered all 5 ebook versions of my books in the Authors Give Back promo on Smashwords. That was extended to the end of the month. It's a way for things to be more affordable and brighten someone's day during the pandemic. I set them to 60% off. There were 30%, 60%, and 100% off options. I don't think I'll have my old books set to free ever again. It's just been too often, and I feel I really need to actually make something from them. Discounts are totally understandable. People are looking more at them both on Smashwords and Amazon lately, which is great. I want them to be noticed even more. Thought about entering a book into Amazon's UK storyteller awards. Any book that's in English is eligible, however it had to have been put out in the last year. Mine are too old, sadly. Oh well. I started up my author instagram account again. Been reading the paperback version of Alliance for the 1st time. That's been an interesting way to see it. Still feel the print is a little too big, even with my eyes having issues lately. (I really need an eye exam and new contacts soon.) I plan to try to read through all my paperback versions. Although, that might be a little more difficult if I take on those monthly books I'll get in the mail. Hopefully, I can get back to finding and writing down quotes from my books. Haven't been able to focus that much lately.

I also am trying to get back to learning Polish through Duolingo. I've remembered a lot more than I thought I would. It still is hard to focus very long on it. It'd be great if I can get to the point of practicing my clarinet again. I might be able to do it for short periods of time now. I'd love to get back to drawing, too. I just should try to pace myself. If I do too much one day, it'll take a while to get back to things. I hate that. I even just want to get back to my walks. One day at a time. 

24th of Elul

Had a busy day Friday. Spent most of the day in Tacoma. Went to 2 different recycling places. Then, to the Tacoma Mall so my parent could recycle her old ipad and iphone. The line for the new iphone was long. Glad we weren't there for that. 

My parent found out that she had pink eye Thursday afternoon, and was told not to go back to work the next day. Since it's highly contagious. I hope I don't get it. Although, I think I would have had signs by now. This made it easier to make a full day of it. 

We went to Half Price Books after that. She gave them a huge collection of books. (Filled up 3 boxes.) They didn't see the value in it, sadly. They'll recycle them for her. I did find a cookbook there. It's called Traditional Swedish Cooking. It was only $7. Really good for a cookbook. It's interesting. There's a lot of fish recipes. More than I expected. Fish side dishes, salads, stews, etc. Even fish that I haven't heard of before. They have other salads that seem 'safe' for me, too. Lots of cooked vegetables. Other types of stews. Tons of desserts. There's a section for bread, and another for preserves. Sounds fun. It also has alcoholic drinks. I don't drink alcohol, but it was interesting. There are tips for certain ingredients. A lot of the recipes sound doable to me, even with the pain. 

After that, we went to my rheumatologist's appointment. He seemed to actually listen to me, was thorough, and tried to come up with things to help. He thought the muscle relaxant was a good idea. I think it might be helping, but I definitely feel it when it wears off. I might ask for a higher dose. 

He was worried about my hands. Brought up seeing a hand surgeon to figure out how to get rid of the lumps. There are so many. They're still somewhat small, but are growing and hardening. They're not painful, unless I mess with them for a while. They're annoying and sometimes move around. He was concerned about the weird sores on my hands, too. 

I brought up my mouth sores. Although, I think I only have one right now (like a thin line on the edge of the left corner of my lips). He still took a look at it. I forgot to tell him that one of the sores that disappeared was black with a little white on top and big. It scared me. Now that it's not there anymore, maybe it doesn't matter if I told him. 

I wasn't sure, but I thought the big lump on my neck might be a swollen lymph node. I thought it was too big for one. He said they can get much bigger, and it would make sense if it were. He wants me to see a dermatologist, since he's not an expert in what's going on with my skin. 

I brought up the possibility that I have scleroderma. He agreed it could be, but also brought up lupus. He ordered 2 blood tests, one for scleroderma, and the other is the ANCA Screen. I think the ANCA Screen is to help narrow down what autoimmune disease it is. If it's positive, it's a certain group. If negative, those are eliminated. I don't know much about that test. I had a strong urge to get imaging done on my hands and wrists, and he agreed and ordered x-rays. Those lumps could be calcium deposits, which would show up on x-rays. Plus, the structure of my hands seems to have changed. They're more twisted and bony looking. The positions the put my hands in were awkward to stay in, too. Apparently the results are all back, but I'm nervous to look at them. What if both blood tests are negative and the x-rays come back with nothing? I'm back to square one. However, what if all of them indicate what I think is going on? He said he'd make a phone appointment depending on the results. If he doesn't, I'll see him in 6 months. That's a long time, but maybe the dermatologist will come up with things. 

Went to the Cheesecake Factory after that. We don't go there very often, so it was a treat. So many things on their menu are calorie-laden. It's often hard to pick if I've eaten anything beforehand. I only had breakfast before that, so I could handle quite a bit. It was also the start of my treat days, but I didn't want to go overboard. I got their cheddar-stuffed burger. Most of the cheddar fell out and pooled on the plate as soon as I started eating it. Much more liquidy than I expected and kind of gross looking. The burger and sweet grilled onions were great. I ate all of the burger and onions, a little of the cheddar, roughly 1/4 of the bun, none of the fixings, and roughly half of the fries. I think I did pretty well with that. For dessert, I got their Cinnabon Cinnamon Swirl Cheesecake. It had layers of Cinnabon cinnamon cheesecake, vanilla crunch cake, cream cheese frosting, and caramel on top. There was cinnamon and sugar sprinkles on the back of the slice, too. It tasted and smelled like a cinnamon roll. Like 2 desserts in one. Got home pretty late.

For the last couple of days, Rosie has had an upset stomach. I woke up to her scratching on my closet door Sunday morning. She scratches near things she doesn't like. She does this almost every time she goes to the bathroom in the litter boxes. Seems that she's trying to flush it away or something. She never covers. Anyways, I ignored her until the 3rd time she came by to scratch. I lightly tapped her on the butt, and told her to stop. She walked a little towards the middle of my bedroom and proceeded to throw up. What a way to start the day! Turned out she had thrown up a lot near my closet. I took care of it all before I got ready for the day. Then, she seemed fine throughout the day. Monday morning, she threw up again in my room. Near my sneakers this time. Cleaned it up. Throughout the day she would throw up clear stuff. She seemed depressed and was very affectionate. I was angry Sunday morning, but that quickly turned into feeling bad for her. She must have eaten something she shouldn't have. She doesn't get sick that often. She hasn't thrown up today. At least, not that I know of.

I've decided to try to stick more closely with the daily calorie range limit I set for myself (1200-1600, 1400 being the 'sweet spot'), and to be close to what's recommended of other things like sugar, carbs, protein, etc. It's a balancing act. The calorie range is the easy part. I vary wildly day to day when it comes to many of the other things. Half the time I go a little over what's recommended for sugar, the other half I get maybe half of it. I'm usually well over for carbs. That's something I'm going to have to 'manipulate' a bit. Since I have a problem with absorbing protein, I need more than what's recommended for a healthy person. However, I have a hard time going over the halfway mark for that healthy person's recommended amount. I never make it to the full amount for that. So, it's an even more difficult thing for me. Interestingly, I usually am under the recommended amount for fat. I plan to still have Friday night to Sunday as my treat days, but I might try to be a bit more careful. Maybe my limit should be around 1800 calories a day for those. Not sure about the rest of the nutrients. I think I figured out today's stuff pretty well. Except for the protein. Seems like I'll just barely make it over the halfway mark for that. I'll end up being slightly under 1400 calories, which isn't bad. Only 4g over for carbs. (The recommended amount for carbs is 225g.) Right on for sugar. Yay! Better with potassium than usual, too. That's close to it's halfway mark. Only 4% under the recommended amount for calcium. 17% under for iron. Potassium, iron, and calcium can be tricky for me, too.

Studied Dutch on Duolingo both yesterday and today. I skipped it on Friday. Despite that, I'm still in the Ruby League. I'm 1/4 way through the Arts 2 unit now, and made it passed the 5th checkpoint. I think that's the last checkpoint. They did it a little differently with this one. It must be a new thing. In order to pass it, they quiz you on content you were taught after the 4th checkpoint. They don't let you see the translations of the words in sentences you may have forgotten, can't repeat what was said, a couple of different formats for the questions than the usual, etc. Supposedly it wasn't graded either. Maybe it's more of a review? Made it through quickly. 

Edited Alliance yesterday and today, as well. I'm well into chapter 10 now. Today I went through 7 pages of the ebook version, and 9 pages of the print. I only did it for 4 days last week, but I managed to go through 36 pages of the ebook, and 51 pages of the print all together. That's a lot! I'm still surprised at how quickly I'm moving through it this time. 

Practiced my clarinet yesterday. Finished playing through my klezmer book, and started the Mozart one. I wasn't feeling up to it today. Hopefully, I'll get to it tomorrow. 

Finished watching the new anime adaptation of Fruits Basket. There is going to be a 2nd season. It really did stick to the manga. The 1st anime didn't, and the mangaka (creator) was really upset by it. She hated the design, the music, the voice actors' portrayals, etc. That one also had a lighter more immature tone. The actual manga gets dark quick. There's still a lot of humor, though. The design with this new anime followed the one in the manga to a T, which was interesting to see. They made the art prettier and animation better. The voice actors were much better. I remember how much I hated the Japanese voice actors in the older anime. It's really rare, but the English dub was much better in that. This time the Japanese voice actors sounded pretty much how I'd imagine the characters to sound. The music was better with the new one, too. It wasn't so wishy-washy. With the old one, they veered off into a different direction than the manga halfway through because they caught up to it. The manga wasn't even halfway through. So, people only got a glimpse at the plot. I'm glad I read all of the manga. It gets complex. There were characters that I liked that weren't in the old anime, since they were introduced later. Got to see one of those in the last couple of minutes of the 2019 version's finale. That was Rin, the horse in the zodiac. I've also realized that there are quite a few queer themes in it, which might be why I liked it so much in the past. I didn't realize it at the time. It's hinted that a few characters may be trans and some are gender non-conforming. One character is clearly bi, but jokes about it sometimes. Their friendships are portrayed in a much deeper way than many series (manga/anime, and even in Western media). Some of them could easily be called queerplatonic. There's a big twist to the story in the manga. They have you thinking one of them is a certain gender throughout most of it, but isn't. They were forced to be a certain gender. I think they might actually be non-binary. (I'm trying to not spoil who that is.) The main protagonist, Tohru, is tougher than she seems also. Probably was a way to portray a strong female character girls and women could look up to or be inspired by. Rare in shoujo anime/manga, to me. She seems more...real. I think she sometimes slips out of gender roles, too. The series also touches on mental illness and some other deep topics. Hopefully, the 2nd season will be out soon. They just said sometime in 2020. I'm not sure how many seasons they'll make. I think if they want to do the whole thing it might be 3 or 4 seasons long? Not sure. That would be cool. I'll get to see more of the manga-only characters next season. Yay!

Also, finished Naka no Hito Genome or the Ones Within. I liked it a lot. It had a dark side to it, which is my sort of thing. The characters were unique and most were lovable. I think Anya is actually ace, possibly aro as well. He's never had a crush, and he's said he doesn't like anyone when he was asked about dating. Some of the others don't seem straight, either. They leave it ambiguous, which was a fascinating side to it. They hint at some of them possibly being gay, lesbian, or bi/pan. Again, it's put in such a way, except for Anya, that you can't really tell. Makino, who doesn't talk much and loves to sleep, seems to attract everyone. He also seems, at least, to be gender non-conforming. I think I share a lot of Akatsuki's traits, which was interesting. The only one I felt iffy about was Akatsuki's stalker, Yuzu. I think she was meant to make people feel that way. The games were interesting. They managed to get over half the amount of viewers they needed. It leaves it wide open for a 2nd season. I really hope it does have one. It seems highly underrated. 

National Graham Cracker Day!

I used to really like graham crackers. I grew tired of them after having them as a snack for a while. They're especially good stale, or crumbled up and used as a topping or crust. They're ok with s'mores. I'm more into the chocolate and marshmallow part of that, though. I'm not going to do the usual monthly thing on here. Might in the future soon.

Yesterday, I marched in a local 4th of July parade with the local Pride group. I thought this year's float was cool. It was a ferry boat. There were inflatable orcas tied to the sides. A bubble machine was poking out on top. A speaker for the music was at the other end poking out. I was one of the people in the float. There were 2 people in rainbow captain costumes, and 2 who were in rainbow skipper costumes. There had to be someone at each 'window'. I waved my genderqueer flag out of one of them and tried to wave at the same time. The only problem was the music wouldn't play. The generator ran out of gas as soon as we started moving. Hard to do it without power. So, we ended up just smiling and waving, instead of dancing and looking more excited. Also, there were some sudden stops. With me trying to wave both a hand and my flag, I wasn't holding onto anything most of the time. So, I came close to falling with each stop. I was also wearing my aro ace pride shirt. Saw a few people I knew. At least one person booed us. I tried to think that it was just another type of cheer at the time. Most people were excited to see us and supportive. I should remember that more. Some people seemed a little confused about what my shirt said and the flag. That's ok. They can look it up. I tried to be cheerful as we went through. I'm glad that they drove us back to where most of the cars were at the end. It's a shelp to walk all the way back. Also helped that I wasn't walking during the parade. It was cooler than last time and there was a breeze. Made it nicer. There was one other ace there. I think they were also enby. Yay! 

A week ago, I badly strained my shoulder. It somehow started during a very painful bowel movement. (Sorry...It's a bit gross.) I don't how that happened...After the pain persisted for 4 days (Monday at this point), I decided I really needed to go to Urgent Care. It wasn't getting better on its own. 

I have a high pain tolerance now, and tend to just remember the worst of it. Going through the symptoms with the staff there, made me realize there was more to it. There was the shoulder pain that covered my entire left shoulder, left half of my chest, and left upper arm. A huge area. The pain was like scalding hot water was ebbing off and on. It wasn't (still isn't) necessarily sharp. My left hip had barely there type of pain. My abdominal pain was close to being as bad as my shoulder. That has been intensifying the last few weeks. My blood pressure was oddly high. I'm usually low. Even when I go to UC or the hospital, it's usually on the low end. They brushed it off as just nerves, but I don't think that was the case. I'll just have to watch it next time. I've been much more nauseous than usual, too. Came close to throwing up several times before going to UC.

I had blood and urine tests done. Of what I got back at the time, everything was 'normal'. My sodium was the lowest it's been, and was verging on breaking through the lowest normal range value. It usually is low, but this was surprisingly by a lot. It's not like I don't have enough sodium in my diet. I have plenty. I'm a little worried about this. Even if it's still technically within normal range, it's not my normal. Could be a sign I'm not absorbing it well. My chloride seemed better, but also on the low end. I can't stand food that's too salty, so it's not like just adding saltier food will help. Wouldn't be able to keep it up, at least. Salt helps with the nervous system, so it's important to get enough. Most people (at least Americans) get too much of it. There was something with one of my blood counts, too. Like, it was just slightly higher than my norm. Still within normal range, though. There were some white blood cells found in my urine, which they flagged. The doctor didn't talk about that. That's usually a sign that there's inflammation. It could be a sign of a UTI or inflammation from somewhere else. They found and flagged that there was bacteria in it, too. Since peeing doesn't hurt, it most likely means the inflammation is somewhere else and my body is fighting something. 

The doctor said I most likely strained my shoulder badly. She wanted me to put a heating pad on it and take Vicodin for the pain. As well as, resting it. She also strongly suspects that my colitis is flaring again. Just mainly going by the symptoms. So, she said I should have a follow-up soon with a gastroenterologist. Both my primary and GI (she's really just a PA, not an MD which is what I need) are awful, so I think I'll get new ones soon. She also suggested that I eat more of my 'safe' foods for the time being. She gave me some tips on a printout for easing colitis symptoms, too. She told me she also has a chronic illness and understood a lot of what I said about it. That was nice. Not good that she has one too, but good that she 'gets it' more. I liked that she really tried to help me as much as she could. 

I've been taking the Vicodin since late Monday afternoon. 2 pills a day, since I'm still in pain. She prescribed 15 pills, taken every 4-6 hours when in pain. I've decided to take one with lunch and one with my late night snack. (Usually lunch is 11am or 12pm; late snack is around 8:30pm.) I have to have food with it. I figure in order to get some sleep with this pain, I should take one close to when I go to bed. To have some relief during the day, after lunch might be best. This way I also can check on my pain more between doses. It makes very drowsy, time is weird, like there's something heavy on my chest, a little wobbly on my feet, navigating through cloudy jelly, etc. It's a good and slightly bad experience. Sometimes I feel like I'm going to throw up more while on it, too. I've noticed this happens about 3 or 4 hours after taking it. It's weird. This was all lovely while I was in the parade, too. Very strange experience. 

I think the heating pad has been slowly working, too. I had less time with it yesterday, though. I know it takes a while even for muscular 'injuries' to heal, but it's still annoying. I want the pain to stop and be able to move it around more. I'm tired of it already. I can't even wash my hair at the moment. Can't move my shoulder enough for it. Not only is there the actual washing with shampoo/conditioner part, but I also have to comb it (first with my hands, then with an actual comb), use a smoothing spray and comb that through, work in a styling mousse and comb that through, shape the curls with my fingers, and finally take care of the hair that fell out. That's a lot of moving in painful positions for my shoulder. I feel too embarrassed to ask for help with it. Getting dressed hurts, too. I keep getting dressed anyways. Mainly to feel some semblance of normalcy with it. It is getting better at least. 

I decided last night to have Benefiber while I'm on Vicodin, too. One of the side effects is constipation, and I think I've started to get that. Dad had a really bad bout with it when she was on Vicodin last. So bad she went to the hospital. I don't need that sort of thing. Benefiber might help with it. I'm taking it with breakfast, lunch, and my late night snack. They say to take it 3 times a day to get the full effect. I'm lucky I still had a big thing of it, although it's pretty old. The best by date is in January. That's not an expiration date, though. It should be good for now. 

I did get my aro ace pride shirt around the 29th or 30th. It's really nice. Feels soft, it's long, stretchy and clingy, fits me well, and the print design is cool. I shared a pic of me wearing it in the ace groups I'm in on fb. I specifically mentioned how so many shirts for ace and/or aros were cutesy, and how I felt this perpetuates people infantilizing us. (It's a big problem.) I wanted something badass instead. One of the first comments I got was that I looked adorable...Oh, and adding an 'omg' to it made it a little worse. The point went right over their head. The rest of the comments were better. 

Many people liked it on my personal page. One of my aunts noticed I looked like I lost a lot of weight. I noticed that as soon as I posted the pic, but wasn't sure if it was just me or something. Good to know someone saw it, too. Maybe it's another sign that I'm flaring. I didn't look at my weight at UC, but the doctor might have factored that in (with my weight history) when she said that I'm flaring. Last time I knew I was flaring, I did lose a lot of weight. 

I set a schedule for promos for all my ebooks on Amazon. I thought it would be good to do, especially since 3 of them will be taken out of Select soon. Alliance will have a free book promo July 14th-18th. My Mother's Treasure Trove of Recipes will have a Countdown Deal July 19th-26th. Alliance: Dawn will have a Countdown Deal July 24th-31st. It'll be the same dates with a UK version. More Than Meets the Eye will have a free book promo August 6th-10th. The cookbook will have another Countdown Deal through Amazon UK August 11th-18th. Sweet Endless Terror will have a free book promo August 13th-17th. So, there will be 7 promos from July 14th to August 18th. I've never taken advantage of the UK marketplace, and having all of the books up at once. I had to think about when all of the books' terms will be up. Even if they're going to be renewed, you can only schedule them within the term that they're already in. Plus, I wanted A2's promo later than A1's. Their terms end at roughly the same time, so it was a little more difficult to figure. A1 will be free, so I can hook people first. A2 will basically be discounted so they'd have to pay something for that next book. Since the cookbook is the newest, it'll be a countdown one. I could hook people in with the others being free, too. We'll see how this goes. Those 3 books could leave Select with a little bang. (Again, they'll still be on Amazon afterwards.) Interestingly, the cookbook's ranking is steadily going up. It has shown some sells. My author ranking reached the highest it's been yesterday. Slowly something's happening. I'm still going to take those 3 off Select and add them to Smashwords. 

Finished watching Bad Guys on Netflix. It was pretty good. They added a little too much drama to the ending, though. I feel really bad for what Lee Jung-Moon aka Psycho (that was his nickname) went through. He's a psychopath, and he was used just because of it. He walked in on burglars killing his parents, and killed them in self defense. Ever since then, the police have been trying to pin a serial murder case on him. If he's a psychopath, of course he did it, right? They caught him getting a certain type of oil for his girlfriend. She was a painter and needed it for the paint. That oil was found on all the victims. He also was found at every crime scene the nights of the murders. He had no memory of it. The detective set him up and tried to kill him. Part of his purpose for creating the team was to eventually kill him himself. He assaulted Psycho a few times, too. He blamed him for his daughter's murder, which was apart of the serial killings. Psycho never wanted to kill anyone, and was hoping it wasn't true. What actually happened was a really twisted prosecutor killed them all. He believed the only way to punish killers was to kill someone close to them. He killed the detective's daughter as a diversion. That was the only difference. That prosecutor found out that Lee was a psychopath, and took him to a psychiatrist. That psychiatrist then drugged him, tried to tell him to kill people that the prosecutor wanted to kill through hypnotism, they gave him a knife, and drove him to every victim's place. He still subconsciously refused to kill them. So, the prosecutor did it and framed him. The drugs made him forget everything. The mob went after him when they thought he killed their main boss. His girlfriend was forced by the detective to lie and say she was the only victim that got away. It devastated him. She still felt guilty once he was working cases with the team. They had to act like they didn't know each other. He went through hell. The detective asked for forgiveness when he was told the truth. Lee refused, and even came close to shooting him. He felt he couldn't trust anyone again after all that. After they got the prosecutor, Lee's sentence was erased. He was completely innocent, and technically the only one who wasn't a true criminal. I'm glad he was able to be freed. He looked younger than he was. In their present time, he was around my age. However, he looked like he was in his early 20s to me. 

Went back to watching Samurai Gourmet on Netflix. It's a Japanese drama centered on food. It's a lighthearted feel-good type show. Each episode is about 20 minutes, so it's not long. It's about a guy who just went into retirement. He likes food, and goes out somewhere different every time. He imagines how a samurai would do things in certain situations that arise there. I like that it's centered on someone older than the norm, which is usually in their 20s or 30s. It's from a different perspective that way. And, they didn't make him act old, either. The food they feature looks amazing. The last one I saw was he decided to try a run-down old izakaya. Izakaya are traditional Japanese bars/pubs. He had beer, fried chicken, a tofu and tripe stew, salad, and a few other snack like things. At one point, it started downpouring, and the rain leaked through the roof and onto the patrons. It was apparently normal to them (except the retiree), and the hostess gave them all umbrellas. It was interesting to watch that one. It didn't dampen their spirits, instead they became more lively. With the one before that, he went to a quiet cafe. He hadn't felt like he had time to sit at one with a book since he was in his 20s. That in itself was a treat for him. He got coffee that was 'traditionally' made the Japanese way and eventually had spaghetti for lunch. Again, everything looked amazing. It makes me hungry just watching what he eats. He did have one bad experience, but his wife's cooking made up for it later. I like that she's been doing her own thing, too. She just retired as well. Although, her outings aren't centered on food, and she often doesn't go with him. 

I'm really close to catching up in One Piece. Only 3 more left, which I'll probably get to today. This arc has been really twisted and disturbing. More so than the Dressrosa one. It seems all light and childish at first, but it really isn't. Linlin or Big Mom has issues. That's putting it mildly. She's been unstable mentally since she was very little. Her parents left her on an island full of giants at 5 years old. She was taken in by an orphanage there that was ran by a corrupt nun. She was into child trafficking with the Marines. When Linlin ate something she really liked for her birthday, she ended up eating all the children and the nun. She didn't know she did it and figured they just vanished. She also killed a 300 year old giant before this without realizing what she was doing. A chef that ate the cooking devil fruit found her, witnessed what happened to the nun and children, and decided to join forces with her. They became pirates. He was perfect for her since he could turn anything into food. She's always been huge, too. Never knows her true strength. She wanted to create a utopia full of different types of people, because that's what the nun wanted. She also wanted everything sweets related, since she has an awful sweet tooth. She'll abandon her children like toys if they disobey or are too 'ugly' to her. She uses her citizens souls in food and to create animorphic trees/flowers/etc. Makes for a surreal world. Everyone's about to escape from her at the moment. They keep referring to the treasure box that the Fishmen gave up. I remember the Fishmen actually gave her a dummy one full of explosives. I keep thinking she's going to open it and blow herself up. That would be oddly satisfying to watch, and it would benefit everyone.