3rd of Tammuz

Wanted to update this more than once a month...I'm getting better overall health-wise, so this might change. The last couple of weeks have been pretty busy. I had an orthopedist appointment. He said my arm is really healing well. I can try using it for as many as things as I can, carefully. I've been doing that without thinking at times. He said, since I haven't started physical therapy yet, it's stiffer than it normally would be. He recommended I do a stretch that will help with more flexibility and moving it up higher. It's already gotten better with that. I'm getting more feeling around the incision area, which is both good and weird. He wants me to focus more on my cancer treatment than on my arm. I told him that I plan to have a physical therapist work with me after I have the hysterectomy. Thought it'd be a good way to recover from that, too. He agreed. 

I had a 'procedure' where I was put under anesthesia to get my IUD out, pap smear, check my uterus, and get a lupron shot. I wasn't told not to eat, so I had a tiny breakfast at around 8:30am. Check-in was 12:30pm. They told me I couldn't do it until 3pm, because of the food. If they had to do this, I would have thought 1pm at the latest. 3pm rolls around, and they try to get the IV in. Took until 4pm. (Only way they got it in was with an ultrasound.) They decided to put 2 people in my slot, and it ended up being around 6pm when they finally took me back to it. It was absurd! A whole day just sitting there. I couldn't even access my phone. They saw a suspicious area and took a biopsy along with everything else. I was really sore and angry by the time we got home, which was 9pm. At least, I had a nice gyro with fries at It's Greek to Me right before heading home. (Besides that small breakfast, I didn't have much else that day.) Still...didn't make up for it.

Had an esophagram the next day. I was expecting the day to go haywire like the one before, but everything went pretty smoothly. It was about a 30 minute exam. The only issue I had was being called a lady so often when I was first taken to their locker room area. I didn't tell them I was agender, since I didn't want to go through a big thing of it. Simply wanted to get it over with. They gave me something that had a similar reaction as pop rocks in order to expand my digestive tract with gas to observe it better. They told me to be careful with not burping it all out. That was difficult. This was a more detailed type of exam than the swallow one I had a year ago. This time there wasn't a food aspect. There was a very thick version of barium they had me drink standing up. Then, a thin one laying down on my belly on the table. They watched the reactions through a fluoroscope, which is like something that takes x-rays so quickly, it turns it into a movie. They can watch in real-time this way. Similar to the other exam, but this is more detailed in its view. They tried moving me around to get 'evidence' of the LPR or silent GERD. It was interesting. They didn't tell me what they saw afterwards this time. 

The next day or 2, I started to feel sick. Thinking I was still sore from what my gynecologist did to me, I ignored it for a little while. By the night of June 15th, I was starting to get a really scary symptom. I would suddenly get cold, then my body would shiver violently for like 20 minutes at a time. So violently, my back and neck kept tensing up badly, causing a lot of pain. The following night was the last straw, with having longer waves at a time of that symptom. I went to Urgent Care that Wednesday morning. My nurse navigator had told me that it sounded like an infection and that I was going through shock with the shivering. They ran some tests, hooked me up to an IV (took a while to get) with antibiotics and fluids, and monitored me. I even had that shivering happen while I was being given the antibiotics. They couldn't do much for that. At one point, the doctor prescribed a little dilauded. She said sometimes that can calm patients down, even if it's not pain related. Sure enough, it did help with the shivering. It eventually stopped. Never came back after that. Thank goodness. It was an awful feeling that I couldn't control. They prescribed a huge amount of cefdinir, and sent me on my way. Oh, they also found out that I had a fractured vertebrae, a fracture in one of my left ribs, and another old fracture (I was told about it a few months ago) in one of my right ribs. A vertebrae fracture can be a bit difficult to heal from. The doctor prescribed a special back brace for it. At least, it will have support whenever I move around.

The next day, I was told to go back to Urgent Care for another antibiotic infusion. They were worried because one of the tests indicated that the bacteria was in my blood. I never got this test result myself. I did get one for my lactic acid. That was normal. If it were high, I'd be septic or in shock. We didn't know what type of culture the bacteria was at the time. So, I'd be blasted with more antibiotics that may or may not be what I needed. I know what it's like to have too much of that in my system. It can actually kill people. I was already still taking the antibiotics I was given, and improving quickly. So, I refused to go back. I also didn't want to sit there for hours on end again. My nurse navigator tried to convince me for an hour to go. She didn't seem to be listening to a word I was saying. Normally, she's very understanding. She kept saying things like: "You're breaking my heart!" "You are so young!" "You could die!" It was really over-the-top. Put me in a not so great mindset. I almost thought of trying to get a new nurse navigator after that, but I wouldn't know where to begin, or how many are even available. I'm just putting it to her caring a little too much, she's been great with everything else, and she acted totally different the next time I talked to her. 

The culture turned out to be E. Coli, which is common. Turns out the antibiotics I was prescribed are like 8 times more potent against that than something like keflex. I was already on the right type of antibiotic. No wonder I've been getting better so quickly. I stopped having any symptoms of the uti after a few days of being on it. Pretty good. I still have to finish all of the antibiotic. They gave me 10 days worth. (It'll end on Saturday, I think.) The only problem with this is I can't take my chemo, Ibrance, until I finish it. Without the chemo, some of my bone pain has come back on top of the newer pain of the fractured vertebrae. Wahoo! It turns out I can't do the urine test until it's been a week after I finish the antibiotic, and once I get the culture back from that I can get back to my chemo. So, a week later than expected. I've increased my morphine to 3 pills a day starting today, instead of 2. They already prescribed it as 2 or 3 pills, but I wanted to be conservative with it. This way it can be flexible, too. Once I'm back on the chemo and feeling better, I might go back down to 2. I was feeling so much better until this uti happened. I highly suspect that what they did to me during the 'procedure' caused that uti. Another thing to be angry about that day. Not much I can do about it. 

Found out through that biopsy that the breast cancer has spread to that area, too. So, it's not only in my bones, but possibly skin and/or areas of my reproductive tract. I'm a little more worried about that. Depending on how deep the cancer is in that area, my hysterectomy is going to be more drastic, or I think they call it radical, than what it would have been if there weren't any signs of it. It means a more invasive, tougher, and longer surgery. Longer hospital stay, too. The 'look' will be even more brutal right after. We still don't know when surgery will be. It'll be done by someone else, thank goodness. This will be an oncology gynecologist. Sounds like they'll know even more of what they're doing. My current gynecologist doesn't specialize in oncology and is new to working cases. She at least knows this is out of her league, and is trying to help me. That other oncologist hasn't responded to her yet about surgery, even though she's been trying to for a couple of weeks now. We'll see how that goes. It's even more up in the air with timing now that I had to stop Ibrance for a while. I have to have that timed with the surgery a certain way.  

Apparently, in one of the x-rays they ran at Urgent Care, they also found out that I had a little of the barium from the esophagram exam still in my colon. This was 5 days after the exam. It's not normal for it to still be in someone's system that long. It normally leaves pretty quickly. It's not like I was stopped up or anything either. The initial interpretation did come back, too. The only thing they could see was esophageal dysmotility. Basically, my esophagus wasn't moving the way it should. That explains the dysphagia. There were no signs of the acid indicating LPR or the silent GERD. To me, that adds another mystery to it. If it's not that, then what's happening? There must be a reason behind it not moving right, too. 

I did have a phone appointment with the ENT doc about this today. It was one of the shortest phone appointments I've had. He said just because there was no sign of acid or the LPR, it doesn't mean I don't have it. The x-ray isn't sensitive enough, according to him. He said I should give omeprazole a shot again. The only problem I have with it is I have to take it at least 30 minutes before I eat. He wants me to have it twice a day, too. In the past, I just had it once a day, and tried to take it before my bathroom stuff in the morning. Even then, I sometimes had to wait a little bit before even making my breakfast. Maybe I shouldn't care much, and just take it before making 2 of my meals. At least there would be some time between taking it and eating. He wants me to follow-up occasionally with my primary doc about the dysphagia. He also said it'd be best if I was working with a gastroenterologist for this, especially because of the colitis. I can have a speech therapist help me with the dysphagia through the palliative home care program. My nurse in it suggested that, too. That way they can monitor, give me tips, suggest exercises, etc. for the dysphagia and it will be from the comfort of home.

I did finally see the palliative home care physical therapist a couple of days ago. It was an in-person home appointment, which I haven't had many of. That was a longer appointment than expected. My palliative care nurse thought she'd order the brace for my fractured vertebrae and do a fitting while she was there. She didn't. She didn't even have the prescription. Seemed a bit suspicious that way. She did show me pics of it, how I'd probably need to put it on, and general info on it. It seems like it's going to limit quite a bit of my movement. I most likely will need help getting in and out of it every time. Although, she did suggest asking the place I get it from if there might be something easier. Something I could get into on my own. I really don't want another thing to have to rely on someone else to do. She said I should put the brace on every time I think I'll be active. I think I'll want to be most of the time...She told me to try not to do too much of the BLTs: bending, lifting, and twisting. Especially when it comes to my spine. I can easily break more vertebrae this way. It's hard to remember that. Last night I dropped a few pills on the floor, and proceeded to immediately bend over low to get them. I heard massive cracking sounds down my spine. Not good. She also wants me to be careful with getting in and out of bed. It's hard to not move your spine much with that. I try to normally, but I still end up needing to sit up and twist over to get out of the hospital bed. She agreed that I'd start physical therapy after the hysterectomy, and thought it was a smart way to go about it. She checked to see my leg strength, and was surprised that that's still pretty good. She looked at how I walked without the cane. I'm a little wonky/slightly unstable. She said the cane was another great idea for me, and liked that it was mainly to stabilize me. Make sure I don't experience another fall. 

I had another in-person home appointment yesterday with my palliative care nurse. As my nurse, he has to recertify me every 6 weeks. He can only do that with actually seeing me face-to-face. Interesting to have a similar appointment so close to the other. He agreed with the idea of me taking 3 pills of the morphine instead of 2, and that it makes it easy. Shouldn't be a problem. My cane is splitting down the foam handle. Makes it a bit more difficult to use comfortably, so I asked him about them replacing it. He said the best thing for that would be to order it on Amazon. There's a wider variety of models, and I can get something I'd actually like. I suppose it would be better. I just thought they could give me another one. We ended up talking a lot about music in general and music theory. He said he never got the chance to talk to someone like a musician that has some knowledge on it. That was interesting and somewhat fun to geek out with him. 

After that, my parent and I went to Elmer's for dinner. It had reopened a couple of days beforehand. It was the first time since March that we've been to a sit-down restaurant like that. Like many people. However, I might not have been able to go until now anyways even without the pandemic. It was interesting. There weren't very many customers at the time, which is understandable. I got one of my faves: their roasted turkey dinner. (I got the lighter serving.) It comes with soup or salad. I love their salad, but raw vegetables still cause issues for my gut. So, I got their new pot roast tomato soup. It was great, except for the corn. Luckily, not much of it, but it's also a trigger food. Huge pieces of potatoes and beef, which made it better. That came with garlic bread. The turkey dinner also has turkey gravy, mashed potatoes, stuffing, seasonal vegetables, and cranberry sauce. The seasonal vegetables for a while (before March) were a medley with squash, and I had to choose something else to replace it. Now it's carrots and broccoli. Perfect, and nicely cooked with a little bit of butter. Next time, I'll try their brunch stuff again. They're more known for that. It was nice to eat someplace different for once. 

I got a pill organizer yesterday. Ordered it from Amazon, and it came much faster than expected. It has 5 compartments to every day of the week. I take them 5 times a day, so that's super handy. They come in a nice looking carrying case. When closed up it's like a fancy thick looking planner. Might be nice if I travel with it. The compartments are huge, and plenty big enough for everything. Figured out I take roughly 15 different meds. Some repeat during the day. It was starting to get harder to keep track of. I did use the Notes app on my phone, but seemed like a hassle each time. This way I only have to figure it out once each week. Might be easier to figure out how long I have until I run out of them, too. I've already figured it out for the next week. It's been interesting and less time-consuming to not have to figure it out each time today. Definitely will make life easier. 

I got the Try Treats monthly subscription box finally about midway through the month. This first one was on Turkey. It had about 10 snacks. I got the premium version, which is supposed to have more than 8. Wish more of them were big enough to share. Basically the only ones that were was the assorted cookie one and milk chocolate squares. The cookies were like those Danish butter cookies we sometimes get, only more intense and smaller. The chocolate was ok. I think I liked the Halley biscuit, Albeni, and Dido wafer the most. The pizza sticks were probably my least fave, but were ok. They were interesting with the added mint flavor. It also came with a postcard of a big city, info card, and a recipe for baklava. It was kind of fun. Should be interesting to see what the next country will be. Hopefully, I can still have most of them. 

I'm still waiting for the Thrill Club one. They'll send me 2 hardcover books and an ebook that are in the mystery, horror, or thriller genres each month. I decided to get the 'surprise me' option, hence not a specific one. I don't know if there's a certain theme to them each month. It sounds fun, and a nice challenge for me to read all of them within the month. It's kind of like my own little book club. Maybe my parent will be interested in it, too. Not sure how the ebook part will go. Maybe they send a link or something. They also have been featured through Oprah's magazine, so that might be a good sign. I might finally get it by tomorrow. 

I managed to play my clarinet recently. Thought I wouldn't get much out other than a couple of notes. Mainly because I can't circular breathe, and breathing in general has been different. It wasn't the best, but I could recognize the tunes. I played klezmer. Klezmer seems to come the easiest to me. Plus, there's some improv/solo stuff I can take advantage of with it. I hadn't played in roughly a year. Felt nice and soulful. Hopefully, I can get back to it on a regular basis soon.

Got half of one of my walks in recently, too. Probably was too long of one, considering I was starting to get the uti at the time. Despite that, it was really nice to get out there, hear the birds, greet neighbors, see the cats, see the mountains, look at the flowers, and more. I didn't particularly like that a neighbor cheered me on from her car as I crossed the street. Yelling you go, girl over and over. I'm not a girl, and all I was doing was walking. Not something like a marathon. If I was struggling, it still seemed like she was either rushing me, or really weird. I still felt good after getting out there. 

Youtube (It's been a while, and I haven't really been watching much lately, but why not share what I haven't yet on here):

Dr. Stone:

Kimetsu no Yaiba (Demon Slayer):


Zombieland Saga:


Jibaku Shounen Hanako-kun (Toilet-Bound Hanako-kun):


One Piece:


Boku no (My) Hero Academia:

4th of Sivan

It's been a while. However, I have a feeling I'll be able to blog more often now. My arm is doing a lot better. Haven't really used my computer since the last time I posted here. I can type normally now. It feels a little weird, but nice. I was thinking of vlogging, and I may still do that. Put out my first vlog about 2 weeks ago. Looked a bit awful because I could only get into my pj's at the time, facial hair was really coming in, and couldn't fix my hair very well. I, at least, had a shower beforehand. It showed how the cancer and broken shoulder thing has affected me, too. 

Yesterday marked the 11th week since I fell in the shower. Tomorrow marks the 10th week since I had surgery to put pins and screws in my right shoulder. I'm surprised at what I'm able to do lately with it. They say the humerus bone, especially with almost a clean break at the head where it meets up with the shoulder, takes one of the longest times for a bone to heal. Since it's one the major bones. I'm not getting much pain from it lately, thank goodness. I've been able to get dressed in my regular clothes since last week, did most of my own laundry on Monday (a little difficult still), trying to eat more with my right hand, able to hold slightly heavier things with it, and more. My orthopedist told me to go slow with things, so I'm trying not to overdo it. It's hard at times, since I want to get back to how things were already. I'll see my orthopedist during the 2nd week of June.

I decided to go back to going to places like the markets lately. Haven't since I fell, and things have changed a lot. Understandably. Since I'm trying to go out to more things and walking more, I started using my cane recently. It does help quite a bit. I just need to practice it more often. I have almost a fear that someone will go up to me and say I'm faking it, but no one has. They just seem pushy, yet wait for me and give me some space. I feel like I have to have it as close to my side as possible, so I don't trip anyone. I end up tripping myself instead sometimes. I really shouldn't care much about this stuff, but it might take time to get over. I forgot to take my cane yesterday to both markets, and I'm feeling it today. For some reason, my right hip is painful when I don't use it. The cane is more for support than anything. My left shoulder pops and cracks a lot, which makes it weird when I use the cane, too. I have to use my left with it. I also have to remember to switch hands when I pick up something. I shouldn't be using my right a lot still. 

I might have my hysterectomy soon. Both the ovaries and uterus. The only reason they postponed it, was because they thought I wasn't healthy/strong enough. I haven't had those attacks in a while. I've also felt much stronger, in less pain, able to do more, etc. I think I'm in the best shape for it right now. The scheduler for their surgeries called yesterday. Told me to call her back even though it'll go straight to voicemail. I left a message. Haven't heard from her since. My oncologist agrees that now might be the best time. Although, we have to time it to me being off of the Ibrance for 2 weeks beforehand. So, that will either be in 3 weeks or a month later. That's not that long of a wait. I might be one of their few patients actually happy about having it done. I don't know what type they'll do, or how long I'll be in the hospital. Don't really care. As long as things go smoothly. Eventually, it'd be great to get top surgery. I'll be rid of the cancer in my breasts, too. I do want it a certain way, so it's probably good I'm not having that part done now. 

I'll see an ear, nose, and throat doc tomorrow. My neck has felt really weird. The left side, from my left ear down to my collarbone to the middle area of my neck, has felt like it's swelling. Sometimes it drains. It's affecting my dysphagia (problems swallowing) a bit, too. I'll wake up in the middle of the night feeling like I'm drowning and coughing. They don't think it's related to the cancer or a tumor, but they don't really know. The ENT doc may also be able to do something about the dysphagia I've been dealing with for over a year. Might be able to look into it more. Probably will order more imaging. I had to be tested again (just nasal, not the one that goes further up, thank goodness. That other one was hellish) for covid yesterday so I could still go to the appointment. Got the results today that it wasn't detected. I have to go all the way out to Tacoma (about an hour from home) for this appointment. I'll need to stop by the lab area to get a blood draw. They have to see how Ibrance is affecting all my blood cell counts. It is an immunosuppressant. At least, since I'll be out there, we might stop by It's Greek to Me afterwards. It's right next to the clinic. 

The dysphoria with my facial hair has been becoming more frequent and harder to ignore. Due to covid, I have no idea when I'll be able to start electrolysis. My 'women's' electric wand-like razor bit the dust. I tried trimming it with scissors, but it does basically nothing. So, I looked on Amazon. Found a 'men's' version that's roughly $30 cheaper than my current one was, has 3 modes, and is rechargeable. My current one was constantly eating batteries. Being rechargeable for the new one, is a huge plus. Hopefully, it'll help me. 

Just for fun, I also looked at monthly subscription boxes. I've felt more bored and drained since the health stuff in March started. It's hard to do much at the moment. So, why not find something to help remedy that and fun? I decided to start one that features a different country's snacks every month. I think I've seen things about it in the past and was curious. It'll be like visiting those places from the comfort of home. I love trying new foods, too. I also found one where they give you 2 hardcover books and 2 ebooks every month under these genres: mystery, horror, thriller, or surprise me. I chose surprise me. I love those genres, and they can pick from any of those for me. I've been meaning to get back into actually reading. I haven't in a while. This will give me a challenge to read every book each month, too. Something to keep me preoccupied. I did see a cat subscription box that looked interesting, but thought that might create too much clutter. It comes with a different theme of toys and treats for them. I suppose we could just toss the ones they destroy or don't care about. Something to keep in mind for the future. 

In order to keep me functioning day to day, I've had to start taking a lot of pills. I counted close to 30 a day. The fentanyl patches didn't work. I switched to morphine for my long-term painkiller instead. I'm still taking oxycodone regularly. It's supposed to be for my 'breakthrough' pain, but I'm nervous to ease up on it. I don't want to go back to being in so much pain. My med team is very understandable about that. I'm taking a stool softener a few times a day, and my bathroom stuff is still weird. At least, it happens. I'm also taking tylenol on top of the other painkillers. That's how bad the pain was. I have to be on 3 different ones. I'm on 2 different anti-nausea meds. They've worked really well together. Hardly ever feel nauseous anymore. I'm taking the Ibrance, tamoxifen, and had a lupron injection a couple of weeks ago. I think the tamoxifen has made my mouth numb. That and Ibrance might have affected how things taste, too. It's just a little off. Like, slightly washed out. Making me crave bolder flavors. Still taking lamotrigine. Keeps me mentally stable, so it's just as important. I'm on a steroid that pretty much stopped those attacks. I'm not sure I like that they increased the dosage. I think it's made me hungrier at times. Started going back to a gummy multivitamin. It's not as important, but I have noticed familiar signs of malabsorption issues, so I figured it wouldn't hurt. I have lost a little weight. Not much, but enough for my med team to take note and tell me I'm still stable, but we have to keep track of it. I wouldn't mind losing a little more. As long as I don't become underweight, that's perfectly fine with me. 

Rosie seems to know exactly when I'm supposed to take my meds, and waits every time near my chair until I'm done with them. I have to take them with food. She already has a thing with getting me to eat at certain times, but staying so close to me when I take my pills and then leaving only when I get up, is new. 

I feel an urge to explore new food or food I haven't had in a long time more lately. It might be the idea/living with metastatic cancer, the meds affecting how things taste, or just wanting to explore more food. Could be a combo. Trying to not overdo it, though. 

I want to start my own sort of cheese tasting plates in the future. I've seen some on pinterest. I wouldn't go over the top with it, especially considering it'd just be for me. I'll be using it more of as a concept. A fun healthy travel from home snack thing. I'll try 3 cheeses each time. I could pick new ones from my cheese guide book I got a couple of years ago. It'd be a handy way to use it. I can go by region or country, or just see what fancies me that time. I plan to choose 3 different forms like soft, semi-soft, and hard. I could use meat like many cheese plates do. Since it would just be me, maybe 1 or 2 types. I could use my rotisserie chicken deli meat, beef lil smokies, beef sticks, chicken sausages, etc. Lots to choose from. Most have nuts, but the only type of nuts I can really have are in the smooth butter forms. Doesn't seem right, so that won't be there. There's usually fresh and dried fruit. It'll be a couple from each. I could have things like fresh strawberries, melons, and grapes. Then, dried apricots, dried pineapple, and dried apples. There will be a couple of veggies like baby carrots, roasted red bell peppers, and shredded cabbage. A couple of salty/acidic things: olives, dolmas, pickles, pickled cabbage. One type of cracker and one type of bread. Finally, a spread of some sort like hummus, fruit spread, honey, etc. Some people add garnishes, but I don't really need that. I could try new things for the other stuff besides cheese every time, too. That would satisfy trying more stuff. A little bit of everything does sound like it'd be healthy. Especially with another way of getting more fruit and veggies. Seems balanced. I'll have multiple sit-down ones, considering it'll just be me and it can take a while to finish 3 cheeses. I might start this sort of thing when I'm finished with my current cheeses. I've got a provolone and garlic and herb Boursin cheese at the moment. First time I've tried Trader Joe's version of the provolone, and it's ok. Huge slices, and it smells like it should. I'm not too into smelly cheeses, though. Not sure how long I'll be able to stand it. Although, like I said, it is decent. Maybe having it in other things would be better. I'm thinking of my 'starter' cheese plate cheeses as ones I know and love. For instance, maybe mozzarella, Dubliner cheddar, and an aged parmesan. Although, I'm not used to hard non-shaved parmesan. So, that will still be a little different. 

I'm trying to get back into my writing stuff. I entered all 5 ebook versions of my books in the Authors Give Back promo on Smashwords. That was extended to the end of the month. It's a way for things to be more affordable and brighten someone's day during the pandemic. I set them to 60% off. There were 30%, 60%, and 100% off options. I don't think I'll have my old books set to free ever again. It's just been too often, and I feel I really need to actually make something from them. Discounts are totally understandable. People are looking more at them both on Smashwords and Amazon lately, which is great. I want them to be noticed even more. Thought about entering a book into Amazon's UK storyteller awards. Any book that's in English is eligible, however it had to have been put out in the last year. Mine are too old, sadly. Oh well. I started up my author instagram account again. Been reading the paperback version of Alliance for the 1st time. That's been an interesting way to see it. Still feel the print is a little too big, even with my eyes having issues lately. (I really need an eye exam and new contacts soon.) I plan to try to read through all my paperback versions. Although, that might be a little more difficult if I take on those monthly books I'll get in the mail. Hopefully, I can get back to finding and writing down quotes from my books. Haven't been able to focus that much lately.

I also am trying to get back to learning Polish through Duolingo. I've remembered a lot more than I thought I would. It still is hard to focus very long on it. It'd be great if I can get to the point of practicing my clarinet again. I might be able to do it for short periods of time now. I'd love to get back to drawing, too. I just should try to pace myself. If I do too much one day, it'll take a while to get back to things. I hate that. I even just want to get back to my walks. One day at a time. 

17th of Sivan

This my wallpaper for June. It's Asta and Yuno from Black Clover. Haven't found many good Black Clover wallpapers yet. This seems to be from one of the openings. I didn't expect it to go for so long when I started watching the series. It's now up to 88 episodes...Haven't mentioned it much on here. These are the main characters. They're like brothers. As babies, they were dropped off in a basket together at the front door of a church's orphanage. No one knows where they came from or who the people who left them were. Asta doesn't have magic, but uses anti-magic that nullifies all magic. He's extremely strong physically, since he trained to compensate for lacking magic. He can sense others in many ways using 'ki'. Just a way to naturally heighten his senses/observation skills. Yuno's overflowing with magic. They're like total opposites in personality, too. Asta does get his own grimoire (magic book of spells that chooses its owner), which is full of anti-magic abilities plus 2 huge swords only he seems to be able to wield. He can turn partially into a demon, too. The book is in the unlucky/demon category. Yuno has the lucky one. He has a wind fairy or guardian, which is very rare in their world. Asta gets into the Black Bulls guild, which is considered the weakest one at the beginning and full of wild card members. Yuno is in the most powerful one called the Golden Dawn. Most of who are royalty. Asta and Yuno are often made fun of because of being 'peasants'. It's interesting how class plays into it. 

The month-long holidays for June are: National Candy Month, National Dairy Month, National Iced Tea Month, National Mango Month, Pride Month, National Camping Month, National Rose Month, National Zoo and Aquarium Month. Some are for important causes, some are to make you appreciate things you may take for granted, and some are just for fun. 

For the elements calendar, it's lithium this month. It's used in batteries, as a mood stabilizer, cars, pacemakers, and more. They have a main pic of the metal. Other pics are of lithium carbonate pills, lithium grease, and 2 different types of lithium batteries. 

It's been a while. Much longer than I wanted it to be between posts. (Hopefully I'll get to posting more often again.) Lots of things have happened this month. 

Went to our local Pride picnic. Same place as last year, which was a camping/retreat center. It was a nice sunny day. A little odd that they didn't have hot dogs and hamburgers this time. Instead, it was sloppy Joe's and grilled chicken. Don't know what they had for the vegetarian alternative. I had the chicken, and there were quite a lot of other good things. Got to talk with some people I know. At one point, I needed to get out of the sun and went back into the main cabin. (That's where the food, drinks, and bathrooms were.) Hardly anybody was in there. I was having some sort of reaction to the sun, so I just grabbed some water and sat by myself. After that passed, I walked around outside on my own. Got some nice pics. Earlier, I went through the labyrinth with my parent. First time going through theirs. I kind of cheated at the very end. I was right next to the exit, but it seemed to want me to do another lap around it. Too much twisting around for me by then, so I just stepped over the line. There were painted rocks along the way there and actually on the sides of the path of it. There were a lot in the center along with other weird things. Thought it was really cool that they put the trans and ace flags next to the entrance sign. It was one of the first things you see. I'm both trans and ace. Yay! I like how the ace flag seems to be represented more every year. Makes my heart happy. I wonder what other people thought of it? They also had the huge rainbow flag over part of that main cabin building. It's very impressive. The only downside was, at one point, it was pushed to the side which revealed a humongous cross. I think that made a lot of people feel at least uncomfortable. Some left pretty quickly after that. Made me feel uneasy when I noticed it. Also, pushing our flag to the side when it wasn't the end seems kind of disrespectful. 

I got a new bathroom doorknob. The old one was as old as the house. (I think it's 35-40 years old?) It completely fell apart recently. It's always had issues. The only time it fully locked was when part of it was still in the door (after starting to falling apart), and the wind closed it. Apparently, locking it at the same time. I panicked at that moment, but luckily my parent was able to 'break in' and take it fully out. Looked pretty gross on the inside. It was odd seeing a hole in the door for a little while. I put sticky notes over it to have some privacy. The new one is nice and shiny. Works really well. My parent put it up. There's a slot on the other side of the door, so if there's an emergency and I can't unlock it for some reason, someone could use something like a coin to do it. Nice safety mechanism. Even if I never need it. 

Got new sneakers, slippers, pajamas, socks, and an eye mask from Amazon. The old sneakers had bit the dust. They lasted about 2 years, which isn't bad. I got a very similar design this time. It's supposed to be sturdier and the next 'generation' of it. Both the old and new ones are from Skechers. I got it in light blue (looks light teal in a certain light) for the trim and the main body is a mix of black and grey. The old ones seemed more stylish with pink and dark navy (almost black). They didn't have those colors in my size anymore. I think they only had that for the bigger sizes. I forgot how stiff they were at first. It's not the normal type of stiffness. These ones adjust themselves to your actual shape. It takes a little time to do that. With the old pair, once they adjusted, they were one of the most comfortable pairs I've had. It's getting to that point at the moment with the new ones. 

I must have had the old slippers for close to a decade. They were really beaten up and falling apart. Weren't really slippers anymore. The new ones are from Dearfoams. Same brand as the old ones. I tried to find a similar style. They still look a bit different. Same color, has a fluffy 'cuff' at the top, and memory foam like before. 

The new PJ's are from the same brand as before, and supposed to be the same design. They have a pink trim and the rest is a dark navy. (Seemed match my old sneakers...) I got it in a size too big, so I could be even comfier. It is pretty nice that way. The only other difference compared to the old is the buttons now have a simpler version of the logo. The old one had plain buttons. Not a big difference, but odd.

Now all I need are new jeans. The most recent pair had a huge hole form about a month or so ago. So, I've been wearing my even older ones since. The ones I was only wearing on laundry days. It's a size too big. Also, have noticed that it's fraying at the top. Not sure how long these will last before there are holes.

I went to Urgent Care a couple of weeks ago. I had a nasty pain on my side and fevers off and on. They thought it was a kidney infection, so they gave me antibiotics and saline to hydrate me. I had a lot of bacteria for some reason. 

Went to the ER a couple of days later, because I threw up blood the night before. The smell was awful. Worse than regular throw up. It was bright red and took up a lot of the toilet bowl. The taste was very metallic. (I don't think I've ever thrown up blood like that.) Also, threw up some bile not long after. I didn't eat anything for close to 24 hours after my last meal, for fear I'd throw up again. Turns out the antibiotics may have made me nauseous and the Celebrex made me throw up blood. I was already on Celebrex for a couple of weeks, though...Almost every antibiotic I've taken has made me sick. Thrown up a lot with them in the past, too. They saw gallstones, but apparently there weren't enough of them to worry about. They weren't blocking anything either. The gallbladder is on the other side of where I had the pain. I don't think it was that. They were worried about my liver enzymes being high. I never got the results to see by how much. It was enough that she wanted me to have my primary look into it. I was there for most of the day. At least they gave me an anti-nausea med and morphine. I stopped taking Celebrex and the antibiotic after that. Haven't thrown up since. Thank goodness. 

Had a modified barium swallow test. That was interesting. The speech pathologist made a big deal when I told her how transphobic my previous GI and that clinic were. She suddenly seemed to change her tone and asked me if I wanted to be referred to by name on file and my pronouns. She then wanted the tech there to message my primary about it even though I said she knew. Despite telling her, she occasionally referred to me as 'gal'. Yes, I didn't actually tell her I was agender, but that was weird. Things were moving too fast to correct her on it. She was a very intense person, although I was late, so she was probably exhausted.

They had me drink a few differently thickened liquids, chocolate pudding, peaches, and a cookie. All with barium mixed in, except the cookie had it slathered on half of it. I was told not to eat the plain other half...The chocolate pudding was actually pretty good. The rest had an off-taste. 

They used a fluoroscope, which takes multiple x-rays at once and basically turns them into a video. So, you can watch it in action. The monitor was set off to the side of the platform I was on. I could see some of it through the corner of my eye. My skeleton was black, and what I drank/ate showed up white. From what I could see, it was cool. I like looking inside myself in x-rays and such. It's so fascinating. Like it's another me. I might ask for the x-rays of that in the future. 

Anyways, they said that my swallow was perfect. No abnormalities. She was impressed that my teeth were so clean. Interesting, considering I haven't seen a dentist in roughly 14 years. She said it is very common for people with dysphagia to have 'good' moments where there's no sign of it. She wants to look again in a couple of months, and said maybe they'll catch it then. 

For now, she suspects I have LPR or laryngopharyngeal reflux. It's like a type of GERD, only it affects the larynx, pharynx, and other areas in the upper throat. The stomach acid travels up that far, irritating and eroding those areas. Often it forces valves to open so food/fluids fall into the windpipe, and/or the acid makes it into the nasal cavity. This can cause a lot of serious issues. If food/fluids make it into the lungs, it can cause aspiration, choking, and pneumonia. Dysphagia's one of the most common symptoms of it. It's referred to as the silent reflux, because unlike GERD, most people with LPR don't have heartburn. It also tends to have different symptoms. Making it harder to pinpoint.

She gave me a lot of info. Things on what LPR means, the swallowing process, tips on managing LPR, LPR diet, and more. It's kind of a dizzying amount of info, especially with the diet and managing it. I couldn't do the diet. I restrict my diet normally (kosher-style, trigger foods of my colitis, things I don't like, etc.), but this would have made it next to impossible to eat. No chocolate, no tomatoes, mostly no cheese (unless it's low-fat and not processed-hard to find), no cream, certain types of fruits, nothing fried, no caffeine (I tend to have a low amount in my tea, but she said that was still too much), and it goes on. I might stick to the suggestion that if a food makes me feel uncomfortable or makes the dysphagia act up; don't eat it. 

She also suggested I elevate the head of my bed with either 4"-6" blocks/books or a wedge pillow. I just got the pillow. It's taking some getting used to. It's huge! I'm wondering if it'll soften up over time? Hopefully. I've been adding my regular pillow to it at night when I can't stand the hardness. Helps cushion it more, but then my head's elevated even more and when I wake up my neck hurts. 

I'm trying to do the take a small bite then a sip of a drink thing. I tend to forget, though. It makes sense. She also told me to have Tums 30 minutes before every meal. That's a lot considering she wants me to eat up to 6 small meals. (I normally do 5.) I'd overdose. I got Tums Ultra and started taking it 30 minutes before my last meal (snack) of the day. They say the limit is 7 a day. If I followed her advice, I would have roughly 10-12 at least. I thought I'd stick with 2 a day for now to see how it affects me. I got a big bottle of it to last me. I've always just barely tolerated the taste, and it feels like I'm biting down on a piece of chalk. I'd probably have a hard time with more than 3 or 4. 

I'm also going back to being more strict with the 'diet' I normally follow. Wasn't too far off lately, though. Calorie range being 1200-1600 a day, making sure I don't eat too much at restaurants, asking for smaller portions, etc. I can eat pretty much anything this way, just as long as I take into account the calories. Calories are like what I have to 'spend' for the day. I've turned it into a game this way. I've designated the weekend, dinner at Shari's after the local trans meetings, and celebrations as treat days. I never say 'cheat' days. I'm not cheating and after following it, I should be able to treat myself. Food isn't the enemy. Calories don't matter as much those days. In the past, I did put a reasonably higher limit during those times. Maybe I should do that again. That might help me feel better overall. 

Started doing one of my 2-mile walks a day on Tuesday. It's been a long time since I made it a habit. My norm was actually 2 of those walks a day. Briefly did 3 a day at one point. That seems overkill. I'd be happy to make it to my norm again. It's been a bit easier to start that this week, because it's been cool out. Also, going with somebody, like my parent, helps a little. I normally would blare my music with earphones on, and it felt like I went into another world. I might try to get back into my sit-ups, too. In the past, I started off with 5 sit-ups twice a day. Then, added 5 to both times every week. I made it to 95 sit-ups twice a day at one point. I think that was the most I got to. After that, my colitis symptoms started acting up and it hurt too much. Maybe I can push through the pain this time. Gut might get a little smaller.

I recently sent a DNA sample to 23andMe. I did AncestryDNA before, but this one's much more in depth and there's an added health part. Should be interesting to see what they say about me. They think the results will be ready by July 8th. My parent had hers done before me, which was very interesting to see. 

Still keeping up with my Dutch. Made it to the highest league in Duolingo. Apparently it's ruby. So, it goes bronze, silver, gold, sapphire, and ruby. You earn things like sapphires or rubies, depending on the course, so that would make sense. I've often ended up in the top 25 by the end of the week. Not bad. I don't see how people can earn over 1000 xp a week. They're the ones in the top 5. Just finished the Family 2 unit. A lot of words for family members are super close to their English counterparts, or at least sound like them. Things like vader sounds a lot like father. Or, moeder sounds like mother. Other words for them are opa or pa for dad, and oma or ma for mom. Nicht for niece and neef for nephew. Although, those last 2 are also used to refer to cousins. (Nicht for female cousins, and neef for male.) That's weird.

I've figured out how to add shading to my drawing in Photoshop. So, I've been messing with that lately. It's kind of fun. He looks more 3D this way. After I finish that, I'll post it to dA and Instagram. 

I've managed to edit Alliance every day this week. Wahoo! I'm already well into chapter 18. There are 20 chapters. Getting close. I might still go over some of the beginning stuff again. It won't be long until I'm done editing it, though. Certainly if I keep it up. 

Finished both the 2nd season of The Rain and 3rd season of Slasher on Netflix. For the most part, I liked both of them. Some parts of The Rain were slightly frustrating, but I think that was to add more drama. They didn't need that. Slasher actually surprised me with who the killer(s) was. (Don't want to give away too much.)

I'm almost done with the 1st season of The Umbrella Academy on Netflix. I'm really surprised by this one. It's a little trippy, but good. The actors have been great, the music fits, the cinematography is great, story has a lot of twists, and more. They say a 2nd season will be out soon.

Found a new game for my iphone called The Elder Scrolls: Blades. Done by the same people who did The Elder Scrolls: Morrowind. One of my fave games. They're both rpg's, and a lot of Blades reminds me of Morrowind. It's not as fantastic, but for an iphone game it's pretty dang good. Both games have really beautiful worlds. Actually, I think they're supposed to be set in the same world, but Morrowind takes place much earlier in their timeline. The story of that world is really complex. Apparently, the people behind the Elder Scrolls games just had a 25th anniversary of the 1st one. A lot of time to build on it. The art is stunning and music is nice. The only downside is you have to choose if you're character is a man or woman. Same thing with Morrowind, I think. There are several races, which makes it interesting. With Morrowind there was so much to explore, even unrelated to the quests. Blades doesn't truly feel like you have that much freedom, but there's still some side things to see. They alert you when you've found a secret place. That can be fun and annoying at the same time. I think it's interesting that you have your own town, and have to rebuild it after it was destroyed at the beginning. You get to customize it that way. I've read briefly that you can customize jewelry, too. 

25th of Iyar

Went to the local trans group meeting last night. There wasn't much of a turnout. I think there were 4 of us. One of them was there as a speaker to talk about their group called TARP or Trans Advocacy in Rural Places. They're based in Seattle, but travel around the state. I think he is the founder of it. It basically educates trans people living in rural communities in Washington state on their legal/civil rights, support, advocacy, professional training, support for documents (like letters for certain surgeries), etc. They sound like a good resource. The handout was pretty detailed on a lot of things. 

They mention changing the gender marker to x with certain documents. X being used by some states (including Washington state) as a generalized marker for non-binary people. I'm glad some have something now. They don't in the state I was born in, Kentucky. So, I can't add it to my birth certificate, which is sad. There are some enby people that don't like it, because that's technically not their gender. It's an umbrella term. Someone has suggested a fill-in 'other' blank space. If it was specific, I'd probably have an A as my marker. It does seem odd that people who are binary can be specific about who they are, but enby people can't. It's considered too 'complex'. Still, I find having the x is better than having to choose between 2 things I'm definitely not. To simplify it, I can see why they'd want one letter for the 'others'. Maybe there should be a fill-in option if there has to be anything. Normally, the 5th Wednesday is a potluck and/or movie night. We didn't know how many people would be there, though. 

Went to Shari's afterwards. It was just my parent and I this time. Normally, it's an after group social thing. That's ok. Not many people went this time. My dysphagia has gotten bad enough lately that I'm weary towards eating. So, I tried to have something soft and easy to eat. I think in the future I'm going to try to be better about eating a certain way, so it'd be easier to handle. I got their pancake combo with scrambled eggs and hash browns as sides. Had the pancakes without butter (I hate having a huge mound of unmelted butter on my pancakes) and with syrup on the side. It was pretty good. The hash browns gave me a little trouble, but weren't bad. I have to remember to cut things into smaller pieces, especially with things like pancakes. Got a slice of their special pie of the month: butterscotch. It's amazing! It has a chocolate crust, maple flavor layer over that, butterscotch pudding on top of that, whipped cream, and a sprinkling of shaved chocolate. Since it was a cream pie, I thought it'd be easier than the other pies. I think it was. The filling seems like the consistency that they suggest meals should be for people with severe dysphagia. It should be like a thick milkshake or pudding. I hope it doesn't get to the point where I'd have to eat like that for every meal. (Mine's definitely not severe.) They use the blender a lot, and there's a special thickening powder specifically for people with dysphagia that also is high in calories and nutrients. Many people lose weight and have a low appetite, so it's easier for them to get what they need nutritionally with what little they can manage if they mix that in their meals. 

I got an im this morning that had a voicemail (not from the actual person, just something they shared) that was basically meant to be uplifting and empowering. The sentiment was great. The way it was worded was not. It was aimed at Christian women. Referring to people as sis, mentioning that Jesus is with you, and that G-d is within you (I think...). It was bizarre to me. I'm not a woman and I'm not Christian. There is no Jesus in Judaism, and our views of G-d are different. So much going on there. I know the person who sent it didn't do it in a malicious way, but it sure didn't change the way I felt about it. We later talked about it and she apologized and didn't mean to be offensive. For some reason 'offensive' is not really the word I'd use for it. Offensive would be using derogatory words, maliciousness, and essentially going out of your way about it. That wasn't it. I don't particularly like being misgendered. That's worse than the religious part. I think I've been desensitized to that sort of thing. However, the closest example (for the misgendering) I have is how would a man like that sort of message if it was sent to him? Would he feel ok with it referring to him as a woman? Using language like: "Hey sis!" It was just ignorance. It's cool if you understand and correct yourself in the future. How are people that mean well going to understand if no one tells them in the first place? I like to take that stance with a lot of things. 

So much of my hair's coming out, I dread washing and styling it now. If I don't, it just collects and sheds more. I know that if it's going to come out, it will whether I wash it or not...It's still scary, though. Found some bald spots today. They're bigger than I expected. Luckily, I have longer hair covering them up right now. They're still not visible unless you lift that hair up. Not sure how long it'll be until it fully comes out at this rate. 

Started Duolingo's Dutch course. It seems much easier than I expected so far. It seems like they use the gutteral 'ch' sound more than in German. I think it's similar to how often it's used in Hebrew. They write it as a 'g' instead. It's been a little difficult remembering that. Like good in Dutch is goed. It's pronounced like choot. (Again, ch being like the ending of Bach for those that don't know.) Quite a bit different. Apparently, oe is like oo in English, but oo in Dutch is like oh in English. That's another thing to keep straight. I was having trouble pronouncing hij, which is he in English, until I looked more into it. Ij is pronounced like ei or ay. So, hij sounds like hay. Ever since then I've gotten the pronunciation right for words with ij in them. I have to think a little differently with it. I like that they have speaking exercises. That's helped a lot.

Started watching the 2nd season of The Rain on Netflix. It's a Danish show. Basically, the rain has a virus in it that's lethal almost on contact. It's a bit more complicated, but it's the gist. There's a group of survivors trying to make it to Sweden, thinking it's better over there. The 'rain' has impacted most of Scandinavia. We don't know about Sweden yet. Some of it's pretty outlandish, but it's good. 

Youtube:

Fairy Tail:


Boku no (My) Hero Academia:

Mix:

One Piece:

11th of Adar II

Decided to make myself go to bed earlier than I have been. I've been tempted to stay up late lately because of the pain. Instead, I can go through the pain in bed while trying to fall asleep...It's better than doing it later, I suppose. I don't want to take the extra strength Tylenol too often, which puts me in a dilemma. Is it bad enough to need it or not? It only keeps the edge off. It's better than nothing, though. I managed to go to bed and get up at a decent time last night/this morning. Yay!

My throat's getting worse, too. More difficult when I lay down. It feels like it's squeezing more now. I've choked on my pills a few times. Not the huge ones (Lialda), but the normal-sized aspirin-shaped pills (Lamotrigine). I guess because they're wider? It tastes nasty when it gets stuck. Feels like there's more stuff in my throat. Not food, just like it's stuffed or something. Takes me a while to eat and drink, which is getting annoying. The 27th feels far away with this thing. (When my upper endoscopy/colonoscopy is.)

Almost done with the 2nd level of Verbs 1 in Duolingo's Korean course. There have been a lot of weird sentences. Like, the animal writes a message, I don't throw my friends, the men fall down together at the library, the cat and dog speak Korean to each other, etc. What's up with most things centered on the library, park, or sea? Makes it interesting, though.

Read more of MAR Omega. Nanashi made an appearance. I remember him from the anime. This takes place after the first manga series (which is what the anime was based on). He's still a thief. They also met the one that was the ref of the tournament before. He has a weird name, and pretty much everyone in his village looks the same. Except for the royalty, who look more like monsters. All their names are similar, too. To me, those creatures look like yoda. Might have been based on him. Fun to see old characters again. Apparently the 'Omega' part is based on a system of the same name. Having all of Babbo's stones will be part of the system that'll give his memories back. 

Finished cleaning up the full-body drawing of Shadow in Photoshop. I'll thin and shape the lines better next time. I already did that with his hair, which turned out interesting. Then, I'll color him in Photoshop, too. Edited more of Alliance. Getting through a lot of it. 

Had corned beef, potatoes, cabbage, spices (from the beef's package) and carrots all boiled together for St. Patrick's Day dinner. My parent made it. It was really good. I usually think of it as like an Irish Heritage Day. Celebrating St. Patrick himself would be weird for me. I'm part Irish, so it's like I get in touch with some of my roots. Even though that dinner is considered an Irish-American one (I've heard not many actual Irish people eat it like that), that also plays into my family background. It's our usual dinner for the holiday. An easily digestible meal, which is good for my gut issues. We sometimes listen to Irish music, I sometimes play them on my clarinet (that would be difficult for me right now), sometimes read Irish poems, etc. during the holiday. Didn't do any of that this year. We did have raisin soda bread for 'dessert'. I usually like the savory kind, but they had a sweet version at Safeway. So, we tried it. It was encrusted with sugar and saltier than usual. It was a bit too sweet and salty for me. Not as dense as usual either. I'll have more to help finish it, though. We do have a savory version as well. So, the good stuff after this sweet one. 

National Pancake Day!

This one was actually created by IHOP. (I think there are a couple of them.) Pancakes are free there today. People can donate to charities that help children battling illnesses. Haven't been to IHOP in a long time. I should have made pancakes for breakfast...I have that banana caramel pancake mix still. Pancakes can be pretty versatile. They can be sweet and/or savory. My faves are blueberry, chocolate chip with bananas, cinnamon roll, spinach, green onion, and more. I often like them by themselves, but syrup is good too. There's a variety out there for that as well. I currently have maple praline syrup that I've put on it sometimes. I hate globs of butter on it. It doesn't need that sort of thing.

Went to my gastro appointment on Thursday. The Digestive Health Consultants center has an endoscopy and colonoscopy department right there in the same building. I thought that was cool and convenient. Much closer than the last place I went for that. The intake form was interesting. It was on in an iPad. Handy, except for when I had to sign some of it. They should have given me a stylus or something. My signature ended up looking weird. I'm glad they had 'other' as an option for the 'sex' part. 

I think I like her a lot. She has a good sense of humor, yet is serious about what's been going on and my concerns. I've only seen one other actual gastroenterologist with an MD. I've seen a nurse specialist and physician's assistant in between. They weren't very helpful, and even my new gastro was surprised about how they treated me. That first gastro had a very heavy accent, and I felt bad that I had to ask her to repeat things so often. She was good at first, but stopped communication with me at some point. The new gastro doesn't have an accent like that and speaks clearly. Doesn't dumb things down too much, yet asks if I'm not familiar with something. 

She's very concerned about my throat, too. She diagnosed me with dysphagia. That means difficulty swallowing. In my case, it's painful as well. Hard to eat, drink, and speak. I'm surprised by my voice being affected. It's increasingly becoming hoarse. Feels like there's always something in my throat. Dysphagia's not just an annoyance. It can cause a lot of complications, like it's easier to choke, some people need their throat stretched, some have to have a feeding tube, etc. I was told to eat as normally as possible, soft foods are best, take smaller bites, and chew more. 

She didn't tell me this face to face, but in the after visit summary, she gave possibilities on what it could be. It tends to be a symptom of something else. Here are those possibilities: esophageal Crohn's, peptic stricture, eosinophilic esophagitis. We were speculating whether it could be related to Crohn's, so it wouldn't surprise me if it was that type. I don't think it would be a stricture. Looking up the last one's symptoms sounds an awful lot like what I'm experiencing. I remember I had issues with my eosinophil (a type of white blood cell) count when I first started having symptoms of the colitis. So, it's not too far a stretch to think that I might have something related to that. I've read that you could have a normal blood test result for the eosinophil count and still have this. They apparently gather and attack the esophagus, and usually don't show up with that test. 

She also wrote that I still have colitis symptoms despite being on Lialda. She took me seriously with that and even said there's obviously something going on. She said she could tell just by looking at me and doing a short physical exam. I mentioned my stiff painful joints and muscles, and she said that was another sign that the colitis may be active. Especially if it's getting worse. 

She asked me if I've ever been tested for Celiac disease. I haven't. She said we should test it to make sure, since I could have colitis and Celiac at the same time. Some patients are like that. I hope not. I don't want to give up gluten. I love it...

She ordered a bunch of blood tests. About 7 vials of varying size in total. I almost couldn't stand to sit there for so long. Most of it was for Celiac testing. That took longer than the others. I have most of the results back, and they're all normal. A few are much higher or lower than my personal norm, but within the range. Not sure how to take that. For the specific ones they use to detect Celiac, so far, they're within normal range. However, 2 of them are really low. They say for both of those if it's below 20 units, then it's not positive for it. One of those is at 3 the other's at 6. The 3 one especially looks weird. I added that one's result into Patients Like Me's charts, and they flagged it as too low. That concerns me a bit more. I don't want to be deficient in those antibodies. They didn't flag it on the test results themselves. Seems like something to bring up with her. Looking at these results as is, it seems like I don't have Celiac at least. I think there are a couple more tests I'm still waiting on.

She agreed to doing an upper endoscopy along with the colonoscopy. She said at the very least the only way to see what's really going on with my throat is to scope and take biopsies of it. I also read that that's the only way to diagnose eosinophilic esophagitis. There is no reliable blood test for it. She'll take a look at my stomach/duodenum, since last time it indicated something was going on with it. (They said it was a certain gastritis that is common with people who have Crohn's.) She'll look at and take biopsies of part of my small intestines not only to see if there are signs of Crohn's, but to also check for Celiac. I've read that even if blood test results are negative, if it's just starting/mild it'll only show up in biopsies or looking at it with a scope. So, yay! There's still a possibility...I don't want ee, Crohn's/colitis, and Celiac all at once. Makes it even scarier. She'll also check to see how my colon is doing. If it's not flaring right now, the scarring must be worse or something. I'm having awful intestinal cramping often now. A plus for the endo/colonoscopy is that both will be done by her. In the past it was a different gastro that did them. Not my personal one. This way she can have a more in-depth/personal look.

I'm glad she agreed to letting me do the Miralax/Gatorade prep. However, theirs is a bit different than last time. Instead of just 4 pills of dulcolax in addition to that Miralax solution, she wants me to have 2 bottles of magnesium citrate. (1/2 a bottle one day, 1/2 the next, and a full the day after that.) It's a liquid laxative. I've read that it's palatable but not good. Some people have said if you get the lemon it's like concentrated salty lemon juice. Some have said it tastes like a strong version of Sprite without the fizz. They also said it's really powerful stuff. Most only had 1/2 a bottle. I'm a bit scared of it now. Why do I need something so powerful in addition to the Miralax? Seems like overkill. At least they have me on the liquid diet for a shorter time. 1 1/2 days rather than 5 or 6 days. A lot less to prepare for on that front. 5 or 6 days were really difficult after the 2nd day. It'll be the same amount of Miralax (14 days worth) and Gatorade (64oz). That's a lot of fluid. The Miralax part of it gets difficult towards the last couple of glasses. Maybe I didn't mix it enough last time? We'll see. It's nothing like that vile Golytely stuff, though. That was like the worst thing I've ever tried to ingest.

I've been having such a difficult time sleeping with all the pain and other symptoms, which makes me get up later than I'd like. I think I said something similar on here last time, but that seems to be getting worse. Hard to get motivated while feeling like this, too. I'll try going to bed earlier, even if it's painful. I'll take more extra strength Tylenol before going to bed, as well. I have been doing things like studying Korean, editing Shadow's full-body drawing, and a little editing of Alliance. 

Someone on AVEN read my last blog post on here and messaged me. It was an incredibly long message that looked almost like a college research paper. She was in her 60's and I don't think she was used to online forums and how people usually interact on there. She also listed 'alpha female' as her gender. Lots of mentions about being a feminist and a 'retired' minority advocate in her profile. Got the sense she was a terf just from that. I had commented on a post about feeling conflicted about International Women's Day when you're an afab trans person. I agreed to the op's first post. She found me through that comment. She thought I had conflicted feelings towards my body and was 'confused'. Nope. I'm not confused and don't really have conflicting feelings about my body. My body's mine, but there are parts of it that shouldn't be there. I like pretty much everything else about it. It makes me me. It's pretty interesting to learn about the inner workings of it. I even like looking at my blood test results. It was cool to hear and see my heart in an ultrasound. I love that stuff, actually. She said how sorry she felt about my health. (Used odd wording and I don't think she knew what those words meant...) Went on and on about how she knew better about saving her partner than the doctors did. Also, about how awful the UK health care system is. I don't know...I've heard that it's actually better than ours. She offered to help me figure out my nutrition stuff. Yeah, I really need unsolicited advice from a stranger who doesn't really know much about my condition. I told her that I'd rather trust my medical team and maybe (a big maybe, but more likely) people who have IBD as well. She mentioned IBS by the way when talking about IBD, seemingly to think they were the same. They're very different things. I couldn't believe or actually follow half of what she said. I have a feeling she not only wanted to give me poor health advice but to tell me I'm really just a 'confused' woman. She did say she 'battled' with her own gender and realized it was because of child abuse and trauma, and she believes that's also what causes diseases like IBD. Sure...That's not right at all. Abuse and trauma had nothing to do with me being dysphoric and having colitis. They just happened. A good way to tell people it's all 'in our heads' and you must have been damaged in some way before. It's all your own fault for having an autoimmune disease. Not cool, and looking at some of her other posts, that's the message (on both) she keeps trying to push even if it has nothing to do with the topic. I blocked her on there when she practically ignored what I said in my message to her. She replied with more weird stuff. I hope she doesn't hurt others, though.