22nd of Iyar

My mom's yahrzeit (Jewish anniversary of her death) was on the 9th of Iyar or May 14th this year. I forgot until it was the late afternoon, so didn't light a yahrzeit candle this year. I think she'd understand. We did 'visit' her and went to places she liked on May 1st, the regular calendar's anniversary. I had hoped to keep up my blogging more often again, but that hasn't worked out so well this month. 

Agender Pride Day was on the 19th. Again, an agender person is someone who doesn't have a gender. I didn't see many people putting it out there. Even in some of the LGBTQ+ pages I follow. Saw it briefly mentioned in an enby group on fb. It needs more visibility next year. There actually aren't many pages or groups on fb that are specifically centered on agender people. It feels like there aren't that many agender people in the enby group I'm in. They're mainly genderfluid.  

I wanted to join agender forums too, but there really aren't any. The neutrois forum I saw not long ago (which helped me realize) isn't active and is primarily archived. Good for looking up info, but no actual community on there. Neutrois is different, but they also had an agender side to that forum. It was a mix. Neutrois is a neutral gender. It does not mean they are without a gender, just that they are 'neutral'. 

Agender is aka genderless, genderfree, gendervoid, gendernull, and more. Agender seems to be the newest term. There are agender people that are slightly masculine or feminine. Of the small amount of agender people in that group, most seem to be like that. I'm neither. Absolutely no masculine or feminine sides to me. To me, those are more like styles, I guess? 

It was World IBD Day that same day. Their theme this year was making the invisible visible. IBD is considered an invisible illness, since most of it is internal or people are good at hiding the extraintestinal manifestations. Extraintestinal manifestations like arthritis, rashes, swelling, mouth sores, eye inflammation (multiple types), bone thinning, kidney stones, liver issues, anemia, and more. I've had malabsorption issues that contributed to things like my nails becoming more brittle, hair thinning, ankles swelling, and weird rash spots on my legs. We can look perfectly fine, but inside it's a completely different story. We're also more likely to develop colon cancer. 

Patients are often discriminated against, too. Some use handicap parking spots, and since they look 'fine' people hassle them. There are those that are denied restroom access, which can turn into a humiliating and frankly unsanitary event. Some avoid going out because they're worried they won't find or be able to use a restroom. Some are chastised for using a disabled (or I think some call it family) stall. Some patients need that extra space to empty their stoma bags and clean up. People have resorted to getting cards that have info on why they need to use an employee restroom (if there aren't regular ones), disabled stall, and those parking spots. Basically to prove it, which is kind of disgusting that they'd have to go that far. If people ignore the card, and they can't get access, they could sue them. 

Had my first rheumatology appointment last Tuesday, which also happened to be what would have been my mom's birthday. I was really nervous. I wanted to go through all my symptoms, making sure to correctly describe them, and remember to ask about certain things. I didn't get through all of the symptoms, since he asked a few questions on each one I brought up. 

Here are most of my symptoms: My muscles and joints are sore/stiff and weak, there are rashes on my eyelids and forehead (can't tell as much, but suspect that my scalp, part of my nose, and parts of my ears have them too), really itchy scalp that feels like it's on fire (burns more when I scratch it, so it's an endless cycle), hair loss (starting to see very small bald patches), lightheaded, jaw pain, earache, dysphagia (trouble swallowing), tongue pain, feeling really full despite not eating, less of an appetite, crook of elbows both have a weird bruised/cold/partially numb feeling that is especially painful at night, losing flexibility in a couple of fingers (surprisingly annoying when it was a pinky finger at first), weird hard bumps on some finger joints, nausea, occasionally hard to breathe, cough a lot at night, both knees feel painful and partially numb, spitting up very thick balls of bloody phlegm. It's a lot. 

He kept saying sorry every time I winced in pain while he was doing a physical and checking how my joints and muscles were. I'm going to be in pain whether I saw him or not. He told me that muscle pain and tenderness isn't common with dermatomyositis (dm). Yet, all the articles I've read so far say it's very common. It makes sense that it would since their muscles are being broken down. Reminds me of when I was told by one of the GIs that patients with IBD don't usually feel pain. One of the main symptoms is abdominal pain...In the many IBD groups I'm in on fb, everyone has said they were in pain. Even while in remission, which is true for me. The scarring of my colon causes more pain than I thought it would.

He's not sure about the rash. The eyelid rash he showed me seemed like an extreme case. The main pic that pops up in a search looks an awful lot like mine. I even showed him the pics I took last month. He was surprised by them. He tried to look at my scalp, but I still had so much hair that he had a hard time seeing anything. He didn't say anything about it, either. 

He briefly said that lupus might be a possibility, but spent most of the time bringing up fibromyalgia. Even gave me a 15-page info pamphlet on it. I noticed after reading some of it that they do that to prepare patients for the possibility that all the blood tests will come back normal. I don't think it's lupus or fibro. Neither would make sense to me. Plus, not all my results have been normal. The C-reactive Protein (for inflammation) was high, and ANA screen (for autoimmune diseases) was a strong positive and had an unusual pattern. 

He did order a bunch more blood tests. Many testing for certain protein enzymes, antibodies, Sjorgren's, a myositis panel (there are other types of muscle diseases), and a rheumatoid factor. So far, they've been negative or normal. There are still a few more. These tests are mainly used to narrow down the possibilities. They may need to do imaging like an MRI, ultrasound, electromyogram (like an electrocardiogram, but for muscles where they measure their electrical activity, as well as the nerves), or biopsies. 

He referred me to their Speech, Language, and Learning department for a modified barium swallow exam to look more into my dysphagia. I made an appointment for it next month. It sounds like an interesting test. I don't have to fast beforehand, and there won't be a copay. A speech pathologist will be observing while the radiologist runs it. I have a feeling I might have to see her for a follow-up. They gave me her name. I think he mentioned it'd be good to see one since they can help me with my dysphagia. They have you stand for 10 minutes for the first part. During that they give you drinks and food infused with barium, tell you to eat/drink them, and they take images (not sure if there's video...That would be cool) at the same time. The barium makes it visible in the images and easier to see what goes on while you swallow. There are a lot of muscles in the throat and any one of them could be involved. They watch each stage of the swallowing process. I've read that treatment for dysphagia often depends on what part is not working correctly. For the 2nd part, you lay on a table on your belly. They ask you to do the same thing. That's going to be uncomfortable. I could see why they'd want imaging with different positions, though. 

He also referred me to their Dermatology department. I tried to make an appointment, but they didn't have anything until October. He wants me to be seen sooner and that seems like a long time to wait. So, they gave me the names of 2 clinics they contract out-of-network with and their phone numbers. If they have something sooner, I need to call Dermatology again and have them send a referral. He wanted a dermatologist to check out my rashes, hair loss, and scalp issues. I might call Dermatology again and ask about appointments for other locations. They had me call the Silverdale location before, but maybe the other ones will have openings sooner. 

I made sure to ask him about prescribing something for the pain. This is difficult. I've been told to avoid NSAIDs, because they can trigger a colitis flare. Opioids have a similar affect. Sometimes they prescribe antidepressants for pain. I take Lamotrigine, which keeps me well balanced and stable. It's technically an anticonvulsant, but it can have negative interactions with antidepressants. I really don't want to mess with that. So, he left it up to me to decide. I went with an NSAID. I'd rather have a colitis flare than mess with my mental health. 

I was prescribed Celebrex. It's an arthritis painkiller. He put me on the lowest dose possible: 1 50mg capsule twice a day. (They're so tiny!) Understandable. The site for it suggests you start out at that lowest dose, plus I think he wants to see how it affects me. If I flare, maybe it won't be as bad with such a low dose. They say I won't get the full benefit of it until around the 2 week mark. So, I still have to wait and see. I think it's helping a little. 

Finished Duolingo's Korean course yesterday. Also, made it to the sapphire league, which is the 2nd to highest league. Yay! It goes bronze, silver, gold, sapphire, and I don't know the highest. You get 'promoted' to the next league if you're in the top 10 at the end of a week. It's based on xp you've earned. Every lesson is 10xp. I barely squeaked by at #10 yesterday. 

Their Korean course was awful, but not awful enough to drop it like I did with Russian. The 'correct' translations of sentences had very poor English grammar, which made it harder to answer correctly. Made it very awkward. There were no speaking exercises. That's important to have. Sometimes the recording of the speaker wasn't clear. I did learn quite a bit. I can read the alphabet now, too. 

Since I started learning a new language every 3-4 months, I've studied German, Chinese, Italian, and now Korean. Chinese was the only one that wasn't through Duolingo. It was through HelloChinese. They had a really amazing course, which would have been great for other languages, too. Duolingo should take lessons from them. I'm thinking of starting Dutch today. I've had ancestors that came from the Netherlands, so that would be interesting. Of the Germanic languages, Dutch is considered the closest to English. It's a lot like German, which I also liked. They're more likely to have speaking exercises.

Managed to start coloring in the full body drawing of Shadow last week. It's a bit difficult figuring out exactly what colors I want in Photoshop. I might shade it a bit, too. Also, managed to edit up to chapter 17 of Alliance last week. I think there are 20 chapters, so I'm close to the end.

Dropped Perfume on Netflix. It's a German detective show based on a novel. It had way too many sex scenes. That's saying a lot. I normally can just look away and wait. I don't particularly like those scenes. It's like some of these shows couldn't come up with anything, so they just threw in those scenes to fill up time. The story was interesting.

Black Summer on Netflix was surprisingly good. It's a zombie show. Hope they make another season, because it really didn't have an end. 

Dramaworld on Netflix was very interesting. The main character is played by the same actor that played Abby, Sheila and Joel's daughter, from Santa Clarita Diet. They recently came out as non-binary, which is cool. Nice to see them in something else. Anyways, this was basically a Korean drama within a Korean drama. The main character, who's American (the actual actor is Australian) and doesn't understand Korean, gets sucked into Dramaworld. It's where all the K-dramas come from. She's a huge K-drama fan. She has to save their world. She can understand the other characters because they're subtitled for her, and they can understand her since she's subtitled for them. Although, the 'leading' man knows English and mostly talks to her in it. The person who introduces her to their world, is also from the 'real' world. He hands her a book of rules and tells her that they facilitate characters. They make sure things go smoothly. He speaks both English and Korean. He played a really good villain. It basically mocked (in a fun and lighthearted way) K-drama cliches. I don't know too many of them, since I haven't seen many K-dramas. Especially, romantic ones. A lot of them were similar to ones in J-dramas, though. In their world, every time a woman's about to fall, a man is there to catch her. Although, that rule was broken once. There's an obligatory shower scene of the leading man. If a woman saves a man, the man falls in love with her. Same with the other way around. Random drunk women jump on the backs of men they don't know, and the men carry them home. It partially reminded me of Westworld, too. The only thing I didn't like was how short the episodes were. They left it wide open at the end, too. They should make a 2nd season. It was a collab between American (plus that one Australian, who acts in American shows) and Korean actors. They also shot most of it in South Korea. Seems more authentic that way. 

I'm almost done with watching Slasher: Solstice on Netflix. It's the 3rd season, and every season has a different story. First season is just Slasher, 2nd is Slasher: Guilty Party. It's a Canadian horror/detective series. They recycle some of the actors from other seasons, but they play different characters. This season's apparently based on real murder cases. Makes it a bit scarier that way. I think it's been even better than the other 2. Every season has had at least 2 LGBTQ+ characters. This one has a lot of them. There's even an ace character. They showed the process of her figuring it out after a bi character suggested it. They even mentioned it. This seems like a pretty big thing. Especially in a series that's popular enough to get 3 seasons. There's quite a lot of sex scenes, but not nearly as much as Perfume. I can at least ignore it in this one. It seems a little different to have mostly LGBTQ+ characters in those sort of scenes. The ace character even has sex. That shatters a stereotype, so kudos at least on that front. She also has a boyfriend she seems romantically attracted to. Often a stereotype with portraying ace people in media is that they're aro and not interested in dating or being in any close relationship with anyone. It would be cool to see an aro ace character in a qpr in main stream media, but I think that's too 'out there' for people. It tackles some tough topics like LGBTQ+ hate, racism, Islamophobia, and more. The majority of the cast are people of color. That's cool to see. The murders are really brutal. I'm still unsure who the killer is. They're hiding it a lot better than they did with the other seasons. Most of my guesses have died already or weren't around when some of the murders happened. I do think there are 2 Druids. The killer's referred to as the Druid. The first one committed the first murder a year ago. The second one's been killing a lot of people on the anniversary of it. Seemingly people that were related in some way to the first murder. They seem a lot more calculated, cruel, and planned with the second killer. That's my theory anyway. 

3rd of Iyar

Rosie had a vet appointment yesterday morning. Her matted fur had gotten so bad, we couldn't cut those patches out anymore. She also got a sore the night before under a patch of it. We weren't sure about her teeth, since she seemed to have a painful tooth not too long ago. When that happened, she was also doing something weird with drooping an ear to the side. She was due for a physical. So, she really needed to be seen. 

They shaved all the matted fur off. Almost down to the skin. It was very deep. The wound looks worse than it is, but they told us it was healing well on its own. Just in case, they gave us anti-microbial wipes to keep it clean. Telling us to dab it twice a day. They noticed she had gained a little more weight. Last time we were told she was a little overweight. Not good. Although, she's mostly muscle. She's very active. They ran some blood tests and we'll find out the results in a couple of days. Interesting to see that they're basically the same tests humans have done. Obviously with different norms. She also had her nails trimmed. She's been trying to pull them out lately. Sounds like she had a day at the spa.

She didn't put up much of a struggle with getting into the carrier this time. She might have been groggy, since it was in the morning. Didn't seem as traumatic, either. Maybe she wasn't groggy, and just realized that the carrier's not a bad thing? I don't know.

She seems a lot happier. She's still hugging me a lot. I've decided to use her grooming glove first thing when I go downstairs in the morning, and as the last thing I do downstairs at night. That way I can stay on top of keeping her fur nice. Especially as it grows. I didn't start using that glove when she was completely without matted fur (I think she's had them since we got her, it just wasn't as bad), so this will probably help a lot. I'll dab those wipes on her wound at around the same time. Easier to remember that way. 

I decided to feed her a little differently. She eats every time we're in the kitchen. There are 2 bowls. Originally one for Tasha and one for Rosie. Rosie has taken them both over (Tasha has a food bowl on the banister over the stairs), but I think Tasha sometimes goes down for a snack when we're all asleep, or she doesn't want to wait for one of us (obviously if Rosie's not there). She can't jump up there on her own anymore. So, I think it's wise to keep both bowls there for now. I'm giving Rosie less food at a time, only waiting until she completely finishes those bowls, cleaning them, and then giving her a little more. Before I'd fill them up to the brim, and halfway through she'd ask for more. If I'm constantly adding to it throughout the day, it ends up being too much. I waited until there were crumbs left today, cleaned them, and filled them about half as much as I normally do. She was not happy that I waited so long to give her more. She didn't seem disappointed with the amount. So, we'll see how this goes. It'll be hard to ignore her. She bites when I don't give her more right away. Cleaning it more often might encourage her to finish what she already has. It's just harder to clean them with what's going on with my hands/wrists. 

With Duolingo's Korean course, I'm halfway through the Seasons unit. I've decided to only finish the 1st level of each unit after I got more used to the alphabet. Seem to be doing ok that way. They added a 'league' section. I'm currently in the silver league, despite skipping some days lately. In fact, I'm in the top 10. Once you're still in the top 10 by the end of the week, you advance to the next league. 

Finally finished erasing and thinning the lines of that full-body Shadow drawing in Photoshop today. Only took me so long because I haven't been doing it often. Next, I'll connect some of the lines that weren't connected before, then I might color it in. If I color it in, I might add shading to it, too. It'll be interesting to see the final product. It already looks better than my previous full-body drawings.

Finally managed to get to some editing of Alliance today, as well. It's a little embarrassing, but I haven't done that in almost 2 months. I want to finish that soon. Hopefully I'll get to it more often now.

Watched Ghoul on Netflix. It's a 3-part Indian horror miniseries. There was a lot to it. They marketed it as a zombie show. It wasn't. The 'monster' was a summoned Arabic demon. With every person it bites, it can change it's appearance to look like them. I think it even can carry over the personality and memories of that person. Essentially creating a clone. It makes it's victims confront their guilt. If they're completely innocent, it won't touch them. One character in it was, and the demon seemed to protect him. The main character was a strong Muslim woman who was an interrogation officer. India was taken over by a brutal regime. People were assigned to certain sectors based on their religion. The ones who came to power were Christian and oppressed everyone else. They publicly burned books, restricted what teachers/professors could teach, interrogated people for no reason, punished people for being 'fake' Christians, etc. They were like Nazis. It was set in a not so distant future. It was interesting that despite being treated poorly, the main character still believed in the government. She even turned her father in. He was a professor and just wanted to educate his students more than what was on the syllabus. I'm not sure if I'm happy about the ending, but overall it was pretty good. 

Started watching Perfume on Netflix. It's a German detective show. Only 6 episodes, so more like a miniseries. The murder was rather brutal. The killer cut out her scent glands. As well as most areas that had hair. Cut off all the hair on her head. (Leaving her scalp intact.) The killer seems to be turning those 'pieces' into perfume. The only thing I'm not liking about it is the sex scenes. There are quite a lot and I've only seen the first episode. Maybe there will be less in future episodes? 

11th of Adar II

Decided to make myself go to bed earlier than I have been. I've been tempted to stay up late lately because of the pain. Instead, I can go through the pain in bed while trying to fall asleep...It's better than doing it later, I suppose. I don't want to take the extra strength Tylenol too often, which puts me in a dilemma. Is it bad enough to need it or not? It only keeps the edge off. It's better than nothing, though. I managed to go to bed and get up at a decent time last night/this morning. Yay!

My throat's getting worse, too. More difficult when I lay down. It feels like it's squeezing more now. I've choked on my pills a few times. Not the huge ones (Lialda), but the normal-sized aspirin-shaped pills (Lamotrigine). I guess because they're wider? It tastes nasty when it gets stuck. Feels like there's more stuff in my throat. Not food, just like it's stuffed or something. Takes me a while to eat and drink, which is getting annoying. The 27th feels far away with this thing. (When my upper endoscopy/colonoscopy is.)

Almost done with the 2nd level of Verbs 1 in Duolingo's Korean course. There have been a lot of weird sentences. Like, the animal writes a message, I don't throw my friends, the men fall down together at the library, the cat and dog speak Korean to each other, etc. What's up with most things centered on the library, park, or sea? Makes it interesting, though.

Read more of MAR Omega. Nanashi made an appearance. I remember him from the anime. This takes place after the first manga series (which is what the anime was based on). He's still a thief. They also met the one that was the ref of the tournament before. He has a weird name, and pretty much everyone in his village looks the same. Except for the royalty, who look more like monsters. All their names are similar, too. To me, those creatures look like yoda. Might have been based on him. Fun to see old characters again. Apparently the 'Omega' part is based on a system of the same name. Having all of Babbo's stones will be part of the system that'll give his memories back. 

Finished cleaning up the full-body drawing of Shadow in Photoshop. I'll thin and shape the lines better next time. I already did that with his hair, which turned out interesting. Then, I'll color him in Photoshop, too. Edited more of Alliance. Getting through a lot of it. 

Had corned beef, potatoes, cabbage, spices (from the beef's package) and carrots all boiled together for St. Patrick's Day dinner. My parent made it. It was really good. I usually think of it as like an Irish Heritage Day. Celebrating St. Patrick himself would be weird for me. I'm part Irish, so it's like I get in touch with some of my roots. Even though that dinner is considered an Irish-American one (I've heard not many actual Irish people eat it like that), that also plays into my family background. It's our usual dinner for the holiday. An easily digestible meal, which is good for my gut issues. We sometimes listen to Irish music, I sometimes play them on my clarinet (that would be difficult for me right now), sometimes read Irish poems, etc. during the holiday. Didn't do any of that this year. We did have raisin soda bread for 'dessert'. I usually like the savory kind, but they had a sweet version at Safeway. So, we tried it. It was encrusted with sugar and saltier than usual. It was a bit too sweet and salty for me. Not as dense as usual either. I'll have more to help finish it, though. We do have a savory version as well. So, the good stuff after this sweet one. 

29th of Adar I

I'm nervous about my new gastroenterologist appointment on Thursday. I haven't seen anyone for my colitis in a year and a half. Just looked that up now and it's longer than I remembered. I should see someone at least every 3 months (according to the CCFA) to monitor it. That's just to check on the disease, not necessarily how the medication is affecting me. That can vary more. 

Looking back at it, I apparently stopped Azathioprine in December of 2017. It wasn't metabolizing anymore. Been on Lialda ever since. Again, since no one has been monitoring me, I don't really know how helpful it's been or if it's metabolizing. I have felt like I've been flaring since July. Lialda was supposed to be the safest temporary med. My next options are biologics like Humira and Remicade. They're taken either with self-injections or infusion. These are heavier and more potent meds. I'd prefer to stay away from the self-injection ones. I get a weird thing every time I see my own blood or other health related stuff (shots, speaking about organs, etc.). It's a syndrome I can't remember the name of, but I have passed out from it. I don't need that every time I do it. Can't control it either. With the infusions you have to wait a few hours, and it's at hospitals usually. That can be a pain in different ways. I don't seem to have a problem with IV's, as long as I don't see them put it in.

I've noticed new extrintestinal symptoms, too. Most patients get them at some point, and can be a sign that they're flaring. I thought most of these symptoms were just kinks to work out or from fatigue. However, they haven't let up and, in fact, have gotten much worse. They're starting to pile up creating a snowball-like effect, and it's scaring me a bit. 

I made sure to make a list to bring up with her so I don't forget. In July, a weird deep butt pain started. Leg muscles from my knees up started to feel sore at the time every time I laid down or stood up. (Still does.) A year ago, I started coughing up weird hard balls of bloody mucus. (Yeah, gross...) I didn't think much of it until that became more frequent not too long ago. Now, it goes up my throat without me coughing it up. Prompting me to spit it out immediately. Never feels like it all gets out. It wasn't a normal thing for me before this. 

Roughly a couple of months ago, my jaw started to ache. It's gotten worse in the last couple of weeks. Every time I try to open my mouth to eat, yawn, etc. it hurts. The joints seem to be swelling, too. About a month ago, I started having a dry sore throat. I thought I just had a little cold, and that I'd need to wait it out. It's still there. Feels worse now. It's not bad enough to make me cough all the time. However, it hurts to swallow, food feels weird going down it, feels like I need to clear my throat every time I speak, etc. 

Not long after the sore throat started, my neck was so sore and stiff I had a hard time moving it, then that suddenly went away. About a day later the joints in my hands, wrists, neck, knees, one hip, and feet were painful and stiff. They haven't eased off since. My hands have been the worst. It's harder to grip things and even wash my hands. My jaw and other areas are cracking/popping more often, too. Not only that but a couple of weeks ago muscles from other parts of my body (not the leg ones I mentioned) started to feel sore and weak. Fun combo. 

About a month ago, I started feeling a searing pain around my eye sockets or outer eyelid area. Not in my eyes, but the outer skin. It's worse around my right eye. The pain has intensified in the last few days. Realized today that there's a slight red rash on parts of both areas. So, it's somewhat visible. I'm not just imagining it. I do have my eye exam next week, which should be interesting to see what they say, as well. 

I'm wondering if the throat things are specifically related to the colitis. If I have Crohn's (most people I've seen have leaned towards this), it could be affecting it. Crohn's can happen anywhere in the digestive tract, including the throat. It can travel, too. They did notice that my stomach and duodenum were slightly affected in the first upper endoscopy in 2015. It could have traveled up. It wasn't nearly as bad as my colon at the time, so that's what they focused on. They weren't sure if the disease was affecting them or something else was going on. I'll ask my new gastro if I could have an upper endo along with my colonoscopy to check. The gastro I had when I was about to have my 2nd colonoscopy (2017) never answered me and didn't request it. Despite asking her several times. She had several issues, but knowing what they saw the first time, I would think it'd be logical. Even my 1st gastro suggested it when we were talking about future colonoscopies. 

It's been affecting me more this week. Takes even longer than usual to go to sleep, then I end up staying in bed later than I'd like. Makes it a little more difficult to get stuff done. I'm trying to be kind to myself about it, though. Also, I've felt too tired to wash my hair lately. Did it today and felt like passing out after I styled it. Made me really dizzy for a while. At least, I got that done and feel a little better. 

So far this week I've made it to the 4th level of Basics 2 in Duolingo's Korean course. Almost done with that unit. Also, started typing out some of the sentences in Korean with the translation in Notes on my phone. Noticing more patterns, might try using speech-to-text to see if I'm saying them right, and more. Might be really handy. I have been editing more of the full-body drawing of Shadow in Photoshop. Finished the back part of his hair. Edited more of Alliance.

Finished watching Radiant. It was an odd time to end the season. They mentioned at the end that there will be a 2nd one. It'll be back in October. It ended with Seth leaving Artemis for Caislean Merlin. He left Melie and Doc behind. It looked like Grimm's going to secretly follow him. 

I plan to get better about being more balanced with my nutrients and still stay within my calorie range. According to MyFitnessPal, I'm usually far below my goals for protein, fiber, fat, saturated fat, cholesterol, potassium, calcium, and iron. Sugar and carbs vary a lot. Either half of where I should be for each or slightly over. Not sure about other nutrients, because that's what they show if you're not a premium member. I was surprised by some of them as I went through. I've heard many people have issues with having too much fat and cholesterol. Not making all of these goals, might have something to do with how I feel now, too. I have been told I need more protein, at least, than most healthy people because when I flare I tend to not absorb it well. It's hard to get all of them without going over the calorie range for the day...That's why I'm going to look more into foods naturally high in these, and stuff I already eat as well. Like, the tuna salad sandwich I make occasionally has a ton of protein, calcium, and iron. It's low in calories, too.

National Peanut Butter Lovers Day!

I love peanut butter, but a little goes a long way. My fave is crunchy with extra pieces. Feels like I'm actually having something substantial. However, that's a type of trigger food for me now. Fortunately, I can have the creamy version, but it's not the same...Peanut butter's very versatile. Good in many different sandwich combos (not just with jelly), makes an awesome sauce (The Thai/Vietnamese ones are addicting!), used in many desserts, in stews, and so much more. 

This is my wallpaper for March. It's some of Midoriya's (aka Deku's) class at UA in Boku no (My) Hero Academia. Deku is on the front left corner. Thought it would be a fun one. I think it's a play off of one of the ending sequences. 

The month-long holidays for March are: National Celery Month, National Frozen Food Month, National Noodle Month, Irish-American Heritage Month. Some are for important causes, some are to make you appreciate things you may take for granted, and some are just for fun. 

For my Jewish calendar, the main pic's of a bronze statue of people standing on a ledge and what looks like a wall on the side. It's titled Exodus. It was made in 1950. It's a little strange looking. The smaller pic's of a embroidered velvet Torah mantle from 1966. They don't feature such recent stuff that often. 

For my elements calendar, it's Mercury this time. I've always found mercury interesting. They mention how dense it is and that people can float on it. They also mention how people were so into it before they realized it was toxic and could drive people crazy. They show mercury batteries, a pool of it for the main pic, an old ceramic flask for holding dental mercury, and tuna sushi mentioning how mercury can accumulate in large fatty fish like tuna. 

For Korean, I've made it to level 3 of Basics 2 in Duolingo. Going faster than I thought I would. I might end up finishing before the 3-month mark I shoot for for languages. Maybe I'll go back to it in the future to study it longer. I've thought about writing out the sentences, and possibly saying them into speech-to-text to see if I'm saying them right. Also, to get sentences down. That might prolong it a little. Would be interesting to write the language out, too.

Edited more of the full-body drawing of Shadow. The lines looked too thick, so I started thinning them down with his hair. Had to zoom in closely. Might take me longer, if I do this for the rest of it, but I think it looks better already. 

Edited more of Alliance. Made it to chapter 15 today. There are 20. This was much faster than I expected. Also, counted how many pages I've gone through this week. I don't usually. Went through 12 pages for the ebook and 18 pages for the print version. I've been lagging behind lately on it, but this week it seems like I got through a lot. Yay! Hopefully, next week it'll be the same or more. 

My Roommate is a Cat has been great so far. They really captured how cats actually behave. Showing what life was like for Haru as a stray was surprisingly dark for a rather light-hearted series. One of her siblings died, 2 were taken in by a large family because they were curious, the cats that looked after her and her siblings were most likely killed by crows (they implied it), and she lost track of her remaining sibling. It was cool that he ended up being adopted by the girl from the pet store, Nana, that befriended Subaru. She lives in the same neighborhood. Haru was able to meet her brother when she became stuck to Nana's key chain after she had left Subaru's. She was giving him advice on how to properly feed Haru. (She was getting a little pudgy.) Subaru couldn't get the key chain off himself, and just ran after her with Haru in his arms. She asked them over so she could help Haru. Haru and her brother will get to see each other in the future. The most recent episode reminded me of one of my close friends in junior high through high school. Hiroto is essentially a male version of her, and he's a close friend of Subaru's. His behavior, personality, the way he interacts with both Subaru and Haru, usually bringing his mother's food to Subaru's (often my friend's mom would give her food and occasionally other things to give to me), etc. sounded so much like her. It was uncanny. She was like a whirlwind, but a good person too. 

Youtube:

Mix:

Bleach:


Kuroshitsuji (Black Butler):

One Piece:

National Strawberry Day!

Strawberries have always been soothing to me. Nice that there's a day for them. It's an interesting fruit. The seeds can be an issue for me, but they're not bad if they're cooked in something like pie or cake. 

Finished watching Goodnight DJ on Netflix. Again, it's a Malaysian show in Mandarin. Very much like the Twilight Zone centered on radio DJ's or radio in general. The 2nd season clearly had a bigger budget and instead of a different story every episode, they were 2-episode stories. The episodes were twice as long, too. Very few characters had recurring roles, and some actors played different characters in different stories. Very interesting the way they went about it. I liked it a lot. The campiness in some of the stories might not be for everyone, but I thought they pulled it off. It ended on a positive note. Many of the stories had tragic endings, so this was nice. Each one also had some sort of moral to it. 

I might go back to watching Mind Game next. I stopped a few episodes in a while back. Added another list on the right-hand side of this blog. It's most of the shows I've finished on Netflix. Thought it would be good to keep track of, at least for myself. Some of them I found in the Watch Again section, because I couldn't remember all of them myself. I tend to watch a lot of horror, supernatural, and detective shows on there...A majority of them are from around the world, which is what I wanted. I've started a lot more of them that I'll get back to soon. Plus, there are some new ones on my list. I'm trying to watch one show at a time now, and usually one episode each night. (If they're really short, 2 a night. If long, half of one each time.) Been blazing through a lot of them this way. 

Up to the last level of the Basics 1 unit of Duolingo's Korean course. I'll probably finish that unit next time. Scanned that full body drawing of Shadow, and edited it in Photoshop. Still need to edit more of it, but I'm close to finishing that. Then, I'll decide how I want to color it. Edited more of Alliance. Managed to get through a couple more pages than usual today.

Started reading Neko de Gomen (Excuse Me For Being a Cat). It's an old manga that ran from 1989 to 1990. The style reminds me of Rumiko Takahashi's. She's a legendary mangaka (manga creator) who did Inuyasha, Ranma 1/2, Mermaid Forest, and many other famous works. I thought she did this one at first, but it's by Akane Nagano. Maybe it's because it was put out a couple of years after Ranma 1/2 started? It was very popular at the time. Anyways, this one is similar to the Fly. They even referenced it in the first chapter. Yayoi's father put his daughter in what was supposed to teleport her to another container. A cat walked in just as he flipped the switch. She ended up merging with the cat. So, now she has cat-like tendencies and whenever she gets excited, her cat ears and tail appear. It's funnier than I thought it would be. Her father teaches physics at her school, and his nemesis is a chemistry teacher who wants to take over the world. He came up with something that turns plants into animals. He poured it on a venus flytrap and it went out of control. It reproduced and was evolving enough to do things like ice skating and hanging out at cafes. Yayoi, with the help of all the cats in town, defeated them. It seems outlandish, but those can be fun. 

In Black Clover, they announced how many stars and rank that each squad earned, as well as who earned the most individually. Stars are given after a job is completed. Some jobs are worth more stars than others. The Black Bulls ended up 2nd. They usually have negative stars. This pissed off a lot of the other squads, especially the ones with the most royalty. Yuno had earned the most stars, but Asta was 2nd. They were ridiculed at first, since they're not royalty and both are orphans. After demonstrating their power, that changed. The king showed up for the first time. Quickly illustrating that in their world the king is a figurehead, and the real leader is the wizard king. Sad in a way, but good that the regular king doesn't do much. He's haughty and has an ego. Asta and the others were forced into training by a new captain of a different squad. They have to run and climb through a field with lava and volcanoes exploding around them. One of the volcanoes has an onsen (hot spring) at the top, which is their goal. Looks like it might be impossible to get there for Asta, considering most people can only get to the top if they have magic. He doesn't have it, however he has anti-magic power. Maybe he'll use that or call on that demon inside him.

In One Piece, everyone was finally reunited again. Luffy can barely move and was half asleep most of the time. The Sun pirates showed up to help the Straw Hats and say farewell to Jinbei. Jinbei has joined the Straw Hats. Germa 66 also showed up and were a huge help to them despite the leader, Sanji's father, trying to say how much of a failure Sanji is as they passed his ship. Luffy thought he was saying good things and just nodded, but wondered why he'd do that. In a way, I agree with Luffy, they were good attributes. Not a soldier, cares about others, loves to cook, kind-hearted, etc. Big Mom's about to eat the cake. Should be interesting to see how that goes. Seems like this arc is finally going to end soon. 

21st of Adar I

Made it to level 3 of Basics 1 in Duolingo's Korean course. Almost to 4. These levels seem shorter than with the other units. They go over sentence structure and basic words like man, woman, boy, girl, bread, dog, cat, apple, home, etc. They also go over the word for is/am/are/etc., and it's negative form. They use it at the end of almost all of the sentences so far. 

Read more of Mother Keeper. It's been interesting so far. Syal, who is one of Eden's cyborgs, decided to go on her own to investigate something at the biggest black market outside Eden. She was apparently a slave before she turned into a cyborg. A slave that was sold at that same black market. The 'boss' there didn't recognize her. She broke the 1st rule of the market, which they haven't mentioned yet. It's probably not to ask questions. Ricalna remembered it and will most likely have to go save her. She's strong, but their leader is a cyborg, too. 

Inked the rest of Shadow. Next, I'm thinking of scanning, editing it in Photoshop, and either coloring it in Photoshop or printing it off and doing it with colored pencils. Either way, it'll be 'cleaner'. I didn't practice my clarinet yesterday or today, because I wanted my hands to relax more. They don't hurt as much as they did a few days ago, but I don't want to aggravate them at the moment. Hopefully, I'll get back to doing it soon. Plus, I still have something respiratory-wise going on. Harder to play with that. Edited a few more pages of Alliance. Made it to chapter 14 today. There are 20. Still quite a bit more, but I'm getting there.

Mob Psycho 100 II was intense last night. Most of the episode seemed really light-hearted, and Shigeo was growing more as a character. He was getting ready for a school marathon for most of it. He wanted to be in the top 10 to impress the girl he likes, Tsubomi. He normally is in the bottom 10. I've never really liked Tsubomi. She's his childhood friend, but they don't interact much. She doesn't think of him as a love interest, either. It seems like she's pretentious. Anyways, he did his best and was doing much better than usual, then suddenly he passed out. It was too much for him. After waking up in the nurse's office, he walked home alone. When he got there, his home was on fire. He ran inside to see if his family was inside and save them. The very last scene showed charred bodies reaching out to him, and he changed to his ??? form. Ekubo tried to tell him to close his eyes, but he didn't get through to him. I have a feeling those bodies aren't his family's. They were made to look like that, though. I think the person that set it on fire kidnapped them. He suddenly showed up at their door. He was the main villain at the end of last season, but had a very short time on-screen. The main characters didn't really meet him, except for Ritsu (Shigeo's brother). 

Not much happened with Radiant. One of the inquisitors (a captain) named Dragunov, who's actually a good guy, is going to be punished for what happened in Rumble Town. His crew were starving, and they were trying to come up with a way of finding more food for most of the episode. They had given the people of Rumble Town the rest of what they had. Eventually, one of the town's they helped a while ago, felt they had to repay them and gave them a lot of food. With the knowledge that they'll be fed, he left for his 'punishment'. Not sure what that will be. Seth and his friends found out the price of coffee went up because of Rumble Town being destroyed. It's a major trading point. They tend to hang out at a cafe in Artemis. (Atemis is the only place sorcerers can live in peace.) I guess since the creator is French, coffee is a big thing in it. There's even a coffee monster that lives in the sewers that Doc's friends with. Since the cafe ran out of coffee beans and the monster was dying, Seth and Melie went crazy searching for more of them. Eventually they did find them, but it added more to their already huge debt. It seems there's only one more episode. An odd time to end it. Not much is going on and doesn't feel like it's close to ending. The number of episodes is weird, too. 21, when normally it's about 24 for something like this. 12 for seasonal ones. Looking at it again, there's going to be another season. Yay!

20th of Adar I

I realized a couple of days ago that I might have arthritis. I kept ignoring the pain and stiffness in my neck (for a couple of days it was hard to even move it), hands, wrists, ankles, and in one hip. It's getting worse, although today hasn't been too bad. I've had a lot of cracking sounds from those areas, too. One of the most common complications of IBD is arthritis. With some forms, it's actually connected to if the person is flaring. So, once they're in remission with their IBD, the arthritis goes into remission, too. I've been suspecting that I'm flaring lately. That would make sense, then. Yet another thing to bring up with my new gastro next month. She probably won't do much about that right now besides order blood tests. She might do more after my colonoscopy. I'll ask her about getting an upper endoscopy, too. 

Today, I got through Alphabet 3 in Duolingo's Korean course. Plus, a little more of Basics 1. Alphabet 3 is really on loan words. I didn't know Baskin-Robbins was a thing in Korea. It kept popping up, so I looked into it. Interesting. Starbucks did, too. That's to be expected, as well as Hyundai, motors, apartment, coffee, and party. Hyundai is actually spelled differently if you write out the Korean in romanized letters. Not sure why it's spelled this way for the English version. They were really pushing the 'party' thing. Ice cream was used a lot, too. Almost done with Basics 1 level 2. 

Read more of MAR Omega. I thought they were going to make Kai into another Ginta, but he has quite a different story/personality. Might even be stronger than Ginta. He thought he didn't have magical powers, but it was sealed until he found Babbo and broke the spell over him. He's apparently one of Babbo's descendants, but Babbo is an Arm or basically a weapon. I think I vaguely remember that Babbo was special in that he was once human, so I could kind of see that. He lost his memories. They didn't regain much of them in the first series. At least, not in the anime. This time it seems most of it's going to be about regaining his memories and saving Kai's hometown that vanished. 

I finished a drawing yesterday. I felt I needed to do something related to Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week, but didn't come up with anything until last Friday. The idea was something around ice cream, since that's the aro food symbol. The meaning behind it is a bit cheesy, but I like it. We're thought of as cold-hearted, unfeeling, robot-like, etc. In reality, we're warm-hearted, kind, have a lot of other types of love to give, sweet, etc. Ice cream's cold but sweet and makes most people happy. I decided to have that, cake, a decorative spoon or candy all in a waffle cone. The cake is an ace symbol and the 'spoon' has the agender symbol on top. The only other symbol I know is an alien for agender people. Nothing food related. If I was more into it, I might have added a little alien holding it. The cake, ice cream, and 'spoon' are in the flag colors of each. The waffle is in the rainbow flag colors, representing the LGBTQ+ community as a whole. That can have many meanings. I went off a tutorial for the waffle cone, which came out better than expected. Actually, I like how the whole thing turned out. It's not prefect, which is ok. The colors were washed out a bit by my scanner. I'm not sure why it has issues with that. It was also probably the first time I edited something in Photoshop on my 'new' computer. I've had the computer since October, so it's still new to me. Had to get a recent edition of Photoshop, too. I was using a pretty old version on my old computer. Besides the editing, it was done in pencil, ink, and colored pencils. Other people seem to like it, which is nice to see.

I went back to the full body of Shadow drawing today. Figured out his shoes, then started inking him in. I don't know why, but eyes never turn out exactly the way I want them to, and I noticed that again while inking them. Oh well. I'll only get better with them through practice. They don't look awful, just that they're different sizes. Not sure about the folds in his clothes either, but at least I'm trying that. His overall new design is much better than it was. Should be interesting to see what it's like after inking the rest, erasing the pencil marks, and coloring him in. Also, edited a few more pages of Alliance. 

My parent's going to Atlanta tomorrow for about a week. She'll actually be leaving really late tonight or early tomorrow, depending on how you look at it. It's NASP's (National Association of School Psychologists) annual convention. It's great that she can go this time, and should be interesting to go to Atlanta. They're warmer than us right now. Hope she has fun being with her colleagues and friends, as well as explore a bit.  

National Cherry Pie Day!

This holiday was yesterday. This is one of my fave pies! Cherries are one of my fave fruits, so it makes an awesome pie that way. It can be surprisingly difficult to find decent cherry pie sometimes. Sometimes there are huge sugar lumps, sometimes it's too watery, sometimes there aren't enough cherries, etc. Might be why I don't order it often at places like Shari's or feel like getting it at the markets. 

Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week ends this Saturday. Didn't do much for it. Most people know that I'm aro on places like fb, dA, and Instagram. I post aro stuff occasionally on fb. Not often for the other stuff. Oh, I post about it on here, too. I thought a little about making aro related art, but couldn't come up with anything. 

I got the referral letter for gender therapy through the mail yesterday. (Didn't see it until today.) I find the referring diagnosis both funny and insulting. I know they have to have something like it in order to cover it, but it's weird. It's: uncomfortable with one's gender. I'm not uncomfortable with my gender. I'm more uncomfortable with how society forced me into a box that doesn't fit. Seems backwards. Just because a doctor looked at me when I was born and said I was female, does not make my gender that. Would have been better if it was just gender dysphoria, but they can't do that until I get diagnosed by a therapist that I've seen. I wish things were better this way. At least, my new therapist will be covered and there'd be a small copay. However, I've noticed I haven't been billed for a copay for that 1st visit yet. Maybe they'll cover the whole thing? Doubt it. I guess I'll see. 

Most of the snow is gone. There's more snow in the forecast, though. I really hope that doesn't happen. I'm tired of seeing it. It's just been cold with a slight breeze lately. Fun when you still feel like you have a respiratory/ear thing going on. 

I'm trying to be better about eating a certain way again. Not related to the calorie thing. I'm still following that. Having more soluble fiber, and less insoluble. Insoluble fiber often aggravates my colon, since it's so scarred. That stuff scrapes across the scarring harshly. Plus, a lot of it triggers my colitis symptoms, and I think I'm flaring again. Soluble fiber is like soups, applesauce, oatmeal, cooked/peeled vegetables and some fruit, non-seedy/grainy breads, etc. Insoluble fiber is like a raw green salad, raw/unpeeled vegetables and some fruit, seeds, and more. Think the fibrous roughage type foods. Often thought of as 'healthier'. I've decided to try and stay away from most things that are nut-based. Creamy nut butters are comfort foods, but whole and pieces of nuts are triggers for me. (It's more than just insoluble with this.) So, I went to Shari's last night and their turkey dinner comes with the option of salad or soup beforehand. I got their tomato bisque. I still got a vegetable this way, and avoided the pain of the salad. The vegetables for that turkey dinner were well-cooked. That was nice, but I didn't have much of it since I wasn't really thrilled about it. I got their s'mores pie, instead of a nut based one. I like their nut ones, so that was sad. Their new hazelnut pie sounded so good, so I got it last time. It had so many nuts that 1/4 of the way in, I was feeling the effects. Partially why I decided to be better about this sort of thing. There are a lot of restaurants that have salad as a thing before the entree. I'll try to look at their soups to replace it. I don't think there are very many options for me at places like Red Lobster. We'll see. Gone back to not taking home leftovers, except for those few dishes that I know will still be good the next day/certain places. I'll try asking for smaller portions again, too. 

Studied more Korean today. I've decided to completely level out the early units (at least) one at a time. I'm close to finishing the Alphabet 2 unit. There are 5 levels to each one. Alphabet ended up having 72 parts to it in total. So much! It'll probably be close to that for the one I'm on. This will also elongate the course a bit. It's much shorter than the other courses I've gone through. I want it to last at least to the 3-month mark. I'm surprised that I'm pretty much able to read it now. I've been saying it along with the speaker, but some things look like they should be said differently. I also feel like I'm getting some form of speaking exercises this way. Still not as good as the actual speaking ones for Italian and German. They were more structured, too. 

Finished drawing Shadow's clothes today. I tried to add folds to them, but didn't want to overdo it. Hopefully it looks fine. I'll draw his shoes and start outlining it all with ink next time.

Managed to practice my clarinet, too. Haven't in a while because of that respiratory stuff. Had to take more breaths than usual. Mostly played Gershwin and some from the Solo Pieces for Advanced Clarinetists book. I was better than expected. Hopefully, I can practice again tomorrow.

Edited more of Alliance. Found some really silly mistakes. Went through 4 pages of the print version, and 3 of the ebook. The print version is smaller in size. Not bad.

Finally, got back to cleaning today. Despite still feeling sick, I felt I really needed it. I swept my bathroom floor, used a strong version of liquid plumber to clear my sink, and laundered the large rug near the counter. Beforehand, that stuff was probably making me feel sicker. I haven't done it in a while. I used to clean something every day but the weekends. Hope to get back to that. It's hard when you're always fatigued. I don't remember actually laundering that rug before. (Might have, it's just been so long I don't remember it.) I've had it for many years. I just would shake the stuff off it. Stuff like hair and cat litter. It didn't smell right for a while. It'll be nice to see it clean. With cleaning, I'll try to do little sections of rooms again each time. It worked well. If I feel that I'm going to have to do a lot, I'm a lot less motivated to do it. Plus, this takes into account the fatigue. 

National Pizza Day!

Pizza is very versatile. This holiday was actually on Saturday. It's another one of my faves. I love BBQ chicken, Greek, Mexican, Alfredo, pesto, cheese (multiple types in one), and more. There could be different types of dough, sauces, cheeses (some don't even have cheese), and toppings. There are even dessert pizzas, which feel more like giant cookies...My mom and I used to get individual pre-cooked pizza rounds (the plain base), then we'd put whatever toppings/sauces we wanted on, and heat them up in the oven. We came up with some interesting combos. There are interesting rather unique flavors at a local market called Central Market. They have a new one each month. Things like jalapeno popper, cheeseburger, baked potato, etc. 

It's been snowing a lot today. We already had about 8-10 inches from the last dump on Saturday. Schools have had 3 snow days (I think), and will be closed again tomorrow. It seems to be the most snow this area has seen. I don't think it's cool that people have been making fun of the 'snowmageddon' here. This area isn't used to much snow, and many people live in rural areas. There are so few plows, they have to designate which streets have more priority. Ours isn't a primary 'priority'. We've only seen the plows once and that was last night. They didn't do much. The terrain makes it especially difficult with this much snow and ice. It's a different experience than what people have to deal with and are used to in other parts of the country. Plus, I don't think people realized how much we were actually going to get. To be honest, the ones that went to the markets to stock up were smarter about it. Sometimes people don't keep enough food in their house for more than a couple of days, too. People are also likely to lose power when it's like this. Great to be prepared. We should encourage that, not make fun of it. It seemed kind of snobby.

We went to Safeway and Central before it really started snowing. There were a lot of bare shelves. It was interesting to see what people thought were necessities. The bananas were completely gone at both places. There were hardly any of the fruits we normally get. They were also running out of chicken, bread, tortillas, eggs, milk, flour, beer, sugar, hot chocolate, and firewood. I remember an entire section of a certain cut of chicken was out at Safeway. That surprised me. I don't remember what cut it was. Firewood's understandable. You want to be able to keep warm even if the power goes out. Hot chocolate when it snows and is cold, also makes sense. Beer? I don't know, but then again I don't drink it. There were really long lines at both places. Luckily, we weren't getting much and went through the express lines. 

We will have to go out again soon. I have a feeling it's going to stick around for a while. I'm not sure if I'll be able to go to my gender therapy appointment on Thursday. They might tell me to reschedule because they might not be open, or I might need to myself. I don't like that uncertainty. 

I've been so distracted by it...I don't think the cats like it much. There's been a lot of foot flicking from both, Rosie had a droopy ear (when it first started snowing), both have been sleeping a lot in my room, Rosie's scratched at the sliding glass back door while watching the flurries, she's meowed at it, and more. It probably looks like the sky is falling to them. I'm a little concerned, since the lights have been flickering, that our power might go out.  

I've managed to study Korean every day this past week except yesterday. I'm starting to get it more. Slowly being able to read it. It's interesting that they stick their word for be, exist, is, there, has, etc. to almost everything. It seems to always be at the end of a sentence, too. Also, interesting that girl is lit. woman child, and boy is lit. man child. They seem a lot more direct with things. Still no speaking exercises, but maybe they'll have them later on. 

Edited more of Alliance today. Didn't feel like practicing my clarinet. I have a another earache and headache. Blowing into it would have made me feel worse. It might be because of pressure changes related to the weather. I don't know, but it's awful. Tried to draw folds in Shadow's clothes, but was too distracted. At least, I saw some tutorials on it. 

Read more of MAR Omega. A familiar character from the first series showed up, Alvis. For a while, he was jerky until he got to know Ginta. He still seems to have an arrogance to him, but is nicer to people. 

Started going back to Goodnight DJ on Netflix recently. It's a Malaysian drama in Mandarin. An anthology of short stories based around radio DJ's and radio in general. It's kind of like the Twilight Zone. In fact, they refer to it in one of the stories. Most have had horror elements, but the others are just nice supernatural stories. Most are full of camp and humor. Also, some of them remind me a bit of the Scary Movie franchise, only not as raunchy. I wasn't sure about it at first, but it really grew on me. I think I was unsure because there wasn't much info on it and didn't know what to expect. I like this sort of thing, though. 

World Nutella Day!

I love Nutella! I avoided trying it for a long time. I don't know why I felt uneasy about it at first. It's chocolate and hazelnut. A great combo. It's good on graham crackers, in a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich, crepes, brownies, and so much more. It's also the Chinese Lunar New Year. It's the year of the Pig. Next year will be the Rat, which is my zodiac animal. 

This is my wallpaper for February. It's (from left to right) Gray, Erza, Natsu, and Lucy from Fairy Tail. Everything in February seems devoted to Valentine's Day. In other words, amatonormativity is especially shoved in people's faces right now. Amatonormativity is the idea that everyone who's human strives for romantic love/relationships and marriage. Everything else takes a back burner. The idea stresses that there are no other very close relationships, like queerplatonic ones. If you're single and/or don't feel romantic attraction, you're looked down upon, thought of as lonely, or something's wrong with you. Also, a certain kind of romantic love: monogamous, straight, and cis. It's harmful to pretty much everyone. Even those that are cis, straight, and monogamous. It's a term from the aro community, and wasn't meant to relate to sex/sexual attraction. That's different. Even some romantic aces say things like: "At least we can love!" Love, meaning romantic love. That hurts aros and aro aces. There's a lot more to the term, but that's the basics. It can be somewhat tough for an aro this month. We have Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week the week after Valentine's Day. Yay! We have that at least. Anyways, I thought it'd be nice to see some good platonic love this month. They're all good friends, even if Gray and Natsu sometimes butt heads. The atmosphere is nice and warm, too. 

The month-long holidays for February are: Celebration of Chocolate Month, National Canned Food Month, National Cherry Month, National Potato Lovers Month, Barley Month, National African American History Month, National Women Inventors Month. Some are for important causes, some are to make you appreciate things you may take for granted, and some are just for fun. 

For my Jewish calendar, the main pic's of a Torah crown, gilded in silver, made in 1837. It has a lot of bells, and a vine-like design. The other pic's of a wooden tzedakah (basically charity) box, made in 1900. This one has sculpted birds on the sides. 

For my elements calendar, it's bismuth this time. Kind of made me gag that they shaped some of it into a heart for the main pic. It's the active ingredient in Pepto-Bismol. Apparently, 57% of it in a bottle is bismuth. Both elements to the left (lead) and right (polonium) of it are toxic. Despite this, bismuth, as far as they know, is nontoxic. It's considered the very last stable element in the periodic table. However, recently it was discovered that bismuth has no stable isotopes, either. They show it forming crystals, 30 lb ingots of pure bismuth which is how they're sold commercially, and a multimetallic chain containing a link cast from 99.99% pure bismuth. 

I'll try to stay more on top of posting than I have been. Apparently, missed a week. I've been feeling really awful off and on, and distracted by things like snow. It snowed Sunday afternoon until the next morning. They said there would be more later on Monday but there wasn't. It was a lot for us. We're not used to that much snow. Certainly not in February. It's also been cold enough that the snow isn't completely melting away. On Monday, the highs were in the mid-20's (F), and felt like 9 degrees. The strong winds made it worse. Again, all this isn't our norm. According to the forecast, there's a lot more snow coming Friday and Saturday. They predict 4" on Friday, and 2" for Sunday. That's a lot more than we got recently. Why can't it be more spaced out? I have my eye appointment on Thursday, so it'll be good before it snows again. 

I made an appointment to see a new gastro. She's an MD, which is already a plus for me. They said I can't make an appointment for a colonoscopy until after I see her. I got a reminder in December (I think?) to get another one soon. The last one was in January of 2017. The one before that, which was my first, was at the end of July 2015. The receptionist said that it was definitely time. IBD patients are encouraged to get one at least every 2 years. So, I'm going to have the 3rd soon. It just might be sometime at the end of March or April. My appointment's in the beginning of March. I don't think I'm in remission anymore, and haven't been at least since this past summer. I hope they let me have the Miralax/Gatorade prep. That worked a lot better than the Golytely stuff. That's the only thing I really hate about it. The prep. It can be difficult to go on a completely liquid diet for a couple of days, too. Maybe she'll have insight on what to do about scarring, at least. I think that's given me the most pain. Although, I don't really know what it's like now. So, there might be something different, and/or if the disease is active, the focus will be different. We'll see. I might need to stop Lialda, because I'm not sure it's doing anything. Haven't been monitoring it, and haven't had any related blood tests in about a year. If I do stop it, it was my last choice before starting a biologic. Biologics are either taken through an infusion or self-administered through shots to the gut. I'm really nervous about those, but especially the shots. 

I realized LingoDeer only let's you have one free 'lesson' for each language in their 'free' app. (Doesn't really seem free to me.) I like that I was able to go into detail with the alphabet and one lesson, but I'm disappointed. I went back to Duolingo's Korean course. It seems better than the last time I tried it. Then again, I had a better intro to the alphabet this time. It seems like a shorter course than the other language courses. I'm doing it a little different this time. After finishing the 1st level of the 1st unit, I did one part of the next, and then started the next level of the 1st, and kept going back and forth for each part of a lesson. Each lesson can have anywhere from 4 to 20 (I think) parts to it. Once I finished the 1st level of the 2nd unit, I did a part of the 1st unit, then a part of the next level of the 2nd, then the first part of the 3rd, and went all the way back to the 1st again. Eventually, I'll level out (there are 5 levels to each unit) of units, so I won't always be going back to them. This way I'll be able to review it and have some new stuff in the mix. It'll take longer, too. I'm almost finished with level 1 of Basics 1, and the 1st unit, which is Alphabet, is up to level 3. There are 3 Alphabet units. It seems to be going faster than I thought. I hope they updated it to have speaking exercises. Haven't encountered them yet, but if they do have them, maybe it's after the first checkpoint? This section is about the very basics. I have been repeating and sometimes saying what the native speaker says at the same time. It helps a little. 

Started drawing Shadow's clothes. I want to add folds and such to make it 'act' like fabric. So far, I'm not happy with the results. I've just starting experimenting with that, though. He's not wearing anything fancy. Just a shirt, jeans, and sneakers. It shouldn't take me long with this part. Eventually, I'll ink over everything, then color it in. 

Managed to practice my clarinet today. Haven't in about a week because of that weird respiratory thing I'm still going through. I'm still coughing stuff up, have a hard time breathing normally let alone controlling it for playing, still sneezing a lot, nose is stuffed up, and more. I shouldn't still feel this way...Anyways, it makes it more difficult to play a woodwind instrument. Played all of my Duke Ellington book, and a little of the Gershwin one. Sounded better than I thought I would, but had to take way to many 'breaks' to catch my breath. It actually hurt. I did it for a short time, too. I might do it for the same amount of time tomorrow, if I can. Edited about a page worth of Alliance.

Recently, someone on AVEN (Asexual Visibility and Education Network) posted a thread demanding people 'enlighten' her on the 'issues of gender'. I thought she genuinely wanted to know about what she was asking in the 1st post. She wanted to know what gender identity is, what gender dysphoria is, what does it mean to be trans, how can someone have dysphoria if they're agender, and more. She claimed she was also asking this stuff because she wanted to confront her transphobic brother. Seems like a worthy thing. Especially if a cis person does it. She wouldn't listen to a single person on there about the gender identity part. A lot of them went in a roundabout way, so I thought maybe she needed it to be simpler. I also answered the other things in the 1st post and gave her my experience and perspective. We went back and forth on gender identity for a while. Eventually, she said: "I can't accept something I don't understand!" At this moment, I really felt like she was hung up on terf rhetoric. I couldn't quite tell if she was actually a terf herself, trolling, or just really not wanting to listen to others. I told her it comes off as saying: "I don't want to understand something I didn't accept in the first place!" I also said there are many things in this world that people should/have to accept, even if they don't understand it. She came back with claiming not to know what terf rhetoric was, and she doesn't accept most things in life. That last part seemed especially troll-like. She said she doesn't know modern culture either. That seemed odd...For some reason, especially on an AVEN forum, and in the gender subforum. That's a positive place where many trans people are active. The whole 'discussion' felt nasty afterwards. I let her have the last post, and it proved that she was at least a troll. People agreed with me. I've blocked her now. I think I'll still be able to see if there have been other responses and reactions to my posts in that thread. I looked at all the threads she started, and they seemed to just be there to get a rise out of people. A lot of demanding of things to be explained, too. In one thread she used the awful 'Abrahaimic religions' term that gets pushed around. It lumps 3 very different religions together. Plus, in Judaism, our focus is more on Moses, not Abraham, if we're talking about people. Neither of the other 2 focus on Abraham either. I'm glad someone told her to stop using it and said why. 

Mob Psycho 100 II's most current episode was epic! They know how to do crazy battle scenes. Black Clover probably should be taking notes. The art seems to change a lot normally in MP. However, this seemed to really push things and do it well. For the first time, Mob got in touch with his positive feelings. Before, his negative feelings were feeding his psychic powers. He seems stronger with the positive ones. We don't know what his ??? power is like now. As he feels things his power goes up a certain percentage. (The 100 in the title is for 100%.) ??? is when he's over his supposed limit, extremely powerful, tends to be unaware of his actions, and turns into something that doesn't seem human. We still don't know much about it. This show just keeps getting better.

National Puzzle Day!

I love puzzles! Interesting that there's a day devoted to them. They're fun mental workouts. I like pretty much any type. 

I finally made an appointment to see a gender therapist yesterday. I'm even more nervous and excited about it now. Not exactly sure why I felt so hesitant. The interesting thing is I was told that this therapist, Tom Freeman, is located in Silverdale. He's actually only available at his Poulsbo location right now. Works out for me more this way. The building is really close to home. About a 5-10 minute car ride. It might be a little too convenient, since it's in the same small plaza that has Kachai Thai Kitchen. Tempting to go to the Thai place after therapy...It's a good one. This first appointment isn't until Feb 14th. I wasn't expecting it to be on Valentine's Day. It's not that long of a wait until then. This is with the one that I talked about last time that seemed the most promising. With this appointment, it feels like I'm actually starting to medically transition. Hopefully, he'll work out.

Recently, I came across a thread on AVEN about someone demanding that people enlighten her on 'gender issues'. She had a disclaimer that she may come across as offensive, but she's really trying to learn. (Supposedly...) She also wanted to confront her brother on his transphobia. She had weird ideas of what it means to be trans, gender identity, gender dysphoria, etc. People were responding with really long detailed posts about it. She had even longer posts. That seemed weird. Why not keep things shorter? She had confused gender identity with expression, and later on said she just couldn't grasp the concept of gender itself. Reading the responses on that, made me think she was either very obtuse, moving 'goal posts', or the way others were talking about it went over her head. She seemed to think gender was only cultural, and being non-binary was purposely bucking the system. Being non-binary is not a political or fashion statement. I told her it's not just cultural. There are many sides to it.  

With dysphoria, she had the idea that we're trapped in the wrong body. Many people think this, but that's not exactly it. There are things that either shouldn't be there or you're missing things; to put it more simply. It makes people feel distressed, thus the 'dysphoria' part. We're not 'trapped' in our own bodies. Someone said it's kind of like we have birth defects. She has sensory issues, and said she can understand the idea of being trapped that way. No, it's not the same...She thought in order to be trans, we had to have dysphoria. She couldn't understand why we'd want to change our bodies, especially if gender and sex are different. There was a lot more on this, and seemed like a lot to unpack. Being trans just means you have a different gender than the one that was assigned to you at birth. No mention of dysphoria or transitioning. Not everyone has dysphoria. However, I do think some of the people that say they don't have it, might not realize that's what they're experiencing. Took me a while to realize that. She didn't seem to know about social dysphoria, which is another important aspect that often can be forgotten when speaking about it in general. I told her that I have both physical and social dysphoria. I went into more detail about what it's like for me. I also said while sex and gender are different, we still use gendered labels to refer to sex: male and female. It'd probably be better to say something like uterus owner, prostate owner, etc. They're just asking about our reproductive organs when they ask what our sex is. Probably why it's inappropriate to ask unless it's relevant medically. I also brought up that most people don't know their chromosomes, so using it as 'science' to back up a claim that there are only 2 'sexes' (they often referred to it as gender), is laughable. They exclude intersex people this way, too. While I thought my post was slightly longer than my usual, it was dwarfed by how long the others were. I tried to be to the point, but using myself and my own experiences to explain it to her. No one has replied after my post. One person liked it. She's awfully quiet now. 

I started a new language yesterday: Korean or Hangul. I was thinking about Yiddish, but found out how bad Mango is. (At least, their 'free' version.) I'm using LingoDeer now for Korean. LingoDeer used to just have Chinese, Korean, and Japanese. Now, it also has Spanish, French, German, Portuguese, and Vietnamese. A while back, I tried Duolingo's Korean course. I got about halfway through the first lesson, and realized that I had to have some sort of knowledge already in the language. They hadn't worked out the kinks in that course yet, too. I didn't look more into it and just picked a different language. LingoDeer has been great for an absolute beginner. I still feel like I don't have the alphabet down yet, but I'm slowly getting there. This is only the 2nd day. I tested out of the intro section already. That was on the alphabet. It's not counted as the first 'unit' of the course. It's like a get-your-feet-wet unit. They went into a lot of detail. Their 'letters' are really consonants and vowels put together, and there are 3 different orders those can go in. For the letter han, it's written like h-a and n on the bottom. I don't have the Korean keyboard enabled on here. (I might in the future.) Another one could be a vowel, like i, by itself. It's interesting, but seems like there are a lot of layers. Started the first 'official' unit. I'm actually doing better than I thought. It's on nationality. Hangug salam are Korean people. Migug salam are American people. It was things like that. They show you how to write it, sentence structure, record your voice to compare to the native speaker, match the letter/word with either the meaning or pronunciation, in depth grammar/pronunciation notes, and more. It's also interesting that they actually use spaces between words. That's different compared to Chinese and Japanese. The only issue I have is it doesn't correct you on pronunciation. Sure, you can check your own voice like I mentioned, but it's not the same. So, I've decided at some point, I'll switch to Duo's Korean course and use both that and Lingodeer. Duo's course should be better at this point, and it most likely has speaking exercises now. Since I had a more thorough intro to the alphabet, I'll be able to go through Duo's easier and with more of an understanding. It'll be interesting to go through both, too. I might get even more of an understanding of it than I would if it was just one or the other. It might take me longer with this language. We'll see.

Today, I started reading Mother Keeper. I think I like it so far...The art seems to be in an old style. It ran from 2005 until 2014. (Pretty long.) It's not as old as it seems, but maybe older than a lot of what I've read recently. The concept is interesting. There are 2 types of people in their world: those within Eden and those outside. It's like a domed city. Everything outside is like a wasteland. Eden makes it even worse as its massive exhaust is pumping outside. Only 1/3 of the world's population is allowed to live in Eden. Basically the rich and powerful. Meanwhile, people outside are suffering and dying sooner. Several rebel groups have formed from outside. The main character was apart of one of those. They had planned to destroy Eden's main CPU. If they had, Eden would cease as a 'paradise' to the few. He was killed (this happened early, so it's not really a spoiler), and turned into a cyborg. His appearance changed. The scientist there has complete control of him. They want him to help with the security of Eden. So, he's forced to help the enemy...The CPU is actually a cyborg that looks like a little girl. He had a hard time getting himself to kill her when he was given the option to, since she seemed so innocent. 

Scanned the drawing of Shadow so far. It's just in case to see how it was before I add his clothes. I realized his hands are smaller than they probably should be. Not sure if I'll change that. At least, I practiced drawing them. He does look better than previous full-bodied drawings of characters. Should be interesting to see it when its done. I plan to color him in, too. 

Managed to practice my clarinet today. I don't think I did yesterday or the day before. I've been feeling pretty awful again. Also, coughing up a lot of weird stuff. That's not a good combo for an instrument you blow into. Anyways, I finished playing through the Clarinet Solo book. I'll get to at least Duke Ellington next. 

Edited a couple more pages of Alliance, too. Down to 298 pages in the print version. Meaning, it's 2 pages less. Yay!