9th of Kislev

One of the bowls I use was broken recently. It was old. I left it in the sink to soak so it’ll be easier to clean in the dishwasher. I had ravioli with sauce (from a can), and it can be hard for the dishwasher to really clean it after that. My parent grabbed a pot from the rack near it, and hit the bowl with it by accident. It shattered. 

Last week was really foggy. I didn’t go for my outside walk one of the days, because of how foggy it was. It seemed dangerous. I did go out there because I needed to check the mail. I get previews of what’s in the mail through emails. It looked like it was a serious thing from the Washington Health Care Authority. It was just a thing that didn’t apply to me since I don’t do taxes. Anyways, I couldn’t see the mailboxes because of the fog. I can’t imagine what it was like to drive in it. It’s gone now. I managed to do some outdoor walks couple of times since. On Tuesday, I plan to do double what I've been doing this past month. If I can't do it outside, I'll have to do around a 30 minute walk inside. I think it'll be around 30 minutes outside with doubling it anyways. I guess I'll see how it goes.  

I finished watching Kai Byoui Ramune. It was just ok. Reminded me a bit of xxxHolic. It was about a doctor (Dr. Ramune) curing people of their supernatural curses/illnesses. I’m glad I finally finished it. It’s one of the ones I started a few years ago. I don’t think it was very popular. I only have one more episode of Zombie Land Saga Revenge (its 2nd season). Sadly, I don’t think there’s another season of this one. I’ve got quite a lot of episodes left of Jujutsu Kaisen and Boku no Hero Academia season 5. Watched them recently. It’ll be great if I can keep up with watching the ones on my current list again. I’ve also been watching Better Than Us on Netflix. Good to get back into watching Netflix shows as well.

I did my bed bath again last Thursday and today. I really do feel cleaner now than when my home aide did it. I didn’t get my bed wet this time and on Thursday. Just a couple of cool areas. I think I have to put the washcloth in a better place when I’m done with it. I managed to get lotion on my back. I put some on the brush and did it that way. It worked well. Got lotion on my feet, too.

Today I missed a sentence in the Spanish lessons from Duolingo. The unit’s on commands this time. I’m 15th in the league. I made it to the Diamond League, and they’re a lot more competitive than in the previous one. I finished Unit 40, and now I’m going through Unit 41.

I finally laundered my bedding. It’s been a long time. It’s been since I did it when I got new sheets. It feels nice and cozy again. I want to try to do it every couple of weeks. Might not do my pillow that often. When I had the pillow in the washing machine, apparently it made it move out of place. I couldn’t move it back myself. (It was really heavy.) My parent helped put it back. It's also been moving with other loads. It's not normal. I thought it was just because of my pillow. Luckily, I've found a way to move it back now.

Managed to go to both markets on Sunday. Also, went to the pet store. We got a low dust litter and a new mat for under her litter box. She’s ruined what was her current mat. The low dust litter might help my parent with her lungs. It’s scented, and I hope Rosie is going to be ok with that. She started peeing outside the box yesterday. I caught her today. Thought she was in the box far enough, but she wasn’t. She peed a little on the mat/floor, but I managed to push her in more after a second. Maybe she thinks she’s in all the way, but isn’t? I’ll try to catch her while I’m awake, but I can’t when I’m asleep. I can't watch her 24/7. My parent did clean the floor and added the new mat today. Maybe if it's cleaned, she'll go in all the way and also poop in there? It's not like she's losing her mind. She still has her wits about her. Hopefully, she'll go back to how she was before. 

We also went to a small hardware store and got a big flashlight battery, a filter for the furnace, and an extension cord (I think). The flashlight I use had dimmed down a lot. My parent put in the new battery for me, and it was nice and bright again. My parent took the old filter out, and put the new one in. Apparently, there were 3 dead mice that made it inside and on top of the old filter. We don’t know how they did it. It was definitely time for a new filter then. At least we’re not breathing in dead mice anymore.

My parent made a pasta and meatball thing for dinner last night. It’s never really the same when she makes it. Good, but different. This time she got the local market’s premade beef meatballs (just have to cook them), onions, green bell peppers, special canned tomatoes that she pureed, garlic (from a jar this time), and fresh fettuccine from that same market. She added fresh parsley to it. The meatballs were huge! I added some parmesan to mine. Tried to mix it up, but it spat sauce at me. It was very good.

I plan to have the local market’s smoked turkey and dill havarti sandwich for dinner tonight. Their raspberry and lemon cake for dessert. For tomorrow’s dinner, I plan to have BBQ brisket with mac and cheese from Safeway. For dessert, their Biscoff cookie butter cake. That was amazing last time I had it!

I got most of my author royalties from Amazon! Yay! Except for $6 more. I don't know what happened to that. They gave me what they said they would from a letter back in June. Thank goodness the tech team looked into it, and they got it for me.

I got a letter from Social Security. They made a phone appointment for me. They said they’re constantly reviewing my status. They need info from me. I don’t know what more they need. Maybe they saw that Amazon finally gave me my royalties. There’s another letter from them today. I don't know what that's about. I checked the mail earlier and it wasn't there yet. I'll check again just before dinner. 

Pinterest (Again, I did not make these. That includes the Youtube videos. Just sharing.):

Youtube:

11th of Nisan

A lot of things have happened since my last post. This is the first time I've probably been on my computer since at least March 10th. That's when I fell in the shower. My feet slipped, face-planted hard on the floor of the tub, slammed my right armpit hard over the edge of that tub (I think I was trying to break my fall), and bashed and bruised other areas. It took me a while to collect myself while I lay in the tub. Came super close to passing out, and saw 'flashes' of black. Then, I noticed I couldn't move my right arm and it was in extreme pain. I also couldn't get out of the tub. My parent said it sounded like a huge tree had fallen and asked how I was. She was able to get into my bathroom, see how I was, and called 911. The paramedics took a while trying to figure out how to get me out of there. Meanwhile, it was a bit embarrassing, since I was naked. They wrapped straps around me, and then pulled me out with a little help from trying to push myself up. They got me to my feet, put a sling on my right arm, helped me with putting on my pj's (at least draping the top over that arm), and whisked me away by ambulance to the ER.

I had broken my shoulder. More specifically, the head of the humerus bone where it meets up with the rest of the shoulder. It was almost a clean break and pushed in. Ended up with a nasty bump on my forehead, but with the amount of force, I thought it would be worse. 3 days after the fall, my feet started to swell. I thought it was a reaction from the prescription-strength Ibuprofen (it was only my 3rd dose of it), and stopped it. I elevated it often at some point (hard, since my knees still hurt from the fall), and the swelling got worse in my feet and traveled up to my kneecaps. Was like that for 3 weeks.

Had surgery on March 19th. That was to put the bone back in place, and hold it together with a metal plate and screws. Eventually, new bone will grow over the plate and screws, forming the way it should. They wouldn't allow my parent to go back with me for the pre-op stuff, which not only made it difficult emotionally, but she also had the specialized sling they wanted us to get beforehand, so right after the surgery part the nurse can put it on while I'm still asleep with the anesthesia. Eventually, they did allow her to give the sling to them, and met me in the recovery area. They weren't even going to allow her that. The hospital was so empty and quiet. Added to how I felt. Everyone there was pretty worried about my swelling, but the nurses more so. They decided to put some sort of massaging sleeves on both legs before the surgery. When I woke up, I had the worst leg cramps I can remember. The nurses looked nervous about it, but didn't do much. The nurses in the post-op area weren't as great. Especially one of them that didn't seem to know what she was doing. It was agonizing. 

Had the post-op appointment with my orthopedist on April 1st. He said everything was healing wonderfully. He gave me a printout of one of the x-rays they took that day, and a cd-rom of all the x-rays they've taken. I thought I wasn't doing enough, or behind, or something. I had only started the phase 1 exercises 3 days after the surgery. Same day I had to take off the dressings. It was easier that way. Couldn't do all 4 of those exercises together until a few days after that. He felt that I was on the right track. I shouldn't rush it, and if I push it too hard, I could damage the area. It'll take about a year to fully recover. Even then, it won't be as strong as it was. Right now, it seems my left arm has gotten stronger, since I've been using it for most things. At least, my right shoulder is getting better. He took off the steri-tape that was over the incision, too. It's around 6" long. A little bigger than I thought it'd be.

Went to Urgent Care the day before. I was seriously fed up with the swelling. Made it hard to move, sleep, and was really uncomfortable. At this point, it felt like my toes would fall off. It was that bad. When I moved, I had burning pain. Felt like a nasty sunburn on the tops of my feet. Anyways, I was there for 4 or 5 hours. They were being very thorough. With the new coronavirus regulations, they couldn't allow my parent to be there with me. That was difficult. 

They couldn't do anything for the swelling, since they didn't find a cause. There were no blood clots, kidneys were fine, etc. I was pissed about this. The one thing I came in for they couldn't do anything about. 

However, they found a lot of bone lesions on my ribs, left scapula (aka shoulder blade), pelvis, and I think spine. These only occur when there's cancer (pretty much any kind) or some sort of autoimmune disease. Pretty scary. They usually show up in older people. Since I have a family history of breast cancer (my mom had it, as well as grandma and one aunt on that side), they want to rule that out first. I have a mammogram and ultrasound scheduled for Tuesday. If they find something in those, they want me to schedule a breast biopsy on the same day. If not, the next step is getting a bone biopsy. That'll be from the areas affected. Scapula might be best, since it's close to the skin and there are less nerves. It'll be guided by a CT scan, I think. I'm terrified of this one. It's bad enough that my chest triggers a lot of dysphoria, and I'm a little too young to have a mammogram. I know it's essential, but I'm going to have a hard time. I'll have a full bone scan at some point, too. That sounds like an interesting one. I'll probably see an oncologist soon. Had a CT scan the same day as my orthopedist appointment, just to look at my chest and abdomen area. Made for a tiring day. 

At Urgent Care, they also found some pleural (lung lining) thickening. That doesn't just happen, either. I've had 2 lung issues in the past: pneumonia and pulmonary embolisms (blood clots in every air sac in my lungs). So, anything relating to them scares me. My D-Dimer was really high. I've learned from my doc that it could mean many things. My alk phos was high (although not as much as the other test). That usually has something to do with the liver. I have a thyroid nodule and gallstones. Those gallstones have probably been there for roughly a year. Went to the ER at the time for throwing up blood, and they found them then. My doc said since my gallbladder's walls aren't thickening, and doesn't seem to be bothering me, they're not going to worry about that now. There were no lymph nodes in places they shouldn't be. 

I suspect at least the lesions had something to do with both the fall and broken shoulder. Those lesions make it easier to break bones, and can weaken certain areas making it easier to slip. The weird pain and difficulty getting out of bed the week before my fall could have been from this. From what I've read, it sounds an awful lot like the common symptoms for it. I love how they're taking me seriously now about things. They weren't for the last year or 2. 

I feel super lucky that the fall happened when it did. I was approved for health insurance the day before, and got the card that night. The schools were (still will be for a while) closed and my parent, who's a school psychologist, had to work from home. Spring break technically starts tomorrow, I think. She's available to help me get to appointments and things, especially now. A lot of these tests/surgery are being labelled as urgent, otherwise they won't be able to do them until their system goes back to normal. My primary doc and the one I saw at Urgent Care want to push for these tests as fast as possible, so whatever it is doesn't progress.

The possibility of cancer also seems personal to me. My mom passed away from complications of both metastatic breast cancer and liposarcomas or abdominal tumors (2 huge ones, one right after the other). I saw what she went through. I don't want that. Creeps me out if it's some sort of bone autoimmune disease. 

I managed to finally go upstairs and sleep in my own bed Friday night. I had been sleeping in the recliner downstairs since March 10th. It was so nice to finally sleep there, and start using my bathroom again. The swelling has been going down a lot since then. Almost gone from my legs. They're sore, though. Might be from it being there for so long. Feet are better, but there's still a lot there. I can at least feel my toes. 

I haven't been able to get to much of my usual stuff because of all this. It's really been life changing. Trying to stay positive. Hard sometimes when I can't do much on my own. Might be able to take a shower soon. My orthopedist said it's ok to. I just would like a shower chair first. My parent, not long after the fall, put anti-skid strips on the floor of the tub. With both that and the chair, I should be pretty secure. 

Tasha has taken over my bed, and she was very upset when I started sleeping in it again. Interesting that she glomped onto it when I was gone. For the first few nights, she kept nudging me with her big paws and running around while I tried to sleep in the recliner. Rosie's been sticking to me a lot more. I think she's been trying to heal me. She knows somethings going on.

24th of Elul

Had a busy day Friday. Spent most of the day in Tacoma. Went to 2 different recycling places. Then, to the Tacoma Mall so my parent could recycle her old ipad and iphone. The line for the new iphone was long. Glad we weren't there for that. 

My parent found out that she had pink eye Thursday afternoon, and was told not to go back to work the next day. Since it's highly contagious. I hope I don't get it. Although, I think I would have had signs by now. This made it easier to make a full day of it. 

We went to Half Price Books after that. She gave them a huge collection of books. (Filled up 3 boxes.) They didn't see the value in it, sadly. They'll recycle them for her. I did find a cookbook there. It's called Traditional Swedish Cooking. It was only $7. Really good for a cookbook. It's interesting. There's a lot of fish recipes. More than I expected. Fish side dishes, salads, stews, etc. Even fish that I haven't heard of before. They have other salads that seem 'safe' for me, too. Lots of cooked vegetables. Other types of stews. Tons of desserts. There's a section for bread, and another for preserves. Sounds fun. It also has alcoholic drinks. I don't drink alcohol, but it was interesting. There are tips for certain ingredients. A lot of the recipes sound doable to me, even with the pain. 

After that, we went to my rheumatologist's appointment. He seemed to actually listen to me, was thorough, and tried to come up with things to help. He thought the muscle relaxant was a good idea. I think it might be helping, but I definitely feel it when it wears off. I might ask for a higher dose. 

He was worried about my hands. Brought up seeing a hand surgeon to figure out how to get rid of the lumps. There are so many. They're still somewhat small, but are growing and hardening. They're not painful, unless I mess with them for a while. They're annoying and sometimes move around. He was concerned about the weird sores on my hands, too. 

I brought up my mouth sores. Although, I think I only have one right now (like a thin line on the edge of the left corner of my lips). He still took a look at it. I forgot to tell him that one of the sores that disappeared was black with a little white on top and big. It scared me. Now that it's not there anymore, maybe it doesn't matter if I told him. 

I wasn't sure, but I thought the big lump on my neck might be a swollen lymph node. I thought it was too big for one. He said they can get much bigger, and it would make sense if it were. He wants me to see a dermatologist, since he's not an expert in what's going on with my skin. 

I brought up the possibility that I have scleroderma. He agreed it could be, but also brought up lupus. He ordered 2 blood tests, one for scleroderma, and the other is the ANCA Screen. I think the ANCA Screen is to help narrow down what autoimmune disease it is. If it's positive, it's a certain group. If negative, those are eliminated. I don't know much about that test. I had a strong urge to get imaging done on my hands and wrists, and he agreed and ordered x-rays. Those lumps could be calcium deposits, which would show up on x-rays. Plus, the structure of my hands seems to have changed. They're more twisted and bony looking. The positions the put my hands in were awkward to stay in, too. Apparently the results are all back, but I'm nervous to look at them. What if both blood tests are negative and the x-rays come back with nothing? I'm back to square one. However, what if all of them indicate what I think is going on? He said he'd make a phone appointment depending on the results. If he doesn't, I'll see him in 6 months. That's a long time, but maybe the dermatologist will come up with things. 

Went to the Cheesecake Factory after that. We don't go there very often, so it was a treat. So many things on their menu are calorie-laden. It's often hard to pick if I've eaten anything beforehand. I only had breakfast before that, so I could handle quite a bit. It was also the start of my treat days, but I didn't want to go overboard. I got their cheddar-stuffed burger. Most of the cheddar fell out and pooled on the plate as soon as I started eating it. Much more liquidy than I expected and kind of gross looking. The burger and sweet grilled onions were great. I ate all of the burger and onions, a little of the cheddar, roughly 1/4 of the bun, none of the fixings, and roughly half of the fries. I think I did pretty well with that. For dessert, I got their Cinnabon Cinnamon Swirl Cheesecake. It had layers of Cinnabon cinnamon cheesecake, vanilla crunch cake, cream cheese frosting, and caramel on top. There was cinnamon and sugar sprinkles on the back of the slice, too. It tasted and smelled like a cinnamon roll. Like 2 desserts in one. Got home pretty late.

For the last couple of days, Rosie has had an upset stomach. I woke up to her scratching on my closet door Sunday morning. She scratches near things she doesn't like. She does this almost every time she goes to the bathroom in the litter boxes. Seems that she's trying to flush it away or something. She never covers. Anyways, I ignored her until the 3rd time she came by to scratch. I lightly tapped her on the butt, and told her to stop. She walked a little towards the middle of my bedroom and proceeded to throw up. What a way to start the day! Turned out she had thrown up a lot near my closet. I took care of it all before I got ready for the day. Then, she seemed fine throughout the day. Monday morning, she threw up again in my room. Near my sneakers this time. Cleaned it up. Throughout the day she would throw up clear stuff. She seemed depressed and was very affectionate. I was angry Sunday morning, but that quickly turned into feeling bad for her. She must have eaten something she shouldn't have. She doesn't get sick that often. She hasn't thrown up today. At least, not that I know of.

I've decided to try to stick more closely with the daily calorie range limit I set for myself (1200-1600, 1400 being the 'sweet spot'), and to be close to what's recommended of other things like sugar, carbs, protein, etc. It's a balancing act. The calorie range is the easy part. I vary wildly day to day when it comes to many of the other things. Half the time I go a little over what's recommended for sugar, the other half I get maybe half of it. I'm usually well over for carbs. That's something I'm going to have to 'manipulate' a bit. Since I have a problem with absorbing protein, I need more than what's recommended for a healthy person. However, I have a hard time going over the halfway mark for that healthy person's recommended amount. I never make it to the full amount for that. So, it's an even more difficult thing for me. Interestingly, I usually am under the recommended amount for fat. I plan to still have Friday night to Sunday as my treat days, but I might try to be a bit more careful. Maybe my limit should be around 1800 calories a day for those. Not sure about the rest of the nutrients. I think I figured out today's stuff pretty well. Except for the protein. Seems like I'll just barely make it over the halfway mark for that. I'll end up being slightly under 1400 calories, which isn't bad. Only 4g over for carbs. (The recommended amount for carbs is 225g.) Right on for sugar. Yay! Better with potassium than usual, too. That's close to it's halfway mark. Only 4% under the recommended amount for calcium. 17% under for iron. Potassium, iron, and calcium can be tricky for me, too.

Studied Dutch on Duolingo both yesterday and today. I skipped it on Friday. Despite that, I'm still in the Ruby League. I'm 1/4 way through the Arts 2 unit now, and made it passed the 5th checkpoint. I think that's the last checkpoint. They did it a little differently with this one. It must be a new thing. In order to pass it, they quiz you on content you were taught after the 4th checkpoint. They don't let you see the translations of the words in sentences you may have forgotten, can't repeat what was said, a couple of different formats for the questions than the usual, etc. Supposedly it wasn't graded either. Maybe it's more of a review? Made it through quickly. 

Edited Alliance yesterday and today, as well. I'm well into chapter 10 now. Today I went through 7 pages of the ebook version, and 9 pages of the print. I only did it for 4 days last week, but I managed to go through 36 pages of the ebook, and 51 pages of the print all together. That's a lot! I'm still surprised at how quickly I'm moving through it this time. 

Practiced my clarinet yesterday. Finished playing through my klezmer book, and started the Mozart one. I wasn't feeling up to it today. Hopefully, I'll get to it tomorrow. 

Finished watching the new anime adaptation of Fruits Basket. There is going to be a 2nd season. It really did stick to the manga. The 1st anime didn't, and the mangaka (creator) was really upset by it. She hated the design, the music, the voice actors' portrayals, etc. That one also had a lighter more immature tone. The actual manga gets dark quick. There's still a lot of humor, though. The design with this new anime followed the one in the manga to a T, which was interesting to see. They made the art prettier and animation better. The voice actors were much better. I remember how much I hated the Japanese voice actors in the older anime. It's really rare, but the English dub was much better in that. This time the Japanese voice actors sounded pretty much how I'd imagine the characters to sound. The music was better with the new one, too. It wasn't so wishy-washy. With the old one, they veered off into a different direction than the manga halfway through because they caught up to it. The manga wasn't even halfway through. So, people only got a glimpse at the plot. I'm glad I read all of the manga. It gets complex. There were characters that I liked that weren't in the old anime, since they were introduced later. Got to see one of those in the last couple of minutes of the 2019 version's finale. That was Rin, the horse in the zodiac. I've also realized that there are quite a few queer themes in it, which might be why I liked it so much in the past. I didn't realize it at the time. It's hinted that a few characters may be trans and some are gender non-conforming. One character is clearly bi, but jokes about it sometimes. Their friendships are portrayed in a much deeper way than many series (manga/anime, and even in Western media). Some of them could easily be called queerplatonic. There's a big twist to the story in the manga. They have you thinking one of them is a certain gender throughout most of it, but isn't. They were forced to be a certain gender. I think they might actually be non-binary. (I'm trying to not spoil who that is.) The main protagonist, Tohru, is tougher than she seems also. Probably was a way to portray a strong female character girls and women could look up to or be inspired by. Rare in shoujo anime/manga, to me. She seems more...real. I think she sometimes slips out of gender roles, too. The series also touches on mental illness and some other deep topics. Hopefully, the 2nd season will be out soon. They just said sometime in 2020. I'm not sure how many seasons they'll make. I think if they want to do the whole thing it might be 3 or 4 seasons long? Not sure. That would be cool. I'll get to see more of the manga-only characters next season. Yay!

Also, finished Naka no Hito Genome or the Ones Within. I liked it a lot. It had a dark side to it, which is my sort of thing. The characters were unique and most were lovable. I think Anya is actually ace, possibly aro as well. He's never had a crush, and he's said he doesn't like anyone when he was asked about dating. Some of the others don't seem straight, either. They leave it ambiguous, which was a fascinating side to it. They hint at some of them possibly being gay, lesbian, or bi/pan. Again, it's put in such a way, except for Anya, that you can't really tell. Makino, who doesn't talk much and loves to sleep, seems to attract everyone. He also seems, at least, to be gender non-conforming. I think I share a lot of Akatsuki's traits, which was interesting. The only one I felt iffy about was Akatsuki's stalker, Yuzu. I think she was meant to make people feel that way. The games were interesting. They managed to get over half the amount of viewers they needed. It leaves it wide open for a 2nd season. I really hope it does have one. It seems highly underrated. 

20th of Adar I

I realized a couple of days ago that I might have arthritis. I kept ignoring the pain and stiffness in my neck (for a couple of days it was hard to even move it), hands, wrists, ankles, and in one hip. It's getting worse, although today hasn't been too bad. I've had a lot of cracking sounds from those areas, too. One of the most common complications of IBD is arthritis. With some forms, it's actually connected to if the person is flaring. So, once they're in remission with their IBD, the arthritis goes into remission, too. I've been suspecting that I'm flaring lately. That would make sense, then. Yet another thing to bring up with my new gastro next month. She probably won't do much about that right now besides order blood tests. She might do more after my colonoscopy. I'll ask her about getting an upper endoscopy, too. 

Today, I got through Alphabet 3 in Duolingo's Korean course. Plus, a little more of Basics 1. Alphabet 3 is really on loan words. I didn't know Baskin-Robbins was a thing in Korea. It kept popping up, so I looked into it. Interesting. Starbucks did, too. That's to be expected, as well as Hyundai, motors, apartment, coffee, and party. Hyundai is actually spelled differently if you write out the Korean in romanized letters. Not sure why it's spelled this way for the English version. They were really pushing the 'party' thing. Ice cream was used a lot, too. Almost done with Basics 1 level 2. 

Read more of MAR Omega. I thought they were going to make Kai into another Ginta, but he has quite a different story/personality. Might even be stronger than Ginta. He thought he didn't have magical powers, but it was sealed until he found Babbo and broke the spell over him. He's apparently one of Babbo's descendants, but Babbo is an Arm or basically a weapon. I think I vaguely remember that Babbo was special in that he was once human, so I could kind of see that. He lost his memories. They didn't regain much of them in the first series. At least, not in the anime. This time it seems most of it's going to be about regaining his memories and saving Kai's hometown that vanished. 

I finished a drawing yesterday. I felt I needed to do something related to Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week, but didn't come up with anything until last Friday. The idea was something around ice cream, since that's the aro food symbol. The meaning behind it is a bit cheesy, but I like it. We're thought of as cold-hearted, unfeeling, robot-like, etc. In reality, we're warm-hearted, kind, have a lot of other types of love to give, sweet, etc. Ice cream's cold but sweet and makes most people happy. I decided to have that, cake, a decorative spoon or candy all in a waffle cone. The cake is an ace symbol and the 'spoon' has the agender symbol on top. The only other symbol I know is an alien for agender people. Nothing food related. If I was more into it, I might have added a little alien holding it. The cake, ice cream, and 'spoon' are in the flag colors of each. The waffle is in the rainbow flag colors, representing the LGBTQ+ community as a whole. That can have many meanings. I went off a tutorial for the waffle cone, which came out better than expected. Actually, I like how the whole thing turned out. It's not prefect, which is ok. The colors were washed out a bit by my scanner. I'm not sure why it has issues with that. It was also probably the first time I edited something in Photoshop on my 'new' computer. I've had the computer since October, so it's still new to me. Had to get a recent edition of Photoshop, too. I was using a pretty old version on my old computer. Besides the editing, it was done in pencil, ink, and colored pencils. Other people seem to like it, which is nice to see.

I went back to the full body of Shadow drawing today. Figured out his shoes, then started inking him in. I don't know why, but eyes never turn out exactly the way I want them to, and I noticed that again while inking them. Oh well. I'll only get better with them through practice. They don't look awful, just that they're different sizes. Not sure about the folds in his clothes either, but at least I'm trying that. His overall new design is much better than it was. Should be interesting to see what it's like after inking the rest, erasing the pencil marks, and coloring him in. Also, edited a few more pages of Alliance. 

My parent's going to Atlanta tomorrow for about a week. She'll actually be leaving really late tonight or early tomorrow, depending on how you look at it. It's NASP's (National Association of School Psychologists) annual convention. It's great that she can go this time, and should be interesting to go to Atlanta. They're warmer than us right now. Hope she has fun being with her colleagues and friends, as well as explore a bit.  

Happy New Year!

First post of 2019! Yay! It's probably going to take me a little while to get used to seeing that. Hopefully, I'll post more often this year. Did much better last year. Close to twice as many posts than the previous one. Also, hope it'll be a good year. 

Went to a couple's place for a party to ring in the new year. They've been family friends for most of my life, and we usually go to their place for Thanksgiving, New Year's, and Passover. Besides my parent and I, there was the 2 hosts, and 1 other person. That person didn't stay for very long. I know most of the guests that go to these, but didn't know her. They usually have a lot more guests, too. The last few times it's either been just us or one other person. Makes me wonder...Although, one of their dogs is not doing too well health-wise. She has something similar to diabetes and has incontinence issues. She's always thirsty. Sad. Both of those big dogs are so nice and friendly. 

We brought rosemary crackers, spreadable Finnish cheese with dill, chocolate covered raisins and cherries, BBQ potato chips, dolmas (stuffed grape leaves), pickled herring, BBQ chicken pieces, raspberry Pim's, and a bottle of sparkling cider. The crackers were pretty good with the cheese. No one touched the chips. That's ok. More for us. Dolmas were gone quickly. Pickled herring is kind of a tradition for us on New Year's Eve. I think half of it was gone by the end. The chicken was good, and only a little was left. We weren't sure if there would be enough cider. They always have it available. That's usually what I have there. Turns out they had more than enough. Not only in the refrigerator, but in the garage, too. I opened ours anyways at some point, and it erupted. Luckily, I was in kitchen when it happened and it seemed like no one was watching. It must have been tossed around in the car. Went through about 2 bottles. Pretty much everyone had some, though. Oh, and my parent brought cava wine. The bottle was rainbow colored. The brand donates some of the proceeds to their local LGBTQ+ groups. They're Swedish. I remember there was a thing about it in the news that it was in response to an anti-LGBTQ+ ad by a vodka company (I think). Pretty cool. Even though I don't drink alcohol (mainly for health reasons), I tried a little. Didn't taste very good to me. Alcohol has always tasted a little weird to me, though. Could be because I'm not used to that taste. I like it in cooking, but the alcohol itself burns off that way. There was a spinach artichoke dip, small slices of bread, peanut M&M's, other types of chips, and pickled green beans as well. 

This is my wallpaper for January. It's One Piece's main logo. It has the Straw Hat's Jolly Roger in the O. A stylized version of Luffy is the i in it. It seems perfect for an anime about pirates. In the wallpaper, they also added the figureheads of both of the Straw Hat's ships. The first one, which is on the lower left, was called Going Merry. She seemed like she had a life of her own. Sadly she ended up breaking down beyond repair. There was a lot of drama between one of the members, Usopp, and Luffy about what to do with her. (Usopp even left the crew briefly.) The 'funeral' for her was one of the most emotional scenes. They sent her off to sea and lit her on fire, all the while the crew was breaking down in tears. She actually spoke and tried to console them as she burned up. It was hard not to tear up. The current one, upper right, is called Thousand Sunny. That one doesn't seem as 'alive', but it's virtually indestructible. Made from some of the toughest trees in their world. It's loaded with weapons, too. One of the members, Franky, who's a shipwright, designed and crafted it along with help from some of the best shipwrights. It's twice as big as Going Merry was. 

The month-long holidays for January are: National Candy Month, National Egg Month, National Hot Tea Month, National Meat Month, National Oatmeal Month, National Soup Month. Some are for important causes, some are to make you appreciate things you may take for granted, and some are just for fun. A lot of good food ones this time. 

This year, I was able to get a Jewish calendar. For the last few years, there haven't been any left at Barnes & Noble, which is where I usually get my calendars. I thought it wasn't that big of a deal considering I can follow it online, but I do like to see the antique pics in the one I usually get. It's from the Amsterdam Jewish Historical Museum. The main pic is of a tzedakah (basically charity) box that doesn't have a date. The other pic's of a velvet Torah cover from the 1800's. 

Got an elements calendar for the 'regular' one. This month's on strontium. It's a pretty pic of it. They have all sort of info on it. The atomic number, indicates where on the periodic table it is, melting/solid/etc. points, pics of what it's used for, a detailed info section, atomic emission spectrum, state of matter, etc. Fascinating stuff. I took chemistry (both high school and college level), but we didn't really go into too much detail of each element. It was mainly formulas and reactions. So, to get a more in depth look is nice. It was apparently used in bombs, but is usually not radioactive. It's occasionally used as an ingredient in luminous paints. Some of those are radioactive, but again strontium isn't what makes them that way. Strontium pills are thought to be good for your bones. It does react similar to calcium, but it's unclear if it has any affect on bone growth. 

Got a haircut last Friday. It was the longest it had ever been. My last haircut was just 8 months ago. Not much time in between. It was growing really fast. While I wanted long hair, it was getting too difficult to take care of and kept getting stuck in things. Felt like it was swallowing me and had a limited field of vision. It was so much I couldn't even put it up in bun well. It was so long, the hairstylist had to cut off some of it in order to just wash it. It was quite something to see it all on the floor at the end. It's now roughly half as long. Much more manageable, I can see more around me, it's more out of my face, people can see my face, doesn't fall into my food, don't have to hold onto it in order to eat, and so much more. Looked even better after I washed and styled it for the first time. It's still rather long, so I get somewhat of a similar feel. 

Got my DNA test results back from AncestryDNA. That's been interesting. I'm 51% Ashkenazi (Jews who came from Germany and out to eastern Europe), 29% Celtic (particularly from Scotland), 14% from England, Wales, and 'Northwestern Europe' (that's not very descriptive), 4% from France, and 2% from Sweden. I had no idea about the last 2. This means my mom was 100% Ashkenazi. There are some diseases that only they have or are more likely to have than the rest of the population. That worries me a bit. I didn't realize how concentrated that side was. At least, people can't dispute that I'm Jewish, I guess. They split that side into 2 groups: Western and Central Europe, and Central and Eastern Europe. There's some overlap with them, and I'm not sure why they split them. It was interesting to see the ethnic map.

They also have a history section where you can see where they started on the timeline, and where they immigrated. That timeline goes from 1725 to 1950. They only show the 2 Ashkenazi groups and Scottish part for it. They have dots of where they lived at the time. It's detailed enough to see the cities they were in. Some dots are huge, and that's where they're more concentrated. None of the Ash. groups have info until the 1800-1825 section, and that's with the C/E Europe one. The other group doesn't show up until the 1825-1850 one. I was surprised by where the Ash. groups were from. Sure, I knew about Germany, Romania, Belarus, and Russia; but none of the others. There were surprisingly huge dots in Poland, Lithuania, and Ukraine. The Scottish one wasn't as surprising, but interesting. They immigrated to Australia, Canada (particularly Nova Scotia), and the US pretty early.

Apparently, my family came from/immigrated to 26 countries and a territory. Here's the list: Germany, The Netherlands, Belgium, Luxembourg, Moldova, Romania, Lithuania, Latvia, Ukraine, Scotland, Ireland, England, Wales, France, Sweden, Russia, Belarus, Poland, Canada, US, Australia, New Zealand, Slovakia, Hungary, Austria, Czech Republic, Isle of Man. I'm kind of tempted to look into learning more about these places. Like, what's the culture like for Jews in some of them, about the cultures around them, trying foods from them, maybe learning some of their languages, about the Celtic parts as well, music of these areas, and more. That's a little overwhelming. I do have some knowledge of these places, but it didn't seem as personal in the past. Plus, if I ever go on that dream trip in the future where I visit all the countries my family's from, it's going to be a much longer trip than I thought. I could break it up, though.

For an extra $10, they give you results of 18 genetic traits. I did that not too long ago. Most of it was spot on. They thought I had a cleft chin. I don't. They were correct about finger length. My ring finger is slightly longer than my pointer. The hair type one was really laughable. It said I had naturally straight hair. Nope. Very curly. Most of my family has curly/wavy hair, so I'm not sure where this came from. They were right about hair thickness, though. It said thicker-than-average. The iris pattern part was interesting. I know I used to have flecks of gold in it, but can't see it too well now. They said I have rings. Maybe I'll look at them in better light at some point. For skin pigment, they said light to medium skin tone. I have a very light skin tone. Although, parts of me are slightly yellow/olive like. Interesting. The only food sensitivity (of the traits they tested) I have is to sweets. Makes sense. Sweet food has always been really intense to me. Most of the time I can only handle so much of it. If I plan to eat a lot of it (like if I'm at potluck/buffet, and a lot is probably different to me than others), I have to eat it slowly. It's not just the first bite that's intense, it's pretty much every bite. I've actually ended up with some enlarged taste buds after eating 'too much' sweets. Despite this, I do love sweet food. I think I have other sensitivities like that, but they didn't really test for many.

I'm going to try and go on social media less. Most of the week, only checking for notifications, and posting personal stuff (food I eat or other pics to Instagram and dA, personal statuses, sharing posts from here, etc.). Then setting a time during the weekend, or if I'm at somewhere like a restaurant waiting for food, to 'catch up'. However, making sure to not do it for too long. I tried this several months ago. It worked for a little while. Felt a lot better. The problem with this is I end up feeling like I'm missing out on too many things. Things like news in general, friends' stuff, and fun things. So, we'll see how that goes.

Finished watching Persona. It was pretty good. Seemed more real. Cases took weeks at least. Although, I felt like they added a soap opera-feel with some of the drama that popped up. I hate that they left such a cliffhanger at the end. Apparently, there is another season, but it's not on Netflix. Don't know if they'll get it. At least it wasn't as bad of a cliffhanger as Anjaan (an Indian supernatural detective show) I saw on there. That was one of the worst. Although, I just looked at Netflix, and they apparently added a lot more 'new' episodes. (About 50 more. They only had about 15 before.) Yay! At least I know there's more on there. I might watch Gab-Dong next. It's a Korean detective show.

Finished all of D.Gray-man. That includes the more recent Hallow sequel. I think some of the character designs in Hallow were awful or too 'different'. I read that those designs were more faithful to the manga, but it still didn't seem right. Lenalee seemed to be the worst. Her personality changed almost completely, too. Miranda looked odd to me, although she seemed more 'normal'. (Looked like a raccoon before.) Their eyes were 'shinier', too. A bit distracting. I do like that they didn't censor the blood in this one. In the first series, the demons exploded instead of bled. It ended at a weird time. Seemed like a pretty big cliffhanger, as well. Besides that, it seemed decent. I like how many complex layers Allen Walker had. He cares about both humans and demons, despite being an exorcist. He's part demon, too. His past from a very young age was traumatic. He even had a mental breakdown when he was little, after the man who took care of him, a clown named Mana, became a demon. He killed that demon himself. (If I remember correctly.) His 'innocence' (or weapon, to simplify it) activated on its own, and he didn't want to kill him. His personality changed after that. His hair changed, too. In Hallow, he ends up trying to get more in touch with who he really is. We all thought Kanda died, but he suddenly showed up at the end like nothing. Makes me curious about continuing the story in the manga.

12th of Kislev

Today's Transgender Day of Remembrance (TDoR). Went to a TDoR vigil on Sunday. I haven't gone for a few years, and I think the last time was my first. That one was at a park in the rain and cold. This year it was in an auditorium at the Bainbridge Island Museum of Art. Much more comfortable venue. I'm reluctant to go every time and have mixed feelings about it. (I even felt weird about 'TDoR' as a title for this post and decided not to.) This was the first one that I had been to after realizing I was agender. So, it seemed even more personal for me. It was hard enough to hear the names and know they were murdered, but most of them had more details as to how it happened. (Being shot, hung, etc.) There was a Buddhist priest that hit a bell (or gong?) after each name, which added to it. I thought it was a nice touch. I saw some people I hadn't seen in a long time, which was great. The theme at this one was about being welcomed. People don't just want to be 'tolerated' or 'loved', they want to feel welcomed to be themselves. 

Dad was one of the speakers. There was also someone who was apart of the first TDoR 20 years ago in Boston (I think). It wasn't really 'official'. It was a march for a trans woman named Rita Hester who was brutally murdered. The following year they turned it into an annual vigil commemorating trans people who were murdered within that year around the world. At one point, they asked people to go up and speak. I couldn't. I think my throat would have closed up. The last speaker was a reverend, originally from Scotland. He was pretty cool. 

Went to the Point Defiance Zoo and Aquarium in Tacoma the weekend after my birthday. I hadn't been to a zoo in a very long time. Haven't been to that particular one probably since 2003. It was just before I left for college. Dad had horrible migraines, and mom had a hard time getting around. I was the only one that was 'fine'. Kind of tainted it. Anyways, it was great this time. Half the animals seemed to be inside or relocated because of construction, so we couldn't see all of them. Saw quite a lot, though. It'd be cool to go to the Woodland Park Zoo in the future. I think I have more memories of that one, and it might be bigger. I just tend to forgot about the zoos and museums near us. 

After that we went to the Cheesecake Factory. I had chicken pot-stickers. They were appetizers on the 'light' menu, and seemed the perfect size for dinner. So many entrees are ginormous there. They listed the calories, and the pot-stickers were one of the lowest. It was eye-opening to see the others. Many were over 1000 calories. I got their Very Cherry Ghirardelli Chocolate Cheesecake. It had quite a lot of calories, but at that point I didn't care. It was spectacular looking. 

I tried adding more vegetables to all my meals besides dinner. It went ok for a couple of days, but then I felt it was just easier to go back to the way it was before. I also ended up feeling really sick. I'm not sure if adding the vegetables had anything to do with that part...Since I still have some mild malabsorption issues, I thought it would help me. Plus, peeling and cooking almost every vegetable made it more of a chore.

I wore my chest binder yesterday for a few hours. I'm thinking of getting back into it. I tend to forget to pull it down to almost passed my butt. If I don't it wrinkles up and gets really uncomfortable. With it pulled down like that, it feels much better. Hardly notice it, except it's not very flexible. So, I really notice it while picking up things, going to sit, going up stairs, and such. I look much better in the mirror with it. Shirts sit different, too. I've noticed that I burp a lot with it on, too. Not sure what that's about. 

I plan to look for a new primary soon. Partly because I want to start Kaiser Permanente's Gender Health Program. Just glanced at their site on it, and apparently if I call their gender specialists, they can connect me with a primary that's been trained in gender-related health care. Not sure if they'd have anybody like that near me. I can't stand my current one. She hasn't asked me to come in for a wellness visit, and it's been roughly 1 1/2 years since I last saw her. It's supposed to be once a year, considering all the health stuff I've had. The last time I saw her she gave me a lecture when I brought up trying another GI. I wanted one with an MD. I had only one with an MD. The next one was a nurse, and the last one a physician's assistant. They can't do much. The PA even told me her hands were tied and couldn't help. She also keeps telling me how smart I am. I don't go there to be praised, and when it's all the time, it ain't flattering. I have a feeling if I told her I was trans, she'd think I was influenced by Dad, seeking attention, or something. The new one would know I was trans from the start. I feel I need to come out in order to talk about this stuff with them. If I get someone trained in gender issues, that'd be best. 

Recently, I decided to try and friend more people on fb. I only friend or accept requests from people I know in some way. I haven't met all of them in person. Some are from forums I was active on years ago. Most of the new ones I knew for a while, but thought they wouldn't accept it. I should have just friended them in the past without caring about that. Considering not accepting it is the worst that will come of it. I think I got 10 new friends on there in the last week or so. One was someone from an ace group on there who friended me. That was cool. I don't usually think too much about friending people from groups on there. Maybe I should. There are some cool people in all the groups I'm in.

Finished watching The Method on Netflix. It was really raw. More so than many detective shows. I liked it but didn't at the same time. Went back to watching The Sniffer after that. It's another detective series. Interestingly, it's Ukrainian, set in an unknown Russian city, and filmed in Ukraine. It's a much better show. The main character doesn't want to kill anyone. The one from The Method kills without thinking, and calls it mercy afterwards. The one in The Sniffer is a bit of a germophobe for a good reason. He has a super sensitive nose, and it can get to be too much if there are too many smells around him. He keeps his apartment extremely clean so he's not overwhelmed. He tells people to wear special suits when they visit him. He also has his own elevator and parking garage. Same reason behind wearing gloves and not shaking hands. He's officially a partner as an 'expert' to the detective now. The detective reminds me of an actor from NCIS: LA. Both characters have great chemistry and their humor is on point. I just hate the 'sniffer's' ex-wife. She always seems to have a bee up her bonnet. She treats their son like crap, too. Turns out she might be addicted to prescription drugs, so that might be why.

Dropped Asobi Asobase. It was hilarious until there was a transphobic segment. I thought it'd turn out different. The girls were suspecting her to be a boy that hid 'himself' in order to get into an all-girls' school. This was after one of the characters saw her dumping a boy. The boy did say he didn't care if she were trans, and that he still loved her. That was a plus, at least. The girls really wanted to ask if she was a 'boy', but were terrified. She messed with them a little. (That part's kind of understandable.) She's considered one of the most popular girls. After being questioned, they made her appear normal. I thought that was great. They never revealed that she was trans, either. The true issue I had was about a second later the narrator cut in, and said that one of the girls (Hanako?) instinctively knew the truth and something was wrong. She made it seem like she was a wolf in sheep's clothing or something. It was very negative and perpetuated the idea that, in particular, trans girls/women are out to trick people. Not cool. I won't sit through more of that. I haven't come across many anime that were so blatant about it. 

Apparently, a remake of Fruits Basket's coming out in 2019. I usually get notified of anime that I'm interested in about to be aired, and news on anime I've seen from MyAnimeList. The news was all over the Japanese/Asian pages I follow on fb, too. Ones that aren't anime based. It was one of the first shows that got me hooked. Not long before that I thought anime was just for little kids. I was so wrong...My roommate and floormates at one of the dorms in college introduced me to it. Yes, that entire floor was into anime...It was scary at first. They were far more into it than I ever was. It's one of the best shoujo series out there. I don't normally like shoujo. The anime was great, but the manga was 100 times better. It was one of the first manga I read. The manga ran from 1998 until 2006. (Longer than I thought...) The anime aired in 2001. So, they were only working off of 3 of the 8 years for the adaptation. Many fans hated the ending. The mangaka (creator) had issues with how things were done. With this new version, they plan to adapt it in its entirety. They plan to have totally different voice actors, director, production, etc. I have to admit, I liked the English dubbed version more than the Japanese version. That's rare for me. It seems like they'll have better ones this time. The mangaka is overseeing everything, too. The art is getting an upgrade. The mangaka said that she was very sick when she made Fruits Basket, so according to her, her art was shaky and not up to par. I don't know about that...It was a bit different compared to the anime, though. Should be interesting to see the new art. So far there are only 2 promo posters, and I can't really get a 'feel' from them. I didn't think they'd remake it, and certainly not 18 years later. 

Sent a DNA sample to AncestryDNA. It was spit-based, and I was surprised at how much they wanted. It was gross 'collecting' it. I'll get to see where all of my family came from. Dad did it a few months ago. Should be interesting. It'll take 6-8 weeks. 

23rd of Tishri

This is my wallpaper for October. It's another manga wallpaper I put together a while back. Specifically, it's a Kuroshitsuji or Black Butler one. The left side has Soma, and it's from a very tragic chapter. Someone very close to him was attacked brutally while protecting him. I won't go into too much detail, since it might be too much of a spoiler. It was pretty shocking, though. The right side has Sebastian (holding the candle) and Ciel. That was from a special 10th Anniversary and Halloween chapter a couple of years ago. The manga has been around for about 12 years now. Hopefully it'll continue for a long time. However, it seems things are coming together quickly and like it might end soon. I could be wrong, though. I thought this would be great for a Halloween-themed one. Might change it to another one in a couple of weeks. I have a couple of Halloween-themed ones.

The month-long holidays for October are: National Apple Month, National Caramel Month, National Dessert Month, National Pasta Month, National Pasta Month, National Pretzel Month, Bat Appreciation Month, Corn Month, German-American Heritage Month, LGBTQ+ History Month, National Cookbook Month, National Seafood Month, Spinach Lovers Month. Some are for important causes, some are to make you appreciate things you may take for granted, and some are just for fun. A lot of them this time. In addition to LGBTQ+ History Month, there's National Coming Out Day on the 11th. I'm part German-American. It's interesting that there's a month devoted to cookbooks. 

I got a new computer on Saturday. Put it together on Sunday and was still setting it up yesterday. My old computer, which was a Windows XP, was roughly 12 years old. It was on its last legs. I could pretty much only write slowly and play 2 games (The Sims 2 and Fate). Video wouldn't work (besides what's in those games), internet was iffy, most things didn't support it anymore (even most browsers wouldn't support it), it was noisy, like a furnace, it'd freeze every few minutes, etc. The last issue was shutting itself off suddenly. So many things wrong with it. It worked well for most of the time I had it, though. I feel very lucky to have had it in the first place. It was kind of sad taking it and its monitor off my desk, and then putting it in the garage to later be dumped. 

My new one is amazing! Seems futuristic to me. It's an all-in-one, so it has the computer inside the monitor. Takes up a lot less space. It also has a webcam, and I'm unsure how much I'll use that in the future. It's built into the top, you press that, and it pops up. Nice that you can pop it back in and have it popped up only when you use it. It has a DVD/CD drive on the side. The only issue I see with that is it seems like it can easily be damaged that way. It stands up or is sideways instead of the flat one that I was used to where the disc just sits. It seems delicate. 

It has speakers, but I'm using my old ones. They're better. I haven't actually used them in a long time. Mostly just used them when I occasionally played games. They sound far better than I expected. I don't think they've deteriorated or anything since I got them. I also have a sub-woofer connected to them that I forgot about before. There's more power to the sound that way. It might be weird if someone's downstairs when it kicks in, though. I'm listening to Pandora at the moment with them. It sounds so much better than even my new phone, and my phone sounds good as is. 

It has quite a lot of different ports. 5 USB ones (2 different kinds), a memory card slot, audio jack, and a few others. It also has a microphone. 

The monitor is bigger than my old one. I think it's close to 22". It has a 1920 x 1080 resolution, and the old one had a 1440 x 900 one. I thought the old one was big...I'm still not quite used to it being so big. It's also a touch screen. That seems to be the most futuristic part. The image is so clear, detailed, and crisp, too. I've already watched something on Netflix with it, and it was amazing!

Windows has changed a lot, too. The layout is a bit different, and I think they tried to make it similar to a smart phone with the 'apps'. It's interesting that it has Cortana built in. I haven't really used her yet, except for when I was setting it up. I found a way to make the desktop and taskbar closer to what I'm used to. I used to have a silver taskbar, and I'm not sure how to turn it to that yet. I might just set it to automatically pick a color from the background. Start menu is weird. The 'app' blocks move and make it look bulky. 

I managed to save all my pics and documents from the old one with a flash drive. That drive can hold up to around 5gb, and I filled up about half of it. I also imported all my music from my mp3 player to the new computer. That's basically where I put all my music from the old one, anyways. I'm not even passed filling up 1% of that mp3 player, and I have close to 340 songs on it. It's like an endless pit, and makes me want to put more on it. It feels more like 'home' with my pics, docs, and music from before. I'm glad I didn't lose any of it. I was worried the drive would be corrupted or something. It was plugged into the old one for a long time. 

The only issue I have is with Microsoft Office. You can't use it unless you sign up for the month-long free trial or subscribe. Once the trial expires, they'll charge for a year of it. (If you don't back out of it by then.) That's $100. Not as bad as some, but it'd be nice if Office already was factored into the price of the computer and you had it all ready for you. You wouldn't have to buy it or a subscription. I mostly just need Word. I know there's a free version, but I feel iffy about it. As an author, it's a key program. Even the formatting guides are based on docs in Word. Anyways, I ordered the free trial version for now. I need to edit/read Alliance again. I'm already a few pages in. Another issue is I'm unsure if I'm going to use the old copy I used before of Photoshop or end up getting a new one in the future. I can't create covers very well without it. Plus, I used it for editing my drawings, too. Those would be the only 2 programs I'd really need to get. 

It runs super fast compared to my old computer. It has 1tb of total storage. So much! Not sure if I'll need that much. It's much quieter. I figured out a way to not have to sign in every time it wakes up or is turned on. That would have been annoying. 

It came with a keyboard and mouse. The keyboard seems much shallower than I'm used to. Writing this, I am getting a bit more used to it. The mouse is ok. 

I installed Fate, the Sims 2, the Sims 2 Seasons Expansion, and Fable yesterday. Fate took almost no time. The Sims 2 has 4 discs, and the expansion is another 2. That took roughly 45-60 minutes. Much faster than my old computer. Fable is also 4 discs, and it took about as long. With my old computer, it probably would have taken an entire day for all of these. 

I wasn't able to save anything from when I played Fate before. I had made it down to the 38th level of the dungeon... (The final 'boss' is on the 100th, but you can venture further than that.) The furthest I ever went. Sad. I'll be able to go further in the future with my new computer, though. It'll give me less headaches with that game. It will probably run much smoother, too. Might be even more fun.

I was able to save the file for my previous homes/neighborhoods in the Sims 2 to the flash drive. I just haven't transferred them yet. I'm not sure if it'll really work. We'll see. 

I couldn't even run Fable on my old computer. The graphics card didn't support it. Fable is an intense rpg with beautiful graphics and a vast world. It was ahead of its time, and this is actually a sequel. I think I still have to mess with the settings for the in-game graphics. I played about 10 minutes of it, and the people looked a little scary. (The rest of it mostly looked great.) They have mesh and other graphics related settings. Still, it's far better than my old computer. I'm happy I can finally play it again! I never finished it the last time I played it. Another rpg I really liked was Morrowind. I thought I had a copy of it, but apparently not. This computer came with games already on it, too. It has Xbox, as well. 

It'll probably be easier for me to keep up with posting more often on here. It's so smooth and there are no interruptions with it. I might even get rid of the blogging app on my phone. It's pretty crappy and was the only one that linked up to it. I was lucky there was something for it. You can't post pics or vids with it, and it messes with the font and format. Before getting the new computer, I was thinking of migrating this over to Wordpress. Since they had many highly rated apps. I did have one on there a while ago, but didn't use it for long. I'm almost up to 1000 posts on here. (4 away!) That would have been a lot to transfer. It's cool to see how close I am to the 1000 mark. I never thought, when I started this blog, that it would make it this long with that many. I guess it'll continue to stay here, thanks to my new computer.

Dad had a major raise, and the first paycheck that factored it in was on Friday. The school district is finally paying their staff (she's a school psychologist) better. Well deserved and long overdue. It was also increased because of her years of experience. Pretty awesome! Something to really celebrate, too! She also got the same type of computer, since her 9 year old computer broke down a while ago. We both really needed them. She was able to have someone look and clean out the chimney recently. They were surprised by how dirty it was. It had to be fumigated because of all the spiders and their webs. There was a lot of creosote, too. Some of the installation was taken out. Well, at least now we can have safer fires in the fireplace. Just when it's starting to get much cooler.

30th of Sivan

Last night we went Red Lobster to celebrate Dad's birthday. She got a shrimp cocktail and fried calamari. She loves shellfish, so that was good for her. I got one of my faves, maple-glazed chicken. It comes with a salad, which I had bleu cheese dressing with. It also comes with rice pilaf and a choice of another side. I chose mashed potatoes. The maple sauce also has cherries pureed in it. I could drink that stuff. So good! Since Dad doesn't eat cheese, I got all the Cheddar Bay Biscuits to myself. I only had one, and took the rest home. Had half of the entree and salad. Still was filling. We later went to a local international market for chocolate. She got a very dark orange chocolate. I got birthday chocolate. That has milk chocolate on the outside, and white chocolate on the inside with sprinkles. It was like a party in my mouth for dessert. Interesting that I was the one that chose the 'birthday' one. Although, she loves very dark chocolate, so it wouldn't have been her thing. 

There was a troll that showed up in one of the IBD groups on fb. They made a post about it being a disorder and not a disease. (IBD is Inflammatory Bowel Disease.) They wondered why it was called a disease, when (according to them) a disease is something someone 'catches'. They said when they think of that word they think of STDs. People calmly tried to explain it to him numerous times, and he either called them trolls or twisted their words. People also started listing other diseases, and he said that they should be called disorders, too. It was wild how trollish he was being. In a chronic illness group, no less. We're already going through enough. I've never liked the idea that I have a disease, either. It's hard to wrap your head around at first. Doesn't mean it suddenly changes it. Someone mentioned that it essentially boils down to dis-ease, which is true and I've heard that before. At least, most of the members had a sense of humor about it as it continued.

Also, read an article not long after that about how people with IBD were lobotomized in the past. (Some were also subject to electroshock therapy beforehand.) Doctors considered it to be all in the head connected to mental illness or some sort of emotion. Seems like a fraction of the general public still thinks in a similar way. Apparently the first patient (with IBD) to have it done was in 1948. They were still doing it until the late 80's. That's a long time. No one officially apologized, but one doctor apologized to a few of his previous patients privately. I didn't know how the medical community treated it in the past, so it was eyeopening. There were doctors who were completely against it and tried new treatments, instead. Still, it really messed with people. They still had their disease, but they lost their personalities and then some. Awful. It also makes me worry a little about the 'new' idea that the gut microbiom affects the brain. It seems like the opposite, but along a similar way of thinking. It was odd encountering that troll and reading this article right after. 

Made a post on fb about my cookbook's page. Some people have already liked it. I also tweeted about it, and posted it to Tumblr. So, I'm getting the word out slowly. I'll eventually get to online forums, emailing both local congregations, and maybe some of the old blogs/journals I had like livejournal. Probably will think of other places after that. 

Navient emailed me last night mentioning the income-based repayment plan as an option. They didn't mention it before, and I've already applied for it. Weird. This morning, they said they had my application. I just have to wait for them to approve it. They seem behind on things. I wish they had mentioned this plan long before. I don't think it's a good deal for them. The idea that at some point everything that's left (whether I wasn't able to pay any of it, or just partially) will be completely forgiven. It'll be like wiping the slate clean, and they wouldn't get that money back. Also, with me not paying anything in the meantime, probably doesn't look good either. (Not that I was before...) Rates won't go up or anything during that time, too. 

I got through most of the 5th level of the Basics in German. I'm flying through it. Like I mentioned before, they're just repeating the same stuff over and over again. At least, I'm looking at it differently than when I first started, and it's a good refresher on the very simple stuff. 

Finished reading the manga, Bokke-san. It was pretty good. I'm not sure if I completely liked the ending. I won't spoil that, but Hino's estranged brother wasn't even mentioned until the last couple of chapters. Yet, he had a rather major role in it. Seemed odd. It was a feel-good ending. Most of the loose ends were tied up, too. I wish it was longer. It's only 18 chapters or 2 volumes. They could have done a lot more with it. That's another thing, it seemed like a rushed ending. 

The only cleaning I got to this time was the cat stuff. Through grooming Rosie with the mitt, her lumps are slowly coming out. They've turned white. They seem to almost be at the point of being able to just pull them off. I won't use the scissors, but it seems like it'll be easier to cut them off now. Her fur feels so nice, soft, and shiny now. I think she likes it a lot, too. 

Inked in Antonio's head from Alliance. Still not happy with it, but thought I should move on. Started drawing Doina's head. Hopefully, she'll turn out better. The vision of her in my head is cool. 

International Falafel Day!

Falafels are really good! Especially in a pita sandwich with hummus. It was everywhere in Israel, and I think they had the best falafel. Although, I've had some locally that come close. Falafels are basically chickpea patties. Today's my parent's birthday. So happy birthday to her!

According to fb, I came out as agender on there exactly a year ago yesterday. I thought that was in July. I don't think I was exactly sure at the time. Interesting that I realized during Pride month. Perfect time. It felt like a weight off my shoulders just to know. I've learned a lot about myself and the enby community in the last year. I've shared some of that on here already. 

Created an official fb page for the cookbook. There are some things you can only input on desktop. (Like, the ISBN.) Makes it a bit difficult considering I do most online stuff on my phone. The profile pic's of the Passover popover from the cover. Looks kind of funny this way. The cover pic's the Passover almond and cream torte, and its recipe is in there, too. I decided I might post pics of things I've made from it. The ones I have now are mainly from the Passover section. I might make dishes from other sections in the future, and can post them there. It'll be like a way to advertise, yet have fun and showcase what's in it. If it gets big enough, I'll let fans share their pics of dishes made from the cookbook. It'll be a fun little community thing, too. Not sure how often I'll post there at the beginning. I'm thinking of making a status on fb about the page and ask people to like it. 

A few days ago, I finished the German course on Duolingo. However, I've gone back to the beginning and plan to level everything out. That might take a while. The first several somehow were up to level 3 already. Not sure how. I started going through the first Basic 'unit' today. Almost done with it. They have 5 levels each. This last level has 15 parts to it. Quite a lot. I have noticed that they repeat a lot with each level, at least for this one. I started this before Duolingo switched to the 5-level system, so things might be a bit off until I reach the point I was at once that was implemented. That wasn't that far into it. This 'unit' is about things like the different a's for things. Like, eine for woman and ein for girl. (Odd that girl is masc.) Also, the difference between bin and bist, or am and (you) are respectively. They kept repeating wasser (water) and brot (bread). The pronouns er (he), sie (she), and es (it) were really hammered in, too. I'm breezing through it since I already know this stuff. 

Ao no Exorcist, or Blue Exorcist, finally had another update. It's been a couple of months. Rin got to go back 40 years and see his mother as a kid. He never got to meet her because she died as soon as she had him and Yukio. She came from a tough background. A homeless orphan, who the only 'family' she made were also homeless and died in a fire. They most likely were trying to keep warm and the fire got out of control. The Order eventually found her after she snuck into Shiro's (the person who later raised the twins) shed. She was trying to stay warm and find food. As soon as she said that she could see their dog (obviously a demon, and not everyone can see them), they took her. She met Satan while playing house in a junkyard. The only form he took was of blue flames. They said it was before he developed an ego, and his first intelligent interaction. I find this a bit odd considering it was just 40 years ago. He already had sons by then, but it might have been different in his world. It's no wonder he later became interested in her. Should be interesting to see what actually happened to her. 

For cleaning, I managed to finish vacuuming my bedroom. I worry a bit when I here something loud get sucked up. Is it something important? Oh well. The only thing I haven't been able to find is an earring backing, and if that was sucked up it's not a big deal. It was gross when I found a giant mass of hair under my desk, and it just instantly sucked it up. It looked impressive at the same time. So, now my room is the cleanest it's been in a long time. Yay! Next, I'll start with the bathroom stuff again. 

Went back to watching the Break a couple of days ago. It's a Belgian detective show, which is in French. Some of my French came back to me while watching it. It's kind of slow. A lot of staring and aerial shots. Interesting story, though. 

National Grandparents Day!

Mood:

Awesome that there's a day for grandparents, too!It became a national holiday in 1978. It's celebrated on the first Sunday after Labor Day. Apparently, a lot of other countries have their own Grandparents Day. Kind of nice. I only have one grandparent left, and he's amazing!This reminds me that it's been a while since I last called him...I think he turns 90 in December. That sounds like quite an accomplishment. It's also 9/11, which is Patriot Day. A day commemorating the attacks back in 2001. I still remember that when it started, I was watching TV just before going to school. The news cut in. Then, the teachers had their TVs on throughout most of the day. Felt saturated with it. It was pretty shocking.

Went to an LGBTQ family picnic yesterday. It was at a park near a lake. It was really nice. Apparently, I had 2 reasons for being there. I normally just think of one of them, which is that I have a trans parent. (I'm also an ally in general of the LGBTQ community.) So, I'm family. Also, I'm ace (or asexual), and they're represented in the longer acronym. So, yay! Double the fun!It was a reasonable turnout. 

There was so much food!Hot dogs and hamburgers with their fixings with the BBQ part. There were also baked beans, a few different types of salads, a variety of chips, watermelon, skittles, a big sheet cake, mini cinnamon buns, chocolate chip cookies, and chocolate chip muffins. The sheet cake had a rainbow and sun design in the middle, and a thick white frosting covering the rest. Had a custard type inner layer. That was really tasty. There was also a variety of drinks. Things like water, juice, sodas, etc. It seemed the organizers, PFLAG, really wanted everyone to be able to have something. They even had veggie burgers. PFLAG originally stood for: Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays. They changed it, but kept the name, since nationally they were known by that. They changed the meaning to reflect a more inclusive organization for the entirety of the LGBTQ community. Kind of cool. The change happened 2 years ago, so it's rather new. However, from what I've read, they've always been inclusive to the rest of that community, not just lesbian and gay people. 

I ended up talking to someone about being ace while I was there. They wanted to know more about it, said it was very interesting and were happy for me.Most people haven't heard much about it. I decided to look for ace closed facebook groups a couple of days ago. Found the 'local' meetup group that meets in Seattle's facebook group, a 18+ ace spectrum group, a safe space for aces one, and today found the greater Northwest ace group. The safe space one is more of a support group. They seem to be the most active, although the 18+ one is close. I'm thinking of making my own group on facebook that's based more locally for me. Eventually, if we get enough people interested, we could meet each other in real life.Make our own 'ace meetup'. I've heard that there are many groups around the world that do this. I'm thinking of bringing this up with the Northwest aces first. I read a recent post about people possibly making groups that are closer to them. Maybe there's already a group, but they haven't publicized it very well. That's totally understandable for safety reasons, though. It'd be interesting to find out. If there isn't they might give advice on how to start a group or something. Maybe even promote it among other aces. Just a thought.

I've been thinking more about my romantic orientation lately.I posted a while back that I wasn't really sure. Many aces go by romantic orientation for dating and such. I thought I was just heteroromantic. Essentially, finding the opposite sex or gender romantically attractive. So, 'straight' romantically. Now that I've thought about it, I might actually be demi-heteroromantic. Some people just use demiromantic, but when talking specifics they use the regular prefixes like: bi-, hetero-, homo-, pan-, etc. It means I don't develop romantic attraction until I've had a very strong connection or bond with a guy. There's demisexual, which is like this but with sexual attraction. This connection can take years or several months. (And, may never happen. It's very rare.) It's on the aromantic or aro spectrum. I'm not into romance, dating, and such. Although, when that 'connection' is there, I'm really into it. I like it a lot.This is different than just warming up to someone, or just getting to know them before going out. It's kind of like a switch turns on suddenly, but it's rare. I've only had about 3 or 4 crushes throughout my life. Many people have had a lot more by my age. Some aros call those rare crushes, squishes. Sounds odd to me. I get semi grossed out with overly romantic stuff normally. I find it somewhat fake normally, too. I've only had one boyfriend in the past. About a month before we were in that sort of relationship, I thought we were just really good close friends. He suddenly confessed to me and said if I didn't tell him that I felt the same way within a week, I would never see him again. Being more nervous about losing a friend, I said I loved him too. I don't think I truly felt that way until 4 or 5 months later. Not sure if it was just that I liked the attention (some aros do), it was made up, or I really did fall for him.It took me a while to feel that feeling though. Haven't really felt it since then. (It was a really nasty breakup.)

It's interesting to find out that there are so many different types of attraction. Especially from the point of view of someone who studied anthropology. Humans are interesting creatures.My attractions are apparently not aligned, which can lead to confusion. Not confusion about how I feel, just where those fall in society. It's good to know more about myself through it, my views on the world through it, and what I might like in a partner. To me those sound pretty important, too. The person I talked to at the picnic said it was very interesting to learn that there are other attractions. She wanted to learn more about them. Some people who are on both the aro and ace spectrum might identify with a platonic attraction. No one has to, but it is interesting. Platonically or in a friendly way, I might be pan. Meaning, in a friendly way, I really love pretty much everyone. I'm cool with being really good friends with women, men, gender nonconforming people, genderfluid people, etc. It's somewhat interesting since many people feel they can only be friends with people of the same sex. Some think that if you're friends with a member of the opposite sex, it'll eventually lead to a romantic relationship. That sounds silly to me. Some say they can only be friends with the opposite sex, because people of the same one annoy them in some way. This sounds odd to me, as well. I can relate to a lot of other women, since we share a similar experience of just being a woman. There's also aesthetic and sensual attractions. I think I still land in just the hetero category for those. Many people dismiss ace/aro attractions because they think the words are 'made up'. All of those terms have parts that were already words. Guess what? Every word we say/use was 'made up' at one point. It's good to put words to how people have felt all their lives. They can find others that have felt the same way, too. Anyways, so I'm a panplatonic demi-heteroromantic ace.Just hetero for everything else. I'm a mismatch of things. I'll tell people in a quick way: heteroromantic ace. That kind of erases the demi part, which is pretty important, though. Depending how I feel about the person and where I am, I might tell them that part. I might just say ace, and only go into detail if they ask. It's kind of fun finding these things out.

There's a lot of acephobia out there, too. They say one way to combat that is to just be out about it. Also, to educate people and catch them when they might do/say something inappropriate to an ace. Some aces have felt acephobia from the LGBT community. It's not nearly as common as with the general population, though. The rest of the LGBT community can be just as ignorant. Some aces feel like we should have our own organization, since we've felt shut out at times by the LGBT community, people tend to think of that community as sexual or allo (what some aces refer to sexual people as), and we certainly don't fit into what society views as 'straight'. Even when everything but the sexual orientation is hetero. When people think of straight, they think heterosexual, and that there can't be anything else. I've heard of similar things with the trans community. Personally, I think we do kind of belong in the LGBT community. However, I don't like how sexual it can be perceived from outside. Some aces/aros identify as queer. I'm a little hesitant to use that for myself. Mainly because it's still sometimes used in a derogatory manner, feels like I'm encroaching on someone else's space, etc. 

There are also different types of aces. With myself, I think I'm both repulsed and very curious about sex. Kind of like it's a morbid curiosity.With others, I'm very sex positive. I have no problem with other people doing or not doing sexual things. Whatever makes them happy. If it's sexual things, as long as it's with a consenting adult. 

After the local trans support group (I'm an ally of, and my parent created it) Wednesday, my parent and I went to Shari's like usual. No one else showed up. Usually there's at least 4 or 5 other people from the group that go afterwards. Oh well.I got their apple pie in a jar. I wanted them to give me very little of the ice cream if they had to. They normally squish 3 scoops of vanilla in there. Way too much!The waitress said she'll try to have it as 3 half scoops. Still felt like too much. I think if I get it in the future, I'm going to outrightly ask for no ice cream in it. Just have the pie and whipped cream on top. Heck, I'd be good with having whipped cream between the layers, if they have to have something. Pretty much more actual pie in the jar, please. When there's too much ice cream, I get headaches and my teeth are very sensitive to the cold. It takes me a while to eat ice cream itself normally. I would love to be able to just scarf it down like I see some people do.I've always been sensitive to eating cold and some sugary things. So, it's not like there's suddenly something wrong with my teeth. I know one of the main reasons behind putting ice cream in the jar with the pie is to cool it down. It doesn't truly need that. I could wait until it cools down a bit. The whipped cream would help a little. 

Managed to attend an online service Friday night. It was from a synagogue in New York City. It was a huge and beautiful sanctuary.There was a fire in 1998, if I'm remembering correctly on the year, that destroyed that area of the synagogue. In 2001, just after 9/11, they were able to finish rebuilding it, and dedicated it. They had an emotionally filled video shown during part of the service, taking a few minutes to remember the anniversary. Also, had scenes of what was left of the World Trade Center. So, it was in a way honoring that as well. It was a pretty nice service. Felt good to go to some form of one. I'm trying to decide on which synagogue to go with for High Holy Day services. I might do a mix. The reform movement's main site has a listing of synagogues around the country that have live streams of services. It's awesome! 

The pain has gotten so bad now that I'm having trouble sleeping.It's traveled to most of my abdomen and back. Very hard to at least get into a comfortable enough position to sleep. I usually just lay there for hours waiting to pass out. When I actually do pass out, it's late, so I get up later than normal. Maybe my new gastro will help with this. I just have to wait until the 20th...I've also felt more and more nauseous lately. Sometimes I'm so hungry and nauseous at the same time, I'm not sure if I should eat or not. It's a weird and annoying feeling. Again, she'll probably recommend something for this, too.