3rd of Tammuz

Wanted to update this more than once a month...I'm getting better overall health-wise, so this might change. The last couple of weeks have been pretty busy. I had an orthopedist appointment. He said my arm is really healing well. I can try using it for as many as things as I can, carefully. I've been doing that without thinking at times. He said, since I haven't started physical therapy yet, it's stiffer than it normally would be. He recommended I do a stretch that will help with more flexibility and moving it up higher. It's already gotten better with that. I'm getting more feeling around the incision area, which is both good and weird. He wants me to focus more on my cancer treatment than on my arm. I told him that I plan to have a physical therapist work with me after I have the hysterectomy. Thought it'd be a good way to recover from that, too. He agreed. 

I had a 'procedure' where I was put under anesthesia to get my IUD out, pap smear, check my uterus, and get a lupron shot. I wasn't told not to eat, so I had a tiny breakfast at around 8:30am. Check-in was 12:30pm. They told me I couldn't do it until 3pm, because of the food. If they had to do this, I would have thought 1pm at the latest. 3pm rolls around, and they try to get the IV in. Took until 4pm. (Only way they got it in was with an ultrasound.) They decided to put 2 people in my slot, and it ended up being around 6pm when they finally took me back to it. It was absurd! A whole day just sitting there. I couldn't even access my phone. They saw a suspicious area and took a biopsy along with everything else. I was really sore and angry by the time we got home, which was 9pm. At least, I had a nice gyro with fries at It's Greek to Me right before heading home. (Besides that small breakfast, I didn't have much else that day.) Still...didn't make up for it.

Had an esophagram the next day. I was expecting the day to go haywire like the one before, but everything went pretty smoothly. It was about a 30 minute exam. The only issue I had was being called a lady so often when I was first taken to their locker room area. I didn't tell them I was agender, since I didn't want to go through a big thing of it. Simply wanted to get it over with. They gave me something that had a similar reaction as pop rocks in order to expand my digestive tract with gas to observe it better. They told me to be careful with not burping it all out. That was difficult. This was a more detailed type of exam than the swallow one I had a year ago. This time there wasn't a food aspect. There was a very thick version of barium they had me drink standing up. Then, a thin one laying down on my belly on the table. They watched the reactions through a fluoroscope, which is like something that takes x-rays so quickly, it turns it into a movie. They can watch in real-time this way. Similar to the other exam, but this is more detailed in its view. They tried moving me around to get 'evidence' of the LPR or silent GERD. It was interesting. They didn't tell me what they saw afterwards this time. 

The next day or 2, I started to feel sick. Thinking I was still sore from what my gynecologist did to me, I ignored it for a little while. By the night of June 15th, I was starting to get a really scary symptom. I would suddenly get cold, then my body would shiver violently for like 20 minutes at a time. So violently, my back and neck kept tensing up badly, causing a lot of pain. The following night was the last straw, with having longer waves at a time of that symptom. I went to Urgent Care that Wednesday morning. My nurse navigator had told me that it sounded like an infection and that I was going through shock with the shivering. They ran some tests, hooked me up to an IV (took a while to get) with antibiotics and fluids, and monitored me. I even had that shivering happen while I was being given the antibiotics. They couldn't do much for that. At one point, the doctor prescribed a little dilauded. She said sometimes that can calm patients down, even if it's not pain related. Sure enough, it did help with the shivering. It eventually stopped. Never came back after that. Thank goodness. It was an awful feeling that I couldn't control. They prescribed a huge amount of cefdinir, and sent me on my way. Oh, they also found out that I had a fractured vertebrae, a fracture in one of my left ribs, and another old fracture (I was told about it a few months ago) in one of my right ribs. A vertebrae fracture can be a bit difficult to heal from. The doctor prescribed a special back brace for it. At least, it will have support whenever I move around.

The next day, I was told to go back to Urgent Care for another antibiotic infusion. They were worried because one of the tests indicated that the bacteria was in my blood. I never got this test result myself. I did get one for my lactic acid. That was normal. If it were high, I'd be septic or in shock. We didn't know what type of culture the bacteria was at the time. So, I'd be blasted with more antibiotics that may or may not be what I needed. I know what it's like to have too much of that in my system. It can actually kill people. I was already still taking the antibiotics I was given, and improving quickly. So, I refused to go back. I also didn't want to sit there for hours on end again. My nurse navigator tried to convince me for an hour to go. She didn't seem to be listening to a word I was saying. Normally, she's very understanding. She kept saying things like: "You're breaking my heart!" "You are so young!" "You could die!" It was really over-the-top. Put me in a not so great mindset. I almost thought of trying to get a new nurse navigator after that, but I wouldn't know where to begin, or how many are even available. I'm just putting it to her caring a little too much, she's been great with everything else, and she acted totally different the next time I talked to her. 

The culture turned out to be E. Coli, which is common. Turns out the antibiotics I was prescribed are like 8 times more potent against that than something like keflex. I was already on the right type of antibiotic. No wonder I've been getting better so quickly. I stopped having any symptoms of the uti after a few days of being on it. Pretty good. I still have to finish all of the antibiotic. They gave me 10 days worth. (It'll end on Saturday, I think.) The only problem with this is I can't take my chemo, Ibrance, until I finish it. Without the chemo, some of my bone pain has come back on top of the newer pain of the fractured vertebrae. Wahoo! It turns out I can't do the urine test until it's been a week after I finish the antibiotic, and once I get the culture back from that I can get back to my chemo. So, a week later than expected. I've increased my morphine to 3 pills a day starting today, instead of 2. They already prescribed it as 2 or 3 pills, but I wanted to be conservative with it. This way it can be flexible, too. Once I'm back on the chemo and feeling better, I might go back down to 2. I was feeling so much better until this uti happened. I highly suspect that what they did to me during the 'procedure' caused that uti. Another thing to be angry about that day. Not much I can do about it. 

Found out through that biopsy that the breast cancer has spread to that area, too. So, it's not only in my bones, but possibly skin and/or areas of my reproductive tract. I'm a little more worried about that. Depending on how deep the cancer is in that area, my hysterectomy is going to be more drastic, or I think they call it radical, than what it would have been if there weren't any signs of it. It means a more invasive, tougher, and longer surgery. Longer hospital stay, too. The 'look' will be even more brutal right after. We still don't know when surgery will be. It'll be done by someone else, thank goodness. This will be an oncology gynecologist. Sounds like they'll know even more of what they're doing. My current gynecologist doesn't specialize in oncology and is new to working cases. She at least knows this is out of her league, and is trying to help me. That other oncologist hasn't responded to her yet about surgery, even though she's been trying to for a couple of weeks now. We'll see how that goes. It's even more up in the air with timing now that I had to stop Ibrance for a while. I have to have that timed with the surgery a certain way.  

Apparently, in one of the x-rays they ran at Urgent Care, they also found out that I had a little of the barium from the esophagram exam still in my colon. This was 5 days after the exam. It's not normal for it to still be in someone's system that long. It normally leaves pretty quickly. It's not like I was stopped up or anything either. The initial interpretation did come back, too. The only thing they could see was esophageal dysmotility. Basically, my esophagus wasn't moving the way it should. That explains the dysphagia. There were no signs of the acid indicating LPR or the silent GERD. To me, that adds another mystery to it. If it's not that, then what's happening? There must be a reason behind it not moving right, too. 

I did have a phone appointment with the ENT doc about this today. It was one of the shortest phone appointments I've had. He said just because there was no sign of acid or the LPR, it doesn't mean I don't have it. The x-ray isn't sensitive enough, according to him. He said I should give omeprazole a shot again. The only problem I have with it is I have to take it at least 30 minutes before I eat. He wants me to have it twice a day, too. In the past, I just had it once a day, and tried to take it before my bathroom stuff in the morning. Even then, I sometimes had to wait a little bit before even making my breakfast. Maybe I shouldn't care much, and just take it before making 2 of my meals. At least there would be some time between taking it and eating. He wants me to follow-up occasionally with my primary doc about the dysphagia. He also said it'd be best if I was working with a gastroenterologist for this, especially because of the colitis. I can have a speech therapist help me with the dysphagia through the palliative home care program. My nurse in it suggested that, too. That way they can monitor, give me tips, suggest exercises, etc. for the dysphagia and it will be from the comfort of home.

I did finally see the palliative home care physical therapist a couple of days ago. It was an in-person home appointment, which I haven't had many of. That was a longer appointment than expected. My palliative care nurse thought she'd order the brace for my fractured vertebrae and do a fitting while she was there. She didn't. She didn't even have the prescription. Seemed a bit suspicious that way. She did show me pics of it, how I'd probably need to put it on, and general info on it. It seems like it's going to limit quite a bit of my movement. I most likely will need help getting in and out of it every time. Although, she did suggest asking the place I get it from if there might be something easier. Something I could get into on my own. I really don't want another thing to have to rely on someone else to do. She said I should put the brace on every time I think I'll be active. I think I'll want to be most of the time...She told me to try not to do too much of the BLTs: bending, lifting, and twisting. Especially when it comes to my spine. I can easily break more vertebrae this way. It's hard to remember that. Last night I dropped a few pills on the floor, and proceeded to immediately bend over low to get them. I heard massive cracking sounds down my spine. Not good. She also wants me to be careful with getting in and out of bed. It's hard to not move your spine much with that. I try to normally, but I still end up needing to sit up and twist over to get out of the hospital bed. She agreed that I'd start physical therapy after the hysterectomy, and thought it was a smart way to go about it. She checked to see my leg strength, and was surprised that that's still pretty good. She looked at how I walked without the cane. I'm a little wonky/slightly unstable. She said the cane was another great idea for me, and liked that it was mainly to stabilize me. Make sure I don't experience another fall. 

I had another in-person home appointment yesterday with my palliative care nurse. As my nurse, he has to recertify me every 6 weeks. He can only do that with actually seeing me face-to-face. Interesting to have a similar appointment so close to the other. He agreed with the idea of me taking 3 pills of the morphine instead of 2, and that it makes it easy. Shouldn't be a problem. My cane is splitting down the foam handle. Makes it a bit more difficult to use comfortably, so I asked him about them replacing it. He said the best thing for that would be to order it on Amazon. There's a wider variety of models, and I can get something I'd actually like. I suppose it would be better. I just thought they could give me another one. We ended up talking a lot about music in general and music theory. He said he never got the chance to talk to someone like a musician that has some knowledge on it. That was interesting and somewhat fun to geek out with him. 

After that, my parent and I went to Elmer's for dinner. It had reopened a couple of days beforehand. It was the first time since March that we've been to a sit-down restaurant like that. Like many people. However, I might not have been able to go until now anyways even without the pandemic. It was interesting. There weren't very many customers at the time, which is understandable. I got one of my faves: their roasted turkey dinner. (I got the lighter serving.) It comes with soup or salad. I love their salad, but raw vegetables still cause issues for my gut. So, I got their new pot roast tomato soup. It was great, except for the corn. Luckily, not much of it, but it's also a trigger food. Huge pieces of potatoes and beef, which made it better. That came with garlic bread. The turkey dinner also has turkey gravy, mashed potatoes, stuffing, seasonal vegetables, and cranberry sauce. The seasonal vegetables for a while (before March) were a medley with squash, and I had to choose something else to replace it. Now it's carrots and broccoli. Perfect, and nicely cooked with a little bit of butter. Next time, I'll try their brunch stuff again. They're more known for that. It was nice to eat someplace different for once. 

I got a pill organizer yesterday. Ordered it from Amazon, and it came much faster than expected. It has 5 compartments to every day of the week. I take them 5 times a day, so that's super handy. They come in a nice looking carrying case. When closed up it's like a fancy thick looking planner. Might be nice if I travel with it. The compartments are huge, and plenty big enough for everything. Figured out I take roughly 15 different meds. Some repeat during the day. It was starting to get harder to keep track of. I did use the Notes app on my phone, but seemed like a hassle each time. This way I only have to figure it out once each week. Might be easier to figure out how long I have until I run out of them, too. I've already figured it out for the next week. It's been interesting and less time-consuming to not have to figure it out each time today. Definitely will make life easier. 

I got the Try Treats monthly subscription box finally about midway through the month. This first one was on Turkey. It had about 10 snacks. I got the premium version, which is supposed to have more than 8. Wish more of them were big enough to share. Basically the only ones that were was the assorted cookie one and milk chocolate squares. The cookies were like those Danish butter cookies we sometimes get, only more intense and smaller. The chocolate was ok. I think I liked the Halley biscuit, Albeni, and Dido wafer the most. The pizza sticks were probably my least fave, but were ok. They were interesting with the added mint flavor. It also came with a postcard of a big city, info card, and a recipe for baklava. It was kind of fun. Should be interesting to see what the next country will be. Hopefully, I can still have most of them. 

I'm still waiting for the Thrill Club one. They'll send me 2 hardcover books and an ebook that are in the mystery, horror, or thriller genres each month. I decided to get the 'surprise me' option, hence not a specific one. I don't know if there's a certain theme to them each month. It sounds fun, and a nice challenge for me to read all of them within the month. It's kind of like my own little book club. Maybe my parent will be interested in it, too. Not sure how the ebook part will go. Maybe they send a link or something. They also have been featured through Oprah's magazine, so that might be a good sign. I might finally get it by tomorrow. 

I managed to play my clarinet recently. Thought I wouldn't get much out other than a couple of notes. Mainly because I can't circular breathe, and breathing in general has been different. It wasn't the best, but I could recognize the tunes. I played klezmer. Klezmer seems to come the easiest to me. Plus, there's some improv/solo stuff I can take advantage of with it. I hadn't played in roughly a year. Felt nice and soulful. Hopefully, I can get back to it on a regular basis soon.

Got half of one of my walks in recently, too. Probably was too long of one, considering I was starting to get the uti at the time. Despite that, it was really nice to get out there, hear the birds, greet neighbors, see the cats, see the mountains, look at the flowers, and more. I didn't particularly like that a neighbor cheered me on from her car as I crossed the street. Yelling you go, girl over and over. I'm not a girl, and all I was doing was walking. Not something like a marathon. If I was struggling, it still seemed like she was either rushing me, or really weird. I still felt good after getting out there. 

Youtube (It's been a while, and I haven't really been watching much lately, but why not share what I haven't yet on here):

Dr. Stone:

Kimetsu no Yaiba (Demon Slayer):


Zombieland Saga:


Jibaku Shounen Hanako-kun (Toilet-Bound Hanako-kun):


One Piece:


Boku no (My) Hero Academia:

4th of Sivan

It's been a while. However, I have a feeling I'll be able to blog more often now. My arm is doing a lot better. Haven't really used my computer since the last time I posted here. I can type normally now. It feels a little weird, but nice. I was thinking of vlogging, and I may still do that. Put out my first vlog about 2 weeks ago. Looked a bit awful because I could only get into my pj's at the time, facial hair was really coming in, and couldn't fix my hair very well. I, at least, had a shower beforehand. It showed how the cancer and broken shoulder thing has affected me, too. 

Yesterday marked the 11th week since I fell in the shower. Tomorrow marks the 10th week since I had surgery to put pins and screws in my right shoulder. I'm surprised at what I'm able to do lately with it. They say the humerus bone, especially with almost a clean break at the head where it meets up with the shoulder, takes one of the longest times for a bone to heal. Since it's one the major bones. I'm not getting much pain from it lately, thank goodness. I've been able to get dressed in my regular clothes since last week, did most of my own laundry on Monday (a little difficult still), trying to eat more with my right hand, able to hold slightly heavier things with it, and more. My orthopedist told me to go slow with things, so I'm trying not to overdo it. It's hard at times, since I want to get back to how things were already. I'll see my orthopedist during the 2nd week of June.

I decided to go back to going to places like the markets lately. Haven't since I fell, and things have changed a lot. Understandably. Since I'm trying to go out to more things and walking more, I started using my cane recently. It does help quite a bit. I just need to practice it more often. I have almost a fear that someone will go up to me and say I'm faking it, but no one has. They just seem pushy, yet wait for me and give me some space. I feel like I have to have it as close to my side as possible, so I don't trip anyone. I end up tripping myself instead sometimes. I really shouldn't care much about this stuff, but it might take time to get over. I forgot to take my cane yesterday to both markets, and I'm feeling it today. For some reason, my right hip is painful when I don't use it. The cane is more for support than anything. My left shoulder pops and cracks a lot, which makes it weird when I use the cane, too. I have to use my left with it. I also have to remember to switch hands when I pick up something. I shouldn't be using my right a lot still. 

I might have my hysterectomy soon. Both the ovaries and uterus. The only reason they postponed it, was because they thought I wasn't healthy/strong enough. I haven't had those attacks in a while. I've also felt much stronger, in less pain, able to do more, etc. I think I'm in the best shape for it right now. The scheduler for their surgeries called yesterday. Told me to call her back even though it'll go straight to voicemail. I left a message. Haven't heard from her since. My oncologist agrees that now might be the best time. Although, we have to time it to me being off of the Ibrance for 2 weeks beforehand. So, that will either be in 3 weeks or a month later. That's not that long of a wait. I might be one of their few patients actually happy about having it done. I don't know what type they'll do, or how long I'll be in the hospital. Don't really care. As long as things go smoothly. Eventually, it'd be great to get top surgery. I'll be rid of the cancer in my breasts, too. I do want it a certain way, so it's probably good I'm not having that part done now. 

I'll see an ear, nose, and throat doc tomorrow. My neck has felt really weird. The left side, from my left ear down to my collarbone to the middle area of my neck, has felt like it's swelling. Sometimes it drains. It's affecting my dysphagia (problems swallowing) a bit, too. I'll wake up in the middle of the night feeling like I'm drowning and coughing. They don't think it's related to the cancer or a tumor, but they don't really know. The ENT doc may also be able to do something about the dysphagia I've been dealing with for over a year. Might be able to look into it more. Probably will order more imaging. I had to be tested again (just nasal, not the one that goes further up, thank goodness. That other one was hellish) for covid yesterday so I could still go to the appointment. Got the results today that it wasn't detected. I have to go all the way out to Tacoma (about an hour from home) for this appointment. I'll need to stop by the lab area to get a blood draw. They have to see how Ibrance is affecting all my blood cell counts. It is an immunosuppressant. At least, since I'll be out there, we might stop by It's Greek to Me afterwards. It's right next to the clinic. 

The dysphoria with my facial hair has been becoming more frequent and harder to ignore. Due to covid, I have no idea when I'll be able to start electrolysis. My 'women's' electric wand-like razor bit the dust. I tried trimming it with scissors, but it does basically nothing. So, I looked on Amazon. Found a 'men's' version that's roughly $30 cheaper than my current one was, has 3 modes, and is rechargeable. My current one was constantly eating batteries. Being rechargeable for the new one, is a huge plus. Hopefully, it'll help me. 

Just for fun, I also looked at monthly subscription boxes. I've felt more bored and drained since the health stuff in March started. It's hard to do much at the moment. So, why not find something to help remedy that and fun? I decided to start one that features a different country's snacks every month. I think I've seen things about it in the past and was curious. It'll be like visiting those places from the comfort of home. I love trying new foods, too. I also found one where they give you 2 hardcover books and 2 ebooks every month under these genres: mystery, horror, thriller, or surprise me. I chose surprise me. I love those genres, and they can pick from any of those for me. I've been meaning to get back into actually reading. I haven't in a while. This will give me a challenge to read every book each month, too. Something to keep me preoccupied. I did see a cat subscription box that looked interesting, but thought that might create too much clutter. It comes with a different theme of toys and treats for them. I suppose we could just toss the ones they destroy or don't care about. Something to keep in mind for the future. 

In order to keep me functioning day to day, I've had to start taking a lot of pills. I counted close to 30 a day. The fentanyl patches didn't work. I switched to morphine for my long-term painkiller instead. I'm still taking oxycodone regularly. It's supposed to be for my 'breakthrough' pain, but I'm nervous to ease up on it. I don't want to go back to being in so much pain. My med team is very understandable about that. I'm taking a stool softener a few times a day, and my bathroom stuff is still weird. At least, it happens. I'm also taking tylenol on top of the other painkillers. That's how bad the pain was. I have to be on 3 different ones. I'm on 2 different anti-nausea meds. They've worked really well together. Hardly ever feel nauseous anymore. I'm taking the Ibrance, tamoxifen, and had a lupron injection a couple of weeks ago. I think the tamoxifen has made my mouth numb. That and Ibrance might have affected how things taste, too. It's just a little off. Like, slightly washed out. Making me crave bolder flavors. Still taking lamotrigine. Keeps me mentally stable, so it's just as important. I'm on a steroid that pretty much stopped those attacks. I'm not sure I like that they increased the dosage. I think it's made me hungrier at times. Started going back to a gummy multivitamin. It's not as important, but I have noticed familiar signs of malabsorption issues, so I figured it wouldn't hurt. I have lost a little weight. Not much, but enough for my med team to take note and tell me I'm still stable, but we have to keep track of it. I wouldn't mind losing a little more. As long as I don't become underweight, that's perfectly fine with me. 

Rosie seems to know exactly when I'm supposed to take my meds, and waits every time near my chair until I'm done with them. I have to take them with food. She already has a thing with getting me to eat at certain times, but staying so close to me when I take my pills and then leaving only when I get up, is new. 

I feel an urge to explore new food or food I haven't had in a long time more lately. It might be the idea/living with metastatic cancer, the meds affecting how things taste, or just wanting to explore more food. Could be a combo. Trying to not overdo it, though. 

I want to start my own sort of cheese tasting plates in the future. I've seen some on pinterest. I wouldn't go over the top with it, especially considering it'd just be for me. I'll be using it more of as a concept. A fun healthy travel from home snack thing. I'll try 3 cheeses each time. I could pick new ones from my cheese guide book I got a couple of years ago. It'd be a handy way to use it. I can go by region or country, or just see what fancies me that time. I plan to choose 3 different forms like soft, semi-soft, and hard. I could use meat like many cheese plates do. Since it would just be me, maybe 1 or 2 types. I could use my rotisserie chicken deli meat, beef lil smokies, beef sticks, chicken sausages, etc. Lots to choose from. Most have nuts, but the only type of nuts I can really have are in the smooth butter forms. Doesn't seem right, so that won't be there. There's usually fresh and dried fruit. It'll be a couple from each. I could have things like fresh strawberries, melons, and grapes. Then, dried apricots, dried pineapple, and dried apples. There will be a couple of veggies like baby carrots, roasted red bell peppers, and shredded cabbage. A couple of salty/acidic things: olives, dolmas, pickles, pickled cabbage. One type of cracker and one type of bread. Finally, a spread of some sort like hummus, fruit spread, honey, etc. Some people add garnishes, but I don't really need that. I could try new things for the other stuff besides cheese every time, too. That would satisfy trying more stuff. A little bit of everything does sound like it'd be healthy. Especially with another way of getting more fruit and veggies. Seems balanced. I'll have multiple sit-down ones, considering it'll just be me and it can take a while to finish 3 cheeses. I might start this sort of thing when I'm finished with my current cheeses. I've got a provolone and garlic and herb Boursin cheese at the moment. First time I've tried Trader Joe's version of the provolone, and it's ok. Huge slices, and it smells like it should. I'm not too into smelly cheeses, though. Not sure how long I'll be able to stand it. Although, like I said, it is decent. Maybe having it in other things would be better. I'm thinking of my 'starter' cheese plate cheeses as ones I know and love. For instance, maybe mozzarella, Dubliner cheddar, and an aged parmesan. Although, I'm not used to hard non-shaved parmesan. So, that will still be a little different. 

I'm trying to get back into my writing stuff. I entered all 5 ebook versions of my books in the Authors Give Back promo on Smashwords. That was extended to the end of the month. It's a way for things to be more affordable and brighten someone's day during the pandemic. I set them to 60% off. There were 30%, 60%, and 100% off options. I don't think I'll have my old books set to free ever again. It's just been too often, and I feel I really need to actually make something from them. Discounts are totally understandable. People are looking more at them both on Smashwords and Amazon lately, which is great. I want them to be noticed even more. Thought about entering a book into Amazon's UK storyteller awards. Any book that's in English is eligible, however it had to have been put out in the last year. Mine are too old, sadly. Oh well. I started up my author instagram account again. Been reading the paperback version of Alliance for the 1st time. That's been an interesting way to see it. Still feel the print is a little too big, even with my eyes having issues lately. (I really need an eye exam and new contacts soon.) I plan to try to read through all my paperback versions. Although, that might be a little more difficult if I take on those monthly books I'll get in the mail. Hopefully, I can get back to finding and writing down quotes from my books. Haven't been able to focus that much lately.

I also am trying to get back to learning Polish through Duolingo. I've remembered a lot more than I thought I would. It still is hard to focus very long on it. It'd be great if I can get to the point of practicing my clarinet again. I might be able to do it for short periods of time now. I'd love to get back to drawing, too. I just should try to pace myself. If I do too much one day, it'll take a while to get back to things. I hate that. I even just want to get back to my walks. One day at a time. 

11th of Nisan

A lot of things have happened since my last post. This is the first time I've probably been on my computer since at least March 10th. That's when I fell in the shower. My feet slipped, face-planted hard on the floor of the tub, slammed my right armpit hard over the edge of that tub (I think I was trying to break my fall), and bashed and bruised other areas. It took me a while to collect myself while I lay in the tub. Came super close to passing out, and saw 'flashes' of black. Then, I noticed I couldn't move my right arm and it was in extreme pain. I also couldn't get out of the tub. My parent said it sounded like a huge tree had fallen and asked how I was. She was able to get into my bathroom, see how I was, and called 911. The paramedics took a while trying to figure out how to get me out of there. Meanwhile, it was a bit embarrassing, since I was naked. They wrapped straps around me, and then pulled me out with a little help from trying to push myself up. They got me to my feet, put a sling on my right arm, helped me with putting on my pj's (at least draping the top over that arm), and whisked me away by ambulance to the ER.

I had broken my shoulder. More specifically, the head of the humerus bone where it meets up with the rest of the shoulder. It was almost a clean break and pushed in. Ended up with a nasty bump on my forehead, but with the amount of force, I thought it would be worse. 3 days after the fall, my feet started to swell. I thought it was a reaction from the prescription-strength Ibuprofen (it was only my 3rd dose of it), and stopped it. I elevated it often at some point (hard, since my knees still hurt from the fall), and the swelling got worse in my feet and traveled up to my kneecaps. Was like that for 3 weeks.

Had surgery on March 19th. That was to put the bone back in place, and hold it together with a metal plate and screws. Eventually, new bone will grow over the plate and screws, forming the way it should. They wouldn't allow my parent to go back with me for the pre-op stuff, which not only made it difficult emotionally, but she also had the specialized sling they wanted us to get beforehand, so right after the surgery part the nurse can put it on while I'm still asleep with the anesthesia. Eventually, they did allow her to give the sling to them, and met me in the recovery area. They weren't even going to allow her that. The hospital was so empty and quiet. Added to how I felt. Everyone there was pretty worried about my swelling, but the nurses more so. They decided to put some sort of massaging sleeves on both legs before the surgery. When I woke up, I had the worst leg cramps I can remember. The nurses looked nervous about it, but didn't do much. The nurses in the post-op area weren't as great. Especially one of them that didn't seem to know what she was doing. It was agonizing. 

Had the post-op appointment with my orthopedist on April 1st. He said everything was healing wonderfully. He gave me a printout of one of the x-rays they took that day, and a cd-rom of all the x-rays they've taken. I thought I wasn't doing enough, or behind, or something. I had only started the phase 1 exercises 3 days after the surgery. Same day I had to take off the dressings. It was easier that way. Couldn't do all 4 of those exercises together until a few days after that. He felt that I was on the right track. I shouldn't rush it, and if I push it too hard, I could damage the area. It'll take about a year to fully recover. Even then, it won't be as strong as it was. Right now, it seems my left arm has gotten stronger, since I've been using it for most things. At least, my right shoulder is getting better. He took off the steri-tape that was over the incision, too. It's around 6" long. A little bigger than I thought it'd be.

Went to Urgent Care the day before. I was seriously fed up with the swelling. Made it hard to move, sleep, and was really uncomfortable. At this point, it felt like my toes would fall off. It was that bad. When I moved, I had burning pain. Felt like a nasty sunburn on the tops of my feet. Anyways, I was there for 4 or 5 hours. They were being very thorough. With the new coronavirus regulations, they couldn't allow my parent to be there with me. That was difficult. 

They couldn't do anything for the swelling, since they didn't find a cause. There were no blood clots, kidneys were fine, etc. I was pissed about this. The one thing I came in for they couldn't do anything about. 

However, they found a lot of bone lesions on my ribs, left scapula (aka shoulder blade), pelvis, and I think spine. These only occur when there's cancer (pretty much any kind) or some sort of autoimmune disease. Pretty scary. They usually show up in older people. Since I have a family history of breast cancer (my mom had it, as well as grandma and one aunt on that side), they want to rule that out first. I have a mammogram and ultrasound scheduled for Tuesday. If they find something in those, they want me to schedule a breast biopsy on the same day. If not, the next step is getting a bone biopsy. That'll be from the areas affected. Scapula might be best, since it's close to the skin and there are less nerves. It'll be guided by a CT scan, I think. I'm terrified of this one. It's bad enough that my chest triggers a lot of dysphoria, and I'm a little too young to have a mammogram. I know it's essential, but I'm going to have a hard time. I'll have a full bone scan at some point, too. That sounds like an interesting one. I'll probably see an oncologist soon. Had a CT scan the same day as my orthopedist appointment, just to look at my chest and abdomen area. Made for a tiring day. 

At Urgent Care, they also found some pleural (lung lining) thickening. That doesn't just happen, either. I've had 2 lung issues in the past: pneumonia and pulmonary embolisms (blood clots in every air sac in my lungs). So, anything relating to them scares me. My D-Dimer was really high. I've learned from my doc that it could mean many things. My alk phos was high (although not as much as the other test). That usually has something to do with the liver. I have a thyroid nodule and gallstones. Those gallstones have probably been there for roughly a year. Went to the ER at the time for throwing up blood, and they found them then. My doc said since my gallbladder's walls aren't thickening, and doesn't seem to be bothering me, they're not going to worry about that now. There were no lymph nodes in places they shouldn't be. 

I suspect at least the lesions had something to do with both the fall and broken shoulder. Those lesions make it easier to break bones, and can weaken certain areas making it easier to slip. The weird pain and difficulty getting out of bed the week before my fall could have been from this. From what I've read, it sounds an awful lot like the common symptoms for it. I love how they're taking me seriously now about things. They weren't for the last year or 2. 

I feel super lucky that the fall happened when it did. I was approved for health insurance the day before, and got the card that night. The schools were (still will be for a while) closed and my parent, who's a school psychologist, had to work from home. Spring break technically starts tomorrow, I think. She's available to help me get to appointments and things, especially now. A lot of these tests/surgery are being labelled as urgent, otherwise they won't be able to do them until their system goes back to normal. My primary doc and the one I saw at Urgent Care want to push for these tests as fast as possible, so whatever it is doesn't progress.

The possibility of cancer also seems personal to me. My mom passed away from complications of both metastatic breast cancer and liposarcomas or abdominal tumors (2 huge ones, one right after the other). I saw what she went through. I don't want that. Creeps me out if it's some sort of bone autoimmune disease. 

I managed to finally go upstairs and sleep in my own bed Friday night. I had been sleeping in the recliner downstairs since March 10th. It was so nice to finally sleep there, and start using my bathroom again. The swelling has been going down a lot since then. Almost gone from my legs. They're sore, though. Might be from it being there for so long. Feet are better, but there's still a lot there. I can at least feel my toes. 

I haven't been able to get to much of my usual stuff because of all this. It's really been life changing. Trying to stay positive. Hard sometimes when I can't do much on my own. Might be able to take a shower soon. My orthopedist said it's ok to. I just would like a shower chair first. My parent, not long after the fall, put anti-skid strips on the floor of the tub. With both that and the chair, I should be pretty secure. 

Tasha has taken over my bed, and she was very upset when I started sleeping in it again. Interesting that she glomped onto it when I was gone. For the first few nights, she kept nudging me with her big paws and running around while I tried to sleep in the recliner. Rosie's been sticking to me a lot more. I think she's been trying to heal me. She knows somethings going on.