National Puzzle Day!

I love puzzles! Interesting that there's a day devoted to them. They're fun mental workouts. I like pretty much any type. 

I finally made an appointment to see a gender therapist yesterday. I'm even more nervous and excited about it now. Not exactly sure why I felt so hesitant. The interesting thing is I was told that this therapist, Tom Freeman, is located in Silverdale. He's actually only available at his Poulsbo location right now. Works out for me more this way. The building is really close to home. About a 5-10 minute car ride. It might be a little too convenient, since it's in the same small plaza that has Kachai Thai Kitchen. Tempting to go to the Thai place after therapy...It's a good one. This first appointment isn't until Feb 14th. I wasn't expecting it to be on Valentine's Day. It's not that long of a wait until then. This is with the one that I talked about last time that seemed the most promising. With this appointment, it feels like I'm actually starting to medically transition. Hopefully, he'll work out.

Recently, I came across a thread on AVEN about someone demanding that people enlighten her on 'gender issues'. She had a disclaimer that she may come across as offensive, but she's really trying to learn. (Supposedly...) She also wanted to confront her brother on his transphobia. She had weird ideas of what it means to be trans, gender identity, gender dysphoria, etc. People were responding with really long detailed posts about it. She had even longer posts. That seemed weird. Why not keep things shorter? She had confused gender identity with expression, and later on said she just couldn't grasp the concept of gender itself. Reading the responses on that, made me think she was either very obtuse, moving 'goal posts', or the way others were talking about it went over her head. She seemed to think gender was only cultural, and being non-binary was purposely bucking the system. Being non-binary is not a political or fashion statement. I told her it's not just cultural. There are many sides to it.  

With dysphoria, she had the idea that we're trapped in the wrong body. Many people think this, but that's not exactly it. There are things that either shouldn't be there or you're missing things; to put it more simply. It makes people feel distressed, thus the 'dysphoria' part. We're not 'trapped' in our own bodies. Someone said it's kind of like we have birth defects. She has sensory issues, and said she can understand the idea of being trapped that way. No, it's not the same...She thought in order to be trans, we had to have dysphoria. She couldn't understand why we'd want to change our bodies, especially if gender and sex are different. There was a lot more on this, and seemed like a lot to unpack. Being trans just means you have a different gender than the one that was assigned to you at birth. No mention of dysphoria or transitioning. Not everyone has dysphoria. However, I do think some of the people that say they don't have it, might not realize that's what they're experiencing. Took me a while to realize that. She didn't seem to know about social dysphoria, which is another important aspect that often can be forgotten when speaking about it in general. I told her that I have both physical and social dysphoria. I went into more detail about what it's like for me. I also said while sex and gender are different, we still use gendered labels to refer to sex: male and female. It'd probably be better to say something like uterus owner, prostate owner, etc. They're just asking about our reproductive organs when they ask what our sex is. Probably why it's inappropriate to ask unless it's relevant medically. I also brought up that most people don't know their chromosomes, so using it as 'science' to back up a claim that there are only 2 'sexes' (they often referred to it as gender), is laughable. They exclude intersex people this way, too. While I thought my post was slightly longer than my usual, it was dwarfed by how long the others were. I tried to be to the point, but using myself and my own experiences to explain it to her. No one has replied after my post. One person liked it. She's awfully quiet now. 

I started a new language yesterday: Korean or Hangul. I was thinking about Yiddish, but found out how bad Mango is. (At least, their 'free' version.) I'm using LingoDeer now for Korean. LingoDeer used to just have Chinese, Korean, and Japanese. Now, it also has Spanish, French, German, Portuguese, and Vietnamese. A while back, I tried Duolingo's Korean course. I got about halfway through the first lesson, and realized that I had to have some sort of knowledge already in the language. They hadn't worked out the kinks in that course yet, too. I didn't look more into it and just picked a different language. LingoDeer has been great for an absolute beginner. I still feel like I don't have the alphabet down yet, but I'm slowly getting there. This is only the 2nd day. I tested out of the intro section already. That was on the alphabet. It's not counted as the first 'unit' of the course. It's like a get-your-feet-wet unit. They went into a lot of detail. Their 'letters' are really consonants and vowels put together, and there are 3 different orders those can go in. For the letter han, it's written like h-a and n on the bottom. I don't have the Korean keyboard enabled on here. (I might in the future.) Another one could be a vowel, like i, by itself. It's interesting, but seems like there are a lot of layers. Started the first 'official' unit. I'm actually doing better than I thought. It's on nationality. Hangug salam are Korean people. Migug salam are American people. It was things like that. They show you how to write it, sentence structure, record your voice to compare to the native speaker, match the letter/word with either the meaning or pronunciation, in depth grammar/pronunciation notes, and more. It's also interesting that they actually use spaces between words. That's different compared to Chinese and Japanese. The only issue I have is it doesn't correct you on pronunciation. Sure, you can check your own voice like I mentioned, but it's not the same. So, I've decided at some point, I'll switch to Duo's Korean course and use both that and Lingodeer. Duo's course should be better at this point, and it most likely has speaking exercises now. Since I had a more thorough intro to the alphabet, I'll be able to go through Duo's easier and with more of an understanding. It'll be interesting to go through both, too. I might get even more of an understanding of it than I would if it was just one or the other. It might take me longer with this language. We'll see.

Today, I started reading Mother Keeper. I think I like it so far...The art seems to be in an old style. It ran from 2005 until 2014. (Pretty long.) It's not as old as it seems, but maybe older than a lot of what I've read recently. The concept is interesting. There are 2 types of people in their world: those within Eden and those outside. It's like a domed city. Everything outside is like a wasteland. Eden makes it even worse as its massive exhaust is pumping outside. Only 1/3 of the world's population is allowed to live in Eden. Basically the rich and powerful. Meanwhile, people outside are suffering and dying sooner. Several rebel groups have formed from outside. The main character was apart of one of those. They had planned to destroy Eden's main CPU. If they had, Eden would cease as a 'paradise' to the few. He was killed (this happened early, so it's not really a spoiler), and turned into a cyborg. His appearance changed. The scientist there has complete control of him. They want him to help with the security of Eden. So, he's forced to help the enemy...The CPU is actually a cyborg that looks like a little girl. He had a hard time getting himself to kill her when he was given the option to, since she seemed so innocent. 

Scanned the drawing of Shadow so far. It's just in case to see how it was before I add his clothes. I realized his hands are smaller than they probably should be. Not sure if I'll change that. At least, I practiced drawing them. He does look better than previous full-bodied drawings of characters. Should be interesting to see it when its done. I plan to color him in, too. 

Managed to practice my clarinet today. I don't think I did yesterday or the day before. I've been feeling pretty awful again. Also, coughing up a lot of weird stuff. That's not a good combo for an instrument you blow into. Anyways, I finished playing through the Clarinet Solo book. I'll get to at least Duke Ellington next. 

Edited a couple more pages of Alliance, too. Down to 298 pages in the print version. Meaning, it's 2 pages less. Yay!

19th of Shevat

Despite feeling sick most of the week, I managed to get most of what I wanted done again. Wahoo! Hopefully, I can get back to walking more next week. 

Ashley gave me another list of 2 gender therapists to try. She said she found them through the Ingersoll resource search. Those 2 were the closest to me. I don't think I've heard of either one. She said she never worked with one of them, and the other used to be in Bellevue. One's in Poulsbo and the other's in Silverdale. Seems like they're closer than the other 2 were, which is great. They're both men. That'll be different for me as far as regular therapy goes. I looked into them through that Ingersoll resource search. I like how they list if the provider is trans, LGBTQ+, how long they've worked with trans people, what insurance they take, etc. Nice to know. The most promising of the 2 is the one in Silverdale. He's worked with trans people for longer, is in the greater community but not trans himself, his staff have been trained in trans related stuff, he has an 'all gender' bathroom, he takes Kaiser Permanente, etc. He also listed that he uses the ICATH model. I had to look it up. It stands for Informed Consent for Access to Trans Health Care. It seems more inclusive than WPATH (World Professional Association for Transgender Health). WPATH standards of care seems to leave out non-binary people. Although, they are getting better about that. I think he'd have to use WPATH as well, in order for me to have any gender-related surgeries. I don't know. I guess I can talk to him about it when I see him. I'll try making an appointment with him on Monday. 

Didn't read all of my primary doc's nurse's email a few days ago. Apparently, she's sending a referral to Digestive Health Consultants in Silverdale. I wasn't sure if she could find some place closer than Tacoma. Silverdale would be great. They also perform colonoscopies and upper endoscopies there. It'd be great to not have to travel far to get a colonoscopy. Why wasn't I sent to them instead of Tacoma before? I did notice that it seems there are only 3 gastros there. Maybe they were too flooded with patients then? Her nurse said I should wait until I get a letter in the mail, which would be roughly a week from when they sent that email. Looks like I'll be making 2 appointments on Monday, if I get it by then.

According to fb, 4 years ago I went to Urgent Care. About a week before that, I started to feel the 1st symptoms of my colitis. I was severely dehydrated by the time I went to UC. Had to have fluids intravenously. They thought I had a nasty stomach flu. I wish that had been the case. I wasn't diagnosed until July of that year. Not knowing until then was terrifying.  

Tweaked Shadow's feet some more. They look more normal. Next week, I'll tackle drawing his clothes. Although, his clothes aren't fancy. I still might try practicing folds in the fabric. I'm getting close to finishing it. 

Played more of the Clarinet Solo book on my clarinet. Today and yesterday, I've been sneezing while playing. That's a weird experience. Hurts, too. I've been slightly short of breath, too. Makes it harder to play. 

Edited more of Alliance. I've gone through 10 pages this week. More than I thought. Especially with cutting the time I spend on it this week by quite a bit. 

Started watching Tate no Yuusha no Nariagari or The Rising of the Shield Hero. I'm unsure about this one. Even more so than Grimms Notes. That 1st episode was 45 minutes long. About twice as long as a regular episode would be. Seemed too long...There was a lot of hype behind it. It's another one of those characters get trapped in a mmorpg world anime. As an example, Log Horizon was a great one. What really threw me off was the fake rape allegation towards the Shield Hero. They didn't need that. Yes, ok, steal from him and come up with something to pin it on him. But, to use that in addition...It almost seemed like the creator was saying that all women steal, lie, betray, and wrongfully accuse men of raping them. They might have been accused in the past. I'm also not liking that he might buy a female slave soon. The slaves there also have a curse where if they disobey their masters, they die. I know he doesn't trust anyone and he needs a party, but this doesn't seem right. I'm willing to give it another chance next week with the next episode. I'm seeing some issues with it already, though. I like the idea that one of the 4 heroes uses a shield as a weapon. The main character hasn't figured out how to use it that way, though.

National Peanut Butter Day!

I love peanut butter! A little goes a long way, though. It goes with a lot of things. Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches are great. Peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches are even better. It's good in savory dishes, too. I can only have the smooth kind, because the bits in the crunchy one upsets my gut. I liked that one a lot more...Felt like there was more substance to it. At least, I don't have issues with it in this form. I have to stay away from whole or chunks of nuts, too. Although, I occasionally break this by having a tiny amount to try something new, and regret it later. It's nice that I can have smooth butter versions of them. 

Felt so weird today. Most of the day, I've felt like throwing up and passing out simultaneously. Not a good combo. I don't know what's going on with me. Plus, both sides of my abdomen have been cramping up since I went to bed last night. Made it super hard to sleep. I couldn't find a comfortable position. I usually get that weird crampy thing only one side at night. Usually, I can find one position to sleep relatively comfortably in. It doesn't normally last for the entire next day, either. My primary still hasn't gotten back to me with a new referral to see a GI closer to where I live that's out-of-network. Doesn't sound good to me. 

Finished Duolingo's Italian course. The last unit was on politics, which was interesting. I might, in the far future, go back through and max out the levels. However, I still don't see the point in that. For the next language, I'll probably use a different language learning app. Duolingo's pretty limited still with what languages they offer, and other apps might actually be better. HelloChinese was on another level compared to Duo. They went into a lot more detail with the grammar, pronunciation, speaking, etc. Also, had fun games in addition to the regular course. They have a podcast discussing the language and culture, as well. They're fb page's pretty active, and they've given me a Top Fan badge. I don't know why they gave me that...I've only liked their stuff. Haven't commented or shared anything from it. The Mango app has an extensive amount of languages. I was surprised that they have Yiddish, and both Irish and Scots Gaelic. Hard to find those. They seem to get more detailed and have notes on cultural stuff, too. There's also LingoDeer for Japanese, Chinese, and Korean. I might use that for Korean, if I do it next. Might look up other apps to get a range of choices. These look promising, though. Since I started learning new languages every 3 to 4 months, I've gone through German, Chinese, and Italian now. Tried a little bit with Russian, but Duolingo's course was awful. Might go back to that in a different app in the future. So many already! Yay! I still remember a lot of the German and Chinese courses, too.

There wasn't much progression with Helck. However, it was interesting to see the 'extras' on the story of piuy (aka piwi) and the witch that found him. He's always saying he's not a bird, yet he looks like one. When the witch taught him to say hello when greeting someone, he said it to everyone he saw. He was terrified of people before. He also screams everything. He must be older than he seems, since he was with the witch long before joining Helck and Vamirio. I think he might be one of the legendary creatures, but hasn't 'evolved' yet. That'd be cool. I think he'll have more of a role towards the end. 

I might be finished with drawing Shadow's feet. I'm not too confident about them. Although, they're at a weird angle. Next, will be his clothes. Edited a couple more pages of Alliance, again. More errors than last time.

Played the last piece in the Mozart book on my clarinet. It's the only piece that Mozart made specifically for the clarinet. He finished it just before he died. I like when they have info notes on the pieces. It's also one of the most difficult pieces in the book. Fun to start off with. I also did some of the Clarinet Solos book. That one's interesting, because they mix difficult pieces with really easy ones. 

Finished watching Gab-Dong. It was really well done. The actor who played the copycat, Lee Joon, was great! The copycat's name is Tae Oh Ryu. He seemed to really get into his role. It'd be interesting to see him in something else. There were so many twists and turns. The only issues I had were using the aro psychopath serial killer trope, the staring..., and the way Detective Ha treated Dr. Oh at some point. I knew why Ha acted that way, but it still seemed unnecessary and rude. It had a surprising ending. They made you really feel for Tae Oh, which was interesting. They brought up some moral dilemmas, and debated whether psychopaths should be treated as human. Interesting psychological elements to it. The music was very fitting. Also, the cinematography was amazing! My new computer has a quality picture itself, but the cinematography added to it. You could see the pores on the actors' faces, stubble, veins in their eyes (had a hard time looking at some of them, because they were particularly veiny), dust, and so many other minute details. Felt more 'real' that way. The only weird part with that was they censored things like book titles, knives, posters, and shirts by blurring them out. I think some of the other Korean shows I've seen so far have censored things like that, too. 

The next show I'll go back to tonight is Cheo-Yong. It's another Korean drama. This time it's a supernatural detective one. I watched 3 episodes of it a while ago. I only stopped because I wanted to finish watching others that I had started beforehand. It'll be interesting to go back to. It has 20 episodes, like Gab-Dong does.

Tried watching Grimms Notes yesterday. Not sure if I like it. The animation seems lackluster for some reason. I like the concept. In their world, everyone's born with a book of fate. Most people have everything about themselves and what life they'll lead written in it. Everything from birth to their death. There are those that have blank books that help keep those fates the way they were meant to be. Chaos Tellers, who also have blank ones, try to rewrite those fates. Oftentimes, turning the owners of those books into creatures. This first episode was based on the story of Red Riding Hood. It makes me wonder if each episode will focus on a different story from Grimm's Fairy Tales. 

My Roommate's a Cat was really cute. This time Haru was going crazy trying to 'protect' her human and home from Subaru's parents' ghosts. It played on the idea that when cats are going crazy or suddenly stare intently at nothing, that they see ghosts. Eventually, those ghosts turned to their human forms and thanked Haru, then disappeared. (Subaru didn't see them.) Haru was flabbergasted, but proud she protected the home and her human. Subaru finally started petting her. She was wary of it at first, but then it felt warm and comforting to her. It was weird to her especially because she was originally a stray. She licked his face while he cried, because she thought he was terrified of the weird ghost wisps going around. What really happened was that he realized how much his parents actually cared about him, and he'd never be able to thank them because they're dead. His editor is a huge cat lover, and has decided to 'meet' every day with Subaru at his home to see Haru. I have a feeling it's also to check up on him. 

National Pie Day!

There are so many different kinds of pies out there! Interesting there's a day for them. I love cherry, s'mores, lemon meringue, Dutch apple, pecan, chess, mincemeat, banana, cream-based, and more. It's also National Handwriting Day. My handwriting is weird. It's tiny, slanted, and the g/y/p have long tails. It's so tiny that I have a hard time writing big enough for posters, signs, or even name tags. They usually end up being either too small to read, or even weirder looking. 

Got up late and felt sicker than I have been for the last couple of days. Hard to get motivated to do stuff when starting late, and you feel like that. However, I got most of what I wanted to get done anyways. Yay!

Ordered both my Lamotrigine and Lialda. Last time I was charged twice for the Lamotrigine. I know it gets weird when my primary renews the refills. Even though I told her not to order it for me at the same time, it seems she did anyways. We'll see if they try to do that again with it. I'll keep the receipt this time, just in case. It's a headache. The funny thing is at the end of last month she gave me 99 refills to be filled by the end of this year...I only would need 12 for a year. Seems excessive. Maybe it was a statement. I also emailed Ashley about another list of gender therapists. It'd be interesting to see more options.

Finished the Spiritual unit in Duolingo's Italian course. Next one will be the last, and it's called Politics. Maybe I'll start another language next week. Gives some time to decide. I might try Yiddish or Korean. 

In Choujin Gakuen or Supernatural School, a lot more stuff was revealed. It also made me tear up when they killed off a lovable character. I won't say who, since it'll spoil it if anyone's interested. Seems like the world is doomed again. I'm getting close to the end of this one. 

Black Clover was just about a festival. Felt like a fluff episode. I guess they needed that after the stuff they went through. 

In One Piece, Luffy had a new 'gear' transformation at the end that he called Snakeman. Seems like it'll give him a big boost, and some of the manga readers commented that the fight was coming to an end soon with this. Yay! It's been too long. 

I'll watch the last episode of Gab-Dong tonight. I'll give more of a review on it tomorrow. There were a lot of surprises and twists and turns. The copycat is smarter than the original. 

I'm pretty much done with drawing Shadow's legs. They look more 'human' than what I was doing before. Played some Mozart on my clarinet. I like Mozart, but at the same time I don't. It feels like a lot of those pieces were made to troll musicians, but they sound great when played right...So weird. Edited a couple more pages of Alliance, too. 

Tu B'Shevat

This holiday was yesterday. It means: 15th of Shevat. Tu isn't really a word, but represents 15 in Hebrew. It's similar to using Roman numerals, like I, IV, X, etc. It's also known as the New Year for the Trees. Basically a celebration of nature. People eat a lot of fruit and nuts, hike or walk, plant trees, and more. There's also a seder that some people attend. Seder lit. means order, but is often used as a ritual meal that goes in a certain order. Many people think of the Passover (or Pesach) seder when they hear it. This one originated from the Kabbalists. With the Pesach one there are 4 cups of wine or grape juice. With this one there are different shades of wine or grape juice, each one representing a season. I think a red or dark color (for juice) is for summer, adding a little white is fall, white for winter, and white with a dash of the red for spring. Each season we go through has a certain type of fruit and nut. Like, fruits eaten whole, or those with inedible exteriors but soft insides, etc. I think there are 15 in total? It's a lot. Quite an experience. I didn't have one this year. In fact, I forgot about it until late afternoon yesterday. I think I might have led a seder last year, but it was just my parent and I. My mom led them for years. Even one of the local synagogues would ask her to lead it for them. I think I still have the Haggadah (book that leads you through the order) she used. I don't think it was very good. Whenever I do it next, probably should print off a better one. 

Yesterday afternoon, I went to Starbucks. Got an iced version of their new cinnamon shortbread latte. I wasn't expecting much, but I like to try new things. It was full of cinnamon and nutmeg, which was nice. Not much else to it, though.

Went through a lot of fb while I was there. I sometimes go through the comments of posts related to Jews and the LGBTQ+ community in general, and block all the haters so I don't have to see them again. I've probably blocked thousands of people already. I just don't want to see such negativity. It's helped a lot when I look at the comments now. Hardly see any of those, but it also shortens how many comments I see. 

Anyways, one of the posts I went through was about a non-binary drag queen who considers herself a goddess. One of the commenters was someone claiming to be a cis ally. She said in order to truly be non-binary, you can't associate yourself with the binary in any way. You can't use goddess, because it's female. She said you can't have binary pronouns either. She was saying that she was looking out for the 'real' enbies, otherwise they won't take us seriously and 'cishets' will take over our spaces. Ok...Many enbies responded with how wrong she was, and she argued with them. A cis person trying to 'protect' us from cis 'invaders', lecturing non-binary people...That's a certain kind of craziness. Non-binary means your not specifically a man or a woman. To be binary, the person's gender is static and it's a whole single gender itself. There are genderfluid people. They may switch between binary genders, multiple ones, ones that are only non-binary, etc. There are demigenders. Some people only partially feel like a man, a woman, or something else. They may feel more of a different gender. There are androgyne people. They feel like they are a little of both a man and a woman. There are bigender people. They may feel 2 genders at the same time or they switch between them. It's any 2, and some of them feel they are both a man and a woman. There are also trigender and polygender (a more controversial term they might use: pangender) people. Very similar concept as bigender for those. According to her, only the agender and neutrois (basically neutral gender. They still have one) people are valid. (She mocked some of the other completely separate non-binary genders, too.) That's really disturbing. If you support people like me, you should support everyone in our umbrella community. Non-binary doesn't equal no gender. Agender means you don't have a gender...This also reminds me of the weird thing where some 'allies' say they accept all aces except heteroromantic ones. Since they're 'basically' straight. No. They may call themselves straight ace to cut it down, but they aren't heteroromantic and heterosexual. Therefore, they're very much still apart of the LGBTQ+ community. Accept us all or no one. Many enbies use binary pronouns, either because it's easier, they like them, they don't care, they relate to their gender (hello, genderfluid/bigender people and others...), and more. They can use binary gendered terms, too. Someone outside of the community policing us on our language ain't cool. Gatekeeping inside the community isn't great either. Gender is a lot more complex than people think, and I think that's amazing. Even as someone without a gender, it's fascinating to learn about the multitude of genders out there. To me, it's also like learning more about humanity as a whole. Maybe it's my anthropology side showing. Knowing just about the binary, is only a small fraction of the human experience. 

Went to Elmer's for dinner after Starbucks. Their special this month is marionberry crepes with raspberry sauce. I got one (they normally come with 2). Ordered a salad and biscuit for sides. Normally with the combo, it comes with your choice of meat and eggs. I can only eat one of their meat options, and it's not great. I don't need more eggs than what's already in the crepe. I don't need more than one crepe, either. It was a really good one. They drizzle it with cream cheese icing and top it off with whipped cream. In a way I celebrated Tu B'Shevat with this. It was bursting with berries. Their biscuits are some of the best I've had.

I tried making an appointment to see one of the gender therapists on the list yesterday. She responded to my message much faster than expected. She said she wasn't accepting new clients, but I could see a different therapist in the same building. I hadn't brought up that I'm looking for a gender therapist in my message. Just said I wanted to make an appointment. So, she probably assumed it was for regular counseling. I looked into the other therapist online. I've heard good things about her in the past. However, with her approach in general according to what I saw, would not be for me. I'm not into the meditation, drumming, spiritual, etc. thing. It actually reminded me of naturopaths, fake hippies, those that appropriate cultural/spiritual things, or people selling 'woo'. Sent warning signals to my brain. I'll email Ashley tomorrow for another list. She did say if I needed more all I had to do was ask. She only gave me 2 options last time. It'd be interesting if I ended up with a male gender therapist. I've been hesitant about that with regular therapy and even with a primary, but I think that might just be because of bias or something. It's highly unlikely that they'd have non-binary gender therapists. That would be the best. 

This morning Rosie seemed really affectionate, and laid down on my feet. I patted her on the back and then towards her butt. She normally loves that, and seemed to get into it. Suddenly, she scratched my wrist. It was hard enough to draw blood. That doesn't happen often. She seemed guilty afterwards and ran away. With a band-aid there, it almost looks like I attempted to cut myself. I used to a little in my late teens. I've had no inclination to do it since. It looks weird to me with that in mind, though. She also tried to bite my calves when I was making my breakfast. Out of reflex and annoyance I kicked backwards into her. She felt even more guilty. She's been glued to me today more so than usual because of it, I think. She even stayed in my room when I played my clarinet. I know she sometimes enjoys it, but hasn't stayed in a while. She seemed so happy when I played, so that was nice.

Got through the Past unit for Duolingo's Italian course. Just 2 more left: Spiritual and Politics. Those should be interesting. Figured out more of how to draw Shadow's legs. I still need to mess with it more. Things are turning out better than I thought they would. After I get his legs/feet down, I'll start drawing in his clothes. Like I said, I got to practicing my clarinet today. (I'm still keeping up with doing it every day except Saturdays.) Played more klezmer tunes. Got a lot of editing done. Made it to the 12th chapter of Alliance. There are 20. It's roughly 1200 words less so far. That's a lot more than I thought it would be at this point. It is the longest book, word count wise, that I've written. 

12th of Shevat

Yay! Another week sticking to pretty much everything. Health stuff, blogging, clarinet, editing, Italian, and drawing. Feels good. The only downside was I had woke up late most of the week, so I shortened the time on quite a few things. Hopefully, that'll be better next week. 

I still need to email my primary about getting another referral to see a gastro out-of-network. I made an appointment with their Capitol Hill gastroenterology department (the only one locally within network), and realized it wouldn't work out. It takes over an hour to get there. They only take appointments during the week, not the weekend. The latest they can schedule to see a gastro with an MD is 3pm. Normally, it's 4pm. They also want you there a little before the appointment to fill out paperwork. So, I'm guessing my best option now will be Digestive Health Specialists in Tacoma. I went there before, but had an awful nurse. Not even an MD. I need one with that title. Much as I admire nurses and think their awesome, they can't do as much or have the knowledge. Good to have on a team in addition. The gastro who performed my last colonoscopy there, sent me a reminder that I need to have another soon. Maybe I'll get to see him for it? He seemed knowledgeable and personable. Plus, it'd be easy to tell him I need a colonoscopy, since he sent me that reminder. 

When I have my next one, I'll ask about having an upper endoscopy again. I had that with my 1st colonoscopy (they call it a double dip), and it showed that my stomach and duodenum (part in between stomach and small intestines) were affected. My 1st gastro told me that I'd need an endoscopy with my 2nd one to see how damaged they were. Also, that they'd be better able to determine that I have Crohn's if there was more damage. She wasn't sure if it was related. We know I definitely have colitis, we just don't know if it's related to Crohn's or Ulcerative Colitis. She was leaning heavily towards Crohn's. I didn't have one last time. This will be my 3rd colonoscopy. I was diagnosed in July of 2015, so that seems like a lot of them in that short amount of time. The only thing I truly hate is the prep. I had a much easier method last time, but it still made me sick to my stomach. Try having a month's worth of Miralax mixed in a liter of Gatorade in one night, plus a couple of Dulcolax pills...So much better than the jug of Golytely and probably the easiest method, but it's still difficult to finish. I just hope my primary doesn't give me a hard time when I ask her. If she does, it looks like I'll be switching primary docs sooner than I expected. Need to anyways, but thought I'd switch after getting set up with a gastro.

Still need to make an appointment to see a gender therapist, too. Might do both of these later today. If not, the latest would be on Monday. It'd be nice to talk to someone about my gender and actually get started with medically transitioning. I'm nervous about seeing a therapist, because I haven't in a long time. (I think the last time was 6 years ago.) However, this is a different type. I also wanted to take better care of my other health related stuff beforehand. 

Ashley's been really nice. She emailed me recently. It seems it's easier for her than the calls? I'm cool with people calling me, though. Anyways, she wondered if I had gotten the primary docs and gender therapists lists she sent and how I was. I felt a bit guilty about not progressing much on it. She said that there was no rush on her end. Taking care of my other health related stuff first is important, too. It's weird. I want to get started quickly, but am hesitant for some reason. It'll happen, though. 

Youtube:

One Piece:

National Popcorn Day!

This holiday is actually on Saturday, but I won't be blogging that day. I miss having popcorn so much! It's one of my major trigger foods. It's a common one among IBD patients. If I have it, my belly bloats up with so much gas, I look either like I'm pregnant or swallowed a beach ball. Like many things, it also triggers intestinal cramps, abdominal pain, and more. It's pretty bad for me. Diet for us is mainly about managing these symptoms and trying to prevent them, or at least lessen how often they happen. It has nothing to do with the disease itself, just the byproduct of it essentially. I loved kettle corn. It's popcorn tossed in sugar, salt, and oil. It was one of my faves. So was caramel popcorn. There's a big variety out there. I never was really into eating it at a movie theater. I was more into the movie than eating things. (Tend to eat candy or something before the movie starts.) Plain popcorn is also low in calories. For other people (those who don't have IBD), it's rather healthy. 

There was just my parent, another facilitator, and I at the meeting last night. Not really a meeting. It was nice to talk casually for a bit, though. That other person gave my parent a 'half-birthday' present. She talked about making it last time. She made oatmeal mincemeat (filling for the pie, no actual meat) cookies. There was also homemade mincemeat filling (I think). One of my parent's fave pies is mincemeat pie. It was really nice of her. Pretty tasty, too. 

It was just my parent and I at Shari's afterwards this time. I had biscuits and fruit for my 'snack' part. There was a lot fruit, and even though my teeth aren't hurting as much because of that toothpaste, it was too cold for me. I had a few pieces. It was a cantaloupe, honeydew melon, and orange mix. I think it's seasonal. In the past, it's had grapes and strawberries. The biscuits were great. The raspberry jam was even better. Almost felt like drinking it...For dessert, I had carrot cake. It's super popular, and usually they've run out of it by the time I order it. So, that was a nice surprise. It has one of the lowest calorie count of their desserts. The slice is rather small, too. I was going to have something more substantial, since I wanted it to be a 'treat' meal like my weekend treat days. Didn't feel like much else, though. Maybe next time.

Finished the Subj. Per. unit for Italian on Duolingo. Only 5 more units to go. Tried to outline Shadow's hand better. Next time, I'll look closer at examples. Practiced my clarinet. Played Irish tunes. Seemed better than last time. Got to editing Alliance, too. Managed to get a walk in. This time I did the 2nd loop like yesterday, but the direction I would normally go. It was drizzling out. Not enough to bring my new umbrella. It was cold out, again. 

Read more of Helck. It kind of hurt to see Asuta being tortured so much. However, she's a spy. She acted like she couldn't stand it to get intel, and get her torturer close enough to attack him and take the keys. She's smart and tough. She's been trained in how to get out of worse. It was great to see her get to him. It shocked and terrified him so much that he passed out. 

10th of Shevat

Almost through with the Subj. Per. unit for Italian. Next one's Business. Tried to outline Shadow's other hand. It's in such a pose, it's more difficult to get down. I'll get it eventually, though. Practiced my clarinet. Played Irish tunes this time. Got as much editing of Alliance done as yesterday. Not too bad. 

Read more of Choujin Gakuen or Supernatural School. A lot of things were revealed this time. They bring up often and poke fun (lightheartedly) at Higan's family situation sometimes. It's been so stressful, he's going bald. His wife divorced him suddenly, and he lost custody of his daughter. He's a cyborg. We finally were introduced to his wife. She's the Prime Minister of Japan. She creates cyborgs, which makes me think she created him. That's kind of...twisted. She seems like a cruel person, too. My guess is she also created Yoshino. They also revealed who the Wisdom Emperor is. Someone that was played off as an extra that Adam occasionally asked for help from. He doesn't serve food, but Adam would always go to his shop and ask him for some along with advice. He'd object, but still give him food. Seemed like an odd relationship. The Wisdom Emperor is considered one of the most powerful characters in their world. More powerful than the demon king. When he was talking to someone else later, he said he owed Adam. Why would he owe him anything? Interesting.

There's a local trans meeting tonight. I decided that my 'walk' for the day will be walking from the car to group and back, then walking from the car to Shari's and back. It'd be something. Hopefully, there's a good amount of people there. I also decided recently that I'll allow myself to have whatever and however much I want when I go to Shari's after group. It'll be like a 'treat' meal, in addition to my weekend treat days. I only go there twice a month. So, it's not often. This way I won't be pressured into having just little bits of things. I'm looking forward to it. 

Black Clover just had a recap episode of what's known of the Midnight Sun. It actually was good to see all of it put together like that. There were some things I forgot. They shouldn't have spent much time on the current stuff, though. 

One Piece had another intense episode. The only thing bad about it was Luffy's fight with Katakuri seems to be really dragging on. He's technically been fighting for several months of episodes now. It's just starting to look like there's an end in sight. I get that they're essentially on equal footing and that's one reason why it feels like it's agonizingly slow. Actually, seems more real this way, and Katakuri's a unique opponent. Katakuri was pissed off that one of his sisters shot Luffy in the leg with a silent paralyzing dart (not sure if it's poisoned). Luffy couldn't react in time, his leg gave out under him, and Katakuri stabbed him with his trident through his abdomen. He wondered why Luffy didn't just dodge it in time, considering he's able to predict his moves now. Once he found out, he stabbed himself with his trident, threw his scarf and trident on the ground, and turned it into a fist fight. He felt his honor was tainted and wanted to have a fair fight with him. I like how they both used King's (I think that's the one) Haki, which made his sister and her minions pass out. Took out the interlopers. Smoothie seems to be catching up with the Straw Hats on their ship. However, I have a feeling she's going to get so big, she'll break her own ship. She can't swim, since she's a devil fruit eater. Her ability seems scary. She can squeeze (or slash with her sword) the essence out of people into a liquid, mummifying them at the same time. If she drinks it, she gets bigger and more powerful. I hope she crashes. Big Mom will soon eat the wedding cake Sanji and the other chefs made. Supposedly it's so good, people pass out just from smelling it. She goes on rampages when she has hunger pangs. She won't stop until she gets exactly what she's craving. This time it's that cake. The original was ruined by the Straw Hats and Bege's crew.  

National Bagel Day!

Bagels are great! The only issue I have with them is a normal sized one is full of calories. If it's not a treat day, I'd only allow myself half or a quarter of it. (Depends on brand, type, and what I have with it.) They're nice every once in a while. I like pretty much all of them except poppy seed. There's plain, blueberry, cinnamon and raisin, cheese, everything, onion, dill, etc. So many different flavors to choose from! I'm one of those people that isn't too fond of lox and cream cheese on mine. Maybe the lox, but no 'schmear'. Most of the time I like them plain or with a little margarine. Rarely, I might add cheese and heat it up until it melts. Doesn't need much, if anything.

Woke up a little late today. Had a hard time falling asleep, but once I finally was, I was out cold. I've decided not to beat myself up about that sort of thing, and instead embrace it. Trying to take care of my health more, and listen to my body. Maybe I needed that extra time? Maybe it's fighting something like a cold? I have a feeling I might be coming down with something. If that's true, than it definitely needs that time. I also don't want to push myself too much. That's a good way for me to become less motivated with things again. I think that's what happened in the past. In fact, doing the calendar reminder thing not long ago, ended up feeling more like a nuisance. My current way of doing things seems a lot more flexible. I don't need to spend the same amount of time on everything every day. I shortened up a lot of it today, because of that late start. Still got quite a lot done. I'm going by a to-do list like format (in Notes on my phone) and checking off things as I go. I don't have to follow the order it's in, either. Seemingly a much better way of doing things.

I've always had very sensitive teeth. I've kept up with brushing my teeth twice a day with a sensitivity toothpaste for a little over a week. I've been pretty bad with doing it daily in the past. Sometimes I would just forget. Not good when you don't see a dentist, have had gingivitis, and have sensitive teeth (they get worse). Anyways, this one also helps strengthen enamel and whitens. The whitening part is more of a side thing. One of the active ingredients acts similar to an anesthetic. Numbing and closing up the little tubules that expose nerves. They say it takes at least 2 weeks to get the full affect. I can tell it's working well so far. Things aren't hurting nearly as much when I eat, or even when I'm just in cold weather. Just feeling that cold air on my teeth used to give me searing pain. Eating has been a nicer experience lately. I still get the pain sometimes, but it's barely there. It'd be nice to see if it completely numbs it at the end of those 2 weeks. My teeth feel stronger and look whiter already, too. Wahoo!

I mentioned this on fb recently, but Gab-Dong made the psychopath copycat serial killer aro. That's a common trope, and makes people think aros are psychopaths or killers. A nasty thing to do. Pisses me off. It's like the trope of trans people being victims or crazed killers. I'm tired of both those. The aro one (and other tropes they push for aro people) actually affected me when I was figuring out my romantic orientation. Since I'm not a psychopath, frigid, unfeeling, robotic, etc; I must not be aro. Anything but that. This is really harmful. After looking more into it, I realized I was very wrong about it. I'm about as aro as it gets, and proud of it now. I had to get over that conditioned by society internalized arophobia, though. That's such a common thing people assume about us, that the food symbol the aro community has (decided through Arocalypse) addresses it. It's ice cream. We may seem cold and unfeeling, but we're actually sweet and kind. Plus, most people like ice cream...This way I'm an ice cream cake (cake for aces). Those are awesome! Wouldn't it be nice to see a kindhearted aro detective? Interestingly, I thought no one reacted to my post about this on fb. Looking back at it, I've had quite a few reactions. Didn't get notified about them, though. I think there was another recent post that fb didn't notify me about reactions, either. It's weird. The one about aros seems to have only had reactions from people I don't know, though. (Haven't looked into how they found it, but I do have my profile/posts set to public.) However, it's not showing me who shared it. Maybe it was someone who shared it to a secret group? Again, how did they stumble upon it? The other post, someone I knew reacted. I don't know...Maybe they're being selective with those now, too. That would be sad. Maybe if you don't post that often they do that sort of thing?

I've really liked Gab-Dong besides that. Now the copycat killer is furious. Everything seems to be ruined for him. He's on his way to Switzerland, so he'll be away from everything, too. He can't act out the rest of the murders because he doesn't know the details, anyways. The detectives, forensic psychiatrist, and copycat, all thought the original Gab-Dong was someone at the mental institution. Turns out that person was just a pawn of the original. He had moments where he thought for sure he was the original, but it was due to his mental illness. He knew the details about the first 5 murders because he worked with someone that was working the case 20 years ago, after being falsely accused. He wanted to catch him himself. Being accused ruined his life. They've accused thousands of people in the past, and ruined most of their lives. Some even committed suicide. This makes sense thinking about the real life case. Like I mentioned before, they accused over 20,000 people. They probably were all used by the real one. He's smart. It'd be interesting to see what happens next. There's a lot of episodes left. Maybe the original one will come back and finish the murders? Or, will it just be about finding him now? 

Tensei Shitara Slime Datta Ken or That Time I Got Reincarnated as a Slime has been good so far. They went over what Rimuru's possible gender could be as a slime a while ago. In his past life he was a man. In this one, he seems to be agender. He was trying to figure it out when he finally was able to shapeshift into human form. (He still uses he/him.) He tried thinking about being a man, but it didn't feel right. Being a woman felt even worse. He seems to have gone with a non-gendered body look (maybe androgynous, but that implies little aspects of both...) as well as not feeling either. An absolutely flat chest, no visible muscular build, average height, long hair that could go for either men or women, etc. As an agender person, this has been interesting to see so far. He seems to be growing fond of the computer like being inside him, too. It tells him if someone's a foe, info on people and places, what skills he'll gain if he eats something, and more. That computer apparently also has a function of auto-combat, where she takes over his body and fights. Rimuru can just sit back and assess the situation. He's extremely powerful in this world. He just defeated the Orc Lord in the most current episode. That orc had the ability to gain powers from people he ate. Similar to Rimuru's predator ability. Except this makes him always ravenous. He ate his own kind. It seems like the rest of the thousands of orcs might make an alliance with Rimuru. He's getting quite a lot of different beings on his side. He's keeping a dragon in him, he became leader of a goblin village, ogres joined that village, dwarves have as well, the lizardmen are now allied with him, a handful of humans are on his side, and the guardians of the forest are allied too.

With the current episodes in Radiant, it's been much more 'French' than the beginning was. It is an adaptation of a French comic that's in a manga-like style. Konrad, who's the leader in Rumble Town, reminds me of a Neo-nazi. He wants to exterminate all the immigrants and sorcerers there. He doesn't just hate them, he wants to 'purify' the town of them. This reminds me more of how some of the people of France and other places are against the Syrian (and other) immigrants 'invading' their country. There's also a huge increase of antisemitism in France, which might be the 'sorcerers' in the story. (I just realized that they probably do represent Jews...) Sorcerers are despised and discriminated against everywhere, except one place, in that world. They even have an inquisition hunting down and torturing sorcerers in that world. They feel sorcery is heresy. Yet, they sometimes ask them to take care of the Nemesis that invade. Interesting that the creator's covering these themes. 

Did just enough Italian to be counted for the day on Duolingo. With the current unit, that took about 10 minutes. Not much time at all, but I still felt like I did it. Didn't read manga, because I finished what I normally read last week. I would have wanted to start another one, but with more time. Drew only for a few minutes, but outlined one of Shadow's hands. Felt like it was something. Practiced my clarinet for 15 minutes instead of an hour. About enough to feel like a warm-up, but got through quite a bit of my jazz book. Edited more of Alliance. Managed to get through more than I thought in the time I gave myself. 

Did a shorter walk, too. Although, not as short as I had planned. It was essentially the last part of my walk walking the other direction. I do 2 loops usually. One big one that loops back towards the house. Then, a shorter one that covers the other part of the neighborhood (the longer one actually covers more than our neighborhood), wraps around the tennis courts, and goes straight back home. I haven't been doing the shorter loop lately, honestly. I was thinking of just walking straight to the tennis courts and back, not that entire loop. I guess it's good that I did more. There was a car that slowed down next to me and came close to stopping. I thought maybe they lived there or something. After I walked passed them, they suddenly turned around and followed me again. It was creepy. They stopped at some point, though. I looked in to see if I knew them, but didn't. That made it weirder. I thought maybe I had something on me, but didn't. Hope that doesn't happen again. It was cold out there again, but I'm happy I managed to get out there. 

8th of Shevat

Since I was more strict with my 'diet' last week, it was nice to have those treat days during the weekend. Felt even more special. I'm still keeping it up. While at Starbucks on Saturday, I tried to catch up with the past week on fb. There was a lot, and I think I only saw the 'highlights' that fb chose for me...At least, I saw a good portion of it. Went through a bit more yesterday, but didn't give myself as much time. Looked more at AVEN, which didn't have much. 

I used to check social media throughout the day (especially when I ate), which added too much time. Now, if I'm to eat something hot and have to wait for it to cool, or feel like I have some extra time during the week, I do puzzles/mini games on new apps I found. Those being: Sudoku, Jigsaw Puzzle, and Color Number. I never really was into Sudoku, but I'm getting the hang of it now. I'm figuring them out much quicker than I did at the beginning. There are a ton of puzzles in the jigsaw one. You can decide to have up to 625 pieces a puzzle. The more you have, the more points you get. If you add the rotate pieces option, you can earn even more. Not sure what those points are used for...You can also turn your own pics into puzzles. The Color Number one I've used in the past, but got rid of it because my old phone didn't have much storage. It's a fun color-by-number one. Some of them are surprisingly hard to fill in. They add more of them every day, so there are a lot in their collections. Anything from 'cute' easy stuff to pieces of famous art. With the easier stuff, it doesn't seem as colorful. They do have collections called '100 colors' and '200 colors' where they use that many per entry. People could probably spend all day on them. If I'm doing a big one, I'll stop at certain points. So, I never actually take too long with it. I think this was a good idea for me, in order to stay away from social media during the week. Plus, I feel like I'm getting mini brain workouts with some of them. I might look for word games, too. I also downloaded another detective escape game, but I'm taking a little break from those.

I did manage to practice my clarinet on Sunday. So, I did it for an entire week, except on Shabbos (Saturday). Yay! Practiced more today, too. I'm playing so much that my 'clarinet thumb' is starting to blister. It hasn't done that in a while. Since I lost the pad to the part that rests on your thumb, I've had a raised callous there. That probably happened the first year I started playing. (I was 10.) Even when I had about a 2-year break after college. It sometimes hurts without playing as well. I never got another pad, because I thought I didn't need to. Most of the time, I hardly remember it's there. I've heard that many people lose that pad often, and some just don't care if they don't have it, like me. I do feel like I'm improving. I think my reed often gets dry when I play. That might be because of the environment or weather right now. 

I had kept up with my Italian until I forgot about it on Sunday. Oh well. Still was a good amount of time for the week. Went through Duolingo's Nature unit today. Next is Subj. Per. There are only 5 more after that. Still not sure which language I'll pick next. 

Ao no Exorcist or Blue Exorcist had a manga update. It's getting intense. Rin is still being shown the past and how he came to be. Satan (the demon named himself this) has gone out of control. He only recently was able to take over a 'vessel' and develop his own consciousness. He's like an intelligent powerful baby that has no concept of right and wrong. Before he took over that body, Rin's mother, Yuri, would play with him as a kid. The only thing that was visible to her were blue flames, and she called him Rinka. Probably who Rin is named after. Satan still cares about her even when she's an adult, and she's the only human he'll listen to. We know Yuri and Satan get together and have Rin and Yukio. I'm just not sure I'm liking where it's headed. It feels like he might have raped her, but I hope not. I hope it was consensual. Although, she feels more for Shiro. Shiro's the one that ends up taking care of the twins after she dies. This was revealed pretty early on in the story. We just didn't know the story up to that point. I get a bit confused when they talk about Satan and Lucifer as 2 different demons. Satan being Lucifer's father, and supposedly the 2nd most powerful demon. They both met in this chapter. Lucifer's 'vessel' was badly breaking down at the time, so he didn't look too well. I think in the present time, he's still having issues with another body. He seems to have the worst luck out of all the demons with a vessel. The only demon that doesn't seem to have issues with the body he possesses is Mephisto. This might be because he can manipulate time. 

For drawing, I figured out how to draw Shadow's torso and arms better. He looks close to 'normal'. Probably not perfect, but not bad. I'll try to draw his hands and legs next time. I can tell I'm improving slowly with my drawing, too. Certainly better than the last time I tried to tackle a full-body drawing of a character. If I get used to it, I can draw them like that more often. I'd like to do different perspectives, too. Like from the side, back, tilted, etc.

Edited more of Alliance. Got to chapter 11 this time. (There are 20 altogether.) I think there were less errors to fix this time. Yay!

Managed to get a walk in for today. It was cold out there, and the sun was shining in my eyes for most of it. I didn't think about taking my sunglasses with me...It was nice still. Hopefully I can keep it up this week. I also got a new umbrella this weekend, so if it's raining, I can still take a walk. No excuses with that. However, if I feel like I have to be near a toilet (because of a symptom coming on), I'm not going. Hopefully, that won't be often. 

National Hot Tea Day!

This holiday's tomorrow, but I won't be posting that day. I love tea! Might have too much of it during the day...Most of the time, the only things I drink are water and tea. So, I'd rather have the 'flavored water' more often than plain. Hot tea is like a hot bath for your insides. So nice. I think it's helped my gut issues a little, too. Plus, there are so many different flavors and types. It's not as limited as some people think. I usually add Splenda to mine. It doesn't add any calories, yet sweetens it nicely. If it's something like chai, I might add a little milk. 

Woke up feeling really weak and sick. Yesterday afternoon, I had really awful intestinal cramping. So bad I felt like I couldn't go on my 2-mile walk. When it's like that it's not just the pain, but I sometimes need to go to the bathroom more often. I didn't want to be stuck out there needing to go, but too far from home to make it in time. It lasted pretty much until I went to sleep. Halfway through the night, I felt like I had a massive deep wound on my side, and like I was bleeding profusely. I obviously didn't have a visible wound, but it made it harder to sleep than usual. I still have that stabbing searing pain. A bit scary. I know I'll likely go out later for groceries, so I'll have that as my 'walk' for the day. There are restrooms at both grocery stores near us, so it's safer for me that way. I don't like these recent symptoms. Reminds me too much of how things were when I was diagnosed. There are some differences, at least.

Managed to get to most things I hadn't gotten to in a very long time. Even longer for doing them on a daily basis. Yay! Makes me feel a bit happier, even if my body's feeling worse...I realized I could be more flexible with the time I spend doing them. They don't have to be set. If I get up late, I can do half or quarter of the time I normally would. I'd still get to them. 

I've also been trying to be healthier with things. Kept up with being more strict with my diet. (I can eat as much as I want starting tonight! Wahoo!) I was pretty bad about brushing my teeth regularly. Now that I have this week, they feel a lot healthier. I'll try to floss more next week. I've stuck to setting my alarm to 8 1/2 or 9 hours from when I get in bed. That's felt a lot better, too. I wake up a lot through out the night, but at least I try to shoot for a longer amount of time sleeping this way. 

It was a bit difficult at first to keep away from social media, but I managed to pull it off this week. It's been nice. I can focus on a lot more things. I know I can catch up on some of it this weekend. People might get flooded with things I share on fb, but it's my page. (They might get a lot of likes, too.) I've also thought about sharing my faves from dA on fb. A lot of the art I've seen lately on fb hasn't been that great. They haven't felt shareable, at least. 

I'll try to be more active on the forums, too. Speaking of which, my response to 2 threads recently on AVEN has gotten more reacts than usual for me. One was asking about what it's like to be a sex-repulsed ace, since their main character in their novel is. I'm a weird mix. Being sex-repulsed, sex-positive, and really curious about it. Only repulsed when it's directed at me or is in very graphic detail. Sex-positive, meaning I'm for sex ed, talking and joking about it (I've been told that I have the 'dirtiest' mind), and having as much or as little sex as people want with consenting adult partners. Curious about the sensation, I guess. (For lack of a better word...) I find sex in media a waste of time often. Like the people who created it lack creativity, and added sex scenes to fill time. I'm ok if it's implied. I don't have to sit through it. I usually look away when they show it. I'm ok with seeing people nude in a non-sexual way in media, too. Got a lot of likes for this one, and some commented that they agreed with me. Often sex-repulsed aces are thought of in a certain way, when we're really all different. We're not innocent and naive little beings, either. (We're infantalized often. More so than other aces.) I hope this helped them with their character. 

Another thread was in the gender section. Someone asked us to describe our gender without just saying what the label is. So, not just saying agender for me. I thought my response might have been too long, and didn't expect any response. I had even more likes for it...Maybe because I went into detail with how I feel? Maybe because I went into what I was thinking when I was trying to figure it out? One question kept coming up for me: What does it feel like to be a woman or a man? I can see it in other people, but nothing's there for me. Not even slightly masculine or feminine. I asked other people about it hoping for insight. The answers were either vague or I couldn't relate. That's just a snippet of what I mentioned. 

Tasha's still been sleeping on my bed during the day. Sometimes at night, too. She's getting used to me slipping into bed next to her at night, in order to watch things on my phone under the nice warm heated blanket. Her fave spot is close to my pillow, which seems a bit odd. She hasn't been throwing up as often as before. In fact, I don't think she has since she's staked out my bed. She actually purred loud enough for me to hear today. Usually it's very softly and I have to put an ear to her side in order to hear. She seems so much happier. Nice to see. A couple of nights ago, I actually had both cats with me on the bed as I watched things. I love seeing 2 happy cats. It was so cute and heartwarming. Haven't had 2 cats with me at the same time while in bed in a very long time. Of course, Tasha didn't stay for long.

Youtube (I might make Friday a YT day, if I've found vids in between):

Kuroshitsuji (Black Butler):

Naruto Shippuden:

Fairy Tail:

Boku no (My) Hero Academia:


One Piece:

D.Gray-man:

4th of Shevat

Finished the V. Modal unit in Duolingo's Italian course. Started and almost finished with the Cond. Per. one. Only had a few mistakes this time. Oh, now every time I see my Dove body wash and shampoo/conditioner, I think of the Italian word that's spelled the same way but pronounced differently. (Pronounced: doh-vay.) It means 'where' in English. Feels like it's asking me where every time I use those... 

Read more of Helck. Haven't read it in a while. It was revealed that they're in an apocalyptic distant future. I thought it was just a fantasy world. They do occasionally mention their year. Apparently, the 'poison air' surrounding the demon empire is radiation from nuclear fallout hundreds of years ago. Both the demons and humans revere a people called the Ancients in their texts. That's us. They were trying to come up with better and more evolved humans. The experiments went horribly out of control, and they had to nuke the area. (I'm not sure if it was all of Earth.) Few survived. I think the demons are actually mutated humans. That experiment, which seems to have been some sort of virus, was passed on to the ones that call themselves humans now. They've been testing it, and the ones that survive turn into winged soldiers that never die, but eventually lose their minds. The others turn into 'monsters' and are exterminated. A lot of it makes sense now. However, I'm still not sure how the 'king' controls the soldiers with it. I didn't know they'd go so deep with this. It started off like a light-hearted comedy, but turned seriously dark quickly. There's still plenty of humor, though.

Tried to mess with Shadow's torso again. It's slowly turning out the way it should. I still have to shape it to how I want. Might take a while. They do say that it takes practice to get that stuff down.

Practiced my clarinet. Played more klezmer. Edited more of Alliance. Almost to the 11th chapter. Yay!

Started watching Doukyonin wa Hiza, Tokidoki, Atama no Ue or My Roommate is a Cat (sometimes translated lit. to: My Housemate is Sometimes on My Lap, Sometimes on My Head). It's about a mystery novelist, Subaru, and a cat, Haru, he took in. He found the cat at his parents' grave. (They both passed away at the same time, I think.) The novelist hates people, and before he met the cat, he was only interested in books. He doesn't know much about cats. Haru was a stray, and had a tough life up until then. It was interesting that they showed her perspective, too. This was better than I thought it would be. 

With the first episode, it seemed very much like my relationship with Rosie. He forgets to eat sometimes, and Haru kept trying to give him hints to eat. Putting pieces of her kibble at his bedroom/office door a few times, scratching at the door, and then dragging her food bowl to it. Eventually, after scolding her for being too distracting, he passes out. A little later, in a half conscious state, he grabbed cat food from the bowl, ate it, and went on a weird writing rampage on memos near him. She was surprised, but proud to have 'saved' him. One of my occasional symptoms with colitis is not feeling hunger. It happens even when I'm in remission. I sometimes forget to eat because of it. (I usually try to set an alarm when I feel like that.) Rosie will meow at me while I'm in my room, and sometimes scratch at the door. If I get up, she'll bite my pant leg and try to drag me with her. Once I go downstairs, she'll run to her food bowl, make like she's going to eat, stare at me, stare at the refrigerator, and then back to her bowl. She'll repeat this until I start making something. If I don't, she'll eventually grab me again. She sits patiently on the hard floor next me as I make something in the kitchen. She'll then follow me to where I eat, wait a moment to make sure I'm eating, and then walks away. If I don't finish my food, she runs back to me, and lays against me (not letting me get up) until I finish it. She does a similar thing normally, but not as demanding about it. She's very happy when I eat, too. I think she thinks she keeps me alive or something. It's cute, nice to have a creature care about me so much, yet kind of creepy at the same time. She seems to do more than what Haru did. Some people commented that what Haru did wasn't realistic. It seemed pretty real to me. The creator probably based Haru off their own cat. Maybe they're not cat owners? Also, cats aren't all the same. I was surprised by Rosie doing that, too. 

Finished watching The Ancient Magus' Bride. I liked some of it, but there was a lot that was problematic. Plus, it seemed...pretentious. There was a lot of hype when it came out. I waited to watch it, because there was way too many other anime that I wanted to watch that season. They tried to make everything whimsical and magical. It fell a bit flat and seemed forced on that front. People were praising the music, but I found it too overdone. The art was great. The main problematic part came at the very beginning. A suicidal 15 year old girl, Chise, being sold to an emotionally stunted 500 year old male demon, Elias. Then, telling her to be his apprentice and that she's his bride. He doesn't understand the concept behind what a bride is. A lot of people felt uneasy about this. They even tried to explain it away in the show. Then, proceeded to romanticize it. Some people were defending it and saying it's a fantasy world and things are done differently. That's weak to me. It sends a creepy message. Not to mention a lot of the 'good' characters either tried to kill Chise or kidnapped her. They brought up a lot of Celtic folklore, but it seemed like they didn't do much with it. Kind of like spewing it out and having it there just because it seemed cool. Some of it they actually did incorporate, but not much. I really liked Ruth and Silky (aka Silver), though. Silky was once a banshee. She cried out so long, she lost her voice. So, she did a lot of grunts and such. She takes care of the house. Ruth is Chise's familiar who's a black grim. He has dog and human forms. The last episode seemed forced, rushed, and somewhat gag-inducing. I'm not regretting watching the whole thing, but it left a weird aftertaste. I really wanted to like it more than I did. I won't watch a 2nd season if there is one. 

National Apricot Day!

I love apricots! I don't get them too often, though. Used to get dried apricots all the time years ago. It's even more rare for me to have the fresh kind. The fresh ones are nice and soft, and have a more intense flavor. 

I'm trying to stick more to my diet this week. The last few weeks have been odd, because of holidays and so much good food. I didn't stray too much from it, at least. My 'diet' is having 1200-1600 calories during the week. It doesn't matter how much I have during the weekend. (Starting with Friday night, since it's Shabbos.) Sometimes I don't care every other Wednesday night after the local trans group meeting, since we go to Shari's after. So, 2 or 3 Wednesdays a month in addition to the weekends. I'm trying to shoot for within the 1400s most of the time now. I split it up into 5 small meals a day. For many people with IBD, including me, it's better to have smaller meals more often throughout the day. I also try to watch how much sugar I'm having and stick to the range in My Fitness Pal. The funny thing is I often don't get enough sugar. This is despite having so much fruit during the day. I have a hard time absorbing protein, especially when I'm flaring, so I need more than what's recommended for healthy people. Most of the time I hardly ever make it to half the normal amount for the day, though... Trying to be better about that. My potassium is often low, too. It's hard to balance this stuff with small meals. I think I'm doing ok with it this week. 

I've found out what an exact serving of cantaloupe is. Before this week, I wasn't really measuring it. I just took what I wanted. A full serving is a lot. I think I have half normally. It's very interesting to see what a serving is for many foods. For some, it looks like hardly anything, for others it looks like way too much. Plus, some 'single' servings are way too many calories for one meal to me. I have to keep this in mind with some things. It's made me view food differently since I started this 'diet' a few years ago. Some things that used to look like a decent amount look huge now. Even on the days where I can have as much as I want, I end up not being able to eat as much as I used to. 

After sticking closely to this, I can't seem to eat much more than half of what I get at most restaurants, too. It's made me realize how big the portions at restaurants actually are. I tried recently to get smaller versions of things at them. Telling them things like I want 1 pancake instead of 3, half the eggs, half of an entree, 1 biscuit, etc. I was surprised by how many could actually accommodate for that. Some told me they couldn't change the portion of something, but could leave out something else. That was nice. I also told myself not to take home any leftovers. A lot of the stuff I might get is usually not that good the next day. Plus, when I'm eating like this, it takes me forever to eat the regular things at home during the week. In fact, I sometimes end up getting tired of eating it. I'm noticing that this week. Feels like things are taking forever to eat, especially since for a lot of it I eat a half or quarter serving. This also runs the risk of things going bad before I finish or even start them. That's a balancing act in itself. I feel like I'm wasting a lot of food when I tell them that I'm not taking the leftovers. However, they're the ones that make such huge portions. It's not my fault that way. If the food is really exceptional or I hardly ever go there, I might take what's left home. That will be rare, though. 

Finished the V. Cond. unit for Italian. Read more of Choujin Gakuen or Supernatural School. I'm getting close to finishing this one. It's been better than expected. Messed a bit with drawing Shadow's torso. I decided to see what I could do without looking at that artist's anatomy book. It's looking better than I thought it would. Still need to tweak it more. Practiced my clarinet. Played klezmer tunes. I think I'm already improving a lot. Edited more of Alliance. Found even more errors than yesterday...

It's been pouring rain all day, so I tried to find an umbrella to take with me for my walk. All of them are either broken or made for a kid (too small to cover much). It was disappointing. We'll just have to get new umbrellas. My coat may have a hood, but it's not made for the rain. It soaks right through it. In the meantime, I ran up 10 flights of stairs. I did 3 flights 3 times with breaks in between, then one more. I read that 20 is a mile. However, it's a lot more intensive than my walks, so I thought half of that would be good enough. Even though my walks are 2 miles each time. Supposedly, it won't rain for the rest of the week. Yay! That's good, at least.

Been watching Gab-Dong. It's a mystery/detective Korean show. It's good so far, except for the long intense glares they usually end the episodes with. This is inspired by a real life serial killer. He killed and raped 10 women from 1986 to 1991. The killer has been compared to the Zodiac Killer. Apparently, they did something with it for Criminal Minds. The killer was never found. There were over 20,000 suspects before it turned into a cold case. They think a murder in 2004 was related to this case, which sparked new interest in it. In this show, there's a copycat killer carrying out the murders exactly, or with very slight changes, to the previous murders. The original Gab-Dong, name they refer to as the killer (I don't think they know his real name in the show), is still alive and in a mental institution. Both the new and old one are extremely intelligent. Neither of them have left any traces of themselves behind. They thought they had DNA (especially with the rape part), but mysteriously it was destroyed. The hairs they found on the most recent victim were actually from her clients. She was a hairstylist. The hair thing was new. Seemed like he was laughing at them. He was framing the lead detective for a while, and then suddenly made him look innocent. He may be even better than his idol, the real Gab-Dong. The actor certainly acts the part really well. He's also a patient of the psychiatrist in the story. She works in a mental institution for criminals. Same one that the original killer is still at. She suspects he's there, but she doesn't know who he really is. The copycat recently got out of that center, but still sees her. She has an odd fixation with Gab-Dong, and both of them have a thing for her. She might be their next target. 

2nd of Shevat

I'm trying to stay off of social media for the most part until the weekends, which didn't work out too well last week. Only checking notifications, and posting personal stuff (statuses, pics of my food/cats/places, blog posts, at some point drawings and such on dA, etc.). So far, I'm following it closely this week. Been feeling even better because of it. I'm not even watching TV while I eat. Except, maybe the news at dinner time. I was watching the news every time I ate. There's too much going on, and I end up not focusing on what I'm eating. It's made things go a bit faster. Although, I'm also trying to eat a bit slower. I've been eating too fast lately. This makes my gut not too happy...Even gulping down tea can affect it. I'm less likely to inhale as much air if I sip it. It's recommended for people with IBD to sip drinks and take your time with food. 

I have been experiencing more symptoms of my colitis lately. One that was scary (kind of embarrassing to say it), and haven't had since I was diagnosed. Felt it while out grocery shopping. Made me panic for a moment. Not a good sign. I was ok, but it felt like my body was messing with me. It was like that before, too. 

For Italian today, I finished the Science unit and made it to roughly halfway through the V. Cond. one. The science one was interesting. As expected, many of the new words were similar to their English counterparts, but said quite differently. Some of the sentences have been rather dark. Maybe the people behind the course had a dark sense of humor? I like how in the German one they had the holy potato. There was even a thing about it on Duolingo's fb page. It was cute. These ones haven't really been like that.

I finished reading the manga Alive- The Final Evolution. It seemed to wrap up a little too nicely. Apparently, Taisuke ended up with Megumi. Nami would have been better...Megumi was brainwashed for most of it, and didn't show up much. Nami grew close to him. It didn't seem that Megumi felt much of anything towards Taisuke. At least they saved the world. All the power users had their powers taken away, so they ended up trying to have 'normal' lives. Taisuke lost an arm, and he was in a coma for a while. He was still having trouble with getting used to the prosthetic by the end. Yuuta's trying to figure out why Taisuke didn't just heal himself before their powers were taken. Hirose went with Mitama back to space where her people come from. They just wanted to accelerate human evolution by giving them powers. It didn't go well, though. Mitama decided that they'd just watch how humans evolve on their own. The heavier part of this was the mangaka (creator) did the last few chapters on his deathbed. I didn't know he had died. Those last chapters were more about how he views death, humanity, peace, and what it means to be alive. The last panel was Taisuke saying cheers to the moon, and thinking: I'll continue to live. It sends a different message knowing that's how he ended it, and it was his last piece of work before dying.

I decided to try outlining Shadow's torso and arms this time. His torso doesn't seem right, yet I know it's a rough sketch of it. I might look at my old artist's anatomy book (used to be my grandma's) to get more of a feel for it. I can build on that rough sketch of it, at least. 

Got to practicing my clarinet again. Played a few Irish tunes and mainly klezmer tunes. I actually wasn't too bad this time. Got to editing Alliance, as well. I'm 10 out of 20 chapters in. So much left...

Went for my walk. It was just misty at first, so I thought I could go without an umbrella. Being the true Pacific Northwest person that I am. The rain got much heavier halfway through. It felt good for a while, but than it cooled me down even more than I already was. It was in the low 40s, and my coat's not that warm. (It lost it's lining a while ago.) Still don't regret going out there. My hair wasn't as wet as I thought it was when I got back. Maybe it was really dry and need that? 

Started watching the 2nd season of Fukigen no Mononokean or The Morose Mononokean a couple of days ago. I'm surprised it's back. The 1st season ended 2 years ago. I liked it a lot, and it seemed to start off on the right foot this time, too. 

Started watching the 2nd season of Mob Psycho 100. The 1st also ended 2 years ago. Interesting that they're coming out at the same time. I knew this one would have a sequel for a while. This 1st episode seemed to change between a bunch of different art styles. More than usual. It was kind of cool. I'm glad this one's back, too. One Punch Man, which is created by the same mangaka, will have a 2nd season sometime this spring, I think. So, both of his works' anime versions are coming back. Yay! There are 3 new anime coming out this season that sound pretty good: Tate no Yusha no Nariagari (The Rising of the Shield Hero); Doukyonin wa Hiza, Tokidoki, Atami no Ue (My Housemate is Sometimes on My Lap, Sometimes on My Head) (about a writer and cat); and Grimms Notes. 

Rosh Chodesh Shevat

It's the beginning of the month of Shevat on the Jewish calendar, aka Rosh Chodesh (lit. Head of the Month) Shevat. On the 15th of Shevat, there's Tu B'Shevat, which is our New Year for the Trees. Another new year...It's basically to celebrate nature. We eat a lot of fruit and nuts, some people plant trees, and others just go for a walk or hike. There's also a seder, which is set up similarly to a Passover one. (Seder lit. means 'order', and it's usually used for a ritual dinner that goes in a certain order.) 

Went to Gig Harbor last Friday. It was cold and wet outside. The waterfront wasn't that exciting. There weren't as many shops as I remembered. We did see an interesting one that had various olive oils, balsamic vinegars, spices, mustards, and more. You can sample all the oils and vinegar. That was fun. I got Quebec maple mustard there. I didn't realize at the time that it was a grainy kind. Might not be the best for me, but it's not like I'm going to have a lot of it. It's stronger than expected, too. Can barely taste the maple part. 

Went to an Italian restaurant called Il Lucano Ristorante Italiano for dinner. It was great and seemed authentic. The owner comes from an Italian town named Lucano. He holds cooking classes at the restaurant. He greeted everyone and seated them when we were there. He seemed very friendly (maybe a little too friendly...) and full of energy. He sang to the music occasionally, which was interesting. They serve bread and olive oil with garlic and herbs mixed in. I've heard that it's a thing for Mediterranean countries, but not many American restaurants that have that theme seem to actually serve it like that. They might have bread, but usually not much else. There were a lot of good sounding dishes on the menu. I got their veal parmagiano. Seemed quite different than what I'd get at other restaurants. The marinara had a ton of olive oil and garlic. The pasta seemed fresh and like it was made by them. The veal was done just right. It was really good parmesan and mozzarella. There was also a ton of basil. I was a little worried when I found a bunch of fresh basil leaves connected to a long stem under one of the veal cutlets. I realized that it might have purposely added to some of the flavor. I was very impressed by the food there. We might make the trek out there again. 

After that, we saw Aquaman in IMAX. I think this was only my 2nd or 3rd time watching an IMAX movie. It's huge! Felt like I was surrounded by it. Not many people were there. My parent and I were there with 2 friends. That was nice. I liked the movie until about 30 minutes towards the end. It became way too corny. Why would you have a long kiss in the midst of fighting? Plus, why do the leg up thing during it? That was weird, too. Seemed forced. The slow and dramatic poses were funny. They might have been going for that, though. 

The plaza, where the theater was, was more interesting than the waterfront. Lots of stuff to see. Seemed like other big plazas around it were interesting, too. We saw a cupcake ferris wheel display at Home Goods near the theater. It moves, and you could probably rig it up to turn the wheel on its own. The more I thought about it, the funnier it got. 

I've been keeping up with my Italian for the most part. It feels longer than the previous courses I've gone through on Duolingo. I originally planned to do a new language roughly every 3 months. I'm still on track since next week will mark 3 months. It might end up being a little over, which is ok. I've got about 10 more units until the end. I usually just go through the first level, not all 5. At the beginning, I was maxing out the levels to familiarize myself. However, later on I got the concepts right away and haven't needed to do more of the levels. Each unit builds off of the previous, too. When I started the German course, Duolingo only had 1 level for each unit. I think the 5 is overkill. Sure, 2 I can see. Especially, if something really isn't sinking in. When I did the HelloChinese course, they didn't stick too long on one unit. Maybe I'm just a fast learner with this stuff. I hardly make mistakes now with it. The only times I do is when I don't see something right away. Another thing with Duolingo is you can test out of units completely in one part. There are 4 to about 10 parts to each one. At least I don't do that. It's good that they have a few different options since not everyone learns the same way. I also found an app called Mango. It has over 70 languages. It sounds better and more in-depth than Duolingo. Duo doesn't have that many languages, either. They have cultural, grammar, and pronunciation notes. Duo doesn't have that. They have speaking parts to it, which is great that I'd be able to keep that aspect of it. I'm going to give some of the languages my family might have spoke a try. They actually have Yiddish and Gaelic (I think both an Irish and Scots version) on Mango! That was surprising to see. Hopefully, that one will work out. Not sure exactly which language on my list will be next. 

I managed to practice my clarinet today. I hope to get back into the habit of playing every day, except Shabbos (Saturday). It's been a while since I last played. Might have been in October...Anyways, if I can keep playing every day, I might add more to it slowly over time. Like, going over things with a metronome that have odd time signatures. I think I've been speeding up on certain things, and slowing down with others. Then, I'll listen to recordings of what I play. I did this a few years ago, and it really helped even though not everything can be found online. Eventually, play with the recording. Then, record myself and post the audio to Youtube. That way I can hear myself and others will hopefully give me some constructive criticism. I most likely will get trolls, but at least I'll be able to hear myself. It'll take me a while to feel confident enough to do that. Didn't sound too bad today. In fact, it was better than expected. I also noticed something that I had a bad habit of doing in the past. I tried to break it down and play it the way it should be slowly. It'll be hard to break that habit, but with practice I know I can. I figured out a different one last time I played, and improved on that. It was better. Now that I'm more aware, it should get easier. I also finally used a new reed. I play a size 3, which is rather thick. It goes from 1 to 5 with thickness. (There are 1/2 sizes.) Most people don't play 5s. I think most of them play a 2 or 2 1/2. (It doesn't mean I'm better than them for playing a 3...) I might be able to play a 4 now, but that seems intimidating. Highly doubt I could ever play a 5. It gets harder to play, but the sound can be deeper and more full. 

I also got a walk in today. I hope to get back into doing those every day. Probably with my usual 2-mile one for a month, than adding another one. It was cold out there. By the end, I somehow felt both freezing and sweltering. Despite that, it was still nice to be out there. 

Started reading MAR Omega. It's the sequel to the manga version of MAR. I watched the anime, so I at least know most if not all of the story. I liked the anime. It's interesting to see it in a different light. It seems Kai is Ginta's successor. We don't know much about him, and he's an orphan. I have a feeling he was born in our world, and thrown into theirs right after (since he doesn't remember anything before being adopted). He has somewhat of a similar personality as Ginta. Ginta's his hero and he hopes to be like him someday. Should be interesting to see how this one turns out. It's much shorter than the prequel. 

Got back to editing Alliance today, too. There were a lot of errors. Hopefully, I can get back to doing this on a regular basis as well. I want to finish it so I can read/edit the sequel, read/edit Sweet Endless Terror, publish all those to Smashwords, and then finish writing the most current sequel of Alliance. Hopefully, get to writing new stuff, too. That's a lot, but if I do this almost every day, it'll be quicker than it has been. 

Went back to drawing today. Mainly just got to planning how I want Shadow to pose and looking at things like arm proportions. At least, I'm looking into it more. I want to do better with drawing a character's full body. I already came up with a much better head (hair, face, etc.) design for him. I'm much happier with that. It took some messing around, though. His neck and top shoulder area looks pretty good, too. I'm making progress with it. I think another drawing project I might do is a meme that has you drawing something new every day for a month. Drawing your portrait, a still life, pets, something in certain colors, food, etc. That sounds fun. I might need another drawing pad before then. I think I'm on my second to last page of the big one, and the small one is already filled out.