11th of Av

Managed to mostly stay away from social media during Shabbos. Yay! Really felt like I recharged that way. Been cutting down the time I spend on social media today and yesterday, too. It's been nice. 

Did the candles, blessings over the grape juice (I can't have wine) and challah, and online services for both Friday night and Saturday morning. Wahoo! Same as last week. Hopefully, I can make this a habit. They actually had that Saturday morning's service, rather than the week before like last week's had. That was good. I like how they make it feel like you're actually there.

Some of the night and morning services touched on Tisha B'Av. That was a bit difficult to sit through. It started Saturday night and went until Sunday night, and is a mourning holiday. We remember atrocities that happened to us in the past. Things like the Crusades, pogroms, expulsion from Spain/France/England, the Holocaust, and more. One of the main focuses is on the destruction of the 1st and 2nd temple in Jerusalem. It's the saddest day in the Jewish calendar. People fast, study the Book of Lamentations, most Torah study is forbidden, sit on low chairs or the floor (like with shiva or the week of mourning someone), some sleep on the floor, some people refrain from greeting each other, and more. I didn't observe it, and I don't think I ever have. I usually just notice it. The rabbi that did the drash (or sermon) Friday night tied it in with the recent mass shootings. It seemed to fit too well that that stuff happened close to the holiday. It was a powerful and emotional one. 

For close to 5 hours on Sunday, I cleaned my bathroom. It really needed to be done. It was difficult with the pain of whatever's going on with me healthwise. I'm glad I was able to get so much done, though. I swept the floor, cleaned the toilet, did all of the shower area, sink, a cup and toothbrush holder, the counter, and dusted off the things on the counter as well as a little step stool. I didn't 'mop' the floor because the way I do it might have been too much for me on top of the other stuff. Unfortunately, Tasha decided to pee near the closed door and that leaked onto the floor. It was right after I swept. I was angry for a moment, but I don't know if she actually knows she's doing it. It was similar to when she peed on my closet door not long ago. She may have an issue with that. I was able to clean that up, too. It looks so nice in there now. 

I've been having an even harder time sleeping lately. Both of my arms hurt constantly. They never really let up. They get worse when I'm lying down. It's really hard to describe the pain, but it burns and feels tight, I guess. Anyways, I decided to go to bed at a more decent time last night. I got out of bed at around 6:50am or 7am, because I couldn't stand it. I don't really like getting up earlier than 8am. So, this was weird for me. Most nights I've been in bed for even less time lately. Maybe I could look at it as being able to get more things done or something? 

Got back to Duolingo's Dutch course. It had been a while. Still remembered most of it. Finished the Nature unit and started the Traffic one. 

Read the most recent chapter of Ao no (Blue) Exorcist. A lot of surprises this time. With one of them, I was glad that it didn't turn out the way I thought it would. I'm still wondering about Shiemi's role, and when will Rin come back to their present time? 

Tried drawing more of Junko. No matter how many times I tried, her cat ears weren't coming out right. I'll try again next time. Started thinking more about her hairstyle, too. 

Edited more of Alliance. I'm surprised at the mistakes I'm finding, despite going over the beginning not that long ago. I think once I catch up to the part I know is better, I'll move on to the sequel. I don't think that one will have nearly as many mistakes. 

Watched Boku no (My) Hero Academia The Movie: Futari no Hero (Two Heroes). It supposedly was also in the manga (I haven't read it), and the anime briefly hinted at it. It seems to have taken place before the last season of the anime. It was nice to see something related to the show again. The next season starts in October. Yay, soon! This one was about All Might and his old friend Dave. They met when he was a Japanese exchange student in California. In a way, it was also about them handing the torch down to their successors, Melissa (Dave's daughter who also wants to help heroes as a scientist in the future) and Deku. The action scenes were great and fast-paced. 

8th of Shevat

Since I was more strict with my 'diet' last week, it was nice to have those treat days during the weekend. Felt even more special. I'm still keeping it up. While at Starbucks on Saturday, I tried to catch up with the past week on fb. There was a lot, and I think I only saw the 'highlights' that fb chose for me...At least, I saw a good portion of it. Went through a bit more yesterday, but didn't give myself as much time. Looked more at AVEN, which didn't have much. 

I used to check social media throughout the day (especially when I ate), which added too much time. Now, if I'm to eat something hot and have to wait for it to cool, or feel like I have some extra time during the week, I do puzzles/mini games on new apps I found. Those being: Sudoku, Jigsaw Puzzle, and Color Number. I never really was into Sudoku, but I'm getting the hang of it now. I'm figuring them out much quicker than I did at the beginning. There are a ton of puzzles in the jigsaw one. You can decide to have up to 625 pieces a puzzle. The more you have, the more points you get. If you add the rotate pieces option, you can earn even more. Not sure what those points are used for...You can also turn your own pics into puzzles. The Color Number one I've used in the past, but got rid of it because my old phone didn't have much storage. It's a fun color-by-number one. Some of them are surprisingly hard to fill in. They add more of them every day, so there are a lot in their collections. Anything from 'cute' easy stuff to pieces of famous art. With the easier stuff, it doesn't seem as colorful. They do have collections called '100 colors' and '200 colors' where they use that many per entry. People could probably spend all day on them. If I'm doing a big one, I'll stop at certain points. So, I never actually take too long with it. I think this was a good idea for me, in order to stay away from social media during the week. Plus, I feel like I'm getting mini brain workouts with some of them. I might look for word games, too. I also downloaded another detective escape game, but I'm taking a little break from those.

I did manage to practice my clarinet on Sunday. So, I did it for an entire week, except on Shabbos (Saturday). Yay! Practiced more today, too. I'm playing so much that my 'clarinet thumb' is starting to blister. It hasn't done that in a while. Since I lost the pad to the part that rests on your thumb, I've had a raised callous there. That probably happened the first year I started playing. (I was 10.) Even when I had about a 2-year break after college. It sometimes hurts without playing as well. I never got another pad, because I thought I didn't need to. Most of the time, I hardly remember it's there. I've heard that many people lose that pad often, and some just don't care if they don't have it, like me. I do feel like I'm improving. I think my reed often gets dry when I play. That might be because of the environment or weather right now. 

I had kept up with my Italian until I forgot about it on Sunday. Oh well. Still was a good amount of time for the week. Went through Duolingo's Nature unit today. Next is Subj. Per. There are only 5 more after that. Still not sure which language I'll pick next. 

Ao no Exorcist or Blue Exorcist had a manga update. It's getting intense. Rin is still being shown the past and how he came to be. Satan (the demon named himself this) has gone out of control. He only recently was able to take over a 'vessel' and develop his own consciousness. He's like an intelligent powerful baby that has no concept of right and wrong. Before he took over that body, Rin's mother, Yuri, would play with him as a kid. The only thing that was visible to her were blue flames, and she called him Rinka. Probably who Rin is named after. Satan still cares about her even when she's an adult, and she's the only human he'll listen to. We know Yuri and Satan get together and have Rin and Yukio. I'm just not sure I'm liking where it's headed. It feels like he might have raped her, but I hope not. I hope it was consensual. Although, she feels more for Shiro. Shiro's the one that ends up taking care of the twins after she dies. This was revealed pretty early on in the story. We just didn't know the story up to that point. I get a bit confused when they talk about Satan and Lucifer as 2 different demons. Satan being Lucifer's father, and supposedly the 2nd most powerful demon. They both met in this chapter. Lucifer's 'vessel' was badly breaking down at the time, so he didn't look too well. I think in the present time, he's still having issues with another body. He seems to have the worst luck out of all the demons with a vessel. The only demon that doesn't seem to have issues with the body he possesses is Mephisto. This might be because he can manipulate time. 

For drawing, I figured out how to draw Shadow's torso and arms better. He looks close to 'normal'. Probably not perfect, but not bad. I'll try to draw his hands and legs next time. I can tell I'm improving slowly with my drawing, too. Certainly better than the last time I tried to tackle a full-body drawing of a character. If I get used to it, I can draw them like that more often. I'd like to do different perspectives, too. Like from the side, back, tilted, etc.

Edited more of Alliance. Got to chapter 11 this time. (There are 20 altogether.) I think there were less errors to fix this time. Yay!

Managed to get a walk in for today. It was cold out there, and the sun was shining in my eyes for most of it. I didn't think about taking my sunglasses with me...It was nice still. Hopefully I can keep it up this week. I also got a new umbrella this weekend, so if it's raining, I can still take a walk. No excuses with that. However, if I feel like I have to be near a toilet (because of a symptom coming on), I'm not going. Hopefully, that won't be often. 

National Doughnut Day!

This holiday was yesterday. Interesting that there are 2 donut days. I prefer to spell it 'donut', but the more traditional way is 'doughnut'. Even spellcheck is saying donut is wrong...but, both are used by Americans. So, both are correct here. Donuts are great, and perfect for when it starts getting colder. We have chocolate donut holes, so I had some last night, celebrating it that way. Didn't plan it like that, though. Donut holes are nice because they're easier to portion out just right. You can have a little bit at a time or a lot. Interesting that, with these, a full portion is 5 of them. Quite a bit more than I expected. It was also Firewood Day. A fire in the fireplace is nice and cozy this time of year. Today's Election Day. I'm nervous about what the results will be. I voted in mid-October. The ads are even more annoying if you've already voted...People urging me to vote when I already have, is really irritating too. I was public about when I voted. At least that part will be over with soon.

This is my wallpaper for November. It's Rin and Kuro (the cat demon) from Ao no Exorcist or Blue Exorcist. I've used it before, but thought it was cute. A nice one for my birth month. Although, I want to find more colored wallpapers. (I'm kind of tired of what I have.) Not ones that I made from black and white manga chapters. I might change it again after that. Also, I've switched the colors to my taskbar, start menu, etc. to match it. It picks colors from the wallpaper. That's fun. With my old desktop, I had it set to silver and I miss that. For my current desktop, it started with black for the main color. This time the main color ended up being a light coffee-like color, with orange accents. I think I like it.

The month-long holidays for November are: Banana Pudding Lovers Month, National Memoir Month, National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo). Not many. Banana pudding is heavenly! I've already written a memoir. I can't imagine writing one in a month. Same with NaNoWriMo. I've heard some people try for it. It's quite an undertaking. None of my novels were done within a month. The fastest for me was roughly 4 months while working on 2 at the same time. (So, about 2 months each?) I would have had to write for several hours every day, without blocks. I sometimes get writer's blocks, and I can't imagine doing it for that long every day without getting them. So, I admire people who can finish any type of novel in just a month. Novel-length is rather long, too. I think I remember that the minimum is usually around 60,000 words. 

My birthday's tomorrow, and I celebrated a little this past weekend. Went to a nice Thai place for dinner on Friday. Red Lobster Thursday night. Although, that might not have been directly to celebrate my b-day. With what I can order, there's good food there, too. Went to Starbucks on Sunday and got their new chocolate swirl brioche and a vanilla creme frappuccino. The brioche seemed similar to a rugelach or babka. I hadn't had the drink in a very long time. The creme versions are nice, since they don't have coffee. (I'm not fond of coffee.) Plus, creamy vanilla is a great flavor. I consider frappuccinos as decadent. Like, having ice cream or a milkshake. I don't have them all the time. Probably with that and the brioche, that snack was packed with sugar. As long as I don't do that all the time, it's all good.

On Saturday, I got a mani/pedi. It had been 5 years, and I had only about 2 before that. So, they're rare for me. Some people might consider it a 'girly' thing. I don't. To me, I get to be pampered, have pretty nails, and cool nail colors. I think people of any gender could enjoy that. My feet and hands still feel so soft...For my fingernails, I got a gold/bronze (depending on what angle you look at them) polish with lots of glitter. The polish for my toenails is an electric blue. It reminds me of a color I used to have. Nobody else's going to really see my toes, but it's still a nice thing for myself.

I would like to go to the Cheesecake Factory for my birthday, too. It'll most likely be during this weekend. They have such a variety of food. I also haven't actually had their cheesecake in a very long time. The few times we've gone, I usually don't get any dessert. I remember their cheesecake is amazing! I think trying their cheesecake for the first time was what made me fall in love with cheesecake in general. I used to hate and avoid it. Weird for a cheese lover, but there was something about the ones I tried previously that turned me off of it. Another possible restaurant would be the Oak Table for brunch. Their apple pancakes are really over the top. The only problem with both places is the wait times. 

Other places I want to go to: a local marine science center (haven't been there since the remodel and the giant octopus statue that was put up), a little shopping at the mall, a local naval undersea museum, maybe a movie at a theater, and a play based on Agatha Christie's Appointment with Death. I don't need to go to all of them (they're mainly just ideas), but they sound like they'd be a nice way to celebrate it.

I managed to get my walks in for today and yesterday. I've been trying to go for one of my 2-mile walks a day for a while. I thought after dinner would be the perfect time. It only worked out a couple of times. I've moved it to just before my afternoon snack this week. So far, it seems be a much better time. Plus, after dinner, during this time of year, would have meant walking in the dark. While I have 2 different flashlights, it doesn't seem as safe and I don't get to see as many things. This new time is nice, since I most likely won't bump into kids on their way home from school. Sometimes the high schoolers mistake me for one of them. I apparently look much younger than I am. There aren't that many people out in general at that time, as well. Hopefully, I can keep this up and eventually add another daily walk in. If I do, it'll probably be a morning one.

Studied Italian both today and yesterday. I took a mini break from it this past weekend. (Might do that again this coming weekend.) I also managed to get to drawing more of Shadow both days. I'm still figuring out a better design for his head, but I should be moving on to the rest of his body soon. Although, the hair might take me a while to get it just right...We'll see. I think he's already looking better than the last time I drew his head. 

Played my clarinet for both days. I seemed to not be as flexible with my fingers as I should be. It slowed me down. Kind of frustrating when your hands won't go fast enough or they freeze for a 1/2 second. I know it'll get better if I keep it up. I probably shouldn't have gone for a walk right afterwards today...It made me feel really winded. Walks help with controlled breathing, so it's beneficial for woodwind players that way.

I've been editing Alliance, too. I decided to not rush through an entire chapter each time. I noticed in the amount of time I give myself, I get through roughly 1/2 a chapter each time anyways. That's not bad. I'm finding a ton more errors. I think I know why it's so 'off'. I had the dialog written out similar to how a screenplay would be. I remember taking a film class where we learned how to write them. I liked it. I used that at the beginning of Alliance at first, because the story is very character/dialog centered. It made it easier. Not only for writing it, but it had a flow and probably easier on readers. I switched the dialog to a regular novel format at some point. It made it choppier, and I don't think I was really paying attention to it. I might switch it back to the screenplay format. It's also artistic license, where I can tweak it however I want. It might shorten it even more.  

Youtube:

One Piece:

This is most of the story up until they meet again after being separated for 2 years:

Boku no (My) Hero Academia:

Servamp:


Satsuriku no Tenshi (Angel of Slaughter):


Bungou (Literary) Stray Dogs:

International Falafel Day!

Falafels are really good! Especially in a pita sandwich with hummus. It was everywhere in Israel, and I think they had the best falafel. Although, I've had some locally that come close. Falafels are basically chickpea patties. Today's my parent's birthday. So happy birthday to her!

According to fb, I came out as agender on there exactly a year ago yesterday. I thought that was in July. I don't think I was exactly sure at the time. Interesting that I realized during Pride month. Perfect time. It felt like a weight off my shoulders just to know. I've learned a lot about myself and the enby community in the last year. I've shared some of that on here already. 

Created an official fb page for the cookbook. There are some things you can only input on desktop. (Like, the ISBN.) Makes it a bit difficult considering I do most online stuff on my phone. The profile pic's of the Passover popover from the cover. Looks kind of funny this way. The cover pic's the Passover almond and cream torte, and its recipe is in there, too. I decided I might post pics of things I've made from it. The ones I have now are mainly from the Passover section. I might make dishes from other sections in the future, and can post them there. It'll be like a way to advertise, yet have fun and showcase what's in it. If it gets big enough, I'll let fans share their pics of dishes made from the cookbook. It'll be a fun little community thing, too. Not sure how often I'll post there at the beginning. I'm thinking of making a status on fb about the page and ask people to like it. 

A few days ago, I finished the German course on Duolingo. However, I've gone back to the beginning and plan to level everything out. That might take a while. The first several somehow were up to level 3 already. Not sure how. I started going through the first Basic 'unit' today. Almost done with it. They have 5 levels each. This last level has 15 parts to it. Quite a lot. I have noticed that they repeat a lot with each level, at least for this one. I started this before Duolingo switched to the 5-level system, so things might be a bit off until I reach the point I was at once that was implemented. That wasn't that far into it. This 'unit' is about things like the different a's for things. Like, eine for woman and ein for girl. (Odd that girl is masc.) Also, the difference between bin and bist, or am and (you) are respectively. They kept repeating wasser (water) and brot (bread). The pronouns er (he), sie (she), and es (it) were really hammered in, too. I'm breezing through it since I already know this stuff. 

Ao no Exorcist, or Blue Exorcist, finally had another update. It's been a couple of months. Rin got to go back 40 years and see his mother as a kid. He never got to meet her because she died as soon as she had him and Yukio. She came from a tough background. A homeless orphan, who the only 'family' she made were also homeless and died in a fire. They most likely were trying to keep warm and the fire got out of control. The Order eventually found her after she snuck into Shiro's (the person who later raised the twins) shed. She was trying to stay warm and find food. As soon as she said that she could see their dog (obviously a demon, and not everyone can see them), they took her. She met Satan while playing house in a junkyard. The only form he took was of blue flames. They said it was before he developed an ego, and his first intelligent interaction. I find this a bit odd considering it was just 40 years ago. He already had sons by then, but it might have been different in his world. It's no wonder he later became interested in her. Should be interesting to see what actually happened to her. 

For cleaning, I managed to finish vacuuming my bedroom. I worry a bit when I here something loud get sucked up. Is it something important? Oh well. The only thing I haven't been able to find is an earring backing, and if that was sucked up it's not a big deal. It was gross when I found a giant mass of hair under my desk, and it just instantly sucked it up. It looked impressive at the same time. So, now my room is the cleanest it's been in a long time. Yay! Next, I'll start with the bathroom stuff again. 

Went back to watching the Break a couple of days ago. It's a Belgian detective show, which is in French. Some of my French came back to me while watching it. It's kind of slow. A lot of staring and aerial shots. Interesting story, though. 

National Apple Pie Day!

This holiday was yesterday. One of the best pies! Especially Dutch apple pie. Although, I like cherry pie more. It was also International Hummus Day. I used to be scared of it, but as soon as I tried it, I loved it. (Similar to how I was with Nutella.) I don't like the new thing where they call something hummus but it doesn't have chickpeas. (Tastemade and others on fb are sharing trending recipes like that.) That ain't hummus...That's just another dip. Even if they still use tahini in it. When I visited Israel, they had huge vats of it at the hotels with their complementary breakfast. There were falafel stands on what seemed like every other block. (Of course, shawarma on the other side of the street of each one.) Those falafel sandwiches were packed with hummus. They take it seriously. It was some of the best hummus I've ever had, too. 

Yesterday was also Mother's Day. I have a hard time with that day. My mom passed away 6 years ago on May 1st. The whole month is difficult. Her birthday is on the 21st and my parents' anniversary is not long after that. So, this adds to it. It's like a reminder that she's not here. Plus, I hate this, but I have a hard time calling my other parent, 'mom'. I hate it because she's just as much a woman as my mom was, and she's also my parent...While out, I call her my parent. If we're by ourselves or with people we know, I call her dad. I still feel mixed with it. Father's Day is difficult too, but for other reasons. There is a Parents Day, but it's not commercialized or played up much. 

I got sidetracked yesterday, so I didn't get to blogging. That's ok. It'll be fine if I only get to it during the week. 

It's been hot today and yesterday. Today was close to 90. Definitely not our norm for this time of year. 

I slept in later than I planned to today. Had such a hard time sleeping last night, but was able to sleep soundly for a few hours this morning. Tasha liked that I had my window open, and decided to stay perched up there for a while. Rosie cried more. I think they both fought a few times throughout the night, too. It was a little too warm, although there was a slight cool breeze. The right side of my abdomen had more pain than the other. It was more like a pressurized type of pain. Difficult to sleep with, too.

Yesterday, both Dad and I went to a Thai place for lunch with a friend of Dad's and her daughter. It was kind of like a Mother's Day thing that way...Her daughter is genderfluid, I think, and Two-Spirit. So, sometimes she's her son instead of daughter. I find that cool. Since we are both enby, it was also cool to chat about it. The restaurant wasn't very well air conditioned, so it was a little uncomfortable after a while. It was nice talking to them and the food was good. Except for the salad. The dressing was a little weird. Very plain, too. 

After the restaurant, I dropped off my leftovers, and we both went to Starbucks. I got a huge chocolate chip cookie and iced chai. There weren't many people there. They're known to have their ac on blast even when it's not hot, so it was the perfect place to go. 

We don't have ac at home. Usually, there's one room downstairs that stays relatively cool. Once it hits about 90 out, it starts to warm up, though. My room upstairs gets the hottest. I can't stand having my desktop on in this weather because it makes that room even hotter. It's like walking into an oven. Probably not good for my computer, either. 

Today, I didn't get to writing Alliance 3 or the cookbook, since it was already warming up when I woke up. All of it's on my computer. I should be able to get to those Wednesday and on, according to the current forecast. Tuesday's supposed to not be as hot as today, but it's still up there. So, I'm unsure about it. Probably won't go for one of my walks later today, either. 

I did get to my German today. It was a spirituality lesson. I felt a little uneasy when I saw the title. If it was religious stuff, I'd have issues with it. Instead it was more on the supernatural and phrases. Like, 'cats have nine lives'. Also, the word for ghost or spirit is 'geist', which makes sense when I think of things like 'poltergeist'. I had started to go through the next lesson, but my phone kept crashing. So, I just stopped there. 

Ao no (Blue) Exorcist's manga finally had an update. Although, it wasn't technically the next chapter. Somewhat like an in between one. No questions were answered. In fact, it just added more. We still don't know what Shiemi is, and yet they keep teasing us about it. Amaimon recently found out, and was pissed he wasn't told before. He's had an odd attraction towards her, and it confused him in the passed. There's a fan theory that she's like Mother Earth, and since Amaimon is the Demon Lord of the Earth, they're supposed to get together. I'm not sure about that. He has been a real jerk to her in the past. Shiemi did realize that she (romantically) loves Rin. I really thought they were going to make her aro or something. She's not into romance, and has constantly asked people what it was like to fall in love. It just confused her more. While I like them together, I thought it could have been a strong platonic relationship. Not romantic. They played it off as she was just too naive or slow about it. I know Rin confessed to her, but she didn't have to fall for him like that, too. It's just disappointing. Maybe she's demiromantic? If that's the case, it's a little better in my eyes. 

Didn't feel like drawing today. Something about the heat makes me not want to do much. I'm able to blog today through an app on my phone, so no need for my computer to be on for it. Although, this app isn't the best.

Watched a Korean movie called Psychokinesis. It was funnier than I expected. A guy gains the ability of psychokinesis after drinking mountain water that had something alien fall into it. He uses his ability to save his estranged daughter. Some of it was really hokey, but I think it was meant to be. The villain played her part well, and he got back at her in an epic way. 

Watched more of Devils Line on Saturday. It's better than I expected. The 'devils' are vampires. It's more mature than most vampire anime. They're not romanticized, which is good to see. 

On Saturday, I watched Boku no (My) Hero Academia. With this current season, it's getting better and better. It seems Deku and the other heroes stopped the villains' plans. They were sent there to capture Bakugo. They fell on the one that got him and another student. The only problem is they ended up landing right where the villains were regrouping at the end of the episode. I can see why they'd want Bakugo. He seems like a wild card. Not entirely like a hero or a villain. He used to bully Deku after all. He seems to only care about himself and beating everyone. I think he's more complicated than that, though. He wants to go against people who are giving their all as well. If he won  a match, but thought the other opponent didn't take it as seriously as him, he gets pissed and doesn't acknowledge it. He tried to refuse an award because of that type of scenario last season. He has some standards. 

Watched One Piece last night. Luffy finally defeated Doflamingo, and the Birdcage came down. Rather satisfying to see him lose. His sunglasses broke, but they still refused to show his eyes. Makes me wonder if there was something wrong with them. The marines actually apologized to the former king of Dressrosa for letting Doflamingo take over. That's rare. They're often shown as very corrupt in this series. To own up to it is big. 

I feel kind of mixed up with my gender dysphoria. I think because my mind tries to frame it in a binarist way. It's hard not to when the binary is strictly enforced by society. There was a poem someone wrote recently in the enby group on fb. It was about feeling like a weird patchwork doll. I don't think they're agender, but I could still relate to a lot of it. Being very dysphoric about my chest, people would think I'd want to be more masculine. Dysphoric about facial hair, more feminine. Loving my long hair, which is considered 'feminine'. Wanting my ovaries and such out is seen as 'masculine'. I'm not sure about other parts of me, but with this alone...it's weird looking at it in a binary way. When I look at it from just an agender perspective, it makes sense. However, I can't shake that weirdness. It doesn't help that medical transition stuff isn't very well known for enby people. There isn't really a 'standard' like for binary trans people. Almost everything is centered on them. That's great that they've made so many strides to get where they are now (really amazing!), but enby people are so much further behind with that stuff. I think we're making some headway, at least. If I were to go through KP's gender health program, they still might be able to help. It would be like feeling around in the dark, though. Interesting to think about in the future. I'm still iffy about coming out to my primary, since I don't trust her. If she has a bad reaction, I would have more reason to drop her. 

National Potato Chip Day!

I love potato chips! There are so many different kinds out there. Some of my fave flavors are: salt and vinegar, honey dijon mustard, BBQ, and dill pickle. When I could eat spicy food, jalapeno potato chips were amazing. I miss those...I basically love potatoes in any form. Chipped, baked, roasted, mashed, etc. Good stuff.

I'm hoping to post more often on here. So far so good. I felt like I was hit by a truck when I woke up today. I was going to get up at around 8am, but I somehow fell back asleep after that. I ended up getting up later than I wanted to...A similar thing happened on Monday. However, I went to bed earlier last night. 

I'm close to 170 pages altogether for both books. Almost done with the dessert section for the cookbook. I think she had a snack section next. There aren't many recipes left. It seems I'm almost done with writing the recipes out. I'll still have to rearrange them, change the section titles a bit, maybe add pics (if I can...), etc. The cookbook seems like it'll have a lot more 'editing' than the other books. The current chapter of Alliance is intriguing so far. Not sure exactly where it's headed. 

For German today, I'll be going over places again. Yesterday was a 3rd predicative part for this section of the 'trek'. There was a predicative part in the section just before that I was having difficulty with. With this one, it was really easy. Maybe I just improved? I don't know. The one after places is feelings. I'm surprised they haven't gone over feelings yet. I'm pretty far into their course on Duolingo. They might not have thought feelings were as important as the rest of the stuff. Still, it seems odd. Feels like it also took forever to get to any 'numbers' parts. I'm up to 57% fluency now. I feel like I hardly know anything yet.

Ao no Exorcist or Blue Exorcist had an update yesterday. Didn't really reveal much. Everyone is starting to be able to see the demons that are coming through the forced open gate. Mephisto said he tried to tell Yukio numerous times about the truth behind their births and their mother. However, they never showed that in the manga. Since he's the demon lord of time, it hints that he has been repeatedly setting back time after each 'failure'. Eventually, he gave up on Yukio, and is going to help Rin with the truth. Rin never wanted to know about it. He even asked why help someone who doesn't want to know, and he said it was perfect that way. Rin wouldn't be too eager or desperate about it. Plus, he likes messing with the brothers. It ended with Rin about to walk into a portal to the past. They had a similar thing with Lightning traveling to the past by using a special key in any door, and opening it to a portal to a different time. I don't think Lightning could change the future with that. It was more like they could watch things happen and go through the records that were there. I think Mephisto controlled it, too. Not sure if he would with this one considering Rin's using his adoptive father's key. Might be a totally different thing. Guess we'll just have to see.

Managed to do some more cleaning yesterday. Yay, for a little more energy! I'm able to do a little bit with it at least. I got to my bathroom counter finally. I didn't realize how bad it had gotten. Had to really scrub at areas. Looks much better now. 

Posted my recent drawings to deviantART and Instagram. These were of Shadow's wings in 3 different perspectives. I had to clean them up a bit in Photoshop beforehand. (Not as much as I thought.) I'm surprised by the response. I quickly got 4 faves and a watcher on dA. People collect other people's art by faving them or putting them in specific collections. A watcher is like a follower on there. (Although, it sounds creepy to have 'watchers'.) It hasn't been seen by many people on there yet. I had to crop each drawing by itself for Instagram, so I ended up putting 3 posts up for it. If I hadn't done that, 2 would have been cut off. If I had grouped the cropped versions together, all of them would have been cut off a little. I got a couple of follows with that, and a ton of likes. I was surprised by the amount of likes I got right away. The 1st one, which I don't like as much as the other 2, got 6. The 2nd with the wings extended, and the one I like the most, got 11. The last one got 10. Most of those were almost as soon as I posted them. Got a couple of comments, too. I'm thinking I'll post future drawings on there, as well. It'd be interesting to see what another 'community' thinks of it. 

I think I'll draw all the tails of the characters in Alliance next. Maybe the horns and ears, too. Might focus on features or parts of them right now. Eventually, I want to draw both a Dark Healer and Doina, who's a Light Healer, next to each other with different perspectives. Mostly with their heads. Probably would color those. I want to draw one of the Dark Healers' face and arm tattoos. That sounds fun. Eventually, I'd want to draw all the other characters, too. Buildings, scenes, landscapes, etc. would be great. I have so many more ideas for Alliance-related stuff. Seeing the response this time, encourages me a bit. Hopefully, I can put out something each week. This also will connect me more to the story.

Finished watching Strange Calls last night. It's an Australian supernatural TV show that's on Netflix. It reminded me partially of Eureka. Some say it's similar to Haven...I don't agree with that. Everyone in Coolum seems to hate the new cop, Toby Banks. The only one that befriends him at first is an elderly and very earthy man named Gregor. Toby's duty is to stay in the police's trailer, answer calls, and act on those calls if need be. There was a chicken place where the chicken was so good, it turned someone into a chicken. Another one was about people hearing an old lawn mower ad jingle and stealing mowers, and eventually either killing themselves or becoming homicidal. Another was about a killer ghost cat. Another one was about people turning into trees. With a lot of them Gregor immediately knew what to do. He always said he was 47, but during the last episode we find out he's much older. (We all knew he was, but didn't know his exact age...) The show even made fun of itself in the last episode. They mainly had one song played throughout the whole thing. In the background and with the opening theme. I didn't realize this until they pointed out the actual band that was standing outside the trailer. It was funny. It was pretty good overall.

National Cheese Day!

This holiday was on Sunday. Yay! A day devoted to one of my fave foods! There are some cheeses I can't stand, but there are many others that I really love. Haven't really been doing my cheese 'journey' for the last few months. Most of the ones I've tried I liked. Maybe I'll try another new one soon. Right now I have a garlic and herb jack cheese and grated parmesan. Still, both of those are good stuff.

This is my wallpaper for June. It's Rin on top of the demon form of Kuro, from Ao no Exorcist or Blue Exorcist. Kuro looks like a regular cat most of the time. Except for in that form he still has more than one tail and, I think, horns. Looks like a fun one. 

With the Pusheen calendar, it's instructions on how to make a 'muffin'. Pusheen has a chef's hat on and a pink striped bowl is next her. With #1: You will need a bowl. Pusheen looks at the bowl close up. #2: Get in that bowl. She's trying to stuff herself in. #3: Nice work. She managed to get her legs and tail in, but the rest of her is the muffin top. She looks like she's stuck, actually. Even making a frustrated face. At the bottom of the calendar, there's a regular muffin. Cute but kind of sad at the same time for this one...I liked the cafe one from last month more.

I don't think I mentioned it, but we're in the month of Sivan on the Jewish calendar. Specifically, it's the 12th. Shavuot was from the night of May 30th to June 1st. It's a holiday to celebrate the giving of the Torah. It lit. means Weeks. It's also referred to as the Festival of Weeks. It marks the end of the counting of the Omer, too. The Omer is counted between Passover and Shavuot. Many people celebrate by eating dairy foods. Particularly cheesecake and blintzes. Dairy food has a few meanings. First, it's to symbolize the land of milk and honey. Next, that the Israelites didn't have time to change to a kosher diet once the Torah was given, and could only eat dairy. To be on the safe side, basically. Then, King Solomon compared the Torah to milk: "Like honey and milk, it lies under your tongue." Also, the gematria of the Hebrew word chalav or milk is 40. In reference to the 40 days and 40 nights that Moses spent on Mount Sinai before bringing down the Torah. Gematria is a numerological system where Hebrew letters correspond to numbers. Words can have more meanings this way. It's really interesting. Another way people observe the holiday is to study Torah all day and night. They also read the book of Ruth. I think that's the only holiday during Sivan. 

The month-long holidays for June are: National Candy Month, National Dairy Month, National Iced Tea Month, National Seafood Month, Pride Month, National Camping Month. Some are for important causes, some are to make you appreciate things you may take for granted, and some are just for fun. Yay, it's Pride Month! I haven't gone camping in a long time. I kind of miss it.

Speaking of Pride, it's going to be a busy couple of months. This weekend is the LGBTQ+ picnic and rally. I think last year it was just a picnic. It seems to be at the same place as last year. Our local Pride organization has been asked to be in the Seattle Pride Parade at the end of the month. Supposedly they have a float there...Not sure. I don't think they were in it last year. That would be really cool to see and maybe be apart of. I think the Seattle Trans Pride is a couple of days before that. On July 4th, the local Pride organization will march in a local 4th of July parade. That will be like our local Pride parade. It's much smaller, though. Later that month, there's also the local Pride festival. I think there are a few festivals around locally at about the same time. So, lots to look forward to.

One downside is that I don't have a pole for my ace flag yet. I've been looking online to see what size I would need, and what they had on Amazon. Apparently a 7' one is best for my 3' x 5' flag. A lot of the 7' ones are 1" wide. I think the holes on mine would only fit a 1/2" wide one. They do say I can find them in places like Home Depot, Lowe's, or another local hardware store. So, I'll see. If need be, I can just put it on like a cape and tie it around my neck. I'm a bit worried that it'll get dirty or I'll trip on it, though. It is bigger than me. 

If I do find a pole, it's probably going to make a statement no matter where I go with it. (It was the only size they had for ace flags at last year's local Pride fest.) I hope it'll be a good one. Hopefully, the 'gatekeepers' won't be there and berate me. On the other hand, there hasn't been much representation for us, so maybe it's time that someone is 'loud' and proud about it. There might be other aces that find me, and maybe want to join me or something. Maybe become friends that way, too. Also, a way to tell people about our group. I feel like I'll be the only ace there, but why not support others who aren't there? Also, it'd be cool to have at least a mini aro flag with it. Aros have even less representation. I can tell people about it if they ask, though. If I have a pole, and I wave the flag in the Seattle Pride parade, I think it'll end up on TV. That's another scary thing. 

My health stuff hasn't been too great. I've found 2 weird lumps so far. One behind my left ear that I've had for about a month and a half. It seems to be slowly moving down my jawline. Still a similar size, though. Another one's near my right earlobe on part of my cheek. It seems to be growing a bit. They're kind of scary. I'm wondering if it's from the new med? Also, feeling a lot more gut pain lately. Sometimes it sounds like water is sloshing around in there. Sometimes it feels like something really hard and big is scraping through my insides. With that, it's so intense, I've felt like throwing up during it. I'm really wondering if things have changed since I've been off of azathioprine. I'm technically not on anything to monitor, keep in check, or slow down any inflammation at the moment. Scary stuff. I also feel like needing to go to the bathroom constantly, but can't. It's weird.

Tomorrow, I'm going to try to have a phone appointment again with my primary. I'm going to bring up a lot of this stuff with her in addition to what I was going to bring up last month. I'm going to ask if I can have some blood work done. Like a normal blood panel, sed rate, ALT, etc. When I was flaring before, my eosinophils and white blood cells were really high, and a few other things were off on the blood panel. The sed rate can indicate how my inflammation is. My highest value was 44, and it took a while to get it within 'normal' range. I think that was around 20. I know I've been told that it's not the perfect indicator, but I'd still like to know and compare it. I'd be shocked if it was up to 44 or more, but it'd be good to find out. Also, the liver can be affected, so that's why it'd be a good idea to find out with the ALT just in case. I haven't had any blood work done since March, I think. Might even be longer. They say if you're in remission, the most time doctors recommend in between is 3 months. Even that's a stretch for some, since it's so unpredictable and they want to stay on top of it. Plus, they have to monitor whatever meds the patient is on, and one of the best indicators is looking at their blood work. The gastro I'll have next will most likely put me on Remicade. That's another thing to think about. If I have that done, I'll have to go to a local hospital for the infusions. Plus, we don't know if I'd be allergic to it. They apparently make you wait a while afterwards. Especially on the first day. It can have many side effects, too. But, so does Humira, which is the other possibility. I have to be on something, though. Remicade can actually help with repairing the scarring of the colon that was caused by the disease. So, it'll at the very least help that way, if I really am still in remission. Plus, having a 'safety net' for if things go crazy, is a good thing. 

I did finish and post my drawing of the personification of colitis. Sadly, I don't have a lot of the colored pencils I wanted for it. I like how most of it turned out. Especially considering I haven't drawn a full body in a while. I haven't had much practice in it anyways. I tried using the old anatomy book for artists as reference. I think it was once my grandma's. It's actually really interesting. The only things I didn't like about the anatomy were the hands being too small, and the limbs were slightly off. The torso/hips and head were pretty good. I'll only get better with that stuff if I practice it more. I still think it was better than some of my other drawings. 

The skin color was supposed to be similar to what the color of my colon was in my first colonoscopy. That was like an angry red color. I put tiny and huge ulcers all over their body. The ulcers in that colonoscopy were like a bright orange color. They looked like stars in an angry sky. I didn't have the right color for those. In that colonoscopy, I didn't have the big ulcers that I had in the drawing. I drew kind of a crust around those. The little lines all over their skin represented scarring. They also have somewhat red puffy eyes. Some people get inflammation in their eyes along with IBD. There are many extraintestinal symptoms we can get. Places you wouldn't think would be connected to our gut. They're wearing a hospital gown, slippers, and hospital bracelet in the drawing. Blood is seeping through the gown, dripping from their hands, and pooling beneath them. I personally didn't have a lot of visible blood coming out, but many people also bleed internally from the ulcers. They have brown hair, with a huge ulcer popping through a patch of it. Wasn't sure if I was going to show them with their hair coming out or not. Many people lose their hair either because they have malabsorption issues from the disease, or because of the meds. I did have, and occasionally still have, malabsorption issues. Towards the beginning, my hair was coming out more than normal since I wasn't getting certain nutrients. It was just going right through me. I still have issues with getting enough protein. I'll have to break down at some point and see a dietitian. I don't want to, but I think I need to figure out what supplements I might need to add, or adding more of a certain type of food, or something. Only someone trained in dealing with IBD can help me. That's hard to find. 

Anyways, I decided just having the ulcer in their hair was enough. I wasn't sure how to illustrate the fatigue, so I left that out. Even when in remission, most patients still have horrible fatigue. It's one of the most common symptoms. (And, no, exercise will not help with this type of fatigue. Might help with other things, but not with this.) There are studies currently being done on why this is. 

Ended up looking like a very pained and miserable person. But, that's how we feel on the inside. We may look fine on the outside, but on the inside it's a different story. One person faved it right away on dA. So, that's something. I didn't add it to any groups, so not many people will see it. I kind of want it that way at the moment. I wasn't sure if I should put it under the mature tag. It's gory, but I don't think on the level of being mature. If it was more realistic looking, maybe. I don't know. I said at the beginning of the artist's comment section that if anyone told me I should tag it as mature, I will. So, it's up to whoever sees it, I guess.

I have some ideas for more drawings, so I might get a little more into it again. One of them is of someone with wounded wings outstretched. That'll have their back turned toward the front. I wanted to do something similar a while back when I was having a lot of pain between my shoulder blades. I might draw scenes with Alliance characters in them. Another idea is drawing buildings/interiors from the story. That might be easier and fun for me. For some reason, buildings and scenery come pretty easy to me. 

I'm really coming along with the sequel to Alliance and the memoir. I'm on the 2nd chapter for both of them. 18 pages for the memoir, and close to that for Alliance 2. (It's essentially double the amount of pages if comparing it to a paperback. So, 18 is really like 36 pages.) Not bad. I hope I can end up writing more pages at a time soon. It still feels somewhat slow for both. Although, I only started them last month. I don't think it's even been a full month yet. First time trying to write 2 books at the same time, too. Although, I'm alternating every other day with them. For instance, I'll start with the memoir one day, the next it's Alliance 2, next it's the memoir, and so on. If I skip a day, I just go with the one I skipped and keep it going. I don't write on Saturdays, since that's Shabbat. 

Netflix is amazing! I decided a few days ago to search for international movies and TV shows. I love international stuff. In fact, I took a foreign film class in college. It was awesome! Anyways, I searched for things like Swedish ones, Indian ones, Brazilian ones, Mexican ones, etc. It seems that the Netflix for this region, mostly has stuff from the US, Canada, and the UK. I like watching a lot of the UK and Canadian stuff, so that's ok. Found quite a few things from other countries. In fact, I found so many things, I doubt I'll ever get through them all. (Especially with how much I usually watch.) That seems like a good thing, though. Before, I didn't have much on my list. Certainly not many TV shows. Most of the recommendations were horror movies. I love horror, but honestly, there's a lot more out there. I found quite a variety of things.

I started watching The Doctor Blake Mysteries today. It's an Australian show that's set in 1959. He's basically an ME and helps the police solve murders. Only he does more than he's supposed to. He also is a regular family doctor, and took over his father's practice in his hometown. His nurse lives with him, and he has a housekeeper. He also seems to be a big feminist, which is interesting to see. Especially back then. Very open minded, and seems impulsive. 

Been watching Shetland for a little while with Dad. It's a Scottish detective show. Apparently, I started watching during the 2nd season. I like it so far, though. 

Started Mind Game recently, which is a detective show from Singapore. The head detective is a very tough kickass woman. Most of the guys are really nice looking, too. The only thing I don't like is the background music doesn't quite seem to fit the scenes. It's very interesting so far. I'm surprised with the occasional smattering of English. Most of it's in Chinese. I know it's a very mixed place, but I really don't know much about it. The current case is about a guy that first kidnaps women, then he pours glue down their throat, and decapitates them with an axe. Pretty brutal, but it looks like it might be nearing the end of this case. I hope each case doesn't have 3 episodes devoted to it. Really stretches it out this way. They've shown some of the traditional food there too, which has been an interesting little extra thing.

Started Bates Motel. So far, I'm unsure about this one. Also, started Between. I think this one has been better than I expected. Started an Israeli tavel/food show. I think there are only 4 episodes to that one. There are a few other travel/food related shows based in other countries on my list. Also, some nature, science, and astronomy shows. Found a lot of other detective shows from around the world. Seems to be something many countries like to make, which is great to me. There's a non-fiction (or is the actual genre called true crime?) Hong Kong show about forensic specialists and how they've helped police solve crimes. Very interesting. 

There's a Korean detective movie about a trans detective who wants to quit so she can safely transition. If this is as good and interesting as it sounds (after I watch it), maybe I could recommend it as the next movie for when we have another potluck. The group has been having a difficult time finding suitable movies. Also, there's an Indian movie about a woman whose fiance dumped her just before her wedding. She decides to still have the wedding, and celebrates herself. Sounds interesting. I don't know why, but I'm getting aro ace vibes from it. It'd be cool if it was like that, but doubt it. With all these movies and shows, I won't feel like watching regular TV. Plus, there are no commercials, which makes it even better. 

3rd Night of Pesach!

The 1st night of Pesach or Passover was on Monday.  (The days of our holidays always start at night. So, technically, tonight's the start of the 3rd day.) Pesach is a holiday where we retell and symbolically reenact the story of when we were freed from slavery in Egypt. Basically the story of Exodus. We usually have 2 seders or ritual dinners for the first 2 nights. Seder lit. means order, so there's a particular order to these dinners. There's a seder plate full of things that symbolically represent certain aspects of it. Those being: lamb shank bone for the Pesach offering, horseradish for the harshness of slavery, parsley dipped in saltwater for the tears shed when we were slaves (and the green part for Spring), charoset (usually a fruit/nut mixture) for the mortar we made, roasted egg for the holiday offering when the Temple stood, for mourning of the Temple's destruction, and for the life cycle, lettuce for a 2nd 'bitter herb' that also represents that harshness, and a more modern one being an orange representing the inclusion of LGBTQ+ Jews. 

The matzo kind of represents both our slavery and freedom. When we were told to leave Egypt, we didn't have enough time to bake leavened bread/cakes, so we made unleavened bread. We eat this throughout the holiday, which lasts for 8 days. There are different forms of it that we can use, though. It can be smashed into pieces to make farfel, which can be good for making things like granola or stuffing. It can be pulverized into a sort of powder to become matzo meal. This is used in a lot of things. Like, in matzo balls, gefilte fish (acts somewhat like a binder), cakes, popovers, and more. Of course, there are uses for using the matzo as is, too. It's like a giant cracker. Some people make a matzo pizza, have melted margarine on it, sometimes honey on it, use it in lasagna, use it in a spinach pie, in matzo brei (basically a fried egg/matzo mixture. Can be either sweet or savory. I usually like the savory kind more), for sandwiches, etc. 

This is my wallpaper for April. It's Rin from Ao no Exorcist or Blue Exorcist. Thought it was cute. I thought, since I actually really like Pesach food, it would make sense to have this as my wallpaper. He looks like this when he sees really good food. (Or, when someone compliments him...) 

My Pusheen calendar features Pusheen as a unicorn. There's a rainbow with clouds on either end behind her. Her horn is sticking straight up, like a party hat. And, she has a mane in blue, yellow, and pink. Kind of reminds me of the pansexual flag. Her tail has pink, green, and purple in it. There's also a big yellow star below. Cute, and interesting for this month.

The month-long holidays for April are: National Garlic Month, National Grilled Cheese Month, National Soft Pretzel Month, National Garden Month, National Pet Month. Some are for important causes, some are to make you appreciate things you may take for granted, and some are just for fun. I love garlic, grilled cheese sandwiches, and soft pretzels! My kind of month. Pets are important too, but shouldn't they be celebrated every day?
 
I didn't expect it to be just me at my seder for the 1st night. It was actually an interesting experience. More personal. I still read things out loud, and went through all the motions. I was the leader, 'participant', and group altogether. I even hid the afikomen. The afikomen is supposed to be the last thing you eat for the night. It's matzo that the leader hid towards the beginning of the seder. Kids are usually the ones that search for it. They might get a reward like money if they find it. I got a Hebrew picture dictionary one year. It was fun back then, but kids also got really competitive with it. I also had a seder playlist on youtube full of seder songs. It feels weird to sing alone, so it was nice to sing along to something.
 
Interestingly, Rosie stayed by my side most of the night. When she wasn't near me, she was on a sectional watching me. She really wanted the food, too. I ended up giving her a little chicken and a tiny piece of matzo. She was kind of like a participant. After mouthing the matzo for a bit, then suddenly chomping it down, it seemed like she liked it. Yesterday and today, with whatever I've eaten, she's been begging for it. She doesn't normally beg like this. Maybe Pesach food's especially good to her.
 
I made hard-boiled eggs. One that I roasted, another as an appetizer, and the rest for a couple of sandwiches during the week. Roasted a beet instead of a shank bone. We had to throw out the shank bone, that we used for years, when the refrigerator had issues a couple of months before the holiday last year. Roasting a beet is what a lot of vegetarians/vegans do for the seder. It seems easier, too. The juices do look kind of like blood, and that was used during the story on the doorposts. I think it was a bloody lamb shank bone they used to smear it. So, it's a really similar concept. I don't think it was roasted enough, but the juice did come out.
 
Instead of the usual chopped apples, crushed walnuts, grape juice, and cinnamon mix for the charoset; I did an applesauce, creamy peanut butter, grape juice, and cinnamon mix. This was because of my digestive issues. The hard part about this is peanut butter is kitinyot, which for Ashkenazi Jews (their ancestors came from Germany and Eastern Europe) isn't kosher for Pesach. I thought since it was to help keep me from being sick, it would be ok. Health always is more important. I used shredded lettuce for the 2nd bitter herb, but it looked like it was going bad. We don't usually eat what's on the plate anyways.
 
The orange has even more significance for me this year, considering I fully realized I was ace back in June and aro back in November. They are considered apart of the LGBTQ+ community. The orange might also symbolize the struggles within the greater LGBTQ+ community. Every letter has its own struggles. Especially, since people think the default or what's 'normal' is heteroromantic heterosexual cis people. Anything outside of that, is considered abnormal, inhuman (by some), or something that needs to be fixed. The orange, on the other hand, basically says you belong and nothing's wrong with you for being LGBTQ+. I think that's beautiful. When I was looking at oranges at the grocery store, all of them were so huge! Ended up getting a few anyways. The one I used dwarfed everything in comparison. Almost took up the entire middle area.
 
For the appetizer, I had a hard-boiled egg, gefilte fish, and matzo ball soup. The gefilte fish is like a fish loaf made of usually 3 different types of fish, and it's normally chilled. Many people are put off by it when they see it for the first time. Some really hate it. I love it. It's full of protein and good fish. I don't see what's wrong with it besides the gel that might be in the jar and the loaf shape. That gel's just to keep it fresh. When it's at room temperature, it's not the best. Yet again, I forget to put it in the refrigerator early enough before the seder, and it was just slightly cooler than room temperature. Still tasty, though.
 
Made the matzo balls from a mix, and they came out big and fluffy. For the soup part, I used chicken broth, carrots, and parsley. This is only the 2nd time I've made it like this. In the past, I sometimes would get it already made in a jar, or one of my parents would make it. Dad came home towards the end of the seder, and asked if she could have some of it. I, of course, said sure. She said she would have added onions, or shallots, or garlic, or celery. I was thinking of adding dried onions, but ended up forgetting about them while I was hectically cooking. She also said I should make it my own. Well, I think I did, don't you think? Except for the dried onions, anyway. It's supposed to be simple. The main attraction's the matzo balls. She did say it was good.
 
For the main dinner part, I had roasted chicken, salad greens with a garlic dressing, and 'savory' herb stuffing. We got a full roasted chicken like we sometimes do on Fridays. So, we just left a little bit for the seder. It was more than I expected, and I only had half of what was left, but it was still good. The garlic dressing seemed decent. I was surprised by how much the stuffing looked and tasted like regular stuffing. It used farfel as its base. They had me saute that in vegetable oil, add boiling water after it sat, add seasoning, and let it simmer until the liquid was gone. Very interesting.
 
For dessert, I wanted to try a little of everything. I tried to slice the chocolate chip cake as thinly as I could, so I wouldn't be too full to try the other stuff. That was even better than I remembered! Had a toffee crunch macaroon, a triple chocolate macaroon, a marshmallow, a candy fruit slice, and a chunk of the dark chocolate seder plate. I've had the toffee crunch macaroons and fruit slices before. In fact, those fruit slices are usually what we get. Although, some years we skip them. We usually get candied orange peels, too. I either didn't see them or remember them. The rest of the stuff was basically new for me. The triple chocolate macaroon is a chocolate-coconut macaroon with chocolate chips and is covered in chocolate. Surprisingly, really good. The marshmallow is super dense, and kind of has a more marshmallow flavor than a regular one. If that's possible. The seder plate was difficult to break and it's super thick. It has a beautiful and intricate design. Probably will take a while to eat...I think I still ended up eating too much, even though I tried to give myself small portions of things.
 
Last night we went to our friends' seder. I think there were about 10 of us in total. A pretty large group. The dogs were really happy to see us again, although they seemed less energized.
 
I did end up making the popovers, even though I really wasn't feeling it this year. It wouldn't have mattered if I modified it more, it's still the same thing essentially. My mom made them and brought them for a few years. Then, she stopped when she started to get really sick. I ended up making them during that time, and have kept it going. I just realized, I probably have been making them longer than my mom did...So, they're more of my thing than it was for her. Yet, I think people want them every year because it reminds them of her...I think they were originally from her grandmother's recipe, and she ended up writing it down at some point? I don't know why she didn't start making them sooner.
 
The only thing I didn't really care for was their matzo ball soup during the meal. I normally don't like it anyways. I always end up adding a lot of salt to it. The chicken broth, I think, is homemade but there's no flavor to it. Normally, homemade stuff is better. Their matzo balls always end up too big and fluffy, and not really shaped like balls. More like they're shaped like mountains. Not much flavor in those either. I usually have it, because I don't want them to feel bad. It usually looks like they spend a lot of time on it. The appetizer before the seder was chopped liver and matzo. I hate chopped liver, so I stayed away from it. Usually, there's an alternative to something like that. Anyways, there was brisket, my popovers, the salad greens we brought with some dressings, a vegetable blend (kind of like a bake), hard-boiled eggs, and gefilte fish for the dinner. For dessert, there were chocolate covered marshmallows with nuts on top, candy fruit slices, homemade chocolate chip cookies, and a fruit salad. The cookies always look like mounds of chocolate chip cookie dough. They're super good, and still kosher for Pesach.
 
It was nice to see everyone there. Haven't seen at least one of them for a few years. She seemed to gush over me at one point, which I wasn't sure whether to be flattered or feel uncomfortable. It was a weird feeling, but I know she meant well about it. All in all, it was a nice seder.
 
I recently was messaged in fb's instant messenger, from someone who's apart of 2 of the closed ace groups I'm apart of. I know I had recently posted about 2 things in one of those groups, so I thought either they wanted to talk about those or they wanted to be friends. It was a guy who said it would be an honor to get to know such an amazing woman. Since I was thinking this came from an ace person, that they just really wanted to get to know me. So, I gave him a chance. Notice, he never said he was actually ace during the entire conversation. That should have been a flag early on. Eventually, the topic turned to relationships. I said I was aro ace, and would love to be in a qpr. I had to explain what a qpr was, which was understandable. Eventually, he said he wouldn't do anything I wasn't comfortable with. That was my cue to leave. Just the wording of it seemed odd. I don't know if he was actually a romantic ace or not ace at all. I'm leaning towards not ace at all. But, then again I've never dealt with a romantic ace like that before...There are quite a few allies in every fb ace group I'm in. Some of these 'allies' tend to be people who try to 'fix' us, which is scary stuff. I've already read about a few people who have been kicked out and banned from those groups because of that sort of behavior. Even if they might have been a romantic ace, they were really pushing the romance on me. The aro part of me was getting really uncomfortable. So, I stopped talking to him, and banned him so he couldn't bug me anymore.
 
Another thing I've noticed, there was also a recent article I've read about it, is that ace stuff seems to be centered on romantic aces. Even some ace activists will say things like: "We're not broken, we still fall in love!" This makes aro aces feel even more broken than they might already feel. Also, I recently saw a positivity meme lumping heteroromantic aces, aro heterosexuals, and aro aces together. I don't care what it was about, it seemed wrong to throw aro aces in there. I understand putting the first 2 in there and telling them they belong or whatever. But, being aro ace, there is no hetero in there. It's basically saying the default is 'straight', which hurts everyone. I have rarely heard people say aro aces are 'basically' straight. It's only been a few people on tumblr to be exact. A lot of people just don't know what to make of us. Also, read an article where someone seemed to think you couldn't be both aro and ace. They weren't either of those, by the way. It still felt so wrong to me.
 
There's an interesting app that people keep talking about called GayBFF. It's basically a platonic dating app for LGBTQ+ people. My type of thing. I so wanted to somehow find someone for a qpr, and this sounded like it'd help. The main focus in a qpr is emotional/platonic attraction. In a 'normal' relationship, it seems the main focus is romantic and/or sexual attraction. 2 attractions I don't have. Oh, and platonic attraction is a lot more than 'just friends'. So, this would have been perfect. Anyways, I created my profile, and looked at my matches. The closest ones were in Seattle. No one on this side of the water. That's too far for me, and people shouldn't have to go all the way out there for it. (Or, for everything for that matter.) What I put for people I'm looking for was really open. All the orientations, genders, etc. Just no one who smokes or is a heavy drinker. The other side of this is they didn't have ace listed, but they did have 'other'. I noticed there were a few aro aces that said it in their profile. So, that's not bad. I'm happy I saw those few, actually. The app might be so new that people locally might not know about it or are thinking about it. So, maybe in the future I'll try it again. Kind of sad, though.
 
Since no one showed up to the local ace meeting last time, I started an ace media list while I was there. Things like books, movies, TV shows, music, plays, podcasts, etc. Those that have either asexuality as a theme, or characters that are ace, musicians who are, etc. I've been weeding out the ones that make fun of asexuality, or the creator didn't understand what it really meant, or it was vaguely 'implied'. So, they're more authentic. I also want a representation of ones on the spectrum, and different romantic orientations (that includes aces who are aro and people on that spectrum). One site had a huge list of stuff, and that was a good starter for me.
 
I'm surprised by how many anime characters there are. I know the most recent one was when the creator of One Piece basically said during an interview that Luffy is aro ace. Luffy is the main character of the series. It's considered one of the most popular anime/manga in history. (It's also one of the longest running.) One of the reasons why I was reluctant to try the anime, actually. I don't think the creator actually used the words aromantic and asexual during the interview. However, he said that Luffy isn't attracted to anyone romantically or sexually. His loves are adventure and food. His friends are his family. So, he's very close with them. After hearing about this, I actually like Luffy more now. I think I mentioned a lot of this last time, but it's still interesting. And, that was before I looked at the list.
 
I actually found a handful of asexuality-themed songs. One is rather hokey, and there was one that I thought was really good. The others were so-so.
 
This list could actually be a really good thing to do. Raising awareness, and saying there is some representation out there. Might be good for people who don't know about asexuality. Might change people's minds about it, too. I could share it in many different places online eventually. I want some input from the local ace group I started on fb. Hopefully, in person during our offline meetings. I might bring it up again soon. Maybe show what's on there already when I do. Or, I could also make it like an open document where people add stuff they know about. Maybe both? It can be flexible.
 
We're now up to 13 members. Yay! One person asked to join, and I noticed they were a swinger. A lot of their profile page was very sexual. Even their profile pic was. So, I ignored that one. First time I had to decide on it like that. Then, yesterday, another person asked to join. There was no sexual content, so I approved them. If there is sexual content, or it's suggested, or I see they're something like a swinger; I'm not going to approve it. Some aces are into things like bdsm, work in the 'adult' industry, or are apart of organizations like the Center for Sex Positive Culture. We have different views with these, though. With the Center for Sex Positive Culture, they seem to be truly sex positive. Meaning they look at all orientations in a positive light. The one in Seattle has some ace related events. They would actually like feedback for more ideas on events. I'm somewhat interested in going to those events, actually. Many aces are sex-positive. Even if they're sex-repulsed when it involves themselves. Also, in general, many groups on fb don't approve people with such content. I'm happy we've made it to 13, though. For a while we were at 9. There's a lot of people I don't know in the group now, which I think is pretty cool. I'm glad we have some allies, as well. They can help the group just by learning about it, spreading the word about the group, seeing what they can do, etc.
 
Also, someone mentioned bringing up ace stuff at a diversity conference. I'd be really nervous to talk in front of a lot of people like that. But, I'm slightly interested in talking/presenting at events in the future. I'd probably have to make a powerpoint or at least have lots of notes. I wouldn't be sure where to begin. How else are people going to learn about it, if they don't hear from people who actually are ace? There aren't that many people presenting on it in general. I think people will like to hear from actual aces, rather than from people who've just researched it. Maybe sharing personal experiences will help, too. At least, to show that we're not all the same.
 
I'm almost ready to publish the print version of Alliance on Amazon. I essentially just have to go over the proof preview, and then move on to the pricing. (I've always thought the first sentence sounded awkward, so I'll change that first. I think I've figured out a better way to word it...) I briefly looked at that proof a few days ago. It was really cool to see the cover, spine, and back art put together. You can twirl the outside of the book around and see it from several angles.
 
I like the overall concept for the entire cover. There's a wall with a grey-ish and black dirty looking floor on the front. A teardrop is in the middle, and it shows part of a garden scene. The teardrop has a glowing effect on the wall. The spine is made to look like it's where the wall ends, and it has a 'marble' effect that to me looks like a shadow of trees/leaves. The back is the full pic of the garden that's lighter, and somewhat glows itself. I distorted the actual pic a little. It's of a pic I took when I went to a local park/garden a while ago. Thought it was a cool looking scene. The lettering on the front and spine is white, and on the back it's black. A lot of the theme of the book is nothing is as it seems. The humans seem to have it more difficult than the demons do. So, it's like the humans are looking through the teardrop side. But, things might not be so great on the other side. It's kind of an abstract thing. I think with just having the front cover, it didn't illustrate the full meaning. So, this might work better. It's interesting to see the guts of it, too. I'm getting excited about it!

Sweet Endless Terror will be a bit different. I might have it about half the size of Alliance, since it's roughly half as long in Word. It's also 12 short stories, so there's no actual 'chapters' to it. Should be interesting. The front cover will be the same with the skull and candle I drew/colored, and the black background. The lettering on the front is the same color as the flame. The spine will be black with the same color/font text. The back will have my drawing of a bloody knife standing on its tip with a red ribbon flowing down/over it. I thought that looked cool. The knife and the ribbon (separately) have big roles in 2 of the stories. Maybe I'll make the back cover text the same color as the blood? It'll also have a black background. I'm adding a description to this on the back, like I did for Alliance.

National Black Forest Cake Day!

This holiday was actually a couple of days ago. It's my fave type of cake!😍To have a day devoted to it is awesome! It has chocolate, cherries, and whipped cream, which makes the perfect combo. Now I'm craving it...😋

I feel kind of bad that it's been so long.😔I thought I'd be better about posting this year. I still can, but at my current rate, it's pretty sad. Sometimes my computer slows down as I'm writing a post, so that's one of the reasons why I haven't posted as much as I used to. Also, just saw recently that Firefox is going to drop support, at least security-wise, of Windows XP users. So, I left Chrome because of this, and now Firefox is doing it, too? Crazy!😖

Anyways, I finished Naruto Shippuden last Friday. It ended on its 500th episode. Before that there was roughly 200 episodes of Naruto. That's a long time...😲I only skipped about 3 months of it, because they were getting really ridiculous with the side stories or 'fillers' as the main story was nearing its end. They really wanted to stretch it. (They did it before, but I think this was the worst time for it.) I still think the series overall was pretty good. The animation improved quite a bit over time, too. Hopefully this isn't too spoilery, but I knew Naruto would end up with Hinata, and they ended it with their wedding. A sweet end to it.😊 I think the actual ending was what happened right after Naruto and Sasuke's final fight. The rest seemed like they were just appealing to the fans. That's ok, though. It wasn't like those annoying side stories before. These had substance, and apparently they were based on the mangaka's (the creator of the manga/series) light novels. The last arc about the wedding was goofy and lighthearted, and that's probably what it needed. I didn't like Naruto's haircut during that time.😒 They aged everyone after that fight with Sasuke by a couple of years. Everyone else seemed ok, and some actually looked better than they used to. However, with Naruto, his hair was super short and spiky. I don't think I would have had so much of a problem with it, if they had made it fit his head better. If that makes sense? It made that part of the animation look 'off'. There's apparently another series starting next month called Boruto. It's basically about the next generation. The main character being Naruto and Hinata's kid. I think Naruto's finally Hokage in it. I might watch a couple of episodes to see how certain character's kids turned out, who ended up together, and maybe who stayed single. Interestingly, I think Sasuke doesn't care for romance and such, so the love (more like obsession) Sakura has for him might be one-sided. Sad for her, but would be interesting to see how that turned out. I'm not going to watch more than that, because it feels like it'll be a rehashing of everything for the next generation.😑

Finished Ao no Exorcist or Blue Exorcist's 2nd season. It was ok. Interesting to see that arc animated. I think the next one in the manga would have been even better. The one about Izumo's family/past. They grow a lot as a group, too. Shima being a spy was a big thing as well during that one. The current arc (in the manga), I think, is a lot more complicated than the previous ones. A lot of questions throughout the series are being answered. However, with that, more questions are popping up. Even the guy who raised Rin and Yukio might not have been who he said he was, or what people thought of him. Anyways, I hope they animate the other arcs in the future.

Finished watching elDLIVE. I haven't caught up to where the anime ended in the manga. There's obviously more, since the manga's still ongoing. The anime left it wide open for a sequel, too. It was pretty good. There were little references to the mangaka's previous series: Hitman Reborn. In fact, it sounded like it was in the same universe. Like, the mafia boss' ceremony was mentioned on TV. I think Reborn's hat was in one of the episodes. Just little details, but they were nice to see.😌 Reborn is one of my faves, especially the manga version. The main character, Chuuta, in this seems a lot more capable and has more confidence in himself early on than Tsuna in Reborn. I thought that part was actually better. It was cute that the last image of the finale was elDLIVE characters dressing up in Hitman Reborn cosplay. A nice touch, too. 

Also finished the most recent season of Gintama. I hope there's another one, since they also left it open. I know it'll be the last season, so it'll be bitter sweet.😔 I thought this one would be, but they basically said it wasn't over yet at the end. They still haven't stopped Utsuro/Shoyo. He seems to have a split personality. At least Kamui seemed to come to his senses about killing his own father, and his sister if she stepped in. I like that ultimately, Kagura (his sister), won the fight and saved him from essentially killing himself. It was interesting to see who was Shoyo's first student. (When Utsuro was a teacher he used that name.) They basically set things in motion. 

There are a lot of interesting anime coming up for the next season. Kekkai Sensen was supposed to have their 2nd season during that time, but apparently that was moved to October. That's a while.😯 At least Uchouten Kazoku's 2nd season will start next month. It's been a while since the first season. Many of the others I don't know much about, but might give them a try. 

I'm getting close to finishing Bleach. I think it's been good. I've skipped the fillers, though. I think it would be frustrating to sit through them, because it seems like half the series is like that.😒 An episode before the last one I watched, had a time skip of 17 months. Some of the characters changed their appearance, which was interesting to see. This arc seems like it'll be interesting.

One Piece has grown on me. I recently read that in an interview with the mangaka, they basically made the main character, Luffy, aro ace.😲 They said he doesn't care about romance or sex. His only loves are adventure and food. His friends are like family. Now that I've gotten a decent amount into it, that actually makes sense. Which makes me a little more interested in it. He seems childish at first, but I think he's a lot more 'with it' and mature than he lets on. Especially, when they show him alone, or his thought process when he's fighting an opponent. I think there are time skips in this one, too. The series is still ongoing with close to 800 episodes. I'm close to the 200 mark. A long ways to go, if I keep watching it.😉 I'm also skipping fillers with this one.

At the 2nd local ace meeting, someone else actually showed up besides Dad and I. Yay!😀 I knew them from the other group, but it was still nice. They also landed on the ace spectrum, so it was definitely a group for them, too. It was a laid back meeting, and we veered a few times away from ace stuff, but that's ok. To be expected with so few people. I think I like the cafe it was at that time. It's a lot more open, and it feels like there's a more private area with plenty of seating in the back. So, I decided that's where the group will meet for now. I had a berry scone and an iced vanilla chai. The scone was so huge! Cake-like, too. I couldn't finish it. For the chai, it seemed like they used actual vanilla beans rather than an extract or premade stuff. They had quite a lot of different flavors for the chai. It was very interesting, and tasty. 

I'm hoping that more people come to this Saturday's meeting. I think the person that went last time liked it, so maybe they'll be there. If we have more people, we can have it more like an 'official' meeting. I can set guidelines, have people introduce themselves, talk about how we want the group to be, ask questions, talk about topics, bring up any news about the community (locally or otherwise), etc. Like many support/community groups. 

Also, at some point, I want to start a list of ace-related media. Maybe people who come to the offline meeting can give input on that, too. Media, meaning TV shows, movies, books, comics, music, etc. that might have ace characters, or ace themes, or about asexuality itself. That sort of thing. I've come across a few with just looking at news articles that groups on fb post, but never actually sat down and searched for it. Things like the uproar with Jughead from Archie, who the creator has said is ace and most likely aro, and the show Riverdale making him straight. Or, like I said with Luffy from One Piece. Even documentaries would be fine. I've seen a couple, but there aren't many of those either. I've read that there are a few ace-related songs, too. There are some ace singers/other band members. It might turn into something really cool...😎

I'm close to finishing the formatting for a print version of Alliance. After that, I'll just need to design the front, side, and back cover. I have the art designs already for the front and back. It shouldn't be too difficult to add a description on the back, do the side part, and put it all together. I think with the size I chose, which is apparently 'standard', Alliance is still going to be thick. In the Word doc, where the pages are already the size they'd be for the print, it's 300 pages. That's pretty sizeable. I think when I do Sweet Endless Terror's print version, I'll pick a smaller size for it. It has 12 short stories, and normally with Word, it's much shorter than Alliance. Like, close to half as long. Should be interesting. Also, Alliance's promo will start on the 6th. It'd be interesting if the print version is available on Amazon around the same time. It seems like having both the ebook and print versions of these will promote themselves even more. There would be more exposure, and maybe some people like having an actual book in their hands rather than staring at a screen. It'll be cool to see them in print, anyways. I think I read that they distribute their print books to many actual brick and mortar bookstores. That'll be good. I don't know what I'll price the print versions at yet. They'll probably have suggestions. It has to be enough to cover the labor involved in making them, materials, shipping them, etc. Of course, you still want enough for yourself. That's why print books are more expensive than ebooks.