Asexual Awareness Week!

AAW started this past Sunday. I'm not sure if I'll do much more for it besides mentioning it in this post. I've already changed my profile frame and cover photo on fb, mentioned it on Instagram, and I normally share ace stuff on fb (not much to change there). Last year, I created ace-related art. It was the flag in the background, heart over that with the aro flag, and the agender symbol on top. I drew it in pencil, inked it with a pen, and colored it all in with both colored pencils and markers. People seemed to like it. I haven't touched that ace media list I was compiling in several months. Maybe I'll look into that again. If I don't want to add to it, maybe I'll just share what I have with everyone. 

I feel a little odd that most ace advocacy stuff (at least that's shared and through memes) is focused on the nasty comments we get. Sure, that needs to be highlighted, but we face a lot more issues. I think we try to tone it down for others, because for so long people have brought up the Oppression Olympics. We're told that we don't face oppression/discrimination, or if we do it's nothing like 'real' members of the LGBTQ+ community. That's really twisted. The funny thing is every letter experiences something different, and yet we all experience similar issues, too. Even the L experiences different issues than the G. Some people from our own community want to kick us out...Mainly because of ignorance. Many have the idea that it just means celibate straight people, or a stepping stone for their romantic orientation. If you're aro ace, they don't know where to put you. 

All asexuality means is you aren't sexually attracted to anyone. The spectrum has varying degrees of sexual attraction. Some are conditional, some people rarely feel it, and others may have sexual attraction until certain conditions are met. This doesn't say anything about how people view sex. That can range, like with any group of people. People can be repulsed by it, love it, favorable, positive, indifferent, etc. Some aces can have lots of sex, while others avoid it like the plague. I'm sex-repulsed, sex-positive, and very curious about it. A weird combo. Sex-positive is when people are for sex ed, talking about it (not necessarily in graphic detail), joking about it, people having as much or as little as they want with consensual partners, etc. My stomach churns when it's directed towards me, yet I'm curious. 

Erasure is a big thing. Many LGBTQ+ groups either leave us out completely, or they have that A for ally. Ally doesn't belong in it. If you're an ally, you're helping that community on the sidelines. It's much needed, and they have an important role to play. However, they are not in the actual community. There's an analogy that has them as soccer moms. Those soccer moms do a lot for the team, but they are not actually playing the game. When the A is used for them, it takes away the chance for players who hardly get called out onto the field from 'playing'. The A is for aros and aces. Some people say it should also be for agender people. As an agender person, I disagree. We're already under the trans umbrella. We're also covered by the non-binary and genderqueer umbrellas, which are under the trans one. We're covered enough. Aromantics are not the same as asexuals, and they've been trying to separate from the ace community for a long time. I'm both, but those are 2 different parts of me. 

Another huge issue is 'corrective' rape. This affects aces of any gender. When some people hear that someone's ace, they view it as a challenge. They think that they can 'fix' them that way. This isn't talked about much, but it needs to be out there. 

There's also a serious issue that ace men specifically deal with. Men are taught that being hypersexual is manly, and if you're not, you're masculinity is questioned. It's not talked about much, because some people are scared to talk about it. When I read an article about it they mentioned that ace men challenge people's assumption of what makes a man. It's kind of sad if that's what people reduce men to. Ace women get flak too, but some think that women aren't supposed to be sexual in the first place. 

Another one is conversion therapy. Pretty much all of the letters in the LGBTQ+ community experience this. Not everyone in those groups goes through it, but many do. Some allos (short for allosexual[s] or people who aren't ace) seem to think it needs to be 'fixed' this way. Especially if an ace has absolutely no interest in sex. It's pretty horrid. Asexuality was regarded as a mental disorder up until very recently. A couple of years ago, I remember hearing people were running test trials on a pill that could 'cure' aces. That company didn't last long, thank goodness. It shows that it's still an issue, though.

Another one was about a study that came out a few years ago. People are the least likely to offer housing to aces. Gay people were turned down housing more so than straight people, but not as much as aces. Like most letters, youth get kicked out of homes because of being ace. It's just too much of an unknown and they're full of ignorance about it. It's more rare, but some aces are killed because of it, too. The reason it might seem rare is it's not reported often that way. So, we don't really know. That's another problem with it, we're so under-reported about this stuff. (Same with many other parts of the LGBTQ+ community.)

We don't have much representation in media. Some people say stories with aces and/or aro aces would be boring. However, not too long ago the creator of One Piece, Eiichiro Oda, said that Luffy is aro ace. He didn't use those words specifically (probably because he didn't know there were labels for it), but he said that Luffy's not sexually/romantically attracted to anyone. One Piece is the most popular manga/anime. In fact, it won a Guinness World Record for the most copies published for the same comic book series by a single author. It's the best-selling manga series in history. (Based on copies sold worldwide.) Luffy is the main character. That says something right there. He's anything but boring. This kind of came through during the Amazon Lily arc. Luffy had fallen into Boa Hancock's bath house while she was bathing. She was obviously butt naked. He didn't flinch. Acted like it was normal. Everyone (no matter the gender) seemed attracted to Boa, but he was the only one who didn't have that reaction. When they imprisoned him, naked, and stared at him, he just seemed really irritated. He didn't care much. Most of the Amazonian women had never seen a man before. The creator said the only things Luffy is attracted to are adventure and food. 

He also said that there will never be actual romance in the series. He's really unique about it. So many series have romance as an element, it's crazy! That promotes amatonormativity, which is an issue aros face. Amatonormativity is the idea that everyone needs romance, has romantic attraction, and promotes monogamous relationships. Some people sum it up as a One True Love Complex. It's like what aces face with how people say sex is a need, right up there with food/water, and that everyone is attracted to someone sexually. I think that's called compulsory sexuality. Both are extremely harmful and pushed on us like crazy. Same with heteronormativity. This stuff actually hurts allo/straight people, too. This is another positive and more creative aspect to One Piece. I'm tired of romance being shoved into stories all the time. (Some of it is good and is part of the story, but not much.) It's like filler to me.

Another good thing about this series is that it's rather mature. Some people infantilize aces (another issue) and think what makes a story mature is romance and sex. Glad he didn't do that. Instead it touches on topics of slavery, genocide, grief, assault, arranged marriage, poverty, corruption, racism, abuse, gender inequality, and more. Heavy stuff. Yet, there's a lot of humor. The only thing that might be an issue for people is the way he draws some of the women. However, it's not all women, and he said he was pressured to make some of them like that at one point. I don't think they look bad, though. His style is very unique, and there are a lot of different types of body shapes for both men and women in that world. Even their heights vary wildly. 

There's also Jughead from Archie's Comics who's aro ace. Although, the live-action show, Riverdale, turned him allo. (Straight at that.) Even the actor that portrays him was pushing for him to stay aro ace. Todd from Bojack Horseman is also ace. He actually came out and said it. There was apparently several episodes where he explained it, learned more about himself, and met other ace people. I think he's alloromantic (not aro, or experiences romantic attraction), which is good to have a variety out there. I don't watch the show, but people said that it was one of the best portrayals they've seen in any show. It's rare that the character said it themselves, too. 

It looks like this is my 1000th post on here. Wow! That's a lot! Seems like a milestone.

I joined 2 trans-related forums: Susan's Place and TransPulse. TransPulse is set up similar to AVEN. I didn't get much of a response for my intro thread on Susan's Place, and felt a little down about it. I had quite a few responses to the one I started on TransPulse. I decided to post in more threads to get more of a feel of Susan's Place. Maybe people on there just don't look at the intros. I know a lot of other forums where regular members didn't really care about that section. Found a thread about what 'flavor' of non-binary person we are. Basically, asking what enby gender we are (if we know), how we feel about masculine and feminine, introduce ourselves, when we knew we were 'different', if we have dysphoria, etc. Lots of stuff. Had rather long posts in there. People actually responded to what I wrote pretty quickly. Someone said they felt exactly like me about all this stuff. That was interesting. Other people welcomed me, and said that I came to the right place. In the TransPulse intro thread, some were recommending resources for me, which was nice. I didn't post in other threads on there. 

I decided to make time for the stuff I didn't feel I had time for before, during the weekend. So, learning more science and history stuff on Saturdays. (In addition to more Jewish stuff.) Music and art stuff on Sundays. Reading (an actual book) and forums on both days. As well as, movies on Saturdays and games on Sundays. I split them up mainly because of Shabbat. I'm technically not supposed to 'create' things, thus art and games would be on Sundays. I feel like forums don't really count for this...I don't know. But, learning is a big thing in Judaism, so science and history would be great for it. I managed to touch on everything this past weekend, so it's doable. Might not be as much when I do things like shopping those days. That's ok.

For science, I'm following the list of disciplines I found on wikipedia, and only skipping ones that don't interest me. Those mainly being things like the study of mites. That would just make my skin crawl. There are also some that don't seem to have much to them. I'm starting with acoustics or the science of sound. It's a branch of physics. I have very superficial knowledge of it to begin with. Many musicians learn a little about it, but it's the very basic stuff. So, this one will be very interesting. It's useful for many different things, too. Music, physics, electronics, speech, ultrasound, marine science, aeronautics, etc. I found the Acoustical Society of America's site. They have free articles on there. Their journal, The Journal of the Acoustical Society of America or JASA, has an fb page. They post news as well as free copies of the journal. Found a couple of channels on Youtube based on it. Lots of info sources available out there. It doesn't seem like a very popular area of study, though. Seems sad that way. I think I'll focus on it for about a month, then move on to the next thing. That'll be aerobiology or the study of airborne organisms. 

For history, I'm using another alphabetical list. Starting with art history. I took art history in college. It's a very interesting subject, and there's a lot to it. I remember the textbook for it was one of the biggest and most expensive. It's really vast. I found an app on art history. They cover a piece of art every day. They go over the elements of it, the artist, style, time period, and more. They go into a lot of detail, which is cool. I also found a couple of fb pages on it. There's lots of stuff on other sites online, too. There's probably a lot that we didn't cover in that class. Actually, I remember we only used about half that textbook. I'll spend a month on this, too. Next one for this is chronology. Although, I'm not sure if there's much to it. If not, I'll move on to cultural history. Some of these topics in the history list share things from the science one, which is fine. 

I went back to reading Stone Kiss by Faye Kellerman. It had been a couple of years since I stopped reading it. I only finished the first chapter before. Got through a lot of it this weekend. It's a detective series with a Jewish side to it. A really good series. Maybe I can finally finish what I have of it soon.

For music, I tried to look for clarinet-based apps and fb pages. There weren't very many, and none of them were good enough to like or download. I did find some music history-based pages on fb. I plan to go over some music history in the future. I've taken a couple of classes on different periods in college, and it would be interesting to go over that stuff again or learn new stuff about it. Maybe I'll go chronologically through those historical periods. I also want to hear more music from around the world, and download some of it. Maybe look into music theory, too. Or, even look into music specifically from countries that I'm learning the main language of. (Many countries have multiple languages.) Like, Italian music for now. I can go in many directions with this.

For art, I might do things like fill out memes that are made to help improve drawing/character development. I went through my 'collection' on deviantART, and found quite a few blank ones that I downloaded to fill out in the future. There are things that focus on reactions/expressions, drawing the oldest (or first) and newest character, some on the artist themselves (like how would you draw yourself in your style), outfits for characters, drawing in different styles, etc. All good for practice and getting more 'in touch' with my characters. I might go through all of my inbox on there, too. It's really backlogged, because I don't go on there nearly as much as I used to. I have several 'stacks' of deviations (art pieces) in there from artists I follow and groups. Each stack from the groups has around 200 deviations. That's a lot to go through. There a lot of journals and some on faves/llamas. I'm surprised I'm still getting so many faves and llamas. Llamas can be given by other members, and the more you get, the more the llama on your profile changes. I think mine's still an albino llama. At some point, it has sunglasses, a hat, outfits, and more. I might post to my journal on there. It's been a while. I can look at more art on there, fb, Instagram, and other places. Another thing that might be good is drawing buildings and scenery from Alliance, as well. All this will help me improve, and I can be more active on dA which is full of other far better artists to learn from.

I started watching Tensei Shitara Slime Datte Ken, or That Time I Got Reincarnated as a Slime. I wasn't sure about this one at first. It's from this current season, and I'm not far behind. It's better than I expected. It's about a 37 year old human, Satoru, who was stabbed to death by a robber. He was reincarnated as a slime named Rimuru, in basically a video-game like fantasy world. I have a feeling he is in a video game somehow. Slimes in video games (particularly rpg's) are often very weak. They're usually the first thing gamers have to attack. Even Fate has them as 'gels' that only inhabit the first couple of levels of the dungeon. However, it seems the opposite with him. He's a very powerful being. He can absorb almost anything. He gains knowledge of whatever he 'eats', can mimic those skills/spells, can make and store an unlimited amount of health potions from eating herbs, and more. He had to 'eat' a bat in order to talk, and eat something in order to see. They really are detailed about it. The animation is top-notch, and changed a few times. There was even a 3D scene. In the opening, it seems he can transform into a humanoid. Does that mean he eats someone? There's a lot of comedy, too.

Started Zombieland Saga. It's also one from this current season, and I'm not far behind. When I first read the description of it, it didn't interest me. Then, Crunchyroll shared a clip on fb of it, and I was intrigued. I thought it was a typical pop idol-type anime. Pop idols in general are not really my thing. It's far from that, though. 7 girls are brought back to life as zombies by a 'mysterious' producer. The lead was killed 10 years ago by a truck just as she walked out the door, starting her walk to high school. She seemed so happy and was going to audition to be in an idol group. This all happened in the first couple of minutes, so it's not like I'm spoiling that. She was the first to 'awaken' as a zombie. The other girls were mindlessly stumbling about and terrified her. They're all different ages and from different time periods. The producer wants to boost tourism for Saga prefecture by creating a zombie idol band. So far, there's only one girl that hasn't woken up yet, and she keeps biting everyone. The producer is a pro at applying makeup that makes them appear 'normal'. Also, it seems like each episode has a music theme. The first one they performed a heavy metal concert. Again, the lead or Number 1 was the only one 'aware'. It was hilarious. The 2nd episode was on hip hop. The rapping was actually pretty good, and they added a little of traditional Japanese music to the background as well as some modern music flare. It's a hilarious series so far. 

Started watching Radiant, too. It's also from this current season. It's an adaptation of a French comic. Apparently, one of the first anime adaptations of a series from France. From what I read, they cut a lot of the distinctly French-type humor for the first few episodes. They also made Seth, the main character, less reckless. Alma, his teacher and guardian, changed a bit, too. Kind of sounds like they watered it down a bit for the beginning. It's a mage/sorcerer based series. People who get near or touch a demonic-like being, called Nemesis, either die or become sorcerers. The sorcerers are looked down upon until regular humans ask for their assistance against the Nemesis. Sorcerers are the only ones who can kill them. Seth is an orphan with horns. I'm assuming that when people come into contact with a Nemesis (and live), they gain something like horns, bat wings, or really big hair. There's a lot of unknowns with this one. It's interesting, but seemed a lot like other series like D.Gray-man, Black Clover, and Fairy Tail. Doesn't seem very 'French' at all yet.

22nd of Iyar

On May 3rd, or 18th of Iyar, it was Lag B'Omer. People usually have bonfires, do archery, and get haircuts. A fun one. I guess we celebrated Cinco de Mayo a day before. Went to Azteca, and got their burrito blanco. It had grilled chicken, white rice, beans, peas, carrots, and jalapeno cream cheese on the inside. There was a flour tortilla with cheddar, cojita, and a cream sauce on the outside. It was amazing! Humongous, though. It was also Herb Day on the 5th. Cooking with herbs is great! A lot of the time they make the dish. It was also National Astronaut Day. That's cool that there's a day devoted to them. They go through a lot.

This is my wallpaper for May. It's the first of the Hitman Reborn manga wallpapers I made recently. I obviously didn't make the art. I just placed two chapter pages together. I like how this one turned out. However, it would have been nice if I was able to make the one on the right big enough to be a standalone wallpaper. It would have stretched the image way too much. Oh well. Tsuna, the main character, is in his Dying Will mode on the left. Xanxus is on the right. I think, with the one on the left, Tsuna was in the middle of his big fight with Xanxus. Xanxus and his family, Varia (an offshoot of Tsuna's Vongola mafia family), were villains at first. They eventually sided with Tsuna and the Vongola. Xanxus thought he was the rightful next boss of the Vongola. He fought the previous head, which resulted in those scars. He was certainly not happy that Tsuna was next in line instead. He felt even more humiliated having an 'outsider' take over. I like Xanxus and even his character design is cool. He's a complex character. He's never truly 'good'. Just like some of the other people that eventually ally themselves with Tsuna. 

The weather calendar's main pic's of a storm cloud. They describe it as a big spaceship. It looks more like a giant mushroom to me. Still, it's impressive. The two smaller images are of a lightning storm in Texas. 

The month-long holidays for May are: National Asparagus Month, National BBQ Month, National Egg Month, National Hamburger Month, National Salad Month, National Salsa (the sauce) Month, National Strawberry Month, National Vinegar Month, Jewish American Heritage Month, Mental Health Month, National Inventors Month, National Pet Month. Some are for important causes, some are to make you appreciate things you may take for granted, and some are just for fun. So many this time. 

Yesterday, I decided to start keeping more of a schedule through my google calendar to be more on top of things. Things like blogging more often, if not every day. This blog was originally meant to be daily. There will be shorter posts that way. I usually make a to-do list every day, except for Shabbat. With my calendar, it seems easier to stick to. Before, sometimes I'd spend too much time on something, so it's a little nudge this way. Mainly the too much time was with my computer being too slow when I wrote, edited, with online stuff, etc. Now, I'll have set times to cut it off and move on. I might end up writing less, but at least I'll get to things. I've gotten everything from my list done so far today. Writing, editing, cleaning, etc.

Also, trying to get up and go to sleep at decent times again. I plan to get up at 8am most days, and go to sleep as close to 10pm as I can. That's really not bad. For a while I'd get hooked on my phone and stay up until about 1am, which isn't healthy. 

I'm also trying to not go through my fb feed during the week. Going through it mostly on the weekends, but with set times. That cuts quite a bit of time out. I plan to mainly look at notifications, share what I find through my google news alerts or other places I might stumble upon outside of fb, and write personal posts. Blog posts are counted as personal posts...So, in many ways I'll still be active on there, just not nearly as much as I used to be. I know a lot of my friends have gone through periods of totally swearing off fb. They'll even deactivate their accounts. They were just so addicted to it. I understand that. I'd like to still be in contact with people, get world news, see funny LGBTQ+ memes or stories, occasionally be active in the groups I'm apart of (the enby one has been helping me the most), etc. I'll just limit it more. Mainly for my sanity, trying to sleep a decent amount, time for other things, my eyes (I can tell my eyes are straining more lately), and more. 

Instagram is different to me. I mostly just post what I eat, my cats, drawings, landscapes, etc. It's not all the time. Also, I don't follow many people. I'm following 26 people currently. A much smaller percentage of those people seem to actually be active. I have a lot more people that follow me. Up to 82 right now. I'm rather surprised by that. With every few posts lately, I seem to gain at least one follower.

DeviantArt's different, too. I haven't actually been going through my deviation stack notifications. Those are the ones of art/journals of artists and groups I 'watch'. Those have been really stacking up. I mostly look at reactions to my own art/profile. When people fave, collect, give me llamas, and watch me. So, I don't spend that much time usually. At some point, it'd be great if I went through that other stuff that's just piling up...

I only managed to write a page of Alliance 3 today. My computer was super slow at the time. I gave it an hour...I normally type fast, especially when I don't have a block, so it was extremely annoying. Got a lot more editing done of the cookbook. My computer suddenly decided to speed back up to normal for that. Only have about 15 more pages to edit of that. Then, I'll make a source list. 

Today's German lesson was on language. That was interesting to go through. I only got one wrong on that. 

Finished the manga Animal Sense recently. It was much shorter than I expected. It's about a girl that can 'possess' any animal around her. She saved many people around her, including herself, with that ability. The end was interesting. She was so emotional, apparently all the animals from the forest she was in came out and helped. She didn't possess them. They just were drawn to her. They could have done more with that and continued the series...The only thing I didn't like was the main character's hair. It was bizarre. 

I'm a little disappointed that there was no update for the manga of Ao no Exorcist or Blue Exorcist today. It has been 2 months. Normally it's once a month. Maybe the next one will have an added special chapter or it'll be longer than usual? I read some of +Anima instead. That one has been pretty good so far. From where I stopped today, there's about 10 more chapters left. 

I finished drawing and inking Ravel's head today. I don't think it turned out as great as my previous designs of him. Not bad, though. I was hung up on his horns and hair for a while. Started drawing Nico, too. I'm slowly learning what my style is, what looks good, how to improve in general, etc. It's kind of fun getting back into it again. 

I hope to get a walk in after dinner. That way it's cool enough and it's still sunny out. Might do that for a while. Eventually, I'll add another walk in. I'm realizing I'll certainly have time for another one if I keep this up. If I recork my clarinet, I'll probably have some time to cram playing it in as well. 

I dropped Dances with the Dragons a couple of days ago. It was really boring. I gave it 4 episodes. It was way too into politics, dialog, and the story didn't progress much. I normally love complex shows that make you think. However, this one tried and failed horribly. They promised dragons, yet we only saw them a few times. There was Middle Eastern sounding music as a soundtrack, but it didn't seem to fit any of the scenes. The main characters had long names. I think their full names had 6 names each. None of them were catchy either, so they were hard to remember. They really tried to do something with this show, so it's sad. 

I started more food 'journeys'. I was and still am doing a cheese journey, where I try new (to me) cheeses. I'm adding journeys in bread, jams/preserves, teas, etc. I don't know why I didn't start those when I started the cheese one. I like trying new things. It takes me a while to get through stuff, especially if it's just me, but it's still fun. I started the bread one with sheepherder's bread. It's originally from the Basque region of Spain. It seems to be a mix of French and sourdough. Tough on the outside, very soft inside, and has a slightly sour aftertaste. The loaf is huge and round. Has an interesting design, too. It's good. I won't be able to try some of the really seedy breads, because they affect my gut. Should be interesting to see what I can have. Tried the lingonberry jam that my dad had. This one actually comes from Sweden. It tasted like cranberries, but stronger somehow? Very interesting. It was good with the bread.

National Potato Chip Day!

I love potato chips! There are so many different kinds out there. Some of my fave flavors are: salt and vinegar, honey dijon mustard, BBQ, and dill pickle. When I could eat spicy food, jalapeno potato chips were amazing. I miss those...I basically love potatoes in any form. Chipped, baked, roasted, mashed, etc. Good stuff.

I'm hoping to post more often on here. So far so good. I felt like I was hit by a truck when I woke up today. I was going to get up at around 8am, but I somehow fell back asleep after that. I ended up getting up later than I wanted to...A similar thing happened on Monday. However, I went to bed earlier last night. 

I'm close to 170 pages altogether for both books. Almost done with the dessert section for the cookbook. I think she had a snack section next. There aren't many recipes left. It seems I'm almost done with writing the recipes out. I'll still have to rearrange them, change the section titles a bit, maybe add pics (if I can...), etc. The cookbook seems like it'll have a lot more 'editing' than the other books. The current chapter of Alliance is intriguing so far. Not sure exactly where it's headed. 

For German today, I'll be going over places again. Yesterday was a 3rd predicative part for this section of the 'trek'. There was a predicative part in the section just before that I was having difficulty with. With this one, it was really easy. Maybe I just improved? I don't know. The one after places is feelings. I'm surprised they haven't gone over feelings yet. I'm pretty far into their course on Duolingo. They might not have thought feelings were as important as the rest of the stuff. Still, it seems odd. Feels like it also took forever to get to any 'numbers' parts. I'm up to 57% fluency now. I feel like I hardly know anything yet.

Ao no Exorcist or Blue Exorcist had an update yesterday. Didn't really reveal much. Everyone is starting to be able to see the demons that are coming through the forced open gate. Mephisto said he tried to tell Yukio numerous times about the truth behind their births and their mother. However, they never showed that in the manga. Since he's the demon lord of time, it hints that he has been repeatedly setting back time after each 'failure'. Eventually, he gave up on Yukio, and is going to help Rin with the truth. Rin never wanted to know about it. He even asked why help someone who doesn't want to know, and he said it was perfect that way. Rin wouldn't be too eager or desperate about it. Plus, he likes messing with the brothers. It ended with Rin about to walk into a portal to the past. They had a similar thing with Lightning traveling to the past by using a special key in any door, and opening it to a portal to a different time. I don't think Lightning could change the future with that. It was more like they could watch things happen and go through the records that were there. I think Mephisto controlled it, too. Not sure if he would with this one considering Rin's using his adoptive father's key. Might be a totally different thing. Guess we'll just have to see.

Managed to do some more cleaning yesterday. Yay, for a little more energy! I'm able to do a little bit with it at least. I got to my bathroom counter finally. I didn't realize how bad it had gotten. Had to really scrub at areas. Looks much better now. 

Posted my recent drawings to deviantART and Instagram. These were of Shadow's wings in 3 different perspectives. I had to clean them up a bit in Photoshop beforehand. (Not as much as I thought.) I'm surprised by the response. I quickly got 4 faves and a watcher on dA. People collect other people's art by faving them or putting them in specific collections. A watcher is like a follower on there. (Although, it sounds creepy to have 'watchers'.) It hasn't been seen by many people on there yet. I had to crop each drawing by itself for Instagram, so I ended up putting 3 posts up for it. If I hadn't done that, 2 would have been cut off. If I had grouped the cropped versions together, all of them would have been cut off a little. I got a couple of follows with that, and a ton of likes. I was surprised by the amount of likes I got right away. The 1st one, which I don't like as much as the other 2, got 6. The 2nd with the wings extended, and the one I like the most, got 11. The last one got 10. Most of those were almost as soon as I posted them. Got a couple of comments, too. I'm thinking I'll post future drawings on there, as well. It'd be interesting to see what another 'community' thinks of it. 

I think I'll draw all the tails of the characters in Alliance next. Maybe the horns and ears, too. Might focus on features or parts of them right now. Eventually, I want to draw both a Dark Healer and Doina, who's a Light Healer, next to each other with different perspectives. Mostly with their heads. Probably would color those. I want to draw one of the Dark Healers' face and arm tattoos. That sounds fun. Eventually, I'd want to draw all the other characters, too. Buildings, scenes, landscapes, etc. would be great. I have so many more ideas for Alliance-related stuff. Seeing the response this time, encourages me a bit. Hopefully, I can put out something each week. This also will connect me more to the story.

Finished watching Strange Calls last night. It's an Australian supernatural TV show that's on Netflix. It reminded me partially of Eureka. Some say it's similar to Haven...I don't agree with that. Everyone in Coolum seems to hate the new cop, Toby Banks. The only one that befriends him at first is an elderly and very earthy man named Gregor. Toby's duty is to stay in the police's trailer, answer calls, and act on those calls if need be. There was a chicken place where the chicken was so good, it turned someone into a chicken. Another one was about people hearing an old lawn mower ad jingle and stealing mowers, and eventually either killing themselves or becoming homicidal. Another was about a killer ghost cat. Another one was about people turning into trees. With a lot of them Gregor immediately knew what to do. He always said he was 47, but during the last episode we find out he's much older. (We all knew he was, but didn't know his exact age...) The show even made fun of itself in the last episode. They mainly had one song played throughout the whole thing. In the background and with the opening theme. I didn't realize this until they pointed out the actual band that was standing outside the trailer. It was funny. It was pretty good overall.

National Peanut Butter Day!

Most of the time, I love peanut butter. A little goes a long way. I can only have the smooth kind now, since whole and chunks of nuts can upset my gut. Sad that I have to stay away from most nuts this way. Smooth peanut butter, however, is one of my comfort or calming foods. I would think with how rich it can be, that it'd be a trigger as well. Luckily, it's not.

Last week there was a local trans meeting. It was a lot better than the meeting before that. For that one, if it had been my first time there, I wouldn't have come back. One of the members was rude to me and a few other people. She has a weird thing with enby people. I don't know what it is...It's unnerving. I think she was the one that brought up that Washington state is planning to add the 'x' option for birth certificates. X standing for non-binary genders, along with the f for female or m for male. A lot of states have either done some form (IDs and/or birth certificates) of this already or are considering it. It has stirred up 'debate', and some people are scared about it. I'd be freaking happy with that x on everything, personally. When you're neither m nor f, it puts you in a funny spot if those are the only options. Anyways, she was worried that they'll take away her f or do away with both the m and f, if they make this change. Why? Why would they take away your f? This is for enby people. We're not taking away anything. Although, no one really needs gender on their IDs. If we do have them, like now, there should be an option for others. I know there was also an argument by some nurses saying they won't know how to treat patients that have the x. That we're somehow going to destroy their system. Maybe the system needs to be updated. Maybe medical professionals should put things on forms/reminders like: those who have a vagina, penis, breasts, etc. That sort of thing. It makes it seem colder, but on the other hand it doesn't out people necessarily and everyone might feel a bit more comfortable. That's basically what the gendered stuff in health boils down to. It wouldn't be awful to make a system like that. 

She also made me feel awful about how I felt about something. It somehow didn't seem that big of a thing. At some point, it felt like she was interrogating me about it. She also seems to think being enby is a young person's thing. It isn't. Just because some people are figuring it out earlier (thanks to the internet), doesn't mean others won't find out later in life. Is being binary trans a young person's thing? No. Same with enbies. I've been surprised by the age group in the enby group I'm in on fb. There are people in their late teens, but we have a lot that are in their 50's and 60's. I think one person said they were 73, and they only realized a few years ago. I also want to learn more from the older generations and their stories/experiences. It's really cool to have that mix. 

This time the 'I' statements and not 'you' statements were stressed at the beginning. I think this helped a lot. She seemed to not talk as much...At least, she was a lot more polite and not as in your face. 

One of the members said I should try the Binder Reminder app, especially if I'm thinking of getting a chest binder. It reminds you when you need to take it off, do special exercises, etc. I think it also lists resources. The down side...it's an Android app. I have an iPhone. There is no iPhone alternative. Sadness. I could create my own reminders, though. Maybe using alarms on my phone based on what's recommended. It's a makeshift solution, at least. I'm glad that he brought it up to me. He didn't know about it until a few days before, because someone on Tumblr mentioned it. Tumblr seems to be the go-to place for a lot of LGBTQ+ stuff, but also for the haters/gatekeepers...I've stayed away from it for a while now because of those haters. I don't need that. 

I also liked that someone came back from some sort of LGBTQ+ retreat, had wanted to do one of the exercises they brought up. She asked us for trans positivity terms. At the workshop she was in all that people were coming up with were negative for the trans section. Absolutely nothing positive. We came up with a long list in just a few minutes. It was cool to see. Some were very creative and moving. I brought up diversity. The community is extremely diverse, and that's a very positive thing to me. There was also sassy, divine, wise, spiritual, weird (in a good way), and many more. 

Oh, recently trolls have been raiding trans groups on fb. Specifically making it a point to target enby groups. (One of the admins in the enby group I'm in mentioned it a few days ago.) Apparently, they think if we're bombarded by bigotry and the 'truth', that we'll somehow realize we were really cis all along. It's weird. Also, that we're too 'confused' and are 'mentally ill', so we again need to be set straight. Raiding is when they flood a group with their members and suddenly start trolling/spewing hate, then they'll report their own posts repeatedly. I'm not exactly sure how this works, but eventually that group will have too many reports and will be shut down. They've managed to shut down several groups in the past. Apparently they do this during certain times of the year, so it's dubbed raiding season. Often, in order to stop it, groups will go secret during that time. They'll scrutinize each post more, too. It makes it extremely hard to join during those times, but they need more of a safeguard. It's kind of sick to think about people raiding on a regular basis, or even ever. Maybe this is why when I started looking for enby groups, not many were showing up? How do you stop people like this? 

We got Rosie and Tasha 2 new toys. One looks like a sci-fi bony caterpillar. It's a 'wobbly bug'. If it's on the linoleum and is turned on, it vibrates and moves in circles. It doesn't move on carpet, and most of the house is carpeted...Rosie was terrified by it, and doesn't seem to like it even when it's off. I don't know how Tasha feels about that one. The other is 'Winged Chase', and it has a butterfly that whips around quickly when turned on. It actually looked cool that way, but again Rosie was scared of it while it was on. She loves it when it's off, though. She can bat and gnaw at it still. I don't know how Tasha feels about it when it's on. Dad told me that Tasha was playing with it a couple of mornings ago. So, maybe she likes it when it's off, too. 

I've been feeling like a cold or something is coming on really slowly the last few days. Runny nose, slight cough, sore throat at times, getting hot flashes in the morning, etc. I don't want to be sick. It can intensify symptoms of colitis. Even when the patient is in remission. (I oddly still get symptoms, although I feel I really have been in a strange flare most of this month.) So, it appears a little differently usually. If anything, I hope it's not the flu. I already got my shot, so I should be a little more protected. Still...it's scary.

I only missed a couple of days of writing so far. Not too bad. It's mainly been because of feeling 'sick'. I'm a few pages into chapter 3 of Alliance 3. This part has been fun to write. I won't say much, because it might spoil it. 

I started writing out the seafood section of the cookbook today. Got 6 of them done. That's good, I think. One of them was dated as 1966, which I think is the oldest. Maybe she found the recipe much later, but it came from that year? She would have been about 11 years old. I don't think she would have started this so early... (If she did, that's really impressive.) She tends to not give too many details about things. Her handwriting is difficult to read at times. I'm perfectly fine with reading cursive, but she wrote it in a very loopy and bubbly way. I know she was mainly writing them for herself, but it's still a slight pain. I found a few recipes she wrote down of Dad's. They're interesting. I stopped at the fish recipes that she got from a grocery store a long time ago somewhere. It doesn't say where. So, I'm crediting it as just 'from a grocery store'.

German has been interesting. Today, among a lot of other things, I learned the word for gender: Geschlecht. (I thought there was an r between the e and s, but the wiki has it like this.) The sentence example Duolingo had translated to: Is gender important? Very interesting. I also looked into enby terms in German, and there's a wikipedia article on it. Apparently actually saying 'gender' is also used in German sometimes. So is 'agender'. However, another way they say agender is: Geschlechtslos. That seems harder to say. I'm glad there's an actual German equivalent, though. Gender identity is: Geschlechtsidentitat. The a has the 2 dots over it. I should probably try getting the German keyboard on my desktop, like I did for Japanese. The community over there has come up with several gender-neutral pronouns, too. It is a gendered language so to read about how they navigate it is interesting. They have several words for non-binary as well as for the shortened form, enby. Nichtbinar (a has the 2 dots again) seems to be the most 'formal'. It's literally 'not binary'. There's also nibi for enby. I find it a little frustrating still that their 's', 'ch', 'z', 'v', 'd', and probably a few others; change their sound depending on a certain order. I'm still trying to figure some of that out, because they don't actually go over that. I'm at least seeing some sort of pattern. Sometimes the 'ie' and 'ei' slip me up a bit. Ie is pronounced as 'ee' and ei as 'ai'. I knew before about the ei thing, but just seeing them together, sometimes in the same word, is tricky. My brain tells me it only makes sense to switch them, but that's obviously not true. Their words are getting longer with each lesson. I know they do that, but it still seems scary at first. I like how the lit. translation for I'm hungry is: I have the hunger. (They do this with thirsty, too.) It's a different way of thinking again. I'm noticing that they apparently capitalize their nouns, too. That freaked me out at first. When my throat started having issues, even now, they haven't been picking up on my voice well. 

I've been posting the same pics I post on Instagram to deviantART. Most of the time, I don't share them in groups on there anymore. They're still managing to attract people. One person faved over 50 of my food pics or 'deviations'. Most were from before I had a long inactive spell. I was really surprised. That's a lot, and that never happens with me. They later added me to their 'watch' list. Those are like artists they're following on there. They said they just really love my food pics. I've also gotten more llamas on there lately. Llamas can be given by other members as basically a way to say they like your art. It's an in thing. Depending on how many llamas you get, your page's llama gets upgrades. Mine made it to white super llama recently. It's a fun little thing. I've also gotten more follows than I expected on Instagram. That's made it to a little over 60. I'm only following 26 people myself. Also, getting more and more likes with each thing I post. People especially like the food stuff.

Youtube:

Most of these are from before I found those Boku no (My) Hero Academia amv's that I shared last time. Also, I decided to try Blogger's youtube vid search/insert instead this time. Not all of them showed up in the search. Oh well. Youtube's actual site is weird on my desktop, so this was easier. (I can't embed/add video through the app I have.) Not sure why the other ones weren't there:

Fairy Tail:

Pandora Hearts (This one seems to change the meaning of the song, and it surprisingly fits):

Servamp:

Bungou (Literary) Stray Dogs:

Hiten

Mood:

From the first live-action Rurouni Kenshin movie. It literally means Flying Heaven, or some translate it as Celestial. It's short for Hiten Mitsurugi-ryuu, or Flying Heaven (or Celestial) Beautiful Sword-Style. This is the sword-style Kenshin uses. It's actually a real style, but few have actually seen it. I think this was also used in the 2nd live-action Rurouni Kenshin movie, too. The whole soundtrack's amazing!I might feature a couple more tracks from it in the future. I think this was also used as the main theme in the first one. It sounds epic, and has interesting parts to it.

I also finished watching Rurouni Kenshin: Kyoto Inferno, which was the 2nd live-action movie. It was pretty good. I thought it would actually have the final fight between Shishio and Kenshin, but it ended much sooner. The last live-action one continues it. So far, the movies seem more intense than the anime. Maybe it's the live-action aspect of it...Hopefully the 3rd and final live-action movie will be just as good.

Finished reading Sanctuary by Faye Kellerman. I think it was a lot better than Day of Atonement. None of that back and forth between the killer's perspective and the detective's perspective. Had a lot more mystery this way. Interesting that Peter and Rina had to eventually investigate both cases in Israel. Normally, they either just stay in LA, where Peter's stationed, or there might be a couple of cases in New York state. First time they've gone outside the states, that I know of. Peter needed her as a translator. He knows very little Hebrew. A lot of the people they met over there knew very little English. When I was there, the people I met knew more than that. (They weren't perfect, but could carry on a conversation.) But, this is set in an earlier time than when I went. Turns out both cases weren't related. Had somewhat of a good ending. 

The next one that I have in the series is Prayers for the Dead. I've only read a few pages so far. It's about the murder of a well-known surgeon. It's the 9th book in the series. I've only read 4 of those, though. I have 4 more after this one, but I'll have to skip over some of the books I don't have again. Currently, there are 23 books to it. The most recent one was put out last year. Not sure if it was the last one. But, that's a lot of them.

Finished watching the Jdrama, Okitegami Kyoko no Biboroku, or The Memorandum of Kyoko Okitegami. I have very mixed feelings about this one.I didn't really like the beginning, then it grew on me, then I liked it, and finally it seemed to have a semi-good ending. I say 'semi-good', because it felt like they were trying hard to make it look like a good and happy ending. It really wasn't. We never knew who Kyoko really is, or even what her real name is. We don't truly know what her last memory is about. (It has her running through a brightly lit tunnel.) We don't know why she has amnesia in the first place. We don't know who wrote the sentence on the ceiling, reminding her that she's Kyoko Okitegami and a detective. I'm still curious as to why she doesn't keep a diary of some sort. She outright refuses to. How did she remember to always write down important things about the day, before she went to sleep, on her body? (Usually on her legs, arms, chest, etc.) Why is her amnesia so specific that she forgets everything the day before as soon as she sleeps? I feel really bad for Yakusuke. He fell for her, but every time she falls asleep, they have to start their relationship over. He even wrote out everything they've experienced together and called it K's Memorandum. She found it in the last episode, and didn't want to go to sleep for fear she'd forget him all over again. She also accidentally got rid of the document. Before she fell asleep after reading it, she kissed Yakusuke, finally. There were many moments where they had come close to kissing. I'm normally not into romance, but it seemed tragic if they hadn't done something like that. 

I've made a dA group called Sweet Endless Terror. (My first one ever on there!) It's based off of the theme behind my 2nd novel. I basically am curious about other artists' nightmares, and the goal of the group is to have them express it in some way. Like writing stories based on them, draw a scene from one, make a comic, etc. They could do it in many mediums. Even made a folder for the 'mature' stuff. The things that might be too disturbing to fit into the regular folders. I thought it was a really interesting idea, and if someone else had come up with it, I might have joined it. I'm mostly getting views so far. I'm the only member. It's still a rather new group. I know some don't have members until after a week or so. I'm thinking of drawing out scenes and symbols from the 12 short stories in that 2nd novel. I'll probably share it with that group. The drawings might bring more exposure to the novel, as well. 

I'm thinking of making a short youtube vid promoting my 2nd novel as a preorder. It might be coming a bit close to when the preorder period ends, but there would still be a little time. I might make a longer one for after it's 'live' or released. I might break each title up, and have drawn out symbols for each one. It'd be a little fun part for me. I'll write out specifics in the description part below both the vids, as well. 

I've decided to do mainly online promoting of my 2nd novel until after the preorder period. Then, I'll send out fliers. I'm going to ask to have it in 2 congregations' online newsletters at that time, too. I like one more than the other, but I was apart of that other one for most of my life. There still might be people I knew there and who would be interested. 

The only downside to preorders, it seems, is that 2 of the 3 retailers don't report sales to Smashwords until the novel is released.So, I don't truly know how it's doing right now. About a week ago, I noticed that it made it to the top 50 horror bestsellers on Kobo. It was #30. (#41 on the fantasy/supernatural one.) That's got to account for something.I checked Barnes and Noble a couple of days ago, and it was also around #30 on their horror bestsellers' list. I don't know how many copies it needed to sell in order to be on there...I'm a bit anxious about it.There have only been 5 downloads from Smashwords. I don't think very many people use iBooks. Apple was the only one out of the 3 that reports sales during this time. 

I decided to have my 1st novel, Alliance, be free during this time. After March 4th, it'll be $0.99. I think that's somewhat fair for now. I might increase the price for my 2nd novel in April, if it's doing well enough. (Might make coupons available for the first couple of weeks during that month, too.) It won't be by much, though. 

I still have a lingering cough, but my cold is pretty much gone. Yay!After I told my gastroenterologist that I had been sick, through an email, she seemed concerned. She immediately made a phone appointment for last Monday. She was an hour and a half late to it.I told her I was feeling better. She said she wants me to do a couple more tests. Ones that I really don't want to do. Kind of embarrassing and gross.But, she said they'll help give a better picture of how my IBD is doing. They might be even more helpful than the sed rate, and can give more details. She said if the prednisone didn't work, she wants me to try remicade or humira. They're stronger/heavier meds than what I'm on right now. One is given through an infusion that lasts about 2 hours, and it has to be done at a clinic about every 6 weeks. For the 2nd one, I'd have to give myself shots in the leg a few times a month. I'm a bit terrified of either.But, they might help me get better. I also found out that the appointment I had scheduled for the middle of next month was cancelled. She didn't tell her staff right away that she'll still be on break. So, I have to call again to reschedule. She's very popular, so it might be a while. It'll be the 1st time since the end of July that I'll see her in person. Everything's been through email, the phone, and tests.

National Baklava Day!

Mood:

This food holiday was actually Tuesday. Interesting that there's one for baklava. It's really good.It has layers of filo, filled with chopped nuts, and syrup or honey soaked into it. It originated during the Ottoman Empire, and apparently there's some dispute between where exactly. It's popular in Turkey, Greece, and the Middle East. I also read that it's apparently an ancestor of what is now the modern strudel. Very interesting. Strudel's awesome, too! It somewhat makes sense that it was related. It was also Homemade Bread Day. Nothing beats homemade bread.I remember when my mom used to make her own challah every Friday. (Challah is a braided egg-type bread. It's commonly eaten during Shabbat.) The house smelled amazing! It tasted much better than the store-bought stuff, too. Maybe someday I'll get up enough courage to make my own at least once. 

It seems like the weather's getting colder now.Yesterday morning I saw a thick layer of frost outside. I also saw in the forecast that it might snow next Tuesday and Wednesday. We're already having lows in the high 30's lately. I do remember that we usually have some snow around Thanksgiving time. Sometimes it's a little, and sometimes it's a full on blizzard. So, I guess we'll see if either actually happen this year...It was very windy and rainy on Tuesday. Many places were flooded out. People lost their power, too. Ours only went out for a few minutes that morning, but flickered the rest of the day. I kept thinking it would go out, so I was prepared at least.A couple of days before that we heard about 3 loud booms, and the power briefly went out after each time. Sounded like transformers were blowing up. The power company must have been really on top of it during that. Scary sounding, though.

I'm still doing 25 sit-ups twice a day, and haven't missed a time since I got back into it. Yay! I don't think Rosie likes when I do them, though. I've also kept up with the amount of calories I've set for myself. And, have tried to have a good portion of each meal be protein-rich. I already feel lighter, and better about things. Haven't gotten back to doing my walks, but hopefully I will soon. It gets more difficult as it gets colder. 

I've been going to bed earlier, and getting up earlier for close to a week now, too. It's like what I mentioned a while back, about basing when I get up to when I go to bed. Setting things for 8 or 9 hours from when I go to bed. So, for example, if I go to bed at 10pm, I'll try to get up at around 6am. I think I'll give myself a slightly longer time during the weekend. I feel a lot better, though. It feels more 'normal' or natural, and my body's already getting used to it.Sometimes I get up a little before I want to. This way it's also like I don't have a truly set time to get up in the morning, yet I feel I still get a morning this way. Also, that I feel I go to bed at decent times now. I remember my grandpa told me, last time I talked to him, that it's good for the body in general to go to bed early and get up early. 

I got half my contacts through the mail on my birthday. I had ordered a year's supply, which is 8 boxes in total. So, I only got my left eye's contacts. I thought maybe they needed to do 2 separate deliveries or something, so I waited. Nothing else came, and on Monday I called the optical place. They said there was some glitch, they immediately fixed it, and will be sending my right eye's contacts through express shipping. I thought, ok cool. As long as I get them, and it doesn't cost more to correct this mistake, it's fine. I didn't realize when they said 'express', it would arrive the next day. It wasn't even 24 hours yet since that call, and I got it the next morning. Pretty fast.So, now I have the correct prescription in both eyes, and am seeing things a lot more clearer. It's amazing to see how much better a prescription it is than my previous one. I didn't know my eyes had changed that much. 

Also, since I hadn't heard anything from my gastroenterologist after I got my most recent test results, I decided to message her about it. Normally, she sends out a message to me after she reviews the results. Even if it looks fine, she still sends something out. So, this felt odd to me. I got a reply from one of her nurses thanking me for the 'update', and said they'd send it to my gastro. Odd, because that email address is supposed to go directly to her. I got another nurse's reply back. This time it was more detailed. Saying she won't be in this week, that the metabolite I was worried about is just slightly elevated and most patients still get benefits from it (slightly high? It seemed quite a bit higher), suggested setting up a phone appointment or seeing her in person, and asked about my current symptoms. I think it'd be a waist if I had a phone appointment just to talk about this one thing. Even more so, if in person. The messaging system is supposed to go directly to the doctors/other medical professionals, and patients are usually encouraged to use them instead. (During my last actual physical visit with my gastro, the nurse encouraged me to use it as often as I could, too...) Especially if you have a question about something that could be talked about rather quickly. Understandable they'd ask about my symptoms, but that seemed like an afterthought. I don't know, this sounds suspicious to me.I was able to immediately contact her about ordering the lab work earlier, so why can't I now? Also, this blood draw was right after I was put back on health insurance, so I wonder if she even got it. She normally messages me about the next blood draw, too. I'll message that nurse back about it later. 

Global Day of Jewish Learning was on Sunday. It's a day where Jews from around the world give lectures based around a certain theme. This year's was on 'love'. The year before that, it was on 'heroes and villains'. This event started in 2010. They schedule these lectures throughout the entire day. The lectures are through Youtube videos. There are some that are just in Spanish, some in Russian, some in French, some in Portuguese, and the rest (the majority) are in English. I only watched the first one during the actual event. The speaker for that one was Rabbi Adin Even-Israel Steinsaltz, and his topic was titled: "Love: Seeing Through All the Veils". It was very interesting. Basically comparing different types of love, and exploring what makes them different. Like, loving a certain type of food, romantic love, parental love, friendship, self love, etc. Interesting that for his location he has it as 'worldwide'. He's the only one that listed it that way. Also, apparently he's like the head of the Aleph Society which created/sponsors the event. (They have a surprising number of other Jewish organizations that sponsor it as well.) So, it does make sense that he'd be first. I read that he just wants to make Jewish works/knowledge accessible to all Jews regardless of their backgrounds, gender, where they come from, etc. That's pretty cool.I might watch some of the others in the future, since they archive the videos. 

Also, he puts out a daf yomi every day on the Aleph Society's site. Daf yomi lit. means 'page of the day' or 'daily page'. It's a page or section of the Talmud that's read, studied, and discussed. Talmud lit. means 'study'. It's a record of rabbinic teachings and laws that spans about 600 years. Starting from the 1st century CE, up until the 6th and 7th century CE. He has the page/section, his interpretation, and some questions to ponder/study. Some people read/study a section every day, and it takes 7 and half years to complete one cycle. The Talmud is huge. It's about 63 volumes/books long. Depending on which version you get. You can study it throughout your entire lifetime, and never run out of material. There are modern rabbis now that have extra commentary to go with what's already written down. Most of it is commentary on top of lots of other rabbis' commentary. So, even those books and what's in them, don't quite make up all of it. I would like to learn more about Talmud stuff, so it's cool he has something like that. I think a few other sites do it, too. 

I finished a version of the cover art for Sweet Endless Terror. (My nightmare anthology.) I'm thinking I'll make another one with a few more tweaks to it. Like, the skull looks like it's positioned a little too high on the page, the title position might be slightly off, etc. I like the color and font I chose for the title. It's clear to read, and the color is similar to the flame of the candle. I decided on just having a black background with no effects, too. I want it to be simple, and not too cluttered or too much to see at once. I most likely won't even shade it in, or add a glow to the candle. But, I did smooth/color over some of the white specks that the colored pencils missed. So, it looks a lot more uniform. Now that I know more of what I want, the new version shouldn't take as long. Then, I'll go over everything again. Just to make sure everything's the way I want it. Also, edited more drawings of my original character (from Alliance) Junko. These are for an expressing emotion meme. I'm now to the last 'most extreme' version of the worried category. Blushing will be next, and there's only one more after that. Each one has 3 different levels of that emotion. So, like this category, the first is slightly worried, then just worried, and finally extremely worried.

I've been playing my clarinet on a more regular basis now. I haven't done so in a long time. It feels good.I'm getting better each time, too. The flexibility in my hands is slowly coming back, as well. I'm still doing the 40 minutes each time. I might up that to 45 minutes next week. Played some klezmer, Mozart, and one piece from my regular solo book. I'm trying to do more of the pieces in these books. I tend to play the ones I like more often, but I can improve even more if I play the others, too. I also realized a couple of the ones I skip over normally I used to love. So I'm also rediscovering things. 

日本語

I studied the common compounds that were listed for 差, and the kanji 菜. (差 in general means: distinction, difference, variation, discrepancy, margin, balance.) 差異 or さい (sai): difference, disparity, gap. 差遣 or さけん (saken): dispatch, sending. 差別 or さべつ (sabetsu): discrimination, distinction. 菜 pronounced as さい (sai): side dish. As な (na): greens, vegetables. 野菜 or やさい (yasai): vegetable(s). Did pretty well this time with quizzing myself on JapaneseClass' site. Actually managed to get a lot of the new stuff correct, and remembered things I haven't seen in a while. Translated more of that You Maga article, too. 

Read an article from RocketNews24's original Japanese site. This time it was on discount bentos or packaged lunches at a discount supermarket. They couldn't believe how cheap they were. They tried 3 of the most popular kinds. Each one had a hefty portion. One was with Chinese food, another fried food, and the last one was with grilled mackerel. They all sounded really good. They said they really anticipated the taste of the Chinese one, but it was a lot more bland than they expected. They said it would probably be better suited for an older person. But, they seemed to like the others, and recommended them to people. I practiced some sentences in Japanese, too. Again, the topic was still on my birthday stuff.

dA faves:
I did not make these. I just want to share them. (Haven't done this in a while...) Adoption This painting illustrates an interesting concept. What if cats (or maybe pets in general) adopted humans instead? Scp-093 This one's from an interesting artist I watch. His stuff is usually very surreal and somewhat creepy. The first thing I saw of his was a painting of a huge pet spider with its owner taking it out for a walk at night in the rain. For some reason, his stuff doesn't creep me out. He does it in such a way that it seems more creative, interesting, and cool than creepy. The 'monsters' in this one are interesting, and it makes you wonder what happened beforehand. Moomin Box This one's made by another artist I watch. They sometimes do Moomin related paintings. Moomins are central characters in a series of books and a comic strip by Swedish-speaking Finnish illustrator and writer Tove Jansson. With all the books and comic strip, the original series was released from 1945 until 1993. There was an anime in Japan based on it, and they became popular in that country soon after that. It's mainly popular in Scandinavia, Russia, and Japan. This one's kind of cute. 

National Butterscotch Pudding Day!

Mood:

This was actually Saturday, but why not keeping celebrating it? Butterscotch is one of my fave flavors for most desserts. Pudding makes it feel nice and smooth, and almost like you're being hugged by it.For some reason, it was quite a curiosity to me as a little kid. 

Well, last weekend was a bit crazy. That Saturday was probably the busiest. In the morning, Dad and I went to the local farmer's market. I found a nice looking melon (which went bad before we got a chance to eat it...), and a huge 'Chocolate Love' cookie. Dad got some green peppers, a small thing of salsa (turned out it didn't taste very good. Was really just chopped up tomatoes and onions), and a huge ginger cookie. The lady at the honey stand complimented me on the cat earrings I was wearing. Everyone seems to like them. I'm not used to that. 

After that, we went to the grand opening of a maritime museum downtown. It was small, but very interesting. The mayor was there. When I tried to get by someone, they grabbed me and said: "Let's dance!" Then, patted me on the back. She was a grandmotherly type. It felt really awful to me.First of all, she's a complete stranger. Secondly, I don't like being touched suddenly. Thirdly, I have to be careful with being in contact with people now. I'm taking an immunosuppressant, after all. It was really crowded there. 

Next, we went to Sears to order more contacts for Dad, and I wanted to make an appointment for my annual eye exam. It took a while with everything, because their computers were slow. (Yet again...Seems like they always are.)

Went to Barnes & Noble's cafe after that. Kind of to rest a bit. I got my usual tall iced chai. Ate half of the cookie I found at the farmer's market, too. 

We went to the Tacoma Mall to get alterations done on some clothes Dad had gotten recently. Mt Rainier was out, and it was so clear and cool looking.I had wanted to go to the Night Market and Moon Festival in Seattle for a very long time, and we headed out there next.

Stopped at a Japanese restaurant for dinner before we really started going through the festival stuff. I wanted to go to Maneki's, but they were booked for the night.It's one of my favorite restaurants there. We tried Bush Gardens instead. It seemed deserted at first. The food was pretty decent. Didn't like that their salad had shrimp in it, and my dinner combo had to have California rolls. Things I can't eat, but I gave them to Dad. At least they wouldn't go to waste this way.The portions were a bit smaller than I expected. Their miso soup was the best I've had in a very long time. The local Japanese restaurant we occasionally go to, has almost tasteless soup. But, the flavor in this one really came through. 

After that, we looked around for some dessert from the food trucks. Found a donut place, and got some mini cinnamon and sugar with vanilla icing donuts to share. I think they gave us 6, which was nice since we could share them evenly this way. They were heavily covered with stuff. It was really good, but messy. 

I was disappointed with the festival part.There were so many people there you couldn't do much. They had very interesting vendors, though. Food trucks made a good portion of the festival. Lots of interesting smells walking by them. There was a concert in the beer garden. I think you had to have a ticket to get in, and it looked even more packed (if that were possible). 

After lingering around it for a while, we went to Uwajimaya. It's a huge Asian supermarket. Amazing place.Majority of the stuff is Japanese, but they also have a lot of Chinese, Korean, Vietnamese, and Thai stuff. There are even a few Eastern European things mixed up in there. Especially some from Russia. I took pics of what I saw, for the first time. Started out in the produce section as well, which we rarely get around to looking at. Such a wide variety of stuff! Really interesting. They even had durian. I've heard horror stories about the smell and such with that.It didn't smell there. It might need to be cut open in order to smell. Looked at their seafood section, too. They had a ton of quail eggs there. Interestingly, there was squid ink, as well. Took a pic of their live tilapia, too. It's a pretty impressive tank. Went through some of the bakery section, but didn't see much that popped out at me enough to take a pic there. Dad and I were both tired after that section, so we decided to go through the checkout and make our way home. Saw that they were selling moon cakes as we made our way out of the store. (Huge display of them.) I want to try them sometime in the future. They sound like they'd be pretty tasty, and they look interesting. The parking spot was quite a ways, so when we got to the car, we both were exhausted. But, it was good to get out there.

The next night was erev Rosh Hashanah. Or, the start of the holiday. I was by myself for services at the synagogue that night. A chair next to me was vacant, which I think was because the person on the other side of it wanted a place for her High Holiday prayer book or machzor. (Usually there are 2 different ones, one for Rosh Hashanah, and the other for Yom Kippur.) Also, they gave us various handouts and stuff. Anyways, it felt a little weird, but understandable. One of the edges of that chair was missing a 'cap', so it was really sharp. I didn't think much of it, and every time I bent over to grab my purse or get something from my tallit bag, I ended up cutting my arm on it. Took me a while to realize that was happening. Kind of disturbing.I should have told them about it. 

The congregation managed to get the new machzors from the Reform movement. This is the very fist High Holidays that they've ever been used for. So, a lot of congregations are excited about it. Apparently, the Rosh Hashanah ones are gold in color, and the Yom Kippur ones are silver. Interesting. There are already quite a lot of interesting new meditations, interpretations, and poems. The shofar part of the service is more interwoven throughout the rest of the service. It was pretty nice. 

It was nice to see people I hadn't seen in a long time. Some were new faces, too. There was a big dessert oneg (lit. 'delight'. Essentially a social after services. Usually with food, and maybe singing) afterwards like usual for Rosh Hashanah. Some congregations make it a potluck, but this synagogue has some members that volunteer to help make it each year. So, it's already provided. There was a big round challah with chocolate chips (round for many reasons. One being the cyclical nature of the year), a huge sheet cake (chocolate with a raspberry filling), apples and honey (for a sweet new year, most people eat this during the holiday), a honey cake (didn't get around to it. Interesting that there was only one this year. My mom used to make an amazing one. Maybe I should try to make it in the future?), brownies, melon, etc. There were so many things to eat, I tried to eat off to the side so I could eat it quickly. People found me anyways.Someone new wanted to talk to me a lot. She was very nice, but once we got to really talking, the cantor (who's studying to be a rabbi and who I've known for years), decided to join us. When I talk to people I tend to only focus on the conversation.Makes it really hard to eat stuff at the same time. I got through most of it before I had to leave, so it was ok. I like talking to others, just not when I'm about to eat some great desserts...

A couple I've known for a very long time, picked me up and we all went to services together the next day. They also picked up someone else who I've known for a little while. (Maybe 2 years?) It was her first time at this synagogue. In fact, it seems she hadn't been to any services at other synagogues for a long time. Maybe since she moved to the area. 

The 'morning' service ended at around 2:30pm. I wanted to do tashlich with the rest of the congregation, but realized it was really late.The couple that had driven me there didn't want to go because of that. Which makes sense. It would have been too long for myself without being able to eat something. I have to eat at certain times in order to take my pills, and regulate those meds in my system. So, we headed back the way we came. They needed to mail something at the post office, so I waited for that. 

The other person they had picked up, invited me to her place for lunch. She lives pretty close to where I am, so I thought why not? The only downside to that is she's not the best cook. Even though she seems to always be cooking. There have been several disasters in the past with what she makes. This time she made apricot jelly chicken thighs, kasha, had store-bought challah rolls, and cole slaw. I had lemonade with it. Ate lunch at about 3:15pm. The latest since I started the azathioprine. It was surprisingly pretty decent. The cole slaw was weird, but tolerable. It's been a long time since I've had kasha, and it was ok. She had made apple cake, but apparently forgot to serve it. She made a big deal about telling us how she might have messed it up. She made a big deal about telling us how whenever she boils eggs they fly right out of the pot...The sauce to the chicken overflowed onto the floor of the oven, resulting in a massive amount of smoke at one point. The fire alarms were all going off for a while. Hurt my ears. 

I'm slowly starting to realize that she's ageist and sexist.I don't really like to look at people I know this way, which might be why it took me so long to realize. She loves to make fun of people who are much younger than her. (Like my age and younger. I'm sure even if I was 10 years older she'd do the same thing...) She said she loves to ask them certain questions, and thinks they can't possibly know the answers. That's just mean. She also treats them all like little kids that wouldn't know anything in general. The weird thing about that is most people learn the stuff she asks in school or online. It is the information age, after all. This time she asked me about some jazz musicians that were popular around the 30s and 40s. I'm not only a musician, I've taken several different types of music history classes in college. So, when I told her I knew about them, and talked about them in detail; she immediately got this surprised look and said 'sure...' and kind of rolled her eyes. I don't think she expected me to know what I was saying. She's done several other things that were ageist towards me. Next time I'm calling her on it when it happens.She's been rather sexist towards men, too. Saying things like: "Oh, you know how guys are!" Or: "They're all the same." She's said a lot more things even while one of the people around her was a guy. It's just cruel with that combined with the ageist thing. Men and women (as well as people who are gender nonconforming) should be treated equally. So, I might call her on that too, if no one says anything again. I'll probably see her again during Thanksgiving or something. She's also friends with the couple that holds that at their house. I just thinks she needs a little waking up or something.

Early next (that Tuesday) morning, I woke up around 4:30am. I was in extreme pain in my abdomen and what felt like around my lungs. That pain reminded me of when I had pneumonia several years ago, so it really freaked me out.When I had pneumonia, I was hospitalized for a week. They weren't sure if I was going to make it right away, since my lungs had been filled to the brim with fluid. In order to get that fluid out quickly, they poked a hole in one of my lungs and let it pour out into liter-sized bottles. I think it ended up filling a couple of them. Very painful, and had a hard time breathing normally for a long time. The difference this time was I didn't have a fever, I could take deep breaths, and the pain ebbed away with water and pain killers. Thank goodness the pain eventually went away completely! I think the pain was from taking my meds super late the day before. 

This also made me realize a few things. I remember being told, and reading the few papers I've gotten on azathioprine, that I should be very cautious of sick people, cuts, hospitals, etc. (Since it's a mild chemo med, and an immunosuppressant.) I was around a lot of people that weekend. Many people could have been sick or were carrying something and didn't know it. The synagogue was packed with people in such a closed-in small space, too. It didn't dawn on me until that Tuesday morning that sort of environment might not be wise for me...Accidentally cutting myself with the sharp edge of the chair at the synagogue, made a mark and scared me. (The cuts weren't deep enough to draw blood, but it felt like it.)

Another realization was that High Holiday services are usually pretty long. I mentioned I ate lunch at 3:15pm Monday, and I had my first 'batch' of pills then. I normally have it at a reasonable lunch time. Had my second 'batch' at around 8:30pm after a small snack. Normally it's after dinner. This threw me off for a while. 

I'm somewhat glad I decided not to go to the 2nd day of services. It's not as big of a deal that day. I ended up finding a live streaming directory that lists Reform congregations from around the country that stream most of the services. They also archive the vids, so if you couldn't watch it while it was happening, you can watch it when you can. I tried out one of those congregations for the 2nd day stuff. It was like I was actually there. (I even put it on Apple TV.) I did everything I would have done if I was there, too. It just took out the social/interactive aspect. I think it's really good for people who might be immunocompromised, too. I might be using a lot of them for Shabbat services as well as other holiday ones. I'm kind of rotating through them at the moment. So far, I think I've tried out 3 of them. 1 for 2nd day Rosh Hashanah stuff, another for Friday night services, and another for Saturday morning. Apparently, none of them do Havdalah (the concluding ceremony for Shabbat), but that's understandable. Some synagogues are huge and quite ornate. Very interesting to see.

I'm thinking physically going to Yom Kippur services won't be a good thing for me. It's usually even more crowded at the synagogue. This is upsetting to me, because I usually get a lot out of it, I see people I only see once a year, and it feels like an obligation to go.It seems even bigger than RH is. It was hard enough to not fast during the holiday. I have to have food with my meds, and it's considered an even bigger sin for people with health issues to not eat on that day. But, I shouldn't compromise my health for physically going to services. I'm sure other people have had to do this. At least I still have options with going to live streaming ones. 

On that Thursday, I had lunch with a friend I haven't really talked to for a while. I've known her for a very long time. She also has IBD (specifically Crohn's), so it was nice to talk to her about that, too. I don't know too many people who have it. (So, it was even more valuable for me to talk about it with her.) We went to Elmer's, and I got their maple apple French toast, chicken sausage, and scrambled eggs. We talked for a while, and then decided to go see a movie. We saw A Walk in the Woods. It was interesting, and made me feel like going hiking again.We talked a bit longer when she parked on our driveway. Had a lot to catch up on, and to share our stories with IBD. It was fun, too. It'd be fun to do that kind of thing again soon. 

Got an email from my gastroenterologist on Friday. She said my inflammation appears to be slowly getting better.She wanted me to increase my dose of azathioprine, because one of the metabolites from one of the test results was flagged low. That meant the azathioprine wasn't up at a therapeutic level. So, she wanted me to go up to 3 pills instead of 2. Also, she ordered another blood draw for at the beginning of next month. She asked about my hair loss, and how I'm doing overall with things. I like that she seems to really listen and care what I think. I messaged her back on Sunday. 

Her nurse messaged me back saying my gastro won't be available until next week. But, he said that'll be ok to increase my azathioprine to 1 pill 3 times a day. My gastro was suggesting things like 1.5 pills twice a day. I don't want to have to cut a tiny pill every day. I think I'll start the increased dosage tomorrow. We'll see what happens with that. He said I should keep the same dose for balsalazide. It's the stuff that I feel like I'm eating huge chunks of plastic every time. Went down to 6 pills instead of 9 after I talked to my gastro last time. It's the stuff they gave me right after my colonoscopy, and it's an anti-inflammatory med. He said after a month at the new dose of azathioprine, I could ask her again about the balsalazide dose. She was the one that asked me about that in the email...Oh, well. I'll just have to be patient with that.

For a while, I think it was during the week of the 7th, I did my best to do 3 of my 2-mile walks a day. Added another 'set' of sit-ups in the afternoon, too. It felt so good to do, and I didn't think I could do it. I want to get back to that again this week. Today I only did a partial walk (did most of it, at least), and I'll get to my 2nd set of sit-ups later. At least it's something. And, there's more to the week.

Hopefully I can get back to posting more often on here...People are liking the pics I posted on deviantART yesterday and today. All of them are of the stuff I saw on that Saturday when we went to the Night Market and Uwajimaya. Always interesting to see what people like, too.