9th of Av

 It’s been a while. I had hoped to blog more often. Maybe I can now. I guess I’ll go over my most recent things.

I started going back to my ‘diet’. It’s where I try to have a certain range of calories for each meal. That being 240-320 calories. It was a bit hard at first, but I’ve been getting the hang of it. For the whole day, the range is 1200 calories to 1600 calories. I have 5 ‘meals’. 5 small meals, I was told when I was diagnosed with IBD, is better on my gut than having 3 big meals a day. Plus, most of the time you don’t feel as hungry in between meals. I have already noticed small changes. I think it’ll work to help me feel healthier and lose weight. Last time I did it for a while, it really helped. I’ve also noticed how big things are again. I’ve noticed how little I can have for a meal. Having a full serving of my cereal and a little milk ends up being like 230 calories. I can’t really have a banana anymore with breakfast. (If I have the cereal. Might have it as part of a snack instead.) Can’t have the sausage patties or turkey bacon with it either. Having plain frozen pancakes and a little syrup is about in the middle of my range. It’s interesting. I also thought of it as like a game. Like you can only ‘pay’ with 1200-1600 calories. However, the weekend is usually my ‘splurge’ days. Especially for dinners. For those days, I might try to have 1800 calories or just a little more. I’m trying to look at other things like protein, carbs, sugar, and fat. I’m usually low on protein, sodium, fiber, and fat. Occasionally sugar, too. I use My Fitness Pal for it. It’s interesting that they now have a separate thing for water. I drink quite a lot according to that.

I’m still walking on top of the diet thing. I try to walk 3 times a day inside. Right now, each one is 10 minutes. I plan to increase each one. Last time I didn’t do it evenly, and my last walk was longer. That being 40 minutes. I’m thinking it might be better to add more to each one. I’ll have the last walk for 15 minutes. Then, eventually have the second walk as 15 minutes as well. Just keep going with each one like that. I might try doing outdoor ones when the weather gets better. Maybe once I get even healthier, I can try to do sit-ups again. They (my health team) were worried that I might break a bone again.

I splurged a bit and went out for dinner on Wednesday. I feel like I kind of broke it that way. We went to Burrata Bistro/Paella Bar. It’s like 2 restaurants in one. We shared some of their focaccia. It’s always so much. The rest are good for snacks. Had a little of the Marcona almonds. I got their penne alla puttanesca. It was much spicier than I expected. There wasn’t any spicy ingredient listed on the menu. The olives were weird. They had like little pieces of hard things inside. I mostly just had the pasta. I got their key lime tart. It was decent. I liked the crust. I wished they had their nutrition info somewhere, or even just the calories next to things, like some other restaurants do. I tried to add similar things to My Fitness Pal. Turns out, if it’s like what I found on there, that I actually ended up under the 1600 calories all together. I didn’t have my 5th meal. Well other than just having pills and water.

Getting my meds through CVS has been a headache. They say they sent things to my doctors, and yet they don’t get them. (I think they have the wrong address, at least for my primary care doctor.) My primary care doctor had to have one of her nurses call Molina about the ‘prior authorization’. They faxed the forms to them, my primary doctor filled them out and sent it. I had to call Molina in order for them to approve it. Might have to do that every time. I have a lot of meds. I tried to get something from my palliative care doctor as well. I called him about the whole thing. I’m still waiting on it to be approved. Hopefully all of them will go through with the way my primary care doctor had to do it.

I recently figured out a schedule for myself. This way I can try to get done what I want to do. Most days except the weekend, I figured out how to add playing my clarinet into it. I’ve been playing it for the first time in years. I think the last time I played was either in 2021 or 2020. It was close to when I was diagnosed with cancer. I also figured out when to blog, like what I’m now doing. Added my bed bath, and what I can do around it. Also, a little bit of doing my coloring books. It’s fun. Added Shabbat services to it, as well. I’ve figured out a pretty easy and accurate schedule with it all.

We (parent and I) recently went on vacation to Bellingham, Washington. I think it was the first time I was there. I haven’t traveled much since the cancer diagnosis. I got to a lot of things that were on my list. Some of those were restaurants. Those were some fun and good tasting food. We saw deer near one of the restaurants. That was cool.

We went to a 3-level bookstore. That was apparently famous. They had 2 cafes. One that was like a restaurant, and the other had a limited amount of things. It was a nice place. Wished there was more than one bathroom. We couldn’t stay very long, either.

The Marine Life Center was really small and cramped. Not much there. There were a lot of people, mainly kids.

We went to a Serbian/Russian market. We got hazelnut caramels, plum jam, cherry jam, pretzels, kvass, and cherry filled chocolate. I’ve had a caramel and some of the plum jam. They were very good. I was surprised there wasn’t much sugar in the plum jam.

We went to the Spark Museum. It started with electricity info, then things like telegrams or morse code or other earlier ways of communicating, telephones, TVs, radio, and more. It was quite packed with stuff.

One of the nights, there were police vehicles circling the hotel. We had to park near the hotel, because they were blocking the way to it. I’m almost afraid to find out what happened. We just hunkered down in the room once they cleared the way.

I’ve also gotten into reading. I made a top 100 list of classic books. I’m going through it. I got a Kindle that I’m reading books on. That’s been interesting. The first one was Pride and Prejudice. It was kind of boring except for the last 30 pages. It got intense. My 2nd book was going to be 1984. I didn’t want to read it, so I changed it. I tried to get into Crime and Punishment. It's a long book, too. I decided to drop that one. I started reading Hamlet, which was next. It's surprisingly short. It probably won't take me very long. 

It’s been hot lately. It’s affected my health, too. I seem to always be sweating. We don’t have ac, and the house stays warm for a while even when it’s cool outside. It’s been interesting watching the temperature in my room. My parent gave me a thing that shows the temperature and humidity. It’s humid in my room apparently. It also shows the lowest temperature and highest temperature in the last 24 hours, along with the humidity.

I was wearing one of my Jewish Pride shirts on yesterday. It has a big star of David in rainbow colors. It says B’tzelem Elohim. Meaning in the image of G-d. It also lists the congregation that was selling them at one of the local Prides. I went to Central, and someone saw it. They quickly said shalom. It was kind of cool. I don’t get a reaction to it very often.

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4th of Nisan

Passover or Pesach, this year, starts on the night of April 12th to the 20th. I’m going to do it this year. The seder and ‘diet’ during the holiday. Ashkenazi Jews have a more restrictive diet than Sephardi Jews during the holiday. In addition to no leavening (from 5 types of grains: wheat, barley, oats, rye, and spelt), which is chametz, we don’t eat kitniyot. Kitniyot (lit. ‘small things’) are legumes, rice, corn, and other foods considered similar to grains. Even mustard is on the list. I try to keep it as close as I can. There’s a surprising amount of corn products in things.

Seder lit. means ‘order’, it’s a ritual dinner that goes in a certain order. I didn’t do a seder for a couple of years after my fall and cancer diagnosis. I think this is my 3rd year getting back into it. I’ll be the leader at our family one. It’ll just be my parent and I. It’s a bit sadder when it’s just me. (Had that for a couple of years.) We used to go to a friends’ place for the 2nd night. Most people do (or go to) seders on the 1st 2 nights. The hostess had an accident (I don’t remember exactly what happened) and got brain damage from it. So, they haven’t hosted one since. They might have stopped it when Covid came around, too. I kind of miss their seders. There were a lot of people. I got to see their dogs. There was interesting food. I usually was the youngest one, so I had to ‘search’ for the afikoman. Afikoman is a piece of matzo (cracker like unleavened bread) that’s been hidden. The kids have to find it. They usually get a prize of some sort. The best present I got, I think, was an illustrated Hebrew dictionary. (Most of the time it’s like $1 or something small.) The seder can’t end unless everyone eats a piece of the afikoman. It’s also the last thing that’s eaten. I think some strict families don’t sing or listen to music after.

I decided on the actual dinner things for ours. We’ll have the usual hard-boiled eggs and gefilte fish first. I got 2 jars of the fish, which will be nice to have during the week. Then, matzo ball soup. I got 2 jars of this. We’ll probably use all of the 1st jar that night. My parent wanted to make the roasted chicken. The last couple of years we’ve gotten it from one of the markets. It might be even better made at home. I thought having a salad would be a good side. Probably get a spring mix. I can put a few leaves from it on the seder plate. I was hoping to mix in shredded carrots and shredded cabbage. I think Safeway used to have those already prepared. I’m hoping they’ll still have that. Craisins or dried cranberries would be great in the salad, too. I already found a good looking dressing and got it. It’s a garlic vinaigrette. I got quite a collection of desserts. Double dipped chocolate macaroons, almond macaroons, fruit slices (candy), chocolate seder plate (it looks impressive to me. Hopefully it’s in one piece), and Osem's chocolate chip Pesach cake (they make amazing Pesach cakes. I think they crushed this one, sadly). I bought 2 boxes of matzo. Even though I’m the only one that will eat it after the seder, I’m going to use it a lot. Matzo pizzas, matzo with charoset (fruit, nut, and wine mix, which the one I bought is like a jam) on it for a snack, matzo sandwiches (almond butter and charoset, egg salad, and tuna salad), and more. I decided not to try to roast an egg this year for the seder plate. I’ll just put a hard-boiled egg on it. I’m not sure how many hard-boiled eggs I’ll need for sandwiches for the week. Safeway has a couple of brands, and they all have 6 to a bag. Maybe if I want more I can just go back to get more then. We’ll put an orange on the seder plate again. It represents marginalized Jews. Like LGBTQ+ Jews, Jews of color, etc. We’ll have to get parsley for the plate, too. I noticed we have ‘extra hot’ horseradish. We could use that for the plate and the little matzo sandwich we have during the seder part just before dinner. I hope I can handle a tiny piece of it. I’ll get sparkling grape juice for my 4 cups. I don’t drink alcohol. I think I’ll get 2 bottles. I can have the rest during the holiday.

I got 3 bags of Pesach noodles. They didn’t have any at the markets, and they only came in 3s on Amazon. (I got most of the Pesach stuff from there.) I love those noodles. It’ll definitely last longer than the holiday. I’m going to try and find a good pasta sauce to have with it. Kind of hard to find without soy or corn products. I’ll have some cheese with it as well. I’ll use both the sauce and cheese with the matzo pizzas and noodles. I also found a premade roast chicken, potatoes, and carrots boxed meal. They say it can be used for camping. They say they’re kosher for Pesach. I might try more of them in the future, if I like it. I got bbq potato chips. That would be a nice snack. I got an herbal tea sampler. Most teas are kosher year round, but it was on sale in Amazon’s Pesach section. Hopefully it’ll be good. I thought a sampler would be nice. I can try a variety of them. This holiday is one of my faves, but it takes quite a bit of planning.

The main picture on the Jewish calendar is of an old French seder plate. It has the spots for each thing, each one is also in Hebrew and French. The outer part of the plate has all the sections of the seder in both Hebrew and French. That’s kind of cool to see. Most seder plates don’t do that. The other (secular) calendar has someplace in Scotland, I think. It has the Scottish flag. It’s of a sunset around some ruins.

I downloaded my ancestry . com data, and uploaded it to MyTrueAncestry. They supposedly do a deeper dive into how far back they go. My parent did it before me, and it looked interesting. It only took less than 10 minutes. It was free, although they show more if you pay for it. Not sure how accurate it is. A big percentage were Illyrians. I still don’t know much about them after looking them up. I’ll look at the other groups at some point. (A lot of them I don’t know much about.) Another big percentage were the Romans. I’m surprised by this one, but they got around, like the Vikings. I didn’t see any Viking in there, oddly. It had an era circle of what percentage of people were for each era. They also have a map, so you can see where they travelled around in certain eras. My parent also recently tried another DNA thing. Something that sequences your whole genome. I might be able to do that when they have a sale. It takes a while.

Went to Kettlefish for the first time on Saturday. There’s only 3 entrees I can have there: fish and chips, cod tacos, or Caesar salad with cod pieces. I got their cod tacos with coleslaw. The fish was really good. There were way too many things in the tacos, so most of it fell out. Even with eating the fish first, it was still too much. The pico de gallo tasted like it had curry spices. Interesting. The tacos also had too much lettuce. The coleslaw was interesting and good. They also had ice cream. I got a chocolate eclair bar. Reminded me of the strawberry shortcake bars. Just with chocolate. I might try their fish and chips next time.

I ordered quite a bit of meds lately. My primary doc’s ‘team’ also ordered 400 mg gabapentin. They want me to take it once 3 times a day. They think it might help me more than the 300 mg once 3 times a day dose. I had been waiting for my morphine 60 mg pills. I’d run out by Friday morning. (I take it 3 times a day.) I was so happy to get it today. It really cut it close. I also got the gabapentin. It was 90 days worth. I wanted it to be a 30 day one. I ended up with 4 huge full bottles of it. Too much. I barely had space for it and the other meds I got. (There were a few more.) I think the gabapentin was $16, but I wasn’t charged for the others. I thought it’d all be a lot more expensive. Maybe I’ve already hit the deductible or whatever it is.

Today I didn’t miss any of the Spanish sentences on Duolingo. Did 3 lessons. Finished a unit and my Spanish number went up to 62. Hit a milestone for my daily streak, which was 1,250 days. Finished all the quests for today. I’m 5th in the league. 

Someone tried to basically harass me on Shabbat . com. He sent weird messages and tried friending me twice. He seemed to only be there to look for a wife. He made quite a few false assumptions about me. I eventually just blocked him. Oddly, I noticed I haven't used that app for 3 years. I might get back to it. It's kind of like a Facebook for Jews. Including part of it where you can find places to stay and host Shabbat dinners. They got a dating part of it, which I never really used. Most people on there have been nice.

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19th of Adar

Had a fun weekend. Went to a new place called McCloud’s for dinner on Friday. Their menu is huge! There were so many good sounding desserts on their specials menu. We shared fried pickle fries. They come with ranch. They were kind of in a nifty shape. I thought they were pretty good. I got their bbq combo. I chose the brisket, mashed potatoes, and potato salad. It comes with cornbread. The brisket was very fatty, but the rest of it was decent. The sauce was interesting. The mashed potatoes didn’t look very normal. It needed more salt. The potato salad was just ok. Cornbread was just ok. I ate close to half of everything, and had the rest (including pickle fries) for lunch on Sunday. The mashed potatoes were much better after I added a lot more salt at home. Maybe the rest of their entrees/sides will be better. I had their toffee caramel bundt cake. It was amazing! I ended up eating it all.

We went to Burger King on Saturday for lunch. Been a while since I had been there. I got a whopper with cheese without onions with onion rings and a vanilla cream soda. It was great!

After that, we got pedicures. I decided to get those instead of going to the podiatrist just to get my toenails clipped. I got the same ‘package’ as my parent. The signature one. They do a few different massages in addition to the actual pedicure part. They also add in putting on nail polish. I didn’t want the nail polish. I wasn’t sure if it would make my toenails worse. They almost didn’t understand that I didn’t want it. They don’t know very much English. I think I might have it next time. Something sparkly. I guess it’s ok to try and see what it does. They didn’t trim my nails much. That was my main thing. Next time I’ll ask them to trim them shorter. Hopefully they’ll be able to trim both my big toes’ nails. They’re the weird looking ones. They were still pretty short this time, so it was understandable that they didn’t do much with them. The skin on my legs and feet still feels really soft from all that stuff they did. I think I’ll get their basic thing next time. That still has a couple of massages. (And they still apply lotion and such.) Nail polish is included in it, too. I had worn my slippers so I can easily slip in and out of them. They tried helping me put them on afterwards. They were really nice.

We went home so I could get my socks and shoes on. My feet/legs felt naked and cold on the way home. We went to Starbucks for a snack after that. I got an iced lavender cream oatmilk matcha latte and coffee cake. The latte was new, and it had kind of a fun taste. The coffee cake was good, but very crumbly.

Went to my haircut appointment at 4:30pm. My stylist and the receptionist were the only other people in the store. It was a little weird. I got another buzzcut. It feels like she cut it even shorter than usual. I think the 6-week thing worked out more. It wasn’t getting too crazy before the haircut like it had been. The only issue is I had to make an appointment for more than 6 weeks out. It’s going to get funky again. I guess I can wear a hat if it gets bad. I brought up Rosie passing away. She suggested we get another pet. To fill the void, and that many pets need good homes. It’s hard. I don’t think I want to get attached like that to another pet and then deal with their death again. It hurts. She talked about her new chihuahua puppy. I was thinking a while ago about getting a chihuahua. (Long before Rosie passed away.) A nice small dog. Again, I don’t think I want to deal with that again. Unless maybe if I won the lottery and had my own house. (I might get both a dog and cat.) That’s a big maybe, though. Anyways, it looked like a lot of hair was on the floor when she was done. I didn’t think my hair was that long.

My parent made our usual St Patrick’s Day dinner on Sunday. It’s easier to cook like that during the weekend. There were corned beef, potatoes, carrots, and cabbage. They were all boiled together with a little spices. I had the corned beef with a little maple mustard. It was great without it, but it elevated it a little more. It was all great. Shared soda bread for my last snack. Another fave.

This month’s Universal Yums is on Colombia. (Got it on Monday.) I don’t think Treats covered Colombia. It’s pretty new to me that way. Should be interesting to see what emails I’ll get on it from them. So far, there was a recipe for Sancocho Colombiano. Apparently, a huge stew with beef and vegetables. They usually add a sauce on top of it. They might have rice or avocado as sides. Went through the booklet. I can have the 2 recipes in it. I think 1 of them looked really good. Cheese in hot chocolate is apparently a thing. The music playlist wasn’t great. I thought they’d have traditional music. Instead it was pop, rap, and hip-hop. Looks like fun and different snacks this time. There’s one I can’t have. It’s bacon and lime potato chips. My parent said she might have that one.

I’ve tried the cheese rings with cassava powder. They were pretty good, just had a strange aftertaste. Had some of the Chew n Crunch Stix. They weren’t great. Very interesting that it had specks of candy inside. I noticed there was gelatin in it. I don’t know if that’s from pork, beef, fish, or plants. (I can’t have pork products.) The uncertainty scared me and they weren’t good, so I threw the rest out. Had one of the passion fruit flavored lollipops with bubblegum in the center. The candy part was really good. Very flavorful. You could smell it, too. I’m not sure if I’ve had passion fruit before. It looked like it had seeds, but I think they made the candy have bumps and colored them in to make them look like seeds. The gum wasn’t very good. Didn’t last long. It was an experience, though. Today, I had a little bit of the coconut caramel stick candy. It was awful. It also had gelatin. It wasn’t worth having the whole stick. I threw the rest of it out, too. I also had the coffee cake that actually has coffee in it. It was really good. Seemed like it was steamed. It was nice and moist. Had a little strange aftertaste. Not sure what that was. I gave it 3.5 hearts. I gave the coconut caramel sticks 0 hearts. So, today had both the lowest and highest ratings so far. There are lime potato chips from the same brand that did the bacon and lime potato chips. It sounds interesting. I’ve had lime tortilla chips, but not potato chips. There’s also mayo potato chips. To me, that could be good or bad. All depends on how it’s done. There are garlic plantain chips. I’ve tried plantains a couple of times and didn’t like it. Maybe I’ll like it in a different form? There’s a gummy thing. I’ll try a little bit, but it also has gelatin. If it’s good, I might eat more of it. There are lemon cream sandwich cookies, a peanut chocolate bar, and a wafer chocolate bar. Those seem ‘normal’.

Yesterday I had a meatloaf meal from Safeway for dinner. It also had green beans and mashed potatoes. Their meatloaf only has beef, which is great. They use a ketchup-based sauce, which reminds me of what my mom did with her meatloaves. It didn’t have the garlic and herb butter for the green beans/potatoes this time. I like that usually. It still was good. I had a slice of their Biscoff cookie butter cake for my last snack. It’s one of the best cakes they have. Super popular. They didn’t have it for a while. It was the last one. I’m so happy I got to have it. It was amazing! I had Amy’s broccoli cheddar bake for dinner tonight. It’s a frozen meal. One of my faves. I had an oatmeal raisin cookie for dessert. It was pretty tasty. For my last snack, I’ll have cheddar pretzels and either the last of the s’mores chocolate or the beef and cheese sticks. I love the beef and cheese sticks. Another thing I haven’t seen in a while. It might be best to have that then.

I’ve decided to get most of my Passover food from Amazon. They have a good selection. The QFC in Seattle disappointed me last year. They really didn’t have much. They used to be impressive with a huge selection. They actually have a section for it on Amazon. I looked at it last year and it had pretty much everything I needed. Even the jarred charoset and actual choices of cereal. I’ll check it out again soon. The holiday starts the night of April 12th. I have a little while.

I finished my little project of listening through the decades on Spotify. I didn’t find much in the 2010s and 2020s. I added a little over 330 songs to my liked playlist with that. Now I’m listening to my liked playlist on shuffle with their ‘new’ recommendations mixed in. I’ve added quite a bit more that way. I’m still not used to listening to music throughout the day again. It’s another experience. I used to do it all the time, but I stopped it at some point. Probably after my fall 5 years ago and cancer stuff.

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14th of Shevat

It’s been a while. This whole past week was weird. I was supposed to get my hospital bed last Monday (on 2/3), and they were also supposed to ‘pick up’ my old hospital bed that day. The weather was really awful. We had gotten some snow and ice. It was so bad, my parent said the schools she works for were closed. The Apria driver did call me about postponing it, considering it was so bad out. He said he’d call me on Tuesday at around 9am or 9:30am. I never heard from him after that. The weather was bad for most of the week. Schools were closed most of week, except for Friday. That was a 2 hour delay. I have a feeling they didn’t call because of the weather. It was forecast to be really cold out this week. Not much snow in the forecast. It was ridiculous to be waiting so long. Especially with no word from them.

On Monday, they called me at around 12:30pm. I was going to call them after I had lunch. So, perfect timing. They had apparently called my parent just before me. I have her as my emergency contact. They have my info, but for some reason they’ve contacted my parent instead. It’s weird. It was like that with the previous bed. Anyways, they finally did it. They attached some of the old bed parts to the new one, which was interesting. The new one’s fully electric. Different than last time. Just a press of a button to have the whole thing go up and down. There was a crank with the old one. The family room looks really empty downstairs now. My bedroom looks more ‘busy’. I managed to get the hospital table where I wanted it. Parent helped a lot with bringing it upstairs. I almost had to throw it in my room. I can still get to the closet with it. Should be interesting to see what it’s like for bed baths. The bed itself is pretty comfy. 

I still need to dust more in my room. I wasn’t really using it as my room for close to 5 years. A little weird to get back to. I’ll vacuum it more and go through my clothes and other things. Hopefully I'll have the energy to do stuff like that. 

I ordered calendars last night. The previous calendars were stuck on December 2020. I got the Jewish calendar this afternoon. That’s pretty fast. It’s from the same museum that did my previous Jewish calendars. They showcase a different artifact (sometimes 2) a month. I don’t like the new packaging. They went without plastic with a slight overhang. I had to cut that off. They still have the Torah portions or parsha, phases of the moon, Shabbos lighting times, National and Jewish holidays (I think they even have things like Ramadan as well), and more. It’s usually a nice calendar. Last night, I also searched for a secular calendar. I was planning to get a chemical element one, like I had last time. That was a really cool one. Apparently they stopped making them in 2023. I looked for an herbs/spices one, which I had before. Nothing. Then I did a generalized search. They had a Pusheen calendar. I had one in the past and liked it. The problem was it wouldn’t get here until March, and I want it sooner. I was surprised with the sample that they even had Shavuot on there. That’s kind of rare for secular calendars. I found one that was called Passport to the World. It has pics of places from around the world. I think I had a calendar in the past with the same company. They’re French. They have French, Spanish, and English for everything. It might have pretty pics. I think that’s supposed to be delivered on Friday.

I also might look into getting a clock for my room. I already have an idea of where I’ll put it. I’d like it to not tick. I’m a little nervous about how to put it up on the wall. Maybe my parent can help me. I just want a simple one. I’m going to have to get rid of my stereo at some point. It doesn’t really work anymore.

My little TV is old (I think I got it just before I went to college in 2003), and it only plays my old Sega Genesis games. All the other channels don’t work. I want a new nice and small TV. I’ll take down my ace flag, and put it up there. Maybe have a sound bar underneath it. Maybe eventually get a game console with games. I think my parent got a Playstation for us, but it would be interesting to have something like that in my room as well. She can play with me, too. I have some ideas for the future in my room. It seems fun that way.

The Saturday before that Monday (the day I was supposed to get the bed) the Got Junk people came by. They were supposed to be here at 11am, but they came at like 10:30am. They took my bed, the headboard, and the stuff that was under the bed. I was nervous to know what was under there. I thought there would be like a ton of spiders, mice, or Rosie’s poop. None of that craziness. I found my certificate from when I ‘graduated’ from swimming lessons as a kid. Found a few of Rosie’s toys. She must have brought them there. I saved her fave big yellow ball and ladybug plush toy. It’s kind of an angry looking ladybug. I saw my old posters. There was a wooden slab. My desk used to be made of 2 short blue bookcases and a wooden slab/plank over it. I have a real one now. I think what I have now was my mom’s. I certainly didn’t need that huge piece of wood anymore. I’m glad they took most of it away. My parent, on Friday (I think), vacuumed the area that was underneath. There were a lot of dust bunnies and small pieces of debris. Now it’s even better. I didn’t have the energy by then to vacuum it myself. We had it ready for a while this way.

Last Saturday I also had a haircut appointment. I was worried the Got Junk people would take so long that I’d have to cancel it. Luckily, they were quick. They were done before around 11am. I got another buzzcut. A little cold for right now, but it’s so easy to take care of. I had a lot of grey or white hairs. Kind of surprised me. Yet again, she didn’t charge me. She does it because she feels that’s what she can do to help me. When she found out I had cancer, that’s how she felt about it. I feel guilty about it sometimes.

Afterwards, we went to Isla Bonita for lunch. I got their burrito blanco. One of my faves at other Mexican places, so I wanted to see what theirs was like. It was very good. Leftovers made for another great lunch.

After that we went to Starbucks. (I think we went home in between.) Apparently my parent had lost her wallet. The Apple Pay wasn’t working, so I paid for everything. A little difficult for me, considering I don’t get much through ssi.

After that we went to Walmart. I needed a surge protector and my parent needed Tums. I bought both of them, since Apple Pay didn’t work there. I needed the surge protector for my new all electric hospital bed, iPhone charger, and watch charger. The other outlet is for my lamp on my nightstand. So, it was another thing to prepare for the new bed. I’m surprised the iPhone charger works as well. It’s pretty old, but I haven’t used it in a long time. Hopefully it’ll work for a while. I think we might have gone to Petco, too. Rosie needed more cat litter. Apple Pay did eventually work there.

I tried to take a cramp med that my parent gave me during the week. Did it for 3 nights, and didn’t have any cramps those nights. It might interact with my other meds, so I decided to have it when I have cramps at night. That hasn’t happened yet. I’m unsure if it’s safe for me to take on a regular basis.

We decided to go out on Thursday. Kind of felt stir crazy. We went to Starbucks again, which I think I paid for it again. (We tried the Apple Pay again, and it didn’t work.) I tried one of their new sandwiches: pesto egg and mozzarella. It was really hot at first. It was good. The gingerbread latte wasn’t as great as I expected.

We went to Safeway for dinner stuff, and Central Market that night for dessert stuff. I think I got broccoli chicken Alfredo. I got a fruit tart for dessert from their new bakery area. My parent was able to use Apple Pay at both places. Thank goodness. I went through the self checkout and I had to tilt the fruit tart at a weird angle. It made some of the fruit pieces slide off.

We went to the Olive Garden for dinner Friday night. They actually had Apple Pay, and my parent had no problems with it. I got chicken and gnocchi soup, fettuccine Alfredo with broccoli, and tiramisu for dessert. There wasn’t enough gnocchi in the soup. I think I had like 3 in the whole thing. There was way too much broccoli in the fettuccine Alfredo. Like more than a head’s worth. The tiramisu was frozen in parts. Once I thought the cream/custard was like ice cream, it was better. Had half of the fettuccine Alfredo with broccoli and had the leftovers for lunch on Saturday. It seemed like quite a lot still.

Did weekly grocery shopping at Central Market on Saturday. Parent found some decent bananas. I got 2 dinners and 2 desserts. One being a broccoli and cheddar quiche, and the other dinner their mac and cheese. I had half of the mac and cheese Saturday night. Got a hazelnut chocolate cupcake from their new bakery area, and a cherry pie slice. The cupcake that night was a bit weird. The frosting/nuts/chocolate syrup was good, but the cake part had like an herb. I couldn’t place it. I got tired of having the oatmeal cookies, and got snickerdoodles this time. We also got hot dark chocolate. We still have small marshmallows, so why not?

Went to Safeway on Sunday. There’s a new flavor of the cereal I get. I normally get the maple pecan Honey Bunches of Oats. It’s one of the few cereals that doesn’t turn into tasting like sand. The new flavor is chocolate Honey Bunches of Oats. I thought about it. It would only be 3 more grams of sugar. I decided to get my usual, but I might try the new one soon. For a dinner, I got grilled chicken with green beans and mashed potatoes. It also has some garlic and herb butter. I added BBQ sauce to the chicken and the butter mostly on the green beans. I got tiramisu cake for dessert. There was a big one that was like 500 calories, and the one I got was 210 calories. I don’t need a lot. The chicken with BBQ sauce (it was one I haven’t had before) was really good, same with the rest of it. The cake is probably tasty, too.

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29th of Nisan

It's been a long time since I lasted posted here. Didn't want it to be this long between posts. Hopefully, I'll get to posting more often. I've been posting a lot to places like Facebook, Tumblr, and PatientsLikeMe. They've kind of become more of a way for people to know what's going on with me. It's a bit more difficult to post on here, because I can only really do it through my desktop. There isn't an app for this. At least, not a reliable one. I haven't really used my computer in a while, either. Trying to stay downstairs as much as I can, and my computer's upstairs in my room. My room doesn't even feel like my room anymore. It's odd that I now sleep downstairs in the family room with a hospital bed in the middle of it. They want me to avoid upstairs as much as possible because of my bone mets, and it's easier to break a bone if I fall. I miss being up here, though. 

Yesterday marked the anniversary of when I was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer. It's crazy that it's been a year. Feels like longer. A lot has happened. At least, I can look at it like I survived a year. Many people don't make it past 5 years after diagnosis. I hope I can make it that long, and surpass it by a lot. I want to live for as long as I can. Hopefully, my quality of life will still be relatively good for a long time. 

I didn't do Passover this year. That's twice in a row of not doing it. Last year I was recovering from falling in the shower and breaking my right shoulder, and I had just learned about having cancer. I think it was later that year. That's another thing. It kind of crept up on me this year. Last month was rather expensive, and I didn't want to add on to it. I also was just not feeling it this year. Even a month beforehand, when I usually try to start getting the food for it, it just didn't feel right. I'm hoping next year I can feel up to it. If I do it early enough, I can find everything I need for the holiday and not worry about cooking much during it. I've felt so fatigued that it's hard for me to do things like cook. That holiday is very cooking-centric. However, like I mentioned, if it's early enough, I can get most of it already prepared online. No need to make my own things like cereal that way. It's one of my fave holidays. 

Kind of along the same line, I recently started Duolingo's Yiddish course. It just came out a few days ago. Feels like another way to connect with my ancestors who spoke it. It's interesting that I tried their Scottish Gaelic course when it came out, too. Some of my other ancestors spoke that. There aren't many speakers of either language today. There might be more who speak Yiddish than Scottish Gaelic today. People are trying to change that with both languages, though. I think that's awesome! It was interesting that on the day Yiddish went live, Duolingo had a thing where if you order a bagel in Yiddish at participating stores, you'd get it for free. I wish they had one that was local to me. I could have tried it. So far, I'm doing pretty well with it. Only missed a few questions/sentences out of 7 units, and leveling out 4 of those. (There are 5 levels with around 5 lessons for each unit.) With most of them, I've gotten perfect scores. I started out on the totally new to it trek. They start you off with the letters that way. They added in actual words and sentences earlier than I expected. It would have been even greater if they also had speaking exercises. I know it's still in beta, but hopefully they can add that in the future. I'm just happy I get to be exposed a bit more to it. My plan for Duolingo before is going to be put on hold until I finish their Yiddish course. I've wanted to do this for a while. The plan before was with every new Treats monthly subscription box, change to the language that that country speaks. So, if it's something like India, start learning Hindi. I thought that would be a great way to learn languages, and learn more about the country they feature. I did that last month when it was on India. Hindi was very interesting, but I don't think their course for it was even as good as their Yiddish course so far. The month before that I tried Bahasa Indonesia on there. Even though it was Malaysian snacks that time, I couldn't find any good Bahasa Malaysia apps and it wasn't on Duolingo. Bahasa Indonesia is supposed to be similar, so I went with that. Before that, I was trying to do Welsh. Got really tired of it quickly. Hopefully, I can stick with Yiddish all the way to the end of the course, and keep it up every day. 

I went to the dentist for the first time in roughly 15 years recently. I finally got dental insurance last year, and just hadn't gone yet. My oncologist really wanted me to go before I started xgeva. Xgeva's a bone strengthening med. It's like zometa, only not an infusion. This one's in shot form. She thinks it'll be better for me after I ended up feeling really sick with the first zometa infusion. Anyways, both these meds can cause dental problems. One of those being jaw necrosis. They don't want me to go through major dental procedures while on it. The dentist poked around and looked at x-rays of my teeth that first visit. He said the only problem he saw was that I had cavities. 7 of them. So, I'll need 7 fillings. Not major dental stuff, so he ok'd me taking xgeva, and sent a fax to my oncologist. The next time I saw him he did a deep cleaning. It was painful at times. He prescribed a toothpaste and mouth rinse afterwards. I read that they help with preventing more cavities, remineralizes, and helps to prevent worsening of gingivitis. That's kind of good. I'm only supposed to use the mouth rinse for 10 days. The toothpaste has an odd flavor. It says it's fruit-flavored, but tastes like bubble gum. I'd prefer to get back to my other toothpaste in the future. That one has a better flavor and is for sensitive teeth. My teeth have always been sensitive. Even when they were super healthy. The insurance didn't cover those prescriptions, but they weren't as expensive as I expected. So that was a plus. The next time I'll see him he'll do a 'tissue check'. Not sure what that entails. Then, he'll get to doing 2 of the fillings. The only problem I have with this dental place is they continue to call and text my parent about my appointments. They're not contacting me. I wrote my phone number on the intake form. They somehow got my number before I gave it to them, since they called while I was filling it out. I brought this up to them at the end of my appointment last time, and specifically said call or text me, not my parent. They started to say they didn't have it. I brought up that it's on the intake form, and said my number again for them. My parent got a text reminder of my next appointment that night. The next time they text her, I'll call them about it. It's kind of ridiculous. I don't know why they're contacting her and not me. It feels like maybe they're afraid or something? I didn't answer that time they called me because I had so much stuff on my lap and I was in the midst of finishing that form. So weird. 

We recently found out that Rosie, our cat, has diabetes. My parent was giving her insulin for a while. The insulin was human and pretty expensive. One little bottle is $300, but that's supposed to last 6 months. It still is a lot. We also changed her food to a higher protein one that needs a prescription. Tasha, our other cat, loves that stuff, too. We were told last Monday that she may have beaten her diabetes. It might have gone into remission. That way she might not need insulin anymore. The food might be enough for now. Her readings for the glucose monitor were much lower than before. They monitored her at the vet clinic for a day. That'll be great if she doesn't need the shots anymore. 

On Monday, I had a CT and full bone scan done. It was an exhausting day. They took forever to get the IV in. I came close to passing out at one point. They told me last time that I should make an appointment just beforehand with one of the people from the infusion center. That way they can use an ultrasound to find a vein quickly. I thought I'd be fine this time. Plus, I couldn't find the card of the person I was supposed to call. I shouldn't have to make another appointment for before it either. They gave me a card of another person from the infusion center for next time. Hopefully, I'll remember. I have to have them done every 3 months. The results came back really quickly. They seem great, except for 2 things in the findings section of the CT scan. That being a small fat-containing umbilical hernia, and focal fluid collections or masses. I'll bring that up with my oncologist the next time I see her. Like I said, the rest of it looked great. Even the bone scan is stable. There's no progression, but there's also no shrinkage or anything disappearing. My lungs are clear now, too. They saw a lung nodule last time that they were worried about. They suspected that it was a met, and now they're not sure. It's gone now at least. 

Home Health stopped having their aides come by to give me a shower. It was right after my home aide had quit, and my palliative care nurse had just gotten back from vacation. It shocked him, and he said it made him stammer. I think the way it was done wasn't right. I didn't like them in the first place, and wanted to be able to do it on my own for a while. They didn't give me any 'tools' to try it on my own beforehand. One home aide suggested I buy a long shower brush. I can't reach my back, neck, upper left arm, and anything from the knee down on my own without any tools. That's still quite a lot. I wasn't able to get the brush before they stopped coming to see if it would actually help me. It would have been best to have at least one more time of them coming by, seeing how I handle a brush, and maybe tell me some tips on how to better use it. That would have been much better. I like how the manager told me I can get back into the program whenever I need them. Well, I needed them right then. I have been able to do it on my own with the brush since then. It really wears me out, though. 

I decided to stop getting the Arts in Letters monthly subscription. They were very interesting, but I just couldn't keep up with them after a while. I love the idea of them, too. I hope the person behind it can keep it up. I looked up other monthly subscription boxes to replace it. I decided on Celebrate States. This is a very interesting one. I love learning about states. Each box comes with a ton of info on it, and quite a lot of items. Each one is personalized according to what you filled out on the quiz just before ordering it. Since I said I had cats, there was a cat toy in the first box. I don't know if every box will have something cat-related, but that's nice. You had a choice of either Florida or North Carolina for the first box. I chose Florida. There was a nice smelling candle, homemade soap, honey, teas, gum, a shell, goat's milk lotion, a rub for meat, and more. It had more things in it than I was expecting. I think the next state is California, since they mentioned it on their Facebook page. After the first month, it's a mystery as to what the next state will be. I also virtually visited places that sounded interesting, which I found in the guidebook and magazines that came with it. I might do the same thing with future states. Gives me something to do, at least. 

A friend sent me a box filled with things. It was essentially a care package to help keep me preoccupied. I didn't expect to get something like that. There's certainly a lot to it. There's a ton of chocolate, a drawing book, an art book, coloring books, fun socks, teas, colored pencils, markers, a candle (Peruvian lime scented), ramen, a cat treat, a huge jigsaw puzzle featuring birds, and more. It was very nice of them. The only problem was finding places for everything. I really appreciated it, though. Apparently, another friend is going to send me something, too. That being Girl Scout cookies and gift cards. They don't have to send me these things, but it's all so nice and sweet of both of them. 

I tried to get into my regular clothes recently. I normally wear my pajamas. Even when I go out. Found out I lost weight everywhere but the area they did my hysterectomy in. My shirt was baggier than the last time I wore it. My jeans were baggy except for the top, where I couldn't zip it up. I just hope I don't get something like my mom did. She had 2 abdominal tumors. She lost weight at the time, the first tumor was detected, everywhere but her belly. This is different, though. Maybe that hernia has something to do with it, too. I think it has to do with how the area has healed since the hysterectomy. It's made more of a pooch. If I want to try wearing jeans now I need to get a bigger sized pair. It's weird that the legs of those jeans will be super baggy that way. I've managed for the couple days lately, that I wanted to wear regular clothes, to wear a shirt, pajama bottoms, and regular socks. It's better than before, I guess. 

At some point, I want to get back to my walks. This week might be best for that. It's going to get up to and around 70 degrees at some point. That's going to be nice. It's been so cold still. The fleece/sherpa blend blanket I got not long ago has really helped at night. If I start doing my walks when it's nice out, I might be more likely to keep it up. We'll see. I hope to eat closer to what I used to, as well. It's a little difficult with having the to-go meals for dinners, and all that chocolate. However, I could halve some of those dinners. With the chocolate, I'm trying to just have one serving at a time. Even with that, it adds quite a few calories. I'm trying to also give myself a break sometimes. Keeping my 'splurge' days would be good. Those being Friday night through Sunday. My palliative care nurse said I really shouldn't care too much about eating healthier. Just do what I can, but with my situation, it's ok to indulge more with things. I want to feel healthier, though. 

I want to get back to watching things, too. It took me a while to get through the last 2 things I finished through Netflix. I'm almost done with The School Nurse Files. I think there's only one more episode left. Hopefully, I can finish that soon. The next show on my list is Betaal, which is a short Indian zombie show. The School Nurse Files is a supernatural Korean one. It's kind of eccentric. I think it was based on a manhwa or Korean comic. It's a bit surreal as a live-action show. I also want to get back into watching anime. I've been somewhat catching up again with One Piece, but I've pretty much stopped watching other things. I'm about a year behind on anime I'd like to watch. That's quite a lot. Plus, during this season, there are a ton of shows that I love that started their next season. It feels weird to be so far behind. Hopefully, I'll get into it again. 

3rd Day of Sukkot

I can't believe it's already Sukkot. Sukkot (singular: sukkah) lit. means booths, and are temporary walled structures that we build and 'dwell' in during the holiday. It's a harvest festival that lasts for 8 days. It's supposed to be one of the most joyful holidays. People eat and sometimes sleep in their sukkah. We used to put up our own. It just ended up being too much of a hassle to put up. Really needed more than 2 people to put it together, and we stopped asking people to help us at some point. The wood, I think, ended up rotting and couldn't be used anymore. It was nice when we had it up, though. Like what's custom to do, we had guests or ushpizin over for dinner in it for the first few nights. They were usually our neighbors and were not Jewish. That was fun, and they seemed to enjoy it, too. Now, with covid, it probably wouldn't be wise to do that. We usually ate almost every meal in the sukkah. It was interesting eating outside like that. 

This is my wallpaper for October. It's Overhaul or Kai Chisaki from Boku no (My) Hero Academia. He was the main villain of the anime's 4th season. He was also the boss of a yakuza group, not related to the League of Villains. I think he was one of the best villains of the series so far. He wanted the world to go back to the way it was before Quirks or powers. He was cruel to the yakuza's boss' granddaughter, Eri. Using her blood in special bullets that takes away the victim's Quirk. It doesn't necessarily kill the person, but if they're a pro hero, they'll feel like their livelihood was snatched away. I think there were bullets that also enhanced Quirks, and he used them on his own underlings. The problem with that was sometimes it enhanced them too much, and the power was too great for them to handle. So, they'd go crazy. Thought this seemed somewhat Halloween-like. There's another season coming up, but it won't be until Spring of 2021. Kind of a while. It'd be great to see what happens next. 

The month-long holidays for October are: National Apple Month, National Caramel Month, National Cheese Month, National Chili Month, National Cookie Month, National Pasta Month, National Pretzel Month, National Seafood Month, American Pharmacists Month, Bat Appreciation Month, Breast Cancer Awareness Month, Corn Month, LGBTQ+ History Month, German-American Heritage Month, National Cookbook Month, Pizza Month, Polish-American Heritage Month, Sausage Month, Spinach Lovers Month, Talk About Medicines Month. Some are for important causes, some are to make you appreciate things you may take for granted, and some are just for fun. There are a lot this month. I don't think pharmacists get enough credit. Without them and the meds they make, I wouldn't be able to function. They should be celebrated for the hard work they do. I'm part German, and not that long ago found out I'm part Polish, too. It's good to recognize the history of the LGBTQ+ community. 

Like I mentioned, it is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Metastatic or stage 4 breast cancer, which is what I have, doesn't get much in the way of awareness or funding for research. Most of the focus is on the early stages. The ones you can 'beat'. There's no cure for stage 4. The scary thing about that is people are more likely to have it come back as stage 4 after they're 'cured'. They have that forever looming over them. I added an awareness ribbon to my facebook frame for the month. The ribbon is green for spring and the triumph of life over death, pink for the cancer originating in the breast(s), and teal for healing and spirituality. People aren't expected to live very long after being diagnosed with stage 4. About 27% are alive 5 years after diagnosis. 11% after 10 years. I hope I can live much longer than that. (And, that the quality of my life is good.) The stats are old, things have advanced since then, it all depends on what type of breast cancer, etc. Many factors. I'm lucky mine's not triple negative. That one has the worst life expectancy. Mine's er+, pr+, and her2-. Another way of saying it is positive for both hormones and negative for her2. Mine tends to be mixed with how long people tend to live with it. I also don't know much about other people who have it as infiltrating ductal carcinoma or IDC. It's one of the most common types, though. There's a lot to it. 

It's been a while. I think it's the first time I actually didn't post during a month. I might try to get back to doing this on a regular basis. In order to help with getting back into things, I decided to make a schedule. Not with my Google calendar, but in my Notes on my iPhone. That way the times can be easily flexible, and I can put something else in the time 'slot' if I wanted to. It worked pretty well yesterday and, so far, today. It's kind of fun to check off things again on there, too. 

Had a shower today. A couple of weeks ago, there was an issue with it. I was supposed to get one on that Monday. Sometimes, if my home aide forgets or something, I have one on Tuesday. That would have been fine. However, no one showed up for either days. Wednesday afternoon, my palliative care nurse, Brian, called. I told him about the showers, and he seemed upset about it and called Home Health. He was able to get me an appointment for that Friday with someone I didn't really know. Luckily, my usual home aide, Savannah, came that day instead. (Normally the 2nd day is on a Thursday.) Apparently, she was sick most of that week, and assumed they would find someone to see me while she was out. She said that's the usual procedure. Nobody followed up on it, though. This is one of the only things that I've had issues with, which is that unpredictability. I wish it was more set. Even the times during our usual days change. She tries to keep it around 11am most of the time, but sometimes it's much earlier or later. I'm glad I at least get them most weeks. I kind of wish that I could have one more day than the 2 I get, but it's not bad. 

I'm taking 2 chemo meds now, Ibrance and Arimidex. I've been getting more side effects lately. I thought I wouldn't get this one, but I'm loosing my hair. It seemed to take a while. Maybe for me to notice it. It's coming out in clumps. I've decided to have most of it shaved off. It'll be a drastic change, but that way I can be more in control of it. The earliest appointment my hairstylist had was for the 28th. I wanted it sooner. Not sure what my hair will be like by then. I'll tell her about the cancer stuff, too. It might shock her, but hopefully she'll understand why I'd want it shaved. I don't want to be completely bald, just have a little there. I plan to wear knit hats instead of wigs or scarves like so many other cancer patients do. They'll keep my head warm this way. I ordered 7 of them on Amazon. I have 4 of them so far. They all fit pretty well, even with my long hair. I might wear them on a regular basis, if it gets to be too much with the hair loss. The other major side effect I've had has been fatigue. I just feel so wiped out most of the time. 

We had a plumber look at both toilets, since mine and the one downstairs were acting up. There's only one other toilet in the house. That being my parent's. It felt weird having to use it. I don't know what I would have done if I needed to use it in the middle of the night. I wouldn't want to wake her. Supposedly, they are both fixed. However, the plumber said the one downstairs is old and will need to be replaced with a new one soon. It's always had issues, so makes sense it needs to be replaced. He said he could install the new one for us. I'm glad I can use mine again, but I don't trust that downstairs one. This means I'm still going up the stairs to go to the bathroom. That's dangerous for me. They (the palliative care team) want me to stay downstairs most of the time. There's less of a risk of me falling and easily breaking bones that way. I still need to go up them for things like showers and getting dressed. My computer's up there, too. 

Managed to get an hour of reading in today. I'm trying to go through those 6 books I got from My Thrill List. I'm reading a different one every day, so I don't feel stuck on one. Today I read A Noise Downstairs by Linwood Barclay. Got through a good chunk of it. I think it's one of the better of the 6. It'll be interesting to see how it plays out. 

Haven't studied Welsh through Duolingo in a long time. Finally got back to it. Surprised I managed to remember as much as I have. It was enough to open another unit or checkpoint. Hopefully, I can keep it up this time. 

Got back into looking for quotes from Alliance. I haven't done anything related to writing/my books in a very long time. In fact, the last time I searched for quotes from it was back in February. I hope I can keep this up. I was almost done with looking through it. I just need to finish looking through what little is left, then move on to Alliance: Dawn. Hopefully, I can go through all the books I'll look for quotes in quickly, and then move on to other things. For instance, making an author card, drawing things relating to some of the books, making trailers, deciding on which recipes to show in the trailers, etc. Fun stuff. 

6th of Elul

 I thought I'd be posting here more often than I have. Kind of sad. I have been posting what's been happening medically on Facebook. People seem to like that. Maybe I'll get back to posting here on a regular basis soon. 

I can't believe it's almost Rosh Hashanah (lit. Head of the Year) or our New Year. It's also the start of the High Holy Days. That lasts for 10 days and ends with Yom Kippur (or Day of Atonement). Rosh Hashanah is at the beginning of the next Jewish month of Tishri. During Elul, it's a time of introspection and asking for forgiveness. There are some traditions people do during it. For instance, we blow the shofar each morning during the month. It's like waking our souls up to be prepared for the High Holy Days. I finally did that yesterday morning. I had been meaning to when the month started. I'm surprised I managed to get a sound out. I also get nervous doing it when someone else is home, and especially if they have work meetings on zoom like my parent did at the same time. Hopefully, I didn't disrupt it too much. Although, she didn't say anything. 

Had the radical hysterectomy on July 24th. I wasn't expecting it to be so soon after seeing the surgeon. They took out pretty much everything in there. It was done by a robot. Only did 4 small incisions. Biggest one was in my belly button. I actually can't see that one. It was for both the light and camera. If I look in the mirror, I can see 3 of them. I think they have dissolvable stitches. Parts of them are dropping off, so I'm assuming that's normal. No one's said anything about taking them out. 

I did stay the night at the hospital. It wasn't really connected to the hospital, but apart of the surgical building. The room looked like a cramped storage closet, and I wasn't too happy about it. As they wheeled me into it, I had horrible leg cramps. In order to keep those to a minimum, I tried to have the bed turn into a chair as much as possible. I think that helped. The nurse was nice, but a little too talkative. The food wasn't great. I know some people have told me that anesthesia can affect the taste of things, but I could tell and I don't think it was reacting in that way. The TV was on almost the entire time, and it seemed like an ambiance channel. At night, it was going through space, and during the day it showed things like waterfalls, horses, rocks, mountains, etc. Nice to look at occasionally. 

I also had issues with it being a Catholic hospital. Almost all the hospitals near me are Catholic, which scares me. I don't really have a choice in it. I'd prefer one not affiliated with any religion, but especially not with that one. They can turn away LGBTQ+ people, for one thing. Prayers over the intercom every so often is isolating (not sure if that's the right word...) and unwelcoming. There are a lot of other reasons why it's scary to me. Even with me just being Jewish. 

They kept me up most of the night. They wanted me up and walking almost immediately. I didn't know they'd put a catheter in. It was my first time having one. The nurse said it wouldn't hurt when she was about to take it out. It did hurt. It also hurt to go to the bathroom for a little while after that. I didn't like that none of the people that did the surgery told me anything afterwards. One of them was going to early the next morning, but I finally was asleep and he didn't want to wake me. I would have been more than fine to be woken up for that. More so than the blood draws they kept doing. They told my parent at least, but I like hearing it from the actual people, too. I was discharged from the hospital earlier than expected. The morning after. I don't think it was the best time. 

I had a follow-up appointment with the surgeon's nurse a couple of weeks later. She told me more in-depth stuff. They didn't see any lesions or signs of the cancer in what they took out. I still don't know if the cancer they found in the vulvar biopsy is related to the skin, vulva specifically, or reproductive tract. I might ask my gynecologist that soon. Good to know it hadn't affected further up my reproductive tract. They were worried they'd find lesions that would make it difficult to basically scoop that stuff out. That they'd be fused to certain parts. Since it wasn't, it made it more simple. Still, it was a 3-hour surgery. 

I had really horrible constipation and swelling in my feet and ankles after. I thought I'd never clear the constipation, and what finally did help was a suppository. I'm not used to them, and was reluctant to try it. Still have issues with it, but it's much better. I'm now taking 3 stool softener pills 3 times a day (up from 2 pills 3 times a day), which again has helped. 

The swelling seemed even scarier. My feet were huge. Couldn't even fit into my slippers. Socks wouldn't fit either. So, I ended up feeling really cold, and that made the pain worse. It was like a sunburn type of pain. They were so swollen, they changed shape. Looked like I bound my feet, huge arches, toes sticking straight out, almost transparent on top, birthmarks moved and stretched, etc. It was bad. Could barely walk or stand up. Eventually, I tried a diuretic. It worked well, but slowly. Now my feet look pretty much back to normal, but my left ankle is still pretty swollen. Right ankle isn't as bad, but still has some. I can fit into my socks and shoes now. Yay! So much better. The nurse I talked to said it's normal to have constipation and swelling after surgery like that. They pump you full of fluids during the procedure, and that can get stuck in your system. Also, they worked near the lymphatic system. They didn't touch it, but it still can get irritated and cause swelling. That kind of swelling has to convert itself from lymphatic fluid to water and blood, which takes a while. Thus, probably why my ankles are taking so long to get back to normal. This makes me nervous for future surgeries. We'll be more prepared, though. I might have top surgery next. I would have thought they'd want to do that first, because the cancer started there. Maybe this was easier to do. 

I decided to join 3 metastatic breast cancer Facebook groups. I was reluctant to for a while. I wanted ones that were specifically for mbc, not just the bc. There's kind of a rift and different attitudes between them. One of the groups is a 45 years old and under group. Only saw one that was like that. So many groups have people that are much older. It can be harder to relate. I already get the 'you're too young to have that' thing. I can't help it. Not that I wanted this. It's a different perspective with my age group. I was surprised by the responses from all 3 groups with my intro post. I'm still getting reactions and comments from the biggest one. That has over 100 reactions. First time I've had that many on a post. Also, made 3 fb friends through those groups. All of them live near me. Yay! Maybe I can meet them someday. 

I was a bit reluctant to join these groups mainly because I thought it'd be too depressing or something. I've liked seeing how some people have lived with it for many years, though. Some have had it for 20 years, and that gives a little hope that maybe I can live for a while with this. The statistics aren't great for how long people can live with it. 27% are likely to live 5 years after diagnosis. 11% after 10 years. With that, it's a bit disconcerting. I want to live for as long as I can. Certainly longer than 10 years from now. Again, that's why it's been nice to see so many people mention in these groups that they've lived much longer than 10 years with it. They also say those stats are old. Medicine has really advanced since then, so the stats might be better now. The other side is you have to be continuously going through some occasionally tough treatment in order to survive. It's difficult. Everyone's case is different, too. Not all of us have the same type of breast cancer, same areas where it's spread, if it's hormone based, etc. Lots of factors come into play. I like that it's being treated more like a chronic illness. It's a little easier to deal with that way. 

Tomorrow, I have my eye exam. Haven't had one in around 2 years. My current prescription for contacts certainly isn't the right one. Things don't show up totally clear. Lines blur into each other sometimes. This will be the first time I went to Costco for the exam itself. We normally would go to Sears Optical, but they're not there anymore. Hopefully, they're good there. I'm actually covered as a dependent for vision this time. Haven't been covered for that for over a decade. That should be good. I can order the new prescription while I'm there, too. I've read that cancer can affect the eyes, so hopefully mine hasn't been messed with too much. Hopefully, they'll have samples of the new prescription I can use while I wait for the ones I order. 

I might also have a blood draw after that. My oncology pharmacist wants to run some labs after every 2nd week of a cycle of Ibrance. They have to make sure things are ok before agreeing to the next cycle of it. I'm supposed to take it for 3 weeks, then go off of it for a week. Then, start it over. I have to have a phone appointment either with her or the specialty pharmacy before every cycle of it. It'll be interesting to see how things are. 

My oncologist is still reluctant to start me on zometa. Zometa is a bone-strengthening infusion. I've read that you go to an infusion clinic every couple of months, and sit there with it going through an IV for 15 minutes. Pretty quick. My oncologist is worried I'll catch covid while I'm there. So, I'm being denied it because of the virus. I really need something like that. 

He also wants me to get a full bone scan. That way we can compare it to the one back in April. I hope it's improved since then. Not sure what will happen if it's worse. 

He wants me to switch to arimidex instead of tamoxifen soon. I decided to switch when I run out of the tamoxifen. I have the arimidex already, but I think it can wait. Both are kind of like supplements to Ibrance. They work with hormones, so they're good for people who are hormone positive. I'm positive for all 3 hormones. Arimidex is usually suggested after people have had hysterectomies or are going through menopause. It's supposed to be stronger, too. I'm nervous about that. I've got maybe another week or 2 before I finish the tamoxifen. 

I decided to cancel the My Thrill Club monthly subscription box. It's the one where they give you 2 hard cover books that are in the horror, mystery, and/or thriller genres each month. I got the surprise me one. They give you a mix with that one. I love those genres. Anyways, the books are super thick. I thought I could challenge myself with reading both books within each month, and starting again with the next batch. Since my contacts aren't great right now, it's hard to read for a certain amount of time. I couldn't keep up. I already have 4 books from them, and only have read about 1/4 of one of them. They've already shipped another 2, so I'll have 6 soon. Too much. Fallen too far behind to start up my challenge again. Even if I get a much better prescription soon. At least, I'll be able to read more. I think with 6 of them, I could rotate them each day. I was going to slog through one book at a time, but it might be more interesting to switch it up like that. Each day would be a different book. I want to read all 4 so far, because they sound really interesting. The Gold Rush fantasy type one looks almost as thick as a dictionary, though...That'll probably take a while. I didn't particularly care for the sex scene in the one I've been reading, but the rest of it is interesting. I want to know what actually happened to that missing friend of the main character. There's also a Sherlock Holmes book by Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. That should be fun. The last one seems like a horror one about a possessed typewriter, I think. Intriguing stuff. I don't know what the next 2 will be yet. I could start it up again after I read all 6 books. That'll take me a while, though. I want it to take me some time. Good way to preoccupy myself. 

I found another monthly subscription thing to replace it for now. It's called Arts in Letters. You get letters from famous artists, scientists, musicians, etc. in the past. They're real letters in their handwriting. They come with info on the person and what was going on at the time and around them. Very interesting and fun sounding. I can read letters and the info quickly, so I thought that would be best to replace it. You get a letter a week, which seems more fun than one thing once a month. There's another one that interested me that I could try in the future called Matter. With that one, it's an adult science-based thing. You get artifacts like animal bones and they go in depth with info on everything. I like that sort of thing. Maybe if I get tired of the letters or Try Treats. 

This month's Try Treats is on Ireland. I feel like they cheapened this one. I get the premium version, which is supposed to have 10 or more snacks. Ended up with around 7 of them. The standard is 5 or more. Plus, 2 of them are Japanese. They were actually stuffed on top of the tissue paper that held the Irish stuff inside. Weird. Maybe they don't think there are many good Irish snacks? Sad. The recipe this time was Irish coddle. Sounded good, and I can turn it 'kosher', so I can eat it if I wanted to. I can look for beef or turkey sausage, and same with the bacon. I tried the 2 potato chips. They were the same flavor (cheese and onion), just different brands. Tasted pretty much the same. I prefer kettle chips, but they were better than our regular chips. They seemed denser and slightly thicker. Mostly tasted the onion for both. There's a candy bar by Cadbury. I've had Cadbury chocolates before and liked them, so it's probably good, too. There's a huge thing of custard sandwich cookies. Those look interesting. There's a bag called twiglets. Don't know much about those. Both Japanese things are sweet and sour candies. One sounds like pop rocks, the other almost like long flat taffy. Both are cola flavored. I like sweet and sour things, so they might be really good. 

The downstairs' toilet is off limits again. After my parent did an enzyme thing with it, it was fine for a while. That toilet has always had issues. It overflows super easily. At some point, we really need to have a plumber look at it. In the meantime, I'm stuck with going up and down the stairs to use my bathroom toilet. That's a falling hazard. Not good when you feel like your bones are made of glass. I can easily break them. My toilet upstairs is great, and works well, but the stairs make it dangerous. I still do all my other bathroom stuff (brush my teeth, take out and put in contacts, etc.) downstairs. I almost feel like I'm camping down there. I still sleep on the hospital bed in the living room, instead of my room upstairs. I might not ever be able to sleep in my actual room again.