6th of Elul

 I thought I'd be posting here more often than I have. Kind of sad. I have been posting what's been happening medically on Facebook. People seem to like that. Maybe I'll get back to posting here on a regular basis soon. 

I can't believe it's almost Rosh Hashanah (lit. Head of the Year) or our New Year. It's also the start of the High Holy Days. That lasts for 10 days and ends with Yom Kippur (or Day of Atonement). Rosh Hashanah is at the beginning of the next Jewish month of Tishri. During Elul, it's a time of introspection and asking for forgiveness. There are some traditions people do during it. For instance, we blow the shofar each morning during the month. It's like waking our souls up to be prepared for the High Holy Days. I finally did that yesterday morning. I had been meaning to when the month started. I'm surprised I managed to get a sound out. I also get nervous doing it when someone else is home, and especially if they have work meetings on zoom like my parent did at the same time. Hopefully, I didn't disrupt it too much. Although, she didn't say anything. 

Had the radical hysterectomy on July 24th. I wasn't expecting it to be so soon after seeing the surgeon. They took out pretty much everything in there. It was done by a robot. Only did 4 small incisions. Biggest one was in my belly button. I actually can't see that one. It was for both the light and camera. If I look in the mirror, I can see 3 of them. I think they have dissolvable stitches. Parts of them are dropping off, so I'm assuming that's normal. No one's said anything about taking them out. 

I did stay the night at the hospital. It wasn't really connected to the hospital, but apart of the surgical building. The room looked like a cramped storage closet, and I wasn't too happy about it. As they wheeled me into it, I had horrible leg cramps. In order to keep those to a minimum, I tried to have the bed turn into a chair as much as possible. I think that helped. The nurse was nice, but a little too talkative. The food wasn't great. I know some people have told me that anesthesia can affect the taste of things, but I could tell and I don't think it was reacting in that way. The TV was on almost the entire time, and it seemed like an ambiance channel. At night, it was going through space, and during the day it showed things like waterfalls, horses, rocks, mountains, etc. Nice to look at occasionally. 

I also had issues with it being a Catholic hospital. Almost all the hospitals near me are Catholic, which scares me. I don't really have a choice in it. I'd prefer one not affiliated with any religion, but especially not with that one. They can turn away LGBTQ+ people, for one thing. Prayers over the intercom every so often is isolating (not sure if that's the right word...) and unwelcoming. There are a lot of other reasons why it's scary to me. Even with me just being Jewish. 

They kept me up most of the night. They wanted me up and walking almost immediately. I didn't know they'd put a catheter in. It was my first time having one. The nurse said it wouldn't hurt when she was about to take it out. It did hurt. It also hurt to go to the bathroom for a little while after that. I didn't like that none of the people that did the surgery told me anything afterwards. One of them was going to early the next morning, but I finally was asleep and he didn't want to wake me. I would have been more than fine to be woken up for that. More so than the blood draws they kept doing. They told my parent at least, but I like hearing it from the actual people, too. I was discharged from the hospital earlier than expected. The morning after. I don't think it was the best time. 

I had a follow-up appointment with the surgeon's nurse a couple of weeks later. She told me more in-depth stuff. They didn't see any lesions or signs of the cancer in what they took out. I still don't know if the cancer they found in the vulvar biopsy is related to the skin, vulva specifically, or reproductive tract. I might ask my gynecologist that soon. Good to know it hadn't affected further up my reproductive tract. They were worried they'd find lesions that would make it difficult to basically scoop that stuff out. That they'd be fused to certain parts. Since it wasn't, it made it more simple. Still, it was a 3-hour surgery. 

I had really horrible constipation and swelling in my feet and ankles after. I thought I'd never clear the constipation, and what finally did help was a suppository. I'm not used to them, and was reluctant to try it. Still have issues with it, but it's much better. I'm now taking 3 stool softener pills 3 times a day (up from 2 pills 3 times a day), which again has helped. 

The swelling seemed even scarier. My feet were huge. Couldn't even fit into my slippers. Socks wouldn't fit either. So, I ended up feeling really cold, and that made the pain worse. It was like a sunburn type of pain. They were so swollen, they changed shape. Looked like I bound my feet, huge arches, toes sticking straight out, almost transparent on top, birthmarks moved and stretched, etc. It was bad. Could barely walk or stand up. Eventually, I tried a diuretic. It worked well, but slowly. Now my feet look pretty much back to normal, but my left ankle is still pretty swollen. Right ankle isn't as bad, but still has some. I can fit into my socks and shoes now. Yay! So much better. The nurse I talked to said it's normal to have constipation and swelling after surgery like that. They pump you full of fluids during the procedure, and that can get stuck in your system. Also, they worked near the lymphatic system. They didn't touch it, but it still can get irritated and cause swelling. That kind of swelling has to convert itself from lymphatic fluid to water and blood, which takes a while. Thus, probably why my ankles are taking so long to get back to normal. This makes me nervous for future surgeries. We'll be more prepared, though. I might have top surgery next. I would have thought they'd want to do that first, because the cancer started there. Maybe this was easier to do. 

I decided to join 3 metastatic breast cancer Facebook groups. I was reluctant to for a while. I wanted ones that were specifically for mbc, not just the bc. There's kind of a rift and different attitudes between them. One of the groups is a 45 years old and under group. Only saw one that was like that. So many groups have people that are much older. It can be harder to relate. I already get the 'you're too young to have that' thing. I can't help it. Not that I wanted this. It's a different perspective with my age group. I was surprised by the responses from all 3 groups with my intro post. I'm still getting reactions and comments from the biggest one. That has over 100 reactions. First time I've had that many on a post. Also, made 3 fb friends through those groups. All of them live near me. Yay! Maybe I can meet them someday. 

I was a bit reluctant to join these groups mainly because I thought it'd be too depressing or something. I've liked seeing how some people have lived with it for many years, though. Some have had it for 20 years, and that gives a little hope that maybe I can live for a while with this. The statistics aren't great for how long people can live with it. 27% are likely to live 5 years after diagnosis. 11% after 10 years. With that, it's a bit disconcerting. I want to live for as long as I can. Certainly longer than 10 years from now. Again, that's why it's been nice to see so many people mention in these groups that they've lived much longer than 10 years with it. They also say those stats are old. Medicine has really advanced since then, so the stats might be better now. The other side is you have to be continuously going through some occasionally tough treatment in order to survive. It's difficult. Everyone's case is different, too. Not all of us have the same type of breast cancer, same areas where it's spread, if it's hormone based, etc. Lots of factors come into play. I like that it's being treated more like a chronic illness. It's a little easier to deal with that way. 

Tomorrow, I have my eye exam. Haven't had one in around 2 years. My current prescription for contacts certainly isn't the right one. Things don't show up totally clear. Lines blur into each other sometimes. This will be the first time I went to Costco for the exam itself. We normally would go to Sears Optical, but they're not there anymore. Hopefully, they're good there. I'm actually covered as a dependent for vision this time. Haven't been covered for that for over a decade. That should be good. I can order the new prescription while I'm there, too. I've read that cancer can affect the eyes, so hopefully mine hasn't been messed with too much. Hopefully, they'll have samples of the new prescription I can use while I wait for the ones I order. 

I might also have a blood draw after that. My oncology pharmacist wants to run some labs after every 2nd week of a cycle of Ibrance. They have to make sure things are ok before agreeing to the next cycle of it. I'm supposed to take it for 3 weeks, then go off of it for a week. Then, start it over. I have to have a phone appointment either with her or the specialty pharmacy before every cycle of it. It'll be interesting to see how things are. 

My oncologist is still reluctant to start me on zometa. Zometa is a bone-strengthening infusion. I've read that you go to an infusion clinic every couple of months, and sit there with it going through an IV for 15 minutes. Pretty quick. My oncologist is worried I'll catch covid while I'm there. So, I'm being denied it because of the virus. I really need something like that. 

He also wants me to get a full bone scan. That way we can compare it to the one back in April. I hope it's improved since then. Not sure what will happen if it's worse. 

He wants me to switch to arimidex instead of tamoxifen soon. I decided to switch when I run out of the tamoxifen. I have the arimidex already, but I think it can wait. Both are kind of like supplements to Ibrance. They work with hormones, so they're good for people who are hormone positive. I'm positive for all 3 hormones. Arimidex is usually suggested after people have had hysterectomies or are going through menopause. It's supposed to be stronger, too. I'm nervous about that. I've got maybe another week or 2 before I finish the tamoxifen. 

I decided to cancel the My Thrill Club monthly subscription box. It's the one where they give you 2 hard cover books that are in the horror, mystery, and/or thriller genres each month. I got the surprise me one. They give you a mix with that one. I love those genres. Anyways, the books are super thick. I thought I could challenge myself with reading both books within each month, and starting again with the next batch. Since my contacts aren't great right now, it's hard to read for a certain amount of time. I couldn't keep up. I already have 4 books from them, and only have read about 1/4 of one of them. They've already shipped another 2, so I'll have 6 soon. Too much. Fallen too far behind to start up my challenge again. Even if I get a much better prescription soon. At least, I'll be able to read more. I think with 6 of them, I could rotate them each day. I was going to slog through one book at a time, but it might be more interesting to switch it up like that. Each day would be a different book. I want to read all 4 so far, because they sound really interesting. The Gold Rush fantasy type one looks almost as thick as a dictionary, though...That'll probably take a while. I didn't particularly care for the sex scene in the one I've been reading, but the rest of it is interesting. I want to know what actually happened to that missing friend of the main character. There's also a Sherlock Holmes book by Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. That should be fun. The last one seems like a horror one about a possessed typewriter, I think. Intriguing stuff. I don't know what the next 2 will be yet. I could start it up again after I read all 6 books. That'll take me a while, though. I want it to take me some time. Good way to preoccupy myself. 

I found another monthly subscription thing to replace it for now. It's called Arts in Letters. You get letters from famous artists, scientists, musicians, etc. in the past. They're real letters in their handwriting. They come with info on the person and what was going on at the time and around them. Very interesting and fun sounding. I can read letters and the info quickly, so I thought that would be best to replace it. You get a letter a week, which seems more fun than one thing once a month. There's another one that interested me that I could try in the future called Matter. With that one, it's an adult science-based thing. You get artifacts like animal bones and they go in depth with info on everything. I like that sort of thing. Maybe if I get tired of the letters or Try Treats. 

This month's Try Treats is on Ireland. I feel like they cheapened this one. I get the premium version, which is supposed to have 10 or more snacks. Ended up with around 7 of them. The standard is 5 or more. Plus, 2 of them are Japanese. They were actually stuffed on top of the tissue paper that held the Irish stuff inside. Weird. Maybe they don't think there are many good Irish snacks? Sad. The recipe this time was Irish coddle. Sounded good, and I can turn it 'kosher', so I can eat it if I wanted to. I can look for beef or turkey sausage, and same with the bacon. I tried the 2 potato chips. They were the same flavor (cheese and onion), just different brands. Tasted pretty much the same. I prefer kettle chips, but they were better than our regular chips. They seemed denser and slightly thicker. Mostly tasted the onion for both. There's a candy bar by Cadbury. I've had Cadbury chocolates before and liked them, so it's probably good, too. There's a huge thing of custard sandwich cookies. Those look interesting. There's a bag called twiglets. Don't know much about those. Both Japanese things are sweet and sour candies. One sounds like pop rocks, the other almost like long flat taffy. Both are cola flavored. I like sweet and sour things, so they might be really good. 

The downstairs' toilet is off limits again. After my parent did an enzyme thing with it, it was fine for a while. That toilet has always had issues. It overflows super easily. At some point, we really need to have a plumber look at it. In the meantime, I'm stuck with going up and down the stairs to use my bathroom toilet. That's a falling hazard. Not good when you feel like your bones are made of glass. I can easily break them. My toilet upstairs is great, and works well, but the stairs make it dangerous. I still do all my other bathroom stuff (brush my teeth, take out and put in contacts, etc.) downstairs. I almost feel like I'm camping down there. I still sleep on the hospital bed in the living room, instead of my room upstairs. I might not ever be able to sleep in my actual room again.  

World Chocolate Day!

I love chocolate! Great to have a day to celebrate it around the world. The most chocolatey thing I had lately was a mocha cookie crumble frappuccino yesterday. It was one of their new seasonal ones. Even the cookie part was chocolate based. It was like a shot of different types of it. Good stuff. I've been getting iced mochas when I go there through their drive-thrus for the past few months. Hasn't been that often. I've noticed it helps with some of my headaches and weird skull cracking. My old go-to was iced chai or iced matcha green tea when it was seasonal. I'm not a big fan of coffee, but the bit that I do get plus the chocolate, is apparently helping me health-wise. Maybe I need to start drinking coffee on a regular basis? I know I'd have to doctor it a bit, though. Like, add creamer, sweetener, possibly chocolate, etc. 

This is my wallpaper for July. As it says, it's Law from One Piece. Another one of my fave characters. I like his look, too. Cool design. He's the captain of the Heart Pirates, and their Jolly Roger is in the background and on his coat. He's an exceptional surgeon and was a Shichibukai. The Shichibukai are 7 of the most powerful pirates that are allied with the World Government. They basically get immunity from the government. Some translate it as pirate emperors.  

The month-long holidays for July are: National Grilling Month, National Hot Dog Month, National Ice Cream Month, National Blueberries Month, National Picnic Month. Some are for important causes, some are to make you appreciate things you may take for granted, and some are just for fun. 

Managed to finally get the back brace a few days ago. It's for my fractured vertebrae. Specifically, the T8 one. That's just a little lower than halfway down the spine. I'm at risk of breaking another vertebrae, having more pain, and/or being paralyzed if I don't wear the brace. Also, at risk because of the bone lesions, but with the brace it cuts it down a bit. Went to the 1st place I was referred to through my insurance, and they couldn't give me one or fit me that day. They felt it was an emergency, and then called another place I went to for my sling previously, for me. That place called Master's was able to see me, fit it for me, and give me it. The doctor that prescribed the brace didn't put her name on the paper, so I had to search for it. I've seen her before, but she's an Urgent Care doc. Not like I see her on a regular basis. Managed to find it through looking at the antibiotic she ordered that same day. With that, my insurance was able to cover it. I think it was free to us. 

It's a bit to maneuver. Every time I sit or stand, I have to adjust the area near my sternum (collar bone). When I sit, I then have to let out a button and push down a certain amount, then click the hole in place. When I want up, I have to first let out the button, pull up, then click the right hole into place, get up, and push it into place. That hole's actually marked so I know how high I really need it. I have a hard time seeing it sometimes, though. Then, I also have to adjust to make sure the rest of the brace is even. There's a pulley system in the back. When I get into it, I have to pull back on something far while inhaling and then wrapping it around me to a certain point. I thought I wouldn't be able to put it on myself, but I can. It's a little awkward. Feels like a mix of things while on. A giant hug, restricts my movements, a bit more protected, and more. After a while, my spine does feel a bit sore. My chest feels fuller, too. It's a bit difficult to eat with sometimes, since it's so stiff. I have a feeling it's not going to last very long. The person who helped with my fitting said most of the time it lasts around a month. 2 months is stretching it. Not sure how long it takes to heal vertebrae or how long I'm supposed to have something for it. Hopefully, it's for long enough. 

On July 4th, we went to Elmer's for brunch. I haven't been there for brunch since March. It's a brunch-type place. We did go not long before that for dinner for the first time since then, too. It was nice to be there again, and to have the stuff they're more known for. I got their fresh fruit waffle special, which seemed appropriate for the 4th of July. It had blueberries actually inside the waffle along with on top, strawberries, bananas, whipped cream, powdered sugar, and cream cheese icing. Got their hash browns and a biscuit instead of eggs and a choice of meat. The waffle was messy, and I was worried I'd get it on the brace, but I didn't. Yay! No one asked or stared at the brace, either. That was great. 

Went to World Market after that. I had wanted to go since March, and they just reopened. I love looking at their international foods. Got some of my faves: roasted garlic cheddar, tuna and potatoes in olive oil and rosemary, dill pickle mustard, and red cabbage and apple salad. Feel a bit more normal with getting these. Went to Barnes and Noble right next store, since they just reopened as well. They're both connected to the mall, but only B and N has an opening to it. At least, they did. That's closed off now. You have to go through the main mall entrance if you want in. Apparently, 80% of the mall is now open. I was curious about that while we were there, but was starting to get really tired and sweaty. So, decided to go home instead. I also read that many of the restaurants around the mall are now open for dine-in, too. Good to know for the future. I'm happy, yet hesitant about so many places that are reopening now. 

On Sunday, I placed #2 in the Amethyst League on Duolingo. I got a hefty amount of gems from a reward chest for making it there. I don't make it in the top 3 that often. I'm now in the Pearl League. #4 last time I checked. It seems they're a little more competitive in this one. I'm still not used to being that high up on it, though. I'm breezing through their Welsh course. Hardly getting things wrong. A lot of it just makes sense so far. 

I've gotten back into my author instagram account lately. Hopefully, I can keep it up. The only way people will get to know me is through something like that. I've already had some more follows the last couple of days. Sometimes it's hard to decide on content to post, but there's always something. 

I recently went to Costco. I haven't had an eye exam in roughly a year and a half. Not good when you have contacts and your eyes are getting worse. So, I finally made an appointment at Costco for it. I actually have vision insurance now, so it should be covered. Hopefully, the prescription will be updated and better. It'll be the first time I've used Costco for the eye exam part. I've ordered contacts through them before. By the way, I'm only down to one more pair of contacts. I've been using my current ones for a couple of months. It's recommended to use them for 2 weeks. Not good. The soonest appointment they had was for the end of August. Kind of a ways away. At least, it's happening. At some point, I should look into seeing a dentist since I'm covered now. I haven't seen one in around 14 years. 

I've been reading the shortest of the 2 books I got through the My Thrill Club, called Shadow of the Lions. Going through it faster than expected. Not reading it as often as I'd like, though. It's been interesting. It's about a missing boy from a prep school. Been missing for roughly a decade. No one's found a body. I like mysteries like that, and there's quite a bit of suspense. 

For the last couple of days, I've been trying to read a little of Daf Yomi (lit. page of the day) a day. It's learning a page of Talmud every day. The Talmud is so big that it takes 7 1/2 years to read a page a day. That 'cycle' restarted not long ago (I think it was back in February), and I've wanted to join it occasionally. So, why not? Right now it's on what you can move on Shabbat. There are a lot of prohibitions on Shabbat or our Day of Rest. They go into a lot of detail and argue on seemingly minuscule things at times. It's still interesting to read their reasoning for things. Some have stories behind it. 

Yesterday, I almost didn't have a shower. With only getting 2 showers a week normally, it's not much. I don't feel as clean during the week as I used to be. Anyways, my home aide had the day off, so another one took over for her. She called me twice before 9am. I was asleep. At the end of the last voicemail, she said since she called twice, she's cancelling for the day. That made me panic a bit. I called the Home Care hotline and was able to get in contact with the person filling in for my home aide. They were able to reschedule for that day. Thank goodness. She did more than my regular one did. She even asked me if I needed anything more than just the shower. I think she felt bad about that morning. I was just happy it worked out. 

Ordered more things from Amazon. A nightshirt for when the weather gets much warmer. It's unusually cool out right now. The past few years, it's been really warm this time of year. I'll be prepared, at least. An adult color-by-number coloring book that's based on cats. Thought that would be fun. Maybe more fun than the coloring book I got last month. That one's just one color and in lines. Thought it was creative, but ended up tedious. A book called 1001 Movies to See Before You Die. That might be a good one to go through. It'll be interesting to see how many I've already seen. Making somewhat of a dent in the classical recordings one. The movies one might grab my attention more now, though. The next Try Treats subscription box is on its way. Should be interesting to see which country it features this time. 

Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week 2018

This is always the week after Valentine's Day. It started on Sunday. The ones who created the holiday were going to go with Aromantic Awareness Week, but the acronym would have been the same as the one for Asexual Awareness Week. Aros have been trying to separate from that community, so they added 'spectrum' to it. The spectrum would have still been represented either way. Interesting when you're both aro and ace, and they're trying hard to break ties...Puts me in a weird spot. Those orientations are different things, so it makes sense. (It's kind of like saying you have brown eyes and brown hair when you're both.) Still...Most aros are allosexual, and most aces are alloromantic. That in itself makes it feel like I'm in an even smaller minority.

There are a lot of ace advocates that seem to forget about aro aces. They seem ignorant about it. You can see a similar thing on AVEN sometimes. Some of them seem particularly arophobic. Saying things like: "How could anyone not experience romantic attraction?" "An aro ace asked me what it felt like to be in romantic love. That's a stupid question. You'll know when you feel it, they just haven't met the right person." "They must be so heartless. How could they function without love?!" "You have to feel something romantically!" "There must be something wrong with them." It might seem like little things, but they add up. Plus, treating fellow aces like that isn't cool. 

However, on Arocalypse it's a totally different atmosphere for people like me. Maybe it's because it's such a smaller and more of a tight-knit community compared to AVEN. I checked, and apparently AVEN has 100,000 more members. Arocalypse has around 700 members. That's a huge difference. They're very kind and welcoming of everyone there. It's a similar design to AVEN, as well. The only downside is it's becoming more and more inactive. I hope it doesn't shut down.

I've wanted to post something aro related every day this week on fb. So far I've added an aro flag filter to my profile pic, added aro ace based art for the cover pic, posted a status introducing it, and found an article one of the ace pages shared. Not much, but it's something. I was thinking about posting all of the aro related pins I found on Pinterest. I'm nervous about that, and I have less than I thought. I shouldn't be nervous when it's on my own page. So what if no one likes or comments on them? It'll be out there and about something that's important to me. I realized I actually have a lot of interesting agender or enby related pins than I remembered. I could post those after this week. I might draw something, too. I was thinking about a stylized spade (like the suit of cards) and an arrow piercing through it. Might have the aro flag colors dripping off of it or something. Not sure if I'll ever get to that.

Had my annual eye exam yesterday. They wanted me to come in earlier, because the one who was doing it lives far from where I had it done. It was snowing that day, and she wanted to make sure she wouldn't get stuck along the way. It wasn't forecasted, and wasn't sticking.

I was very tempted to cross out the M and F on the intake form, and write/check off X or neither. It would have messed with them, and I just didn't have the energy to deal with it. I'm not an F, so checking that off felt really awful. Funny how my existence is too much for others and that I shouldn't be truthful. Why am I so controversial to people?

She was incredibly rude to put it mildly. She told me what I should fill out on the form, and a couple of minutes later she ripped it out of my hands. I was just going to ask about family eye health stuff. Instead, she asked Dad about it, and checked off the boxes. Why? She asked Dad specifically if it would be ok to dilate my eyes. I said I'd be fine with it, but she waited for her to answer. She said you should ask her. 

After some going back and forth, and me getting increasingly annoyed, she asked how old I was. It's on the form! Just look! I told her that I'm 33. She did a double take, and made me repeat myself. She tried to joke about it, saying that can't be right. Eventually, she did apologize. However, she also said I should feel lucky to look so young. If I don't yet, I will someday. I've been dealing with people thinking I'm younger than I am my whole life. It's really annoying. She obviously thought I was younger than 18. Sounded like it was by a lot. How could I appreciate being treated like a kid at my age? That's not lucky; that's disturbing to me. I must have stopped aging physically when I was a teen? I don't know. 

We were talking about her going home, and she said a rather sexist statement about the women working the front. That they don't have to worry, because they have husbands. She doesn't. Now, I'm not sure if she actually knew they had husbands or not. Instead of saying they live closer, to bring up their husbands...Why? Sure, they could help them if they needed it...It just didn't sit well with me.

My eyes are getting worse, but that's to be expected. (It's not by a lot.) I've had to have glasses starting when I was 7 for 17 years, and have had contacts ever since I stopped wearing glasses. So, they're already pretty bad without any contacts or glasses. 

My eyes were especially dry, so when she dilated my eyes it hurt like hell. Took me a while to recover from the pain. Also, took a while for them to go back to normal. Everything was too bright even with wearing sunglasses inside, couldn't read things, and things were blurry. At some point, I started to get a wave of nausea. More so than usual. I don't remember it being so bad last year. Had some tea and a pastry when we got home, and it cheered me up a lot. Now, I'm back to normal, which is good. 

I'm up to about 110 pages altogether with writing both Alliance 3 and the cookbook. That's quite a bit. Especially when I started at the beginning of last month, and skipped several days. I'm up to the second recipe in the 'Jewish Holidays' section. The first one was for the almond torte with cream. Something she would sometimes make for our Passover seder's main dessert. It's definitely kosher for the holiday. There's no flour. I've made it once a few years ago. It was easier than I thought it would be. 

National Sandwich Day!

Mood:

This was yesterday. Kind of a vague sounding holiday...There are so many different types of sandwiches out there. My current fave is a pretzel roll with honey smoked turkey, Colby Jack cheese, sliced pickles, and honey mustard. Sometimes I have a peanut butter and nutella sandwich on French or sourdough bread. It's good, but it has a heavy/rich flavor. Peanut butter and pickles in a sandwich is good too. That one can be surprisingly refreshing.Today's National Candy Day. Another vague one. Seems like it would have been more relevant on Halloween...

This is my wallpaper for November. It features Tsuna and his Guardians from Hitman Reborn. Tsuna's in the middle, Chrome is on the far left, Ryohei is 2nd from the left, Gokudera is on the other side of Tsuna, Yamamoto is on the far right, and Hibari is on the top far right corner. Chrome normally has a skull on her eye patch. The only other type of eye patch I've seen on her in the series was a white hospital one. She lost that eye in an accident. I looked up 忠, and it means faithful or devotion. I'm not at that level yet, so I haven't seen it before. I knew the radicals/parts 中 and 心, though. 中 means middle or center, 心 means heart or mind. So, it makes some sense. She is devoted to both Tsuna and Mukuro. Sometimes that conflicts...She sometimes turns into Mukuro while fighting. (Or, more accurately, he takes over her body while he's locked up in prison for a good chunk of the series. Ends up looking like him, too.) So, in a way she's like 2 Guardians in one. I don't see too many wallpapers with Ryohei in them, so that's cool. Makes sense to have Hibari slightly away from the group. He hates crowds, and tends to do things on his own. Tsuna's in Hyper Dying Will Mode. Otherwise, he'd probably be smiling. I like that their eyes correspond to the color of their flames. Overall, it gives off an interesting feel. Kind of a cool one for my birth month.

My Paris calendar features Marais. Marais gives off a medieval Paris feeling, having more pre-revolutionary buildings and streets intact than any other area in Paris. After the revolution, most of the area was abandoned by the rich, and the neighborhood filled up with poorer residents. The small, crooked medieval lanes have bars, restaurants, hotels, fashion boutiques, trendy shops, bread and pastry shops, wine shops, art galleries, and museums all crammed into one small area. 

My Jewish calendar's main pic's of a tapestry, unknown maker, made out of silk and cotton, Kashan (?), Persia; 1900-1950. They're not exactly sure if it was from Kashan or not. Cool to see a Jewish Persian tapestry. There are a 10 blurbs around the edges written in Hebrew. They might be the 10 commandments. (We really have 613. But, these would be like the first 10.) There's also some interesting scenes in the middle with more Hebrew scattered throughout. The 2nd pic's of a collection plate, anonymous maker, made out of silver, Dordrecht, Netherlands; 1590-1611. We don't usually have collection plates...Especially not on Shabbat. We're not supposed to handle money during that time, so it'd be really odd if they used this during Shabbat services. Maybe for other times during the week. For when people wanted to donate? (Maybe they couldn't send it in any other way?) Can't really make out the scene that's etched out in the middle, but it looks cool. Interesting to see such an old one, too. The last pic's of a Torah crown, made by Jacob Hendrik Helweg, out of silver and gilt, Amsterdam, Netherlands; 1883. This one's pretty impressive looking. It's large, has lots of holes where bells dangle from, and has an interesting pattern/design. Nice that they have another pretty old thing, that they know exactly who made it, and exactly what year it was made in. There's usually not that many specifics. Nice to see.

The month-long holidays are: National Peanut Butter Lovers Month, National Pepper Month, National Pomegranate Month, National Novel Writing Month. Some are for important causes, some are to make you appreciate things you may take for granted, and some are just for fun.

Rosie's been on the mend still since my last post. She's gotten a lot better, but is still having difficulties. I'm starting to see her eating and drinking. Finally!Her personality is coming back. That spunky sort of attitude she has. She's also exploring things again. (I like to call her a little scientist, since she has to test and see how everything works.) She's throwing up a little less each day. Since she was so sick for a while, it was hard to clean herself up once she felt better enough to do so. She had a nasty/smelly butt that I noticed during the late afternoon on Monday. I tried to help her out by using a damp paper towel and wiping her with it. Didn't do much. 

Later, Dad suggested that I should give Rosie a bath. I was reluctant because we didn't have their shampoo (a while back I threw out a 10 or 15-year old bottle of pet shampoo, thinking it was too old to use. I still think it was), and thought Rosie would cut me up. Unlike Tasha, she has her claws. We've never given her a bath. A little while later, I agreed to it. I filled the tub up a bit (enough for her legs to go under, but her face could be out of it), and with a little coaxing from Dad Rosie went into my bathroom. She's normally very curious about the shower/tub when I leave the door open while taking a shower. Usually as soon as I run the water, she walks away from the tub, but watches from a distance. When we put her in, surprisingly, she seemed to really like it. (Liked it so much, she became very loose and relaxed pretty quickly.) I only used the water to clean her. At least, it would help her get the main nasty stuff off, and then she can do the rest of the cleaning herself. I cleaned her butt and other areas as best I could. She acted like I was her mom licking her butt clean or something.I'm starting to notice that she really does think of me as her mom. I knew she was close to me, but wasn't sure about being a mother figure to her until now. When she felt like she had enough time exploring, and I was basically done washing her, she tried to jump out of the tub herself. Didn't work out too well. So, I grabbed her, picked her up, and set her down on the towel I had put down around there. She didn't protest. (I don't pick her up that often.) The only time during the whole ordeal she did protest was when I was in the middle of drying her off. (And, it was vocal. She didn't use her claws. Which, I think, is another sign.) She apparently wanted me to let her go and dry herself off. I let her go with some patches still being slightly wet, thinking she'll just clean/dry the rest of it herself. And, she did. Her fur looked a lot nicer, too. Kind of fluffier.Should make it easier for her to clean herself back there, anyways. She seemed happier afterwards. 

Went to our friends' anniversary/Halloween party on Halloween. It was their 40th anniversary. A big one, and definitely worthy of a celebration.They really were married on Halloween, but the ceremony (I think) was on November 1st. Halloween is one of their favorite holidays. I've known them since I was about 7 or 8. Around that time, they also started inviting us to Thanksgiving, Passover seders, and New Year's Eve parties at their place. Occasionally, they'd have a Hanukkah party. I have a lot of good memories of those dinners.I met a lot of people through them, too. There's usually quite a lot of people who go to their Passover seders. New Year's Eve usually has very few people, and Thanksgiving varies each year. They know a lot of people...And, almost everyone that they invited to this event came. Only 2 of them didn't. One was going through surgery, and I think the other's mom had something happen to her. That's understandable. I knew a good majority of the people that showed up, too. Some I haven't seen in years.

They had it at a place called the Farm Kitchen. The main building is huge. Which was perfect, considering how many people showed up. It was catered by them, too. The couple said in place of gifts, people could bring something for the Humane Society. I thought that was cool. I saw the area where they put the stuff, and there was a ton of food, blankets, and treats. 

They said costumes would be welcomed, but were optional. It felt like not many people were in costume. Many were in Halloween-themed clothes, though. Like, Jack-o-Lantern shirts, or with black and orange colors. I got a lot of compliments for my punk cat costume.And, even the wife of the couple said that it kind of went with the theme of helping the Humane Society. Yay! Someone said I should wear the cat ears year round, because they looked so nice on me. I don't know about that...Maybe for Purim? It's another holiday where people dress up in costume. They thought the fingerless gloves with silver paw pads were cute, and really made the costume, as well as my 'collar'. One of the caterers working the drinks area said I looked like a really nice cat. 

There was only one bad part of the night for me.Someone who I've known for a while, and has helped me a bit in the past, saw me towards the beginning and decided to sit with Dad and I. I thought that'd be nice since she's usually pretty friendly. Anyways, we talked for a while. We just so happened to be standing near Dad, and I was backing up towards my chair. I was getting tired of standing, and was thinking about sitting. She turned toward me and said something to the effect of: "I know your father is here, but you don't have to stand near him. I know my daughter's like you, and you feel you need to stay around a man. You need to find a man. You know, have you tried looking at okcupid?" She said a few more things, but I responded with a 'huh?' and 'I have tried okcupid'...Kind of like an automated response. It just surprised me so much.I finally sat down after that. 

There were so many things wrong with what she said. She emphasized 'father' and said it rather loudly. I was referring to her as parent while I was there. I'm actually starting to like that more, especially while out. Even with people we know. Even at home I don't say 'father', I say Dad. Father seems worse for some reason. Secondly, referring to her with the wrong pronoun is disturbing to me. Especially for someone we know...And, basically saying she was a man also got to me. Thirdly, I'm not your daughter. And, if you treat her like that, then I feel sorry for her.She later grabbed me and said things to me like: "She's like my daughter! I'm like her only mother figure!" That was one of the many last straws. I ripped away from her, and said in a calm manner: "No. Get off of me. Don't touch me. I don't know your daughter, and you are definitely not a mother figure to me." And, I walked away from her for a bit. Also, I do not 'need' to find a man.That was incredibly sexist to start off with. She didn't even know if I was straight, for one thing. For all she knew, I might have been lesbian or asexual. I am straight, but saying I 'need' a man is still not acceptable to me. Plus, this would also seem to hurt a guy I would be dating if he heard this too. It makes a lot of assumptions on them, as well. Basically talking about them like they're piece of meat, too. What if I hated okcupid? She didn't believe me when I told her I've tried it before. She said I should go back to it. She also tried to pressure me into going to services with her on the 14th at the synagogue she used to hate, and she knows I don't really want to go back to. It was all just too much. So, I unfriended her on facebook, and blocked her on my phone. She also told me she may be a bit tipsy. I'm sorry, but that's not an excuse.

I'm starting to get an 'I don't give a fuck' kind of attitude if people mess with me too much. I rarely swear, so my apologies...If you're nice and kind to me, I'll treat you that way. I'm always polite and nice when I meet people for the first time. I make it a point, because I tend to think positively about people until they mess with me. (You never know what that person has gone through, and being treated with respect and kindness can lift them up.) If you mess with me like the person above, I'm just going to give up on you. Just lose most contact with you, become distant, etc. Because I don't need that. No one does.It's too much energy to keep up 'appearances' when it's like that. If you pressure me too much to do something, I'm not going to care what you think and turn you down. (Just like trying to pressure me to go to someplace I'm not interested in for services...) I'm also not going to try to explain myself to someone like that anymore. I've already taken a lot of toxic people out of my life, and it feels good. I've found some amazing people in place of them since. Just realized that that actually kind of goes with the attitude of my costume. And, I kind of like punk stuff. Just haven't delved much into it.

Besides that little interaction, I had an amazing time there. And, interestingly, I didn't feel much about how she treated me (once the shock ebbed away) and just stayed away from her most of the time. I didn't feel up to talking in front of everyone in the room during the toast, so I caught up with the wife of the couple. I said what I wanted to tell her and her husband, and she was appreciative. Looked like she was about to cry, too. She gave me a big long hug, and some homemade soap. It had a scene of bats flying around a sunset. It was very sweet of her, but neither Dad or I liked it...It's the thought that counts, too. Got into some political debates about the election. We all had similar sides to it, so I guess it was more just talking about it. Met someone who had recently been diagnosed with a rare blood disease. Surprisingly, we had a lot in common with what we were going through. That was a nice talk, too. The couple's nephew also talked to me a bit. He was, I think, the closest in age to me. He's in his early 20's, though. Very nice guy. 

A couple of the women from the synagogue I like a lot more chatted with me, too. When one of them found out about my first novel being published, and the second one about to be, she was raving about it with everyone else on that side of the room. The other person was surprised and proud of me. She also asked: "So, what's your secret?" I was confused. She said that I looked amazing, and how did I lose so much weight in such a short amount of time. I told her the basics of what helped me. But, I didn't tell her that recently it's been partially because of my IBD. That wouldn't have been such a positive thing...And, I wouldn't want anyone to have this. She was one of those people that I thought never had issues with her weight, but she might have been struggling recently with it. Or, maybe she was struggling a lot with it before, but it didn't seem like it. Everyone that night kept telling me I looked amazing, and that I must have lost a lot of weight. It felt nice and weird at the same time. 

The only hors d'oeuvres I could really eat were these little coin-shaped cheese and garlic puff pastries. They were a bit odd, but good. They also had 'eye balls', which were grapes encased in some sort of cheese and covered with nuts. Something that didn't sound appealing. They also had 'mummies'. They were hot dogs in a blanket. They looked good, and I asked one of the caterers if they had pork in them. She told me she'd check, and towards the end she found out they did. Good thing I didn't have them then. The dinner part was a bit weird. They had salmon with what seemed to be tzatziki sauce with cucumbers on top. It didn't taste much like tzatziki sauce, though. There was a kale salad with bleu cheese crumbles and pecans. Sounded really good, but was kind of tough to eat. They had brisket that was slightly underdone. They had a pumpkin pudding thing that didn't look that great. Their bread sticks, and potatoes were really good.Each table had some Halloween candy, too. So, that was good. Dessert was pretty tasty. It was like a dark and white chocolate tart with raspberry sauce spooned over part of it. I think they're known for their pastries more, and it was definitely one of the best things they served. 

There was also a live band. They started playing after the dinner stuff was cleared away. I was drawn into it by someone. She danced like crazy, and was sweating a few minutes into it. The music was super loud, and many people had a tough time talking because of it. I hadn't been to a dance like that in a long time, but even I thought it was too loud.Many people went outside to talk, or near the entrance, while this was going on. 

Had an eye exam in the late afternoon yesterday. I'm near-sighted, and even with my old contacts, the chart from far away kept blurring out of focus. I occasionally couldn't read the top line. That's usually really huge. It was frustrating.With the chart up close, I could read the smallest line rather easily. The exam lasted close to an hour and a half. She had to dilate my pupils to really check for things. First time I've had that done in a long time. It really burned at first. Got more of the solution in my left eye, so that was in the most pain. I liked her a lot more than the one I was going to have last month, and the one I had last year. She actually listened to me, and was pretty thorough. Last year, they told me that both my eyes were the same prescription. This year, they both need different and more stronger ones. She was able to give me one sample that would be the closest in prescription for my left eye. They didn't have the right one. I also have astigmatism, so it's a bit more difficult to find samples for them. So, my right eye has the old contact in it from before. I think I can see better even with just one of them close to being corrected. It doesn't feel like one is overcompensating for the other or something. No headache with it, and that's a sign that it would be. 

Afterwards, someone really stressed me out. I've been told by my gastroenterologist and read on the Crohn's and Colitis Foundation's site, that I should limit my stress. (The CCF's site was recommended to me by my gastro, so she apparently trusts them, too.) The more stress I have, the more likely my symptoms will get worse. The 'disease' itself won't, but my body's response to it will. So, it can physically hurt me. Even if I was in remission, they said it could still wreak havoc. (It's worse if I'm not, though.) Lo and behold, I've been having issues today with it. It was just the cherry on the other stressful things lately...

Since it was so late, we decided to go out to Red Robin for dinner. I got one of my faves, the Arctic Cod Sandwich. It's usually really good. Has a couple of fried fish fillets, lettuce (I think 2 different types), pickles, and tartar sauce on a sesame seed bun. I got their special garlic and parmesan steak fries. The sandwich came out very cold. I thought it was my imagination until I actually felt the bun. (It's such a big sandwich, I usually have to use a fork and knife.) It felt like it had just come out of a refrigerator.The fries were really good. I had about 1/3 of the sandwich. I told the waiter, who later told the manager, about it being cold. They suggested getting another one, but I thought that would have been too much food for me. So, they discounted it by taking $5 off. Roughly half of that meal. That's good. They said they were having issues with 2 different parts of their kitchen. The fish sandwich doesn't take too long, but the burger that Dad ordered takes longer. So, essentially mine was sitting there while the other one was being made.I took the leftovers home, thinking I could just heat it up when I have lunch or brunch the next day. So, that wasn't too bad a thing. 

My birthday is this Saturday. Yay!I was thinking of going to a local brunch place called the Oak Table. It's usually very good. We, as a family, have liked it in the past. And, most of my friends I know that have gone there love it, too. I remember their food being really big, though. I'll just have more to eat at another meal! They're rather impressive looking, too. After that, I hope to go see a movie. Just not sure what. I think the new bond movie's out, so that might be a contender. I looked a bit for local events and such online. There's a salmon run event. That seemed interesting. Most of the other things were either art galleries or 'holiday' bazaars/fairs. I say 'holiday', because they mainly have Christmas things. If there are other holiday stuff (like for Hanukkah, as an example), it's usually an afterthought. I wouldn't mind if they called it a Christmas Bazaar/Fair. That's at least telling you what it really is...Anyways, I might look at the list one more time to see if I missed anything.

I've also gotten back to being more strict about my eating this week. It's a bit easier to check how many calories I've really had with seeing it on the My Fitness Pal's app. My preferred amount of calories is 1200-1600. The lower end being the best. I've had My Fitness Pal set to 1800, and that's the most I'll allow myself. But, that's more than I prefer. The default amount of calories on is 2000, but I like that you can move that around. Most of the time it tells me, at the end of the day, that I didn't fulfill my calorie intake for the day. I think there's only been 1 or 2 days where it was at or over 1800. I'm also getting back to my sit-ups. I'm doing 20 twice a day this week. Hopefully I'll get to my walks soon, too.

Simchat Torah 5776

Mood:

Simchat Torah lit. means 'Rejoicing in the Law'. Torah is commonly translated to mean 'law', but also means 'teaching'. Today celebrates the last parsha or weekly Torah portion of the year, and the first parsha of the year starting the 'cycle' again. That beginning parsha of the year is read this Saturday. Some spread the parsha out for the entire week, but the parsha is chanted out loud at the synagogue during services. And, most people study Torah on Shabbat. For Simchat Torah, we sing and dance around with the Torahs at the synagogue, eat candy, sometimes the adults drink schnapps, read parts of the end and beginning of the scroll, and most synagogues roll out one of them and the congregation holds onto it as it is completely unrolled so everyone can look at it. You have to be careful not to touch the areas with letters. Or, really anywhere but the edges. The oils from our fingers can damage it. The parchment part is made out of lambskin, and writing is handmade by a skilled scribe using ink. It's a special style of writing Hebrew, too. Also, they omit the vowels...It's pretty impressive to see it totally unrolled. It's easier to move it to the beginning this way too. Some places eventually have the congregation dance with the Torahs out in the streets just outside the synagogue. It can be a pretty fun holiday.I haven't gone to a Simchat Torah thing for a few years, though. I'm still sick, and don't want to be around a lot of people while on a higher dose of the new med. So, it wouldn't be a good idea to go this year. Don't want to feel worse...Also, we have a mini family Torah scroll. Complete with a cardboard arc it sits in. Even has a little yod, which is a pointer shaped like a hand with the pointer finger extended. It's the only way to keep your place without physically touching the letters. I think it has a tiny chest plate or shield, too. (Also, has it's own cover.) Kind of cute. Since it's mini-sized, it can be a bit difficult to actually read. It'd be interesting to just go through, though. It's also National Noodle Day, Mad Hatter Day, and National German-American Day. I'm part German. So, yay!Celebrating more of my people that way. Noodles are awesome! I could probably eat them all day. The Mad Hatter is one of my fave characters from Alice in Wonderland. I think I remember reading that it's a day where the 'normal' is crazy, and the crazy stuff is normal. Kind of an interesting way of looking at things. 

This is my wallpaper for October. It's Xerxes Break from Pandora Hearts. Back when he had long hair, and seemed a bit crazier. I think he's one of the most complex characters of the series. There were moments where you didn't really know which side he was on. Break was one of the first ones to go into the Abyss, meet the 'Will of the Abyss', and come out alive. He changed history in order to save someone (by asking the Will to help him), only to find out it didn't work out in the end. He also offset everyone's 'destiny' by doing so. The Will took out his eye during his meeting with her, and she gave it to Cheshire. (Originally was Alice's cat. Yep, like Alice in Wonderland...It's a big theme throughout the series, although it certainly has it's own unique story line. Might even be more twisted than Alice in Wonderland.) He loves sweets (sometimes he just eats sugar cubes), and usually has a doll on his shoulder named Emily. The doll sometimes talks. He's a bit of a trickster, incredibly manipulative, was once a knight and is a very skilled swordsman (his cane can turn into a sword), doesn't physically age, and is probably the strongest in the Pandora Hearts organization. The Mad Hatter is his Chain. He's one of my favorite characters. Anyways, I thought this was perfect for a Halloween-like theme.

My Paris calendar features the Eiffel Tower. Particularly around autumn. Cultural exhibits, shows, and movies fill the event schedule around it at this time. The European Cultural Heritage Days are held there at the end of September. Nuit Blanche or White Night is an annual night arts festival during the first weekend of October. 

My Jewish calendar's main pic features a Torah shield, anonymous maker, made out of silver, Germany; 1750-1800. Torah shields go over the covering for the scrolls. Usually, there are some beautiful designs. Some have removable plates that have holiday names written out in Hebrew. This one seems to be stuck on Shavuot. I would have thought they'd find one with Simchat Torah on it (if it had to have the removable plates), to go with the theme, since the holiday is during this month. But, that's ok, it's Torah related.The design is pretty cool, too. It's cool they found one that's so old. Especially from where it came from. Doesn't look that old, either. The second pic's of an etrog box, made by Piet Izak Cohen, out of silver and felt, Amsterdam, Netherlands; 1995. An etrog is a citrus fruit kind of similar to a lemon. We use it during Sukkot which recently ended. (It's an 8-day harvest holiday.) Some make jam out of them, and some let it shrivel up and use it as decoration. My mom would occasionally do the latter. They become really hard like rocks, and turn into a dark orangey color. (We had 2 sitting around for a few years.) We have a nice etrog box still. It's made out of a dark red wood, and has yellow/gold lettering and a design of an etrog on the top. The inside is lined with red velvet. It's been a long time since I've used it. This one's kind of a modern design, though. Looks like it's made in the shape of the fruit with loops as a handle. It has writing going down the sides of it. Not my style, but interesting to see. 

The month-long holidays are: National Apple Month, National Caramel Month, National Cookie Month, National Dessert Month, National Pasta Month, National Pretzel Month, National Seafood Month, American Cheese Month, Bat Appreciation Month, Corn Month, German-American Heritage Month, Italian-American Heritage Month, LGBT History Month, National Cookbook Month, Polish-American Heritage Month, Sausage Month, Spinach Lovers Month. Some are for important causes, some are to make you appreciate things you may take for granted, and some are just for fun.

I've been sick for the past week.I started to feel like I had a bit of a scratchy throat that Wednesday night. That feeling happened at the tail end of going to a potluck/social thing with a support group. It just felt really scratchy the rest of the night. I didn't really cough, but it was a weird feeling. 

The next day, it started to really hit me. I never had a fever during it, although my temp was unusually high for my norm. My 'norm' is around 96.2. I think my highest temp during it was like 98.9. Not really fever range.Had an extremely runny nose (I was going through tissues like crazy!), face felt like it was on fire most of the time (my sinuses might have been full), headaches, sensitive to certain things in the air or light (couldn't really tell. But, my eyes became really watery after being out for a while one night), and general aches all over. I had one night where I couldn't stop coughing, but that was it.

Dad was sick a couple days before me. Hers seemed a bit different. She had a horrible hacking cough, and things progressed until she went to the ER. They told her she had acute bronchitis, and told her to have benadryl and, I think, some sort of inhaler. They kept asking if she had asthma. That's kind of scary in itself.She seems a lot better now. In fact, it seems to be out of her system. (Hopefully it is!) 

I'm still slowly getting over mine. It feels like it's almost gone, but my nose is still weird (more stuffed up rather than runny, although it does occasionally get that way still. Sometimes it's hard to breathe with it while I'm eating or something. It's also very sore), my throat feels a tad sore, and I get slightly dizzy at times. I just want it to be totally gone already!I think the reason why it's taking longer than usual, is because I've upped the dosage of azathioprine. That probably also helped with getting me sick in the first place. My immune system was already taking a hit from it. Interestingly, I got sick only about 8 days after starting this new dose...I've decided to keep track of when I get sick in the future, to see how common it'll be. I'm going to try to be a bit more diligent, but there's only so much you can do, and I have kind of a morbid fascination with it right now. I usually don't get sick that often. Maybe once a year. But, I've gone for years without being sick, too. So, I'm just not used to it. 

I spent Yom Kippur at home, and joined services online. It was very interesting. Thought I wouldn't get much from watching it online, but I did. I also had a plethora of choices (services, study, talks, etc.) to choose from throughout the day. I only really paused to eat. Almost felt like it was more engaging this way. Also, some synagogues have really beautiful sanctuaries. Some congregations actually put handouts and prayer books up in a pdf file so the people watching can follow along. I might try out a different synagogue every Shabbat to see the ones I like the most. It's a handy tool for people who are immunosuppressed, live where there isn't a synagogue anywhere near them (one person commented that they watch every service at one of them, and they come from Germany. The nearest synagogue from where they are is at least an hour's drive. Cool to hear stories like that, and who they can help), etc. 

Yizkor on Yom Kippur was a bit difficult to sit through. Yizkor is a memorial service. Essentially, it's for anyone who has lost a loved one. People share stories, there are poems, prayers, etc. Parts of it made me think of Mom, and every so often I thought maybe I should skip it, thinking it might be too much. But, I actually sat through the whole thing. The last time I went to a yizkor service was about a year after she passed. That was about 2 years ago. I remember walking out of that one about a third of the way into it. It was too much. 

I went to my eye exam appointment today. The optometrist was kind of pushy. I was trying to fill out the paperwork, and she grabbed it from me. After some talking, I got it back and filled out most of it. My right contact lens has been bothering me for the last couple of days. It won't focus all the way. Things are really blurry in that eye. This makes the good side kind of overcompensate, leading to some headaches.It's been hard to watch TV sometimes because of it. Luckily, it was time for my annual exam again. Normally, I get an optometrist who's kind of a creepy old guy. This time it was a really pushy woman who wasn't listening to a thing I said.There's never anyone who's 'normal', is there? We went in and started the exam with the cover one eye and tell me how far down the list you can read thing, then the other eye. My eyes seem to be really bad, because I couldn't read much passed the 3rd line with my left, and only some from the 2nd on my right. This was with my contacts in.We had to stop a few minutes into that, because there was a problem with something, and I won't be able to have it done until next month. The optometrist said she could at least tell that I might need a different prescription. That's good to know that it's not just in my head. It's strange that it seemed to have only gotten weird the last couple of days, though. Makes me wonder if it's just the contacts themselves?Oh, well. I guess I'll find out next month. 

Lately, I've been trying to go back to bed early, again. It's helped a bit with getting over my cold. (There was one day that I spent most of it in bed, because I was feeling so horrible.) Also, feels nice to go to bed at a somewhat decent time. Yesterday I started up my sit-ups again. I'm doing 10 of them twice a day this time. Starting kind of light, since I'm not entirely out of the woods yet with my cold. Hoping to at least get one 2-mile walk in tomorrow. But, if I'm still sick and don't get to it, it'll be ok. 

I've finished formatting my nightmare anthology. Now I just have to do the cover art before I send it off to be published. I might give the whole thing a once over one more time before I actually submit it.I already have an idea of what I'll do for the cover art. I might use an old drawing of Max from my first novel (has no relation to this novel). He's a skeleton demon, and I have a drawing of just his head (or skull, however you want to look at it), and one of his entire body from head to toe. I might use his skull for a main part of it, and maybe take out a few of his other bones to scatter around it. I'm thinking of having kind of a dark blue color with a lighter color of cloud-like swirls in the background. Then, the title over it. Thinking of blending in the bones somehow. Just enough to still make them out. (Photoshop will be my friend throughout this...) This shall be another interesting project for it. I already have the parts, I just have to turn it into something. I also have some ideas of how to market it better than I did with the first one, and this one seems better all together than the other one. Certainly easier to explain, too.