19th of Adar

Had a fun weekend. Went to a new place called McCloud’s for dinner on Friday. Their menu is huge! There were so many good sounding desserts on their specials menu. We shared fried pickle fries. They come with ranch. They were kind of in a nifty shape. I thought they were pretty good. I got their bbq combo. I chose the brisket, mashed potatoes, and potato salad. It comes with cornbread. The brisket was very fatty, but the rest of it was decent. The sauce was interesting. The mashed potatoes didn’t look very normal. It needed more salt. The potato salad was just ok. Cornbread was just ok. I ate close to half of everything, and had the rest (including pickle fries) for lunch on Sunday. The mashed potatoes were much better after I added a lot more salt at home. Maybe the rest of their entrees/sides will be better. I had their toffee caramel bundt cake. It was amazing! I ended up eating it all.

We went to Burger King on Saturday for lunch. Been a while since I had been there. I got a whopper with cheese without onions with onion rings and a vanilla cream soda. It was great!

After that, we got pedicures. I decided to get those instead of going to the podiatrist just to get my toenails clipped. I got the same ‘package’ as my parent. The signature one. They do a few different massages in addition to the actual pedicure part. They also add in putting on nail polish. I didn’t want the nail polish. I wasn’t sure if it would make my toenails worse. They almost didn’t understand that I didn’t want it. They don’t know very much English. I think I might have it next time. Something sparkly. I guess it’s ok to try and see what it does. They didn’t trim my nails much. That was my main thing. Next time I’ll ask them to trim them shorter. Hopefully they’ll be able to trim both my big toes’ nails. They’re the weird looking ones. They were still pretty short this time, so it was understandable that they didn’t do much with them. The skin on my legs and feet still feels really soft from all that stuff they did. I think I’ll get their basic thing next time. That still has a couple of massages. (And they still apply lotion and such.) Nail polish is included in it, too. I had worn my slippers so I can easily slip in and out of them. They tried helping me put them on afterwards. They were really nice.

We went home so I could get my socks and shoes on. My feet/legs felt naked and cold on the way home. We went to Starbucks for a snack after that. I got an iced lavender cream oatmilk matcha latte and coffee cake. The latte was new, and it had kind of a fun taste. The coffee cake was good, but very crumbly.

Went to my haircut appointment at 4:30pm. My stylist and the receptionist were the only other people in the store. It was a little weird. I got another buzzcut. It feels like she cut it even shorter than usual. I think the 6-week thing worked out more. It wasn’t getting too crazy before the haircut like it had been. The only issue is I had to make an appointment for more than 6 weeks out. It’s going to get funky again. I guess I can wear a hat if it gets bad. I brought up Rosie passing away. She suggested we get another pet. To fill the void, and that many pets need good homes. It’s hard. I don’t think I want to get attached like that to another pet and then deal with their death again. It hurts. She talked about her new chihuahua puppy. I was thinking a while ago about getting a chihuahua. (Long before Rosie passed away.) A nice small dog. Again, I don’t think I want to deal with that again. Unless maybe if I won the lottery and had my own house. (I might get both a dog and cat.) That’s a big maybe, though. Anyways, it looked like a lot of hair was on the floor when she was done. I didn’t think my hair was that long.

My parent made our usual St Patrick’s Day dinner on Sunday. It’s easier to cook like that during the weekend. There were corned beef, potatoes, carrots, and cabbage. They were all boiled together with a little spices. I had the corned beef with a little maple mustard. It was great without it, but it elevated it a little more. It was all great. Shared soda bread for my last snack. Another fave.

This month’s Universal Yums is on Colombia. (Got it on Monday.) I don’t think Treats covered Colombia. It’s pretty new to me that way. Should be interesting to see what emails I’ll get on it from them. So far, there was a recipe for Sancocho Colombiano. Apparently, a huge stew with beef and vegetables. They usually add a sauce on top of it. They might have rice or avocado as sides. Went through the booklet. I can have the 2 recipes in it. I think 1 of them looked really good. Cheese in hot chocolate is apparently a thing. The music playlist wasn’t great. I thought they’d have traditional music. Instead it was pop, rap, and hip-hop. Looks like fun and different snacks this time. There’s one I can’t have. It’s bacon and lime potato chips. My parent said she might have that one.

I’ve tried the cheese rings with cassava powder. They were pretty good, just had a strange aftertaste. Had some of the Chew n Crunch Stix. They weren’t great. Very interesting that it had specks of candy inside. I noticed there was gelatin in it. I don’t know if that’s from pork, beef, fish, or plants. (I can’t have pork products.) The uncertainty scared me and they weren’t good, so I threw the rest out. Had one of the passion fruit flavored lollipops with bubblegum in the center. The candy part was really good. Very flavorful. You could smell it, too. I’m not sure if I’ve had passion fruit before. It looked like it had seeds, but I think they made the candy have bumps and colored them in to make them look like seeds. The gum wasn’t very good. Didn’t last long. It was an experience, though. Today, I had a little bit of the coconut caramel stick candy. It was awful. It also had gelatin. It wasn’t worth having the whole stick. I threw the rest of it out, too. I also had the coffee cake that actually has coffee in it. It was really good. Seemed like it was steamed. It was nice and moist. Had a little strange aftertaste. Not sure what that was. I gave it 3.5 hearts. I gave the coconut caramel sticks 0 hearts. So, today had both the lowest and highest ratings so far. There are lime potato chips from the same brand that did the bacon and lime potato chips. It sounds interesting. I’ve had lime tortilla chips, but not potato chips. There’s also mayo potato chips. To me, that could be good or bad. All depends on how it’s done. There are garlic plantain chips. I’ve tried plantains a couple of times and didn’t like it. Maybe I’ll like it in a different form? There’s a gummy thing. I’ll try a little bit, but it also has gelatin. If it’s good, I might eat more of it. There are lemon cream sandwich cookies, a peanut chocolate bar, and a wafer chocolate bar. Those seem ‘normal’.

Yesterday I had a meatloaf meal from Safeway for dinner. It also had green beans and mashed potatoes. Their meatloaf only has beef, which is great. They use a ketchup-based sauce, which reminds me of what my mom did with her meatloaves. It didn’t have the garlic and herb butter for the green beans/potatoes this time. I like that usually. It still was good. I had a slice of their Biscoff cookie butter cake for my last snack. It’s one of the best cakes they have. Super popular. They didn’t have it for a while. It was the last one. I’m so happy I got to have it. It was amazing! I had Amy’s broccoli cheddar bake for dinner tonight. It’s a frozen meal. One of my faves. I had an oatmeal raisin cookie for dessert. It was pretty tasty. For my last snack, I’ll have cheddar pretzels and either the last of the s’mores chocolate or the beef and cheese sticks. I love the beef and cheese sticks. Another thing I haven’t seen in a while. It might be best to have that then.

I’ve decided to get most of my Passover food from Amazon. They have a good selection. The QFC in Seattle disappointed me last year. They really didn’t have much. They used to be impressive with a huge selection. They actually have a section for it on Amazon. I looked at it last year and it had pretty much everything I needed. Even the jarred charoset and actual choices of cereal. I’ll check it out again soon. The holiday starts the night of April 12th. I have a little while.

I finished my little project of listening through the decades on Spotify. I didn’t find much in the 2010s and 2020s. I added a little over 330 songs to my liked playlist with that. Now I’m listening to my liked playlist on shuffle with their ‘new’ recommendations mixed in. I’ve added quite a bit more that way. I’m still not used to listening to music throughout the day again. It’s another experience. I used to do it all the time, but I stopped it at some point. Probably after my fall 5 years ago and cancer stuff.

Pinterest (I didn't make these. Just sharing):

(Cheesy Beef Wraps):

Youtube:

19th of Cheshvan

I almost forgot. As I was walking through the parking lot to get to Starbucks last week, a car almost ran me over. If I hadn’t started to run, it would have hit me. I had right of way there, and it’s not like I was walking too slow. It was another scary thing. It was pouring rain when we went back out of the café to the car.

We might go to one of my parent’s friends’ place for Thanksgiving. I think they only asked us to get a pie. My parent might get more than just one.

With the previous unit (just started the next one) in Spanish on Duolingo, they’re going over the word si. It’s interesting that with the accent mark as sí, it means yes. Without it as si, it means if. They started putting all the learners learning Spanish in one league this week. Last time I checked, I’m 3rd in the league.

Got my new Molina card. It’s KP through Molina, so they changed the primary care doctor and added Kaiser Permanente at the bottom. (I thought the number was changed, but it’s the same.) I looked more at it. I don’t see the KP stuff in the Molina app. I’m thinking of calling Molina tomorrow about it. I might call KP’s medicaid line as well. I’ll have to make an appointment to see my primary soon. She’s moving to their Silverdale location. They are closing the Poulsbo location. I don’t know how this all works. I guess I’ll find out.

Went to Starbucks again Saturday. I got their new iced pecan crunch oat milk latte and their new dark toffee bundt cake. Both were good. Didn’t get close to getting run over this time.

Went to Kachai Thai for dinner Friday night. I got chicken satay, beef fried rice without onions, and rice pudding for dessert. The pudding was the only dessert they had left. I couldn’t hear our server very well. That was kind of a headache. The pudding had purple rice and sweetened coconut milk. Was better than the last time I had it. No weird aftertaste.

I started a new month for walking. This time, for my outdoor walks, I’m walking all the way over to the tennis courts (starting with the mailbox side) and back once. Apparently, it’s only 1 or 2 min longer than what I was doing last month. I thought it would be more. I only was able to do it once so far. It’s either been too dark and/or too rainy. I’ve decided that when it’s like that, I’ll just do a 14 min or 15 min walk inside. I’m also still doing 2 5-min walks inside. It’s expected to be really rainy and windy today and tomorrow. Weather Underground said the winds will start at 2pm today. It didn’t. My parent said it might be at 6pm. We’ll see. (It already sounds like it's really raining outside right now.) I think the wind will be so strong that the power will probably go out. Since I wasn’t sure when it’ll be windy/rainy, I decided to do a 15 min walk inside. Just to be on the safe side. Don’t want to get out there, and suddenly get stuck in it.

Went to one of the markets (we still call it Central) on Sunday. Got some of my weekly stuff. I was going to get a cranberry supplement, but they didn’t have the one I got last time. I decided to get something else. It’ll last for 50 days at least.

I also got my toothpaste. Apparently they’re the only ones that sell it nearby. It’s Pronamel from Sensodyne, Alpine fresh flavor, and whitens teeth. Good for sensitive teeth, like mine. I’ve been using it as I’ve gotten back to brushing my teeth on a regular basis. Doing it twice a day. I watched a video on youtube talking about when the best time to brush is. (Plus it talked about other hygiene/health things.) They say it’s about an hour after a meal. 30 minutes is ok, but not less than that and it’s not as good. So, I’m doing it an hour after breakfast, and 30 minutes after my last snack, which is kind of close to my bedtime. I also used to use water to rinse it off, but I don’t anymore. Just spit as much of it out as I can. My teeth look the cleanest they’ve been in a long time. Things don’t irritate them much anymore either.

I got a smoked turkey and dill havarti sandwich for dinner. Also, found out they have turkey dinners now. I grabbed one. I wasn’t expecting to get 2 dinners from that market. I also got cherry crunch pie for dessert.

Went to Safeway yesterday. Got some Drano to help with the downstairs’ bathroom sink. (This was after Safeway and going back to Central. They didn't have it at Safeway. They also didn't have milk, and we needed that too. Interesting mix to go back to get.) It seemed to be pretty clogged. It got much better after last night. I got some more cash for the buses. $20 worth of $1 bills. A lot, and it’ll go for quite a few bus rides. I got a grilled salmon and pesto pasta dinner from there. It also has asparagus and cherry tomatoes. I think it’s pretty healthy. Got a tiramisu cake for dessert. Hopefully that will be good too. Got lottery tickets. Mega Millions jackpot is getting pretty big. It’ll be cool to win. The drawing is tonight.

Pinterest (again, I didn't make these. Just sharing. Thought it would be interesting. Some come from my dream home board):

(This one has a link that has tons of different walk-in closets):

Youtube: 

11th of Cheshvan

Tapered hydrocortisone to 5 mg in the morning and 2.5 mg in the afternoon on Saturday. My legs cramped up twice by the next morning. I think it was related to it. Plus, I’ve felt really stiff. If it continues this way, I’ll go back to what it was before. (7.5 mg in the morning, 2.5 mg in the afternoon.) I’m really hoping I won’t have to do that. I need to get off of it.

My birthday was nice. (It was on the 7th.) We went to Silver City for dinner. We shared the soft pretzels (there were 2, so we each got 1), I got a small Caesar salad, French onion pizza, and pumpkin spice bread pudding. The cheese sauce for the pretzel was weird, but the mustard was good. The salad was very cheesy, but the dressing lacked flavor. The pizza wasn’t as great as last year, but with a little added parmesan it was better. I told them that it was my birthday, and they lit a candle on the bread pudding. Underneath the whipped cream, there was like a salty walnut crust. It was surprisingly good. I was going to go to a trans meeting afterwards, but I felt like it was too late. It’s nice to be with other trans people now, so it was kind of disappointing.

We went to the Oak Table for brunch on Saturday. I got my fave: smoked salmon eggs Benedict with potato pancakes and some applesauce. It was good. I didn’t tell them it was my birthday this time. I did last year, and they came out singing Happy Birthday and giving me an ice cream crepe. I didn’t really need that.

Tried the Korean BBQ yakisoba instant noodle bowl for lunch yesterday. It wasn’t as good as I expected. I didn’t use all of the seasoning, since it looked like I had plenty of it. It still didn’t taste like much. The ‘garnish’ were pieces of beef, garlic, and onions. It smelled good as it cooked in the microwave. I’m glad I at least tried it.

Today, I didn’t miss anything on Duolingo. I did 3 lessons. This past week I started unit 37, and I finished it and started unit 38 today. My Spanish score is 52. I don’t know how high it goes. It’s based on progress, not on how well you’re doing. I think I’m pretty high. I hope I get to the end soon. I guess we’ll see. I’m 10th in the league. Not in the promotion zone. (I think the top 6 go on to the next league.) Oh, I also didn’t like the glitch where I suddenly lost all my streak freezes yesterday. It warned me and that I should pay gems for more. Luckily, that went back to normal when I closed and opened the app again. Usually when it glitches, it doesn’t let you continue to the next lesson. You can do the lesson as many times as you want, but it won’t let you through. That’s annoying.

Went to one of the markets yesterday. Something shot at me while I was going to the cashier. It was hard and square and hit the side of my head. I looked around. Nobody was around me. I looked down, but didn’t see anything. I did hear a faint bang on the floor. My parent suggested that something might have fallen from the ceiling. If it was from the ceiling, something’s not right. They’ve done a lot of renovating. It wouldn’t surprise me if something from that stuff hit me. I got a slight headache in the area. No bleeding, thank goodness.

Found an interesting instant noodle bowl. It’s chicken pho. The sodium looks pretty good. I also got Amazing Maple Mustard. It sounded good, and might be better for sandwiches. (Had some today, and it was great!) Got pumpkin and walnut cookies. They’re pretty good usually. Found the Chomps pack this time. Often they just had the singles. Got birthday cake chocolate. Perfect for this month. I got a smoked turkey and dill havarti sandwich for dinner from there. It was good. 

We went to Safeway today. I got their beef brisket and mac and cheese dinner for tonight. Not very healthy, but pretty good. I'll have a chocolate truffle cake for my last snack. I've been having desserts for my last snacks sometimes. It might be healthier that way depending on what I have, and how big the dinner might have been. 

I also got some meds. They were kind of expensive. I was going to try and skimp on it, but then I'd just need them sooner, and it'll end up costing more. It was just for Dulcolax and Tylenol, both being the store brand since it was cheaper. I take 6 pills of Tylenol a day, and 2 pills of Dulcolax. That's a lot. 

Organized my pills for the week yesterday. It always takes a while. After I organize them, I look to see how much I have left of each one. This time there are 3 things I needed from the local markets. I got 2 of them from Safeway today, like I mentioned. The other one might have to wait until next week. I have enough of that, at least, for this week. So, I should be ok.

Rosie keeps playing with her water. My parent bought a pet water fountain for her. Hopefully that will help.

Found something on my banana this morning. Looked like an egg sac. I looked online, and it apparently has to have silk around it to be a spider egg sac. This didn’t. I took it off the banana with my spoon, put it in my leftover milk, and crushed it with the spoon. Nothing came out. A little scary.

Went to Starbucks for a snack. Got their new dark toffee bundt cake and iced sugar cookie almond milk latte. Both were good.

Pinterest (I use my Fashion Fun board on there to help me find my style. I think I have many styles. It went back to suggesting a lot of outfits. I liked some of the vests, and it gave me men wearing them, too. Interesting. I do think I might like some things that might be considered for men. Again, I did not make these, or the videos after this. Just sharing): 

Youtube: 

17th of Elul

Sunday, I looked for 2 pillboxes similar to my current one on Amazon. For some reason, I didn't see any at Safeway. I've had my current one for roughly 10 years. Probably longer. I think I got it at Rite Aid. I remember my mom got the same kind at the same time. It's a daily circular one with 3 segments on the inside. The design on the outside is a metallic red with a silver starburst at the center and silver spikes coming off of it. The bottom and sides are golden. (Not actual gold.) It has a button like clasp on the edge to open and securely close it. Cool looking and I've loved it. However, I just realized recently that it's probably not sanitary anymore. You can't really clean them, unlike the weekly plastic ones. So, it's probably built up stuff from all the meds I've had since. Even the wax paper glued above the sections has turned yellow and the multivitamin gummies made wet looking imprints. I looked for 2 so that I can switch them after a little while. Probably better for me that way. I actually found some. Ordered one that has a few pink and white flowers, branches, and an open black background, the rest being silver. It looked kind of like a vintage thing. The 2nd one's a giant squid attacking an old boat, the rest of it's also silver. The tentacles are the only things shown of the squid. It looks like something you'd see in an antique shop. It looks like a black and white sketch. Both look cool. I was also thinking about an old compass, old map, a moon, another piece of abstract art, or octopus one. I didn't know there were so many designs. Some looked really expensive, but weren't bad in reality. The 2 I ordered seemed to be cheap, too. It was interesting that shipping for one of them was the same cost as the product itself. 

Someone on AVEN posted a thread about trying to understand what it means to be non-binary or enby for short. They were very ignorant on a number of things. They brought up trans as binary, used mtf (male to female) and ftm (female to male), that to be trans you have to transition, odd ideas about intersex people, and obviously quite a lot of stuff on enby genders and such. It was a lot to unpack. 

All that trans means is someone who's gender doesn't match the one they were assigned at birth. Since enby people don't identify with the one assigned to them, they are under the umbrella. Mtf or ftm are problematic because people have always had their gender, they were just assigned the wrong one. If you've always felt like a woman, you are one. You weren't a man before and suddenly turned into a woman. It doesn't work that way. Same with trans men. Better terms are afab (assigned female at birth) and amab (assigned male at birth). Not all trans people transition for many reasons. Health, can't afford it, don't see the need, etc. 

They thought that intersex people have both sets of sex types. Not necessarily. It can vary a lot, and they could seem 'normal' with one set, but other aspects will be different. Most people don't know their intersex until they're tested and that isn't cheap. They also thought that intersex people are trans. Not necessarily. They could be either cis or trans like everyone else. There are some genders that only intersex people can be, which is pretty cool. 

They thought enby and agender were the same thing. Nope. Enby is when someone isn't entirely a man or a woman all of the time. Genderfluid people that are sometimes a man or a woman are still considered enby, because they aren't always those genders. They also most likely fluctuate between many other genders. There are bigender people that are both a man and woman. Still considered enby, since they aren't just one or the other. They may have many other combos, too. Demigender people are partially a gender. They could be partially others at the same time (many being mostly agender). If part of their gender is in the binary, they're still enby, because they aren't completely a man or a woman. Being agender is under the enby umbrella, since I'm neither a man or a woman. I'm not related to the binary. There are many genders out there that aren't. It means I don't have a gender. 

They also asked how it felt to be enby. For me, there's nothing there. I see it in other people, but internally...nothing. Feminine and masculine seem more like 'styles' to me. I'm neither of those either. I might like aspects of both, but they're like pretty and cool masks or costumes. I don't identify or feel like they're truly me. I just am. Apparently, this confuses people, though. 

I'm glad their response to all this was a like. Despite being so ignorant and rude at times in their main post, they seemed to genuinely want to understand. I was bracing myself for retaliation still. Some people are unpredictable, don't think it's good enough, or want me to defend it somehow. There was one member of that same forum in the past that demanded I tell her what gender is and feels like. Again...you're asking someone who doesn't experience it. It was weird. 

On Sunday, we went to the dump. Got rid of 140 lbs of stuff. Mainly my parent's books. Went to Starbucks afterwards. I tried their pumpkin scone. Liked the scone part a lot. The very thick stiff icing, not as much. It's good, but seemed too thick and added way too much sweetness to it. Also, got an iced pumpkin spice latte. It didn't taste as strong as I remembered. It was ok, but not the best. Maybe the frappuccino version's better? I think they have a couple of other seasonal drinks that are back. Maybe I'll try one of those next time. 

It's gotten cold enough that I had to put the heavy electric blanket on my bed this weekend. It's super cozy when turned on. When off, it's pretty nice too, since it kind of feels like a hug. Rosie absolutely loves it. Even when it's off. She looks so happy when I have my heater going and she's on that blanket. It's cute. She gets so relaxed when the blanket is on and heated up. (Takes time to heat up to the setting you want.)

Went to my primary doc appointment yesterday. I was disappointed with how it turned out. So much so that I'm thinking about switching to a different one again. I might look at the trans-friendly list of primary docs again. She dismissed a lot of things, was 40 minutes late (they only give you 20 minutes. I don't care if it was at the end of the day. It was offered then), she always seems scattered and rushed when late, asked me what she should do, was contradictory, refused to do any imaging or blood tests, etc. There was one thing she did that was good, which was prescribe me a muscle relaxant. I was going to ask her about that. Most of the pain in both arms seems to be muscle related, so that might help for sleep at least. I might get that tomorrow. 

I also had a 101 degree fever. Didn't even realize that during the day. I had felt hot flashes, but didn't think much of it. Her nurse was concerned, but she didn't talk about it herself. I didn't take my temp yet today. I probably should at some point. At least my primary actually said that my rheumatologist will know what to do and get to the bottom of what it is. I'll see him on Friday.

Made another thing from a Pinterest recipe called Cacio e Pepe Ramen for dinner last night. The directions weren't clear. I used half of most of the ingredients, except a 1/4 of the cheese. They used 2 different types of cheese, and I only used parmesan. They didn't really explain what to do with the 'broth' of water, butter (I used margarine), olive oil, pepper, and extra cheese after the noodles were cooked and tossed in it. It seemed like it'd be a waste to toss it out, so I poured it into the bowl along with the noodles. They have you add a little more pepper as a garnish. It was a bit strange. Tasted ok, but was kind of a mess. So, this one wasn't a good recipe, which is the first one so far, of the ones from Pinterest, that's been like that. 

I did my Dutch on Duolingo both yesterday and today. Went through the Shape unit and am halfway through the Media one. I'm 9th in the Ruby League as of right now. I think I ended up being 3rd yesterday. Maybe I can get back up there by the end of the week.

Edited Alliance both days, too. I think today was the most I've edited in a sitting. I finished chapter 6 and went through all of chapter 7. That was 11 pages of the ebook version, and 17 pages of the print version. I didn't spend as much time as my usual, either. I'm happy I got through that much.

I half thought about making author business cards when I published my last book. I didn't know what I'd put on it, especially because I had multiple books out, and put it in the back of my mind. I thought about it today. People are asking more about my books in person now, too. Read an article about what authors tend to put on it, and I think I could do it. I might even be able to make them with my new printer. However, I feel I need to do quite a few things beforehand. First, I need to finish editing what I feel needs it, and republish those books both to Smashwords and Amazon. Some were never on Smashwords before, and I think getting all of them on there would be a good idea. I might need to reformat things, too. Then, I'm thinking of making a new author's page on facebook, edit the Amazon and Smashwords (haven't gone there in a long time) author pages, figure out a separate 'business' email address and phone number (they say it's a bad idea to list both your personal email and number), create an author's page on Instagram and another on Twitter. I have to decide if I want to use the cover art of the books for the design (and how), and what shape it'll be. Some authors make theirs into bookmarks, which makes a lot of sense and fits the 'theme'. It could be fun for promoting it. This way whenever someone asks me face to face, I can just whip out a card. Easier to remember for people if they have something written out, too. 

Tu B'Shevat

This holiday was yesterday. It means: 15th of Shevat. Tu isn't really a word, but represents 15 in Hebrew. It's similar to using Roman numerals, like I, IV, X, etc. It's also known as the New Year for the Trees. Basically a celebration of nature. People eat a lot of fruit and nuts, hike or walk, plant trees, and more. There's also a seder that some people attend. Seder lit. means order, but is often used as a ritual meal that goes in a certain order. Many people think of the Passover (or Pesach) seder when they hear it. This one originated from the Kabbalists. With the Pesach one there are 4 cups of wine or grape juice. With this one there are different shades of wine or grape juice, each one representing a season. I think a red or dark color (for juice) is for summer, adding a little white is fall, white for winter, and white with a dash of the red for spring. Each season we go through has a certain type of fruit and nut. Like, fruits eaten whole, or those with inedible exteriors but soft insides, etc. I think there are 15 in total? It's a lot. Quite an experience. I didn't have one this year. In fact, I forgot about it until late afternoon yesterday. I think I might have led a seder last year, but it was just my parent and I. My mom led them for years. Even one of the local synagogues would ask her to lead it for them. I think I still have the Haggadah (book that leads you through the order) she used. I don't think it was very good. Whenever I do it next, probably should print off a better one. 

Yesterday afternoon, I went to Starbucks. Got an iced version of their new cinnamon shortbread latte. I wasn't expecting much, but I like to try new things. It was full of cinnamon and nutmeg, which was nice. Not much else to it, though.

Went through a lot of fb while I was there. I sometimes go through the comments of posts related to Jews and the LGBTQ+ community in general, and block all the haters so I don't have to see them again. I've probably blocked thousands of people already. I just don't want to see such negativity. It's helped a lot when I look at the comments now. Hardly see any of those, but it also shortens how many comments I see. 

Anyways, one of the posts I went through was about a non-binary drag queen who considers herself a goddess. One of the commenters was someone claiming to be a cis ally. She said in order to truly be non-binary, you can't associate yourself with the binary in any way. You can't use goddess, because it's female. She said you can't have binary pronouns either. She was saying that she was looking out for the 'real' enbies, otherwise they won't take us seriously and 'cishets' will take over our spaces. Ok...Many enbies responded with how wrong she was, and she argued with them. A cis person trying to 'protect' us from cis 'invaders', lecturing non-binary people...That's a certain kind of craziness. Non-binary means your not specifically a man or a woman. To be binary, the person's gender is static and it's a whole single gender itself. There are genderfluid people. They may switch between binary genders, multiple ones, ones that are only non-binary, etc. There are demigenders. Some people only partially feel like a man, a woman, or something else. They may feel more of a different gender. There are androgyne people. They feel like they are a little of both a man and a woman. There are bigender people. They may feel 2 genders at the same time or they switch between them. It's any 2, and some of them feel they are both a man and a woman. There are also trigender and polygender (a more controversial term they might use: pangender) people. Very similar concept as bigender for those. According to her, only the agender and neutrois (basically neutral gender. They still have one) people are valid. (She mocked some of the other completely separate non-binary genders, too.) That's really disturbing. If you support people like me, you should support everyone in our umbrella community. Non-binary doesn't equal no gender. Agender means you don't have a gender...This also reminds me of the weird thing where some 'allies' say they accept all aces except heteroromantic ones. Since they're 'basically' straight. No. They may call themselves straight ace to cut it down, but they aren't heteroromantic and heterosexual. Therefore, they're very much still apart of the LGBTQ+ community. Accept us all or no one. Many enbies use binary pronouns, either because it's easier, they like them, they don't care, they relate to their gender (hello, genderfluid/bigender people and others...), and more. They can use binary gendered terms, too. Someone outside of the community policing us on our language ain't cool. Gatekeeping inside the community isn't great either. Gender is a lot more complex than people think, and I think that's amazing. Even as someone without a gender, it's fascinating to learn about the multitude of genders out there. To me, it's also like learning more about humanity as a whole. Maybe it's my anthropology side showing. Knowing just about the binary, is only a small fraction of the human experience. 

Went to Elmer's for dinner after Starbucks. Their special this month is marionberry crepes with raspberry sauce. I got one (they normally come with 2). Ordered a salad and biscuit for sides. Normally with the combo, it comes with your choice of meat and eggs. I can only eat one of their meat options, and it's not great. I don't need more eggs than what's already in the crepe. I don't need more than one crepe, either. It was a really good one. They drizzle it with cream cheese icing and top it off with whipped cream. In a way I celebrated Tu B'Shevat with this. It was bursting with berries. Their biscuits are some of the best I've had.

I tried making an appointment to see one of the gender therapists on the list yesterday. She responded to my message much faster than expected. She said she wasn't accepting new clients, but I could see a different therapist in the same building. I hadn't brought up that I'm looking for a gender therapist in my message. Just said I wanted to make an appointment. So, she probably assumed it was for regular counseling. I looked into the other therapist online. I've heard good things about her in the past. However, with her approach in general according to what I saw, would not be for me. I'm not into the meditation, drumming, spiritual, etc. thing. It actually reminded me of naturopaths, fake hippies, those that appropriate cultural/spiritual things, or people selling 'woo'. Sent warning signals to my brain. I'll email Ashley tomorrow for another list. She did say if I needed more all I had to do was ask. She only gave me 2 options last time. It'd be interesting if I ended up with a male gender therapist. I've been hesitant about that with regular therapy and even with a primary, but I think that might just be because of bias or something. It's highly unlikely that they'd have non-binary gender therapists. That would be the best. 

This morning Rosie seemed really affectionate, and laid down on my feet. I patted her on the back and then towards her butt. She normally loves that, and seemed to get into it. Suddenly, she scratched my wrist. It was hard enough to draw blood. That doesn't happen often. She seemed guilty afterwards and ran away. With a band-aid there, it almost looks like I attempted to cut myself. I used to a little in my late teens. I've had no inclination to do it since. It looks weird to me with that in mind, though. She also tried to bite my calves when I was making my breakfast. Out of reflex and annoyance I kicked backwards into her. She felt even more guilty. She's been glued to me today more so than usual because of it, I think. She even stayed in my room when I played my clarinet. I know she sometimes enjoys it, but hasn't stayed in a while. She seemed so happy when I played, so that was nice.

Got through the Past unit for Duolingo's Italian course. Just 2 more left: Spiritual and Politics. Those should be interesting. Figured out more of how to draw Shadow's legs. I still need to mess with it more. Things are turning out better than I thought they would. After I get his legs/feet down, I'll start drawing in his clothes. Like I said, I got to practicing my clarinet today. (I'm still keeping up with doing it every day except Saturdays.) Played more klezmer tunes. Got a lot of editing done. Made it to the 12th chapter of Alliance. There are 20. It's roughly 1200 words less so far. That's a lot more than I thought it would be at this point. It is the longest book, word count wise, that I've written. 

National S'mores Day!

Mood:

This was actually last Sunday, but why not continue to celebrate it? I love s'mores!Sometimes I make a version of it at home. I toast the marshmallows over one of the stove top burners (I've done them in the microwave as well, but they just aren't as good that way), use nutella instead of solid chocolate bars, and have it with the graham crackers. Tastes so good! When I 'toast' my marshmallows, I like them burnt to the point where the outside is black, but the inside is nice and gooey.The first recorded version of the recipe was in a Girl Scout handbook in 1927. The campers may have been making them much earlier, but they just didn't have it written down until then. It was also National Banana Split Day. They always seem too decadent to me.I haven't had them that often. Yesterday was World Elephant Day. Elephants are interesting creatures, and I'm glad that they have their own special day. 

Last Saturday we went shopping. First place we went to was Payless. I actually found a good pair of sneakers!Haven't gotten a new pair of sneakers in roughly 3 or 4 years, so it was a big thing for me. My old pair had holes, rips, paint chipping off, etc. These are black with pink trim and shoelaces. (The bottom's white.) I'm not used to pink or having it more fun/fashionable.I usually would just get good white ones. Kind of plain. They have memory foam built inside the soles. It's really nice and light feeling. My feet seem to be shrinking a bit, because I didn't have to find a 'wide' in my size or go to a bigger size. I think even going to a 'regular' size without the 1/2 still would have been doable.I'm normally a 7 1/2. There was a time where I was just a 7 for a while in the past. (Maybe I'm going back to that...) They feel roomy. They were on sale, too. I think next time I'll have to check out shoes that might be appropriate for the High Holy Days (Rosh Hashanah- our New Year, through to Yom Kippur- a day of Atonement).The shoes can't have leather in them. The ones I've been wearing to it, hurt the middle/ball of my feet.They're like black shallow wedge shoes, but the wedge part is small and thin, so it doesn't really support much. I might look into ballet flats. They had a lot of those. So, I guess we'll see...

After that, we went to the mall. Found out that I'm 4 pant sizes smaller than I was at my heaviest weight!(That's a bit over 100 pounds.) Crazy. While at the mall, I tried the next smaller size down for jeans, and I fit into them. (That's how I knew.) But, apparently the style looked weird on me. I love boot cut jeans, and I tend to have to get them in petite. My legs are short. (But, I have a really long torso. Makes shopping for clothes weird...) They didn't have any boot cut ones in that section of the store. Plus, since I'm losing my 'curves', this section probably isn't for me anymore. (Seems to be the only difference between the regular section and this section is how 'curvy' you are once you get to certain sizes that are the same in both.) The jeans sit funny that way. So, I should be looking at the regular section now. Feels so weird, but nice.I'm one size smaller than I was at the end of high school. I was a size smaller than my current one for a while before that. It'd be interesting to get to it again.

Later, we went to a local fish place for dinner. I got my fave: smoked salmon linguine. It's so good!The smoky flavor of the salmon with the creamy sauce makes a nice combo. 

I started experiencing some major pain in my left shoulder last Friday night. I thought it was just stiff, tired, or something and thought I could wait it out. It got worse as time went on, so I decided that I needed to go to urgent care on Sunday. I was worried that it might be another sebaceous cyst, like the one I had removed from in between my shoulder blades about a year and a half ago.The pain was a bit different, though. The pain's like so cold it burns throughout my left shoulder. Plus, I couldn't move my arm too well. It felt really tight. My fingertips were starting to feel numb. Immediately, the doctor said I was having terrible shoulder muscle spasms all across my shoulder blade. He said he knew what it was just by touching that shoulder. It was super tense. He told me to take it easy, rest, and to start taking a muscle relaxer. He said that the fingertips thing was just that the muscles were closing up tightly around nerves, veins, and such. Making it hard for things to pass through. I was still getting blood to them, but not much. The muscle relaxer makes me super sleepy, and like something heavy is sitting on me.I've been sleeping a lot more since I started taking them, too. Sometimes it makes me feel dizzy enough that I feel nauseated. I'm still feeling the pain, but it seems lighter. Still can't reach for things too well, and have been relying on my other arm more. It feels like it's slowly getting better, at least.

I don't think I mentioned it last time, but I saw Hercules in 3D in a local theater. The 3D stuff was pretty amazing.I thought the movie as a whole was pretty good. A lot of the characters that traveled with Hercules were very likable. It had a sad, yet great, ending. 

Went to Starbucks a couple of times this past weekend. Got an iced chai both times. I love chai!They tend to put way too much ice in, and not much of the chai. I think that's silly.So, every time I get it I have to tell them 'light on the ice'. Seems kind of odd for something that's iced...Managed to read a good portion of the Ritual Bath both times. I'm roughly halfway through already. It just seems to really flow.And, it's an interesting story so far. A lot of swearing going on, which makes for an interesting 'flavor'. 

Witch

Mood:

From the Tsubasa Chronicle soundtrack. Another cool one. I think this is Yuuko's, also known as the Dimensional Witch, theme. She's also in xxxHolic. (She has more of a main role in that one.) She's a cool character. For some reason, I don't think of her as a witch...She just has the ability to grant wishes, transport people through dimensions (with the help of Mokona), talk to demons and spirits, etc. But, anything she does for people has a cost. She only helps them if she's given something of similar value, or something that's the most important thing to the person. Shaoran gave her all of Sakura's memories of him from before (so even if she regains her memories, he won't be in them. Sometimes she's confused because she seems to be talking to herself in some of the ones that have come back to her, he hasn't told her about it), Kurogane gives her his sword, and Fai gives her his tattoo that gave him the ability to use his magic powers to their full potential. (So, from then on his magic has been much weaker.)

Went to bed a little late Monday night, so I slept in a bit Tuesday morning. Was a lot better last night. But, tossed and turned most of the night. It looks spring-like outside, but it's still cold.

Last night we went to group, and there were several new faces. It was interesting. We went to Shari's after, but we were the only ones this time. I got iced tea, like always, and scrambled eggs with cheese and their fruit bowl. Found out that those actually add up to less calories than what I try to shoot for in each meal. It's kind of surprising. They were pretty good.The fruit bowl had some grapes and honeydew melon slices. The eggs probably would have been better with some ketchup. But, I forgot to ask, and was pretty hungry by then. 

In Switch Girl, Nika grew closer to Arata. She needed his help studying for 4 finals. One of the teachers told her if she fails 3 of them, she'll have to repeat the grade. After some agonizing over studying so much, it seemed to pay off. The tests seemed to be a breeze to her. (Don't know what she got yet, since she just took them.) To celebrate, she suggested that Arata should go with her to hang out at the mall and to go out to eat. He agreed. When she decided to stop to look at lingerie, he had a hard time and told her that he'd wait outside somewhere. While outside, Arata bumped into someone whose had an eye on Nika. He asked if Nika and Arata were going out, and if not could he go out with her instead. That ruffled his feathers a bit. Meanwhile at the lingerie store, Nika was set up by someone. They made it look like she was shoplifting. After being interrogated for a while in a backroom by a female security officer, she told her she wouldn't have a reason for wanting the bra they said she stole. She demonstrated for them that they were too small a size for her. Someone told Arata about it all, claiming she looks up to Nika, and when she saw her, kept her eyes on her like a hawk. She knew Nika from the magazine she models in. This girl goes with Arata to prove it to the officer that's holding her. Eventually, it's all cleared up. I think that girl and the guy from before are in cahoots with each other. Not sure why they would do it, but it seems too convenient.

In Tokyo Ravens, they explained a bit more about the Twin Horn Syndicate. Harutora and the others are being guarded by some of the higher ups who are apart of the Onmyo Agency. One of them is nicknamed Shaver. He's just been staring at them creepily saying repetitively 'it's boring' to himself. I'm curious about him. Those kind of characters seem the most interesting. 

In Hitman Reborn, it was the battle for the Storm ring. Belphegor vs Gokudera. It was a very close fight, and Gokudera had to choose between risking his life to get it or walking away. Bel was already half gone, but his will to win was still pushing him. Gokudera wasn't doing too well either, since he lost a lot of blood and could barely stand. In the end he chose to save himself in order to still be with Tsuna and the others. Bel won. He was willing to die for it. Next is the battle for the Rain ring. Squalo vs Yamamoto. (Squalo's in the pic.) This one was interesting in the anime, so it should be interesting to see what it's like in the manga. There have been slight differences so far. Squalo ends up being pretty cool, and a great ally.

Wrote more of the 6th short story to my nightmare anthology. It's progressing pretty quickly now. Played my clarinet. Did a lot of klezmer tunes. Sounded pretty good this time. 

日本語

Studied compounds for 表, the kanji 秒, and started studying 病. 表沙汰 or おもてざた (omotezata): going public, creating publicity. 表決 or ひょうけつ (hyouketsu): vote, voting. 表現 or ひょうげん (hyougen): expression, presentation. 表示 or ひょうじ (hyouji): indication, expression, showing, manifestation, demonstration; (comp) display, displaying. 表情 or ひょうじょう (hyoujou): facial expression, countenance. 表皮 or ひょうひ (hyouhi): skin, rind. 表明 or ひょうめい (hyoumei): declaration, indication, representation, manifestation, demonstration, expression, announcement, assertion. 表面 or ひょうめん (hyoumen): surface, outside, face, appearance. 表裏 or ひょうり (hyouri): two sides, inside and outside. 発表 or はっぴょう (happyou): announcement, publication. 秒 is pronounced as びょう (byou). (It's nice that there's only one pronunciation for this one...) It means: a second (unit of time). 秒速 or びょうそく (byousoku): per second. 病 pronounced as びょう (byou) means: disease, (suf) -pathy. As やまい (yamai): illness, disease, bad habit, weakness, fault. Next time I'll go over more pronunciations, and compounds for 病. 

I went to Ted Brown Music to get some more reeds. They didn't have my faves, which are Rico Royals. Instead, they had Rico Mitchell Lurie reeds. They're supposed to be better, and I can't remember if I've used them before.Got a box of 10 of them, since they last a long time for me. (I won't need to get more for a very long time.) The strength I use is slightly stronger than what many people use. I like to use the size 3 ones. Most people use 2 or 2 1/2 ones. The sizes are based on thickness/hardness. They range from a 1 to a 5. (There are half sizes with them as well.) I'd probably break a 1 instantly because of how flimsy and thin it is. Not sure what would happen if I tried a 5. I'm curious about it, actually.I was a 2 1/2 for a long time, and then when I was curious enough to try 3, it seemed to fit so much better for me. I think 5's would take a lot of air and tongue power. I think it's cool to walk into a store and be able to talk about music stuff, and they understand you perfectly. Feels like I'm one with my peeps or something...

While we were out, we went to Starbucks. I got a chocolate croissant and some hot chocolate. They warmed up the croissant for me. It was all very good.The only problem was how messy the croissant got. It leaked some chocolate onto my shirt. The hot chocolate wasn't sweet enough, so I had to add some sweetener to it. It probably had dark chocolate as a base, rather than milk chocolate. That can make it richer/heavier.