International Tea Day!

I love tea! There are so many different kinds out there. I mostly only drink water or tea. More tea than water, at that. Just got some more tea: Bengal Spice, Salted Caramel, and Gingerbread. The 1st one's technically herbal, with no actual tea leaves. It tastes a lot like chai, only more of certain spices. One of my faves. I also like different types of actual chai. The other 2 are seasonal blends. I'm surprised at what blends they can create, and be so close to tasting like those flavors. There's no added sugar or calories, which makes it nice to have a taste without that added in. I also like mint, orange spice, green tea, black tea, chamomile, Earl Grey, cinnamon, hibiscus, jasmine, and more. I usually add Splenda to it. If it's something like chai, I occasionally will add a little milk. 

I ended up at 5th place on Duolingo's Emerald League. So, I was promoted today to the Amethyst League. Yay! Didn't get a reward besides that this time. Only the top 3 get more. Made it to 2nd place today. Maybe I'll stay in the top 3 until the end of the week this time. In their Scottish Gaelic course, I finished the Hobbies and Travel units, and a little bit of Feelings 2. 

Found some facial expressions, ears, and eyes examples for drawing Vincent. When out in public, he looks like he has a bit of an attitude, so that should be fun to draw. With people he feels safe with he's softer, kinder, and feels he can be himself. It'd be interesting to draw him again with that difference. 

Finished editing Sweet Endless Terror. Started editing my memoir, More Than Meets the Eye, yesterday. Each chapter deals with a different topic. First one was on being aro and ace. The 2nd one, that I did today, was on being agender. My views and what I've done for transition-related stuff have changed a little. I was unsure about a lot of things when I first wrote it a couple of years ago. Now, I'm more positive on how I feel about it, my gender dysphoria, transitioning, etc. Interesting to read what I wrote back then. Tried to update some of it without changing it too much. Didn't need to change much for the aro ace one. That was a plus. 

Finished watching Dr. Stone. It was better than I expected. I like that they tried to add real science to it, although there was quite a bit of fantasy/sci-fi, too. They didn't make Senku, the 'scientist', heartless either. He did many things that only benefited the village rather than himself. The 'mentalist' (he was more into psychology, and fighting with it) turned out to be a better person than he appeared to be at the beginning. A 2nd season is confirmed. Looks like it'll be about the fight between Tsukasa's army and Senku's village finally. This season was mainly a setup for it. The last big project of his was creating smartphones. They weren't really like our modern ones. More like a glorified huge phone (with several pieces) you can haul around places. He said it would be the key to the war, since communication is vital. They'll only have 2 'phones'. I think they're going to need more than that. Tsukasa essentially has brute force and many more people. Senku hasn't revived anyone from stone since the beginning, and the village he found is small. They were probably the only humans on the planet for thousands of years that weren't encased in stone. Many generations of them without knowing other people. They thought the 'stone people' were statues, not actual people. Tsukasa isn't an idiot, either. Should be interesting if Senku and his village can do anything more beforehand and how this will play out. 

Ordered some things on Amazon yesterday. I really needed some of it. It's handy that way. Last time I got earplugs was 2 years ago. Didn't realize I was going through them that slowly. Probably not healthy that I used a pair for a couple weeks at a time. I wear them every night, because Rosie likes to scratch things loudly after going to the litter box. My bedroom is facing a 3-way stop, so there's traffic noises sometimes. There's also construction work going on really early in the morning. Birds can be really loud. Lots of reasons. I'll try to switch out pairs more often this time. This probably had compounded my ear issues, too. 

I have Eustachian tube issues. Basically the tubes in my ears are backwards. Creates all sorts of issues, and has gotten more severe over the years. It produces too much earwax, air pressure changes hurt (makes it fun on planes and being in a car going up through the mountains), sometimes my balance is off, and other things. Sometimes it gets so bad, I can't hear. I've been told to use an earwax cleaning kit at least once a month, if not more. I end up doing it maybe once every few months. Not good. Plus, with those earplugs packing it in more, it's a recipe for disaster. With the kit, you add several drops of a peroxide (and something else, can't remember) solution in an ear, wait for a while with your head tilted, then tilt your head the other way to let it 'drain' over the sink (it 'melts' some of it, which is what most of the fluid is), then flush it out with a warm water filled bulbous syringe. Repeat for the other ear. I decided to get another 'kit', and that I'd try to do it more often. I haven't actually gotten my ears clear in a very long time. I usually manage to get some of it out, at least. I plan to leave the solution in my ears longer in the future. I was doing it for 7 minutes each ear. Apparently, if your ear is really compacted, it's recommended online to leave it in for at least 18 minutes each ear. So, I'll try that. It's painful yet eventually a really nice feeling when they're completely clear. It makes a fizzy popping sound just before. I can hear so much more after, it's almost too much. 

I also ordered a purse. My current one is a couple of years old. I think I got it around the time I got the earplugs. It's the same kind/style/color. It's really a great purse, so why not get the same thing again? It's tough, the zippers have stayed intact, it can hold a lot yet flatten to almost nothing, good over-the-shoulder messenger-like one (I prefer those), color's nice, etc. The only problem is the material starts to pucker and fray after about a year and a half. It'd be good to have one without that again. 

I decided to try Nyquil Saturday night. I wanted some relief from that weird cold/cough. The coughing attacks often happen while I'm in bed. Although, I still get them occasionally during the day. Sneezing a lot still, too. Back hurts sometimes because of it. That first night, I slept well for the first time in a long time. Last night, I was good until around 4:45am. Started hacking again. At least, I still got more sleep than usual. Hopefully, it'll work like the 1st night tonight. It really burns...Has more alcohol than I remembered. I used to use Delsym instead. That doesn't have alcohol and tasted like orange soda. This covers more things, though. I don't have to take Tylenol with it, because it has it already. Apparently, it also has the main ingredient that's in Delsym. 

Election Day!

I voted through the mail last Wednesday. Some of it was difficult, because I didn't recognize some of the names and they weren't affiliated with certain parties. I tried to make an informed decision on those. 2 of the candidates running for school board, one of them I was familiar with beforehand, would be awful if they won. One that seemed a little too into 'loving kids', and the other is a big transphobe who probably hates anyone else in the greater queer community. I think I also recognized another name that was a member of one of the local synagogues. That'd be cool if she won. Some candidates seemed overqualified, if that were possible. Others essentially said vote for me since I'm running for another term. Nothing on their background or education. One initiative seemed like a no-brainer to be for. Unless you weren't for diversity...Another one was easy to vote against. It was put out by someone who tries to get ridiculous initiatives to pass every year. Usually harmful in some way. I didn't really like that there were so many advisory votes this time. Sure, it's great to get the people's opinion, but you've already voted on them. If there were like 2 or 3, that would have been fine. It seemed like there were around 8 of them. 

This is my wallpaper for November. It's one of Luffy's wanted posters from One Piece. He is a pirate after all. His current bounty is much higher than this. The higher the bounty a pirate has, the higher the notoriety and standing they have in their world. The Marines consider them more of a threat and dangerous the higher the bounty. Sometimes they don't get the right picture of the person, and others are mistaken for them. The currency that most of their world uses is called the Belly or Berry (the English version can't seem to decide, the romaji is berii). There are some islands that have their own currency. Like, Extol for Skypeia and Gor for Amazon Lily. Wano's currency is: Gold, Platinum, and Silver. Wano is where they are in the anime currently. It's inspired by Feudal Japan. The art, isolation of the country, dialects, fashion, culture, having a shogunate, etc. are all based on it. It's interesting how detailed it is. Seems to be like an homage to that time. Not glorifying it, but more like showcasing it. Some of the designs of the characters living in Wano look like they walked right out of some famous art pieces from back then. A different style than most of the series. I think it also shows the hardships of the poor of that time. The creator of the series doesn't shy away from tackling topics like slavery, bigotry, corruption, gender equality, genocide, grief, etc. in general. In Wano, most people are starving and can't afford things like good health care. The water around them is completely polluted and toxic. The animals drink the water and therefore are poisonous to humans. Meanwhile, the capital and major cities are living lavishly. Anyways, I thought this looked fun and cool. Not really birthday related (my birthday's on Thursday), but nice. Luffy is also aro ace, according to an interview of the creator. Pretty awesome that the main character of one of the most popular manga/anime is aro ace! So, somewhat related to me that way.

The month-long holidays for November are: National Peanut Butter Lovers Month, National Pomegranate Month, Banana Pudding Lovers Month, National Memoir Writing Month, National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo). Some are for important causes, some are to make you appreciate things you may take for granted, and some are just for fun. 

Last Wednesday, we had a local trans meeting. There were only a handful of us. We had moved to a much bigger room. Seemed funny almost with such a small group of us. Most of the people that were there were non-binary, which was great to me. Not the usual. They wanted to have the same type of top surgery I wanted. People get weirded out when I bring up that nipples cause dysphoria for me, too. It's not just my chest. So, I'll need all of it to go. No masculinizing or feminizing. Simply flat. A member tried to talk me out of it a few months ago. That it seemed too out there. Seeing the pics that people share in fb enby groups of their after nippleless top surgery looks amazing to me. Looks more like how I'd want to see myself. 

We all went to Shari's afterwards. I got their new simple pretzel cheeseburger. The burger seemed like a veggie one. I expected beef. It looked weird. Got their new graveyard shake for dessert. It's supposed to be a s'mores galore pie shake (they blend an entire slice with ice cream to make it) with added chocolate syrup, Oreo crumbs for the 'dirt' part, and gummy worms. They were out of the 'worms', didn't have much of the 'dirt', added a little piece of chocolate on top, and there didn't seem to be any extra chocolate syrup. There was a huge glob of what I think was a concentrated graham cracker ball. It was disappointing and bizarre. 

I felt a little uneasy when one of the new members said that all trans people are autistic. Many trans people are, but many aren't. I think it seems like it's an unusually high percentage because trans people are often tested for it more. Often they, or other people around them, feel like something must be wrong with them for being trans. It's also this way for the rest of the LGBTQ+ community. It's more common in the cis/non-queer population than people think. Many of them go undiagnosed. There's nothing wrong with people who are autistic, but there is something wrong with saying all trans people are. What about cis autistic people? Are they really trans and don't know it? What about trans people who aren't? It might feel invalidating to them to hear that all trans people are. Correlation does not equal causation. I'm not autistic. However, I'm not exactly neurotypical, either. I have a lot of mental health stuff (bipolar 2, anxiety, agoraphobia, PTSD, etc.) and physical chronic illnesses (colitis, possibly another autoimmune disease, Eustachian tube dysfunction, multiple skin issues, etc.). Both have an impact on the way I think that would be different than someone who was healthy mentally and physically. Since I have these things, does it mean all trans people do as well? No. Not at all. I have a different perspective as an aro ace agender person as well. (Compared to allo cis people.) Being trans simply means you have a gender that doesn't match the one you were assigned at birth. That says nothing about mental health, being autistic, or other aspects of who that person is or what they have. Are all cis people the same? No. Thank goodness we're all different. The world would be boring if we were all the same.

We also talked about possibly having a potluck for my birthday at the next meeting tomorrow. Since it's the day before it. We don't celebrate birthdays as a group often. I can only remember 2 times in the past. It might be a fun thing to do in the future for members, though. My parent suggested she'd bring a cake and others could bring snack-like stuff. That sounds good. Not sure if it's actually going to happen. I might forget about it tomorrow until right before the meeting starts. 

Someone on fb friended me that same day. I didn't recognize the name, but their profile mentioned they graduated a year ahead of me at the same high school. Although, they graduated from another high school at the same time...That seemed fishy. They had many mutual friends, so I thought maybe I didn't remember them. He seemed really nice on messenger that first night. Although, he insisted he'd find a way to make me feel better. That seemed questionable. On Halloween, he asked what I'll be doing. Seemed innocent enough. I said probably not much other than watch a horror movie and have dinner out. He asked about wearing a costume. I didn't wear one this year, but I did wear skeleton earrings. He said he'd like to see them in person. He said he doesn't get any trick-or-treaters, and his camper is so cold. He'd want someone with him. According to his profile he's either bi or pan, which I thought was cool. Not cool that he seemed like he was trying to flirt with me, get 'romantic', and creepy. Being aro ace, it takes me a while to realize someone is flirting with me, unless I'm hyper-aware. People tend to think I'm flirting when I'm just being nice, friendly, and polite. I don't want another romantic relationship. I had a boyfriend and that part was suffocating for me. He was all over me trying to be as romantic as possible, and often sexual which I wasn't that into either. I put up with it, because I felt I had to. (Silly society...) I was very attached to him emotionally, and strongly attracted platonically (I guess queerplatonically would be a better word). Because of this, it really hurt when we broke up. Anyways, I would love a queerplatonic relationship instead. It's hard to find that, though. This exchange creeped me out. I also wonder how people can flirt with others when they barely know the person. I understand after knowing the basics of who they are. Why not become friends first? I blocked this person, by the way.

Went to Red Lobster on Halloween for dinner. I was surprised to see any kids there. It was a way to get away from trick-or-treaters for a while. We live right in the middle of the neighborhood, right at a 3-way stop. It's a popular spot to go. It was like that even when I was kid. For the last few years we haven't been handing out candy. It's been nice that way. We just turn out the lights and usually go somewhere else for a while. I got steak with mashed potatoes and a caprese salad there. It comes with a choice of soup or salad. I didn't get either. All their soups now have shellfish or pork products, and the salads upset my gut, particularly the greens part. So, I got none of that. The caprese salad is perfect for me. I don't have issues with tomatoes. I don't eat the onions. The mozzarella is good for protein, and basil is healthy too. It's all in balsamic vinegar, which is oddly good for me. I don't normally get steak, but it was done right. It's a perfect form of more protein. All together, it was one of their lower-calorie meals, so I managed to eat most of it. Had their vanilla bean cheesecake for dessert. One of my faves. I'm never able to finish it, since it's so huge.

I don't really have plans for my birthday. Probably would celebrate it more this coming weekend. I do want brunch at the Oak Table. Went there last year, too. I'd like to go somewhere for a dinner, but not sure what really speaks to me for that. Might be at a Japanese steakhouse, but I also like a lot of other restaurants. Last year, we went to the Cheesecake Factory, I think. I went there not that long ago, so I wouldn't want that. Went to a zoo last year and got a mani/pedi. Not really feeling those this time. Maybe some museums? Not sure which ones, though. 

I've been in even more pain lately. Especially in the right side of my abdomen and more intense patches in my right arm. I also passed quite a bit of blood recently. No #2, just blood. (Not related to a 'monthly friend' I would have if my IUD wasn't working.) That was fun. Had a slight reaction to that. I think my colitis might be flaring, although I've never had blood come out of me like that. I did have occult blood in a test, but none that was visible. It's common for people with Ulcerative Colitis to bleed a lot. I've had symptoms resembling Crohn's Disease more. Crohn's also can affect the colon. I think the pain on my side might be from my colon. That blood might have been from that area. (It hasn't bled since.) It's a constant cramp-like pain. Lying down makes it feel like it's oozing out and it twitches a lot. Not sure about my arm. There's resistance to both arms when I move them. The right one feels like it's been beaten up, someone's pushing on it in certain areas, and it burns. I have to wait to see what goes on with my insurance before I can do much about this stuff. It's just a pain to deal with. Still haven't gotten those 3 other test results back. I don't know if they take a while to run. It'd be nice to know those results already, though.

Youtube: 

One Piece:



Kuroshitsuji (Black Butler):

Fairy Tail:


Ao no (Blue) Exorcist:

Boku no (My) Hero Academia:

One Punch Man:

Ansatsu Kyoushitsu (Assassination Classroom):

Black Clover:

Bungou (Literary) Stray Dogs:

Asexual Awareness Week

This started on Sunday. It's always a week before Halloween. I don't think I'm going to do much for it. I already talk about and share ace related stuff on a regular basis. There definitely needs to be more visibility, though. 

I fully realized I was ace right before Pride in 2016. Someone had talked about it while prepping for our local Pride. I had an inkling of it when I was 16 and a fellow classmate came out to me as ace. I didn't know him very well, and it makes me wonder why he chose me as one of the first people to come out to. I nervously laughed then looked it up. There wasn't much of a community online and not much info at the library, either. Of what I did find, it terrified me how much I related to it. At that age, I just wanted to be like everyone else around me. I didn't hate others who were LGBTQ+, but I didn't want to be 'different' personally. I think I had a lot of internalized acephobia. I hoped someday I'd suddenly feel like everybody else, or if someone liked me in that way, I'd suddenly feel it, too. Nope, never happened. It was alienating. I've heard other aces felt broken. I never felt that way. I was whole, only alien or inhuman compared to others. Being aro and agender probably were also contributing factors to this 'othering' feeling. Everyone was experiencing these 3 things (having romantic/sexual attractions and a gender), except me. I denied being ace until I was 31. I had to accept it myself before coming out to others. After that I fully embraced it. It probably would have been harder for me if I embraced it and was out as a teen. Again, there wasn't much of a community and kids can be awful to each other if you're considered out of the norm. It was bad enough with being the only Jew in school...I'm a bit jealous and very happy for ace teens now. At the very least, they have communities online where they can feel they belong and/or are accepted. 

Figuring out I was ace also made me wonder about my romantic attraction. I, again, wanted to at least have that so I could feel more 'normal'. Nope. About as aro as it gets. (Realized that in October that year.) I was hesitant about it until I asked myself why. I think it was a mix of internalized arophobia, amatonormativity, and heteronormativity. Now I embrace that, too. It also made me think about what I do experience. My strongest attraction is platonic. This isn't just wanting to be friends with someone. Best way to describe it is you want to be really close best friends with certain people. It's almost on a spiritual level. I'm pan this way. (No, not everyone is.) There's apparently a newer term going around called oriented aro aces. This is for aro aces that do experience some sort of strong attraction. They tend to add the prefix of that attraction (like people do for their sexual or romantic orientations) first. So, I'd be a pan aro ace. It's useful for if we want some form of a relationship like a qpr. A qpr is a queerplatonic relationship, which is what I would love. A squish is a platonic crush, and I've realized I've had a lot more than I thought. They're kind of confusing at first, especially when you don't realize you're aro ace, because it's not like you want to date or have sex with that person. It can be a strong feeling, too. Another one is aesthetic attraction. Certain people look gorgeous or grab your attention, basically. It's not in a sexual or romantic way. I'm attracted to men this way. Yet another is sensual (tactile way, not sexual) attraction. I don't know if I'm attracted to people this way. Some people get really into figuring this stuff out. 

In January, my parent's insurance will change. I'm on my current one as a dependent due to a disability. They deemed I had at least one back in 2012 or 2013. I think that was because of the bipolar 2. Type 2's have lower lows than type 1's. In fact, they're much more at risk for suicide. I was suicidal for years. The mania side isn't the happy type, either. It's racing thoughts, getting irritated easily, taking on too many things, etc. Pretty serious, especially when not treated. I have other mental health issues and now chronic physical health stuff, too. Anyways, the new plan does allow dependents due to a disability, but they have to have some sort of documentation in order to approve it. So, I tried searching for a letter about it in my actual health documents (not online) last week. Saw the letter about them telling me that they'll give me a year extension because my mom passed away, in 2012. I was aging out. After some going back and forth, they eventually approved of me later. But, that approval was not there. I looked at my messages online with them. Nothing. Then, I vaguely remembered that my parent was the one that told me I was approved. I never got a letter from them about it. She found out through her employer somehow. So, I messaged member services yesterday. Hopefully, they'll find something. My parent's looking into things about it, too. It's like a weird puzzle. She told me at first that we only had until November 15th to submit that documentation. Found out yesterday that we actually have until January. Better, but still coming up quickly. She said there's a possibility I could get dental if they approve me as a dependent. I haven't seen a dentist in years. That would be great. Also, knowing that colitis can affect dental stuff, it would be even more important now. Whatever this 2nd autoimmune disease is, it has already messed with my mouth a bit, so it's an added thing. 

I'm getting really tired of this mystery pain. It's so intense, at times, that it feels bone-deep. It's not just the pain I'm tired of, but the weak feeling in my arms/parts of my legs, mouth bumps/sores, worsening fatigue (also a symptom of colitis, but this is more than before), bumps/sores on my hands, shaky hands, resistance every time I move my arms, and more. It's really getting annoying. Especially when I'm asked how I am at stores, or feel I need to look healthy and friendly while out. It's like I put up a facade to make other people feel more comfortable. That's draining in itself. If I stop smiling or be honest and tell someone I'm not feeling well, I feel like others will think I'm angry or make them feel bad for caring. Or, they'll want me to explain why I don't feel well, which if I'm at a store to get something, I'm most likely not going to want to go into detail. I've heard from other people in IBD groups on fb feeling similarly. It's a weird dilemma. I felt odd last time someone at the bakery at a local market asked me how I was. I was feeling really awful at the time, but smiled and lied saying things were good. She always asks me. 

I messaged my rheumatologist asking about getting blood tests that were suggested. They were suggested in the notes of the scl-70 blood test. Saying that about 20% of patients with scleroderma test positive for it, so there are other tests to get a better picture. If I truly don't have it, they'll all be negative. At least we could check. I really feel like that's what it is, but it could be something similar. I don't know. I forgot to tell him where I saw these suggestions, and asked me. I've apparently already been tested for one of them, so that's good. Another one there was a lab error and they weren't able to do it. I wasn't told this before. He said he could order that test again and the others. Hopefully, he still will after telling him that the suggestions come from the notes. I still have to make a dermatologist appointment, but I'm hesitant to do it until after I know what's going to happen with my insurance. I might wait until then. 

Apparently, the dishwasher started working again last night. It was getting harder to hand-wash my dishes after every meal, so that was a relief. Seems to have done it on its own. My parent's still going to have someone look at it. 

I managed to get a walk in yesterday! Yay! My routine walks are roughly 2 miles. Haven't gotten to it in a long time. I've decided a way to get myself to do it is to go right after dinner. Harder to 'forget' if there's a set time, and I won't be as distracted with other things. Also, taking a shower right after every other is a pretty good incentive, I think. I can't take showers every day, because of lots of skin issues (that I know of), so I try to take one every other day. Half the time, I won't have to feel sweaty afterwards. I apparently ate late enough that it was dark halfway through it. That's ok. I have a small flashlight. For the entire time I was out there, it was raining heavily and windy. I have a new umbrella, which helped. However, the rain came in on the sides under the umbrella a bit. My socks and part of my jeans were soaked by the time I got home. Despite all that, it was nice to finally get out there again. If I can keep this up every day for a few weeks, I might be able to add another walk. There was a time when I did 3 of them a day. Not sure if I'll get to that point. 

Today, I finished the Romance unit and am halfway through the Past Part. one in Duolingo's Dutch course. The Romance one was more interesting than I expected. There was some LGBTQ+ representation. Also, some sentences were about consent. Some on not wanting anything romantic or sexual, but to cuddle instead. I know as a company they're very affirming and accepting of LGBTQ+ people, but it was cool to see. By the end, I made it to #4 in the Ruby League. That's pretty good. Hopefully, I can keep it up. 

Yesterday, I figured out how I wanted the folds in Junko's clothes to look, then inked it all. I might keep the pencil marks on it to help edit it in Photoshop. Although, it'll be messier. Still on the fence about it. Next time I'll decide on that and start editing in Photoshop. 

Got to editing more of Alliance. Finished chapter 14, and am well into chapter 15. Went through 7 pages of the ebook, and 11 pages of the print. 

Practiced my clarinet. Finished the Clarinet Solos book, Duke Ellington book, and started the Gershwin one. Played better than expected. Hopefully, I can keep this up for the rest of the week.  

16th of Tishri

Those sweaters/sweatshirts I got last week have been really nice and comfy. I'm still waiting for one more sweater. That's expected to arrive by the end of the month. Supposedly, it's coming from China. The company's highly rated. I still think they're making it from scratch, and that's why it's going to take so long. It's a winter-like sweater, so I guess it's ok if it comes when it's even chillier. Looks really comfy. 

I also ordered a bra online. I get dysphoric going through the lingerie section in brick-and-mortar stores. I thought it'd be best to try online. I still need it, at least for support...Despite being so dysphoric about my chest. It's weird. It's like getting support for something that shouldn't be there. Anyways, online they have pics of models in them, which was weird, too. Not as bad as being at the store. I just quickly found the same size/style I have normally and ordered it. It was from Macy's. Got it in the mail Friday or Saturday. Not bad. It also was much cheaper than buying it there. Ended up being about $20 with shipping and tax. At the store, the bra itself is $40. This isn't counting tax and gas to get there. Didn't know it would be so much cheaper. Might be the best way to go.

Today's the 2nd day of Sukkot. Sukkot lasts for a week. It lit. means Booths. It's a harvest holiday where we build temporary hut-like structures, decorate them, eat all meals in them, some sleep in them, etc. We also shake a lulav and etrog in it. Both the lulav and etrog represent the 4 species. The lulav has a willow branch, date palm, and myrtle branch. The etrog is a type of citron similar to a lemon. There are many meanings behind the 'species'. One's for the 4 Hebrew letters in G-d's name. Another is masculine and feminine symbolism. Another is as parts of the body: etrog as the heart (place of understanding and wisdom), palm as the backbone (uprightness), myrtle as the eyes (enlightenment), and willow as the lips (prayer). Some interpret as different types of Jews being brought together. We shake them together in specific directions. That represents divine rule over nature, Jews around the world, bringing sukkot within, etc. It's supposed to be one of the most joyous holidays, where we're actually encouraged to be happy. It's interesting how we go from such a somber holiday like Yom Kippur to a holiday like this. 

The sukkah (singular for the 'booth' or hut) is decorated with all sorts of fall/harvest-related things usually. The decorations we'd use for ours in the past were pine cone strings, fake fruit, fake gourds, lavender, other flowers, and more. We also put out a lantern (like you would for camping) and tables and chairs. It has to have at least 3 sides, and can be made of pretty much any material. The roof must be open enough to be able to see the stars. Many people cover the roof with things like branches and leaves. Ours had 3 wooden lattice walls, a wooden frame, wooden slats for the 'roof', and tree boughs on top of that roof. My mom put it together from a kit. Another custom is to invite guests to dinners in it. It's a big hospitality thing, and those Sukkot guests are called ushpizin. (There's even an Israeli film of the same name, which is pretty good.) We often had people who weren't Jewish, friends and neighbors, eat with us. That was fun. I never slept in it, but some people do sleep in theirs during the holiday. I suppose if you brought sleeping bags and something to keep the bugs away, it'd be doable. It gets pretty cold at night this time of year, though. It's not really a secure structure, either. 

Got a bluetooth speaker this past weekend. I don't think I like it, and will most likely return it. One of the major issues is it can connect to my computer, but I can't control the sound from the speaker itself. That's a problem. It talks, too. I don't want something like that. Every time I turn it on it has to establish a connection to my computer, which takes time. Meanwhile, it tells me it's ready to connect every few seconds. It's frustrating, and I want something that just works. My old ones would cut out and make weird chugging noises every so often. Sometimes my computer couldn't read them. I realized later that that was a Windows update problem not my computer specifically. It worked itself out after one of the recent updates. The sound wasn't best either. (Even when it wasn't cutting out.) I might need to go back to those. At least, I can control the sound from them and they don't speak. I might just get a regular non-bluetooth based speaker(s). The only reason I wanted the bluetooth one was because I know it'll at least recognize it. I don't want to go back to possibly one of the future updates creating that error again. Oh, well.

Last Friday was National Coming Out Day. I don't think anyone comes out just once. If you meet new friends, date, or simply want to share who you are with others; you're constantly coming out. I first came out as ace in June 2015. Aro in October or November that year. Agender in May or June 2017. The worst reactions have been to the aro ace part and talking about wanting a qpr (queerplatonic relationship). I think telling some people that I have no gender is too scary, out there, or difficult to wrap their brains around. They think they understand what being aro ace is, and therefore have a say in it. There have been alloromantic (not aro, aka allo) ace activists that are arophobic or extremely ignorant about aros. All being aro ace means is I don't experience romantic and sexual attractions. No one makes me want to have sex or date them when I see them. This isn't a statement on how I or other aro and/or aces feel about having sex, our libido, dating, romantic gestures, etc. Everyone varies. It doesn't mean we can't or don't want to have sex (does not equal celibacy, which so many people think it does), it doesn't mean we don't want relationships (romantic or otherwise), doesn't mean we can't date, and more. I've been told, when I brought up wanting a qpr, that I should just get a dog instead. I'm sorry, but I want to be close to a human being this way. They clearly didn't understand it. It's not based on romance and sex like the standard (romantic) relationship is. The core focus of a qpr is on platonic attraction and emotional connection. Essentially, take out the romance and sex of those romantic relationships, and you have a qpr. If those 2 things are the only things in that relationship, I think it wouldn't be a healthy one. In a qpr, you can still have romantic and sexually coded things. It can be rivaling on the same level of closeness and commitment as romantic ones. Some people marry their partners (some call them squash, pumpkin, zucchini, and other vegetables), have kids together, live together, etc. for many reasons. By the way, next week is Asexual Awareness Week. Not sure if I'll do anything for it this year.

Made 2 things from recipes I found on Pinterest last night. Olive Garden Chicken Gnocchi Soup for dinner. I've never had the original Olive Garden version, so I can't compare them. I think it turned out great, though. It's got quite a lot of vegetables and protein. It's creamy, garlicky, and buttery. Wholesome comfort food that's perfect for this time of year. I found out ways to make it easier on myself, too. Real cooking (not just from a box) is exhausting for me, and my hands are painful and weird most of the time. The 'normal' level of fatigue I have because of my colitis makes it difficult, as well. They say that type of fatigue is common even when you're in remission. It's that way with most autoimmune diseases. The only things I had to chop/cut were the spinach and celery. Those are some of the easiest for me. Also, found frozen shredded chicken. I have made shredded chicken in the past, but it can be a hassle and takes time. I didn't notice until later, but they noted that you could cook the gnocchi in the soup instead of separately. I don't know why they didn't note that in the actual directions. It would have been less things to clean up. Cleaning up is a bit more difficult for me, but I managed to do it. Yay! 

I also made butterscotch fudge. It only had 2 ingredients: butterscotch chips and buttercream frosting. They have you melt the chips, mix that with the frosting, pour that mixture into a parchment-lined (I used wax paper) pan, and let it sit in the refrigerator for an hour to set. I accidentally burnt some of the chips. I forgot to stir them and do it in short intervals. I probably should have done it on the stove and not the microwave. I freaked out a little, but mixed it into the frosting anyways. It was really tough to cut into. The burnt bits might have actually made it better. They were like toffee pieces. The rest of it really did taste like fudge. Although, it didn't look pretty. That's ok. I might use this template for other flavors like chocolate, mint, vanilla, etc. I could add a small amount of nuts, too. I couldn't find a can of buttercream frosting like the recipe called for. So, I asked someone at the Safeway bakery about it. They said they sell their own by the pound there. I got a pound of it. I didn't use it all, but I think she gave me more than a pound. I might have barely gotten through half of it with what I used for the fudge, which was 14 oz. She didn't charge extra for it. Maybe she wanted to be generous? I don't know what I'll do with the rest of it. Looking it up, it doesn't last long. (2 weeks at most.) Might throw it away, but seems like a waste. She was the one that gave me so much, though...I noticed I might not be able to have a full serving of the fudge. Had 1/2 of one last night, and it was a lot. It was like a blast of sugar. Hopefully, it'll last a while. However, knowing the frosting doesn't last long, I don't know. 

Studied more Dutch from Duolingo today and yesterday. Finished the Looks unit, and am almost through the Science 1 one. Still have quite a few units left of this course. Good, because I'm unsure which language I'll start next. Still in the Ruby League.

Messed around with drawing folds in Junko's clothes. I'll pick the ones I liked the most next time, and go over everything with a pen. Edited more of Alliance today and yesterday. Got through chapter 12 and close to halfway through chapter 13 today. Went through 8 pages of the ebook version, and 12 pages of the print. 

A few days ago, I had a lot of ideas pop up about designing an author card (I recently thought about making one, but need to finish editing stuff at least first) and trailers for my books on Youtube. They came to me in the middle of the night. Kind of annoying, but I still wrote them down. I hadn't thought much about the trailers. I think I tried to make one in the past for Sweet Endless Terror, but I didn't know what to do with it. I now have ideas on that and others. For that one, first, I can draw one thing related to every story (there are 12 short stories). I already have 2 drawings I can mess with to fit 2 of those stories. That being a skull and knife. Other drawings would be things like a ribbon, heart (anatomically correct one), a galaxy or other space related thing, etc. I might pick one quote from each story to share in its part, and use the music provided by Youtube. Some sort of haunting/horror theme. With the first Alliance book, I can pick various quotes, might use some of my pics of nature and/or stock fantasy based pics, and again use music from Youtube. The sequel could be interesting to do, too. It might be similar. With my memoir, I could have pics related to each section, meanings and quotes from them, and music provided by Youtube. With the cookbook, I could use some of the pics I've taken of things I've made from it, a few recipes, maybe the intro, and some sort of theme music from Youtube. Seems like I could do a lot with them. I have a much better computer now, too. 

3rd of Elul

This is my wallpaper for September. It's Tanjirou from Demon Slayer: Kimetsu no Yaiba (Demon-Slaying Blade). I've been really amazed by this anime. Wasn't expecting much. The animation has been top-notch (just looking at the water scenes, it looks so real, which is difficult to pull off), music is haunting at times, the characters are well developed, epic fight scenes, and the plot is interesting. I wasn't expecting much because it's essentially a zombie anime. There's so much more to it, though. It takes place in the Taisho period, which is 1912-1926. So, more 'modern' than some of the other anime I've watched that are historically based. I like the idea that Tanjirou only joined the Demon Slayers to cure his sister, Nezuko, of being a demon. The demons in the story more closely resemble zombies in that they eat people and were once human themselves. They still have a sense of self, intelligence, and magical abilities. Scarier this way. Nezuko seems to be one of the first demons that hasn't eaten a single human. Instead, she gathers energy by sleeping. She was kind of tricked into thinking all humans are family and to protect them at all costs. She's incredibly strong, even for a demon. She's also cute. Tanjirou is kindhearted and a huge empath. He feels for most of the demons he defeats.  

The month-long holidays for September are: National Biscuit Month, National Breakfast Month, National Honey Month, National Potato Month, National Rice Month, National Cheese Month, National Piano Month, Pain Awareness Month. Some are for important causes, some are to make you appreciate things you may take for granted, and some are just for fun. Quite a lot this month. 

The month of Elul ends with Rosh Hashanah or our New Year. It's also the start of the High Holy Days, which ends with Yom Kippur or the Day of Atonement. The HHDs last for 10 days. RH and YK are the most important holidays on the Jewish calendar. Many people 'prepare' the month before. One of the customs I follow (as did my mom) is blowing the shofar (ram's horn) every morning throughout most of the month. We refrain from it on Shabbos (which is every Friday night until Saturday night). I sometimes forget to do it until a few days into the month, like this year. Hopefully, I'll remember tomorrow and the rest of the month...It can be fun. It's supposed to wake us up spiritually. 

The elements calendar features arsenic this time. The main pic's of pure arsenic metal granules. The one next to it is of a type of arsenic treated wood. Another pic's of an old tin of arsenic. The last pic's of Paris Green, which is useful in pigments and rat poison. Scary one for this month.

Recently 2 groups on fb shared the same post. One in an ace group, and the other in a non-binary one. It was an 'adding' game where you state your age and post a selfie, then friend whoever interacts with it. I almost didn't respond to either posts, thinking it was just a popularity contest. However, it was a good way to let others know it was ok to friend them. Some people might not want to for many reasons. Also, a great way to connect with other LGBTQ+ people on there. So, I did eventually post in both of them. I gained 25 friends through that over the weekend. I think that's the most I've had in such a short time. Also, overall, I'm up to the most friends I've had on my list at once there. They all seem like cool and interesting people. 

We did our big monthly grocery shopping yesterday. We normally go to Costco, but it was closed for Labor Day. So, we went to Trader Joe's. I think I only found one thing there: olive hummus. Haven't had hummus in a very long time. I like making hummus and cheese sandwiches. They're refreshing, tasty, and full of protein. The olive one is one of the best. They also had chocolate hummus. That sounds nasty. I did read an article about it, and the author was surprised by how great it was. I don't know...

We also went to a local bakery. I love their Norwegian brown bread, and I usually get it sliced. Turns out that the ones that were available were frozen. They can't cut it until it thaws enough. Last time that happened it took like 3 hours. I didn't want to go through that again. On the other hand, it is getting harder to cut things, so it makes it even more difficult than before for me. I also got a maple doughboy. It's one of the things they're known for. It's huge! It's like a gingerbread man, only in donut form. This one had maple frosting. The other version is glazed. 

There's a smoked goods shop right next to it. They have smoked salmon, smoked nuts, smoked cheeses, jams, spices, and other snack-like things. I got smoked cheddar (one of my faves) and blueberry jam. I don't think I had their blueberry jam before. Too many seeds can be a trigger for my gut. So, I thought a jam with either very few/none or really small seeds would be best. I still like to have it. I think the blueberry one follows that. 

Went to World Market after that. Found quite a lot of things this time. Got my fave pickled red cabbage and apple salad, an artichoke pasta sauce, dill pickle mustard, pumpkin spice pancake mix (I still have a little of their banana and caramel pancake mix, and it's easy and delicious), pumpkin spice yogurt pretzels, and a few other things. 

Went to a local market for dinner yesterday. I just grabbed what I could eat at the salad bar. I'm trying to be better about avoiding trigger foods, and eating more protein. I need more protein than most healthy people, since I tend to have issues with absorbing it. It's hard for me to even get over half of what's considered the normal range for healthy people. Since I have to stay away from most raw vegetables, I steered clear of most of the greens like lettuce and spinach. Making it not really look like a 'healthy' salad. Shredded carrots seem to be ok, as well as a few cherry tomatoes. They had turkey, hard-boiled eggs, olives, and various other types of salads like potato salad and orzo salad. Didn't turn out as much as I expected, but it was ok. 

At Safeway, I found another mug cake mix thing. This time it's a chocolate chip cookie with chocolate frosting from the same company that did the cinnamon roll one. Should be interesting. Since it's so many calories and sugar, I'm saving it for my treat days. They also had a 12-pack of their rainbow chip (like M&Ms) cookies that were cheap. I got the small packs of 2 in the past. They're really good. It will last me a while. I pretty much have my desserts set for the next couple of weeks at least. Yay!

Went out to Costco today. Realized later that we got a lot of protein-packed things. I'm going to try 2 more different types of jerky. One's teriyaki beef and the other is beef steak. They actually have decent amounts to a bag there. 

I decided a couple of days ago to count the lumps I have at the moment. I've thought for a while that it was just around 5 of them and no big deal, but never counted them until then. There are over 30 of them! Most are in my hands. There's one big one in my neck, another in between my right eye and nose, another on a toe, and another in the crook of my left elbow. Some are soft, but a lot of them are hardening. Some seem to be growing so much they might burst through the surface. The hard ones in my hands feel weird when I grip things. Whatever I'm holding feels bumpy or uneven, even if it's smooth and straight. Some of the bumps are getting so big, I can see them just from looking at the sides of my fingers. I wonder if they're calcium deposits? I hope not. At least most of the time they're not painful. I see my primary in the middle of this month. Maybe she'll order imaging on at least my hands. I'll see my rheumatologist at the end of that week. He'll probably be able to help a lot more.

Both arms are still hurting a lot. I tried Tylenol PM last night, because the pain was also keeping me from sleeping, and I felt I needed to try something for it. The problem is so many sleep aids can mess with my mental health stuff, and so many can affect my colitis, possibly setting off a flare. That eliminates many right there. The only painkiller my primary will let me have is Tylenol, and I've been told by GIs that NSAIDs can cause flares or make it worse. I looked it up online, and Tylenol PM seems to be the safest for people with IBD in general. It basically has Benadryl and extra strength Tylenol. Benadryl's usually safe for the mental health part, too. I think I got a little more sleep. It was mostly calming. So, even when I was awake in bed, I was more relaxed. That's nicer than without. I guess I'll see how it goes after a few nights. 

I pinned a sausage and hash browns slow-cooker recipe a while back on Pinterest onto one of my boards. I think I mentioned it on here after I made it. I was the first to share a pic of it. I did not create the pin. However, a ton of people have been repinning it from me. Around 200! It's like every hour or so I get a notification on it. Kind of annoying. I've never had that happen before. Sure, a handful of people repin my pins normally, but this is very different. It doesn't even look that great. It tasted amazing, though!

Despite not going back to my Dutch this weekend (including Monday) on Duolingo, I was promoted to the Sapphire League today. That shocked me. How could I still be in the top 10 by the end of that week? I finished the Kitchen unit, and am close to finishing the Materials one. 

Managed to draw a rough outline of Junko's legs. Took a little while to figure how I wanted to position them. Edited more of Alliance. I'm into chapter 4 now. Went through 6 pages of the ebook, and 8 pages of the print. That's more than I was doing each day last week. Maybe I'll get to a lot more this time. It's flowing a lot better now. 

20th of Adar I

I realized a couple of days ago that I might have arthritis. I kept ignoring the pain and stiffness in my neck (for a couple of days it was hard to even move it), hands, wrists, ankles, and in one hip. It's getting worse, although today hasn't been too bad. I've had a lot of cracking sounds from those areas, too. One of the most common complications of IBD is arthritis. With some forms, it's actually connected to if the person is flaring. So, once they're in remission with their IBD, the arthritis goes into remission, too. I've been suspecting that I'm flaring lately. That would make sense, then. Yet another thing to bring up with my new gastro next month. She probably won't do much about that right now besides order blood tests. She might do more after my colonoscopy. I'll ask her about getting an upper endoscopy, too. 

Today, I got through Alphabet 3 in Duolingo's Korean course. Plus, a little more of Basics 1. Alphabet 3 is really on loan words. I didn't know Baskin-Robbins was a thing in Korea. It kept popping up, so I looked into it. Interesting. Starbucks did, too. That's to be expected, as well as Hyundai, motors, apartment, coffee, and party. Hyundai is actually spelled differently if you write out the Korean in romanized letters. Not sure why it's spelled this way for the English version. They were really pushing the 'party' thing. Ice cream was used a lot, too. Almost done with Basics 1 level 2. 

Read more of MAR Omega. I thought they were going to make Kai into another Ginta, but he has quite a different story/personality. Might even be stronger than Ginta. He thought he didn't have magical powers, but it was sealed until he found Babbo and broke the spell over him. He's apparently one of Babbo's descendants, but Babbo is an Arm or basically a weapon. I think I vaguely remember that Babbo was special in that he was once human, so I could kind of see that. He lost his memories. They didn't regain much of them in the first series. At least, not in the anime. This time it seems most of it's going to be about regaining his memories and saving Kai's hometown that vanished. 

I finished a drawing yesterday. I felt I needed to do something related to Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week, but didn't come up with anything until last Friday. The idea was something around ice cream, since that's the aro food symbol. The meaning behind it is a bit cheesy, but I like it. We're thought of as cold-hearted, unfeeling, robot-like, etc. In reality, we're warm-hearted, kind, have a lot of other types of love to give, sweet, etc. Ice cream's cold but sweet and makes most people happy. I decided to have that, cake, a decorative spoon or candy all in a waffle cone. The cake is an ace symbol and the 'spoon' has the agender symbol on top. The only other symbol I know is an alien for agender people. Nothing food related. If I was more into it, I might have added a little alien holding it. The cake, ice cream, and 'spoon' are in the flag colors of each. The waffle is in the rainbow flag colors, representing the LGBTQ+ community as a whole. That can have many meanings. I went off a tutorial for the waffle cone, which came out better than expected. Actually, I like how the whole thing turned out. It's not prefect, which is ok. The colors were washed out a bit by my scanner. I'm not sure why it has issues with that. It was also probably the first time I edited something in Photoshop on my 'new' computer. I've had the computer since October, so it's still new to me. Had to get a recent edition of Photoshop, too. I was using a pretty old version on my old computer. Besides the editing, it was done in pencil, ink, and colored pencils. Other people seem to like it, which is nice to see.

I went back to the full body of Shadow drawing today. Figured out his shoes, then started inking him in. I don't know why, but eyes never turn out exactly the way I want them to, and I noticed that again while inking them. Oh well. I'll only get better with them through practice. They don't look awful, just that they're different sizes. Not sure about the folds in his clothes either, but at least I'm trying that. His overall new design is much better than it was. Should be interesting to see what it's like after inking the rest, erasing the pencil marks, and coloring him in. Also, edited a few more pages of Alliance. 

My parent's going to Atlanta tomorrow for about a week. She'll actually be leaving really late tonight or early tomorrow, depending on how you look at it. It's NASP's (National Association of School Psychologists) annual convention. It's great that she can go this time, and should be interesting to go to Atlanta. They're warmer than us right now. Hope she has fun being with her colleagues and friends, as well as explore a bit.  

National Hot Tea Day!

This holiday's tomorrow, but I won't be posting that day. I love tea! Might have too much of it during the day...Most of the time, the only things I drink are water and tea. So, I'd rather have the 'flavored water' more often than plain. Hot tea is like a hot bath for your insides. So nice. I think it's helped my gut issues a little, too. Plus, there are so many different flavors and types. It's not as limited as some people think. I usually add Splenda to mine. It doesn't add any calories, yet sweetens it nicely. If it's something like chai, I might add a little milk. 

Woke up feeling really weak and sick. Yesterday afternoon, I had really awful intestinal cramping. So bad I felt like I couldn't go on my 2-mile walk. When it's like that it's not just the pain, but I sometimes need to go to the bathroom more often. I didn't want to be stuck out there needing to go, but too far from home to make it in time. It lasted pretty much until I went to sleep. Halfway through the night, I felt like I had a massive deep wound on my side, and like I was bleeding profusely. I obviously didn't have a visible wound, but it made it harder to sleep than usual. I still have that stabbing searing pain. A bit scary. I know I'll likely go out later for groceries, so I'll have that as my 'walk' for the day. There are restrooms at both grocery stores near us, so it's safer for me that way. I don't like these recent symptoms. Reminds me too much of how things were when I was diagnosed. There are some differences, at least.

Managed to get to most things I hadn't gotten to in a very long time. Even longer for doing them on a daily basis. Yay! Makes me feel a bit happier, even if my body's feeling worse...I realized I could be more flexible with the time I spend doing them. They don't have to be set. If I get up late, I can do half or quarter of the time I normally would. I'd still get to them. 

I've also been trying to be healthier with things. Kept up with being more strict with my diet. (I can eat as much as I want starting tonight! Wahoo!) I was pretty bad about brushing my teeth regularly. Now that I have this week, they feel a lot healthier. I'll try to floss more next week. I've stuck to setting my alarm to 8 1/2 or 9 hours from when I get in bed. That's felt a lot better, too. I wake up a lot through out the night, but at least I try to shoot for a longer amount of time sleeping this way. 

It was a bit difficult at first to keep away from social media, but I managed to pull it off this week. It's been nice. I can focus on a lot more things. I know I can catch up on some of it this weekend. People might get flooded with things I share on fb, but it's my page. (They might get a lot of likes, too.) I've also thought about sharing my faves from dA on fb. A lot of the art I've seen lately on fb hasn't been that great. They haven't felt shareable, at least. 

I'll try to be more active on the forums, too. Speaking of which, my response to 2 threads recently on AVEN has gotten more reacts than usual for me. One was asking about what it's like to be a sex-repulsed ace, since their main character in their novel is. I'm a weird mix. Being sex-repulsed, sex-positive, and really curious about it. Only repulsed when it's directed at me or is in very graphic detail. Sex-positive, meaning I'm for sex ed, talking and joking about it (I've been told that I have the 'dirtiest' mind), and having as much or as little sex as people want with consenting adult partners. Curious about the sensation, I guess. (For lack of a better word...) I find sex in media a waste of time often. Like the people who created it lack creativity, and added sex scenes to fill time. I'm ok if it's implied. I don't have to sit through it. I usually look away when they show it. I'm ok with seeing people nude in a non-sexual way in media, too. Got a lot of likes for this one, and some commented that they agreed with me. Often sex-repulsed aces are thought of in a certain way, when we're really all different. We're not innocent and naive little beings, either. (We're infantalized often. More so than other aces.) I hope this helped them with their character. 

Another thread was in the gender section. Someone asked us to describe our gender without just saying what the label is. So, not just saying agender for me. I thought my response might have been too long, and didn't expect any response. I had even more likes for it...Maybe because I went into detail with how I feel? Maybe because I went into what I was thinking when I was trying to figure it out? One question kept coming up for me: What does it feel like to be a woman or a man? I can see it in other people, but nothing's there for me. Not even slightly masculine or feminine. I asked other people about it hoping for insight. The answers were either vague or I couldn't relate. That's just a snippet of what I mentioned. 

Tasha's still been sleeping on my bed during the day. Sometimes at night, too. She's getting used to me slipping into bed next to her at night, in order to watch things on my phone under the nice warm heated blanket. Her fave spot is close to my pillow, which seems a bit odd. She hasn't been throwing up as often as before. In fact, I don't think she has since she's staked out my bed. She actually purred loud enough for me to hear today. Usually it's very softly and I have to put an ear to her side in order to hear. She seems so much happier. Nice to see. A couple of nights ago, I actually had both cats with me on the bed as I watched things. I love seeing 2 happy cats. It was so cute and heartwarming. Haven't had 2 cats with me at the same time while in bed in a very long time. Of course, Tasha didn't stay for long.

Youtube (I might make Friday a YT day, if I've found vids in between):

Kuroshitsuji (Black Butler):

Naruto Shippuden:

Fairy Tail:

Boku no (My) Hero Academia:


One Piece:

D.Gray-man:

Asexual Awareness Week!

AAW started this past Sunday. I'm not sure if I'll do much more for it besides mentioning it in this post. I've already changed my profile frame and cover photo on fb, mentioned it on Instagram, and I normally share ace stuff on fb (not much to change there). Last year, I created ace-related art. It was the flag in the background, heart over that with the aro flag, and the agender symbol on top. I drew it in pencil, inked it with a pen, and colored it all in with both colored pencils and markers. People seemed to like it. I haven't touched that ace media list I was compiling in several months. Maybe I'll look into that again. If I don't want to add to it, maybe I'll just share what I have with everyone. 

I feel a little odd that most ace advocacy stuff (at least that's shared and through memes) is focused on the nasty comments we get. Sure, that needs to be highlighted, but we face a lot more issues. I think we try to tone it down for others, because for so long people have brought up the Oppression Olympics. We're told that we don't face oppression/discrimination, or if we do it's nothing like 'real' members of the LGBTQ+ community. That's really twisted. The funny thing is every letter experiences something different, and yet we all experience similar issues, too. Even the L experiences different issues than the G. Some people from our own community want to kick us out...Mainly because of ignorance. Many have the idea that it just means celibate straight people, or a stepping stone for their romantic orientation. If you're aro ace, they don't know where to put you. 

All asexuality means is you aren't sexually attracted to anyone. The spectrum has varying degrees of sexual attraction. Some are conditional, some people rarely feel it, and others may have sexual attraction until certain conditions are met. This doesn't say anything about how people view sex. That can range, like with any group of people. People can be repulsed by it, love it, favorable, positive, indifferent, etc. Some aces can have lots of sex, while others avoid it like the plague. I'm sex-repulsed, sex-positive, and very curious about it. A weird combo. Sex-positive is when people are for sex ed, talking about it (not necessarily in graphic detail), joking about it, people having as much or as little as they want with consensual partners, etc. My stomach churns when it's directed towards me, yet I'm curious. 

Erasure is a big thing. Many LGBTQ+ groups either leave us out completely, or they have that A for ally. Ally doesn't belong in it. If you're an ally, you're helping that community on the sidelines. It's much needed, and they have an important role to play. However, they are not in the actual community. There's an analogy that has them as soccer moms. Those soccer moms do a lot for the team, but they are not actually playing the game. When the A is used for them, it takes away the chance for players who hardly get called out onto the field from 'playing'. The A is for aros and aces. Some people say it should also be for agender people. As an agender person, I disagree. We're already under the trans umbrella. We're also covered by the non-binary and genderqueer umbrellas, which are under the trans one. We're covered enough. Aromantics are not the same as asexuals, and they've been trying to separate from the ace community for a long time. I'm both, but those are 2 different parts of me. 

Another huge issue is 'corrective' rape. This affects aces of any gender. When some people hear that someone's ace, they view it as a challenge. They think that they can 'fix' them that way. This isn't talked about much, but it needs to be out there. 

There's also a serious issue that ace men specifically deal with. Men are taught that being hypersexual is manly, and if you're not, you're masculinity is questioned. It's not talked about much, because some people are scared to talk about it. When I read an article about it they mentioned that ace men challenge people's assumption of what makes a man. It's kind of sad if that's what people reduce men to. Ace women get flak too, but some think that women aren't supposed to be sexual in the first place. 

Another one is conversion therapy. Pretty much all of the letters in the LGBTQ+ community experience this. Not everyone in those groups goes through it, but many do. Some allos (short for allosexual[s] or people who aren't ace) seem to think it needs to be 'fixed' this way. Especially if an ace has absolutely no interest in sex. It's pretty horrid. Asexuality was regarded as a mental disorder up until very recently. A couple of years ago, I remember hearing people were running test trials on a pill that could 'cure' aces. That company didn't last long, thank goodness. It shows that it's still an issue, though.

Another one was about a study that came out a few years ago. People are the least likely to offer housing to aces. Gay people were turned down housing more so than straight people, but not as much as aces. Like most letters, youth get kicked out of homes because of being ace. It's just too much of an unknown and they're full of ignorance about it. It's more rare, but some aces are killed because of it, too. The reason it might seem rare is it's not reported often that way. So, we don't really know. That's another problem with it, we're so under-reported about this stuff. (Same with many other parts of the LGBTQ+ community.)

We don't have much representation in media. Some people say stories with aces and/or aro aces would be boring. However, not too long ago the creator of One Piece, Eiichiro Oda, said that Luffy is aro ace. He didn't use those words specifically (probably because he didn't know there were labels for it), but he said that Luffy's not sexually/romantically attracted to anyone. One Piece is the most popular manga/anime. In fact, it won a Guinness World Record for the most copies published for the same comic book series by a single author. It's the best-selling manga series in history. (Based on copies sold worldwide.) Luffy is the main character. That says something right there. He's anything but boring. This kind of came through during the Amazon Lily arc. Luffy had fallen into Boa Hancock's bath house while she was bathing. She was obviously butt naked. He didn't flinch. Acted like it was normal. Everyone (no matter the gender) seemed attracted to Boa, but he was the only one who didn't have that reaction. When they imprisoned him, naked, and stared at him, he just seemed really irritated. He didn't care much. Most of the Amazonian women had never seen a man before. The creator said the only things Luffy is attracted to are adventure and food. 

He also said that there will never be actual romance in the series. He's really unique about it. So many series have romance as an element, it's crazy! That promotes amatonormativity, which is an issue aros face. Amatonormativity is the idea that everyone needs romance, has romantic attraction, and promotes monogamous relationships. Some people sum it up as a One True Love Complex. It's like what aces face with how people say sex is a need, right up there with food/water, and that everyone is attracted to someone sexually. I think that's called compulsory sexuality. Both are extremely harmful and pushed on us like crazy. Same with heteronormativity. This stuff actually hurts allo/straight people, too. This is another positive and more creative aspect to One Piece. I'm tired of romance being shoved into stories all the time. (Some of it is good and is part of the story, but not much.) It's like filler to me.

Another good thing about this series is that it's rather mature. Some people infantilize aces (another issue) and think what makes a story mature is romance and sex. Glad he didn't do that. Instead it touches on topics of slavery, genocide, grief, assault, arranged marriage, poverty, corruption, racism, abuse, gender inequality, and more. Heavy stuff. Yet, there's a lot of humor. The only thing that might be an issue for people is the way he draws some of the women. However, it's not all women, and he said he was pressured to make some of them like that at one point. I don't think they look bad, though. His style is very unique, and there are a lot of different types of body shapes for both men and women in that world. Even their heights vary wildly. 

There's also Jughead from Archie's Comics who's aro ace. Although, the live-action show, Riverdale, turned him allo. (Straight at that.) Even the actor that portrays him was pushing for him to stay aro ace. Todd from Bojack Horseman is also ace. He actually came out and said it. There was apparently several episodes where he explained it, learned more about himself, and met other ace people. I think he's alloromantic (not aro, or experiences romantic attraction), which is good to have a variety out there. I don't watch the show, but people said that it was one of the best portrayals they've seen in any show. It's rare that the character said it themselves, too. 

It looks like this is my 1000th post on here. Wow! That's a lot! Seems like a milestone.

I joined 2 trans-related forums: Susan's Place and TransPulse. TransPulse is set up similar to AVEN. I didn't get much of a response for my intro thread on Susan's Place, and felt a little down about it. I had quite a few responses to the one I started on TransPulse. I decided to post in more threads to get more of a feel of Susan's Place. Maybe people on there just don't look at the intros. I know a lot of other forums where regular members didn't really care about that section. Found a thread about what 'flavor' of non-binary person we are. Basically, asking what enby gender we are (if we know), how we feel about masculine and feminine, introduce ourselves, when we knew we were 'different', if we have dysphoria, etc. Lots of stuff. Had rather long posts in there. People actually responded to what I wrote pretty quickly. Someone said they felt exactly like me about all this stuff. That was interesting. Other people welcomed me, and said that I came to the right place. In the TransPulse intro thread, some were recommending resources for me, which was nice. I didn't post in other threads on there. 

I decided to make time for the stuff I didn't feel I had time for before, during the weekend. So, learning more science and history stuff on Saturdays. (In addition to more Jewish stuff.) Music and art stuff on Sundays. Reading (an actual book) and forums on both days. As well as, movies on Saturdays and games on Sundays. I split them up mainly because of Shabbat. I'm technically not supposed to 'create' things, thus art and games would be on Sundays. I feel like forums don't really count for this...I don't know. But, learning is a big thing in Judaism, so science and history would be great for it. I managed to touch on everything this past weekend, so it's doable. Might not be as much when I do things like shopping those days. That's ok.

For science, I'm following the list of disciplines I found on wikipedia, and only skipping ones that don't interest me. Those mainly being things like the study of mites. That would just make my skin crawl. There are also some that don't seem to have much to them. I'm starting with acoustics or the science of sound. It's a branch of physics. I have very superficial knowledge of it to begin with. Many musicians learn a little about it, but it's the very basic stuff. So, this one will be very interesting. It's useful for many different things, too. Music, physics, electronics, speech, ultrasound, marine science, aeronautics, etc. I found the Acoustical Society of America's site. They have free articles on there. Their journal, The Journal of the Acoustical Society of America or JASA, has an fb page. They post news as well as free copies of the journal. Found a couple of channels on Youtube based on it. Lots of info sources available out there. It doesn't seem like a very popular area of study, though. Seems sad that way. I think I'll focus on it for about a month, then move on to the next thing. That'll be aerobiology or the study of airborne organisms. 

For history, I'm using another alphabetical list. Starting with art history. I took art history in college. It's a very interesting subject, and there's a lot to it. I remember the textbook for it was one of the biggest and most expensive. It's really vast. I found an app on art history. They cover a piece of art every day. They go over the elements of it, the artist, style, time period, and more. They go into a lot of detail, which is cool. I also found a couple of fb pages on it. There's lots of stuff on other sites online, too. There's probably a lot that we didn't cover in that class. Actually, I remember we only used about half that textbook. I'll spend a month on this, too. Next one for this is chronology. Although, I'm not sure if there's much to it. If not, I'll move on to cultural history. Some of these topics in the history list share things from the science one, which is fine. 

I went back to reading Stone Kiss by Faye Kellerman. It had been a couple of years since I stopped reading it. I only finished the first chapter before. Got through a lot of it this weekend. It's a detective series with a Jewish side to it. A really good series. Maybe I can finally finish what I have of it soon.

For music, I tried to look for clarinet-based apps and fb pages. There weren't very many, and none of them were good enough to like or download. I did find some music history-based pages on fb. I plan to go over some music history in the future. I've taken a couple of classes on different periods in college, and it would be interesting to go over that stuff again or learn new stuff about it. Maybe I'll go chronologically through those historical periods. I also want to hear more music from around the world, and download some of it. Maybe look into music theory, too. Or, even look into music specifically from countries that I'm learning the main language of. (Many countries have multiple languages.) Like, Italian music for now. I can go in many directions with this.

For art, I might do things like fill out memes that are made to help improve drawing/character development. I went through my 'collection' on deviantART, and found quite a few blank ones that I downloaded to fill out in the future. There are things that focus on reactions/expressions, drawing the oldest (or first) and newest character, some on the artist themselves (like how would you draw yourself in your style), outfits for characters, drawing in different styles, etc. All good for practice and getting more 'in touch' with my characters. I might go through all of my inbox on there, too. It's really backlogged, because I don't go on there nearly as much as I used to. I have several 'stacks' of deviations (art pieces) in there from artists I follow and groups. Each stack from the groups has around 200 deviations. That's a lot to go through. There a lot of journals and some on faves/llamas. I'm surprised I'm still getting so many faves and llamas. Llamas can be given by other members, and the more you get, the more the llama on your profile changes. I think mine's still an albino llama. At some point, it has sunglasses, a hat, outfits, and more. I might post to my journal on there. It's been a while. I can look at more art on there, fb, Instagram, and other places. Another thing that might be good is drawing buildings and scenery from Alliance, as well. All this will help me improve, and I can be more active on dA which is full of other far better artists to learn from.

I started watching Tensei Shitara Slime Datte Ken, or That Time I Got Reincarnated as a Slime. I wasn't sure about this one at first. It's from this current season, and I'm not far behind. It's better than I expected. It's about a 37 year old human, Satoru, who was stabbed to death by a robber. He was reincarnated as a slime named Rimuru, in basically a video-game like fantasy world. I have a feeling he is in a video game somehow. Slimes in video games (particularly rpg's) are often very weak. They're usually the first thing gamers have to attack. Even Fate has them as 'gels' that only inhabit the first couple of levels of the dungeon. However, it seems the opposite with him. He's a very powerful being. He can absorb almost anything. He gains knowledge of whatever he 'eats', can mimic those skills/spells, can make and store an unlimited amount of health potions from eating herbs, and more. He had to 'eat' a bat in order to talk, and eat something in order to see. They really are detailed about it. The animation is top-notch, and changed a few times. There was even a 3D scene. In the opening, it seems he can transform into a humanoid. Does that mean he eats someone? There's a lot of comedy, too.

Started Zombieland Saga. It's also one from this current season, and I'm not far behind. When I first read the description of it, it didn't interest me. Then, Crunchyroll shared a clip on fb of it, and I was intrigued. I thought it was a typical pop idol-type anime. Pop idols in general are not really my thing. It's far from that, though. 7 girls are brought back to life as zombies by a 'mysterious' producer. The lead was killed 10 years ago by a truck just as she walked out the door, starting her walk to high school. She seemed so happy and was going to audition to be in an idol group. This all happened in the first couple of minutes, so it's not like I'm spoiling that. She was the first to 'awaken' as a zombie. The other girls were mindlessly stumbling about and terrified her. They're all different ages and from different time periods. The producer wants to boost tourism for Saga prefecture by creating a zombie idol band. So far, there's only one girl that hasn't woken up yet, and she keeps biting everyone. The producer is a pro at applying makeup that makes them appear 'normal'. Also, it seems like each episode has a music theme. The first one they performed a heavy metal concert. Again, the lead or Number 1 was the only one 'aware'. It was hilarious. The 2nd episode was on hip hop. The rapping was actually pretty good, and they added a little of traditional Japanese music to the background as well as some modern music flare. It's a hilarious series so far. 

Started watching Radiant, too. It's also from this current season. It's an adaptation of a French comic. Apparently, one of the first anime adaptations of a series from France. From what I read, they cut a lot of the distinctly French-type humor for the first few episodes. They also made Seth, the main character, less reckless. Alma, his teacher and guardian, changed a bit, too. Kind of sounds like they watered it down a bit for the beginning. It's a mage/sorcerer based series. People who get near or touch a demonic-like being, called Nemesis, either die or become sorcerers. The sorcerers are looked down upon until regular humans ask for their assistance against the Nemesis. Sorcerers are the only ones who can kill them. Seth is an orphan with horns. I'm assuming that when people come into contact with a Nemesis (and live), they gain something like horns, bat wings, or really big hair. There's a lot of unknowns with this one. It's interesting, but seemed a lot like other series like D.Gray-man, Black Clover, and Fairy Tail. Doesn't seem very 'French' at all yet.