18th of Sivan

I realized I can't really sleep with the wedge pillow. It's too firm and I can't turn very well on it. I naturally toss and turn, and when I can't move much it makes me feel really stiff the next day. Neck was hurting more, too. I decided to just use my regular pillow last night. Not propping it up on the headboard or anything. Just flat. That pillow is rather 'full' and lifts my head naturally. It's not like my previous pillows and it's still rather new. I was able to toss and turn freely. Even just laying on my back was better. I've decided to use the wedge pillow during the day for things like watching Netflix, checking my phone, etc. That way I'll still have a time where I'm propped up a certain way. It's not in the 'pillow' position, but a seat-like one. The regular pillow is in front of it for more cushion. I still hurt in the morning, but certainly not as much.

Did more of Duolingo's Dutch course. Finished the Pr. Per. 1 unit and made it halfway through the Shopping one. Finished shading in the drawing of Shadow in Photoshop. Might post later today or tomorrow. Edited more of Alliance. About a page left until chapter 19. Again, there are 20 of them. I was surprised by the amount of mistakes this time. Feel a bit embarrassed that I put it out there a while ago with all those. At least it'll be better with the revised edition.

Finished The Umbrella Academy on Netflix. They left it on a huge cliffhanger. Good thing there will be a 2nd season. Next will be High Seas, which is also on Netflix. It's a Spanish mystery/detective drama. Basically a whodunit on a luxury ship bound from Spain to Brazil in the 1940s. Seems to be from the viewpoint of 2 sisters. Haven't watched too many Spanish shows, so that will be fun.

I might be going to Bainbridge Pride this Sunday. Not exactly sure. Went last year, and I think that was their 2nd year. They had a few food trucks, a bakery booth, lots of arts and crafts booths, live music, and more. It was fun last time. Just a different atmosphere than most Pride fests. I remember not seeing too many actual Pride-related merch at booths, which was a bummer. Maybe it'll be different this time. I think they were still ironing out the kinks back then. 

Trans Pride Seattle will be next Friday. I really liked it last year. There's a parade and then a fest right after. I waved my genderqueer flag last time. Probably will again. I really want to go. It's nice that people cheer us along the parade route. They throw candy at us, too. This year there's apparently going to be a protest group. I didn't notice that sort of thing last year, because I was more in the middle of the huge mass of people. Plus, someone walking next to me really wanted to talk while we marched. She was cool, but that was distracting. Hopefully those protesters don't try anything. The fest has trans performers (comedians, musicians, and more), trans-related or Pride in general booths, lots of candy, I think food trucks, etc. It's awesome! I met the Seattle Nonbinary Collective there. Most of their regular meetings aren't open to allies, but they do have many events that are open to everyone. Those events sound really fun, and I totally understand why they only want other enbies at the regular meetings. They're the only non-binary specific group I know of in the region. There were several booths with pronoun pins, which was interesting to see. 

17th of Sivan

This my wallpaper for June. It's Asta and Yuno from Black Clover. Haven't found many good Black Clover wallpapers yet. This seems to be from one of the openings. I didn't expect it to go for so long when I started watching the series. It's now up to 88 episodes...Haven't mentioned it much on here. These are the main characters. They're like brothers. As babies, they were dropped off in a basket together at the front door of a church's orphanage. No one knows where they came from or who the people who left them were. Asta doesn't have magic, but uses anti-magic that nullifies all magic. He's extremely strong physically, since he trained to compensate for lacking magic. He can sense others in many ways using 'ki'. Just a way to naturally heighten his senses/observation skills. Yuno's overflowing with magic. They're like total opposites in personality, too. Asta does get his own grimoire (magic book of spells that chooses its owner), which is full of anti-magic abilities plus 2 huge swords only he seems to be able to wield. He can turn partially into a demon, too. The book is in the unlucky/demon category. Yuno has the lucky one. He has a wind fairy or guardian, which is very rare in their world. Asta gets into the Black Bulls guild, which is considered the weakest one at the beginning and full of wild card members. Yuno is in the most powerful one called the Golden Dawn. Most of who are royalty. Asta and Yuno are often made fun of because of being 'peasants'. It's interesting how class plays into it. 

The month-long holidays for June are: National Candy Month, National Dairy Month, National Iced Tea Month, National Mango Month, Pride Month, National Camping Month, National Rose Month, National Zoo and Aquarium Month. Some are for important causes, some are to make you appreciate things you may take for granted, and some are just for fun. 

For the elements calendar, it's lithium this month. It's used in batteries, as a mood stabilizer, cars, pacemakers, and more. They have a main pic of the metal. Other pics are of lithium carbonate pills, lithium grease, and 2 different types of lithium batteries. 

It's been a while. Much longer than I wanted it to be between posts. (Hopefully I'll get to posting more often again.) Lots of things have happened this month. 

Went to our local Pride picnic. Same place as last year, which was a camping/retreat center. It was a nice sunny day. A little odd that they didn't have hot dogs and hamburgers this time. Instead, it was sloppy Joe's and grilled chicken. Don't know what they had for the vegetarian alternative. I had the chicken, and there were quite a lot of other good things. Got to talk with some people I know. At one point, I needed to get out of the sun and went back into the main cabin. (That's where the food, drinks, and bathrooms were.) Hardly anybody was in there. I was having some sort of reaction to the sun, so I just grabbed some water and sat by myself. After that passed, I walked around outside on my own. Got some nice pics. Earlier, I went through the labyrinth with my parent. First time going through theirs. I kind of cheated at the very end. I was right next to the exit, but it seemed to want me to do another lap around it. Too much twisting around for me by then, so I just stepped over the line. There were painted rocks along the way there and actually on the sides of the path of it. There were a lot in the center along with other weird things. Thought it was really cool that they put the trans and ace flags next to the entrance sign. It was one of the first things you see. I'm both trans and ace. Yay! I like how the ace flag seems to be represented more every year. Makes my heart happy. I wonder what other people thought of it? They also had the huge rainbow flag over part of that main cabin building. It's very impressive. The only downside was, at one point, it was pushed to the side which revealed a humongous cross. I think that made a lot of people feel at least uncomfortable. Some left pretty quickly after that. Made me feel uneasy when I noticed it. Also, pushing our flag to the side when it wasn't the end seems kind of disrespectful. 

I got a new bathroom doorknob. The old one was as old as the house. (I think it's 35-40 years old?) It completely fell apart recently. It's always had issues. The only time it fully locked was when part of it was still in the door (after starting to falling apart), and the wind closed it. Apparently, locking it at the same time. I panicked at that moment, but luckily my parent was able to 'break in' and take it fully out. Looked pretty gross on the inside. It was odd seeing a hole in the door for a little while. I put sticky notes over it to have some privacy. The new one is nice and shiny. Works really well. My parent put it up. There's a slot on the other side of the door, so if there's an emergency and I can't unlock it for some reason, someone could use something like a coin to do it. Nice safety mechanism. Even if I never need it. 

Got new sneakers, slippers, pajamas, socks, and an eye mask from Amazon. The old sneakers had bit the dust. They lasted about 2 years, which isn't bad. I got a very similar design this time. It's supposed to be sturdier and the next 'generation' of it. Both the old and new ones are from Skechers. I got it in light blue (looks light teal in a certain light) for the trim and the main body is a mix of black and grey. The old ones seemed more stylish with pink and dark navy (almost black). They didn't have those colors in my size anymore. I think they only had that for the bigger sizes. I forgot how stiff they were at first. It's not the normal type of stiffness. These ones adjust themselves to your actual shape. It takes a little time to do that. With the old pair, once they adjusted, they were one of the most comfortable pairs I've had. It's getting to that point at the moment with the new ones. 

I must have had the old slippers for close to a decade. They were really beaten up and falling apart. Weren't really slippers anymore. The new ones are from Dearfoams. Same brand as the old ones. I tried to find a similar style. They still look a bit different. Same color, has a fluffy 'cuff' at the top, and memory foam like before. 

The new PJ's are from the same brand as before, and supposed to be the same design. They have a pink trim and the rest is a dark navy. (Seemed match my old sneakers...) I got it in a size too big, so I could be even comfier. It is pretty nice that way. The only other difference compared to the old is the buttons now have a simpler version of the logo. The old one had plain buttons. Not a big difference, but odd.

Now all I need are new jeans. The most recent pair had a huge hole form about a month or so ago. So, I've been wearing my even older ones since. The ones I was only wearing on laundry days. It's a size too big. Also, have noticed that it's fraying at the top. Not sure how long these will last before there are holes.

I went to Urgent Care a couple of weeks ago. I had a nasty pain on my side and fevers off and on. They thought it was a kidney infection, so they gave me antibiotics and saline to hydrate me. I had a lot of bacteria for some reason. 

Went to the ER a couple of days later, because I threw up blood the night before. The smell was awful. Worse than regular throw up. It was bright red and took up a lot of the toilet bowl. The taste was very metallic. (I don't think I've ever thrown up blood like that.) Also, threw up some bile not long after. I didn't eat anything for close to 24 hours after my last meal, for fear I'd throw up again. Turns out the antibiotics may have made me nauseous and the Celebrex made me throw up blood. I was already on Celebrex for a couple of weeks, though...Almost every antibiotic I've taken has made me sick. Thrown up a lot with them in the past, too. They saw gallstones, but apparently there weren't enough of them to worry about. They weren't blocking anything either. The gallbladder is on the other side of where I had the pain. I don't think it was that. They were worried about my liver enzymes being high. I never got the results to see by how much. It was enough that she wanted me to have my primary look into it. I was there for most of the day. At least they gave me an anti-nausea med and morphine. I stopped taking Celebrex and the antibiotic after that. Haven't thrown up since. Thank goodness. 

Had a modified barium swallow test. That was interesting. The speech pathologist made a big deal when I told her how transphobic my previous GI and that clinic were. She suddenly seemed to change her tone and asked me if I wanted to be referred to by name on file and my pronouns. She then wanted the tech there to message my primary about it even though I said she knew. Despite telling her, she occasionally referred to me as 'gal'. Yes, I didn't actually tell her I was agender, but that was weird. Things were moving too fast to correct her on it. She was a very intense person, although I was late, so she was probably exhausted.

They had me drink a few differently thickened liquids, chocolate pudding, peaches, and a cookie. All with barium mixed in, except the cookie had it slathered on half of it. I was told not to eat the plain other half...The chocolate pudding was actually pretty good. The rest had an off-taste. 

They used a fluoroscope, which takes multiple x-rays at once and basically turns them into a video. So, you can watch it in action. The monitor was set off to the side of the platform I was on. I could see some of it through the corner of my eye. My skeleton was black, and what I drank/ate showed up white. From what I could see, it was cool. I like looking inside myself in x-rays and such. It's so fascinating. Like it's another me. I might ask for the x-rays of that in the future. 

Anyways, they said that my swallow was perfect. No abnormalities. She was impressed that my teeth were so clean. Interesting, considering I haven't seen a dentist in roughly 14 years. She said it is very common for people with dysphagia to have 'good' moments where there's no sign of it. She wants to look again in a couple of months, and said maybe they'll catch it then. 

For now, she suspects I have LPR or laryngopharyngeal reflux. It's like a type of GERD, only it affects the larynx, pharynx, and other areas in the upper throat. The stomach acid travels up that far, irritating and eroding those areas. Often it forces valves to open so food/fluids fall into the windpipe, and/or the acid makes it into the nasal cavity. This can cause a lot of serious issues. If food/fluids make it into the lungs, it can cause aspiration, choking, and pneumonia. Dysphagia's one of the most common symptoms of it. It's referred to as the silent reflux, because unlike GERD, most people with LPR don't have heartburn. It also tends to have different symptoms. Making it harder to pinpoint.

She gave me a lot of info. Things on what LPR means, the swallowing process, tips on managing LPR, LPR diet, and more. It's kind of a dizzying amount of info, especially with the diet and managing it. I couldn't do the diet. I restrict my diet normally (kosher-style, trigger foods of my colitis, things I don't like, etc.), but this would have made it next to impossible to eat. No chocolate, no tomatoes, mostly no cheese (unless it's low-fat and not processed-hard to find), no cream, certain types of fruits, nothing fried, no caffeine (I tend to have a low amount in my tea, but she said that was still too much), and it goes on. I might stick to the suggestion that if a food makes me feel uncomfortable or makes the dysphagia act up; don't eat it. 

She also suggested I elevate the head of my bed with either 4"-6" blocks/books or a wedge pillow. I just got the pillow. It's taking some getting used to. It's huge! I'm wondering if it'll soften up over time? Hopefully. I've been adding my regular pillow to it at night when I can't stand the hardness. Helps cushion it more, but then my head's elevated even more and when I wake up my neck hurts. 

I'm trying to do the take a small bite then a sip of a drink thing. I tend to forget, though. It makes sense. She also told me to have Tums 30 minutes before every meal. That's a lot considering she wants me to eat up to 6 small meals. (I normally do 5.) I'd overdose. I got Tums Ultra and started taking it 30 minutes before my last meal (snack) of the day. They say the limit is 7 a day. If I followed her advice, I would have roughly 10-12 at least. I thought I'd stick with 2 a day for now to see how it affects me. I got a big bottle of it to last me. I've always just barely tolerated the taste, and it feels like I'm biting down on a piece of chalk. I'd probably have a hard time with more than 3 or 4. 

I'm also going back to being more strict with the 'diet' I normally follow. Wasn't too far off lately, though. Calorie range being 1200-1600 a day, making sure I don't eat too much at restaurants, asking for smaller portions, etc. I can eat pretty much anything this way, just as long as I take into account the calories. Calories are like what I have to 'spend' for the day. I've turned it into a game this way. I've designated the weekend, dinner at Shari's after the local trans meetings, and celebrations as treat days. I never say 'cheat' days. I'm not cheating and after following it, I should be able to treat myself. Food isn't the enemy. Calories don't matter as much those days. In the past, I did put a reasonably higher limit during those times. Maybe I should do that again. That might help me feel better overall. 

Started doing one of my 2-mile walks a day on Tuesday. It's been a long time since I made it a habit. My norm was actually 2 of those walks a day. Briefly did 3 a day at one point. That seems overkill. I'd be happy to make it to my norm again. It's been a bit easier to start that this week, because it's been cool out. Also, going with somebody, like my parent, helps a little. I normally would blare my music with earphones on, and it felt like I went into another world. I might try to get back into my sit-ups, too. In the past, I started off with 5 sit-ups twice a day. Then, added 5 to both times every week. I made it to 95 sit-ups twice a day at one point. I think that was the most I got to. After that, my colitis symptoms started acting up and it hurt too much. Maybe I can push through the pain this time. Gut might get a little smaller.

I recently sent a DNA sample to 23andMe. I did AncestryDNA before, but this one's much more in depth and there's an added health part. Should be interesting to see what they say about me. They think the results will be ready by July 8th. My parent had hers done before me, which was very interesting to see. 

Still keeping up with my Dutch. Made it to the highest league in Duolingo. Apparently it's ruby. So, it goes bronze, silver, gold, sapphire, and ruby. You earn things like sapphires or rubies, depending on the course, so that would make sense. I've often ended up in the top 25 by the end of the week. Not bad. I don't see how people can earn over 1000 xp a week. They're the ones in the top 5. Just finished the Family 2 unit. A lot of words for family members are super close to their English counterparts, or at least sound like them. Things like vader sounds a lot like father. Or, moeder sounds like mother. Other words for them are opa or pa for dad, and oma or ma for mom. Nicht for niece and neef for nephew. Although, those last 2 are also used to refer to cousins. (Nicht for female cousins, and neef for male.) That's weird.

I've figured out how to add shading to my drawing in Photoshop. So, I've been messing with that lately. It's kind of fun. He looks more 3D this way. After I finish that, I'll post it to dA and Instagram. 

I've managed to edit Alliance every day this week. Wahoo! I'm already well into chapter 18. There are 20 chapters. Getting close. I might still go over some of the beginning stuff again. It won't be long until I'm done editing it, though. Certainly if I keep it up. 

Finished both the 2nd season of The Rain and 3rd season of Slasher on Netflix. For the most part, I liked both of them. Some parts of The Rain were slightly frustrating, but I think that was to add more drama. They didn't need that. Slasher actually surprised me with who the killer(s) was. (Don't want to give away too much.)

I'm almost done with the 1st season of The Umbrella Academy on Netflix. I'm really surprised by this one. It's a little trippy, but good. The actors have been great, the music fits, the cinematography is great, story has a lot of twists, and more. They say a 2nd season will be out soon.

Found a new game for my iphone called The Elder Scrolls: Blades. Done by the same people who did The Elder Scrolls: Morrowind. One of my fave games. They're both rpg's, and a lot of Blades reminds me of Morrowind. It's not as fantastic, but for an iphone game it's pretty dang good. Both games have really beautiful worlds. Actually, I think they're supposed to be set in the same world, but Morrowind takes place much earlier in their timeline. The story of that world is really complex. Apparently, the people behind the Elder Scrolls games just had a 25th anniversary of the 1st one. A lot of time to build on it. The art is stunning and music is nice. The only downside is you have to choose if you're character is a man or woman. Same thing with Morrowind, I think. There are several races, which makes it interesting. With Morrowind there was so much to explore, even unrelated to the quests. Blades doesn't truly feel like you have that much freedom, but there's still some side things to see. They alert you when you've found a secret place. That can be fun and annoying at the same time. I think it's interesting that you have your own town, and have to rebuild it after it was destroyed at the beginning. You get to customize it that way. I've read briefly that you can customize jewelry, too. 

11th of Av

It's been really warm lately. I've felt less motivated to post because of it. We only had 2 or 3 days of relief. Thank goodness we had them! This week seems like it'll be the hottest. Possibly the low 90s for most of it. Today's high was 90. It was supposed to be the coolest day of the week. It'll cool down again this weekend. Anything above 75 degrees feels too warm to me. This sort of weather isn't the norm for the area, too. Last year was more brutal, though. At least we don't have heavy smoke at the same time. We're also going through a drought now. (It looks like it'll get worse for the next couple of weeks.) Yay! Droughts are rare here, too. 

Went to Kitsap Pride, and helped out at the local trans group's booth. At most we had 5 people show up to help. At times, I was the only one there. We had info brochures, hi-chew candy, and a clothing exchange behind the booth. It probably would have been better if the clothes were in front of it. Made it a little more difficult to get to, and some people didn't even notice it. I made sure to tell them when I was there. Despite that, people still managed to take some things. Also, it didn't help much that we didn't have a banner. People didn't know who we were at first.

There were a couple of people that asked: "So, does that mean a man wanting to be a woman, and a woman wanting to be a man?" This was gross. No, trans women are women, and trans men are men. They are not 'wanting' to be something they already are. Not to mention, they kept up the binary stuff. They didn't even think about non-binary people. We tried to explain a little, but mainly directed them to the info brochures. Some people seemed confused by it. There were quite a few people that seemed interested in the group. That was great to see.

I felt a little uneasy that there were so many church groups there. It's great that they're supportive, and Christian LGBTQ+ people know that they have options with congregations. However...it almost seemed like they were trying to coerce people to become members or convert them. I'm a little paranoid of churches anyways. They haven't been kind to any of my communities (Jews, LGBTQ+, etc.) in the past. Many of them are very ignorant of other religions and people. Cool that things are changing, but it doesn't change that feeling I get. Even meeting with a group (unrelated to a religion) at a church is difficult for me. 

I was wearing my aro ace pride shirt. There were a surprising amount of other aros and/or aces. When they saw my shirt, the reactions were great. Some loved it and wanted it, and asked where I got it. Others were so emotional and happy. Yay! Last year there were hardly any of us there. This year I also saw a lot of the big ace flags worn as capes. There were a lot of non-binary and non-binary specific identity flags, too. So many more trans flags than usual. Amazing to see. 

I had a cheeseburger with chips for lunch. I like that that food booth seasons their burgers well. A lot of places make the patty plain. I went back a little later and got their Dutch apple pie. That was really good, too. It was a thick slice. 

I looked at all the booths, saw some of the headliner's performance on the main stage, and a little of the drag stuff at a stage in front of our booth. The booths were interesting. That creepy flag guy's booth was there again. He actually had a huge aro flag hanging on the outside of his booth. That was good to see, but I wasn't going to get one from him. Good for other people. There are about 5 different designs for the aro flag, and he had the newest one. I would like the first design. It doesn't seem very popular, though. The symbolism makes the most sense and looks better to me. For instance, the yellow stripe is for yellow roses which symbolize friendship, but also other forms of love besides the romantic kind. They turned that stripe white in the current one, and kept the meaning for it. But, it loses it if it's not yellow...The current one seems more based on the ace flag, and yet we're trying to separate from that community. Doesn't make sense that way, and probably makes aro allosexuals feel left out. Most aros are actually allosexual. Allosexual or allo is what aces call someone who isn't ace. Aros use alloromantic or allo for those who aren't aro, too. The flag should be different. Anyways, I mostly had fun there. 

A little while ago, Dad and I went to the dump. She had rented a U-Haul truck this time. The dump is pretty far from where we are, and we made 2 trips there. Most of it was stuff from the garage. A little of it was from outdoor stuff. I added up how much it weighed from the receipts. 1,040 pounds! So much! I didn't realize there was that much junk in the garage. 

One of the biggest things we got rid of was the couch sitting in the garage. It had been there for about 17 years. I tried to help load it into the truck. I ended up dropping it on my upper left leg and part of my knee. It felt like I had punctured holes in my leg. I thought I had ripped my jeans, too. It badly bruised it in those areas instead. It's still there. Those bruises have changed colors and seem to look worse now. Anything that lands/sits on my left leg hurts. Not only that, but it strained my already badly strained shoulder even more. So, that couch and other junk beat me up. Great.

We also took 2 of my mom's paintings to a storage unit. One was really big and had been hanging over my head for years while I slept. I used to worry that it would fall on my head at night. She did that one in high school and it's of one of her friends. She's playing the guitar on the floor with a couch behind her. (Presumably the same one we had in the garage for a while. It was originally my grandparents', I think.) It's at a weird perspective. It's not that great a painting either. She painted my room's walls in 2 of the colors she used in the painting. One's baby blue, and the other three are 'fortune cookie'. So, it's all based on that painting. It's a little much. I have a mirror that was on the wall facing the painting, and it was creepy at night sometimes. Without the lights, it looked like someone else was in my room. Now the wall that had the painting looks too bare...I might put flags up in that area. 

The other painting was also something she did in high school. It was a match striking a matchbox. However, no one guessed it correctly. I thought as a kid that it was the moon, the smoke was actually it's face, and there was the night sky at the top. I couldn't come up with something for the strip it was striking. It just seemed odd. This one is big too, although not as big. It was on a wall in the living room. 

I was trying to get back into walking the day before I badly strained my shoulder. I was all hyped up for it. After going to Urgent Care for my shoulder, I focused more on healing it. Then, the heat hit. I can't stand walking outside in this weather. Certainly not for 2 miles. I thought of an exercise I could do inside: climbing stairs at home. Running up and down them for a few minutes, then taking a break, then going back to it for a few minutes, etc. Haven't gotten to it yet. We don't have air conditioning, so this would actually make me feel hotter. I'm trying to keep as cool as possible. I love when I brought this exercise option up with someone they were surprised I try to exercise normally. It's like they completely forgot. I think the heat had gotten to them. It just surprised me. I've talked about my walks and motivating myself to do them on here, fb, and in person with them in the past. I used to do 3 of those 2-mile walks, and would like to work my way back to that. I figure starting with one until I get used to it, then adding another, is best. I'd like to do that one right after dinner. Easy to remember, and helps with digestion. Hopefully, when it gets cooler out, I'll get back to it. It's important to get some form of exercise. I feel awful when I don't have something like that walk. I also have to be careful not to do too much, because my colitis symptoms feel worse afterwards. I also tend to walk at a 'very brisk pace' according to MyFitnessPal. Many people have come up to me during my walks telling me I walk too fast. 

Barnes & Noble now has 4 out of the 5 paperback versions of my books. All but the memoir. The memoir couldn't go into expanded distribution through Amazon, because the size might be slightly too big. Still, 4 of them isn't bad. First time I've had any paperback versions on B&N. (I've had 2 ebook versions on there in the past, but this is different.) Yay! I'm not exactly sure but it seems that in a couple of weeks they'll have it at their brick-and-mortar stores. They won't report the sales until a couple of weeks after that. Amazon, really kdp, isn't very clear on the specifics of their expanded distribution program. It's new for their kdp paperback authors. Not new for CreateSpace authors, but it might be a different way of doing it. (Amazon's slowly phasing out CS.) I've never used CS, so it's new to me. They mentioned that it's not definite that your books will be picked up by other retailers. When they do pick them, it'll take a few weeks for the shipments to come in for brick-and-mortar stores. Then, they'll report once they get them. It's weird. It'll be cool to see 4 of my books on the shelves at our local B&N. I did a search yesterday, and these are the other retailers that have picked them up so far: eBay (UK and Australia sites), Books-a-Million aka BAM, Alibris, the Book Depository (UK), AbeBooks (have 2 sellers, one from the UK the other from the US, selling just my cookbook), Valore Books, and Chegg Books. Most of these I haven't heard of. There are many sellers on Amazon and it's various international marketplaces, too. Interesting. I was worried I wouldn't get my paperback versions distributed to other places. Glad they started this recently. Sad the paperback version of my memoir won't get as much exposure, though.

After the ebook versions of Alliance, Alliance: Dawn, and Sweet Endless Terror end their Select terms, I'll publish them through Smashwords, too. They'll still be on Amazon. Once they're approved for Smashwords' Premium Catalog, they'll be distributed to many different retailers. More than their paperback versions through Amazon. Retailers like Kobo, Apple, Barnes & Noble (Amazon doesn't do this with their ebooks), libraries, etc. So, I'll end up boosting exposure even more. Smashwords also has a new thing with promoting a series more than a single book. I could use that as well. Once I finish and publish Alliance 3, I'll take my memoir out of Select and publish it through Smashwords, too. 

It's been difficult sticking to my daily calorie range and keeping track of certain nutrients lately, because of the heat. I'm going to do my best, though. Today's been good with that. I'll finish the day at 1423 calories. Pretty close to middle of my range. My range is 1200 to 1600. Got over the halfway mark for my recommended daily intake of protein. I never make my full amount. Usually end up barely halfway. So, yay! Did pretty well with my other nutrients. MyFitnessPal's so handy for this sort of thing. Plus, I can always go back to see what has been a trigger for my colitis symptoms. So much to it. I could record my exercise, too. 

National Graham Cracker Day!

I used to really like graham crackers. I grew tired of them after having them as a snack for a while. They're especially good stale, or crumbled up and used as a topping or crust. They're ok with s'mores. I'm more into the chocolate and marshmallow part of that, though. I'm not going to do the usual monthly thing on here. Might in the future soon.

Yesterday, I marched in a local 4th of July parade with the local Pride group. I thought this year's float was cool. It was a ferry boat. There were inflatable orcas tied to the sides. A bubble machine was poking out on top. A speaker for the music was at the other end poking out. I was one of the people in the float. There were 2 people in rainbow captain costumes, and 2 who were in rainbow skipper costumes. There had to be someone at each 'window'. I waved my genderqueer flag out of one of them and tried to wave at the same time. The only problem was the music wouldn't play. The generator ran out of gas as soon as we started moving. Hard to do it without power. So, we ended up just smiling and waving, instead of dancing and looking more excited. Also, there were some sudden stops. With me trying to wave both a hand and my flag, I wasn't holding onto anything most of the time. So, I came close to falling with each stop. I was also wearing my aro ace pride shirt. Saw a few people I knew. At least one person booed us. I tried to think that it was just another type of cheer at the time. Most people were excited to see us and supportive. I should remember that more. Some people seemed a little confused about what my shirt said and the flag. That's ok. They can look it up. I tried to be cheerful as we went through. I'm glad that they drove us back to where most of the cars were at the end. It's a shelp to walk all the way back. Also helped that I wasn't walking during the parade. It was cooler than last time and there was a breeze. Made it nicer. There was one other ace there. I think they were also enby. Yay! 

A week ago, I badly strained my shoulder. It somehow started during a very painful bowel movement. (Sorry...It's a bit gross.) I don't how that happened...After the pain persisted for 4 days (Monday at this point), I decided I really needed to go to Urgent Care. It wasn't getting better on its own. 

I have a high pain tolerance now, and tend to just remember the worst of it. Going through the symptoms with the staff there, made me realize there was more to it. There was the shoulder pain that covered my entire left shoulder, left half of my chest, and left upper arm. A huge area. The pain was like scalding hot water was ebbing off and on. It wasn't (still isn't) necessarily sharp. My left hip had barely there type of pain. My abdominal pain was close to being as bad as my shoulder. That has been intensifying the last few weeks. My blood pressure was oddly high. I'm usually low. Even when I go to UC or the hospital, it's usually on the low end. They brushed it off as just nerves, but I don't think that was the case. I'll just have to watch it next time. I've been much more nauseous than usual, too. Came close to throwing up several times before going to UC.

I had blood and urine tests done. Of what I got back at the time, everything was 'normal'. My sodium was the lowest it's been, and was verging on breaking through the lowest normal range value. It usually is low, but this was surprisingly by a lot. It's not like I don't have enough sodium in my diet. I have plenty. I'm a little worried about this. Even if it's still technically within normal range, it's not my normal. Could be a sign I'm not absorbing it well. My chloride seemed better, but also on the low end. I can't stand food that's too salty, so it's not like just adding saltier food will help. Wouldn't be able to keep it up, at least. Salt helps with the nervous system, so it's important to get enough. Most people (at least Americans) get too much of it. There was something with one of my blood counts, too. Like, it was just slightly higher than my norm. Still within normal range, though. There were some white blood cells found in my urine, which they flagged. The doctor didn't talk about that. That's usually a sign that there's inflammation. It could be a sign of a UTI or inflammation from somewhere else. They found and flagged that there was bacteria in it, too. Since peeing doesn't hurt, it most likely means the inflammation is somewhere else and my body is fighting something. 

The doctor said I most likely strained my shoulder badly. She wanted me to put a heating pad on it and take Vicodin for the pain. As well as, resting it. She also strongly suspects that my colitis is flaring again. Just mainly going by the symptoms. So, she said I should have a follow-up soon with a gastroenterologist. Both my primary and GI (she's really just a PA, not an MD which is what I need) are awful, so I think I'll get new ones soon. She also suggested that I eat more of my 'safe' foods for the time being. She gave me some tips on a printout for easing colitis symptoms, too. She told me she also has a chronic illness and understood a lot of what I said about it. That was nice. Not good that she has one too, but good that she 'gets it' more. I liked that she really tried to help me as much as she could. 

I've been taking the Vicodin since late Monday afternoon. 2 pills a day, since I'm still in pain. She prescribed 15 pills, taken every 4-6 hours when in pain. I've decided to take one with lunch and one with my late night snack. (Usually lunch is 11am or 12pm; late snack is around 8:30pm.) I have to have food with it. I figure in order to get some sleep with this pain, I should take one close to when I go to bed. To have some relief during the day, after lunch might be best. This way I also can check on my pain more between doses. It makes very drowsy, time is weird, like there's something heavy on my chest, a little wobbly on my feet, navigating through cloudy jelly, etc. It's a good and slightly bad experience. Sometimes I feel like I'm going to throw up more while on it, too. I've noticed this happens about 3 or 4 hours after taking it. It's weird. This was all lovely while I was in the parade, too. Very strange experience. 

I think the heating pad has been slowly working, too. I had less time with it yesterday, though. I know it takes a while even for muscular 'injuries' to heal, but it's still annoying. I want the pain to stop and be able to move it around more. I'm tired of it already. I can't even wash my hair at the moment. Can't move my shoulder enough for it. Not only is there the actual washing with shampoo/conditioner part, but I also have to comb it (first with my hands, then with an actual comb), use a smoothing spray and comb that through, work in a styling mousse and comb that through, shape the curls with my fingers, and finally take care of the hair that fell out. That's a lot of moving in painful positions for my shoulder. I feel too embarrassed to ask for help with it. Getting dressed hurts, too. I keep getting dressed anyways. Mainly to feel some semblance of normalcy with it. It is getting better at least. 

I decided last night to have Benefiber while I'm on Vicodin, too. One of the side effects is constipation, and I think I've started to get that. Dad had a really bad bout with it when she was on Vicodin last. So bad she went to the hospital. I don't need that sort of thing. Benefiber might help with it. I'm taking it with breakfast, lunch, and my late night snack. They say to take it 3 times a day to get the full effect. I'm lucky I still had a big thing of it, although it's pretty old. The best by date is in January. That's not an expiration date, though. It should be good for now. 

I did get my aro ace pride shirt around the 29th or 30th. It's really nice. Feels soft, it's long, stretchy and clingy, fits me well, and the print design is cool. I shared a pic of me wearing it in the ace groups I'm in on fb. I specifically mentioned how so many shirts for ace and/or aros were cutesy, and how I felt this perpetuates people infantilizing us. (It's a big problem.) I wanted something badass instead. One of the first comments I got was that I looked adorable...Oh, and adding an 'omg' to it made it a little worse. The point went right over their head. The rest of the comments were better. 

Many people liked it on my personal page. One of my aunts noticed I looked like I lost a lot of weight. I noticed that as soon as I posted the pic, but wasn't sure if it was just me or something. Good to know someone saw it, too. Maybe it's another sign that I'm flaring. I didn't look at my weight at UC, but the doctor might have factored that in (with my weight history) when she said that I'm flaring. Last time I knew I was flaring, I did lose a lot of weight. 

I set a schedule for promos for all my ebooks on Amazon. I thought it would be good to do, especially since 3 of them will be taken out of Select soon. Alliance will have a free book promo July 14th-18th. My Mother's Treasure Trove of Recipes will have a Countdown Deal July 19th-26th. Alliance: Dawn will have a Countdown Deal July 24th-31st. It'll be the same dates with a UK version. More Than Meets the Eye will have a free book promo August 6th-10th. The cookbook will have another Countdown Deal through Amazon UK August 11th-18th. Sweet Endless Terror will have a free book promo August 13th-17th. So, there will be 7 promos from July 14th to August 18th. I've never taken advantage of the UK marketplace, and having all of the books up at once. I had to think about when all of the books' terms will be up. Even if they're going to be renewed, you can only schedule them within the term that they're already in. Plus, I wanted A2's promo later than A1's. Their terms end at roughly the same time, so it was a little more difficult to figure. A1 will be free, so I can hook people first. A2 will basically be discounted so they'd have to pay something for that next book. Since the cookbook is the newest, it'll be a countdown one. I could hook people in with the others being free, too. We'll see how this goes. Those 3 books could leave Select with a little bang. (Again, they'll still be on Amazon afterwards.) Interestingly, the cookbook's ranking is steadily going up. It has shown some sells. My author ranking reached the highest it's been yesterday. Slowly something's happening. I'm still going to take those 3 off Select and add them to Smashwords. 

Finished watching Bad Guys on Netflix. It was pretty good. They added a little too much drama to the ending, though. I feel really bad for what Lee Jung-Moon aka Psycho (that was his nickname) went through. He's a psychopath, and he was used just because of it. He walked in on burglars killing his parents, and killed them in self defense. Ever since then, the police have been trying to pin a serial murder case on him. If he's a psychopath, of course he did it, right? They caught him getting a certain type of oil for his girlfriend. She was a painter and needed it for the paint. That oil was found on all the victims. He also was found at every crime scene the nights of the murders. He had no memory of it. The detective set him up and tried to kill him. Part of his purpose for creating the team was to eventually kill him himself. He assaulted Psycho a few times, too. He blamed him for his daughter's murder, which was apart of the serial killings. Psycho never wanted to kill anyone, and was hoping it wasn't true. What actually happened was a really twisted prosecutor killed them all. He believed the only way to punish killers was to kill someone close to them. He killed the detective's daughter as a diversion. That was the only difference. That prosecutor found out that Lee was a psychopath, and took him to a psychiatrist. That psychiatrist then drugged him, tried to tell him to kill people that the prosecutor wanted to kill through hypnotism, they gave him a knife, and drove him to every victim's place. He still subconsciously refused to kill them. So, the prosecutor did it and framed him. The drugs made him forget everything. The mob went after him when they thought he killed their main boss. His girlfriend was forced by the detective to lie and say she was the only victim that got away. It devastated him. She still felt guilty once he was working cases with the team. They had to act like they didn't know each other. He went through hell. The detective asked for forgiveness when he was told the truth. Lee refused, and even came close to shooting him. He felt he couldn't trust anyone again after all that. After they got the prosecutor, Lee's sentence was erased. He was completely innocent, and technically the only one who wasn't a true criminal. I'm glad he was able to be freed. He looked younger than he was. In their present time, he was around my age. However, he looked like he was in his early 20s to me. 

Went back to watching Samurai Gourmet on Netflix. It's a Japanese drama centered on food. It's a lighthearted feel-good type show. Each episode is about 20 minutes, so it's not long. It's about a guy who just went into retirement. He likes food, and goes out somewhere different every time. He imagines how a samurai would do things in certain situations that arise there. I like that it's centered on someone older than the norm, which is usually in their 20s or 30s. It's from a different perspective that way. And, they didn't make him act old, either. The food they feature looks amazing. The last one I saw was he decided to try a run-down old izakaya. Izakaya are traditional Japanese bars/pubs. He had beer, fried chicken, a tofu and tripe stew, salad, and a few other snack like things. At one point, it started downpouring, and the rain leaked through the roof and onto the patrons. It was apparently normal to them (except the retiree), and the hostess gave them all umbrellas. It was interesting to watch that one. It didn't dampen their spirits, instead they became more lively. With the one before that, he went to a quiet cafe. He hadn't felt like he had time to sit at one with a book since he was in his 20s. That in itself was a treat for him. He got coffee that was 'traditionally' made the Japanese way and eventually had spaghetti for lunch. Again, everything looked amazing. It makes me hungry just watching what he eats. He did have one bad experience, but his wife's cooking made up for it later. I like that she's been doing her own thing, too. She just retired as well. Although, her outings aren't centered on food, and she often doesn't go with him. 

I'm really close to catching up in One Piece. Only 3 more left, which I'll probably get to today. This arc has been really twisted and disturbing. More so than the Dressrosa one. It seems all light and childish at first, but it really isn't. Linlin or Big Mom has issues. That's putting it mildly. She's been unstable mentally since she was very little. Her parents left her on an island full of giants at 5 years old. She was taken in by an orphanage there that was ran by a corrupt nun. She was into child trafficking with the Marines. When Linlin ate something she really liked for her birthday, she ended up eating all the children and the nun. She didn't know she did it and figured they just vanished. She also killed a 300 year old giant before this without realizing what she was doing. A chef that ate the cooking devil fruit found her, witnessed what happened to the nun and children, and decided to join forces with her. They became pirates. He was perfect for her since he could turn anything into food. She's always been huge, too. Never knows her true strength. She wanted to create a utopia full of different types of people, because that's what the nun wanted. She also wanted everything sweets related, since she has an awful sweet tooth. She'll abandon her children like toys if they disobey or are too 'ugly' to her. She uses her citizens souls in food and to create animorphic trees/flowers/etc. Makes for a surreal world. Everyone's about to escape from her at the moment. They keep referring to the treasure box that the Fishmen gave up. I remember the Fishmen actually gave her a dummy one full of explosives. I keep thinking she's going to open it and blow herself up. That would be oddly satisfying to watch, and it would benefit everyone. 

12th of Tammuz

I forgot to mention that I recently got Celestial Seasonings Vanilla Honey Chamomile tea. It also has orange peel in it. It's surprisingly good and calming. Sweet, but not too sweet. Plus, there are no calories (like most bagged tea). It's like magic. The blends are fun to try.

From Friday to Sunday there were Pride events. So many it was overwhelming to hear about them all. I went to the Seattle Trans Pride with Dad on Friday. We marched in the parade, went through the booths, and listened to live music. 

There were so many people! I thought I would see more people I knew. There were only a handful of them. It was cool to meet new people. One person named Yael marched next to me and chatted. They were probably a little too chatty. They might have been nervous, though. 

There was one person who kept telling me to smile just before we started marching. I 'naturally' smile all the time. In fact, my face sometimes hurts from smiling by the end of the day. I don't see how I could smile even more. Another thing is it reminded me of what's expected of women. They're expected to be smiling. If they're not, they're considered to be bitchy/moody. That's so wrong, though. It felt like she was assuming I was a woman, which adds a special layer of awfulness to it. Another side of this is the march is somewhat bittersweet. We're celebrating who we are. However, it's also a march for trans rights and then some. It's understandable if someone doesn't want to smile for it. It seems like  something someone outside of the community would say.

I loved seeing the diversity of people there. People of color, those with disabilities, people of different sizes from heavy-set to very thin ones, people of all ages, different styles of dress, etc. The signs were interesting, too. 

I waved my genderqueer (or GQ) flag, too. People asked me about it, got it confused with the non-binary (or nb or enby) flag, and some were really happy to see it. The GQ flag is lavender for androgyny or queerness, white for agender and neutrois, and green for all the other genders outside of the binary. GQ is older than enby, and they're essentially the same. At some point, some people had issues with the word 'queer' (understandable), so enby was created as an alternative. A lot of people, including me, like both. I saw a few people with GQ and enby flags. One person had an GQ flag as big as my ace flag. (3' x 5'.) They wore it like a cape. That was cool. Another person had body glitter paint on their back in the enby flag colors. One person saw my flag and told me they walked next to me because they thought it was the enby flag. They had an enby-related sign. I can't remember what it said, but it was something like enby people deserve respect and their lives matter. I think part of it referred to someone who was recently killed for being enby, too. (It was a long sign.) It was nice to hear that they specifically stood next to me because of my flag. Even if they mistook it for the enby one. It still fits.

A couple of people asked me what agender was when I was more specific. Some people looked confused when I said I don't have a gender. When I told someone I'm 3 of the A's (aro ace and agender), they asked: "So you're like grey-ace?" For some reason being all the way on the ace side was harder for her to grasp. How could I never experience sexual attraction to anyone? That was interesting considering so many people don't even think about the grey area. 

I think there were more booths than last time. We didn't even peek at the food trucks. (Therefore, I don't know how many there were.) It was great to see. I got so much candy from the vendors. It was like Halloween. Lots of pens, too. The pencils from the PFLAG booth looked cool. They're in Pride colors, but the colors fade into each other and have a metallic look. 

There were a lot of pronoun buttons. I got some they/them ones. Right now, my pronouns are she/her and they/them. I don't feel either completely 'fit' me though. I said something similar in the enby group on fb when someone asked ours. Someone commented: "Been there!" Doesn't really help...At least, I know I'm not alone with it. 

There were some very informative stuff there. There was an ACLU handbook on trans rights in Washington. I still haven't read through it. Good to have and know, though. I didn't know there was such a thing called Queer Scouts. They're an adult group that gets together to watch LGBTQ+ movies and have events. Gay City had quite a lot of info. Even a list people could look up for their resources and groups. There were some counseling groups. The Seattle library branch had a list of DVDs they have of trans related movies/docs. A lot of stuff. 

We were going to eat dinner at Anapurna like last year. However, the line was much longer. They told us it would be 30 minutes. We left at the 30-minute mark. Apparently they were ready for us roughly 30 minutes later. An hour long wait altogether. Too long. We got something from the ferry's galley, and ate there. The sandwich was a little too dry, but ok. The cranberry orange bread was really good. I don't drink soda that often, but I got a Crush. It was packed with sugar, too. Wahoo! I was craving it, though. The shlep there and back took a lot out of me. 

I was still tired the next day, but went to the Bainbridge Island Pride Picnic anyways. It wasn't like the Kitsap one. More like a Pride fest. However, they have one next month. There were vendors, but most weren't LGBTQ+ related. It's good they were there in support, I guess. There was live music, too. The was a food truck for Wok n Roll. I got pot-stickers and a strawberry mint lemonade. Those were good. The Papa Murphy's Pizza booth were just selling soda. There was a local bakery booth. Their display looked enticing. I got their brownie. It was amazing! More like actual fudge dusted with powdered sugar. 

Yesterday was Seattle Pride. Both our local Pride org and the Seattle Aces wanted me to march with them. I can't be in 2 places at once...I was still tired from Trans Pride. Plus, it gets incredibly crowded. It was the first time the Seattle Aces were marching in it. They know I'm interested in the group, so they invited me to everything they had related to it. Even their afterparty. This year the local Pride org had a float that looked like a ferry. (I think it was only their 2nd time in the parade.) Dad and I watched most of it through Kiro 7's live-feed. (They're a local news station.) I think I heard that it ended up being the largest Pride parade in the country. A lot more people watching on the sidelines than last year, too. I'm glad I wasn't actually there. I did see the ace group, but didn't see our local Pride org. Saw pics afterwards, at least. The next Pride thing I might go to is marching with the Pride group in a local 4th of July parade. I'll definitely get my aro ace Pride shirt before then. Not sure if I'll wear that or this year's local org's shirt.  

I went back to writing Alliance 3 today. Didn't get much of it done, because Word was being really slow. It was frustrating. 

Went through the Food unit for Chinese. Half the time I went through their review. If you don't do anything in the app every day, the plant starts to die and the leaves next to the completed units turn brown. I hadn't been on it for 3 days. It looked sad. Also, my pronunciation seemed worse. Probably because I hadn't done it for 3 days, too. I still passed all the new stuff. I find it's fun and addicting to learn. German was fun too, but this seems more so. Their h's seem close to the Hebrew ch, too. 

Finished reading the manga, +Anima. It was surprisingly good. I wasn't expecting much from it. I feel bad for what Cooro had to go through now. He's the main character who befriended 3 other +anima, and they traveled together. There was even less info on him than the others for most of it. He apparently was born a +anima. There was speculation that he was 'artificial', created in the research center. Instead, his mother died while giving birth to him. As a newborn, he wanted to survive so much that he saw a bunch of crows gathering around him, reached out to them, and became a crow +anima at the moment. He obviously didn't remember this. Towards the end, he went to the place where his mother died, and the crows were gathering there just like before. Even though he had his +anima surgically removed, as soon as he saw them something clicked and he gained it back. He became emotional, like on some level he knew what happened. His mission was to gather +anima so Fry could research them and steal their +anima. Cooro never wanted to go back to the research facility. Fry gave himself Cooro's +anima, but he lost it when Cooro got it back. It's implied that he died. I'm not sure I like that or not. I think he was misunderstood. 

I mostly just got to the miscellaneous cleaning stuff. I did finish drawing Doina's head from Alliance. Took me a while to get it decent. Might be because I haven't been drawing on a regular basis for a while. Next, I'll ink and post Tzvi, Antonio, and Doina's heads to dA and Instagram. 

Went back to watching Bad Guys on Netflix. It's a Korean detective series. There are 3 convicts asked to help solve cases in exchange for shorter sentences. All of them, including the lead detective, seem damaged in some way. The only one that might not be is the female assistant to the lead. She's really tough herself, though. The convicts methods are ruthless, but they don't seem 'evil'. Just horribly misunderstood. The 'scariest' one is the young psychopath. He doesn't remember any of his murders. He supposedly blacks out during them. In fact, he hired a pi at one point to keep an eye on himself to see if he really does kill people. He may have been set up just because of who he is. Another one kills any man who abuses women. The other one seems to just be caught up with the wrong people. They're all strong. The psychopath is also incredibly bright and tends to solve big parts of the cases that others just can't see. The lead detective hates following the rules, and is pretty violent himself. He refers to himself and the convicts as wild dogs that have been starved and beaten by society. It's interesting to see their different perspectives on the cases. It's really interesting. The cinematography is gorgeous. All the main actors are incredibly attractive looking, too. There's a lot of dark humor. 

8th of Tammuz

A few days ago, I noticed that I only had roughly 350 mb left of available storage on my phone. Not much. I thought about deleting apps to make space, yet I don't have that many apps on it. Then, I decided to delete and redownload the largest sized apps to see what would happen. Facebook was the biggest space sucker, which was just over 1 gb. Interestingly, after doing this with several apps, it freed up a ton of space. A little over 3 gb's. It's running much smoother now. I'll have to remember this next time I get the notification that it's low. 

Duolingo's Chinese course isn't very good. The German course was a lot better developed. Chinese is a tonal language, so you'd think they'd have more speaking exercises for that than German. No, they don't have any. They just spew out a bunch of vocabulary, spring sentences on you early without breaking them down, and there's no writing out what you hear in Chinese. Sure, they write out the pinyin (romanization of characters) for the characters and they have you match the sound, but that's not much. I did learn a little bit, but not much this way. So, I searched for reviews of other apps. 

HelloChinese sounded the best, so I got it. It's free, too. It looks similar to Duolingo. There's a trek through the course with bubbles for units. They start with a Pronunciation unit. They go through an intro for pinyin, syllables, and tones. They really break that stuff down. They also have you pronounce things as you go. They let you hear every part if you tap the pinyin. I missed a few, but still passed the quiz for it. I'm actually surprised how many I got right. Especially with the speaking part. Next, I went through Basics 1. This was quite different than the first, and seems to be the setup for the rest of them. They introduced vocab like: mama (mother), baba (father), wo (I/me), ni (you), shi (is/are/am), etc. They did it with 'cards' similar to what Duolingo does. There are sentences to translate. A lot of speaking exercises. There are video recordings of native Chinese people speaking. (They have normal and slowed down speeds.) You have to pick which sentence they said in Chinese. You also get to draw the characters. Has a lot of good stuff packed into it. Types of stuff most language learning apps should have. Hopefully, they'll have a typing in Chinese part soon. That would be good. I apparently did so well in Basics 1, I didn't have to do the last part of it. They put a leaf on it after I passed it. It looks like there's a plant that grows as you progress. Next, is Basics 2. They also have a training game. I haven't played it yet, but it sounds interesting. I'll go through their course, then switch to another language in Duolingo. 

I finally decided on a pride shirt. I ordered the Aro Ace Get Out of My Face one. It has skulls, arrows, a spade, etc. It looks a lot cooler than most of the others. A lot of the aro ace stuff is cutesy. While I like that sometimes, I'd rather have something that looked badass. It should be delivered by the 27th. I won't be able to wear it at a few events in between, but there are a couple later. I'll also have something I can wear year round. I wanted that even more. The only pride shirts I have right now are the local Pride organization's official shirts for the last 2 years. That's not really specific to my 'identities' though. Going to get a 3rd shirt from them later today. I like them, and they're good for general Pride stuff. I just want to be out as aro ace and agender as well. I didn't find any good agender pride shirts. It's like we're even more invisible than aros and aces. 

Tomorrow is Seattle Trans Pride. I liked that a lot last year. There's a parade we march in that meets back up into a park. The park has vender booths and live music. I'll get to bring my little genderqueer flag this time. It was nice to see people I hadn't seen in a while. There were so many marchers last year, and it was cool to see the people on the sides cheering us on. 

The 2nd local Pride picnic we're going to is on Saturday. Then, there's Seattle Pride on Sunday. I'm unsure if I want to be in that parade. Last year, it was really hot, had to climb a steep hill to get to the 'staging area' to meet up with the group, and it was really crowded. This year it's supposed to be much cooler, so that's one plus this time. I can use my little genderqueer flag instead of my huge ace one. A little better. The local Pride group will also be in a local 4th of July parade. I'm unsure of this one, too. There's the local Pride fest towards the end of next month. 

I'm thinking of dropping Bordertown. I still can't tell if I've watched the whole thing, and it's not that great either. Even though I only saw one episode of Bad Guys, it was much better. 

International Picnic Day!

This holiday was on Monday. Such a summer thing. Perfect for this time of year. I'll be going to another Pride picnic on Saturday. Seems like it'll be a bigger to-do than the last one. There will be live music, food trucks, and various vendor booths. Sounds fun. It was also National Sushi Day. I love kappamaki and tekkamaki, or cucumber and tuna rolls. Egg ones are good, too. (Just not as great as those.) There are a lot of different types of sushi out there I can't have. Some I just hate the ingredients of. Like, California rolls. So, I might seem picky when it comes to sushi.

I didn't blog the last couple of days because of the heat. I went to a couple of places to cool off on Monday. Wasn't thinking much about blogging while out. It got up to 90 degrees. That's too warm for me. 80 degrees is usually the cutoff point for it being too warm for me. The hottest temp I've experienced was close to 120 degrees in Scottsdale, Arizona. At least it's not like that here. Yesterday, it got up to around the same temp. Today is supposed to be a little cooler, although it's heating up pretty quickly. Tomorrow and on looks like it'll be much nicer. Ranging in the high 60s to 70s. 

When in any vehicle (cars, ferries, planes, etc.) while in motion, I've always had a hard time staying awake. As soon as I feel that motion, I have a strong urge to sleep. I can't control it, and it's gotten worse over time. Loud music doesn't help. Sometimes digging my nails into my skin or having an exciting conversation might slightly help. However, those aren't very effective most of the time. I'm starting to worry a bit about it, so I searched for something like it online. I didn't think I'd find anything. 

There was one thing that has the same symptoms: sopite syndrome. It was originally discovered through various experiments by the military. It's a type of motion sickness. I didn't realize there were other types. When I hear 'motion sickness', I think of someone that gets nauseous and may throw up. I've never felt 'sick' or nauseous because of it. With this one, most people don't. If they don't fall asleep, they may become drowsy, groggy, depressed, or cranky. I usually feel really drowsy, groggy, and rarely might feel irritated. So, it certainly sounds like me. I'm thinking of bringing this up with my primary the next time I see her. I didn't realize it might actually be a thing. Just something weird that I would do. 

It's different than when people fall asleep because of how long the trip is, they're fatigued from other things, the constant (supposedly) white noise in the background, it's too monotonous, etc. All that would be 'normal'. This will hit me right away, and I can't control it. It happens whether I'm fatigued beforehand or not. I've actually felt refreshed and awake just before it happens. Doesn't matter if there's interesting scenery or not. There were a couple of relatives who tried to relate to it on fb, and I do like that they tried, but it wasn't the same. They started talking amongst themselves about sleep apnea at one point. Aside from the 'sleep' part, that had nothing to do with sopite syndrome...

Wanted to get back to writing Alliance 3 this week, but since it's been so hot, I've kept my desktop off. My room gets warmer with it on, and that room gets the hottest in the house. I guess I'll get to it either at the end of this week or next week. I have a lot of ideas for it, though. 

Started learning Chinese through Duolingo on Monday. I had gone through all of their course for German, and at least half the units were at level 3 or above. I felt I needed to try something different. I've always been curious about Chinese. I think it's Mandarin specifically. They don't actually say. I know there are many different dialects, and Mandarin is one of the most common. 

The first one was on hello, goodbye, and good. They had the transliteration for them, too. The accents on those words reminded me of Hebrew trope. In fact, hearing the way they're pronounced, made sense that way. It's very interesting. Without the accents, hello is nihao. Hao is good. Zaijian is goodbye. Also, went through the first Numbers unit. 1, 2, 3 is yi, er, san. (3 is the same as in Japanese.) I probably should get the Chinese keyboard. Started the Names unit yesterday. This one has been a little more difficult. I know they use the surname first system, but in Duolingo you have to switch it to the surname being last when you translate it. Also, they're going over saying 'you are (name)' and 'I am (name)'. For this they lit. say 'call' instead. So, it's like 'you're called...' or 'I'm called...' It's a little awkward. 

I'm also doing things a little differently with this one. I've decided that I'll start each time with going over more levels from previous units, then continue. They didn't have the 5-level system when I started German. So, this might be a better way to incorporate them. Plus, it'll be like I'm keeping the previous stuff 'fresh'. So far, they've only used a male voice and no illustrations of people. That might be different after I get past the beginner's stuff. With German, the main speaker seemed female. They haven't gone over the pronunciation part yet, where they tell you to repeat what was said into the mic. Maybe that'll be later, too. I would think that's even more important for a tonal language. Also, they don't seem to go over as much grammar as German. At least looking at the visible units. That's interesting. There might not be as much to their grammar. After Names there's Greetings 2, Food 1, and Occupation. That's the end of the first section. I don't think German had a food unit until at least the 2nd section. The occupation one was even later in the trek. Interesting to see how this one goes. 

Finished watching The Break. I correctly predicted who the killer was towards the beginning. It seemed really drawn out. I'm watching Bordertown on Netflix now. It's a Finnish detective show. There's some Russian spoken as well, since it takes place in a 'border town' between Finland and Russia. I already watched some of it a long time ago, but it wasn't through my account. So, I wasn't sure where I stopped. I'm about halfway through it. It still feels like I've watched the 'current' stuff already. Maybe I've actually watched the whole thing already? Oh well. I'll finish it soon again. Next will be the Korean show Bad Guys. I've seen the first episode of that, and it was good. It'll be interesting to go back to. 

28th of Sivan

Went to our local Pride's picnic yesterday. It was raining heavily most of the time, so we mostly stayed in the lodge. They had a buffet area in the back. There were fruit, veggie trays with ranch, huge foot-long hot dogs, BBQ brisket, bagged single serving chips, baked beans, and more for the lunch part. There were Irish cream bars, cappucino bars, and sugar cookies for dessert. The brisket was really good, as well as the desserts. Dad got a hot dog, and it was so big it couldn't fit in the bun. The chairs were really comfy. I knew a lot of people there. It was nice to talk to some of them. Especially about trans, aro ace, and IBD stuff. (IBD doesn't have to do with the community, except for the fact that some of us have it.) 

Occasionally, there were breaks in the rain, and they had set up campfires with the fixings for s'mores on the side. I just grabbed a cold marshmallow and chocolate. They were out, so...they probably didn't mind. There were a lot of people there. We filled up most of the lodge. It's rather big. They had a live band, but also music coming from the speakers. 

Put out a status on fb yesterday announcing that both versions of the cookbook are out. The main link was to the paperback, since I think most people would want a 'hard' copy of a cookbook. An ebook cookbook might be a bit cumbersome, and you don't want it to get dirty, either...A cousin said she bought it and can't wait to get it. Yay! The paperback's not completely 'connected' to me yet, and people aren't charged until they get it. So, I don't know how many copies I've sold yet. 

However, today I did notice that the paperback does have a ranking. It's not ranked until it sells. So, it's happening. I also don't know if they're keeping sells from me, because I haven't switched to direct deposit into a bank account yet. It's still set to checks. They've stopped supporting checks in the US. I probably should switch soon. Just to see, at the very least. 

I also posted the cover on Instagram. 19 likes for it so far. That's quite a lot for me. Submitted it to dA, too. Posted it to a few groups on there. There were a few faves/collects, and one person commented asking what was on the cover. I mentioned it in the description... 

I embedded the ebook version of it on the left side of this blog. (You can see it in the desktop version.) They don't let you embed the paperback version. Soon the ebook and paperback will be linked together, and you can choose which format on there. So it won't matter much soon. I need to finish Alliance 3 to even out what's on here. It's weird for me to think I've put out 5 books already. I have a lot more ideas for books, besides the Alliance series. Also, the more I put out, the more I'll get noticed. 

Social Security accepted that I am who I said I was today. With that, I applied for the income-based repayment plan through the government. They said I was eligible. If I can't pay it within 25 years, it'll be completely forgiven. That's awesome! Better plan than I thought it was. Won't have to pay a thing unless my income reaches a certain point. I just have to recertify annually. Now, Navient has to ok it. Once they do, it'll take effect soon. 

I'll try to get to more things tomorrow. The application took a little longer than expected, and my computer slowed down/froze a lot. At least I got a little promoting done, as well as doing the cat stuff for cleaning. 

By the way, they both seem to be guarding me lately. Rosie's letting Tasha sleep against my room's door jam during the day. Tasha's looking happier because of it. I think she wants to get closer to me, too. Rosie's still very possessive of me, so it'll be interesting to see how that plays out. 

25th of Sivan

Head-wise, I'm feeling slightly better. Gut-wise, worse. It's like I'm being stabbed by knives in my abdomen on top of everything else. Maybe whatever I have has travelled. I hope it's just that I'm sick and not something more. 

The cookbook's paperback is live now. However, things aren't settled quite yet. It isn't connected to the ebook at the moment, for one thing. Read that it might take up to 48 hours to get everything 'set' after it went live. The ebook isn't quite there yet, either. Might be ready for me to tell/share the link with people tomorrow. That should be interesting. 

Figured out a better way to deal with my student loans. I think I was out of forbearances, or at least couldn't apply for another one for a while. Navient has been hounding me through emails the last couple of months. Anyways, through seeing what plans I'm eligible for, I found an income-based plan. As long as my 'income' is below a certain amount I won't have to pay. Once a year I'll have to 'recertify' for it and they'll give me a reminder. That sounds like it'll be a load off my mind for a while. I just have to wait for Social Security to check that I am who I say I am, then apply for it. I think it's actually a government-based plan. So, it's through both them and Navient. Good that there's something like this.

On Sunday, there's the local Pride picnic. That was nice last year. It's at a retreat and camping center in the middle of the woods. There's a lake nearby. They have a labyrinth meditation area near it, too. I haven't seen that yet, but might this time. The local Pride organization has a huge rainbow flag they hang from the main cabin area. I think it was originally a piece of a much bigger flag. It's impressive. There are usually things like hot dogs and hamburgers, outdoor games, speakers, and music. I'm thinking of going to another local Pride picnic in a couple of weeks. That one I haven't been to, and it seems it's only its 2nd year. It'd be great to go to Seattle Trans Pride, too. It was cool to see the amount of people marching, flags, people out in support watching, and going through the booths after the march. I can wave my little genderqueer flag this time. I'm not sure about marching in the Seattle Pride and July 4th parades. It's usually hot out for both of them. It's tiring, too. The Seattle Aces are marching this year, though. It's their first year doing it. So, both them and our local Pride org have spots in it. The Seattle Non-Binary Collective might, too. Might be interesting to watch instead. 

I've realized that most ace activists focus mainly on erasure. That's a big thing, but it isn't the only thing we face. There tends to be an attitude that our issues should be downplayed, because there are other groups that have it worse. Probably the mentality that comes from people playing the Oppression Olympics on Tumblr. It stifles our voices, I think. Another really big issue is 'corrective' rape. Not many people want to talk about it. Aces (as well as aros) go through conversion therapy along with the other parts of the greater LGBTQ+ community. There was a recent study that aces are less likely to be offered housing than gay people. (Gay people were less likely than straight people. That should be noted, too.) That might stem from erasure and being 'invisible', but it seems like an added layer to it. This stuff needs to be talked about more. I'm all for visibility, too. 

Finished watching Glitch. It had way too much drama. I never finished the first season, because it was being drawn out and slow. I apparently didn't miss much after starting this season. They must have realized that they were drawing it out too much, and thought adding more drama would help. There were too many side things, too. I don't think I'll watch another season if they have it. I'm going to watch The Break next. According to Netflix, I've only seen the first episode. I thought I saw more...

Hopefully next week will be much better. The cookbook might catch on. I know people who knew her would be interested (that'd be a lot), and maybe they'll tell their friends and family. 

National Cheese Day!

I love cheese! Just a day devoted to it isn't enough...I guess I celebrated with having garlic and herb Jack cheese spread on sourdough. Recently got Italian 5-cheese blend slices for sandwiches. That sounds really good. 

This is my wallpaper for June. It's another Hitman Reborn manga wallpaper I made a few months ago. I didn't create the art; just put 2 chapter pages together and resized them. The half-siblings (they have the same father), Bianchi and Gokudera, are on the left. Bianchi, aka Poison Scorpion Bianchi in the mafia, specializes in poison cooking. Gokudera is Tsuna's Guardian of the Storm Ring, and has sworn to become Tsuna's right hand man. He's aka Smokin' Bomb Hayato, and he specializes in explosives. Despite his looks and attitude (seemingly like a delinquent), he's a genius and excels at academics. His sister used to test out her cooking on him as a little kid, particularly right after piano recitals. She's immune to her own cooking. So, every time he sees her, he gets physically sick. It was so traumatic, he also swore off playing the piano. They eventually do make up (not entirely though...), but for most of the series there's that tension between them. Tsuna and Reborn are on the right. I thought the summer like one with Tsuna seemed appropriate for this month. 

The weather calendar's main pic's of a rainbow at sunset over cliffs at a Utah national park. The dark clouds around it look really ominous. It's a cool shot. The other 3 smaller pics are of tornadoes in Dodge City, Kansas. It seems like most of the pics are tornado themed...

The month-long holidays for June are: National Candy Month, National Dairy Month, National Iced Tea Month, Pride Month, National Camping Month, National Zoo and Aquarium Month. Some are for important causes, some are to make you appreciate things you may take for granted, and some are just for fun. Yay, for Pride Month! I haven't gone camping in a very long time, but I remember liking it. 

Apparently, there's a calendar going around where there are specific Pride days for different sexual orientations and genders every day for June. The whole month is supposed to be for everyone in the community, but it is interesting. I have 5 days on it. The 10th for ace pride, 15th for agender pride, 20th for genderqueer pride, 25th for non-binary pride, and 30th for aro pride. All my LGBTQ+ 'identities' seem to be represented. Not many of the lesser known ones were listed, but interesting they came up with 30 of them. I also found it interesting that my 'days' are every 5 days after the 10th. 

I started looking for Pride shirts yesterday. A little late, but I'd also like something to be 'out' with for the rest of the year. So far, there are 2 cool aro ace ones. Made me happy to see at least 2 that were for aro aces specifically. I'm leaning more towards one that has animal skulls, arrows, flowers in the ace flag colors, spades, says aro ace off to the side, and banners. Arrows are an aro symbol. It looks really badass, and like a tattoo design. The other one's of a spade splattered with the ace flag colors. The ace of spades in cards represents aro aces in the community. For that one, unless they know the flag and know about the spade, the meaning's more hidden. Haven't looked much for agender stuff. I'll narrow it down when I'm done looking around online. I wouldn't mind getting one shirt representing 1 or 2 identities, and some sort of accessory like wristbands or earrings for the others. That way I can be 'out' with everything at once, and that seems cheaper. 

I thought about a description for the cookbook. I'm not 100% happy with it yet. Seems too long. I want to mention some highlights so others can get a feel for it. I was going to start putting the print version's cover together, but can't really do that without a description for the back. I'll probably get to the cover tomorrow. Might even finish it. Then, it'll be figuring out pricing for both versions and filling out the publishing forms. That's all that's left. Not much.

For German, I finished the Present 4 lesson. There were 6 parts, and I completed them all in one sitting. It was a lot. Missed about 3 or 4. Not bad, considering. Next is their Fantasy lesson. That only has about 3 parts, so I'll probably at least start the next one after that, too. 

Managed to draw a little today. Haven't done it in a while. Finished drawing Antonio's (from Alliance) head, and I'll ink him next time. I think Antonio's head has a better shape than my previous ones. I'm slowly improving on it. He doesn't quite look like what's in my head, but he's not bad. The next head will be Doina's. She sounds like she'd be cool to draw.

Finished watching Chosen. It was intense and had a good ending, for the most part. I like how they got revenge against the people behind the game. Started watching the 2nd season of Glitch a couple of days ago. Saw most of the 1st season a while ago. I like the idea behind it and where they've taken it. 

Made a list about a week ago of the shows I have on my Netflix list. I put them in order of length. So, Chosen was only 3 episodes and that was the first on the 'list'. Glitch is 2nd since I'm just watching the 2nd season. It's good I made this new ordered list, because I can finally finish most of the ones I started previously this way. There will be a 'schedule' of sorts. I never went back to them because there were other new interesting shows. I decided that if I want to add more shows, I can add them to the list once I get to the really lengthy shows. Shows like Filinta are 100s of episodes long, and if I just watch that I'll never see anything new. Also, made a list for shows to watch during the weekend. Things like nature docs, food, comedy, travel, etc. That way I get to the 'extra' ones, too. Kind of fun to see what I'll see next on the list, as well.

International Day Against Homophobia, Transphobia, and Biphobia

Today's International Day Against Homophobia, Transphobia, and Biphobia or IDAHOT. It's also against other 'phobias' in the community. The organization that started it said they didn't want the name to be too long, and wanted an acronym people could remember easily. It's also against acephobes and arophobes. I'm aro ace. I don't particularly like when others lump them together and call it aphobia. That's literally 'fear of a'. Doesn't make as much sense. Plus, asexual and aromantic are 2 different things (it's somewhat rare to be both), and they get lumped together too often. Often, there is arophobia within the ace community. Some by ace activists themselves, which hurts a little more. I haven't come across acephobia in specific aro spaces online, but they seem to have a quieter presence. Also, it's against enbyphobia, which is also referred to as exorsexism. I'm enby, and while we are under the trans umbrella (and also experience transphobia), there's an added layer of hate against people who aren't apart of the binary. Hopefully, someday, there will be no more haters. I changed my fb profile frame to an IDAHOT theme. Just to let people know about it. Shared that pic on Instagram, too. Some countries actually have special national activist programs going on today. Not sure if the US has any going on. World IBD is coming up soon, too. That would be another good one to raise awareness for.

If I offended anyone with yesterday's post, I apologize. I just needed to get it off my chest, so to speak. I probably won't mention that (at least the word) again. Exorsexism or enbyphobia can be disturbing, especially in your own community. I should have probably framed it more like that instead.

Not many people showed up to the local trans meeting last night. More than last time, at least. With that one there was just Dad, me, and one other person. This time we had 5. One of which hadn't been there in a while. Ze is also enby. Ze/zir are their pronouns. Hopefully, I'm getting that right. There are apparently a few ways to spell that pronoun, and I don't know which way ze spells it. I've heard it before, so it's common enough. With learning German, 'sie' is pronounced as 'zee' (some people spell this pronoun as zee), it's used for she, they, and a formal you. Makes me wonder if this is where that pronoun came from. It'd be interesting. I brought that up, and ze seemed interested in that, too. He is 'er' which is pronounced similar to saying the word 'air' in English. Found out recently that 'er' can also be used for the word 'it'. That sounds somewhat demeaning. Most of the time 'es' (like pronouncing the letter 's') is 'it'. 

Pride came up. We most likely will have a booth. Might have lemonade or iced tea there, as well as candy. That would be nice on a hot day. Not sure how we'll do the clothing exchange. We ended up talking about my ace group, which I didn't expect. That group online has gone quiet since last December. That's a long time. I was mostly the only one actively posting stuff for a while. At some point I got tired of being the only one. No one really showed up to the offline meetings, too. One person that I knew showed up a few times, and yes he is demi and therefore on the ace spectrum, but it felt more like a solidarity thing. I gave up on that close to a year ago. There was one person that joined the online group around November, and was really wanting to jump start the group. I let them try. They posted a few times, and then disappeared. They're still a member, but never heard from them again...We still have 17 online members, and I'm surprised they haven't dropped it. The group last night suggested I still hand out my flyers from last year. If anything, I can educate (there's info on what being ace means on it) or let another ace know that there are others here. I just remembered that I never mentioned the meeting place or time for the offline one, so it might still work. I do mention the fb group. I don't know...I think only 2 or 3 were taken last year. 

I want to get some Pride-related clothes and other merch soon. The only things I have is a 3' x 5' ace flag, a small genderqueer flag, a rainbow wristband (it was free, but it's falling apart), and maybe a rainbow colored strange looking necklace. That's it. Nothing like shirts. One of the members last night brought up that she bought some Pride gear, and that reminded me of it. It'd be cool to have something related to most of my 'labels'. Stuff that I could wear during the rest of the year, too. I can be more out and proud. I do have a list I compiled last year of online Pride-related retailers. I was thinking about it last year too, but never got to it. It'd be great if I did before Pride month this year. Those retailers sell that stuff year-round, so it's not like as soon as Pride season is over they suddenly shut down. However, it is their biggest season, and there might be more deals. 

We went to Shari's afterwards. I don't normally like carrot cake, but I thought I would try theirs. They were out of them. I got their cheesecake with strawberries instead. It was nice, dense, and rich. Smaller than I expected, but that might be a good thing. Tons of strawberries, so that was a plus.

I stayed up a little too late, so I got up later than I'd like. Today has been really cool weather wise, which is nice compared to a few days ago. I feel like I have the energy to do more when it's like this. I woke up feeling sick, though. There's something going on with my nose and throat. My nose especially hurts. I know I get sick easier and more often than I used to, but it's still annoying. The heat may have messed with me. 

Finished the section for German. There's only one more section left, which has 20 lessons. There's a lot more than it seems, because after finishing the first 'level' for those lessons, I plan to go back to the beginning and level out everything. There are 5 levels for every lesson. I somehow already finished 3 levels of the basic stuff, even though I didn't go back yet. Maybe it's because I've gotten so far? 

Read more of the manga, Helck. It's gotten really serious lately. They were going to kill all the winged mutated humans, but have decided to save them somehow instead. Vamirio realized her uneasiness around Helck was really her sensing how he felt. He didn't want to kill his old friends, but was steeling himself in order to save the demons. There does seem to be ways of breaking the king's spell. Edil broke away from it on his own for a while. When Helck hugged Alicia, in the chapter I read, she managed to hug back. She's still in there. Should be interesting to see how it turns out.

Started dusting my bedroom. Did all of my nightstand, the bed's headboard behind it, and part of the dresser under the window. I hadn't washed the shallow silver dish that I use for my earplugs in a long time. It might have caused me problems. It looked shinier after I washed it (instead of just dusting it), which was nice to see. There was a very thick layer of dust on the nightstand. Probably not healthy, considering it's near my head when I sleep. It's better now, at least.