Tuesday, October 29, 2019

National Oatmeal Day!

I love oatmeal! Usually I add syrup, sometimes cinnamon, raisins, salt, and a little Splenda if I'm having it as a breakfast. Oatmeal in things like cookies is also great. It can be pretty versatile. It's one of my safe and calming foods. Nutritious, too. 

National Pumpkin Day was on Saturday. I used to hate eating things with pumpkin in them. Thought it was fun carving them as a kid (with the help of my parents, and didn't do it every year for Halloween), and loved having roasted pumpkin seeds (from those same pumpkins that we roasted in the oven) with a little salt. For some reason, I had no problem eating that part. Pumpkin pie on the other hand...Would not touch it for years. I still hate most squashes, but at some point that changed with pumpkins. Maybe I got enough guts to try a really good pumpkin pie or something. Now, if it has pumpkin in it, I tend to love it. Recently got pumpkin butter, which has real pureed pumpkin. It's not outstanding, but really addicting. Funny how they call it a fruit spread, when many people categorize it as a vegetable. Technically, it is a fruit. I guess it's like how tomatoes are. It's not as sweet as many fruit spreads, which is nice to have sometimes. 

Managed to finally get my flu shot on Friday. Flu shots are even more important for me since I have at least colitis. Might have another autoimmune disease. One of my meds works in a similar way as an immunosuppressant. That means it suppresses my immune system so much my digestive system isn't bombarded by it. However, it also makes it super easy to get sick. And, when immunosuppressed patients get sick, it takes us longer to get over it. We're at risk of dying from the flu, because of this. We can't have the live version. That's the only one I've been told not to have for vaccines in general. If people I come in contact with also have the flu shot, it's an added protection. If I do end up with the flu, it won't be as dire as if I hadn't gotten the shot. When people in IBD groups say things like I'll never get the shot and list some bogus reasons (Big Pharma, it'll cause something like autism, hasn't been studied enough...), it can be harmful. Some people are banned from those groups on fb because of that. They take it extremely seriously. They also boot out people who are trying to sell something or promote some sort of health advice. I've seen many people try to sell miracle cures, say we need to find G-d, giving out misleading info, just need to think positively, etc. It's crazy. Actually a problem in many chronic illness groups. I hate actually getting the shot, though. It's quick, at least.

I got a blood draw since I was at the clinic already. I wasn't sure if my rheumatologist had ordered those 4 tests yet, since he didn't reply to my last message. Turns out he did, but put it in incorrectly. It took about 10 minutes over the phone for the lab tech to get it right. Meanwhile, I anxiously waited in the lab, not knowing if they could do it. It seemed like a lot of blood this time. I didn't get my usual reaction. It's usually an involuntary response where whenever I see/think about my blood or other medical stuff, I can pass out, or throw up, or both. Most of the time it doesn't get that bad. However, I tend to get really sweaty, my heart races, get really dizzy, nauseous, etc. It might go away once I put my head down and sip some water for a while. One of the worst times that it got to the point of passing out was while I was at WSU. I told the nurse about that feeling coming on just before the blood draw. She didn't know what to do and threw me in the bathroom. As I passed out, I hit everything around me on the way down. (Toilet lid, railing, sink, etc.) So, I woke up cut up, bruised, and out of it. Still got the blood draw done. She should have suggested a lying down position. The interesting thing about this 'response' is once it's happened, I don't get it again for a while. So, I could look at my blood all I want or other things, and nothing will happen. It gives me a calm and relaxed feeling after, too. It's so bizarre, though. I got one result back so far and it's negative. That's ok. If they're all negative/normal, then fine, I don't have scleroderma. If one or more is positive, then it needs to be looked into more. If not scleroderma, then I can move on to something else. I'll still get some form of an answer. I plan to wait until I know for sure what's going to happen with my insurance, and then I'll make an appointment to see a dermatologist. I know they'll have more things to look into. 

Saturday, I had an early brunch at Elmer's. I got their chicken-fried steak and eggs breakfast. Had it with turkey gravy instead of country gravy. (The country one has pork sausage in it, and I don't eat pork products.) Added another dimension of flavor. The eggs were scrambled and it also had hash browns and a biscuit. The biscuit came a little late. I thought our waitress had forgotten or something. Turns out they took a little longer to make and it was a fresh batch. It was a really satisfying brunch.

Went to Port Gamble after that. It was very windy outside, so I didn't have the patience to take pics of that. Most of the leaves had fallen there, so it wasn't as nice as I thought it would look anyways. Went to the General Store and the Of Sea and Shore museum upstairs. The store has a cafe, too. They pack a lot into one building. That museum has apparently one of the largest collections of shells in the world. They really cram them in there. It used to scare me as a kid, because of the huge crabs and lobsters. Sharks not as much. All of them weren't alive, of course. A lot of the crabs were found locally. Knowing such big things were lurking in the waters near me got me more. There are some things from around the world, too. I had forgotten how many crabs they had. Almost seemed like half as many as the shells. 

Got chicken parmesan from a local market for dinner Saturday. Had root beer and stuffing with it. I don't drink root beer that often, so it was a treat. My parent made stuffing to go with her dinner, and suggested I have some. The chicken parmesan seemed skimpier than usual, so I thought why not? Got a pumpkin spice scone from there for dessert. It was much better than the Starbucks' version. There wasn't a super thick layer of icing on top. Just a light drizzle. Seemed to have more of the spices, too. I think there was actual pumpkin in it. Nice. 

Mairimashita! (Welcome to Demon School) Iruma-kun has been interesting so far. I'm liking it more than I thought I would. It's about a human, Iruma, who's sold to a demon. The demon always wanted a grandson to dote on. He makes a contract with him to agree to be his grandson. If Iruma hadn't agreed to it, he would have been killed. His human parents were awful towards him and he never had the opportunity to go to school before. His new 'grandpa' forces him to go to a demon school. If the demons find out he's human, he could be eaten. So far, no one suspects he is, and he's made 2 close and powerful friends. He's also managed to make one of his teachers his familiar by accident. It seems like humans have powers in their world, too. Only, he can't fly like the others. The other students think he's simply working out his leg muscles in order to get stronger. I've noticed the demon language is based on Hebrew. They tend to add circles and tiny lines to some of the letters, but it's easy to tell. Even the ranking of classes has actual clear Hebrew letters. Yod being the highest rank, which is interesting...Alef is the first letter in the alphabet (known as the alef-bet in Hebrew), and that's the lowest rank. I can read some of the words that they flash briefly, but from what I can tell, a lot of it seems to be gibberish. It's only shown for a few seconds at a time, though. In order to read and understand the language, Iruma's grandpa puts a spell over him where he hears and reads Japanese instead. Except for that ranking system. He seems to see it the way they do. When he speaks, demons hear their language. So, it works out that way. Iruma reminds me of a mix of Deku from Boku no (My) Hero Academia and Tsuna from Hitman Reborn. 

The 4th season of Boku no Hero Academia has been good, too. Seems more intense than other seasons. Especially with the new villain, Overhaul. He appeared at the end of season 3. He seems more powerful than Shigaraki, who's the head of the League of Villains and the main antagonist of the series. Deku became an intern for Sir Nighteye, who was All Might's sidekick. (Getting an internship is another step to becoming a full-fledged pro hero.) He's also Mirio's mentor. Mirio looks a lot like Tintin from the Adventures of Tintin. He might be a parody of him. There's some sort of tension between Nighteye and All Might. So much so that All Might asked Mirio to introduce Deku to Nighteye. He couldn't bring himself to do it. In the most recent episode, it's revealed that Nighteye is investigating Overhaul. Deku comes face to face with him at the very end. 

Decided to drop Kabukichou Sherlock. Kabukichou is an entertainment and red-light district. They focus quite a bit on the red-light district part. It seemed to make fun of drag queens and gay people. I don't think it actually touched on trans people. The head of the detective agency is a drag queen who holds their meetings at a drag queen bar that they own. Some of the gay people they showed briefly have seemed 'real' and they didn't make fun of them, but with others it seemed like they were the punchline in some sort of joke. Mrs. Hudson, the head of the detective agency, also tends to grope one of the detectives whenever they see each other, which I'm not cool with. I do like the twists on Sherlock and Watson. Sherlock tends to perform rakugo, a form of storytelling while sitting on a stage with only a fan and cloth as props (usually comedic stories), when he solves a case. His personality totally changes as he does it. While at crime scenes, he really throws himself into it. Sniffing everywhere, lying where the victim is/was or their bed, getting down on all fours to inspect the floor, etc. More than the other detectives. The others try to beat him in solving it. Even going so far as to destroy evidence. The main case is on Jack the Ripper, but they solve side cases at the same time. Watson is a doctor, and ever since he found a transmitter in a body, it seems like someone's after him. Someone blew up the place he was staying at. He's had to stay at different hotels because of the fear that they'd be blown up, too. He only wanted the detectives to help with his case, but got roped into helping Sherlock instead. Now he lives with him along with Moriarty, who's a teenager. I think Moriarty is also a detective in this. However, in the books he was one of Sherlock's archenemies. Don't know what his connection is to Sherlock in this one. If it didn't have the more sexual or homophobic stuff, I think I would like it a lot. I can't get passed that, though.

Special 7: Special Crime Investigation Unit (the Japanese name is even longer...) has been a pleasant surprise. I didn't expect much from it. They live in a world that was once ruled by dragons. Once those dragons disappeared, many different types of fantasy-based beings started coexisting peacefully with humans. Like, vampires, homunculi, elves, orcs, etc. Nine is a terrorist organization that wants the powers of the dragons, create chaos, and to change the world. The police form a unit to combat Nine called Special 7. They have abilities that surpass the average human (many aren't human). The main character is Seiji who's a rookie and human. He doesn't seem entirely human to me, though. They make fun of him lightheartedly at first, then realize he has a lot of potential. The Nines seem to hardly be there, so they solve side cases in the meantime. Although, they might have been involved in the most recent case with a bomber. Especially because the bomber used magic. They never found who the bomber was, but they had to disarm 4 bombs in different buildings. They had to figure out how to do it with only one detective at each, with the same amount on the timers, had to be disarmed in a certain order, and none of them had experience with bombs. Luckily, the homunculus named Bellemer on their team, who's also a ninja, helped them from afar with watching and giving instructions from drones. She's dealt with bombs before. Most of the characters have been very likable and quirky. It reminds me a lot of Kekkai Sensen (Blood Blockade Battlefront) and Hamatora. 

Yesterday, I went through more of Duolingo's Dutch course. Finished Politics 1, and got halfway through Gerund. The politics unit was interesting. Got more of a view into their government, royalty, and some laws. Made it to #13 of the Ruby League. Hopefully, when I do it later today, I can get higher in the ranking. 

Yesterday, I scanned the drawing of Junko and started cleaning her up in Photoshop. First time I've scanned something with my new printer. It's much better than the previous one. It doesn't thicken the lines and add blue marks. It's clearer. Doesn't add more gunk to erase in Photoshop. She looks pretty much like she does on paper, but with slightly lighter lines. I'll continue to clean her up in Photoshop next time. It might not take me as long as it did in the past. 

Got to editing Alliance yesterday, too. Even though there seemed to be interruptions every time I tried. Went through 5 pages of the ebook and 7 pages of the print. Not bad. 

Wednesday, October 23, 2019

24th of Tishri

Managed to get another walk in yesterday. Yay! Went a little later than the day before, so most of it was in the dark. No rain this time. A bit chillier. A nice and friendly cat ran up to me. Not sure if it's one I've seen before, since it was so dark. Had my little flashlight with me, but by the time I got used to it, there was another streetlight. So, it took a while for my eyes to adjust again. The spaces between the streetlights are too wide. There's actually been complaints about that in the past. There's always really dark patches at night. Especially on the little path that runs through a greenbelt that's part of my walk. No lights there. I could also use my phone's flashlight. That's more powerful. We'll see. 

I've also been listening to Pandora on my phone during my walks this week. I normally would listen to my walkman mp3 player. When I last did my walks regularly, I thought that Pandora would cut out because there are some 'dead zones' (I think, at least) on my route. It hasn't yet. I like my mp3 player and it has a lot of songs on it, despite it only being like 8% full. I have a paid subscription version of Pandora now without ads, unlimited skips, and more. It has some of my faves, and introduces me to new stuff. So, I'm not sure which one to use now, knowing that both work fine. Maybe I can switch off on them every so often. I like that I have a choice with that now.

In Duolingo's Dutch course, I finished Past Part. and went through all of Feelings 2. Only made a couple of mistakes. Made it to #3 of the Ruby League when I finished today. 

I decided to erase the pencil marks of my drawing of Junko. Took longer than I thought it would, so I'll scan and start fixing it in Photoshop next time. 

Finished editing chapter 15, and a little into chapter 16. There are 20 chapters all together, so I'm getting close to the end again. Went through 8 pages of the ebook version, and 11 pages of the print. 

Managed to practice my clarinet again. Finished the Gershwin book, and went through some advanced solo pieces. I had a tendency to play a little too loud at the beginning. Luckily, some of the solo pieces gave me more practice with dynamics. Was better roughly halfway through. Other than that, it sounded pretty good. A couple of mistakes, but not bad. 

It turns out that we probably don't have to do anything to keep my health insurance coverage as a dependent. My parent found out that I'll be on it at least until January of 2021. I have a feeling they told us about the earlier deadline because of the change in insurance itself. I have a feeling that went out to everyone who had a dependent on theirs. Member services got back with me and said they found the approval letter, but can't give the dependent a copy of that letter. Bizarre. Only my parent and her employer (I think) can get a copy of it. At least we know they have it. If they have the letter, they could use it in the future after January 2021. Probably for every year I'd need to. Still kind of scary. Even if I'm still on it, I may have to get new doctors, since it'll be a totally different plan. I don't know. Again, probably another good reason to wait and see what happens before I make that appointment to see a dermatologist. I hope it'll still cover the gender program, too. I was going to ask the social worker assigned to me through it how to go about getting electrolysis. They cover it through the program, since it's transition-related. I don't know if I need approval from a therapist or someone else first? Or, if I can just get it done without approval, where can I go that's covered? I don't know much about it. I might wait to see what happens with my insurance before I attempt to start electrolysis, to make sure. It'd be interesting if we're both on better plans. 

Tuesday, October 22, 2019

Asexual Awareness Week

This started on Sunday. It's always a week before Halloween. I don't think I'm going to do much for it. I already talk about and share ace related stuff on a regular basis. There definitely needs to be more visibility, though. 

I fully realized I was ace right before Pride in 2016. Someone had talked about it while prepping for our local Pride. I had an inkling of it when I was 16 and a fellow classmate came out to me as ace. I didn't know him very well, and it makes me wonder why he chose me as one of the first people to come out to. I nervously laughed then looked it up. There wasn't much of a community online and not much info at the library, either. Of what I did find, it terrified me how much I related to it. At that age, I just wanted to be like everyone else around me. I didn't hate others who were LGBTQ+, but I didn't want to be 'different' personally. I think I had a lot of internalized acephobia. I hoped someday I'd suddenly feel like everybody else, or if someone liked me in that way, I'd suddenly feel it, too. Nope, never happened. It was alienating. I've heard other aces felt broken. I never felt that way. I was whole, only alien or inhuman compared to others. Being aro and agender probably were also contributing factors to this 'othering' feeling. Everyone was experiencing these 3 things (having romantic/sexual attractions and a gender), except me. I denied being ace until I was 31. I had to accept it myself before coming out to others. After that I fully embraced it. It probably would have been harder for me if I embraced it and was out as a teen. Again, there wasn't much of a community and kids can be awful to each other if you're considered out of the norm. It was bad enough with being the only Jew in school...I'm a bit jealous and very happy for ace teens now. At the very least, they have communities online where they can feel they belong and/or are accepted. 

Figuring out I was ace also made me wonder about my romantic attraction. I, again, wanted to at least have that so I could feel more 'normal'. Nope. About as aro as it gets. (Realized that in October that year.) I was hesitant about it until I asked myself why. I think it was a mix of internalized arophobia, amatonormativity, and heteronormativity. Now I embrace that, too. It also made me think about what I do experience. My strongest attraction is platonic. This isn't just wanting to be friends with someone. Best way to describe it is you want to be really close best friends with certain people. It's almost on a spiritual level. I'm pan this way. (No, not everyone is.) There's apparently a newer term going around called oriented aro aces. This is for aro aces that do experience some sort of strong attraction. They tend to add the prefix of that attraction (like people do for their sexual or romantic orientations) first. So, I'd be a pan aro ace. It's useful for if we want some form of a relationship like a qpr. A qpr is a queerplatonic relationship, which is what I would love. A squish is a platonic crush, and I've realized I've had a lot more than I thought. They're kind of confusing at first, especially when you don't realize you're aro ace, because it's not like you want to date or have sex with that person. It can be a strong feeling, too. Another one is aesthetic attraction. Certain people look gorgeous or grab your attention, basically. It's not in a sexual or romantic way. I'm attracted to men this way. Yet another is sensual (tactile way, not sexual) attraction. I don't know if I'm attracted to people this way. Some people get really into figuring this stuff out. 

In January, my parent's insurance will change. I'm on my current one as a dependent due to a disability. They deemed I had at least one back in 2012 or 2013. I think that was because of the bipolar 2. Type 2's have lower lows than type 1's. In fact, they're much more at risk for suicide. I was suicidal for years. The mania side isn't the happy type, either. It's racing thoughts, getting irritated easily, taking on too many things, etc. Pretty serious, especially when not treated. I have other mental health issues and now chronic physical health stuff, too. Anyways, the new plan does allow dependents due to a disability, but they have to have some sort of documentation in order to approve it. So, I tried searching for a letter about it in my actual health documents (not online) last week. Saw the letter about them telling me that they'll give me a year extension because my mom passed away, in 2012. I was aging out. After some going back and forth, they eventually approved of me later. But, that approval was not there. I looked at my messages online with them. Nothing. Then, I vaguely remembered that my parent was the one that told me I was approved. I never got a letter from them about it. She found out through her employer somehow. So, I messaged member services yesterday. Hopefully, they'll find something. My parent's looking into things about it, too. It's like a weird puzzle. She told me at first that we only had until November 15th to submit that documentation. Found out yesterday that we actually have until January. Better, but still coming up quickly. She said there's a possibility I could get dental if they approve me as a dependent. I haven't seen a dentist in years. That would be great. Also, knowing that colitis can affect dental stuff, it would be even more important now. Whatever this 2nd autoimmune disease is, it has already messed with my mouth a bit, so it's an added thing. 

I'm getting really tired of this mystery pain. It's so intense, at times, that it feels bone-deep. It's not just the pain I'm tired of, but the weak feeling in my arms/parts of my legs, mouth bumps/sores, worsening fatigue (also a symptom of colitis, but this is more than before), bumps/sores on my hands, shaky hands, resistance every time I move my arms, and more. It's really getting annoying. Especially when I'm asked how I am at stores, or feel I need to look healthy and friendly while out. It's like I put up a facade to make other people feel more comfortable. That's draining in itself. If I stop smiling or be honest and tell someone I'm not feeling well, I feel like others will think I'm angry or make them feel bad for caring. Or, they'll want me to explain why I don't feel well, which if I'm at a store to get something, I'm most likely not going to want to go into detail. I've heard from other people in IBD groups on fb feeling similarly. It's a weird dilemma. I felt odd last time someone at the bakery at a local market asked me how I was. I was feeling really awful at the time, but smiled and lied saying things were good. She always asks me. 

I messaged my rheumatologist asking about getting blood tests that were suggested. They were suggested in the notes of the scl-70 blood test. Saying that about 20% of patients with scleroderma test positive for it, so there are other tests to get a better picture. If I truly don't have it, they'll all be negative. At least we could check. I really feel like that's what it is, but it could be something similar. I don't know. I forgot to tell him where I saw these suggestions, and asked me. I've apparently already been tested for one of them, so that's good. Another one there was a lab error and they weren't able to do it. I wasn't told this before. He said he could order that test again and the others. Hopefully, he still will after telling him that the suggestions come from the notes. I still have to make a dermatologist appointment, but I'm hesitant to do it until after I know what's going to happen with my insurance. I might wait until then. 

Apparently, the dishwasher started working again last night. It was getting harder to hand-wash my dishes after every meal, so that was a relief. Seems to have done it on its own. My parent's still going to have someone look at it. 

I managed to get a walk in yesterday! Yay! My routine walks are roughly 2 miles. Haven't gotten to it in a long time. I've decided a way to get myself to do it is to go right after dinner. Harder to 'forget' if there's a set time, and I won't be as distracted with other things. Also, taking a shower right after every other is a pretty good incentive, I think. I can't take showers every day, because of lots of skin issues (that I know of), so I try to take one every other day. Half the time, I won't have to feel sweaty afterwards. I apparently ate late enough that it was dark halfway through it. That's ok. I have a small flashlight. For the entire time I was out there, it was raining heavily and windy. I have a new umbrella, which helped. However, the rain came in on the sides under the umbrella a bit. My socks and part of my jeans were soaked by the time I got home. Despite all that, it was nice to finally get out there again. If I can keep this up every day for a few weeks, I might be able to add another walk. There was a time when I did 3 of them a day. Not sure if I'll get to that point. 

Today, I finished the Romance unit and am halfway through the Past Part. one in Duolingo's Dutch course. The Romance one was more interesting than I expected. There was some LGBTQ+ representation. Also, some sentences were about consent. Some on not wanting anything romantic or sexual, but to cuddle instead. I know as a company they're very affirming and accepting of LGBTQ+ people, but it was cool to see. By the end, I made it to #4 in the Ruby League. That's pretty good. Hopefully, I can keep it up. 

Yesterday, I figured out how I wanted the folds in Junko's clothes to look, then inked it all. I might keep the pencil marks on it to help edit it in Photoshop. Although, it'll be messier. Still on the fence about it. Next time I'll decide on that and start editing in Photoshop. 

Got to editing more of Alliance. Finished chapter 14, and am well into chapter 15. Went through 7 pages of the ebook, and 11 pages of the print. 

Practiced my clarinet. Finished the Clarinet Solos book, Duke Ellington book, and started the Gershwin one. Played better than expected. Hopefully, I can keep this up for the rest of the week.  

Friday, October 18, 2019

19th of Tishri

The dishwasher stopped working on Tuesday. I tried to press the buttons to start a cycle, but the lights weren't coming on. It seemed to be totally disconnected from power. Sometimes it's a little fussy where we have to slam the door a few times to get it to work. That wasn't the case this time. Sometimes it just works itself out. It hasn't. This happened the day before my parent left for a conference in Spokane. I thought it was best to wait until she's back to have it repaired. I ended up hand washing all of the dishes that were in there (it was completely full), and have been washing the ones I've used throughout the day each day. It's a bit difficult with feeling so much pain this week (it's been worse) and my hands have been a little shaky. So far, so good with that, at least. I think hand washing gets things cleaner, but can be a hassle.

I decided I didn't like the new speaker, and set up my old speakers again. That new one was getting annoying, especially with it saying "connecting to..." or "ready to connect" so often. Not being able to control the volume was a deal-breaker for me. Couldn't actually turn it off unless it was low on battery power, either. The old speakers aren't great, but at least I can control the volume and there's no voice to them. I didn't put the floor sub-woofer back. Never really needed it. Hopefully, I can find decent speakers in the future. I probably won't get the bluetooth ones. 

Rosie been sick the last couple of days. She was sick just a couple of weeks ago, too. She's throwing up frequently throughout the day. She doesn't usually do it often. Constantly cleaning it up is tiring. I'm starting to get worried about it. She's also been hiding under my bed a lot. I half-thought it might be this 'new' batch of cat food. The bag was over-packed and smelled weird. However, she didn't start throwing up until a little over a week after she started eating it. I don't think that's the cause. Plus, Tasha's been fine. She sometimes takes food from the same bowls Rosie eats from. Maybe she's gotten into plastic again somehow? 

I also cleaned out some drawers in my room that were full of health documents, stuff I got from past Pride events, things from places I've visited, etc. I was searching for something, but didn't find it. It wasn't a waste, considering I got rid of a lot of things. I have more space now. 

Finished reading Hell's Kitchen. Technically, they didn't have the last 3 chapters available online. However, that covers a side-story. Even the last chapter I read said it was the end. It didn't feel like an ending. It was like they were about to start a new story arc. Something that sounded like it would be really interesting. It seemed like the creator had to end it earlier than they wanted to. I had this on-hold for a few years before finally being able to continue it recently. There were only around 30 chapters up for so long. It's 50 chapters long (53 if you count that side story). I'm glad I got the opportunity to finally finish it. It's one of my fave manga. 

I've technically finished Elder Scrolls: Blades. Finished all of the main quest and most of the side ones. I've even finished the special Halloween ones that came with the most recent update. The only things left now are the daily jobs and the Abyss. I can be rewarded through challenges based on either of those. I still haven't completely rebuilt the town yet. It's kind of lost its spark for me, now. I'll still play it, just not often. There's talk that they might add more to the main quest in the future, and there might be more holiday related ones. I like that they've decorated the town in Halloween decorations, turned it into night mode, and the music is different. That music is also holiday themed, of course. It seems like a giant spider threw up or exploded its webbing all over the place. There's snow, lots of jack-o-lanterns at shops, houses have candlelight glows coming from the windows, and there are thorny vines at the entrance gate. Interesting touches. 

Started watching Beastars yesterday. It's better than I expected. Really dark (darker than expected) and psychological. It's set in a world of anthropomorphic animals, with the herbivores and carnivores coexisting. The main character, Legosi, is a wolf who looks menacing, but has a very gentle heart. He's a student at Cherryton Academy and a member of the drama club. Many students fear and hate him because of his looks. During the first episode, one of his classmates is murdered by a carnivore. Some of the herbivores suspect him. I'm surprised that the use of CGI didn't look awful. There have been many lately that have tried to use it, but are really difficult on the eyes. Kimetsu no Yaiba was one of the few that used it well. Gave off more of a 3D feel. It wasn't throughout the whole thing, either. This one, I think, is using it in a similar way.  

Went through more of Duolingo's Dutch course. Made it through the Society unit today. Next is Business. Managed to edit more of Alliance. Finished chapter 13, and halfway through chapter 14. I've gone through 22 pages of the ebook and 32 pages of the print version this week. 

Youtube:

Gintama:

One Piece:

Naruto:

Kimetsu no Yaiba:

Tuesday, October 15, 2019

16th of Tishri

Those sweaters/sweatshirts I got last week have been really nice and comfy. I'm still waiting for one more sweater. That's expected to arrive by the end of the month. Supposedly, it's coming from China. The company's highly rated. I still think they're making it from scratch, and that's why it's going to take so long. It's a winter-like sweater, so I guess it's ok if it comes when it's even chillier. Looks really comfy. 

I also ordered a bra online. I get dysphoric going through the lingerie section in brick-and-mortar stores. I thought it'd be best to try online. I still need it, at least for support...Despite being so dysphoric about my chest. It's weird. It's like getting support for something that shouldn't be there. Anyways, online they have pics of models in them, which was weird, too. Not as bad as being at the store. I just quickly found the same size/style I have normally and ordered it. It was from Macy's. Got it in the mail Friday or Saturday. Not bad. It also was much cheaper than buying it there. Ended up being about $20 with shipping and tax. At the store, the bra itself is $40. This isn't counting tax and gas to get there. Didn't know it would be so much cheaper. Might be the best way to go.

Today's the 2nd day of Sukkot. Sukkot lasts for a week. It lit. means Booths. It's a harvest holiday where we build temporary hut-like structures, decorate them, eat all meals in them, some sleep in them, etc. We also shake a lulav and etrog in it. Both the lulav and etrog represent the 4 species. The lulav has a willow branch, date palm, and myrtle branch. The etrog is a type of citron similar to a lemon. There are many meanings behind the 'species'. One's for the 4 Hebrew letters in G-d's name. Another is masculine and feminine symbolism. Another is as parts of the body: etrog as the heart (place of understanding and wisdom), palm as the backbone (uprightness), myrtle as the eyes (enlightenment), and willow as the lips (prayer). Some interpret as different types of Jews being brought together. We shake them together in specific directions. That represents divine rule over nature, Jews around the world, bringing sukkot within, etc. It's supposed to be one of the most joyous holidays, where we're actually encouraged to be happy. It's interesting how we go from such a somber holiday like Yom Kippur to a holiday like this. 

The sukkah (singular for the 'booth' or hut) is decorated with all sorts of fall/harvest-related things usually. The decorations we'd use for ours in the past were pine cone strings, fake fruit, fake gourds, lavender, other flowers, and more. We also put out a lantern (like you would for camping) and tables and chairs. It has to have at least 3 sides, and can be made of pretty much any material. The roof must be open enough to be able to see the stars. Many people cover the roof with things like branches and leaves. Ours had 3 wooden lattice walls, a wooden frame, wooden slats for the 'roof', and tree boughs on top of that roof. My mom put it together from a kit. Another custom is to invite guests to dinners in it. It's a big hospitality thing, and those Sukkot guests are called ushpizin. (There's even an Israeli film of the same name, which is pretty good.) We often had people who weren't Jewish, friends and neighbors, eat with us. That was fun. I never slept in it, but some people do sleep in theirs during the holiday. I suppose if you brought sleeping bags and something to keep the bugs away, it'd be doable. It gets pretty cold at night this time of year, though. It's not really a secure structure, either. 

Got a bluetooth speaker this past weekend. I don't think I like it, and will most likely return it. One of the major issues is it can connect to my computer, but I can't control the sound from the speaker itself. That's a problem. It talks, too. I don't want something like that. Every time I turn it on it has to establish a connection to my computer, which takes time. Meanwhile, it tells me it's ready to connect every few seconds. It's frustrating, and I want something that just works. My old ones would cut out and make weird chugging noises every so often. Sometimes my computer couldn't read them. I realized later that that was a Windows update problem not my computer specifically. It worked itself out after one of the recent updates. The sound wasn't best either. (Even when it wasn't cutting out.) I might need to go back to those. At least, I can control the sound from them and they don't speak. I might just get a regular non-bluetooth based speaker(s). The only reason I wanted the bluetooth one was because I know it'll at least recognize it. I don't want to go back to possibly one of the future updates creating that error again. Oh, well.

Last Friday was National Coming Out Day. I don't think anyone comes out just once. If you meet new friends, date, or simply want to share who you are with others; you're constantly coming out. I first came out as ace in June 2015. Aro in October or November that year. Agender in May or June 2017. The worst reactions have been to the aro ace part and talking about wanting a qpr (queerplatonic relationship). I think telling some people that I have no gender is too scary, out there, or difficult to wrap their brains around. They think they understand what being aro ace is, and therefore have a say in it. There have been alloromantic (not aro, aka allo) ace activists that are arophobic or extremely ignorant about aros. All being aro ace means is I don't experience romantic and sexual attractions. No one makes me want to have sex or date them when I see them. This isn't a statement on how I or other aro and/or aces feel about having sex, our libido, dating, romantic gestures, etc. Everyone varies. It doesn't mean we can't or don't want to have sex (does not equal celibacy, which so many people think it does), it doesn't mean we don't want relationships (romantic or otherwise), doesn't mean we can't date, and more. I've been told, when I brought up wanting a qpr, that I should just get a dog instead. I'm sorry, but I want to be close to a human being this way. They clearly didn't understand it. It's not based on romance and sex like the standard (romantic) relationship is. The core focus of a qpr is on platonic attraction and emotional connection. Essentially, take out the romance and sex of those romantic relationships, and you have a qpr. If those 2 things are the only things in that relationship, I think it wouldn't be a healthy one. In a qpr, you can still have romantic and sexually coded things. It can be rivaling on the same level of closeness and commitment as romantic ones. Some people marry their partners (some call them squash, pumpkin, zucchini, and other vegetables), have kids together, live together, etc. for many reasons. By the way, next week is Asexual Awareness Week. Not sure if I'll do anything for it this year.

Made 2 things from recipes I found on Pinterest last night. Olive Garden Chicken Gnocchi Soup for dinner. I've never had the original Olive Garden version, so I can't compare them. I think it turned out great, though. It's got quite a lot of vegetables and protein. It's creamy, garlicky, and buttery. Wholesome comfort food that's perfect for this time of year. I found out ways to make it easier on myself, too. Real cooking (not just from a box) is exhausting for me, and my hands are painful and weird most of the time. The 'normal' level of fatigue I have because of my colitis makes it difficult, as well. They say that type of fatigue is common even when you're in remission. It's that way with most autoimmune diseases. The only things I had to chop/cut were the spinach and celery. Those are some of the easiest for me. Also, found frozen shredded chicken. I have made shredded chicken in the past, but it can be a hassle and takes time. I didn't notice until later, but they noted that you could cook the gnocchi in the soup instead of separately. I don't know why they didn't note that in the actual directions. It would have been less things to clean up. Cleaning up is a bit more difficult for me, but I managed to do it. Yay! 

I also made butterscotch fudge. It only had 2 ingredients: butterscotch chips and buttercream frosting. They have you melt the chips, mix that with the frosting, pour that mixture into a parchment-lined (I used wax paper) pan, and let it sit in the refrigerator for an hour to set. I accidentally burnt some of the chips. I forgot to stir them and do it in short intervals. I probably should have done it on the stove and not the microwave. I freaked out a little, but mixed it into the frosting anyways. It was really tough to cut into. The burnt bits might have actually made it better. They were like toffee pieces. The rest of it really did taste like fudge. Although, it didn't look pretty. That's ok. I might use this template for other flavors like chocolate, mint, vanilla, etc. I could add a small amount of nuts, too. I couldn't find a can of buttercream frosting like the recipe called for. So, I asked someone at the Safeway bakery about it. They said they sell their own by the pound there. I got a pound of it. I didn't use it all, but I think she gave me more than a pound. I might have barely gotten through half of it with what I used for the fudge, which was 14 oz. She didn't charge extra for it. Maybe she wanted to be generous? I don't know what I'll do with the rest of it. Looking it up, it doesn't last long. (2 weeks at most.) Might throw it away, but seems like a waste. She was the one that gave me so much, though...I noticed I might not be able to have a full serving of the fudge. Had 1/2 of one last night, and it was a lot. It was like a blast of sugar. Hopefully, it'll last a while. However, knowing the frosting doesn't last long, I don't know. 

Studied more Dutch from Duolingo today and yesterday. Finished the Looks unit, and am almost through the Science 1 one. Still have quite a few units left of this course. Good, because I'm unsure which language I'll start next. Still in the Ruby League.

Messed around with drawing folds in Junko's clothes. I'll pick the ones I liked the most next time, and go over everything with a pen. Edited more of Alliance today and yesterday. Got through chapter 12 and close to halfway through chapter 13 today. Went through 8 pages of the ebook version, and 12 pages of the print. 

A few days ago, I had a lot of ideas pop up about designing an author card (I recently thought about making one, but need to finish editing stuff at least first) and trailers for my books on Youtube. They came to me in the middle of the night. Kind of annoying, but I still wrote them down. I hadn't thought much about the trailers. I think I tried to make one in the past for Sweet Endless Terror, but I didn't know what to do with it. I now have ideas on that and others. For that one, first, I can draw one thing related to every story (there are 12 short stories). I already have 2 drawings I can mess with to fit 2 of those stories. That being a skull and knife. Other drawings would be things like a ribbon, heart (anatomically correct one), a galaxy or other space related thing, etc. I might pick one quote from each story to share in its part, and use the music provided by Youtube. Some sort of haunting/horror theme. With the first Alliance book, I can pick various quotes, might use some of my pics of nature and/or stock fantasy based pics, and again use music from Youtube. The sequel could be interesting to do, too. It might be similar. With my memoir, I could have pics related to each section, meanings and quotes from them, and music provided by Youtube. With the cookbook, I could use some of the pics I've taken of things I've made from it, a few recipes, maybe the intro, and some sort of theme music from Youtube. Seems like I could do a lot with them. I have a much better computer now, too. 

Monday, October 7, 2019

National Noodle Day!

This holiday was yesterday. I love noodles! The only type I don't care for are cellophane noodles. Haven't had it in a while, so that may have changed. There are so many different kinds out there. It was also National German-American Heritage Day and Mad Hatter Day yesterday. 

Did quite a bit of shopping over the weekend. I only have 2 good shirts for fall, and one semi-good one that's really old and thinning out. That last one used to be good for winter, because it was thick and fuzzy. (I think it's fleece? Not sure.) Anyways, on Saturday, I looked at Amazon for more fall/winter shirts. I never seem to find very many styles I like at local malls and such. Plus, shirts are usually short here. I like tunic-length. My torso is really long, and tunic-length usually covers me well. I also have broad shoulders, and looking mainly in the 'women's' section makes it a bit more challenging. 

I found 7 good looking sweaters/sweatshirts. All are tunic-length and long-sleeved. More than I expected. They'll really help. Only one seems to be winter-like. I'll have to look for more winter ones in the future, but this is a big step. I can probably use some of the fall stuff in the winter, if I put a heavy coat on and/or hoodie. I still need to look for a coat. My current one is really old, falling apart, doesn't have a lining anymore, etc. 

They all look really comfy. In fact, some of the reviewers said they felt so nice and soft, they didn't want to take them off. Some of them are made to be oversized. As long as I'm not swimming in them, it seems like that would be nice. I like that they all had the measurements for the sizes. Might even be more accurate this way than guessing at a brick-and-mortar store. For some things I was a medium, if I wanted them somewhat snug. (This surprised me...I used to be much bigger.) So, I ordered those as a large to have it a little looser. The others are extra-large. I tried to order the next bigger size with those, too. Just to make sure. If they don't fit, I can return them. Just have to keep that in mind. 

4 of them are coming today. Really fast! I got 2 already. Both are from Amazon Essentials. I thought it was cool that they have their own line that's pretty cheap. One's a burgundy crew-neck T-shirt. The other's a v-neck camel heather sweater. They're simple, but simple is good and basic. Something I needed. The other 2 things that are coming are both sweatshirts. Both have pockets, which wasn't what I was looking for, but I'll take it. One of them is purple, and the other is khaki with gold trim. I thought it'd be good to get a variety of colors. I'll try on those 4 shirts when I get them all.

2 more are coming tomorrow. One's a red wine with silver stripes (thick one across the chest, and 2 at the elbows) sweater. Kind of reminds me of my college's, WSU, colors: grey and crimson. That'll be cool. The 2nd's a cable crew-neck sweater in charcoal heather. 

The last one is a loose and chunky turtleneck sweater in beige. It looks the most comfy and winter-like. It apparently won't arrive until the end of the month. This makes me think that it might be handmade and they only start making it when you order, which would be interesting. 

Sunday, we mostly did grocery shopping. I want to get more into making recipes from Pinterest, and planning the week's dinners in advance. I forgot to look at recipes before we went out, but I'll look soon. Have to see what we have of whatever recipe I decide on next, then make a list of the stuff I'd need. It's actually cheaper than getting premade meals, boxed stuff, etc. A lot of them are packed with more nutrients, too. Also, have more control over what goes into it. If I make a full recipe of something with many servings, I might need to freeze some of them to keep them 'fresh'. I'm hoping to convert most recipes into 1 or 2 servings, though. Might be more difficult with crockpot-based ones. Those might keep better. We'll see. 

Finished the Suffix unit and am halfway through the University unit for Duolingo's Dutch course. I think I only did it once last week. Hopefully, It'll be better this week. Still in the Ruby League. 

Finally went back to drawing Junko. I was frustrated with how she was turning out. Looking back at it today, it didn't seem as bad as I thought. I drew her clothes and erased some extra lines this time. Next, I'll add folds in the fabric and maybe fine-tune her clothes more. 

Edited more of Alliance. Finished going through chapter 11, and well into chapter 12. Went through 7 pages of the ebook, and 11 pages of the print. A lot in such a short time. 

Practiced my clarinet. I haven't done it for probably 2 weeks. Nice to get back to it. I played Mozart this time. Almost finished the book. There's just one more piece. 

Friday, October 4, 2019

5th of Tishri

This is my wallpaper for October. It's Gilbert or Gil, who's sometimes referred to as Raven (because of his 'chain'), from Pandora Hearts. This seemed Halloween-like. Pandora Hearts as a series fits well with the holiday. It's loosely based on Alice and Wonderland, complex, some horror, and very dark. The anime didn't really do it justice. I might switch it to something else halfway through the month. 

The month-long holidays for October are: National Apple Month, National Caramel Month, National Pasta Month, National Pretzel Month, Bat Appreciation Month, LGBTQ+ History Month, German-American Heritage Month, National Cookbook Month, Spinach Lovers Month. Some are for important causes, some are to make you appreciate things you may take for granted, and some are just for fun.

Rosh Hashanah was Sunday night until Tuesday night. It was our New Year (lit. translated to Head [of] the Year), and the first month is Tishri. For RH, we eat honey and sweet things for a sweet year. We eat round challah (an egg bread), which has many meanings. One of them that I like is that it represents the life cycle. Time isn't truly linear in Judaism. Instead, it goes in cycles. We're just starting another one. There are also things like Tu B'Shevat which is the New Year for the Trees. There are technically 4 'New Years', but RH is the main one. I 'attended' the 1st night and 1st morning/afternoon services online. Central Synagogue in NYC live-streamed it all, like their Shabbat ones. It's also the start of the High Holy Days or Days of Awe. That goes for 10 days, and ends with Yom Kippur or Day of Atonement. During those 10 days, it's supposed to be a time of deep introspection, asking forgiveness, how we can better ourselves and the community, and more. The day after RH ends is a minor fast day called the Fast of Gedaliah. I've never observed it, and can't even if I wanted to. I did eat less than usual on Wednesday, though. Some people think it's a warm-up fast day for YK, but it's really remembering the assassination of Gedaliah, who was a governor of Judah. YK is considered to be the most important holiday on the Jewish calendar. It's considered the Shabbat of Shabats. (Shabbat being our day of rest.) We're supposed to fast from sunset to sunset. 25 hours. It doesn't just mean no food, but also no drinks, gum, etc. I can't fast because of my meds and colitis. They say if it'll harm your health, it'll be a sin if you do so anyways. I still feel guilty about it almost every year. Children are also exempt from fasting. 

The elements calendar features copper this time. There's a mini periodic table made out of pure copper, copper in bullion form, a weave chain made out of wired copper, and a brass, which is a copper alloy, ring. It's a very useful element. 

I looked at the test results that recently came back. The x-rays appeared normal. Even though my hands certainly don't seem normal. The lumps are soft tissue-based then, which is better than them being something like calcium deposits. My fingers look more twisted, but they said it looked fine in the x-ray...Pretty much everything but one test came back as normal or negative. The ANCA titer was a strong positive. They said the pattern may suggest 2 rare diseases, but other aspects might go along with IBD (Inflammatory Bowel Disease), and a couple of other autoimmune diseases. He did warn me that it might pick up on my colitis and be positive that way. The scleroderma blood test noted that getting a negative result doesn't necessarily rule it out. ~20% of patients with scleroderma have positive results for that one. That seems like a small amount. They suggested other tests to try. I'm thinking of asking about those in an email to my rheumatologist. I still haven't made a dermatology appointment, and they might order more tests. My rheum. told me depending on the results, my next office appointment with him would be in 6 months. If the scleroderma test had come back positive, he would have made a phone appointment. He also briefly mentioned lupus and how he didn't want to start treatment for that before they tested for other things. I don't think that's what it is, but at least he seems to be trying to help me. Hopefully, he'll agree to running those other tests.

I've also been getting weird red fluid filled sacs in my mouth. They're not particularly painful, but annoying and a little off-putting. One of the most recent ones showed up right next to where the jaws hinge together in my right cheek. Really far back there. I thought it was a wad of food or something. That's kind of kept me from enjoying food, and deciding to eat less on Wednesday. Most of the time those sacs show up on my lip. The area inside that rubs against my teeth. They end up popping after a while (probably from the rubbing), letting out stuff, and leaving behind craters. I don't think the one near my jaws has popped yet. Although, it does taste weird sometimes. 

I apparently am going to be a social media and camera person for the local trans group. I'm going to create Instagram and twitter accounts for the group. They already have 2 facebook groups. 1 public page, and 1 secret group. Those are essentially covered. There are admins and mods there, and quite a few active people. We just don't have any other social media presence. Not everyone uses facebook. We can't even access the old website, for a variety of reasons. One of the facilitators is going to create a group email account, then I'll create the Instragram and twitter accounts with that. Nice I won't have to use my personal email. I'll also ask members of the secret group on fb, once I've created those other accounts, if they have other social media suggestions. I think these are the main 3 that are the most popular, but I'd still want input. I'll create an image for Instagram to share every time we have a meeting coming up, and maybe one for when the facilitators won't be available (that's rare). With twitter, I could just type that out. I'll create images for events and other announcements, too. I can take pics of the group at special events, like Pride or ones that we create, and post them to those accounts. Of course, I'll ask people before I take the pics if they're cool with being in them. That's important. We could have a record of what the group has participated in this way. I'm thinking of also posting things that are trans related, possibly memes and articles, there as well. That way those accounts can still seem active. We only have 2 or 3 meetings a month. It might be nice to see things in between. I love taking pics, and since I'll be taking them, I might not be in a lot of them. I'm happy with that. Oh and I'll mention if people want the location, they'll have to pm those accounts. It's a safety issue if the exact address is listed publicly. We might need to change to a different room anyways, since a class was meeting Wednesday night in our room at that time. We thought it was cleared up already, but they might need to be 'reminded' every quarter. It's at a college currently. 

Finished watching Kimetsu no Yaiba. The animation was amazing! Apparently, the next story arc will be a movie. They ended it with them making it on a train for their next mission. Only Zenitsu knew what a train was. It takes place during the Taisho period (1912-1926). Tanjirou grew up in the mountains and Inosuke is used to living in the forests. So, of course they aren't going to know much about it. Inosuke thought it was some sort of demon and tried to attack it as soon as he saw it. It's interesting that they sneak in some of the modernization and cultural shifts that were going on at the time. Hopefully, there will be another actual season after that. There were a lot of twists and turns. 

Finished watching the last season of Fairy Tail. It was ok. Somehow the last season didn't seem as great as the previous ones. Fairy Tail's manga started in 2006 and ended in 2017. The anime started in 2009. It's had a lot of breaks between seasons. A lot of people thought the last battle ended too soon and too easily. However, Natsu had the power of all the dragon slayers against that final villain. That was a huge power-up. Some made fun of it because the magic coming off of him at that point was rainbow colored. Saying it was too 'gay' or something. I don't mind the idea of LGBTQ+ community defeating the most powerful villain...I'm surprised they didn't say it looked more like a Power Rangers thing. People also didn't like the idea of friendship giving them boosts. Like friendship is magic. As corny as it sounds, I like that, though. I felt that they considered the guild members as family, not just friends. In fact, the series mentioned that numerous times. That's a stronger type of bond to me. Many fans were pissed off that Natsu and Lucy didn't kiss at the end. I have a feeling Natsu might be aro ace. Lucy obviously isn't. She expected him to kiss her at the end, too. Instead he said that they'll be best friends forever. That was pretty awesome in my view. Many stories that have a boy and girl as protagonists make them end up as a romantic couple. This was a good break from that. They seemed to hint at another season at the end. Even though this was supposed to be it. I don't think I'll watch it if there is.

Finished watching Darr Sabko Lagta Hai or Everybody Feels Fear on Netflix. I liked it overall. Some of it was overacted, corny, and low-budget. Some of the stories were based on Hindu mythology, and others on Indian culture in general. That was really interesting. The 'scariness' was more psychological. Each episode ended with an uneasiness and hints the story never actually ended. I thought that was a smart way of doing it. The last story was the goriest and most brutal. I didn't like that one as much as the others. 

Started watching the 2nd season of Radiant and Ascendance of a Bookworm. I still find it interesting that Radiant is an adaptation of a French manga. There are hints of French culture, history, and humor in it. Ascendance of a Bookworm is another isekai (different world) anime. This genre seems to just be getting more popular every season. It's about a librarian who absolutely loves books. She died one day, but as she was about to she begged that in her next life she'd be able to read all the books she wanted to. Reminds me of that Twilight Zone episode where a man who loves books ends up in a post-apocalyptic world with just books around him, however his glasses break. So, he can't read any of them. She woke up to find that she was reincarnated as a frail little girl. In their world, there are no book stores. Only the very rich can afford books. Each copy is made by hand. Very similar to what it was like before the printing press in our world. Most people in theirs are illiterate. The only thing they can read are numbers for things like prices. She did find one book, but the shopkeeper wouldn't let her touch it. It was too valuable and her reaction was too suspicious. She's decided to write and make her own books instead. Haven't gotten to it, but apparently she has some sort of magical powers in that world. I tried another isekai yesterday, but couldn't stand more than 5 minutes of it. 

Started watching The Truth Seekers on Netflix. It's a Singaporean detective drama, mainly in Mandarin (there's a little English and Japanese). It's aka Cold Case Investigators. Bai Qingxiong, a veteran cop, creates a detective agency that specializes in solving cold cases. He was tired of not bringing closure to the families of the victims in such cases. At the moment, they meet at a Japanese restaurant that his wife owns. Looking at the opening, it seems like they might get an actual place for it eventually. Each case might affect them personally. In this first one, one of the detectives, Huang Yuyang, was in a relationship with the main suspect briefly. That main suspect was actually the one that hired them to solve the case. I guessed right on who the real killer was. Yay! It looks like the main suspect from that case (he wasn't the killer) will join them. A couple of the actors look familiar. I haven't watched too many Singaporean dramas, but I looked up one of the actors and he was in Against the Tide. It'd make sense that I'd remember him since he played a main character.

Youtube:

One Piece:


Dr. Stone:

Kimetsu no Yaiba: