Rosh Chodesh Av was on the 24th. There's only 2 holidays during this month. One is a fast day and considered one of the saddest days. I might go into it more on or around that day. The other one is supposed to be one of the happiest days.
A few days ago, I was selling a bunch of stuff I had accumulated on Gaia. I really needed to clean up my inventory, and it's a great way to make gold. I like to use their 'dumpster dive' to not only find interesting stuff, but to sell expensive things I don't want. It's kind of a 2-for-1 thing. A lot of that stuff people actually buy real money for, but you can get it for free (if you're lucky) or a gold amount on the market that has other users selling stuff. If you know the system, it's great. I always sell stuff just a little less than the lowest price it's being sold at. It helps a lot. I've been selling things pretty quickly, and have made about 6 billion gold in that amount of time.
Anyways, someone pm'd me asking if I could lower the price of something by a lot. Not only do I try to go lower than the market is selling them, but I usually have the option as buy only. Once it is listed, I can't change the price. It's fixed. People can choose the options of bid, timed bid, barter, barter among their friends, etc. Those are more fluid. Plus, with lowering it by so far, I'd cheapen myself. It sold while I was asleep anyways.
She later pm'd me asking to be my friend. Saying we had a lot in common. I thought: sure, I might as well. I don't really know them, and it'd be nice to have another friend on there. The first post of hers was super long. It looked like a wall of text. Me being someone who wants to get to know others more tried to respond with as much as I could. I either write very little or a lot, depending on who I'm talking to. With every post, hers seemed to get longer. I felt I don't have time for that sort of stuff. She also repeated herself word for word several times. Almost like she was copying and pasting. That seemed suspicious in itself.
She said she was 18, and joined Gaia when she was 10. Gaia doesn't let anyone join unless they're 13+. A lot of the stuff can be too much for kids younger than that. Even then, some of the items can be very mature. I've been surprised sometimes. She said she loved my blog, even though she just found me. Yes, my blog is listed on my profile, but she couldn't have had the time to read much of it. She went on and on about her depression. Don't get me wrong. I understand and am cool with talking about it, but at some point you should talk about something else...Also, bringing G-d into it felt strange.
I later looked at her profile. The background had warnings about 3rd party viewers or something. She had a HUGE wishlist. Took up about half of her profile. There wasn't much info on her. Oh, I think I tried to check her profile before we were friends, but only friends could see it. There wasn't really anything to hide...I looked at her forum posts, and noticed she was posting every single day for several hours at a time, and every minute during that in a giveaway thread. You can't post every minute on there. There's a time limit between posts that you can't post a thing until it's up. It's like 5 minutes each time. It's supposed to keep spammers away. Plus, that seems weird to me. I understand trying to get items that way, but that's overkill.
I think she was fishing for info from me. I only told her things I'm willing to share with most people. Not like I gave her my address. I'm glad I stopped responding after I realized, and blocked her. If she's reading this, and it was a real account, I'm sorry. It just seemed too fishy for me. Reading/writing that much every time, for a conversation, was a bit much. So, hopefully, I wont get an angry comment. At least, I'll be the only one who sees it (I have it set to moderate comments before publishing), and I can block her on here if need be.
Lately, I've been getting a lot of likes/follows for my Alliance fb page. That's been really cool. A couple are from the Philippines, one's British (they actually liked Sweet Endless Terror, too), one's from South Africa, and I think another one's Nigerian. All these in the last couple of weeks. Sounds like they're from all over. Makes it more interesting.
I tried to make a meetup group for the local ace group. I went through the whole process of setting up an account for myself, then looked into making one. Apparently, it costs each month to make your own group on there. I could somewhat understand if we already had several members that were regulars offline, and we were taking dues or donations. The offline group hasn't been active, so there's no money for this sort of thing. That's kind of why I wanted to make a group on there in the first place. To get more members...I'll look into other sites that are similar but free in the future. I'm disappointed with meetup now.
I've kept up with writing both the sequel to Alliance and the memoir. I'm doing both each day now. I think I'm writing them about twice as fast as before this way. Makes me happy. Although, this means I essentially have to think twice as much while I write, too. Thinking about it while typing is the same as before, but then I have to think about the other one sooner. I'm trying to take a break between them, so I don't burn out.
Recently, it seemed Netflix had completely wiped my list off. That list that is really long, but full of interesting international stuff. So, I decided to redownload it. It wouldn't except the password I had. A couple of days later, I tried it again with a slightly different password and got in. All of the things on my list were still there. Yay! I've decided that I might treat myself with a show of some sort after I finish writing for the day. Most recent ones I've started have been a Belgian detective show called The Break, and another Singaporean detective show called Against the Tide. Both have been surprisingly good.
The Against the Tide one is about a famous mystery/fictional crime author. He's fascinated with psychology and studied a little of it in college. Apparently, in the current case, a murderer is copying everything from one of his books. There's also a psychologist who's helping with the case. Her client was killed. She seems like she's a main character. She finds criminals interesting, and tries to find out why they act the way they do. There are actual detectives, too. Ones a huge fan of the author, and the other seems like a real jerk. I hope they change that in the future. It loosely reminds me of Castle. I feel his look has a similar vibe to it, too.
The Break seems to be about a detective who goes to extremes to get answers. No one else seemed to be into the current case. (Except for his partner.) They kept labeling it a suicide. One of the characters has a ton of Nazi memorabilia. He might be the culprit. They also keep flashing to the future where he's talking to a therapist, and he seems to be involuntarily stuck there. Something big happened.
Finished watching Uchouten Kazoku 2 or The Eccentric Family 2. I ended up not liking Benten as much as before. She always had a dangerous side. She turned out to be bitchy, too. And, not in a good way. Yasaburou, one of the main tanuki brothers, was going to be cooked into a hotpot. Same thing happened to their father. He ended up being saved, and the humans in the Friday club that held that dinner annually, will most likely never be able to do it again. Yasaburou finally agreed to marrying Kaisei. She looks much younger than him. It seems a little weird that way. The only thing that kept him from agreeing was every time he'd see her, he'd transform from his human form back to his original tanuki form. In their culture, they say if this happens they're made for each other. He has an extreme case of it, though. It's usually not every time. The grandma was so cute. She was just a giant white ball of fluffy fur with a head that almost disappeared. She seemed to always be tired, and would take frequent naps. I think she lived in the forest.
Youtube:
Kuroshitsuji (these are either just making fun of it in a lighthearted way, or making some already funny scenes even funnier):
Gintama:
Wednesday, July 26, 2017
Sunday, July 23, 2017
National Hot Dog Day!
Yay for hot dogs! I like beef Polish sausage hot dogs the most. Unless they say it's beef, I won't eat hot dogs while I'm out at a picnic or something. I like to put ketchup, honey mustard, and relish on mine usually. Sometimes I'll use BBQ sauce instead of ketchup and mustard. Makes it more 'bold' tasting. I also love chili cheese dogs. Today's the last day of Tammuz. Tomorrow's the start of Av or Rosh Chodesh Av.
Had another person request to join the local ace group. This time it's someone who's apparently older than me with 4 kids. According to her profile, I think it said she's 44. Very interesting. Recently getting a 15 year old, and now a 44 year old. I like that. Makes it more diverse age-wise. So, now we're up to 16 members. Wahoo! I plan to make a Meetup group, too. It'll be the same thing, but more people might see that. I hope we get more than just me at the next meeting on Saturday. It'll actually feel like a group.
Still moving along with writing the sequel to Alliance and the memoir. Almost up to 55 pages for the memoir, and close to 45 for the sequel. Thinking about them in paperback form, it's basically twice as much for both. That's not bad. Not sure how long either of these will be. I actually wrote some more of the sequel today, even though I had planned to make Sunday an edit day.
I think I'm going to change how I've been writing these. I might write both for each day, instead of switching them every other day. So before, I'd write as much as I could for the memoir one day, as much as I could for the sequel the next, and so on. This time I'll write as much as I can for one, and then later in the day write what I can for the other. I might progress much faster for both. Especially because some days I didn't get to one, so I had more time with the other. That's probably one of the reasons why the memoir is so much further ahead. I'm thinking about worrying about the editing and fleshing out stuff more after I'm done writing them. It might take less time this way. I don't know. We'll see how this goes.
A few days ago was the 20th anniversary of One Piece. That's when the manga started. The anime started a couple of years later. It's one of the most popular manga/anime series. I recently hit the 300th episode mark. Although, I've been skipping the 'filler' episodes. Currently, the anime is close to 800 episodes. So, I still have a ways to go. I actually like it. I didn't think I would. It feels like it was influenced by Gulliver's Travels, the Odyssey, and various stories of legendary pirates. Pirates like Blackbeard, who they actually refer to. It's very interesting. Each island has had a different culture and weather. It still makes it even better that the mangaka (the creator) said during an interview that Luffy is aro ace. Luffy is the main character. The mangaka said he's not sexually or romantically interested in anyone. He only cares about food and adventure. He thinks of his crew/friends as family. That's pretty awesome representation to me. He's smarter than he seems, too.
Yesterday, a cashier at Safeway turned to me and asked: "How are you, babe?" This was odd. I can understand things like hun and sweetie. However, a stranger calling me babe...Usually people say that to babies or partners. I call Rosie babe or babes sometimes, but that's because she's my fur baby. Maybe really close relatives do it, too. So, it felt like they were either infantilizing me or sexualizing me. Either way, it's not good. On top of this, it was really warm, and the elderly lady behind me was so close I could smell her perfume and breath. Neither were very pleasant. I couldn't move from where I was. Lovely, just lovely.
I've kept up with being within my calorie range. I usually have Saturday as an anything goes type of day. I don't track it then. I wouldn't necessarily call it a cheat day. That makes it sound negative. I do remember reading something a while back that people need at least one day where they can treat themselves each week. It's healthier, and still helps people lose weight if that's what they want. I did that, and that's still keeping to my 'plan'. I don't think I actually went over, though. I've been averaging in the high 1300s. I'm trying to shoot for the 1400 mark, because it's right in the middle of the range. I think since I started this back up, I've only hit that once. I guess I don't normally eat much.
I played my clarinet once last week. I hope to get back into it soon. I noticed it has been so long that my mouth muscles hurt afterwards. They seemed to stop working at a certain point. It's difficult to play then, because it doesn't create a perfect seal or embouchure. The air just leaks out. Also, there are certain movements with the mouth that are hard to do if you can't move your muscles. It's kind of sad. I could only play for about 30 minutes before it hurt too much to play. Not used to that. I did get to play some klezmer, so that was a nice plus. Didn't sound too bad, as well.
Had another person request to join the local ace group. This time it's someone who's apparently older than me with 4 kids. According to her profile, I think it said she's 44. Very interesting. Recently getting a 15 year old, and now a 44 year old. I like that. Makes it more diverse age-wise. So, now we're up to 16 members. Wahoo! I plan to make a Meetup group, too. It'll be the same thing, but more people might see that. I hope we get more than just me at the next meeting on Saturday. It'll actually feel like a group.
Still moving along with writing the sequel to Alliance and the memoir. Almost up to 55 pages for the memoir, and close to 45 for the sequel. Thinking about them in paperback form, it's basically twice as much for both. That's not bad. Not sure how long either of these will be. I actually wrote some more of the sequel today, even though I had planned to make Sunday an edit day.
I think I'm going to change how I've been writing these. I might write both for each day, instead of switching them every other day. So before, I'd write as much as I could for the memoir one day, as much as I could for the sequel the next, and so on. This time I'll write as much as I can for one, and then later in the day write what I can for the other. I might progress much faster for both. Especially because some days I didn't get to one, so I had more time with the other. That's probably one of the reasons why the memoir is so much further ahead. I'm thinking about worrying about the editing and fleshing out stuff more after I'm done writing them. It might take less time this way. I don't know. We'll see how this goes.
A few days ago was the 20th anniversary of One Piece. That's when the manga started. The anime started a couple of years later. It's one of the most popular manga/anime series. I recently hit the 300th episode mark. Although, I've been skipping the 'filler' episodes. Currently, the anime is close to 800 episodes. So, I still have a ways to go. I actually like it. I didn't think I would. It feels like it was influenced by Gulliver's Travels, the Odyssey, and various stories of legendary pirates. Pirates like Blackbeard, who they actually refer to. It's very interesting. Each island has had a different culture and weather. It still makes it even better that the mangaka (the creator) said during an interview that Luffy is aro ace. Luffy is the main character. The mangaka said he's not sexually or romantically interested in anyone. He only cares about food and adventure. He thinks of his crew/friends as family. That's pretty awesome representation to me. He's smarter than he seems, too.
Yesterday, a cashier at Safeway turned to me and asked: "How are you, babe?" This was odd. I can understand things like hun and sweetie. However, a stranger calling me babe...Usually people say that to babies or partners. I call Rosie babe or babes sometimes, but that's because she's my fur baby. Maybe really close relatives do it, too. So, it felt like they were either infantilizing me or sexualizing me. Either way, it's not good. On top of this, it was really warm, and the elderly lady behind me was so close I could smell her perfume and breath. Neither were very pleasant. I couldn't move from where I was. Lovely, just lovely.
I've kept up with being within my calorie range. I usually have Saturday as an anything goes type of day. I don't track it then. I wouldn't necessarily call it a cheat day. That makes it sound negative. I do remember reading something a while back that people need at least one day where they can treat themselves each week. It's healthier, and still helps people lose weight if that's what they want. I did that, and that's still keeping to my 'plan'. I don't think I actually went over, though. I've been averaging in the high 1300s. I'm trying to shoot for the 1400 mark, because it's right in the middle of the range. I think since I started this back up, I've only hit that once. I guess I don't normally eat much.
I played my clarinet once last week. I hope to get back into it soon. I noticed it has been so long that my mouth muscles hurt afterwards. They seemed to stop working at a certain point. It's difficult to play then, because it doesn't create a perfect seal or embouchure. The air just leaks out. Also, there are certain movements with the mouth that are hard to do if you can't move your muscles. It's kind of sad. I could only play for about 30 minutes before it hurt too much to play. Not used to that. I did get to play some klezmer, so that was a nice plus. Didn't sound too bad, as well.
Monday, July 17, 2017
23rd of Tammuz 5777
Last night, I went back to being more strict about keeping to my set calorie range. I've noticed when I don't care, I sometimes go below the minimum for the day. I'm surprised, because you'd think I'd eat much more calories than my max that way. Occasionally, I do this way, but not as often. My range is 1200-1600 calories a day. I usually split this into 4 or 5 meals. It's like a big game to me. You're only allowed a certain amount of calories, but you have to use a certain amount at minimum. Makes it fun. I think this has helped me lose the most weight in the past. Although, the colitis helped a lot with that, too. I'm apparently losing weight again already, but I find this to be my 'healthy' range. I also try to factor in the nutrition I need. For one thing, I actually need more protein than the norm, but it can be a challenge if I eat this way. It's challenging normally, too. I use My Fitness Pal's app to know the calories and nutrition as I go throughout the day. A great tool this way.
I finished watching Seikaisuru Kado or the Right Answer: Kado. I liked most of it. Very thought provoking. I didn't really like where they went with it, and the finale wasn't great. The whole thing was essentially about negotiating with an alien. He was obsessed with learning about humans, and gathering as much info as he can in general. He gave 'gifts' to the humans. Many people didn't think he had ulterior motives with them. He just gave it to them to 'advance' humanity. The problem is, he really wanted to advance humans so much that they could go back to his dimension with him. He was so lonely. Apparently, his kind were the ones that created humans and basically all dimensions/universes. There are very few of them. He referred to those universes as cocoons. Only one out of an infinite number was able to create beings that had a thirst for knowledge (in a nutshell). Those beings were us, and he referred to us as a gold thread of that cocoon. Very interesting concepts. When Shindo refused to go with him to his dimension, he said he'd take him and humanity by force. He became crazy at some point. Making numerous copies of Shindo, but realizing none of them could ever replace the original. He tried to kill the original a few times. I didn't really like that they made Saraka, who seemed to be a minor character for a while, into being another one of those aliens. She was basically undercover until then. After that, it seemed they veered away from the negotiation stuff, which made it unique and interesting. Instead, the main alien and Shindo ended up fighting, and both died. I think there was definitely a way around Shindo dying. They certainly made you feel for that alien. So, I'm a bit conflicted with this one.
Wrote more of the memoir. I thought I had lost the whole chapter last time. Luckily, I was able to recover it. I think I'm close to finishing this chapter, now. It'll probably be one of the shortest chapters. As I was writing this one, I had many memories of my mom's food. I might make one of those dishes soon. That was spaghetti, garlic and tomato-based pasta sauce, garbanzo beans, and Normandy vegetables (frozen medley of cauliflower, broccoli, and sliced yellow and regular carrots). Sometimes she'd use another bean and/or vegetable. She'd mix all these together. She'd make enough of this to feed an army. We'd add parmesan to it on the plate. I liked it a lot. Haven't had it in years, and it's really simple. Somewhat healthy, with being full of vegetables and protein.
Youtube:
Kuroshitsuji:
Fairy Tail:
Mob Psycho 100:
Bleach:
I finished watching Seikaisuru Kado or the Right Answer: Kado. I liked most of it. Very thought provoking. I didn't really like where they went with it, and the finale wasn't great. The whole thing was essentially about negotiating with an alien. He was obsessed with learning about humans, and gathering as much info as he can in general. He gave 'gifts' to the humans. Many people didn't think he had ulterior motives with them. He just gave it to them to 'advance' humanity. The problem is, he really wanted to advance humans so much that they could go back to his dimension with him. He was so lonely. Apparently, his kind were the ones that created humans and basically all dimensions/universes. There are very few of them. He referred to those universes as cocoons. Only one out of an infinite number was able to create beings that had a thirst for knowledge (in a nutshell). Those beings were us, and he referred to us as a gold thread of that cocoon. Very interesting concepts. When Shindo refused to go with him to his dimension, he said he'd take him and humanity by force. He became crazy at some point. Making numerous copies of Shindo, but realizing none of them could ever replace the original. He tried to kill the original a few times. I didn't really like that they made Saraka, who seemed to be a minor character for a while, into being another one of those aliens. She was basically undercover until then. After that, it seemed they veered away from the negotiation stuff, which made it unique and interesting. Instead, the main alien and Shindo ended up fighting, and both died. I think there was definitely a way around Shindo dying. They certainly made you feel for that alien. So, I'm a bit conflicted with this one.
Wrote more of the memoir. I thought I had lost the whole chapter last time. Luckily, I was able to recover it. I think I'm close to finishing this chapter, now. It'll probably be one of the shortest chapters. As I was writing this one, I had many memories of my mom's food. I might make one of those dishes soon. That was spaghetti, garlic and tomato-based pasta sauce, garbanzo beans, and Normandy vegetables (frozen medley of cauliflower, broccoli, and sliced yellow and regular carrots). Sometimes she'd use another bean and/or vegetable. She'd mix all these together. She'd make enough of this to feed an army. We'd add parmesan to it on the plate. I liked it a lot. Haven't had it in years, and it's really simple. Somewhat healthy, with being full of vegetables and protein.
Youtube:
Kuroshitsuji:
Fairy Tail:
Mob Psycho 100:
Bleach:
Sunday, July 16, 2017
International Non-Binary People's Day!
This holiday was on Friday. It's to celebrate non-binary people, what we contribute to the world, and awareness of the issues we face. The person who started it chose this day because it's right in between International Men's Day and International Women's Day. They found out that the date in numerology equals 3. So, another meaning for non-binary people. I think they mentioned that we're often lumped in with women, but we aren't women. Another way to refer to someone who's non-binary is nb or enby. I kind of like enby. It sounds cute. Also, the plural form is enbies, which is better than writing out or saying the whole 'non-binary people (or genders)' thing. There are so many more genders under this umbrella term. Agender people fall under it simply because we're neither man nor woman. We're still outside the binary. There are also other genders like genderfluid, demigender, bigender, pangender, and so much more.
There are apparently subcategories under agender that I'm just starting to learn about. Really interesting stuff. Even with just looking at it from an anthropological standpoint, let alone for myself. I'm starting to watch more youtube vids and read more about enbies in general. I've also come across some nasty hate towards them. Not directed specifically at me, but I recently read an article by a TERF. TERFs are Trans-Esclusionary Radical Feminists, often shortened to rad-fem's. They aren't real feminists, and they're extremely hurtful to trans people in general. They think trans men are somehow betraying them, and trans women are 'forcing' their way into women's spaces. It gets a lot nastier. That's very mild compared to some of the horror stories I've read.
Anyways, I hadn't read anything on how they view enbies specifically. It was really bizarre. It wasn't particularly nasty, but was quite rude and seemed to try and invalidate them. They used quotations every time they wrote out non-binary, trans, and other identities. (Made the article look even more messed up.) Saying that enbies make the "trans" community look bad. That the ones who were afab (assigned female at birth) are just confused. Like, they don't know there are many different types of women out there. Why not be a tomboy or something? They brought up how using they as a pronoun is grammatically incorrect. I've got news for them, it is correct. When you don't know someone's gender, people tend to use they without thinking. For example: Who are they? They wanted [something]. What are they doing? It's not hard.
Genderqueer is essentially the same thing. It's just some people are uncomfortable with associating with the word queer. Totally understandable. I like the idea behind it (not using it as a slur), and reclaiming it. Many people use that word to describe the LGBTQ+ community, because it's easier than writing/saying the acronym. I recently heard another person say that maybe we should use Pride to refer to the community. I don't know...I like queer more. Although, if anyone from the community doesn't like me using that word around them, I won't use it around them. Oftentimes, people use non-binary in general instead of genderqueer. Although, I've seen people write/say both. Technically, we are all non-binary in the community. With genderqueer, I can see that it might be a bit confusing if people just see it. They might think: "What does this really mean?" So, maybe it's more of an in thing? Kind of confusing...
I went to our local Pride fest yesterday. Got a really nasty looking sunburn on my neck and a little down my back. My face is sunburned, too. It's really uncomfortable. It's my own fault, though. I didn't use sunscreen. I even have a little travel sized bottle in my purse. I think most of the time that it's not going to work. Oftentimes it doesn't. I usually get sunburned anyways. Maybe not as badly, though.
I put a Planned Parenthood temporary ace tattoo on my cheek for it. I got it from them at the Seattle Trans Pride. It was surprising to see. People kept looking at it, and a few people asked if it was temporary. I don't think anyone asked what flag it was. Many people complimented on my earrings. Almost every time I go out I have someone compliment on them. They're big silver cat face earrings. They have kind of an I don't care attitude. I thought one person was going to rip them off. They kept saying how much they absolutely loved them. I've never been really good about complimenting people unless something really catches my eye. So, I end up saying thanks, nodding, and not complimenting them back. It's odd because many women tend to reciprocate comments after one of them does it first. I'm not a woman, so I wonder if that's why I'm not that good at it...I think it can be a very gendered and cultural thing to do. Not necessarily complimenting first or in general, but trying to reciprocate a compliment to be polite or something. So weird. I guess I try to be more genuine with that sort of thing. It might seem rude to others, though.
There was an ace flag up with the other flags scattered around the park. That was one of the things that made me happy. There was also a glass-based booth that had certain flag colors worked into the glass pieces. There were some pendants like that, but I think the only one that was ace themed was a little shallow plate. Looked cool, but didn't sound useful. It would have been cool if I saw a glass pendant with the colors. There were apparently some trans ones. I think Dad got one of them. It was cool looking. I didn't really look for my other 'identities' or parts of me.
There was a flag booth. I think I got my huge ace flag from the same place last year. The guy there is weird. I asked him about an aromantic flag. He swore he had it, and went searching for it. He looked for a while, and I said I'd come back later. About an hour or so later I come back. He says he couldn't find it in the booth, and I can go through the extra boxes behind his booth to see. I did that a little while, and got nothing. He seemed upset that he didn't have it. He apparently left it behind. So, I asked him if he had an agender one. He didn't. I asked him if he had a non-binary one. He didn't. (That was surprising.) I asked him if he had a genderqueer one. He had those. A big 3' x 5' or a smaller one was all he had. I wanted to have an even smaller one. (Not sure how big this one really is.) I settled for one of the smallest ones he had.
I posted a pic to both fb and Instagram. Today, one of my followers commented: "Not to be a negative Nancy, but that's the Suffragette flag, though. lol" I looked it up, and yes it looks exactly like the UK suffragettes' flag. I also looked up info on the creator of the genderqueer flag. Since they were from the US, they didn't know about that UK flag when it was created. They created it off of other sexuality and gender flags, off of many meanings for the colors (that community could understand), etc.
I mentioned this stuff, and that maybe they should do their own research on why the genderqueer flag is the way it is. There are many flags that look the same. Plus, this is a global symbol, unlike the UK flag. That's a big difference. There are only so many combos for a tri-colored striped flag, too. Nobody owns these colors. As the exchange kept going, I felt odd that I had to defend one of my communities' flags. Also, they said we should honor the UK suffragettes somehow if we're taking their flag...What? How? I don't even know where to begin on that. I eventually blocked them, because it was tiring, they were missing the point, and seemed to only get more bitter. First time I felt like someone was trying to get me to defend a flag. It's still going to be the official genderqueer flag whether they like it or not. Has been for a while.
I got a cheeseburger for lunch there. It was pretty good. Well seasoned. Had Doritos Nacho Cheese chips with it. The chips might not have been a good idea, considering I'm supposed to stay away from corn products. Later, I got a root beer float for a snack. I think they knew what flag I was carrying, and said ma'am in a weird way. Really forceful, and somewhat indignantly. Like, making some sort of statement. It was odd. Eventually, their ma'am started sounding like mom. I was starting to laugh in my head, which made it a bit better. I don't have much of a problem with ma'am, as long as it's not said rudely. I know they're trained to say it. I'd definitely prefer a more gender neutral way of being addressed by them, though. They are quite a few out there that they can use to refer to customers.
As soon as they gave the root beer float to me, it erupted out the hole in the cover. It was a sticky mess. I cleaned off the excess, and noticed the other people that had ordered it after me had the same surprise. Not very pleasant. I wanted to wait for Dad before I sat down with my float. She was getting a sausage for a late lunch. Eventually I couldn't stand much longer, and went to the covered picnic tables. She told me her sausage took 35 minutes. That's a long time! When I got my hamburger from the same place, I think it took about 10 minutes for it. It was towards the beginning, though. There was also a pizza truck. They brought their own pizza oven. I felt too warm for that. I thought there would be another food truck/booth. Oh well. Apparently, a store across the street from the park was giving away snow cones for free. That liked tasty, but I was too full from the other stuff at the time.
We did go to Elmer's after that. I needed some place cool, and semi-quiet. I think Dad felt similarly. Someone at Pride kept screaming in a high-pitched voice, and I think they also had a whistle. It was annoying when they were right next to me. Could feel my ears pop. The music seemed like it was at decent volume, though.
I put up a group flyer, for the local ace group I started, on the bulletin board. Saw a lot of people stop to look at it. That was great. I left some info sheets at the Pride info booth. The area for the pamphlets/info sheets was off to the side and kind of hard to see. I thought no one take them, and didn't really care. One person did take a copy, though. Having someone take at least one copy was amazing!
There's an ace info site that has free info sheets you can download. They say what asexuality is and basically what it doesn't mean. It also lists their site's address, which is great. They're somewhat newer than many of the other sites I'm familiar with. I follow them on fb, though. They tend to be better than AVEN as far as their fb pages go. Anyways, I used that and added an 'other resources' section under it in Photoshop. By the way, Photoshop's an amazing tool! Made some interesting things through it.
I listed a bunch of sites, and added the local group at the bottom. I mentioned these: AVEN, Asexuality Archive, Pieces of Ace, Demisexuality Resource Center, Asexual Stories, The Asexual Agenda, and Apositive. I wanted to add one of the more scientific sites that I know, but apparently it hasn't been active in a while and seems to be shutting down soon. That's sad. It listed a bunch of research papers/journals on it for free. I think even the person running the site had authored some of them. Another one I wanted to share was the Carnival of Aces. I might have forgotten about them...It's a group of ace authors/bloggers that write about a topic relating to asexuality each month. People not in the group are welcome to participate. Some are non-fiction and some are fiction stories/poems. Haven't really read those stories, though. It's different than Asexual Stories. That's lit. aces sharing their life stories. Hopefully I didn't give out too much info to people.
One person requested to join the group on fb later. Not sure if they were the ones that took the copy or if they were someone who saw the flyer. Found out they're 15 years old. That's young. I just hope it doesn't turn into a youth group or something. I want aces of all ages. Maybe if we get big enough, we can split it into a youth one and an adult one. Young aces face some different issues than adults. There are many things both groups face, though. It'd be awesome if we get a member who's much older than me. Everyone also has a voice and different perspective, too. I want people from all over the spectrum. It'd be cool if some were aro, like me. I'd have an added layer in common with them. Even better if they were agender. Triple A's are rare...I didn't plan to be that rare. I wish it wasn't.
I called the GI department back to schedule an appointment. All their gastros don't have anything free on their calendars. An assistant is free, though. She's kind of like a specialist. They said she can do almost everything but surgery. That's not bad. This will also be within network. That will help with a lot of things. The closest appointment she had was for the end of next month. I agreed to that. The receptionist sounded worried that there wasn't something sooner. I told her about my situation. She said she has gone through something similar. She told me that if it gets even worse, I should go to the hospital. She wanted to keep talking after we said bye. I think she wanted to make sure that I was ok enough to wait for a little over a month. She seemed kind. I hope this assistant is more knowledgeable and cares about my symptoms. That last part is very important. It's not like I'm complaining for fun. They have to be aware of what's going on. I also still have a tendency to think that if I don't think about it, it's not there. That makes me less aware of it. Used to be much worse.
Finished watching Kabukibu or Kabuki Club. I liked it more than I expected. It was cute. My fave mangaka group (one of the few I know, but they're awesome!), named CLAMP, had a hand in it. They're a group entirely composed of women. They make interesting manga. One of their trademarks is out of proportioned limbs for characters. That was somewhat of a turn off the first time I saw xxxHolic. I just wasn't used to that style. The rest of the art is usually amazing. For this show, the characters looked more 'normal'. They played a minor role in it, so that might have been why. It was an interesting view into the world of kabuki theater. It seemed they played around a bit with gender, too. That was fun to see. One of the female actresses has a very masculine look to her (she was also in drama, and many of the girls in it kept falling for her as well as some of the guys), and one of the male actors has a very feminine look. They both act normally very much like those, too. I think there was a character that seemed genderless. It was difficult for some fans to tell at first what gender he was. He didn't seem to care much about gendered stuff either. He had a very minor role, though. That was interesting. It'd be cool if there was a sequel.
There are apparently subcategories under agender that I'm just starting to learn about. Really interesting stuff. Even with just looking at it from an anthropological standpoint, let alone for myself. I'm starting to watch more youtube vids and read more about enbies in general. I've also come across some nasty hate towards them. Not directed specifically at me, but I recently read an article by a TERF. TERFs are Trans-Esclusionary Radical Feminists, often shortened to rad-fem's. They aren't real feminists, and they're extremely hurtful to trans people in general. They think trans men are somehow betraying them, and trans women are 'forcing' their way into women's spaces. It gets a lot nastier. That's very mild compared to some of the horror stories I've read.
Anyways, I hadn't read anything on how they view enbies specifically. It was really bizarre. It wasn't particularly nasty, but was quite rude and seemed to try and invalidate them. They used quotations every time they wrote out non-binary, trans, and other identities. (Made the article look even more messed up.) Saying that enbies make the "trans" community look bad. That the ones who were afab (assigned female at birth) are just confused. Like, they don't know there are many different types of women out there. Why not be a tomboy or something? They brought up how using they as a pronoun is grammatically incorrect. I've got news for them, it is correct. When you don't know someone's gender, people tend to use they without thinking. For example: Who are they? They wanted [something]. What are they doing? It's not hard.
Genderqueer is essentially the same thing. It's just some people are uncomfortable with associating with the word queer. Totally understandable. I like the idea behind it (not using it as a slur), and reclaiming it. Many people use that word to describe the LGBTQ+ community, because it's easier than writing/saying the acronym. I recently heard another person say that maybe we should use Pride to refer to the community. I don't know...I like queer more. Although, if anyone from the community doesn't like me using that word around them, I won't use it around them. Oftentimes, people use non-binary in general instead of genderqueer. Although, I've seen people write/say both. Technically, we are all non-binary in the community. With genderqueer, I can see that it might be a bit confusing if people just see it. They might think: "What does this really mean?" So, maybe it's more of an in thing? Kind of confusing...
I went to our local Pride fest yesterday. Got a really nasty looking sunburn on my neck and a little down my back. My face is sunburned, too. It's really uncomfortable. It's my own fault, though. I didn't use sunscreen. I even have a little travel sized bottle in my purse. I think most of the time that it's not going to work. Oftentimes it doesn't. I usually get sunburned anyways. Maybe not as badly, though.
I put a Planned Parenthood temporary ace tattoo on my cheek for it. I got it from them at the Seattle Trans Pride. It was surprising to see. People kept looking at it, and a few people asked if it was temporary. I don't think anyone asked what flag it was. Many people complimented on my earrings. Almost every time I go out I have someone compliment on them. They're big silver cat face earrings. They have kind of an I don't care attitude. I thought one person was going to rip them off. They kept saying how much they absolutely loved them. I've never been really good about complimenting people unless something really catches my eye. So, I end up saying thanks, nodding, and not complimenting them back. It's odd because many women tend to reciprocate comments after one of them does it first. I'm not a woman, so I wonder if that's why I'm not that good at it...I think it can be a very gendered and cultural thing to do. Not necessarily complimenting first or in general, but trying to reciprocate a compliment to be polite or something. So weird. I guess I try to be more genuine with that sort of thing. It might seem rude to others, though.
There was an ace flag up with the other flags scattered around the park. That was one of the things that made me happy. There was also a glass-based booth that had certain flag colors worked into the glass pieces. There were some pendants like that, but I think the only one that was ace themed was a little shallow plate. Looked cool, but didn't sound useful. It would have been cool if I saw a glass pendant with the colors. There were apparently some trans ones. I think Dad got one of them. It was cool looking. I didn't really look for my other 'identities' or parts of me.
There was a flag booth. I think I got my huge ace flag from the same place last year. The guy there is weird. I asked him about an aromantic flag. He swore he had it, and went searching for it. He looked for a while, and I said I'd come back later. About an hour or so later I come back. He says he couldn't find it in the booth, and I can go through the extra boxes behind his booth to see. I did that a little while, and got nothing. He seemed upset that he didn't have it. He apparently left it behind. So, I asked him if he had an agender one. He didn't. I asked him if he had a non-binary one. He didn't. (That was surprising.) I asked him if he had a genderqueer one. He had those. A big 3' x 5' or a smaller one was all he had. I wanted to have an even smaller one. (Not sure how big this one really is.) I settled for one of the smallest ones he had.
I posted a pic to both fb and Instagram. Today, one of my followers commented: "Not to be a negative Nancy, but that's the Suffragette flag, though. lol" I looked it up, and yes it looks exactly like the UK suffragettes' flag. I also looked up info on the creator of the genderqueer flag. Since they were from the US, they didn't know about that UK flag when it was created. They created it off of other sexuality and gender flags, off of many meanings for the colors (that community could understand), etc.
I mentioned this stuff, and that maybe they should do their own research on why the genderqueer flag is the way it is. There are many flags that look the same. Plus, this is a global symbol, unlike the UK flag. That's a big difference. There are only so many combos for a tri-colored striped flag, too. Nobody owns these colors. As the exchange kept going, I felt odd that I had to defend one of my communities' flags. Also, they said we should honor the UK suffragettes somehow if we're taking their flag...What? How? I don't even know where to begin on that. I eventually blocked them, because it was tiring, they were missing the point, and seemed to only get more bitter. First time I felt like someone was trying to get me to defend a flag. It's still going to be the official genderqueer flag whether they like it or not. Has been for a while.
I got a cheeseburger for lunch there. It was pretty good. Well seasoned. Had Doritos Nacho Cheese chips with it. The chips might not have been a good idea, considering I'm supposed to stay away from corn products. Later, I got a root beer float for a snack. I think they knew what flag I was carrying, and said ma'am in a weird way. Really forceful, and somewhat indignantly. Like, making some sort of statement. It was odd. Eventually, their ma'am started sounding like mom. I was starting to laugh in my head, which made it a bit better. I don't have much of a problem with ma'am, as long as it's not said rudely. I know they're trained to say it. I'd definitely prefer a more gender neutral way of being addressed by them, though. They are quite a few out there that they can use to refer to customers.
As soon as they gave the root beer float to me, it erupted out the hole in the cover. It was a sticky mess. I cleaned off the excess, and noticed the other people that had ordered it after me had the same surprise. Not very pleasant. I wanted to wait for Dad before I sat down with my float. She was getting a sausage for a late lunch. Eventually I couldn't stand much longer, and went to the covered picnic tables. She told me her sausage took 35 minutes. That's a long time! When I got my hamburger from the same place, I think it took about 10 minutes for it. It was towards the beginning, though. There was also a pizza truck. They brought their own pizza oven. I felt too warm for that. I thought there would be another food truck/booth. Oh well. Apparently, a store across the street from the park was giving away snow cones for free. That liked tasty, but I was too full from the other stuff at the time.
We did go to Elmer's after that. I needed some place cool, and semi-quiet. I think Dad felt similarly. Someone at Pride kept screaming in a high-pitched voice, and I think they also had a whistle. It was annoying when they were right next to me. Could feel my ears pop. The music seemed like it was at decent volume, though.
I put up a group flyer, for the local ace group I started, on the bulletin board. Saw a lot of people stop to look at it. That was great. I left some info sheets at the Pride info booth. The area for the pamphlets/info sheets was off to the side and kind of hard to see. I thought no one take them, and didn't really care. One person did take a copy, though. Having someone take at least one copy was amazing!
There's an ace info site that has free info sheets you can download. They say what asexuality is and basically what it doesn't mean. It also lists their site's address, which is great. They're somewhat newer than many of the other sites I'm familiar with. I follow them on fb, though. They tend to be better than AVEN as far as their fb pages go. Anyways, I used that and added an 'other resources' section under it in Photoshop. By the way, Photoshop's an amazing tool! Made some interesting things through it.
I listed a bunch of sites, and added the local group at the bottom. I mentioned these: AVEN, Asexuality Archive, Pieces of Ace, Demisexuality Resource Center, Asexual Stories, The Asexual Agenda, and Apositive. I wanted to add one of the more scientific sites that I know, but apparently it hasn't been active in a while and seems to be shutting down soon. That's sad. It listed a bunch of research papers/journals on it for free. I think even the person running the site had authored some of them. Another one I wanted to share was the Carnival of Aces. I might have forgotten about them...It's a group of ace authors/bloggers that write about a topic relating to asexuality each month. People not in the group are welcome to participate. Some are non-fiction and some are fiction stories/poems. Haven't really read those stories, though. It's different than Asexual Stories. That's lit. aces sharing their life stories. Hopefully I didn't give out too much info to people.
One person requested to join the group on fb later. Not sure if they were the ones that took the copy or if they were someone who saw the flyer. Found out they're 15 years old. That's young. I just hope it doesn't turn into a youth group or something. I want aces of all ages. Maybe if we get big enough, we can split it into a youth one and an adult one. Young aces face some different issues than adults. There are many things both groups face, though. It'd be awesome if we get a member who's much older than me. Everyone also has a voice and different perspective, too. I want people from all over the spectrum. It'd be cool if some were aro, like me. I'd have an added layer in common with them. Even better if they were agender. Triple A's are rare...I didn't plan to be that rare. I wish it wasn't.
I called the GI department back to schedule an appointment. All their gastros don't have anything free on their calendars. An assistant is free, though. She's kind of like a specialist. They said she can do almost everything but surgery. That's not bad. This will also be within network. That will help with a lot of things. The closest appointment she had was for the end of next month. I agreed to that. The receptionist sounded worried that there wasn't something sooner. I told her about my situation. She said she has gone through something similar. She told me that if it gets even worse, I should go to the hospital. She wanted to keep talking after we said bye. I think she wanted to make sure that I was ok enough to wait for a little over a month. She seemed kind. I hope this assistant is more knowledgeable and cares about my symptoms. That last part is very important. It's not like I'm complaining for fun. They have to be aware of what's going on. I also still have a tendency to think that if I don't think about it, it's not there. That makes me less aware of it. Used to be much worse.
Finished watching Kabukibu or Kabuki Club. I liked it more than I expected. It was cute. My fave mangaka group (one of the few I know, but they're awesome!), named CLAMP, had a hand in it. They're a group entirely composed of women. They make interesting manga. One of their trademarks is out of proportioned limbs for characters. That was somewhat of a turn off the first time I saw xxxHolic. I just wasn't used to that style. The rest of the art is usually amazing. For this show, the characters looked more 'normal'. They played a minor role in it, so that might have been why. It was an interesting view into the world of kabuki theater. It seemed they played around a bit with gender, too. That was fun to see. One of the female actresses has a very masculine look to her (she was also in drama, and many of the girls in it kept falling for her as well as some of the guys), and one of the male actors has a very feminine look. They both act normally very much like those, too. I think there was a character that seemed genderless. It was difficult for some fans to tell at first what gender he was. He didn't seem to care much about gendered stuff either. He had a very minor role, though. That was interesting. It'd be cool if there was a sequel.
Sunday, July 9, 2017
World Chocolate Day!
This holiday was last Friday. I love chocolate! Awesome there's a global day for it. There are so many things you can do with it. A few years ago, I read an article about a restaurant that's chocolate themed. All their meals have chocolate in them. They had chocolate soup, mole (an amazing savory Mexican sauce that uses chocolate as a base), curries with it, etc. Of course, lots of chocolate desserts. I wonder if it's still going? That would be awesome to go there. Perfect for this holiday. People could probably try to have a chocolate themed day at home, too. That would be interesting to do.
This is my wallpaper for July. It's Leo from Kekkai Sensen or Blood Blockade Battlefront. Thought it looked a little like fireworks to go with the 4th of July. Kekkai Sensen takes place in New York City, so even that still goes with the theme. There's going to be a 2nd season in October. (They finally decided on a date.) The only issue I had with the 1st season, and apparently many other fans had, was that the final episode was 3 months late. At least, it was a longer episode than the others. Seemed like it was a movie. It's been about 2 years since the 1st season aired. That's a long time in itself. I've read that the 1st season had a different antagonist than the manga. So, it seemed to be a different story. The 2nd season might be closer to the manga. I haven't read the manga, although that might be interesting. For some people, the series seemed too complicated. I liked that aspect, though. It made you think. I wonder if the antagonist will actually be an ally in the 2nd season, knowing what happened at the end. He was occasionally possessed by a vampire called the King of Despair. His human self seemed 'good' and on the good guys' side. His nickname as himself was Black. I also want to know more about Leo's sister who's blind and wheelchair-bound. Should be interesting to see what they do with this series.
The Pusheen calendar has 3 different colored Pusheens. Each of them has a different colored heart near their butts. They're eating ice cream. One has what looks like a sundae with 3 scoops of ice cream that's actually the same colors as the Pusheens. Kind of creepy that way. One looks unhappy. She has what looks to be a big thing of swirled ice cream. Although, it does look kind of like a giant cupcake, too. The one with a scoop in a cone looks the happiest. There's also another thing of ice cream by itself with a cat head shaped cookie. The actual calendar has a shooting star with the same colors as the cats as a tail. Interesting one.
The month-long holidays for the month of July are: National Baked Bean Month, National Grilling Month, National Hot Dog Month, National Ice Cream Month, National Blueberries Month, National Honey Month, National Horseradish Month, National Watermelon Month. Some are for important causes, some are to make you appreciate things you may take for granted, and some are just for fun. Basically, summer foods this month.
Marched with the local Pride group in a 4th of July parade. The theme was the parade's 50th anniversary. Actually had a float for it this time. There was a comedy award with a monetary prize, so they tried to go with that. It was a Scooby Doo one. They realized that Scooby Doo didn't come out until 1969, but it was close to '67 at least. There was even a cute Great Dane as Scooby. The kids seemed to really like it. There was also music from '67 coming from our float. (Except obviously there was the Scooby Doo theme.) I wore my flag and this year's Pride shirt. The one I didn't want to change into in public at Seattle Pride. Someone gave me a small American flag to wave around, too. I tried to dance a bit, but I think I mostly just ended up smiling and waving. Oh well. That's better than nothing.
I also ended up with a sunburn on my face, even though I was in less sun than when we went to Seattle Pride. I didn't get any sunburn from that. It's especially bad around and on my nose, which travels in streaks across my cheeks. It's an odd spot. It started peeling there a couple of days ago. Hurt for a while, and now it's just like a light burning feeling.
I also met another ace! She heard about the Pride group marching, and joined us. She didn't know about the other Pride stuff. She had an ace shirt that had one of the popular sayings. The rest of her outfit was in ace colors. The shirt stood out the most. I was so happy to see another ace! I think she was, too. Although, she realized I'm older than she thought at first. And, therefore I think quite a bit older than her. I don't know how old she is, but it seemed like she was still in high school. I don't know. She comes from the same town, so that's cool. We talked quite a bit while we waited. I told her about the ace group I started on fb, and am trying to start offline. She joined the online one, and said she might go to the offline one. Yay! She might also be aro. At least, on the aro-spectrum. She's still questioning that, which is all good. She might be going to Pride fest on the 15th, too.
I'm hoping to bring a group flyer to Pride, and some info pamphlets on both aces and aros. We might get a lot more people in the group after they at least see the flyer. Pride is actually on the same day as an offline group meeting. So, I told the group that it'll be cancelled or they can come to Pride and see me. Or, just enjoy Pride in general. The next meeting after that should be interesting. I'm pretty sure some will actually show up. Just not sure how many. Maybe people will be more active online, too. Might finally be able to start doing the things I was planning for the group. I guess we'll see.
I'm thinking of wearing the Planned Parenthood ace temporary tattoo I got at the Seattle Trans Pride. Might wear it on one of my cheeks, and maybe the rainbow one on the other? I also have a trans one. I'm hoping to find things that represent my 3 identities. Maybe small flags for aro and agender. If I see other stuff I'll be ecstatic. There might be some non-binary things in general, too.
It seems difficult to find info online about being agender or even just on the community. Interestingly, I think I'm finding the most stuff on Pinterest. Tumblr didn't have much. Tumblr's known for their large ace and aro communities, at least. Also, known for acephobic and arophobic people. So, things can still be iffy there. Some aces and aros can't handle being on there, and have refused to go back. Frankly, I'm starting to feel similar. I got rid of the app recently on my phone, and have only downloaded it again once or twice since. Fb doesn't have much in the way of agender-specific pages. I might join an aro ace and agender group on there. Cool that it's for people who are all 3. There was another one that I saw that's about qpr's. I think it'd be awesome to be in one, so I might join that, too. The problem with that, is I'm already apart of a lot of groups. Funny how I went from being in like one group to so many in just a year. Probably should cool it for a while on that. Plus, some members of many of those groups are all 3, too. It's just...not the same as being in a group specifically for agender people (or all 3), and another one for those that want to be in a qpr.
I've also realized that many agender people feel like aliens, and that seems to be one of the mascots that represents us. I find this almost scary, considering I've felt like an alien because of it. (Scary because I used that word before I knew I was agender.) Maybe even because of being all 3. The idea of not having a gender, and no romantic and sexual attractions is really out there for other people. Having those things might seem like what makes others 'human'. Making someone like me feel more and more alien. I kind of like the alien mascot, though. There apparently are some agender fashion accounts on Instagram. Those are interesting. Since we don't have a gender, we wear what feels comfortable. This can make for some unique fashion. There's even an account on how to do genderless makeup. That actually sounds cool. I still think feminine looking clothes look better than masculine (and some unisex for that matter) clothes on me. Plus, they seem to have much more of a cool and fun variety.
Also, I found some interesting sites that sell Pride stuff. Some of them are: Red Bubble, Look Human, Merchandace, Zazzle. Even Amazon has some stuff. So, if I don't find anything at Pride, I can go to those. They all have sections for my identities. There are even a few things that represent all 3. They also have non-binary stuff in general. I think the least amount of stuff was for the agender category. I guess the label is still pretty new compared to the others.
I got a call recently from the gastroenterology department about the referral and making an appointment. I've been pretty busy since (at least during the weekdays), and will call them back to make an appointment soon. Hopefully, tomorrow. I might look into their gastros a little beforehand, too. To see which ones might be better. Might ask a bit more about whoever I end up getting. I've recently read about one of the things to look out for is someone who's dismissive of your situation. It's common for medical personnel who don't know much about IBD. It's rare, but some IBD specialists do this, too. It can put an IBD patient's life at risk. That sucks that we have to be so careful. Hopefully, the next gastro won't be like that. As it is, I have to be put on some sort of med to keep the IBD in check. Even if I might still be in remission.
Also, I've had really weird painful lumps behind my ear and down my jawline. It's not normal, and they're popping up more often than before. I'm hesitant in thinking this, but it might have to do with my lymph nodes. I don't really know, but they are happening in specific areas. I thought the first two would just go away on their own. That's why I wasn't too worried about it. Now that there are more of them, and they're not going away; it's a different story. Even eating feels a little weird with them. So, they might be really deep.
I've apparently lost a lot of weight again. The thing is, I keep thinking I'm gaining. Yet, more than one person has told me otherwise. I recently ordered socks and underwear from Amazon. I'm not used to doing that. The socks seem form fitting, and a lot more narrow than my previous ones. It Feels better, though. My ankles used to be indistinguishable. Now, I can actually see them clearly. I also decided to try the next smaller size for the underwear. It actually fits so much better than the next size up did. So, I'm even smaller in that way. It's almost surreal to me. I still have to get new sneakers. My current ones have holes on the outside, have absolutely no tread, the sole worn down in areas, and some of those areas so much that it looks like it has scorch marks. I want to get more of the same style/kind. I like the colors, and it feels really comfy. Need to look into jeans, and a few other things, as well. I'm still not used to the idea that I'm smaller than I used to be. When I see things like this fit, it makes me feel a bit better.
For a while, I was going through withdrawal of lamotrigine. I had forgotten to get it before I was close to finishing a bottle. I ordered it online, so I had to wait a while. I had gone down to about 1/4 of my usual dose for a few days. Then, nothing. That was dangerous. This is the only type of med, besides a multivitamin, I'm taking right now. It's for type 2 Bipolar. It's also known as an epilepsy med. So, if you miss even one dose, you feel it. (I'm at the highest dose you can take for it.) I felt dizzy, heavy headed, like my head was going to explode, like I was going through fog, it was hard to concentrate, and more. It didn't help that my face was sunburned and had the gut issues at the same time. Felt amazing when I went back to it at the full dose. It's really a miracle drug to me. Keeps me level, and has kept suicidal thoughts away. (There are many other benefits to it for me, but those are the biggest.) Helped me lose a little weight at first, too. That's a rare side effect. Type 2 has a lower low than type 1, and our mania is different. Often, the mania is more 'hidden'. We're at a very high risk of suicide without help of some kind.
I've made it to just over 40 pages for the memoir. I'm surprised by that. So much in such a short time. Plus, I'm very close to 40 pages of the sequel to Alliance. Much closer to the other book now. I wonder how long it'll take to finish both of them? At this rate, it might take about a couple of months more. Crazy! My other 2 books took much longer. I also was writing one at a time. I finished the 4th chapter of the memoir. The topic was on music. Oddly, that's the shortest chapter so far. I say oddly because it has been such a huge part of my life. Next one is on cooking and food. So far it's been on: aro ace and agender, Judaism, pets and animals, and music. The sequel has gone in a direction I didn't expect. That actually makes it better in my eyes. Motivates me to write more. Plus, no one wants a predictable and boring story.
The Pusheen calendar has 3 different colored Pusheens. Each of them has a different colored heart near their butts. They're eating ice cream. One has what looks like a sundae with 3 scoops of ice cream that's actually the same colors as the Pusheens. Kind of creepy that way. One looks unhappy. She has what looks to be a big thing of swirled ice cream. Although, it does look kind of like a giant cupcake, too. The one with a scoop in a cone looks the happiest. There's also another thing of ice cream by itself with a cat head shaped cookie. The actual calendar has a shooting star with the same colors as the cats as a tail. Interesting one.
The month-long holidays for the month of July are: National Baked Bean Month, National Grilling Month, National Hot Dog Month, National Ice Cream Month, National Blueberries Month, National Honey Month, National Horseradish Month, National Watermelon Month. Some are for important causes, some are to make you appreciate things you may take for granted, and some are just for fun. Basically, summer foods this month.
Marched with the local Pride group in a 4th of July parade. The theme was the parade's 50th anniversary. Actually had a float for it this time. There was a comedy award with a monetary prize, so they tried to go with that. It was a Scooby Doo one. They realized that Scooby Doo didn't come out until 1969, but it was close to '67 at least. There was even a cute Great Dane as Scooby. The kids seemed to really like it. There was also music from '67 coming from our float. (Except obviously there was the Scooby Doo theme.) I wore my flag and this year's Pride shirt. The one I didn't want to change into in public at Seattle Pride. Someone gave me a small American flag to wave around, too. I tried to dance a bit, but I think I mostly just ended up smiling and waving. Oh well. That's better than nothing.
I also ended up with a sunburn on my face, even though I was in less sun than when we went to Seattle Pride. I didn't get any sunburn from that. It's especially bad around and on my nose, which travels in streaks across my cheeks. It's an odd spot. It started peeling there a couple of days ago. Hurt for a while, and now it's just like a light burning feeling.
I also met another ace! She heard about the Pride group marching, and joined us. She didn't know about the other Pride stuff. She had an ace shirt that had one of the popular sayings. The rest of her outfit was in ace colors. The shirt stood out the most. I was so happy to see another ace! I think she was, too. Although, she realized I'm older than she thought at first. And, therefore I think quite a bit older than her. I don't know how old she is, but it seemed like she was still in high school. I don't know. She comes from the same town, so that's cool. We talked quite a bit while we waited. I told her about the ace group I started on fb, and am trying to start offline. She joined the online one, and said she might go to the offline one. Yay! She might also be aro. At least, on the aro-spectrum. She's still questioning that, which is all good. She might be going to Pride fest on the 15th, too.
I'm hoping to bring a group flyer to Pride, and some info pamphlets on both aces and aros. We might get a lot more people in the group after they at least see the flyer. Pride is actually on the same day as an offline group meeting. So, I told the group that it'll be cancelled or they can come to Pride and see me. Or, just enjoy Pride in general. The next meeting after that should be interesting. I'm pretty sure some will actually show up. Just not sure how many. Maybe people will be more active online, too. Might finally be able to start doing the things I was planning for the group. I guess we'll see.
I'm thinking of wearing the Planned Parenthood ace temporary tattoo I got at the Seattle Trans Pride. Might wear it on one of my cheeks, and maybe the rainbow one on the other? I also have a trans one. I'm hoping to find things that represent my 3 identities. Maybe small flags for aro and agender. If I see other stuff I'll be ecstatic. There might be some non-binary things in general, too.
It seems difficult to find info online about being agender or even just on the community. Interestingly, I think I'm finding the most stuff on Pinterest. Tumblr didn't have much. Tumblr's known for their large ace and aro communities, at least. Also, known for acephobic and arophobic people. So, things can still be iffy there. Some aces and aros can't handle being on there, and have refused to go back. Frankly, I'm starting to feel similar. I got rid of the app recently on my phone, and have only downloaded it again once or twice since. Fb doesn't have much in the way of agender-specific pages. I might join an aro ace and agender group on there. Cool that it's for people who are all 3. There was another one that I saw that's about qpr's. I think it'd be awesome to be in one, so I might join that, too. The problem with that, is I'm already apart of a lot of groups. Funny how I went from being in like one group to so many in just a year. Probably should cool it for a while on that. Plus, some members of many of those groups are all 3, too. It's just...not the same as being in a group specifically for agender people (or all 3), and another one for those that want to be in a qpr.
I've also realized that many agender people feel like aliens, and that seems to be one of the mascots that represents us. I find this almost scary, considering I've felt like an alien because of it. (Scary because I used that word before I knew I was agender.) Maybe even because of being all 3. The idea of not having a gender, and no romantic and sexual attractions is really out there for other people. Having those things might seem like what makes others 'human'. Making someone like me feel more and more alien. I kind of like the alien mascot, though. There apparently are some agender fashion accounts on Instagram. Those are interesting. Since we don't have a gender, we wear what feels comfortable. This can make for some unique fashion. There's even an account on how to do genderless makeup. That actually sounds cool. I still think feminine looking clothes look better than masculine (and some unisex for that matter) clothes on me. Plus, they seem to have much more of a cool and fun variety.
Also, I found some interesting sites that sell Pride stuff. Some of them are: Red Bubble, Look Human, Merchandace, Zazzle. Even Amazon has some stuff. So, if I don't find anything at Pride, I can go to those. They all have sections for my identities. There are even a few things that represent all 3. They also have non-binary stuff in general. I think the least amount of stuff was for the agender category. I guess the label is still pretty new compared to the others.
I got a call recently from the gastroenterology department about the referral and making an appointment. I've been pretty busy since (at least during the weekdays), and will call them back to make an appointment soon. Hopefully, tomorrow. I might look into their gastros a little beforehand, too. To see which ones might be better. Might ask a bit more about whoever I end up getting. I've recently read about one of the things to look out for is someone who's dismissive of your situation. It's common for medical personnel who don't know much about IBD. It's rare, but some IBD specialists do this, too. It can put an IBD patient's life at risk. That sucks that we have to be so careful. Hopefully, the next gastro won't be like that. As it is, I have to be put on some sort of med to keep the IBD in check. Even if I might still be in remission.
Also, I've had really weird painful lumps behind my ear and down my jawline. It's not normal, and they're popping up more often than before. I'm hesitant in thinking this, but it might have to do with my lymph nodes. I don't really know, but they are happening in specific areas. I thought the first two would just go away on their own. That's why I wasn't too worried about it. Now that there are more of them, and they're not going away; it's a different story. Even eating feels a little weird with them. So, they might be really deep.
I've apparently lost a lot of weight again. The thing is, I keep thinking I'm gaining. Yet, more than one person has told me otherwise. I recently ordered socks and underwear from Amazon. I'm not used to doing that. The socks seem form fitting, and a lot more narrow than my previous ones. It Feels better, though. My ankles used to be indistinguishable. Now, I can actually see them clearly. I also decided to try the next smaller size for the underwear. It actually fits so much better than the next size up did. So, I'm even smaller in that way. It's almost surreal to me. I still have to get new sneakers. My current ones have holes on the outside, have absolutely no tread, the sole worn down in areas, and some of those areas so much that it looks like it has scorch marks. I want to get more of the same style/kind. I like the colors, and it feels really comfy. Need to look into jeans, and a few other things, as well. I'm still not used to the idea that I'm smaller than I used to be. When I see things like this fit, it makes me feel a bit better.
For a while, I was going through withdrawal of lamotrigine. I had forgotten to get it before I was close to finishing a bottle. I ordered it online, so I had to wait a while. I had gone down to about 1/4 of my usual dose for a few days. Then, nothing. That was dangerous. This is the only type of med, besides a multivitamin, I'm taking right now. It's for type 2 Bipolar. It's also known as an epilepsy med. So, if you miss even one dose, you feel it. (I'm at the highest dose you can take for it.) I felt dizzy, heavy headed, like my head was going to explode, like I was going through fog, it was hard to concentrate, and more. It didn't help that my face was sunburned and had the gut issues at the same time. Felt amazing when I went back to it at the full dose. It's really a miracle drug to me. Keeps me level, and has kept suicidal thoughts away. (There are many other benefits to it for me, but those are the biggest.) Helped me lose a little weight at first, too. That's a rare side effect. Type 2 has a lower low than type 1, and our mania is different. Often, the mania is more 'hidden'. We're at a very high risk of suicide without help of some kind.
I've made it to just over 40 pages for the memoir. I'm surprised by that. So much in such a short time. Plus, I'm very close to 40 pages of the sequel to Alliance. Much closer to the other book now. I wonder how long it'll take to finish both of them? At this rate, it might take about a couple of months more. Crazy! My other 2 books took much longer. I also was writing one at a time. I finished the 4th chapter of the memoir. The topic was on music. Oddly, that's the shortest chapter so far. I say oddly because it has been such a huge part of my life. Next one is on cooking and food. So far it's been on: aro ace and agender, Judaism, pets and animals, and music. The sequel has gone in a direction I didn't expect. That actually makes it better in my eyes. Motivates me to write more. Plus, no one wants a predictable and boring story.
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