18th of Kislev

Got through all of Adject. 2 in Duolingo's Italian course. There were a lot of lessons to this one. I only missed a couple of questions. One was because I couldn't see one of the translated words in a word bank. For some questions, they give you an Italian sentence to translate using that word bank. I noticed it a second after I pressed 'continue'...The next unit is Infinit. 1. That one is slightly longer with 10 lessons.

For drawing, I tried to fix Shadow's hair. For some reason I usually have a hard time with the left side of hairstyles. Even the left eye gets a little weird. (Left side is technically the character's right side considering it's head on...) I'll try going over it again tomorrow, and then move on. 

Got through a lot of editing of Alliance. I'm close to halfway through. Still surprised at how many mistakes I've found so far. At least it'll be better in the long run. 

Didn't make it to a full hour for practicing my clarinet. I was really close, though. Finished the generalized clarinet solo book, Duke Ellington, and made it through most of the Gershwin book. Quite a lot. For a couple of the tunes, I actually played much better than usual. However, there were a lot that sounded worse...I haven't played on a regular basis in a while. So, it's understandable. 

One thing that has bothered me, with a lot of the Jewish news pages I follow on fb, has been them not saying that 'Messianic Jews' aren't Jews. They say they're a 'controversial' topic. That it's widely debated. No, no it's not. This has come up again because of the 'Messianic rabbi' that was asked to say something about the Pittsburgh shooting a while ago. It angered a lot of Jews. Recently, one rabbi on fb explained why that was so offensive, who 'Messianic Jews' are, and the history behind it. He clearly said, in all caps, at the beginning: Why there is no such thing as a 'Messianic Jew'. It was a lengthy post, but it said what needed to be said. They're essentially a Christian group that have been trying to convert Jews. They sometimes call themselves 'Jews for Jesus'. There's a counter group called Jews for Jews that try to educate other Jews about them. The thing is, and the rabbi referred to this often, you can't be Jewish and believe in Jesus. If you do, you are a Christian. Simple as that. I remember when they would wait right outside our Hillel (campus Jewish youth group) meeting at WSU and confront us as we left. They're pushy. I think one even followed me back to my dorm once. I closed the door in their face.

I decided to unsubscribe from Hadassah's magazine. I was given a lifetime membership from a local chapter I was a part of for a while. In fact, I was there from its inception until it dissolved. (I don't know if it was revived later.) I was also secretary for a while. Hadassah is a Jewish women's group. I somewhat liked what it stood for, but felt left out somehow...Now that I know I'm agender, I know what that weird feeling was. Anyways, the membership feels especially odd right now. I'll keep it, since I don't know if I'll want to join another chapter in the future. There might be other enby members, too. The magazine is very female-oriented, which is understandable. I just didn't get much from it. With a lifetime membership, you get a subscription for life to that magazine as well. I did like the little Hebrew lessons at the end of most issues. Some of the recipes looked interesting, but too elaborate for me. It'll be less paper out there, at least. The person I emailed was kind of snippy about it. They also didn't answer my question about if I unsubscribe from the magazine, do I get to keep my lifetime Hadassah membership? Hopefully they didn't just drop me completely. 

I've decided to try and go to bed earlier than I have been. I was slipping into the old habit of going to sleep too late. I put a reminder on my calendar for me to get ready for bed at certain times. (Different for the week and weekend.) It'll be like a little nudge. 

I also am planning to make Sunday afternoon kind of like a spa time for myself. Clipping nails (fingers and toes), filing them, using a filing block on my feet, massage feet with a foot remedy cream, clean my ears with a kit, and shave. I did mostly everything yesterday. Felt really good. The filing block really smoothed out my feet. It was gross seeing so much come off of them. Probably the more I do that, the less stuff will come off. Felt like I was grating my feet, though. The cream has tea tree oil and menthol, so it's tingly. It softens, deodorizes, and heals feet. Nifty, except that it's very old. I'm not sure when or if something like that expires? Or, if it is expired, maybe it's just not as effective anymore? Either way, it felt nice. 

I have to clean my ears with a special kit at least once a month. Much more often if they're bad. I have a feeling it might be best to do it every Sunday. Especially, because I have not been keeping up with it, and it's been difficult to hear things at times. I have to do it because essentially the Eustachian tubes in my ears are upside down. Makes for a host of issues. Changes in air pressure hurts (I've actually thrown up because of this), they plug up with too much 'stuff' and fluid, balance is affected, etc. Cleaning them can be painful. I didn't get them clear this time, which means they're pretty bad right now. At least they're better than they were. 

I got to shaving my facial hair, but not my legs. That's ok. I could get to it next time. I try to shave the facial stuff every day, but forget. So, if I set a for sure day like Sunday, it might be easier. I'll at least have it done then. 

Also, decided to cut down on time spent on my phone. Specifically, on fb. I've been on it a little too much lately. It was mainly because a lot of stuff has been happening. I'll try not to look at my phone while I eat. That'll help a bit. A few months ago I tried to cut fb out almost completely for the week, and catch up with some things during the weekend. I would only look at notifications, and possibly respond during the week. Not sure if that'll be the best way now...We'll see.

I was pleasantly surprised to see positive trans representation in Zombieland Saga. With the most current episode, that I watched last night, they revealed that Lily is a trans girl. The show is about a zombie idol girl group. It's not really like an idol anime, though. It's really off-beat and they've thrown a lot of interesting surprises out there so far. This one is the biggest one yet. The girls are different ages and come from different times. Lily is the youngest and most recently died (I think). She was a very successful child actress. I didn't quite get that she was trans until Saki said it didn't matter what 'junk' she has, she's still Lily and one of the girls. It was vague before that. Apparently, when Lily was first talking about her past with Sakura, there was a little trans flag. I didn't even see it, but a reviewer showed a snapshot of it. It was something Sakura was wearing, but it was right there. That's saying something. The way Lily died seemed comical at first. She died right after finding a hair on her chin. She had been complaining to her father about getting hair on her legs just before. She didn't want to go through puberty. She was overworked as an actress. So, the immense amount of stress with that, wanting to not age, and being very dysphoric about her body hair all mixed together was too much for her. Her father was very supportive and accepting of who she was, and she wasn't bullied for it. They treated deadnaming well, too. The producer of the group acted like it wasn't a big thing and that she's just like them. He was very supportive of her, which was surprising considering how much he yells at all of them. They all treated her with respect, too. I don't see such positivity around it in anime often. So, now we know how 4 of the girls died. Sakura was ran over by a truck, Ai was struck by lightning, Junko's plane crashed, and Lily died from stress. It seems they'll go over Saki's next. It looks like she might have died in a motorcycle accident, but they've been known to twist things. I wonder if Tae will ever 'awaken'. She's the only one left that hasn't yet. She's the one that's the most zombie-like. Although, she seems to be aware enough to learn dance moves, and is getting better about not biting people and things. I like her, but I want to know what she's like when she's more aware. 

Watched the Fairy Tail: Dragon Cry movie yesterday. It was ok. Not the best or worst. I remember seeing something about how some new things will be introduced in the movie that only manga fans knew about. Stuff that would carry over to this current final season. Like, Gray being able to control his 'demon' side, Lucy being able to equip new outfits and weapons based on the zodiac spirit she summons, possibly hinting at who or what Natsu really is, Acnologia and Zeref being enemies, etc. However, it seemed like that stuff was just thrown out there and made it a bit chaotic. 

I'm glad I started watching this season before watching Dragon Cry. It makes more sense this way, I think. Also, recently they named Erza as the new Fairy Tail guild master. They were told about why Makarov disbanded FT, and plan to save him. I'm glad they also went over Zeref's story more. He's supposedly the biggest 'villain' in the series, and almost everything revolves around him. He's not really evil. In fact, they make you feel sorry for him throughout most of the series. If he thinks about life, he kills everything around him. He's immortal and has been trying to find a way to kill himself. Another big revelation about him and Natsu makes a lot of sense. Also, makes sense why his book is titled E.N.D. Part of it probably does stand for an 'end' to his life. It's a book of demons he created to kill himself. (The majority of them failed.) However, it actually stands for Etherious Natsu Dragneel. Etherious are the type of demons in Zeref's book. Zeref's last name is Dragneel. I didn't realize this until he final said it recently. Before Zeref was 'cursed' he was trying to find ways to bring his deceased brother back. It seems Natsu is his brother brought back to life, but he might be a demon, too? Very interesting. This also probably means that he expects Natsu to kill him in the future.

12th of Kislev

Today's Transgender Day of Remembrance (TDoR). Went to a TDoR vigil on Sunday. I haven't gone for a few years, and I think the last time was my first. That one was at a park in the rain and cold. This year it was in an auditorium at the Bainbridge Island Museum of Art. Much more comfortable venue. I'm reluctant to go every time and have mixed feelings about it. (I even felt weird about 'TDoR' as a title for this post and decided not to.) This was the first one that I had been to after realizing I was agender. So, it seemed even more personal for me. It was hard enough to hear the names and know they were murdered, but most of them had more details as to how it happened. (Being shot, hung, etc.) There was a Buddhist priest that hit a bell (or gong?) after each name, which added to it. I thought it was a nice touch. I saw some people I hadn't seen in a long time, which was great. The theme at this one was about being welcomed. People don't just want to be 'tolerated' or 'loved', they want to feel welcomed to be themselves. 

Dad was one of the speakers. There was also someone who was apart of the first TDoR 20 years ago in Boston (I think). It wasn't really 'official'. It was a march for a trans woman named Rita Hester who was brutally murdered. The following year they turned it into an annual vigil commemorating trans people who were murdered within that year around the world. At one point, they asked people to go up and speak. I couldn't. I think my throat would have closed up. The last speaker was a reverend, originally from Scotland. He was pretty cool. 

Went to the Point Defiance Zoo and Aquarium in Tacoma the weekend after my birthday. I hadn't been to a zoo in a very long time. Haven't been to that particular one probably since 2003. It was just before I left for college. Dad had horrible migraines, and mom had a hard time getting around. I was the only one that was 'fine'. Kind of tainted it. Anyways, it was great this time. Half the animals seemed to be inside or relocated because of construction, so we couldn't see all of them. Saw quite a lot, though. It'd be cool to go to the Woodland Park Zoo in the future. I think I have more memories of that one, and it might be bigger. I just tend to forgot about the zoos and museums near us. 

After that we went to the Cheesecake Factory. I had chicken pot-stickers. They were appetizers on the 'light' menu, and seemed the perfect size for dinner. So many entrees are ginormous there. They listed the calories, and the pot-stickers were one of the lowest. It was eye-opening to see the others. Many were over 1000 calories. I got their Very Cherry Ghirardelli Chocolate Cheesecake. It had quite a lot of calories, but at that point I didn't care. It was spectacular looking. 

I tried adding more vegetables to all my meals besides dinner. It went ok for a couple of days, but then I felt it was just easier to go back to the way it was before. I also ended up feeling really sick. I'm not sure if adding the vegetables had anything to do with that part...Since I still have some mild malabsorption issues, I thought it would help me. Plus, peeling and cooking almost every vegetable made it more of a chore.

I wore my chest binder yesterday for a few hours. I'm thinking of getting back into it. I tend to forget to pull it down to almost passed my butt. If I don't it wrinkles up and gets really uncomfortable. With it pulled down like that, it feels much better. Hardly notice it, except it's not very flexible. So, I really notice it while picking up things, going to sit, going up stairs, and such. I look much better in the mirror with it. Shirts sit different, too. I've noticed that I burp a lot with it on, too. Not sure what that's about. 

I plan to look for a new primary soon. Partly because I want to start Kaiser Permanente's Gender Health Program. Just glanced at their site on it, and apparently if I call their gender specialists, they can connect me with a primary that's been trained in gender-related health care. Not sure if they'd have anybody like that near me. I can't stand my current one. She hasn't asked me to come in for a wellness visit, and it's been roughly 1 1/2 years since I last saw her. It's supposed to be once a year, considering all the health stuff I've had. The last time I saw her she gave me a lecture when I brought up trying another GI. I wanted one with an MD. I had only one with an MD. The next one was a nurse, and the last one a physician's assistant. They can't do much. The PA even told me her hands were tied and couldn't help. She also keeps telling me how smart I am. I don't go there to be praised, and when it's all the time, it ain't flattering. I have a feeling if I told her I was trans, she'd think I was influenced by Dad, seeking attention, or something. The new one would know I was trans from the start. I feel I need to come out in order to talk about this stuff with them. If I get someone trained in gender issues, that'd be best. 

Recently, I decided to try and friend more people on fb. I only friend or accept requests from people I know in some way. I haven't met all of them in person. Some are from forums I was active on years ago. Most of the new ones I knew for a while, but thought they wouldn't accept it. I should have just friended them in the past without caring about that. Considering not accepting it is the worst that will come of it. I think I got 10 new friends on there in the last week or so. One was someone from an ace group on there who friended me. That was cool. I don't usually think too much about friending people from groups on there. Maybe I should. There are some cool people in all the groups I'm in.

Finished watching The Method on Netflix. It was really raw. More so than many detective shows. I liked it but didn't at the same time. Went back to watching The Sniffer after that. It's another detective series. Interestingly, it's Ukrainian, set in an unknown Russian city, and filmed in Ukraine. It's a much better show. The main character doesn't want to kill anyone. The one from The Method kills without thinking, and calls it mercy afterwards. The one in The Sniffer is a bit of a germophobe for a good reason. He has a super sensitive nose, and it can get to be too much if there are too many smells around him. He keeps his apartment extremely clean so he's not overwhelmed. He tells people to wear special suits when they visit him. He also has his own elevator and parking garage. Same reason behind wearing gloves and not shaking hands. He's officially a partner as an 'expert' to the detective now. The detective reminds me of an actor from NCIS: LA. Both characters have great chemistry and their humor is on point. I just hate the 'sniffer's' ex-wife. She always seems to have a bee up her bonnet. She treats their son like crap, too. Turns out she might be addicted to prescription drugs, so that might be why.

Dropped Asobi Asobase. It was hilarious until there was a transphobic segment. I thought it'd turn out different. The girls were suspecting her to be a boy that hid 'himself' in order to get into an all-girls' school. This was after one of the characters saw her dumping a boy. The boy did say he didn't care if she were trans, and that he still loved her. That was a plus, at least. The girls really wanted to ask if she was a 'boy', but were terrified. She messed with them a little. (That part's kind of understandable.) She's considered one of the most popular girls. After being questioned, they made her appear normal. I thought that was great. They never revealed that she was trans, either. The true issue I had was about a second later the narrator cut in, and said that one of the girls (Hanako?) instinctively knew the truth and something was wrong. She made it seem like she was a wolf in sheep's clothing or something. It was very negative and perpetuated the idea that, in particular, trans girls/women are out to trick people. Not cool. I won't sit through more of that. I haven't come across many anime that were so blatant about it. 

Apparently, a remake of Fruits Basket's coming out in 2019. I usually get notified of anime that I'm interested in about to be aired, and news on anime I've seen from MyAnimeList. The news was all over the Japanese/Asian pages I follow on fb, too. Ones that aren't anime based. It was one of the first shows that got me hooked. Not long before that I thought anime was just for little kids. I was so wrong...My roommate and floormates at one of the dorms in college introduced me to it. Yes, that entire floor was into anime...It was scary at first. They were far more into it than I ever was. It's one of the best shoujo series out there. I don't normally like shoujo. The anime was great, but the manga was 100 times better. It was one of the first manga I read. The manga ran from 1998 until 2006. (Longer than I thought...) The anime aired in 2001. So, they were only working off of 3 of the 8 years for the adaptation. Many fans hated the ending. The mangaka (creator) had issues with how things were done. With this new version, they plan to adapt it in its entirety. They plan to have totally different voice actors, director, production, etc. I have to admit, I liked the English dubbed version more than the Japanese version. That's rare for me. It seems like they'll have better ones this time. The mangaka is overseeing everything, too. The art is getting an upgrade. The mangaka said that she was very sick when she made Fruits Basket, so according to her, her art was shaky and not up to par. I don't know about that...It was a bit different compared to the anime, though. Should be interesting to see the new art. So far there are only 2 promo posters, and I can't really get a 'feel' from them. I didn't think they'd remake it, and certainly not 18 years later. 

Sent a DNA sample to AncestryDNA. It was spit-based, and I was surprised at how much they wanted. It was gross 'collecting' it. I'll get to see where all of my family came from. Dad did it a few months ago. Should be interesting. It'll take 6-8 weeks.