Circus

Mood:

Another one from Arashi. Kind of a fun song. Talking about a wonderland full of mystery in your dreams. (That sounds cheesy, but I still like it...)

Opened a new bank account for the first time in about 4 years.(Used to be with WaMu, and once it went defunct, I didn't try to go to another bank.) Also, drove a bit. We were going to go to Seattle's Night Market and Moon Festival, but something came up. It sounded like it would have been fun.Well, maybe next year. 

Had an interesting Shabbat dinner, Friday night. We didn't have time to grab a challah. So, I found a tiny homemade frozen whole-wheat (weird...) challah someone made for us during the first month of mourning. Very sweet of them, even if it was a bit weird. Dad went to something, so it was just me. Made a makeshift pizza for myself. Made out of bread slices, roasted garlic pasta sauce, cheddar, grape tomatoes, sweet peppers, and carrots on top. Turned out awesome!One of my more successful experiments. Might not have been the healthiest. Although, it did have whole wheat bread, lots of garlic, and vegetables. So, not bad. We still had some of those really good walnut cookies. Nice dessert then, too.

Started posting pics to FB and dA again, today. I'm hoping to finish posting the pics I took at the county fair, and then go back to posting my Israel pics. I still have a lot of those.

Found a couple more interesting songs, too. So look forward to them! Wrote a bit more of chapter 18 of Alliance. The ideas are flowin' again! Yay!Hopefully I can keep that up. I should progress much quicker if I really do write a little every day.

Today's kanji is: 体. Or: からだ、たい、てい (Karada, tai, tei). It means: body, counter for images, object, reality, substance. Went over some compounds that had 書 in them. Most were, as expected, writing/calligraphy related. Still good to go over. Also, went over a lesson from my Japanese book. 

Pretty much done with drawing out the first section of this huge meme. I like how most of it turned out.The next part is where my characters interact with each other. But, before I go on, I thought I'd give myself a break from that, and fill out a writing meme. They're pretty fun, can be quick to fill out, and helps with character development. So, I'll probably start that tomorrow.

Yom Kippur starts Tuesday just before sundown, and goes until a little after sundown the next day. Can't believe it's coming up so fast! Again, most people, who are able, fast for the full 25 hours. No food or water. But, people who have health issues, don't have to fast. I used to look at it as almost a competition to see if I could go longer than the previous year with fasting. Not really the best way to look at it. Some people, like me, follow the tradition of not wearing leather, since an animal died in order for the leather garment to be produced. It's a time for being especially sensitive to life and death concerns, including the lives of animals. We wear white, since it's the color associated with both purity and death. 

Troublemaker

Mood:


By Arashi. This is such a fun, and addicting song.The music video for it is really interesting. It's one of the few songs I really like by them. (Although, I'm liking their newer stuff more. Maybe they're just getting better?) Most of the time, I like their acting and variety shows more. They always seem to be having so much fun in anything they do. Oddly, the beat reminds me of disco songs.It's basically about opening up your mind, and going out and doing things, even if you don't succeed at them. At least you gave it a go. And, you can always try again. Nice message.

So far the 'diet' I set for myself has been great. I tweaked it a little though. I'm still eating half of what I usually would, except I'm eating more fruit and vegetables. Not good to limit my already low intake of them.Also, decided to add more water. Lately, since as far back as Mom being at the hospital, I drank less and less water. Not good for me. Need to get back into it. I thought I'd feel like I was starving, but I don't. I feel better this way.Also, managed to get some walking done in the last week or so. Hopefully, I can keep this stuff up. Might be cheaper, and I might lose a lot of weight. 2 birds with one stone, so to speak.


The next step in me becoming a tutor is making a flyer, and sending it to various places. (In the process of making the flyer, hard to decide on how I want it. But, I'll get it done soon!) Someone told me my starting rate sounded good. (Although, now I'm thinking of lowering it a little.) She really liked my idea of: if the first session's a half-hour, then it's free. If the first session's an hour, it's half what I would charge normally for an hour. I think it's pretty reasonable for new clients.She also told me that as I get experience with tutoring, I should raise my rates. I feel nervous about that, because what if it gets to be too much for regular clients? I guess I can work with them individually. She told me she could send a flyer out to her local school's band director. That'd be great! This is sounding better and better!She also suggested a facebook page for it. Makes sense to me. 


Had a couple of days that seemed like I didn't have time to play my clarinet. Everyday I don't play, seems to take a while to get back to where I was. It doesn't sound as good as when it's everyday. That's the way its been since I got back into it the last couple of days. I make more mistakes, where normally they seem easy and effortless. Of course, it didn't help that I played from one of my hardest books today. Solos for the 'Advanced' Clarinetist. Tough normally.Plus, my hand cramps up more. 


I can tell my next chapter in Alliance is going to be a lot of fun to write.Not that this one hasn't been fun. But, the next chapter probably won't have as much 'tension'. Might do another background story of another character in it. I love doing those and interweaving those elements to later chapters.Makes it interesting. Plus, my story's essentially based on its characters. Almost done with writing/editing the current chapter. Might post it soon.

日本語

The last kanji I went over was: 昼. Or: ひる (hiru), ちゅう (chuu). I was familiar with this one too, just didn't practice the kanji for this word enough. It means: daytime, daylight, noon, lunch, midday. I've been writing out the last 5 over and over this week. Doing it until they're more concrete. They were there, but not totally. I was going to practice writing them this passed weekend, but I wasn't feeling very good. At least, not emotionally.So, this weekend, I plan to go over the kanji from when I started going over them. And, practicing those again. Next week, I'll continue with the 'new' ones. So, look forward to those at least on Monday!

Started the second season of Gokusen last Friday. I'm not too sure about the new cast members yet. They don't quite seem as good. But, maybe that will change after watching a few episodes. I miss the old guys.Although, one apparently gets to still have a role, which is Kuma. I like him a lot, so that's nice. It takes place 3 years later than the 1st season. Shirokin Gakuen (Shirokin High School) was shut down, and 6 months later Yankumi was mistakenly asked to teach class 3-D at Kurogin Gakuen. These students seem to be a lot more troubled, and make her previous students look like angels. I was surprised by some of the new actors, because it's a completely different role than what I've seen from them before. Which means they're either going to be really awesome and flexible, or they're not cut out for it. We'll see.

I started reading Katekyo Hitman Reborn (or, Home Tutor Hitman Reborn. Sometimes, referred to as just Reborn) a couple of weeks ago, and started the anime last Friday. It kind of has a weird, and wacky beginning. But, I think it holds a lot of potential. Tsuna seems to always have low test scores, is poor at sports, and has an even lower self esteem. His mother hires a tutor to help Tsuna out. But, it comes as a big surprise to the both of them, when the tutor looks like a baby named Reborn, claiming to be from the mafia. Reborn then informs Tsuna that he is the next (10th generation) heir to the Vongola mafia family, and is there to try to help Tsuna reach the goal. Reborn possesses the Dying Will bullet, which kills a person, and brings them back to life to fulfill the last regret they had. Supposedly, later it helps him get some henchman to make him a true mafia boss-in-training. The anime is a long one, which is 203 episodes. But, the manga is still going. The manga started in 2004. I've heard very little about it, and wondered what it was like. So, why not give it a shot?

Buster Keel still hasn't been updated, so I looked around and saw that there was a new translated volume of Hetalia last Friday. Yay!So, I read a little of that. I really missed the manga, but I think I miss the anime even more. Doesn't have the same feel. But, nice to get back to reading it.


I haven't posted for a while, mainly because of me not feeling well emotionally.I was going to post last Friday, but ran out of time. Yesterday was interesting, because even though I was bawling my eyes out and thinking about Mom, it felt good.Maybe I really haven't taken the time to just breathe and think about her. I think I've been crying more lately, than I did at the funeral.Maybe I finally feel like I'm in mourning? Not that I wasn't before, I think I was more in just a state of shock. In Judaism, you're technically still in mourning for a year after the death. So, this might ebb in and out a bit. 


What also sent me into some more emotional turmoil, is finding out that I've been kicked off my health insurance. Just when I need it most.At least, for therapy, psychiatry, and my meds. My shoulder still hurts, too. Only starting to gradually hurt more. Not like the pain before the cortisone shot. But, it might end up like that, if left untreated for too long. I want to be able to cook again! At least help a little with dishes, without being in pain. I've gotten tired of taking things like ibuprofen. The stuff that doctor I saw for my ear gave me, didn't do much.Still have a pretty full bottle of that. Anyways, I might be able to be on a temporary thing soon. I don't know.


It's even funnier, when I needed my friends the most, they were all too busy to say or do anything.Now, suddenly, they're talking. Weird feeling. Might get to see that friend I knew in high school, that I met in May for the first time since, again in July. That would be awesome.She was busy moving into her new place, and her sister is getting married. So, it's understandable that she couldn't be reached. She seems to be like one of the few 'real' friends I have now. And, that's really good. 


Another good thing that's coming up, is there's a Hadassah potluck/meeting next week. It'll be great to see everyone. Some I haven't seen since the funeral, some even before that. Haven't had a Hadassah thing in a looong time. It's interesting that Mom was only a life member for a couple of months, and I think we only went to one thing during that time. I'm a life member now too.So, maybe I should wear that spiffy pin that came with it for this meeting. 


I'm hoping, when Dad's off, to get my permit. At least it'll be a step in the right direction. Plenty of people are saying they can help me practice. We'll see how that goes too. Who knows, maybe in the near future I'll be able to drive, be a tutor, and eventually move. Yay!


I've decided to join the religious practices committee at our synagogue. Mom was a part of it for 10 years at some point. I can use her notes, and whatever I feel like there. Also, when people heard I was going to be a tutor, they suggested that we should have jam sessions with other members. Sounded so fun. I think we tried to do something similar with a previous cantor, and it fizzled out.I didn't tell them, but I also thought, if we become good enough as a group, maybe we can do fundraisers with it somehow. But it does sound exciting as is.


I'm thinking about posting more pics from my Israel trip. I know it was a while ago, but I never posted them all.People might still like to see them, I think.


I was kind of wanting to go to the cafe I usually do yesterday. I called for the ride I usually do, and didn't get a response. So, I thought either something came up, or she was on her way to get me. But, she didn't show up. Which was ok. Because, I think I needed that time to bawl my eyes out and think about Mom.Even made a better mocha, than they would make. Did the stuff I normally would, downstairs. Anyways, I found out today, that the reason they didn't respond, was because one of the people that likes to go with us just had an operation. She was still recovering, but thought she'd be able to play with the Mahj group still. Ended up being too much for her. So long story short, they couldn't really be there. Would've been sad without them, too. 


deviantART faves: Hufflebadger don't care! StupidFox- 68 HETALIA- HK I did not make these! First, a hilarious T-shirt print, by another artist I watch. Second, another funny installment of StupidFox. Third, an awesome drawing of Hong Kong from Hetalia.

Face Down

Mood:


By Arashi. It's the theme song for Kagi no Kakatta Heya or Locked Room. Kind of a cool one. Makes sense that Arashi would do the theme song, considering they usually do for dramas that a member stars in. It's pretty fitting looking at the lyrics. I usually like their acting, and variety shows more than their songs.But, I'm noticing that I'm liking more of their current songs. Maybe they're getting better with time? They're all pretty talented.

This is my wallpaper for the month. It's Carla, Gray, Natsu, Wendy, Lucy, Erza, and Happy from Fairy Tail. Yep, another Fairy Tail themed one.The more I watch, the more I like it.


My Jewish calendar has an Omer counting board. Made out of wood, glass, and parchment. From the Netherlands, around 1700-1750. Kind of old, but interesting. We're supposed to be counting the days starting from the 2nd day of Passover until Shavuot. Shavuot celebrates when we received the Torah. So, a lot of people study Torah throughout the day and night then. It's kind of interesting. Not sure if we'll do the same thing we did last year. Where the congregation sat around and discussed various different portions. We also eat a lot of dairy products during the holiday. Symbolizing the 'land flowing with milk and honey', or Israel. Anyways, there's also a wooden mezuzah and an etrog box. They have no idea when the mezuzah was made or where it came from. The box actually looks like an etrog. And, is from Amsterdam in 1893. I find these really old things they display to be interesting.


My herb calendar just has a few different varieties of mint in glasses full of water. Better than last month's, I think.


I have some really sad news.My mom died after a long battle with 2 types of cancer, on last Tuesday. She was admitted to the hospital about a week before. It was one of the toughest weeks I've ever gone through.We visited everyday. She had tons of other visitors. In fact, at one point, she told me she was getting tired of so many people calling her before they came and just to 'check in'. She was overwhelmed, but happy about how many people cared.


Her abdominal tumor had gotten so big, that her organs barely had room to function. Couldn't eat much, had a hard time breathing, liver failed, blood clots formed in a vital area, etc. Her body was kind of a mess. At least she had some time to see people. 


I was told on the last day, that she sounded in high spirits and even joked a bit. So, I kind of hoped things would improve or something. We visited her that night, and she had already slipped into a coma. I thought she was joking with us, because of how loud she was snoring. But, no matter what we did, she didn't wake up. I couldn't stay with her once we figured out she was in a coma. Eventually, we had to leave to get some form of sleep. They told us they'd call us if something changes. And, sure enough, I was woken up by Dad at about 7am and told she had just passed away. 


It seemed a little too fast towards the end.I mean, I know she was pretty sick, but things progressed faster than expected. At least, it was in her sleep, and she's not suffering anymore. Almost a funny side note is, her phone was still on while she went into a coma. So, she was connected to everyone even at the end.


I just couldn't bring myself to see her after she died, and was still in the hospital room. They wanted us to gather her belongings. Dad said that there were lots of flowers around her, and some tissues. It was hard on her too. She told me she felt that it was just an imposter. 


Had the funeral on Thursday. It was a nice service, and I think she would have liked it.One of my aunts (her sister), came over from the east coast for it. Nice to have other family come out, and go through it with you. 


It was a very rainy day. Some of the 'reality' sunk in when I was watching the rain hit her coffin. And, when people went over and took a shovelful of dirt and dumped it on it. I like how at Jewish funerals, everyone grabs a shovelful of dirt and tosses it on the coffin. Kind of like each one of us helped bury her. Some people say something quietly to the deceased before they do it. My grandpa had emailed a eulogy to be read during it. It was sweet. The rabbi's eulogy was pretty good too. 


The only downside to it, was having everyone line up in 2 rows, and the mourners have to walk down the middle. Apparently you can't greet people or shake hands, you just walk through to your car. Kind of not as personal that way.My dad and aunt made it to the car pretty quickly. But, I was swamped with people when I was almost to the car door. I think they knew me more, so I guess it kind of makes sense. But, it was pouring out and they wanted to leave. So many hugs there.Plus, got a present from our Hadassah group. It's a picture of Mom, Dad (I think she's in it...), and I with a Mahj themed frame around it.


A few hours later we started to sit shiva, and there was a service. Sitting shiva is when people go into 'intense' mourning for 7 days. The mourners aren't technically allowed to do much of anything else. Both congregations have been providing meals for us. That first night, people brought a ton of food. Most of it desserts. We have so much food, we're not exactly sure what to do with it all.


You're also supposed to light a yahrzeit candle that lasts for 7 days straight. It's a memorial candle. Normally, when not sitting shiva, it's lit on the anniversary of when the person died and it only lasts 24 hours. It's interesting to see a candle this big, and seeing it still going.


We've also gotten a huge amount of flowers and cards. Which is really nice. Makes the piano look like a shrine, though. What with those and the candle. Plus, a pic of when my mom was around 18. Before she had so many problems. And, obviously before I knew her.


That first night we must have had like 50 people cram into our house. It was by far overwhelming.I didn't even get the chance to say hello to everyone. That service was short, laid back, and nice. We shared some memories of her. After the service, there was some time to actually talk to people. There was a handful that really sincerely wanted to talk to me, and said if there's anything I need just call. 


Also, some said we should get together for lunch or something soon. In fact, one suggested possibly having lunch out together today or tomorrow. They hoped today, but that doesn't look like it's happening.


What's been nice is a couple of my friends from high school, who are also my friends on fb said they would like to get together as well. I haven't seen and really talked to these people in about 9 years. It'd be so awesome if we do get together!One of them has been wanting to talk to me for a long time, but didn't know how to ask. It's kind of funny, because I didn't think any of them really cared like that. I've actually managed to talk a lot with that person in the last week or so. We were going to meet on Sunday, but something came up on her end. We're hoping to meet either on Thursday or Saturday. We've got a lot of catching up to do!It's something really nice to look forward to.Another one might get together with me in a couple of weeks. That's pretty cool too. 


In about a month, a couple of members from our Hadassah group were thinking of taking me out, too. One of them said it could be anywhere I want, and not to worry about how expensive things are. That's hard for me to do, in normal circumstances.Even when it's my b-day I have doubts about how expensive something is. 


So, I might eventually get my social life up and running again. It hasn't been like that in years. Went to a Bat Mitzvah on Saturday. I didn't really want the focus to be on me, I wanted it on the Bat Mitzvah girl. It's her special day, and it should be joyful.But, especially after the speech the mom gave, that mentioned my mom, people swamped me again. It's almost too much attention for me.People hugged and talked to me so much, by the time I got to the 'lunch', there was mainly dessert left at the tables. I'm getting kind of tired of sweets at the moment.


My aunt left that day too. She had made copies of the funeral service that she tape recorded. One for us, one for her, one for the other aunt on that side, and the last one for my grandparents. Kind of giving them the feeling of actually being there with us. It was a surprisingly good recording. Surprising, especially because of the rain. But, somehow it set the tone of the mood more. I couldn't sit through the entire recording when they listened to it here. It was just too much. 


Somehow, it's sinking in even more today. Probably because I'm alone at home. It's weird, its felt unreal the last several days. I think the 'light' feeling's starting to subside a bit. I saw my new psychiatrist the day we had the funeral. That was, I think, pretty overwhelming to him too. I'm thinking about maybe changing my therapist appointment to something sooner. 

On a lighter note, I started watching Mikeneko Holmes no Suiri, or Mystery with Holmes, the Calico Cat. I can tell already this has become another fave. Kind of funny that both Ohno and Aiba have shows airing in the same season, and I'm watching them. Ohno and Aiba are from the band Arashi. I'm not sure if I've seen Aiba in other dramas, but I'm liking his acting, too. Katayama Yoshitaro became a detective after having followed the will of his father who had been known as a great detective. However, Yoshitaro can't step into murder scenes because he faints whenever he sees blood, and criminals can easily slip away since he has a fear of heights. He also has a fear of women and ghosts. He happens to believe whatever people say. He's tried in vain to resign, but his brother Hiroshi, who loves mystery novels, and his sharp-tongued sister Harumi always manage to convince him to remain as a detective. One day, Yoshitaro finds a calico cat that seems to understand what people say, and has great reasoning skills. With the help of hints given by the cat, Yoshitaro luckily succeeds in solving cases. He reminds me a lot of Monk. More so than Ohno's drama. A detective who has so many phobias, but ends up solving difficult cases. The cat's hilarious. (With him, it also reminds me of the Cat Who... mystery novels.) Apparently, it changes into a human periodically. I'll probably learn more about it as I go, but it's very interesting so far. 


Started re-watching Bleach. I might continue with it until the next anime season. I stopped at about episode 4 when I was watching it with my anime club in college. Been curious about it again.Especially, because the series ended recently. It's better than I remember it being. Tsuritama has been interesting. Not exactly sure where it's headed, but it's definitely unique. I'm really loving Acchi Kocchi, though.Hilarious and cute. Actually reminds me of stuff we did in high school. Obviously not the same, but similar stuff. 


Naruto Shippuden is finally getting back to the main story line.The next great ninja war is about to start. Looks like it'll be epic. Fairy Tail's been interesting too. Not really intense, and not much to do with the main story. Although, we might get to learn more about Lucy's father soon. 


Kekkaishi's been interesting to watch. I'm still reading it. The spirit dogs have different voices than I expected, and they seem to be mixing different parts of the story together. It's ok, makes a different perspective, I guess. It's still not the best series, but not bad either. Hyouka's been pretty interesting. Not sure where that's really going either. But, it's good. Not liking the ending sequence too much though. Looks slightly ecchi.


deviantART faves: APH:Romania I did not make this! A pretty cool drawing of Romania from Hetalia. Interesting effects throughout.