Went to the local trans meeting last night. It was supposed to be a potluck, but Dad and I were the only ones who brought something. We brought fried chicken. The chicken wasn't touched much, either. Normally, for potlucks we also watch a movie, but we hadn't talked about it beforehand. Besides having the chicken there, it seemed like a regular meeting.
Actually had quite a good number of people this time. There were 4 new people, and all but one were allies. There was a couple that essentially just wanted to learn more about what it's like to be trans, how to be as respectful as they can be, more about gender, etc. It was interesting to hear about allies who actually were curious and willing to find out how to better themselves. One new person was genderfluid, and the other ally was their mom. It was cool to see another enby.
We got into a discussion of the spectrum of gender. Some people use the one line male to female spectrum to explain it. It's one of the worst ones, because gender is much more complex than that. The one we went over is like an x/y axis graph. It's much better, but still has issues. Another one I've seen is a color wheel that seems to come close to being more 3D. It's better, but not the best. There was a comic strip I saw recently of an enby explaining how many of these models are problematic. They've never seen a 'perfect' one. They did come up with their own at the end.
They explained that the gender spectrum is more of a universe. Each planet in it may have parts that align with others, but there are many that are separated entirely. They may have added 'properties' like rings. It was a really cool way of thinking about it. Much better, to me. The person behind the comic was specifically agender, like me. We're outliers. Sure, some lean slightly towards masculine or feminine (often they'll feel 'off-center' to either one), but many of us don't. Where do we fit in those male/female models? We're not neutral. That's different. (That'd be neutrois.) So, I guess agender would have its own planet. Maybe part of it would touch masc/fem ones. Or, have rings that are off-center that represent them. Maybe the rings connect to those others. It could be interpreted in many ways. It sounds more philosophical and interesting this way. At least, it breaks the binary box people are stuck in.
There was also talk about pronouns. Right now, I'm going by she/her or they/them. However, I'm unsure if they really fit me. I say she/her since it'd be easier for others, but that seems like I'm just trying to make others feel more 'comfortable' around me. Not really about myself. They/them seems more accurate, but I've been mulling it over and it doesn't feel quite right. I haven't looked at other pronouns. Probably because I'm too used to the others, and don't want to be thought of as a joke or something. Those who do use them are not jokes, but society isn't kind about it.
I also don't like other gendered language when referring to me. Sir, ma'am, lady, guy (although I'm guilty of using it as neutral myself, I'm noticing it really isn't), woman, man, etc. all get on my nerves now when directed at myself. It would be somewhat like a cis man being referred to as ma'am or lady. They wouldn't stand for it.
The husband of the ally couple suggested I could be called 'dude'. Nope. While it is considered neutral, it isn't. I'm a person, human, I've seen folkperson or gentleperson, pal, friend, guest, etc. There are so many more that people could use. It allows people to be creative, too. When we left Shari's later, he said goodbye, ladies. Yeah, no. I'm not a lady. We discussed some of this not too long before that...I know it's new to him, but it still doesn't change the fact that it stung a bit. I didn't respond because we were already on the other side of the restaurant. Maybe the people that were still there corrected him, or maybe he realized later.
At Shari's with the group, cbd oil and marijuana popped into the conversation. One person talked about how they've heard the oil can greatly help their arthritis, but there are downsides that keep them from trying it. Apparently, cbd oil is raved about in the IBD groups I'm in on fb. Seems like every few posts a someone brings it up. When I said IBD, the person with arthritis seemed to not know what that was. They know I have colitis. Maybe they forgot the umbrella term it's under. Understandable. When I said what it stood for and that I have colitis, the new guy's (one who called me a lady) face fell. His wife wasn't as fazed by it. I think I made him 'uncomfortable'. So, people can talk about arthritis without someone feeling like that, but colitis pops up and it's a different story? Arthritis is pretty bad, too.
A lot of who I am and what I go through makes people feel uncomfortable. I don't have a gender, beyond the binary, I'm not allo (having sexual/romantic attraction), I'm Jewish and therefore not Christian (2 with that one), I have multiple mental illnesses, I'm not heteronormative/cisnormative/amatonormative, I have an 'invisible' (physical) illness, a digestive disease at that, just the word 'disease' can have a similar effect, the fact my parents were both women and had me 'naturally', etc. The more I think about it, the funnier it gets to me. Good, I'm glad my existence is 'uncomfortable' for others. It makes them think about other people and what they go through. Opens up a dialog, too.
I have to deal with having colitis every day whether I want to or not. It makes me 'uncomfortable' sometimes, too. I still occasionally feel this odd thing where it's happening to someone else, and I'm feeling it and watching it all play out. It's not really happening to me. The symptoms are just interesting observations of someone else going through it. That's why I sometimes just list symptoms on here when I give an update. I had that feeling a lot for a while after I was diagnosed. I think I'm feeling it lately, again. It's not a good thing. Makes me feel less likely to tell my primary and gastro about stuff. Add in that I especially don't trust my primary and feel my gastro can't do much (she's told me that she only deals with the simple cases)...it's not a good combo.
I ordered meds about a week ago. Finally got them. However, I only got one of them. I was supposed to get 2. Both are super important. One keeps me relatively mentally 'well', and the other helps keep my colitis at bay. Even when I'm flaring, it's supposed to make that flare more manageable than if I hadn't had anything. So, they keep me going mentally and physically. The one for colitis is the one I didn't get. I'll try calling tomorrow. I'm really low, and I'll most likely have to go to a pharmacy to get it, instead of having it mailed. Oh joy. Maybe it'll come in the mail tomorrow? It's just a little late? I hope.
Today I came up with 3 possible covers for the cookbook. (Just the art, not text and such.) The best candidate is the simplest. There's a black background with a Passover popover towards the bottom. It looks like it's popping out. I accidentally made the popover taller and a little thinner. It looks more like a crown. It seems to fit the 'treasure' theme in the name. The only thing I don't like about it is part of that popover looks like it has slime or something. It's small...Another possibility is one with Passover granola with no 'empty' spaces. The last one is my bathroom curtain, which adds an interesting texture to it. I'll choose one next time and add text.
For German, I finished V. Cond. 2. It was really long. I think I missed about 2 or 3 again. Also, finished the Philosophy one. It only had 2 parts. It was really easy, too. Many of the new words were the same as their English translations. Just said a little differently. True is wahr (vahr), and reality is werklichleich (verk-leech[gutteral ch]-laich[also gutteral ch]). Those were pretty much the actual only new words. Reality is a bit difficult to say. I was already familiar with the ch sound, thanks to Hebrew and a little Yiddish. Plus, my middle name starts with that. What makes it hard for me is that long combo said altogether. It's choppy for me. I guess reality really can be difficult. Next will be Present 4. After that, it'll be fantasy. I'm more interested in the fantasy one.
Despite feeling sick, I finished dusting my room today. Yay! I couldn't stop coughing while I did it, though. Found a glass filled with interesting coins. Coins like embossed pennies from San Diego, Ellis Island, and the Empire State Building. There were some Canadian ones, as well. I took everything but my eye mask off the top of the short bookcase near my bed. It looks really bare now, but nice.
Went to the Paella Bar for dinner. It was to celebrate the beginning of Dad's birth month. I got coca bread, beef empanadas, and potato and artichoke tortillas. Had a little bit of the smoked paprika almonds she ordered, too. I decided to try a dessert from there for the first time. Got their brioche and apricot bread pudding with rum and butter sauce. That was amazing! Everything else was great, too.
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