Wednesday, February 21, 2018

Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week 2018

This is always the week after Valentine's Day. It started on Sunday. The ones who created the holiday were going to go with Aromantic Awareness Week, but the acronym would have been the same as the one for Asexual Awareness Week. Aros have been trying to separate from that community, so they added 'spectrum' to it. The spectrum would have still been represented either way. Interesting when you're both aro and ace, and they're trying hard to break ties...Puts me in a weird spot. Those orientations are different things, so it makes sense. (It's kind of like saying you have brown eyes and brown hair when you're both.) Still...Most aros are allosexual, and most aces are alloromantic. That in itself makes it feel like I'm in an even smaller minority.

There are a lot of ace advocates that seem to forget about aro aces. They seem ignorant about it. You can see a similar thing on AVEN sometimes. Some of them seem particularly arophobic. Saying things like: "How could anyone not experience romantic attraction?" "An aro ace asked me what it felt like to be in romantic love. That's a stupid question. You'll know when you feel it, they just haven't met the right person." "They must be so heartless. How could they function without love?!" "You have to feel something romantically!" "There must be something wrong with them." It might seem like little things, but they add up. Plus, treating fellow aces like that isn't cool. 

However, on Arocalypse it's a totally different atmosphere for people like me. Maybe it's because it's such a smaller and more of a tight-knit community compared to AVEN. I checked, and apparently AVEN has 100,000 more members. Arocalypse has around 700 members. That's a huge difference. They're very kind and welcoming of everyone there. It's a similar design to AVEN, as well. The only downside is it's becoming more and more inactive. I hope it doesn't shut down.

I've wanted to post something aro related every day this week on fb. So far I've added an aro flag filter to my profile pic, added aro ace based art for the cover pic, posted a status introducing it, and found an article one of the ace pages shared. Not much, but it's something. I was thinking about posting all of the aro related pins I found on Pinterest. I'm nervous about that, and I have less than I thought. I shouldn't be nervous when it's on my own page. So what if no one likes or comments on them? It'll be out there and about something that's important to me. I realized I actually have a lot of interesting agender or enby related pins than I remembered. I could post those after this week. I might draw something, too. I was thinking about a stylized spade (like the suit of cards) and an arrow piercing through it. Might have the aro flag colors dripping off of it or something. Not sure if I'll ever get to that.

Had my annual eye exam yesterday. They wanted me to come in earlier, because the one who was doing it lives far from where I had it done. It was snowing that day, and she wanted to make sure she wouldn't get stuck along the way. It wasn't forecasted, and wasn't sticking.

I was very tempted to cross out the M and F on the intake form, and write/check off X or neither. It would have messed with them, and I just didn't have the energy to deal with it. I'm not an F, so checking that off felt really awful. Funny how my existence is too much for others and that I shouldn't be truthful. Why am I so controversial to people?

She was incredibly rude to put it mildly. She told me what I should fill out on the form, and a couple of minutes later she ripped it out of my hands. I was just going to ask about family eye health stuff. Instead, she asked Dad about it, and checked off the boxes. Why? She asked Dad specifically if it would be ok to dilate my eyes. I said I'd be fine with it, but she waited for her to answer. She said you should ask her. 

After some going back and forth, and me getting increasingly annoyed, she asked how old I was. It's on the form! Just look! I told her that I'm 33. She did a double take, and made me repeat myself. She tried to joke about it, saying that can't be right. Eventually, she did apologize. However, she also said I should feel lucky to look so young. If I don't yet, I will someday. I've been dealing with people thinking I'm younger than I am my whole life. It's really annoying. She obviously thought I was younger than 18. Sounded like it was by a lot. How could I appreciate being treated like a kid at my age? That's not lucky; that's disturbing to me. I must have stopped aging physically when I was a teen? I don't know. 

We were talking about her going home, and she said a rather sexist statement about the women working the front. That they don't have to worry, because they have husbands. She doesn't. Now, I'm not sure if she actually knew they had husbands or not. Instead of saying they live closer, to bring up their husbands...Why? Sure, they could help them if they needed it...It just didn't sit well with me.

My eyes are getting worse, but that's to be expected. (It's not by a lot.) I've had to have glasses starting when I was 7 for 17 years, and have had contacts ever since I stopped wearing glasses. So, they're already pretty bad without any contacts or glasses. 

My eyes were especially dry, so when she dilated my eyes it hurt like hell. Took me a while to recover from the pain. Also, took a while for them to go back to normal. Everything was too bright even with wearing sunglasses inside, couldn't read things, and things were blurry. At some point, I started to get a wave of nausea. More so than usual. I don't remember it being so bad last year. Had some tea and a pastry when we got home, and it cheered me up a lot. Now, I'm back to normal, which is good. 

I'm up to about 110 pages altogether with writing both Alliance 3 and the cookbook. That's quite a bit. Especially when I started at the beginning of last month, and skipped several days. I'm up to the second recipe in the 'Jewish Holidays' section. The first one was for the almond torte with cream. Something she would sometimes make for our Passover seder's main dessert. It's definitely kosher for the holiday. There's no flour. I've made it once a few years ago. It was easier than I thought it would be. 

Wednesday, February 14, 2018

National Tortellini Day!

This holiday was yesterday. I love tortellini! They're like pillows of awesomeness! They go with a lot of things, too. It was also World Radio Day yesterday. I hardly ever listen to the radio now. I used to listen to it a lot. It's been that way since I started listening to things like Pandora, last.fm, Apple Music, etc. It's sad, in a way. I think radio as most people know it, is dying out. 

It's Valentine's Day. To me, it's a problematic holiday for many reasons. One of the most obvious is because I'm aro ace. This holiday promotes romantic and implies sexual love. Pushing amatonormativity everywhere. I don't have either of those. It's like rubbing it in my face every time I go out. I do experience a very strong platonic love, so celebrating that would be great. Still advertisers would like to promote a certain type of love. So, as much as I would like it to be for all types of love, it's not played up as such. Many aro aces do have it as a day to treat yourself or be with friends. It still feels weird. Many aro aces have vented about Valentine's Day in the aro ace group I'm in on fb. There were no posts for a while until now. So, it's difficult.

Another reason is my ex-boyfriend dumped me on that day. It was over the phone, I was still recovering from being hospitalized, and he was on the other side of the state. Probably one of the worst times and ways to do it. This was a long time ago. He had made such a big deal out of the holiday before, his friends told me he was thinking of proposing, we were together for 2 and a half years, and it seemed to come out of no where. Some aro aces apparently feel good after breakups, but it hit me hard. I was very platonically and emotionally attached to him. So, every Valentine's Day is like a reminder...

It's also technically a Christian holiday. It is, after all, named after a saint. While it's been heavily commercialized, it still has this other meaning to it. This has always been a bit unsettling to me. I'm not Christian, I'm Jewish. In Judaism, we do have a minor holiday celebrating love called Tu B'Av. It's a bit different, though. 

I do like the candy and chocolates. Especially, when they go on sale the next day. I don't really like flowers. I think roses are cool looking, but wouldn't want to have them as a present. Flowers don't last long, and make a mess. I've always felt that way about them. If people need a romantic symbol, I would think a flower is weak. It would seem the relationship or the way they felt about each other is fleeting and messy. That doesn't sound good. Candy and chocolate nourish people and tastes good. That's better symbolism, I think.

I'm up to 89 pages in total with writing both Alliance 3 and the cookbook. That's quite a bit in a month. I also skipped a few days. I'm up to the meat section in the cookbook, and it's making me even more hungry every time I go through it. I've noticed there are quite a few recipes from friends of her family and family members in this one. (A couple of the names aren't familiar to me.) Those have been interesting. Often, the recipes aren't with exact measurements for those. Instead it's things like a dash of this, a layer of that, half a jar of this (not saying how many oz are in that jar of something...), etc. This has also seemed like an interesting time capsule. A lot of the recipes are from the late 70's and early 80's. One in this section was from 1969, and it was obviously typed up on a typewriter. Even if people aren't interested in using such old recipes, it's interesting to see what was considered 'good' back then. There were a lot of Bisquik recipes from 1977. That's really old. They luckily listed the oz in the cans of stuff from back then, and how many grams of other things. That way it can be easier to figure out even if sizes of stuff have changed over the years. The mixes and other stuff might have changed a bit too, though. I guess people could look that up as well. I'm even interested in making some from this section.

In 2 days, the preorder period will end for both ebook versions of Alliance: Dawn and More Than Meets the Eye (my memoir). I won't know how they did until then. I think people would be more interested in the ebooks first, since it's cheaper. I pretty much get the same amount in royalties either way. I'm nervous about it. Once the preorder period is over for both, I'll add links to the side of this blog to them. Just like I did for the first 2 books. That way people can always check them out. This blog might get a little more messy looking. I think I remember seeing that I can add another page. So, maybe I'll do that in the future, and post some of this stuff from the sides on there.

AVENues did do a piece on my memoir, and that issue, called Aces in the Media, was put out a couple of weeks ago. They interviewed me, which was more like a form full of questions to fill out. They also added the excerpt I gave them. I'm not sure if it was a good one, but it was on how I felt in a romantic relationship, if I remember correctly. I thought it'd be best to use something from the aro ace chapter, even though I do refer to being aro ace throughout. They also asked if they could use my cover art in it, and I agreed. I'm new to that sort of thing. Hopefully, my part was done ok. I still haven't had the nerve to look at it yet. The next issue is on aces with mental illnesses. Interesting, since I also have mental illnesses...They want aces like me to tell their stories before their deadline. I'm wondering if I should? It's like lately they're putting out issues that relate more to me than usual. Obviously, besides the ace part.

Not sure if I mentioned this before, but I started a few playlists on Apple Music based on my books. One's for the Alliance series, another for Sweet Endless Terror, and the last one for the memoir. The easiest one has been Sweet Endless Terror. Basically, looking at any horror or suspenseful music for that. Might look at each story's theme in the future, too. (Space, hearts, classical for going back to a certain time, obsession/stalkers, etc.) Alliance hasn't been as easy. Although, there are a lot of themes in that one. Like, fantasy, slight horror, what it means to be human, demons, specific demons (medusa, phoenix, dragon, etc.) in it, peace, hate, hardship, and so much more. I think the problem with that one is there are so many different themes to look at. I haven't really touched the memoir one much. I might add music that was popular throughout my life. Maybe themes based on the chapters? All this sounds fun, and I haven't looked that often into any of them. It's kind of to connect more with my writing. It'd be interesting if I created a playlist for the cookbook, too. Wonder what would go in there? I guess there are food related songs, but not many. Maybe songs from the 70's and 80's? Fun stuff. 

Still learning German. Some of it has been frustrating, but most of the time it has been fun. They say things in odd ways. A lot of it has reminded me of Yiddish, and I'm glad I know some of that. I know that Yiddish is a mix of German, Hebrew, and a little Russian; but I can actually see where some of the words come from. I just got through the travel section in Duolingo. That one was 6 sections long, which is one of the longest ones. I think next is either another one on the body or numbers. Should be interesting.

Youtube:

I wanted to see if there were any amv's with anime I saw a while ago, and if there were any of my fave manga based music videos or mmv's. Even though I like a lot of the newer anime stuff, these were something different to watch. The manga ones give off an interesting effect. It was kind of cool to see how many I found. 

Kuroshitsuji (Black Butler) manga:
Akaya Akashiya Ayakashi no (Of Red, Of Light, and Of Ayakashi) manga:
Tripeace manga:

xxxHolic:

Tsubasa (Wings) Chronicle: 

Shiki:

Gintama:

Boku no (My) Hero Academia: