Tuesday, September 27, 2016

Beginning of Autumn!

Mood::iconchibigreeceplz:

It's my fave season!:la:The weather is cool and crisp. The seasonal foods/drinks are awesome! The High Holy Days fall around this time, there's Sukkot, and Simchat Torah. Halloween and my birthday happen during it, too. (My birthday's on November 7th.) There's also Thanksgiving. Always feels like a new start this time of year.:iconthailandplz:Sunday was World Pharmacists Day. I think they're very underappreciated. They help save lives, or at least help patients cope. Without the meds I've been given throughout my lifetime, I could have easily died numerous times. So, I'm grateful for that. It doesn't mean every med is perfect, but everyone is different. The fact that there are different options is great that way. Today's Ancestor Appreciation Day. It's fascinating learning about my own ancestors. Cool to know where you came from, too.

Put my story about realizing I was ace on Tumblr recently. I'm still not used to Tumblr, so it was interesting. Got quite a response almost right away. There were a lot of likes.:iconcblushplz:2 from who I think are pretty famous within the community. At the very least, I knew who they were almost right away, and I'm still rather new to the community as a whole. I know Tumblr has supposedly one of the largest ace communities. In fact, the ace community was larger than AVEN when it started. Many people feel more connected to the one on Tumblr. 

One of the 'famous' people I knew from their youtube channel, and the other from a book introducing asexuality. That book wasn't the best (it was free, though...:iconpolandplz:), but the author also created the asexuality archive. A huge resource for info on ace stuff. He apparently also lives in Seattle, so rather close to me. I didn't know that last bit until he commented on that post. The one who is more known on youtube is very interesting and seems like a really cool person.:iconfrancisplz:They live in Japan, and they often talk about their experiences being a gender nonconforming (I think) ace who's also a person of color living there. Also, how being panromantic can be a bit difficult to explain to people when you're ace. They also have some educational vids about asexuality. 

The one who commented on the post, suggested I talk with someone in the Seattle Aces group about making a group on this side of the water. I haven't brought this up yet with their closed facebook group. He said he'll bring it up with them, even if I start talking to them beforehand, at the next meeting. He also mentioned that someone in the past already brought up the idea that there needs to be a group that meets over here. So, yay! Another person like me over here!:iconyayhanatamagoplz:I was thinking of making my own closed group on facebook, inform the Seattle Aces about it (they might give me tips anyways), and if there are enough members we could actually meet somewhere. I think someone else brought this idea up to me

Another person private messaged me on there. They said they could really relate to everything I talked about. I think they phrased it more as: except for being a woman, since he's a man, it directly mirrored his experiences and how he felt. That kind of made my day.:iconheroamericaplz:That someone said that they've felt like me. It feels good to hear that people have felt similarly. I've heard others say a similar thing when I posted my story on AVEN, too. I don't think this person was out enough on Tumblr to 'reblog' or publicly comment. (He might also have friends in real life or family that might follow his blog.) That's ok. Makes his message even better, I think. 

Saw my new gastro a week ago. She's actually a nurse who specializes in it. It feels like, from past experiences, that nurses might actually be better than doctors in many ways. They have to have a wider knowledge of how to treat people, for one. I have a lot of respect for them

She was very thorough. Was concerned about things that I've just had to deal with, and doctors have said that I didn't have to worry about them after they were 'solved'. Like, I had blood clots in my lungs that were in every air sac, the clotting factor was about 60 times the norm, I was 'too young' for them (puzzling for someone at that age to have it so bad), there were no signs that it started in my legs or heart, and I was hospitalized for it (the nurses called me Princess, because I was too young in their eyes for it, too). It cleared up with their treatments, but no one knows why that happened in the first place. Had a horrible case of pneumonia a year before that also landed me in the hospital. It was so bad they poked a hole in one of my lungs, and drained over a liter of fluids. Not sure why it was so bad, and if it had anything to do with the blood clots. 

I also had an 8-month long period. Basically hemorrhaging that long, in an incredible amount of pain, and became anemic. The only 'cure' for it was to have an IUD (Intrauterine Device). It seems more like a band-aid to prevent it from returning. We still don't know why it happened. The 2 gynecologists I've seen didn't pursue the reason behind it. I've also had an issue in the past where I would throw up all day. On a whim, my primary at the time, prescribed omeprazole for it. It kept me from throwing up like before, but it was a mystery why I had it in the first place. She thinks figuring out my blood issues (like the ones I mentioned), and stopping omeprazole will be a big first step. Also, important to find out, since these things could affect my IBD. So, she also recommended I see a hematologist in the future. 

Haven't thrown up since I stopped taking omeprazole, which was about a week ago. I was on it for 5 years, and she also thought that was an unusual amount of time to be on it. Most are just on it for about 6 months. If something does happen with it in the future, it means something more is going on. I'm a bit worried that I've had some fiery pain in my stomach for the past few days, though. Still incredibly nauseous on top of that.:iconlietplz:

After hearing that my mom, maternal grandma, and a maternal aunt all had breast cancer; she recommended that I have a mammogram in the near future. I don't know if other members of my family, especially on my dad's side have had it, too. I'm still quite young for a mammogram. She said something like I should do it about 10 years before my mom was diagnosed with hers. That would mean about 3 or 4 years from now. I was 17 when she was first diagnosed. So, figuring it out in relation to my age at the time. That still seems a little early. I'm kind of scared of getting one.:iconscaredplz:Also, she thought that getting some genetic testing would be good. For one thing, with me being an Ashkenazic Jew, there are some genetic diseases that are found only within that group. Quite a few blood related ones, in fact. Of course, not everyone gets them. She seems more into my other stuff than any of my primary doctors have been.:iconhanatamagoplz:

She was puzzled by the pain I've been having. The pain that started on my right side, and that has traveled across my abdomen to the other side as well as my entire back. When she looked over me for basically a physical, as soon as she got to touching my sides, I had a huge jolt of pain. I was already hurting, but it intensified. She seemed very concerned about it. Especially after I mentioned that I've felt a small lump on my right side recently. When I think of lumps in the abdomen, my mind goes directly to what happened to Mom with her tumors. I don't think it's the same, but it scares me nonetheless.:iconraivisplz:I think it actually is something serious happening with my organs, whether they be my intestines or something else. That lump might be just an inflamed organ or something related to them.

I haven't had any imaging on my abdomen (parts besides my colon and everything above my small intestines) since before I started getting symptoms of IBD. First, it'd be good to see if my small intestines are affected. Second, it could be a more definitive indicator of Crohn's. She also said it'll give more of an answer as to why I'm in so much pain. So, she ordered to have 2 views of regular x-rays done, and a type of MRI. I'm glad I'll get some sort of imaging done for it. I've been mentally wanting it since the colonoscopy/endoscopy results came back. That was July 2015.:iconnorwayunimpressedplz:

She said she can't do much about my pain at the moment, since she doesn't know what's really going on with me yet. So, she prescribed something similar to bentyl. It might be stronger, and it works more for some people. For this one, I have to put a tablet under my tongue and let it dissolve. I'm not sure if I've had a med like that. Should be interesting. This is an antispasmodic med. It suppresses muscle spasms. All bentyl did was make me very drowsy. She said this one might make me drowsy too, but it might work better with calming the muscles. Meanwhile, at the moment, I'm in so much pain I haven't been sleeping well, and am eating and walking less.:iconsadnessplz:Tylenol does nothing for it. That's the only over-the-counter painkiller that's ok to use when you have IBD. At least, that's what I've been told and have read. Other painkillers can inflame the intestines even more, causing more damage.

She wants me to go back to miralax, and even have more of it than I had before. I have a hard time with this one. It reminds me a great deal of the horrendous laxative I had to take for my colonoscopy prep.:iconwtfukplz:The stuff that I threw up, and had to take an antinausea med in order to attempt to drink it. Didn't even get through half the amount I should have with that stuff. It smells like it, and has a much more mild version of the same taste to me. Even if it's in tea. She said I could have small doses at a time, but it'll be more often throughout the day. She also said I should take a probiotic with it. Since I was hospitalized so often, the treatments I had killed off most of my gut's flora and fauna. I may never get it back to where it was, because we're born with a certain number that sticks with us and only found in that individual. I can't eat spicy foods because of this. Anyways, I might get one of the probiotics I tried in the past where the big tablet fizzes in your mouth. They were kind of fun. Felt similar to candy.:iconusaplz:Got tired of the taste, though. 

Tried to get the blood tests and x-rays done a couple of days later. Only managed to get the blood tests done. One was to check my thyroid, just to make sure. The other a general blood panel. I was normal for both of those. Couldn't get my x-rays done, because the radiology department didn't get the faxed order. Kind of frustrating.:icongermanyplz:I emailed the Digestive Health Services Patient Portal, and they refaxed it along with the MRI order. (Took some going back and forth...) So, I should be able to get it soon. Didn't have time to get my flu shot. I'm on an immunosuppressant, so this is very important thing for me to get. I just can't have the 'live' or spray version of any vaccine. My system wouldn't be able to tolerate it. I'll get that soon. Didn't have time to get the prescriptions, either. That'll be soon, though.

I finally got rid of Google Chrome, and most other Google stuff from my computer. I think Chrome was competing with Firefox. Plus, it's 'updater' was constantly slowing things down.:iconnataliaplz:I can't use Chrome, because it doesn't support Windows XP anymore. I used to love it, too. Although, playing video in Chrome was always choppy or slow. I also cleaned up the registry, which got rid of all the 'loose' bits that were left behind from uninstalling that stuff. (There were quite a lot of other Google products on my computer, too.) It's cleared up a lot of space, and so far, Firefox has been running much faster and more smoothly. The only time it slowed down was because of an update. I think Google was keeping Firefox from updating, too. 

Part of the reason why I haven't been posting much here was because it was lagging so much. Took forever to write up a post.:iconohboyamericaplz:It got frustrating just to type. So, yay for clearing that up! Might get to posting more often now. Might use more pics in posts (like I used to), and finally feel like modifying the whole blog.:iconberwaldplz:Oh, interestingly enough today is Google's birthday. I feel like I dumped them on a happy day...Although, I still have Chrome and search on my iPhone. So, I didn't totally leave you.:iconseychelles-plz:Also, still use Google as a search engine on Firefox.
Read the most recent chapter of Kuroshitsuji or Black Butler, yesterday. This one was not only a Halloween special chapter, but marked the 10-year anniversary of the series. I didn't realize that it's been around for that long. So, Ciel is permanently 13 years old? He's gone through a lot more 'adult' things, though. This is my favorite manga.:iconinloveplz:That's saying a lot, because there are a lot of great ones out there! There's a lot of humor, it's dark, full of suspense, many twists to a complex plot, the characters are well developed, depressing moments mixed with happy ones, gory at times yet tasteful about it, and the art is flippin' amazing! There's so much more to it! It's set in the late 1880's, and sticks close to being accurate for that time period. At least, from what I've noticed, previous knowledge, and reading about it. Also, set in England, so there are some English cultural elements from that time.  

The first anime season of it stuck close to the manga until the end. It was pretty good. The 2nd season of the anime was totally 'original' and not from the manga. I couldn't stand more than 2 episodes of that season.:iconwtfromanoplz:To me, it was horrible and ruined it. Much later, the Book of Circus anime came out, and it was really good. It followed almost exactly what was in the manga. Book of Murder was like that, too. There's going to be a Book of the Atlantic movie coming up in January. That was one of the best story arcs in the manga, so that sounds like it'll be great if they follow it.:iconchibihungaryplz:Even cooler to see that one in motion. There was also a live-action movie. I'm reluctant to see it. It's another original story based on it. Instead of Ciel, there's apparently a descendant of his. She has to act/look like a guy in order for people to take her seriously. I'm not sure I like the actor they picked for Sebastian. I like him in other things, but I don't think he can pull off the look or 'vibe' very well.:iconswissplz:I think many other actors can. The servants' descendants are there, too. It could be good...Considering how most of the things that were separate or had nothing to do with the manga, were done so poorly, I don't know. 

I like how in this chapter they explored what Halloween is like around the world. Or at least, similar holidays. They incorporated many of the items/decorations from those places to make a big Halloween party for everyone to attend. It had many beautiful messages throughout, one of which was about what it really means to be human. Comparing humans to candles. It was a nice breather from the intense current arc. I hope this series goes on for many more years.:iconawwwplz:Ciel is in costume for Halloween in the pic. Interestingly, I think Sebastian was the only one that didn't dress up in a costume. But, he's a demon, so maybe he thought he didn't need to? Kind of funny to have Ciel dress up as a devil. 

Rosie, my cat, has been more attached to me than usual lately. She's made a nest of my long hair she's collected, that's interwoven into my huge stuffed lamb. She likes to knead in that area. Also, made a small hole in the back of its neck. A little stuffing was coming out when I noticed. I almost feel like she's using it as kind of a voodoo doll or something.:iconitalyishorrifiedplz:The 'nest' of hair is on the same side my pain started on the lamb. Maybe she thinks if she kneads it, she can make that pain go away somehow? It's weird and creepy. She also checks to see if I'm breathing almost every time I wake up in the morning. She directs me to her food bowls (she has 2...) at certain times. She usually has plenty of food and water, and won't stop bugging me until I make something for myself. Interesting that she seems to know something's up, and seems to be trying to help me in her own way. Also, purring on my sides at night. I've read that purring does have a healing effect on wounds and pain. Not a drastic effect, but it's there. Except for the lamb thing, it's actually nice to know that another creature (definitely a furry family member) cares about me so much.:iconsleepygreeceplz:

Sunday, September 11, 2016

National Grandparents Day!

Mood::iconicelandfukkiretaplz:

Awesome that there's a day for grandparents, too!:iconranranruuplz:It became a national holiday in 1978. It's celebrated on the first Sunday after Labor Day. Apparently, a lot of other countries have their own Grandparents Day. Kind of nice. I only have one grandparent left, and he's amazing!:iconawwwplz:This reminds me that it's been a while since I last called him...:iconawkwardplz:I think he turns 90 in December. That sounds like quite an accomplishment. It's also 9/11, which is Patriot Day. A day commemorating the attacks back in 2001. I still remember that when it started, I was watching TV just before going to school. The news cut in. Then, the teachers had their TVs on throughout most of the day. Felt saturated with it. It was pretty shocking.

Went to an LGBTQ family picnic yesterday. It was at a park near a lake. It was really nice. Apparently, I had 2 reasons for being there. I normally just think of one of them, which is that I have a trans parent. (I'm also an ally in general of the LGBTQ community.) So, I'm family. Also, I'm ace (or asexual), and they're represented in the longer acronym. So, yay! Double the fun!:iconseychelles-plz:It was a reasonable turnout. 

There was so much food!:iconfeelingfullplz:Hot dogs and hamburgers with their fixings with the BBQ part. There were also baked beans, a few different types of salads, a variety of chips, watermelon, skittles, a big sheet cake, mini cinnamon buns, chocolate chip cookies, and chocolate chip muffins. The sheet cake had a rainbow and sun design in the middle, and a thick white frosting covering the rest. Had a custard type inner layer. That was really tasty. There was also a variety of drinks. Things like water, juice, sodas, etc. It seemed the organizers, PFLAG, really wanted everyone to be able to have something. They even had veggie burgers. PFLAG originally stood for: Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays. They changed it, but kept the name, since nationally they were known by that. They changed the meaning to reflect a more inclusive organization for the entirety of the LGBTQ community. Kind of cool. The change happened 2 years ago, so it's rather new. However, from what I've read, they've always been inclusive to the rest of that community, not just lesbian and gay people. 

I ended up talking to someone about being ace while I was there. They wanted to know more about it, said it was very interesting and were happy for me.:iconheroamericaplz:Most people haven't heard much about it. I decided to look for ace closed facebook groups a couple of days ago. Found the 'local' meetup group that meets in Seattle's facebook group, a 18+ ace spectrum group, a safe space for aces one, and today found the greater Northwest ace group. The safe space one is more of a support group. They seem to be the most active, although the 18+ one is close. I'm thinking of making my own group on facebook that's based more locally for me. Eventually, if we get enough people interested, we could meet each other in real life.:iconchibiamericaplz:Make our own 'ace meetup'. I've heard that there are many groups around the world that do this. I'm thinking of bringing this up with the Northwest aces first. I read a recent post about people possibly making groups that are closer to them. Maybe there's already a group, but they haven't publicized it very well. That's totally understandable for safety reasons, though. It'd be interesting to find out. If there isn't they might give advice on how to start a group or something. Maybe even promote it among other aces. Just a thought.

I've been thinking more about my romantic orientation lately.:iconthinkinghkplz:I posted a while back that I wasn't really sure. Many aces go by romantic orientation for dating and such. I thought I was just heteroromantic. Essentially, finding the opposite sex or gender romantically attractive. So, 'straight' romantically. Now that I've thought about it, I might actually be demi-heteroromantic. Some people just use demiromantic, but when talking specifics they use the regular prefixes like: bi-, hetero-, homo-, pan-, etc. It means I don't develop romantic attraction until I've had a very strong connection or bond with a guy. There's demisexual, which is like this but with sexual attraction. This connection can take years or several months. (And, may never happen. It's very rare.) It's on the aromantic or aro spectrum. I'm not into romance, dating, and such. Although, when that 'connection' is there, I'm really into it. I like it a lot.:iconchibihungaryplz:This is different than just warming up to someone, or just getting to know them before going out. It's kind of like a switch turns on suddenly, but it's rare. I've only had about 3 or 4 crushes throughout my life. Many people have had a lot more by my age. Some aros call those rare crushes, squishes. Sounds odd to me. I get semi grossed out with overly romantic stuff normally. I find it somewhat fake normally, too. I've only had one boyfriend in the past. About a month before we were in that sort of relationship, I thought we were just really good close friends. He suddenly confessed to me and said if I didn't tell him that I felt the same way within a week, I would never see him again. Being more nervous about losing a friend, I said I loved him too. I don't think I truly felt that way until 4 or 5 months later. Not sure if it was just that I liked the attention (some aros do), it was made up, or I really did fall for him.:iconswissplz:It took me a while to feel that feeling though. Haven't really felt it since then. (It was a really nasty breakup.)

It's interesting to find out that there are so many different types of attraction. Especially from the point of view of someone who studied anthropology. Humans are interesting creatures.:iconberwaldplz:My attractions are apparently not aligned, which can lead to confusion. Not confusion about how I feel, just where those fall in society. It's good to know more about myself through it, my views on the world through it, and what I might like in a partner. To me those sound pretty important, too. The person I talked to at the picnic said it was very interesting to learn that there are other attractions. She wanted to learn more about them. Some people who are on both the aro and ace spectrum might identify with a platonic attraction. No one has to, but it is interesting. Platonically or in a friendly way, I might be pan. Meaning, in a friendly way, I really love pretty much everyone. I'm cool with being really good friends with women, men, gender nonconforming people, genderfluid people, etc. It's somewhat interesting since many people feel they can only be friends with people of the same sex. Some think that if you're friends with a member of the opposite sex, it'll eventually lead to a romantic relationship. That sounds silly to me. Some say they can only be friends with the opposite sex, because people of the same one annoy them in some way. This sounds odd to me, as well. I can relate to a lot of other women, since we share a similar experience of just being a woman. There's also aesthetic and sensual attractions. I think I still land in just the hetero category for those. Many people dismiss ace/aro attractions because they think the words are 'made up'. All of those terms have parts that were already words. Guess what? Every word we say/use was 'made up' at one point. It's good to put words to how people have felt all their lives. They can find others that have felt the same way, too. Anyways, so I'm a panplatonic demi-heteroromantic ace.:iconchibigilbertplz:Just hetero for everything else. I'm a mismatch of things. I'll tell people in a quick way: heteroromantic ace. That kind of erases the demi part, which is pretty important, though. Depending how I feel about the person and where I am, I might tell them that part. I might just say ace, and only go into detail if they ask. It's kind of fun finding these things out.:iconsleepygreeceplz:

There's a lot of acephobia out there, too. They say one way to combat that is to just be out about it. Also, to educate people and catch them when they might do/say something inappropriate to an ace. Some aces have felt acephobia from the LGBT community. It's not nearly as common as with the general population, though. The rest of the LGBT community can be just as ignorant. Some aces feel like we should have our own organization, since we've felt shut out at times by the LGBT community, people tend to think of that community as sexual or allo (what some aces refer to sexual people as), and we certainly don't fit into what society views as 'straight'. Even when everything but the sexual orientation is hetero. When people think of straight, they think heterosexual, and that there can't be anything else. I've heard of similar things with the trans community. Personally, I think we do kind of belong in the LGBT community. However, I don't like how sexual it can be perceived from outside. Some aces/aros identify as queer. I'm a little hesitant to use that for myself. Mainly because it's still sometimes used in a derogatory manner, feels like I'm encroaching on someone else's space, etc. 

There are also different types of aces. With myself, I think I'm both repulsed and very curious about sex. Kind of like it's a morbid curiosity.:iconwtfromanoplz:With others, I'm very sex positive. I have no problem with other people doing or not doing sexual things. Whatever makes them happy. If it's sexual things, as long as it's with a consenting adult. 

After the local trans support group (I'm an ally of, and my parent created it) Wednesday, my parent and I went to Shari's like usual. No one else showed up. Usually there's at least 4 or 5 other people from the group that go afterwards. Oh well.:iconlietplz:I got their apple pie in a jar. I wanted them to give me very little of the ice cream if they had to. They normally squish 3 scoops of vanilla in there. Way too much!:iconhanatamagoplz:The waitress said she'll try to have it as 3 half scoops. Still felt like too much. I think if I get it in the future, I'm going to outrightly ask for no ice cream in it. Just have the pie and whipped cream on top. Heck, I'd be good with having whipped cream between the layers, if they have to have something. Pretty much more actual pie in the jar, please. When there's too much ice cream, I get headaches and my teeth are very sensitive to the cold. It takes me a while to eat ice cream itself normally. I would love to be able to just scarf it down like I see some people do.:iconpolandplz:I've always been sensitive to eating cold and some sugary things. So, it's not like there's suddenly something wrong with my teeth. I know one of the main reasons behind putting ice cream in the jar with the pie is to cool it down. It doesn't truly need that. I could wait until it cools down a bit. The whipped cream would help a little

Managed to attend an online service Friday night. It was from a synagogue in New York City. It was a huge and beautiful sanctuary.:iconthailandplz:There was a fire in 1998, if I'm remembering correctly on the year, that destroyed that area of the synagogue. In 2001, just after 9/11, they were able to finish rebuilding it, and dedicated it. They had an emotionally filled video shown during part of the service, taking a few minutes to remember the anniversary. Also, had scenes of what was left of the World Trade Center. So, it was in a way honoring that as well. It was a pretty nice service. Felt good to go to some form of one. I'm trying to decide on which synagogue to go with for High Holy Day services. I might do a mix. The reform movement's main site has a listing of synagogues around the country that have live streams of services. It's awesome! 

The pain has gotten so bad now that I'm having trouble sleeping.:iconsadnessplz:It's traveled to most of my abdomen and back. Very hard to at least get into a comfortable enough position to sleep. I usually just lay there for hours waiting to pass out. When I actually do pass out, it's late, so I get up later than normal. Maybe my new gastro will help with this. I just have to wait until the 20th...:iconwtfukplz:I've also felt more and more nauseous lately. Sometimes I'm so hungry and nauseous at the same time, I'm not sure if I should eat or not. It's a weird and annoying feeling. Again, she'll probably recommend something for this, too.