3rd Day of Sukkot

I can't believe it's already Sukkot. Sukkot (singular: sukkah) lit. means booths, and are temporary walled structures that we build and 'dwell' in during the holiday. It's a harvest festival that lasts for 8 days. It's supposed to be one of the most joyful holidays. People eat and sometimes sleep in their sukkah. We used to put up our own. It just ended up being too much of a hassle to put up. Really needed more than 2 people to put it together, and we stopped asking people to help us at some point. The wood, I think, ended up rotting and couldn't be used anymore. It was nice when we had it up, though. Like what's custom to do, we had guests or ushpizin over for dinner in it for the first few nights. They were usually our neighbors and were not Jewish. That was fun, and they seemed to enjoy it, too. Now, with covid, it probably wouldn't be wise to do that. We usually ate almost every meal in the sukkah. It was interesting eating outside like that. 

This is my wallpaper for October. It's Overhaul or Kai Chisaki from Boku no (My) Hero Academia. He was the main villain of the anime's 4th season. He was also the boss of a yakuza group, not related to the League of Villains. I think he was one of the best villains of the series so far. He wanted the world to go back to the way it was before Quirks or powers. He was cruel to the yakuza's boss' granddaughter, Eri. Using her blood in special bullets that takes away the victim's Quirk. It doesn't necessarily kill the person, but if they're a pro hero, they'll feel like their livelihood was snatched away. I think there were bullets that also enhanced Quirks, and he used them on his own underlings. The problem with that was sometimes it enhanced them too much, and the power was too great for them to handle. So, they'd go crazy. Thought this seemed somewhat Halloween-like. There's another season coming up, but it won't be until Spring of 2021. Kind of a while. It'd be great to see what happens next. 

The month-long holidays for October are: National Apple Month, National Caramel Month, National Cheese Month, National Chili Month, National Cookie Month, National Pasta Month, National Pretzel Month, National Seafood Month, American Pharmacists Month, Bat Appreciation Month, Breast Cancer Awareness Month, Corn Month, LGBTQ+ History Month, German-American Heritage Month, National Cookbook Month, Pizza Month, Polish-American Heritage Month, Sausage Month, Spinach Lovers Month, Talk About Medicines Month. Some are for important causes, some are to make you appreciate things you may take for granted, and some are just for fun. There are a lot this month. I don't think pharmacists get enough credit. Without them and the meds they make, I wouldn't be able to function. They should be celebrated for the hard work they do. I'm part German, and not that long ago found out I'm part Polish, too. It's good to recognize the history of the LGBTQ+ community. 

Like I mentioned, it is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Metastatic or stage 4 breast cancer, which is what I have, doesn't get much in the way of awareness or funding for research. Most of the focus is on the early stages. The ones you can 'beat'. There's no cure for stage 4. The scary thing about that is people are more likely to have it come back as stage 4 after they're 'cured'. They have that forever looming over them. I added an awareness ribbon to my facebook frame for the month. The ribbon is green for spring and the triumph of life over death, pink for the cancer originating in the breast(s), and teal for healing and spirituality. People aren't expected to live very long after being diagnosed with stage 4. About 27% are alive 5 years after diagnosis. 11% after 10 years. I hope I can live much longer than that. (And, that the quality of my life is good.) The stats are old, things have advanced since then, it all depends on what type of breast cancer, etc. Many factors. I'm lucky mine's not triple negative. That one has the worst life expectancy. Mine's er+, pr+, and her2-. Another way of saying it is positive for both hormones and negative for her2. Mine tends to be mixed with how long people tend to live with it. I also don't know much about other people who have it as infiltrating ductal carcinoma or IDC. It's one of the most common types, though. There's a lot to it. 

It's been a while. I think it's the first time I actually didn't post during a month. I might try to get back to doing this on a regular basis. In order to help with getting back into things, I decided to make a schedule. Not with my Google calendar, but in my Notes on my iPhone. That way the times can be easily flexible, and I can put something else in the time 'slot' if I wanted to. It worked pretty well yesterday and, so far, today. It's kind of fun to check off things again on there, too. 

Had a shower today. A couple of weeks ago, there was an issue with it. I was supposed to get one on that Monday. Sometimes, if my home aide forgets or something, I have one on Tuesday. That would have been fine. However, no one showed up for either days. Wednesday afternoon, my palliative care nurse, Brian, called. I told him about the showers, and he seemed upset about it and called Home Health. He was able to get me an appointment for that Friday with someone I didn't really know. Luckily, my usual home aide, Savannah, came that day instead. (Normally the 2nd day is on a Thursday.) Apparently, she was sick most of that week, and assumed they would find someone to see me while she was out. She said that's the usual procedure. Nobody followed up on it, though. This is one of the only things that I've had issues with, which is that unpredictability. I wish it was more set. Even the times during our usual days change. She tries to keep it around 11am most of the time, but sometimes it's much earlier or later. I'm glad I at least get them most weeks. I kind of wish that I could have one more day than the 2 I get, but it's not bad. 

I'm taking 2 chemo meds now, Ibrance and Arimidex. I've been getting more side effects lately. I thought I wouldn't get this one, but I'm loosing my hair. It seemed to take a while. Maybe for me to notice it. It's coming out in clumps. I've decided to have most of it shaved off. It'll be a drastic change, but that way I can be more in control of it. The earliest appointment my hairstylist had was for the 28th. I wanted it sooner. Not sure what my hair will be like by then. I'll tell her about the cancer stuff, too. It might shock her, but hopefully she'll understand why I'd want it shaved. I don't want to be completely bald, just have a little there. I plan to wear knit hats instead of wigs or scarves like so many other cancer patients do. They'll keep my head warm this way. I ordered 7 of them on Amazon. I have 4 of them so far. They all fit pretty well, even with my long hair. I might wear them on a regular basis, if it gets to be too much with the hair loss. The other major side effect I've had has been fatigue. I just feel so wiped out most of the time. 

We had a plumber look at both toilets, since mine and the one downstairs were acting up. There's only one other toilet in the house. That being my parent's. It felt weird having to use it. I don't know what I would have done if I needed to use it in the middle of the night. I wouldn't want to wake her. Supposedly, they are both fixed. However, the plumber said the one downstairs is old and will need to be replaced with a new one soon. It's always had issues, so makes sense it needs to be replaced. He said he could install the new one for us. I'm glad I can use mine again, but I don't trust that downstairs one. This means I'm still going up the stairs to go to the bathroom. That's dangerous for me. They (the palliative care team) want me to stay downstairs most of the time. There's less of a risk of me falling and easily breaking bones that way. I still need to go up them for things like showers and getting dressed. My computer's up there, too. 

Managed to get an hour of reading in today. I'm trying to go through those 6 books I got from My Thrill List. I'm reading a different one every day, so I don't feel stuck on one. Today I read A Noise Downstairs by Linwood Barclay. Got through a good chunk of it. I think it's one of the better of the 6. It'll be interesting to see how it plays out. 

Haven't studied Welsh through Duolingo in a long time. Finally got back to it. Surprised I managed to remember as much as I have. It was enough to open another unit or checkpoint. Hopefully, I can keep it up this time. 

Got back into looking for quotes from Alliance. I haven't done anything related to writing/my books in a very long time. In fact, the last time I searched for quotes from it was back in February. I hope I can keep this up. I was almost done with looking through it. I just need to finish looking through what little is left, then move on to Alliance: Dawn. Hopefully, I can go through all the books I'll look for quotes in quickly, and then move on to other things. For instance, making an author card, drawing things relating to some of the books, making trailers, deciding on which recipes to show in the trailers, etc. Fun stuff. 

6th of Elul

 I thought I'd be posting here more often than I have. Kind of sad. I have been posting what's been happening medically on Facebook. People seem to like that. Maybe I'll get back to posting here on a regular basis soon. 

I can't believe it's almost Rosh Hashanah (lit. Head of the Year) or our New Year. It's also the start of the High Holy Days. That lasts for 10 days and ends with Yom Kippur (or Day of Atonement). Rosh Hashanah is at the beginning of the next Jewish month of Tishri. During Elul, it's a time of introspection and asking for forgiveness. There are some traditions people do during it. For instance, we blow the shofar each morning during the month. It's like waking our souls up to be prepared for the High Holy Days. I finally did that yesterday morning. I had been meaning to when the month started. I'm surprised I managed to get a sound out. I also get nervous doing it when someone else is home, and especially if they have work meetings on zoom like my parent did at the same time. Hopefully, I didn't disrupt it too much. Although, she didn't say anything. 

Had the radical hysterectomy on July 24th. I wasn't expecting it to be so soon after seeing the surgeon. They took out pretty much everything in there. It was done by a robot. Only did 4 small incisions. Biggest one was in my belly button. I actually can't see that one. It was for both the light and camera. If I look in the mirror, I can see 3 of them. I think they have dissolvable stitches. Parts of them are dropping off, so I'm assuming that's normal. No one's said anything about taking them out. 

I did stay the night at the hospital. It wasn't really connected to the hospital, but apart of the surgical building. The room looked like a cramped storage closet, and I wasn't too happy about it. As they wheeled me into it, I had horrible leg cramps. In order to keep those to a minimum, I tried to have the bed turn into a chair as much as possible. I think that helped. The nurse was nice, but a little too talkative. The food wasn't great. I know some people have told me that anesthesia can affect the taste of things, but I could tell and I don't think it was reacting in that way. The TV was on almost the entire time, and it seemed like an ambiance channel. At night, it was going through space, and during the day it showed things like waterfalls, horses, rocks, mountains, etc. Nice to look at occasionally. 

I also had issues with it being a Catholic hospital. Almost all the hospitals near me are Catholic, which scares me. I don't really have a choice in it. I'd prefer one not affiliated with any religion, but especially not with that one. They can turn away LGBTQ+ people, for one thing. Prayers over the intercom every so often is isolating (not sure if that's the right word...) and unwelcoming. There are a lot of other reasons why it's scary to me. Even with me just being Jewish. 

They kept me up most of the night. They wanted me up and walking almost immediately. I didn't know they'd put a catheter in. It was my first time having one. The nurse said it wouldn't hurt when she was about to take it out. It did hurt. It also hurt to go to the bathroom for a little while after that. I didn't like that none of the people that did the surgery told me anything afterwards. One of them was going to early the next morning, but I finally was asleep and he didn't want to wake me. I would have been more than fine to be woken up for that. More so than the blood draws they kept doing. They told my parent at least, but I like hearing it from the actual people, too. I was discharged from the hospital earlier than expected. The morning after. I don't think it was the best time. 

I had a follow-up appointment with the surgeon's nurse a couple of weeks later. She told me more in-depth stuff. They didn't see any lesions or signs of the cancer in what they took out. I still don't know if the cancer they found in the vulvar biopsy is related to the skin, vulva specifically, or reproductive tract. I might ask my gynecologist that soon. Good to know it hadn't affected further up my reproductive tract. They were worried they'd find lesions that would make it difficult to basically scoop that stuff out. That they'd be fused to certain parts. Since it wasn't, it made it more simple. Still, it was a 3-hour surgery. 

I had really horrible constipation and swelling in my feet and ankles after. I thought I'd never clear the constipation, and what finally did help was a suppository. I'm not used to them, and was reluctant to try it. Still have issues with it, but it's much better. I'm now taking 3 stool softener pills 3 times a day (up from 2 pills 3 times a day), which again has helped. 

The swelling seemed even scarier. My feet were huge. Couldn't even fit into my slippers. Socks wouldn't fit either. So, I ended up feeling really cold, and that made the pain worse. It was like a sunburn type of pain. They were so swollen, they changed shape. Looked like I bound my feet, huge arches, toes sticking straight out, almost transparent on top, birthmarks moved and stretched, etc. It was bad. Could barely walk or stand up. Eventually, I tried a diuretic. It worked well, but slowly. Now my feet look pretty much back to normal, but my left ankle is still pretty swollen. Right ankle isn't as bad, but still has some. I can fit into my socks and shoes now. Yay! So much better. The nurse I talked to said it's normal to have constipation and swelling after surgery like that. They pump you full of fluids during the procedure, and that can get stuck in your system. Also, they worked near the lymphatic system. They didn't touch it, but it still can get irritated and cause swelling. That kind of swelling has to convert itself from lymphatic fluid to water and blood, which takes a while. Thus, probably why my ankles are taking so long to get back to normal. This makes me nervous for future surgeries. We'll be more prepared, though. I might have top surgery next. I would have thought they'd want to do that first, because the cancer started there. Maybe this was easier to do. 

I decided to join 3 metastatic breast cancer Facebook groups. I was reluctant to for a while. I wanted ones that were specifically for mbc, not just the bc. There's kind of a rift and different attitudes between them. One of the groups is a 45 years old and under group. Only saw one that was like that. So many groups have people that are much older. It can be harder to relate. I already get the 'you're too young to have that' thing. I can't help it. Not that I wanted this. It's a different perspective with my age group. I was surprised by the responses from all 3 groups with my intro post. I'm still getting reactions and comments from the biggest one. That has over 100 reactions. First time I've had that many on a post. Also, made 3 fb friends through those groups. All of them live near me. Yay! Maybe I can meet them someday. 

I was a bit reluctant to join these groups mainly because I thought it'd be too depressing or something. I've liked seeing how some people have lived with it for many years, though. Some have had it for 20 years, and that gives a little hope that maybe I can live for a while with this. The statistics aren't great for how long people can live with it. 27% are likely to live 5 years after diagnosis. 11% after 10 years. With that, it's a bit disconcerting. I want to live for as long as I can. Certainly longer than 10 years from now. Again, that's why it's been nice to see so many people mention in these groups that they've lived much longer than 10 years with it. They also say those stats are old. Medicine has really advanced since then, so the stats might be better now. The other side is you have to be continuously going through some occasionally tough treatment in order to survive. It's difficult. Everyone's case is different, too. Not all of us have the same type of breast cancer, same areas where it's spread, if it's hormone based, etc. Lots of factors come into play. I like that it's being treated more like a chronic illness. It's a little easier to deal with that way. 

Tomorrow, I have my eye exam. Haven't had one in around 2 years. My current prescription for contacts certainly isn't the right one. Things don't show up totally clear. Lines blur into each other sometimes. This will be the first time I went to Costco for the exam itself. We normally would go to Sears Optical, but they're not there anymore. Hopefully, they're good there. I'm actually covered as a dependent for vision this time. Haven't been covered for that for over a decade. That should be good. I can order the new prescription while I'm there, too. I've read that cancer can affect the eyes, so hopefully mine hasn't been messed with too much. Hopefully, they'll have samples of the new prescription I can use while I wait for the ones I order. 

I might also have a blood draw after that. My oncology pharmacist wants to run some labs after every 2nd week of a cycle of Ibrance. They have to make sure things are ok before agreeing to the next cycle of it. I'm supposed to take it for 3 weeks, then go off of it for a week. Then, start it over. I have to have a phone appointment either with her or the specialty pharmacy before every cycle of it. It'll be interesting to see how things are. 

My oncologist is still reluctant to start me on zometa. Zometa is a bone-strengthening infusion. I've read that you go to an infusion clinic every couple of months, and sit there with it going through an IV for 15 minutes. Pretty quick. My oncologist is worried I'll catch covid while I'm there. So, I'm being denied it because of the virus. I really need something like that. 

He also wants me to get a full bone scan. That way we can compare it to the one back in April. I hope it's improved since then. Not sure what will happen if it's worse. 

He wants me to switch to arimidex instead of tamoxifen soon. I decided to switch when I run out of the tamoxifen. I have the arimidex already, but I think it can wait. Both are kind of like supplements to Ibrance. They work with hormones, so they're good for people who are hormone positive. I'm positive for all 3 hormones. Arimidex is usually suggested after people have had hysterectomies or are going through menopause. It's supposed to be stronger, too. I'm nervous about that. I've got maybe another week or 2 before I finish the tamoxifen. 

I decided to cancel the My Thrill Club monthly subscription box. It's the one where they give you 2 hard cover books that are in the horror, mystery, and/or thriller genres each month. I got the surprise me one. They give you a mix with that one. I love those genres. Anyways, the books are super thick. I thought I could challenge myself with reading both books within each month, and starting again with the next batch. Since my contacts aren't great right now, it's hard to read for a certain amount of time. I couldn't keep up. I already have 4 books from them, and only have read about 1/4 of one of them. They've already shipped another 2, so I'll have 6 soon. Too much. Fallen too far behind to start up my challenge again. Even if I get a much better prescription soon. At least, I'll be able to read more. I think with 6 of them, I could rotate them each day. I was going to slog through one book at a time, but it might be more interesting to switch it up like that. Each day would be a different book. I want to read all 4 so far, because they sound really interesting. The Gold Rush fantasy type one looks almost as thick as a dictionary, though...That'll probably take a while. I didn't particularly care for the sex scene in the one I've been reading, but the rest of it is interesting. I want to know what actually happened to that missing friend of the main character. There's also a Sherlock Holmes book by Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. That should be fun. The last one seems like a horror one about a possessed typewriter, I think. Intriguing stuff. I don't know what the next 2 will be yet. I could start it up again after I read all 6 books. That'll take me a while, though. I want it to take me some time. Good way to preoccupy myself. 

I found another monthly subscription thing to replace it for now. It's called Arts in Letters. You get letters from famous artists, scientists, musicians, etc. in the past. They're real letters in their handwriting. They come with info on the person and what was going on at the time and around them. Very interesting and fun sounding. I can read letters and the info quickly, so I thought that would be best to replace it. You get a letter a week, which seems more fun than one thing once a month. There's another one that interested me that I could try in the future called Matter. With that one, it's an adult science-based thing. You get artifacts like animal bones and they go in depth with info on everything. I like that sort of thing. Maybe if I get tired of the letters or Try Treats. 

This month's Try Treats is on Ireland. I feel like they cheapened this one. I get the premium version, which is supposed to have 10 or more snacks. Ended up with around 7 of them. The standard is 5 or more. Plus, 2 of them are Japanese. They were actually stuffed on top of the tissue paper that held the Irish stuff inside. Weird. Maybe they don't think there are many good Irish snacks? Sad. The recipe this time was Irish coddle. Sounded good, and I can turn it 'kosher', so I can eat it if I wanted to. I can look for beef or turkey sausage, and same with the bacon. I tried the 2 potato chips. They were the same flavor (cheese and onion), just different brands. Tasted pretty much the same. I prefer kettle chips, but they were better than our regular chips. They seemed denser and slightly thicker. Mostly tasted the onion for both. There's a candy bar by Cadbury. I've had Cadbury chocolates before and liked them, so it's probably good, too. There's a huge thing of custard sandwich cookies. Those look interesting. There's a bag called twiglets. Don't know much about those. Both Japanese things are sweet and sour candies. One sounds like pop rocks, the other almost like long flat taffy. Both are cola flavored. I like sweet and sour things, so they might be really good. 

The downstairs' toilet is off limits again. After my parent did an enzyme thing with it, it was fine for a while. That toilet has always had issues. It overflows super easily. At some point, we really need to have a plumber look at it. In the meantime, I'm stuck with going up and down the stairs to use my bathroom toilet. That's a falling hazard. Not good when you feel like your bones are made of glass. I can easily break them. My toilet upstairs is great, and works well, but the stairs make it dangerous. I still do all my other bathroom stuff (brush my teeth, take out and put in contacts, etc.) downstairs. I almost feel like I'm camping down there. I still sleep on the hospital bed in the living room, instead of my room upstairs. I might not ever be able to sleep in my actual room again.  

World Chocolate Day!

I love chocolate! Great to have a day to celebrate it around the world. The most chocolatey thing I had lately was a mocha cookie crumble frappuccino yesterday. It was one of their new seasonal ones. Even the cookie part was chocolate based. It was like a shot of different types of it. Good stuff. I've been getting iced mochas when I go there through their drive-thrus for the past few months. Hasn't been that often. I've noticed it helps with some of my headaches and weird skull cracking. My old go-to was iced chai or iced matcha green tea when it was seasonal. I'm not a big fan of coffee, but the bit that I do get plus the chocolate, is apparently helping me health-wise. Maybe I need to start drinking coffee on a regular basis? I know I'd have to doctor it a bit, though. Like, add creamer, sweetener, possibly chocolate, etc. 

This is my wallpaper for July. As it says, it's Law from One Piece. Another one of my fave characters. I like his look, too. Cool design. He's the captain of the Heart Pirates, and their Jolly Roger is in the background and on his coat. He's an exceptional surgeon and was a Shichibukai. The Shichibukai are 7 of the most powerful pirates that are allied with the World Government. They basically get immunity from the government. Some translate it as pirate emperors.  

The month-long holidays for July are: National Grilling Month, National Hot Dog Month, National Ice Cream Month, National Blueberries Month, National Picnic Month. Some are for important causes, some are to make you appreciate things you may take for granted, and some are just for fun. 

Managed to finally get the back brace a few days ago. It's for my fractured vertebrae. Specifically, the T8 one. That's just a little lower than halfway down the spine. I'm at risk of breaking another vertebrae, having more pain, and/or being paralyzed if I don't wear the brace. Also, at risk because of the bone lesions, but with the brace it cuts it down a bit. Went to the 1st place I was referred to through my insurance, and they couldn't give me one or fit me that day. They felt it was an emergency, and then called another place I went to for my sling previously, for me. That place called Master's was able to see me, fit it for me, and give me it. The doctor that prescribed the brace didn't put her name on the paper, so I had to search for it. I've seen her before, but she's an Urgent Care doc. Not like I see her on a regular basis. Managed to find it through looking at the antibiotic she ordered that same day. With that, my insurance was able to cover it. I think it was free to us. 

It's a bit to maneuver. Every time I sit or stand, I have to adjust the area near my sternum (collar bone). When I sit, I then have to let out a button and push down a certain amount, then click the hole in place. When I want up, I have to first let out the button, pull up, then click the right hole into place, get up, and push it into place. That hole's actually marked so I know how high I really need it. I have a hard time seeing it sometimes, though. Then, I also have to adjust to make sure the rest of the brace is even. There's a pulley system in the back. When I get into it, I have to pull back on something far while inhaling and then wrapping it around me to a certain point. I thought I wouldn't be able to put it on myself, but I can. It's a little awkward. Feels like a mix of things while on. A giant hug, restricts my movements, a bit more protected, and more. After a while, my spine does feel a bit sore. My chest feels fuller, too. It's a bit difficult to eat with sometimes, since it's so stiff. I have a feeling it's not going to last very long. The person who helped with my fitting said most of the time it lasts around a month. 2 months is stretching it. Not sure how long it takes to heal vertebrae or how long I'm supposed to have something for it. Hopefully, it's for long enough. 

On July 4th, we went to Elmer's for brunch. I haven't been there for brunch since March. It's a brunch-type place. We did go not long before that for dinner for the first time since then, too. It was nice to be there again, and to have the stuff they're more known for. I got their fresh fruit waffle special, which seemed appropriate for the 4th of July. It had blueberries actually inside the waffle along with on top, strawberries, bananas, whipped cream, powdered sugar, and cream cheese icing. Got their hash browns and a biscuit instead of eggs and a choice of meat. The waffle was messy, and I was worried I'd get it on the brace, but I didn't. Yay! No one asked or stared at the brace, either. That was great. 

Went to World Market after that. I had wanted to go since March, and they just reopened. I love looking at their international foods. Got some of my faves: roasted garlic cheddar, tuna and potatoes in olive oil and rosemary, dill pickle mustard, and red cabbage and apple salad. Feel a bit more normal with getting these. Went to Barnes and Noble right next store, since they just reopened as well. They're both connected to the mall, but only B and N has an opening to it. At least, they did. That's closed off now. You have to go through the main mall entrance if you want in. Apparently, 80% of the mall is now open. I was curious about that while we were there, but was starting to get really tired and sweaty. So, decided to go home instead. I also read that many of the restaurants around the mall are now open for dine-in, too. Good to know for the future. I'm happy, yet hesitant about so many places that are reopening now. 

On Sunday, I placed #2 in the Amethyst League on Duolingo. I got a hefty amount of gems from a reward chest for making it there. I don't make it in the top 3 that often. I'm now in the Pearl League. #4 last time I checked. It seems they're a little more competitive in this one. I'm still not used to being that high up on it, though. I'm breezing through their Welsh course. Hardly getting things wrong. A lot of it just makes sense so far. 

I've gotten back into my author instagram account lately. Hopefully, I can keep it up. The only way people will get to know me is through something like that. I've already had some more follows the last couple of days. Sometimes it's hard to decide on content to post, but there's always something. 

I recently went to Costco. I haven't had an eye exam in roughly a year and a half. Not good when you have contacts and your eyes are getting worse. So, I finally made an appointment at Costco for it. I actually have vision insurance now, so it should be covered. Hopefully, the prescription will be updated and better. It'll be the first time I've used Costco for the eye exam part. I've ordered contacts through them before. By the way, I'm only down to one more pair of contacts. I've been using my current ones for a couple of months. It's recommended to use them for 2 weeks. Not good. The soonest appointment they had was for the end of August. Kind of a ways away. At least, it's happening. At some point, I should look into seeing a dentist since I'm covered now. I haven't seen one in around 14 years. 

I've been reading the shortest of the 2 books I got through the My Thrill Club, called Shadow of the Lions. Going through it faster than expected. Not reading it as often as I'd like, though. It's been interesting. It's about a missing boy from a prep school. Been missing for roughly a decade. No one's found a body. I like mysteries like that, and there's quite a bit of suspense. 

For the last couple of days, I've been trying to read a little of Daf Yomi (lit. page of the day) a day. It's learning a page of Talmud every day. The Talmud is so big that it takes 7 1/2 years to read a page a day. That 'cycle' restarted not long ago (I think it was back in February), and I've wanted to join it occasionally. So, why not? Right now it's on what you can move on Shabbat. There are a lot of prohibitions on Shabbat or our Day of Rest. They go into a lot of detail and argue on seemingly minuscule things at times. It's still interesting to read their reasoning for things. Some have stories behind it. 

Yesterday, I almost didn't have a shower. With only getting 2 showers a week normally, it's not much. I don't feel as clean during the week as I used to be. Anyways, my home aide had the day off, so another one took over for her. She called me twice before 9am. I was asleep. At the end of the last voicemail, she said since she called twice, she's cancelling for the day. That made me panic a bit. I called the Home Care hotline and was able to get in contact with the person filling in for my home aide. They were able to reschedule for that day. Thank goodness. She did more than my regular one did. She even asked me if I needed anything more than just the shower. I think she felt bad about that morning. I was just happy it worked out. 

Ordered more things from Amazon. A nightshirt for when the weather gets much warmer. It's unusually cool out right now. The past few years, it's been really warm this time of year. I'll be prepared, at least. An adult color-by-number coloring book that's based on cats. Thought that would be fun. Maybe more fun than the coloring book I got last month. That one's just one color and in lines. Thought it was creative, but ended up tedious. A book called 1001 Movies to See Before You Die. That might be a good one to go through. It'll be interesting to see how many I've already seen. Making somewhat of a dent in the classical recordings one. The movies one might grab my attention more now, though. The next Try Treats subscription box is on its way. Should be interesting to see which country it features this time. 

3rd of Tammuz

Wanted to update this more than once a month...I'm getting better overall health-wise, so this might change. The last couple of weeks have been pretty busy. I had an orthopedist appointment. He said my arm is really healing well. I can try using it for as many as things as I can, carefully. I've been doing that without thinking at times. He said, since I haven't started physical therapy yet, it's stiffer than it normally would be. He recommended I do a stretch that will help with more flexibility and moving it up higher. It's already gotten better with that. I'm getting more feeling around the incision area, which is both good and weird. He wants me to focus more on my cancer treatment than on my arm. I told him that I plan to have a physical therapist work with me after I have the hysterectomy. Thought it'd be a good way to recover from that, too. He agreed. 

I had a 'procedure' where I was put under anesthesia to get my IUD out, pap smear, check my uterus, and get a lupron shot. I wasn't told not to eat, so I had a tiny breakfast at around 8:30am. Check-in was 12:30pm. They told me I couldn't do it until 3pm, because of the food. If they had to do this, I would have thought 1pm at the latest. 3pm rolls around, and they try to get the IV in. Took until 4pm. (Only way they got it in was with an ultrasound.) They decided to put 2 people in my slot, and it ended up being around 6pm when they finally took me back to it. It was absurd! A whole day just sitting there. I couldn't even access my phone. They saw a suspicious area and took a biopsy along with everything else. I was really sore and angry by the time we got home, which was 9pm. At least, I had a nice gyro with fries at It's Greek to Me right before heading home. (Besides that small breakfast, I didn't have much else that day.) Still...didn't make up for it.

Had an esophagram the next day. I was expecting the day to go haywire like the one before, but everything went pretty smoothly. It was about a 30 minute exam. The only issue I had was being called a lady so often when I was first taken to their locker room area. I didn't tell them I was agender, since I didn't want to go through a big thing of it. Simply wanted to get it over with. They gave me something that had a similar reaction as pop rocks in order to expand my digestive tract with gas to observe it better. They told me to be careful with not burping it all out. That was difficult. This was a more detailed type of exam than the swallow one I had a year ago. This time there wasn't a food aspect. There was a very thick version of barium they had me drink standing up. Then, a thin one laying down on my belly on the table. They watched the reactions through a fluoroscope, which is like something that takes x-rays so quickly, it turns it into a movie. They can watch in real-time this way. Similar to the other exam, but this is more detailed in its view. They tried moving me around to get 'evidence' of the LPR or silent GERD. It was interesting. They didn't tell me what they saw afterwards this time. 

The next day or 2, I started to feel sick. Thinking I was still sore from what my gynecologist did to me, I ignored it for a little while. By the night of June 15th, I was starting to get a really scary symptom. I would suddenly get cold, then my body would shiver violently for like 20 minutes at a time. So violently, my back and neck kept tensing up badly, causing a lot of pain. The following night was the last straw, with having longer waves at a time of that symptom. I went to Urgent Care that Wednesday morning. My nurse navigator had told me that it sounded like an infection and that I was going through shock with the shivering. They ran some tests, hooked me up to an IV (took a while to get) with antibiotics and fluids, and monitored me. I even had that shivering happen while I was being given the antibiotics. They couldn't do much for that. At one point, the doctor prescribed a little dilauded. She said sometimes that can calm patients down, even if it's not pain related. Sure enough, it did help with the shivering. It eventually stopped. Never came back after that. Thank goodness. It was an awful feeling that I couldn't control. They prescribed a huge amount of cefdinir, and sent me on my way. Oh, they also found out that I had a fractured vertebrae, a fracture in one of my left ribs, and another old fracture (I was told about it a few months ago) in one of my right ribs. A vertebrae fracture can be a bit difficult to heal from. The doctor prescribed a special back brace for it. At least, it will have support whenever I move around.

The next day, I was told to go back to Urgent Care for another antibiotic infusion. They were worried because one of the tests indicated that the bacteria was in my blood. I never got this test result myself. I did get one for my lactic acid. That was normal. If it were high, I'd be septic or in shock. We didn't know what type of culture the bacteria was at the time. So, I'd be blasted with more antibiotics that may or may not be what I needed. I know what it's like to have too much of that in my system. It can actually kill people. I was already still taking the antibiotics I was given, and improving quickly. So, I refused to go back. I also didn't want to sit there for hours on end again. My nurse navigator tried to convince me for an hour to go. She didn't seem to be listening to a word I was saying. Normally, she's very understanding. She kept saying things like: "You're breaking my heart!" "You are so young!" "You could die!" It was really over-the-top. Put me in a not so great mindset. I almost thought of trying to get a new nurse navigator after that, but I wouldn't know where to begin, or how many are even available. I'm just putting it to her caring a little too much, she's been great with everything else, and she acted totally different the next time I talked to her. 

The culture turned out to be E. Coli, which is common. Turns out the antibiotics I was prescribed are like 8 times more potent against that than something like keflex. I was already on the right type of antibiotic. No wonder I've been getting better so quickly. I stopped having any symptoms of the uti after a few days of being on it. Pretty good. I still have to finish all of the antibiotic. They gave me 10 days worth. (It'll end on Saturday, I think.) The only problem with this is I can't take my chemo, Ibrance, until I finish it. Without the chemo, some of my bone pain has come back on top of the newer pain of the fractured vertebrae. Wahoo! It turns out I can't do the urine test until it's been a week after I finish the antibiotic, and once I get the culture back from that I can get back to my chemo. So, a week later than expected. I've increased my morphine to 3 pills a day starting today, instead of 2. They already prescribed it as 2 or 3 pills, but I wanted to be conservative with it. This way it can be flexible, too. Once I'm back on the chemo and feeling better, I might go back down to 2. I was feeling so much better until this uti happened. I highly suspect that what they did to me during the 'procedure' caused that uti. Another thing to be angry about that day. Not much I can do about it. 

Found out through that biopsy that the breast cancer has spread to that area, too. So, it's not only in my bones, but possibly skin and/or areas of my reproductive tract. I'm a little more worried about that. Depending on how deep the cancer is in that area, my hysterectomy is going to be more drastic, or I think they call it radical, than what it would have been if there weren't any signs of it. It means a more invasive, tougher, and longer surgery. Longer hospital stay, too. The 'look' will be even more brutal right after. We still don't know when surgery will be. It'll be done by someone else, thank goodness. This will be an oncology gynecologist. Sounds like they'll know even more of what they're doing. My current gynecologist doesn't specialize in oncology and is new to working cases. She at least knows this is out of her league, and is trying to help me. That other oncologist hasn't responded to her yet about surgery, even though she's been trying to for a couple of weeks now. We'll see how that goes. It's even more up in the air with timing now that I had to stop Ibrance for a while. I have to have that timed with the surgery a certain way.  

Apparently, in one of the x-rays they ran at Urgent Care, they also found out that I had a little of the barium from the esophagram exam still in my colon. This was 5 days after the exam. It's not normal for it to still be in someone's system that long. It normally leaves pretty quickly. It's not like I was stopped up or anything either. The initial interpretation did come back, too. The only thing they could see was esophageal dysmotility. Basically, my esophagus wasn't moving the way it should. That explains the dysphagia. There were no signs of the acid indicating LPR or the silent GERD. To me, that adds another mystery to it. If it's not that, then what's happening? There must be a reason behind it not moving right, too. 

I did have a phone appointment with the ENT doc about this today. It was one of the shortest phone appointments I've had. He said just because there was no sign of acid or the LPR, it doesn't mean I don't have it. The x-ray isn't sensitive enough, according to him. He said I should give omeprazole a shot again. The only problem I have with it is I have to take it at least 30 minutes before I eat. He wants me to have it twice a day, too. In the past, I just had it once a day, and tried to take it before my bathroom stuff in the morning. Even then, I sometimes had to wait a little bit before even making my breakfast. Maybe I shouldn't care much, and just take it before making 2 of my meals. At least there would be some time between taking it and eating. He wants me to follow-up occasionally with my primary doc about the dysphagia. He also said it'd be best if I was working with a gastroenterologist for this, especially because of the colitis. I can have a speech therapist help me with the dysphagia through the palliative home care program. My nurse in it suggested that, too. That way they can monitor, give me tips, suggest exercises, etc. for the dysphagia and it will be from the comfort of home.

I did finally see the palliative home care physical therapist a couple of days ago. It was an in-person home appointment, which I haven't had many of. That was a longer appointment than expected. My palliative care nurse thought she'd order the brace for my fractured vertebrae and do a fitting while she was there. She didn't. She didn't even have the prescription. Seemed a bit suspicious that way. She did show me pics of it, how I'd probably need to put it on, and general info on it. It seems like it's going to limit quite a bit of my movement. I most likely will need help getting in and out of it every time. Although, she did suggest asking the place I get it from if there might be something easier. Something I could get into on my own. I really don't want another thing to have to rely on someone else to do. She said I should put the brace on every time I think I'll be active. I think I'll want to be most of the time...She told me to try not to do too much of the BLTs: bending, lifting, and twisting. Especially when it comes to my spine. I can easily break more vertebrae this way. It's hard to remember that. Last night I dropped a few pills on the floor, and proceeded to immediately bend over low to get them. I heard massive cracking sounds down my spine. Not good. She also wants me to be careful with getting in and out of bed. It's hard to not move your spine much with that. I try to normally, but I still end up needing to sit up and twist over to get out of the hospital bed. She agreed that I'd start physical therapy after the hysterectomy, and thought it was a smart way to go about it. She checked to see my leg strength, and was surprised that that's still pretty good. She looked at how I walked without the cane. I'm a little wonky/slightly unstable. She said the cane was another great idea for me, and liked that it was mainly to stabilize me. Make sure I don't experience another fall. 

I had another in-person home appointment yesterday with my palliative care nurse. As my nurse, he has to recertify me every 6 weeks. He can only do that with actually seeing me face-to-face. Interesting to have a similar appointment so close to the other. He agreed with the idea of me taking 3 pills of the morphine instead of 2, and that it makes it easy. Shouldn't be a problem. My cane is splitting down the foam handle. Makes it a bit more difficult to use comfortably, so I asked him about them replacing it. He said the best thing for that would be to order it on Amazon. There's a wider variety of models, and I can get something I'd actually like. I suppose it would be better. I just thought they could give me another one. We ended up talking a lot about music in general and music theory. He said he never got the chance to talk to someone like a musician that has some knowledge on it. That was interesting and somewhat fun to geek out with him. 

After that, my parent and I went to Elmer's for dinner. It had reopened a couple of days beforehand. It was the first time since March that we've been to a sit-down restaurant like that. Like many people. However, I might not have been able to go until now anyways even without the pandemic. It was interesting. There weren't very many customers at the time, which is understandable. I got one of my faves: their roasted turkey dinner. (I got the lighter serving.) It comes with soup or salad. I love their salad, but raw vegetables still cause issues for my gut. So, I got their new pot roast tomato soup. It was great, except for the corn. Luckily, not much of it, but it's also a trigger food. Huge pieces of potatoes and beef, which made it better. That came with garlic bread. The turkey dinner also has turkey gravy, mashed potatoes, stuffing, seasonal vegetables, and cranberry sauce. The seasonal vegetables for a while (before March) were a medley with squash, and I had to choose something else to replace it. Now it's carrots and broccoli. Perfect, and nicely cooked with a little bit of butter. Next time, I'll try their brunch stuff again. They're more known for that. It was nice to eat someplace different for once. 

I got a pill organizer yesterday. Ordered it from Amazon, and it came much faster than expected. It has 5 compartments to every day of the week. I take them 5 times a day, so that's super handy. They come in a nice looking carrying case. When closed up it's like a fancy thick looking planner. Might be nice if I travel with it. The compartments are huge, and plenty big enough for everything. Figured out I take roughly 15 different meds. Some repeat during the day. It was starting to get harder to keep track of. I did use the Notes app on my phone, but seemed like a hassle each time. This way I only have to figure it out once each week. Might be easier to figure out how long I have until I run out of them, too. I've already figured it out for the next week. It's been interesting and less time-consuming to not have to figure it out each time today. Definitely will make life easier. 

I got the Try Treats monthly subscription box finally about midway through the month. This first one was on Turkey. It had about 10 snacks. I got the premium version, which is supposed to have more than 8. Wish more of them were big enough to share. Basically the only ones that were was the assorted cookie one and milk chocolate squares. The cookies were like those Danish butter cookies we sometimes get, only more intense and smaller. The chocolate was ok. I think I liked the Halley biscuit, Albeni, and Dido wafer the most. The pizza sticks were probably my least fave, but were ok. They were interesting with the added mint flavor. It also came with a postcard of a big city, info card, and a recipe for baklava. It was kind of fun. Should be interesting to see what the next country will be. Hopefully, I can still have most of them. 

I'm still waiting for the Thrill Club one. They'll send me 2 hardcover books and an ebook that are in the mystery, horror, or thriller genres each month. I decided to get the 'surprise me' option, hence not a specific one. I don't know if there's a certain theme to them each month. It sounds fun, and a nice challenge for me to read all of them within the month. It's kind of like my own little book club. Maybe my parent will be interested in it, too. Not sure how the ebook part will go. Maybe they send a link or something. They also have been featured through Oprah's magazine, so that might be a good sign. I might finally get it by tomorrow. 

I managed to play my clarinet recently. Thought I wouldn't get much out other than a couple of notes. Mainly because I can't circular breathe, and breathing in general has been different. It wasn't the best, but I could recognize the tunes. I played klezmer. Klezmer seems to come the easiest to me. Plus, there's some improv/solo stuff I can take advantage of with it. I hadn't played in roughly a year. Felt nice and soulful. Hopefully, I can get back to it on a regular basis soon.

Got half of one of my walks in recently, too. Probably was too long of one, considering I was starting to get the uti at the time. Despite that, it was really nice to get out there, hear the birds, greet neighbors, see the cats, see the mountains, look at the flowers, and more. I didn't particularly like that a neighbor cheered me on from her car as I crossed the street. Yelling you go, girl over and over. I'm not a girl, and all I was doing was walking. Not something like a marathon. If I was struggling, it still seemed like she was either rushing me, or really weird. I still felt good after getting out there. 

Youtube (It's been a while, and I haven't really been watching much lately, but why not share what I haven't yet on here):

Dr. Stone:

Kimetsu no Yaiba (Demon Slayer):


Zombieland Saga:


Jibaku Shounen Hanako-kun (Toilet-Bound Hanako-kun):


One Piece:


Boku no (My) Hero Academia:

4th of Sivan

It's been a while. However, I have a feeling I'll be able to blog more often now. My arm is doing a lot better. Haven't really used my computer since the last time I posted here. I can type normally now. It feels a little weird, but nice. I was thinking of vlogging, and I may still do that. Put out my first vlog about 2 weeks ago. Looked a bit awful because I could only get into my pj's at the time, facial hair was really coming in, and couldn't fix my hair very well. I, at least, had a shower beforehand. It showed how the cancer and broken shoulder thing has affected me, too. 

Yesterday marked the 11th week since I fell in the shower. Tomorrow marks the 10th week since I had surgery to put pins and screws in my right shoulder. I'm surprised at what I'm able to do lately with it. They say the humerus bone, especially with almost a clean break at the head where it meets up with the shoulder, takes one of the longest times for a bone to heal. Since it's one the major bones. I'm not getting much pain from it lately, thank goodness. I've been able to get dressed in my regular clothes since last week, did most of my own laundry on Monday (a little difficult still), trying to eat more with my right hand, able to hold slightly heavier things with it, and more. My orthopedist told me to go slow with things, so I'm trying not to overdo it. It's hard at times, since I want to get back to how things were already. I'll see my orthopedist during the 2nd week of June.

I decided to go back to going to places like the markets lately. Haven't since I fell, and things have changed a lot. Understandably. Since I'm trying to go out to more things and walking more, I started using my cane recently. It does help quite a bit. I just need to practice it more often. I have almost a fear that someone will go up to me and say I'm faking it, but no one has. They just seem pushy, yet wait for me and give me some space. I feel like I have to have it as close to my side as possible, so I don't trip anyone. I end up tripping myself instead sometimes. I really shouldn't care much about this stuff, but it might take time to get over. I forgot to take my cane yesterday to both markets, and I'm feeling it today. For some reason, my right hip is painful when I don't use it. The cane is more for support than anything. My left shoulder pops and cracks a lot, which makes it weird when I use the cane, too. I have to use my left with it. I also have to remember to switch hands when I pick up something. I shouldn't be using my right a lot still. 

I might have my hysterectomy soon. Both the ovaries and uterus. The only reason they postponed it, was because they thought I wasn't healthy/strong enough. I haven't had those attacks in a while. I've also felt much stronger, in less pain, able to do more, etc. I think I'm in the best shape for it right now. The scheduler for their surgeries called yesterday. Told me to call her back even though it'll go straight to voicemail. I left a message. Haven't heard from her since. My oncologist agrees that now might be the best time. Although, we have to time it to me being off of the Ibrance for 2 weeks beforehand. So, that will either be in 3 weeks or a month later. That's not that long of a wait. I might be one of their few patients actually happy about having it done. I don't know what type they'll do, or how long I'll be in the hospital. Don't really care. As long as things go smoothly. Eventually, it'd be great to get top surgery. I'll be rid of the cancer in my breasts, too. I do want it a certain way, so it's probably good I'm not having that part done now. 

I'll see an ear, nose, and throat doc tomorrow. My neck has felt really weird. The left side, from my left ear down to my collarbone to the middle area of my neck, has felt like it's swelling. Sometimes it drains. It's affecting my dysphagia (problems swallowing) a bit, too. I'll wake up in the middle of the night feeling like I'm drowning and coughing. They don't think it's related to the cancer or a tumor, but they don't really know. The ENT doc may also be able to do something about the dysphagia I've been dealing with for over a year. Might be able to look into it more. Probably will order more imaging. I had to be tested again (just nasal, not the one that goes further up, thank goodness. That other one was hellish) for covid yesterday so I could still go to the appointment. Got the results today that it wasn't detected. I have to go all the way out to Tacoma (about an hour from home) for this appointment. I'll need to stop by the lab area to get a blood draw. They have to see how Ibrance is affecting all my blood cell counts. It is an immunosuppressant. At least, since I'll be out there, we might stop by It's Greek to Me afterwards. It's right next to the clinic. 

The dysphoria with my facial hair has been becoming more frequent and harder to ignore. Due to covid, I have no idea when I'll be able to start electrolysis. My 'women's' electric wand-like razor bit the dust. I tried trimming it with scissors, but it does basically nothing. So, I looked on Amazon. Found a 'men's' version that's roughly $30 cheaper than my current one was, has 3 modes, and is rechargeable. My current one was constantly eating batteries. Being rechargeable for the new one, is a huge plus. Hopefully, it'll help me. 

Just for fun, I also looked at monthly subscription boxes. I've felt more bored and drained since the health stuff in March started. It's hard to do much at the moment. So, why not find something to help remedy that and fun? I decided to start one that features a different country's snacks every month. I think I've seen things about it in the past and was curious. It'll be like visiting those places from the comfort of home. I love trying new foods, too. I also found one where they give you 2 hardcover books and 2 ebooks every month under these genres: mystery, horror, thriller, or surprise me. I chose surprise me. I love those genres, and they can pick from any of those for me. I've been meaning to get back into actually reading. I haven't in a while. This will give me a challenge to read every book each month, too. Something to keep me preoccupied. I did see a cat subscription box that looked interesting, but thought that might create too much clutter. It comes with a different theme of toys and treats for them. I suppose we could just toss the ones they destroy or don't care about. Something to keep in mind for the future. 

In order to keep me functioning day to day, I've had to start taking a lot of pills. I counted close to 30 a day. The fentanyl patches didn't work. I switched to morphine for my long-term painkiller instead. I'm still taking oxycodone regularly. It's supposed to be for my 'breakthrough' pain, but I'm nervous to ease up on it. I don't want to go back to being in so much pain. My med team is very understandable about that. I'm taking a stool softener a few times a day, and my bathroom stuff is still weird. At least, it happens. I'm also taking tylenol on top of the other painkillers. That's how bad the pain was. I have to be on 3 different ones. I'm on 2 different anti-nausea meds. They've worked really well together. Hardly ever feel nauseous anymore. I'm taking the Ibrance, tamoxifen, and had a lupron injection a couple of weeks ago. I think the tamoxifen has made my mouth numb. That and Ibrance might have affected how things taste, too. It's just a little off. Like, slightly washed out. Making me crave bolder flavors. Still taking lamotrigine. Keeps me mentally stable, so it's just as important. I'm on a steroid that pretty much stopped those attacks. I'm not sure I like that they increased the dosage. I think it's made me hungrier at times. Started going back to a gummy multivitamin. It's not as important, but I have noticed familiar signs of malabsorption issues, so I figured it wouldn't hurt. I have lost a little weight. Not much, but enough for my med team to take note and tell me I'm still stable, but we have to keep track of it. I wouldn't mind losing a little more. As long as I don't become underweight, that's perfectly fine with me. 

Rosie seems to know exactly when I'm supposed to take my meds, and waits every time near my chair until I'm done with them. I have to take them with food. She already has a thing with getting me to eat at certain times, but staying so close to me when I take my pills and then leaving only when I get up, is new. 

I feel an urge to explore new food or food I haven't had in a long time more lately. It might be the idea/living with metastatic cancer, the meds affecting how things taste, or just wanting to explore more food. Could be a combo. Trying to not overdo it, though. 

I want to start my own sort of cheese tasting plates in the future. I've seen some on pinterest. I wouldn't go over the top with it, especially considering it'd just be for me. I'll be using it more of as a concept. A fun healthy travel from home snack thing. I'll try 3 cheeses each time. I could pick new ones from my cheese guide book I got a couple of years ago. It'd be a handy way to use it. I can go by region or country, or just see what fancies me that time. I plan to choose 3 different forms like soft, semi-soft, and hard. I could use meat like many cheese plates do. Since it would just be me, maybe 1 or 2 types. I could use my rotisserie chicken deli meat, beef lil smokies, beef sticks, chicken sausages, etc. Lots to choose from. Most have nuts, but the only type of nuts I can really have are in the smooth butter forms. Doesn't seem right, so that won't be there. There's usually fresh and dried fruit. It'll be a couple from each. I could have things like fresh strawberries, melons, and grapes. Then, dried apricots, dried pineapple, and dried apples. There will be a couple of veggies like baby carrots, roasted red bell peppers, and shredded cabbage. A couple of salty/acidic things: olives, dolmas, pickles, pickled cabbage. One type of cracker and one type of bread. Finally, a spread of some sort like hummus, fruit spread, honey, etc. Some people add garnishes, but I don't really need that. I could try new things for the other stuff besides cheese every time, too. That would satisfy trying more stuff. A little bit of everything does sound like it'd be healthy. Especially with another way of getting more fruit and veggies. Seems balanced. I'll have multiple sit-down ones, considering it'll just be me and it can take a while to finish 3 cheeses. I might start this sort of thing when I'm finished with my current cheeses. I've got a provolone and garlic and herb Boursin cheese at the moment. First time I've tried Trader Joe's version of the provolone, and it's ok. Huge slices, and it smells like it should. I'm not too into smelly cheeses, though. Not sure how long I'll be able to stand it. Although, like I said, it is decent. Maybe having it in other things would be better. I'm thinking of my 'starter' cheese plate cheeses as ones I know and love. For instance, maybe mozzarella, Dubliner cheddar, and an aged parmesan. Although, I'm not used to hard non-shaved parmesan. So, that will still be a little different. 

I'm trying to get back into my writing stuff. I entered all 5 ebook versions of my books in the Authors Give Back promo on Smashwords. That was extended to the end of the month. It's a way for things to be more affordable and brighten someone's day during the pandemic. I set them to 60% off. There were 30%, 60%, and 100% off options. I don't think I'll have my old books set to free ever again. It's just been too often, and I feel I really need to actually make something from them. Discounts are totally understandable. People are looking more at them both on Smashwords and Amazon lately, which is great. I want them to be noticed even more. Thought about entering a book into Amazon's UK storyteller awards. Any book that's in English is eligible, however it had to have been put out in the last year. Mine are too old, sadly. Oh well. I started up my author instagram account again. Been reading the paperback version of Alliance for the 1st time. That's been an interesting way to see it. Still feel the print is a little too big, even with my eyes having issues lately. (I really need an eye exam and new contacts soon.) I plan to try to read through all my paperback versions. Although, that might be a little more difficult if I take on those monthly books I'll get in the mail. Hopefully, I can get back to finding and writing down quotes from my books. Haven't been able to focus that much lately.

I also am trying to get back to learning Polish through Duolingo. I've remembered a lot more than I thought I would. It still is hard to focus very long on it. It'd be great if I can get to the point of practicing my clarinet again. I might be able to do it for short periods of time now. I'd love to get back to drawing, too. I just should try to pace myself. If I do too much one day, it'll take a while to get back to things. I hate that. I even just want to get back to my walks. One day at a time. 

11th of Nisan

A lot of things have happened since my last post. This is the first time I've probably been on my computer since at least March 10th. That's when I fell in the shower. My feet slipped, face-planted hard on the floor of the tub, slammed my right armpit hard over the edge of that tub (I think I was trying to break my fall), and bashed and bruised other areas. It took me a while to collect myself while I lay in the tub. Came super close to passing out, and saw 'flashes' of black. Then, I noticed I couldn't move my right arm and it was in extreme pain. I also couldn't get out of the tub. My parent said it sounded like a huge tree had fallen and asked how I was. She was able to get into my bathroom, see how I was, and called 911. The paramedics took a while trying to figure out how to get me out of there. Meanwhile, it was a bit embarrassing, since I was naked. They wrapped straps around me, and then pulled me out with a little help from trying to push myself up. They got me to my feet, put a sling on my right arm, helped me with putting on my pj's (at least draping the top over that arm), and whisked me away by ambulance to the ER.

I had broken my shoulder. More specifically, the head of the humerus bone where it meets up with the rest of the shoulder. It was almost a clean break and pushed in. Ended up with a nasty bump on my forehead, but with the amount of force, I thought it would be worse. 3 days after the fall, my feet started to swell. I thought it was a reaction from the prescription-strength Ibuprofen (it was only my 3rd dose of it), and stopped it. I elevated it often at some point (hard, since my knees still hurt from the fall), and the swelling got worse in my feet and traveled up to my kneecaps. Was like that for 3 weeks.

Had surgery on March 19th. That was to put the bone back in place, and hold it together with a metal plate and screws. Eventually, new bone will grow over the plate and screws, forming the way it should. They wouldn't allow my parent to go back with me for the pre-op stuff, which not only made it difficult emotionally, but she also had the specialized sling they wanted us to get beforehand, so right after the surgery part the nurse can put it on while I'm still asleep with the anesthesia. Eventually, they did allow her to give the sling to them, and met me in the recovery area. They weren't even going to allow her that. The hospital was so empty and quiet. Added to how I felt. Everyone there was pretty worried about my swelling, but the nurses more so. They decided to put some sort of massaging sleeves on both legs before the surgery. When I woke up, I had the worst leg cramps I can remember. The nurses looked nervous about it, but didn't do much. The nurses in the post-op area weren't as great. Especially one of them that didn't seem to know what she was doing. It was agonizing. 

Had the post-op appointment with my orthopedist on April 1st. He said everything was healing wonderfully. He gave me a printout of one of the x-rays they took that day, and a cd-rom of all the x-rays they've taken. I thought I wasn't doing enough, or behind, or something. I had only started the phase 1 exercises 3 days after the surgery. Same day I had to take off the dressings. It was easier that way. Couldn't do all 4 of those exercises together until a few days after that. He felt that I was on the right track. I shouldn't rush it, and if I push it too hard, I could damage the area. It'll take about a year to fully recover. Even then, it won't be as strong as it was. Right now, it seems my left arm has gotten stronger, since I've been using it for most things. At least, my right shoulder is getting better. He took off the steri-tape that was over the incision, too. It's around 6" long. A little bigger than I thought it'd be.

Went to Urgent Care the day before. I was seriously fed up with the swelling. Made it hard to move, sleep, and was really uncomfortable. At this point, it felt like my toes would fall off. It was that bad. When I moved, I had burning pain. Felt like a nasty sunburn on the tops of my feet. Anyways, I was there for 4 or 5 hours. They were being very thorough. With the new coronavirus regulations, they couldn't allow my parent to be there with me. That was difficult. 

They couldn't do anything for the swelling, since they didn't find a cause. There were no blood clots, kidneys were fine, etc. I was pissed about this. The one thing I came in for they couldn't do anything about. 

However, they found a lot of bone lesions on my ribs, left scapula (aka shoulder blade), pelvis, and I think spine. These only occur when there's cancer (pretty much any kind) or some sort of autoimmune disease. Pretty scary. They usually show up in older people. Since I have a family history of breast cancer (my mom had it, as well as grandma and one aunt on that side), they want to rule that out first. I have a mammogram and ultrasound scheduled for Tuesday. If they find something in those, they want me to schedule a breast biopsy on the same day. If not, the next step is getting a bone biopsy. That'll be from the areas affected. Scapula might be best, since it's close to the skin and there are less nerves. It'll be guided by a CT scan, I think. I'm terrified of this one. It's bad enough that my chest triggers a lot of dysphoria, and I'm a little too young to have a mammogram. I know it's essential, but I'm going to have a hard time. I'll have a full bone scan at some point, too. That sounds like an interesting one. I'll probably see an oncologist soon. Had a CT scan the same day as my orthopedist appointment, just to look at my chest and abdomen area. Made for a tiring day. 

At Urgent Care, they also found some pleural (lung lining) thickening. That doesn't just happen, either. I've had 2 lung issues in the past: pneumonia and pulmonary embolisms (blood clots in every air sac in my lungs). So, anything relating to them scares me. My D-Dimer was really high. I've learned from my doc that it could mean many things. My alk phos was high (although not as much as the other test). That usually has something to do with the liver. I have a thyroid nodule and gallstones. Those gallstones have probably been there for roughly a year. Went to the ER at the time for throwing up blood, and they found them then. My doc said since my gallbladder's walls aren't thickening, and doesn't seem to be bothering me, they're not going to worry about that now. There were no lymph nodes in places they shouldn't be. 

I suspect at least the lesions had something to do with both the fall and broken shoulder. Those lesions make it easier to break bones, and can weaken certain areas making it easier to slip. The weird pain and difficulty getting out of bed the week before my fall could have been from this. From what I've read, it sounds an awful lot like the common symptoms for it. I love how they're taking me seriously now about things. They weren't for the last year or 2. 

I feel super lucky that the fall happened when it did. I was approved for health insurance the day before, and got the card that night. The schools were (still will be for a while) closed and my parent, who's a school psychologist, had to work from home. Spring break technically starts tomorrow, I think. She's available to help me get to appointments and things, especially now. A lot of these tests/surgery are being labelled as urgent, otherwise they won't be able to do them until their system goes back to normal. My primary doc and the one I saw at Urgent Care want to push for these tests as fast as possible, so whatever it is doesn't progress.

The possibility of cancer also seems personal to me. My mom passed away from complications of both metastatic breast cancer and liposarcomas or abdominal tumors (2 huge ones, one right after the other). I saw what she went through. I don't want that. Creeps me out if it's some sort of bone autoimmune disease. 

I managed to finally go upstairs and sleep in my own bed Friday night. I had been sleeping in the recliner downstairs since March 10th. It was so nice to finally sleep there, and start using my bathroom again. The swelling has been going down a lot since then. Almost gone from my legs. They're sore, though. Might be from it being there for so long. Feet are better, but there's still a lot there. I can at least feel my toes. 

I haven't been able to get to much of my usual stuff because of all this. It's really been life changing. Trying to stay positive. Hard sometimes when I can't do much on my own. Might be able to take a shower soon. My orthopedist said it's ok to. I just would like a shower chair first. My parent, not long after the fall, put anti-skid strips on the floor of the tub. With both that and the chair, I should be pretty secure. 

Tasha has taken over my bed, and she was very upset when I started sleeping in it again. Interesting that she glomped onto it when I was gone. For the first few nights, she kept nudging me with her big paws and running around while I tried to sleep in the recliner. Rosie's been sticking to me a lot more. I think she's been trying to heal me. She knows somethings going on.

9th of Adar

This is my wallpaper for March. It's Zoro from One Piece. One of the coolest characters in the series. Also, one of the strongest, despite not having eaten a Devil Fruit. Devil Fruits give people powers. For instance, Luffy, the captain of the Straw Hats and main character, ate a fruit that turned his body into rubber. Brook ate one before he died that brought him back to life many years later as a skeleton. He's essentially immortal. He can also leave his 'body' as a ghost to explore things. The downside to eating a Devil Fruit is that the user will never be able to swim again. If they land in the water, their power gets drained, and they start drowning. Being pirates, that's a pretty big downside. Luffy has had to be rescued at least a few times because of this. Zoro does have a possessed sword, but he'd still be powerful without it. He fights with 3 swords when he's serious. It seems one of the few weaknesses he has is easily getting lost. He's horrible with directions (even his own), and ends up walking the wrong way. In fact, in the current arc of the anime, he went the wrong way and is getting to know more of the people of Wano on his own. He was supposed to meet up with the others. He found a boat (I guess he thought going by boat would be a shortcut?), people on the boat gave him free food (big deal, considering so many people are starving to death outside of the capital), he gambled for a while, saved someone, and that someone showed him the way to his village. Pretty big detour. 

The month-long holidays for March are: National Frozen Food Month, National Noodle Month, Irish-American Heritage Month. Some are for important causes, some are to make you appreciate things you may take for granted, and some are just for fun. 

Purim starts Monday night. Depending on how people follow it, it ends either Tuesday night or Wednesday night. We retell the story of Esther, usually in a fun way. Sometimes with skits. Each name has a certain thing the audience can shout out. Like, Haman, the villain, gets boo'd at and we use groggers (noisemakers) every time he's mentioned. Some cheer when Mordechai and/or Esther's names are read. Some make fun of how clueless the king is. It can get pretty rowdy. Especially, when you throw in that the adults are supposed to drink until they can't tell the difference between the villain and the hero. Plus, there's candy and hamantaschen (triangle-shaped jam-filled cookies), and usually a carnival. Dressing up in costumes is a big thing, too. Some have likened that part and the candy to a Jewish Halloween. There's another tradition where people hand out goodie bags/baskets (mishloach manot) to family, friends, and neighbors. Usually filled with food and/or drinks. People also give to charity. It's a fun holiday. Haven't attended a service or carnival for it in a very long time. I think they actually have hamantaschen now at our local market. I might try those, but they're vegan and use soy-based things...I'd rather it be the normal ones. 

With Purim coming up, that means there's roughly a month until Passover. Not much time. It's an even bigger holiday, especially because of the dietary restrictions. It has to be planned. I think this year I might try to get things online again. As long as I do it early enough, that should be fine. I ordered a little too close to the holiday last year. It looks like I'll be alone for both of the first nights. (It lasts for 8 days.) So, I'll have both seders (ritual dinners) all to myself at home. That's not too bad. Less food to think about, and don't have to bring something to another person's seder. Plus, I can eat what I like at both. 

Since Sunday, I've been having severe back, shoulder, neck, and hip pain. Stiffness, too. Really awful along my spine. It's actually gotten so bad, I'm having trouble moving around. Really having a hard time getting up from lying and sitting positions. It's like my body just doesn't want to do it, not only because of the pain. I've come close to not being able to get out of bed the last couple of mornings. Looking at my back yesterday, I noticed 2 huge lumps. One over my spine, and one over my left shoulder. I don't know if I simply imagined them, though. If I didn't...that doesn't sound good. Sometimes it hurts just to breathe. I thought it might be related to being constipated, but after 'fixing' that, it seems to have gotten worse. I'm really nervous about it now. However, I can't do anything until I've gotten approval to be put back on my health insurance. As soon as I do, I'm going to Urgent Care for this. I'm not sure how long I can wait after that, if it doesn't go away on its own. I do plan to get a new primary care doc, too. If this gets much worse while I'm waiting for that approval, I may need to go to the hospital, even though I really don't want to unless I'm covered. 

There might be hints that I'll be approved soon, because of getting 3 (I think) checks of a sizable amount recently. They did say they'd back pay it, however I haven't really done much since I've been off it. I only saw my primary, which they billed as a phone visit. That's not much even when you're not insured. Certainly not as much as what's on one or two of those checks. I'm not sure why they paid me so much. Oh, and my current med is the same price it would be if I were covered, so it doesn't seem related to that. It's nice, but weird.  

Despite the pain, I managed to make a dinner and dessert on Monday. It had been a while since I felt like I actually cooked. Made Philly Cheesesteak stuffed pasta shells for the dinner. Found the recipe on Pinterest. I had been wanting to make it for a while. Sounded so good. I cooked the 'filling' the way I normally would for something like a ground beef, onion, and green bell pepper mixture. They wanted me to do it in a weird way that would create even more dishes. I did add a little margarine (I used that instead of the butter that was listed) into the mixture. That filling is seasoned with Worcestershire sauce, ketchup, salt, and pepper. It was my first time dealing with jumbo pasta shells and stuffing them. That was interesting, and kind of a fun part. After they're stuffed, cheddar is sprinkled over them. The cheese sauce was made in the same pan that the beef mixture was in, so it picked up those flavors. On top of that the sauce has more cheddar, beef broth, milk, and some corn starch to thicken it. They have you pour half of that between the shells before putting it in the oven. Then, you add the rest to individual portions. It was more of a to-do than I thought it would be, but it was really worth it. It turned out amazing! Made a lot, too. Since I'm the only one eating it, I've been having it for meals throughout the week. 

I also made a cherry cheesecake. Recipe came from my cookbook, My Mother's Treasure Trove of Recipes. I haven't done many things from it, so I thought I'd explore a bit. Plus, it let's me, and others, see what things look like. There are no pics in the book. This was one of the first dessert recipes in it. Seemed really simple. I think it was from the 80's. They have you mix cream cheese and powdered sugar together, then fold in Cool Whip, pour that into a graham cracker (or shortbread) pie crust, top with a whole can of cherry pie filling, and chill it in the refrigerator. It ended up making a little too much filling/cheesecake for the crust to handle, so I had to throw out the excess. I got more of the cherries on there than I thought I could, but still had 1/4 of a can left. Oh well. The finished product was awesome! Tastes even better than Safeway's cheesecakes. It ended up really thick with the filling, too. Feels like I get a substantial amount with each slice. 

I plan to go back to doing a Pinterest recipe every week, along with one from my cookbook. I'll switch the types around, as well. For instance, next time I'll make a dessert from Pinterest, and a dinner from the cookbook. I do have drink and snack recipes for both, too. I suppose I could just do a different combo each time. Doesn't have to be a dinner and dessert. So, I'll see how that goes.

Since I'm in so much pain, I feel like not eating much today. Last night, things filled me up more than they should have, and I had a weird feeling of my stomach creating bubbles. Had hiccups when I tried to sleep after that. So, all I plan to have today is a little of the pasta thing, and maybe cheesecake for 'dinner'. Enough to take my med and have it regulated. Plus, at least I won't waste what I made. This isn't a good thing to do when you have colitis, though. I try to have 5 small meals a day (I splurge a bit during the weekend and some Wednesdays), so things are balanced. Keeps me from being too nauseated, oddly enough. Also, I already have issues with absorbing certain things like protein. Eating the way I am today for a longer period of time, will cause a lot of issues. Could even spark a flare. I suppose it's ok every once in a while to eat like this. 

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