With the Pusheen calendar, it seems Pusheen has her own cafe. There are several other cats at the tables, and one ordering something. The food looks tasty and cute. 3 kittens are at one table, each one eating a cat head-shaped cupcake. 2 older cats seem to be chatting about things. One has coffee, the other has cat head-shaped cookies. For some reason, the one with the cookies reminds me of Tasha. That one's all white and long-haired. Tasha has black spots, though. She still seems to have a similar expression and overall look. There's a curly-haired cat alone at one of the tables. They ordered the most amount of stuff. They have a cookie in front of them, a slice of cake, coffee, and a parfait. It's a cute scene. On the calendar part, they have a chocolate chip cookie. Kind of makes me hungry every time I see it.
The month-long holidays for May are: National Asparagus Month, National BBQ Month, National Egg Month, National Hamburger Month, National Salad Month, National Salsa Month, National Strawberry Month, National Vinegar Month, Asian American and Pacific Islander Heritage Month, Drum Month, Haitian Heritage Month, Jewish American Heritage Month, National Bike Month. Some are for important causes, some are to make you appreciate things you may take for granted, and some are just for fun. Wow! That's a lot of them this time.
The 5-year anniversary of my mom passing away was on Monday. We visited her grave. Apparently, someone had cleaned off the headstone. Dad was thinking of wiping it down with a towel. Last year we had the unveiling. It was somewhat dirty looking after we took the covering off. So, it was nice to see it this way this time. I like it even more. We couldn't stay long, because it was really buggy out. Last year, it was because of the rain...Seems every time I go to that cemetery it's either raining or buggy out.
Her yahrzeit, or the Jewish anniversary of it, is on the 9th of Iyar or May 5th this year. Technically, starting tonight until tomorrow night. I'll light a yahrzeit candle for it. They burn for the entire time. I'll probably take a pic of it, to at least do something for it. I almost forgot about looking up her yahrzeit, so I'm glad I didn't miss it.
Afterwards, we went to the somewhat new local Indian place. Just to have something calming. I think she would have liked it there. I got chicken saag (a spinach type curry), and plain naan. Haven't had saag in a long time, and it was good. They have a ton of different types of naan. I think I've had their garlic one and potato one. Their plain seemed the best so far. It's huge, too! Got gulab jamun for dessert. It's one of my fave desserts, and haven't had it in a long time. They're like milk-based ball-shaped donuts soaked in a honey and rosewater syrup. They usually come out piping hot. I think I was supposed to wait a little longer before trying to eat the first one. It wasn't entirely cooked all the way. Plus, even though I tried cooling it off, I burned my tongue a couple of times. Oh well. It was still really delicious. Although, I think the last time I had it, it was slightly better.
I thought, since there were a few likes to my reminders for the last local ace meeting, that we'd have a few more people. Nope. I was wrong. It was just me and one other person. It's great that that other person is going, but it doesn't feel like a 'group' yet. Hardly anyone else posts on the online group, either. It's alright if people don't want or feel they can post online, but at least show up to the offline meetings. Contribute a bit. I know some are allies, and that's cool. Still would be great for them to show up. I also know some ace and ace-spec people might be too nervous to go, and take time to get the courage to go. Totally understandable. There should be some that are willing to go by now, though. It's weird. I don't hate anybody in the group, just would like more people participating in some form. I want to plan some group-like things. Get people's input on the media list I'm creating, hear other people's stories, hear their concerns, see what we could do as a group about some of that stuff, have getting to know you type events, and mold it into more of a community.
I do plan to make flyers for it. I'm a little nervous about broadcasting it, since I don't want, what some people call, 'chasers' and other dangerous people showing up. Yes, there are actual asexual chasers out there. I've read many stories about them in other fb groups. Some might be semi-harmless, and just want a relationship with an ace. However, most of them, consider aces a challenge. Like, it's their duty to 'convert' or make them straight. You can tell where this can lead...Also, there are people out there that want to kill anyone who isn't 'normal' or a heteroromantic heterosexual cis person. So, how to broadcast it without putting the group in danger? It's a tricky thing. I know Dad had put flyers out at cafes when she started her group. Later, people put flyers up in libraries and at their college. I think places like those seem 'safe'. I'll definitely put one up at the cafe we meet at. The other person that's been showing up said they might go around their college with some.
I also want ace representation at Pride. Events start with our local one next month. I feel a little strange about it, though. It's rare, but there are some people who have issues with aces at LGBTQ+ things. Even though we technically are apart of it, there are exclusionists or 'gatekeepers'. They're still like that with bi and pan people, too. Those gatekeepers would probably just want it to be for LG, and not the rest of the communities. Anyways, I thought it'd be cool to have a booth at our local one. I can have my giant flag draped over the front, or put it over a table. (Although, it's more likely to get dirty if it's on the table.) Then, have flyers for the group on the table. Asexual Outreach has free info flyers and brochures that I can print out, as well. It'd be something. If the group was in full swing already, I'd ask them about it and what they would like to have at the booth. I might still post a status about it in the online group. Dad is apart of the Pride organizing group, so I'll ask that group about it.
As it is, I also want to find a pole for my huge ace flag. I'll probably wave it around during the parade. It might be too big, though...It's actually bigger than me. I'll be loud and in people's faces if I use it. Then again, that's kind of what Pride is about. Being proud of who you are, and showing it to the world. It would be interesting if I had like a mini aro flag to wave with it. Aros are almost non-existent at these things. Even more so than aces. If I'm able to have a little booth, I might make aro info flyers, too. Since I'm both. Also, often times aces help the aro community out. Even though many aros want to distance themselves from aces, it's still good to help each other, I think. And, the people who are both, like me, have a different view of it. Interesting how I only fully realized/came to terms with myself being ace a year ago. Sometime in June will mark a year. It's only been since November when I realized I was aro.
I'm still questioning if I'm agender. My mind is still going in circles about it. Thinking things like there's a lot of different types of women out there. Then, going back to I never felt like the women I've been around about gender. In the past, I've thought: oh, I have a similar body to women, so I must be a woman. That technically doesn't make a person a woman, though. I haven't felt like clothes 'affirm' my gender like some people. So, gender expression comes into play, as well. I see a lot of what's considered 'feminine' stuff as fun and pretty decoration. It doesn't make me who I am, I guess. Some men like that stuff, too. It doesn't mean they're any less of a man. It's confusing to me. Part of it I'm thinking, is if I'm agender, this 'confusing' part would make sense. If you don't 'experience' or feel a certain gender, how would you figure that out with all this gender-specific stuff? It feels very vague.
At the trans group last night, I brought up that I'm questioning if I'm agender. There was a bit more of a reaction this time. Had a lot of people there, too. One person asked what it meant, and they don't mean to offend. I told them what it meant. I'm not offended that they wouldn't know, it's kind of a lesser known gender identity. I only knew about it pretty recently. The person who asked is questioning their gender. However, I think they said in the past that they're leaning towards genderfluid. There aren't that many non-binary people there. Let alone someone who's agender. In a way, I kind of feel like agender isn't trans. But, it's not cis, either. It's kind of its own thing. I don't really know...Maybe I'll bring up more of this stuff next time. Oh, and apparently I'm a toaster now. Someone joked about how Dad might have 'changed' me, and therefore she gets a toaster. They started calling me the toaster. Funny, but I'd still rather be a unicorn. Much more majestic.
Also, if I am agender, I'd be what some people call in the ace groups I'm apart of on fb, a triple A battery. Some have it as A cubed. It's interesting. Also, within agender, there are other identities. Like, maybe you like what's considered feminine things and are agender, or masculine things for that matter. Are you afab or amab? This one's also used in the trans community in general. Afab is assigned female at birth, and amab is assigned male at birth. Both would have different experiences no matter where they actually fall in the spectrum. I forget many of the terms the agender community has. I'm really just starting out with looking into it, though.
I recently started writing the sequel to Alliance. Don't have a name for it yet, so I guess I can refer to it as Alliance 2 for now. Even just for myself, I've wanted to continue the story. Alliance ended on a huge cliffhanger. I could probably make the story into a series. There's so much I can do with it.
Started writing a memoir, too. I decided that each chapter will have a topic, and I'll expand on that topic and the experiences I've had related to it. The first one's titled: Aro Ace. I might throw in gender stuff, as well. A lot of these 'chapters' sound like they'll be pretty long. That's ok, though. It also won't be necessarily linear. Hopefully, I can keep up writing both the memoir and Alliace 2.
My health hasn't been great lately. Every few days, it seems I find a slightly different side effect. One of the ones that's been constant lately has been a weird rash on my left lower eyelid. It usually appears at night. Like, around dinner time. It feels like a bad sunburn. My right lower eyelid is starting to do a similar thing. IBD can affect things outside of the digestive system. Like, the skin, eyes, bones, hair, etc. Technically, everything's connected to our digestive system, though. Anyways, it's a little upsetting to me. A couple of weeks ago, when this started, it was at its worst. My entire left eyelid was in so much pain for most of the day, I couldn't open it at times. It made my eye sting, but most of the pain was on the outside. So, I knew it wasn't an inner eye thing. It's been a bit easier to live with after that day, but it's still weird. I'll bring it up when I talk to my primary.
Maybe it's a side effect of the nortriptyline, which is the new med I was put on. The 'specialist' from before said it might help with my stomach pain, and may help slightly with sleep. It doesn't really do much. I've noticed that I still have a hard time falling asleep because of the constant pain. I still get about the same amount of sleep, which I'm guessing is about 4 hours. Not good enough. When I wake up, I feel like I've been hit by a truck. It's hard to move, too. I think that's a side effect of it. They said it will most likely make me groggy, but this seems to be something more. It kind of adds a different sort of pain. I'll bring this up with her, too. Another thing, is when I look at people to listen to them more intently, my face feels droopy. Especially my eyelids and mouth. It might just be the angle I look at people, because I've noticed it at other times, as well. It's a weird feeling. Sometimes it feels numb, too. Eyes seem to get blurry occasionally, too. I was actually told that this one might be a side effect.
In the past, the only thing that I got results with the constipation was from the dulcolax. It was really bad again, so I got some. I decided to take 3 the first night (on Monday), which is the highest dose. The following morning, I woke up and immediately threw up. Luckily, I made it in time. Apparently, 3 was too much for my system to handle. I didn't get any relief for it until yesterday. Still feel backed up. It's pretty bad when dulcolax isn't quite cutting it. I'm happy it helped a lot yesterday. I'll bring this up, too. Although, she won't be able to help me on this until I actually see a specialist or gastroenterologist. It scares me. I keep thinking that maybe I have a partial blockage that's slowly getting worse. I hope it doesn't end up being completely blocked. I'd have to go to the hospital for that.
I finished watching Bleach. It's a really long one. However, I skipped most of the 'filler' episodes. There were enough filler episodes at times that they had their own story arcs. I'm glad I skipped them. The manga version ended in 2016. It was going for 15 years. The anime ended in 2012, and went for 8 years. The anime ended early, so if people want to see what happens next, they can read the manga. I might do that. There are 4 movies, which I might watch in the future. There's also a live-action film coming out at some point. I think I read that it's an American adaptation or something. Not sure how that will go. There's a rock musical, too.
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