Hope everyone who celebrates it had a great one!For the ones who don't, I hope it was a great day for you, too. Dad and I did go to those friends of the family's place. There were 9 people this time. Not bad. Not as many as usual, though. We brought the crackers and herring for the appetizer. The person we picked up had brought 2 homemade pies, and 3 or 4 pies that were store-bought (she just warmed them up in the oven). The homemade ones were: sweet potato pie (I hate sweet potato!) and apple pie. The others were: blueberry, cherry, pumpkin, and I think one other that I'm blanking on. There was an interesting pear and cranberry dish. I think the pears/cranberries were cooked, and the pears were peeled. It was really good, but half of one was very filling. It was also something I could eat, since I was following that list. The turkey was smoked, like usual. The person who brought the salad, had a lot of things I don't like added to it. So, I didn't feel too bad with turning it down. The stuffing was dry, but good. They always have one with chestnuts, and the other without. I hate chestnuts, so that works for me. There was the canned jelly cranberry sauce again. Good stuff. There was also peas, but they just seemed mediocre. Since that IBD grocery list encourages people to have squash, I had a slice of pumpkin pie and another of the blueberry. Wanted to try at least one other. They both were very good.
Eventually, 4 people left. So, it was just me, Dad, the hosts, and the person we had brought with us. I wanted to tell the hosts at some point about me being aro ace and creating a new local ace group. (Since they are like family, to me.) I don't know how, but the person that came with us got me talking about it before I brought it up with them.She's very close-minded, and thinks her way is the only right way. I've found in the past that she's very ageist against most people who are younger than her, too. It's interesting because the hosts, and all the guests but her are very liberal, supportive, and open.
She kept saying: "You'll change your mind someday" over what I was saying. I think she thought I was saying that I'm celibate.She also said: "You just haven't met the right man. You chose to be that, right?" So much wrong with this! I felt like saying: "You'll become ace someday. You just haven't met the right person. You chose to be straight, right?" That would have put me on her level, though. I know it probably would have put it more into perspective for her, at least. The hosts understood it pretty quickly, as I talked more about it. She apologized eventually.
I brought up the idea of being in a qpr, and how it sounds wonderful to me. The hosts seemed to understand what that sort of relationship would be like, and the concept seemed nice to them. After saying what I might look for in a partner for it, the lady from before said: "So...it sounds like a dog would be what you're looking for, then?" No! I want a living breathing human being I can talk to and still be close to.Comparing it to having a pet feels vaguely like bestiality somehow. It's a close relationship. Is it normal for people to date or have sex with animals? Animals and humans aren't the same...I certainly hope relationships aren't entirely built on sex and romance normally. (This is coming from an aro ace. So, I don't really know.) There are a lot of different relationships/types of love out there. I think the 'bestiality' thing comes up when people don't understand orientations in general. Things out of what they deem 'normal' or 'natural'. I think she apologized after I explained it further, too.
Eventually, the idea of me making a book on asexuality was brought up. I think it'd be a huge undertaking, but from what I've seen there isn't a good one on it out there. The free one that I read, was about 25 pages, but could have easily been about 12 pages. He repeated himself several times. Didn't go into detail about anything. He shared a couple of his experiences, but not much. If I do one, I want it to be a lot more in-depth. Not sure if it'd center on me and I give out cited facts I've found online, or gather stories/experiences of other aces in addition to mine along with that info. There are so many different types of aces, there are little known sexualities in the spectrum, bring up the idea of (a)romantic attractions (and maybe the split attraction model as a whole), issues within the community, and so much more. It'd be jam-packed with a lot more info than that free book was. I didn't get much from that one.Then, maybe at some other point, I can add this part of my identity to the memoir I've thought about writing. I'm starting to notice that I have more than enough 'material' to write one. I keep thinking I'm too young to write it, and then I realized I've gone through a lot already, and being aro ace adds another lens to it.
At the end, the dogs got to the herring, so we couldn't take that home. There were plenty of crackers left, though. Also, the person that came with us gave us 2 of the pies: apple and blueberry. Yay for more pie!On the way back while dropping her off, she said I opened up her eyes. She said it was very interesting. What got me, a little, was at the end where she managed to say: "You could still change in the future. You never know." I have heard some people say that sexuality can fluxuate or change over time. That might be true for very few people. It's like me telling her: "You might change to being ace in the future." To many people this equates to telling someone that their orientation is a phase. That's not cool.I saw someone shared a shirt recently that read: Straight was my phase. That seems more accurate...For many aces, we didn't know where we fell. So, we just assumed we were straight. (Some assumed they were bi. That's another big one I've read.) Realizing who you actually are eventually makes more sense. Once you've figured it out, often times, people don't suddenly change in the future. They are who they are. If they do change, they might have been in the process of figuring it out before. That's different. I think if I told straight people that who they were was just a phase, or eventually they'll magically have a new orientation in the future; they'd think I was crazy. That's what it sounded like to me, at least.I just let it slide, because she was tiring in many ways. We were talking about what it's like to be the only Jew in school, and she suddenly brought up something related to Jesus. It was so weird, and we thought there would be a point to bringing it up, and there wasn't. For some reason, I feel like she isn't actually Jewish, and more of a 'Messianic Jew'. There's been some weird vibes with that over time, too.
I like how the first thing people brought up at the beginning, was that I looked like I lost a lot of weight. Half the time, I feel like I'm gaining. And, the other half, losing.I have noticed that my pajamas have gotten much more baggy, and keeps falling off of me. That might be a sign of losing it again. But, I think I'm feeling like this based on me not getting my normal exercises in for months, and eating really oddly. So, my mindset on it might be skewed to what it is in actuality. Most of the time, I am eating less often. Except for dinner, eating less in quantity, too. Usually, anyways. Had a huge plate of mainly just spaghetti (the pasta, not very much sauce) for lunch today. Had a craving for it, and it certainly wasn't my new 'normal'. Felt like throwing it up afterwards, but to me, it was worth it.I still have that weird thing where I have to remind myself to eat, since I don't experience hunger anymore.
Makes it hard to remember to drink my water and tea, too. I usually pair them up with food. Sometimes, if I end up moving around a lot, I try to drink more. The problem is, I've been told by my gastro to increase my normal fluid intake. I haven't even been hitting what's considered the norm. It's not good, because I actually feel the effect of that already. How do you increase something you haven't even hit the norm for in a while? It's a bit more difficult when you run out of Splenda for tea...I feel weird adding calories to drinks, like when you use sugar. I have to tell myself that it's not that many calories, and I'm not eating quite enough as a whole anyways. Having just water, gets tiring. Tea is more exciting, even if we only had one flavor left of it. I'm also still taking citrucel at night, as well as the probiotics. Both of those have added sugar, too. I'm really not a fan of that...I usually try to drink something else after having the citrucel, so I at least get more fluids that way.
I mentioned the 'IBD Grocery List', and some people seemed worried I wouldn't be able to eat what they brought. They shouldn't worry. I felt a little guilty though for making them suddenly feel that way.It was interesting because part of what my gastro suggested was that I avoid insoluble fiber, but increase the soluble kind. I told them I can't have whole seeds/nuts, certain fruit/vegetable peels, etc. The person who brought the salad, suggested if having the pumpkin seeds separate would help. I hadn't gotten to telling them that I can't have raw vegetables, and even with fruit it might be preferred to cook them a bit. When I said that, and told them not to worry, they looked kind of hurt...I can't help what might help or harm me. It just is the way it is. The 'list' isn't technically about fiber, but that kind of thing was basically my gastro warning me/trying to make me feel more comfortable. Like, this will most likely help you. I think it has helped more, but it's limited things more, too. Probably contributing to me possibly losing weight again. On the list, they encourage eating things like fish, certain vegetables (asparagus, different types of squash- pumpkin being a big one, spinach, carrots, potatoes- peeled, and green beans), certain fruits (melon, bananas, apples- peeled or applesauce, peaches- without peel, mango, canned fruits), creamy peanut butter, chicken, turkey, eggs, white rice, oatmeal, etc. It's very interesting to look at.
I think I read that Ace Day was yesterday. So, not only do we have a week at the end of October, but a day at the end of November, too...It's better than nothing. It apparently was also National Cake Day. Very fitting, and I wonder if it was planned that way? Without realizing it much, I was more active on AVEN, Tumblr (with looking at ace blogs), and in ace groups on facebook that day. Hadn't been active on AVEN for a while. Their new server is up and running now. Seems much faster, and I think it's made to accommodate more people. I actually posted to their aro thread, but there have been no responses/likes to it yet. Maybe it's just not that active. People seem to like my posts in the threads about what you drank or ate last. It feels like we think about food more than a lot of people...Also, was accepted into a secret Jewish ace group on facebook, called Jace. I think I asked to be invited on Friday. Not that long to wait. Really cool that I'll be able to get to know other Jewish aces.I've noticed they range widely from secular/cultural to Orthodox. (According to a poll on there.) I'd personally want it to be a mix of different Jews. Makes it more interesting. Feels more like a community this way, too.
Well, Wednesday is a potluck, and Thursday is when my MRE is done. Potlucks are nice. It's a more social thing for the local trans group, too. MRE is essentially imaging on my small intestines. I'm nervous about the MRE.It sounds like it'll take a good chunk out of the day. The test itself takes a while. I probably will do the blood test for it on Wednesday. They said I could do it as close to a day before, and it'd be fine. I probably won't eat from my last snack Wednesday or even that potluck, until after the test. If I remember correctly, it might end at around 2pm. That's a long time.The only thing I'd have in my system, before that test, would be the contrast. I might not feel hunger, but there might be other bodily signs. I'm kind of excited about looking at the results, though. Even if it's really damaged. Something about seeing my insides, in a safe way obviously, sounds awesome. I'm in awe of looking at the way I look on the inside.Sounds weird, but we're marvelous beings that way. Just seeing how things work or not work (in some instances), is beautiful to me. Felt that way about my endoscopy/colonoscopy, too.
I also noticed a new thing a couple of nights ago. It scares me, but it's so close to this test...They probably will see what's up with that, too. The lump I felt earlier, has grown more than I thought it did. Can see it more, too. Also, feels like something big is flopping around inside. Sometimes that 'thing' stings. I'm still afraid that it might be a semi-obstruction (that's getting worse), adhesion, or something similar. It doesn't feel like it's a simple thing. I hate not knowing.My gastro said she'll email me as soon as she looks over the results, and we can go from there. I hope I can be put on painkillers soon. It's getting really difficult. Hard to come up with things that will keep me distracted enough. If I focus too much on it, the pain feels much worse. I'm also scared that I'll have to have surgery done. Had a dream about that last night. It's really getting to me. Some days, I feel like I could tell myself that nothing's wrong and it's all in my head. But, most days, that's far from the case. Those days where I feel I can somehow 'ignore' them or they aren't as bad, are getting fewer. Rosie seems to sense my pain, and is being a lot more needy. She's been leaning up against the most painful area more often, too. She's so sweet.