And, tonight's the start of the 7th day. Technically, the holiday will end by sundown on Saturday. Usually when it's this far into it, it's hard to keep up. But, so far I'm not feeling 'deprived' of chametz and kitniyot.Chametz being anything leavened (that includes eating any of the 5 specific grains, matzo's an exception); and kitinyot is things like corn, soy, beans, certain nuts, rice, even mustard (although that's debated with certain groups...), etc. Ashkenazi Jews (they originate from Germany and eastern Europe) refrain from eating both. Sephardi Jews (they originate from Spain and the Mediterranean) only refrain from eating chametz. There's been some infighting during the holiday because of this.Especially in Israel. Some Ashkenazim refuse to go to a Sephardic seder. Simply because they feel it won't be 'kosher' for them, or won't find anything to eat. This can be irritating to Sephardim. I understand both sides, and frankly, I think it'd be cool to go to a Sephardic seder. (I don't think I've ever gone to one...) I'd probably break the kitinyot thing for it. I think we should all be getting along, anyways. We'll see how I feel after today, though. Maybe the 'longing' for chametz will hit me. Some people can't keep it up the entire time. And, in Israel they do it only for 7 days, while people in the diaspora (anywhere but Israel) do 8 days. Or, at least they try to.
Tuesday night's group was terrible from the very beginning.Forgive me, I might go into a rant...Have to get it out into the 'air'. I rarely actually rant, and try to stay pretty positive. Had a great turn out, at least. Dad, since she's still the main facilitator, started the check-ins like usual. I was the next one to check-in. Like usual, everyone said I was a unicorn. Which I've been ok with for a while, and kind of have owned it. (Although, it is getting slightly annoying with every check-in I do.) They don't usually ask me my preferred pronouns. I think mainly because everyone knows I'm 'cis'. Cis is short for cisgender, and it essentially just means I identify with the gender I was born into. So, I was born female, and identify with being one. People outside the community would label that as 'normal'. But, calling it normal means trans isn't normal. Kind of treats them like they're more lowly. And, what is normal anyways?So, I totally get the cis part. And, I've always felt that however a person feels they identify is just as 'normal'. They're just being themselves.
Anyways, I said 'female pronouns'. Many trans women feel like they can finally own it. (So, I thought it was ok to say it.) Someone immediately muttered: "Cis people suck", after I said that.When I wasn't totally positive with what they said, I asked "What?" to clarify. She immediately went into a rant about the gender binary, and didn't repeat what she said. But, I could tell that what I heard was correct. The 'gender binary' is the gender system of just female and male, and nothing in between/outside of that. You can have varying degrees of male and female, but you mostly identify as one or the other. Gender fluid people tend to be out of that binary, and think that system's horrible. I totally get why they're upset with the binary, and that they feel there needs to be a change in order for them to feel accepted and to break out of that mindset. I personally don't like the term 'binary' for it, but there isn't really a better term that we know of. She felt that if you just say female pronouns, you're perpetuating it. Well, sorry, but some of us are in the binary. Whether they're trans or cis. Doesn't make you worse or better than us, it's just a fact. Plus, I'm identifying myself and no one else.
What got to me wasn't necessarily the rant, it was the 'cis people suck' comment, and implying that I'm imposing on other people, or that I'm an idiot...(Not exactly sure what or why they said it, and later found out it was probably just an impulsive thing to say.) It was just plain malicious to say to me. I never think of people like that, especially in such a generalized statement. In my mind, I think of people as people (or better yet, human) and whatever they're going through to be just apart of them. It doesn't define them or their personality. I noticed halfway through my check-in that I had a chocolate stain on my shirt, so I was going to go to the bathroom to clean it after my turn. I didn't expect that comment, and I left to not only take care of that annoying stain, but also to compose myself.
Apparently, they ended up still discussing the pronoun thing when I got back. It got very heated. I was just trying to keep myself from crying until break. I also felt like that I was the only one hurt for a while. I noticed that Dad was getting pretty upset about it, too. (Was even more upset when I told her what was said to me.) One of the members decided to console me during break, and she was a bit upset about it, too. Especially when I told her what was said. That helped me a lot.
Half the time, the person who essentially started all this kept saying she was going through a tough time (I think...) in her life, and that she was sorry about it. That's not really an excuse to say what you did, or to kind of blow up on people.She later apologized to me, but didn't tell me what for. So, it felt like kind of an automated response.
If that had been said to me before I had started taking my meds several years ago and before therapy, the outcome would not have been pretty.It's something that might trigger suicidal thoughts in people who have what I have. I'm lucky that I have those great meds and have had therapy, but what if she had said something like that to someone else like me that wasn't as lucky? I was told by several people that she has anger issues, and that they've been getting more and more complaints about her lately. That sounds like a ticking time bomb.I'm worried about other people too, if she stays like this. She sounds truly toxic right now. Although, most of the time, she seems to be an awesome person. (Which is why I'm also worried about her.) Maybe if she were able to straighten out a bit, get more help, and come back, she might be more respectful like before.
Later, we went to Shari's. The person who has anger issues was there, too. Only I think she tried to be as nice as possible with me while we were there. I sat on the other side of the booth, though. Since it was still Passover, I got some scrambled eggs with cheese, and a fruit platter. They were really good!I couldn't tell if the waitress misgendered me or the lady next to me. It was very weird, because everyone who was there was dressed pretty femininely. Or, their hairstyle looked particularly 'fem', too. It just added to the level of weirdness that night.
The discussion about preferred pronouns spilled out onto the fb group page for the last couple of days. When people found out that someone said what they did to me, some of them seemed to immediately change their tone. Dad said she was thinking of not facilitating anymore, that she doesn't feel safe there, and she might not go back. (I'm also feeling a bit like those last 2 parts...) That changed things a bit and there were, what she called, 'fireworks' after that. It's been interesting watching the dialog go back and forth. I've stayed out of the whole thing. Especially because I didn't feel wanted with that comment. And yet, they said things like pushing allies away isn't cool. That most of their supporters are allies, and they won't stand for that kind of thing. Kind of sounds like that weird thing where people say things like: my best friend is gay, or my best friend is Jewish, or my best friend is black, etc.
The thing that gets me is I was clear across the other side of the room and heard it. People who've commented said they didn't hear it. They aren't saying that it must not have happened, which is good. I haven't seen the girl who that person essentially muttered it to (she turned her head to her), say anything during all this talk on fb. Makes me wonder...The person who said it commented on the fb group page that she doesn't even remember what she said that night, that she feels she's unhealthy for the group at the moment, and she's thinking of not going until she feels better about things. Ok, I give you that. That's a great start. Just to take a breather...I 'defriended' her on fb, even though she normally is such a nice person. But, I want as little toxicity in my life as possible. Although, toxicity is never good for people.
I think the only reason I might have heard it was because I recently thoroughly cleaned my ears out. Also, when someone says something right after I say something, I always try to hear them as best I can. Not just to be polite, but to really listen and understand what that person has to say. It might take me a moment to 'absorb' depending on how soon/fast they say it, but it usually gets through. And, when I don't believe it, I either say 'what?', 'huh?', or 'could you say that again?'. I think that 'absorbing' part might actually have to do with my ears, I don't know...
Another problem, that's been kind of a more underlying thing, is someone has also said things like: 'No offence, but I would never hang out with cis-het people.' Het means heterosexual. (I am cis-het, but that's so offhanded.) What about cis-homo? Like, we're all the same? How does that work? Overgeneralizing doesn't help anyone. And saying something so negative about a group of people who are actually there, isn't very cool either.The 'no offence' thing doesn't give you a free pass. I think some people need to learn more about these things. Otherwise, they're going to lose a lot more allies. They say they're important for support, but if you treat us like that, don't expect us to come back.A certain amount of this can really get to someone. Obviously, with me included.
On a much happier note, Gintama has started up again!It was a great start to the 'season'. They started with Gintoki doing a parody of an emotional Japanese politician. (I can't remember what his name was...) But, he got really emotional when he started to apologize for essentially trolling their fanbase. They said the last movie was going to be their last hurrah, and they would never come back again. He kept saying how he was sorry they were back, not that they left for 2 years.The new 'arc' is about Gintoki breaking the time flow. There was an alien that gave him a special multi-faced clock that told him to protect it. It was their job to protect time, but they crashed their spacecraft and were dying. Gintoki was drunk, didn't care much about it, but took it home. He put it next to his alarm clock. In the morning, when the alarm went off, he broke the multi-faced clock instead of his alarm clock.Time froze. The only people that could move around like normal were Kagura and Shinpachi. Simply because they were in close proximity to the clock. So, now they're trying to save time, and turn things back to the way it was. Right now, they've figured out that they can manually move the arms of the clock. But, if they move it too far, time passes too quickly. Too little, and nothing happens. I'm liking this arc so far. Hopefully they can keep the momentum going again. It feels so nice just to see the characters again! It's kind of an odd feeling. Like seeing old friends you haven't seen for years.
I finally made 2 of the 4 dinners that were on my Passover list. The first one was a lamb meatball dish with mint, lemon, sugar, pepper, salt, parsley in the meatballs, a ton of garlic, lots of onions, and a few other things. I put it over Passover couscous. It has a similar texture as rice, but rice is kitniyot, so this is a nice alternative. It was a traditional dish from Baghdad. Tonight, I made an orange chicken stir-fry, and put it over some of the leftover couscous. It was really good, but came out in a way I didn't expect.Could barely taste any orange in it, the taste of honey was nonexistent, there was a ton of onions, and I added real garlic instead of the powdered stuff they wanted me to use. The garlic really came through. Good thing we love garlic.The onion was good too. I'm cool with the flavor, I just don't like when it's raw or close to it. It's a texture thing. But, the onions in this recipe ended up being very soft, and were close to becoming 'nothing'. It was good that way. I hope to make leek and potato patties tomorrow's dinner, which will be Shabbat dinner. Usually that's a bit more special than the rest of the week's dinners. Hopefully, it's good...