9th of Tevet

There was a recent article I briefly saw on facebook about a guy who apologized to his nephew for saying boys don't wear dresses. His nephew had wanted to wear a 'princess' dress, and was yelled at for it. Cool that he apologized. However, the comments were almost comical in a way. It was full of fragile-sounding men whining about how he never should have apologized. He spoke the truth, according to them. Others were saying the only men who wear them are either gay or trans. Some women jumped in just as whiny-sounding saying they wouldn't let their sons wear their clothes. Others cried out things like: too PC! Or: the liberal and gay agenda at work again. They all sounded like their definition of what a 'snowflake' is. One woman said she was a proud liberal and supporter of the LGBT community, but this was going 'too far'. Doesn't sound like an ally at all.

First, dresses were originally made for men. Tights, high heels, and the color pink were all originally for men. Not too long ago, all kids up to a certain age wore dresses. This also sounds similar to the protests against women wearing pants. It's silly. 

Men and boys should definitely have the opportunity to wear dresses and skirts if they want to. Clothes don't have a gender. They're inanimate objects; pieces of fabric. They won't change the wearer's gender or sexuality. 

I do think there should be a kickass clothing line of more (what's considered) masculine looking dresses. Anyone could wear them, too. It'd be awesome to see, and people could get more creative. I don't really want to make the dresses myself, but I could probably draw the designs... I think it'd also be cool to have an entire clothing brand that abolishes the segregated gender system. Clothes would be divided by body-type. Sizing would be based on each body-type, and it would be more accurate sizes. Intead of, for the women's section, it being all based on a size 2 model. They just guess based on that model's proportions for the bigger sizes. Doesn't really work. It would make more sense if it was the average proportions for each size. Each section could be based on styles and type of clothing. Like, formal, teens, punk, casual, work, etc. There would be no shame, too. People could become more free and try more styles. Instead, it seems the current system looks down on that sort of thing, and seems to be toxic.

Nothing bad would happen if more boys and men wear dresses. Those men sounded like they were protesting too much. Maybe they really want to wear dresses, don't want to admit it, and are jealous that some men and boys do wear them. From an enby (especially agender) viewpoint, this is all really stupid. It's like, what is making the binary people so hot and bothered about it? Just wear the dress and be proud. Maybe you'll look even better in it than some women. 

It snowed a little bit Sunday night. It's the only time it snowed this year. We normally have at least a few snow days by now. So, for people who celebrate, they got a white Christmas. I know that can be a big thing for them, so good that way. It was, at most, 2 inches. So, not much. Pretty, though. It's been cold enough since then that it hasn't melted away completely. 

I'm hoping to get back to my 5 small meals a day thing next month. The one where I set the calorie range, 1200-1600, for each day and usually split it up between those 5 meals. Most people recommend that 6 small meals are best for IBD patients. I'd have a harder time splitting it up further, and planning to eat one more meal. With 5, it makes sense. Breakfast, lunch, snack, dinner, snack. It's close, at least. I guess if I tried the 6 meal one, I could have a snack between breakfast and lunch. That's not much time, though. Seems awkward. Plus, sometimes I wake up late. I'm often more nauseous in the morning, too. Lately, I usually barely have breakfast (half serving of cereal and tea), normal-sized lunch, big dinner, and maybe a snack. Often that snack is tea. It doesn't really count that way. It's varied quite a bit from this, but it's close to the current norm. Not a very balanced day. I also plan to keep my treat days. Those are 1 or 2 days a week where I'm not counting calories, and I can eat however much I want. This is actually a healthy thing to do. Since I eat small portions of things during the rest of the week, I end up not being able to eat that much more. I like this 5 meal/set calories way of eating a lot. I feel better when I follow it. The only problem has been figuring out the right amount of nutrients. My Fitness Pal has helped a lot with that and counting calories. I actually have to have more protein than most healthy people. As it is, I very rarely ever reach the 'normal' amount. It's difficult. 

6th of Tevet

Other than Hanukkah ending a couple of days after the beginning of the month of Tevet, there aren't really other Jewish holidays during it. Although, the 10th might be a minor fast day, if I remember correctly. 

To people who celebrate Christmas, I hope it's a great one. I'm planning to go to a Chinese buffet tomorrow with Dad. It's a tradition for many Jews on Christmas. So is watching movies. For the Chinese restaurants, it was mainly because they were the only restaurants open. It was also because we were both minorities, and (when this started) neither celebrated Christmas. It was kind of a bonding thing in a way. The place it started in, Jewish and Chinese immigrants were both close. Oh, by the way, there are Chinese-American (as well as those who are Chinese citizens) Jews out there. They just weren't known at the time. Plus, there's still the stereotype of what a Jew looks like. White, European (usually Ashkenazic), big nose (yes this is still aparently what people assume. It's very antisemitic), sometimes like the attire Orthodox men wear, etc. We're an extremely diverse people in reality. We're from all over the world and have distinct customs/traditions from those places, come from many backgrounds, there are many branches, and more. There's no actual 'look'. I might watch movies on Netflix, too. The movies thing was because movie theaters are usually open during that time, and often it's not as crowded. 

Hearing about a trans man's top surgery at a recent local trans group meeting, was interesting and got me thinking about it again. I've noticed I actually do experience gender dysphoria. It doesn't seem as intense as many other trans people. I'm not suicidal or self-harming myself because of it. For me, it's more of a very uncanny feeling. It feels like they shouldn't be there. I basically have had panic attacks after looking at my breasts for a certain time. Well, it's been a mix of a regular panic attack and the thing I get when I see my own blood, or anything health-related that's graphic/in detail. It's a weird syndrome that I can't remember the name of. It can get so bad that I pass out. It's weird to get that mixed panic/syndrome thing in the middle of a shower...

I found it odd and confusing to be agender and have dysphoria. How does not having a gender make you dysphoric about your body and/or socially? I brought this kind of thing up in one of the non-binary groups on facebook, and many said it's very easy to have dysphoria as an agender person. For one thing, breasts are very gendered. People who are feel it with facial hair, too. I hate that I get facial hair (especially under my chin and above my lips), yet I'm afab (assigned female at birth). It scared me when I found out about the hair under my chin. Someone pointed it out to me. I hate hair anywhere, except for on my head. For some reason, it feels good to have that long. I might be dysphoric about the body hair thing, as well. Although, not nearly as much as I am with my breasts. I think if I was bigender this stuff would be a euphoric thing instead. Some agender people have issues with their genitals, too. Some afab agender people get that area 'smoothed' or 'shaved' over. (I'm not talking about hair being shaved...) That seems extreme to me. I haven't really felt that way in that area. I feel odd, but nothing will change that. It doesn't seem to be the same type of thing. I think if I were amab (assigned male at birth) I'd want to be more 'streamlined', I guess. 

So, I'm leaning more towards getting top surgery in the future. I'll start with chest binding first, and that might be for a while. I think with just that, I'll feel much better. It would be interesting to see what I look like with a flat chest. Part of me feels like if I go against how people perceive me or how I 'should' look, it'll be bad. I'll be doing something wrong or be violating some sort of rule. I know that's silly, but I still feel it. I don't really want to do hrt (hormone replacement therapy). Especially, because I don't want to masculinize or feminize myself more. That would be very gendered. Although, I don't know about options for agender people on this. The only thing I can think of is somehow lowering estrogen and keeping testosterone low. Kind of like having a low balance. Not sure what that would do, or how that could be done. 

I find it interesting and odd that I feel I can relate a lot to the trans men related stuff on Pinterest. Maybe because they're afab and some feel similar about their chests? I've started looking into chest binder info, too. That brings up mainly trans men related things on Pinterest, although there have been some non-binary ones, too. I also looked at sites that sell binders. Apparently it looks like the 2 sites people usually recommend are gc2b and Underworks. I'm not sure which is better. gc2b's seem to be a bit more expensive. I also saw a lot more reviews for an Underworks' one. It's supposedly their best selling binder. I was surprised by how many agender people reviewed it. At least, it has that going for it. It sounds like it might be difficult at first to get into. Apparently, people suggest 8 hours max for wearing them. Any longer and it will cause damage. They say taking a small break in between wears is ok. So, you can put it back on after a certain amount of time. This makes sense. I've also read horror stories about binding. Usually people who didn't get the right fit, made their own, used ace bandages, wore it for too long, used tape, etc. I'll make sure to be safe with it. I think I'd want one that's like a tank top on top and goes down to my hips. It might help a little with my gut, too. Plus, it'll be long enough to tuck under my pants. People who get the shorter ones say they have issues with it riding up or curling. This length might be better in that sense, too.

7th Night of Hanukkah!

Just one more night of Hanukkah. The menorahs will look the most impressive on the last night. I forgot to mention yesterday that I got some ear plugs and an eye mask from Amazon recently. In fact, I've only had them for a few days. It's about a 2-year supply of the ear plugs. They seem better than the ones I've used in the past so far. The eye mask is interesting, and I'm still getting used to it. It's black, and the print versions are a lot more expensive. It's made out of silk, so it feels nice on my eyes. I'm not used to the pressure on them, though. It really does block out all light, and when I take it off in the morning, the sunlight in my room is much more intense. I think I've slept a little better since I got both that and the ear plugs. I haven't had a regular night's sleep in close to 2 years, so maybe this is a step in the right direction. 

AVEN (Asexual Visibility and Education Network) wants to do a piece on my memoir for their January issue of AVENues. It's their bimonthly online magazine. The theme this time is aces in the media. I'm surprised they asked me. I'm a little nervous about an interview, but might agree to it. We'll see. If I don't, they'll use an excerpt of my book and/or just the description with a pic. I'm still mulling it over, but they said they'll give me until mid-January. Exciting, still. Most of the ace community online will know once this is published. 

Youtube:

Kuroshitsuji (Black Butler):
Mob Psycho 100:
Death Note:
Naruto Shippuden:
Servamp:
Bleach:

6th Night of Hanukkah!

It's been an even longer time between posts...I'll probably be better about that now. I'm not going to do my monthly holiday stuff this time. I've felt so crummy gut-wise lately, that I didn't put Hanukkah decorations up. I've just been lighting 2 menorahs. (Of course, with the blessings.) The cats seem fascinated by the candles. They get more interested in it with each night. Rosie asked for me to light them last night. It was so cute! I have been eating some fried foods and cheese. The fry is probably not good for my gut, but what's Hanukkah without it? I don't have latkes this year, but that's ok. 

As I get older, I'm growing to hate Christmas more and more. I'm very happy for my friends and family that celebrate it, and definitely encourage them to share their holiday stuff on facebook and other social networks. That's a different thing, though. I hate that people assume others celebrate it. To get more of an idea of how I feel about it, what would happen if it was Hanukkah that was celebrated like Christmas? Switch them, basically. 

There would be menorahs, dreidels, and/or blue and white decorations everywhere you went. The mall, grocery stores, restaurants, etc. The radio would be flooded with Hanukkah music 24/7. Even Pandora would have Hanukkah themed ads. People would say Happy Hanukkah or Chag Chanukah Sameach everywhere you went. They'd look at you astonished and feel 'uncomfortable' about the idea you don't celebrate it. There would be debates about putting up a giant menorah in public schools. Kids would get gelt from teachers and bus drivers. There would be school or work Hanukkah parties. They'd tell you it's more like a 'holiday' party, yet everything there would be Hanukkah-themed. Kids in band/choir would be essentially forced to sing or play Hanukkah songs. Teachers would say they're not religious, at least. There would be extra credit Hanukkah-themed school projects. People will tell you to get into the Hanukkah 'spirit', and if you don't you're thought of as cold and heartless. They'd tell you playing dreidel isn't really religious, and of course everyone does it. It'd be encouraged in restaurants and grocery stores to eat oily food. There would be special Hanukkah drinks at Starbucks, and other special Hanukkah items at other places. There would be people singing Hanukkah songs outside in the streets. There would be dreidel competitions at malls and libraries. (Instead of kids seeing Santa.) There would be Hanukkah-themed special episodes of shows. Hanukkah specials and movies on TV, too. There'd be debates among people who celebrate Christmas about the 'December Dilemma'. How to keep kids more interested in Christmas than Hanukkah. (I never understood this...) There's more, but I think this is a good snapshot. Oh, and this stuff would happen about 2 months before and during. Enjoy that mess of stress...No one can escape all the Christmas stuff unless they hide in a cave far away from civilization without their smart phones. 

I published the sequel to Alliance, Alliance: Dawn, through Amazon. Or, technically kdp (kindle direct publishing). There's an ebook and paperback version. The ebook is on preorder until February 16th, and the paperback is 'live' now. I wanted both of them to be on preorder, but apparently I can't do that with the paperback through them. I put the copyright as 2018, because I was hoping to have both of them like that. It's really close, so it might not matter. I did the cover art, too. I drew a big feather, little feathers, and the logo from the cafe in the book. The logo has a ship's steering wheel with the sea, sun rising, and the rays of the sun reaching out to the stars in the inside of it. I edited them, colored them in black, and added text through Photoshop. It came out better than I expected, and close to what was in my head. I ended the story on another huge cliffhanger. Just leaves the option of another sequel open. 

My memoir, More Than Meets the Eye, was also published through Amazon. It has both an ebook and paperback version, as well. The ebook's on preorder until the same date as Dawn, and the paperbook's live now. Here's the description: A memoir of an aromantic asexual agender Jew. Who's a clarinetist, writer, adores cooking and food, has dealt with numerous health issues, and is an animal lover. 

The cover art is of a pic I took of a big clock in the family room, that's on a brick wall over a fireplace. I thought it looked cozy and like a piece of home. More personal this way. Time would play a role with a memoir, too. I like learning about the world, so the old world map on the face fits that way. 

The first chapter is devoted to being aro ace, 2nd one's on being agender, and 3rd being on Judaism. I'm expecting some hate with just those. The haters will have issues right off the bat. Oddly, I'm kind of itching to go up against them. Yet, terrified of it at the same time. Other chapters are on: music, family, cooking and food, pets (and my love for animals in general), mental health (I cover multiple mental illnesses in this one), physical health, IBD (wanted a separate chapter on this, since it's big topic), school before college, college, travel, and friends. I tried to cover as much as I could about different aspects of my life. With the mental health part, I might get more hate, as well as IBD and other health issues. Some people that knew both my mom and I might have an issue with how I felt about her when she passed away. Some of my friends that read the friends chapter might think I remembered something wrong, or something. Lots of different factors rolled up in this book. I tried to educate as much as I could with the topics. Going into detail with each one that I brought up. Explaining what it is, what it's like for me, etc. I mention AVEN and Arocalypse in the aro ace one. So, there's a few mentions of resources. (Not much, though.) 

I realized after I published the memoir that I made a teeny tiny error in the forward section. I added an 'a' where there shouldn't have been. It's not even a misspelling. I'm still debating whether I should bother with changing and republishing it just for something so small. My computer was super slow through the publishing process of both books and their 2 versions. It especially took way too long for the memoir. Do I want another headache through doing that again? If I had a faster computer without a faulty internet connection, I'd do it in a heartbeat. It's hard to even get much writing done with it. Maybe I'll leave it for now. The rest is free of errors. I know I came up with the forward quickly, and didn't really look over it much before I started publishing it. 

I tried to broadcast/promote it all last week. Did a lot more for the memoir. This is mainly because it covers a wider audience. With fantasy, it seems pretty narrow. With my memoir, I not only have people who are similar, but people who know me, old classmates, those who are into memoirs in general, etc. Huge swaths of different people. I put it on blast mainly on facebook. I posted it on my personal page, the local trans group's, local ace group's, and my other books' pages first. Then, to all the other groups I'm in. Aro, ace, non-binary, general LGBTQ+, Crohn's and Colitis, my former old high school classmates, Gaia Online, etc. groups. I have a lot more than I thought...Then, I messaged a bunch of similar public facebook pages, asking if they could promote it. One person in one of the ace groups asked to share it in 2 of their groups, and I said sure, the more visibility the better. With all this, I've covered a lot of people. Most of the pages I messaged have already posted about it. Some people have shared that post. So, it's reaching more this way. I'm rather surprised with the interest people have shown in it. Maybe it'll take off because of it?

I also blasted Tumblr, Instagram, Twitter, AVEN, Arocalypse, a manga forum, an Asian drama forum, PLM (Patients Like Me), and a few other places. I might do more this week. Still have other sites I'm a member of to go through. With many of the others, I hardly ever use them anymore. Still, people might be interested. So far, there hasn't been any hate. Should be interesting to see what happens with it. I'm both really nervous and excited about it! 

I'll add both books to the layout on here soon, like I did with the other 2. Easier to see it that way. I don't think they're connected to my Author's Central on Amazon, yet. So, it's a bit weird. Their 2 different versions aren't linked up yet, either.

I've been really liking 2 shows on Netflix. One's a Singaporean mystery/detective drama called Against the Tide. Everything, including the cases, are turning up to be connected. Very interesting. They speak close to 1/4 English, and the rest is Chinese. Their food has looked tasty, too. 

The other one is a Korean mystery/forensic/detective drama called Quiz From G-d. (Obviously with the 'o', but I don't write it out.) I like this one a lot more. It's like a combo of CSI, Bones, and House; only better. The main character is a genius neurosurgeon and forensic doctor. His team deals with mysterious deaths and rare diseases. He has a rare disease himself. Unlike House, he's nice, kind, and funny. He's still eccentric, but a bit of a goofball. The main detective for the first 2 seasons was awesome and kickass. (She's not dead, just left for a bit.) He called her the Terminator occasionally. She's also taller than him, which looks interesting that way, too. She said she doesn't care about romance and sex, and she's never felt that way towards anyone. So, seemingly aro ace to boot. Although, they keep trying to put those 2 leads into a romantic relationship, the detective doesn't seem to know what to do. So, it gets awkward. She really does care for him, though. I think a qpr would be a better category to put them in. Makes the series even better to me. 

I like that they highlight real diseases, and it brings up awareness for them. Dr. Han (the main character) had such horrible side effects from his disease, he had to get surgery to have half his brain removed at the end of the 2nd season. I'm watching the 3rd season now. There are 4 all together. This season's side thing has been the after effects of the surgery. His hair is much shorter, darker, and in a different style. Understandably shorter, since he had to have his head shaved for surgery. I'm starting to like that look on him now, but it seemed like such a drastic change at first. Anyways, his previous side effects have disappeared, and he seems even smarter now. However, his mental health is not doing well. When he goes to sleep, he seems to turn into a person with a totally different personality. He knows this because he set up cameras in his bedroom. This other self also talked to him right into the camera. When he tried to stay up for as long as he could, his other self attacked his body after he finally fell asleep. He woke up with multiple deep cuts and bruises all over his body. There was a note telling him that he should sleep on time, or something worse will happen. Creepy. 

I like the new detective now, too. He seems even more eccentric, and loveable in different ways. I miss the other one, though. I like how every member of the team (detectives and MEs) are intelligent. It's not just Dr. Han, and they don't rely on just him. Quite different than many shows like this. It's also the first Korean series like it, so kudos to them on making a great one right off the bat. 

I might post some of the amv's I've found recently tomorrow. So, at least there will be something. Hopefully, I'll get back to playing my clarinet soon, too. Might be in January, though. I already have ideas for my next books. I might start writing the next sequel of Alliance and a cookbook. I have quite a lot of ideas for the cookbook. I'll use my mom's big binder of recipes for a lot of it. I'll credit companies if I need to. I'll post a pic of each recipe in it, so people know what it'll look like. This also means I might be trying a lot of stuff for it. Some of the recipes will be based on my 'experiments', and I have some pics of those already. I have some of the pics already for the binder stuff, too. Some of the binder's recipes are actually passed down through generations or what my mom used to make. It's like a treasure trove. A better form for it would be as an actual cookbook, too. I'll reach even more people with this. So, fun stuff to look forward to.