23rd of Sivan

Had my primary doc's appointment on Monday. I thought she really wouldn't take me seriously, considering she hasn't responded to my messages and skipped my phone appointment (of which she scheduled for me). Plus, she's overwhelmed with all the stuff I'm going through. She did take me seriously, though.

I apparently have tendinitis in both wrists, and seborrheic dermatitis. I have a feeling after leaving, that I have tendinitis in other areas, too. She said I should rest my wrists, and wear splints on them at night and when it really hurts. Easier said than done to rest them if it's both. I got 2 wrist compression braces. I'm hoping that's the same thing. It has felt slightly better at night and the little while I had them on yesterday. I thought they'd be too small, because my wrists are rather wide. My hands are small for things like gloves. Makes it a little hard to figure out which size. I got the small/medium ones. They might be slightly too big on me. They're the smallest size, and I don't think it's by enough to go smaller if there were a smaller size. I feel like I'm wearing thin fingerless boxing gloves that are thick around the wrists. She also was more specific about how much Tylenol I can really have for my pain in general. It's as much as Tylenol Extra Strength says on the bottle.  

I was worried about my hair falling out, so she took a look. She noticed redness, flakes, and a couple of other things in addition to the bald spots. That's when she said I have SD. It's a skin infection that causes an itchy reddish rash with greasy, flaky, yellow skin patches. From what I've read, it can affect other areas besides the scalp. I'm wondering if my eyelids, forehead, and tips of ears have it? She said it can cause hair loss. Beforehand, she also seemed to say hair loss is normal with age or common in general. I don't buy that, especially for myself and it's not like I'm that old. She said it could be hormones or numerous other things, if not the SD. 

She suggested using a tar-based or other medicated shampoo to help with itchiness and to get rid of flakes. I got Selsun Blue. It's more selenium sulfide-based, but it actually says on the bottle that it can be used for SD. It's been a very long time since I've used that or tar-based shampoo. Had a horrible time with dandruff back then. It wasn't SD, though. (As far as I know.) I got the moisturizing kind, because there were no shampoo and conditioner combos for it. Conditioner helps with how dry my hair gets, so I tend to look for ones that have both. Don't have to get another bottle that way. I figured the moisturizing one would be similar. I used it yesterday. I had forgotten the smell. It's not necessarily bad, just weird. Seems to be the only downside to it. It got most of my flakes. I feel a little less itchy, but it still seems irritated. 

She wants me to start using an oil-based steroid called Derma-Smoothe Scalp/FS or Fluocinolone Acetonide. I'll rub it in, put a shower cap over it, and sleep with it like that. I think she said it won't be every night. They didn't have it at the pharmacy there, so she's mailing it to me. It's supposed to help with 'scale' (sounds nasty...), tightness, and other aspects of SD. It may stop the hair loss, and it could regrow after that. It sounds kind of messy and potent. Hopefully, it works.

I'll try to get an appointment with a dermatologist soon. The last time I tried, they had me call the local Silverdale one. They didn't have anything until October. They suggested looking into out-of-network places. The other side of that is they only were looking at openings at the Silverdale one. Not at the other clinics within-network. I told my primary about this. She said the one I would have seen in Silverdale would not have been best for me anyways. She suggested asking about the other clinics, too. One that she highly recommended was in Seattle. I think a dermatologist would definitely help me with a lot of this stuff. 

Finished shading Shadow in Photoshop, and posted him on Instagram and dA. I was surprised to get any faves on dA. Didn't get as many likes as I usually get for a drawing on Instagram. Maybe not many saw it on there. I think my next character will be Junko. Hopefully, I'll practice different perspectives this time, too. 

I'm well into editing chapter 19 in Alliance now. There are 20 of them. So close to the end! 

With Dutch, I finished the Te + inf. and Emergency units in Duolingo's course. Sometimes it feels like it doesn't pick me up well in the speaking exercises. I have to come close to yelling into it sometimes. Still, I'm surprised with how much my pronunciation has improved. At least, according to what it does pick up. It's good to know some of the emergency terms. Next, it's the Feelings 1 unit.

Finished watching Mayonaka no Occult Koumuin or Midnight Occult Civil Servants. It was pretty good. The design seemed similar to some josei anime. Josei is aimed at adult women. Interestingly, the series isn't under any gendered category. I like that. It was interesting to see an, at least, gender nonconforming character. Might have been nonbinary. He's a g-d, though. A trickster and chaos-based one at that. Not the best representation. However, now that I think about it, one of the officers might be gender nonconforming. Everyone thinks he's a woman at first. He's adamant about being a man. Might be a trans man with how they framed it. That's cool, too. They didn't show a background history on him. Besides their boss, I think he was the only main character that didn't have his shown. Essentially, they didn't make a big deal out of it after he corrected people. He's human and a scientist, so that's good. The Anothers were interesting. Angels, demons, g-ds, Pandora with her box, tengu, fairies, etc. were what they considered Anothers. A lot of different types of mythology from around the world, not just Japanese ones. The officers help those Anothers and make sure humans don't interact or are harmed by them. Arata is the only one that could really communicate with them. His nickname is Ears of Sand. He can see, hear, understand, and talk to them. Before he joined the team, the officers went off of body language and behavior in general. Only people who can see Anothers can join, so at least they had that. Still, they often pissed off the Anothers instead of helping them. The last episode was about an old Ukrainian bear g-d. He had amnesia after his vessel broke. Arata spent most of the episode looking for a home for him and clues to his memories. He only knew that he liked honey, often eating an entire huge jar of it for a meal. He tried a specific honey that he realized came from his homeland, which was Ukraine. His memories came back soon after that. There just so happened to be an ancient artifact from Ukraine on exhibit at a museum that was about to be shipped back to that country. He chose that as his vessel, and it was a way for him to go back home. It was a touching episode. Especially, after the angstiness of the previous couple of episodes. 

18th of Sivan

I realized I can't really sleep with the wedge pillow. It's too firm and I can't turn very well on it. I naturally toss and turn, and when I can't move much it makes me feel really stiff the next day. Neck was hurting more, too. I decided to just use my regular pillow last night. Not propping it up on the headboard or anything. Just flat. That pillow is rather 'full' and lifts my head naturally. It's not like my previous pillows and it's still rather new. I was able to toss and turn freely. Even just laying on my back was better. I've decided to use the wedge pillow during the day for things like watching Netflix, checking my phone, etc. That way I'll still have a time where I'm propped up a certain way. It's not in the 'pillow' position, but a seat-like one. The regular pillow is in front of it for more cushion. I still hurt in the morning, but certainly not as much.

Did more of Duolingo's Dutch course. Finished the Pr. Per. 1 unit and made it halfway through the Shopping one. Finished shading in the drawing of Shadow in Photoshop. Might post later today or tomorrow. Edited more of Alliance. About a page left until chapter 19. Again, there are 20 of them. I was surprised by the amount of mistakes this time. Feel a bit embarrassed that I put it out there a while ago with all those. At least it'll be better with the revised edition.

Finished The Umbrella Academy on Netflix. They left it on a huge cliffhanger. Good thing there will be a 2nd season. Next will be High Seas, which is also on Netflix. It's a Spanish mystery/detective drama. Basically a whodunit on a luxury ship bound from Spain to Brazil in the 1940s. Seems to be from the viewpoint of 2 sisters. Haven't watched too many Spanish shows, so that will be fun.

I might be going to Bainbridge Pride this Sunday. Not exactly sure. Went last year, and I think that was their 2nd year. They had a few food trucks, a bakery booth, lots of arts and crafts booths, live music, and more. It was fun last time. Just a different atmosphere than most Pride fests. I remember not seeing too many actual Pride-related merch at booths, which was a bummer. Maybe it'll be different this time. I think they were still ironing out the kinks back then. 

Trans Pride Seattle will be next Friday. I really liked it last year. There's a parade and then a fest right after. I waved my genderqueer flag last time. Probably will again. I really want to go. It's nice that people cheer us along the parade route. They throw candy at us, too. This year there's apparently going to be a protest group. I didn't notice that sort of thing last year, because I was more in the middle of the huge mass of people. Plus, someone walking next to me really wanted to talk while we marched. She was cool, but that was distracting. Hopefully those protesters don't try anything. The fest has trans performers (comedians, musicians, and more), trans-related or Pride in general booths, lots of candy, I think food trucks, etc. It's awesome! I met the Seattle Nonbinary Collective there. Most of their regular meetings aren't open to allies, but they do have many events that are open to everyone. Those events sound really fun, and I totally understand why they only want other enbies at the regular meetings. They're the only non-binary specific group I know of in the region. There were several booths with pronoun pins, which was interesting to see. 

17th of Sivan

This my wallpaper for June. It's Asta and Yuno from Black Clover. Haven't found many good Black Clover wallpapers yet. This seems to be from one of the openings. I didn't expect it to go for so long when I started watching the series. It's now up to 88 episodes...Haven't mentioned it much on here. These are the main characters. They're like brothers. As babies, they were dropped off in a basket together at the front door of a church's orphanage. No one knows where they came from or who the people who left them were. Asta doesn't have magic, but uses anti-magic that nullifies all magic. He's extremely strong physically, since he trained to compensate for lacking magic. He can sense others in many ways using 'ki'. Just a way to naturally heighten his senses/observation skills. Yuno's overflowing with magic. They're like total opposites in personality, too. Asta does get his own grimoire (magic book of spells that chooses its owner), which is full of anti-magic abilities plus 2 huge swords only he seems to be able to wield. He can turn partially into a demon, too. The book is in the unlucky/demon category. Yuno has the lucky one. He has a wind fairy or guardian, which is very rare in their world. Asta gets into the Black Bulls guild, which is considered the weakest one at the beginning and full of wild card members. Yuno is in the most powerful one called the Golden Dawn. Most of who are royalty. Asta and Yuno are often made fun of because of being 'peasants'. It's interesting how class plays into it. 

The month-long holidays for June are: National Candy Month, National Dairy Month, National Iced Tea Month, National Mango Month, Pride Month, National Camping Month, National Rose Month, National Zoo and Aquarium Month. Some are for important causes, some are to make you appreciate things you may take for granted, and some are just for fun. 

For the elements calendar, it's lithium this month. It's used in batteries, as a mood stabilizer, cars, pacemakers, and more. They have a main pic of the metal. Other pics are of lithium carbonate pills, lithium grease, and 2 different types of lithium batteries. 

It's been a while. Much longer than I wanted it to be between posts. (Hopefully I'll get to posting more often again.) Lots of things have happened this month. 

Went to our local Pride picnic. Same place as last year, which was a camping/retreat center. It was a nice sunny day. A little odd that they didn't have hot dogs and hamburgers this time. Instead, it was sloppy Joe's and grilled chicken. Don't know what they had for the vegetarian alternative. I had the chicken, and there were quite a lot of other good things. Got to talk with some people I know. At one point, I needed to get out of the sun and went back into the main cabin. (That's where the food, drinks, and bathrooms were.) Hardly anybody was in there. I was having some sort of reaction to the sun, so I just grabbed some water and sat by myself. After that passed, I walked around outside on my own. Got some nice pics. Earlier, I went through the labyrinth with my parent. First time going through theirs. I kind of cheated at the very end. I was right next to the exit, but it seemed to want me to do another lap around it. Too much twisting around for me by then, so I just stepped over the line. There were painted rocks along the way there and actually on the sides of the path of it. There were a lot in the center along with other weird things. Thought it was really cool that they put the trans and ace flags next to the entrance sign. It was one of the first things you see. I'm both trans and ace. Yay! I like how the ace flag seems to be represented more every year. Makes my heart happy. I wonder what other people thought of it? They also had the huge rainbow flag over part of that main cabin building. It's very impressive. The only downside was, at one point, it was pushed to the side which revealed a humongous cross. I think that made a lot of people feel at least uncomfortable. Some left pretty quickly after that. Made me feel uneasy when I noticed it. Also, pushing our flag to the side when it wasn't the end seems kind of disrespectful. 

I got a new bathroom doorknob. The old one was as old as the house. (I think it's 35-40 years old?) It completely fell apart recently. It's always had issues. The only time it fully locked was when part of it was still in the door (after starting to falling apart), and the wind closed it. Apparently, locking it at the same time. I panicked at that moment, but luckily my parent was able to 'break in' and take it fully out. Looked pretty gross on the inside. It was odd seeing a hole in the door for a little while. I put sticky notes over it to have some privacy. The new one is nice and shiny. Works really well. My parent put it up. There's a slot on the other side of the door, so if there's an emergency and I can't unlock it for some reason, someone could use something like a coin to do it. Nice safety mechanism. Even if I never need it. 

Got new sneakers, slippers, pajamas, socks, and an eye mask from Amazon. The old sneakers had bit the dust. They lasted about 2 years, which isn't bad. I got a very similar design this time. It's supposed to be sturdier and the next 'generation' of it. Both the old and new ones are from Skechers. I got it in light blue (looks light teal in a certain light) for the trim and the main body is a mix of black and grey. The old ones seemed more stylish with pink and dark navy (almost black). They didn't have those colors in my size anymore. I think they only had that for the bigger sizes. I forgot how stiff they were at first. It's not the normal type of stiffness. These ones adjust themselves to your actual shape. It takes a little time to do that. With the old pair, once they adjusted, they were one of the most comfortable pairs I've had. It's getting to that point at the moment with the new ones. 

I must have had the old slippers for close to a decade. They were really beaten up and falling apart. Weren't really slippers anymore. The new ones are from Dearfoams. Same brand as the old ones. I tried to find a similar style. They still look a bit different. Same color, has a fluffy 'cuff' at the top, and memory foam like before. 

The new PJ's are from the same brand as before, and supposed to be the same design. They have a pink trim and the rest is a dark navy. (Seemed match my old sneakers...) I got it in a size too big, so I could be even comfier. It is pretty nice that way. The only other difference compared to the old is the buttons now have a simpler version of the logo. The old one had plain buttons. Not a big difference, but odd.

Now all I need are new jeans. The most recent pair had a huge hole form about a month or so ago. So, I've been wearing my even older ones since. The ones I was only wearing on laundry days. It's a size too big. Also, have noticed that it's fraying at the top. Not sure how long these will last before there are holes.

I went to Urgent Care a couple of weeks ago. I had a nasty pain on my side and fevers off and on. They thought it was a kidney infection, so they gave me antibiotics and saline to hydrate me. I had a lot of bacteria for some reason. 

Went to the ER a couple of days later, because I threw up blood the night before. The smell was awful. Worse than regular throw up. It was bright red and took up a lot of the toilet bowl. The taste was very metallic. (I don't think I've ever thrown up blood like that.) Also, threw up some bile not long after. I didn't eat anything for close to 24 hours after my last meal, for fear I'd throw up again. Turns out the antibiotics may have made me nauseous and the Celebrex made me throw up blood. I was already on Celebrex for a couple of weeks, though...Almost every antibiotic I've taken has made me sick. Thrown up a lot with them in the past, too. They saw gallstones, but apparently there weren't enough of them to worry about. They weren't blocking anything either. The gallbladder is on the other side of where I had the pain. I don't think it was that. They were worried about my liver enzymes being high. I never got the results to see by how much. It was enough that she wanted me to have my primary look into it. I was there for most of the day. At least they gave me an anti-nausea med and morphine. I stopped taking Celebrex and the antibiotic after that. Haven't thrown up since. Thank goodness. 

Had a modified barium swallow test. That was interesting. The speech pathologist made a big deal when I told her how transphobic my previous GI and that clinic were. She suddenly seemed to change her tone and asked me if I wanted to be referred to by name on file and my pronouns. She then wanted the tech there to message my primary about it even though I said she knew. Despite telling her, she occasionally referred to me as 'gal'. Yes, I didn't actually tell her I was agender, but that was weird. Things were moving too fast to correct her on it. She was a very intense person, although I was late, so she was probably exhausted.

They had me drink a few differently thickened liquids, chocolate pudding, peaches, and a cookie. All with barium mixed in, except the cookie had it slathered on half of it. I was told not to eat the plain other half...The chocolate pudding was actually pretty good. The rest had an off-taste. 

They used a fluoroscope, which takes multiple x-rays at once and basically turns them into a video. So, you can watch it in action. The monitor was set off to the side of the platform I was on. I could see some of it through the corner of my eye. My skeleton was black, and what I drank/ate showed up white. From what I could see, it was cool. I like looking inside myself in x-rays and such. It's so fascinating. Like it's another me. I might ask for the x-rays of that in the future. 

Anyways, they said that my swallow was perfect. No abnormalities. She was impressed that my teeth were so clean. Interesting, considering I haven't seen a dentist in roughly 14 years. She said it is very common for people with dysphagia to have 'good' moments where there's no sign of it. She wants to look again in a couple of months, and said maybe they'll catch it then. 

For now, she suspects I have LPR or laryngopharyngeal reflux. It's like a type of GERD, only it affects the larynx, pharynx, and other areas in the upper throat. The stomach acid travels up that far, irritating and eroding those areas. Often it forces valves to open so food/fluids fall into the windpipe, and/or the acid makes it into the nasal cavity. This can cause a lot of serious issues. If food/fluids make it into the lungs, it can cause aspiration, choking, and pneumonia. Dysphagia's one of the most common symptoms of it. It's referred to as the silent reflux, because unlike GERD, most people with LPR don't have heartburn. It also tends to have different symptoms. Making it harder to pinpoint.

She gave me a lot of info. Things on what LPR means, the swallowing process, tips on managing LPR, LPR diet, and more. It's kind of a dizzying amount of info, especially with the diet and managing it. I couldn't do the diet. I restrict my diet normally (kosher-style, trigger foods of my colitis, things I don't like, etc.), but this would have made it next to impossible to eat. No chocolate, no tomatoes, mostly no cheese (unless it's low-fat and not processed-hard to find), no cream, certain types of fruits, nothing fried, no caffeine (I tend to have a low amount in my tea, but she said that was still too much), and it goes on. I might stick to the suggestion that if a food makes me feel uncomfortable or makes the dysphagia act up; don't eat it. 

She also suggested I elevate the head of my bed with either 4"-6" blocks/books or a wedge pillow. I just got the pillow. It's taking some getting used to. It's huge! I'm wondering if it'll soften up over time? Hopefully. I've been adding my regular pillow to it at night when I can't stand the hardness. Helps cushion it more, but then my head's elevated even more and when I wake up my neck hurts. 

I'm trying to do the take a small bite then a sip of a drink thing. I tend to forget, though. It makes sense. She also told me to have Tums 30 minutes before every meal. That's a lot considering she wants me to eat up to 6 small meals. (I normally do 5.) I'd overdose. I got Tums Ultra and started taking it 30 minutes before my last meal (snack) of the day. They say the limit is 7 a day. If I followed her advice, I would have roughly 10-12 at least. I thought I'd stick with 2 a day for now to see how it affects me. I got a big bottle of it to last me. I've always just barely tolerated the taste, and it feels like I'm biting down on a piece of chalk. I'd probably have a hard time with more than 3 or 4. 

I'm also going back to being more strict with the 'diet' I normally follow. Wasn't too far off lately, though. Calorie range being 1200-1600 a day, making sure I don't eat too much at restaurants, asking for smaller portions, etc. I can eat pretty much anything this way, just as long as I take into account the calories. Calories are like what I have to 'spend' for the day. I've turned it into a game this way. I've designated the weekend, dinner at Shari's after the local trans meetings, and celebrations as treat days. I never say 'cheat' days. I'm not cheating and after following it, I should be able to treat myself. Food isn't the enemy. Calories don't matter as much those days. In the past, I did put a reasonably higher limit during those times. Maybe I should do that again. That might help me feel better overall. 

Started doing one of my 2-mile walks a day on Tuesday. It's been a long time since I made it a habit. My norm was actually 2 of those walks a day. Briefly did 3 a day at one point. That seems overkill. I'd be happy to make it to my norm again. It's been a bit easier to start that this week, because it's been cool out. Also, going with somebody, like my parent, helps a little. I normally would blare my music with earphones on, and it felt like I went into another world. I might try to get back into my sit-ups, too. In the past, I started off with 5 sit-ups twice a day. Then, added 5 to both times every week. I made it to 95 sit-ups twice a day at one point. I think that was the most I got to. After that, my colitis symptoms started acting up and it hurt too much. Maybe I can push through the pain this time. Gut might get a little smaller.

I recently sent a DNA sample to 23andMe. I did AncestryDNA before, but this one's much more in depth and there's an added health part. Should be interesting to see what they say about me. They think the results will be ready by July 8th. My parent had hers done before me, which was very interesting to see. 

Still keeping up with my Dutch. Made it to the highest league in Duolingo. Apparently it's ruby. So, it goes bronze, silver, gold, sapphire, and ruby. You earn things like sapphires or rubies, depending on the course, so that would make sense. I've often ended up in the top 25 by the end of the week. Not bad. I don't see how people can earn over 1000 xp a week. They're the ones in the top 5. Just finished the Family 2 unit. A lot of words for family members are super close to their English counterparts, or at least sound like them. Things like vader sounds a lot like father. Or, moeder sounds like mother. Other words for them are opa or pa for dad, and oma or ma for mom. Nicht for niece and neef for nephew. Although, those last 2 are also used to refer to cousins. (Nicht for female cousins, and neef for male.) That's weird.

I've figured out how to add shading to my drawing in Photoshop. So, I've been messing with that lately. It's kind of fun. He looks more 3D this way. After I finish that, I'll post it to dA and Instagram. 

I've managed to edit Alliance every day this week. Wahoo! I'm already well into chapter 18. There are 20 chapters. Getting close. I might still go over some of the beginning stuff again. It won't be long until I'm done editing it, though. Certainly if I keep it up. 

Finished both the 2nd season of The Rain and 3rd season of Slasher on Netflix. For the most part, I liked both of them. Some parts of The Rain were slightly frustrating, but I think that was to add more drama. They didn't need that. Slasher actually surprised me with who the killer(s) was. (Don't want to give away too much.)

I'm almost done with the 1st season of The Umbrella Academy on Netflix. I'm really surprised by this one. It's a little trippy, but good. The actors have been great, the music fits, the cinematography is great, story has a lot of twists, and more. They say a 2nd season will be out soon.

Found a new game for my iphone called The Elder Scrolls: Blades. Done by the same people who did The Elder Scrolls: Morrowind. One of my fave games. They're both rpg's, and a lot of Blades reminds me of Morrowind. It's not as fantastic, but for an iphone game it's pretty dang good. Both games have really beautiful worlds. Actually, I think they're supposed to be set in the same world, but Morrowind takes place much earlier in their timeline. The story of that world is really complex. Apparently, the people behind the Elder Scrolls games just had a 25th anniversary of the 1st one. A lot of time to build on it. The art is stunning and music is nice. The only downside is you have to choose if you're character is a man or woman. Same thing with Morrowind, I think. There are several races, which makes it interesting. With Morrowind there was so much to explore, even unrelated to the quests. Blades doesn't truly feel like you have that much freedom, but there's still some side things to see. They alert you when you've found a secret place. That can be fun and annoying at the same time. I think it's interesting that you have your own town, and have to rebuild it after it was destroyed at the beginning. You get to customize it that way. I've read briefly that you can customize jewelry, too.