11th of Nisan

A lot of things have happened since my last post. This is the first time I've probably been on my computer since at least March 10th. That's when I fell in the shower. My feet slipped, face-planted hard on the floor of the tub, slammed my right armpit hard over the edge of that tub (I think I was trying to break my fall), and bashed and bruised other areas. It took me a while to collect myself while I lay in the tub. Came super close to passing out, and saw 'flashes' of black. Then, I noticed I couldn't move my right arm and it was in extreme pain. I also couldn't get out of the tub. My parent said it sounded like a huge tree had fallen and asked how I was. She was able to get into my bathroom, see how I was, and called 911. The paramedics took a while trying to figure out how to get me out of there. Meanwhile, it was a bit embarrassing, since I was naked. They wrapped straps around me, and then pulled me out with a little help from trying to push myself up. They got me to my feet, put a sling on my right arm, helped me with putting on my pj's (at least draping the top over that arm), and whisked me away by ambulance to the ER.

I had broken my shoulder. More specifically, the head of the humerus bone where it meets up with the rest of the shoulder. It was almost a clean break and pushed in. Ended up with a nasty bump on my forehead, but with the amount of force, I thought it would be worse. 3 days after the fall, my feet started to swell. I thought it was a reaction from the prescription-strength Ibuprofen (it was only my 3rd dose of it), and stopped it. I elevated it often at some point (hard, since my knees still hurt from the fall), and the swelling got worse in my feet and traveled up to my kneecaps. Was like that for 3 weeks.

Had surgery on March 19th. That was to put the bone back in place, and hold it together with a metal plate and screws. Eventually, new bone will grow over the plate and screws, forming the way it should. They wouldn't allow my parent to go back with me for the pre-op stuff, which not only made it difficult emotionally, but she also had the specialized sling they wanted us to get beforehand, so right after the surgery part the nurse can put it on while I'm still asleep with the anesthesia. Eventually, they did allow her to give the sling to them, and met me in the recovery area. They weren't even going to allow her that. The hospital was so empty and quiet. Added to how I felt. Everyone there was pretty worried about my swelling, but the nurses more so. They decided to put some sort of massaging sleeves on both legs before the surgery. When I woke up, I had the worst leg cramps I can remember. The nurses looked nervous about it, but didn't do much. The nurses in the post-op area weren't as great. Especially one of them that didn't seem to know what she was doing. It was agonizing. 

Had the post-op appointment with my orthopedist on April 1st. He said everything was healing wonderfully. He gave me a printout of one of the x-rays they took that day, and a cd-rom of all the x-rays they've taken. I thought I wasn't doing enough, or behind, or something. I had only started the phase 1 exercises 3 days after the surgery. Same day I had to take off the dressings. It was easier that way. Couldn't do all 4 of those exercises together until a few days after that. He felt that I was on the right track. I shouldn't rush it, and if I push it too hard, I could damage the area. It'll take about a year to fully recover. Even then, it won't be as strong as it was. Right now, it seems my left arm has gotten stronger, since I've been using it for most things. At least, my right shoulder is getting better. He took off the steri-tape that was over the incision, too. It's around 6" long. A little bigger than I thought it'd be.

Went to Urgent Care the day before. I was seriously fed up with the swelling. Made it hard to move, sleep, and was really uncomfortable. At this point, it felt like my toes would fall off. It was that bad. When I moved, I had burning pain. Felt like a nasty sunburn on the tops of my feet. Anyways, I was there for 4 or 5 hours. They were being very thorough. With the new coronavirus regulations, they couldn't allow my parent to be there with me. That was difficult. 

They couldn't do anything for the swelling, since they didn't find a cause. There were no blood clots, kidneys were fine, etc. I was pissed about this. The one thing I came in for they couldn't do anything about. 

However, they found a lot of bone lesions on my ribs, left scapula (aka shoulder blade), pelvis, and I think spine. These only occur when there's cancer (pretty much any kind) or some sort of autoimmune disease. Pretty scary. They usually show up in older people. Since I have a family history of breast cancer (my mom had it, as well as grandma and one aunt on that side), they want to rule that out first. I have a mammogram and ultrasound scheduled for Tuesday. If they find something in those, they want me to schedule a breast biopsy on the same day. If not, the next step is getting a bone biopsy. That'll be from the areas affected. Scapula might be best, since it's close to the skin and there are less nerves. It'll be guided by a CT scan, I think. I'm terrified of this one. It's bad enough that my chest triggers a lot of dysphoria, and I'm a little too young to have a mammogram. I know it's essential, but I'm going to have a hard time. I'll have a full bone scan at some point, too. That sounds like an interesting one. I'll probably see an oncologist soon. Had a CT scan the same day as my orthopedist appointment, just to look at my chest and abdomen area. Made for a tiring day. 

At Urgent Care, they also found some pleural (lung lining) thickening. That doesn't just happen, either. I've had 2 lung issues in the past: pneumonia and pulmonary embolisms (blood clots in every air sac in my lungs). So, anything relating to them scares me. My D-Dimer was really high. I've learned from my doc that it could mean many things. My alk phos was high (although not as much as the other test). That usually has something to do with the liver. I have a thyroid nodule and gallstones. Those gallstones have probably been there for roughly a year. Went to the ER at the time for throwing up blood, and they found them then. My doc said since my gallbladder's walls aren't thickening, and doesn't seem to be bothering me, they're not going to worry about that now. There were no lymph nodes in places they shouldn't be. 

I suspect at least the lesions had something to do with both the fall and broken shoulder. Those lesions make it easier to break bones, and can weaken certain areas making it easier to slip. The weird pain and difficulty getting out of bed the week before my fall could have been from this. From what I've read, it sounds an awful lot like the common symptoms for it. I love how they're taking me seriously now about things. They weren't for the last year or 2. 

I feel super lucky that the fall happened when it did. I was approved for health insurance the day before, and got the card that night. The schools were (still will be for a while) closed and my parent, who's a school psychologist, had to work from home. Spring break technically starts tomorrow, I think. She's available to help me get to appointments and things, especially now. A lot of these tests/surgery are being labelled as urgent, otherwise they won't be able to do them until their system goes back to normal. My primary doc and the one I saw at Urgent Care want to push for these tests as fast as possible, so whatever it is doesn't progress.

The possibility of cancer also seems personal to me. My mom passed away from complications of both metastatic breast cancer and liposarcomas or abdominal tumors (2 huge ones, one right after the other). I saw what she went through. I don't want that. Creeps me out if it's some sort of bone autoimmune disease. 

I managed to finally go upstairs and sleep in my own bed Friday night. I had been sleeping in the recliner downstairs since March 10th. It was so nice to finally sleep there, and start using my bathroom again. The swelling has been going down a lot since then. Almost gone from my legs. They're sore, though. Might be from it being there for so long. Feet are better, but there's still a lot there. I can at least feel my toes. 

I haven't been able to get to much of my usual stuff because of all this. It's really been life changing. Trying to stay positive. Hard sometimes when I can't do much on my own. Might be able to take a shower soon. My orthopedist said it's ok to. I just would like a shower chair first. My parent, not long after the fall, put anti-skid strips on the floor of the tub. With both that and the chair, I should be pretty secure. 

Tasha has taken over my bed, and she was very upset when I started sleeping in it again. Interesting that she glomped onto it when I was gone. For the first few nights, she kept nudging me with her big paws and running around while I tried to sleep in the recliner. Rosie's been sticking to me a lot more. I think she's been trying to heal me. She knows somethings going on.

9th of Adar

This is my wallpaper for March. It's Zoro from One Piece. One of the coolest characters in the series. Also, one of the strongest, despite not having eaten a Devil Fruit. Devil Fruits give people powers. For instance, Luffy, the captain of the Straw Hats and main character, ate a fruit that turned his body into rubber. Brook ate one before he died that brought him back to life many years later as a skeleton. He's essentially immortal. He can also leave his 'body' as a ghost to explore things. The downside to eating a Devil Fruit is that the user will never be able to swim again. If they land in the water, their power gets drained, and they start drowning. Being pirates, that's a pretty big downside. Luffy has had to be rescued at least a few times because of this. Zoro does have a possessed sword, but he'd still be powerful without it. He fights with 3 swords when he's serious. It seems one of the few weaknesses he has is easily getting lost. He's horrible with directions (even his own), and ends up walking the wrong way. In fact, in the current arc of the anime, he went the wrong way and is getting to know more of the people of Wano on his own. He was supposed to meet up with the others. He found a boat (I guess he thought going by boat would be a shortcut?), people on the boat gave him free food (big deal, considering so many people are starving to death outside of the capital), he gambled for a while, saved someone, and that someone showed him the way to his village. Pretty big detour. 

The month-long holidays for March are: National Frozen Food Month, National Noodle Month, Irish-American Heritage Month. Some are for important causes, some are to make you appreciate things you may take for granted, and some are just for fun. 

Purim starts Monday night. Depending on how people follow it, it ends either Tuesday night or Wednesday night. We retell the story of Esther, usually in a fun way. Sometimes with skits. Each name has a certain thing the audience can shout out. Like, Haman, the villain, gets boo'd at and we use groggers (noisemakers) every time he's mentioned. Some cheer when Mordechai and/or Esther's names are read. Some make fun of how clueless the king is. It can get pretty rowdy. Especially, when you throw in that the adults are supposed to drink until they can't tell the difference between the villain and the hero. Plus, there's candy and hamantaschen (triangle-shaped jam-filled cookies), and usually a carnival. Dressing up in costumes is a big thing, too. Some have likened that part and the candy to a Jewish Halloween. There's another tradition where people hand out goodie bags/baskets (mishloach manot) to family, friends, and neighbors. Usually filled with food and/or drinks. People also give to charity. It's a fun holiday. Haven't attended a service or carnival for it in a very long time. I think they actually have hamantaschen now at our local market. I might try those, but they're vegan and use soy-based things...I'd rather it be the normal ones. 

With Purim coming up, that means there's roughly a month until Passover. Not much time. It's an even bigger holiday, especially because of the dietary restrictions. It has to be planned. I think this year I might try to get things online again. As long as I do it early enough, that should be fine. I ordered a little too close to the holiday last year. It looks like I'll be alone for both of the first nights. (It lasts for 8 days.) So, I'll have both seders (ritual dinners) all to myself at home. That's not too bad. Less food to think about, and don't have to bring something to another person's seder. Plus, I can eat what I like at both. 

Since Sunday, I've been having severe back, shoulder, neck, and hip pain. Stiffness, too. Really awful along my spine. It's actually gotten so bad, I'm having trouble moving around. Really having a hard time getting up from lying and sitting positions. It's like my body just doesn't want to do it, not only because of the pain. I've come close to not being able to get out of bed the last couple of mornings. Looking at my back yesterday, I noticed 2 huge lumps. One over my spine, and one over my left shoulder. I don't know if I simply imagined them, though. If I didn't...that doesn't sound good. Sometimes it hurts just to breathe. I thought it might be related to being constipated, but after 'fixing' that, it seems to have gotten worse. I'm really nervous about it now. However, I can't do anything until I've gotten approval to be put back on my health insurance. As soon as I do, I'm going to Urgent Care for this. I'm not sure how long I can wait after that, if it doesn't go away on its own. I do plan to get a new primary care doc, too. If this gets much worse while I'm waiting for that approval, I may need to go to the hospital, even though I really don't want to unless I'm covered. 

There might be hints that I'll be approved soon, because of getting 3 (I think) checks of a sizable amount recently. They did say they'd back pay it, however I haven't really done much since I've been off it. I only saw my primary, which they billed as a phone visit. That's not much even when you're not insured. Certainly not as much as what's on one or two of those checks. I'm not sure why they paid me so much. Oh, and my current med is the same price it would be if I were covered, so it doesn't seem related to that. It's nice, but weird.  

Despite the pain, I managed to make a dinner and dessert on Monday. It had been a while since I felt like I actually cooked. Made Philly Cheesesteak stuffed pasta shells for the dinner. Found the recipe on Pinterest. I had been wanting to make it for a while. Sounded so good. I cooked the 'filling' the way I normally would for something like a ground beef, onion, and green bell pepper mixture. They wanted me to do it in a weird way that would create even more dishes. I did add a little margarine (I used that instead of the butter that was listed) into the mixture. That filling is seasoned with Worcestershire sauce, ketchup, salt, and pepper. It was my first time dealing with jumbo pasta shells and stuffing them. That was interesting, and kind of a fun part. After they're stuffed, cheddar is sprinkled over them. The cheese sauce was made in the same pan that the beef mixture was in, so it picked up those flavors. On top of that the sauce has more cheddar, beef broth, milk, and some corn starch to thicken it. They have you pour half of that between the shells before putting it in the oven. Then, you add the rest to individual portions. It was more of a to-do than I thought it would be, but it was really worth it. It turned out amazing! Made a lot, too. Since I'm the only one eating it, I've been having it for meals throughout the week. 

I also made a cherry cheesecake. Recipe came from my cookbook, My Mother's Treasure Trove of Recipes. I haven't done many things from it, so I thought I'd explore a bit. Plus, it let's me, and others, see what things look like. There are no pics in the book. This was one of the first dessert recipes in it. Seemed really simple. I think it was from the 80's. They have you mix cream cheese and powdered sugar together, then fold in Cool Whip, pour that into a graham cracker (or shortbread) pie crust, top with a whole can of cherry pie filling, and chill it in the refrigerator. It ended up making a little too much filling/cheesecake for the crust to handle, so I had to throw out the excess. I got more of the cherries on there than I thought I could, but still had 1/4 of a can left. Oh well. The finished product was awesome! Tastes even better than Safeway's cheesecakes. It ended up really thick with the filling, too. Feels like I get a substantial amount with each slice. 

I plan to go back to doing a Pinterest recipe every week, along with one from my cookbook. I'll switch the types around, as well. For instance, next time I'll make a dessert from Pinterest, and a dinner from the cookbook. I do have drink and snack recipes for both, too. I suppose I could just do a different combo each time. Doesn't have to be a dinner and dessert. So, I'll see how that goes.

Since I'm in so much pain, I feel like not eating much today. Last night, things filled me up more than they should have, and I had a weird feeling of my stomach creating bubbles. Had hiccups when I tried to sleep after that. So, all I plan to have today is a little of the pasta thing, and maybe cheesecake for 'dinner'. Enough to take my med and have it regulated. Plus, at least I won't waste what I made. This isn't a good thing to do when you have colitis, though. I try to have 5 small meals a day (I splurge a bit during the weekend and some Wednesdays), so things are balanced. Keeps me from being too nauseated, oddly enough. Also, I already have issues with absorbing certain things like protein. Eating the way I am today for a longer period of time, will cause a lot of issues. Could even spark a flare. I suppose it's ok every once in a while to eat like this. 

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