This holiday was yesterday. Cashews are one of my fave nuts. My absolute fave is pecans, and walnuts come in a close 2nd. Cashews are close, though. Too bad I can't have them right now unless they're ground up smooth. Like 'creamy' peanut butter. I like whole nuts, and when there are little crunchy bits in peanut butter...
We still have a variety of nuts at the moment, too...So sad! They're healthy, and packed with protein. Hopefully, in the future I'll get to posting some songs on here again. Even if I've shared them already. Haven't really looked into new ones in a while.
On Saturday, the local trans group had their TDoR event. TDoR is Trans Day of Remembrance. The actual day was on Sunday, but it was easier to do it then. It's to remember the trans people who were murdered in the past year. Some remember the ones who committed suicide, as well as those who weren't reported. There probably were a lot more that weren't reported. The group made paper boats that had each victim's name written on them, and maybe whatever info was provided. Then, they were going to send them out onto the water at a park. I think they were going to say the names aloud and hold candles. I feel like that community is family, so it's an even heavier thing for me that way. I wasn't sure if I was emotionally ready. What really made up my mind was that I felt sicker than usual that morning. So, I thought I'd need as much time as I could sleeping. The side that usually isn't as bad as the rest of me, was really painful. Not the best state of mind to go to something like that if you're in pain all over.
After brunch, Rosie spooked me, and half of the tea that was left (it was a lot) spilled all over me. (A little bit ended up on the couch, and I tried my best to clean it up.) Half of me was drenched in it.
Lovely. So, I had to throw what I was wearing into the washing machine, and change into new clothes. Later, I started a fire in the fireplace. I'm a lot more used to those duraflame logs that are easy to light. Eventually, thinking I had started it, I took one of the gloves off that I used to pick up logs, and noticed I was covered in soot from halfway up my forearm to my entire hand. Someone had gotten a lot of it inside that glove. So, I went to wash it off, and then Dad noticed that there was smoke coming inside. The flue was open, so I looked in. Noticed the fire had died down, the logs probably just needed to be rearranged, and added some newspaper in the middle. Once I lit that newspaper, it really picked up. It was so hot that the kettle on top of the fireplace started sizzling and steaming. Didn't realize there was water or anything in it. It was really nice, though.
Throughout that time, I ended up getting soot all over both hands, washed them, got it on an elbow and an arm, washed them, then found out that there was some on the jeans I had switched to earlier. So, I had to wash them and change, again.
It was quite an odd and mixed day.The night before that, Dad and I went to a youth Thanksgiving event. It's a group for LGBTQ+ youth, aged 13-20. The event is also for their families, the volunteers, and the families of the volunteers. Dad's a volunteer. Anyways, there was a really big turnout, and a ton of food.
Dad brought stuffing. There were about 3 different types of stuffing there. There was also ham (I don't eat it, but good for those who do), lots of turkey (tasted like it was smoked, which is what I like), cranberry sauce, about 3 different kinds of mashed potatoes, 2 different kinds of rolls, deviled eggs, squash (another thing I don't eat, and it had stuff on it), crackers and cheese, and several other things for the dinner part. There were a lot of desserts. 2 different types of pumpkin pie, 3 or 4 types of apple pie, sugar cookies, a weird salty muffin thing that looked like a chocolate chip cookie on top (one bite and I couldn't stand the salty and bitterness of it
), mini cupcakes, and something else I'm forgetting. I hadn't eaten much that day, was actually hungry for once, and there were things I could eat. So, it was satisfying that way.
Met some people I didn't know, and chatted with some of the ones I did know. One of the ones I knew is apart of the local Pride organization. He suggested that I post a link to the local ace facebook group I created to their page. I was nervous about that because of some of the things I've seen on places like Tumblr.
But, they feel aces are definitely apart of that community, and welcome them. I've heard most LGBTQ+ organizations feel the same, but wasn't sure. Many people say the A in the extended acronym is for aces, and others say it represents 3 A's: aces, aros, and agender people. This makes sense, since they're similar in the sense that they lack something. 2 lacking orientations and the other lacking a gender. I fit under the first 2, yay!
But, again a lot of the consensus seems to be that it represents/includes aces. I've read from some acephobic people that it really means ally. There are a lot of issues with that. The A wasn't there from the beginning. (It's rather new.) They tell people that it represents allies, but turn around and say allies don't need to be apart of it. Which I agree, they don't need to. Some of those people also deliberately only write out LGBT (some people don't want to write it out or don't know about the others, and that's perfectly understandable and different), and say those are the only communities in the 'true' acronym and the only ones that matter. That can be very damaging to many groups.
Anyways, I didn't want to overstep somehow. I haven't gotten a response since I posted it yet. That's ok. I think he said he'll eventually tell other people about it, too. So, it's good to have the link shared. There was also a thing where people could write something to the LGBTQ+ youth that was inspiring, motivating, or anything about what you've learned from your experience. I don't think I'm the best one to write something for it. I denied it when I was a teen, so something from me might not be the best advice...
However, I wrote: You know yourself better than anyone. Don't let them tell you otherwise. Probably was lame.
I know some fellow aces online, and some pan and bi people, have been told that their orientation is not real. Or, they're just going through a phase, or they're really in denial about being gay, or they're just trying to be special, etc. Plus, my own denial about it, and thinking it wasn't 'normal' or eventually I'll be like everyone else. This is what I came up with based on this stuff. It's better than not writing anything, I suppose.On Sunday, I decided to look at OKCupid again. Several years ago, I had tried out some of the free dating sites. Felt like it was kind of an obligation to do so at the time, and maybe I'd feel 'normal' about it after being on them for a while. I didn't realize I was aro back then. So, of course it would be weird to me.
I'm not attracted romantically to anyone. Knowing what I know now, I wanted to mess around on some of them. OKCupid used to have straight guys who were only looking for sex, and harassed women. At least, when I was on there last. Also, I remember their questions/quizzes were interesting. They recently added ace as an option, too. So, I wanted to see if there were any aces in my area, befriend them, and tell them about the new local group I'm trying to create. Thought it'd be one way to get the word out.
The problem was that there weren't any in the area. I excluded straight people from my searches in general, and didn't want them to find me. I mostly got gay men in those searches, which was very interesting. There were some bi women and men. It was interesting just to see people who weren't straight in the area. Pretty cool actually. The questions got boring really quickly. A lot of the ones that I got were based on sex. I specifically only checked the friendship part, for when they ask you what you're looking for. Some of the questions were weird like: At what point would you have sex with someone? First date, after a few dates, a couple of months, or not until marriage. There was no option for never, or it depends, or not interested, or N/A, or anything like that. Like all their members, even if some are ace, should have sex at some point.
A lot of questions were like that. Also, I can't get my head around people having sex right after the first date...
So, I got bored very quickly, and no straight men harassed me when I allowed them to see me. I wanted to see what some would do when I'd say I'm aro ace. Like, a fun little thing. I wouldn't lead them on or pretend. That'd be cruel. They might have looked at the ace part on my profile, and thought it'd be a challenge. Although, many don't. So, I deleted my account after that. I thought about looking into Plenty of Fish again. However, when I glanced at it last night, there was no ace option. In fact, they pretty much only had straight as an option. They didn't have more options for gender besides man or woman, either. (Very different compared to OKCupid.) No just friends, either. Options that were all about what you're willing to do for sex. I read some other aces had tried it, and it's really for (straight) sexuals looking to 'hook up'. Great...
I know the men were even worse on there, when I tried using it in the past, than OKCupid. Like they were really desperate. I remember one guy messaged me on my birthday, and we seemed to be getting along well. Then, he said we should meet in person, since it's my birthday. Oh, and later he'd give me a birthday 'surprise'. Hinting at sex, which took me a moment.
I said no, and why can't we just be friends first? He told me that no 'real' man will ever want to be friends first. That threw me off. Insulting me at the same time as insulting his own gender, seemed weird to me. I blocked him after that, but there were many others that were similar. Another one said it was my duty as a women to have sex with him...Yeah, sure.
So, I think PoF would be more annoying than fun. I've also heard about some ace dating sites, but hardly anyone uses them. There are platonic 'dating' sites that are ace-friendly. Those might actually be more relevant to me. So, we'll see.
Also, just joined an aro ace facebook group. It'll be cool to see/read about people who are even more like me. The ace groups I've joined so far have been nice, though. They usually have a good mix of romantic, aro-spectrum, and aro people, as well. So, it's good to see that overall spectrum represented. Just asked to be invited to a new Jewish ace secret facebook group, called Jace. So, that one would have another side of me represented, too. I'm following a blog called ace Jews on Tumblr, and that's been interesting in itself. Some of the mods are very religious, and some are pretty secular. Everything they share has a Jewish and ace touch to it. It's pretty awesome.
Hopefully, this new group on fb will be good, too. I've been slowly looking up info/reading others' experiences on being aro. Relating to a lot so far. Just for fun, I decided to look to see if there's a flag, too. There is. I should say the community apparently can't decide on one design. From what I've seen, I like the first one the most. Many people apparently use it in their art, and still can buy that version. It's green, yellow, orange, and black. Meanings I've seen for it: green- represents the opposite color of red, which symbolizes romance. Yellow- for yellow roses that represents friendship. (Some have it as many different forms of love that's not romantic, too. One of them as queer/quasiplatonic love.) Orange- it's between yellow and red, for the aro-spectrum. Black- romantics that choose to reject traditional ideas of romance. Some say it looks too close to the Jamaican/Rastafarian flags. But, many have said that there are a lot of flags out there that look similar to others. It makes a lot more sense to me with the meanings.
Another flag was put out that kept the yellow, and apparently some members are sensitive to that color, so they redesigned it again. The most current one is green, light green, white, grey, and black. Green- again, for aro, as the opposite of red. Light green- aro-spectrum. White- platonic attraction/relationships/love. (Also, the importance of non-romantic love. It's not 'lesser' compared to romantic love.) Grey-Black- the sexuality spectrum, acknowledging aro aces, aro sexuals, and the grey area in between. It's ok, just not as colorful, there are 5 stripes (which seems a bit much), and the meanings seem a bit different/jumbled this way.
Aro aces tend to use an ace of spades card as a symbol. Some just use the spade, use whichever flag they want inside that, and have the ace flag in the background. I'm unsure if you can actually get that as a flag (it is a symbol some use in art and in other ways), but it'd be interesting. Some have suggested a white ring for aros, but it's not really a thing yet. I'd rather just have the black ace one, anyways. Arrows with the flag colors are another aro symbol. Very interesting and fun looking into it.
Tomorrow is Thanksgiving!
So, I probably won't post before then. Hope people who celebrate it, have a great one. We're going to a friends' place. They're a couple who have been friends of the family for most of my life. In fact, it's felt like they're actually family for a long time. Not sure how many people are going. Sometimes there are a lot, and other times not many. I usually know most of them. We're bringing crackers and pickled herring. One of the types of crackers has seeds/whole grain, and the other is plain. I'm trying to stick to the way my gastro suggested I eat as best I can. So, I'll have the plain ones. Fish is one of the things that the list she gave me encourages me to have. So, that's a plus. I'll have to skip on the salad this time, since it won't be cooked. Sadness. I know last year someone also brought cheese 'crackers' and like 3 different cheese balls for their appetizers. The crackers were more like heart and star shaped cheese biscuits. One of those large cheese balls was good. She let me take some of the crackers home, since they were pretty tasty. She went over the top with the cheese stuff, though.
It'd be funny if she does it again. That is if she'll be there this time. The host smokes their turkey, which is amazing. Although, sometimes it's a little dry. The hostess usually does the main dessert, I think. Oh, and the weird cranberry orange relish. I don't like it, so they always have the canned cranberry sauce for people like me. It's really good. I would probably prefer the real homemade version of cranberry sauce, though. Regardless of that, it's nice to get together with them and some of the guests that I know. Also, they have 2 big easily excitable dogs. They're cute and seem to really like us. It'd be nice to see them again, as well. Although, they try their best the entire night to steal things. Especially, when we're sitting on the couch, and in chairs around it, while having the appetizers.
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