Rosie, my cat, passed away the week before yesterday during the night. My parent thinks it wasn’t long after we went to bed. She might have had a stroke that morning, and she had at least 2 seizures during the day. I think she had more than just a stroke. The last couple of weeks she seemed to be declining and almost like she tried to prepare for it. I thought she was sleeping in the morning when I had breakfast. (She wasn’t facing me.) She was in the living room. She probably was having a seizure then. She seemed confused/frustrated that she couldn’t get up and move around. She moved a little bit. She kept reaching out to us. We assured her we were there. That night we had her favorite music playing, a light on, and a towel over her since she seemed cold. Tried to have her as comfortable as possible. I stroked her forehead before saying good night. I thought she’d still be with us in the morning. I wasn’t really ready for her to leave us.
We got her close to my birthday (it’s on November 7th), like a day later, in 2010 from the shelter. We were told she was around 3 years old. She had a good long life. She was my baby. I already miss her a lot. At least she’s not suffering.
I posted on most of my socials about it. Most of them seemed to have the reaction I expected. Which was great to see. It was comforting a bit. However, it seemed to explode on Threads. Last time I looked, it had 740 likes, 21 comments, 1 repost, and 2.5K views. I’ve never had such a reaction to a post.
She still had food in her bowl, and suddenly it was gone. Supposedly neither of us threw it out. It just was gone. A little creepy. Maybe she was hungry… A couple of days before that Sunday, she had moved a pillow from the sectional in the living room to near her carrier, on top of her peacock feather. (It might have fallen off, and she could have pushed it to that spot.) It was weird, and I’m not sure why she did it. We left it there for a while. It spooked me occasionally, because it looked like her from the corner of my eye. Sometimes it looked like she was staring at me in her carrier. A little later my parent threw her towel over the carrier and put the pillow away. That helped. Also, it feels like another mourning ritual. Every time I walk in the living room for my indoor walks, it reminds me of it. I feel weird stepping on/near the spot she passed away on.
We lit a yahrzeit candle for her and recited the mourner’s kaddish. She wasn’t human, but felt like we should do something. They have souls, too. She was very loved. I think we did that for most of our pets. I don’t remember doing it for Tasha, but maybe we did.
We got her ashes today. They had her paw print along with it. They didn’t do that for our other pets. I’m not sure how I feel about it. The ashes are in a bigger ‘casket’ looking box. The name plate was separate. It only has her name. They didn’t ask what we wanted on it this time, either. Maybe we could put stuff on it ourselves. We were thinking of ‘The Most Interesting Cat in the World’. Probably have the dates, too. Might be too long, I don’t know. They also have a brochure on grief, and mention a special phone number to talk about the grief of losing a pet specifically. That would be interesting.
I finally called Apria last Wednesday. I kept putting it off because I was nervous. I had to pay for the first month of having the new bed, though. It’s a month today. I wanted to use the benefits card, but they wouldn’t let me. It would have been better if that had worked. At least I was able to pay it. It was only $20.69. I’m also nervous about when I switch to being fully on Medicaid. I don’t know what they’ll do. Maybe Medicaid will pay for the rest of it.
I’m taking gabapentin twice a day right now. One of the things I’ve noticed is I feel happier and like I don’t care/worry about things. I feel a little guilty for feeling happy right now. I’m not noticing much of a change with the pain. I have a hard time going to sleep, but once I am, I’m out cold. (Most of the time.) I don’t wake up like I did before during the night. I think it’s related. I’ll start taking 3 pills this next Friday.
I saw that I got a message from Social Security recently. I was too nervous to read it online. Apparently, the letter from them came in the next day’s mail. It’s about them taking around $96 from what they pay me each month through ssi. They said they’ll start that in April’s paycheck. It’s been a while, and for the last few months it’s been the normal amount. I don’t know why they waited so long to do it. They said I could appeal it. It’s too much for me to deal with. That’s probably what they’d expect from me. They base it on if it’s unfair to you and if it’s a hardship. It is unfair, but not a hardship.
Started a ‘project’ with Spotify. I got the app in order to listen to the Universal Yums playlist for the month. They have a ton of songs with their Turkey or Türkiye playlist. Songs that are traditional and some new stuff, too. Very interesting. Anyways, they post all their playlists on there. After exploring Spotify for a while, I decided to go through music from each decade. I started with what they suggested, which wasn’t very good. I looked more into it, and found All Out decade playlists. They’re much better, accurate, and much longer. I started over with them. They only go back to the 50s on Spotify. I would have started it with earlier decades. Would have been even more interesting. I’ve gotten to the 90s so far. I’m getting a lot for my faves playlist. Should be interesting to see what it’s like when I finish it. Oh, and I got their individual premium. It's not bad. There are no ads this way, and I can listen to how I want to. Like, it doesn't have to be on shuffle. It'll be free for a month.
I decided to stop going to see a podiatrist just to get my toenails clipped. I decided to try to get pedicures without the nail polish instead. I think my big toenails might be a little difficult, but they’re getting close to looking normal. I can see if they could do them along with the other toenails. Those I think would be easy for them. I’ll go with my parent to one soon. I think it’ll be a lot better for me to get it done there. It was more of a hassle with the podiatrist. They also don’t take Molina or any Medicaid. I’d have to use that since it’s out-of-network. At least when I completely switch over to Medicaid. I think Kaiser Permanente does have someone that does it for you, but it’s very expensive. (From what I’ve heard.) They supposedly do it at your home. I want to see what the people at the nail place will do. It might feel even better. I’ll email my primary care doctor about it. I’ll see what she has to say.
Pinterest (I did not make these. Just sharing):
No comments:
Post a Comment