On The Precipice Of Defeat

Mood:

From Bleach's first soundtrack. This is an eerie, almost ethereal sounding track. I love the mood it gives off. Also, comes in at some pretty awesome moments in the anime. 

I was hoping to post more than I have been for this month.Well, maybe I'll get around to posting more next month. I'm a bit nervous about the JLPT (Japanese Language Proficiency Test) on Sunday. I think I'm a lot more prepared this time, so I should feel more at ease. Went over different verb forms and types, and the na and i adjectives today. I know them pretty well by now, just wanted to review them. Don't want to forgot about one of the forms and get it wrong on the test.

Yesterday, I went over all the 'recent' kanji (about 100 of them that I've gone over the last few months. I know more, though), compounds, and some lessons from my grammar book while I was at the cafe. I fried my brain enough that when a guy there asked me something in Japanese, I stood there like an idiot thinking about it.Later, on my way home, I figured out what he was asking. He said it in a very polite way, and without a question marker. (It'd be something like: 'Thou speakest Japanese.' in English.) So, it'd be understandable why it threw me off. He also ended one of the words with -sumasu (-すます), when it should have been -shimasu (-します). He said he just started learning it. So, that might be why.If I see him again, I might tell him about some of his mistakes. Although, I might just forget about it by then...Also, had an English toffee hot chocolate. 

Went to my new therapist's appointment last Friday. I can't make up my mind on whether I like her or not.She had this almost constant fake look to her face. So, I'm just wondering if maybe that's just how she is. She seemed very nice. 

On one of the forums I'm apart of, there's an interesting thread. It just asks Do You Believe in G-d? There wasn't any side thing at the beginning, like religion v science, but now it's a bit different. There's a guy on there who obviously is ignorant of other religions besides Christianity. (And even that, I have a feeling he doesn't know much about.) He thinks all religions are the same, that they're in it for the money, and that they brainwash their followers.Also, apparently, in order to be religious, you can't 'believe' (his word for it) in evolution and science as a whole. First of all, evolution isn't a belief, it's a theory. But, everytime someone talks about their religion, he brings up random scientific 'evidence' to try and sway people. It almost sounds like he has some sort of mental thing going on. When people try to debate or tell him that they're religious and into science, he usually ends it with 'typical religious response trying to defend your religion'. On mine, I apparently got him pretty good, and it pretty much ended with him saying 'well I don't know much about Judaism'.A lot of people have liked my posts in that thread. Someone told me it was very level-headed, and I tried to give examples on what we're different on, or even just what Judaism's about. They said I gave a clear answer everytime. I just want to educate people. They can believe what they want, but don't make crazy accusations.Plus, bringing up unrelated scientific articles doesn't do much. Pretty much everyone is annoyed and/or slightly amused by his ignorance. Even people who aren't religious. Interesting to keep reading the responses others give him. He's starting to sound a bit desperate. Plus, this is interesting, according to the poll 80% of the forum members believe in some sort of G-d or G-ds. I thought the percentage would be lower. Kind of cool.

The person I met on Thanksgiving day, who also invited us to her Hanukkah party sent a very 'glowing' email about both of us. It was very nice. She said we were both amazing women. Also, that I'm a compassionate, wonderful, special, delightful young woman.And that she's proud of me. For the party, she told us to just bring ourselves. Don't worry about bringing food. Of course, right after I read her email, I read my dad's dedication section for her book. She said I was a delight and an inspiration. So many good compliments, I'm not sure what to do with them.Just not used to it. Something kind of chased those good feelings away on Sunday night through Monday. Which was kind of sad, because it was giving me some courage with things. Anyways, I've recovered somewhat. (Plus, it didn't help that my meds aren't up to par yet. My body is still flushing out the old 'stale' ones from my system while I take the new ones. So, I'm not completely stabilized yet.)

There's a possibility of at least 2 more Hanukkah parties coming up. Sounds like it'd be fun!Hanukkah goes from the night of Dec. 8th until the night of Dec. 16th. It's coming up faster than I realized! It's also earlier in the regular calendar than usual. It's really a minor holiday, but it's fun. 

I posted 2 drawings on dA. Both faces from one of my new original character sheets. They're of Zero and Sin. Both are from Greece, and I love the original mythology they come from. (I put my own spin on their stories, of course.)

Youtube:
An awesomely made amv:

A hilarious and well done Gintama amv. Parts of it are perfectly timed:

Happy Thanksgiving!

Mood:

Hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving!(Well, those who celebrate it, of course. To the others: hope it was a great day!) Ours was great. Went to someone else's place. The hosts have known our family for a very long time. They're almost like family. Some years they have a lot of people, and some years maybe one other person besides us. (Felt weird without Mom, though.)

Seemed more cozy and welcoming with just one other person, so it was nice too.They have 2 big dogs who are always so hyper when we see them. They seemed more so this time. Jumping, licking, and sometimes giving us tiny bites. One of their cats, Cassidy, was rubbing and licking me while we played games after dinner. Her brother Butch died recently. 

That one other person was very nice. She was a writer and a Jew. So, already we had a lot in common.She loves to cook, make knickknacks, etc. Very interesting person. Talks a lot, though. She thought I was 15 years old for a while. When we told her how old I actually am, she was very surprised. (I don't know why, but everyone thinks I'm younger than I am. No one has guessed my actual age, and it's always younger. Usually around high school age.) We got along with her so well, she invited us to her place for a Hanukkah party next month.

She also said that if I need anybody to give me feedback on my novel, I should contact her. She's very willing to help. She said she doesn't know much about the sci-fi/fantasy genre, so she can't give me much advice about that part. Just on how its written, editing, and getting it out there. To me, that's a lot.She suggested that I should go to the Writers Guild of America-West site, and pay $20 to have it copyrighted. You get a certificate in the mail. I'm thinking about it. I'm not even finished with it. Should I try to get one before I'm even finished writing the thing? Wouldn't make sense to me. Maybe when I'm done with writing it. 

She also suggested that since I've gone through so much in my life, maybe I should write something like a memoir. I thought people much older than me did that. I mean, yes I have gone through a lot, but I thought I hadn't experienced enough years of my life to do it.Other people say I've gone through plenty to make up for that. And, they think it'd be a great idea. So, maybe in the future I'll start it. 

Meanwhile, I'm thinking of starting 2 projects after the JLPT. (Since I'm trying to study as much as I can for it right now. It's on Dec. 2nd.) One would be about featuring a mentsch every week or so. (Maybe it'll be more like every other week.) A mentsch is an upstanding citizen, a good person, or like a good samaritan. All around great people. It'll be something positive, and these people usually need more recognition.

The 2nd project will be on, as I think I'll call it, 'aging beautifully'. Showing that youthful beauty isn't all that's out there. There are many beautiful people older than 40. This is physical and inner beauty. Men and women, people from all over the world, etc. I myself am not that old. But, I think the older generations should be admired at the same time. I don't know it might sound funny right now, as I'm still figuring it out myself. Got the idea when I saw someone on one of the forums make a list of beautiful actresses who were 25 and over. Mind you, they only went up to 34 years old.That, to me, doesn't sound impressive or really that interesting. I mean great that they look amazing, but that's like at their peak. So, it shouldn't be as surprising as some people commented. I thought what about the older people? Somehow, our society thinks that after around 35, people aren't as beautiful. There's something wrong with that. Plus, they only showed women from Korea. (This was a site that focuses on Asian drama.) Which is great, but what about actresses from other countries? I want to feature not only actresses, but athletes, politicians, 'regular' people, etc. People from all walks of life.

I'll make 2 separate blogs for these projects. I think I'll do 1 on one week, and the other on the next. Alternating between them. I'll also make 2 separate facebook pages for it. Announcing when a post is up, featuring pics of people I've talked about, and maybe for suggestions of who to do next. This way people who aren't in my friends list can check it out too. For some reason, I'm getting really excited about these projects. Maybe something good will come out of them.

Anyways, we brought an olive spread, red pepper spread, crackers, and small slices of bread for hor d'oeuvres. For dinner, they smoked their turkey, made stuffing (one with chestnuts and one without. I hate chestnuts), candied yams (another thing I hate), cranberry-orange relish (which is nasty and I think they are usually the only ones that eat it), and had canned cranberry sauce as an alternative. 

The other person who came did a green bean and almond thing, and a very strange raspberry yogurt jelly mold. After I asked what the raspberry thing was (it was bright pink and scared me anyways), she immediately threw a huge amount on my plate without telling me. Only after I tried a tiny bit did she tell me what it was. It didn't go with the meal at all, and it was very hard to eat more than a few bites.The green beans were pretty good. 

For dessert, the hostess made her brownies that everyone loves. And usually she makes a somewhat bland pumpkin pie, with some bland whipped cream. It's ok, but it's ho-hum, not much flavor. This year they won a pumpkin pie, and used that. It was a bit better, but still not the best. That other person made these huge truffles. They were very good, but one of them goes a long way.

We played a little Trivial Pursuit. The hosts were winning, but we couldn't finish the game. We all wanted to talk more instead. The game almost put me to sleep too.

No one showed up to Dad's support group. And, I wasn't able to go with her, before she found out. So, that was a bit of a downer. I didn't feel like going to the cafe this week. And, I have my therapy this afternoon. Turned out to be an odd week. 

Homemade Bread Day!

Mood:

This was actually yesterday, but I love bread so why not talk about it a day later?I hope to someday get around to making my own bread. Already have some ideas on what ones I'd want to make. Like whole wheat, challah, potato bread, honey-oatmeal, etc. Mom, for a few years, made our challah. It was amazing!(Better than any store bought one.) We still have the recipe. 

Well, my meds finally came yesterday, and I already feel much better.So, it was because the previous ones were so old. It's weird how well these work, when they're fresh.I actually felt rested when I woke up this morning. (Got up earlier than usual, which was a nice surprise.) I was feeling so bad with the other ones, I couldn't sleep. My new therapist (who I haven't met yet), seemed to almost go out of her way to find the perfect appointment time. A few days ago, she called me 3 times in a row. Then, a couple of days ago, called twice. So far, she seems better than many of my previous therapists. None of them worked that hard to set up an appointment with me. Although, she may be worried because its been so long since my last one.I had agreed with my previous therapist that I'd try to at least go every 2 months. Once a month was preferable, though. Its been about 3 months since my last session.

Finished the finale of season 3 for Gokusen. Still have the last special, and that's it for the series, sadly. It did get a bit repetitive, but I still think the seasons had their own unique stories. I wonder what happens to all those pairs of glasses Yankumi throws across the room? And, what about all those hair tie things? She probably won't end up with anybody, either. It's just the running gag. Yet, I think there has been at least one student who ends up semi-falling for her. More so than any of the guys she keeps fawning over. Which to me is very weird. Sure, they could look up to her as a role model, but anything more gets a bit creepy to me. 

Went over some more kanji and compounds. Finally got to the last lesson in my Japanese book. I'll review everything up until the test on the 2nd. I can't believe it's coming up so soon!Found some more Japanese tunes, so look out for those in the future!

I forgot to mention in the last post that we had the worst service at one of our fave restaurants recently.I had a few strands of hair in my Vietnamese-style tofu spring roll. Dad found out that the tapioca starch they used wasn't cooked all the way. They weren't that busy, so it was weird. When we told one of the waiters we knew about Dad's dish, he proceeded to tell us we just didn't know about Vietnamese cuisine. It was clearly not cooked all the way! Very globular, and not very good looking. He gave me a new spring roll and said it was free of charge. They're usually so good. 

Well, this week seems like it'll be interesting. We have Dad's support group on Tuesday. (They keep telling me it's my group too. So, maybe I should stop saying that it's 'Dad's' group.) We usually go out to Shari's with the group, and have a very late dinner there. Also, found out about a group called Colage. One of their sub-groups is called Kids of Trans. Decided to sign up for their newsletter. The Colage group of Seattle is having their first meeting on the 2nd. (Same time as the test.) So, sadly, I won't be able to go.

Wednesday I'll be at the cafe like usual. Thursday's Thanksgiving. We're going to someone's else's place for it, like usual. The couple has been friends with our family for a very long time. Haven't seen them in a while. Haven't been to their place since their sump pump flooded. It destroyed the entire first floor. They had to renovate it, and that takes a lot of time. And, Friday I have my therapy appointment. So, yay! Interesting week.

National Pickle Day!

Mood:

I love pickles!This was actually yesterday, but why not celebrate it again? There's so many different kinds. I really like dill pickles. But, there's also sweet gherkins, relish, pickled bean sprouts, sauerkraut, etc. Today's the Great American Smokeout, and Guinness World Records Day.

My birthday was on the 7th.It was nice and laid back. I got some cake pops from a friend. Never had them before. They were pretty good. There were 3 flavors: birthday cake, coffee and chocolate, and chocolate and cherry. (From what I could make out.) The cake part was still so nice and moist. Kind of nifty.

Then, at the cafe (the one I usually go to on Wednesdays), they let me get my drink for free. I got a praline hot chocolate. The barista added a ton of whipped cream and some chocolate syrup on top. It was awesome!

Grandparents called and sang Happy Birthday. That was really nice. Kind of felt guilty because I forgot to call Grandma for her birthday on the 31st. But, she said not to worry about it, and she almost forgot mine anyways. 

Had one of my fave things for dinner. Dad made the orange chicken, and some rice. Really tasty!Had sweet red pepper bruschetta as an appetizer. 

On that Friday, I got one of my presents from Dad. It's a book called the Colored Pencil Painting Bible. It's very interesting. The colored pencil art of mostly still-lifes are amazing!So realistic! It guides you on how to make them. I'll definitely be using it soon! 

Saturday night we went to the Cheesecake Factory for my birthday dinner. Waited for about 45-50 minutes for a table.The only thing I don't like about the place. Got an amazing hot chocolate. Then, for dinner the 4-cheese pasta. It had a giant mound of ricotta on top. I thought it was sour cream at first. I despise sour cream, so it threw me off for a second. It was so thick with cheese, it was hard to mix. But, it was amazing!They always have such huge portions! I can never finish what I get there! Ate about half the pasta. That just meant I had more awesomeness later. 

Had a couple of bites of their oreo cheesecake for dessert. They sang Happy Birthday, put sprinkles on the cake, lit a candle that was in a mountain of whipped cream on the side, and wrote Happy Birthday To You in chocolate syrup along the edge of the plate. Had to take most of the cake home. Really over the top stuff, but what do you expect for a b-day thing?It was great!

On the 8th, it marked Rosie's 2nd anniversary with us. Didn't do much to 'celebrate', but it feels like its been longer...She can be a crazy cat. That same day, there was an LGBTQ family dinner. I figured out the buses and the ferry for my way over to Seattle. The mountains were beautiful. But, it was cold and windy on my way to the bus stop. Met up with Dad on the other side, and went to it. The dinner part wasn't very exciting. But, they had information booths, and it was nice to meet a couple of Dad's coworkers. I got some info on Colage. Which is an organization for children of LGBTQ parents. There was a special group through them called Kids of Trans. Very interesting. Signed up for their newsletter already. Nice to hear about other people going through a similar experience.

I also got 2 more presents a couple of days ago. One being an assortment of Copic skin color markers. My characters from my story have different skin tones, so this will help a lot. Also, got a new cookbook on rice bowl recipes. There's various Asian ones, but there's also some European and American-inspired ones. They look very tasty, too. 

Tried to see a new therapist on Monday. Apparently, the one they assigned to me is transferring in a month. So, I decided I wouldn't bother with her. (What's the point if it's only for a month?) She helped figure out what therapist might have openings for that day. But, I found out later that I've met the one they told me to try. So, I canceled it before I saw her. Managed to see my psychiatrist though. That was really good to at least touch base with her. Made another appointment to see the last person, essentially, that I could see there. Only one, besides the men, I haven't seen. (For some reason, I've found that guys don't help me as much as the women do.) She sounded like she might be nice. So, we'll see.

I've been having a dark/down feeling the last few weeks.I was wondering what was going on for a while. Then, I remembered, if my meds are older than 2 months they lose their effectiveness on me. The ones I'm using at the moment are just over 3 months old. It ended up that way, because my new psychiatrist ordered them without telling me last time. So, I still had about a month left of the meds before that. Anyways, I told her this last time and in the future, to not order them automatically for me. And she, luckily, didn't. But, since I'm in this situation, I decided yesterday that I'll order my next batch of meds and get rid of the ineffective ones. Kind of seems like a waste of money. They're pretty cheap, even without insurance, but I still feel weird tossing so many of them.

Hana Yori Dango's getting intense! I kind of think Rui is better for Tsukushi, than Tsukasa. Tsukasa ignored her for a whole year, and then treated her like crap when she tried to confront him in New York. Rui watched all of that happen to her, and has always helped her out. He finally confessed that he's in love with her, but Tsukasa said that he fell in love with her all over again too. Rui doesn't have huge violent temper tantrums like Tsukasa does. And, seems to always look at the positive side of things. But, I have a feeling she'll end up with Tsukasa. (I think, if I remember correctly, in the anime she ends up with Tsukasa too.) I guess I'll see what happens. Maybe it'll be different.

Fairy Tail was interesting. They entered the labyrinth, and managed to pass it. Something like a hundred guilds tried to pass that round. But, only 8 could. Fairy Tail ended up barely making it to 8th place. Wendy and Carla were found unconscious in the palace garden. 

In Hitman Reborn, Tsuna met an assassin who specializes in 'playing dead'. Played my clarinet. Did some klezmer tunes and Mozart pieces. wrote a bit more of chapter 19. Went over a lesson from my Japanese book. Almost done with the lessons. When I am, I'll review all the lessons. Also, went over a kanji, and some compounds.